Goddamn Teenagers (Worm, AU/time travel)

[dc2008]

Thomas was torn. Until he fully and finally retired, he had not realized just how much he valued his involvement with the PRT as a part of his identity. Losing his direct, in-person visibility into the PRT's operations was inconvenient as well, although despite Armsmaster's efforts, he had retained more visibility into their operations than he had expected.

It did greatly simplify the logistics of maintaining his double life. Now that he was merely a retiree and CEO, he was free to set his own hours and make his day planner say whatever the hell he wanted.

Idly, he flipped through his mail, pausing upon seeing a courier package which had been sent to his office address. Opening it, he first removed a gaudy Hallmark card, with a generic message of welcome. The package's only other contents was yet another sealed envelope, which contained a document with a Watchdog cover page.

Blah blah blah, information from Earth Aleph not available on Earth Bet, blah blah, generic language about how while we cannot officially suppress information due to the Constitution, and cannot classify it because it is readily available on Aleph, this information is absolutely being suppressed, blah blah blah, danger of augmenting the capabilities of hostile Thinkers!

Removing the cover page, Thomas found what appeared to be a photocopy of a printout of a Aleph internet site titled "The Evil Overlord's List", with annotations in handwriting he recognized as belonging to Accord.

---

Note:

Looking at canon, I can only conclude that due to divergent timelines and more aggressive information management, this simply was never a meme on Bet.

Also this list, annotated by Accord, would be a real treasure of the highest order.

 

[dc2008]

"Hey guys," Dennis called out as he entered the common area.

"Afternoon," called out Chris from in front of the TV, where he was playing a fighting game.

Missy's own grunt of welcome drifted in from the adjacent kitchenette.

Dennis stuck his head in to grab a snack and immediately regretted it.

"What is Missy doing," Dennis asked, joining Chris on the couch.

"She is doing something profoundly unnatural to marshmallows."

"Fuck you!" Missy's voice called out. "I'm training."

"Fine," said Chris. "Missy is training by using her power to do something unnatural to juggle marshmallows."

"Better!"

Dennis considered that for a moment, before asking "Why marshmallows?"

"Was going to be pennies but Armsmaster said this would be safer. I was doing it out there but someone was being a baby."

"Thank you for your consideration!" Dennis replied, with feeling. Just one glance at whatever she was doing had given him the beginnings of a headache.

"Where's Aegis," asked Chris, eyes still focused on the screen.

"Enduring hurricane Vicky. Someone gave her a copy of that safety stats thing we have to sit through every few months, and she got really into it. I snuck out while she was going on about the benefits of proper footwear."

"His sacrifice will not be forgotten," said Chris with absolute seriousness.

Suddenly, an ominous squelching noise came out of the kitchenette.

Morbidly curious, Dennis and Chris peaked inside to find gooey white impacts scattered around the walls and ceiling.

"Holy shit, Missy! Did that one crater the ceiling tile?"

"Fuck yeah! I'm awesome!"

---

 

[dc2008]

Amy stumbled bleary eyed into the gym. It was too early for this shit.

"Why are you wearing sunglasses inside?" Her gym buddy, damn her, was as usual unnaturally awake at this ungodly hour.

Amy very carefully didn't say the first things that came to mind, pretty ladies gym clothes yum.

Instead she very clearly and articulately responded "Blargh morning light it burns coffee no yet."

Placated, her gym buddy wandered over to the treadmill and, after a moment, Amy followed and got on the next treadmill over. Sadly, she had already learned that no matter how nice it was to appreciate gym buddy's tight legs and bum, the taller and overly awake girl had a stupendously good sense of when someone was staring. Fortunately, pretty lady two aisles over had no such advantage…

---

Notes:

Amy's gonna Amy. Yeah, her eyes are wandering outside the family now but she's still a teenage girl with needs.

Look, it's a work in process.

