Equestria, as we have seen, has some dangerous borders. Oh, it gets along reasonably well with its griphon neighbors, and the recent treaty with the buffaloes is holding up so far... but with wandering dragons and the Everfree Forest, peace is never guaranteed. Besides, what of more sinister forces? What of the Realm of Darkness, and its capital, dreaded Tambelon? What of the Elder Evils that haunt the oceans' depths?
In the interest of studying such menaces, Twilight Sparkle here will give us an expose on the subject! Go ahead, Miss Sparkle.
Twilight Sparkle: "No."
...Beg your pardon?
Twilight Sparkle: "Between the Ebon Dragon, the recent mind-control case, and Nightmare Night, I've gotten to the point where I
need a break. So, no. I'm just going to spend this week taking care of the library, catching up on my reading, maybe hanging out a bit."
But geopolitics...
Twilight Sparkle: "...will have to wait for another time. Why don't you go bug some of my friends in the meanwhile? Knowing them, you're practically
guaranteed some drama."
Fine, fine. Sheesh.
And so, um...Let's see...
Sisterhooves Social
Rarity, in her sleep: "Jewel neckline... Don't you know a stitch in time saves nine...?"
Rarity, in her sleep: "And where there's smoke there's..."
Rarity, in her sleep: "..."
Rarity, no longer asleep: "WHY IS THERE SMOKE?!"
Rarity: *rushes to the kitchen*
Sweetie Belle: "Rarity! The breakfast in bed was supposed to be a
surprise! Now you've gone and ruined it!"
Rarity: "Oh,
something's about to get ruined around here! What do-"
Rarity's father, Death (of Dignity) Belle: "Hey there, classier daughter of mine!"
Rarity: "Augh!"
Rarity's mother, Daisy Belle: "Hi, I'm Daisy!"
Rarity: "Augh!"
Death (of Dignity) Belle: "Ain'tcha glad your li'll sister was able to cook this here yummy breakfast all on her own?"
Rarity: "Augh!"
Rarity: "...I didn't know you could burn juice." [/actual dialogue.]
Daisy Belle: "Hi, I'm Daisy!"
Daisy Belle: "And I've been giving cooking lessons to Sweetie Belle! She's practically as good as me now!"
Rarity: "Augh!"
Rarity: "...That the two of you have survived long enough to have children suggests we have some dragons up the family tree. Which might explain Spike."
Daisy Belle: "Hi, I'm Daisy!"
Daisy Belle: "And I hope that you two have a lot of fun together while the two of us go on vacation!"
Rarity: "Augh!"
Sweetie Belle: "Here, help yourself!" *pushes bowl of black smoking liquid of death*
Rarity: "...Let me guess: Applesauce?"
Sweetie Belle: "Nope! Toast!"
Rarity: "Augh!"
Rarity's brain: "Augh!" *attempts to escape through the ears*
Rarity: "But I have so much work lined up... Such a long to do list... Sigh. I suppose I'll just be adding taking care of my little sister to it. You'll be back by the end of the week, right?"
Daisy Belle: "Hi, I'm Daisy!"
Rarity: "Augh!"
Death (of Dignity) Belle: "Who's on first!"
And so, as The Amazingly Embarrassing Parents drive away...
Rarity: "All right. Step one: Clean up the kitchen!"
Sweetie Belle: "Shouldn't we
eat the breakfast first?"
Rarity: "Look, I appreciate the gesture, but we can't eat food that's been burned to ashes."
Sweetie Belle: "It's not
that burned. All the atomic numbers have remained the same!"
Rarity: "Regardless, I'll be making proper breakfast now."
Sweetie Belle: "Ooh! Ooh! I wanna help! Pick me! Pick me!"
Rarity: "Ah... I'll, uh, get started on it."
Sweetie Belle: "Can I help yet?"
Rarity: "Soon."
Sweetie Belle: "Can I help yet?"
Rarity: "Soon."
Sweetie Belle: "Can I help yet?"
Rarity: "NEVER! I mean, um, you can put on the parsley."
Sweetie Belle: "That's all?"
Rarity: "WITH PERFECT PRECISION."
Sweetie Belle: "...And perfectionism makes things challenging again."
