By Ay Means Necessary 1.12
For most heroes, Toshinori Yagi imagined that the loss of their quirk would leave them catatonic, wracked with guilt over the thought of all the people that they would no longer be able to save. Not him, though, no - of all the downsides that came with his injury, traffic was the one that irritated him the most, and he hated himself for it.


In his defence, he didn't understand how people coped with being so unproductive. Just the thought of all the paperwork he could and should be doing instead… Or worse, the memory of being able to move freely in his other form.


But this was no time to be feeling sorry for himself - Toshinori finally had a chance to catch up with Midoriya, and he wasn't about to let it go to waste.


The doorbell was one of those ear-splittingly loud types, and resembled a bell about as much as Present Mic did, but at least it got the inhabitants of the house moving, if the footsteps were anything to go by. Through the door, he could hear a quiet conversation. More footsteps.


Finally, the door opened.


"I'm sorry to bother you, my boy, but may I come in? I need to discuss your UA application, if that is alright with you."


The meeting was already off to a bad start: Midoriya was staring up at him with a shell-shocked expression, obviously blaming him for the trauma he'd experienced during the exam.


"I-I could reschedule? If this is… a bad time for you?"


Why on Earth did he think that this would end well? He'd nearly killed the boys friend, sat by and watched as he was nearly killed, and told him, to his face, that he could never become a hero; Midoriya must hate him.


"I'm very sorry for imposing on you, I'll come back anothe-


"No, wait! I'm… sorry…?" He glanced over his shoulder warily. "Don't leave."


That was never a good sign.


"Then, would it be appropriate for me to enter? This is not the most private place for such a sensitive topic, if you understand what I mean."


"Y-you want to talk about your… occupation?" That nervous look again - something was definitely up. "Of course you can come in, s- I was just surprised to see you, sir."


Sir? Was it politeness, or did he really look that old? More importantly, why did the boy keep checking behind him like that?


"Midoriya… you are not being abused at home, are you?"


"W-what?!"


Midoriya looked at him with the same level of shock as somebody who'd just discovered that a certain friend of his whose name starts with an 'A' was the proud owner of a staggeringly large amount of blackmail on him.


"No, of course I'm not- Sorry, My friend has been trying to get me to stop apologising so much, sorr…"


Oh.


This was embarrassing.


"S-Sorry! I didn't mean to offend, I was just concerned-"


"No, it's fine; you were just trying to help… Why don't you come in? Um… you can sit down in the kitchennnope - my room. We can talk in my room."


His face completely blank, in a disturbing contrast from before, he stuck his head around what Toshinori assumed was the kitchen door:


"Kaede, could you make us some tea please?"


That name was familiar, and the boy's tone was more fitting for a peer than an elder, so it was likely another enrolling student, but he just couldn't quite attach a face to the name. Before he could see for himself, Midoriya began to herd him up the stairs with all the vigor of a suicidally depressed rock.


"That should keep them busy long enough for us to talk."


"I may need a bit more time than that, Midoriya. This is really quite important."


"No, there'll be plenty of time."


From the kitchen came the sound of several metal objects being smashed together, followed by an unnerving silence. Then strangled screaming. Then nothing again.


"Plenty of time." Izuku repeated, his voice strained.


That strain only became more obvious when they reached his room, which was covered in enough All Might themed merchandise to supply a small convention.


Izuku seemed to have forgotten this fact when he initially invited Toshinori to his room, and was now regretting every life choice he'd ever made.


He could empathise with that sentiment, but the hero was too overwhelmed by the boy's… devotion, that he could do nothing but stand in awkward silence while Midoriya collected himself. Once again, Toshinori felt like a horrible person; he was a complete disappointment not only to an impressionable child, but to someone who had been a fan of his. After some time, the boy managed to pull himself back together:


"S-s-so… what d-did you…"


"W-well, first I was going to congratulate you on passing. The exam. Passing the exam, I mean. Well done."


They made a wonderful pair; stuttering, flustered messes that they were. Wait, no, bad Toshinori - don't drag poor Midoriya into your own problems. Shit - why was he looking at him like that? Did he say that last part out loud?!


"I… passed?"


"Y-yes. In fact, you ranked in the top ten during… the… exam?"


The boy was hugging him.


The boy was hugging him.



What.


Toshinori had no idea how to respond, his hands waving in the air like a composer on LSD.


