Flashkannon
Aqua Iconographer
- Location
- TM 91
I think I am of like mind. Gotta make our appointment before we begin scooby dooing around.
Chosen by the Dragon God
- Thread starter Chandagnac
- Start date
- Original
Diplomatic Matters (Part Eleven)
Chandagnac
Broken Robot
- Location
- Nowhere
For the sake of my physical and mental health, I'm increasingly convinced that I may have to bring this quest to an early and unsatisfying ending. I'm sorry to let my readers down.
Like I've said before, I'm very grateful to the people who have supported and encouraged me up until this point. I just don't feel like I can go on.
Like I've said before, I'm very grateful to the people who have supported and encouraged me up until this point. I just don't feel like I can go on.
*
Diplomatic Matters (Part Eleven)
Diplomatic Matters (Part Eleven)
"Actually, there's something I want to know," you decide, turning on your heel and marching back into the temple. "Excuse me, where did all those shoes come from?"
For a moment, the elderly priestess looks surprised to be thus addressed by you. Her gaze follows your outstretched finger; she gives a nod of understanding and says, "Each shoe represents a lost child. Some of them died in the cold and dark. Some died of plague, some of fire, and some vanished without a trace. Undoubtedly, some of them were stolen away by slavers and abusers. Some of them never had shoes at all… nevertheless, we keep a shoe to remember that they existed at all."
"But… what about Shaori?" you ask. "I've heard that she rescues some of her worshippers, sometimes, by transforming them into birds and having them join her flock. Didn't she rescue those children?"
"Some of them, maybe. But she can't be everywhere at once. None of the gods can. That's why we need to take care of each other as much as possible."
"That doesn't sound like the sort of thing a priestess should be saying," you say, giving her a dubious glance. "Shouldn't you be encouraging people to worship Shaori because of how powerful she is – and so on and so forth?"
"My dear child," says the elderly priestess with a sympathetic smile. "Shaori has no need of such tricks. She doesn't need us to need her. When we are desperate enough to call out to her for aid, she will try to help us, but she would prefer it if we didn't have to."
"So… Shaori is a goddess of self-reliance?" you ask, even more dubiously.
"A goddess of freedom," she gently corrects you. "Freedom can mean many things. Everyone needs a little extra help sometimes – and that's fine – but a huge number of people spend their entire lives in desperate poverty, needing help but not getting it, without ever having a real choice. That is not freedom. Shaori wants us all to be free."
By this time, you are worried that your face may have set in a permanent frown. "Even from her?"
"I'm sure she'd much rather spend all of her time enjoying herself, flying around the world with her flock, free to do whatever she wants."
"I… I see."
Still gazing at the pile of old shoes, the priestess says, "Of course, some of those lost children disappeared because they became equally lost adults. They woke up one day and were considered to be old enough to fend for themselves; despite the fact that they'd never had a chance or hope before then, they… well, they did whatever they had to do to survive."
You feel your mouth drop open in slack-jawed surprise. "They're still alive?"
"If you can call that living," she replies. "Each of these shoes represents a lost chance, a life wasted, someone who could have been something more. We've collected them over many years. It's entirely possible that there have been plenty of other lost children we didn't even notice."
"Does every temple of Shaori have one of these piles?"
"Most of them. Or something similar."
"My big sister… adopted sister… was born in Vashiira," you admit. "Her birth parents died of a plague and her uncle was killed by slavers, so… she could have been one of your 'lost children'. Before my parents adopted her, I mean."
"I'm pleased that her story had a happy ending. Many others do not."
You pause, take a few deep breaths, put on a smile, and say, "Thank you for taking the time to speak to me. I'll think about what you've said."
"Come back any time," says the elderly priestess, smiling back at you. "If you need to be heard, I'm always ready to listen." She glances past you, to where your bodyguards are waiting, but doesn't say anything or even raise a quizzical eyebrow. "For now, though… good luck with whatever it is you're doing. Fly free. Be happy."
This was originally the second part of this chapter:
I decided to remove it because... well, for various reasons, really. It's for the best.
