- Location
- Malaysia
What fandom is this? Because there are plenty of fics with the same title.
CV12Hornet Cleans Out His Fanfiction Favorites List (Beware of Shit Taste)
- Thread starter CV12Hornet
- Start date
Think it might be Neon Genesis evangelion. Only one that comes to mind that is older
Once More With Feeling
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
Impressions before reading:
Like The Dark Lords of Nerima, this fic is often hailed as one of the best for its setting. I do remember it being very good, but perhaps not that good.
Review:
I've covered stories that I liked despite massive technical flaws; A Thin Veneer and The Dilgar War come to mind, at least in their early chapters. Once More With Feeling's early chapters might outdo both in the "technical issues" department. Typos, missing punctuation, poor flow, no scene breaks, past-tense thoughts, and some truly spectacularly bad formatting all mar the fic's early chapters. I struggled with those chapters, and it was only a quick skip ahead to find them mostly gone that kept me going at first. Still takes ten chapters, though...
Not coincidentally, that's when my enjoyment of this fic starts to pick up. And now that I'm done dumping on its flaws...
A big strength of the fic is Shinji himself. Yes, Lilith, as the author puts it at the start, "jams a steel rod down his spine" before sending him back, but that doesn't turn in him into basically an OC bearing his name, as far too many similar fics do. He's still an awkward teenage boy, this time with a massive guilt complex, and he shows weakness. Often. Whether it's puking in a toilet from stress after confronting his father or just barely managing to not melt into a puddle of goo when he meets Asuka again, he's nowhere near the SB Competence1 threshold. Hell, some of his more aggressive/confident/snarky moments leave him wondering where that came from, and there are moments where the changes he's made take him off guard. It's a refreshing portrayal.
Another point I appreciate is that people do notice the sudden change in Shinji's behavior. It puts him on the Japanese government's radar (good!), and Ritsuko Akagi becomes increasingly suspicious as time goes on (bad). Gendo, oddly, seems to either not notice or not care, though I'm leaning towards the latter. It would have been good for the fic to clarify that at some point, but it's a relatively minor issue.
And then we get to the Three Colors section of the story, three chapters each detailing one of the pilots' points of view from the same day, a day that is very much a culmination of character development for Rei and Shinji, and a major push for Asuka's character development. What these chapters remind me of are chapters 60-65 of the Dilgar War, a place where the threads set up in the beginning come together in a very satisfying payoff. And it is an excellent payoff.
Verdict: Best Eva fic ever? No. Still excellent regardless, though only read if you can withstand the errors and godawful formatting of the early chapters.
Next time, we have... a Naruto OC fic.
Oh, I've got a bad feeling about this one...
- A derisive term that was spawned from one too many threads on that sight criticizing fictional characters for basically not being omniscient.
New Beginnings, New Fate
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
Impressions before reading:
I remember exactly where I found this fic: one TvTropes' Awesome page for fanfiction. No, not a work-specific Awesome page, the one for fanfiction in general.
Fuck you, Past Me.
Review:
And right off the bat the fic starts on exactly the wrong foot with Gratuitous Naruto AbuseTM. Worse, this seems to have been added entirely to justify Naruto not only leaving Konoha, but Sarutobi letting him stay gone. Which just compounds the stupidity. And I'm not sure if the author knew of Danzo's existence or not1, but I'm not feeling particularly generous right now. So, yeah, Danzo would never risk Konoha's living weapon ever-!
Okay. Okay, I'm going to hold off on a massive rant and maybe skip past the beginning. Let the fic have its unicorn in the garden. Maybe it'll get better.
And now we meet our OC, Jagaa, and I've already got alarm bells ringing in my head. Dresses in all black, included sunglasses at night, and has lots of scars? *gags* Keeps up with and surprises Kakashi (who, if I'm mathing correctly, is still older at this point in the timeline)? Ayup. Gets Kakashi to leave Naruto with him after five minutes and some "crossed swords, shared hearts" bullshit?3 Ditto.
Moving on...
And then, shortly into chapter 2, we get two gate guards being decidedly and openly hostile to Naruto. Yeah, I'm done.
Granted, as I said above I'm being decidedly uncharitable to this fic. But as I also said above, this fic sets entirely the wrong first impression, and over the next chapter or so does nothing to dispel that first impression. Maybe it does get better. I'm not particularly interested in finding out.
Verdict: So, yeah, this is going off the list. At least this was mostly a case of Past Me not knowing any better...
Next, some more cleanup before we get to the other fanfic that inspired me to do this.
