Family Appreciation Day
Applejack: "Ah, Twilight? Ah was wonderin'..."
Twilight: "Yes, AJ?"
Applejack: "Ah've checked, an' from tha looks of it, Ah'm quite possibly tha least popular member o'tha Elemental Harmony Squad."
Twilight: "Well... Among the least, anyway."
Applejack: "..."
Twilight: "..."
Applejack: "Why?! Am Ah not good enough? Ah'm a badass athlete, great with foals, always helpful, Ah don't rub people's face in mah talents, and Ah've done less majerly bone-headed stuff than anyone else here! What, am Ah borin' people?"
Twilight: "AJ... I think it might be a focus issue."
Applejack: "Whaddaya mean, Twilight?"
Twilight: "Well, it's a simple fact: You haven't gotten a lot of focus episodes. Less than any of us save Pinkie Pie. It's not that people don't like you, they've just never had as many chances to see you shine."
Applejack: "Well, time fer a change, then! This week's episode is all about family appreciation day, and Ah'm tha main family mare on this show! This is mah chance ta shine!"
Twilight: "Um..."
Applejack: "...What?"
Twilight: "Er... Well, I've checked the script, and, well..."
Applebloom: "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SPOTLIGHT STEALERS!"
Applejack: "..."
Applejack: "FAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST!"
FAMILY APPRECIATION DAY
Well, we open on the Apples' farm at night when...
*Hooooowl!*
*Clanging!*
*WTF!*
Applejack, Big Mac, Applebloom: "Huh?"
Granny Smith: *is running outside in the middle of the night while clanging metal pots together*
Granny Smith: "THE TIMBER WOLVES ARE HOWLING! THE TIMBER WOLVES ARE HOWLING!"
Applejack, Big Mac, Applebloom: "..."
Applejack: "Well, that makes perfect sense!"
Appleblom: "Sure does!"
Big Mac: "Eyup!"
Granny Smith: "THE ZAP APPLES ARE COMING! THE ZAP APPLES ARE COMING!"
Applejack, Big Mac, Appleblom: "Yay!"
...What just happened?
The next day:
Granny Smith: "Now young whipper-snapper, this here's gonna be yet first year helpin' me with making zap apple jam."
Applebloom: "Oh boy oh boy oh boy!"
Granny Smith: "So fair warnin': There are lots of steps, and ya need to git 'em all right!"
Applebloom: "Oh boy oh boy oh boy!"
Granny Smith: "Fer starters, clean up tha kitchen."
Applebloom: "Oh boy oh boy oh boy?"
Meanwhile, outside:
Applejack: "Waaaaait fer it..."
Sinister storm clouds: *gather*
Static electricity: *fills the air*
Electric sparks: *run across leafless trees*
Trees: *feed on electricity to instantly grow leaves*
Equestria's biology: *is kinda like that*
Applejack: "Ya know, bro... given all tha weird stuff Ah have ta deal with with mah friends... Ah really appreciate havin' normal, natural farmin' ta keep me grounded."
Big Mac: "Eyup."
Enters Filthy Rich, and his daughter... Diamond Tiara. Huh.
Granny Smith and Applebloom: *are wearing bunny suits and jumping over farming equipment while reciting the alphabet*
Bwuh?
Diamond Tiara: "Bwuh?"
Diamond Tiara: "...BWAHAHAHA!"
Filthy Rich, businessstallion: "Ah, Granny Smith. Just the pony I wanted to see."
Granny Smith: "Why howdy, Filthy."
Filthy Rich: "...If that's all the same to you, I prefer Rich."
Granny Smith: "Sure thing, Dick!"
Filthy Rich: "...I'll take what I can get."
Filthy Rich: "Anyway, I've heard that there's a new harvest of zap apples coming?"
Granny Smith: "Ya done heard right."
Filthy Rich: "Then, as per our usual arrangement, I get to buy the first hundred jam pots you make?"
Granny Smith: "Sure as sugar, youngster!"
But while the adults talk business...
Diamond Tiara: "Poor Applebloom. Forced to work on zap apple jam, hm?"
Applebloom: "Actually, Ah've been waiting fer years ta be able ta participate in this!"
Diamond Tiara: "Frustrating, isn't it? Having to work besides Granny Smith all day long."
Applebloom: "Thankfully, I actually enjoy spending time with her."
Diamond Tiara: "But surely it burns you up how weird and senile she gets!"
Applebloom: "Hardly! In fact, I'd say I'm lucky to..."
