Half Moon
In the end, there is no end.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
I mean, she knows she's done a vast number of deeply abhorrent things, and so do they. She doesn't have to tell them about the celestial legalities of it all.
The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox
- Thread starter arianedartagnan
- Start date
She would definitely appreciate your logic!
Heh, and she doesn't plan to either. She's too proud to stoop to justifying herself.
Yep! Her name still strikes fear into normal people's hearts!
Winged One
Not the Simurgh
- Location
- definitely the ground
- Pronouns
- They/Them/It
What does legality have to do with anything? Surely the lack of Piri's boss next to her on the gallows (metaphorical) showed you how irrelevant the law and justice are to the workings of the heavens.
Also, this oath basically requires her to murder Piri, if she knows how easy it would be.
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What a good thing that Floridiana didn't think of that! This would be a much shorter arc if she had.
Yeah, Heavenly "justice" has a lot to do with how powerful your allies are, but not confessing to a crime does help.
Chapter 55: Not Quite the Sulkiest Meeting
Chapter 55: Not Quite the Sulkiest Meeting
After that, it was time to induct Floridiana and Boot into Mission: Improve Taila's Life. Since Stripey was still loitering on the roof, I invited him in, and he flapped through the window with choppy strokes. If he were angry that I hadn't told him my true identity earlier, he had no one to blame but himself. He was the one who'd said that he didn't need to know my whole life story, or even the details of my mission.
Unsurprisingly, Flicker declined to stay. He mumbled something about apologizing to the Superintendent and dissolved into golden motes, looking as if he were the one who'd violated an oath and were facing the ultimate punishment.
So the rest of us sat down on or around the table, with Mistress Jek to my right, Stripey to my left, and Boot and Floridiana across from me so I could monitor their body language. Mistress Jek kept cringing away from me and twisting her fingers in her lap.
Surveying them, I thought that I'd have to get the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond to attend too next time. His hungover state was all that I needed to complete the sullen atmosphere.
As the head of this taskforce, I opened the meeting. As you all know, our mission is to improve Jek Taila's life. There are three lines of attack.
My word choice made the others wince in a most satisfying manner.
First, we must protect her from anyone or anything that might cause her harm.
Here I narrowed my eyes at Boot and Floridiana, reminding them that part of "protecting" included keeping Taila's existence a secret from their master.
Boot tipped her head to a side. Floridiana looked less like she was coming up with ways to protect Taila and more like she was contriving ways to wriggle out of her oath. Good luck.
"My organization has already been engaged in protecting Taila." Stripey shook off his grumpiness long enough to claim credit for the duck demons' actions. "We have kept her secret, and we have investigated potential threats to her wellbeing." He gave Boot a pointed look.
She shot back a hate-filled glare.
As I recalled from my Prime Minister days, properly-calibrated competition between cabinet members served as excellent motivation. Yes, you have indeed, and the goddess and I appreciate your efforts, I praised Stripey. You have also contributed greatly to the second part of our mission, which is to improve Taila's living conditions. It is thanks to you that she and her family survived the winter.
(Well, early spring, more like, but winter sounded more poetic.)
"We'd all have starved to death if it weren't for you, Stripey," Mistress Jek put in, her gratitude overcoming her terror for a moment. "Thank you so, so much. We can never repay you for what you did."
The bandit preened.
Boot glared harder.
The final part of our mission is to guide Jek Taila to the best future possible. To that end, I have already tasked the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond with brainstorming ideas, but the more minds working together, the better.
I checked on Floridiana again. The mage still looked as if her mind were focused on her own plight instead of Taila's. This would never do.
Floridiana! I snapped.
She flinched.
Since I am certain that such is your zeal that you have been exploring ideas for fulfilling our mission instead of listening to me, pray share your thoughts with the rest of us.
The mage licked her lips, her eyes darting from me to Stripey to Mistress Jek to Boot. No aid was forthcoming.
"I, uh, I was thinking, um…."
She flailed helplessly. I let her.
"Um, that…we should…we should…." All of a sudden, her eyes lit up. "We should teach Taila to be a mage!"
Ah, just as I'd remembered. Putting mortal pressure on people forced them to produce results. I smiled to myself before nodding at her. Elaborate.
She licked her lips again, but her voice grew more confident. "You want to improve her living conditions, right? That means she has to get a solid, well-paying job. I think she'd make a great mage. She's smart, she learns fast, she works hard – and she has a very strong sense of self."
"That she certainly does," Stripey agreed in a very dry tone.
Mistress Jek beamed, proud of all of her daughter's personality quirks, praiseworthy or not.
You think a traveling mage is a solid and well-paying career? My voice overflowed with skepticism, but Floridiana was too intimidated to take offense.
"Of course it is, milady!" she assured me. "My folks were tenant farmers too. Our crops were always failing. That's why they sol– why I ran away from home to join a dance troupe. Best decision I ever made." She gave an emphatic nod, trying to convince both us and herself.
Oh? I couldn't resist needling her. Not your decision to become a mage? If that is the case, perhaps we should apprentice Taila to the Green Frog.
Floridiana's face fell, and I could tell that she was reliving when her parents sold their surplus child to a dance troupe. That must have been what she'd run away from, not her home. That would teach her to lie to me.
Mistress Jek mumbled at her lap, "I think Taila becoming a mage would be a fine thing…," and Floridiana cast her a grateful glance.
Aww, look at me pushing people to make friends and play nicely with each other.
Tapping my foot on the table to get everyone's attention, I turned to Boot. And what are your thoughts on the matter?
The cat gave a slow blink. "I think it would most odd if a traveling mage suddenly took up residence on this farm. Unless you were planning to take a, what, four-year-old apprentice on your travels, Floridiana?"
The mage's face filled with horror, rivaled only by the mother's.
Boot shrugged her whiskers. "You could always pass her off as your child, I suppose. It would probably work. Humans all look pretty similar."
Now Floridiana and Mistress Jek wore twin expressions of indignation.
I hid snort. Yep, I'd definitely facilitated a friendship between those two. And since humans were social creatures, making friends was good for them. Maybe I'd even get some karma for it.
"What?" protested the cat. "It's true. Your hair only comes in one color: black. Your eyes only come in one color: dark brown. Your skin comes in two colors: tanned or not tanned. That's hardly any variation."
"And you call yourself a sp– " Floridiana began before Boot's hiss silenced her.
Speaking of that, it should go without saying that your oath requires you to tell us to whom you've been reporting on the Jeks, I announced.
Then I sat back and waited to see how they'd try to dodge this one. They didn't make me wait long.
"Our oath only requires us to protect Taila," Boot objected. "Not to tell you our whole life stories."
Of course not. What makes you think that your whole life story is relevant or interesting? The part I need to know is the part that pertains to Taila's safety. Namely, the identity of your master.
"Yes. Who sent you to spy on my daughter? What do they want with her?" Any friendliness in Mistress Jek had vaporized at the reminder that Floridiana and Boot had forced their way into her house to spy on her family. She was still sitting closer to the mage than to me, though.
Head averted from me, Stripey added, "And what have you told them already?"
This is all highly relevant to Taila's safety, I finished, pretending that the three of us didn't even need to trade glances to coordinate our lines.
"I knew nothing about spying on your family," Floridiana declared. "I came here because of rumors that there's bad blood between Baron Claymouth and the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond. I planned to charge a fee for mediating the dispute. Like last time."
I believed her.
All eyes, even the mage's, turned to Boot.
The cat lifted a paw and washed her face. At last she said, "Our master's identity is unimportant here. Withholding it does not violate my oath."
Instinctively, the rest of us held our breaths and looked upward, waiting to see if Heaven would smite her.
Nothing happened.
The cat's back untensed, just a little. "I came here to investigate whether the Jek family was possessed by demons and posed a threat to the greater good. As my investigation is still ongoing, I have not reported anything yet."
You will not report anything. My decree was swift. Not until I grant you permission. Nor will Master Gravitas.
Floridiana's eyes widened at the name. Obviously she hadn't known that the town carpenter was also a spy.
"As you wish," Boot said in such an agreeable tone that it would have raised my hackles if I'd had any. "Although I should warn you that if neither of us reports anything, our master will only grow more suspicious and send more agents."
Do not cat-splain at me, I rebuked her. I have every intention of using you to feed your master carefully selected information.
For a split second, Boot looked chastened.
Stripey eyeballed me, his disapproving air reminding me of the time he chewed me out for being mean to Bobo.
Oh. Oops. I hadn't invited her to this conference. Was that what was ruffling his feathers?
Well, next time. She could come and radiate naivete and good cheer and boost everyone's spirits. This wasn't quite the sulkiest meeting I'd chaired – but it was up there.
Around that time, the wind started carrying high-pitched children's voices through the window, heralding the rest of the Jeks' return. It seemed like as good a time as any for me to end the meeting.
