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In Which I Watch Jojo's Bizarre Adventure

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Episode 55
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    • It's not dead yet.

    To quickly recap for people who've forgotten what episode I'm on, the Stand user of the week is a sword that possesses people and the last episode ended with it being held to Polnareff's throat while it possessed his barber. Despite being in the room and seemingly awake, Jotaro doesn't react to any of the death threats aimed at Polnareff by the barber/Anubis, before long Polnareff ducks.


    He's going to feel that in the morning.

    The screams of agony and Polnareff rushing out of his chair are too much to ignore and Jotaro opens his eyes and Polnareff wipes off the shaving cream and starts coming up with a theory about how the sword is a Stand that controls people (and just a light touch of the sword has Silver Chariot bleeding, I guess that armour doesn't mean much against Anubis). We then cut to Joseph toying with Iggy who walks away after farting at him while Abdul talks about how they're taking a while despite how they'd still be waiting for Polnareff's shave to finish even if everything was going according to plan.

    Back with Polnareff, he's getting overwhelmed by Anubis since it's memorised his attack patterns and is getting stronger with every swing, Polnareff says that it's too dangerous for Jotaro to jump in bare-handed and he agrees, staying out of things even when Polnareff is on the ground getting smashed by every blow and only jumps in when Polnareff calls, he punches Anubis and it's puppet out onto the streets but it was apparently difficult (sorry, nothing really picworthy in this section).

    Anubis goes for an obvious slash and gets the expected result.


    Also he stuck his leg out for the sake of looking cool.


    I'd say that this is basically over but I can see that I've still got most of the episode to go so I know that the sword is going to make a comeback somehow.

    Conveniently, a police officer shows up just as they're getting ready to chuck Anubis into the Nile and tries to take the katana, only for Polnareff to accidentally draw it.


    This is how it's going to be a threat to Star Platinum for a whole episode I guess.

    Jotaro saves the police officer from being Anubis' next target and starts thinking about how it'll be a problem if he has to face Silver Chariot since he'll have to either go non-lethal or kill Polnareff while Anubis boasts that it's memorised all of Jotaro's moves from getting smacked once and blocked once.


    Once again Polnareff takes an injury that should have killed or cripples him.


    Jotaro also gets smashed, RIP fire hydrant.


    I almost missed this.


    I don't understand the logic of sticking Polnareff's ass in front of the camera for several seconds but making it blurry.

    Without further ado, Anubis pulls out Silver Chariot.


    I've got two swords and no idea how to use them, WHAT NOW JOTARO?


    These may be the worst stats yet in terms of matching the character's performance. I'm going to assume that the growth potential relates to Anubis learning how to use a sword.

    Jotaro steadily gets pushed back while accumulating cuts everywhere until he pulls out Star Finger for the first time in a while, of course all he does is make Silver Chariot a bit lighter by shedding some of the armour, eventually he gets both of Star Platinum's hands and stabs Jotaro in the gut.


    That belt looks an awful lot like Caesar's headband.

    With just a minor stab to the gut, Anubis declares that it's beaten Jotaro and starts cheering in an oddly enthusiastic fashion before Jotaro baits it into trying to drive the broken sword further into his gut. Once it tries, Jotaro smashes the sword to pieces.



    RIP Anubis, and if you can't tell the first picture is Star Platinum smashing Anubis' hilt.

    With Anubis out of the way, Jotaro monologues about how this was a tough fight and Polnareff wakes up to find out how he's beaten up Jotaro. For some reason, there aren't more police around despite the first one showing up a while back.

    While the two get ready to go get back to Abdul and Joseph, a kid spots the blade that Jotaro broke off earlier and it looks like Anubis isn't beaten yet (I guess it jumps to the largest intact part of the blade).


    These faces don't really work with adults, let alone with 8 year olds.

    Anubis coughs up it's backstory about how it's a five hundred year old Stand without an owner that used to belong to a blacksmith and how Dio found it in a museum. It also says that The World (za warudo) is strong to the point where Anubis has no chance against it.


    Oh hey it's one of the pictures I vaguely remember seeing early on in this or before I started it.


    Of course, Iggy continues to mess with the villains while pretending to be just a dog.

    Now Anubis is heading straight for the Nile, he almost hits a wall but panics and phases through it, then he gets lucky and gets a second chance in the form of a boat, only to get lodged in a cow's ass and panic too much to think of possessing the cow until it's too late and the cow has gone overboard and what's left of Anubis falls out of it's ass. It then spends a minute trying to beg fish and crabs to get it out of the river before it rusts.


    Since it says retires rather than dies I guess a fish gets it out eventually.

