After debating a few aspects of my writing, I decided to rewrite the last third part of the 10th chapter starting with Iowa's pov. Initially I wrote it at 4 am and literally forgot and fucked up a few bits that I didn't even notice at first. The core events would stay as is, but there would be changes to some contextual information. Here is what I'm planning to change for now:
1) Epsi's behavior would be rephrased to sound less bipolar. She wasn't supposed to sound that way in the first place, but I was informed that this is what her first message reads like. It is supposed to be her mumbling to herself after the message (because she has failed to contact them repeatedly and was frustrated) rather than stating the "I'll kill you if you come closer. I don't want to kill you"
2) Epsi was supposed to state that she demands USN to wait for several days until she repairs herself enough and then they could maybe discuss de-escalation. The command would decide to double down after that as they'd consider several days to be too risky due to the chance of Falling. I somehow straight up forgot that bit and without it she seems way more unreasonable than she is. If she doesn't say this then the risk of her getting attacked the third time approaches 95%, in fact it would be surprising if she's not preventatively nuked.
3) Commander Mitchell would be portrayed as more obviously against this entire mess. The idea was that he'd be on the side of shipgirls and advocating to abort and wait for Epsi to calm down, but he'd be pushed by the command to attack due to the bombers. The choice would be to either attack with the bombers or to stand idly as bombers strike and then get hit by angry Epsilon regardless. This is an intentionally written error in judgement from the part of the air force coordination combined with coercion from higher up and the person responsible for the former would be utterly fucked.
4) Intrepid's portrayal would be altered a bit to fit canon image a bit more closely. I didn't realize that she got added and was channelling Azur Lane Essex. Intrepid is apparently a much softer girl that wouldn't curse quite that much
5) Intrepid actually saw Epsi reloading her missiles and thus they'd have an estimate of how many nukes she might have at least (she had 2 cruise missiles left and was loading in more, she had no reason to hoard conventional CMs when fighting BB-hime so it is safe to estimate that she had 2 nukes loaded). Comparing this to the amount of cruise missiles she launches against shipgirls would provide USN the estimate to how many nukes Epsi might have left at all
6) B-52s should be supported by F-35s or engaging Epsi would've been too reckless. Due to that Epsi would fire SAMs at them instead of sending Mantas.
7) SoDak and Wash apparently strongly dislike each other in canon. Not sure if I can implement this here, but keep it in mind for the future. They would be professional enough to keep that under wraps when on duty
8) In case anyone missed the edit, Bisko is no longer the highest profile shipgirl who falls. That dubious honor is moved to Zeppy. More info on that subject way later in the story when I actually write that.
While we're at it, I'd like to collect some opinions as I'm legit having trouble estimating the reaction to this mess. I'd like some input on:
1) Societal reaction: Within hours of the nukes everyone with access to the internet would know that something went down. Pairing that with delayed release of the official statement as situation evolves over the month might result in a very negative perception of Epsi. She might be considered "a new kind of abyssal with nukes" regardless if that's true or not, or at least that's what people are recommending me. I'd like a second opinion on this before I make the story more grim than initially intended
2) Public statement: what is the best thing that the brass could say about this to the press and when? Or at least the least bad way to handle it
2) International reaction: We have the first use of nukes probably since the Blood Week five years ago. How do you think the nations of the world would react? I'm recommended to have most nuclear powers point canned sunshine in Epsi's direction while countries without nukes would rapidly want to make closer ties with those that do have them. Once again, I'd like a second opinion
3) Investigations and court martials: I'm being told in STAB that there is no one among the mentioned staff who actually did anything court martial- worthy. The punishments might end up being entirely political if they happen at all. I'm not sure that I agree 100% so I'd like a second opinion as well. I'm also not sure how long would it take to comb through the entire mess for the investigation. Couple months?
4) Iowa's court martial: I was thinking that she'd actually want a CM to make her case, but it would fall through due to a combination of being the symbol of USN kanmusu, the most advanced battleship girl and no concrete case against her which is strengthened with every day that Epsi doesn't fall. This might cause some people to consider this favoritism. Does this make sense?
5) Any other consequences that might not be obvious or should be mentioned?
Note: I haven't actually finished rewriting, it will likely take me several days
EDIT 11.mar.24: I managed to pass it through several people, and it seems that the result would actually change a lot. Like, to the point where second attack might be called off entirely. This mainly boils to the fact that since nukes are involved then the president would be forced to be the one taking charge of the decision making. And at that point it is talk or nukes, and if it is nukes then there's no more story.
