Chapter 11
Middas, the 22nd of Frostfall, Year 201 of the 4th Era
Daenerys studied Faralda curiously. She seemed to be just staring off into space. "Sorry, Master Wizard, but what changes everything?"
"You don't even know what you've done. That's…" Faralda shook her head and then laughed. "Let me explain. Do you remember what I was saying about the Seeming?"
Daenerys felt a bit insulted. They had only been talking about it a moment ago. "It's an altered mental state you said, one of the three key elements of casting a spell."
"Quite right," agreed Faralda. "Let's use the School of Destruction as an example. There is more than one mental state suitable for casting a destructive spell. Anger is the easiest and most common. You want to hurt someone so much that magic lashes out and does for you. Flames is the single most common spell manifested during spontaneous magic use. Pyromania is another possibility; you focus on a love of fire, the way it burns, cleanses, and destroys. You want something to feel that embrace. Until today I thought that an altered mental state was
necessary to bridge the gap from Will to Focus. Are you following this?"
Daenerys nodded. "But I'm not using the usual Seeming. I bridge the gap with understanding of what fire truly is."
"Yes!" Faralda beamed. "I'm not sure that even qualifies as a Seeming. And that's very important. Not to successfully cast spells, but because of the consequences upon the mage. We force our minds into an altered state every time we cast a spell. The problem is that bending your thoughts repeatedly has consequences. Most mages that have mastered Destruction are at least short-tempered from cultivating their anger."
Daenerys felt the temptation to make a pointed comment about Faralda's temperament, but she wasn't a fool. She kept her response mild. "I can see that could be a problem."
"Do you? It's more than just being short-tempered. When you hold anger too long, it can fester and become hate. Especially during war. Battlemages are particularly prone to this trap. When you see your friends and allies die, it's so easy to hate the enemy, but hate is much harder to let go than anger. Battlemages who fall into hate can frenzy as much as any Nord berserker, blasting at their foes, even their friends and not stopping. Pyromania can be just as dangerous, a love of destroying things with fire can twist the mind into sadism, taking joy in causing others pain."
"So, in short practicing Destruction isn't good for your sanity. I take it the other schools of magic have similar problems?"
"Of course, they do. For Illusion you must first trick yourself before you trick others. For Alteration you have to embrace infinite possibility, that anything might be true. Cultivating either one too much leaves one distant from the real world. With Alteration that's usually a tendency to get lost in daydreams. Illusionists get detached. They start seeing the world and all the people in it as playthings. Any school of magic has consequences if you're not careful. Madness is a very real risk for all mages. That's why a good deal of your lessons will also be on mediation, on centering yourself, on letting go, and finding balance in your life. It is far too easy to obsess about magic. As much as I hate to say it, the Nords aren't entirely wrong in distrusting mages. Too many of us get out of hand."
Daenerys was shocked to hear an Altmer Mistress of Destruction admit that. "And if mages didn't have to use Seemings, but could base their magic on Words as I do, then they would no longer have to push their minds to the brink of insanity, and far fewer of them would 'get out of hand'?"
"Yes, good. You have a quick wit about you. It's… the most important magical discovery in my lifetime. This could change the way we study magic. We already know Shouting can be taught. The Greybeards do it, although it supposedly takes years. However, a year of learning a Shout could very well be worth it in the long run. Tell me, how did you learn to Shout?"
Daenerys was about to answer, and then she paused and considered. She had something a Master Wizard wanted... "What's in it for me?"
"Did you not understand? This could revolutionize the way we cast spells. Our names will go down in magical history."
"And that is good, but you're wanting me to help you learn to Shout, are you not?"
"Well, yes. That's the only way to test the theory out."
"So, if I'm going to be teaching you, I want extra lessons from you. I'd also like to be promoted to apprentice."
"Extra lessons are only fair," agreed Faralda easily. "However, you're too new to make apprentice already. Although once we inform the rest of the faculty of this discovery…" Faralda suddenly frowned and then her eyes got wide. Her face twisted into an ugly scowl. She abruptly stood up and stomped around her desk. She stopped when she reached a line painted on the floor before one of the long stone alleyways that ended with targets. This particular target was a stone statue vaguely resembling a man. Faralda gestured with a hand and threw a ball of fire at the statue and hit it in the head. "Damn Ancano!" She threw another and hit it in the chest. "Damn the Thalmor!" She threw a third and hit it in the crotch. "Damn them to Oblivion!"
