Tisaku
Head Chief Thinkomancer
-No, Jack is a moron. Controlled airspace is a thing.-
-Mouse Protector is quite heavy then?-
How to Train Your Endbringer
- Thread starter RavensDagger
- Start date
- Location
- Washington, USA
Miiiight be wearing armor? Armor isn't light exactly.
I get it! It's a vomitorium!
eschwartz
Glorious Wordsmith and Author-Whisperer
- Location
- Roundworld
That logic merely purports to say that the flying arena is in the United States.
Unless you mean to say both BB and the flying arena are in a breakaway nation established and ruled over by QA under international law.
In which case, CARRY ON MY GOOD MAN.
Tisaku
Head Chief Thinkomancer
-Medieval full plate ran 15 to 25 kilos. Seventy-five kilos is still a lot for a woman, and her wearing more than a cuirasse and helmet is unlikely.-
earthboy
(verified ape)
- Location
- NYC
- Pronouns
- He/Him
She's written as being "a hundred odd kilos".
Sufficiently odd kilos might be equivalent to lbs, and 100 lbs is quite reasonable for a woman.
Therefore, by applying sufficient pedantry to the right word ("odd"), we have removed ourself from the situation of needing any pedantry at all.
Sufficiently odd kilos might be equivalent to lbs, and 100 lbs is quite reasonable for a woman.
Therefore, by applying sufficient pedantry to the right word ("odd"), we have removed ourself from the situation of needing any pedantry at all.
So I've never gotten more than a few chapters into this because I can't figure out, is this crack or was she legitimately damaged from gaining her power? Because it has to be one or the other....Mr. Fish is hilarious but he is not the dog of the sane.
earthboy
(verified ape)
- Location
- NYC
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Technically neither, keep reading.
(Well, she's damaged to the degree that everyone with a power is damaged... but I think that's not what you mean.)
eschwartz
Glorious Wordsmith and Author-Whisperer
- Location
- Roundworld
She's been giving off the impression of being ever so slightly damaged and off -- witness her genuine confusion over e.g. Noelle's monsteryness:
More generally her habit of melodrama and role-playing as mildly delusional royalty has been aided and abetted by a very willing Simmy, so you should be asking yourself, "does it matter if she was legitimately damaged, or if she just finds the whole thing so fun she doesn't care about anything else?"
- Location
- Russia
YAY! I finally read update. And it awesome and adorable!
Because I recently rewatched TTS I now imagine what one of participants will be Cato Sicarius. For maximum ham. Alternatively - he is one of the watchers. He arrived with his company. Just imagine one of sectors for watchers full of Ultramarines amongst normal people.
Because I recently rewatched TTS I now imagine what one of participants will be Cato Sicarius. For maximum ham. Alternatively - he is one of the watchers. He arrived with his company. Just imagine one of sectors for watchers full of Ultramarines amongst normal people.
- Location
- Washington, USA
If he convinces QA that he has an invite, and he isn't technically in her city, AND HE DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HIS SOP, he should be fine.
Maybe.
But yeah, dude's so far beyond clinically insane that if people looped around back to sanity, he's gone past sanity again.
- Location
- Море песка, солнце огня и множество злых сарацин
I think he finished the first loop somewhere around when he was working with Harbinger, and this is going to finish his second loop...
...or possibly the third or fourth, come to think of it.
- Location
- Earth, Sol System, Virgo Supercluster, Earth-1218
Unit 2 will Genocide the rain before it can become an issue.
Unless it's comedic, at which point it will rain just enough for it to be slick, then Jack Slash will chase someone, slip on the rain slick stone, stab himself 10 times by accident, and THEN Unit 2 will Genocide the rain.
Both?
She's mostly sane, but she's play acting that she's gone off the deep end in a nice way so they don't label her an S class threat, just an S class nuisance.
She's a tiny bit broken because like in Canon she doesn't find any aspect of her powers terrifying (In canon she finds all sorts of bugs interesting, but not scary, creepy, or gross). This bleeds over that she finds most / all high powered but disfigured entities cute, which leads to shenanigans with Noel and Crawler being thought 'cute'.
