- Pronouns
- He/Him
This line is especially hilarious because the hammer is, in itself, a dick joke. Super heavy and powerful but oops! The handle is only about half as long as it should be...
The Valkyrior (MCU Thor/Worm)
- Thread starter Heather Sinclair
- Start date
This line is especially hilarious because the hammer is, in itself, a dick joke. Super heavy and powerful but oops! The handle is only about half as long as it should be...
It's a contract bonus for signing with Team Valkyrie.
- Location
- Crackship Space!
Just imagine MewMew as a proper length warhammer.
Lenimentus
Ignorant but learning.
I have only seen the first Thor movie, and only because my cousin forced me to, and what struck me most is that Loki isn't a planner. Well not a good one anyway, mostly he's an opportunist and doesn't think what he's doing through.
The whole "plan" to kill Laufey is a spur of the moment thing he comes up with in the immediate aftermath of finding out about his adoption. It seemed mostly like something he came up with because of his shock and distress.
The whole "plan" to kill Laufey is a spur of the moment thing he comes up with in the immediate aftermath of finding out about his adoption. It seemed mostly like something he came up with because of his shock and distress.
WhoAmEye
Bunker-Dwelling Cryptid
- Location
- Vault Birb
- Pronouns
- She/Her
On the topic of flat girl with boobplate...
IT COULD BE UTILITY COMPARTMENT TO HIDE SPIDERS AND STUFF IN! They'd never see it- ok, they might see it- Oh who am I kidding, if Taylor walks around with a breastplate even the MCUverse is gonna be staring at it thinking something is off (or should be off
)
IT COULD BE UTILITY COMPARTMENT TO HIDE SPIDERS AND STUFF IN! They'd never see it- ok, they might see it- Oh who am I kidding, if Taylor walks around with a breastplate even the MCUverse is gonna be staring at it thinking something is off (or should be off
)
Frakir's brother
Goodbye.
- Location
- The Sea of Trees
You just reminded me of this scene from the manga of Pokemon adventures. I just imagined Taylor doing the same thing, except with hornets and wasps.On the topic of flat girl with boobplate...
IT COULD BE UTILITY COMPARTMENT TO HIDE SPIDERS AND STUFF IN! They'd never see it- ok, they might see it- Oh who am I kidding, if Taylor walks around with a breastplate even the MCUverse is gonna be staring at it thinking something is off (or should be off
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Brunhilda's reaction when Taylor called the spiders out seemed like the stoic warrior woman version of "Oh shit! Where did those devils come from!?" I imagine those spiders are extremely deadly, Taylor noted they had venom sacs, probably something very nasty. The sorta venom that'll drop an Asgardian stone dead 60 seconds after getting bitten, or cause a mortal's heart to literally explode inside their chest in 10 seconds or less.
"So what you're saying is hat we should constantly track and hound him, subtly letting him know that we're always watching."
"No, well yes but not like that."
"So what you're saying is that we should totally keep badgering him when he says to leave him alone."
"What? No."
"So what you're saying is that we need to lock him-"
"No. Stop. Stop saying 'So what you're saying,' You're always wrong!"
inb4 deconstruction.
It'd get bigger if he rubbed it.
Again, in the Myth, its Lokis fault.
For me, I decided that Loki was a sociopath when he admitted to letting Frost Giants into Asgard during his brothers ceremony for a bit of fun. Lets focus on that: people died, he knew they would (and if you think he thought they were just going to have a look around, you're kidding yourself), and he did it just to annoy his brother. He committed treason, in an autocratic, militaristic society, in order to piss off the man who, as far as he knew, was his flesh and blood.
Yes, he may be a geek in a society of jocks. Yes, he's a mummy's boy, and father likes his elder brother best. So the hell what? Of course the king favours the heir! It's part of the job description! And NOTHING that was done to him justifies what he did.
Yes, you can have empathy, sympathy, even pity for Loki. But never make the mistake of thinking that he's a blameless, tortured victim. He knew he was doing the wrong thing, knew he was committing treason and murder, but didn't care.
Frakir's brother
Goodbye.
- Location
- The Sea of Trees
Like regent! Except regent is better.
- Location
- United States
No, Myth Loki is more of compulsive joker with no self-preservation instinct. Plus when other gods screw up it's Loki who does all the work. Sure, he seems unable to resist breaking a personal interdiction (this trait of his is on a borderline mental disorder level). But most of the Snorra Edda is built of this flowchart, it's a small exaggeration.
Last edited:
Frakir's brother
Goodbye.
- Location
- The Sea of Trees
Guys, guys, you are misunderstanding each other. All gods are asses, just that Loki usually wipes.
- Location
- United States
I always get the vibe that Myth Loki suffers from mental illness that makes him unable to stop. You know, kind of like Don Quixote.
tarrangar
Fat arctic chicken
That's why I said the operating procedures should be to toss Weed smoke bombs at him, shooting at him is clearly not working, lets try getting him high as a kite, since he seems powered by rage, and people usually get too mellow when they have had enough Weed.