"I… I-I never thought… I..."


Midoriya was definitely trying to say something, but the combination of his position and wavering voice made it impossible to make out. The hero gave up on understanding, and opted for returning the hug, trying his absolute best to reassure the confusing child. He wasn't used to physical contact in his… quirkless form, so the reprocication also helped him keep his balance - Midoriya was rather strong for his age.


It was more than a little awkward, but… still nice.


However, all good things must come to an end, and the happy bonding moment of fluff was abruptly halted by the addition of a certain


"So… are you two actually related?"


He let out an undignified squawk and whirled to face the voice; Midoriya reacted in a similar fashion, but recovered quicker, propping up Toshinori before he could trip over one of the many books scattered over the floor.


Although they looked a little different from his previous encounters, he recognised the speaker. He was pleased to discover that they looked much less terrifying when they weren't missing half their lower body; he was less pleased to notice that they were carrying one of their… pets. While he'd been distracted, they had snuck into the room and was presently reclining on… was that a-? Yep, that was a body pillow. Of him.


"Oh - there you are, Bael!"


Who was-? He noticed a weight on his hand.


Toshinori looked down.


---


De-kun attempted to mediate the situation: "H-he really didn't mean any harm, sir. He… likes being in my hair, and when you… you must have scared him."


"...Yes."


The skeletal accountant/intern/skeleton turned to face you, face blank. Probably. His eyes were so sunken in that it was difficult to read him.


That, and you were currently too pissed off to care.


"I am very sorry for scaring your spider."


"Bael."



"For scaring Bael."


You glared some more, before returning your attention to Bael. Poor baby must have been so scared when that nasty man swung him at the wall like that - he was only trying to say hi!


You ignored the twos' faltering attempts at conversation (something inconsequential about 'confidentiality' and 'not telling anyone about his job because he'd never gotten clearance to tell them') while you petted Bael, only tuning back in when Izuku asked you a question.


"Kaede… what did you make this tea with?"


Ah, that. You didn't think they would notice, but going by how little either of them had drunk…


"I made the tea."


"Yes, but what with?"


"...I made the tea."


He slowly put down his cup, looking ill, which was a bit rude. Justified, though: he'd explained to you multiple times why people found cannibalism… socially unacceptable.


...What? Kettles were complicated - and don't even get yourself started on timing the teabags and getting the correct ratio of milk!


"A-am I missing something here?"


"No." "Nope."


Despite your reassurances, intern-man followed Izuku's example.


"I should be going."


"Wait! Didn't you have something important to…" Izuku trailed off as he glanced over to you "...tell us about your job?"


You cocked your head to the side like a confused dog. Or perhaps an angry chicken. Ooh, you should try that out and see what that looks like~


"I don't think so..?" Skeletor looked just like De-kun when he was trying not to panic.


"Yes, you do! Remember? You work at the same place as All Might and he wanted to pass on a message."


"Wha-? Oh, I-I mean, yes! He asked me to apologize… for…"


Damn it, it was difficult to stay mad at the guy when he looked so upset.


"He is… incredibly sorry about injuring you, Shima. And threatening your pet. And for allowing you to be injured, Midoriya. An-"


"C-could you tell him that I forgive him, sir? I-I just did what anybody would have done, and I don't regret it. And even if it was wrong that people were allowed to get injured in a school, I know that he regrets it, a-and it probably wasn't even his fault i-i-n the first place..." For some reason, Izuku was going red - embarrased, and promptly shifted the conversation over to you:


"K-Kaede! Is there anything you'd like him to pass on to All Might? Anything you'd like him to know?"


"Tell him that I want to rip his legs off. I don't care how sorry he is - he made you cry."


You took a moment to think, while Skeletor struggled not to spill any of his blood/vomit on the carpet.


"I mean, I'd grow them back, because you still like him. Plus, he's apparently upset about it, even if he couldn't be bothered to come in person. Plus, he's just really cool."


You finished with a grin, while De-kun just stared. "Kaede, that's illegal."


"But I'd grow them back!"


"...I'm going to leave now."


The remainder of the day went by quickly.


---


Ryou Shima was enjoying his evening; he had his newspaper, company, and a cup of that nice blackcurrant tea that was apparently only ever stocked in other people's shopping trolleys. And then his wife started swearing.