- Location
- Can't read map
More like his shard went on hollyday.
Isn't he supposed to have instinct to avoid capes who can end him, explaining his group's ability to be on the run unpunished as they did?
Meanwhile, rain and lightning, a full storm, might be saved for finale.
Just imagine how much it can increase drama, depending on fighters.
- Location
- Sufficient Velocity, at the moment
Why is that a crack theory though? If we're getting down to what the shards are actually doing QA has usurped admin rights over a different entity's Kaiju; a pretty clear sign that it isn't properly configured to be bonded to a host right now. QA the Master shard after all, redefining shard directives like that should be easy for it; especially given I wouldn't be terribly surprised if when Zion first sent the signal down to his gestalt body to configure shards for deployment it was QA that did the configuring.
earthboy
(verified ape)
- Location
- NYC
- Pronouns
- He/Him
She has the Simurgh.
She can influence and/or control an arbitrary number of human brains with that capability alone.
There's no need to propose extensions on her power, since she already has a better way to accomplish the same effect, and with a far more terrifying battle-cry: "Unit-03! Do the thing!"
- Location
- Missouri
"I have an army."
"We have a hulk."
"I have a Behemoth..."
THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTNING(very very frightning me)
"...an'a Leviathan..."
PERFECT STORM OUT OF NOWHERE
"...an'a Simurgh."
...
...
...
"You seem to be missing someone"
Unit-03 taps Loki on the shoulder and points out the window. All the Chitauri are kneeling and worshiping effigies of Taylor.
Last edited:
- Location
- Russia
What have you done?! Now I imagined reaction of Tanos about this happening and it went into shipping territory! And Thanos is a very impressive manly man who promised Taylor to wait until she is ready.
...
Sorry.
RinKaihou
AllSeeingEye
- Location
- Behind You
In Which There is an Entrance Ceremony
RavensDagger
Officially Infracted Speceist since 2019!
- Location
- Someplace Cold, Canada
Entrance Ceremony
You know how there's a bunch of universal guidelines about writing fiction? Stull like 'avoid adverbs' and 'show don't tell?' One of them is 'don't use lists.'
But rules are meant to be broken... so there.
***
The arena was packed, and not with the usual motley crew of sports fans and people being dragged to an event by their more extroverted friends. All forty thousand of them were the worst sort of humans. They were groupies, there to cheer on their favourite heroes as they fought for the Queen Administrator's favour. Colourful gear, shirts with the logos of familiar heroes and bad cosplay abounded.
The babble and chatting of so many people filled the colosseum with a low susurration of indistinguishable murmurs, one that had been consistently growing as the palpable excitement of the crowd reached a fever pitch.
Then, like the wail of a distant siren, a horn sounded out across the stadium. It was soon joined by another, then another, a thousand trumpets calling out a single note that had the benches vibrating in sympathy and instantly hushed the crowd.
When the last whisper of the clarion call faded, a crack opened in the arena floor and a column of churning water burst out of it and to the skies above where it burst apart like the world's greatest fireworks show, each droplet catching the sun as it flew through the air.
A drumbeat sounded, and those not blinded by the show above had the opportunity to see a huge beast deep in the bowels under the arena. The creature, a one-eyed monstrosity of black carapace and jagged skin, lifted a hammer above its head and brought it down with crushing force onto a drum the size of a house. The rhythmic booming came faster and faster, matching the erratic heartbeats of the excited crowd.
Then the lights ringing the edge of the arena shifted, all of them focusing on a single point at the far end of the arena floor where a throne of ice and jagged stones sat, the edifice a dozen meters tall and wide enough to sit three men side to side.
A slim figure sat on the throne. She paused to take in the crowd before she dropped off the seat with a dainty hop and made her way past the seat and to the edge of the dais on which the throne waited.
