Orochimaru had decided that the perfect time to slip into the hospital was while a number of celebrations for newly-promoted chunin were causing distractions. He was a little disappointed at how easily he'd managed to get into the building without being spotted, though waiting for the person at the desk to visit the restroom had likely helped, and he found that the records room was clearly labeled and unlocked. It wasn't considered a secure room though, just short-term records for those recently examined that may need to be fetched quickly. It was also incredibly well organized, and he made some mental notes on how to better organize his own records based on it.
Finding his own record based on the identifiers on his discharge paperwork only took a few minutes, and he quickly made a copy of the entire record. With that done and slipped into a storage seal, he carefully replaced the original, then repeated the process with Kimimaro's record. Half-nodding to himself, he decided that he had time to try to find the record for his genin that had been granted a medical chakra bloodline, though he'd need to do a little more searching for that as he didn't have specific identifiers.
Attempting to open what he thought was the most likely filing cabinet was where things went wrong. A seal he'd not even noticed pulsed, the door to the room slammed shut, he swore he heard the vents close, and then he heard a hissing. Attempting to wait out the likely knockout gas was probably not an option, and he was unfortunately certain that the walls were reinforced enough to ensure that getting out of the room wasn't going to happen fast enough to escape being knocked out. Sighing, he decided that it would be better to accept his fate.
Having his body start burning was entirely unexpected, but the pain spiked enough to knock him unconscious before he could start to properly examine himself to see if this was a more lethal than expected defense.
Naruto hadn't been surprised when Orochimaru had tripped the trap left for him by going after a file other than his own or Kimimaro's. Actually, one of his genin had listed him as a primary caregiver and was also on the list of files he could've opened without issues, but he'd obviously not gone for that one. Or if he had been intending to, perhaps he didn't know where to find it and had opened the wrong filing cabinet? Regardless, he'd tripped the security seals on records that he wasn't cleared for.
"I was honestly expecting him to end up with some kind of snake features," Naruto eventually said as he double-checked Orochimaru's updated file. "Not...chipmunk."
"Our best guess is that it was most compatible with his last 'host' before he took her over," Tsunade admitted. "Though none of us expected all of the work that he'd done to make the body less obviously female and more obviously 'him' to be undone by the process."
"It seemed like it was something to expect when I was told the basics of the plan. Every other significant cosmetic procedure had ended up undone, why not his?"
"That does make sense and it's probably more that we weren't thinking about him having done as much as he had. Mostly, I'm having a hard time thinking of the end result as being him without his snake-like appearance. An attractive young woman with chipmunk features that has just enough of 'him' in her to pass as his daughter doesn't fit the 'Orochimaru' picture in my mind. Presumably the slight resemblance is because his takeover technique mixed his own genetics in, but hating her for what he did in the past is a lot harder for me because of it."
"Then don't. Eternal grudges make us an even more combative species than we normally are and I suspect that half of your problems with him can be traced back to a dead man pulling strings and messing with reports."
"At most a third, and that might be pushing it, but I'll concede that a bunch of things I remember finding out about may not be anything he can remember doing."
Naruto sighed, collected the updated copy of Orochimaru's file, and headed into the hall. A minute later he was in the room the man had been put into...though Tsunade was right that it didn't look like Orochimaru on the bed. A little medical chakra was used to ensure that everything seemed to have resolved itself overnight before prodding the patient awake.
"Ugh," Orochimaru said, almost immediately freezing. "What happened?"
"Anko and Kin worked with Karin to set up a trap for you," Naruto answered. "Had you stuck to your own file or those with you as a primary caregiver marked down then it wouldn't have tripped, but you apparently went for someone else's or didn't have reference numbers and tried searching in the wrong place. My best guess is that you wanted to see if any information on the 'grant a medical bloodline' procedure was present."
"But...okay, yes. How long was I out, and what was done to me?"
"Overnight, and you were exposed to the beast man formula. That works quickly if you have sufficient chakra, though you're probably never going to look like your former self again. I haven't confirmed with them, but I think the idea was to let you see what being subject to something like your own experiments is like. Oh, and Tsunade claims that you look like your own daughter in a way, though it's a little harder to see with the chipmunk features."