- Danzo only appears in the official translation in 2008, but appears in Japan in 2006. And I got into scanlations a few years after that, so I don't know what was available at the time...
- Not gonna lie, it actually was 11 minutes after I finished the first part.
- Yes, that's a thing in canon. It was also shown between Naruto and Sasuke when they basically threw everything they had at each other. Not two strangers locking blades once.
Why? Is everything there Shit?
September 29 - October 16, 2007
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
Impressions before reading:
Hilariously escalating crack fic, looks like. Let's see how well it pulls it off long-term.
Review:
E-Excuse me... b-be right b-back... laughing too hard...
Alright. Now that I'm not laughing my guts out, I can say wholeheartedly that not only does The Great Romantic fulfill all the expectations I mentioned above, it blows them out of the water. It's legitimately one of the funniest fics I've ever read, with a smile on my face whenever I wasn't laughing my ass off.
It works by a simple and very effective formula: setting up absurd situations and rumors and reactions by means of showing us the thought process behind everything. And those thought processes... well, NotHimAgain put it the best for another comedy fic over on SB:
Basically, Insane Troll Logic abounds, and it's hilarious. Especially when it's the rumor mill churning out said logic. Otherwise, I'm not going to spoil the endlessly good jokes this fic has.
Verdict: I called it one of the best comedy fics I'd ever read. Whaddya think?
Impressions before reading:
I remember this as a slow-burn Susie/Calvin college romance that never quite got off the ground. The question is thus if there's enough here for me to keep it.
Review:
Yup, totally slow-burn.
There are a few things I like about this fic. Several, actually. First, Susie and Calvin themselves. Calvin is very much like I'd expect a kid like him to grow up to be, especially his major. A Philosophy/Psychology double major is exactly what you'd expect after all the philosophical digressions he goes through as a kid. And his core personality traits are basically unchanged. Susie is less similar, partly because she has less character in the strip to begin with, but also because she's coming off a very, very bad breakup. We see how it got so bad, and it's... yeah, it's ugly. Still, she's recognizable from her kid self.
Second, Hobbes. Not so much as a character - though his POV chapter is nice - and more the fact that it treats his reality basically as the comic strip does. By which I mean just about everyone except Calvin just sees him as a stuffed animal. That Susie is starting to see the same is a major plot point that, if I recall, came up in the comics, too.
Third, the fic does a good job setting up the attraction between the two (though it hasn't gone past setup yet). It's more than physical attractiveness, though that is brought up, but more that... well, I'll let a story quote explain:
And fourth, surprise Charlie Brown cameos!
Verdict: The only question with this one is if there's enough there to justify keeping. I'm gonna say yes.
So, the next fic is going to take a while to materialize. For one, it's massive. And for another... more than any other fic, I'm going to need to try and untangle my nostalgia and try to judge it objectively. See, Shinji and Warhammer 40K was the very first fanfic I read, and I loved it to pieces at the time. That stays with you.
'Till next time.
Shinji and Warhammer 40K
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
I'm going to forgo the usual setup. What I want to say about this fic doesn't really fit that structure.
To start, we go back eight years, to when I was fifteen and a sophomore in high school. I was never a very sociable kid, and after some... unpleasant times in middle school, I only got more withdrawn. At lunch time, I'd eat as fast as possible and then go to the library to snag one of the computers there. Why not the books? Well, I'd read everything I wanted to read in there, and the mass of fiction was intimidating and hard to figure out. So I'd browse the Internet instead. And one of my favorite websites was TvTropes.
And eventually, I stumbled upon the page for Shinji and Warhammer 40K.
Now, I had no idea at the time fanfiction existed, and only vague inklings of what Neon Genesis Evangelion was. But as I browsed through the page, it convinced me that this was something I wanted to read. That it was something my spectacle-addicted teenage brain would love. So I read it.
And I loved it.
I loved the humor. I loved the character progression and playing "spot the reference" and so many other things, but most of all, I loved how the fic started awesome and then kept finding ways to top itself. It was batshit insane in all the best ways. Still, there's only os much spectacle even the teenage mind can take before getting at least a little bored, and my original readthrough stalled out around chapter forty - too massive, and the story had gotten a little to bleak for my tastes at the time - and I moved on to other fanfics. I never forgot this one, and I still remembered it fondly, but it was more a memory I cherished - and as I got older, a popcorn fic I'd indulged in once upon a time. It helps that, between never finishing it and the absolute dearth of updates after adding it to my new FFN account, I was never given a real reason to revisit it.