The Queen Administrator's regalia had changed. Now her sleeves poured all the way down to her feet and the hem of her robes, which once stopped by her knees, reached out behind her like a ball gown. The ribbons she'd worn, once so similar to seaweed, were now replaced with looping thread of angel white and ocean blue and the dark crimson of drying blood. Atop her head sat a thin silvery band that held back her long locks of brown hair and left her face visible to all.
She brought up a cloth-covered fist and coughed once to clear her throat. "Welcome, one and all, to Earth Bet's first Grand Tournament of Knights!" She paused, smiling as the growing cheer of the crowd washed over her. As soon as the clapping slowed down she took a deep breath and continued. "This tournament will pit champions from across the world against each other in a battle to gain my favour and join the ranks of the Fractal Knights!" More cheering followed the pronouncement, though it was a little less rambunctious this time. "But first, let me present our dear commentators for this event. From the PRT New York, the rainbow man himself, Legend!"
A split in reality tore itself open across one side of the arena, and when it settled it revealed an image the size of a football field floating above everyone's heads, an image that was zoomed into the Protectorate hero's smiling face. He waved.
"And, freshly escaped from the Birdcage," Queen Administrator continued. There was a sudden uptick in the volume of the crowds murmuring at that pronouncement. "The Faerie Queen's own bard, Bad Canary!"
The image above shifted to the left a little, revealing a wide-eyed young woman with yellow hair. She squeaked at suddenly having her face displayed across the sky, then straightened with only the faintest blush to wave in turn.
The Queen Administrator allowed a minute for the crowd to cheer or mutter in confusion as the two commentators waved from above. "I'll leave it to you!" she called cheerfully before backing up until her knees caught on the edge of her throne and flopping back into the huge seat with an oof.
"Well, alright then," Legend said. "Let's get this show on the road."
"Yes Mr. Legend, sir," Canary replied. "I'm looking forward to working with you."
"And I you, Miss Canary," Legend said while flashing the diminutive girl by his side a winning smile. If anything her blush deepened. "What sort of person do you think will participate in this competition?"
"Oh, all sorts! I see quite a few names I recognize on the list. Some heroes, some villains, and some that are neither. I think it will make for a great show," Canary said.
"I hope everyone forgives me for rooting for the heroes," Legend said. "And speaking of, our first competitor comes on the scene!"
Below, on the edge of the arena floor, a meter-wide hole opened up into a black abyss and from the dark came a platform on which stood a young woman in a white, figure hugging outfit. She raised a hand to wave at the crowd, blonde hair steaming behind her as she beamed at the surge of attention.
Canary picked up her notes on the floating screen. "Hailing from The Queen Administrator's own Brockton Bay, the brick to end all bricks, the collateral damage barbie herself, it's Glory Girl!"
The crowd cheered for what was obviously a hometown hero.
"I heard that she's actually not in the competition for the Queen's favour," Canary said with a conspiratorial tone.
"I would have thought this competition would be right up her alley," Legend said.
"Oh no," Canary replied with a shake of her head. "She's actually competing in order to finally gain the approval and love of her sister, the Shaper Queen."
Vicky's screams of denial were lost to the surge of applause and screaming.
Another hole opened up a half dozen meters from Glory Girl's, and a woman in a soft yellow ball gown rose out of the ground. She looked around her with an almost dismissive glance then waved at the crowd. Next to her was a man in a tailored tuxedo and a black and white mask that covered his entire face.
"From Boston, Citrine and Othello of the Ambassadors!" Canary announced with a smile that lit up her floating visage.
Legend quirked an eyebrow at that. "I wouldn't have thought that Accord would approve of Queen Administrator's reign, but I have been wrong about him before," he said. "I didn't know that capes could enter as groups."
"I think it's only for the first stage," Canary said. "It wouldn't be fair to ask people to fight against their friends."
Legend made a noise that might have been agreement. "I don't expect the Ambassadors would target each other anyway, Accord would probably not approve."
"I don't know much about Accord or the Ambassadors," Canary said, "But Citrine's dress is really pretty."
"That it is," Legend agreed.
Canary tossed her co-host a strange, questioning look. "You know a lot about dresses?"