    The episode seemingly ends with Iggy farting in Polnareff's face again and Jotaro swearing to never go out alone with Polnareff again but keeps going with an explanation of the differences between Egyptians, Nubians, Bedouin and an unrelated Indian (presumably a tourist) before showing the next episode's Stand user (and several guys ogling her once the camera is done focusing on her legs and ass).


    We've just gotten through a two part focused on the obvious candidate for her opponent so I wonder who she'll fight.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • IT'S BACK.

    Also the armor never helps Polnareff. Ever. (Well okay prior to his recruitment.) I think Araki straight up forgot/ditched the whole idea of "Lose Armor = Gain Speed" if I recall, the whole "Star Platinum makes Silver Chariot faster" scene was only in the anime.
     
    A shame really, i found the Anubis stand to be the most fun and awesome one.

    The development also probably goes hand in hand to who Anubis is possessing, the stronger the person is able to last would mean that Anubis also learn from each fight and is better to defeat the other person. I am guessing most people don't last long due to him possessing mostly normal people, cause if Anubis possess someone else with a stand, it would be terrifying.
     
    Insufficient Dakka said:
    To be fair, earlier Anubis cut a stone pillar in half just to reach Polnareff on the other side.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Yeah, it kinda chooses what it cuts. Like, once it cut a guy on the other side of a cow without hurting the cow.
    If I'm not basically sure the slash showed up on Silver Chariot, I'd have said it didn't even touch the armor, just went right to the soft bits.
     
    Episode 56
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    • It's been more than a year but I'm back to doing these. As you'll notice, Windows 10 is being an ass and messing up the screenshots.

    Anyways, the episode starts with a confirmation that Kakyoin is going to recover before too long thanks to the Speedwagon Foundation's doctors while the rest of the group arrives in Luxor and Abdul explains the historical significance of it and the Valley of the Kings for trivia and Joseph looks for a toilet.


    Honestly, the fact that there's actually something set up well outside of town means it's better than pretty much every town I've ever been to.

    To top it all off, the only thing to clean your hands with is sand, faced with this, Joseph decides to hold it in for a while before he spots a strange rock.


    Let's be honest, most of us would poke a random electrical outlet on a rock.


    He didn't even need to stick a fork in it. Well done.

    Strangely enough, Abdul doesn't notice the shock despite looking right at it when it happens and Joseph doesn't bother to tell him.


    With how much time was spent focusing on her legs at the end of the last episode, my expectations are rock bottom here.

    Once in Luxor the group settles down and Abdul proposes that they spend a day or two to rest and recover since they're all injured (to put it lightly), while this proposal is discussed Joseph's body has blatantly turned into a giant magnet that's screwing with the radio and attracting bottlecaps, as they look for a hotel in Luxor they walk past a man with a hammer and some nails before the inevitable happens.


    Of all things, this is the injury that made me wince.

    Abdul catches and stops the hammer with strange ease but the nails are still stuck in the man's mouth. Conveniently, his screams from the nails are quiet enough that the group can't hear them from 5m away. The scene cuts to the next day and to Joseph's strange sleeping habits.


    The most shocking thing is that he went to sleep in the same clothes and didn't notice the bottlecaps attached to his everything.

    As he puts his pants on still oblivious to things, he gets hit by a chair twice, a doorknob once and flips two skirts with metal ornaments. He only puts two and two together just as the knives start flying at him and he runs onto the escalator where Mariah is waiting to tie him up and reveal herself as the enemy of the episode.


    I like the plan overall but I feel like it could have been done in a more subtle fashion.

    While Joseph's hands are steadily getting crushed he goes for the emergency stop button.


    Ah nonstandard design, always messing with people at the worst times.

    Abdul then shows up to save his ass but he's too busy panicking to notice.




    I think this might be my favourite gag yet.

    Sadly, it's ruined by Mariah standing there in plain view once Joseph has gotten free.


    Abdul is actually strong as fuck rather than being generically muscular, who knew?

    While they were distracted with the statue Mariah fled into the ladies' toilets and I have a sinking feeling this segment isn't going anywhere good.

    Unfortunately, 2 minutes later I'm right and they peep on the old lady that Joseph accidentally flipped the skirt of earlier and they have to jump out the window out of the bathroom. Moving on.

    They catch her again because she presumably has to stay close or the magnetism will go away and it's revealed that Adbul got zapped as he went for the emergency stop button.


    And that's 2/6 pretty much incapacitated.

    Next time, more gratuitous ass shots to ignore but hopefully some good gags to balance out the bad ones. I liked this episode overall but there were definitely some terrible bits.

    And on an unrelated note, I tried to do this yesterday but I was sleepy and accidentally did the last episode again and would have posted it if I didn't notice the album of the previous episode as I was getting ready to upload. It taught me to appreciate Anubis more at least.
     
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