Daenerys was glad not to be on the receiving end of that burst of temper. Obviously, Faralda hadn't been joking about Masters of Destruction being short-tempered.
Faralda took a deep breath and let it out. "Consider that a lesson. Sometimes, the best way to handle anger is to vent it where it does no harm." While she was certainly calmer than she had been when screaming profanity and throwing fire, her voice still shook with fury.
Daenerys winced as that struck too close to home. It hadn't been only anger that had pushed her to destroy King's Landing. Hurt, betrayal, grief, and isolation had combined with rage. However, this was not the time for her to dwell again on her mistakes. "So, I take it you don't like the Thalmor?"
"What? Am I supposed to support them just because I'm an Altmer?" Her words still cracked with her anger. "People forget that the Thalmor conquered the Summerset Isles first. They purged and drove out any Altmer that disagreed with them. They killed two of my grandparents. My parents fled all the way to Skyrim to get as far from them as possible."
"My apologies. I wasn't mocking your pain. I was just surprised by your… outburst."
Faralda took a calming breath. "No, the apologies should be mine, but I believe I demonstrated the problem of using anger as a focus." She paused for a moment studying Daenerys. "You're taking all of this quite calmly. Most apprentices duck for cover when a Master Wizard is angry. You're acting more like I spilled my wine."
Daenerys shrugged. "I've seen worse." She'd done worse. "Besides, you used fire. I'm called the Unburnt for a reason. No fire can harm me. I'm more curious about what kindled your rage. You have reason to hate the Thalmor, but that was sudden. What brought that on?"
Faralda stepped back behind her desk and sat down. "This is the magical discovery of the century, maybe of the entire fourth era. We should involve the entire faculty. However, if we did Ancano would certainly find out, and we can't risk that. Think about it. Shouting takes years to master. If tapping into the knowledge of a Shout is a better way to cast spells, then it gives mer an advantage over men, because we live longer."
Daenerys smiled. "I think you may be placing the cart before the horse. As far as I'm aware Shouting is a rare gift, mostly found in Nords. Are you sure anyone can learn to Shout?"
The Mistress of Destruction nodded. "A very good point. I still want to keep any research into this a secret until we learn more."
"I won't object to that." Daenerys already felt like she was getting a good deal out of this. Cloaking them together in secrecy would only bind them more tightly. "Well, I can certainly agree to keep it secret. However, I'll be honest about not being sure if I can teach you to Shout. You see, I learned my first Word when a dragon Shouted the Word at me. I could try Shouting at you, but you're going to get burned."
"I've been burned before, many times. I've even burned myself deliberately. I'll admit it is not pleasant, but to truly master destruction requires an understanding about how it feels to burn, to freeze, and to be shocked." She reached over and grabbed another scroll and picked up her quill. "You said your first Word. What are all the Words you know, and how did you learn them?"
.oOo.
Daenerys shared with Faralda how she had learned
Yol from the dragon of Helgen and learned
Fus from the chanting wall in Bleak Falls Barrow. She described as well as she could how she had used her knowledge of her two Shouts to create spells upon the principles. She even discussed the ice dragon that had attacked and the words it had shouted: Fo – Krah – Diin.
Faralda laughed. "You actually are the dragon witch then?"
"That's greatly exaggerated. I told the caravan to run. I told them to hide, that they couldn't beat the dragon. I had no power over it. I certainly did not summon it."
"I understand. Wild rumors about magic blown out of proportion are hardly new in Winterhold. I still find it amusing that I let you in. I was guarding the bridge because of the dragon witch rumors and never realized you were the cause. Anything else?"
Daenerys thought about what Aranea said about her being the Last Dragonborn. Even the priestess only called it a theory. If she mentioned it to Faralda, she would have to give a source, and that source was the High Priestess of Azura. Faralda was shaping up to be an ally. She didn't want to risk that by sounding like a crazed daedric cultist. "That's all I can think of for now."
