Chosen by the Dragon God
- Thread starter Chandagnac
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- Original
Yeah, this seems good to me!
...yeesh. I mean, even taking into account that a magical rich asexual dragon-niece princess is clearly about as far as you can possibly get from this book's target audience... that is garbage. Even someone with a background like Jana or Isolia but with no benefactor to bail them out of their situation would probably find it over the top and dumb. I know that Mishrak can't exactly be too choosy with his library, considering at least 90% of it would consist of whatever is able to inexplicably survive falling to the bottom of the sea through either enchantments or simply being sturdy enough that Mishrak can notice it in time to Ship of Theseus it back together, but... "beggars can't be choosers" doesn't exactly sound like the kind of ideal a god of treasure should be following.
Great to have them along, and yeah admitedly it probably is wise to have some actual bodyguards along, ones who are even tougher than Elys. Also, this will certainly add a lot more points towards Gelfavar's plan of:
Huh, wonder how they got those names. I mean, orcs here are just a specific human-made subcategory of elves, so these two used to be human once. And regardless of what the culture was and human centuries have passed, Bug and Grunt don't exactly seem like human names. Maybe something to ask them about, if we can figure out a way to do it without being rude.
Agreeing with the general plan of, appear at Shaori's temple first to deliver the letter and hopefully get her support which we can bring up at the meeting, and then walk to our meeting from there through the streets.
- Pronouns
- She/Them
bug and grunt are thier elf names, either given to them as slaves or taken by themselves after gaining thier freedom
Chandagnac
Broken Robot
- Location
- Nowhere
Well, Mercury was the Roman god of messages and communications, so it's not exactly a new idea...
The real reason why there isn't a major god of messengers in this setting is because I couldn't think of a good idea that wasn't a complete ripoff of Mercury or Hermes. But now you've put me on the spot...
I've previously mentioned that Telthalus had angelic messengers among his servants. Let's say that several of them survived the War in Heaven and banded together as a divine messenging service. (So, instead of praying to a single god of messengers, you'd pray to the entire group. Strength in numbers and so on.)
Rekka: "Aren't you adorable?"
Catharne: (Confused) "Is that a trick question?"
Rekka: (Pinches Catharne's cheek) "You are just too cute!"
Catharne: "Yes, I know."
Rekka: "Hahaha!"
Catharne: (Hopefully) "You know, Elys was telling me that overly-friendly strangers might want to buy me sweets..."
Rekka: (Rolls her eyes) "Oh, you want sweets, do you? Fine. I've got a few shards in my purse. What would you like?"
Catharne: (Glances around, sees a peddler selling candyfloss, points at it) "Some of that, please."
Rekka: (Warningly) "You'll rot your teeth, you little scamp."
Catharne: (Shapeshifts her fangs) "I don't think I will."
Rekka: (Aghast) "Well, that's... not so cute."
It's not necessary to get into groups of three all the time.
I'm pleased you think so.
It's based on an inexplicably popular real-world fantasy series. I've humorously exaggerated the bit about the dragon and the elven princess, although... Actually, in many ways, the real-world version is even worse than my silly parody of it.
Mishrak was more concerned with whether or not he could Ship of Theseus it than if he should.
(Yes, Flashkannon's/pantherasapiens's joke is more-or-less canon now. You're welcome!)
Pretty much, yeah. But you'll need to talk to them to find out the full story.
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Nolrai
weak to fangs
- Location
- Porltand
It's based on an inexplicably popular real-world fantasy series. I've humorously exaggerated the bit about the dragon and the elven princess, although... Actually, in many ways, the real-world version is even worse than my silly parody of it.
I think the vaguely literary style and gloomy mood lets it get away with a lot, only way I can explain my dad liking it, as normally he has higher standards then I do.
Flashkannon
Aqua Iconographer
- Location
- TM 91
So there's a deific post office??? Even better! I would press you for details, but I know any you give wouldn't have had time to ripen, given the newness of this concept.
Necessary? Perhaps not. Fun and magically/narratively significant? We shall see. If it was a Wranni priest(ess) we'd even have a group of three of Mishrak's faction, three elves, and three Wranni, for extra significance.
\o/ canon!
Wait are you talking about Eragon?? I knew that description sounded familiar...
pantherasapiens
you were always my best friend
- Location
- somewhere over your shoulder
HAHA... YES... YES!!
No, Eragon is worse.