Diamond Tiara: "FOR BUCK'S SAKE! Shut up with your disgustingly sweet horseshit! Acceptance of weird family members doesn't exist! Your granny is a Celestiadamn weirdo forcing you through a bunch of freaky rituals, and you should be ashamed and embarrassed about being associated with her!"
Applebloom: "But, that's not-"
Diamond Tiara: *casts Golden Years Tarnished Black*
Diamond Tiara: "There. Acceptingness bucking disproved. Way to harsh my buzz, you jerk."
...Diamond Tiara didn't just cast one of the Ebon Dragon's Charms, right?
Diamond Tiara: "Well... no. Not really. But that's the way it should have happened."
At the market.
Applebloom: "Granny, what an embarrassing gait and loud voice you have!"
Applebloom: "Granny, what awkward pot-biting manners you have!"
Applebloom: "Granny, what a mortifying beard made of bees you have!"
Granny Smith: "Well, ya gotta stay on good terms with tha bees in this here line o' work!"
Applebloom: "EEP!" *tries to hide from the passing Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon*
Granny Smith: "Friends o' yours?"
Applebloom: "More like recurring nemeses."
Granny Smith: "Same thin' in tha long run, sweetie. HEY THERE FILLIES WHO TORMENT AND HUMILIATE MY GRANDDAUGHTER! NICE TA MEET YA!"
Applebloom: "Why oh why didn't Ah pack up and leave fer Manehattan when Ah had tha chance?"
In class:
Filthy Rich: "And thus, thanks to the economy of scale, buying everything in bulk allowed Rich's Barnyard Bargains to slash our prices across the market, and we came to rule Ponyville's retail industry with an iron hoof. Many yayifications were had. Capitalism, ho!"
Scootaloo: *has been knocked unconscious by the presentation*
Sweetie Belle: "My few remaining brain cells have run off to escape the boredom."
Applebloom: "If this were a dream, it would bore me awake."
Silver Spoon: "What's the point of earning money when you can just have it?"
Twist: "I have been inspired by your tale to create my own candy corp!"
Diamond Tiara: "Yay daddy!"
Cheerilee: "Thank you for this lovely presentation Dick-"
Filthy Rich: *menacing growl*
Cheerilee: "...Thank you for this lovely presentation Rich. If I ever get the impression that my students aren't taking their studies seriously, I'll invite you to give another one!"
Filthy Rich: "It's nice knowing I'm inspirational."
Applebloom: "NOOOOOO! We'll study hard! We'll study EXTRA HARD!"
Cheerilee: "Inspirational is one way to put it."
Cheerilee: "Speaking of which: Applebloom, next week is your turn to bring a relative for family appreciation day."
Applebloom: "But... But both Applejack and Big are gonna be busy harvestin' zap apples!"
Cheerilee: "Oh! Then, what about your parents?"
Applebloom: "..."
Cherilee: "..."
Applebloom: "..."
Cherilee: "..."
Cheerilee: "...Nevermind. Anyone else you can bring?"
Applebloom: "Nope. Nada. Niet. Negative. Nopony. Nihil."
Diamond Tiara: "Granny Smith will be available."
Cheerilee: "Awesome! Granny Smith it is!"
Applebloom: "ALL HOPE IS DEAD."
Applebloom: "I'll be a laughingstock!"
Applebloom: "...More than I already am!"
Applebloom: "Saaaaaay, bestest sistah in all o'History..."
Applejack: "No, Applebloom, fer tha last time, Ah ain't gonna hire no tattoo artist ta give ya a fake cutie mark!"
Applebloom: "Bummer."
Applebloom: "But actually, Ah was hopin' you might come ta family appreciation day?"
Applejack: "Sorry, kiddo, no can do. There's a very short time interval where tha zap apples can be harvested."
Suddenly! Up in the skies!
Sinister clouds: *gather*
Sinister crows: *fly in formation*
Electricity: *crackles*
Zap Apple Trees: *electric bloom!*
Appljack: "Ahhh. Good ol' farmin'. That's how ye do it."
Applebloom: "Ah'll be embarrassed! Shamed! Disgraced! Mortified! Humiliated!"
Scootaloo: "...Have you been hanging around Twilight lately?"
Applebloom: "Well, more like Ah've been studying extra hard. Don't wanna another lecture from Diamond Tiara's dad."
Applebloom: "But Ah can't even concentrate! Between work an' tha whole public humiliation thang, Ah've been gettin' so much stress, Ah wanna scream!"
Sweetie Belle: "Don't sweat it! We're here to help!"