Yes but I'm saying the part with chaining up forever is somewhat reasonable for getting Baldr killed, and preventing his resurrection.
The snake is a total over reaction, but compared to chaining him up in his sons entrails? Its not all that bad.
- Location
- Crackship Space!
Untill he gets some killer munchies.
---
Chester - Dangerously Cheesy!
Hulk - HULK EAT CHEESY SNACK! *Smashes entire factory*
Dorritos - Hey guys eat dorritos bags and get call of duty codes!
Hulk - HULK WANT CODE! *Smashes entire factory*
Everyone else - Yey!
Mt.Dew - Buy our specially marked packs for a chance to win...
Hulk - HULK NEED THIRST QUENCHED! *Smashes entire factory*
tarrangar
Fat arctic chicken
That's why you also bombard him with snacks and soda at the same time.
In unopened packages and they should hit around him not hit him, "Seriously guys we are trying to calm him down here".
Last edited:
- Location
- Crackship Space!
Banner - Ow... OW.... OWWW!
Natasha - *Guns drawn* Are you alright Bruce?
Banner - It feels like I had a six pack of Mt. Dew and a truck full of dorritos...
Natasha - So your just in some intestinal distress?
Banner - If you count the fact that I think the other guy swallowed them whole?
Natasha - ...
Banner - Including the truck... UNNGGGGG *La Cucaracha horn from inside the stall*
Natasha - ... I'll go get the plunger.
Last edited:
tarrangar
Fat arctic chicken
Still cheaper than the alternative, isolating that bathroom as a chemical hazard for a few decades is far cheaper than dealing with the hulk on a rampage.
- Location
- Existance
How many of those spiders could Taylor sneak out in that armor's chest pouches?
Because if it's "a few breeding pairs" then I think she should keep them. Everyone can laugh at her for using armor to pad herself, whilst she's laughing at the world as her new pets breed in the background.
Because if it's "a few breeding pairs" then I think she should keep them. Everyone can laugh at her for using armor to pad herself, whilst she's laughing at the world as her new pets breed in the background.
I dunno the significance of those super-spiders that Taylor found, but i am fairly certain that Spiders in general are associated with the Norns in Norse mythology. Given that they are some of the only beings above Odin on the cosmic totem pole and their coming apparently heralds the end of the Golden Age of the Gods i suspect Odin might just dislike the little buggers.
Asgard 1.3
Heather Sinclair
Verified Force User
1.3
Asgardian books were virtually nothing like the kind you could find in the dollar rack at the local convenience store on Earth Bet. They were mostly gigantic tomes that had to be manufactured out of science and magic. I think this was due to the whole Allspeak thing they had going on. It hadn't occurred to me that the Asgardians were actually an alien race and not just genetically superior humans in some form. That's why I didn't think anything of them speaking English.
Sure, maybe they'd call it something else, but it sounded and came across as English. I was wrong.
Allspeak in its most basic terms is the language of the soul or perhaps the heart. Things like that are fairly difficult to put into written words. I found that out when I opened up the first tome and found everything was written in a language I didn't have a prayer in comprehending without an Asgardian to English dictionary. Then the movie started playing in my head, complete with sound, smell, and in my face action.
I'm not embarrassed to say that I fell out of my chair the first time that happened. By the window, Loki, still wearing green and black, had himself a good chuckle at my expense before returning to his own much smaller book while I laughed internally about his lack of wardrobe choices.
This was the second day that I purposefully set myself up in the library after hearing that he often wound up there. I'd leave it up to fate to give me an opening I could expand upon if he ever chose to have another conversation with me. If I deliberately sought him out then I'd have to owe him. Judging by the average Asgardian around here, I chose not to go in that direction. There was no telling what kind of favor they'd call in.
I concentrated on one of a dozen or so books Brunnhilda set me up with. My current one was the tale of a race of beings known as Celestials and a bunch of gems that were called Infinity Stones. The things these stones could do would make Scion look like a toddler mining for interesting prizes deep inside his own nose.
My research mainly surrounded what these things could do and how to handle them if I came across any particular one. Basically, I don't. I don't physically touch it, but somehow manage to contain it and then call for Heimdall for the exit plan.
Simple.
I could have actually been told all of this by Brunnhilda, in a very short span of time. Instead, I was secluded in a room full of books that I was nervous about reading. Loki didn't make it any easier. He kept glancing my way with a look of quizzical interest. It definitely wasn't because of my wonderful fashion sense or my glamorous looks. Every female Asgardian I'd come across was unnaturally beautiful in various shapes and forms. Most of the males were that way as well.
It was a misogynistic nightmare realm to tell the truth. Mom would have probably been caught in a dozen fights alone on her first day here, let alone at any of the feasts. Musclebound blonde guys tended to have three or more women hanging off them and loved to toss around empty mead mugs while yelling, "Another!" Me? I just stayed in the background and tried not to piss anyone off until such time as I could make it outside the palace grounds.