Now the newspaper was drenched in the rest of his tea, and- "I can explain it was just the one time I swear I won't do it again!!"


"No, not y…" She trailed off, looking over at him in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"


"...Absolutely nothing."


"…" Yuuko stared.


"..." He stared right back at her.


"..." Yuuko knows when you sin.


"..." He attempted a grin, trying to lighten the mood.


"..." There is no lieing to Yuuko.


"So~ the horrible problem that apparently warrants swearing...?"


The distraction technique was a complete success.


"It completely warrants swearing! For the last time, I don't have a problem, and I don't need a fucking swear jar."


"And the problem greater than that of your excessive swearing is..?"


"Their new school. UA. It's not going to be so lenient with its uniform policy compared to their Junior High school."


He was almost certainly going to regret asking this, but… "Meaning?"


He could taste the despair in the air around them. Quite literally, as a result of his quirk, which only served to intensify his dread as Yuuko took a breath, and spoke.


"Someone's going to have to take Kaede clothes shopping."


The room temperature plummeted. He paled and reached for her hand, trying to convey as much support as he could through the gesture.


They spoke at the same time.


"Not it."


---

AN: I'm useless at sticking to deadlines. Sorry, again.

Toshinori is unnecessary guilt on legs. Don't take them away, they're all he's got.
 
Making Friends 2.1
Why were you here so early? School didn't start for over two hours, but Izuku had insisted on getting an earlier train 'just in case something goes wrong because some always goes wrong and this is the only thing I've ever wanted in life please let me have this'.


Pfft - he was clearly exaggerating.


Just a few minutes before, he'd said he wanted a biscuit.


Still, for all his talk of timing, he had yet to arrive. Let's check again: too tall, too skinny, too dog, too not-bush, too elderly woman...


Where was Izuku? Even from your vantage point of precisely two-thirds of the way up a lamp post, he was nowhere to be seen. Okay, the two of you weren't scheduled to meet up for ten minutes, but it was the first day of school and De-kun was always early and aaaaaaahhh you were so excited!!


You attempted a backflip off the lamp post, drawing a couple of tired glares from passersby; didn't you know it was a felony to experience any form of joy before ten? Morning people…


Izuku found you vibrating with excitement against a wall, too damaged to move, but too hyped to waste time fixing anything but the most pressing injuries. You were fine - all the bleeding was internal!


"I'm not even going to ask."


"De-kun!" You attempted a hug, falling flat on your face when your legs didn't respond. "What took you so long?!"


He flushed, and all of a sudden the hem of his shirt was the most fascinating thing in the world.


"My mom wanted to take pictures…"


"Didn't she get enough when we went uniform shopping?"


As your parents had been mysteriously unavailable to take you uniform shopping, Izuku's mom had invited you.


Poor Inko. Poor, unfortunate Inko. It had gone about as well as you'd expect.


He shrugged at your question, likely having some kind of PTSD flashback. Post-traumatic shopping-with-Kaede-induced-stress disorder.


"I don't think she has access to security camera footage..."


"Aw, Izuku… Look-" Again, your face met the floor. "Um, give me a minute here."


Bone always took a while to mend properly… Cutting every corner, it still took far too long before you could stand, and on boring, terrible, short-person legs that couldn't even bend, no less. Screw bottom-tier legs, someone would have to create three whole tiers below the existing ones just so that these could be ranked appropriately.


Although…


What if you made the ends a little more… stabby?


Argh, no, not the time!


You slung an arm around Izuku, startling him out of one of those self-reflection panic attacks he liked doing so often lately.


"Look, De-kun, the secret to not being photographed is to be constantly in motion. Then they have to video you, and then you can just start swearing until they get bored because they can't send the video to your grandparents if you're setting a bad example for their pet Emu."


"...What?"


"...That was what we were talking about, right?"


"That was half an hour ago."


"Oh. Sorry."


"It's fine, don't worry about it. We've got plenty of time to spare for you to make some…" He briefly glanced down, and immediately regretted it. "...actual legs, if you want?"


"No, thanks. I've kept you waiting long enough."


You were half-carried, half-dragged towards the station entrance. The bones in your tail hadn't been fixed, so the bruising mess kept knocking into everything like it was possessed by an overexcited labrador; combined with your new (terrible) legs, your face would become one with the floor before you managed to get there without help. Regardless, you made the train in time.


"..."


"..."


"...Don't say it."