"...chipmunk?"
"Yep."
"Don't think I'd have figured that compatibility out on my own, but I also hadn't finished working through checking reptiles for a few ideas that kept coming up as incompatible with this host and wasn't really putting proper effort into that research branch anyway. Hmmm. I was going to need to start searching for alternatives for other things though, so..."
Naruto frowned. "You seem awfully accepting of the situation."
"It was an excellently laid trap and I should've seen it coming with how easy it was to get at the records. Besides, I've done plenty of experimenting on myself and not all of it has ended up beneficial or easily reversed. Eventually I had to break my own self image too, so that I'd stop occasionally freaking out about some of the changes I'd made to myself."
"...you broke your own self image?"
"At the time it had become a matter of doing so or going dangerously insane, so yes. Of course, I'd also finally turned myself into a snake and not being human proved to be unexpectedly distressing."
"Huh. Well, there's a mirror in the corner next to the toilet if you want to check out your appearance, and I took the liberty of tailoring a few outfits for you. Oh, and this is an updated copy of your file. In the future, perhaps just ask for a copy at the front desk?"
Orochimaru blinked. "Just...ask for a copy?"
"It would be wrong to deny you a copy of your own medical records. Just as wrong to deny you copies for those who listed you as a primary caregiver, actually."
"Well, that...huh. I never even considered that."
"We admittedly do seem to do some things differently here."
Kimimaro blinked a couple of times as a pale but healthy-looking woman wearing clothing superficially similar to Lord Orochimaru's normal outfit stepped out of the hallway. She had long and oddly-striped brown hair reaching mid-back, rounded animal ears, and a somewhat multicolored striped tail almost matching her hair's stripes. Decidedly unlike normal Otogakure attire, she was dressed to 'show off', with exposed cleavage and fancy heeled shoes, but her chakra felt familiar. "Lord Orochimaru?"
"Indeed," the woman said, frowning and poking her chest. "Though perhaps it would be better to switch to 'Lady'? It seems unlikely that I'll be able to convince anyone that I'm male now that I have a healing factor strong enough to undo cosmetic adjustments. Disciplining those who get it wrong would take too much time out of my day and I've not actually cared for decades."
"Are you willing to share what happened?"
"I tried to surreptitiously access records I was entitled to instead of just asking for a copy and went in person instead of doing something more sensible like send a shadow clone. Boldened by that success, I tried to locate one I wasn't entitled to. That was enough to trip the trap my apprentice worked with others to set up and I got exposed to the improved beast man formula as a result. The included healing factor forcibly undid my physical alterations to look like my former self, which was painful enough to knock me out due to how extensive they were."
That made some sense. "But where did you get replacement clothing?"
"...these, and a selection of others, were provided by young Naruto. He may claim to not hold grudges, but when an opportunity presents itself he isn't about to give up on a good show of petty revenge. I'd honestly be disappointed with him if he hadn't taken the opportunity."
"Petty revenge? For what?"
"For trying to cut him in two with Kusanagi, I think. And of course, I have nothing else that fits with me now, so either I have to use the clothing provided or procure replacements. Quite devious of the boy, and it's obvious that either Anko taught him well or he's a natural."
Kimimaro nodded. "I can't say that you look bad, just not like yourself."
"Yes, that's one of the more annoying parts, because he did things right instead of leaving me with fitting but ridiculous-looking clothing."
"It doesn't look like he gave any thought to you fighting though, especially with the shoes."
"My movement is surprisingly unrestricted, and I can always kick the shoes off. He admittedly provided a pair without heels as well."
"...you chose to wear less-practical heels?"
"Yes, because I don't anticipate getting into a fight and I look better wearing them. I can't tell if the latter is further evidence of my mental state shifting or just my personal vanity asserting itself though."
"I was told that you were busy," Onoki said as Naruto walked up the airship tower with them.
"I am," Naruto agreed. "But that doesn't stop me from seeing you off. In fact, this is one of the things I'm busy with today."