Why would I want to do that?
Mainly because I wasn't overly familiar with these people at all: their strengths, weaknesses, how they fight, whether or not it was even worth my time to try if needed. Odin was one thing. The man was imposing in a way that would have made Alexandria second and third guess herself before taking him on. Not to mention every time I happen to catch a glimpse of him he was always carrying around that spear of his as if he was hoping to get a chance to use it, mainly on me.
I think Brunnhilda told him about the spiders.
So, why was I studying about these strange and powerful gems? Because, it was part of my mission which had finally been laid out for me. Odin had been having a troubling series of visions of the Earth, a war, a white eagle flying on a black background, and an iridescent blue beam of light. It really wasn't much to go on, but there were a few faces to go along with the bad news. I had several hand-drawn portraits of each of them from various angles.
A rhythmic clicking sounded in my lap and I glanced down to see the female spider looking up at me. A quick check to see that Loki was engrossed in his book and I guided what passed for a butterfly around these parts through an open window and to my lap. The spider lunged, biting the insect that was half its size, and began to devour it. There was no waiting involved, no webbing, no cocooning, and no desiccation. Two crunches later and the purple butterfly was gone.
Of course Loki took this moment to look up at me again and cock an ear. "Mortal biology has changed much since my most recent visit to Midgard, if your kind no longer consumes your meals through traditional methods."
What did he think… oh, eww.
"My… pet needs feeding. There's only two of them I have them working overtime making a costume for me."
Loki's general attitude of aloofness changed slightly as he slid down on his seat to take a look at what I was talking about. Then he started chuckling.
"This is what has father stalking the halls with Gungnir held tight in his grasp. I had hopes the Svartálfar hadn't been exterminated millennia ago, and were roaming the palace in search of the…." He stopped and threw a knowing smile at me. "Is that what has him bending his own laws?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I really didn't.
Even with Allspeak, sometimes a word doesn't get translated properly, likely because it's the proper name of something that the listener is unfamiliar with. Svartálfar was one of those words.
"The Conjunction; the event approaches in a few years. Has the Allfather misplaced the Aether?" Loki snapped his book closed and stood quickly. "That's it; isn't it? My fool of a grandfather hid it on Midgard?"
Before he could go on, I had my spider scurry up my chest and stand guard on my right shoulder, watching Loki's every move. That stopped the Prince in his steps. He watched my guardian curiously before directing his attention back to me.
"You have nothing to fear from one such as me, dear valkyrie. I confess my curiosity has risen to new heights with your appearance. Even a mortal, with your limited lifespan, must recognize the agonizing boredom that entails living on Asgard over the course of centuries."
Closing my own book, I slid my chair backward. "I wouldn't know about that. Mortals like me are too dumb to think deep thoughts."
"I've offended you," he concluded. "It was not my intent, simply a statement of fact. We exist for thousands of years."
Somehow I doubted that he didn't intend to offend me. "I'll live. Looking down on people from other realms seems to be a national pastime around here anyway."
Loki shrugged knowingly. "If you had personally traveled these realms then you would realize the futility of treating its inhabitants as intellectual equals. They are not. Most of them are savages. The Jotuns of Jotunheim exist in squalor willingly and would love nothing better than the head of Odin to decorate their king's throne. Muspelheim is a volcanic world which serves no useful purpose other than to spew forth mindless beasts that ravage the other realms when given leave. I could endlessly wax philosophical about the others…."
"Please don't," I replied. "Aren't there any worth the time to rule over benevolently?"
Holding his hands behind his back, Loki leisurely paced the ends of the stacks. "The Dwarves of Nidavellir are a useful race, if primitive. They are the ones who take great care in producing weapons of war for the Allfather. Your valkyrie sword, spear, and armor are most assuredly of their manufacture."
This gave me the opening I was looking for. "So they're the ones who etch the runes in the metal?"
Loki stopped and threw a look over his shoulder. "Aware of runes, are you?"
"I can see their usefulness. Brunnhilda said that was how we're able to move our weapons and armor to a pocket dimension when they're not in use."
"Indeed. A beneficial bit of magic; an unappreciated art."
"I agree. With a power like mine it would be very useful."
A grin slowly widened on his face. "Which leads us to this fortuitous meeting."
Damn. I was busted. "What?"
"Surely you did not think I wouldn't see through your attempts at subterfuge, dear valkyrie. Why else would you have been here, in a library that few visit, save for my mother and myself on this day?"
I looked down at the book in front of me. "In case you didn't notice, I was reading. I was here yesterday, and I was here today before you showed up. If anything it's you that are stalking me."
That seemed to amuse him. "I stand corrected. A prince of Asgard has his dastardly plans revealed. What reason shall we use for the guards when they drag me away, hmm?"
