Everything is beautiful

Who doesn't want a yandere stalker dragon on their side?

Stupid people, that's who
 
Omake (Non-Canon): Inverted Crack Order
FGO crack omake? FGO crack omake.

****

Shirou Einzbern, 14 years old, was faced with a conundrum.

Said conundrum was a young/ preteen girl in... outfits that definitely unfit for her. Except maybe Shinji's standard, but that's just impolite.

She also held two knives, in battle position, with focused eyes that promise no mercy.

Which was countermand by the fact that she was shivering. Oh, and her stomach is rumbling, too.

Well, there's one thing he can do.

"Would you like some soup?"

****

"Shiro, Thank Godness you're okay- Who's that?"

"Um, I don't know. She seems lost, and looking for her-"

"Mother."

The girl suddenly tugs on Shirou's jacket, looked terrified. This was not unnoticed by Arturia, who also suddenly knows.

"...Um, Artie-Mama?"

"...It's okay. Why don't you just go to bath and changing your clothes? I'll find some clothes for her."

No need to escalate when the other side was unwilling to do.

****

The night was dark. No one awake.

The Assassin silently moves, without alerting anyone or anything. Soon, the Objective would be-

"Show yourself, Assassin."

Whoooops.

"...How?"

"I am his mother. Not by birth, but good enough that I can pick some things."

"...You are Mother's mother?"

"...Would you hurt my son?"

"...This mother is kind. We don't want to harm him. Just want to stay beside him."

"...Oookay, that was confusing. But you won't put him into harm?"

"We promise."

Arturia nodded.

"Sadly, I can't allow you to enter his room. At least, not tonight. But you can ask him directly next morning. Is that acceptable?"

Assassin mulling her option.

"Okay, we'll be good."

"Thank you, As- no. What's your true name?"

****

"*yawn* Morning, Artie-mama."

"Morning, Shirou-kun. Do you slept well?"

"Yes. ...But where's-"

"Good morning, Mother."

The girl (Assassin?) suddenly appear, glomping Shirou's leg.

"Eh, good morning, Jackie, but I am not your Mother. Call me Shirou-"

"Shirou-mother."

"No, you should call Artie-mama mother-"

Jack The Ripper looking at Arturia, and delivered her Strike.

"No, Artie-mama no mother."

Critical Hit.

"Artie-mama is Big Mama."

Arturia suddenly felt the irrational urge to gave this girl a noogie, and doesn't understand why. Shirou, bless his pure heart, just smiles innocently.

****

Extra Omake:

****

"Hello, Sakura-san- Who is this cutie?"

"Um, Shirou-san, this is Madeline-san. Madeline-san, this is Shirou-san...."

The little girl with purple hair and thick glasses was shyly standing behind Sakura, tentatively extend her hand....
 
Last edited:
None of this is or will ever be Canon, just so we're clear. This is nothing more than me indulging in silliness.
I...kinda want to read Shirou and Kiyo's magical adventures now, though...

Who knows, maybe she'd be a good enough influence that he wouldn't become a death seeker who runs away from home!

*breaks up laughing*
 
Omake (Non-Canon): Inverted Crack Order Part 2
The yandere dragon girl as a friend? Well, this is a gift from Doom and Gloom/Alter! Arturia.
I...kinda want to read Shirou and Kiyo's magical adventures now, though...

Who knows, maybe she'd be a good enough influence that he wouldn't become a death seeker who runs away from home!

*breaks up laughing*
Why do you think I made Sakura's Servant distant cousin?

****

"Okay, you all, please made yourself at home. I'll get some snack."

And with that, Arturia leaves the living room. And when Artie lost from sight-

"What your relation with Anchin?!"

"...Anchin?"

"Y-you are... her mistress?! No, no, I won't allowed it... I won't allowed it...."

"...You will not harm Mother."

With that, the situation turned tense....

Which prompt the little girl with thick glasses to drop her book... and took off her glasses.

****

"Okay, everyone, I hope you- What happened?"

Arturia saw Madeline and Jackie and... Kiyohime(?), with the last two frozen with scared expression. Madeline kept reading her book.

"...They're being noisy, so I put them on time-"

"Madeline-san, you can't petrify other people to scold them!"

"...Hai, Sakura-sama."

