Chapter Twenty-Two
The heat and the vapors of the engines' machinery stuck to her skin, and Ahsoka tensed each time she heard her clothes creak under the strain of the humidity in the air. Count Dooku remained still in the middle of the vapors, not even worried about the distinctive advantage she now had. Maybe he simply didn't know of the Togruta's physiology, or maybe he knew and decided it wouldn't matter. She was going to make him regret his arrogance. Sure, he was Count Dooku, he had learned under Master Yoda and was renowned as one of the best duelists of the Jedi temple, but in the end he was just one man, and if her Master had been captured, then Count Dooku could be defeated.
She neared him a step at the time while holding her breath, her finger itching on her lightsabers. Just one more step, and he'd be in range. She couldn't attack him blindly however, not with his reflexes -he'd strike at her if she didn't go nearer still.
"I can feel your fear," Count Dooku said, and turned slowly, yet with purpose, towards her. He knew where she was. He had always known.
Ahsoka didn't hesitate and lit her lightsabers, roaring in fury as she tried to cut his head by crossing her lightsabers' blades. It went poorly. A quick flick of the wrist and Ahsoka realized one of her lightsabers was no longer holding the cross guard, and with a step forward, Count Dooku was beyond her guard. Pain blossomed on her right hand as the lightsaber cut through it, making her scream as she fell on the ground, clutching her missing limb.
She groaned, her left hand holding her mutilated limb. "Gah!" she screamed, panting hard as Count Dooku drew his lightsaber up, ready to bring it down on her.
The pain burned through her entire body as she tried to clutch the phantom limb, spasm and suffering echoing throughout her entire frame as-as suddenly, she was at peace.
The ground quaked and the metal shifted around them. Count Dooku's eyes widened in disbelief. "Impossible. The dosage-"
A loud rumbling echoed, like that of a giant fist hitting steel, soon followed by another, and yet one more. Count Dooku gave her one last look, and then turned his back to her, leaving in a hurry. The moment he disappeared from view, Ahsoka heard the rumbling grow larger, stronger, and nearer. Her eyes were half-closed by the time the Cheshire Cat in his Akul-like form appeared in front of her, teeth bared and eyes burning. It snarled and roared, before grabbing hold of her and her cut limb, his other paws holding on to her fallen lightsabers. There were sparks and bursts of electricity in the air, and her eyes opened and closed at random intervals.
It was the Cheshire Cat holding her.
It was her Master.
It was her Master's Dark Side.
It was her Master.
It was the Cheshire Cat.
"M-Master?" Ahsoka croaked out, and the Cheshire Cat Akul's form looked down at her, and winked.
"He's dealing with the Queen of Hearts and chorusing a 'Off with his head' right now. Worry not, you're safe now." He held her closer, and she dug her face in the warm purple-striped fur. She wondered about Mister Fluffles, who meowed weakly from her side. He was safe too. They had saved everyone. This was good, wasn't it?
She felt the light of the sun on her skin, and realized they had probably stepped outside the ship who was now going up in flames, one explosion after the other wrecking its bulk. The Droid army outside was still fighting both Jedi Masters, who were having a slightly hard time since it was apparent an entire invasion force had been used to try to capture her master. It didn't matter. In the end, they didn't matter.
Destroy Droid.
Everything was purple, then everything was quiet. Ahsoka liked it. It was nice and quiet, and there was a warm sun. There were waves lapping at the shore of a sandy beach, and seagulls giving their raucous calls up in the air. There was the bustling traffic on the road with old, diesel cars, and a bridge that hung over a dock. There was a park, next to the seaside, and the trees' branches fluttered in the wind. It was a peaceful place.
"I'm keeping you in a Force stasis," her Master said to her as they both sat on a stone bench inside the park. He looked at her with a sad frown. "You really had to fight Dooku, didn't you?"
She looked down at her hands, both of them still attached to her body. "I-I wasn't going to run away."