I rolled my eyes and leaned back. "Fine, Brunnhilda told me that you and your father were the only ones that know Runelore, and Odin would probably swat me away if I even came close enough to ask about it."
He stared at me for a good five seconds, just long enough for me to wonder if I should make a break for it or not. "The art is not for mortals. You do not possess the talent, the patience, or the artistry needed."
When I made a move to protest he simply held up a hand to forestall me. "One does not simply scratch out a few symbols and hope for the best. Each one has to be perfectly etched in specific size and form, with specific tools, in a specific way. The end could result in tragedy if performed incorrectly."
Oh, ye of little faith. "Try me. Do something incomplete. If I can't copy it exactly then you've lost nothing but a few minutes of your self-professed considerably boring life."
Loki cocked an eyebrow at me, probably for the challenge. I assume he doesn't get many, especially about so esoteric of a subject, and almost certainly not from a dull-minded mortal such as me.
"The stakes?"
Ah, he was playing this game. "What is it you want?"
He pulled out the chair across from me and flamboyantly seated himself with a snap of the garment he was wearing.
"If you do not produce an adequate rendering of the runescript I use as your template then you will remain on Midgard after whatever folly Odin has you involved in has ended."
I returned his challenging glare with one of my own. "Have the property values dropped since I landed in Valhalla or something?"
"Not at all," he said with cheer. "I have need of a minion on Midgard, and you will do nicely."
"A minion," I returned flatly.
"Someone that will do my bidding. Surely a mortal such as you is familiar with the concept. I contact you with a duty; you perform for me. In return I shall supply you with shelter and means for your survival."
"A minion." I thought it over for a few moments. "What's the catch? Are the special tools I need something only an Asgardian can use?"
Loki's lips twitched. "Nothing so infantile. It is simply a test of extreme skill. Your only tool would be this knife."
With a swipe of his hand he retrieved a very small dagger was dangling it off the tips of his fingers.
"Is there something special about that knife or…."
"It is my own creation, but there is nothing out of the ordinary. The size, shape and the markings alongside the blade are themselves crucial. Depths are just as important as any curve or straightedge; a single etching too shallow and the result will be entirely different than your intentions."
I nodded. "Fair enough. If I fail you get a minion on Earth. What do I get when I succeed?"
Loki measured me with his gaze once again. His smug smile faltered minutely in the process. "You are so sure of yourself."
"My prize, Loki. I want all of your notes or whatever on runes. What they do."
He barked out a laugh. "No. You ask too much."
"You want me to be a damn minion. How about you be my minion on Asgard."
His eyes narrowed. "Watch your tongue, mortal, lest it be cut out for your impertinence."
"Yeah, I'm bored," I said as I stood while tucking my book underneath my arm.
"What of our wager?"
With a pause I returned his glare. "The last guy who threatened me wound up blasted out of existence across a thousand realities. I'd rather not annoy Odin more than I have to when he goes looking for his son and finds a wet splatter of goo on the library floor.
He totally ignored the shot I took. "You speak from experience."
"I do."
"Hmm. You've witnessed many wars, have you?"
"I have."
"And yet you are so young, not even arrived at the prime of your life."
Was he trying to compare himself to me or something? I had no idea where he was going with this train of thought.
"I started fighting when I was fifteen, saw and fought my first eldritch abomination before I turned sixteen, and then fought one every three months or so ever since. That didn't include all the battles in-between with the regular horrors on my planet."
He smiled wide, looking on with a faked sort of delight for some reason. "Eldritch abominations? How exciting! And you did this with spiders?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know what? I think we're done here."
"No, from listening to tales of my brother's exploits I would say spiders would lack a certain… punch. He loves his hammer, you see; never goes anywhere without it, in case he feels the sudden desire to pound something out of existence. You did something else."
He just kept talking as if I wasn't in the process of walking out the door. I'd just have to live with not learning about Runelore. It simply wasn't worth the aggravation of dealing with his type.
"Did you care for the wounded? Perhaps ran errands for those more suited for direct confrontation? With…."
"Loki," I said as I stood at the archway leading out of the library. "Don't underestimate me."
His hands went behind his back as he stood with a curious smirk on his face. "Pray tell, young warrior, why not?"
"You – everyone around here – you're Asgardians. You're long-lived, but you're not immortal. You're powerful, you're knowledgeable, and every one of you that I have met is so full of themselves that it grates on a number of my nerves, but you aren't gods. That much I'm sure of. You think you are, and that's fine. There was a guy who invaded my planet. He probably thought he was a god, he had the power to destroy thousands of planets, absorb the energy of what was left, and then move on to his next conquest."
It seemed I had his attention. "Sounds like an interesting fellow. Where is he now?"
"I personally killed him on Tuesday. I did it with my power to control things, like this spider for instance. That was three or four days ago. I forget… being mortal and all."
Horse's ass.
~O~
The seventh time I had to pick up my sword I was beginning to think this was a lesson in futility. I didn't have the strength in my arms to wield the thing for more than a few minutes with someone pounding theirs atop mine. I think Brunnhilda realized this; at least I hoped she did.