"And here we have our next competitor," Legend said in lieu of answering. "From the infamous Teeth, the one, the many, Spree, the one man org--" Legend cut himself off with a cough. "Who wrote this script? Children are watching this!"
Canary hid a giggle behind a hand and picked up where Legend left off. "And his companions, the lady of blood, Hemorrhagia, and the mad dog, Animos!"
A man appeared, thin and scraggly with a fur coat decorated with fingerbone necklaces and human skulls on each shoulder. A few of the braver members of the crowd took to booing him and earned a pair of raised digits for their effort. Next to him was a young woman in equally appealing garb, only hers was stained with far more blood. And rounding off the trio was a spikey dog the size of a minivan.
"Don't look in his eyes, folks, his gaze is riveting," Canary said. "Introducing, Valefor of the Fallen.
"And Eligos, the Behemoth fanboy," Legend said. "I really don't get the Fallen, though to be fair they should at least be somewhat calmer now. I hope."
Valefor came out with his head held high, white robes fluttering in the wind while next to him, Eligos shifted on the spot, the blackened plates of his armour clinking menacingly as he took a fighting stance next to his comrade.
"I'll take the next ones if you don't mind," Legend said.
"Go ahead!" was Canary's quick reply.
Legend cleared his throat. "From the ranks of the Protectorate's best heroes, long time member and one of the original Wards, introducing the man in shining armour himself, Chevalier and his sidekick for the evening, one of our most promising Wards, Flechette!"
A platform rose and a man in bright silver armour with a sword as long as he was tall on his shoulder rose into the arena. Next to him was a lithe teenager, her crossbow pointing at the ground between herself and the man at her side. They stood tall as the crowd cheered for them with more glee than they'd shown for anyone but Glory Girl so far.
"Quite the reception," Canary said.
"People do love their heroes, and few heroes are as fine as these two," Legend said. If he sounded a little biased Canary didn't say anything.
"Speaking of heroes," Canary said as she continued. "Introducing, for the first time in public, the mysterious Defiant!"
When the next platform rose it was to a smattering of applause as a man in steel grey Tinkertech armour with a halberd leaning against his shoulder stood in its centre. He scowled at the crowd and crossed his arms over his chest.
"That's Armsmaster," Legend said.
"Mmmnope, my prompt says it's the mysterious Defiant. His profile indicates that his hobbies are making things more efficient and being the centre of attention." Canary's eyebrows shot up into her hairline. "Oh wow, it says that he and Dragon were in a relationship but now they're 'taking it slow.' Poor Dragon. She seemed really nice when she tossed me in the Birdcage."
Legend rubbed at his temples."Let's just move on to the next competitor," he said.
"Sure thing, Mister Legend sir. Our next competitor, hailing from all the way over in the desolate wastelands of Canada, is the mysterious Wyvern!"
The platform seemed to struggle to raise up to the arena floor. Hardly surprising as it carried an armoured battlesuit shaped and sized like a full-grown European dragon. Shoulder-mounted cannons big enough for someone to stick their arm into the barrels spat fire into the air as the mechanized suit roared.
The crowd matched it scream for scream as the war machine shifted on its platform.
"That's Dragon."
"Mmmnope," Canary said looking like the cat that caught her namesake. "Profile says that it's the mysterious Wyvern. She was recently dumped by her idiot clueless boyfriend and will now do anything she can to save him from his own stupidity."
"This is just silly," Legend said.
"I don't know, I think it's pretty romantic." She shot the Triumvirate hero next to her a guiless look. "But then, what do I know about romance, I just spent months in a murderous hellhole for a crime I didn't commit. I think I spent more time trying to beat away the rapey murder capes than engaging in wholesome flirting."
Legend's image on the massive floating screen showed him backing away from the console in the booth and rummaging through its drawers. He found a pill bottle and squinted at its side before popping one into his mouth. "Okay, I'll do the next one while the ibuprofen kicks in," he said as he brought up a sheet of paper. "From Earth Eden, the elusive, the fabulous, the outright broken... introducing, Fortuna!"