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pantherasapiens
you were always my best friend
- Location
- somewhere over your shoulder
I'm sad to see you have to let this go, but if it's for a good cause...
puts down a little shoe
puts down a little shoe
- Pronouns
- She/Them
i cant speak for anyone else, but id like to think wed all be fine with an indefinite hiatus. dont feel you have to wrap things up for oursake. please do whatever you can to be well. noone wants you to hurt yourself by doing more than you can manage.
If you feel that you can't continue, then stop. You are more important than a story. If the time comes in the future that you feel you can take up the story again, that's fine, but if that time doesn't come then that's also fine. I appreciate the world that you shared with us, and nothing is wasted if it isn't finished.
An interesting religious take and Samaya being badass, get his ass!
As to the notes, I concur with the others, if you are finding this debilitating and would also find forcing an ending unsatisfying, I think just going on hiatus, even forever, is better than forcing yourself to trudge forward towards something you say yourself you won't even like.
As to the notes, I concur with the others, if you are finding this debilitating and would also find forcing an ending unsatisfying, I think just going on hiatus, even forever, is better than forcing yourself to trudge forward towards something you say yourself you won't even like.
Flashkannon
Aqua Iconographer
- Location
- TM 91
Do what you gotta do. S'long as you keep living. It's been very fun for a long time, but all things must end some time. I will agree with all above though, don't force an ending just for an ending's sake.
Yass queen, slay!
The classic wizard entrance, the ol' scry and die. But in this case I am imagining he did neither the scrying, nor will his intended target be doing the dying.
This gives a different tenor to the shoe pile... hm, I think I will have to think on that passage a while.
Yeah that's bad. I am hoping that she's just here because Kari's... I suppose I should say "former flame", because he burned her a lot, sold his soul to find her again and hear her true feelings or something. If he was gonna fall in love he shouldn't have done all the rape and and murder. Or like, done something substantive about it besides an empty, if apparently heartfelt apology. I bet if he destroyed the Mystic Path and at least tried to reverse the many, many wrongs he's committed, she could possibly not be trying to kill him right about now. I dunno about reciprocating his feelings or anything, that'd require more amends than he has left in his lifespan, but he might be able to work his way up to chilly silence on the other side of a room.
As for what Elys should do, I think we should start talkin'. No point in not talking, we can't just do nothing while Kari fights, but I don't think that's a fight we can casually intrude on.
:-|
So uh, between this, and what happened with A Hedge Maze Is You... I actually think this is a really bad idea, in the long term. Chandagnac, forgive me if I'm wrong, but as far as I can tell... you have periodic episodes of severe depression, which understandably makes you not want to write, but then you force yourself to write anyway, which makes things worse, until you completely burn out and then do something like this, which you regret later. And then you come out of your depressive episode, and have to live with the consequences of everything you did during it, which probably just makes you feel worse? I think I've said it before, the last time you were burning yourself out from depression on this quest: Go on hiatus. Come back when you are feeling better... and if that takes months or years, or doesn't ever happen at all, so be it. Retcon this last chapter away if you think it is necessary, but don't do the "sudden and unsatisfying conclusion" thing again. Or even if you think you can salvage this extremely jarring and sudden escalation out of nowhere into cool interesting plot points for the story... don't do it right away, go on hiatus anyway. This break you are planning, whether it is temporary or permanent... take it now, not after another few updates. Both for your readers, and more importantly, for yourself. So you don't end up looking back on it with shame later like you seem to for the ending of AHMIY.For the sake of my physical and mental health, I'm increasingly convinced that I may have to bring this quest to an early and unsatisfying ending. I'm sorry to let my readers down.
Like I've said before, I'm very grateful to the people who have supported and encouraged me up until this point. I just don't feel like I can go on.
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Not with a Bang But a Whimper
Chandagnac
Broken Robot
- Location
- Nowhere
I'm not sure what you mean by that, but I assume it was kindly meant, for which I thank you.
He's supposed to come across as creepy, entitled, and self-righteous. Despite all of the horrible things he's done, he very much believes that he's in the right.