"...fair point. Too much political stuff in day to day work when you're in charge. Some days you get nothing done because of all the meetings and political posturing."
"Of course, I also have a potential solution to your war problem."
"You already said you were rightfully staying out of the fighting."
"There's more than one way to end a war." A metal tag and a scroll were pulled out of a pocket. "For example, the Super Earth Rice Roll."
Onoki blinked as he accepted the scroll and tag. "Super Earth Rice Roll?"
"Kurotsuchi may be able to make them in a few weeks and I based the recipe off of the Earth Rice Roll your Daimyo favored before the family making them was killed off. You could probably claim it was an attempt at reproducing it if you want to avoid being accused of killing the bandits off yourself, or you can skip the marked additions and make the original recipe."
"How in the world did you get that? Four different villages searched the family estate and didn't find it."
"Traded with their niece in the Land of Birds. She wanted a fancy sword for her husband and now they want to send their younger daughter here to learn to be a kunoichi...assuming she's still interested in that when we have our academy up and running well enough to accept visiting students, anyway."
Well, that was interesting. Naruto was personally powerful and apparently dangerously politically savvy, directly or through his advisors. Plus he had far too much information gathering efficiency based on the comment about Kurotsuchi and the implications for this recipe. Something she'd also obviously noticed, even if she was staying quiet for the moment. Then again, all of the discussion about her using the forbidden technique had happened in his own village.
Twenty minutes later the airship had taken off and Kurotsuchi had tried one of the sample rice rolls. She actually moaned as she ate it. "These are really good."
"Good enough to get the Daimyo to end the war?" Onoki asked, curious.
"Maybe, if they're close enough to the ones he can't get anymore or better than them. There are enough here for us to send someone with a couple of them to see what he thinks, but if he asks for more...perhaps we can tell him that we don't have the resources to train anyone to make them due to the war?"
"You're the only one likely to be making them anytime soon."
"Based on what Deidara-nii described, this could be a decent export for us in a general sense. It's very likely that Uzushio is using the base 'kneed chakra into things' trick for any number of things. Skip the 'add more mouths' piece like I'm planning to and it may even be reasonably safe to have lower-skill chunin perform as an alternative way to support the village through production of goods."
Huh. He'd not thought of that, but it was a good point. Perhaps she was closer to ready for the hat than he thought, though not strong enough to wear it yet. But that could easily change in the next couple of years if she didn't slack off.
Nagato sighed. "I can understand not wishing to get involved."
"It's more that you've admitted that 'Madara' isn't a direct threat to Uzushio right now and it sounds like I'd have to get personally involved to help," Naruto corrected. "I have other items to worry about in the short term, including some rather important work here in the village, and you don't even know where he is right now."
"Sadly true. Are you sure you aren't willing to install whatever it is that seems to block his ability to move around at will?"
"That's currently an Uzushio secret, part of the island defenses not even shared with Konoha."
Yeah, that was unfortunately expected. "Can I at least hire someone to put in an extra hot spring or two in Ame? Orochimaru managed one but I've not been able to convince him to put any more in."
"Probably because he struggles to duplicate the examples he has, but I think we can come to an arrangement there. Do you have specific places you're hoping to get them installed in?" A map and room layouts were extracted from a seal and handed over. Naruto...barely seemed to look at them while nodding. "Yeah, this should be doable." The young man pulled a sheet out of a folder sitting next to him. "These are our current prices, subject to change as we continue to establish ourselves properly."
Looking at the new sheet, with prices for the exact size spaces present, had Nagato wanting to call bullshit on Uzushio's intelligence gathering. But he didn't, and the prices were both reasonable and well within what he'd budgeted. "These will work. Would you like payment in advance?"
"If you'd like to finish up that end of things while you're here then I don't have a problem with it."
Fetching the payment didn't take long, and Naruto handed over a large packet after accepting the payment. He accepted it, looking at it curiously. "What's this?"
"Care instructions, details on how to adjust temperatures and temporarily turn the seals off for cleaning, and pictures of the installations."