Another platform rose up, introducing a wide-eyed young woman with long, straight black hair that cascaded down to the middle of her pyjama-clad back. She was wearing a white onesie covered in little images of fedoras and the same sort of hat was perched on her head at a jaunty angle. She was clutching a pillow by her side, as if holding onto it tight enough would help her wake up from the scene she'd just been pushed into.
"Wait, that's..."
"You know her?" Canary asked. "She seems rather underdressed for the occasion."
"No, of course not," Legend said with a perfectly straight face.
On the ground, Fortuna looked up to the image of Legend and blinked at it, her expression still the blank, confused look of someone who was uncertain if they were awake or not.
"This cannot get any weirder," Legend said just loud enough that his voice was picked up.
"Don't worry, the next group of heroes seem really nice," Canary said as another hole opened up and a platform started to raise. "From Happyniceville, the Good Guys hero team, newly formed just in time for the tournament. Everyone give a nice round of applause to..."
Canary's voice choked off and she stared down for a moment, words lost as she tried to process the group waving up at the crowd.
The leader was a middle-aged man in a pair of white slacks and a dark button-up shirt. He was waving while holding onto a perfectly clean and serviceable combat knife. Next to him was a young woman with black hair in ringlets wearing a dark red poofy dress over black stockings.
Behind the duo was perhaps the strangest member, a creature the size of a school bus that floated a few feet off the top of the platform thanks to the cancerous gasbag-like growths on his many-tentacled back.
"Uh," Canary said. "Introducing Slack Jash, Sawbones and Floater of the Super Happy Free Friends," she said.
Legend popped open the bottle of Ibuprofen and tipped it back, dry swallowing half of them.
"Are you okay?" Canary asked.
"I'm absolutely chipper," he said in a voice that was in no way chipper.
"Let's just announce the next few heroes," Canary suggested. "Then we can go take a break." She patted the legendary hero on the hand.
He smiled down at her. "Of course," he said as he picked up his prompter and slipped a page. "Canary?"
"Yes, Mister Legend, sir?"
"This just says 'and the rest.'"
A dozen holes opened up in the arena ground and groups of capes rose out of them, most looking rather put out at being unannounced or so unimportant that their names weren't even mentioned. It didn't help that the crowd's welcome was lukewarm at best.
The Queen Administrator stood, and thanks to her charisma and a lot of trickery, the crowd immediately hushed up. "Greetings, future champions. I look forwards to seeing you battle it out for my favour and that of the crowd." She grinned at the three dozen parahumans below. "Our first round will be..."
Queen Administrator gestured off to her side where a massive tear in reality opened up to reveal a spinning dial the size of a semi-trailer. With thundering clicks, words tore past until, finally, they slowed to a stop with a thud. "Capture the flag!"
***
Next time, on How to Train Your Endbringer, lots of people die to death. The Simurgh does the Chica dance. Dragon does a transformation sequence and turns into the infamous Tsundragon.
Many thanks to eschwartz and the other weirdos on my Discord for doing the word things to this chapter.
You know how there's a bunch of universal guidelines about writing fiction? Stull like 'avoid adverbs' and 'show don't tell?' One of them is 'don't use lists.'
But rules are meant to be broken... so there.
***
The arena was packed, and not with the usual motley crew of sports fans and people being dragged to an event by their more extroverted friends. All forty thousand of them were the worst sort of humans. They were groupies, there to cheer on their favourite heroes as they fought for the Queen Administrator's favour. Colourful gear, shirts with the logos of familiar heroes and bad cosplay abounded.
The babble and chatting of so many people filled the colosseum with a low susurration of indistinguishable murmurs, one that had been consistently growing as the palpable excitement of the crowd reached a fever pitch.
Then, like the wail of a distant siren, a horn sounded out across the stadium. It was soon joined by another, then another, a thousand trumpets calling out a single note that had the benches vibrating in sympathy and instantly hushed the crowd.
When the last whisper of the clarion call faded, a crack opened in the arena floor and a column of churning water burst out of it and to the skies above where it burst apart like the world's greatest fireworks show, each droplet catching the sun as it flew through the air.