- Pronouns
- She/Them
i liked reading about his cousin. also the first book is better. has actualplot points other than 'hnng, elf senpai why r u so sexy'. also a book about adopting/ being adopted by a dragon was cryptinite for my lil child brain. the human hunters are cool when they are your first exposure to the concept. and the way they did them i the movie looked sick. also the game is surprisingly decent. the books did sour me on tolkien fantasy for a while tho.
Chandagnac
Broken Robot
- Location
- Nowhere
All right, so... I guess Elys will head to Shaori's temple first, try not to attract too much attention in the city streets, and maybe chat with Bug and Grunt if an opportunity comes up.
Maybe I'm being hypocritical, since this quest's setting includes elves and orcs, but at least I'm trying to do something interesting with them. They're very different from the elves and orcs in Tolkien's works, for instance. If I'd given them different names, I don't think anyone would have connected them to 'traditional' elves and orcs.
Oh well...
I've been thinking about names all day. In general, I think they will be referred to as 'the Winged Messengers', but I was tempted to call them 'Angels and Ministers of News'.
Not Eragon, no.
Hmm. The fact that my silly parody could be interpreted as lampooning multiple different fantasy series is a fairly damning indictment of the fantasy genre as a whole. I mean, fantasy should be the genre in which anything can happen, but all too often it seems to default to 'elves and dwarves'. Creative bankruptcy, yay!
Maybe I'm being hypocritical, since this quest's setting includes elves and orcs, but at least I'm trying to do something interesting with them. They're very different from the elves and orcs in Tolkien's works, for instance. If I'd given them different names, I don't think anyone would have connected them to 'traditional' elves and orcs.
Oh well...
I think the general sentiment for going through the streets is, yeah don't try to attract too much attention, but don't really try to avoid it either.
I wonder how much of the problem with fantasy novels is just Sturgeon's Law ("90% of everything is crap") taking the specific form of creative inbreeding here, and how much is because of weird publishing company politics. I have a friend who is trying to get an urban fantasy book published, and is having trouble finding ones who will take it, not because of quality issues, but because apparently a lot of publishing companies now only accept books with female main protagonists (for bonus points, the book he is wanting published actually does have a female main protagonist, it's just that he also has sequels planned out that would each focus on a different character, some of which are male).
Anyway, taking existing fantasy races and doing your own take on them seems to be the sort of thing that would have a hundred different reasons for doing it: wanting the audience to have some general idea of what to expect for some parts of the story so you can focus more on other parts without being questioned on it, wanting to subvert expectations, wanting to see further by standing on the shoulders of giants, awareness that inventing fully original races is at least as hit-or-miss... and of course, simple inexperience or lack of creativity.
Personally, my favorite take on orcs was from another fantasy story I read on the internet a few years back. They were originally created by what was essentially Lovecraft Elder Things as a slave race for both labor and food, but they then rebelled and drove the race that made them to extinction. Then then formed what is described as an "objectivist/darwinist/generally unpleasant society" where you can do more or less whatever you want as long as you're honest and upfront about it and don't try to take more than you actually need. One guy blatantly tried to steal a horse and wagon right in front of the owners, but when stopped and called out on it he claimed this didn't make him a thief because he really needed it to get back home to his tribe. Later, that same guy tried to steal food right out of someone's hands because he thought she looked weak, and when she fought back he just shrugged and went hunting. They would periodically raid nearby settlements to get slaves of their own, but unlike their creators they actually gave them some rights. Overall, they were difficult to deal with because of their alien code of morality, but eventually valuable and reliable allies against various groups that were far, far worse than even the worst of them.
I think they worked so well because, they managed to find a perfect balance of, original traits and execution, and being still similar enough to earlier takes on orcs all the way back to Tolkien than they are clearly recognizably the race they're called.
Anyway, out of curiousity, what is the book series you were parodying?
I wonder how much of the problem with fantasy novels is just Sturgeon's Law ("90% of everything is crap") taking the specific form of creative inbreeding here, and how much is because of weird publishing company politics. I have a friend who is trying to get an urban fantasy book published, and is having trouble finding ones who will take it, not because of quality issues, but because apparently a lot of publishing companies now only accept books with female main protagonists (for bonus points, the book he is wanting published actually does have a female main protagonist, it's just that he also has sequels planned out that would each focus on a different character, some of which are male).
Anyway, taking existing fantasy races and doing your own take on them seems to be the sort of thing that would have a hundred different reasons for doing it: wanting the audience to have some general idea of what to expect for some parts of the story so you can focus more on other parts without being questioned on it, wanting to subvert expectations, wanting to see further by standing on the shoulders of giants, awareness that inventing fully original races is at least as hit-or-miss... and of course, simple inexperience or lack of creativity.
