An Ofuda For Your Love
"Stupid bitch."
"Pompous motherfucker."
"Knucklehead."
"Sherm-head prick."
"Dumb asshole."
"Heh," Zane smirked and held out a hand, waving his fingers. A moment later, an irritated Spike put a ten-dollar bill in his palm. As he pocketed the money, Zane kept smiling with the kind of smug superiority that was reserved only for young adults who hadn't entirely had a chance to grow up yet.
It was just about right, as they both entered the Wardens HQ a few moments later.
Inside, Yukari was already waiting for them, twiddling with her phone near the main table in the living room. It was dark inside, the curtains pulled up to block out the sunlight, with none of the lights on. Around, there were scattered boxes of packed-up furniture and other miscellaneous items, a few boxes of cotton that Baba Yaga wove on her sticks, and some of the food that Uncle Shen had cooked, to be distributed to homeless people later in the day at a 'private' charity event. Yukari was in her civvies much like them, but to Zane's surprise, she had a gun - a pistol lying on the table in front of her, clearly loaded, with a spare magazine lying next to it.
"Engaging in thuggery, ain'tcha?" Spike spoke in a vague mafioso accent, walking up to the table and extending his entire leg to place his foot on it. He laughed and looked back at Zane who laughed as well, hands in his pockets.
Annoyedly, Yukari pushed his foot off in a lightning-fast motion. Spike hopped up, once and twice, making shocked noises of someone who's lost their balance. Zane managed to catch him with one hand and support him enough that he didn't topple. Yukari smiled at them, and then returned to her phone.
"No, seriously, what's the strap for?" Zane asked, reaching out to pick up the pistol and play with it. Yukari intercepted his wandering hand, slapping it away. "Ow, fuck!"
"Weedheads. Both of you." She closed her eyes in lamentation and turned off her phone. "I can't believe we took you on, and you aren't even going to fight in an upcoming turf war, and you'll get high in the basement of a church instead. It's almost tragic."
The last time Zane smoked anything that wasn't a normal cigarette was a few years ago, and the last cigarette he smoked was from the Zuchezzis. Still, he'd allow her to persist in the delusion that she had any idea what was going on in his private life.
"Potheads. Weed is simply another kind of plant. Also, we aren't high," Zane said, frowning as he massaged his hand.
"Yet," added Spike.
"Yet," Zane supported with a smirk.
His smile disappeared as he saw that Yukari was staring at him with a very unimpressed expression, like a woman seeing what's under your briefs for the first time and finding the contents to be very lacking. He started excusing himself, "Come on, we need to lay off. We've had a stressful while. And you know about my Knight Arm, Pax Bellum. I need a while to train it up to usable potential. Until then, I'm pretty much useless. And besides, the gangs are after us, so we'd get majorly targeted in any fights."
"First, that's a stupid name for a weapon," Yukari said. Zane's frown deepened, gaining a few lines. He liked that name - she was blatantly wrong. "And second, I can't believe you actually think that and aren't just deluding yourself to be lazy. Or a coward."
"Are you calling me a coward?" Zane quirked an eyebrow, now unimpressed himself. He and Yukari stared at each other, eyes of blue steel meeting eyes of unrepentant gray. He could feel an intense flicker, a desire to look away, but didn't back down.
She was the first to look away a few seconds later, sighing deeply and stuffing the pistol somewhere in her hoodie. "I guess I'm unnerved. It'll be my first real fight. I'd have appreciated some fire support from a team like you guys."
She isn't kidding. And here I was convinced the Firestarter had us until I got my Knight Arm.
"It's more ergonomic for Zane to train," Spike answered. "He's our wild card. His power isn't from a Godcard - it can't be stolen or destroyed, so if he develops it properly, he'll be pretty much untouchable by local standards. After that, it's merely a question of how to direct that power."
"A terrifying thought," Zane said, shivering theatrically, for comedic points. "Me, in charge."
Spike chuckled. "Don't worry, homie, I've got your back. I'll be your vice president after we take over the United States and Canada."
"If you're going to be the saviors of New York, I'll eat my own fingernails," Yukari said, and then shivered - not in a comedic display. She stretched a little and then left them on their own, only replacing the goodbye with some very ominous words: "Also, someone's gonna die in a week from now, so be ready."
"Huh. The fuck's that supposed to mean?" Spike asked, but even though she heard them, she didn't turn around to grace them with a specific answer. "Yo? Fuck me."
"She's crazy," Zane answered his question, belatedly, with his own theory. "Or trying to scare us."
"Sometimes, I think MacArthur had a point."
"Yeah, right."
"Whatever. Let's focus on your dating life," Spike said and stopped. He blinked and looked at Zane, an overwhelming frankness and speechless perplexity showing on his face as clearly as the sun in the morning. "I never thought I'd say that."