"I have centuries more experience than you, Taylor, and I learned much the same way," she explained with a nice even voice.
"Frustration is a fine motivator."
I returned that bit of advice with a grim smile. "I'm not frustrated with that. They stopped using swords as a standard weapon on Earth a while back. They use these things called guns now that shoot these things called bullets, really fast. They make big holes in your enemies who usually fall down and die soon after."
She nodded in understanding. "You will not be on Earth forever."
"It looks like I'll be leaving after this thing," I said before raising my sword in the ready position. "Everyone I've met here, with the exception of you is a pain in my ass."
Brunnhilda let her weapon fall to her side and fell out of her attack stance. "They caused you physical pain?"
I shook my head and relaxed. "No. It's a figure of speech. Look, Odin is only putting up with me because he needs a mortal down on Earth. I just had my first real conversation with Loki before I came down here, and he's…."
She held up a hand. "I know how Loki behaves, and it is not only you that he treats in such a way."
"It's not just him. At the feasts, everyone looks at me like I'm a leper," I explained. "I've dealt with this type of thing before, so I'm not really excited about doing it again. I'd much rather go down to Earth and make my way around there, or maybe you could bring me back…."
I had to stop that verbal train of thought. I probably wouldn't be welcome back on Earth Bet, even if I wasn't Khepri-powered. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd be killed on sight, or at least they'd try.
"Nevermind. Let's just do this thing so I can leave."
Brunnhilda grimaced at my final word on the subject and her sword disappeared. "Very well. If that is your wish, then finish your research and you may leave for Midgard. I will alert the Allfather of your decision."
I nodded and vanished my sword. "He'll probably be relieved."
"If there is one thing I've learned above all others in my considerable lifetime, it is to never assume what Odin will think on any subject. Oft times you will be wrong a vast percentage of times more than you are right."
When Brunnhilda left I made my way down to the kitchens, or wherever they cook the evening feast in order to find something to eat. They didn't prepare food as much as they just roasted something and tossed it whole onto a giant platter. I just wanted to take something back to my room, make a game plan, and go to sleep. If all went well then I'd leave in a couple of days.
When I arrived, there wasn't anyone around, and there was something vaguely pig-like turning by itself on a spit. It was highly unappetizing, so I chose to go with some fruits and maybe a raw veggie or two. After grabbing a platter I loaded it up, found some cheese and a small loaf of bread, and then headed out.
Thankfully, there wasn't anyone around on the way back to the Valkyrior dorms. I say dorms, because they were arranged that way, not that they weren't any less opulent than the rest of the palace or its grounds. I had a comfortable bed, bath, and even a separate room where I studied during my down time.
Nothing was changed when I arrived. I think it was because the spiders were hard at work in my bedroom and pretty much everyone in the surrounding area knew it, so maid service was a no-go. At least that's what I thought before setting the platter on my worktable amongst a dozen or so books that Brunnhilda said were pertinent to my mission.
There was an extra, much smaller addition to the collection, set in front of the single chair.
I knew there wasn't anyone in my bedroom at the moment because, spiders.
Using a single finger I edged open the front cover and found a note written in English. The calligraphy was elegant. I appreciated the effort it took to complete since I'm sure not a lot of people around here know how to speak let alone write in other languages due to the Allspeak.
"Huh. I don't even want to know."
The book, more of a notebook really, didn't look like the sum total of his knowledge, but more of a primer on runelore, and when the contents started sinking into my brain I realized it was exactly that: Loki's first delving into the art, over five hundred years old.
"This just might do."
Asgardian books were virtually nothing like the kind you could find in the dollar rack at the local convenience store on Earth Bet. They were mostly gigantic tomes that had to be manufactured out of science and magic. I think this was due to the whole Allspeak thing they had going on. It hadn't occurred to me that the Asgardians were actually an alien race and not just genetically superior humans in some form. That's why I didn't think anything of them speaking English.
Sure, maybe they'd call it something else, but it sounded and came across as English. I was wrong.
Allspeak in its most basic terms is the language of the soul or perhaps the heart. Things like that are fairly difficult to put into written words. I found that out when I opened up the first tome and found everything was written in a language I didn't have a prayer in comprehending without an Asgardian to English dictionary. Then the movie started playing in my head, complete with sound, smell, and in my face action.
I'm not embarrassed to say that I fell out of my chair the first time that happened. By the window, Loki, still wearing green and black, had himself a good chuckle at my expense before returning to his own much smaller book while I laughed internally about his lack of wardrobe choices.
This was the second day that I purposefully set myself up in the library after hearing that he often wound up there. I'd leave it up to fate to give me an opening I could expand upon if he ever chose to have another conversation with me. If I deliberately sought him out then I'd have to owe him. Judging by the average Asgardian around here, I chose not to go in that direction. There was no telling what kind of favor they'd call in.
