Blood. Fire. Screaming. Bone shattering, flesh tearing... eyes. Eyes in the dark.
I woke up with a gasp, sitting up in the dark as I panted. The bed was soaked with sweat. The feeling of ripping a jaw off was solid in my mind, the crunching sound and the...
Shivering, I reached and turned on the bedlight, lighting my small apartment up. Holy shit.
"My Host..."
"Not now." I interrupted the hellspawn before she could get any further. The presence behind me disappeared without argument.
Sliding out of bed, I rubbed my face before crossing to the fridge to get a can of coke. I clenched my hand hard before I opened the can and took a long drink, sinking down by the small kitchen table.
I looked at the can for a long moment before I took another swing, looking at the window. Streetlight outside lit up a piece of the road. A pair of guys walked past.
Someone out at... a glance at the clock told me it was three in the morning. Stupid or already dead.
"...Doomguy was a seriously bad idea." I finally sighed and picked the can up, holding the cold metal against my forehead, "Shit. Should have gone with someone less fucked up."
I was so not ready for that level of... wow.
Nightmares was the least of my trouble. I killed someone. I couldn't remember if Rayne was important later or not but it didn't matter. Whether he cast the spell or not, my actions caused a man's death. I... didn't think that far. I knew the character I was trying to get possessed by would deal with it. I didn't consider how he would deal with it.
I should have.
"Taziel... did you keep me from thinking of it?"
"I did not, my host." Taziel said softly, sliding her arms around my neck from behind as she pressed against my back, resting the side of her head against the back of mine, "If you remember, I was against the idea in the first place."
"Which might have pushed me towards it!"
She shifted slightly and sighed, "But I didn't. I knew it was a possibility, but I honestly did not think it would work. Chaos magic being what it is, you very rarely get the result you want, especially when trying to manipulate someone else's spell."
I didn't say anything to that, just looking down at my right hand before taking another swing of the soda.
The fallen shifted against my back after a long moment and rested her head against my shoulder, "There is something you should consider, my host. Did you kill Ethan Rayne? No. Did your actions cause his death? They did. But he was already playing with fire, was he not? Chaos magic is unpredictable at the best of times, he would have met a bad end sooner or later."
I took another swing of the coke, trying to ignore her.
"But consider this, my host." she murmured into my ear, "If you knew he would die, but it would stop the spell in less than a minute like it did so that no-one else would die, would you still have done it?"
I almost snarled at her. Instead I just sighed, "Fuck off."
"As you wish, my host." she said quietly, "Good night."
And suddenly I seemed to be alone again.
...And I just realized I'm actually talking to it. I'm so damn fucked, aren't I? Or is that fucking damned?
Sliding my glasses off, I rubbed my eyes with another sigh.
Why did I have to do something as fucking boneheaded as deliberately getting possessed by the fucking Hell Walker? I had actually forgotten about Halloween until I saw the damn store. Then again, I needed a human demon hunter/vampire killer. Someone that didn't obviously rely on special powers to do what they did and that existed in this timeframe's popular culture just in case that helped.
I really should have gone as Van Helsing instead. But no, I had to get fancy and get a couple of thousand years worth of demon fighting in hell itself crammed into my skull. With the accompanying nightmares.
Sliding my classes back on, I raised the can towards my mouth before I glanced down at it and stopped before I just screamed in pure frustration and fury, throwing it away and flipping the table over, grabbing the chair and throwing it across the room, the cheap furniture shattering in broken wood on impact with the concrete.
Panting softly, I stopped and just stood there before sinking down with my back against the wall drawing my legs in until I could rest my forehead against my knees. I felt like crying.
Instead I gritted my teeth and focused on the memories. I hit myself with the sights, the kills, the horrible things running through my head.
Again and again and again. Some... some where so intense that they almost felt like they were physically searing the inside of my skull.
Taziel wisely kept quiet.
I wasn't sure how long I stayed there before I pulled my glasses off and rubbed my eyes. My life sucks. Completely, fucking, sucks.
Buffy? You think your life sucks? Is going to suck?
You and I are not even in the same fucking solar system. Try having a couple of thousand years of fighting in hell shoved into your head.
I guess Angel might have some kind of clue. At least he will after he ends up there. Bet my demon is bigger though.
Sighing I let my head drop back against the wall behind me and I looked up against the ceiling.
"Is this what you want, huh?" I asked quietly, "Huh? Is this what you planned when you dropped me here? See how much I could handle before I broke or fell? Did I die and this is some kind of cosmic final exam to find out where I'll end up? Well, fuck you. Because it's not happening. Not ever. I am in charge here and I'm not playing your fucking game."
Silence. I guess I didn't really expect an answer other than possibly from the hellfire peanut gallery.
Well, whatever it was that was responsible didn't answer in any case and while I would blame Taziel for a lot of things, but she didn't have that kind of power. Not when locked in a Coin in any case.
No, this was something else. And when I find out who, I'll shove a shotgun into its big fat arse. I knew how to use one now. Rather well in fact.
I think.
Now that would match up perfectly with how things have been going so far. Get possessed to get a skill download and a bunch of nightmares. Skills ending up not lining up with reality and I still got to keep the nightmares.
Frowning to myself I got off the floor and walked over to pull a drawer open, pulling out a kitchen knife and in a single movement I turned and flung it across the room.
In a split second, it was sitting half a inch deep in the side of my nightside table across the room, vibrating in place.
Well, at least some of the skills worked.
I glanced at the clock again. Five in the morning. No time to get more sleep before school.
Shaking my head I walked to pull the knife out, putting it on the nightside table before heading for the bathroom.
I was up already, might as well grab a shower. Not like I would be able to get any more sleep anyway.
AN// Many thanks to Izicata for betaing this section.