How to Train Your Endbringer

[Azaira]

The mural was Sailor Moon cosplay?

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Hat and Stick mentioned with Hogwarts.
I mean, it could be Sailor Moon?

 

[Tisaku]

let you rum mother's

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[Okibruez]

Poor Danzo made not one, but two mistakes. First, he offered anything. If you go around making deals with 'Anything' as your standing offer, you're gonna get taken for everything.
His second mistake was not wearing the hat. He was warned, after all.

 

[Burned_Cookie]

"You could make it out of flowers! Or kittens! That way, when you're stressed, you could just pet your head and the crown would start purring."

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Pfahahahahahahahhahahaa I forgot were I got this image before my reread pfahahahahahhaha.

 

[edale]

A wash of sand from around the children's park swirled around and shot in towards his target onto to collapse back down within feet of hitting her.

Click to shrink...

only.

------

Blatantly honest person to tricky person: "don't be tricky, talk honestly."
Tricky person: talks honestly.
Blatantly honest person completely out tricks the trickster.

I approve of this.

 

[ObsidianSoul]

I think he forgot to wear the hat. I mean, really, he was given a perfectly clear set of instructions!

Click to shrink...

To be fair, the Simurgh may very well have glued The Idiot Ball to the palms of his hands.

 

[SanguisAnima]

Spoiler: Spoilered for the damn length

Part Ten: Damn-zo

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. . . I'm sensing some shenanigans from the chapter title alone.

Danzo was a man of many talents, at least, he had always thought so. One of these was convincing people to do what was right for the village and for themselves, be that divulging a little information to the right ears or making the ultimate sacrifice.

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... Rrrrriiiiiiiiiiiight, convincing people. Right for the village. Why does it sound all so... empty... oh, wait, I'm not doing it with enough panache, that's why.

He didn't think that having that kind of conversation with the girl that had the Hokage so nervous would be difficult. She might have been impressively powerful, but her mentality was clearly that of a child. Or it was all an act. It didn't matter in the end, as long as she was willing to listen to him; he would get to her eventually.

Click to shrink...

I don't know what's more impressive, Danzo's sheer (Sharingan-influenced) belief in himself and his human drones, or his seeming lack of self-preservation instincts.

Damn, Danzo.

If peaceful methods didn't work, there were always other, more intense methods.

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"The next thing that you will say is, 'Peace was never an option'!"

His agents had discovered where the girl was. She was surprisingly difficult to track. Half the time his agents reported back in the locations they said she was in were ridiculous, from inside a freezer in the hokage's kitchen to the dining room of the royal palace halfway across the continent. That his agents captured burly men off the street and claimed with a straight face that they were the girl only caused Danzo more headaches.

This time though, he knew where to find her.

Civilians that recognized him nodded or bowed as he passed, arms held in the small of his back and gait smooth and easy. The girl had made her way to the market and then to a small park just off the main road.

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For the second time: damn, Danzo. For the love of the Rikudo Sennin, try to remember where they're from. In case you're having difficulty remembering, I'll spell it out for you:

Satogakure no Sato. The Village hidden in the Village.

Wasn't the name enough of a hint for you how well they can hide? Damn, Danzo, you're really getting senile. Maybe it's time for you to retire from ninja life, in general?

Civilians that recognized him nodded or bowed as he passed, arms held in the small of his back and gait smooth and easy. The girl had made her way to the market and then to a small park just off the main road.

He turned the corner and arrived face to face with one of her genin.

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... Please tell me you're not about to dismiss Simmie as a mere no-name genin? They've been the bane of your little private army's existence, or so I hear.

Danzo looked the white-haired nin up and down, ready to dismiss her when his eyes met hers.

She had an active Sharingan.

Danzo's blood went cold.

Click to shrink...

Ooooh, you like the reminder, Danzo?

He blinked. Her eyes were perfectly normal.

A genjutsu? No, he wouldn't be caught so easily. It wasn't possible. A trick of the light? But he knew what he had seen--

Her eyes went white, opening wide until they resembled that of the hyuuga, then they swirled around and turned into the legendary rinnegan, then into the toad-like eyes that that fool Jiraiya favoured. Her eyes returned to normal, but each one was strobing different colours.

