...Well, she seems to be somewhat knowledgeable about Persona stuff, so maybe you should start with the things she'd be familiar with. "Well... You remember, how I told you what my Persona was."
Lavenza nods. "Yes. Nemesis of the Justice Arcana, numbered eight. Bless aligned, I believe."
You aren't sure you've told the blue girl what your affinities were, but it's probably nothing. You can read how much power something has, Kirijo-san reads thoughts... just seeing someone's affinities isn't all that strange, when you think about it.
So you simply nod, and say, "That's right. I haven't summoned him all that often, though... I didn't really have the chance to. And now, I'm... not sure it would be a good idea." Not while your thoughts are messed up like this, at least.
"Why ever not? Having a Persona is the sign of a solid identity. You should be proud of the ability to wield such power." She seems to be matching Kirijo-san in disapproving tone now. It's sort of unsettling.
"I mean, there's nothing wrong with the power itself, it's just I-" You stop, and shake your head, and start again. "There is... something important, that I forgot for a while. Or, well, it's not that I forgot it... more that I wasn't allowed to remember."
Lavenza pauses to consider your words. "I can see how that sort of thing would make you doubt. It is... rare, that something appears that can manipulate memories, to hear my master speak of it. And when those beings appear, well... Margaret says that's when we should listen closely to the rumors, for we may be getting a new Guest."
"Even if it's just someone's Persona?" And that seems to shock her, somehow.
"That should not be possible. Personas only exist in hearts that are willing to accept everything that they are. To try to hide something away from the rest of their self... that is against their very nature."
"Didn't stop mine." You try not to sound bitter. You fail miserably. "Apparently, he didn't trust me not to do something... drastic." And, okay, he might not have been entirely wrong, but that's not the point here.
"Would you have?" Lavenza asks. There's no sign that she's judging you or anything. Just simple curiosity. You shrug.
"I won't know now, will I? But... maybe. It'd be worse if I hadn't remembered, though." Because the truth would have come out eventually, and at least this way you can try and pretend that it was all just a bad dream. Not that it works. "I'm not sure I could have handled... learning that everyone was hiding something this important from me. It's... still sort of hard to believe, really..."
Lavenza doesn't ask you any specifics or anything. Instead, it appears that she's thinking about... something. And, eventually, she speaks.
"A Persona is a facet of the self," She says, as though those words mean anything to you. You think Kirijo-san or Akira might understand it better, but as it is, it's just you. "And Shadows do not go against their natures. Maybe some part of you was scared of what you could end up doing. And maybe that part decided to stop it. But that does not mean you should abandon your power."
"I never said I would! I just... need time to think."
"I don't see what there is to think about. Whatever your problem may be, it is something that you must face so that you do not lose yourself. Many a Persona User has had to do such. We do not speak of the ones that failed." You wonder if she realizes how ominous that sounds. Then again, that was probably the point.
You don't end up going anywhere with Lavenza today.
Your second round of spear training, in comparison to the first, uses the weapon that Ikutsuki-san gave you a lot more.
This gives you a lot more time to notice a few odd things about it, such as the fact that anyone that's not you who picks it up quickly grows tired. It's sort of strange, but given that you're the one that has to deal with it constantly changing length and weight, you think the others got off lucky in that they don't have to wield it.
...Then again, the fact that you're having problems concentrating might play into this, as well. You just can't stop thinking about what Lavenza said. Given that your Persona is probably different from everyone else's in a lot of ways, you should probably take her words with a grain of salt, but... It's still the best advice you've been given.
Not that you can really solve your issues with Nemi without being able to talk to him, and he's been rather quiet since he gave back your memories of that night. But you should try and make it so you have one less thing driving you to distraction...
[ ] You should talk to Kirijo-san and Sanada-san about this. It's not quite facing the main problem, but it would be a start. (+Expression)
[ ] You aren't sure you're ready to discuss these things with Shinjiro-san yet, but you should at least start talking to him again. It might help with your general confusion. (+Expression)
[ ] Continuing on the memory track... perhaps it's time you spoke with Morgana. He's got his own issues to deal with, after all.
[ ] Maybe if you just kept focusing really hard on your spear practice... (+Diligence)