All right, I've made some changes.
However, everything I included in the above chapter was something I wanted to include in the story sooner or later. For a long time, I've thought about having Fyralio Belusk appear out of seemingly nowhere to confront Kari/Samaya. It would give her an opportunity to take revenge, Elys could help her with it, and it would tie the Mystic Path back into the story (since Belusk is a known associate of theirs). Also, I wanted Elys to have a chance to talk and debate with one of the Demon Lords in circumstances that wouldn't most likely get her killed; Zhordros/Tondemonai Zhordra is a tempter and a trickster who would probably want to try to persuade Elys and her friends around to her point of view rather than just slaughtering them outright, so… Well, anyway, I thought all of these ideas had potential. But I agree that this isn't the best time to start cramming in extra plotlines, especially since the current story arc is already overstuffed.
I think the root cause of the problem is that I don't actually want to be a quest writer: I want to write fantasy novels. However, I find it difficult to write more than a few thousand words without constant feedback and encouragement. I get bored and discouraged too easily. When I started A Hedge Maze Is You it was as a substitute for what I really wanted to do, the stories I really wanted to tell: I thought to myself, "Oh well, maybe I'll never write an actual novel, but at least I can do this." I was gratified when my writing seemed to be fairly popular and attracted hundreds of readers. It made me feel like my novels could be successful if I ever got around to writing them. But now I don't even have that.
And then, when I got depressed and screwed up, I destroyed everything I'd worked so hard to build. But – oh well – The Tinpot Princess and Her Many Travels had a few fans. I could console myself with that. However, after numerous hiatuses and attempts to restart this series with a new thread title or a new protagonist, I feel like I've lost almost all of the readers I ever had. The only reason why I'm still writing this, why I've been writing this for as long as I have, is because I don't want to let down the last handful of loyal readers who've stayed with me all this time. Ugh, I feel wretched and ungrateful about saying this, but… I can't go on like this. I've had enough. I don't want to be a quest master anymore.
I think it was a mistake to bring this series back from hiatus in the first place. I should have just let it be quietly forgotten, instead of repeatedly kicking this dead horse.
I am not a fast writer. I spend ages agonizing over my writing. You may be surprised by that, considering how clichéd and repetitive my writing can be, especially if you've noticed how often my characters sigh or shake their heads or nod or 'raise a curious eyebrow' and so on. I guess I don't have enough confidence in my dialogue to let it speak for itself without having my characters accompany it with a whole pantomime of different gestures. Often, it's easier to stop altogether than to keep agonizing over it. I see other writers on this board who've written 100,000 words in a couple of months and I'm like… "How on earth did they manage that?"
Worse than that, there's something wrong with my brain. In the past year, I've twice had a seizure and been taken to hospital. And I keep having brief episodes where I feel like I'm remembering something important – a dream, or story, or half-forgotten secret – and I feel sick and dizzy while I'm trying to remember, but after only a few moments it's gone.
I used to think that if I could just write down what I was thinking about in those moments of sickness and dizziness while I was half-remembering something, I would be able to make sense of it. However, twice in the past few days, I've grabbed a pen and paper during a couple of these episodes, and I've managed to write down what I was thinking about at the time, and then afterwards I realised that what I'd written down was a string of random nonsense words: 'deluge', 'pristine', 'huntmastery', 'pristine*,' 'escapology**', 'buying' and 'sets'. I don't know what's going on there. For whatever reason, I'm not firing on all cylinders.
*Yes, I wrote 'pristine' twice. Dunno why.
**Somehow, while I was in that dizzy state, I managed to spell 'escapology' correctly, despite the circumstances and the fact that I seem to find the word difficult; I've twice tried to write it as 'escapatology' while I've been writing this post.