Scootaloo: "Yeah! The Cutie Mark Crusaders are on the case! When have we ever failed you?"
Applebloom: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Granny Smith: *prepares jar for zap apple operation*
Granny Smith: "Listen up, ye maggots! Ye're about ta participate in a delicate mission, an' that means ya cannot crack under pressure!"
Jar: *cracks under pressure*
Granny Smith: "Court-Martial!" [/actual dialog]
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo: *prepare Applebloom for illness-faking operation*
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo: "Listen up, Granny Smith! Applebloom has delicate health, and it has clearly cracked under pressure!"
Granny Smith: *knows a healthy pony when she sees one*
Applebloom: "...So much fer that."
Suddenly! Up in the skies!
Meteor shower: *illuminates*
Electricity: *sparkles*
Zap apple trees: *bear gray fruit*
...Seriously, WTF is up with this stuff?
Sweetie Belle: "Well, there's our solution! If we can't move family appreciation day, we'll move the harvest day instead! Genius!"
Applebloom: "Ah dunno, gals. Them zap apples ain't lookin' ripe ta me."
Scootaloo: "Bah! Harvesting apples early never hurt them."
Applebloom: "..."
Applebloom: "As a member o'tha Apple Clan, Ah am legally required to murderize ya in tha face fer sayin' stupid stuff like that."
Sweetie Belle: "Buck now, deal with legal technicalities later!"
Sweetie Belle: *bucks zap apple tree*
Zap apple tree: "TWO CAN PLAY THIS GAME!"
Zap apple tree: *zaps Sweetie Belle so hard the iron in her blood is now magnetized*
Applebloom: "OK, so we can't buck 'em. Let's pick 'em instead."
Applebloom: *catches zap apple with teeth*
Applebloom: "Ah mean, at ten apples a minute, an' three of us, an' a few dozen trees..."
Applebloom: *can't pull zap apple off branch*
Applebloom: "...Ah think Ah've found two problems with this method."
Scootaloo: *pulls Applebloom*
Sweetie Belle: *pulls Scootaloo*
Zap apple tree: *pulls a catapult move*
CMC: "LOOKS LIKE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ARE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"
Cheerilee: "Granny Smith? I've heard you wanted to see me?"
CMC: *puppeteer the sleeping Granny Smith in an attempt to get her out of family appreciation day*
Cheerilee: "I think I've been scarred for life from seeing this. Whatever it was."
Granny Smith: *paints pink polka dots all over the house*
Suddenly! Up in the skies!
Storm clouds: *you know the drill*
Electricity: *feeds bio-arcanic zap apple trees*
Zap apples: *take rainbow hues*
Wha?
Buh?
I...
Applejack: "Ah think we done broke tha where-I-watcher."
Big Mac: "Eyup."
Scootaloo: "Telegram for you, Granny Smith!"
Granny Smith: "My! Looks like cousin Apple Strudel needs me ta drop by!"
Applebloom: "And Ah've already packed yer stuff! If ye catch tha train, ya can get there in time!"
Granny Smith: "Don't ye worry, Ah'll be back in time ta make tha zap apple jam!" *departs*
Applebloom: "...But not in time for family appreciation day! We did it! I'm saved!"
Sweetie Belle: "Wait. One of our crazy plans worked?"
Scootaloo: "And didn't destroy any neighborhood in the process?"
Sweetie Belle: *sob* "I... I promised myself I wouldn't cry..."
Applebloom: "Whoa. Gals, ya know what this means?"
CMC: "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SUCCEED AT SOMETHING!"
School!
Cheerilee: "And for this week's family appreciation day, I give you - Granny Smith!"
*cricket chirp*
Applebloom: "Ah'm sorry Miss Cheerillee, mah granny is in another castle. Ah mean, town."
Granny Smith: "Hellooooo, children!"
Applebloom: "THE CRUSADE IS MADE OF SUCK AND FAIL! LIKE THA HISTORICAL CRUSADES!"
Diamond Tiara: "Yes! I have defeated you for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!"
Applebloom: "G-G-Granny Smith?! What are ya doin' here?! Didja miss tha train?!"
Granny Smith: "Nope! It came right on time! And yer uncle Apple Strudel was on board!"
Apple Strudel: "Yodeliho, youngster!"
Applebloom: "Wha...? What are ya doin' in Ponyville at this time o'tha year?!"
Apple Strudel: "I was sent free train tickets. The letter said something weird about wanting to encourage an interest in History among the younger generation."
Applebloom: "WHAT?! Lemme see that letter!"