"Knight Skywalker was still inside the ship," her Master replied. "If you had run away, and headed for the cockpit, you could have prevented the ship from flying. Since I was needed alive, or they wouldn't have gone to such lengths to capture me, you could have avoided much danger."
Ahsoka winced. "He could have killed you."
"He wouldn't have," her Master replied. "He would have killed you. Padawan, you were reckless." He sighed. "And you even disobeyed my orders, again. Now I understand what Obi-Wan went through with Anakin. How difficult is it to understand a 'Do not' fight Dooku?"
Ahsoka tried to smile, "The 'Not' part, Master?"
"Cheeky brat," he acquiesced. "I'll wake you up once you've been safely sedated. If you're lucky, they'll even reattach your hand."
Ahsoka nodded, and looked around with a hint of curiosity. The stone bench they sat on was lukewarm because of the sun shining on it. The smell of tree sap and grass hung in the air. The seagulls shrieked, and dug their beaks into the breadcrumbs on the ground, every now and then with a couple of pigeons trying to steal a bite. "Is this your hometown, master?" Ahsoka asked.
Her Master nodded. "Yeah," he acquiesced. "It's gone now though. There's nothing left of it, not a speck of dirt, not a chip of concrete, not a single flower, or blade of grass," he shook his head. "And yet she lives on inside my heart and in my head," he smiled. "No matter what happens, no one can take it away from me. It helps me to meditate. What about you?"
Ahsoka brought both of her hands on her lap, and closed her eyes to take a small breath. "I...I imagine Shili's jungle," she whispered as the ground morphed with a soft change of hue, blurring and then refocusing. There were large trees on a green landscape, a dying sun and the sound of strange, alien birds.
Her feet were now dangling off the ledge of a wooden hut, an observatory post high above the rest of the structure. Her Master hummed, and remained dutifully with his legs crossed near the edge, yet slightly behind it.
She lifted an eyebrow.
"Master?"
"Yes?" he replied with a slight strain in his voice, his eyes closed.
"Are you...scared of heights?"
"Who? Me? Preposterous." Her Master still didn't open his eyes, and looked mightily uncomfortable. Whether he was doing it on purpose to make her feel at ease, or because he honestly didn't like heights, Ahsoka didn't know, but she didn't even care to find out.
Ahsoka grinned. "So, the great Master Shade is afraid of heights. Who would have thought?"
"Padawan," her Master acquiesced, "Everyone has an irrational fear of something."
"Sure, sure," Ahsoka nodded. "Of course." She nodded again. "Fear leads to the Dark Side, master. You should let go of it. Come on, leaving your feet to dangle over the edge is nice!"
"It's a safety hazard. Why are there no guardrails?" her Master replied. "What if a child gets up here and falls over the edge?"
"Togruta have a great sense of balance," Ahsoka replied. "And no one would leave a single child unattended up here."
Her Master shot her a puzzled glance, which wasn't really all that puzzled since he kept his eyes closed. She just smiled, and laid her head back on the wooden surface, both hands behind her head as she looked up at the sky turning red. A gentle breeze picked up, making the entire affair even more pleasant, and when her master patted her head gingerly, she outright purr-urgh. Wait. What.
The 'purring' was actually the grating sound of a machine, now that Ahsoka thought about it. Her body hurt. She groaned, she wanted to go back to the meditation. Her bones creaked, and her hands hurt. Well, one hand hurt. The other one felt stiff and unresponsive. "The droid remarks that it is possible to reattach your arm," her master's voice came gently to her ears, "I woke you up because the droid refuses to operate without your verbal compliance on the matter, citing that cybernetic limbs are quicker to get used to and more efficient. I personally think that you'd want your original arm reattached, no matter the discomfort. On the other hand, you might just as much prefer a prosthetic-"
"Mine," Ahsoka mumbled.
"You heard her," her master said. The droid buzzed, and Ahsoka soon fell back asleep, but not before her remaining hand grabbed on to the soft fabric of her master's robe. "It's going to be all right," her master whispered as a pair of hands grabbed her hand, and that was the last thing she felt before succumbing to a dreamless sleep in pitch-black darkness.