A drumbeat sounded, and those not blinded by the show above had the opportunity to see a huge beast deep in the bowels under the arena. The creature, a one-eyed monstrosity of black carapace and jagged skin, lifted a hammer above its head and brought it down with crushing force onto a drum the size of a house. The rhythmic booming came faster and faster, matching the erratic heartbeats of the excited crowd.
Then the lights ringing the edge of the arena shifted, all of them focusing on a single point at the far end of the arena floor where a throne of ice and jagged stones sat, the edifice a dozen meters tall and wide enough to sit three men side to side.
A slim figure sat on the throne. She paused to take in the crowd before she dropped off the seat with a dainty hop and made her way past the seat and to the edge of the dais on which the throne waited.
The Queen Administrator's regalia had changed. Now her sleeves poured all the way down to her feet and the hem of her robes, which once stopped by her knees, reached out behind her like a ball gown. The ribbons she'd worn, once so similar to seaweed, were now replaced with looping thread of angel white and ocean blue and the dark crimson of drying blood. Atop her head sat a thin silvery band that held back her long locks of brown hair and left her face visible to all.
She brought up a cloth-covered fist and coughed once to clear her throat. "Welcome, one and all, to Earth Bet's first Grand Tournament of Knights!" She paused, smiling as the growing cheer of the crowd washed over her. As soon as the clapping slowed down she took a deep breath and continued. "This tournament will pit champions from across the world against each other in a battle to gain my favour and join the ranks of the Fractal Knights!" More cheering followed the pronouncement, though it was a little less rambunctious this time. "But first, let me present our dear commentators for this event. From the PRT New York, the rainbow man himself, Legend!"
A split in reality tore itself open across one side of the arena, and when it settled it revealed an image the size of a football field floating above everyone's heads, an image that was zoomed into the Protectorate hero's smiling face. He waved.
"And, freshly escaped from the Birdcage," Queen Administrator continued. There was a sudden uptick in the volume of the crowds murmuring at that pronouncement. "The Faerie Queen's own bard, Bad Canary!"
The image above shifted to the left a little, revealing a wide-eyed young woman with yellow hair. She squeaked at suddenly having her face displayed across the sky, then straightened with only the faintest blush to wave in turn.
The Queen Administrator allowed a minute for the crowd to cheer or mutter in confusion as the two commentators waved from above. "I'll leave it to you!" she called cheerfully before backing up until her knees caught on the edge of her throne and flopping back into the huge seat with an oof.
"Well, alright then," Legend said. "Let's get this show on the road."
"Yes Mr. Legend, sir," Canary replied. "I'm looking forward to working with you."
"And I you, Miss Canary," Legend said while flashing the diminutive girl by his side a winning smile. If anything her blush deepened. "What sort of person do you think will participate in this competition?"
"Oh, all sorts! I see quite a few names I recognize on the list. Some heroes, some villains, and some that are neither. I think it will make for a great show," Canary said.
"I hope everyone forgives me for rooting for the heroes," Legend said. "And speaking of, our first competitor comes on the scene!"
Below, on the edge of the arena floor, a meter-wide hole opened up into a black abyss and from the dark came a platform on which stood a young woman in a white, figure hugging outfit. She raised a hand to wave at the crowd, blonde hair steaming behind her as she beamed at the surge of attention.
Canary picked up her notes on the floating screen. "Hailing from The Queen Administrator's own Brockton Bay, the brick to end all bricks, the collateral damage barbie herself, it's Glory Girl!"
The crowd cheered for what was obviously a hometown hero.
"I heard that she's actually not in the competition for the Queen's favour," Canary said with a conspiratorial tone.
"I would have thought this competition would be right up her alley," Legend said.
"Oh no," Canary replied with a shake of her head. "She's actually competing in order to finally gain the approval and love of her sister, the Shaper Queen."
Vicky's screams of denial were lost to the surge of applause and screaming.