****

:V
 
I would guess Madeline is Medusa because of being able to petrify people. But there could be others that could do that as well.
 
I thought she was Nursery Rhyme first, but then she petrified them.
So Best Snek it was, except the younger version.
 
Omake (Non-Canon): Inverted Crack Order Part 3
...Now I'm curious. Why everyone assumes Nursery Rhyme at first? (Legit question, please answer)

****

Uwaaa.... So comfy.... Wants to sleep.... But... It seems... I forget... Something... Probably not important....

Fire

...Who am I? ...Why I can't remember....

Fire. Everything's fire and ash.

...Probably not... important....

All hope lost. All that remains lost.

...Yeah... Not important... Play later....

...A woman? She cries? But smiles?

...Yeah... No need to think anything else....

Why? She so happy she cries? How?

...Mother? ...Mo-


"OH YEAH! TODAY MENU IS TERIYAKI AND WHITE BEAN CREAM SOUP! GOTTA GET THAT DISCOUNT FOR WAGYU NOW~"

And Shirou, unaware but his single task in front of him, leaving for the discount wagyu, unheeding others that also jolted awake from the Dream.

Well, everyone but Shinji, but who cares about him? Besides, he was happier that way....

****

10 minutes before, a stumped Caster facing a conundrum. Namely, a male teen suddenly manages to resist her Nursery Rhyme without outside help. Which is, for all practical purpose, impossible for a normal human.

But 10 minutes later, she had another, much more important conundrum.

Namely, a murderous mizuchi that not so much breaks into her Territory, but more like bulldozing her entire Territory into pretty, glowing (and useless) motes. Oh, and said mizuchi also on fire.

"Leave... Anchin.... You... Die... DieDiediediedie~"

First thing first, to lost her in pursuit. And there's a thick mist around there... Probably can hide there?

****

Shirou sighed.

Touta-san's discount beef was waaaay too popular. He only got like, half of his planned buy.

He mean, sure, Touta-san gave him lots of scrap beef (not expired beef. Touta-san too smart for that), but still. Oh well.

"Good afternoon, Mama."

"Good afternoon, Shirou. That was kind of long."

"Well, the line was kinda long. ...Where's Jackie?"

****

Jackie can only sighed.

Even when weakened, Caster was surprisingly elusive. Their attempt to corner her had been always end up in failure.

Her Murderer of Misty Night should be able to easily restraint her. The problem is that Big, Honking Fire wasn't very conductive for mist-forming.

...She should pay more attention to science class.

****

"Hmmm, I am not sure.... She did say she wants to hang out with her friends...."

"She already had friends? Good for her, then!"

"Well, true enough-"

The phone ringing.

"Hello, Einzbern Residence, speaking-"

Shirou, pay no attention to his mother conversation, began to prepares cooling ingredients.

"Shirou, I am going out for a while. Please start cooking without me."

"Yes, Mama. Something wrong?"

"Just neighborhood association business."

****

"Here, you are, you stupid, ignorant Caster, I will eat you whole-"

"Good. No dinner for you tonight, then."

"Ah, eh? Eeeeeeh?!?"

****

Caster was stand in the Judge of Hell, and she felt that she had been found wanting. She thought that this... Saber had been her salvation. She was wrong.

"So, care to tell me who your Master is?"

She shouldn't have been agreed the geas in the first place. Stupid, stupid of her.

****

Arturia sighed.

The geas was pretty brutal, not only excise her precise memory, it was also put a Curse that dampens her Mana and Endurance. ...It was also rather ingenuine, if morbid.

Magus. Creepy lots, all of them.

Also, what she should do with this... little girl....

....

****

"Good evening, Mama-who is she?"

"...She was separated from her relatives, so she stay here for a while. Is that right with you, Shirou?"

"Oh. It's okay, then. What's your name, little one?"

"...Alice...."

*****

Maybe I should make separate thread for this?
 
The Loli Grail War. Alternative Caster: Medea Lily. The competition to be Arturia-mama's favorite child begins.
 