"I'm here to see your Jounen instructor," he said. Her little eye trick was cute. Maybe it would even distract an enemy for a moment. He would never admit to being caught in it himself, of course.

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Eye trick? Eye trick?? EYE TRICK??? I'll have you know -- *gets interrupted by the sound of four kittens mewing and scrabbling all around my feet, calling for their mother who's napping on my lap*

*takes slow deep breaths*

... Count yourself lucky, Danzo, Simmie apparently arranged for my cat to sleep where she is so when her kittens woke they'll start a ruckus and distract me from laying the great-grandmother of all verbal beatdowns across dimensions so bad, it'll make Ayano Aishi cringe in shame.

She gave him the sort of smug grin that said that she knew what he was thinking, then gestured over one shoulder with a nod.

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Ah, yes. Danzo's first (obvious) mistake.

The girl disappeared. No flash, no movement that he could detect. One moment she was in his way, the next she wasn't.

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Quoting Zed: "The unseen blade is the deadliest."

And you're just in luck, Simmie is the sneakiest of the three. Benny's just going to simply overpower you (and possibly cook you alive), while Levi will just drown you.

Simmie's going to mind-flay, mindrape, and basically break you down. All the while with that smug look on her face.

Danzo felt an icy chill run down his back. Had she been a clone? One whose chakra he didn't detect? An illusion? One with that much control from a genin? Dangerous. All the more reason to press his cause.

Click to shrink...

Again: lack of self-preservation.

Damn, Danzo. You're really pushing for getting a Darwin Award, aren't you? Oh, wait, you probably don't have them where you are...

He found his target standing next to a swing set, hands on her hips and a firm pout on her uncovered face. Before her, much to Danzo's irritation, was a team from Sand. Three Genin, all of them the Kazekage's children, and the one right in front of his target the Jinchuriki of the One-Tailed Beast.

"I just want to rub him a little," she said.

The Jinchuriki glared and crossed his arms. "I will not allow you to rub mother."

"G-Gaara," the Kazekage's daughter, Temari, if Danzo recalled correctly, spoke up. "Let's just go."

"She insulted mother," Gaara said.

Danzo took a moment to appreciate the scene. Barging in unannounced would be foolish. The three sand genin were near the swing set in the middle of the park, the puppet user among them slowly swaying back and forth on a swing set.

Click to shrink...

Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait wait waaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiit.

Danzo, you... You hesitate to step in with the Ichibi Jinchuriki present, but you're all gung-ho against someone who has the latent power to get the Kyuubi -- hell, possibly even the Juubi -- to heel?

Damn, I don't think I'll understand the logic process you're using.

His target was before them but she was not alone, one of her genin was standing at the back of the park with... with a very large log hanging off of one shoulder.

Danzo noticed a distinct lack of ANBU around, which was somewhat concerning. Had they merely been here long enough that the Hokage's pets had hidden themselves very well, or did his ROOT agents succeed in supplanting them as he asked.

That he didn't know was cause of concern, but concern that was secondary to his current objectives.

Click to shrink...

I'm guessing that's Benny with the log. Just a guess. He's the best suited for that, even though Levi can also do it.

Benny's all about raw power. Levi's shtick is his mobility especially in water. And Simmie's is mindfuckery.

"C'mon. I won't hurt your... mom. We'll just play fetch and I'll rub her tummy."

"You will not rub my tummy," Gaara of the Sands said.

Click to shrink...

*le sigh* Gaara, you're not listening. Taylor wants to rub your 'mother's' tummy, not yours.

"Eww, you're either too young or too old for that," the girl said. "Also, you're really not my type. It's your mom's tummy I want to rub."

"I won't let you rum mother's tummy either," the boy said.

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See? Told you.

His target hummed and tapped her chin as she considered this. "What about headpats?"

A wash of sand from around the children's park swirled around and shot in towards his target onto to collapse back down within feet of hitting her.

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Taylor! For crying out loud, don't you ever think of declaring something so... indecent, especially in public! Goodness knows what you'll suggest next, handholding?!

And you, Gaara, don't throw sand around just because you don't like what they're saying! Throwing pocket sand is just plain rude! Well, gourd sand in your case, but my point stands!

Also, good job both of you: Taylor for not creating more messes in the park -- at least someone knows and understands the concept of personal space bubble! -- and Gaara for making an impromptu sand pit. Goodness knows how many kids will love that.