Sweetie Belle: *fails at life. And at placing parsley.*
A big mess: *ensues*
Plate: *lands on the ground*
Breakfast: *lands on plate*
Parsley: *lands on breakfast*
Rarity: "And that's what we call
beginner's irony."
Rarity: *finishes cleaning up after her sister's mess*
Rarity: "Oh my alicorn, look at the time! Back to work!"
Sweetie Belle: "Can I-"
Rarity: "Take the dirty towels and put them in the laundry!"
Sweetie Belle: "Yay! I'm helping!"
Sweetie Belle: *notices beautiful sweater*
Sweetie Belle: "Yay! I'm
extra helping!"
Rarity: "SWEETIE BELLE! NO! MY SUPER-EXPENSIVE DESIGNER WOOL SWEATER!"
Sweetie Belle: "What's the problem?"
Wool sweater: *shrinks in the sun*
Rarity: *sobs* "This would be the problem."
Rarity: "Must... not... gore... sister... with horn."
Rarity: "I, I must go forth and create (rather than destroy). Stay out of trouble. Please."
Sweetie Belle: "Well, I've never gotten into trouble for drawing!"
Sweetie Belle: *draws*
Sweetie Belle: "Well, I've never gotten into trouble for using Rarity's gem reserve for my art projects!"
Sweetie Belle: *uses*
Sweetie Belle: "Not that I've ever
not gotten into trouble for it, either, but I'm sure it'll be fine."
Rarity: "AUGHHHH!"
Sweetie Belle: "That's... not the sound of being fine."
Rarity: "MY GEMS! NOOO!"
Sweetie Belle: "But, you have tons of gems..."
Rarity: "Sweetie Belle, there's a
difference between
quartz and super-rare, hard-to-find, needed-for-urgent-commission baby-blue sapphires!"
Rarity: "Sigh... All right, no escaping it: I need to go run and find some new ones, since the possibility of prying them from my sister's art project does not so much as cross my mind for now."
Sweetie Belle: "Ooh, can I come?"
Rarity: "NOOOOO!"
Sweetie Belle:
Rarity: "...I mean, no thanks. Just, try to put the materials you used back in place, and not make another mess I'll have to clean."
Sweetie Belle: "This sucks. How do I make my national hero big sister not mad at me?"
Sweetie Belle: *comes across Rarity's workroom*
Sweetie Belle: "Wow, what a mess! And Rarity hates messes! Jackpot!"
Rarity: "Behold, for I have returned with-"
Rarity: "My... my inspiration room..."
Sweetie Belle: "SURPRISE! I cleaned it up!"
Rarity: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Sweetie Belle: "Momma says that if you keep making that sound, your throat will freeze that way."
Rarity: "Gone! Erased! Reformatted! WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE, SWEETIE BELL?! WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE?!"
Sweetie Belle: "I, I just saw how big a mess it was in here, and-"
Rarity: "It WASN'T a mess! It was
organized chaos! This room is my artistic side's RAM, and now you've gone and waved a metaphorical magnet all over it!"
Sweetie Belle: "I, I was just trying to make you happy..."
Rarity: "Happy? HAPPY?!
HAPPY?!"
Rarity: *grinds teeth hard enough to cause nuclear fusion in her saliva*
Rarity: "Stay calm. Don't do anything rash. You're the adult here."
Sweetie Belle: "Um, I'm pretty sure
you're the adult one."
Rarity: "Ignore that interruption. Keep talking to yourself. Deal with it like an adult."
Sweetie Belle: "Um, what..."
Rarity: "I, I need some time alone. In the meanwhile, Agent Belle, you are forbidden from any personal initiatives."
Applebloom: "Hey there, fellow crusader! How are things going with your sleepover at Rarity's?"
Sweetie Belle: "Nobody's died yet."
Applebloom: "Ringing endorsement if I ever heard one!"
Sweetie Belle: *sighs* "I just wish there was something special we could do together. Without me ruining everything."
Applebloom: "Wish granted! The yearly Title Drop is bein' organized at the Sweet Apple Acres - sisterly couples compete together!"
Sweetie Belle: "That's perfect!"
Rarity: "That is perfectly out of the question!"
Sweetie Belle: "But..."
Rarity: "Can you
imagine? Running across the Sweet Apple Acres like that, getting..." *shudders* "...so
dirty!"
Sweetie Belle: "Oh, so now you're back to hating messes?"