Letter: "And this is how you properly plot and manipulate. How do you like them apples? Love, GQC."
Applebloom: "What the buck?"
Granny Smith: "Well, foals, time for a li'll story...
[FLASHBACK!]
The Smith family: *hardy pilgrims*
Dr. Smith, botanist: "We shall collect every type o'seed we come across!"
Dr. Smith: "And what better place ta display our findings than tha Canterlot fair?"
His daughter, the hilariously-misnamed "Granny" Smith: "Yay Canterlot!"
God-Queen Celestia: "My, that is quite the impressive seed collection you have gathered. Buuut... From your disheveled looks, I'm not convinced the pilgrim lifestyle is working out for you."
Dr. Smith: "...It could be better."
God-Queen Celestia: "Tell you what: I've got this big Batman Gambit planned a couple generations down the road to deal with an Elder Evil. Thing is, part of the plan requires a city full of extreme personalities right next to the Everfree Forest. I've always felt that forcing anyone to settle next to that deathtrap would be inequine, but in your case, I'm starting to think it would be an actual step up! So... Wanna be landowners?"
Dr. Smith: "Ah'd be honored, yer majesty!" *kisses her hooves*
Mrs. Smith: "Somepony is sleeping outside tonight."
The Smiths: *plant an orchard right next to the Everfree Forest*
Orchard: *grows... at the normal rate for apple trees*
The Smiths: *are almost starving*
Granny Smith, filly of courage: "Well, there be critters in tha deathtrap forest. Ergo, there be food!"
Granny Smith: *explores Everfree Forest*
Granny Smith: *discovers zap apple tree, gathers zap apples*
Timber Wolves: *ambush Granny Smith*
Timber Wolves: *are wolves made of timber. Obviously.*
Everfree Forest: *Is the fucking Bordermarches of the Wyld*
Granny Smith: *runs like frak*
Granny Smith: *clangs metal pots to raise the alarm*
Timber Wolves: *hate that sound, leave*
Granny Smith: "Ah-hah! So that's their Achilles's heel! From now on, whenever we hear them howling, we'll bang pots to scare them away!"
The Smiths: *plant zap apple seeds*
Zap apple seeds: *magically grow into full trees within moments*
Granny Smith: *spends decades using logical inductions to determine best ways to make zap apple jam. Like being extra-friendly to bees, or using polka dots. Magic is weird.*
Zap apple jam: *attracts dozens and hundreds of ponies*
Some of those ponies: *settle into the area - including Stinking Rich, grandfather of Filthy Rich*
Stinking Rich: "Tell you what - I can smell an opportunity here. If you give me your word that you'll sell me the first hundred cans of zap apple jam you make in every harvest... Well, I think I could get some investors to really look into this frontier town."
Granny Smith: "Deal!"
Stinking Rich: "Yayifications!"
[/FLASHBACK!]
Granny Smith: "And that's how Ponyville was made!"
Diamond Tiara: "Ow, my brain!"
Silver Spoon: "That was awesome. I think I cried a little."
Twist: "Your story has inspired me to use my future candy corp to invest in the expansion of Equestria's frontier!"
Sweetie Belle: "Three cheers for Granny Smith!"
Scootaloo: "Hooray for Granny Smith!"
Diamond Tiara: "ARE YOU PONIES NUTS?! She's related to a fail-at-life Crusader! She's a crazy old coot!"
Diamond Tiara: "...Aaaaaand I've just said something I shouldn't have, haven't I?"
Cheerilee: "Ohhhhh yeah."
Applejack: "Zap apple jam! It's tasty! It's awesome! It's electro-powered and magically delicious!"
Applejack: "...So, Applebloom... Family appreciation day went well, Ah trust?"
Applebloom: "There ain't enough yes in that world fer me ta answer this question. Granny Smith is amazin'!"
Applebloom: "...Ah guess Ah just forgot that for a while."
Granny Smith: "Big deal. Ah forget things all tha time."
Granny Smith: "Well then! Who wants ta put on bunny suits and hop over equipment fer tha jam?"
Foals: "Me!" "Me!" "Me!"
Diamond Tiara: "Not me!"
Filthy Rich: "You get hopping, young lady."
Diamond Tiara: "But daddy!"
Filthy Rich: "No buts. You insulted my most loyal supplier. I think it's more than time you learned some respect."
Filthy Rich: "Seriously. Foals these days. Can you imagine a kid running a business? She'd need freaking fairy magic to avoid bankruptcy!"