It's especially terrifying for me because, for most of my life, my intellect has been the only part of me that I've felt was worth anything. I've always been an ugly, weedy little goblin, but at least I got decent grades in most subjects at school and college. Oh, I realise and accept that there are plenty of people who are smarter than me, wittier and funnier, more insightful, with better deductive reasoning, more able to solve puzzles and mysteries that I'm just too impatient to spend any time on, less inclined to take things at face value, less prone to making silly mistakes, and so on. It was enough to not be worthless. And now, I…
I'm going to end this here. Goodbye, everyone.
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pantherasapiens
you were always my best friend
- Location
- somewhere over your shoulder
it's a little quest-child lost, so here's another shoe for Shaori's temple
...I hope you manage to find out what's causing your seizures. I must say I always enjoyed reading your writing, even though I didn't really say it much. I don't think you're as bad a writer as you think. And the feeling that the best that you can do is just not good enough... I have that, too, a lot, but I reassure myself by looking at people who are clearly not doing their best and yet are failing upwards.
- Pronouns
- She/Them
first off. i would like to communicate that a hug would be in order. because you do have inherent value, and deserve to feel well and content. irrespective of your writing ability or anything else. just as a person. a very thoughtful one at that.
my draw to your writting was never because they were quests, infact i read most of it as if it were a novel anyway.
even if all of sufficientvelocity was turnt away from keeping up with your quests. your writting would resonate with so many people across the globe. it need only reach them.
if you want to write novels, then you should write novels. but not in a way that would be detriment to your emotional and physical wellbeing. i cant say this would be the best idea (considering how ignorant the vocal minority of internet commenters can be at times) but you could try writting your novel as an online serial. webnovel thing where you upload it one update at a time, whenever you feel like you could do with feedback. people would read it and enjoy it. then when one was done, you could compile it into a final revised version.
perhaps an even better idea, however, would be to instead share your writting with a trusted few, family members, friends and the like. to beta test your writting as you go in a safe environment. then when one of your novels is done, you could tease it out piece by piece on the internet to build hype and following.
i dont say the following lightly. you are a true arteur, even if you never wrote another paragraph. these stories and this world of yours has left and impact on me that will last my full life. and im so glad i lived long enough to experience it.
i hope you find peace. that sounds real trite but my brain is refusing to feed me the vocabulary i feel i need here. live well OP. thanks for the fish <3
my draw to your writting was never because they were quests, infact i read most of it as if it were a novel anyway.
even if all of sufficientvelocity was turnt away from keeping up with your quests. your writting would resonate with so many people across the globe. it need only reach them.
if you want to write novels, then you should write novels. but not in a way that would be detriment to your emotional and physical wellbeing. i cant say this would be the best idea (considering how ignorant the vocal minority of internet commenters can be at times) but you could try writting your novel as an online serial. webnovel thing where you upload it one update at a time, whenever you feel like you could do with feedback. people would read it and enjoy it. then when one was done, you could compile it into a final revised version.
perhaps an even better idea, however, would be to instead share your writting with a trusted few, family members, friends and the like. to beta test your writting as you go in a safe environment. then when one of your novels is done, you could tease it out piece by piece on the internet to build hype and following.
i dont say the following lightly. you are a true arteur, even if you never wrote another paragraph. these stories and this world of yours has left and impact on me that will last my full life. and im so glad i lived long enough to experience it.
i hope you find peace. that sounds real trite but my brain is refusing to feed me the vocabulary i feel i need here. live well OP. thanks for the fish <3
Right now, you hate yourself... but that is the depression talking. It is the same irrational horrible voice in your head that sabotaged you during previous quests, and has sabotaged me and countless others as well. When you next manage to pull yourself out of this pit, reassess everything you have said or thought about yourself during this period. While you are getting whatever is causing your seizures looked at, see if you can do something about your chronic depression as well; it is just as serious a problem, but a far more insidious and difficult to fix one.
Ugh... mostly when I try to make someone feel better, it is by giving some sort of advice... but I'm not sure that is what is really needed right now. I am not and have never been good at being... touchy feely or comforting or reassuring... but I'll do my best.
