You even were happy for her yesterday!"
Unless I am badly mistaken, this is grammatically correct, but still awkward. I recommend changing it to "were even".
"I was just about to take a few more over to Whitewater Hall.
For a second there, I misread this as "Whatever Hall".
concerned that there would be people who would those who would fear you
Something went wrong here.
"I'm know there are, I've met some of them
"I"
"-still think that those soldiers are here for the dragon," one of the girls says.
"You're crazy, Mary!" another boy hisses.
So who's the first boy here?
"I'm not an Ascendant: I was born how I am: no magical changing necessary."
I am positive that this is not punctuated properly. I believe that the first colon should be either a period or a semi-colon depending on how this is supposed to flow, and that the second colon should be a comma.
"I mean, I trust Archmage Stormspeaker that he knows what he's doing, but it's still a little odd."
Firstly, the "that" should be before "Archmage". Secondly, that "he" is redundant at best and should be removed.
Just as explained, the raw torrent energy is first contained in the crystal before being released through its multiple streams, sufficing the whole rat's body in magic rather than just a focused point.
"suffusing"?
Thankfully; since the Marble Hall is on the top of a hill,
That semi-colon should be a comma.
In fact… you squint: yep; that's a trio of mages
Once again, I am positive that this is not punctuated properly. I believe that the colon should be a period, the semi-colon should be a comma, and the "yep" should be capitalized into "Yep".
This sentence should end in a period.
You probably could use White tower's one as well,
Unless I am badly mistaken, this is grammatically correct, but awkward. I recommend changing it to "use the White tower's".
The more you look… yea, there're a lot more than twenty of them now!
While my spellcheck isn't reacting to "yea", I believe that either it's a typo of "yes" or "yep", or it's supposed to be "yeah". Also, I recommend changing "there're" to "there are", at least when narrating.
The lines of Wyrmblood and Thundercrier have always been most successful when acting in concert"
This sentence is missing its punctuation.
[X] I will be teleporting you to Peace Point. From there, it will be easy for you to get into Whitewing territory, and they will ferry you back to Agrithe. There is a line of credit for the Hall to pay for your travel; simply deliver this note to the Mercenary Center in Syrene; they'll send you on your way. I do not foresee any dangers along this path.
Regarding Alectai's concern about running into the Conspiracy on this route, I think he's rightly concerned for the wrong reason. I doubt that the Conspiracy knows about Ryza at this point, since while we didn't take the Boon that would cause rumors of Ryza's nature to be outright dismissed, we also didn't take the Bane that would cause them to be widely believed. And even if I'm wrong on that point, it would still take time for that information to reach them and then for them set people up in Whitewing territory specifically to intercept Ryza.
With that said, I do believe we have a non-negligible chance of running into the Conspiracy anyway because we know on a meta level that they're already in the area sabotaging diplomatic relations between the Whitewings and the Empire, so if we encounter them, I imagine it will be either a fluke or a case of improvisation by the local members of the Conspiracy rather than something that the ones pulling the strings actually planned.