Filthy Rich: "Hop harder, Diamond Tiara! Capitalism, ho!"
Twilight: "Yes, AJ?"
Applejack: "Ah've checked, an' from tha looks of it, Ah'm quite possibly tha least popular member o'tha Elemental Harmony Squad."
Twilight: "Well... Among the least, anyway."
Applejack: "..."
Twilight: "..."
Applejack: "Why?! Am Ah not good enough? Ah'm a badass athlete, great with foals, always helpful, Ah don't rub people's face in mah talents, and Ah've done less majerly bone-headed stuff than anyone else here! What, am Ah borin' people?"
Twilight: "AJ... I think it might be a focus issue."
Applejack: "Whaddaya mean, Twilight?"
Twilight: "Well, it's a simple fact: You haven't gotten a lot of focus episodes. Less than any of us save Pinkie Pie. It's not that people don't like you, they've just never had as many chances to see you shine."
Applejack: "Well, time fer a change, then! This week's episode is all about family appreciation day, and Ah'm tha main family mare on this show! This is mah chance ta shine!"
Twilight: "Um..."
Applejack: "...What?"
Twilight: "Er... Well, I've checked the script, and, well..."
Applebloom: "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SPOTLIGHT STEALERS!"
Applejack: "..."
Applejack: "FAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST!"
FAMILY APPRECIATION DAY
Well, we open on the Apples' farm at night when...
*Hooooowl!*
*Clanging!*
*WTF!*
Applejack, Big Mac, Applebloom: "Huh?"
Granny Smith: *is running outside in the middle of the night while clanging metal pots together*
Granny Smith: "THE TIMBER WOLVES ARE HOWLING! THE TIMBER WOLVES ARE HOWLING!"
Applejack, Big Mac, Applebloom: "..."
Applejack: "Well, that makes perfect sense!"
Appleblom: "Sure does!"
Big Mac: "Eyup!"
Granny Smith: "THE ZAP APPLES ARE COMING! THE ZAP APPLES ARE COMING!"
Applejack, Big Mac, Appleblom: "Yay!"
...What just happened?
The next day:
Granny Smith: "Now young whipper-snapper, this here's gonna be yet first year helpin' me with making zap apple jam."
Applebloom: "Oh boy oh boy oh boy!"
Granny Smith: "So fair warnin': There are lots of steps, and ya need to git 'em all right!"
Applebloom: "Oh boy oh boy oh boy!"
Granny Smith: "Fer starters, clean up tha kitchen."
Applebloom: "Oh boy oh boy oh boy?"
Meanwhile, outside:
Applejack: "Waaaaait fer it..."
Sinister storm clouds: *gather*
Static electricity: *fills the air*
Electric sparks: *run across leafless trees*
Trees: *feed on electricity to instantly grow leaves*
Equestria's biology: *is kinda like that*
Applejack: "Ya know, bro... given all tha weird stuff Ah have ta deal with with mah friends... Ah really appreciate havin' normal, natural farmin' ta keep me grounded."
Big Mac: "Eyup."
Enters Filthy Rich, and his daughter... Diamond Tiara. Huh.
Granny Smith and Applebloom: *are wearing bunny suits and jumping over farming equipment while reciting the alphabet*
Bwuh?
Diamond Tiara: "Bwuh?"
Diamond Tiara: "...BWAHAHAHA!"
Filthy Rich, businessstallion: "Ah, Granny Smith. Just the pony I wanted to see."
Granny Smith: "Why howdy, Filthy."
Filthy Rich: "...If that's all the same to you, I prefer Rich."
Granny Smith: "Sure thing, Dick!"
Filthy Rich: "...I'll take what I can get."
Filthy Rich: "Anyway, I've heard that there's a new harvest of zap apples coming?"
Granny Smith: "Ya done heard right."
Filthy Rich: "Then, as per our usual arrangement, I get to buy the first hundred jam pots you make?"
Granny Smith: "Sure as sugar, youngster!"
But while the adults talk business...
Diamond Tiara: "Poor Applebloom. Forced to work on zap apple jam, hm?"
Applebloom: "Actually, Ah've been waiting fer years ta be able ta participate in this!"
Diamond Tiara: "Frustrating, isn't it? Having to work besides Granny Smith all day long."
Applebloom: "Thankfully, I actually enjoy spending time with her."
Diamond Tiara: "But surely it burns you up how weird and senile she gets!"
Applebloom: "Hardly! In fact, I'd say I'm lucky to..."