Then, this September, it updated. Immediately, I decided that I would be doing a full reread, to get at the bits I'd overlooked in my youthful tastelessness and finally read the chapters I'd never read. It would be fun, I thought.
Unfortunately, as I read the earliest chapters, I realized two things: one, they had been revised at some point, and two, they felt wrong. Things had been subtly changed and I didn't like it. So when I went into the readthrough for this fic, I was expecting to have to regretfully remove it from my list.
Eight chapters in, and I can safely say that that is not the case. That bad reaction I had the last time I tried a reread? Eh, I was just in the wrong mindset or something. It looks fine now. Nothing special besides some nice zingers, but fine. Chapter 8 is when things really get interesting. That's when Shinji consecrates Unit 01 as a Titan, a moment that even now has me gritting my teeth and going "Fuck yeah!" And it's not even close to the only time that happens.
Orky Rei going to pummel criminals? Fuck yeah!
Everything setting up Kaworu as Shinji's true evil opposite? Fuck yeah!
Magnos Tancred, the three-man demented puppy of a robot? Fuck yeah...
...
That said...
In between these moments is the literary equivalent of a fancy French restaurant in a farming town in the middle of Nebraska. The real meat of the story is stuffed full pretentious pseudo-philosophical ramblings on... many, many things; endless deep dives into people you don't care about; and extraneous worldbuilding that's better left unsaid if you know enough Eva background. I do appreciate what this all is trying to do, but it's boring, especially for a fic that I'm reading for the cool factor. It's trying and failing to be sophisticated, is what I'm saying.
Overall, by the time the chapter count hit the twenties my promises to at least make it past the timeskip had died in my brain. I simply don't want to read it anymore, regardless of what cool stuff may lie ahead.
In hindsight, Shinji and Warhammer 40K was overly ambitious. This leaves me the dilemma of deciding what to do with it. It's better than I feared, but worse than I'd hoped. Nostalgic and a big part of my history, but also not something I really like here in the present. It's updating, but I can't follow the new events all that well without going through a deep dive I've just aborted not even halfway through.
*sighs*
I really, really want to keep this story on the list. But I can't. I can't justify it to myself. Ugh. I need a palate cleanser...
*checks upcoming fics*
Excellent! Two short comedy fics! That'll do quite nicely.
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FlyingScanian
Tea Addict
- Location
- Land of Eternal Night
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Famous last words?
December 11, 2007 - January 6, 2008
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
And with the next trio, we finally exit 2007 and move onto 2008! No more decade-old fics!
I can't quite recall what separates this from the very similar Great Landscaping Crisis. And what's with the number of Naruto/Tenten pairings I've got in my list?
Review:
Oh, right, now I remember! This is the one where Tenten tends to go nuts when she uses explosive tags! Which isn't super funny on its own, but it becomes funny from the fact that Naruto likes explosions just as much, the two egg each other on, and everyone else panics. Including Gai. Who I don't think we've ever seen panic in canon. Though, uh, once again...
Verdict: Dumb, aggressively dumb, and wears out its welcome quickly, but also funny.
If you know the two works in question, you know what's gonna happen. Instead, let's talk about Shadow Crystal Mage!
Best known for his sprawling Takamachi Nanoha of 2814 series, Shadow Crystal Mage is somewhat infamous as a very prolific crackfic author. I've probably mentioned this before, but while crack fics are the easiest fics to write, they're among the hardest to write well. Luckily, Shadow Crystal Mage is very good at his craft - when it's confined to a one-shot. His longer fics have a tendency to get lost in their own absurdity, IMO.
Review:
Y'know, I probably should've seen this coming...
This isn't a fic. This barely qualifies as a scene. It's the sort of drabble I'd be hesitant to use in Things Not Allowed, for chrissakes! Oh well, at least I got a chance to talk about Shadow Crystal Mage before running into some of his other works on my list.
Verdict: Yeah, it's off.
I remember two things about this fic, one good, one bad. The good is that I remember really wanting this to be a longer fic than it is. The bad is that I distinctly recall Ranma breaking the rules by being, well, Ranma. Which is annoying when it appears in straight crossovers, let alone fusions.
Review:
...
Well, no wonder I wanted this to be longer. The one-shot gives just enough information to leave the reader wondering 'What the fuck happened?!' On top of that, the mention of Ophelia, a rather important character from early on in Claymore's run, places this maybe a couple of years in-story before Claymore canon starts, which has all sorts of implications given the somewhat complex plot of the manga.