Personally, my favorite take on orcs was from another fantasy story I read on the internet a few years back. They were originally created by what was essentially Lovecraft Elder Things as a slave race for both labor and food, but they then rebelled and drove the race that made them to extinction. Then then formed what is described as an "objectivist/darwinist/generally unpleasant society" where you can do more or less whatever you want as long as you're honest and upfront about it and don't try to take more than you actually need. One guy blatantly tried to steal a horse and wagon right in front of the owners, but when stopped and called out on it he claimed this didn't make him a thief because he really needed it to get back home to his tribe. Later, that same guy tried to steal food right out of someone's hands because he thought she looked weak, and when she fought back he just shrugged and went hunting. They would periodically raid nearby settlements to get slaves of their own, but unlike their creators they actually gave them some rights. Overall, they were difficult to deal with because of their alien code of morality, but eventually valuable and reliable allies against various groups that were far, far worse than even the worst of them.
I think they worked so well because, they managed to find a perfect balance of, original traits and execution, and being still similar enough to earlier takes on orcs all the way back to Tolkien than they are clearly recognizably the race they're called.
Anyway, out of curiousity, what is the book series you were parodying?
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- Pronouns
- She/Them
for clarity, i was commenting on eragon lmao. aragon, bragon, cragon, dragon eragon... really makes u think
Flashkannon
Aqua Iconographer
- Location
- TM 91
'Angels and Ministers of News' conjures up images of those old monty python news segment skits and I for one am absolutely loving it.
Your takes on elves, orcs, and goblins are entirely different from any fantasy story I have ever read, and even if you had chosen to call the elves 'angels' instead, they'd still be highly unique creatively. So many of your ideas are so very... you could jump off from Tolkien and land here without being entirely lost, but it's most definitely not standing on his shoulders.
Yeah really, I am curious now.
Chandagnac
Broken Robot
- Location
- Nowhere
That sounds interesting, maybe something I might like to read. However, I already have a lot of books on my shelves that I haven't read, so…uh, please tell me the name, if you can remember, and I'll see if I can get around to it eventually.
The Kingkiller Chronicle by Patrick Rothfuss. One of my friends holds it up as his favourite fantasy book series and was keen for me to read it, but as far as I can tell it has no interesting characters, its mysteries are never resolved, and huge sections of both books could be excised without making any difference to the overall narrative. The Marty Stu-ish protagonist, Kvothe flits through a dizzying variety of different roles and his personality isn't well-defined enough that he remains recognizably the same character throughout, while the framing device does nothing but reinforce the idea that Kvothe is the most amazing man who ever lived. (In my parody version, I changed a few of the details: instead of slaying a dragon, Kvothe slays a 'draccus', which is similar enough to a dragon in appearance, size, and ability to breathe fire that there is no real reason for it to have a different name except to enable Kvothe to pour scorn on the ignorant villagers who insist on calling it a dragon; instead of "making love to an elven princess", he makes love to a fae spirit who tells him how amazing he was and is astonished to find out that he was a virgin beforehand.)
The worst thing about the series, for me, is that I can quite easily see how it could have been good. There are isolated chunks of both books that I think are quite well-written, I was intrigued by the series' mysteries when I first started reading, and there were times when I felt sorry for Kvothe because of the hardships he went through. (However, going through hardships doesn't make him any less of a Marty Stu, especially since there is no real character development as a result of these hardships.) If the framing device made it clear that Kvothe was a Walter Mitty-like figure who was exaggerating or making up his stories out of whole cloth, for example, I would be more inclined to be charitable. However, the framing device exists so that the Chronicler can marvel at how awesome and exceptional Kvothe is (despite the fact that he is now working as a humble innkeeper in a small village).
It's pretty clear that Eragon's author named the protagonist by changing the 'd' of 'dragon to an 'e'.
'Angels and Ministers of News' is a Hamlet reference.
Anyway, I had a seizure this morning, so it may take me some extra time to write the next update. Sorry about that!
Flashkannon
Aqua Iconographer
- Location
- TM 91
Ah, never actually heard of that one. Perhaps for the best, with that review. And you say he's just working at an inn as the framing device?
That's a humbling thing to miss. It's uh... it's been a long time for me and Hamlet.