I concentrated on one of a dozen or so books Brunnhilda set me up with. My current one was the tale of a race of beings known as Celestials and a bunch of gems that were called Infinity Stones. The things these stones could do would make Scion look like a toddler mining for interesting prizes deep inside his own nose.
My research mainly surrounded what these things could do and how to handle them if I came across any particular one. Basically, I don't. I don't physically touch it, but somehow manage to contain it and then call for Heimdall for the exit plan.
Simple.
I could have actually been told all of this by Brunnhilda, in a very short span of time. Instead, I was secluded in a room full of books that I was nervous about reading. Loki didn't make it any easier. He kept glancing my way with a look of quizzical interest. It definitely wasn't because of my wonderful fashion sense or my glamorous looks. Every female Asgardian I'd come across was unnaturally beautiful in various shapes and forms. Most of the males were that way as well.
It was a misogynistic nightmare realm to tell the truth. Mom would have probably been caught in a dozen fights alone on her first day here, let alone at any of the feasts. Musclebound blonde guys tended to have three or more women hanging off them and loved to toss around empty mead mugs while yelling, "Another!" Me? I just stayed in the background and tried not to piss anyone off until such time as I could make it outside the palace grounds.
Why would I want to do that?
Mainly because I wasn't overly familiar with these people at all: their strengths, weaknesses, how they fight, whether or not it was even worth my time to try if needed. Odin was one thing. The man was imposing in a way that would have made Alexandria second and third guess herself before taking him on. Not to mention every time I happen to catch a glimpse of him he was always carrying around that spear of his as if he was hoping to get a chance to use it, mainly on me.
I think Brunnhilda told him about the spiders.
So, why was I studying about these strange and powerful gems? Because, it was part of my mission which had finally been laid out for me. Odin had been having a troubling series of visions of the Earth, a war, a white eagle flying on a black background, and an iridescent blue beam of light. It really wasn't much to go on, but there were a few faces to go along with the bad news. I had several hand-drawn portraits of each of them from various angles.
A rhythmic clicking sounded in my lap and I glanced down to see the female spider looking up at me. A quick check to see that Loki was engrossed in his book and I guided what passed for a butterfly around these parts through an open window and to my lap. The spider lunged, biting the insect that was half its size, and began to devour it. There was no waiting involved, no webbing, no cocooning, and no desiccation. Two crunches later and the purple butterfly was gone.
Of course Loki took this moment to look up at me again and cock an ear. "Mortal biology has changed much since my most recent visit to Midgard, if your kind no longer consumes your meals through traditional methods."
What did he think… oh, eww.
"My… pet needs feeding. There's only two of them I have them working overtime making a costume for me."
Loki's general attitude of aloofness changed slightly as he slid down on his seat to take a look at what I was talking about. Then he started chuckling.
"This is what has father stalking the halls with Gungnir held tight in his grasp. I had hopes the Svartálfar hadn't been exterminated millennia ago, and were roaming the palace in search of the…." He stopped and threw a knowing smile at me. "Is that what has him bending his own laws?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I really didn't.
Even with Allspeak, sometimes a word doesn't get translated properly, likely because it's the proper name of something that the listener is unfamiliar with. Svartálfar was one of those words.
"The Conjunction; the event approaches in a few years. Has the Allfather misplaced the Aether?" Loki snapped his book closed and stood quickly. "That's it; isn't it? My fool of a grandfather hid it on Midgard?"
Before he could go on, I had my spider scurry up my chest and stand guard on my right shoulder, watching Loki's every move. That stopped the Prince in his steps. He watched my guardian curiously before directing his attention back to me.
"You have nothing to fear from one such as me, dear valkyrie. I confess my curiosity has risen to new heights with your appearance. Even a mortal, with your limited lifespan, must recognize the agonizing boredom that entails living on Asgard over the course of centuries."
Closing my own book, I slid my chair backward. "I wouldn't know about that. Mortals like me are too dumb to think deep thoughts."
"I've offended you," he concluded. "It was not my intent, simply a statement of fact. We exist for thousands of years."
Somehow I doubted that he didn't intend to offend me. "I'll live. Looking down on people from other realms seems to be a national pastime around here anyway."
Loki shrugged knowingly. "If you had personally traveled these realms then you would realize the futility of treating its inhabitants as intellectual equals. They are not. Most of them are savages. The Jotuns of Jotunheim exist in squalor willingly and would love nothing better than the head of Odin to decorate their king's throne. Muspelheim is a volcanic world which serves no useful purpose other than to spew forth mindless beasts that ravage the other realms when given leave. I could endlessly wax philosophical about the others…."
"Please don't," I replied. "Aren't there any worth the time to rule over benevolently?"
Holding his hands behind his back, Loki leisurely paced the ends of the stacks. "The Dwarves of Nidavellir are a useful race, if primitive. They are the ones who take great care in producing weapons of war for the Allfather. Your valkyrie sword, spear, and armor are most assuredly of their manufacture."
