"Author's" Notes: This update was posted as heavily incomplete, under another title. This is the full, complete update. Much has been changed from the draft. If you like this revised update, please tell me, I absolutely appreciate it.
CW: Some possessive romantic intent, knifeplay/torture mention, Bridget using the T-slur, Bridget's bigoted Nazi psyche, a "KYS" statement given to a Nazi, etc.
Bridget wore an Army merch sweatshirt as she looked at the Indian girl and the tran— transgender person with each other. She drank a peach bellini as she sat at a little table. She had six fingers. She had nine toes, and she could feel it. She didn't like Seattle. It was a degenerate town and always had been. Still, she looked at the red armband on the Indian girl's body. What was Kendra Oswald doing with...Oh, they were kissing. Feeling each other up. Lesbians, apparently. Fuck California. Still, it was part of her new job.
Bridget had never been a fan of lesbians, either. She'd always loved men, even if women did give her odd thoughts. Most people would call her bisexual, if they knew. She called herself straight with a problem. It was a problem she'd never admitted, a problem that it took TJ's death to approach. She liked to think if TJ had heard about her thoughts, he would have understood. Sure, she and him had butchered enough bulldykes to get a taste for it, but she and TJ never played by the movement's rules. The floor didn't exist.
They'd long since proved they were immune to degeneracy, so anything they did wasn't degenerate.
The floor existed again.
On the other hand, part of her feared that TJ wouldn't've let her. Even if medieval European nobles routinely had their gay escapades that they denied the common people, TJ was virtuous. Sometimes, she thought, too virtuous for her. Well, that was what this "left-nationalist" sham was for, wasn't it? She was going to prove herself his equal.
Her words died in her mind.
He did so like powerful women who were his, almost as much as he liked powerful men who obeyed his command.
She had four fingers.
He was hers and she was his, and he was dead. Bridget MacBay thought of his smiling face, his pretty lips, his well-built muscles and his giant's figure. She thought of his embrace, of their total dedication to Hell and to Fury. For a second, out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw him with his chain necklace and bovver boots. Just someone else.
She saw his skull.
Aryans didn't cry, but Bridget did. She sobbed.
She saw the Indian girl and Oswald approaching her. "Are you okay?" Oswald asked, not seeming to recognize her.
"I'm fine," Bridget said. "Just having a tough day."
One day you both will hang from the lampposts, she thought. Then, she looked up at the two, and she saw Oswald's electric doll-like makeup, her circuitry tattoos, her long nails, her slender form, her perfect face....
Is Kendra Oswald supposed to lack teeth?
"You OK?" Oswald asked.
Bridget had seen the interview with Aiah Hirsch and those other rats a year ago. Oswald was a bitchy narcissist, but she cleaned up well, looked like a cyberpunk Aryan princess, and there was something so tempting about her being a transs—
"Dude," Oswald asked.
"I'm fine. You're just, you know, hot," Bridget said.
Why am I saying this?
"I know I am, babe," Oswald said with a smirk. It fell off of her.
"No, you don't get it. It's a problem. You're not supposed to look like that. People like you aren't supposed to be happy. You're supposed to be miserable and then die," Bridget said.
The Indian girl spoke. "Kendra, maybe we should get—"
"Points for honesty," Kendra said.
"It's hard to be honest," Bridget responded. "Look, I didn't want that to come off rudely, it's just that you're something unnatural. You're like a monster or a Sidhe, you're something made not born and not meant to exist. That's why you look perfect. That's why your voice is so sweet. That's why..."
Daisy Holland is laughing at me.
"Hey, um, that's really cool to hear and all, but is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Oswald asked. "I don't wanna be an asshole, but I don't really know how to respond to that."
The Jews are laughing at me.
"...Yeah. I'm sorry." Bridget did what Bridget often did, and lied.
I am a joke.
Oswald noticed it. "Hey, what's this really about?" she asked.
My dead boyfriend wouldn't want me to be into you, Bridget thought, realizing you couldn't just say that. "I guess I just find you attractive, but in a way that goes against my ethics."