As for the whole "breaking established rules of the setting" thing I mentioned above? Well, that's not nearly as bad as I remembered, and is neatly explained by the crossover elements present. Sadly, some of this I can't explain without giving away the twist, but said crossover elements are neatly presented and integrated.
One final warning: the one Ranma character we actually see for more than a few seconds, Ranma himself, is very different from canon, just in ways neatly explained by the fusion.
Verdict: Consider it a good sign that I want to see more of this. It also manages to stand as a story on its own, so that's good.
Next up is a long fic, The Genius Losers of Konoha (*cringes*), and-
*looks at opening author's note*
Oh no. Oh no.
Impressions before reading:
I can't quite recall what separates this from the very similar Great Landscaping Crisis. And what's with the number of Naruto/Tenten pairings I've got in my list?
Review:
Oh, right, now I remember! This is the one where Tenten tends to go nuts when she uses explosive tags! Which isn't super funny on its own, but it becomes funny from the fact that Naruto likes explosions just as much, the two egg each other on, and everyone else panics. Including Gai. Who I don't think we've ever seen panic in canon. Though, uh, once again...
Verdict: Dumb, aggressively dumb, and wears out its welcome quickly, but also funny.
Impressions before reading:
If you know the two works in question, you know what's gonna happen. Instead, let's talk about Shadow Crystal Mage!
Best known for his sprawling Takamachi Nanoha of 2814 series, Shadow Crystal Mage is somewhat infamous as a very prolific crackfic author. I've probably mentioned this before, but while crack fics are the easiest fics to write, they're among the hardest to write well. Luckily, Shadow Crystal Mage is very good at his craft - when it's confined to a one-shot. His longer fics have a tendency to get lost in their own absurdity, IMO.
Review:
Y'know, I probably should've seen this coming...
This isn't a fic. This barely qualifies as a scene. It's the sort of drabble I'd be hesitant to use in Things Not Allowed, for chrissakes! Oh well, at least I got a chance to talk about Shadow Crystal Mage before running into some of his other works on my list.
Verdict: Yeah, it's off.
Impressions before reading:
I remember two things about this fic, one good, one bad. The good is that I remember really wanting this to be a longer fic than it is. The bad is that I distinctly recall Ranma breaking the rules by being, well, Ranma. Which is annoying when it appears in straight crossovers, let alone fusions.
Review:
...
Well, no wonder I wanted this to be longer. The one-shot gives just enough information to leave the reader wondering 'What the fuck happened?!' On top of that, the mention of Ophelia, a rather important character from early on in Claymore's run, places this maybe a couple of years in-story before Claymore canon starts, which has all sorts of implications given the somewhat complex plot of the manga.
As for the whole "breaking established rules of the setting" thing I mentioned above? Well, that's not nearly as bad as I remembered, and is neatly explained by the crossover elements present. Sadly, some of this I can't explain without giving away the twist, but said crossover elements are neatly presented and integrated.
One final warning: the one Ranma character we actually see for more than a few seconds, Ranma himself, is very different from canon, just in ways neatly explained by the fusion.
Verdict: Consider it a good sign that I want to see more of this. It also manages to stand as a story on its own, so that's good.
Next up is a long fic, The Genius Losers of Konoha (*cringes*), and-
*looks at opening author's note*
Oh no. Oh no.
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
Never even heard of it.
Night
Widow Null
- Location
- Hoff
Yes, yes, suffer for my amusement!
Shinji and 40k was, I think, my first encounter with what I ultimately termed "Spacebattles Syndrome" in which interacting with a forum audience is bad for the story as the author attempts to push things to be ever more awesome and higher at the expense of literally everything. Of course, the ultimate example of that, Nobody Dies, is probably going to come up in time.
Shinji and 40k was, I think, my first encounter with what I ultimately termed "Spacebattles Syndrome" in which interacting with a forum audience is bad for the story as the author attempts to push things to be ever more awesome and higher at the expense of literally everything. Of course, the ultimate example of that, Nobody Dies, is probably going to come up in time.
Krazyfan1
Worrying for the future.
- Location
- Australia
Rogue Gemini
Wanderer without a Twin
- Location
- Here
Thanks for reviewing Krimzon Blades. It was a joy to read again and appropriate for this time of year
The Genius Losers of Konoha
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
Impressions before reading:
Oh good lord. The summary and the name are setting off all the alarm bells. And then there's that author's note I mentioned last time.
Seriously, Past Me, what the fuck were you thinking?! This is going to suck rancid donkey balls, I just know it.