Your quests have actually been probably my favorite ones on this whole site. I read several others, which all have a lot more readers... but as great as stuff like the Lieutenant Fusilier stories or On the Road to Elspar or Only Three Levels are, I have always enjoyed the Hedgy-verse quests and Sorry Your Time Traveling Priviledges Have Been Revoked more. You have a rare talent for making stories that really feel like a living world where everyone has their own stories, without having the fact that we can only see and understand a small fraction of them feel frustrating. If you really do never come back to these quests, I will greatly miss them, but hold out hope for you eventually making some new fantasy novel or web serial or some such thing.
A lot of what you said here... I can very much relate to; particularly the part about growing up being much smarter than most of your peers, clinging to that fact for your pride, and then growing up and finding out the hard way that your form of intelligence didn't prepare you at all for real life. I got humility beaten into me by successive failures almost as soon as I reached adulthood, and though I am still suffering to this day from the results of that... ultimately it made me really learn to not compare myself or my abilities to others, which I now regard as one of the most valuable lessons in my life. I hope you can one day figure out some equivalent lesson for yourself that brings you the same peace with who you are.
Ugh... mostly when I try to make someone feel better, it is by giving some sort of advice... but I'm not sure that is what is really needed right now. I am not and have never been good at being... touchy feely or comforting or reassuring... but I'll do my best.
Your quests have actually been probably my favorite ones on this whole site. I read several others, which all have a lot more readers... but as great as stuff like the Lieutenant Fusilier stories or On the Road to Elspar or Only Three Levels are, I have always enjoyed the Hedgy-verse quests and Sorry Your Time Traveling Priviledges Have Been Revoked more. You have a rare talent for making stories that really feel like a living world where everyone has their own stories, without having the fact that we can only see and understand a small fraction of them feel frustrating. If you really do never come back to these quests, I will greatly miss them, but hold out hope for you eventually making some new fantasy novel or web serial or some such thing.
A lot of what you said here... I can very much relate to; particularly the part about growing up being much smarter than most of your peers, clinging to that fact for your pride, and then growing up and finding out the hard way that your form of intelligence didn't prepare you at all for real life. I got humility beaten into me by successive failures almost as soon as I reached adulthood, and though I am still suffering to this day from the results of that... ultimately it made me really learn to not compare myself or my abilities to others, which I now regard as one of the most valuable lessons in my life. I hope you can one day figure out some equivalent lesson for yourself that brings you the same peace with who you are.
Flashkannon
Aqua Iconographer
- Location
- TM 91
Well, you conveyed that successfully. He felt like he was only apologizing because he thought it was compulsory in this kind of situation.
Yeah they sound like fun and good ideas that would be great to explore! Though they seem like more of a late act 1 kinda deal, assuming a rough act structure of The War with Aspitolm --> Beating up the Mystic Path --> Removing the problematic Demon Lords
I wouldn't really call your writing cliche? And I can assure you, any flaws in your writing are far less visible to your readers than they are to you, the craftsman. People who read aren't necessarily good wordsmiths, y'know?
I think the majority of the population of SV can empathize with that. It's... yeah, there's no easy answers for the fact that the world is so very large.
I hope you find out what's causing the seizures, and the meaning behind the words you wrote. I have greatly enjoyed your writing, and like all above, I think your unique ideas and worldbuilding will stick with me for a very long time.
Thank you for all the time and effort you spent sharing this world with us, and for stopping when doing so was hurting you.
I don't feel let down about the story ending, because it's time for the story to end, as your physical and mental health are so much more important than it continuing. I've struggled a lot with depression myself, so I know how it can suck the joy out of things and make them impossible, even if they're things that you enjoy doing. Pushing through depression to do something you don't enjoy anyway sucks, and is a source of stress you don't need if you're also dealing with seizures.
I don't feel let down about the story ending, because it's time for the story to end, as your physical and mental health are so much more important than it continuing. I've struggled a lot with depression myself, so I know how it can suck the joy out of things and make them impossible, even if they're things that you enjoy doing. Pushing through depression to do something you don't enjoy anyway sucks, and is a source of stress you don't need if you're also dealing with seizures.
