Voting is open
Confused Jackie Chan and Facepalming Picard Counter New
All Instances of Confused Jackie Chan & Facepalming Picard



Total Confused Jackie Chan Tally: VII

1D100 = 6+25+5+10-15 = 31 (The heck? :jackiechan: )
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... :jackiechan:)
1D3+3 = 3+3 => 6! ( :jackiechan: )
:jackiechan: Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = Nat! 97+20+10-10-15 => Nat!Crit! 87 ( :jackiechan: What is going on?!)
1D100 = Nat! 1+15+15-20 => Nat!Fail! 11 ( :jackiechan: THREE NAT ONES?!?!?!)

|==================================|

Total Facepalming Picard Tally: VII

1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat Crit! 7 ( :facepalm: ...of course.)
1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( :facepalm: Oh, screw off.)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20-15-10 => Neg!Fail! -4 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = 11+15+15-20 => 21 ( :facepalm: Can anything be normal in my quest?)
1D100 = 85+15+10-15 => Art!Crit! 95 ( :facepalm: I'm done... I've had enough of this.)



@Randomnerd, thank you for the idea.
 
Last edited:
So, uh... I went back to calculate what rewards and bonuses you guys would probably get for Turn III... and I'm just realizing now that I forgot to give you another +20 Bonus for Bunker Hill you earned in Turn I... Considering how the battle went, I think you guys won't begrudge me for this tiny mistake. :V
The only thing you could have done to make the battle better would be for the British canons to accidentally destroy their own ships :lol2:
 
Omake Bounty List New
So, I've decided to create a small list of omakes I'd like to see in hopes of boosting reader engagement and so that I have more stuff to read in my spare time. :) I will grant big stuff for each omake that has been written, and because of this, I will keep the voting period open for a longer time than usual so that you all can write these omakes and get their bonuses.

1. Halbert confronting General Washington about his segregation policy for the army. Unclaimed.
2. Sarah and James finally talking and bonding over trauma. Claimed by @Magoose.
3. Negaverse George Washington (Or England) Quest. Claimed by @Magoose.
4. A future historian covering the Battle of Bunker Hill. Claimed by @Polaris37.

Sincerely, Duke William of.
 
Last edited:
If no one minds, I think I'm gonna try and type up the fourth option today, I'm feeling inspired.
 
If no one minds, I think I'm gonna try and type up the fourth option today, I'm feeling inspired.
I certainly don't mind. :D

And as some more info to everyone else, the first omakes to be written up for each category will be canonized while anything after for that category will be not Canon and earn lesser rewards. Except for Negaverse stuff, that will always be non-canon no matter how much I like them.
 
Last edited:
Well guess I'm going to try my hand on the negaverse this time. Repay some old friends and such.
 
:jackiechan: Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.

Word has reached England of the disaster at Breed's Hill and the destruction of HMS Lively. Who receives the majority of the blame? (Lower is worse.)

Thomas Gage: 1D100 = 33-20+10 => 23

William Howe: 1D100 = 44-20+10 => 34

Henry Clinton: 1D100 = 55-20-20 => 15

Francis Smith 1D100 = 89-10-10+30 => Art!Crit! 99

Because of his botched night assault on Breed's Hill and his flank being the first to break, Clinton has received the greatest share of the blame and has been recalled to England to face a court-martial regarding his conduct and capability. His superior Thomas Gage has also been recalled to England, sharing in the blame as the commander of the British forces. Howe has just barely managed to avoid such a fate, though he has been thoroughly reamed over for his part. As the only one not involved in this mess, John Burgoyne is to become overall commander of British forces in America unless Parliament decides otherwise later on. Francis Smith, despite Clinton's slander, has been lionized as a hero and posthumously given a knighthood. His family has been honored by King George III personally.
 
[Canon] Polaris37: A Story of Insurgency – The Spark at Boston New
Excerpt from The American Revolution: A Story of Insurgency, Ch 5: The Spark at Boston , Grant Navidson


Much has been said about the battle of Bunker Hill. It is often accounted as the first great conflict of the Revolution, though the battles of Lexington and Concord command status as the first. It launched the military careers of multiple heroes of the Revolution, and provided a powerful symbol of Colonial resolve and capability, a symbol which was almost certainly needed for the long fighting ahead.