Another hole opened up a half dozen meters from Glory Girl's, and a woman in a soft yellow ball gown rose out of the ground. She looked around her with an almost dismissive glance then waved at the crowd. Next to her was a man in a tailored tuxedo and a black and white mask that covered his entire face.
"From Boston, Citrine and Othello of the Ambassadors!" Canary announced with a smile that lit up her floating visage.
Legend quirked an eyebrow at that. "I wouldn't have thought that Accord would approve of Queen Administrator's reign, but I have been wrong about him before," he said. "I didn't know that capes could enter as groups."
"I think it's only for the first stage," Canary said. "It wouldn't be fair to ask people to fight against their friends."
Legend made a noise that might have been agreement. "I don't expect the Ambassadors would target each other anyway, Accord would probably not approve."
"I don't know much about Accord or the Ambassadors," Canary said, "But Citrine's dress is really pretty."
"That it is," Legend agreed.
Canary tossed her co-host a strange, questioning look. "You know a lot about dresses?"
"And here we have our next competitor," Legend said in lieu of answering. "From the infamous Teeth, the one, the many, Spree, the one man org--" Legend cut himself off with a cough. "Who wrote this script? Children are watching this!"
Canary hid a giggle behind a hand and picked up where Legend left off. "And his companions, the lady of blood, Hemorrhagia, and the mad dog, Animos!"
A man appeared, thin and scraggly with a fur coat decorated with fingerbone necklaces and human skulls on each shoulder. A few of the braver members of the crowd took to booing him and earned a pair of raised digits for their effort. Next to him was a young woman in equally appealing garb, only hers was stained with far more blood. And rounding off the trio was a spikey dog the size of a minivan.
"Don't look in his eyes, folks, his gaze is riveting," Canary said. "Introducing, Valefor of the Fallen.
"And Eligos, the Behemoth fanboy," Legend said. "I really don't get the Fallen, though to be fair they should at least be somewhat calmer now. I hope."
Valefor came out with his head held high, white robes fluttering in the wind while next to him, Eligos shifted on the spot, the blackened plates of his armour clinking menacingly as he took a fighting stance next to his comrade.
"I'll take the next ones if you don't mind," Legend said.
"Go ahead!" was Canary's quick reply.
Legend cleared his throat. "From the ranks of the Protectorate's best heroes, long time member and one of the original Wards, introducing the man in shining armour himself, Chevalier and his sidekick for the evening, one of our most promising Wards, Flechette!"
A platform rose and a man in bright silver armour with a sword as long as he was tall on his shoulder rose into the arena. Next to him was a lithe teenager, her crossbow pointing at the ground between herself and the man at her side. They stood tall as the crowd cheered for them with more glee than they'd shown for anyone but Glory Girl so far.
"Quite the reception," Canary said.
"People do love their heroes, and few heroes are as fine as these two," Legend said. If he sounded a little biased Canary didn't say anything.
"Speaking of heroes," Canary said as she continued. "Introducing, for the first time in public, the mysterious Defiant!"
When the next platform rose it was to a smattering of applause as a man in steel grey Tinkertech armour with a halberd leaning against his shoulder stood in its centre. He scowled at the crowd and crossed his arms over his chest.
"That's Armsmaster," Legend said.
"Mmmnope, my prompt says it's the mysterious Defiant. His profile indicates that his hobbies are making things more efficient and being the centre of attention." Canary's eyebrows shot up into her hairline. "Oh wow, it says that he and Dragon were in a relationship but now they're 'taking it slow.' Poor Dragon. She seemed really nice when she tossed me in the Birdcage."
Legend rubbed at his temples."Let's just move on to the next competitor," he said.
"Sure thing, Mister Legend sir. Our next competitor, hailing from all the way over in the desolate wastelands of Canada, is the mysterious Wyvern!"
The platform seemed to struggle to raise up to the arena floor. Hardly surprising as it carried an armoured battlesuit shaped and sized like a full-grown European dragon. Shoulder-mounted cannons big enough for someone to stick their arm into the barrels spat fire into the air as the mechanized suit roared.
The crowd matched it scream for scream as the war machine shifted on its platform.
"That's Dragon."