"Ear scritches? I'm the best at finding the right spot for scritching and my hands never get tired! I'll have your mom so happy her legs are going to be thump-thumping all over."

"I would rather you not scritch mothers ears and what mother does with her legs is none of your business," Gaara said.

Click to shrink...

Well, Taylor does have the skill to do that. Just ask the Inuzuka clan. Although, I kinda wonder now if Taylor did that with Tsume...?

Was he pouting? Danzo would need to re-read his file, perhaps the boy was more childish than expected.

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Well, duh! He's a kid! They're all kids! Whatcha on about, Danzo? Damn, talk about forgetting facts in your face.

Danzo coughed into a closed fist. "Perhaps I can assist?" he said as he smoothly stepped forwards. The attention of all those present turned to him and he smiled. "I am Danzo, one of the village elders. I couldn't help but overhear the last of your conversation."

Click to shrink...

Oh, so trying to pull off the friendly grandpa card, eh? Damn, crafty and ballsy move right there, Danzo.

"Could you get rid of her?" the impertinent sand ninja asked, the puppet user.

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Wow, damn Danzo. Even in your own mind you still grip tightly onto that double standard? Bruh, everything and everyone is pertinent. Some are just so in specific times, while others are on a more constant basis.

Danzo eyed his target. He very much did want to get rid of her, but on his own terms. Preferably after wringing every last secret out of her. Some of the items she had had on her person were... well, if they did what she said they did, which he doubted, then they would be the keys to unfathomable power.

Click to shrink...

Danzo, dude... Damn, going after a foreign dignitary, and a minor at that? Bruh, if you were in Taylor's hometown, you'd get lynched easily and quickly.

"I'm afraid, young man, that she is a guest of Konoha, just as you are. I could no more get rid of her than I could get rid of you," Danzo lied.

Click to shrink...

Even if that's a lie, at least it's polite.

Damn, all that time in the Konoha Council must've drilled that into you, huh?

"Can you tell her to stop trying to touch my mother?" Gaara asked.

Click to shrink...

Damn Gaara, for the last time: Taylor isn't trying to touch you, it's your -- wait.

Oh, sorry, I misread that. Carry on, carry on.

Danzo's target turned to him, one eyebrow perked as if to see whether or not he was going to tell her off. This entire situation felt more and more like something he would find at the Academy's training yard instead of something he would expect from fully trained ninja. "How about I distract her with a conversation and you run along?" he asked.

Click to shrink...

And again, Danzo, they're kids. Genin ARE still kids, and it's not wartime, so why are you expecting fuccing kids to behave like wartime jounin? Damn.

The sand trio looked at each other and, through some unspoken and apparently unanimous choice, they all walked off and out of the park with alacrity. "So, old mister, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Click to shrink...

Taylor calling him out~ damn, I wanna see how Danzo responds.

Danzo focused on the young woman before him and tried on a smile. "I'm hardly that old," he said.

"You're older than my grandfather was when his heart let out."

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Oooh, shots fired! Damn.

His kindly smile began to feel somewhat difficult to hold. "I'm, nonetheless, a ninja of Konoha. We're quite spry."

"My grandpa was spry too. Didn't stop his heart from collapsing."

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Hahahahahaha, she got ya there Danzo, you might have to concede...

"Yes, well. I have been meaning to talk to you," he said.

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Oooh, nice deflect

"Oh?" Her eyes narrowed. "You know, Simmie, warned me about you. She said you were really tricksy."

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Ooooohhhh, damn Danzo, she's got the information advantage, watch out~

"Simmie? One of your genin?" he asked.

"Urh, I'm so bad at keeping track of fake names. But yes, she is one of my very best friends--" the target paused to let a sound like a crystal chandelier being run across glass to sound in the distance--"and she can read minds. So I trust her when she says that someone is tricksy. Basically, I don't like tricksy people, so be... untricksy with me."

Click to shrink...

Daaaaaamn, called out nearly right from the get-go. You really should consider conceding Danzo, you'll never win against Taylor this way.

You don't know this yet, but you don't try to out-escalate the Queen of Escalation.

Danzo wasn't exactly sure what to think of the offer. Ninja were rarely able or willing to deal in anything even remotely like a straight-forward fashion, it went against their nature. But if she wanted...

