So I mentioned before that I sometimes have too much fun writing Luppi.It's just fun to write him banter with people and sometimes it can easily lead to me forgetting his actual character and role in the narrative. The currently in-progress update was a good example of this. I had a lot of fun writing a scene of him that ended up not working at all for the actual story, being pretty much just crack. So I scrapped it and wrote something very different.
But, being a generous soul, I am posting this here as a non-canon QM omake. You can consider it an excerpt from a hypothetical Number None Abridged series, if you like
Stage Fright
"Sooo," Luppi says, rubbing his hair. "This is kind of awkward.
The handsome Shinigami gives him a flat glare for only answer. Both his hands are clutching the hilt of his weird split-scythe weapon, but his grip is shaky - there is a bloody tear in his uniform where Luppi's hand sliced clean through the skin, and his chest is probably sporting a couple of impressive bruises, at a guess.
"I mean, I appreciate the
effort, you know. It's just, I was there because my skills lie in fighting
multiple opponents, and there's just, like… Not enough of you. I'm sorry, honey. You're just not enough on your own."
Luppi briefly glances above, where Grimmjow rushes like a meteor and clash with the Captain in an impact so harsh the shockwave makes his chest rumble. Hail falls onto his shoulders from a crack in the Shinigami's ice, and Luppi sighs wistfully.
The pretty one takes this opportunity to try flash-stepping up to him, and Luppi grins, raising his arm to block the blade. There is a clicking sound and all three other scythes join the first, closing on his arm like a claw, and the Shinigami pulls back in a wrenching gesture…
The uniform tears, and a few drops of blood fall to the ground below. Then they stop, the cut to shallow to shed more. Luppi looks at the wound, then at the Shinigami, his expression one of deep compassion.
"Yeah, sorry. That's Hierro for you. This is getting kind of embarrassing."
The Shinigami pants heavily… Then lowers his sword and chuckles, flicking a lock hair out his feather-adorned eyes.
"It does, right? I'm sorry about that. I can do a lot better than that, it's just, I guess you could say I have stage fright."
"Is that so?" Luppi asks, tilting his head. Then he raises an eyebrow. "Isn't it more like… Performance anxiety?"
The Shinigami chuckles.
"No, not at all. It's the crowd, you see. Embarrassing secret powers that I can't reveal to my friends, you know the kind."
Luppi nods wisely.
"Yes, absolutely. You have no idea of the flack I get just because my presence makes all allies turn on each other."
"Really? Gods, that
would be an awkward one to explain."
Luppi sighs. For a moment, there is silence. He looks at his surroundings - both other Fraccions seem to be having their own dizzying speed contests, and of course above them the Captain is turning the rain into a weaponized hailstorm while Grimmjow is laughing and taunting him and, really, it seems like Luppi got the worst of the lot. No fun at all.
"Look, it's a bit embarrassing to admit," Luppi says, "but I was hoping for this to be kind of… Well, kind of a date. With the well-toned fighting maniac up there. And you're taking a long time to die. Would you mind just…" He waves his hand evasively. "Just kind of keeling over and dying quick? Then I could join Grimmjow and tag-team your Captain and it'd be a really nice day out."
"He's not
my Captain," the Shinigami says, rubbing his chest wounds with a wounds, "and honestly, I've seen your Espada's type before. He's like nine out of ten people in the Eleven. You try and help him in his fight, and you will make an enemy for life. Really big on 'this is my fight' drama."
"Hmm." Luppi rubs his chin, thoughtful. "I guess so, yeah. So even finishing our fight quickly would be pointless. Lord, what a waste."
"You think you have it rough?" the Shinigami says, cocking an eyebrow. "I'm literally waiting for you to decide whether I live or die, even though I
could put up a decent fight if I was ready to just shame myself forever in my friend's eyes. It's awful."
"It's not like I'm not sensitive to that!" Luppi protests, waving his long sleeves. "I mean, you clearly have
something interesting going on. Secret powers you would not reveal to your allies even if it meant your death? Making friends with people who'd judge you like this in the first place? The only Shinigami I've ever met to have some sense of style? You've got a story to tell, my friend, and it'd be a real shame to waste it."
There is a pause.
The Shinigami stares at Luppi, and frowns.
"Are you… Coming on to me?"
"What? No!" Luppi shouts. "I
told you I'm trying to make this a date with the boss guy. And you're kind of flimsy."
"You say that," the Shinigami says dubiously, "but I just told you that your date is probably a no-go, and then you start complimenting me. I'm no one's rebound guy. And you don't even know my name."
"Oh
please. Like you wouldn't love getting some of
this," Luppi says, twisting his body in a sinuous, almost hypnotic motion.
"How do you know that's even my thing? Just because I have some interest in dressing properly doesn't mean you can assume…"
"You have
feathers sticking out of your
eyebrows." Luppi says flatly. A pause. "And I mean, it's fabulous, but you know."
The Shinigami sighs deeply.
"Can you just kill me already?"
"I don't know." Luppi shrugs. "If I drag this on for long enough, is there any chance of reinforcements joining us, so that I can make you part of a package? Like, with a few friends actually helping you instead of fighting their own battles, you'd give me a challenge, I'm sure."
"Well, there are the drifters," the Shinigami says frowning. "You know about them already, if you're here, but I honestly don't think they're on your level. And of course, there is the secret privileged information regarding this town that I am not sharing with the enemy."
"Is it the renegade Shinigami captains? Because we already know about those."
The Shinigami winces visibly. Luppi sighs, folding his hands behind his head.
"This sucks. I should have gone with Nemo. I'm sure she's having more fun."
"Wait." The voice is suddenly serious. Luppi tilts his head with a curious look. "You have an ally called Nemo?"
"Yeah? Girl with a big horned mask, about yay tall, doesn't talk much."
The Shinigami chuckles darkly.
"How fate conspires to make fools of us. You wish you'd been with her - and now I'm wishing she'd been here instead of you. I never thought I'd see her again, but she and I have a rematch in the wings."
A smile slowly stretches Luppi's lips.
"Now you
really have my interest."
