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De3ta reads....Ambience: A Fleet Symphony.

Am I making a horrible mistake?

  • Yes.

    Votes: 14 5.7%

  • YES!

    Votes: 233 94.3%
  • Total voters
    247
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Guilop said:
This seems like something I would have read when I first discovered fanfiction over ten years ago, because look at that cool, dark character. He's so strong and doesn't take shit from anybody. :V

Honestly, brainjacking a girl in a ridiculously violent way just because she doesn't listen to him and has legitimate questions about what the hell's going on would probably still have made me drop the fic even back then, because I can't stand this kind of shit. Maybe she would have cooperated with him on her own, if he just patiently explained wht the shit's going on, but no he jsut rams a knife in her brain. I'll just assume this will happen to every girl he meets and will just get even worse as thing progress.

This is the guy we are supposed to cheer for? Why is everybody so obsessed with making their protagonist a fucking asshole?
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To expand on this; let's just look at what an outside observer would see:
A guy walks through a wasteland until he meets a couple of wild dogs. He then flips the fuck out and brutally murders them, even torturing one to death by destroying each limb seperately. He then continues on ignoring the massacre until he reaches his destination. We now see an inactive robot girl. The guy activates the robot and she begins to speak and it is immediately apparent that she is intelligent and a person in her own right. He ignores her questions and then suddenly rams a knife into her head. When she next speaks, she says that he just reprogrammed her against her will and she now has to follow his orders, effectively turning her into his slave.

In a lot of other works this might be the introductory chapter of the villain, showing us what he's willing to do and giving us a reason why the hero has to defeat him. Or maybe the girl would be the protagonist and now has to escape from the villain. But not in this story. Here the brainjacking, extremely violent slaver is our hero.


I'll just assume that every girl he brainjacks is going to forgive the hero for enslaving her eventually and will fall in love with him or at least will suddenly start to like him for no apparent reason.

It's also ridiculous to assume that any shipgirl would always follow every order her commander has made or my girls would actually target the enemy BB's first instead of wasting their shots on puny destroyers.
 
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Guilop said:
It's also ridiculous to assume that any shipgirl would always follow every oreder her commander has made or my girls would actually target the enemy BB's first instead of wasting their shots on puny destroyers.
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What's this? Is that salt I taste? :V
 
MissingJimbo said:
They have torpedoes and are at close range. The shipgirl BBs are smarter than half of the BB drivers in World of Warships.
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Play low tier Steel Ocean and behold the BB players who hold still for your torpedo spread.

This is despite the torpedoes being visible the whole time and the DDs being so close the BBs can shoot their secondaries at them.

On the other hand this unorthodox tactic has caused me to miss shots and torpedoes because I assumed they would move so maybe it works. :p
 
Guilop said:
I'll just assume this will happen to every girl he meets and will just get even worse as thing progress.

This is the guy we are supposed to cheer for? Why is everybody so obsessed with making their protagonist a fucking asshole?
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Are you fucking psychic?

As for your second question.

Refer to my first post in this thread.

You have not even begun.

Genolution said:
Everyone loves a bad boy anti hero but no one knows how to do one properly.
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Because the point of an anti-hero is that you need foils to them. Take Punisher for example. He doesnt play by "the rules" why? Because he had his family killed and the justice system failed him.

What we have here isnt an anti-hero. I mean what's his motivation for all this. SPoilers by the way.

To assemble the fleet consisting of all ship girls with him as the commanding officer. All of them *cue Gotta catch em all song* in order to force law and order.

That's it. That's his whole fucking motivation. There's no personal tragic backstory beyond
Oh noes he was a tragic scientific experiments. oh noes.

He's not trying to make the world a better place, like the Punisher. (you know, by killing criminals) He's not trying to make things how they used to be.

We're not following an Anti-hero.

We're following a Villain protagonist.

I'd write more about this fic but I'd think I was stealing De3ta's thunder here.
 