 

[dc2008]

Emily entered the conference room intrigued. Dr. Weaver's message had been vague, true, but the woman's track record suggested that whatever it was would at least be interesting.

Dr. Weaver waved her over. In front of her were a handful of small containers, a laptop, and a PRT file festooned with warnings of dire consequences should it be opened by unauthorized persons.

"First, in this flask is a tinkertech liquid which perfectly mimics the effects of alcohol, in this case a nicely aged bourbon, and is entirely self-neutralizing. You can safely consume it, despite your condition, and if you need to neutralize its effects early, you can do so with the contents of that container."

Dr. Weaver then tapped a few buttons on the laptop bringing up a drone feed, with a count-down nearing zero.

"This is a live feed from an active Air Force operation. Thatcampground is the last known location of the Slaughterhouse Nine." She unmuted the audio feed, revealing familiar chatter in familiar tones.
Emily sat down heavily, and watched transfixed as the countdown approached zero. Finally, she heard the words "target confirmed on-site, initiate."

And then there was light.

Elsewhere

Taylor looked up, intrigued, as the PA system interrupted class. She was even more intrigued to hear it wasn't an announcement, but a radio broadcast, and from the audio quality someone had simply set the PA mic next to a radio speaker.

"… again, we repeat, the President has just announced the success of a joint operation to kill the Slaughterhouse Nine. All members are accounted for. They're gone. It's over, it's finally over…"

School let out early.

 

[dc2008]

"Hey, bro, what kind of girls do you like? Up top or behind, blonde or brunette, all social like or more shut-in?"

"What?" Just, what?!

"So Glory Girl is in the girl power thing, and was sad. See, she likes going on double dates and likes playing matchmaker, but her sister cut her off, so I told her I had the best bro in the whole world and he totally deserves an awesome GF so she said 'no way' so I showed her a pic of you working out all sweaty and buff like, and told her how you were taking care of me 'cause Dad's all strict and Mom's always high, and she was like woah so awesome! So, yeah she told me to find out what you like and she'll hook you up!"

Brian blinked. "Aisha, I have to work with this woman, did you, don't, I mean, is this, wait you showed her WHAT!?"

 

[dc2008]

They key theme of this (and some other bits that are coming up) is that Aisha is super-grateful to her bro and is looking for ways to show it.

Brian also has the problem that as far as Vicky and her tranche of high school girls are concerned, Brian sends a lot of signals that he is safe. He's about their age but emancipated which is cool, and has a job and money for reasons (Vicky is like 80% sure he's a cape but totally won't say anything). PRT Lady clearly vouches for him! He's got his own apartment, and takes care of his little sister who has only good things to say! Also he's really fit! And fairly secure in his masculinity, so he's not going to get in a snit just because a girl is good at something or expresses an opinion.

Meanwhile Brian is so very, very done with the high school dating scene. He's been parentified massively, and when he sees the high school girls he sees kids.

 

[dc2008]

"Your children are safe. You are safe."

Kayden struggled to find herself in the fog. The last thing she remembered was driving the children home from McDonalds.

"Your children are safe. No matter what happens, your children are safe."

Kayden slowly clawed her way toward awareness.

"Your children are safe. It is believed that, in a possible future, one or both could play a critical role in the salvation—or destruction—of the world."

That sounded important…

"The Chief Director is highly interested in their continued health and safety and, whatever else can be said of you, you can be trusted to move heaven and Earth for your children…"

Wait what was that.

"The important thing is that, no matter what happens, your children are safe. You will survive to protect them. And Max will never touch them again."

Oh that sounded nice.

---

Note:

For Theo, Taylor is not fucking around. And she'll make damned sure this Aster has a long, full and happy life. And yes, Taylor faked a car crash to extract Kayden and the kids. "Bodies" for Kayden and kids are courtesy of Blasto.

RCB is well aware that, strictly speaking, this is not an efficient use of Cauldron resources, but is also smart enough to realize that Dr. Weaver will be profoundly irrational on this matter, even if RCB isn't sure why.