Rarity: "Don't you give me lip, young lady! I'm still your older sister, if you needed your memory refreshed (as opposed to formatted with a big metaphorical magnet)."
Sweetie Belle: "Hmph. A
real big sister would compete with me at the Sisterhooves Social!"
Rarity: "Yeah, well,
your real big sister considers such activities horrendously uncouth!"
Sweetie Belle: "Oh
yeah?! Well, maybe I'll try the Sisterhooves Social
without a sister! In fact, I think I'll try the rest of my
life without a sister!"
Rarity: *stress overload*
Rarity: *anger control at 101% capacity*
Rarity: *SNAP*
Rarity:
*ADAMANTIUM RAGE!*
Rarity:
"YOU ARE THE MOST UNCHARMING SISTER IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING! I HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED AND ENSLAVED BY GOLLUMS MORE PLEASANT THAN YOU!"
Rarity: "
I'm the one ruining your life?! You're the one who's obliterating my work, my possessions, and sanity all day!"
Sweetie Belle:
"I was just trying to help, you big mean jerk who's not related to me! It's not my fault you care about negative consequences more than about good intentions!"
Rarity:
"You spoiled, only-child BRAT!"
Sweetie Belle:
"Prissy, obsessive-compulsive, sisterless ALPHA BITCH!" *leaves*
Rarity: "I, I wonder, did I just let anger get the best of..." *ANGRY TWITCH* "...Hmph!"
Applejack: "
Uncouth? That's Rarity's opinion of the Sisterhooves Social?"
Sweetie Belle: "Well, that too. Mostly, she seems to think
I'm uncouth."
Applejack: "Don't take it personally. Compared to Rarity, anything short of God-Queen Celestia is uncouth."
Applejack: "Don't be makin' a mountain outta a molehill here. Rarity'll come around. Sisters always do."
Sweetie Belle: "Not Rarity."
Applejack: "Look, how 'bout, instead of moping, you try doin' something productive with yer time? Applebloom and I still have chores to do, and..."
Sweetie Belle: "...I'm not sure you want my help. I've been a walking, talking disaster since this morning."
Applejack: "That here be loser talk, sweetie. C'mon!"
Apple Sisters: *pick up apples*
Apple Sisters: *It's super-effective!*
Apple Sisters: *New High Score!*
Applejack: "This mini-game to be included in the inevitable My Little Pony game on console and PC! Pre-purchase today!"
Sweetie Belle: "That's
chores?"
Applebloom: "Well, it's lots of work, so we turn it into a game!"
Applejack: "Here, catch!"
Sweetie Belle: *catches it. Painfully.*
Sweetie Belle: "Owie."
Apple Sisters: "And that's why do it together!"
Sweetie Belle: "Hmph. Rarity
never wants me to help with her chores. I swear, your dust bunnies collapse into a space-time singularity
once, and she never lets you forget it."
Rarity: "Oh, woe is me! How am I supposed to get anything done now? Damn Sweetie Belle's devastation!"
Rarity: "How can I get any inspiration from this room now that-"
Rarity: "Wait. These fabrics, placed in order of colors..."
Rarity: "IDEA!"
Rarity: *creates ART*
Rarity: "I'm a GENIUS! And who'd have thought, Sweetie Belle's stupidity actually acted as a reboot, allowing me to..."
Rarity: "..."
Rarity: "Hmph. One stroke of luck doesn't change the fact that she shouldn't have gone into my room."
Sweetie Belle: "Let me get this straight: Not only do you make grape juice with your bare hooves, getting so dirty Rarity would have a nervous breakdown..."
Sweetie Belle: "...but when Applebloom accidentally gets Applejack dirty, instead of repressing anger she jumps in and wrestles her little sister?"
Sweetie Belle: "WANT!"
Rarity: "Oh, woe is me! How shall I live without my favorite sweater? Damn Sweetie Belle's desolation!"
Rarity: "How can this poor mangled thing be of any use now that-"
Rarity: "Wait. Speaking of poor, mangled, things..."
Rarity: "IDEA!"
Rarity: *puts the sweater on her CAT*
Rarity: I'm a GENIUS! And who'd have thought, Sweetie Belle's foolishness generated the cutest thing in the world, allowing me to..."
Rarity: "..."
Rarity: "Hmph. Multiple strokes of luck don't change anything as far as this matter is concerned."