When she woke up again, it was to an empty infirmary. Her right hand hurt, and felt stiff -but at least she could still feel it. She looked at it, and exhaled. She had expected something utterly horrible, but apart from a thin black line of stitches that seemed to connect her flesh at the point of dismemberment, it looked none worse for the wear.
She couldn't move the fingers, but it had to be the anesthetic.
"Hello?" she croaked out.
"Good evening," the voice of the droid buzzed right next to her. "The operation was a complete success. Your hand has been successfully reattached, and is fully functional. The limb has been locally paralyzed to ensure proper blood diffusion. You should rest."
"Where's my Master?" she asked.
"He went for dinner," the droid remarked. Ahsoka sighed and closed her eyes, letting her head rest against the pillows. It was all right. Whatever Dooku had done -whatever 'dosage' that had been- it had worn off. She wondered how, though. Even Dooku had been surprised.
"Second time you've saved my life, I reckon," her Master said as he stepped into the infirmary with two trays. "Are you familiar with the drug known as Zone of Self Containment?" he asked her, and at her puzzled expression, he lowered her food tray in front of her. It was the Slob. She had a spoon.
Her Master had ordered the Slob too -even though he probably could ask for an MRE, he had decided to suffer the same fate as his padawan.
"Well," her Master said. "The Zone of Self Containment was a drug produced by Jenna Zan Arbor, which enforced a state of peace and tranquility into those who breathed it. I thought killing the scientist leading the project -and future murderer of an entire colony- would stop its production. I was right, but some must have remained, and Dooku acquired it to capture me. Last I knew, it couldn't be delivered airborne, but had to be inhaled all the same. Turns out they must have resolved that problem. Being odorless and colorless, I didn't realize what was going on until I was way into the land of dreams together with the pirate gangs."
Ahsoka hesitated. "What about the bounty hunters?"
"Aurra Sing wasn't there," her Master said. "If the Separatists made her change her mind, I don't know. Maybe they even went as far as hiring her to capture me, but I doubt it."
"Master," Ahsoka said, "Do you think..."
"That someone in the Jedi Temple rattled my destination off to the Separatists? Oh, I'm sure someone did," her Master said with a nod. "Now, concerning the who, that's a can of worms. I can narrow it down however," he continued with a soft voice.
"Uh?" Ahsoka asked, her left hand doing a great job in putting the Slob up in the air and into her mouth, much to her inward chagrin.
"Only twenty Jedi left Geonosis, padawan," her Master grimaced. "I think I thought too well of the Jedi's order to think they'd all be unable to hold a grudge."
Ahsoka nearly choked on her next mouthful of Slob, and coughed, wheezed, and shook her head as she tried to digest the news and the disgusting food.
"But that-"
"Is completely possible," her Master replied. "A grudge never settled can leave scars that never heal, and those scars can lead to the Dark Side," he exhaled. "The worst scars are those hidden by a kind smile, or by a kind word, padawan. I asked for forgiveness, and received it from all of the survivors. Yet, one lied, and this is now apparently true."
He chuckled. "It doesn't help that my movements were pretty much known to the High Council alone, yet I know beyond a doubt it wasn't any of them. Man, talk about a mystery."
Ahsoka spluttered. "H-How can you be so calm about this?! There's a traitor in the Jedi order!"
"There are always traitors in history, padawan," her Master replied calmly. "To be betrayed stings, but it goes away with time, and there are more important things to do than start a witch hunt."
He then straightened his back and took out from one of his sleeves an apple, which he sliced with a knife and began to eat calmly. He looked at her, and remained silent. She fidgeted a bit as she returned to her meal, but the gaze of her master didn't subside. When she was done eating, she tried a nervous smile, but received back the same gaze.