After the fairly successful operations by Artemas Ward's Army of Observation in support of the siege [of Boston] through the previous month, both sides of the engagement were looking to make a decisive move.

On the side of the Colonials, every day the uncaptured city provided an opportunity for more men and material to slip into New England, and in fact many already had.1​ The Royal Navy held all but true dominance of the seas, and it was just as much surprise at the strength of the Revolution as anything else that prevented Massachusetts bay being filled with supply ships and troop transports. They could not rely on time alone to carry them to victory.

On the side of the Royalists, General Gage considered the current situation untenable, and had grave concerns about losing such a large amount of manpower to a surrender. His support network lay an entire ocean away, and the Colonials had his men bottled up behind fortifications, unable to bring to bear their greater drilling and armament against the entrenched positions, away from the naval guns.2​
Both felt the campaign hung in the balance, and that, by bringing a decisive engagement, they could bring the situation fully in their own favor. That decisive engagement came at Bunker Hill.

It would be more accurate, as will be seen, to say Breeds Hill. Though for clarity of definition the author has chosen to continue with the generally accepted naming convention.

The Royalists forces planned a move to take up positions on the Charlestown Peninsula directly north of the city, as well as to retake positions in the south on the Dorchester Heights. By doing so, they hoped to open another front through which they could demand an open battle with the inexperienced Colonial militias, while simultaneously retaking the lost positions at Dorchester, a possible point by which their supply ships could and had been be harassed. They made plans to launch this movement on June 18th, and committed almost 3000 soldiers to the action.3​ However, a colonial spy had received intelligence about the upcoming operation, and this intelligence made it's way to Ward.

Understanding the significance of the situation, General Ward ordered Colonel William Prescott to take some 1200 men to take control of the strategic heights and contest the landing. After consulting with his subordinates, he decided to fortify both the rearward Bunker Hill and the forward position on Breed's Hill. These fortifications were especially well established for a non professional unit, in part due to the assistance of then Major Jonathan Halbert, whose efforts would certainly be invaluable in the coming fight.

Unfortunately for Colonel Prescott, Clinton himself had spotted his opponents movements in the early morning of June 17th, giving the Royalists ample time to respond. Hoping to strike while his opponent was dispersed and building out defenses, General Clinton led an initial landing party to claim the beaches while the remaining forces hastily organized themselves a full day early. After an uncontested landing, and under the cover of artillery fire, Clinton pushed his men up the slopes of Breed's Hill with the intent to dash the revolutionaries from their positions.

And here, the leadership of Colonel Prescott shined. Quickly organizing the 600 men available to him, he soundly held his position and pushed the landing party off the hill. Here, taking a significant risk, he ordered his forces out of their works and down the hill, charging Clinton's retreating infantry. On open fields, with barely trained militia, it should have been a disaster, or at least a ugly, bloody melee.

However, the drilling provided by Major Halbert, the buoyed morale of a true victory against the Royalists, and a thoroughly botched retreat by General Clinton lead to what has been dubbed "The Charlestown Miracle".4​ Fully overrunning the Royalist lines, Prescott forced the surrender of functionally the entire landing force, taking some 200 redcoats into internment.

Celebrating their victory, Prescott's men continued their efforts to fortify the peninsula, completing their field works and moving a fresh 600 men forward to Breed's Hill, allowing the blooded soldiers to return to the rearward fortifications at Bunker Hill along with their prisoners. They were afforded another full day of time to rest and resupply due to the commanding officers in Boston being deeply divided over how to respond.

On Jun 18th, the full force of Gage's initially planned operation made its way across the water towards Breed's Hill. Once again, under the cover of naval guns, the full force of almost 3000 men landed on the Charlestown Peninsula and once more pushed for Breed's Hill. They made two attempts at the hill, taking significant casualties each time before retreating and reorganizing. After the second, time was given to allow a bombardment of the fort by the navy, though this proved surprisingly ineffective.5​ Going for a third attempt at the fortification, the redcoat's morale truly disintegrated, doubly so as Lt. Colonel Francis Smith was wounded in action, and would die on the return to Boston for treatment. After this, the Royalist command dedicated itself to retreating in good order, and would make no further attempts for the fortifications.