Opal the cat: *plots the end of such clothing endeavors*
Opal the cat: *by putting a horse's head in her bed*
Opal the cat: *preferably Sweetie Belle's head*
Apple Sisters: "...And that's how you corral sheep!"
Sheep: "You could have just asked."
Applejack: "Shut up, sub-equines."
Sweetie Belle: "SUCH SYNERGY! It's like they're one pony with two bodies!"
Sweetie Belle: "OH SWEET CELESTIA THEY HIGH-FIVED! Rarity never high-fives me!"
Rarity: "Oh, woe is me! How may I complete this piece with a missing gemstone? Damn Sweetie Belle's destruction!"
Rarity: "How can another stroke of luck accidentally lead her actions to fix their own damage this-"
Rarity: "Wait. Her arts&craft project..."
Sweetie Belle's artwork: *is a drawing of her and Rarity, surrounded by a heart made of sapphires*
Rarity: *SHOCK!*
Sweetie Belle's artwork:
*is a drawing of her and Rarity, surrounded by a heart made of sapphires*
Rarity:
*TEARS!*
Sweetie Belle's artwork:
*is a drawing of her and Rarity, surrounded by a heart made of sapphires*
Rarity:
*HEARTBREAK!*
Rarity: "I'm a MONSTER! And who'd have thought, I should have been spending quality time with my sister, instead of wasting it complaining and wishing she was gone!"
Rarity: "..."
Rarity: "Well, no more hmphing! Damage control time!"
Rarity: "As Celestia is my witness, I shall never be sisterless again!" [/actual dialogue. Yes, that was totally a Gone With the Wind homage.]
And that evening, as the Apple Sisters and Sweetie Belle roast marshmallows around a campfire...
Rarity: "Sweetie Belle! Thank goodness! I've been looking all over Ponyville for you! (And some parts of the Everfree Forest. If you see a dead manticore, stay away, it's unhygienic.)"
Sweetie Belle: "Hmph. Careful not to get your hooves dirty,
unsister." *Bitch Level: Petty*
Rarity: "Sweetie Belle... I wanted to apologize. I got so upset at you ruining everything you touched and destroying my work, I stopped thinking clearly. I am
not better off without a sister."
Sweetie Belle: "...You're right. I'm not better off without a sister either. Spending the day with these two helped me realize that."
Rarity: *extends hoof* "Oh, I'm so glad you-"
Sweetie Belle *bats hoof away* "Which is why I'm adopting Applejack!" *Bitch Level: Lean, Mean Bitchy Machine*
Rarity: "WHAT?!"
Applejack: "WHAT?!"
Applebloom: "WHAT?!"
Sweetie Belle: "Wyatt's on first!"
Sweetie Belle: "A big sister is someone who loves and takes care of her little sister! But hey, maybe the best solution would be for
Applejack to adopt
you, so she can show you how a big sister is
supposed to be!" *Bitch Level: Stop, Just, Stop*
Rarity: "I don't need lessons, I swear! Come on, just, come home; I could, I could teach you all my best recipes, or show you how to style your mane!"
Sweetie Belle: "You want US to go home so we can do what YOU want to do?"
Rarity: "...Yes?"
Sweetie Belle: "You don't understand meeeeeeeee!" *runs off*
Applejack: *was killed by sheer awkwardness*
Rarity: "Well,
that went well. Confound it, Applejack, must you make the rest of us look bad in comparison?" *hands her a Phoenix Dawn*
Applejack: "OK, Rarity, speaking as yer friend...
It ain't all about you."
Rarity: "Beg your pardon?"
Applejack: "Look, you've got a strong personality, and ah respect that. Yer also the Exalt of Generosity, and ah respect that too."
Applejack: "But ah think you got a blind spot where family is concerned. Also, ye never compromise who ye are - but being a sister is
all about compromising! Ya need to be part of a whole!"
Rarity: "Then the path before me is clear."
Rarity: "...And goodness is it gonna suck."
The next day, at the fair:
Sweetie Belle: "Pie-eating contests, muddy pigs... Yeah. Good thing Rarity isn't here. She'd probably explode twice."
Sweetie Belle: "Sigh... Well, good luck with the Sisterhooves Social race. Wish I had a sister."
Applejack: "Ye do now!"
