Omake (Non-Canon): Inverted Crack Order Part 5.5
"Fujimura-san, Jason being chuuni again."

"Fujimura-san, Arjuna being chuuni again."

"Fujimura-san, Medea was being moe-afflicted again."

"Fujimura-san, Gilgamesh being super-chuuni again."

"Fujimura-san, Kiyo-chan was going into her Anchin-week phase."

"Fujimura-san, Heroine X was being nuisance against Saberfaces. Again."

"Fujimura-san, Jackie-chan was looking for her mama. Again."

"Fujimura-san, Nobu start making and stashing bombs. Again."

"Arturia-Sensei! Your weird orphans are all being weird again!"

Arturia just sets down the phone and sighs.

A student looks up at her curiously and she fixes her with a calm stare and a quiet order. "Eyes back on your test."

The girl hurriedly ducks her head again and the Blonde woman allows herself a small smile. She never would have thought the task of watching over examinations could be so peaceful...

Back at the Einzbern residence, Taiga clenches her fist, the phone creaking in her grip. "Oooh that woman-!"

"Fujimura-san! Jason and Gilgamesh are getting into a Chunni-off. Again."

She pales and sprints for the door, phone forgotten.

(I'm just amused/confused at why all of these are being directed to Taiga and not Arturia. So my mind made up an explanation.)
 
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This is a pretty fun story. I've seen a few 'Shirou was raised by someone else' stories over the years but this one's definitely one of the better ones.

Admittedly not the highest bar to clear, but still.
 
Where did you get this and what are they saying?
The originals is somewhere on twitter. There are versions with translation on danbooru. But this is danbooru so be ready to dive in a sea of smut before finding them.
But the dialogue is:
Woman 1: Hey kid~ Where are your parents?
Woman 2: Are you lost?Do you need us to help you to go to the police station?~
Shirou: Uh... I wonder wher Lancer is...
Shirou: !!
Artoria: Excuse me, girls. Is my little Shirou troubling you?
Women 1 & 2: !?
Women 1&2: S-Sorry!!!!!!
Shirou: Uu... I've been saved
Artoria: No problem, you're welcome. ... Want to eat some shaved ice?
Shirou: Yes.
 
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It occurred to me - what are Arturia's religious practices like, and how would they affect her raising a child? Most religions have some number of childhood rituals, usually presided over by a priest or equivalent... How aware was she of the ending of the Age of Gods? Most King Arthurs are portrayed as Christian, and from an era where separate denominations would seem insane, either that or Celtic...I think I remember her saying something about God singular in Fate/Zero, but I've seen anime translators turn "gods" into "God" before... In the event she comes into conflict with Kirei, she'd be more vulnerable to his Sacraments of she's the former, not that they're likely to do much one way or another... though she'd probably have encountered Kirei earlier if she was... unless she's avoiding that particular Church due to it's connections to the Grail War...was she even aware that the Fuyuki Church hosted the war's Overseer?
 
It occurred to me - what are Arturia's religious practices like, and how would they affect her raising a child?
Japan's pretty much secular, and most Arturian Legend basically shows him(her?) as more secular leader; he (she?) had faith, but not exactly a zealot or even faithful. And considering that Arturia is consider herself dutybound to Shirou, who most likely not Christian before The Fire, she might consider to raised him in secular household.
How aware was she of the ending of the Age of Gods?
Most likely she didn't aware. She didn't have problem with Merlin who is openly Pagan (except with his lechery and trolling tendencies), but her vision of Avalon was meant for Humanity in general, not focused on single faith.
In the event she comes into conflict with Kirei, she'd be more vulnerable to his Sacraments of she's the former,
All Servants was kinda vulnerable to Sacrament. Heck, that is why all Overseer came from Church/ Executors, Sacrament was basically their standard Stick.
though she'd probably have encountered Kirei earlier if she was...
Kirei, for understandable reason, don't want to face her. And since Goldie wasn't there as his backup (at the moment), he had all the reason for staying low.
was she even aware that the Fuyuki Church hosted the war's Overseer?
Most likely yes, but she knows said Overseer had been dead (gee, thanks a lot, Fried Chicken) and she most likely expected someone had replaced him.
 
Chapter 7: Presumptions and Proposals
Of all the things she would have listed as probable results of being caught sneaking into the home of another Magus, torture, death, being turned into a test subject, or some combination of those three would rank among the highest odds.

Being marched into the living room and stiffly served tea by the youngest while his mother glared at her wouldn't even rank high enough to warrant consideration.