Good. We will meet again tomorrow evening, I pronounced. Before then, I want everyone to come up with at least one idea for how to fulfill each of our goals. This meeting is hereby adjourned.
I rapped the table with my foot twice.
Mistress Jek flew out the door, sprinting for her children. Through the window came yelps of "Ow! Not so hard!" and "Ma! Stop hugging me!" and "I wanna hug too! I wanna hug too!"
So much for all the etiquette I'd drilled into Taila. The girl both learned fast and forgot fast. At least if Floridiana took over her education, it would be her problem, not mine.
The mage was glaring at Boot. "We need to talk." She stalked out of the cottage and, somewhat to my surprise, the cat followed.
Which left Stripey and me alone on the table. The duck was still radiating disapproval at me.
What is it? I challenged. I'll invite Bobo to the meeting tomorrow. There wasn't time to get her today, okay?
He shook his head. "It's not that. It's not that."
What is it, then?
Both of his wings rose in a frustrated half-flap. "The problem is that you don't even know what the problem is! How long have we known each other? How many times have Bobo and I helped you out? And now it turns out that you kept the secret of all secrets from us. Don't you trust us by now? Are we friends or not?"
I reared back in shock. Friends? He thought we were friends?
"See?" He beat his wings, lifting a foot off the table. "See? You don't even consider us friends! That's the problem!"
Of course I consider you friends, I soothed. I trust you. I rely on you. I couldn't have done any of this without you.
Come to think of it, every word of the latter three sentences was true. If not for Stripey, I couldn't have transported food from Black Sand Creek to Honeysuckle Croft, or uncovered Boot's secret plot. And if not for Bobo, Stripey would never have gotten involved.
"Of course you couldn't have done any of this on your own," retorted the duck demon. "You're a turtle. Not even a turtle spirit. Just a helpless, ordinary turtle. Your mind might be devious and demonic and thousands of years old, but that's all it is! It's just a mind, trapped in a turtle's body. You're like – like – a murderer in a cell waiting for execution, and a kind passerby slips you a hot bun and a cup of tea for your final meal. Except that even a common murderer would know gratitude!" (Except I wasn't a common murderer.) "You couldn't have accomplished anything without us, but it never even occurs to you to feel grateful! You take it all as your due, as if you think that Heaven and Earth owe you."
Well…they did.
But unfortunately, I could see why Stripey was upset. And even more unfortunately, I couldn't afford to lose his help.
I'm sorry, I apologized, with enough feeling that he flapped backwards in shock. I haven't had a friend in a long time. How should I have acted? What should I have told you? And when?
These were genuine, important questions to which I needed to know the answers. For next time.
The duck demon settled back onto the table and flipped his wings onto his back. "For starters, you could have told us that you're Piri. As for when you should have told us – how about on New Year's Eve?"
But you told me that you didn't want to know.
"And if you were really a friend, you would have known that this is so big I would have wanted to know!"
I can't read minds.
"No," he said sarcastically, "you're just a thousand-and-whatever-year-old demon who knows every possible way to warp people to your will. I'm sure that you couldn't possibly have guessed. Even if you can't empathize, try sympathizing for a change, instead of just looking for ways to use everyone around you!"
I sighed. If faking long-term sympathy were what it took, well, it wouldn't be my first time…. I'll try.
He eyed me. "Really?"
I promise. Want to go see Bobo with me? We should update her on all this.
"You're just too lazy to walk there on your own," he grumbled, but he did lower his legs so I could climb onto his back.
And just like that, our fight was over.
Hmm. That hadn't been so bad after all.
A/N: Thanks to my awesome Patreon backers, Arif, BananaBobert, Blacklark57, Celia, Charlotte, Elayda, Hookshyu, James, Lindsey, Michael, TheLunaticCo, and Anonymous!
After that, it was time to induct Floridiana and Boot into Mission: Improve Taila's Life. Since Stripey was still loitering on the roof, I invited him in, and he flapped through the window with choppy strokes. If he were angry that I hadn't told him my true identity earlier, he had no one to blame but himself. He was the one who'd said that he didn't need to know my whole life story, or even the details of my mission.
Unsurprisingly, Flicker declined to stay. He mumbled something about apologizing to the Superintendent and dissolved into golden motes, looking as if he were the one who'd violated an oath and were facing the ultimate punishment.
So the rest of us sat down on or around the table, with Mistress Jek to my right, Stripey to my left, and Boot and Floridiana across from me so I could monitor their body language. Mistress Jek kept cringing away from me and twisting her fingers in her lap.
Surveying them, I thought that I'd have to get the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond to attend too next time. His hungover state was all that I needed to complete the sullen atmosphere.
As the head of this taskforce, I opened the meeting. As you all know, our mission is to improve Jek Taila's life. There are three lines of attack.
My word choice made the others wince in a most satisfying manner.
First, we must protect her from anyone or anything that might cause her harm.
Here I narrowed my eyes at Boot and Floridiana, reminding them that part of "protecting" included keeping Taila's existence a secret from their master.
Boot tipped her head to a side. Floridiana looked less like she was coming up with ways to protect Taila and more like she was contriving ways to wriggle out of her oath. Good luck.
"My organization has already been engaged in protecting Taila." Stripey shook off his grumpiness long enough to claim credit for the duck demons' actions. "We have kept her secret, and we have investigated potential threats to her wellbeing." He gave Boot a pointed look.
She shot back a hate-filled glare.
As I recalled from my Prime Minister days, properly-calibrated competition between cabinet members served as excellent motivation. Yes, you have indeed, and the goddess and I appreciate your efforts, I praised Stripey. You have also contributed greatly to the second part of our mission, which is to improve Taila's living conditions. It is thanks to you that she and her family survived the winter.
(Well, early spring, more like, but winter sounded more poetic.)
"We'd all have starved to death if it weren't for you, Stripey," Mistress Jek put in, her gratitude overcoming her terror for a moment. "Thank you so, so much. We can never repay you for what you did."
The bandit preened.
Boot glared harder.
The final part of our mission is to guide Jek Taila to the best future possible. To that end, I have already tasked the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond with brainstorming ideas, but the more minds working together, the better.
I checked on Floridiana again. The mage still looked as if her mind were focused on her own plight instead of Taila's. This would never do.
Floridiana! I snapped.
She flinched.
Since I am certain that such is your zeal that you have been exploring ideas for fulfilling our mission instead of listening to me, pray share your thoughts with the rest of us.
The mage licked her lips, her eyes darting from me to Stripey to Mistress Jek to Boot. No aid was forthcoming.
"I, uh, I was thinking, um…."
She flailed helplessly. I let her.
"Um, that…we should…we should…." All of a sudden, her eyes lit up. "We should teach Taila to be a mage!"
Ah, just as I'd remembered. Putting mortal pressure on people forced them to produce results. I smiled to myself before nodding at her. Elaborate.
She licked her lips again, but her voice grew more confident. "You want to improve her living conditions, right? That means she has to get a solid, well-paying job. I think she'd make a great mage. She's smart, she learns fast, she works hard – and she has a very strong sense of self."
"That she certainly does," Stripey agreed in a very dry tone.
Mistress Jek beamed, proud of all of her daughter's personality quirks, praiseworthy or not.
You think a traveling mage is a solid and well-paying career? My voice overflowed with skepticism, but Floridiana was too intimidated to take offense.
"Of course it is, milady!" she assured me. "My folks were tenant farmers too. Our crops were always failing. That's why they sol– why I ran away from home to join a dance troupe. Best decision I ever made." She gave an emphatic nod, trying to convince both us and herself.
Oh? I couldn't resist needling her. Not your decision to become a mage? If that is the case, perhaps we should apprentice Taila to the Green Frog.
Floridiana's face fell, and I could tell that she was reliving when her parents sold their surplus child to a dance troupe. That must have been what she'd run away from, not her home. That would teach her to lie to me.
Mistress Jek mumbled at her lap, "I think Taila becoming a mage would be a fine thing…," and Floridiana cast her a grateful glance.
Aww, look at me pushing people to make friends and play nicely with each other.
Tapping my foot on the table to get everyone's attention, I turned to Boot. And what are your thoughts on the matter?
The cat gave a slow blink. "I think it would most odd if a traveling mage suddenly took up residence on this farm. Unless you were planning to take a, what, four-year-old apprentice on your travels, Floridiana?"
The mage's face filled with horror, rivaled only by the mother's.
Boot shrugged her whiskers. "You could always pass her off as your child, I suppose. It would probably work. Humans all look pretty similar."
Now Floridiana and Mistress Jek wore twin expressions of indignation.
I hid snort. Yep, I'd definitely facilitated a friendship between those two. And since humans were social creatures, making friends was good for them. Maybe I'd even get some karma for it.
"What?" protested the cat. "It's true. Your hair only comes in one color: black. Your eyes only come in one color: dark brown. Your skin comes in two colors: tanned or not tanned. That's hardly any variation."