Ahsoka swallowed a few gulps of water from a nearby cup, and then tried to restart the conversation. "So, Shaoka Nota was-"
"You know what I'm waiting for you to tell me, padawan," her Master acquiesced. She winced. She looked down. She looked back up. Her left hand clenched, but her right one didn't move. She breathed in the smell of hospital room, of anesthetic, and yet she couldn't speak. The words failed to come out of her mouth. She looked down once more. Her shoulders trembled and finally, finally, she cracked.
"I didn't mean to."
"Now, don't lie to yourself," her Master said calmly, making her look up at his blurred form -no, it wasn't him the one blurred, it was her eyes. "You meant to, or she wouldn't be dead. What you actually want to say is that you regret it, is that right?"
Ahsoka bit her lip, and nodded once, stiffly.
"Say it, Ahsoka, don't let me put words in your mouth," her Master whispered, coaxing her gently.
"I...I just had to win the fight. She was strong. She was fast. I felt it was the right thing to do, like, there was no other alternative. I wasn't angry at her, I wasn't afraid of her, I wasn't scared. I just...I just fought her and killed her." She looked down. "I'm such a stupid. Why didn't I try to disarm her? We are taught how to fight in order to disarm."
"Yes, I suppose so, but you weren't using the academy's style, or one of the seven forms. You were using my style," her Master replied. "Judging by the wound, you used the 'Stab'."
Ahsoka gave him a bleak look, at least, she hoped it came out as bleak. Her face morphed into a grimace all the same. "I-I might have," she said in the end, "But that doesn't change anything."
"No, in fact it doesn't, which means it doesn't matter if you were taught to fight by disarming your opponent or by killing them. It's meaningless. What matters is, however, utterly different," he looked at her calmly. "Do you regret it?"
"She-She was a Sith," Ahsoka balked at the question. "She would have gladly killed me if I hadn't killed her. She would have shown me no mercy."
"And?" her Master asked.
"It hurts," Ahsoka whispered. "I know she would have killed me. I know! Yet...why does it hurt? Why does it hurt to think I could have avoided that?"
"You know the answer," her Master said. "You just need to tell me, Ahsoka."
She clenched with her left hand the sheets. "I didn't want to kill her, master," Ahsoka said in the end. She looked up. "I really didn't."
"Even if your life was at risk?" her Master asked her, and she winced at the next, obvious question, "Even if mine was?"
"It wasn't right. The Jedi Code-"
"Forget the Jedi Code," her Master said swiftly, a hand up to dismiss the issue. "You think it's not right, correct?"
"What's the use of fighting monsters, if we become monsters ourselves?" Ahsoka replied, the sentence coming naturally to her lips.
Master Shade looked at her and sighed, shaking his head as a smile spread on his lips. He chuckled. "Truly, I've been blessed with an exceptional padawan." He grinned and patted her forehead.
Twenty-Three.
"Twenty-three what?" her Master asked.
"Nothing important, master," Ahsoka replied in a hurry. "Just...a number that-"
Her master patted her forehead again.
"And now it's twenty-four," her Master sighed. "Counting pats on the head like Anakin now? Really," he chuckled once more. "Can any of you be any less spoiled?"
"I'm not spoiled!" Ahsoka shot back hotly.
"Still, remember my words," her master said, "as long as you'll regret taking lives, you'll never fail as a Jedi. As long as you don't let that regret push you down, you'll never fail as a human being. You're a good person, Ahsoka. Before being a good Jedi, one needs to be a good person. Forget the Code, think about what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is evil. Then add the code." Her master stood up and stretched a bit, "Well, I need to speak with Master Plo Koon and Obi-Wan about my suspicions. You stay here and get better."
"Master," Ahsoka said suddenly, "What did you mean with your hometown...no longer being there? Weren't you born on Coruscant?"
"Time, unfortunately, passes for everyone," he said as he walked towards the door, he gave her a wink. "In a galaxy far far away, a long, long time ago, my home was once...then the raiders came and I valiantly made my way off-world," with a final wave, he slid the door closed behind him.
Yet Ahsoka's eyes narrowed.
They narrowed, because her Master had lied.
And Mister Fluffles' grin grew just a tiny bit larger, from its reflection in the window.
Really?