Faralda nodded. "It's a good start. While we may get around to you Shouting at me, I'd like to start on research first. I am certain that I've heard of what you called a 'chanting wall' before. I believe they are called word walls. We need to learn more about those. It's too bad you didn't write down whatever was written on the wall. It could have been important. Obviously, we also need to research everything in the library on Shouting, dragons, dragon priests and the Greybeards."
Daenerys felt stupid when Faralda mentioned not copying down the chanting/word/whatever wall. In hindsight that was a major clue that she had simply overlooked. "What about the Dragonborn? Isn't he known for Shouting?"
"The Dragonborn? You mean Tiber Septim? He is known for Shouting, but he is better known for many other things, and the mythology of his life has grown larger than the history. That's likely to be a very large stack of books with few if any useful leads."
"I was thinking more about the Nord legend."
"Oh, I suppose that might have some connection, but it's mostly mixed up with Tiber Septim and Talos." She shrugged. "I'll keep it in mind, but it doesn't feel like a good place to start.
So much for getting Faralda to research the Dragonborn for her. "How long will the research take? And do you want me to help you?"
"No, you would just slow me down," replied Faralda. "Now that you pointed out to me that you're not a native speaker, I noticed how you hesitate over words at times. Your Tamrielic still needs work. This will involve a lot of reading. Having you try to help me in the library would also attract undue attention. It will take two or three days just to comb the library for the correct books. Probably a few weeks to read through them, take notes and collate what I found."
Daenerys frowned but nodded. She could hardly complain. She had planned to research all this on her own, now she had her own expert researcher. Faralda was much more likely to find things in the library. "So, I just wait while you do research?"
"Oh no." Faralda smiled. "You're going to demonstrate that Shout for me. You also need to learn magic the way everyone else casts spells with a Seeming. I can report back to Mirabelle that I believe you have a gift for Destruction. That will give us some cover for meeting, but you need to show some talent. I have never taken an apprentice who hadn't mastered both Frost and Shock. If you aren't making progress on both of those it will raise questions. I'll give you lessons, but you need to work hard at them."
"I have no problems learning those spells." She smiled. Private lessons from a Mistress of Destruction. "I was already planning to learn spells to make it safer to explore Nord barrows. Those will fit right in."
"Good," agreed Faralda. "I'm hoping it won't come to exploring Nord barrows, but it might. What other spells were you going to study?"
"Healing is first on my list for obvious reasons. Potions are good, but they run out. Clairvoyance sounds important as well. I don't particularly relish the prospect of getting lost underground."
Faralda nodded approvingly. "Both are good choices. I'll put that in my report as well. Make them a priority, but you should try to learn at least one spell from each school of magic. You might have a gift from one school or another. The only way to find out is to try. I suggest Candlelight from Alteration. Being able to make a light without a torch is useful. Enchanting and Conjuration are less useful unless you really specialize in them, and the post of Master Alchemist is unfortunately vacant."
"So, no one teaches Alchemy at all?"
"No," replied Faralda. "A part of that is Archmage Savos. He believes Alchemy to be more of a craft than a truly magical art. The post has been vacant for quite a while and he has made no effort to fill it, despite the obvious utility and profitability of the art."
Daenerys nodded. She could understand that some. Even Orgnar back at the Sleeping Giant Inn, who was a simple man, dabbled in Alchemy. On the other hand, healing potions were very useful. She would have been eager to take lessons. Too bad she couldn't. "So, now what?"
Faralda smiled. "Now, you will demonstrate Shouting for me."
"Is that wise if we want to keep my ability to Shout secret? Shouts are loud."
"This is the Destruction practice room. It's reinforced and muffled. Now, show me."
.oOo.
After Daenerys demonstrated both
Yol and
Fus multiple times, Faralda decided that she had seen enough and sent Daenerys on her way in time to make the second class of the day. Daenerys spotted the rest of the novitiates moving more or less together toward the Restoration classroom. She picked up the pace and fell in beside Brelyna waving at Onmund and J'zargo as she passed them.
"Morning, Daenerys. How did your assessment go?"