Here, a particular sore point of alternative historians develops. Several members of the Colonial command, excited by their victory, agitated for a charge against the remaining Royalist forces to repeat the actions of General Prescott the day before. Colonel Bridge, holding overall command of the position at the time, was hesitant to commit, and was further cautioned by Major Halbert. Some criticism has been leveled at Halbert for this, especially in the periods of his career were it was advantageous to do so.6​ However, as noted by American general and military historian Nicholas Willis,

" The problem, of course, is perspective. If it had worked, it would have made for a damn incredible tactical reversal, and solidified the Colonial belief in the possibility of a final victory. If. Meanwhile, Boston and its defenses would still be there, with plenty of redcoats still able to hold it. And if it failed. If. It would have been snatching defeat from the jaws of victory."7​

Regardless, the charge was not ordered, and the Royalist force was allowed to retreat in good order across the bay. Still, the cost for the redcoats was a steep one. Across the two days of fighting, the Royalists had taken some 1050 casualties, with 800 of those being captured or dead. And to add insult, both the 22nd and 52nd regiments lost their battle standards, a deep shame in military tradition. Compare this to the bare 150 casualties suffered by Prescott's men, with the majority of these recoverable, and the battle stands as a true disaster for the soldiers of Brittania.8​ The events on Breed's Hill can almost directly be blamed for the continuing decay of relations between the commanding officers of Boston, as well as their ultimate decision to abandon the city and the results thereof.

Meanwhile, Prescott, and many of his command, including Colonel Bridge and Major Halbert were lauded as heroes of the cause. Halbert's call to "Only fire when you see the white's of their eyes." before the first assault was a particular darling to the journalists of New England and Virginia, in the north for a savior of their homes, and in the south as a local man taking up the cause. A flood of previously uncommitted patriots and fence sitters flocked to the banner of the Revolution, while causing further dismay within Loyalist populations. It was, in short, a spectacular moral victory.

1. From Fred Grant's "The Siege of Boston"
2,3. From the letters of General Gage, Oxford Library
4. From the Pennsylvania Gazette, June 23, 1775
5. The how of such an event continues to mystify. More than a hundred guns with well trained crews fired on Breed's Hill, but to little effect at all.
6. From William Freeman's biography "The Rational Abolitionist: The Story of Jonathan Halbert"
7. From a guest lecture at West Point Military Academy, October 10, 1973
8. From Mary Bingham's "An Exploration of Military Casualties in the English Armed Forces"

A.N.: This was a lot of fun to write. Let me know if there are any glaring inaccuracies @Duke William of . Also, just to be clear, anything in the citations is purely fictional, and is just some fun window dressing.
 
Last edited:
Francis Smith 1D100 = 89-10-10+30 => Art!Crit! 99
Francis Smith, despite Clinton's slander, has been lionized as a hero and posthumously given a knighthood. His family has been honored by King George III personally.
Colonel Smith answered with his life, sir! -
King George to Clinton and Gage, probably

It would seem, that dying heroically is the preferred answer to the humiliation at Breed's Hill. Something, that both generals failed to do. :V
 
At this rate I'm someone is going to have to write some Revolutionary War Sharpe Omakes just to give the old Redcoats a fighting chance
 
At this rate I'm someone is going to have to write some Revolutionary War Sharpe Omakes just to give the old Redcoats a fighting chance
I even have the perfect hero for this: Major Patrick Ferguson, inventor of a breech-loading rifle named after him and light infantry commander - he equipped his unit of sharpshooters with his own weapon for field testing. :D
 
Francis Smith dying is making him be a hero. Like from what I can tell? His line didn't break and then tried to save the army. Which cost him his life. So yeah can see the British making him a hero for the cause.

Clinton and Gage getting the majority of the blame makes sense. Clinton failed both attacks while being the first to run away. Gage was the main boss of everything so can see it but curious on the official reason. And if Gage loses his command like Clinton.

William Howe able to get away from most of the blame. Still got in trouble but nothing like Clinton and Gage. John Burgoyne saved because he was not at the battle so he's in charge now of leaving Boston....Man people are gonna need to fill in two important roles now. Cornwallis when he shows up might become pretty important to the war.
 