Review:
Well, I'll say one thing in this fic's defense: it actually has an interesting plot going.
Something is going on in the tunnels under Konoha. Something that seems to be conducted by an entirely original player, one not Akatsuki or Orochimaru or Danzo or any of the traditional antagonists. I remember answers doled out only sparingly as the fic goes on, keeping the mystery compelling.
Unfortunately, that and technical competence are the only things this fic has going for it, and the former actually causes issues all on its own. Namely, that a good chunk of the fic feels like it would be better served as original fiction. Like, even the bashing (and it's there, trust me) feels... almost like the author is fulfilling an editorial mandate or something. The scenes with the actual teams are so cursory and largely secondary to what I've read they could probably be cut out, leaving behind very few ties to the actual Naruto setting.
And they should be cut out, honestly, because they're dripping with a seething contempt for what they're depicting.
But what really gets my goat, and what is the primary motivation for me to drop this fic, is the repeated use of the word "genius" and various other synonyms for... I don't know what the technical term is, but it's a descriptor used to replace names and pronouns and such and it's just so cringy. It also smacks of Informed Ability with regards to the main characters' intelligence. Well, it would if Naruto didn't proceed to copy several of Zabuza's jutsu during the Wave Arc. No. Just... no.
Also, the Naruto and Hinata depicted here are not Naruto and Hinata, and with the other problems I can't just let that be the unicorn in the garden. Also, where the hell are they getting the materials for all the mad science stuff they do?! Argh!
Verdict: Yeah, it's better than I thought, but it's still not very good. Goodbye!
Next up: we enter a new fandom, one that I wish had more fanfiction.
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- Location
- US of A
You mean they're using epithets like "the genius blonde" and "the intelligent girl" instead of just using their names? There needs to be a pained/incredulous smiley so I can properly express my emotions.
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
Egg Belly
CV12Hornet
Riter.
- Location
- Tacoma, Washington
Ah, Negima. My first introduction to the series was seeing its plastic-wrapped volumes in my local bookstore. Looking back now, I can understand why; it's a fairly risque manga, and no way would parents want their kids just picking it up off the shelf. As such, it wasn't until I got into scanlations that I could actually read it.
I loved it. It's still one of my favorites. Aside from that fucking ending GODDAMMIT KODANSHA WHY'D YOU GET AKAMATSU TO-
Sorry. I just get... a little worked up when the subject of that fucking ending THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY ANSWER ANYTH-
*deep breath*
Okay. Okay. Moving on for my own sanity and blood pressure...
Anyway. Really good manga if you can handle the vast quantities of cheesecake that populate the pages. Unfortunately, finding good fanfiction is, much like with Yu Yu Hakusho, like pulling teeth, in Negima's case because there simply isn't very much of it. The following is one of the few good ones I've found.
Negima is one of the few series where I actually take an interest in shipping, mostly of the various side couples. It's just... fun! And of those couples, Konoka/Setsuna is... basically canon at this point, something fans were calling as early as the Kyoto Arc (chapter 40-something out of over 300). I do remember there being one bit of bullshit artificial drama, but otherwise I remember a good story.
Though, I should note:
Probably that, yeah.
Review:
Welp. That lewd meter picture was apt, as there's an outright sex scene in here. I mean, yes, it serves the story on an emotional and character and "move-the-plot-forward" level, but I know Past Me. This is why he picked up this fic. *sighs*
Anyway, now that we've got that out of the way...
Fluff!
Drama!
Fluff!
Humor!
Fluff!
MORTAL KOMBAT!
Yeah, the core of this fic is the fluffy relationship between Setsuna and Konoka. The two are adorable together, when they're not being consumed by the usual teenage relationship drama. And even that's not unwelcome, because it's the kind of drama derived from a good understanding of the two characters involved. Poor Setsuna; canon and fanon alike are determined to break her wooden resolve into itty-bitty pieces. In fact, with one glaring exception, the author's grasp of character in this story is excellent.
Now, there is an actual plot to this besides relationship fluff, but it doesn't get off the ground before the fic dies, so we're left with the fluff. At least it's good fluff.
With the good stuff over with, let's go to the problems, of which there are two. First, the age-up. All characters are aged up by three years; the girls are now seventeen instead of fourteen. I get why it was done - see my initial bits - but the execution leaves something to be desired. The characters are mostly exactly the same as they were in canon, which is fine if it was simply ignoring the Magical World arc1, but becomes an issue when three years have passed. Negi should not have the same naivete at fourteen that he had at ten. Also, class 3-A is now class 6-A.