Oh goodness, I hope you're doing alright. It goes without saying, but don't press yourself too hard on our account.
You're better off having missed it. I got through 3/4 of the first book, which was huge, because a friend of mine loved it, but the main character was about to lose everything and I just couldn't bring myself to care, which is a bad sign in a book. Also, huge amount of schedule slip, with three books published, and I think one of them was a side story about another character. Bleh.
Whoah, geez. Yeah uh, that sounds pretty serious, I hope that isn't a recurring thing or a sign of something even worse.
The name is Lamia Daughter Quest. It's a quest that was run on the /tg/ board of 4chan, apparently almost a decade ago now. I never participated, I found and read it years after it was already completed, like I did with AHMIY.
It's pretty long though; almost a hundred threads.
Diplomatic Matters (Part Ten)
Chandagnac
Broken Robot
- Location
- Nowhere
I'm sorry that it's taken over a week to update this. And that this update isn't very long. Since I had a seizure last Saturday, I haven't felt like writing anything. I've been considering packing it in altogether, to be honest.
*
Diplomatic Matters (Part Ten)
It takes you a couple of attempts before you manage to open a portal to Vashiira that Samaya is satisfied with.
"Good," she says, with a perfunctory nod, seeing that the cobbled streets on one side of the portal are at almost exactly the same level as the marble floor on the other, so it shouldn't be at all difficult to step between them.
"Let's go, shall we?" you say, stepping through the portal and arriving in one of Vashiira's side-streets. Here, many of the buildings are old, in somewhat dilapidated condition, and set together as tight as teeth. There are a few children playing in the gutters and passers-by hurrying about their business, most of whom stop what they're doing and turn to stare with open-mouthed curiosity at the extraordinary spectacle of a rounded hole opening in mid-air, through which you and your companions enter the city. They continue to stare at you, at your rich clothes and confident stride, and at the pair of massively muscled orcs who have taken watchful positions on either side of your group. You doubt that they have ever seen the like before: orcs are vanishingly rare, they were made to be slave soldiers of the long-since-collapsed Betruri Empire of the southern continent, and you've never heard of any of them travelling this far north before.
After your companions have all joined you on the cramped city street, you squeeze the portal shut and then glance around at the curious onlookers, wondering if you dare ask any of them for directions.
"Where next?" asks Samaya, a note of impatience in her voice.
"We need directions to the temple of Shaori. I thought we could ask one of these people," you say, waving your hand in a sweeping gesture that covers the entire street.
"No need," Samaya replies. "I've been to Vashiira before. I'll tell you what you need to know."
"Or you could do that," you agree. "That would make things simpler, certainly."
She proceeds to explain that the Vashiiri are distrustful of organized religion, which was one of the reasons why they were banished from the Dragon Empire several centuries ago, and so there isn't a single great temple of Shaori that presides over all the others. Instead, there are dozens of smaller temples and shrines, scattered across the city, each of which operates somewhat independently.
"But isn't that dreadfully inefficient?" you ask. "Wouldn't they be much more effective if they pooled their resources and worked towards a common goal?"
"Who's to say that they don't?" Samaya gives a languorous shrug. "Considering how important the idea of 'the flock' is to Shaori's religion, I'd be surprised if they didn't have some of way of working together. It doesn't seem to have prevented them from managing the city's orphanages, schools, and soup kitchens, for instance."
"Never mind that," you say, after a moment's thought. "I just want to deliver a letter from Mishrak to Shaori. Does it matter which of her temples I go to?"
"Probably not, as long as the temple is dedicated to Shaori."
"So it doesn't matter where we go. In fact, this entire city belongs to Shaori's worshippers, so… I could drop the letter anywhere around here and it should go to her, right?"
"I'm not sure that's how it works," says Samaya, in a tone of amused tolerance.
"Fine. Just guide me to the nearest temple," you say. "I'm sure there'll be someone – a priest or priestess, maybe – who'll tell me how I can make sure this letter gets to Shaori."
As a matter of fact, it seems like there's a temple or small shrine on almost every street. The first one you come across is a flimsy-looking wooden building that puts you in mind of an upturned wicker basket. Its doors and windows are wide-open holes through which little birds can fly in and out, crapping from the rafters and keeping up a continuous medley of chirps, cheeps, and shrieks.
"How do they keep the rain out?" you wonder aloud, before entering the building.
"They use wooden screens or boards to cover up the doors and windows when they need covering," the orc known as 'Bug' helpfully explains.