Click to shrink...

*facepalm*

Damn, that stubbornness is gonna bite ya on your wrinkly old man ass. Don't say I didn't warn ya...

"Very well. You sold certain items to the village recently. Maps, if you may recall."

"The Marauder's Maps?" she asked. "Yeah, I picked those up in Hogwarts."

Click to shrink...

With some modifications, courtesy of Simmie.

I'm pret-ty sure of that.

He filed the name for future research. "I see. I was wondering if you had anything else of the sort. They were quite valuable."

Click to shrink...

Well, at least he acknowledges their usefulness and value.

"Um. I only have one thing on me. The rest is all in my rooms." Rooms that he had been trying to find for weeks. All his agents reported finding was an empty room... the next days after exiting the wrong inn halfway across Konoha. It didn't matter how many watched them enter the right room, they always reappeared elsewhere the next day with nothing to report. "Here!"

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Wait, wait wait wait wait wait.

Weeks? Danzo, you've been trying to spy on a minor for weeks???

Damn, I'm really starting to think I should call you Pedo-Danzo.

She pulled out not one but two items. One of them was clearly a hat, thought not one whose style he recognized. The other object caught his attention like a crow spotting a coin. It was a ball, about a handspan in diameter and with a small glass-covered opening on one end. There were two kanji inscribed above and below the opening. 'Path' and 'Victory.'

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. . .

Pffff, way to go Taylor and Simmie!

Fortuna's probably going to be amused you're trying to spread her looks in the Elemental Nations.

On that note, how would Cauldron take this development?

"Interesting," he said. "What does it do?"

"You ask it a question and it tells you how to find the answer. Step-by-step," she said. "You need to shake it first."

Danzo blinked. That was unbelievably convenient.

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You don't know half of it, Danzo.

Powers really be damn bullshit.

"But if you're not wearing the hat it'll all go horribly wrong," she said while waving the felt hat around.

"I... see," he said. "If it's real--" Which he truly doubted. "--Then it's the sort of thing I would give anything for."

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Thinking on it, why did Fortuna stick to the fedora? (Hey, that rhymed, even though it was unintentional!)

I mean, I dig the fedora, but... why not a bowler hat? Or maybe a Panama hat? Hell, why not an Ushanka?

Then again, at least she didn't pick a Boater...

"Anything?" she asked. "That's a weird word, anything. Like, does it mean any one thing, or can I point to an organization and call it a thing?"

Click to shrink...

Yup, Taylor's asking the real heavy questions here now...

"Pardon me?" he asked as he tore his attention away from the ball.

"You're pardoned. Anyway, here, I'll have it for anything I guess," she said as she tossed the ball at him underhanded. Danzo snapped it out of the air, then had tuck it under his arm in a hurry to catch the hat she threw next. "Have fun, I guess. I'm going to go find flowers for Gaara's mom."

Click to shrink...

You're damn lucky, Danzo, she didn't specify what she'd like in exchange.

He watched her flounce off and out of the park before his attention returned to the strange ball. He gave it an experimental shake.

Step One: Return to Root base

Danzo glared at the device. There was no way this wasn't some sort of joke.

Click to shrink...

Uh oh. Another damn big mistake right there, and Taylor even gave you very clear, easy-to-follow instructions!

Step 1: Put on the hat (or fedora, whatever).
Step 2: Ask a question.
Step 3: Shake the ball.
Step 4: Follow the steps listed.

Even with you having only one (visible) usable arm, it shouldn't have been difficult to follow those four damn easy steps!

These set of steps should be a fuccton easier:

Step 1. Get two slices of bread.
Step 2. Seek out Ichiraku Teuchi.
Step 3. Give the bread slices to him.
Step 4. Recount the events of the past day.
Step 5. Wait for Teuchi to grab both bread slices and rest them against your opposite cheeks.
Step 6. Wait for Teuchi to yell out, "What are you?!"
Step 7. Answer with the words, "An idiot sandwich."

Two hours later, a very drunk Danzo Shimura was standing... mostly standing, in a room with his best friend. "It's, it's not fair," he said.

"What's not fair?" the Hokage said as he took a sip from a small porcelain cup.

Click to shrink...