Last edited:
Excerpt from The American Revolution: A Story of Insurgency, Ch 5: The Spark at Boston , Grant Navidson
I love it! :D I will take some time to nitpick and comment on this, but after that, it shall be rewarded. :D

I really like these footnote things. It just adds a good flavor to the omake.

It would be more accurate, as will be seen, to say Breeds Hill, though
Should be a comma here, not a period.

The Royalists forces planned a move to take up positions on the Charlestown Peninsula directly north of the city.By
Should be a space between city and by. Also, I'd like it if you mentioned the plans to take up positions on Dorchester Heights as well.

Should only be one period instead of two.

Royalist lookout had spotted his movements in the early morning of June 17th
In quest and IOTL, it was actually Clinton himself who spotted the movements on Breed's Hill.

infantry. On open fields, with barely trained militia, it should have been a disaster, or at least a ugly, bloody melee.
However, the drilling
Should either add the two paragraphs together or put a space between them.

Celebrating their victory, Prescott's men continued their efforts to fortify the peninsula, completing their field works and moving another 600 men forward to Breed's Hill.
This is really minor, but you should probably add in clarification that these other 600 men would replaced 400 of Prescott's men, who were moved along with the British prisoners to Bunker Hill.

, the redcoat's morale truly disintegrated, doubly so as General Francis Smith was wounded in action, and would die on the return to Boston for treatment.
This is my fault since I wrote this mistake into the updates, but Smith was actually a Lt. Colonel at this point, not a Major General.

Here, a particular sore point of alternative historians develops. Several members of the Colonial command, excited by their victory, agitated for a charge against the remaining Royalist forces to repeat the actions of General Prescott the day before. Colonel Bridge, holding overall command of the position at the time, was hesitant to commit, and was further cautioned by Major Halbert. Some criticism has been leveled at Halbert for this, especially in the periods of his career were it was advantageous to do so.6
I really like this section since I can easily see hordes of modern-day armchair generals claiming they could do better.

" The problem, of course, is perspective. If it had worked, it would have made for a damn incredible tactical victory, and solidified the Colonial belief in a possible victory. If. Meanwhile, Boston and its defenses would still be there, with still plenty of redcoats to hold it. And if it failed. If. It would have been snatching defeat from the jaws of victory."7
I just really like this quote, no further elaboration needed.

A.N.: This was a lot of fun to write. Let me know if there are any glaring inaccuracies @Duke William of . Also, just to be clear, anything in the citations is purely fictional, and is just some fun window dressing.
Despite my nitpicks and minor critiques, I truly adore this omake and I am thankful for you writing it. :D

Reward: +15 to all rolls next Battle Turn, and Jonathan Halbert gains +2 Stat Points in both Martial and Prowess.

Oh good, Burgoyne's in charge, fanfuckingtastic
I'd planned for Howe to take over like in OTL, but I couldn't justify with how low he rolled. Then I remembered Burgoyne's hands were clean of this affair and went, "Screw it, we balling!"

Can someone get a:jackiechan: count going? I wanna to see how high it was go.
If I had known about the emote beforehand, you would've seen a lot more of it in previous updates.

I even have the perfect hero for this: Major Patrick Ferguson, inventor of a breech-loading rifle named after him and light infantry commander - he equipped his unit of sharpshooters with his own weapon for field testing. :D
I'm fairly certain he almost shot George Washington at one point or another, but decided not to.
 
Last edited:
After a quick dive of the wiki, I dont think we could do much better than Burgyone. Arrogant, foppish, and his only notable achievements in the OTL war were relieving the Siege of Quebec and getting 6000 redcoats captured.

Dude insisted on hauling along 30 carriages of fine clothes and wine while campaigning.
 
After a quick dive of the wiki, I dont think we could do much better than Burgyone. Arrogant, foppish, and his only notable achievements in the OTL war were relieving the Siege of Quebec and getting 6000 redcoats captured.

Dude insisted on hauling along 30 carriages of fine clothes and wine while campaigning.

Yeah it's terrible, I mean uh, fantastic for us!
 
Hmmm might get some looks from this question but could a character be made for the British side? With two generals losing their positions might need some people to take their place. Probably wouldn't be a General at the start but could earn it? Though wouldn't even know where to begin on making a character.
 
Voting is open
Back
Top