"Very well. Faralda believes I have a gift for Destruction." However, any further conversation was cut off by their arrival at the Restoration classroom which was marked by a white bird in flight.
The room inside was not what Daenerys had been expected. It looked and smelled more like a stable. There was a large central area with stools and facing an empty podium with a slate board behind it. The rest of the room was divided into many animal pens housing pigs and cattle. As she took in the room the students filed into seats dividing themselves into distinct groups. The boys sat in the back, and the girls took seats in the front. They further segregated themselves by race with the humans sitting on the right of the room and the other races on the left. It didn't feel enforced, more that like was drawn to like, but the divisions present in Skyrim were copied here in miniature. Daenerys wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. Even Onmund, J'zargo, and Brelyna separated to sit by their charges. Daenerys saw her four charges waving excitedly to her. With a shrug she joined them.
An elderly woman breezed through the doorway just after Daenerys took her seat. She headed straight for the podium, so she had to be Colette Marence, Mistress of Restoration. She wore similar robes to the other Master Wizards, but hers had been altered. The neckline was lower, the top was tighter, and the hem was shorter showing some leg. All of that would make sense for a younger woman who wanted to flaunt her body, but Colette was in the autumn of her years. Her hair was shot with silver and her face showed deep wrinkles.
She reached the morning and faced the class. "Good morning, everyone." Her voice was scratchy with years, but firm with authority.
"Good morning, Mistress Colette," responded everyone except Daenerys who was caught unawares.
"We have a new novitiate today, Daenerys Targaryen the Unburnt. Stand up and tell us a bit about yourself, lass."
Daenerys stood, irritated to be placed on the spot like this. Faralda had just instructed her to avoid attention. However, she was clearly expected to say something. "I am here to learn magic, and I appear to have a talent for Destruction…" What else would be harmless? "Tomorrow is my name day. I'll turn twenty-one. As for the rest, I understand there is a custom of novitiates leaving their past behind them. I prefer not to talk about my past."
Colette appeared vexed. "I suppose there is a tradition that allows that, but no one has invoked it in years. Still, you at least claimed a cognomen, the Unburnt. There must be a story behind that."
"There is." And she wasn't about to share how she earned it. "Put simply, I don't burn. At all. I can stand in the hottest blaze and the worst that would happen is my clothes would burning off and I would walk out covered in ashes."
That triggered a wave of mutters and stares among the novitiates in the classroom.
"I can see that would be useful if you pursue Destruction. Very well, sit down."
Daenerys sat. She was irritated at being treated like a young child. No wonder her fellow novitiates acted like children; they were treated as such.
"Good. We'll skip the theory discussion for today. I want everyone to get in their assigned groups and work on basic healing with the livestock. Keep the injuries small and take turns. The one who does the healing should not be the one who cuts the beast. If you're casting, remember the three key elements. I'll be around to check on each group shortly. Daenerys, come on up here to the podium."
Daenerys rose to her feet again keeping her irritation inside her. Growing up with Viserys she had learned how to keep her emotions on the inside. Being able to project a calm visage despite how she felt was a valuable skill. She forced a mild smile and replied calmly, "Yes, Master Wizard?"
"Mistress will do," replied Colette. "I haven't had time to read your initial report from Faralda. You do at least understand the three key elements of casting a spell?"
Daenerys nodded. "I do. Will, Focus, and Seeming." She was not about to mention that she had just learned them this morning.
"Good. Now, can you cast any Restoration magic at all?"
"No, the only spells I can cast are Destruction."
The high-pitched squeal of a pig came from off to her left. As if it was a signal this set off a chorus of squealing from other pigs. The cows joined by stomping and huffing. Daenerys looked around and saw the animals struggling against being bound in ropes.
"Eyes on me," demanded Colette.
Daenerys turned back and met Colette's gaze with her own. She kept her face tranquil, but she wasn't cowed. She owed this woman respect for her position, not submission.
"Better. Now, that you know only Destruction is not surprising. It is always easier to destroy than build up," lectured Colette. "Of the three key elements Will is the same for all casting. How would you Focus to heal?"