"And you call yourself a sp– " Floridiana began before Boot's hiss silenced her.
Speaking of that, it should go without saying that your oath requires you to tell us to whom you've been reporting on the Jeks, I announced.
Then I sat back and waited to see how they'd try to dodge this one. They didn't make me wait long.
"Our oath only requires us to protect Taila," Boot objected. "Not to tell you our whole life stories."
Of course not. What makes you think that your whole life story is relevant or interesting? The part I need to know is the part that pertains to Taila's safety. Namely, the identity of your master.
"Yes. Who sent you to spy on my daughter? What do they want with her?" Any friendliness in Mistress Jek had vaporized at the reminder that Floridiana and Boot had forced their way into her house to spy on her family. She was still sitting closer to the mage than to me, though.
Head averted from me, Stripey added, "And what have you told them already?"
This is all highly relevant to Taila's safety, I finished, pretending that the three of us didn't even need to trade glances to coordinate our lines.
"I knew nothing about spying on your family," Floridiana declared. "I came here because of rumors that there's bad blood between Baron Claymouth and the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond. I planned to charge a fee for mediating the dispute. Like last time."
I believed her.
All eyes, even the mage's, turned to Boot.
The cat lifted a paw and washed her face. At last she said, "Our master's identity is unimportant here. Withholding it does not violate my oath."
Instinctively, the rest of us held our breaths and looked upward, waiting to see if Heaven would smite her.
Nothing happened.
The cat's back untensed, just a little. "I came here to investigate whether the Jek family was possessed by demons and posed a threat to the greater good. As my investigation is still ongoing, I have not reported anything yet."
You will not report anything. My decree was swift. Not until I grant you permission. Nor will Master Gravitas.
Floridiana's eyes widened at the name. Obviously she hadn't known that the town carpenter was also a spy.
"As you wish," Boot said in such an agreeable tone that it would have raised my hackles if I'd had any. "Although I should warn you that if neither of us reports anything, our master will only grow more suspicious and send more agents."
Do not cat-splain at me, I rebuked her. I have every intention of using you to feed your master carefully selected information.
For a split second, Boot looked chastened.
Stripey eyeballed me, his disapproving air reminding me of the time he chewed me out for being mean to Bobo.
Oh. Oops. I hadn't invited her to this conference. Was that what was ruffling his feathers?
Well, next time. She could come and radiate naivete and good cheer and boost everyone's spirits. This wasn't quite the sulkiest meeting I'd chaired – but it was up there.
Around that time, the wind started carrying high-pitched children's voices through the window, heralding the rest of the Jeks' return. It seemed like as good a time as any for me to end the meeting.
Good. We will meet again tomorrow evening, I pronounced. Before then, I want everyone to come up with at least one idea for how to fulfill each of our goals. This meeting is hereby adjourned.
I rapped the table with my foot twice.
Mistress Jek flew out the door, sprinting for her children. Through the window came yelps of "Ow! Not so hard!" and "Ma! Stop hugging me!" and "I wanna hug too! I wanna hug too!"
So much for all the etiquette I'd drilled into Taila. The girl both learned fast and forgot fast. At least if Floridiana took over her education, it would be her problem, not mine.
The mage was glaring at Boot. "We need to talk." She stalked out of the cottage and, somewhat to my surprise, the cat followed.
Which left Stripey and me alone on the table. The duck was still radiating disapproval at me.
What is it? I challenged. I'll invite Bobo to the meeting tomorrow. There wasn't time to get her today, okay?
He shook his head. "It's not that. It's not that."
What is it, then?
Both of his wings rose in a frustrated half-flap. "The problem is that you don't even know what the problem is! How long have we known each other? How many times have Bobo and I helped you out? And now it turns out that you kept the secret of all secrets from us. Don't you trust us by now? Are we friends or not?"
I reared back in shock. Friends? He thought we were friends?
"See?" He beat his wings, lifting a foot off the table. "See? You don't even consider us friends! That's the problem!"
Of course I consider you friends, I soothed. I trust you. I rely on you. I couldn't have done any of this without you.
Come to think of it, every word of the latter three sentences was true. If not for Stripey, I couldn't have transported food from Black Sand Creek to Honeysuckle Croft, or uncovered Boot's secret plot. And if not for Bobo, Stripey would never have gotten involved.
"Of course you couldn't have done any of this on your own," retorted the duck demon. "You're a turtle. Not even a turtle spirit. Just a helpless, ordinary turtle. Your mind might be devious and demonic and thousands of years old, but that's all it is! It's just a mind, trapped in a turtle's body. You're like – like – a murderer in a cell waiting for execution, and a kind passerby slips you a hot bun and a cup of tea for your final meal. Except that even a common murderer would know gratitude!" (Except I wasn't a common murderer.) "You couldn't have accomplished anything without us, but it never even occurs to you to feel grateful! You take it all as your due, as if you think that Heaven and Earth owe you."
Well…they did.
But unfortunately, I could see why Stripey was upset. And even more unfortunately, I couldn't afford to lose his help.
I'm sorry, I apologized, with enough feeling that he flapped backwards in shock. I haven't had a friend in a long time. How should I have acted? What should I have told you? And when?
These were genuine, important questions to which I needed to know the answers. For next time.
The duck demon settled back onto the table and flipped his wings onto his back. "For starters, you could have told us that you're Piri. As for when you should have told us – how about on New Year's Eve?"
But you told me that you didn't want to know.
"And if you were really a friend, you would have known that this is so big I would have wanted to know!"
I can't read minds.
"No," he said sarcastically, "you're just a thousand-and-whatever-year-old demon who knows every possible way to warp people to your will. I'm sure that you couldn't possibly have guessed. Even if you can't empathize, try sympathizing for a change, instead of just looking for ways to use everyone around you!"
I sighed. If faking long-term sympathy were what it took, well, it wouldn't be my first time…. I'll try.
He eyed me. "Really?"
I promise. Want to go see Bobo with me? We should update her on all this.
"You're just too lazy to walk there on your own," he grumbled, but he did lower his legs so I could climb onto his back.
And just like that, our fight was over.
Hmm. That hadn't been so bad after all.
A/N: Thanks to my awesome Patreon backers, Arif, BananaBobert, Blacklark57, Celia, Charlotte, Elayda, Hookshyu, James, Lindsey, Michael, TheLunaticCo, and Anonymous!
- Location
- PA
Hrrm.
My read of this is that yeah, Piri could have told them.
But as far as handling friends go…
Well.
Frankly, as a nine-tails Piri doesn't strike me as that inclined to learn empathy and compassion, simply because playing others for her own ends simply pays better, and I think? Foxes tend to be solitary creatures.
Actually being Cassius' concubine? Oh that certainly would not help!
Add onto that Heaven's attempt at saving face by throwing her under the bus?
It's not going to be easy unlearning the thousands of years of deceit.
And no, the earthworm lives don't do crap those lives were too simple and short for Piri to really THINK and learn her lesson. All those did, is prove souls do gradually gain karma enough to climb the scale over time, and take Piri off the board while the Serican Empire collapses.
My read of this is that yeah, Piri could have told them.
But as far as handling friends go…
Well.
Frankly, as a nine-tails Piri doesn't strike me as that inclined to learn empathy and compassion, simply because playing others for her own ends simply pays better, and I think? Foxes tend to be solitary creatures.
Actually being Cassius' concubine? Oh that certainly would not help!
Add onto that Heaven's attempt at saving face by throwing her under the bus?
It's not going to be easy unlearning the thousands of years of deceit.
And no, the earthworm lives don't do crap those lives were too simple and short for Piri to really THINK and learn her lesson. All those did, is prove souls do gradually gain karma enough to climb the scale over time, and take Piri off the board while the Serican Empire collapses.
Winged One
Not the Simurgh
- Location
- definitely the ground
- Pronouns
- They/Them/It
It's about the right soul tier, anyway. I think.Yeah, to make Piri better they should have reincarnated her as an ant
Yeah, to make Piri better they should have reincarnated her as an ant
She'd have learned one lesson from that, it's better to be the queen.
Winged One
Not the Simurgh
- Location
- definitely the ground
- Pronouns
- They/Them/It
Apparently the bug royalty thing is a misnomer and they're just the designated breeders.
Yeah, Piri never really learned how to have friends or be a friend in any of her past lives, so it's really good for her that Stripey calls her out on things. Even if she gets annoyed and defensive when it happens.
Nope, the earthworm lives didn't do a a thing to teach her empathy or compassion.
Yeah, the Bureau of Reincarnation is a mess. It has an absentee Director, the previous Assistant Director was busy agitating for her own Bureau, and now the bureaucracy is taking forever to appoint a new Assistant Director. In the meantime, Glitter runs the day-to-day affairs and assigns souls to animals depending on her mood.