Oswald sat down at the table and the Indian girl found a chair. "What about finding me hot goes against your ethics?" Oswald asked, pushing those very real-looking tits up a bit with her hands in her bra.
"Do you want an honest answer?" Bridget asked. Kendra had no eyes, and a giant fleshy cock appeared on the table. It went away. She was lucid, but not awake. Dreaming, she thought.
"Hell yeah, let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes," Oswald said.
"It's like I said. People like you, transgenders, you're not supposed to be happy. You're especially not supposed to be attractive. You're a social disease, one that is by and large a plot by grasping and avaricious intellectuals to weaken my people, and yet I still stare at your perfect lips."
They cut her into looking like this. I need to grasp her, I need to fuck her, I need to own her.
Oswald's nose turned up a bit, then grew longer. "Oh, I get it! You're a Nazi. Nobody says my people or grasping and avaricious intellectuals like that without being a Nazi. Look, I'd love to be some apparently very drunk rando Nazi's gay-slash-trans awakening, but I'm a celebrity, so..."
Bridget saw halos made of spray paint appear over the two women's heads.
She is not a woman. She is an effeminate man, a monster, and I need to fuck her. I need her to own me. I need those manicured hands on my cunt like—"
Yeah, like that. You have power, you have confidence. You are above me," Bridget said, almost whined. "I wish you were a man, by the Prince."
Die, tranny, die!
"What?" Kendra exclaimed. "Okay, Nazi chick, fuck o—"
Bridget took a sip from her drink. "No. Well, in a biological sense you are a man, but more to the point I wish you were masculine so I could feel less bad about—"
All Bridget felt was unnatural, radioactive weakness.
"Drunk Nazi chick, what's your name?" Kendra asked, impishly excited to see where this mess of a person was taking her.
"Bridget MacBay."
Kendra turned to the Pakistani girl. "Hey, Rosie, mind googling her?"
Ruby drew her phone. Nobody used Gooble anymore, but the verb persisted. "Seems like she was the girlfriend of the Atompilz head, and is currently kind of poorly disguising her Nazism under some Red-Brown thing. She's the head of some no-name party: the National Councilists."
"Christ." Kendra turned to Bridget. "So, what, you're a mix of Eva Braun and George Lincoln Rockwell?"
"She's also a massive liar and the ANCP's platform is really bigoted," Rosie said, gesturing with three fingers on a blurry, one-fingered hand. "The Seattle Prole continues to be useless."
Bridget finished her fourth bellini. "I'm my own person."
"Look, well, I'm kind of already taken..." Kendra said, hastily.
"Please," Bridget said, staring under the table at Kendra's art deco heels. "I'll say whatever you want, I'll do whatever you want. I just want to be in your life. I saw you on the interview, I saw your anti-white movie five times, please. You are a goddamn succubus and I need you. I don't need to date you. Please, just keep calling me bigoted and 'Drunk Nazi chick' and a liar and all this other stuff. I need a trann—transgender woman to keep me around like a goddamn pet."
Oswald's lungs should be on the outside and covered in shit.
"Dude, you own a Nazi party. Go tell someone else your creepy fantasies," Kendra said, staring at Bridget's broad shoulders and chiseled features. The halo of spray paint grew lighter and brighter.
"Do you want input on the platform?" Bridget asked. "There was going to be a right-wing party in this country no matter what, don't you want the chance to shape it? Kendra, you are a white goddess, if you want to let transgenders in I'll make it happen."
Weakness. That's all you are. Running, screaming, anything to avoid admitting that you're
Ruby gave it some thought. Bridget heard her thoughts.
It seems like this woman is deeply attention-starved from the end of her last relationship with the genocidal maniac. She's...also a genocidal maniac, but maybe we could get something out of it?