This gave me the opening I was looking for. "So they're the ones who etch the runes in the metal?"
Loki stopped and threw a look over his shoulder. "Aware of runes, are you?"
"I can see their usefulness. Brunnhilda said that was how we're able to move our weapons and armor to a pocket dimension when they're not in use."
"Indeed. A beneficial bit of magic; an unappreciated art."
"I agree. With a power like mine it would be very useful."
A grin slowly widened on his face. "Which leads us to this fortuitous meeting."
Damn. I was busted. "What?"
"Surely you did not think I wouldn't see through your attempts at subterfuge, dear valkyrie. Why else would you have been here, in a library that few visit, save for my mother and myself on this day?"
I looked down at the book in front of me. "In case you didn't notice, I was reading. I was here yesterday, and I was here today before you showed up. If anything it's you that are stalking me."
That seemed to amuse him. "I stand corrected. A prince of Asgard has his dastardly plans revealed. What reason shall we use for the guards when they drag me away, hmm?"
I rolled my eyes and leaned back. "Fine, Brunnhilda told me that you and your father were the only ones that know Runelore, and Odin would probably swat me away if I even came close enough to ask about it."
He stared at me for a good five seconds, just long enough for me to wonder if I should make a break for it or not. "The art is not for mortals. You do not possess the talent, the patience, or the artistry needed."
When I made a move to protest he simply held up a hand to forestall me. "One does not simply scratch out a few symbols and hope for the best. Each one has to be perfectly etched in specific size and form, with specific tools, in a specific way. The end could result in tragedy if performed incorrectly."
Oh, ye of little faith. "Try me. Do something incomplete. If I can't copy it exactly then you've lost nothing but a few minutes of your self-professed considerably boring life."
Loki cocked an eyebrow at me, probably for the challenge. I assume he doesn't get many, especially about so esoteric of a subject, and almost certainly not from a dull-minded mortal such as me.
"The stakes?"
Ah, he was playing this game. "What is it you want?"
He pulled out the chair across from me and flamboyantly seated himself with a snap of the garment he was wearing.
"If you do not produce an adequate rendering of the runescript I use as your template then you will remain on Midgard after whatever folly Odin has you involved in has ended."
I returned his challenging glare with one of my own. "Have the property values dropped since I landed in Valhalla or something?"
"Not at all," he said with cheer. "I have need of a minion on Midgard, and you will do nicely."
"A minion," I returned flatly.
"Someone that will do my bidding. Surely a mortal such as you is familiar with the concept. I contact you with a duty; you perform for me. In return I shall supply you with shelter and means for your survival."
"A minion." I thought it over for a few moments. "What's the catch? Are the special tools I need something only an Asgardian can use?"
Loki's lips twitched. "Nothing so infantile. It is simply a test of extreme skill. Your only tool would be this knife."
With a swipe of his hand he retrieved a very small dagger was dangling it off the tips of his fingers.
"Is there something special about that knife or…."
"It is my own creation, but there is nothing out of the ordinary. The size, shape and the markings alongside the blade are themselves crucial. Depths are just as important as any curve or straightedge; a single etching too shallow and the result will be entirely different than your intentions."
I nodded. "Fair enough. If I fail you get a minion on Earth. What do I get when I succeed?"
Loki measured me with his gaze once again. His smug smile faltered minutely in the process. "You are so sure of yourself."
"My prize, Loki. I want all of your notes or whatever on runes. What they do."
He barked out a laugh. "No. You ask too much."
"You want me to be a damn minion. How about you be my minion on Asgard."
His eyes narrowed. "Watch your tongue, mortal, lest it be cut out for your impertinence."
"Yeah, I'm bored," I said as I stood while tucking my book underneath my arm.
"What of our wager?"
With a pause I returned his glare. "The last guy who threatened me wound up blasted out of existence across a thousand realities. I'd rather not annoy Odin more than I have to when he goes looking for his son and finds a wet splatter of goo on the library floor.
He totally ignored the shot I took. "You speak from experience."
"I do."
"Hmm. You've witnessed many wars, have you?"
"I have."
"And yet you are so young, not even arrived at the prime of your life."
Was he trying to compare himself to me or something? I had no idea where he was going with this train of thought.
"I started fighting when I was fifteen, saw and fought my first eldritch abomination before I turned sixteen, and then fought one every three months or so ever since. That didn't include all the battles in-between with the regular horrors on my planet."
He smiled wide, looking on with a faked sort of delight for some reason. "Eldritch abominations? How exciting! And you did this with spiders?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know what? I think we're done here."
"No, from listening to tales of my brother's exploits I would say spiders would lack a certain… punch. He loves his hammer, you see; never goes anywhere without it, in case he feels the sudden desire to pound something out of existence. You did something else."
He just kept talking as if I wasn't in the process of walking out the door. I'd just have to live with not learning about Runelore. It simply wasn't worth the aggravation of dealing with his type.