Yeah, to make Piri better they should have reincarnated her as an ant
Haha, that would certainly have worked. And after reading Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky, it takes on a whole set of ramifications!
Yep, insects are all in White Tier. Heaven could have reincarnated her as an ant, but a worm just seemed so much more insulting....
Oh yes, Piri would definitely want to be the queen! Possibly not the best lesson for her to learn....
Winged One
Not the Simurgh
- Location
- definitely the ground
- Pronouns
- They/Them/It
Joke's on them, enriching the soil was steady karma and got her out of white tier sooner than most bugs would.
Yeah, earning karma from soil enrichment wasn't really something Glitter anticipated. But she earns her salary regardless, so it's not really her problem....
Haha, yes. Sooooo much burrowing.
Chapter 56: The Honeysuckle Croft Primary School
Chapter 56: The Honeysuckle Croft Primary School
As it probably would not surprise you, the bamboo viper took the revelation of my true identity the best out of anyone. After Stripey and I barged into her bamboo stand, we summarized what we'd learned about Floridiana and Boot up to the point where Mistress Jek called on the goddess. Then I lowered my voice into a conspiratorial super-spy whisper, and Bobo leaned in close with her eyes shining.
I need to tell you a secret, I murmured, just loud enough for her to hear me over the rustle of bamboo leaves in the wind. My true name isn't Rosette or Rosie or Mr. Turtle. It's Piri.
To my dismay, her reaction wasn't fear or awe or even shock.
"Piri," she mused, turning the name over on her tongue. "Piri, Piri, Piri…I've heard that sssomewhere…."
Well, I would certainly hope she had.
"Where did I hear it…oh! Oh oh! From the 'The Emperor and the Fox Demon'! The fox demon in 'The Emperor and the Fox Demon' is called Piri!"
A children's tale wouldn't be the best record of my deeds, but it was better than nothing, I supposed.
Yes, I said, and waited.
She blinked a few times. "But that's just a ssstory to ssscare little kids. I don't know how much is true – wait, that's really you? You're that Piri?"
Yes, I said again, modestly. Again, I waited.
"That's ssso cool! I'm friends with a legend!"
Stripey made a strangled duck sound. "A legendary villain."
Bobo froze as she reviewed the tale's depiction of me. I didn't know the specific version of events in "The Emperor and the Fox Demon," but I'd be willing to bet that it painted me as the greatest villainess in Serican history.
Bobo cocked her head from side to side, studying me. Did she see pride in the way I lifted my chin? Inevitability in the way I planted my feet? A glint of demonic intent in my eyes?
The bamboo viper flicked the tip of her tail. "Okay! Ssso then what happened? Did the goddess come down to Earth herssself?"
Lady Fate? Well, yes, of course she'd come down to Earth herself to speak to me. That should have been in the tale – oh. Bobo meant Aurelia. She was more interested in the events of today.
It was not the reaction that either Stripey or I had expected, although, in retrospect, we probably should have.
Stripey did try. "Uh, Bobo, she just confessed that she's a coldblooded serial killer. She's the real Piri."
Bobo studied me from head to tail again. For a moment, I thought she was going to recoil and slither away hissing, and for some reason it made me feel a little – I didn't know – wistful, maybe? Regretful? No, no, that wasn't it….
Before I could pin down the feeling, Bobo shook her head. "Nah. That was a long time ago. Like, hundreds of years ago. Ssshe's Rosssie now."
Stripey heaved a long, long sigh.
As for me, I felt another fleeting…something that skittered out of reach. I couldn't put a name to it, but it was akin to the sensation I got when I first awakened, when I stared at a mountain that soared into the clouds, or a cataract that crashed down from the peaks, or an autumn river set ablaze by scarlet leaves….
It might have been…humility?
I shook it off.
Whatever it was, it wasn't going to help me carry out my mission, which meant that its name was unimportant.
I answered Bobo's question. No, the goddess didn't come down to Earth herself, although she did send her messenger….
It took a Heavenly bureau's worth of bickering more, but eventually my Earthly taskforce agreed (for some definition of agreed) on a plan and lurched into action. Since Floridiana believed that Taila showed promise as a future mage, and Master and Mistress Jek consented, the mage drew up a course of studies for the girl. The academic subjects consisted of reading, writing, math, and natural philosophy and were, in fact, essentially what I'd been teaching already. The formal dance and etiquette lessons, on the other hand, she shelved for later.
"Kids this young don't need to memorize stuff like how to bow to a baron versus a duchess," Floridiana insisted to Mistress Jek, who agreed.
Just as I'd predicted, the two had bonded over their terror of me. They allied themselves against me, lending each other courage to oppose my wishes during taskforce meetings. It was aggravating, although not as aggravating as it could have been.
Although I personally believed that children needed to learn etiquette young so it turned into instinct, I'd entrusted Taila's education to the mage, and so I let her decide the curriculum. (It was that – or keep teaching the Dawn Dance myself. No thank you.)
With Floridiana responsible for Part Three of the mission, guiding Taila to the best future possible, I turned my attention to Part One: protecting the girl from anyone or anything that might harm her. Based on painful experience, the biggest threat came from the Jeks' jealous neighbors.
So my first move was to devise a cover story for Floridiana's stay. However much the mage sputtered and protested to the Jeks that she was a traveling mage – emphasis on the traveling, please! – and could not be tied down to any one spot, it was obvious that she'd be living here for a while. At least until she got our again-unofficial, again-unsanctioned Honeysuckle Croft Primary School off the ground. The neighbors were going to have questions.
The neighbors always had questions.
However, where other members of the taskforce (namely, Stripey, Bobo, the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond, and all of the Jeks who were old enough to understand barony politics) saw another hefty rent hike in the making, I saw opportunity. Here was our chance to kill not one, not two, not three, but four chickens with one bite! We would explain Floridiana's presence, appease the neighbors, raise the general standard of living in the area, and rake in positive karma all at the same time.
If anyone asks, I instructed the others, Floridiana is a mage of boundless compassion. Feeling a deep connection to the residents of Claymouth after she answered their pleas for rain last time, she returned to check on how they're doing. Nothing so trivial as a rumor of demonic possession can intimidate so mighty a mage, so she included the Jeks in her round of visits.
Caught up in the tale I was weaving, Floridiana forgot her fear of me long enough to suggest, "Or maybe she – I mean, I – decided to investigate the rumor so I could set everyone's minds at ease."
Yes, that also works. Whichever you prefer, I generously allowed. Regardless, as she conversed with the Jeks, she suddenly discovered that they are distant kin!
In fact, what Floridiana suddenly re-discovered at this point was that she was conversing with me. She dropped her eyes and fell silent again.
Naturally, she wished to get to know her family better, so she accepted their invitation to stay with them. And since she sees promise in the children, she is teaching them some basic reading, writing, etc. skills while she's here.
Everyone agreed, and the story worked.
The neighbors had great faith in the mage who had saved them (so they thought) from drought and famine, and as the Jeks' speech and movements drifted back towards country manners, a new rumor started that Floridiana had defeated the fox demons that had stolen the Jeks' bodies. Grateful for a way out, the family played along, and of course Floridiana was happy to claim credit where no credit was due. The Jeks' "friends" returned, and their social life eased back to normal. The Baron and Seneschal Anasius hesitated to offend Floridiana, and for the time being held off on demanding that she pay for a proper teaching license.
That was two chickens killed.
As for the third, raising the general standard of living, I wanted to turn Honeysuckle Croft into a model cottage. I thought that once they saw its comfortable, hygienic layout, more farmers would adopt the idea of beds, coops, and pigsties. Alas, those changes were slow in coming. As I discovered, smoke from the hearth rose up towards the rafters, meaning that the air was cleanest down by the floor, meaning that most people preferred to sleep there on rushes. As for the chicken coops and pigsties, they felt no particular urgency to move their livestock outdoors when their ancestors hadn't.
Most of the time, I approved of adherence to tradition. Most of the time.
Anyway, what the neighbors did show an interest in was Floridiana's lessons. One by one, they approached her to ask if their own children could audit her classes. The mage demurred, claiming that she was just teaching some random skills, that she wasn't qualified as a teacher, that Baron Claymouth hadn't granted her permission to open a school, and so on and so forth. The neighbors were impressed by her modesty. I was impressed by her devotion to her itinerant lifestyle.
But opening a school in the Claymouth Barony would be a great idea! Raising the education level of all the children all at once? Could you imagine the positive karma?
I'd learned my lesson, though. This time, I'd make sure we had official approval. Not that I planned to go through official channels to obtain said approval.
Stripey, can you arrange for a meeting between Floridiana and Seneschal Anasius? I asked at our next taskforce meeting.