The Loli Grail War. Alternative Caster: Medea Lily. The competition to be Arturia-mama's favorite child begins.
Or maybe Witch of Colchis... as Goldfish Poop Gang Mastermind. I am cruel enough to do that. :V :D

Another probable mention: There is a scary Arab... Turkish... something... that runs a coffee shop on shopping district and known for refusing to drink alcohol at any given time. Rumor that if any unsavory people tries to harass him, they usually ends up with missing head. :V

Another idea: Boyband group P(andava)5. :V

Another silly idea: A street musician that very good with string instrument. Like, very, very good. And not only in using them as musical instrument, if you catch my drift. ;)
 
If Medea Lily, would Arturia still be her target for her dressing up fetish or would it be Mordred or Shirou? (Depend of how old is Medea Lily. If she is old enough to play being Shirou's big sister...)
 
Well, if it's...
Berserker: Kiyo Lily
Caster: Nursery Rhyme
Lancer: Medusa Lily
Asassin: Jack

So...
Rider: Chibixander
Archer: Kogil
Saber: Artoria Lily?

That's horrifying.
 
Omake (Non-Canon): Inverted Crack Order Part 4
Well, if it's...
Berserker: Kiyo Lily
Caster: Nursery Rhyme
Lancer: Medusa Lily
Asassin: Jack

So...
Rider: Chibixander
Archer: Kogil
Saber: Artoria Lily?

That's horrifying.
My side stories settings closer to Hollow Atraxia/ Carnival Phantasm rather than Stay Night, though. :p

Also, I'll try to make my timeline makes (kinda) sense, but no promise. :V

Anyway, some backstories for my Inverted Order (or should be Inverted Hollow Atraxia Order Carnival? ...That was mouthful :p )

****

Zouken Matou was in pain. His plans, preparations, his... assets... all gone.

In hindsight, punishing Kariya that way was really, really bad idea, considering identity and legend of Berserker. Also, in hindsight, not supporting your champion and hung him up dry was not the proper course of action, worthy of not.

But he still has plans. He still had some contingency plans. Hidden cache. Time to hide and-

That's when his current body suddenly sprouting spikes. From inside.

From darkness, Kariya... no, something that currently wears Kariya body, walk calmly, with poise befitting of it's status. Clapping slowly and mockingly.

"I had to say, even for such miserable little piles of secrets your kind famous for, that was surprisingly cunning."

Struggling, Zouken Matou trying to find way out... and came out short.

"You will not win, traitor. You will not. I am immortal. I am powerful. YOU WILL NOT-"

"Pah, save your pitiful phrases, please. You are not as smart as you think. This vessel, Kariya, already gave everything I need to understand your Mysteries."

The thing start gesturing, and to his horror, he can felt that his... his body... his magic... was taken over by this... thing.

"See, easy as pie."

He wants to scream, he wants to curse. He wants to fight back.

It was futile.

****

"-kura"

....

"Sakura,"

....

"Sakura-chan, can you hear me?"

"...Uncle... Kariya...?"

In his jubilance, Kariya Matou, last known heir of Matou family, hugged Sakura. He was relieved. She was saved.

Sakura Matou, when realized that her nightmare is over, cry in release.

She was not fully healed yet.

But it was a start.

****

"Are you sure about this?"

"Not more sure than you, Master. But, as we both knows with our limited understanding, and what we could pried from that miserable old piles, this is our best course of action."

In the first glance, Kariya Matou was a normal, handsome young man, if a bit pale. In fact, his paleness and his white hair, and his goatee and thin moustache, only serves to accentuate his beauty.

Kariya Matou lives on borrowed time. And it could end anytime soon.

And that leaves Sakura without protection or caregiver, and that. Just. Not. Done.

So, they try to find a new caregiver... and came out short. Sakura doesn't... response well to strangers, and every new failed aspirant increasing chance for noisy people to butt in.

Most of them, thankfully, can be deflected by combination of Mystic Eyes of Enhancement and some forged paper trails.

The one who cannot be deflected was either Magus or other kind of unsavory people. In this case, no need to waste free food.

But, yes, finding right caretaker was still an insurmountable challenge, especially considering their limited timeframe.

And then they stumble on this inactivated homunculus, which was probably spare from older Matou's project... or something. She (yes, female) was also a blank state, no soul, no mind, cannot learn or be programmed to do anything worthwhile.

Then, somehow, one of them got idea to bind a soul to this particular homunculus, gave her a personality, purpose, and most importantly, ability to learn. And a little sister. Kind of.

The idea grew stronger each day, with less options available. It was, indeed, a crazy idea.