"For Focus you would use the wound being healed," Daenerys guessed as she ignored the continued and louder squealing from the pigs and a loud bellow from a cow.
"Wrong. That's an advanced technique. You aren't ready for it. You would have to know what wounds are the deadliest and require attention first. Beginners should focus upon the entire person or beast to be healed. You must visualize them healthy and pain free. Now, what would you use for a Seeming?"
Daenerys knew that anger worked for Destruction, so she made a guess. "For Seeming you would use compassion and empathy."
"A textbook answer," scoffed Colette. "But, not a bad start. Compassion and empathy are a decent start. Love is even more powerful. The truest love is unselfish toward all. Most can only manage to love the ones closest to their own heart. However, there is an alternative. What barely gets mentioned in most magical textbooks is that if you are devout worshiper, then love and faith in a patron goddess is almost always a more effective Seeming than compassion or empathy. So, what gods do you follow?"
Daenerys frowned. "I thought the College took a scholarly approach to magic, not a religious one."
"Officially, yes. Most of my colleagues disapprove that I involve the gods in magic at all. However, it is a proven method and highly effective for Restoration magics. So, spit it out. What gods do you follow?"
"The Nine Divines," lied Daenerys. She couldn't really call herself a follower of Azura. Nor the Red Temple, even though it had supported her. Once she had been convinced that Vezhof, the Great Stallion, had favored her with the child who would become the Stallion Who Mounts the World. If that had been ever been true, that had passed with Rhaego. She felt a connection to the old gods of Valyria, but their time had come and gone. She knew more of the dragons who bore their names.
"The Nine is a good start, but too abstract to make a useful Seeming. You would have to focus on a specific patron goddess. Most young maidens use Mara, and she is a good one for healing. Pretty ones like you often prefer Dibella."
Daenerys was getting tired of her attitude. "I'm not a maiden. I've been married twice."
"Been married? You've already survived two husbands at your age? Do you have children?"
"Yes, I'm twice widowed. My son was stillborn. There are reasons I want to leave my past behind. Now, are you going to teach me magic or not?"
"Mind your tone. You are still a novitiate here. Do you feel a close connection at all to Mara or Dibella?"
"No. I don't have a strong connection to any of the Nine." If anything, she leaned toward Akatosh, the dragon god, but that was because she was Targaryen.
"Pity. Well, you're still a beautiful young woman. If you come see me outside of class, I would be glad to instruct you on the ways of Dibella."
"I'll consider it."
"Do so. Now, the healing of one's self is the easiest to perform. Wanting the pain to cease is a simple and yet powerful Seeming. However, we practice on animals. Can you tell me why?"
"Because the College doesn't want us hurting ourselves or our fellow students." That was obvious.
"Very good, but it is not just for your physical safety. When you inflict harm just so you can heal the wound, it undermines your attempt to build a Seeming based on empathy, compassion, or love. If you really cared about the injured party, you wouldn't have hurt them in the first place. It's also unsafe. Minor wounds run the risk that you cannot heal it, because you know it's not that serious. Major wounds are dangerous because someone might bleed out if you fail to heal."
"It sounds like the best way to practice for Restoration is actually on the battlefield."
"Bah," scoffed Colette. "You would learn quickly that way, but you would also risk lives if you weren't skilled. Wounding animals is the best compromise for practice. We also work with partners, so we are not healing the wounds we inflict."
"I understand."
"No, you don't, but you're starting to. Let's join your charges. I want to see you practice first. Then I need to help the others."
.oOo.
As grating as Colette's manner was, Daenerys had to admit that she knew Restoration. While Daenerys couldn't heal any wounds her first day, Colette did help her to the point that she felt something stirring. Her own first steps with Flames and Shove had started with a similar weak feeling that something was there. While doing so she also learned that Colette seemed to favor the pretty girls, Enja in particular.