As usual, we were seated around the table in Honeysuckle Croft after dinner. We'd experimented with different locations, but in the end the cottage had been the best place, since half of the taskforce members lived there already and two more spent significant time there. The Dragon King of Caltrop Pond was less enthusiastic, but faced with a choice between skipping the meetings to stay in his pond and entertain Taila, or attending the meetings and enduring the shabby, smelly cottage, he opted for the latter every time. His rice paddy snake courtiers babysat the Jek children while the adults talked.
The poor, poor things.
"Why do I need to meet with the Seneschal – " Floridiana broke off as she realized what was happening. "Oh, no. No no no. I told you already, I have no interest in opening a school here! None!"
That was because she didn't know what was good for her. An itinerant lifestyle was no life for a human, especially as she grew older. Setting up shop and school here would grant her both a stable income and a circle of friends to turn to when she needed help.
It's not permanent, I soothed. But we already got in trouble with the Baron last time when I was teaching lessons in secret. We don't want a repeat.
"I'm not opening a school!"
No one said anything about opening a school. We just need you to apply for a permit to teach classes to children.
Given that she had only committed to teaching one child, two on occasion when Nailus joined in, the plural made her suspicious. But in the end, she agreed that another thirty-three-percent rent hike would be disastrous.
For an appropriate fee (which was much less than a third of the Jeks' rent), the Baron approved and granted Floridiana a permit.
But since the permit for teaching two children turned out to be the same price as the permit for teaching two dozen, Floridiana added the neighbors' offspring to her class. Grudgingly. For a fee, of course. And so the Honeysuckle Croft Primary School became reality.
As the number of students increased, so did Floridiana's income, until she stopped fussing so often about getting back on the road.
I didn't say I told you so, but sometimes I caught her glaring at me as if I had.
A/N: Thanks to my awesome Patreon backers, Arif, BananaBobert, Blacklark57, Celia, Charlotte, Elayda, Hookshyu, James, Lindsey, Michael, TheLunaticCo, and Anonymous!
As it probably would not surprise you, the bamboo viper took the revelation of my true identity the best out of anyone. After Stripey and I barged into her bamboo stand, we summarized what we'd learned about Floridiana and Boot up to the point where Mistress Jek called on the goddess. Then I lowered my voice into a conspiratorial super-spy whisper, and Bobo leaned in close with her eyes shining.
I need to tell you a secret, I murmured, just loud enough for her to hear me over the rustle of bamboo leaves in the wind. My true name isn't Rosette or Rosie or Mr. Turtle. It's Piri.
To my dismay, her reaction wasn't fear or awe or even shock.
"Piri," she mused, turning the name over on her tongue. "Piri, Piri, Piri…I've heard that sssomewhere…."
Well, I would certainly hope she had.
"Where did I hear it…oh! Oh oh! From the 'The Emperor and the Fox Demon'! The fox demon in 'The Emperor and the Fox Demon' is called Piri!"
A children's tale wouldn't be the best record of my deeds, but it was better than nothing, I supposed.
Yes, I said, and waited.
She blinked a few times. "But that's just a ssstory to ssscare little kids. I don't know how much is true – wait, that's really you? You're that Piri?"
Yes, I said again, modestly. Again, I waited.
"That's ssso cool! I'm friends with a legend!"
Stripey made a strangled duck sound. "A legendary villain."
Bobo froze as she reviewed the tale's depiction of me. I didn't know the specific version of events in "The Emperor and the Fox Demon," but I'd be willing to bet that it painted me as the greatest villainess in Serican history.
Bobo cocked her head from side to side, studying me. Did she see pride in the way I lifted my chin? Inevitability in the way I planted my feet? A glint of demonic intent in my eyes?
The bamboo viper flicked the tip of her tail. "Okay! Ssso then what happened? Did the goddess come down to Earth herssself?"
Lady Fate? Well, yes, of course she'd come down to Earth herself to speak to me. That should have been in the tale – oh. Bobo meant Aurelia. She was more interested in the events of today.
It was not the reaction that either Stripey or I had expected, although, in retrospect, we probably should have.
Stripey did try. "Uh, Bobo, she just confessed that she's a coldblooded serial killer. She's the real Piri."
Bobo studied me from head to tail again. For a moment, I thought she was going to recoil and slither away hissing, and for some reason it made me feel a little – I didn't know – wistful, maybe? Regretful? No, no, that wasn't it….
Before I could pin down the feeling, Bobo shook her head. "Nah. That was a long time ago. Like, hundreds of years ago. Ssshe's Rosssie now."
Stripey heaved a long, long sigh.
As for me, I felt another fleeting…something that skittered out of reach. I couldn't put a name to it, but it was akin to the sensation I got when I first awakened, when I stared at a mountain that soared into the clouds, or a cataract that crashed down from the peaks, or an autumn river set ablaze by scarlet leaves….
It might have been…humility?
I shook it off.
Whatever it was, it wasn't going to help me carry out my mission, which meant that its name was unimportant.
I answered Bobo's question. No, the goddess didn't come down to Earth herself, although she did send her messenger….
It took a Heavenly bureau's worth of bickering more, but eventually my Earthly taskforce agreed (for some definition of agreed) on a plan and lurched into action. Since Floridiana believed that Taila showed promise as a future mage, and Master and Mistress Jek consented, the mage drew up a course of studies for the girl. The academic subjects consisted of reading, writing, math, and natural philosophy and were, in fact, essentially what I'd been teaching already. The formal dance and etiquette lessons, on the other hand, she shelved for later.
"Kids this young don't need to memorize stuff like how to bow to a baron versus a duchess," Floridiana insisted to Mistress Jek, who agreed.
Just as I'd predicted, the two had bonded over their terror of me. They allied themselves against me, lending each other courage to oppose my wishes during taskforce meetings. It was aggravating, although not as aggravating as it could have been.
Although I personally believed that children needed to learn etiquette young so it turned into instinct, I'd entrusted Taila's education to the mage, and so I let her decide the curriculum. (It was that – or keep teaching the Dawn Dance myself. No thank you.)
With Floridiana responsible for Part Three of the mission, guiding Taila to the best future possible, I turned my attention to Part One: protecting the girl from anyone or anything that might harm her. Based on painful experience, the biggest threat came from the Jeks' jealous neighbors.
So my first move was to devise a cover story for Floridiana's stay. However much the mage sputtered and protested to the Jeks that she was a traveling mage – emphasis on the traveling, please! – and could not be tied down to any one spot, it was obvious that she'd be living here for a while. At least until she got our again-unofficial, again-unsanctioned Honeysuckle Croft Primary School off the ground. The neighbors were going to have questions.
The neighbors always had questions.
However, where other members of the taskforce (namely, Stripey, Bobo, the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond, and all of the Jeks who were old enough to understand barony politics) saw another hefty rent hike in the making, I saw opportunity. Here was our chance to kill not one, not two, not three, but four chickens with one bite! We would explain Floridiana's presence, appease the neighbors, raise the general standard of living in the area, and rake in positive karma all at the same time.
If anyone asks, I instructed the others, Floridiana is a mage of boundless compassion. Feeling a deep connection to the residents of Claymouth after she answered their pleas for rain last time, she returned to check on how they're doing. Nothing so trivial as a rumor of demonic possession can intimidate so mighty a mage, so she included the Jeks in her round of visits.
Caught up in the tale I was weaving, Floridiana forgot her fear of me long enough to suggest, "Or maybe she – I mean, I – decided to investigate the rumor so I could set everyone's minds at ease."
Yes, that also works. Whichever you prefer, I generously allowed. Regardless, as she conversed with the Jeks, she suddenly discovered that they are distant kin!
In fact, what Floridiana suddenly re-discovered at this point was that she was conversing with me. She dropped her eyes and fell silent again.
Naturally, she wished to get to know her family better, so she accepted their invitation to stay with them. And since she sees promise in the children, she is teaching them some basic reading, writing, etc. skills while she's here.
Everyone agreed, and the story worked.
The neighbors had great faith in the mage who had saved them (so they thought) from drought and famine, and as the Jeks' speech and movements drifted back towards country manners, a new rumor started that Floridiana had defeated the fox demons that had stolen the Jeks' bodies. Grateful for a way out, the family played along, and of course Floridiana was happy to claim credit where no credit was due. The Jeks' "friends" returned, and their social life eased back to normal. The Baron and Seneschal Anasius hesitated to offend Floridiana, and for the time being held off on demanding that she pay for a proper teaching license.
That was two chickens killed.
As for the third, raising the general standard of living, I wanted to turn Honeysuckle Croft into a model cottage. I thought that once they saw its comfortable, hygienic layout, more farmers would adopt the idea of beds, coops, and pigsties. Alas, those changes were slow in coming. As I discovered, smoke from the hearth rose up towards the rafters, meaning that the air was cleanest down by the floor, meaning that most people preferred to sleep there on rushes. As for the chicken coops and pigsties, they felt no particular urgency to move their livestock outdoors when their ancestors hadn't.