But then again, Berserker was not exactly known for their rationality.

"Silver and iron to the origin. Gem and the archduke of contracts to the cornerstone. The ancestor is my great master Schweinorg...."

****
 
My side stories settings closer to Hollow Atraxia/ Carnival Phantasm rather than Stay Night, though. :p

Also, I'll try to make my timeline makes (kinda) sense, but no promise. :V

Anyway, some backstories for my Inverted Order (or should be Inverted Hollow Atraxia Order Carnival? ...That was mouthful :p )

****

Zouken Matou was in pain. His plans, preparations, his... assets... all gone.

In hindsight, punishing Kariya that way was really, really bad idea, considering identity and legend of Berserker. Also, in hindsight, not supporting your champion and hung him up dry was not the proper course of action, worthy of not.

But he still has plans. He still had some contingency plans. Hidden cache. Time to hide and-

That's when his current body suddenly sprouting spikes. From inside.

From darkness, Kariya... no, something that currently wears Kariya body, walk calmly, with poise befitting of it's status. Clapping slowly and mockingly.

"I had to say, even for such miserable little piles of secrets your kind famous for, that was surprisingly cunning."

Struggling, Zouken Matou trying to find way out... and came out short.

"You will not win, traitor. You will not. I am immortal. I am powerful. YOU WILL NOT-"

"Pah, save your pitiful phrases, please. You are not as smart as you think. This vessel, Kariya, already gave everything I need to understand your Mysteries."

The thing start gesturing, and to his horror, he can felt that his... his body... his magic... was taken over by this... thing.

"See, easy as pie."

He wants to scream, he wants to curse. He wants to fight back.

It was futile.

****

"-kura"

....

"Sakura,"

....

"Sakura-chan, can you hear me?"

"...Uncle... Kariya...?"

In his jubilance, Kariya Matou, last known heir of Matou family, hugged Sakura. He was relieved. She was saved.

Sakura Matou, when realized that her nightmare is over, cry in release.

She was not fully healed yet.

But it was a start.

****

"Are you sure about this?"

"Not more sure than you, Master. But, as we both knows with our limited understanding, and what we could pried from that miserable old piles, this is our best course of action."

In the first glance, Kariya Matou was a normal, handsome young man, if a bit pale. In fact, his paleness and his white hair, and his goatee and thin moustache, only serves to accentuate his beauty.

Kariya Matou lives on borrowed time. And it could end anytime soon.

And that leaves Sakura without protection or caregiver, and that. Just. Not. Done.

So, they try to find a new caregiver... and came out short. Sakura doesn't... response well to strangers, and every new failed aspirant increasing chance for noisy people to butt in.

Most of them, thankfully, can be deflected by combination of Mystic Eyes of Enhancement and some forged paper trails.

The one who cannot be deflected was either Magus or other kind of unsavory people. In this case, no need to waste free food.

But, yes, finding right caretaker was still an insurmountable challenge, especially considering their limited timeframe.

And then they stumble on this inactivated homunculus, which was probably spare from older Matou's project... or something. She (yes, female) was also a blank state, no soul, no mind, cannot learn or be programmed to do anything worthwhile.

Then, somehow, one of them got idea to bind a soul to this particular homunculus, gave her a personality, purpose, and most importantly, ability to learn. And a little sister. Kind of.

The idea grew stronger each day, with less options available. It was, indeed, a crazy idea.

But then again, Berserker was not exactly known for their rationality.

"Silver and iron to the origin. Gem and the archduke of contracts to the cornerstone. The ancestor is my great master Schweinorg...."

****

...I like it and I would like to see more... What do you want this called in the threadmarks?
 
How the fuck did I forget about this story? ARRRGH, now I have to reread it. Also thanks Spectre, you are doing a grand work. Always wanted a full fledge story of NotShittyParentArtoria.
 
...Dracula

...Castlevania Dracula

I'm not sure how to react to this.
As far as I concerned, and from what I know of Magus in general, "Miserable little pile of secrets" was pretty apt to describe Magus in general. :p

And yes, that means either Kariya is gaming nerd, or somehow had read Andre Malraux's Antimemoires. Pick your choice ;)
...I like it and I would like to see more... What do you want this called in the threadmarks?
Inverted Crack Order is fine, actually. At least at the moment.
 
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