Opening the packet up and flipping to the pictures had Nagato blinking in shock, because it looked like pictures of completed work...in the correct rooms? How the hell had they pulled that off?
Gaara nodded as he looked over the detailed report on the poison used on Kankuro. "Thank you for this."
"Not a problem," Naruto replied.
"I'd like to stay longer, but we need to get back to check on Kankuro."
"If you're willing to travel without your genin teams then I can arrange for a bit of a shortcut."
"What kind of shortcut?" Temari asked.
"Presumably the same one he offered me," Sasori said from off to the side. "Deidara has a couple of recipe stops he wants to make before we meet up again and I want to be a bit more...personal with this visit anyway."
While the idea of a 'shortcut' was intriguing, not being stuck traveling while Sasori was already in Suna due to taking it was almost a necessity. Informing the jounin that they'd be traveling on their own didn't take long, and then Naruto led the three of them to a meeting room with one of Uzushio's Anbu in it. That Anbu then connected to each of them and their minimal luggage with chakra threads. A moment later they were standing in the desert, probably an hour away from Suna, without the Anbu present.
"...that's absolutely horrifying," Sasori said as he looked around.
"It explains why nobody ever sees them moving around," Temari said. "Being able to teleport themselves and others like that makes them a security nightmare."
"I was thinking more that this destination had to have been chosen as a polite fiction. If they could get us this close then they could almost certainly get us directly into the village as there doesn't seem to be any marker here."
Gaara had to agree and thought that being on Naruto's good side felt like a very good place to be right now.
"I wasn't expecting you to have price sheets for hot springs," Mei admitted as she looked over the one she'd been handed. "I'll need to find out where we can reasonably put some in though."
"Understandable," Naruto replied. "You weren't expecting to ask for any until you found out how many we have here."
"True. I note that you're willing to put anti-dojutsu seals in hot springs, but not elsewhere."
"We're not willing to significantly upgrade a non-allied village's security by installing large-scale security features. Jiraiya has already asked us to take over a couple of contracts he has with Daimyo that are outside of his normal travel areas, but even those are more 'personal privacy' setups than general security ones."
That made far too much sense. "So would you be willing to, say, install some in my residence, even if you aren't willing to install them throughout the village in general?"
"We've not yet figured out the periodic maintenance costs, but a smaller project like that is an option. Unlike a lot of seals, the space-time effects used to block dojutsu cause direct breakdown of the generating seals themselves. The Uzumaki variants generally last longer than Jiraiya's, but most of that is more complete preparation of the area for the seals. To that end, wall replacements or inserts may be needed to place the seals on, which can increase the cost."
"Sounds like you'll need to send someone out to do an evaluation."
In response, Naruto held his hand out, and a flash of light deposited a scroll into it. He placed that on the table and unrolled it, revealing a floor plan. Of the Mizukage residence. "We're currently a bit faster than that. I've got quotes here for the outer structure, all interior points as is done throughout most of the village here, and for just the primary bedroom and attached bathroom."
Well, that was a flex. Doubly so since she was fairly certain that the floor plan included where she currently had furniture, and she'd moved a couple of things three days before departing. It was admittedly likely that some of this was a show to shore up the 'do not mess with Uzushio' reputation, but knowing that didn't make it any less effective. It just made Naruto and his advisors all the more politically dangerous.
...either that or it said how little Uzushio acknowledged the attempts of others to secure their villages. They seemingly-casually took their own security to frankly ridiculous extremes while treating it like they weren't even trying. Anyone else would appear to actually not be trying by comparison.
Deidara looked over at Kisame as they waited for permission to board an airship. "So, going anywhere interesting?"
"There are rumors that Kusa is doing something weird with their prison," Kisame replied. "Nobody seems to be sure what though, but Leader-sama seems to think it might be an attempt to obtain some kind of superweapon."
"Hm. Want any help?"
"Not yet. Purely investigation at this time, and I stand out enough as it is. Besides, they built the thing on one of the three islands they control. Getting you in would stand out a bit too much."