Most of the time, I approved of adherence to tradition. Most of the time.
Anyway, what the neighbors did show an interest in was Floridiana's lessons. One by one, they approached her to ask if their own children could audit her classes. The mage demurred, claiming that she was just teaching some random skills, that she wasn't qualified as a teacher, that Baron Claymouth hadn't granted her permission to open a school, and so on and so forth. The neighbors were impressed by her modesty. I was impressed by her devotion to her itinerant lifestyle.
But opening a school in the Claymouth Barony would be a great idea! Raising the education level of all the children all at once? Could you imagine the positive karma?
I'd learned my lesson, though. This time, I'd make sure we had official approval. Not that I planned to go through official channels to obtain said approval.
Stripey, can you arrange for a meeting between Floridiana and Seneschal Anasius? I asked at our next taskforce meeting.
As usual, we were seated around the table in Honeysuckle Croft after dinner. We'd experimented with different locations, but in the end the cottage had been the best place, since half of the taskforce members lived there already and two more spent significant time there. The Dragon King of Caltrop Pond was less enthusiastic, but faced with a choice between skipping the meetings to stay in his pond and entertain Taila, or attending the meetings and enduring the shabby, smelly cottage, he opted for the latter every time. His rice paddy snake courtiers babysat the Jek children while the adults talked.
The poor, poor things.
"Why do I need to meet with the Seneschal – " Floridiana broke off as she realized what was happening. "Oh, no. No no no. I told you already, I have no interest in opening a school here! None!"
That was because she didn't know what was good for her. An itinerant lifestyle was no life for a human, especially as she grew older. Setting up shop and school here would grant her both a stable income and a circle of friends to turn to when she needed help.
It's not permanent, I soothed. But we already got in trouble with the Baron last time when I was teaching lessons in secret. We don't want a repeat.
"I'm not opening a school!"
No one said anything about opening a school. We just need you to apply for a permit to teach classes to children.
Given that she had only committed to teaching one child, two on occasion when Nailus joined in, the plural made her suspicious. But in the end, she agreed that another thirty-three-percent rent hike would be disastrous.
For an appropriate fee (which was much less than a third of the Jeks' rent), the Baron approved and granted Floridiana a permit.
But since the permit for teaching two children turned out to be the same price as the permit for teaching two dozen, Floridiana added the neighbors' offspring to her class. Grudgingly. For a fee, of course. And so the Honeysuckle Croft Primary School became reality.
As the number of students increased, so did Floridiana's income, until she stopped fussing so often about getting back on the road.
I didn't say I told you so, but sometimes I caught her glaring at me as if I had.
A/N: Thanks to my awesome Patreon backers, Arif, BananaBobert, Blacklark57, Celia, Charlotte, Elayda, Hookshyu, James, Lindsey, Michael, TheLunaticCo, and Anonymous!
Occasionally things go well in this world! But of course there will be another crisis around the corner. ;p
Psychonix
Dreaming and Scheming
- Location
- Ŭ̊̎͌̌̀̈́ͨͤ̉̽̽͢͏̷͈͕͈͔̳͔̮̬̱̖͜K̈́̂ͮͥͭ͒́ͯ̆ͦ̃͡҉̢̲̖͇͉͠ͅ
That most dreaded of occurrences for any place of education. The school inspectors.
Hahaha, I'll have to keep that one in mind!
Chapter 57: As Below, So Above
Chapter 57: As Below, So Above
So that just left the matter of the cat spies.
Through Boot, we "invited" Master Gravitas to join the taskforce, since he already knew too much. I debated whether it would be better to summon Flicker to administer the same oath as the others', or to have the carpenter swear to Master and Mistress Jek that he would protect and guide Taila as her godfather. After reviewing the objections Flicker had raised last time, I opted for the latter. The more oaths Aurelia had to conceal, the greater the chance that she would fail, whereas Serican children acquired godparents all the time. It was a way to build closer ties between family friends with no actual blood relationship.
I hadn't heard anything about Aurelia's reaction to finding out who Soul Number 11270 was, but since no one was recalling me to Heaven for reincarnation as a tapeworm, I figured I was safe. For now, anyway.
This is the safest way. We won't set off alarm bells in Heaven if Taila gets a godfather, I explained when Mistress Jek and Floridiana both asked why Master Gravitas was getting bound by a lesser oath. (The former had her daughter in mind, the latter the state of her own soul.) The last thing we want to happen is someone auditing the oaths department and launching an investigation into why a goddess is so obsessed with a human child.
"Uh…," was Mistress Jek's response.
Oh, right, I'd never told her that Aurelia wasn't acting in an official capacity. Unlike Nagi, the Jeks weren't familiar with the intricacies of Heavenly bureaucracy and hadn't thought to ask.
"Emissary, why…why would…Heaven be angry at the goddess for wanting to protect a little girl? Shouldn't it be pleased? Doesn't the Jade Emperor love all humans?"
That question was far too simplistic, and I told her so. You're thinking of Heaven as a monolithic institution when it's more fragmented than the feuding mini-kingdoms of Earth.
Mistress Jek blinked multiple times.
"What she's trying to say," translated Floridiana in an exasperated tone, "is that Heaven has politics and factions, the same as governments here on Earth. Enemies of the goddess might mess with whatever she does just to mess with her."
"Oh." At the image of feuding gods, Mistress Jek's eyes went round and traumatized.
I saw no particular reason not to throw Heaven under the delivery wagon, so I added, Also, the Jade Emperor doesn't love all humans. Just the ones who can afford to make lavish offerings to Him.
That drew a startled "Oh!" from all three humans and Bobo. Accustomed to dealing with the law and its myriad loopholes, the duck demon looked unsurprised that Authority was not as just as it claimed to be. For their part, the two cat spies simply absorbed the intelligence so they could forward it to their master.
"Oh, Rosie, I don't think – " began the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond, squirming on his chair.
"But Rosssie, that can't be right!" Bobo burst out. "That's – that's – " She groped for a word strong enough to encapsulate the injustice of wealth-based divine compassion. "That's ssso unfair!"
Well, yes.
"Yes," Floridiana seconded in a daze. "What she said. That can't possibly be right. If it were right, then it would mean that – that – "
Yes. All the implications that you sense in that statement are correct. I let them consider and elaborate on their shattered worldviews.
Floridiana, the two elder Jeks, and Bobo all turned to the dragon, their eyes beseeching him to deny it.
He squirmed some more. "Ah, um, well, of course the Jade Emperor loves all His subjects! But, ah, there are a lot of gods and goddesses, and not everyone agrees on the best way to do things…."
If he were hoping to deter them with vague generalities, he wasn't escaping that easily.
The mage pressed, "But what she said about the Jade Emperor caring more about the people who have money to make better offerings. Is that true?"
"Um, well, I mean…. I've never spoken to Him directly!" (A painful admission for a dragon king, to be sure.)
"The other gods and goddesses – is that how they think? That's not how they think, right?" followed up Mistress Jek.
"Well…." The poor dragon hemmed and hawed and hedged and never gave a straight answer, from which everyone present drew the correct conclusion.
"Well," breathed Floridiana, sagging in her chair. "Well."
"I don't know what to say!" exclaimed Mistress Jek, who clearly did. "But when you think about it, this does make sense. We shouldn't be surprised. As below, so above."
"Mmmm," Master Jek agreed, letting his wife do the talking for both of them.
Stunned and disillusioned, Bobo drooped into a heap of coils that dangled off the sides of her chair.
Anyway, now that that's settled, let's adjourn for today, I announced.
I wanted to let them stew on the revelation some more. On their own, they could invent far worse interpretations than I could feed them – all of which would even be true.
And indeed, the others didn't immediately scatter back to their own homes or chores but huddled up in pairs and trios instead, discussing in low tones.
Precisely as I intended.
With the two cat spies now on the taskforce, I delegated dealing with their master to them. (Delegation: one of my favorite innovations.) They didn't disappoint.
Boot and Master Gravitas concocted a story about how an ancient ghost had been haunting the Jeks' cottage and terrorizing the family. Prolonged exposure to its archaic mannerisms had distorted the family's behavior, leading to wild rumors about demons and possession. Aided by Master Gravitas, Boot and Floridiana had uncovered the truth, and then Floridiana killed the ghost.
Or drove it off.
No, killed it.
No, drove it off!
The wording in the report went back and forth a few times, but I let them fight out the details themselves. My only stipulation was that the report should convince anyone who read it that the Jeks posed no threat whatsoever to anyone whosoever.
The cat spies polished the final draft and sent it off, and shortly thereafter, Boot received a recall notice.
"Since everything is settled here, I need to go back," she meowed at us. Anticipating an argument, she added, "It's not like you need me here anyway."
What will you do next? I asked, partly because I was curious, partly because, as she'd expected, I was wary of letting taskforce members run off to goodness-knew-where to say goodness-knew-what to goodness-knew-whom.