Life, videogame bosses, taxes... come on Danzo, be a little more specific, will ya?

"My base. My base was all empty."

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Ahem.

"All your base are belong to us."

"Was it now?" the hokage said.

"Yes! And, and they left a mural!"

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Well, count yourself lucky they even left you something.

Sarutobi raised one plump white eyebrow at that. "A mural?"

Danzo nodded, took another sip of his bottle of cheap sake, and realized that it was empty. "A mural. It's of that girl, and her genin, the white one."

Click to shrink...

So let me get this straight.

You come back to your empty base, and find a mural of Simmie and Taylor.

Well, damn Danzo, why the fucc are you complaining? If I were in your shoes -- which I'm damn glad I don't -- I'd be damn thankful I even have a base, and a free mural on it.

Let me just emphasise: Free. Mural. FREE.

Do you even know how much artists charge for that sort of thing? Damn entitled elitist old fogey...

"An image of the two girls? That sounds innocent enough."

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I know right??? What's he complaining about, even?

"The jounin is giving the genin girl a pat on the head, and they're both wearing... short skirts and carrying sticks. It's disgusting."

Click to shrink...

. . . Well, I guess Danzo may have a point. Headpats for non-sisters... yeah, I'm giving you that much. It's untoward.

"I see. Can you tell me more about this base of yours? I'm sure I have friends that could repaint the walls for you."

Danzo shook his head. "No. I can't. It's a secret base."

"Well, I suppose you'll just have to live with the mural then."

Click to shrink...

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, eh, Danzo?

"... No."

Click to shrink...

Damn, forced to admit defeat. That's gotta suck.

Spoiler: "Damn" counter

28 29, not counting the chapter title.

Daaaaamn.

Oh wait, that makes the new word count 29 30. Da -- Fucc. I'd better shut up now...

 

[RichardWhereat]

"We should arrest her," Armsmaster said.

"Sure!" Assault said with a cheerful, if somewhat forced grin. "Um, before that, Director, could I switch to a posting in Nevada? I hear it's dry over there."

...​

"We should arrest her," Armsmaster said, adding his two cents.

"Armsmaster, you are forbidden from interacting with this cape unless she has already opened hostilities or under my direct supervision.

Click to shrink...

I can see this situation playing out in Colin's head.


How I do make the Director keep me away from the Endbringer, and have her think it's her idea? Colin thought to himself, Right. That'll work.

"We should arrest her." Colin says, having turned on the cameras in his helmet.

"Sure!" Assault says in an extremely strained voice, looking as if he was about to shit himself. Heh.

.. Realising he hadn't been listening to anyone for a couple of minutes while he mentally reviewed his tinker maintenance schedule, Colin didn't want to appear rude. Well, he had the perfect interjection that'd make people think he was both paying attention, and still the wrong person for the job. Hopefully he could get it assigned to Dauntless, that showboating arsehole.

"We should arrest her."

 

[Warscar]

No, Simmy, no orbital friendship cannons. Where did you even learn about those?"

[Anime!]

"You watch cartoons?" Taylor asked as she started walking towards the park again.

[Not Cartoons. Anime.]

"What's the difference?"

[Exasperation.]

Click to shrink...

Its been so long since I first read this and it still cracks me up everytime I read it.

 

[RichardWhereat]

Anime is just the name for cartoons people use when they want to pretend they're all grown up and thus couldn't possibly be watching kiddy things.

Taylor is right.

 

[Valdimarian]

Eh, it's like Sci-Fi is a subset of Fantasy.

If you say you read "Fantasy" novels people first jump to Lord of the Rings style Swords and Magic, if you say "Sci-Fi" people jump to spaceships and Star Trek.

Anime is as broad a genera as Sci-Fi but is technically a subset of Cartoons. Just saying "Cartoons" (to me) evokes Rugrats or Hey Arnold first, then other cartoons like Megas XLR on further thinking. Anime on the other hand ranges from Hamtaro to Studio Ghibli all the way to Evangelion, Berserk or Akira with everything in between. Just saying Anime vs. Cartoon implies to me a more plot driven show rather than an episodic show with no story arcs, though there are some excellent Cartoons that do that.

 

[PossiblyEnos]

Eh, it's like Sci-Fi is a subset of Fantasy.