His colleague, the orc known as 'Grunt', indicates the mucky puddles splashed across the floor of the rickety temple and mutters, "Looks like they didn't manage it in time."
Glancing around the temple, at the rainwater and bird droppings that litter what would otherwise be a neat and orderly room, you notice an altar made of roughly-hewn stone, several rows of wooden pews for the congregation to sit on, and some painted murals dedicated to the Many-Winged Goddess. Also, in the far corner of the room, there is a large pile of mismatched children's shoes, all of them worn and dirty, set aside for some purpose that… well, you're not sure why they are there or what they are supposed to signify. Still, you feel like there's something vaguely sinister about them.
The priestess in charge of the temple is a tough-looking old woman with leathery skin and a great beak of a nose. When you explain why you have come to her, she takes the letter from you without comment. You had been expecting more of a ceremony – perhaps a choir of songbirds, or Shaori herself descending from the clouds to take the message from you in person – but instead you are left feeling like your mission is unfinished.
"How soon will you get the letter to Shaori?" you ask.
"Soon," the old priestess replies, sounding very vague. "I've got a few letters to send to her later this morning. I'll need to rip them up and burn them with sacred incense first. Stay and watch if you like."
"No…" You shake your head. "We've got other things to do, sorry."
As you scamper for the door, the old priestess hardly seems to notice your leaving. You can't help but feel as if you've been made a fool of.
Outside, Jana and Catharne have got together and decided that they've seen enough of Vashiira to make a judgement. Apparently, they're not impressed.
"I thought Vashiira was supposed to be different, but no," says Jana, shaking her head. "Maybe it was silly of me, having romantic ideas about this city, dreaming of the atmosphere and the poetry… you know, that sort of thing. Shoulda known better, I guess."
"What, you wanted to bring a date here?" Catharne smirks derisively. "More fool you." She wrinkles her nose in disgust. "All cities are the same: the rich live in palaces and mansions while poor people live in dirty, foul-smelling hovels."
"Since when have you been an expert on cities?" you ask, frowning.
"I reckon I've seen as much and as many of them as I need to," she replies, with the air of a connoisseur.
Shaking with suppressed mirth, one of your Wranni bodyguards, the woman called 'Rekka' approaches you. "Would you mind being a little less hilarious, you girls?" she asks, sounding very short of breath. "Only it hurts when I laugh."
"I'm not sure I can," says Jana, raising a curious eyebrow. "It's a curse I have to live with, I'm afraid."
What will Elys decide to do next?
Please discuss.
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If you're feeling bad, please take as long as you need and don't push yourself. I appreciate this quest, but it's not more important than your wellbeing.
Great description of the temple. Good humour.
I guess we go to the meeting now?
Great description of the temple. Good humour.
I guess we go to the meeting now?
Oh shit I didn't see this, so sorry to hear that, I hope you're OK and please focus on your health, this stuff is meant to be fun not an obligation.
- Pronouns
- She/Them
seconded
Flashkannon
Aqua Iconographer
- Location
- TM 91
Samaya dislikes eyes on her, methinks.
Samaya sometimes forgets Elys is still mostly a kid.
Raised flags: 1
The image that evokes is... not a good one. I hope it's a donation or recycling pile.
No 9th member either, oh well.
A blessing from the gods, more like.
If only she said this with a ten-gallon hat. I agree, hilarious. Also, liking Bug and Grunt so far. They have a pretty good setup.
I don't think I can express the sentiment any better than those who proceeded me on this page, so I will just say: don't you go dyin'. If your health is uncertain and you need to take some time, I think everyone here would want you to do so.
As for what Elys should do next... I am of two minds. One, that we do something to stall until the letter is Sent to Shaori. For Samaya's peace of mind, something not insanely public. Perhaps we should watch the letter ritual afterall? Or, we just go straight to the meeting to not dilly-dally around and lengthen this in-game month's arc.
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Hmm. So, for now, I am going to theorize that these shoes belonged to kids who got Bird'd by Shaori for one reason or another. Their shoes are set aside for when/if they get Un-Bird'd. Of course, if there are that many, in even one of the many temples in this one city... that too implies something really bad going on. Might be a good idea to check some of the other Shaori temples to see if they have these too.
On the other hand, we are a minor foreign diplomat who just arrived in this city and knows almost nothing about it. So... investigating whatever this is seems like, extremely not something for us to deal with, at least not right now. Maybe ask someone about it later if we get a good opportunity to segue into it, but for now, I say just start walking to the meeting.