 

[dc2008]

"Hey bro, this new apartment building is nice and all..."

"But?" Brian knew where this was going.

"... but I think our neighbor is a cop."

Brian had not, in fact known where this was going. "Aisha. Aisha. How did we come to be in this apartment?"

"Because I wouldn't let you move us to a new city now that I met Dr. Weaver and she is my spirit animal and I am going to convince her to be our new mom."

"... that is not what you said at the time."

"Eh, that was then, this is now. Wait, is then now? That's some heavy shit, bro."

"What? No, we are not doing this now, anyway, Dr. Weaver and my new job got us this apartment, right?"

"Yeah, she is awesome!"

"Right, yes she is. Also terrifying. But, sure, awesome. Anyway, what is Dr. Weaver's job?"

"She's some kind of secret agent, I think? Except not secret? Wait, what is her job?"

"Let's try this a different way. Who does Dr. Weaver work for?"

"Herself?"

"Aisha..."

"Fine, fine, the PRT, I guess? Except she's sort of a boss there so it's more like they work for her?"

"Anyway, right, Dr. Weaver has a PRT badge, and does PRT things, with the PRT."

"Yeah, sure, the PRT is like totally her bitch."

"So yes, Aisha. The PRT, by which I mean the cops, totally got us this apartment. Which means, yes, there are definitely cops living in the building."

Aisha's face fell. "Oh, that sucks." Then her fade lit up. Brian definitely knew where this was going.

"No, you will not be able to get Dr. Weaver to make the cops go away since she probably put them there, specifically to protect us from Nazis and stuff."

"Wait, cops do that?"

"Yes, sometimes cops actually do their job, especially when the PRT tells them to."

Aisha looked thoughtful and Brian realized she had honestly never considered the possibility that cops might actually protect them.

 

[dc2008]

It really doesn't help that up until recently Aisha deliberately went out of her way to present to and interact with authority in a way basically designed to cause maximum friction. Because The Man never did anything nice for her so buzz off. Aisha likely has never had a positive interaction with the cops.

Couple that with the usual issues relating to race and poverty, the fact that Aisha's mom is drug-addled mess with a string of disreputable boyfriends, her brother was a criminal, as well as the fact that BB has an active and aggressive Nazi presence which canonically has made inroads into the BBPD? For her the cops are basically a gang that wants to take away her mom and brother and make her live with her dad or worse one of her mom's boyfriends.

Hence why it has never occurred to Aisha that Dr. Weaver is a cop. Cops are bad. Dr. Weaver is awesome. Hence, "secret agent", not "cop".

Also, kind of horrifying when you realize that however bad things are in the real world, in Worm race and poverty problems would be substantially worse than IRL.

 

[dc2008]

"Armsmaster," Taylor said slowly. "I deeply respect you and your work. I am especially proud of your efforts to work with Vista. That said, I can assure you that your proposal will be immediately rejected if submitted, and god help us both if Director Piggot hears of this."

"I don't see what the problem is, the potential synergies are very intriguing."

Taylor resisted the urge to massage her brow. She was gaining a new appreciation for all the work her Dragon had put into Defiant. "If we ever were to test this, it would be under controlled circumstances. At a test range. Far from population centers. With a substantial minimum safe distance. Not on an ad hoc field expedient basis in the middle of the city in which we both live."

"I agree that a more rigorous testing methodology would be preferred, however I doubt our would be collaborator will cooperate."

"Skidmark. You are talking about Skidmark, just to be clear?"

"Yes, Vista has achieved very interesting acceleration figures on her own but just think of the possibilities!"

"Vista put a ball bearing through, in order, the test chamber's armored window, her own foot, and a steel plate. If you in the middle of a city combine that with our local provider of trash cannons, people will die…"

Colin leaned forward in his seat to object.

"… and the resulting settlements will inevitably come, directly or indirectly, from your tinker budget."

Colin leaned back, scowling.