If you say you read "Fantasy" novels people first jump to Lord of the Rings style Swords and Magic, if you say "Sci-Fi" people jump to spaceships and Star Trek.

Anime is as broad a genera as Sci-Fi but is technically a subset of Cartoons. Just saying "Cartoons" (to me) evokes Rugrats or Hey Arnold first, then other cartoons like Megas XLR on further thinking. Anime on the other hand ranges from Hamtaro to Studio Ghibli all the way to Evangelion, Berserk or Akira with everything in between. Just saying Anime vs. Cartoon implies to me a more plot driven show rather than an episodic show with no story arcs, though there are some excellent Cartoons that do that.

Click to shrink...

No, Anime is a medium. It is far broader than Sci-Fi. Any definition of anime that excludes Perfect Blue and Grave of the Fireflies is incomplete.

 

[Valdimarian]

No, Anime is a medium. It is far broader than Sci-Fi.

Click to shrink...

I mean, Anime is a stylistic choice, there was some debate if Avatar The Last Airbender counted as a Cartoon or an Anime because it was stylistically closer to japanese Anime than american Cartoons of the time.

My point is that like Squares and Rectangles Anime is technically a subset of Cartoons, but they evoke different things when brought up in conversation.

 

[RavensDagger]

Queen Administrator's Multiverse Adventures or; How Everyone Started Worrying and Taylor Took Over the Worlds

Part Eight: A Confrontation

"Glynda," Ozpin said. He wore his jovial smile, the one she recognized from any meeting with a representative of the council, or a businessman that had business with the school. It wasn't the twinkly-eyed smile reserved for any of his students or the rare but genuine grin he sometimes showed when something particularly funny happened.

No, the smile Ozpin wore was one that hid his true feelings, and that, on its own, worried Glynda a great deal.

"Yes, Ozpin?" she asked.

Ozpin reached over to the screen set to the side of his desk and spun it around, revealing a photo of James Ironwood in all his glory.

No, not a photo, she realized almost right away. A video, a live one at that. Video directly from Atlas to someone's private office would usually have been something of a luxury, but these were two headmasters. She chose not to be impressed.

"Hello Gylnda," James said.

"James, pleasure to see you again," she replied.

"Still as cold as ever," James shot back. He was grinning. The man was in a good mood.

Alarm bells were ringing in Glynda's head. "So, how can I help?" she asked.

Ozpin looked at Ironwood's feed, then he stared at her for a moment before leaning her elbows on his desk. "Glynda, in your report of the last field trip to Forever Falls, you mentioned that a Beowolf was... eliminated by a student?"

"Yes. Miss Administrator, of team SPAR used her Leviathan semblance to... eliminate a group of beowolves."

"I see," Ozpin said.

Glynda looked between the headmaster and... the other headmaster. "May I know what this is about? Miss Administrator has been a... unique student so far, but other than one incident where her partner said some..." Glynda suppressed a blush and coughed into a closed fist. Bringing up what she and Mousey had done was not appropriate for this kind of place.

Or any other place.

"A-anyway, other than one very minor incident, she has been a rather good student so far."

"Oh, no worries Glynda," Ozpin said. "We have nothing but high hopes for Miss Administrator. In fact... that's what we called you in here for. See, James and I have been comparing reports. Those from the other schools have yet to arrive, but our friends in those areas can confirm some things."

"Ozpin, please get to the point sometime tonight," Glynda said. "I do have a detention to oversee."

"Glynda. Miss Administrator killed the beowolves."

"Yes Ozpin, I was there, as you may recall." She pushed her glasses up her nose, a tick he had developed to hide her frustration.

"No Glynda," Ozpin said with a shake of his head. "All the beowolves."

She eyed the headmaster, then glanced over to James who nodded. Two and two came together in her head. "You mean to say," she began.

"Every beowolf seen in Vale, all those within visual range of Atlas' impressive surveillance systems. Every one that were being fought and hunted and who were causing trouble. Reports flooded in all day yesterday and into the morning. Every beowolf is dead."

Glynda pulled one of the chairs to the side of the office over and sat herself down on it. "I see," she said.

***

Taylor hummed to herself as she rode the elevator up all the way to the headmaster's office.