At lunch while talking with her fellow senior novitiates the truth came out. The Mistress of Restoration was highly controversial. That she had learned magic as a Priestess of Dibella at the temple in Markarth was a widely known fact. That she had been ousted due to temple politics was often repeated. That she obtained her post by trading sexual favors with Archmage Savos was wild speculation, as was whether she was sleeping with any or all the faculty members. Although most thought she was at least sleeping with Sergius Turrianus, the Master of Enchanting. The other often repeated 'fact' was that most of the faculty didn't approve of her. Colette seemed to believe it was because of a disdain for the School of Restoration. However, her fellow initiates seemed to feel that it was her emphasis on using a religious approach that had alienated the other faculty members. Or possibly because the rumors of her earning her place through sexual favors were actually true.
Over the next few days, she had classes with the other Master Wizards of the College: Segius Turrianus, Master of Enchanting; Tolfdir, Master of Alteration; Drevis Neloren, Master of Illusion; and Phinis Gestor, Master of Conjuration. Mirabelle Irvine also taught general magical theory. While they had their differences, they were all highly knowledgeable about their fields, they all emphasized the three key elements of casting a spell, and they all taught with similar methods. Magical theory was mostly taught by assigned readings and then discussed during the first part of class. The bulk of the class was focused on practical application. There would be an assigned spell for the day, and the Master Wizard would circulate around the room while everyone practiced.
The schedule was straightforward: Two lessons in the morning, followed by lunch, then another lesson, and finally free practice in the Hall of Elements in the afternoon – still under the watchful eye of Master Wizards. Lessons were six days a week, Morndas through Loredas with Sundas off. As novitiates they were expected to attend every class and to attempt to master every spell. They were also treated as children. They were expected to listen, obey, and fail often. To advance to an apprenticeship required acceptance from one of the Master Wizards. At that point instruction was much more individualized.
While being treated as a child again frustrated her to no end, she was relieved that the lessons were not more arduous. As a novitiate she was expected to know nothing, she was expected to struggle, and she was expected to fail. Trying to force her mind to think specific thoughts was challenging, but she could feel something stirring inside her. It wasn't as pronounced as when she had first started using
Yol and
Fus to learn Flames and Shove, but it was there.
However, theory was her stumbling block. Her vocabulary for spoken Tamrielic was growing rapidly, but she still struggled with reading even simple books. The magical theory books they were assigned to read weren't simple at all. Not only were the concepts themselves abstract, but the authors all seemed to love using flowery language. Fortunately, no one seemed to expect her to discuss the readings in class. Rather than trying to follow the text, Daenerys set herself the more reasonable goal of merely understanding the vocabulary. She read each assigned reading line by line and looked up every word she didn't know in Brelyna's copy of
The New Imperial Dictionary of Cyrodyllic. That was slow going, but at least she felt like she was making progress.
She was also finding the company of her fellow senior initiates to be comforting. They had surprised her after practice on her name day and insisted that the day must be celebrated with drink. That required a bit of juggling as they first had to get all their charges into bed, but then the four of them met up and opened several skins of wine. Even J'zargo drank a little, but he also had a little bowl of moon sugar that he sniffed at. By midnight her head was swimming, and she insisted on calling it a night. She had to wave off Onmund who tried to help her to her room. He was even more drunk than she was. However, she didn't end up sleeping at least not right away. Instead she and Brelyna stayed up chatting.
"He likes you," observed Brelyna.
"J'zargo? Yes, his flattery is obvious. Can humans and Khajiit even… have sex? Have children?"
Brelyna laughed. "Have sex? Yes, they can. Mer and men can even have sex with Argonians. Remind me to loan you my copy of The Lusty Argonian Maid. Have children, no. Besides, J'zargo isn't serious. He is merely an enormous flirt. I wasn't talking about J'zargo. I meant Onmund. He likes you."
"Onmund?" Daenerys shook her head. "He's still a boy. I know he has a man's years, but he is too wet behind the ears for me. I like my men dangerous and confident. Besides, I am here to learn magic, not for romance."
"Dangerous and confident," Brelyna almost purred. "And have you known such men?"
Daenerys smiled. The wine dulled the pain somewhat and helped her remember the good times. "Oh yes, I have. Let me tell you about…" not Drogo, nor John Snow, nor Jorah… "Daario Naharis. He could flirt as shamelessly as J'zargo, but he could back it up."
Kudos to Neruz for reviewing the magibabble and catching a few errors.