The cat gave a delicate shrug and seemed to plan to leave it at that.
Boot, I warned. Remember your oath.
Her tail switched with displeasure. "Obviously nothing that will break it. Hang around headquarters until I receive my next mission, most likely. Which won't have anything to do with this." She looked pointedly around Honeysuckle Croft.
I didn't like the idea, but I didn't hate it enough to force the issue. Also, everyone else agreed that keeping Boot here would make her master suspicious and cause us more problems in the long run.
Before she set off, she left us with these words of wisdom: "We have a saying where I come from. 'A man fears gaining fame as a pig fears growing fat'."
Then, without looking back, she trotted down Persimmon Tree Lane on determined paws.
Floridiana stood inside the fence and watched until even the tip of the cat's tail had vanished into the dusk. Then she shook her head, muttered something about lesson plans, and went back into the cottage.
Up in Heaven:
Lady Fate sat in the dining room of Mama's Dumplings, a banquet hall that the Bureau of the Sky had recently converted into an Earth-style "eatery." She was hoping that the novelty would distract her from a sense of incoherent unease. Lately, her visions had been fragmentary and nonsensical and involved a menagerie of animals. And her moon blocks, which supplemented her visions with answers to yes-no questions, weren't helping either. They kept landing in such a way that meant her questions were either ill posed – or hilarious.
She was Lady Fate, Director of the Ministry of Fate. Her questions were neither ill-posed nor hilarious. Ever.
She'd needed a break to clear her mind, hence her decision to visit this "eatery." Although now she was regretting it.
Mama's Dumplings was distressingly undignified, she thought, surveying the imp waiters who pushed carts of food among the circular tables. Instead of being served a preset meal of ten or twelve courses by graceful crane maidens and youths, you were supposed to listen as the imps rattled off a list of what was on the small plates or inside the mini steamer baskets. Then you told them what you wanted yourself.
She shuddered. A high-ranking goddess like herself should never have to address an imp directly. Unfortunately, the cranes and star sprites had flat-out refused to staff this place, and no amount of berating had changed their minds.
Now a wizened imp, with an oversized head and skin that wavered between grey and dull turquoise, pushed a cart piled with steamer baskets up to her table. "Shrimp-and-bamboo dumplings, shrimp-and-chive dumplings, shrimp-and-spinach dumplings, pork-and-mushroom dumplings," he droned, bored after repeating the same phrase at every table he'd visited before hers.
"What do you think, darling?" Lady Fate asked the seal-point cat dozing on a silk cushion on the chair next to hers.
Regia opened her sky-blue eyes, flowed onto the table, and examined the steamer baskets. "I want steamed cod."
"No cod," the imp snapped before repeating, "Shrimp-and-bamboo dumplings, shrimp-and-chive dumplings, shrimp-and-spinach dumplings, pork-and-mushroom dumplings."
"Why, you – !" Lady Fate was outraged, but she caught herself. This was supposed to simulate the experience you'd get in an eatery on Earth. Why the Bureau of the Sky had thought that was a good idea, she had no idea. Forcing her voice back into smoothness, she coaxed, "Darling, there's no steamed cod right now. We can get you some later. Is there anything you do want from the cart?"
"Shrimp-and-bamboo dumplings."
The imp banged the lids around before informing them, "I'm out. You'll have to wait. You want anything else?"
"You're out?"
"Yup. Anything else?"
Taken aback, Lady Fate ordered something at random, and the imp slammed a steamer basket with three dumplings onto the table. Off-center. Then, without asking to be excused, he pushed his cart off to scandalize the next group of gods.
This style of service was never going to catch on in Heaven.
"I'm sorry, darling. Want to play with the moon blocks while you wait?"
From her sleeve, she brought out two lacquered, crescent moon-shaped blocks. They were flat on one side and rounded on the other.
"Will it take a long time to get shrimp-and-bamboo dumplings?" asked Regia before she lifted a paw and batted them off the table.
One landed on its flat side, the other its round. That meant "yes."
Regia sighed. "Oh well."
"Ah, Lady Fate!" boomed a voice from the doorway. "Working lunch?"
It was the fat Kitchen God, the Director of Reincarnation.
Even if manners here had gone out the window, she wasn't going to shout across the room, so she smiled and beckoned him over. "What a surprise to see you!" And it was: He spent most of the year on Earth, scrounging offerings from hearths and kitchens. "Please, have a seat."
"Don't mind if I do!"
So much time among the humans had obviously eroded his manners. But she had a question for him, so she ignored her distaste and murmured, "How is Soul Number 3409 progressing?"
"Soul Number 3409?" he asked, taking a dumpling without being invited. "Um, let's see, which one was that again?"
"The one that was formerly the Star of Scholarly Song and, before that, Lord Marcius, cousin to Emperor Cassius. It is currently incarnated as a foxhound in North Serica." Lady Fate swallowed a sarcastic, "Remember?"
"Oh! That one! It's doing well, thanks for asking."
"And by 'well,' you mean…?" she prodded.
"It'll make Yellow Tier soon enough, don't you worry." He beamed, as proud as a new father of the soul he'd forgotten until just now. "I'm thinking of incarnating it as a golden hair monkey once it gets there. Have you seen those? Cute little critters, aren't they?"
Lady Fate was far less interested in how cute the soul's next incarnation would be than in how fast it was advancing up through the Tiers. But it seemed to be on track still, in accordance with her visions, which meant that she didn't need to worry about the soul that was once a man fated to become an emperor.
When the time came, he would attain his destiny.
A/N 1: To my lovely Patreon backers: I've been getting a weird error on Patreon this morning whenever I try to access the site. I'm not sure if the advance chapters have released properly, and I'm really sorry if they haven't. I've already contacted Patreon support, so hopefully they will get back to me soon. Thanks in advance for your patience!
Update: The Patreon issue should be fixed now, and you should all have your advance chapters!
A/N 2: Thanks to my awesome Patreon backers, Arif, BananaBobert, Blacklark57, Celia, Charlotte, Hookshyu, James, Lindsey, Michael, TheLunaticCo, and Anonymous!
So that just left the matter of the cat spies.
Through Boot, we "invited" Master Gravitas to join the taskforce, since he already knew too much. I debated whether it would be better to summon Flicker to administer the same oath as the others', or to have the carpenter swear to Master and Mistress Jek that he would protect and guide Taila as her godfather. After reviewing the objections Flicker had raised last time, I opted for the latter. The more oaths Aurelia had to conceal, the greater the chance that she would fail, whereas Serican children acquired godparents all the time. It was a way to build closer ties between family friends with no actual blood relationship.
I hadn't heard anything about Aurelia's reaction to finding out who Soul Number 11270 was, but since no one was recalling me to Heaven for reincarnation as a tapeworm, I figured I was safe. For now, anyway.
This is the safest way. We won't set off alarm bells in Heaven if Taila gets a godfather, I explained when Mistress Jek and Floridiana both asked why Master Gravitas was getting bound by a lesser oath. (The former had her daughter in mind, the latter the state of her own soul.) The last thing we want to happen is someone auditing the oaths department and launching an investigation into why a goddess is so obsessed with a human child.
"Uh…," was Mistress Jek's response.
Oh, right, I'd never told her that Aurelia wasn't acting in an official capacity. Unlike Nagi, the Jeks weren't familiar with the intricacies of Heavenly bureaucracy and hadn't thought to ask.
"Emissary, why…why would…Heaven be angry at the goddess for wanting to protect a little girl? Shouldn't it be pleased? Doesn't the Jade Emperor love all humans?"
That question was far too simplistic, and I told her so. You're thinking of Heaven as a monolithic institution when it's more fragmented than the feuding mini-kingdoms of Earth.
Mistress Jek blinked multiple times.
"What she's trying to say," translated Floridiana in an exasperated tone, "is that Heaven has politics and factions, the same as governments here on Earth. Enemies of the goddess might mess with whatever she does just to mess with her."
"Oh." At the image of feuding gods, Mistress Jek's eyes went round and traumatized.
I saw no particular reason not to throw Heaven under the delivery wagon, so I added, Also, the Jade Emperor doesn't love all humans. Just the ones who can afford to make lavish offerings to Him.
That drew a startled "Oh!" from all three humans and Bobo. Accustomed to dealing with the law and its myriad loopholes, the duck demon looked unsurprised that Authority was not as just as it claimed to be. For their part, the two cat spies simply absorbed the intelligence so they could forward it to their master.
"Oh, Rosie, I don't think – " began the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond, squirming on his chair.
"But Rosssie, that can't be right!" Bobo burst out. "That's – that's – " She groped for a word strong enough to encapsulate the injustice of wealth-based divine compassion. "That's ssso unfair!"
Well, yes.