She had lots to say about this world and its strangeness, but one thing was clear: its schools were so, so much better than on Earth. They had more free time, the teachers were cooler, the student body all looked like supermodels and they had literal elevators leading up to their headmaster's office.

She wished she could stay here forever, but then she'd get old and wrinkly before returning home.

Unless she asked Simmy for something to prevent that.

Something to think on later.

"So, what sort of trouble did we land ourselves into this time?" Mouse Protector asked.

Taylor shrugged, but it was Weiss, riding at the back of the elevator, that answered. "None. At least, I hope it's none. Every member of the team has been accounted for for the past day and I didn't see any rules being broken." Weiss coughed. "Except for one incident with you, Miss Protector."

"Oh?" Mouse said.

"Could you enlighten us on where you were last night? Or rather, very early this morning. You teleported out of the room wearing nothing but your PJs and returned with significantly less." There was a lot of accusations in Weiss' voice.

Taylor met Ruby's eye and they both decided to listen in.

"Oh, that," Mouse Protected said. "I had a booty call."

"A... a booty callI," Weiss repeated.

"Yeah," Mouse said. "With Glynda."

"You absolute daft moron," Weiss said. She started swinging her school bag at Mouse Protector. "Where were you really?"

Mouse Protector laughed and shielded herself from the rather weak blows. "Ah, the bathroom?"

"You teleported to the bathroom?" Taylor asked.

Mouse Protector shrugged. "When ya gotta go?"

That was more than fair. Taylor didn't have time to think on that more because the elevator doors opened up, leaving them to stare into a luxurious and rather spacious office. Four chairs sat vacant before the headmaster's deck. Ozpin himself was standing and staring out of the large windows overlooking the school.

"Ozpin," came a voice from a computer screen off to the side. "Did you just stand up in a hurry like that just to pose for your students?"

"I'm certain I have no idea what you mean, my dear friend," the headmaster said. "Hello team SPAR."

"Hey," Taylor said with a wave. The others all greeted the old headmaster guy.

"Please, take a seat. I just had a few questions for your team." His eyes shifted onto Taylor. "For you in particular, Miss Administrator."

"It's Queen, actually," Taylor said. "I guess it should be Miss Queen Administrator." She waved it off as she took a seat. "It doesn't matter. What did you wanna talk about?"

The rest of her team all sat down. Some looked a little nervous--Ruby and Weiss mostly--but they weren't that badly off, especially since no one seemed angry.

"I'll cut right to the chase," the headmaster lied. "There have been incidents recently that have caused us quite a bit of consternation, and we managed to track the common denominator of these to you, Miss Queen Administrator."

"Oh no," Weiss said. "Taylor what have you been doing?"

"I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything illegal," Taylor defended herself. "What sorts of incidents?"

This wasn't the first time she'd gone to a school's office only to be accused of things. She didn't exactly like the experience the last few times.

"Ah, I trust that you'll recall the incident with the Deathstalker during initiation?" Ozpin asked.

Taylor looked to Ruby. "The big scorpion one," Ruby said.

"Yep, I remember that one!"

"Good, good. And the more recent incident with the beowolves in Forever Falls?"

"Yup," Taylor confirmed.

"Excellent. In both situations you showed an admirable ability to remove the Grimm threat with little immediate collateral damage and next to no fuss. That on its own is quite commendable."

"Ozpin," the man on the computer screen rumbled. "Get to the point."

"Ah, I forgot to introduce my esteemed colleague and headmaster of Atlas own academy, James Ironwood."

Ironwood grumbled. "The point," he repeated.

"Yes yes."

Ozpin slowly took a sip from his mug.

"So. As far as we were able to tell, every deathstalker and beowolf is dead," Ozpin said.

"Every?" Weiss repeated.

The man on the screen nodded. "We have confirmation across every major continent. Deathstalkers and beowolves have, as far as we can tell, gone extinct. They're being replaced by other species of Grimm, but for now this means a sharp dip in total Drimm numbers across Remnant."

"Oops," Taylor said. Every eye turned to her. "My bad, I guess," she said. "I hope that that won't like, ruin your ecosystem or anything."

Ozpin took another sip. "Could you do it again?"

"I... guess? It's mostly Leviathan doing it." She shrugged. "He's very enthusiastic with his genocide protocols."