"Oh, that prison. Hm. Yeah, I'd have a hard time sneaking in. Don't know why anyone trusts them with prisoners though."
"There are a couple of old treaties they convinced countries to sign, and technically it's supposed to be 'neutral' at this point with management disconnected from Kusa. Leader-sama claims it's generally used for assholes that were likely framed for international crimes as anyone who can be proven to have committed crimes worthy of the place is usually executed instead."
"Let me guess, hm. Since it opened, the number of people framed for crimes has been going up?"
"So it seems. Some of that is likely villages slipping spies in to see what might be going on, but not enough of it and Sasori spotted potentially-worrisome patterns. Leader-sama wants to know more without sending someone in as a supposed prisoner. Might call you in if we decide the place should be blown up though."
"Sounds good, hm."
"You going anywhere interesting?"
"Nah. Sasori is doing a thing. Just getting back on the mainland, maybe checking out a couple of places with possible recipes, and then I'll eventually wander back to base to meet up with Sasori there, hm."
"Excuse me," a voice called, startling both of them. Looking up, Deidara saw that an Uzushio Anbu was standing there. One that had snuck up on both him and Kisame and still didn't feel like they were there.
That was kind of worse than Uzumaki beating the crap out of them a few days ago, because it implied that they could've struck without being noticed too.
"Is there a problem?" Kisame asked after a moment.
"We'd like to offer you a map of Hozuki Castle," the Anbu replied, holding out a scroll.
"...I've got a couple already."
"Your maps likely don't include the secret underground facility."
Kisame accepted the scroll and opened it up, frowning as he did so. "Interesting."
Deidara moved over to look at the scroll, which appeared to be an incredibly detailed map. If it was accurate then it was probably one of the best maps of a location he'd ever seen, and even included information on how to open secret doors and approach the island without being spotted.
He could easily believe that Uzushio had this kind of thing, but when he turned back to comment about it to the Anbu he found that they had vanished just as stealthily as they'd appeared. If not for the scroll being there you could've assumed that the Anbu had been an illusion of some kind. That level of stealth was both impressive and honestly somewhat scary. Then again, every village had stealthy operatives, so Uzushio wasn't special there.
...they just seemed to be better at the stealth part than most.
"I still wish we could get an agreement between our villages," A said as he looked over receipts. "But I understand why you aren't willing to go that route right now."
"You likely know several of the myriad reasons," Naruto replied. "But effectively announcing the return of Uzushio and immediately entering into agreements with other nations would be rash as well."
"Sadly true. Still, you were willing to sell more of your exploding kunai, so my researchers are going to have their hands full trying to figure out how you managed it."
"Good luck, because it's essentially an artificial bloodline trait used in the forging process."
A frowned at hearing that, because if true it was essentially impossible to duplicate. It also seemed to speak of an inexperience in dealing with village relations that Naruto hadn't been showing. The boy had been a good sport though, so perhaps a little friendly advice was in order to the newest leader around? "Telling people that seems unwise, given that it could be considered to be a village secret."
Naruto grinned. "Ah, but now you have to wonder if I'm telling the truth to save your researchers the trouble of running down paths they can't get results from or attempting to distract them from the truth. I could be setting you up for an 'I told you so from the beginning' meeting later, or I could be trying to convince you to not dig too deeply into an easily-discovered secret. Am I being helpful? Is it all a ruse? Or am I thinking several steps ahead of you and being helpful as part of a larger ruse?"
In theory all village leaders were intelligent enough to play the political games, though they did so to varying degrees and with varying competence. Very few were this open about playing said games, and it was simultaneously refreshing and annoying. "I see."
"Besides," Naruto continued. "Iwa still has a copy of the required technique, even if they don't currently have anyone that could use it to make the kunai. It requires a bit more than your village's black lightning trick to pull off."
"Hey now, that's no joke and takes a lot of work to manage."
Naruto smirked, causing A to worry. "Darui over there has a tattoo seal to help him manage adding yin chakra to his lightning release so that he can give it much more solid form than lightning normally allows for, plus allowing quite a bit more autonomy." The boy held his hand up and suddenly it was coated in black lightning that lifted up and took the form of a small fox. "I don't need a seal to manage to add sufficient yin chakra."