...
That's not how Japanese grade systems work, you fucking hack.
*ahem*
The second, and bigger, problem is Konoe Eishun. In what story there is, he's the closest thing to an actual villain it has. His approval (or rather, disapproval) weighs heavily on the minds of both girls early in the relationship, and when the whole situation is revealed to him in chapter 11 it's not long before anger prompts him to nearly kill Setsuna.
And I'm sorry, but that's fucking bullshit. It's blatant character assassination, is what it is. The Konoe Eishun I know would never go that far, never leap to that as his first resort, even considering the circumstances laid out in this fic. The Konoe Eishun that spent years of his youth running with the likes of Jack Rakan, Albireo Imma, and Nagi fucking Springfield would never be so obsessed with Setsuna's 'vows'.
Verdict: Honestly, even half-expecting this I didn't think I'd be this pissed off. And you know what? The rest of the fic isn't substantive enough for me to brush this aside. Arrrgh, I haven't been this outright pissed off at a fic in years. Goodbye. I won't miss you.
I loved it. It's still one of my favorites. Aside from that fucking ending GODDAMMIT KODANSHA WHY'D YOU GET AKAMATSU TO-
Sorry. I just get... a little worked up when the subject of that fucking ending THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY ANSWER ANYTH-
*deep breath*
Okay. Okay. Moving on for my own sanity and blood pressure...
Anyway. Really good manga if you can handle the vast quantities of cheesecake that populate the pages. Unfortunately, finding good fanfiction is, much like with Yu Yu Hakusho, like pulling teeth, in Negima's case because there simply isn't very much of it. The following is one of the few good ones I've found.
Impressions before reading:
Negima is one of the few series where I actually take an interest in shipping, mostly of the various side couples. It's just... fun! And of those couples, Konoka/Setsuna is... basically canon at this point, something fans were calling as early as the Kyoto Arc (chapter 40-something out of over 300). I do remember there being one bit of bullshit artificial drama, but otherwise I remember a good story.
Though, I should note:
Probably that, yeah.
Review:
Welp. That lewd meter picture was apt, as there's an outright sex scene in here. I mean, yes, it serves the story on an emotional and character and "move-the-plot-forward" level, but I know Past Me. This is why he picked up this fic. *sighs*
Anyway, now that we've got that out of the way...
Fluff!
Drama!
Fluff!
Humor!
Fluff!
MORTAL KOMBAT!
Yeah, the core of this fic is the fluffy relationship between Setsuna and Konoka. The two are adorable together, when they're not being consumed by the usual teenage relationship drama. And even that's not unwelcome, because it's the kind of drama derived from a good understanding of the two characters involved. Poor Setsuna; canon and fanon alike are determined to break her wooden resolve into itty-bitty pieces. In fact, with one glaring exception, the author's grasp of character in this story is excellent.
Now, there is an actual plot to this besides relationship fluff, but it doesn't get off the ground before the fic dies, so we're left with the fluff. At least it's good fluff.
With the good stuff over with, let's go to the problems, of which there are two. First, the age-up. All characters are aged up by three years; the girls are now seventeen instead of fourteen. I get why it was done - see my initial bits - but the execution leaves something to be desired. The characters are mostly exactly the same as they were in canon, which is fine if it was simply ignoring the Magical World arc1, but becomes an issue when three years have passed. Negi should not have the same naivete at fourteen that he had at ten. Also, class 3-A is now class 6-A.
...
That's not how Japanese grade systems work, you fucking hack.
*ahem*
The second, and bigger, problem is Konoe Eishun. In what story there is, he's the closest thing to an actual villain it has. His approval (or rather, disapproval) weighs heavily on the minds of both girls early in the relationship, and when the whole situation is revealed to him in chapter 11 it's not long before anger prompts him to nearly kill Setsuna.
And I'm sorry, but that's fucking bullshit. It's blatant character assassination, is what it is. The Konoe Eishun I know would never go that far, never leap to that as his first resort, even considering the circumstances laid out in this fic. The Konoe Eishun that spent years of his youth running with the likes of Jack Rakan, Albireo Imma, and Nagi fucking Springfield would never be so obsessed with Setsuna's 'vows'.
Verdict: Honestly, even half-expecting this I didn't think I'd be this pissed off. And you know what? The rest of the fic isn't substantive enough for me to brush this aside. Arrrgh, I haven't been this outright pissed off at a fic in years. Goodbye. I won't miss you.
- Which it should, considering it was written while the Mahorafest arc was ongoing in the US.