Sweetie Belle: "Pardon?"
Applebloom: "Since AJ and I do this every year, we're letting you borrow her for this, just this once!"
Sweetie Belle: "YOU ARE BOTH BEST PONY!"
Applejack: "So, ready to race?"
Sweetie Belle: "You bet I-"
Applebloom: "ONE. DAY. OR YOU DIE."
Sweetie Belle: *gets ready with her sister-for-a-day*
Sweetie Belle: *gets threatened by Applebloom*
Applebloom: "ONE. DAY."
Granny Smith: *struggles to launch the race*
Sweetie Belle: *launches across mud hole*
Sweetie Belle: *turns around to see that her racing partner fell straight in the mud hole*
Sweetie Belle: "...And I shall dub you Applemud."
Sweetie Belle and Applemud: *SUPERB TEAMWORK!*
Sweetie Belle and Applemud: *ATHLETIC BADASSNES!*
Sweetie Belle and Applemud: *PERFECT SYNERGY!*
Sweetie Belle and Applemud: *FLAWLESS NEAR-VICTORY!*
Applebloom: "Second place! That was awesome!"
Sweetie Belle: "It really was! I haven't had this much fun in
ages! Thank you so much, Applemud!"
Sweetie Belle: *hugs Applemud*
Sweetie Belle: *thus knocking off her hat*
Sweetie Belle: *and revealing her horn.*
Sweetie Belle: "Wait, what?"
Sweetie Belle: *wipes mud off Applemud's flank, revealing the white coat and diamond Cutie Mark underneath*
Applemud: *TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE INTO... EMPRESS RARITY, TYRANT OF THE UNDERDARK!*
Sweetie Belle: "What the buck?!"
Applejack: *emerges from the mud hole where she's been hiding*
Sweetie Belle: "What the hay?!"
Applejack: "We switched places at the fist mud hole!"
Sweetie Belle: "You mean..." *stares at Rarity* "...we ran this entire race together?"
Rarity: "All but the start line, little sister!"
Applebloom: "And you finished it - TOGETHER! (So stay away from MY big sister. Or you die.)"
Sweetie Belle: "You... You were all in on it?"
Sweetie Belle: "But... Those were
crazy athletic feats back there! How could you do that without being Applejack?"
Rarity: "Ah, hello? I face-kick manticores, carry boulders larger than me, and know kung-fu. I'm kinda one of the toughest ponies around; I just don't show it often."
Sweetie Belle: "But, but, but... All those uncouth racing obstacles and challenges! You plunged into a mud hole! You ran around in the dirt! You propelled me into a vat of grapes! You speed-ate a pie!
What about your OCD?!"
Rarity: "Bah! Mark Summers had OCD too! If
he could host Double-Dare,
I can race with my little sister!"
Sweetie Belle: *tears up*
Sweetie Belle: "You did all this
for me?"
Rarity: "Not quite. I did it for
us."
Sweetie Belle: "HUGS!"
Rarity: "And now, I believe we deserve a little celebration!"
Everypony: "Yeah!"
Rarity: "At the SPA!"
Everypony: *laugh*
Rarity: "No, seriously. I'm about to have a mental breakdown from all the dirt."
Sweetie Belle: "Dear God-Queen Celestia, being sisters is the bestest thing in the world, but it's also hard work!"
Rarity: "Being family means that you need to learn to live with each other, stand each other, and adapt to each other. But above all else, you need to have fun with each other - even if that occasionally means getting your hooves a little bit dirty!"
Sweetie Belle: "More like a lot dirty!"
Rarity: "A little dirty!"
Sweetie Belle: "A lot dirty!"
Rarity: "A little dirty!"
Sweetie Belle: "A lot dirty!"
Spike: "Who's on dirt!"
Spike: "Hmph. Nobody appreciates my Abbot&Costello riffs."
Spike: "So,
reasonably dirty?"
Rarity: "But of course."
Sweetie Belle: "Sure!"
Spike: "I swear, what would ponykind do without me?"
Well, that was that.
Twilight Sparkle: "That it was."
But, I dunno. Rarity's clearly learned her lesson, but I'm uncertain if Sweetie Belle really got the point to the same extent...
Twilight Sparkle: "She's a
Cutie Mark Crusader, and you want her to
learn something?"
...Point conceded.