Diamond Tiara: "FOR BUCK'S SAKE! Shut up with your disgustingly sweet horseshit! Acceptance of weird family members doesn't exist! Your granny is a Celestiadamn weirdo forcing you through a bunch of freaky rituals, and you should be ashamed and embarrassed about being associated with her!"
Applebloom: "But, that's not-"
Diamond Tiara: *casts Golden Years Tarnished Black*
Diamond Tiara: "There. Acceptingness bucking disproved. Way to harsh my buzz, you jerk."
...Diamond Tiara didn't just cast one of the Ebon Dragon's Charms, right?
Diamond Tiara: "Well... no. Not really. But that's the way it should have happened."
At the market.
Applebloom: "Granny, what an embarrassing gait and loud voice you have!"
Applebloom: "Granny, what awkward pot-biting manners you have!"
Applebloom: "Granny, what a mortifying beard made of bees you have!"
Granny Smith: "Well, ya gotta stay on good terms with tha bees in this here line o' work!"
Applebloom: "EEP!" *tries to hide from the passing Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon*
Granny Smith: "Friends o' yours?"
Applebloom: "More like recurring nemeses."
Granny Smith: "Same thin' in tha long run, sweetie. HEY THERE FILLIES WHO TORMENT AND HUMILIATE MY GRANDDAUGHTER! NICE TA MEET YA!"
Applebloom: "Why oh why didn't Ah pack up and leave fer Manehattan when Ah had tha chance?"
In class:
Filthy Rich: "And thus, thanks to the economy of scale, buying everything in bulk allowed Rich's Barnyard Bargains to slash our prices across the market, and we came to rule Ponyville's retail industry with an iron hoof. Many yayifications were had. Capitalism, ho!"
Scootaloo: *has been knocked unconscious by the presentation*
Sweetie Belle: "My few remaining brain cells have run off to escape the boredom."
Applebloom: "If this were a dream, it would bore me awake."
Silver Spoon: "What's the point of earning money when you can just have it?"
Twist: "I have been inspired by your tale to create my own candy corp!"
Diamond Tiara: "Yay daddy!"
Cheerilee: "Thank you for this lovely presentation Dick-"
Filthy Rich: *menacing growl*
Cheerilee: "...Thank you for this lovely presentation Rich. If I ever get the impression that my students aren't taking their studies seriously, I'll invite you to give another one!"
Filthy Rich: "It's nice knowing I'm inspirational."
Applebloom: "NOOOOOO! We'll study hard! We'll study EXTRA HARD!"
Cheerilee: "Inspirational is one way to put it."
Cheerilee: "Speaking of which: Applebloom, next week is your turn to bring a relative for family appreciation day."
Applebloom: "But... But both Applejack and Big are gonna be busy harvestin' zap apples!"
Cheerilee: "Oh! Then, what about your parents?"
Applebloom: "..."
Cherilee: "..."
Applebloom: "..."
Cherilee: "..."
Cheerilee: "...Nevermind. Anyone else you can bring?"
Applebloom: "Nope. Nada. Niet. Negative. Nopony. Nihil."
Diamond Tiara: "Granny Smith will be available."
Cheerilee: "Awesome! Granny Smith it is!"
Applebloom: "ALL HOPE IS DEAD."
Applebloom: "I'll be a laughingstock!"
Applebloom: "...More than I already am!"
Applebloom: "Saaaaaay, bestest sistah in all o'History..."
Applejack: "No, Applebloom, fer tha last time, Ah ain't gonna hire no tattoo artist ta give ya a fake cutie mark!"
Applebloom: "Bummer."
Applebloom: "But actually, Ah was hopin' you might come ta family appreciation day?"
Applejack: "Sorry, kiddo, no can do. There's a very short time interval where tha zap apples can be harvested."
Suddenly! Up in the skies!
Sinister clouds: *gather*
Sinister crows: *fly in formation*
Electricity: *crackles*
Zap Apple Trees: *electric bloom!*
Appljack: "Ahhh. Good ol' farmin'. That's how ye do it."
Applebloom: "Ah'll be embarrassed! Shamed! Disgraced! Mortified! Humiliated!"
Scootaloo: "...Have you been hanging around Twilight lately?"
Applebloom: "Well, more like Ah've been studying extra hard. Don't wanna another lecture from Diamond Tiara's dad."
Applebloom: "But Ah can't even concentrate! Between work an' tha whole public humiliation thang, Ah've been gettin' so much stress, Ah wanna scream!"
Sweetie Belle: "Don't sweat it! We're here to help!"
Scootaloo: "Yeah! The Cutie Mark Crusaders are on the case! When have we ever failed you?"