The little click of the teapot being set down left in its wake a deafening silence as Rin withered under the western woman's glare. Then again, it had become abundantly clear even from their brief scuffle (though she knew that to call it such was easily giving herself far more credit than she deserved) that this was no 'typical' magus family.

If it weren't for the bounded field around the property and the way that Arturia had countered her Gandr earlier she would have wondered if they were even Magi at all...

"Now," Rin barely managed to keep herself from flinching at the steel in that tone and forced herself to keep meeting the woman's eyes. "You are Rin -excuse me- Tohsaka Rin, Yes?"

"Yes, I am." She swore she could see a tiny spark of approval in those green orbs as she held her head high and nodded.

Another deafening silence, mercifully shorter than the first. Arturia raised the mug of tea to her lips and sipped at it, then set it down lightly. Shirou -seated perpendicular to them- shifted nervously, eyes darting from one to the other.

"What have you to say for yourself?"

Rin blinked, expectations once again subverted. Since it seemed no torture or death was immediately forthcoming, her expectations had shifted to a warning of some kind, most likely couched in incredibly polite-yet-terrifying language and filled with dire implications.

What she got instead was the most generic opening line of a parental lecture she could have ever conceived of.

The dissonance between expectation and reality was strong enough that all Rin really managed for a moment was a confused, "Eh?"

"You enter my abode without announcing yourself, and you skulk through its halls like a thief. These are rarely the actions of one with good intentions, however." She left out the part where she had tried to shoot a curse at her Rin noticed as the blonde motioned towards her, an open palm, inviting. "Seeing as you are young and one of Shirou's classmates I am giving you a chance to explain your reasons.. Prove to me that you are an exception to such generalities." The blonde woman's voice held an authority to it that sought to compel an answer from her, it was that of a king, (shouldn't that be 'a queen'? Rin wondered silently at her own thoughts). This woman was sure of the power she held within this her domain.

With an effort of will, Rin held her tongue, refusing to speak until she had gathered her thoughts. Her mind raced, trying to determine what combination of truth and omission would get her out of here unharmed, but the momentary silence as she tried to come up with something to say before it was too late and the chance withdrawn, Arturia surprised her by speaking again.

"You were with Kotomine Kirei at the school today."

It was not a question, simply a statement of fact.

"Did he send you here?"

"No!" Rin blurted out the words quickly, too quickly, relief at being an unwittingly offered a way out prompting her to finally break her quiet before she closed her mouth again, a flush coming over her face. She'd lost her composure, said more than she should… The woman was still looking at her expectantly though, so she slowly continued. "No! I came by myself because I was-! I… I was curious!" Rin flushed with embarrassment as she realized that she'd just made several errors in etiquette (not to mention common sense given the power of the woman opposite her) and looked away. "I guess you must know him then huh..." The words were quiet, but still audible in the silence that had been left by her outburst. Arturia sipped her tea, her gaze unwavering, and Rin took that as permission to continue. "But you weren't expecting to see him there, and he wasn't expecting to see you. Which means..."

Across from her, Arturia leaned forwards slightly, brow furrowing. "Did you ask him?"

"After he took me home he wouldn't tell me anything!" Anger was starting to creep back into her voice, frustration. "A-and I… I wanted-! I... I was hoping to find out what… What Papa was..." Rin looked up at the blank expression on the blonde's face, trying to read any sign of reaction or intent from her but finding her irritatingly unreadable, her face schooled to a mask of blankness.

There was a faint awkwardness to the silence that hung over the table, broken only by the rumble of a stomach. Arturia shifted slightly, her gaze flicking to one side, breaking the vision of absolute authority and power for the first time.

Finally… She spoke. "Tohsaka-san, would you like to stay for dinner with us?"

She opened her mouth, refusal on her lips. Dinner? In the midst of negotiations? In enemy territory?

Then her stomach growled in turn and it was her turn to flush. "If… It is no imposition…"

She wasn't sure if that was better or worse than the childish stuttering and rambling she'd been doing before...

=======

"Tohsaka-san."

Rin looked up from the street to meet Arturia's gaze, breath misting slightly in the still-cool spring air. Dinner had been unique, though in a way that she couldn't quite put her finger on. An awkward silence had held the table with Shirou seemingly unsure of what to say, his mother apparently focused on eating, and her still trying to figure out just what the deal with this strange family was.

Even when Rin had told herself that she was going in circles she couldn't help but wonder. They were like an anomaly that shouldn't exist. Knowing of magecraft, yet apparently unaffiliated (beyond that still perplexing 'Einzbern' surname) with any actual family.

So perplexing it was that in spite of her efforts, she was still wondering on it as Arturia walked her home, an offer she'd tried to refuse but for the woman's firm insistence.