Zane shook his head, looking down. "Look, I really don't want to talk about it."
"No, no, I agree with you. Helene's got a nice, round-" Shoulder meets fist. Thwack. Spike rubbed his bicep. "Ow, okay, point. Although..."
"No, you can't be my wingman. And no, you can't date her if I fail miserably."
Spike chuckled coldly. "I thought you might say that. Fortunately, I came prepared."
Zane shook his head, slightly disbelieving. He'd never known that Spike could get this intense about something as idiotic as dating. Neither of them had even thought about it until Zane realized he liked Helene, and then Spike realized that he wanted to make it into some kind of twisted competition. "You're a pig, man."
"Oh, we're doing that game, again? Fine, I'll start - asshole."
"Prepare ten bucks for me, bitch."
---
As usual, we are stuck in a vicious cycle of teenage dating and angst. It's all your damn fault. This is why you'll die - at this point it's only a matter of time before Darwin sobers up. Ambrosia is 14, not that it'll be of any help to your dog ass.
As a result of teenage hormones and being in the vicinity of a girl he found to be genuinely likable and tolerable, Zane has developed a minor crush on Helene Schuster. As a result of this crush, he must pursue some kind of action whose intent is to either test the waters or advance their relationship in some manner at least once every week. It's permissible to do this more rarely if Zane is particularly occupied with something very important, but it must otherwise be attempted at the very least unless you manage to creep out the subject of your crush to the point of disgust.
Helene is likely to agree to most non-offensive requests, such as grabbing coffee or lunch together, but the actual 'dates' depend on what you want to happen.
I-I can't believe this. My writing, reduced to a teenage dating simulator... how far I've fallen.
As per usual: five actions per day, and seven days in this turn. All of the usual rules apply.
As a result of his [Strategic Genius], Spike came up with a plan to, quote-on-quote, "get you both laid at the same time," and proposed a double date between Zane and Helene, as well as himself and Jennifer. This cannot possibly go wrong.
[ ] Custom Action (write-in)
[ ] Training
-[ ] Martial Arts
-[ ] Weapons Training (what kind of weapons?)
-[ ] Group Training (with whom? what kind?)
-[ ] Train Knight Arm Use
-[ ] Master Invocation (which one?)
-[ ] Invent Invocation (what kind? describe in broad terms only, its purpose and its core idea)
-[ ] Other (write-in)
[ ] Social - All Social actions count as half-actions (as in, you can take two for the price of one, but you can't take more than six per day.) It's possible to take multiple for one person in order to focus on them more.
-[ ] Speak With: Helene
--[ ] Propose Activity (Write-in.)
-[ ] Speak With: Spike
-[ ] Speak With: Brick
-[ ] Speak With: Johnny Buddha
-[ ] Group Activity (what kind?)
-[ ] Double Date! - Pick a restaurant that isn't Shen's, because that one's broken.
-[ ] Other (write-in)
[ ] Resources - All Resources actions count as half-actions, however, only two in total can be taken per day.
-[ ] Procure Armaments (what sort? from whom?)
-[ ] Procure Items (what sort? from whom?)
-[ ] Contact Hephaestus - Maybe she finished your armor now?
-[ ] Contact Baron Samedi - Maybe hire him to die of embarrassment in your stead? It seems like a valid idea.
-[ ] Other (write-in)
[ ] Special - Can be taken once per day only.
-[ ] Essential Meditations - Generate a free 0.5 Ambrosia.
-[ ] Enlightened Meditations - Has a 40% chance to generate a free 1 Ambrosia.
-[ ] Exalted Meditations - Has a 50% chance to generate a free 3 Ambrosia, a 25% chance to do nothing, and a 25% chance to lose 5 Ambrosia.
-[ ] Personal Meditations - Has a 25% chance to restore a use of Brawler of Midwood (currently: 2/3)
-[ ] Awakened Meditations - Has a 50% chance to restore a use of Brawler of Midwood. Has a 50% chance to lose a use of Brawler of Midwood (currently: 2/3)
-[ ] Aspiring Knight Meditation - Make free progress towards the next Rank of your Knight Arm. Also has a 10% bonus chance to unlock a new Invocation which is useful to your present situation, and a 10% chance to improve your skill with one of your Invocations.
-[ ] Aspiring Warrior Meditation - 50% chance to gain + to physical statistics, as a fully paranormal/supernatural but permanent improvement.
-[ ] Hopeless and Tireless Maiden Prayer - A 1% chance to instantly unlock the equivalent of a 25-Ambrosia power. If the prayer fails, the odds of the next prayer succeeding increase by 0.5%, accumulating the odds.