"I see." Ozpin smiled at her. "Could I perhaps persuade you to do it to other races of the Grimm?"

Taylor hummed. "I don't know. Wouldn't that wreck your economy? Look at Ruby here, she's spent years training to be a Huntress. If I just do all the work myself all that training will have gone to waste. I wouldn't do that to a friend."

Ozpin blinked. "That's... admirable. Ah, but I think Miss Rose would be okay with having a slightly more difficult financial situation in the future if it means there no longer being any Grimm around. Even then... I suspect that the Grimm will merely return in newer forms some years down the line. They are ever evolving."

"Nah, Leviathan can be pretty precise with his genociding. It's his hobby."

"Hmm," the headmaster said. "I'm sure."

Taylor frowned, then she reached into her coat and pulled out a small pamphlet. It was bright yellow, with little stickers of the Simurgh on it and the words Remnant for Queen Administrators in big letters on the front.

She unfolded the pamphlet, revealing simple to follow instructions and lots of drawings within. She had to flip it back and forth a few times to find what she was looking for, but when she did she plastered on a huge smile. "Okay, so this bit about the Grimm here," she said pointing to a small section that took up an entire page. "It says here that they're basically pets that belong to a woman called Salem?"

Ozpin's breath caught. "Pardon?"

"Oh yeah, she was messed up by some entities a while back... blah blah blah... pools of darkness. And now she's basically a sort of messed up Shaper Queen." Taylor waggled the pamphlet around. "Yeah, I can't just kill this woman's pets. That's just not nice."

"May I see that pamphlet?" he asked.

Taylor shook her head and pointed to the cover. There was a sign at the bottom that read, in big bold letters: NOT FOR DISTRIBUTION TO NOSY HEADMASTERS. "Can't, sorry." Taylor got up. "And now we need to go."

"Go?" Ozpin repeated.

"I need to apologize to this Salem lady. Leviathan killed her dogs." Taylor started towards the door. "But don't worry. We'll make her newer, better dogs!"

 

[Milpy]

"I need to apologize to this Salem lady. Leviathan killed her dogs." Taylor started towards the door. "But don't worry. We'll make her newer, better dogs!"

Click to shrink...

...Go for it Taylor. You have my approval. Not that you need it, but... you know... you have it.

 

[hzuilquigmnzhah]

oh shitballs taylor is gonna make salem some super grimm doggos aint she?

 

[OstermanA]

oh shitballs taylor is gonna make salem some super grimm doggos aint she?

Click to shrink...

Probably. More importantly, she's probably going to get Salem off her own genocide kick and doing something more productive. She may even get her and Ozma back together again. Completely by accident, of course.

 

[hzuilquigmnzhah]

Probably. More importantly, she's probably going to get Salem off her own genocide kick and doing something more productive. She may even get her and Ozma back together again. Completely by accident, of course.

Click to shrink...

that...would be better yes

 

[Shadowcub]

oh shitballs taylor is gonna make salem some super grimm doggos aint she?

Click to shrink...

Thus ensuring the financial stability of Ruby, plus new doggo's for Salem.............win/win!

 

[zup]

"I need to apologize to this Salem lady. Leviathan killed her dogs." Taylor started towards the door. "But don't worry. We'll make her newer, better dogs!"

Click to shrink...

Salem should thank queen administrator of getting rid of her dogs and ask for cats instead.

 

[Void spirit]

Rachel/Bitch/Hellhound: We aren't friends anymore. Get out of my animal shelter and never come back.

Taylor: *grabbing for leg and crying* I said I'm sorry! Gave her new doggie! Please let me continue petting yours! Please!

Rachel: ... No.

 

[Mr. Cloak]

I think I cracked a rib laughing at that.

 

[PossiblyEnos]

oh shitballs taylor is gonna make salem some super grimm doggos aint she?

Click to shrink...

Chihuahuas.

And some Golden Retrievers.

 

[1Oldman]

No Taylor just NO

 

[Void spirit]

Actually.... Taylor providing dogs is not as bad idea.

Because of all that discussion of "is she really that crazy or just faking it", as well as shard shenigans and built-in in limitations...

Taylor could say "Salem is not taking good care of doggies she gave" and take them back.

With option of doggies and Leviathans eliminating her depending on how much "naughty" she was with her doggies.