"Did you care for the wounded? Perhaps ran errands for those more suited for direct confrontation? With…."
"Loki," I said as I stood at the archway leading out of the library. "Don't underestimate me."
His hands went behind his back as he stood with a curious smirk on his face. "Pray tell, young warrior, why not?"
"You – everyone around here – you're Asgardians. You're long-lived, but you're not immortal. You're powerful, you're knowledgeable, and every one of you that I have met is so full of themselves that it grates on a number of my nerves, but you aren't gods. That much I'm sure of. You think you are, and that's fine. There was a guy who invaded my planet. He probably thought he was a god, he had the power to destroy thousands of planets, absorb the energy of what was left, and then move on to his next conquest."
It seemed I had his attention. "Sounds like an interesting fellow. Where is he now?"
"I personally killed him on Tuesday. I did it with my power to control things, like this spider for instance. That was three or four days ago. I forget… being mortal and all."
Horse's ass.
~O~
The seventh time I had to pick up my sword I was beginning to think this was a lesson in futility. I didn't have the strength in my arms to wield the thing for more than a few minutes with someone pounding theirs atop mine. I think Brunnhilda realized this; at least I hoped she did.
"I have centuries more experience than you, Taylor, and I learned much the same way," she explained with a nice even voice.
"Frustration is a fine motivator."
I returned that bit of advice with a grim smile. "I'm not frustrated with that. They stopped using swords as a standard weapon on Earth a while back. They use these things called guns now that shoot these things called bullets, really fast. They make big holes in your enemies who usually fall down and die soon after."
She nodded in understanding. "You will not be on Earth forever."
"It looks like I'll be leaving after this thing," I said before raising my sword in the ready position. "Everyone I've met here, with the exception of you is a pain in my ass."
Brunnhilda let her weapon fall to her side and fell out of her attack stance. "They caused you physical pain?"
I shook my head and relaxed. "No. It's a figure of speech. Look, Odin is only putting up with me because he needs a mortal down on Earth. I just had my first real conversation with Loki before I came down here, and he's…."
She held up a hand. "I know how Loki behaves, and it is not only you that he treats in such a way."
"It's not just him. At the feasts, everyone looks at me like I'm a leper," I explained. "I've dealt with this type of thing before, so I'm not really excited about doing it again. I'd much rather go down to Earth and make my way around there, or maybe you could bring me back…."
I had to stop that verbal train of thought. I probably wouldn't be welcome back on Earth Bet, even if I wasn't Khepri-powered. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd be killed on sight, or at least they'd try.
"Nevermind. Let's just do this thing so I can leave."
Brunnhilda grimaced at my final word on the subject and her sword disappeared. "Very well. If that is your wish, then finish your research and you may leave for Midgard. I will alert the Allfather of your decision."
I nodded and vanished my sword. "He'll probably be relieved."
"If there is one thing I've learned above all others in my considerable lifetime, it is to never assume what Odin will think on any subject. Oft times you will be wrong a vast percentage of times more than you are right."
When Brunnhilda left I made my way down to the kitchens, or wherever they cook the evening feast in order to find something to eat. They didn't prepare food as much as they just roasted something and tossed it whole onto a giant platter. I just wanted to take something back to my room, make a game plan, and go to sleep. If all went well then I'd leave in a couple of days.
When I arrived, there wasn't anyone around, and there was something vaguely pig-like turning by itself on a spit. It was highly unappetizing, so I chose to go with some fruits and maybe a raw veggie or two. After grabbing a platter I loaded it up, found some cheese and a small loaf of bread, and then headed out.
Thankfully, there wasn't anyone around on the way back to the Valkyrior dorms. I say dorms, because they were arranged that way, not that they weren't any less opulent than the rest of the palace or its grounds. I had a comfortable bed, bath, and even a separate room where I studied during my down time.
Nothing was changed when I arrived. I think it was because the spiders were hard at work in my bedroom and pretty much everyone in the surrounding area knew it, so maid service was a no-go. At least that's what I thought before setting the platter on my worktable amongst a dozen or so books that Brunnhilda said were pertinent to my mission.
There was an extra, much smaller addition to the collection, set in front of the single chair.
I knew there wasn't anyone in my bedroom at the moment because, spiders.
Using a single finger I edged open the front cover and found a note written in English. The calligraphy was elegant. I appreciated the effort it took to complete since I'm sure not a lot of people around here know how to speak let alone write in other languages due to the Allspeak.
Dearest God-killer,
In the event that I am discourteous to you again, please refrain from informing the leader of the Valkyrior. I will in turn assure that you are suitably recompensed for whatever slight I have caused.
Loki
"Huh. I don't even want to know."
The book, more of a notebook really, didn't look like the sum total of his knowledge, but more of a primer on runelore, and when the contents started sinking into my brain I realized it was exactly that: Loki's first delving into the art, over five hundred years old.
"This just might do."