Okay, A could admit that it had probably been a bad idea to bring a guard with seal-granted village secret abilities to a non-allied village that had previously been destroyed because of how good they were with seals. That was on them, and letting Darui be given a full physical after the sparring match probably hadn't helped.
"I think this was a success," Shisui said. "Even with the...unusually permissive attitude."
"He took to politics better than you did," Jiraiya countered. "None of his advisors that I checked with figured out why he cared about several things either, so it's likely that he figured it out himself."
"...what did I miss?"
Naruto shrugged. "You were focused on 'can take missions against' and related matters while more 'civilian' matters such as trade all fall to the Fire Daimyo. As the Uzukage I'm also the Whirlpool Daimyo and thus also have to be directly concerned with those 'civilian' matters, such as where the country as a whole can trade with. The other hidden villages are a very likely first set of trade partners due to the lack of civilian exports right now, though I am told that by next year we'll be trivially producing enough food for exporting and it probably won't be too long before mission requests for security seals and similar from various nobles start coming in."
"He also managed to not offend anyone," Jiraiya added. "Even the minor villages that he essentially said sent scrubs that don't deserve to be genin."
"That was just a matter of providing proper documentation to indicate why each prospective genin failed. As far as I can tell, the relevant village leaders seem to generally be treating it as having embarrassed themselves internationally instead of being slighted by Uzushio."
Shisui sighed, because he had to admit that he'd not considered the 'civilian leader' side of things. "You're right that I don't normally have to worry about trade items, but you're also far more accepting of high level missing nin. I think I understand the politics of inviting Orochimaru better now, but not some of the others."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "The three you're concerned about could be said to be affiliated with Amegakure and bought tickets for the finals like any other visitor. They weren't invited so much as they paid to show up. Did you even notice the sixteen other missing-nin in the audience on the second day of the finals or the twenty present on the first day? That five of the nobles were also crime lords?"
Jiraiya scowled. "I missed a few of those, apparently, and very few people complain when you grab people for bounties."
"To be fair, I've already collected the bounties on the nine missing-nin that tried to get into secure areas after the finals were over instead of leaving peacefully and I looted one of the crime lords to the frame of their house after they tried to pressure a couple of the shops here. But only after they attempted to take actions against Uzushio, because I'm generally aiming to not be seen as overly happy to jump on people without good cause. If you're not an active threat to Uzushio or its allies and we've not been hired to cause you problems then I figure you can be left alone."
"I can see how that would be a good way to go about things," Shisui admitted. "Not quite as...proactive as hidden villages usually are with certain things, but for a newly-reformed village it makes quite a bit of sense."
"Who said he isn't being proactive?" Jiraiya asked. "I bet he's been monitoring a large percentage of the continent to see how they're reacting, and the instant he sees signs of a desire to take the island out he'll step in when nobody is expecting it."
"And feeding others information to let them look into problems," Naruto added. "If it turns out that I need to go out and help then I can, or if someone wants to pay for things to be taken care of, but I'd prefer to not need to bother fixing things if someone else is perfectly willing to throw themselves at a problem and just needs a little information to manage it. Slip a report into an information network if I want to be subtle, or show up as an Anbu and hand things over if I think being more obvious is better."
Shisui sighed. "...you're manipulating the entire continent, then?"
"More helping out those that were already looking into things. Sure, I could wait for things to blow up and hope someone pays for assistance, but providing that extra little bit of information a village already looking at the problem needs to find and solve the problem themselves is generally going to be the better solution. Doubly so if solving the problem causes political issues, because then I wasn't officially involved."
Okay, that was honestly a decent policy. Kind of like some of the things that Root was supposed to do for Konoha yet never really did under Danzo, but it was very likely that Naruto was doing it properly.
) I wouldn't be surprised if he was actually understating the rise in value. After all everyone knows just how much Lex Luthor wanted to kill Supes so he likely had a LOT of projects on the back burner.