"Yes?"

"You are in Shirou's class."

Rin nodded reluctantly, for once her instincts seemed to have been vindicated with their assertion that the offer to walk her home had been pretext to get her alone. Silently she steeled herself, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

"I hope that you will watch over him for me-." Rin opened her mouth. "-He could use a good friend, and with a mage of your caliber keeping an eye on him, I could be much more certain of his safety."

Rin closed her mouth.

Her first thought had been that the woman was asking her to spy on her son, but that didn't add up with… Well… With anything she'd seen so far. "Like… Some kind of bodyguard or something?" She ventured carefully, testing the waters.

Arturia chuckled and it took an effort of will for Rin to keep surprise at the sound off of her face. "Nothing so dramatic. Really, I think he could use a friend is all, and if that friend is powerful in her own right, so much the better."

In her own right… Rin turned that over in her head. It made sense, or at least some sense at any rate… The woman before her had shrugged off a spell like it was nothing, and if she was teaching Shirou…

"A-a…" She searched for the right word. "An Ally then." There was a flicker of something in the blonde's eyes as she spoke, but it was gone in an instant, as fast as it had come.

"A friend will do. Tohsaka Rin." The tone was reassuring yet there was an edge to her words that made them anything but.

"A friend." She echoed softly. "Thank you for walking me home Lady Uh… Einzbern."

What have I gotten myself into now?

=End Chapter Seven=

Author's Note: Fuck this chapter.

No seriously, I am so unbelievably glad to be finished writing this little arc of the story. Young Rin has been absolute hell for me to write as I cannot seem to get her voice to come out properly in my head, which just murders my motivation when more and more of what I write keeps turning out wrong wrong wrong.

Hopefully as she grows and becomes closer to her Canon self, I should be able to get a better handle on her character, but for now, I'm just happy that I can write stuff other than this little first day of Middle School arc.

I'm thinking a bit from Arturia's end to discuss her teaching job and the formation of her club maybe... We'll see.

Also, I tried sticking to only one perspective for this chapter. I think it might have made my job harder since that perspective was Rin's, but tell me how that compares to my earlier chapters where I bop around between perspectives to set the scene? I want to know how it matches up. Better? Worse? Or Just different?

Oh, and massive thanks to @TheBleachDoctor and @Swordomatic for help in making young Rin's dialogue actually sound like it should as well as general proofreading. You guys are the best. Seriously.​
 
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At this moment, I just glad that you updated this. :)

Also, yes, I can see why this version of Rin kinda hard to write. If this was me, she'll be sputtered right from begin to the end, with practically no dignity until Mama Saber finished her meal.

Then again, it was easier for me to write comedy, as you can see on most of my post. :V
 
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much yes right here. I am glad that this is alive.

Personally, I like having scenes stay in the POV of a single character, and I think this update turned out very well.
 
Oh, I remember this one. I'm kinda reminded of the fan art of Lartoria raising Shirou and it's kinda amusing.

And then I remembered that Saber actually was granted a physical body and got excited to potentially see it in this. And then I remembered that she still has Avalon/Excalibur that freezes her body and got disappointed.

So yeah, this chapter gave me a good number of differing emotions. Though I'm mostly glad that this updated again.
 
Oh, I remember this one. I'm kinda reminded of the fan art of Lartoria raising Shirou and it's kinda amusing.

And then I remembered that Saber actually was granted a physical body and got excited to potentially see it in this. And then I remembered that she still has Avalon/Excalibur that freezes her body and got disappointed.

So yeah, this chapter gave me a good number of differing emotions. Though I'm mostly glad that this updated again.
Being Archer is Suffering.

Instead of having Idiot Shirou... he'll get Kind-of-Idiot Shirou and Kind-of-Idiot Rin (the Idiot is shared). And Mama Saber.

He'll have all this Momma Jokes inside his head that'll just hurt him inside.
I'm actually pretty sure Artoria gave Shirou Avalon in the opening chapter.
Ain't no rules she couldn't just take it back after Shirou fully healed.
 
Ain't no rules she couldn't just take it back after Shirou fully healed.

Considering how invested she seems to be in Shirou's safety, since she went as far as to ask Tokiomi's, her past enemy's, kid to look after him, I'd say she didn't remove Avalon. After all, neither Flat Arturia nor MILF Arturia really need it. In Shirou's case, on the other hand, having active Avalon inside him may well be the only thing that lets him survive after he, say, gets into a fight with a bunch of thugs because MAH HEROISMU, or gets hit by a car. Or trips on a pebble and breaks his neck. Or gets attacked by a wild Kotomine because MAH SUFFERINGU.
 
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