- Location
- Earth
I've got more to say than one sentence, but I'd like to start with wishing you the best.
I've enjoyed a lot of your work. The quests you've done might not have been what you ideally wanted to write, but they're still good. Reaching the end of your interest or ability in them isn't anything you owe an apology for to anyone else. We've been here for your writing because we want to be, and we've had the time. There's a lot of life to live, and sometimes things slip without any actual lack of interest.
Personally, I'd rather you not feel like slinking away with any sort of shame is appropriate. By that, I'm not trying to tell you how to feel about yourself, but just my commentary from running into a lack of interest or creative walls on some stories I've tried to write. I can't say I know how you feel, but I've felt some stories withering from lack of interest. That doesn't make the enjoyment that others got from them for what existed any less. The others in the thread spoke better than I can, but you really have created stories worthy of pride. Even if they're not as perfect as you'd like, they're good.
I hope to still hear from you in the future, even just in commentary on this forum.
Chandagnac
Broken Robot
- Location
- Nowhere
You have been such good friends to me. That's the main reason why I've kept going for as long as I have: because I enjoy your reactions to what I've written, because I like interacting with each of you, and because I will miss you when I stop posting regularly.
Art: Green Flame (by Shrineheart on DeviantArt)
Flashkannon
Aqua Iconographer
- Location
- TM 91
Perhaps not the best time, but I did commission an artist (with Chandagnac's permission) to draw Green Flame, and I thought you all might like to see:
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The Crimson King
It's possible to eat an orange with just teeth.
- Location
- America
Thank you for your work Chandagnac. We wish you the best.
Continue? Y/N?
Chandagnac
Broken Robot
- Location
- Nowhere
So... I've been rereading this quest and it's made me remember how much I enjoyed writing it. I kinda want to continue.
What do you think? Should I carry on from where I left off? Or is it time to have a go at A Hedge Maze Is You 2: Rehedged!, which is an idea I've been toying with for several years?
Please let me know what you think!
What do you think? Should I carry on from where I left off? Or is it time to have a go at A Hedge Maze Is You 2: Rehedged!, which is an idea I've been toying with for several years?
Please let me know what you think!
Glad you seem to be starting to feel better now, about this quest/universe and in general! Yeah, taking a break when you are feeling overwhelmed and coming back when you are up for it definitely works better than trying to power through and creating a final product that neither the author nor readers are satisfied with.
My vote is for continuing the story here. Slowly work our way up the timeline until Hedgey is back, rather than skipping way ahead to it. See (and influence!) a lot of the changes to the timeline along the way. Besides, I still want to know what happens with Elys, we've been following her adventures for two quests now. Also this would be a really weird place to stop the quest, if you are going to continue with this universe (yes, I remember the planned ending that was originally here when the quest first went on hiatus, and am glad it is retconned away now. With or without that, this would still be a really weird place to end the quest).
My vote is for continuing the story here. Slowly work our way up the timeline until Hedgey is back, rather than skipping way ahead to it. See (and influence!) a lot of the changes to the timeline along the way. Besides, I still want to know what happens with Elys, we've been following her adventures for two quests now. Also this would be a really weird place to stop the quest, if you are going to continue with this universe (yes, I remember the planned ending that was originally here when the quest first went on hiatus, and am glad it is retconned away now. With or without that, this would still be a really weird place to end the quest).
- Location
- St. Petersburg
I am always for continuation if that's an option. Perhaps some themes from Rehedged could find their way in the existing story?
If not... well, why not do some pre-planning (to estimate the amount of work and control the pacing) and do both? I know, it's a serious commitment, but given that the idea has been in the making for years I'd feel bad for it if it didn't see the light. Maybe a single story arc as a teaser of what's to come?
If not... well, why not do some pre-planning (to estimate the amount of work and control the pacing) and do both? I know, it's a serious commitment, but given that the idea has been in the making for years I'd feel bad for it if it didn't see the light. Maybe a single story arc as a teaser of what's to come?
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- Pronouns
- She/Them
write whatever is going to make you happy. which do you feel more ethused for? write that one