"Mmmnope," Canary said looking like the cat that caught her namesake. "Profile says that it's the mysterious Wyvern. She was recently dumped by her idiot clueless boyfriend and will now do anything she can to save him from his own stupidity."
"This is just silly," Legend said.
"I don't know, I think it's pretty romantic." She shot the Triumvirate hero next to her a guiless look. "But then, what do I know about romance, I just spent months in a murderous hellhole for a crime I didn't commit. I think I spent more time trying to beat away the rapey murder capes than engaging in wholesome flirting."
Legend's image on the massive floating screen showed him backing away from the console in the booth and rummaging through its drawers. He found a pill bottle and squinted at its side before popping one into his mouth. "Okay, I'll do the next one while the ibuprofen kicks in," he said as he brought up a sheet of paper. "From Earth Eden, the elusive, the fabulous, the outright broken... introducing, Fortuna!"
Another platform rose up, introducing a wide-eyed young woman with long, straight black hair that cascaded down to the middle of her pyjama-clad back. She was wearing a white onesie covered in little images of fedoras and the same sort of hat was perched on her head at a jaunty angle. She was clutching a pillow by her side, as if holding onto it tight enough would help her wake up from the scene she'd just been pushed into.
"Wait, that's..."
"You know her?" Canary asked. "She seems rather underdressed for the occasion."
"No, of course not," Legend said with a perfectly straight face.
On the ground, Fortuna looked up to the image of Legend and blinked at it, her expression still the blank, confused look of someone who was uncertain if they were awake or not.
"This cannot get any weirder," Legend said just loud enough that his voice was picked up.
"Don't worry, the next group of heroes seem really nice," Canary said as another hole opened up and a platform started to raise. "From Happyniceville, the Good Guys hero team, newly formed just in time for the tournament. Everyone give a nice round of applause to..."
Canary's voice choked off and she stared down for a moment, words lost as she tried to process the group waving up at the crowd.
The leader was a middle-aged man in a pair of white slacks and a dark button-up shirt. He was waving while holding onto a perfectly clean and serviceable combat knife. Next to him was a young woman with black hair in ringlets wearing a dark red poofy dress over black stockings.
Behind the duo was perhaps the strangest member, a creature the size of a school bus that floated a few feet off the top of the platform thanks to the cancerous gasbag-like growths on his many-tentacled back.
"Uh," Canary said. "Introducing Slack Jash, Sawbones and Floater of the Super Happy Free Friends," she said.
Legend popped open the bottle of Ibuprofen and tipped it back, dry swallowing half of them.
"Are you okay?" Canary asked.
"I'm absolutely chipper," he said in a voice that was in no way chipper.
"Let's just announce the next few heroes," Canary suggested. "Then we can go take a break." She patted the legendary hero on the hand.
He smiled down at her. "Of course," he said as he picked up his prompter and slipped a page. "Canary?"
"Yes, Mister Legend, sir?"
"This just says 'and the rest.'"
A dozen holes opened up in the arena ground and groups of capes rose out of them, most looking rather put out at being unannounced or so unimportant that their names weren't even mentioned. It didn't help that the crowd's welcome was lukewarm at best.
The Queen Administrator stood, and thanks to her charisma and a lot of trickery, the crowd immediately hushed up. "Greetings, future champions. I look forwards to seeing you battle it out for my favour and that of the crowd." She grinned at the three dozen parahumans below. "Our first round will be..."
Queen Administrator gestured off to her side where a massive tear in reality opened up to reveal a spinning dial the size of a semi-trailer. With thundering clicks, words tore past until, finally, they slowed to a stop with a thud. "Capture the flag!"
***
Next time, on How to Train Your Endbringer, lots of people die to death. The Simurgh does the Chica dance. Dragon does a transformation sequence and turns into the infamous Tsundragon.
Many thanks to eschwartz and the other weirdos on my Discord for doing the word things to this chapter.
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- Location
- Russia
Who wants to bet this is actually an alternative Earth version of the S9 that are actually heroic, while the real S9 are friggin' late?