"Say what?" His 'innocent' voice was seriously at odds with his expression.


"You're going to say it." It was plain creepy to see such a borderline-sadistic expression on your precious shrub friend.


"I'm not saying anything." His smile only grew wider as the two of you headed towards the station. "But if I was the sort of person who would say something in this situation… I'd probably say I told you so."


"*frustrated wheezing noises punctuated by occasional heart failure*"


---


As disastrous as the uniform shopping incident had been, what you were wearing was sufficient to get past the security guards. Probably only because the guards were busy arguing over precisely how much of a dress code violation your skirt was.


Well, it was less of a skirt, more of a ruffled belt. Well, less of a belt, more of an apron that was pinned to the base of your tail by several sharp, bone hooks.


Unfortunately, Izuku had convinci-bribed you not to dye your skin pink - between your ears, skirt, and tendency to forget to use your face to express emotion, you could pull off a pretty convincing cosplay of a certain Queen.


Aah, but how to make the explosives..?


De-kun broke you out of that train of thought with a faltering "H-h-how do I look, Kaede?"


"Nervous and extremely uncomfortable."


"T-thanks…"


The two of you had successfully arrived at school, ahead of time, and your legs were mostly fixed, too. On a less positive note, De-kun refused to enter the classroom because he was panicking over his first impressions.


"I-I was in the top ten they're all going to be looking at me


"I don't think the exam results are publically available, so don't worry about that."


"R-really? Thank...s…"


"Aw, don't worry, I won't tell anyone! I'm just so proud that you managed to hack into the school to find out!"


"Yes. That is what I did. A-ah - wait, no, that's illegal! I don't want to be a villain!" And unintentional distraction: complete. "You shouldn't want to, either!"


While he was focused on you, you reached around for the door handle.


"Come on, De-kun! As long as you beat up the villains, nobody will mind if you experiment with one or two… less than legal hobbies."


Found it - you swung it open and dragged Izuku through before he could sputter up a response, teeth bared as if you were about to consume the souls of the viewers - if it worked for All Might, it would work for you!


"Hiiiiii~"


Not your most eloquent speech, but it got the attention of every occupant of the room: a grand total of five people, one of whom began striding over to greet you.


"Hello! I am from Somei Private Academy. My name i-"



The next thing you remembered was being pried off of a student with no less than sIX ARMS!!!11!!!


"I-I'm so sorry about this, they just really like hugging people."


"Rude insect fanatic, please do not sexually assault classmate Shoji!"



"I am not certain that hugs are classified as-"


"HI IBARA COME AND SEE HOW AWESOME THIS GUY'S ARMS Aak-!!"


The momentary lapse in concentration was enough for De-kun and the glasses-cyborg to pull you off, much to your dismay; Spider-man just looked down at you in shock. Confusion. Something. He wasn't very expressive with his mouth covered, and the staring was beginning to get awkward. Thankfully, Ibara was there to smooth things over and cut off the cyborg's impending rant on 'proper social conduct'.


"I sincerely apologize for the actions of my friend, Shoji. They have been quite excited about attending class and meeting everyone." She laughed, only the guy relaxed, a confusing opposite to how people reacted whenever you laughed. "I hope that this will not affect our future relationship as classmates, but in the end, it's your decision."


"...okay. Please do not let them do that again, though."


His hands could be mouths! You suppressed a squeal of excitement - you'd unintentionally upset Spide- Shoji, and it wouldn't do to make him more uncomfortable. Still, there were so many new people to meet! Surely the actual 'making up for your transgressions' could wait until you'd had a look at the rest?


However, pastries came before people; you glanced over at your friend. Izuku had forgotten his self-confidence issues, in favour of taking turns apologising to cyborg and Ibara.


He would be fine~ Now, who to talk to?


Pick one:

[ ] SPIDER ARMS apology time takes precedence.
[ ] Ponytail girl looks almost suspiciously plain...
[ ] That strawberry shortcake in the corner looks rather lonely...


---

AN: Write-in for conversation topics/starters/whatever your strange minds come up with!

And here we have one of the more blatant examples of perspective influencing the overall chapter.

For some fun, unanswerable questions: Will I ever get my shit together and update on time? Will I ever manage to set a consistent tone? And what am I drinking because this doesn't taste like coffee to me?

All I know is that I have a cat, and she is attacking my leg.
 
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