Applebloom: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Granny Smith: *prepares jar for zap apple operation*
Granny Smith: "Listen up, ye maggots! Ye're about ta participate in a delicate mission, an' that means ya cannot crack under pressure!"
Jar: *cracks under pressure*
Granny Smith: "Court-Martial!" [/actual dialog]
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo: *prepare Applebloom for illness-faking operation*
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo: "Listen up, Granny Smith! Applebloom has delicate health, and it has clearly cracked under pressure!"
Granny Smith: *knows a healthy pony when she sees one*
Applebloom: "...So much fer that."
Suddenly! Up in the skies!
Meteor shower: *illuminates*
Electricity: *sparkles*
Zap apple trees: *bear gray fruit*
...Seriously, WTF is up with this stuff?
Sweetie Belle: "Well, there's our solution! If we can't move family appreciation day, we'll move the harvest day instead! Genius!"
Applebloom: "Ah dunno, gals. Them zap apples ain't lookin' ripe ta me."
Scootaloo: "Bah! Harvesting apples early never hurt them."
Applebloom: "..."
Applebloom: "As a member o'tha Apple Clan, Ah am legally required to murderize ya in tha face fer sayin' stupid stuff like that."
Sweetie Belle: "Buck now, deal with legal technicalities later!"
Sweetie Belle: *bucks zap apple tree*
Zap apple tree: "TWO CAN PLAY THIS GAME!"
Zap apple tree: *zaps Sweetie Belle so hard the iron in her blood is now magnetized*
Applebloom: "OK, so we can't buck 'em. Let's pick 'em instead."
Applebloom: *catches zap apple with teeth*
Applebloom: "Ah mean, at ten apples a minute, an' three of us, an' a few dozen trees..."
Applebloom: *can't pull zap apple off branch*
Applebloom: "...Ah think Ah've found two problems with this method."
Scootaloo: *pulls Applebloom*
Sweetie Belle: *pulls Scootaloo*
Zap apple tree: *pulls a catapult move*
CMC: "LOOKS LIKE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ARE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"
Cheerilee: "Granny Smith? I've heard you wanted to see me?"
CMC: *puppeteer the sleeping Granny Smith in an attempt to get her out of family appreciation day*
Cheerilee: "I think I've been scarred for life from seeing this. Whatever it was."
Granny Smith: *paints pink polka dots all over the house*
Suddenly! Up in the skies!
Storm clouds: *you know the drill*
Electricity: *feeds bio-arcanic zap apple trees*
Zap apples: *take rainbow hues*
Wha?
Buh?
I...
Applejack: "Ah think we done broke tha where-I-watcher."
Big Mac: "Eyup."
Scootaloo: "Telegram for you, Granny Smith!"
Granny Smith: "My! Looks like cousin Apple Strudel needs me ta drop by!"
Applebloom: "And Ah've already packed yer stuff! If ye catch tha train, ya can get there in time!"
Granny Smith: "Don't ye worry, Ah'll be back in time ta make tha zap apple jam!" *departs*
Applebloom: "...But not in time for family appreciation day! We did it! I'm saved!"
Sweetie Belle: "Wait. One of our crazy plans worked?"
Scootaloo: "And didn't destroy any neighborhood in the process?"
Sweetie Belle: *sob* "I... I promised myself I wouldn't cry..."
Applebloom: "Whoa. Gals, ya know what this means?"
CMC: "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SUCCEED AT SOMETHING!"
School!
Cheerilee: "And for this week's family appreciation day, I give you - Granny Smith!"
*cricket chirp*
Applebloom: "Ah'm sorry Miss Cheerillee, mah granny is in another castle. Ah mean, town."
Granny Smith: "Hellooooo, children!"
Applebloom: "THE CRUSADE IS MADE OF SUCK AND FAIL! LIKE THA HISTORICAL CRUSADES!"
Diamond Tiara: "Yes! I have defeated you for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!"
Applebloom: "G-G-Granny Smith?! What are ya doin' here?! Didja miss tha train?!"
Granny Smith: "Nope! It came right on time! And yer uncle Apple Strudel was on board!"
Apple Strudel: "Yodeliho, youngster!"
Applebloom: "Wha...? What are ya doin' in Ponyville at this time o'tha year?!"
Apple Strudel: "I was sent free train tickets. The letter said something weird about wanting to encourage an interest in History among the younger generation."
Applebloom: "WHAT?! Lemme see that letter!"