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I just read the first review of this thing on FF.net. It's by the aptly named UnimpressedAnon and it basically mirrors what I think about it:
UnimpressedAnon said:
The only problem I see with the way you write is that you drag each line of description too long, to the point it one can even forget what it was about at the end. The narrative on the other hand...:
*It would be wise to avoid telling anything about how the nuclear war went down beyond the fact that it happened. People may be offended.
*Character showing beyond human traits (super streght, radiation and illness immunity, night vison) for no apparent reasons. Traveling alone and outdoing badits in their own "area of expertise". Somehow surviving in the wild with no knowledge of fauna and flora. Considering himself better than people strugling to make the place they live in actually habitable, while calling then boring. Torturing someone for information for some nebulous reason of "making the world less ugly". Mind raping somone with a fancy gizmo that makes no sense whatsoever. There is a title that fits this guy perfectly, three guesses at what it is, the first two don't count.
*Insulting the "design choices" of the game and trying to pass it off as funny.

At this point, I am wondering why you even put this in the Kancolle section if you just wanted to go on a power trip with you Gery Stu. Replacing Murakumo with any kind of super weapon would change practically nothing. And you would lose less points with the readers if you didn't make you OC freaking mind rape a character they actually may like.

I won't comment on the supposed origin of the Ship Girls in this grimderp setting of yours, since you actually mentioned in the summary that it was an AU.
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Edit: Then the next few are glowing praise :V
 
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Guilop said:
Not anymore. After a while every TTK has to acknowledge the fact that his BBs will always target enemy DDs before anything else.
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A note about that: IIRC it's been confirmed that targeting priority is weighted towards abyssals at the bottom of the fleet.
MissingJimbo said:
They have torpedoes and are at close range. The shipgirl BBs are smarter than half of the BB drivers in World of Warships.
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If only DD torpedoes were actually a threat to high level BBs :V
 
I swear I am having a BLAST reading the reactions to the very first chapter. Having first found out about this fic last year, it still feels like yesterday when I'm reading the reactions in this thread.

What to expect for the next couple of chapters? Southern US road trip in a truck to find more ship girls, and helping survivor communities along the way. Oh, and don't skip out on Damon and Murakumo's visit about the USS Alabama museum ship. You're gonna get really WTF'd.

Like the MC is in his what, early 20s and is already a full Commander? That's seriously bull. He's an officer who's been a drill instructor? Nope, that doesn't work - DIs are enlisted. Close order drill ends up upsetting the shipgirls until they're in tears? Jesus fuck what the hell are you doing wrong - I've done close order drill since I was seven (yay malaysian education system). Drill is never traumatising if you do it properly.
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Has anyone ever bothered to bring this bit up to the author? I did find it fishy too when I read Moebius 4, but sadly, not fishy enough to bring it up with him.
 
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HashiriyaR32 said:
Has anyone ever bothered to bring this bit up to the author? I did find it fishy too when I read Moebius 4, but sadly, not fishy enough to bring it up with him.
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Yes, several times in fact. He just ignored all of them, like how he ignores anything that even slightly resembles criticism.

If he hadn't run away from SB because someone criticized him, I would link him this thread.
 
I thought it was the sheer apathy/indifference that he got in terms of responses?

There was only three other responses not from the author when he posted the thread on SB.
 
Azecreth said:
That and the ongoing Kancolle event. From what I hear it's basically Kotomine Kirei levels of suffering. :V
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Actually, De3ta can't participate in that event at all. He doesn't have enough win ratio in both mission and PVP that any event requires (He said that he have about 33% win ratio, while the event only allow those who have 75% win ratio.)

Then again, he's still very, very new in the game. And he's pretty much already given up on joining today's event.
 
Huh. I had no idea hackyuu posted ambience to SB.

Will not raise any issues with him because that wwould take up too much time.
 
Dalek Ix said:
@De3ta So, how goes chapter two?
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What they said. :V

I'd have done it today, but I've gotten a bitch of a throat ache and was a liiiittke tired. Blame Kancolle. :p

AWACS Sky Eye said:
Actually, De3ta can't participate in that event at all. He doesn't have enough win ratio in both mission and PVP that any event requires (He said that he have about 33% win ratio, while the event only allow those who have 75% win ratio.)

Then again, he's still very, very new in the game. And he's pretty much already given up on joining today's event.
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To specify so I look not completely incompetent (which I am), 33.3 percent win ratio is for PvP, with an event fifteen wins and losses.

Also I didn't know combined fleets we're a think until like yesterday, proooobay didn't help.
 
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