Lying on your hard bed, your entire body goes still, the heavy knocks still ringing in your head. You
know who it is, and all traces of sleep lift from your mind. It's time.
You rise and dress in seconds, not bothered by the pitch darkness in this room that you know so well, and open the door without a word to see the Merean Sedai, the Mistress of Novices, with her blue-fringed shawl draped around her plump shoulders. You curtsy, lowering your eyes.
"The time has come, child," she says, and under her smooth voice you think that you sense some approval. "Follow me."
And so you do, trailing after Merean Sedai through the deserted halls of the Tower. It's the hour just before dawn, when the night servants have finished their duties but before the fires have been lit in the kitchen. All of Tar Valon is sleeping, and the only sound you can hear is the whisper of your slippers against the cool marble floors. Merean Sedai makes no sound at all.
She leads you to the library, but doesn't enter. Instead she takes you into a hidden little niche that you have never seen, not even exploring the Tower with Rielin, and down a steep and narrow set of spiral stairs. Down, down it goes, deep underneath Tar Valon, before you reach a tiny door; on the other side of the door is a ramp, continuing to curve down and down until you wonder whether you're being led to the core of the world.
"Are you scared, child?" Merean Sedai asks you, and you jump a little, startled at the break of the silence.
"Yes, Aes Sedai," you say after a moment's thought, deciding that the Mistress of Novices is likely to see through any false bravado you might attempt. You have no idea what the Raising entails, only that it's supposed to be a harrowing experience meant to test your resolve and dedication. You've known more than one girl who were tested to be Accepted and found wanting. A few had been put out of the Tower... but most had never returned. "The unknown, it be a terrifying thing. I do believe that I will no be so nervous once I be knowing what to do."
"Good," Merean Sedai says with a sidelong look at you over her shoulder. "You should know, novice, that your friend Rielin has passed through the arches already. She was raised not an hour ago."
You stumble a half-step in giddy surprise, a smile lighting up your face despite the trial ahead of you.
Accepted Rielin. It has a nice ring to it, if not so nice a ring as Rielin Sedai will, and you are proud of her. Now all you have to do is make sure that you can tell her that in person.
The ramp finally ends in a spacious hallway, its walls smooth but otherwise unadorned, and a set of dark wooden doors tall and broad as the gates to Tar Valon. Merean Sedai has no issue pushing them open with ease regardless of how imposing they are, and they swing wide.
A great, domed chamber lies on the other side, carved out of the bedrock. Tall lamps arranged around the room burn with steady fire, their light reflecting off the walls. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the structure dominating the hall, however; three rounded arches of glinting silver just tall enough to walk under sit on a thick ring, joined at the ends. Between the arches light flickers oddly, so you can't see what lies on the other side, and something lurches in your stomach. It's a
ter'angreal, you realize, a device that manipulates the One Power for a specific, mysterious purpose. Wherever arch meets ring, an Aes Sedai in her shawl sits cross-legged on the stone floor, staring at the arches. You recognize only one - Edrivea Sedai, the woman who first escorted you to the Mistress of Novices when you arrived in Tar Valon. There are two others, too, whose faces you know but whose names you do not.
"Lucia," Merean Sedai says, her voice echoing through the hall. "Novices are given three chances at this. Twice you may refuse to enter, and you may go back to your life as a novice until called upon again. Refuse a third time, however, and you are sent away from the Tower forever. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Aes Sedai," you say. You won't refuse. You'll become Accepted today.
"Very well." The Mistress of Novices takes a step closer. "Now I will tell you two things that no woman hears before she stands where you do now. Once you begin, you must go on to the end. Refuse at any point and you will be put out of the Tower, as surely as if you had refused to begin the third time. Second - to strive, to seek, is to know danger." She sounds like she has said these words many, many times, almost chanting, and her brown eyes rest on you with sympathy... maybe pity. "Some women have entered, and never come out. When the
ter'angreal was allowed to go quiet, they were not there, and they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. If you falter, if you fail, you will be lost to us."
A frisson runs down your spine. The pity is what scares you.
"This is your last chance, Lucia. Refuse now, and it counts only as the first. If you accept, there is no turning back." Her voice turns gentle again, and she puts a hand on your shoulder. "There is no shame in refusing, child. Many women refuse the first time."
"I will no refuse," you say. Your voice rings as clear as hers through the room, settling into the very stone surrounding you. Around the arches, you feel the Aes Sedai embrace
saidar, and the light in the arches stops flickering and steadies into a soft, white glow.
Merean Sedai nods, slow and thoughtful. "Then ready yourself."
You strip out of your clothes as fast as you put them on, willing your cheeks not to burn overmuch. Everyone in this room is a woman, decades if not centuries old all of them, and you have nothing they haven't seen before. The air in the chamber is cool, goosebumps running over your skin. You shiver a little.
Merean Sedai takes a step forward and you follow, bare feet padding against the stone.
"Whom do you bring with you, Sister?" one of the Aes Sedai unknown to you calls. She's a stocky woman with the copper skin of a Domani, and her shawl is fringed in green.
"One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister," Merean Sedai intones. The three Aes Sedai around the
ter'angreal remain still.
"Is she ready?"
"She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance."
"Does she know her fears?"
Do you? You think about common fears, like spiders and snakes, heights and tight spaces. You think about the stories your wet nurse would tell you, about Trollocs who eat naughty children and Myrddral hiding under the bed. You don't think those are the kind of fears they're referring to, though. Fear of failing? Fear of being alone? You never thought about it...
"She has never faced them, but now she is willing."
"Then let her face what she fears."
...but you suppose that you're about to find out.
"The first time is for what was," Merean Sedai says, her voice heavy with formality. "The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."
You draw a deep breath and step forward before you can think to hesitate, three brisk steps through the first arch and into the light.
The light envelops you, flows into you, flows through, you.
The light becomes you.
~
You awaken to bird song and the sweet smell of perfumed sheets, your eyes flickering open. It's your bedroom at your family estate in Illian, familiar and opulent, just as it always was. You're back home.
...wait, back? You frown to yourself, staring up at the canopy of your bed. What a strange thought,
back. As if you had ever left! You shake off the thought and get up, going about your morning routine.
The way back will come but once.
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[] Write-in
~
Hi everyone! I'm still alive, despite the best efforts of my classes. Sorry about the long wait; I knew I'd be busy this semester, but not that I'd be
this busy, jfc.