Letter: "And this is how you properly plot and manipulate. How do you like them apples? Love, GQC."
Applebloom: "What the buck?"
Granny Smith: "Well, foals, time for a li'll story...
[FLASHBACK!]
The Smith family: *hardy pilgrims*
Dr. Smith, botanist: "We shall collect every type o'seed we come across!"
Dr. Smith: "And what better place ta display our findings than tha Canterlot fair?"
His daughter, the hilariously-misnamed "Granny" Smith: "Yay Canterlot!"
God-Queen Celestia: "My, that is quite the impressive seed collection you have gathered. Buuut... From your disheveled looks, I'm not convinced the pilgrim lifestyle is working out for you."
Dr. Smith: "...It could be better."
God-Queen Celestia: "Tell you what: I've got this big Batman Gambit planned a couple generations down the road to deal with an Elder Evil. Thing is, part of the plan requires a city full of extreme personalities right next to the Everfree Forest. I've always felt that forcing anyone to settle next to that deathtrap would be inequine, but in your case, I'm starting to think it would be an actual step up! So... Wanna be landowners?"
Dr. Smith: "Ah'd be honored, yer majesty!" *kisses her hooves*
Mrs. Smith: "Somepony is sleeping outside tonight."
The Smiths: *plant an orchard right next to the Everfree Forest*
Orchard: *grows... at the normal rate for apple trees*
The Smiths: *are almost starving*
Granny Smith, filly of courage: "Well, there be critters in tha deathtrap forest. Ergo, there be food!"
Granny Smith: *explores Everfree Forest*
Granny Smith: *discovers zap apple tree, gathers zap apples*
Timber Wolves: *ambush Granny Smith*
Timber Wolves: *are wolves made of timber. Obviously.*
Everfree Forest: *Is the fucking Bordermarches of the Wyld*
Granny Smith: *runs like frak*
Granny Smith: *clangs metal pots to raise the alarm*
Timber Wolves: *hate that sound, leave*
Granny Smith: "Ah-hah! So that's their Achilles's heel! From now on, whenever we hear them howling, we'll bang pots to scare them away!"
The Smiths: *plant zap apple seeds*
Zap apple seeds: *magically grow into full trees within moments*
Granny Smith: *spends decades using logical inductions to determine best ways to make zap apple jam. Like being extra-friendly to bees, or using polka dots. Magic is weird.*
Zap apple jam: *attracts dozens and hundreds of ponies*
Some of those ponies: *settle into the area - including Stinking Rich, grandfather of Filthy Rich*
Stinking Rich: "Tell you what - I can smell an opportunity here. If you give me your word that you'll sell me the first hundred cans of zap apple jam you make in every harvest... Well, I think I could get some investors to really look into this frontier town."
Granny Smith: "Deal!"
Stinking Rich: "Yayifications!"
[/FLASHBACK!]
Granny Smith: "And that's how Ponyville was made!"
Diamond Tiara: "Ow, my brain!"
Silver Spoon: "That was awesome. I think I cried a little."
Twist: "Your story has inspired me to use my future candy corp to invest in the expansion of Equestria's frontier!"
Sweetie Belle: "Three cheers for Granny Smith!"
Scootaloo: "Hooray for Granny Smith!"
Diamond Tiara: "ARE YOU PONIES NUTS?! She's related to a fail-at-life Crusader! She's a crazy old coot!"
Diamond Tiara: "...Aaaaaand I've just said something I shouldn't have, haven't I?"
Cheerilee: "Ohhhhh yeah."
Applejack: "Zap apple jam! It's tasty! It's awesome! It's electro-powered and magically delicious!"
Applejack: "...So, Applebloom... Family appreciation day went well, Ah trust?"
Applebloom: "There ain't enough yes in that world fer me ta answer this question. Granny Smith is amazin'!"
Applebloom: "...Ah guess Ah just forgot that for a while."
Granny Smith: "Big deal. Ah forget things all tha time."
Granny Smith: "Well then! Who wants ta put on bunny suits and hop over equipment fer tha jam?"
Foals: "Me!" "Me!" "Me!"
Diamond Tiara: "Not me!"
Filthy Rich: "You get hopping, young lady."
Diamond Tiara: "But daddy!"
Filthy Rich: "No buts. You insulted my most loyal supplier. I think it's more than time you learned some respect."
Filthy Rich: "Seriously. Foals these days. Can you imagine a kid running a business? She'd need freaking fairy magic to avoid bankruptcy!"
Filthy Rich: "Hop harder, Diamond Tiara! Capitalism, ho!"