"Yes," Floridiana seconded in a daze. "What she said. That can't possibly be right. If it were right, then it would mean that – that – "
Yes. All the implications that you sense in that statement are correct. I let them consider and elaborate on their shattered worldviews.
Floridiana, the two elder Jeks, and Bobo all turned to the dragon, their eyes beseeching him to deny it.
He squirmed some more. "Ah, um, well, of course the Jade Emperor loves all His subjects! But, ah, there are a lot of gods and goddesses, and not everyone agrees on the best way to do things…."
If he were hoping to deter them with vague generalities, he wasn't escaping that easily.
The mage pressed, "But what she said about the Jade Emperor caring more about the people who have money to make better offerings. Is that true?"
"Um, well, I mean…. I've never spoken to Him directly!" (A painful admission for a dragon king, to be sure.)
"The other gods and goddesses – is that how they think? That's not how they think, right?" followed up Mistress Jek.
"Well…." The poor dragon hemmed and hawed and hedged and never gave a straight answer, from which everyone present drew the correct conclusion.
"Well," breathed Floridiana, sagging in her chair. "Well."
"I don't know what to say!" exclaimed Mistress Jek, who clearly did. "But when you think about it, this does make sense. We shouldn't be surprised. As below, so above."
"Mmmm," Master Jek agreed, letting his wife do the talking for both of them.
Stunned and disillusioned, Bobo drooped into a heap of coils that dangled off the sides of her chair.
Anyway, now that that's settled, let's adjourn for today, I announced.
I wanted to let them stew on the revelation some more. On their own, they could invent far worse interpretations than I could feed them – all of which would even be true.
And indeed, the others didn't immediately scatter back to their own homes or chores but huddled up in pairs and trios instead, discussing in low tones.
Precisely as I intended.
With the two cat spies now on the taskforce, I delegated dealing with their master to them. (Delegation: one of my favorite innovations.) They didn't disappoint.
Boot and Master Gravitas concocted a story about how an ancient ghost had been haunting the Jeks' cottage and terrorizing the family. Prolonged exposure to its archaic mannerisms had distorted the family's behavior, leading to wild rumors about demons and possession. Aided by Master Gravitas, Boot and Floridiana had uncovered the truth, and then Floridiana killed the ghost.
Or drove it off.
No, killed it.
No, drove it off!
The wording in the report went back and forth a few times, but I let them fight out the details themselves. My only stipulation was that the report should convince anyone who read it that the Jeks posed no threat whatsoever to anyone whosoever.
The cat spies polished the final draft and sent it off, and shortly thereafter, Boot received a recall notice.
"Since everything is settled here, I need to go back," she meowed at us. Anticipating an argument, she added, "It's not like you need me here anyway."
What will you do next? I asked, partly because I was curious, partly because, as she'd expected, I was wary of letting taskforce members run off to goodness-knew-where to say goodness-knew-what to goodness-knew-whom.
The cat gave a delicate shrug and seemed to plan to leave it at that.
Boot, I warned. Remember your oath.
Her tail switched with displeasure. "Obviously nothing that will break it. Hang around headquarters until I receive my next mission, most likely. Which won't have anything to do with this." She looked pointedly around Honeysuckle Croft.
I didn't like the idea, but I didn't hate it enough to force the issue. Also, everyone else agreed that keeping Boot here would make her master suspicious and cause us more problems in the long run.
Before she set off, she left us with these words of wisdom: "We have a saying where I come from. 'A man fears gaining fame as a pig fears growing fat'."
Then, without looking back, she trotted down Persimmon Tree Lane on determined paws.
Floridiana stood inside the fence and watched until even the tip of the cat's tail had vanished into the dusk. Then she shook her head, muttered something about lesson plans, and went back into the cottage.
Up in Heaven:
Lady Fate sat in the dining room of Mama's Dumplings, a banquet hall that the Bureau of the Sky had recently converted into an Earth-style "eatery." She was hoping that the novelty would distract her from a sense of incoherent unease. Lately, her visions had been fragmentary and nonsensical and involved a menagerie of animals. And her moon blocks, which supplemented her visions with answers to yes-no questions, weren't helping either. They kept landing in such a way that meant her questions were either ill posed – or hilarious.
She was Lady Fate, Director of the Ministry of Fate. Her questions were neither ill-posed nor hilarious. Ever.
She'd needed a break to clear her mind, hence her decision to visit this "eatery." Although now she was regretting it.
Mama's Dumplings was distressingly undignified, she thought, surveying the imp waiters who pushed carts of food among the circular tables. Instead of being served a preset meal of ten or twelve courses by graceful crane maidens and youths, you were supposed to listen as the imps rattled off a list of what was on the small plates or inside the mini steamer baskets. Then you told them what you wanted yourself.
She shuddered. A high-ranking goddess like herself should never have to address an imp directly. Unfortunately, the cranes and star sprites had flat-out refused to staff this place, and no amount of berating had changed their minds.
Now a wizened imp, with an oversized head and skin that wavered between grey and dull turquoise, pushed a cart piled with steamer baskets up to her table. "Shrimp-and-bamboo dumplings, shrimp-and-chive dumplings, shrimp-and-spinach dumplings, pork-and-mushroom dumplings," he droned, bored after repeating the same phrase at every table he'd visited before hers.
"What do you think, darling?" Lady Fate asked the seal-point cat dozing on a silk cushion on the chair next to hers.
Regia opened her sky-blue eyes, flowed onto the table, and examined the steamer baskets. "I want steamed cod."
"No cod," the imp snapped before repeating, "Shrimp-and-bamboo dumplings, shrimp-and-chive dumplings, shrimp-and-spinach dumplings, pork-and-mushroom dumplings."
"Why, you – !" Lady Fate was outraged, but she caught herself. This was supposed to simulate the experience you'd get in an eatery on Earth. Why the Bureau of the Sky had thought that was a good idea, she had no idea. Forcing her voice back into smoothness, she coaxed, "Darling, there's no steamed cod right now. We can get you some later. Is there anything you do want from the cart?"
"Shrimp-and-bamboo dumplings."
The imp banged the lids around before informing them, "I'm out. You'll have to wait. You want anything else?"
"You're out?"
"Yup. Anything else?"
Taken aback, Lady Fate ordered something at random, and the imp slammed a steamer basket with three dumplings onto the table. Off-center. Then, without asking to be excused, he pushed his cart off to scandalize the next group of gods.
This style of service was never going to catch on in Heaven.
"I'm sorry, darling. Want to play with the moon blocks while you wait?"
From her sleeve, she brought out two lacquered, crescent moon-shaped blocks. They were flat on one side and rounded on the other.
"Will it take a long time to get shrimp-and-bamboo dumplings?" asked Regia before she lifted a paw and batted them off the table.
One landed on its flat side, the other its round. That meant "yes."
Regia sighed. "Oh well."
"Ah, Lady Fate!" boomed a voice from the doorway. "Working lunch?"
It was the fat Kitchen God, the Director of Reincarnation.
Even if manners here had gone out the window, she wasn't going to shout across the room, so she smiled and beckoned him over. "What a surprise to see you!" And it was: He spent most of the year on Earth, scrounging offerings from hearths and kitchens. "Please, have a seat."
"Don't mind if I do!"
So much time among the humans had obviously eroded his manners. But she had a question for him, so she ignored her distaste and murmured, "How is Soul Number 3409 progressing?"
"Soul Number 3409?" he asked, taking a dumpling without being invited. "Um, let's see, which one was that again?"
"The one that was formerly the Star of Scholarly Song and, before that, Lord Marcius, cousin to Emperor Cassius. It is currently incarnated as a foxhound in North Serica." Lady Fate swallowed a sarcastic, "Remember?"
"Oh! That one! It's doing well, thanks for asking."
"And by 'well,' you mean…?" she prodded.
"It'll make Yellow Tier soon enough, don't you worry." He beamed, as proud as a new father of the soul he'd forgotten until just now. "I'm thinking of incarnating it as a golden hair monkey once it gets there. Have you seen those? Cute little critters, aren't they?"
Lady Fate was far less interested in how cute the soul's next incarnation would be than in how fast it was advancing up through the Tiers. But it seemed to be on track still, in accordance with her visions, which meant that she didn't need to worry about the soul that was once a man fated to become an emperor.
When the time came, he would attain his destiny.
A/N 1: To my lovely Patreon backers: I've been getting a weird error on Patreon this morning whenever I try to access the site. I'm not sure if the advance chapters have released properly, and I'm really sorry if they haven't. I've already contacted Patreon support, so hopefully they will get back to me soon. Thanks in advance for your patience!
Update: The Patreon issue should be fixed now, and you should all have your advance chapters!
A/N 2: Thanks to my awesome Patreon backers, Arif, BananaBobert, Blacklark57, Celia, Charlotte, Hookshyu, James, Lindsey, Michael, TheLunaticCo, and Anonymous!
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