"Hey, babe," Kendra said. "Maybe...Maybe it would be a good opportunity to get to keep the far-right from doing anything too stupid. She's kind of the heir to Atompilz, right? If letting her drool over me means that she'll keep her people from doing hate crimes and shit, maybe that's not so bad?" I just wish she wasn't a Nazi, Kendra thought. I'm good with liars. I know liars.
Bridget's expression was one of hope.
attack dog
Ruby considered calling the People's Militia, but the right to organize dissident parties (so long as they did not overtly promote political violence) was part of the Worldwide Republic's society. Even with MacBay's many crimes, it wasn't as though she'd get more than house arrest or a penal batallion tour. The latter was bad, but Bridget deserved far worse. "Kendra, you can't just keep a person in our house like some kind of pet."
own me
Two images battled in Bridget's mind: one of Ruby and Kendra dangling from nooses with their eyes cut out and signs reading "ENEMY OF THE RACE" around their necks, and one of Bridget being able to feel something, to feel romantic feelings and lust for someone after what they did to him.
burn you
Bridget MacBay, you deserve to be happy, she thought.
the way of the warrior is found in misery
"It's me or her, Kendra," Ruby said. "Everything she did, everything she believes, it's all totally unjustifiable. The fact that she's alive is an indictment on the failure of the revolution. She needs to pay."
no facades, no excuses, no lies
Kendra spoke with the voice of a man. "So society isn't punishing her anywhere near what it should, because of the new justice system. Well, if we keep her with us, we can make sure she doesn't hurt anyone else."
die
"She's a mass murderer. Kendra, you're thinking with your clit."
bodies burning atop broken beacons
Kendra sat down in Bridget's lap, getting comfortable. Oh my god, Ruby is Indian, Kendra thought. "Babe, I am so sorry. I just realized one of the many reasons why you're not cool with this." Kendra got out of Bridget's lap and hugged her girlfriend. "I got carried away, I promise."
you are the monsters, i am human, i am aryan, i am invincible, die die die die
"...I think I see the problem," Bridget said. "You see me as a threat, don't you?" she asked Ruby, begging. Ruby had no eyes. There was a hole in the left side of her chest.
Ruby's expression made her thoughts clear.
"Well, I promise I won't hurt a hair on your head. You're Kendra's, and I would never break something owned by her," Bridget said, arousal mixing with terror and hate. It wasn't her voice, hopefully.
Ruby was about to launch into a horrified rant explaining the difference between kink and real slavery, but then she realized that this was probably just Bridget's evil racial politics.
"Let's go," Ruby said.
"Ruby, please," Bridget asked. "How can I make you feel better?"
Rosie didn't give it much time. "Kill yourself. That sword in the picture of the article, stab yourself with it. Die."
die, die, die, die, die, die, die
Well, I can't say she's wrong, Kendra thought. Then, memories of her dying due to the pills in college came into her mind's eye.
"Ruby?" she asked, softly.
There was a sword in Bridget's chest, not a claymore but a samurai's katana.
"Yeah?" Rosie asked.
"She's barely gotten punished. At least if we give her some time we can torture her serial-killer style. I'm good with knifeplay and shit, and I've done my research for my writing. Plus, you have your experience as a medic. We torture her, and then she gets to hang around us as long as she genuinely tries to turn over a new leaf. That way, we get rehabilitation and punishment, plus letting us impact the neo-Nazi right to make it a bit less dangerous, rather than just her getting off scot-free and finding some dude to be into."
torture me
"I would like to torture her," Ruby said.
Bridget looked down. "I promise I can take it," she said. "If that's what I need to be around such an unnaturally perfect Aryan goddess, I will accept that...punishment."
morally perfect knight of the race
"C'mon, babe, let's make her suffer," Kendra said, motioning for Bridget to follow. Ruby nodded, a small smile on her face. It was time to make that lying bitch bleed.
invincible
Bridget woke up in bed, screaming, as she watched Captain America on TV say something stupid to someone stupid. TJ, you were right: this world falls. However, I must not. She gave a quick prayer to Lucifer and a Hitler salute to remind her of what she was.
Bridget had five fingers.
Kill them all.