The Multiverse Shits Itself With The Imperial Fam-Squad the Abridged Series! (SAO abridged/Multiverse Conquering)

[Zackman2k12]

(A/N: I'm retroactively making it so they have a reason to be fucked in the head and that their intelligence hype is actually true. )

"Well, I'm tired," I declared, stifling a yawn. "The megalomania of all things good can start tomorrow." Honestly, conquering a kingdom by accident was exhausting. Who knew idiots could be so much work?

Actually, given previous evidence, I actually knew that and was just repressing that fact.

Asuna, ever the pragmatic one, immediately protested. "How are we going to find anywhere to rest in this absolute chaos, anyway?" she asked, her voice laced with a weariness that mirrored my own. She yawned, a wide, unladylike gesture that made me smile despite myself. "I'm tired, yeah, but literally how, Kirito?"

Yui, bless her little heart, piped up, her voice bright and cheerful. "Actually, Papa, Mama, since you've unlocked all the weapon forms, you can totally fix this! You just need to use their special effects!"

She rattled off a string of instructions, her voice filled with an enthusiasm that I found both endearing and slightly unsettling. "Use the Clockwork Hawk's Gear Spear X and the Spatial-fold Iguana Heart X Sword to create a stasis bubble of time around us, which the sword will increase in size to make the road outside an expanded area. Then, use the Couch-Mimic Tooth Spear X and the Abode-Backed Tortoise Brain X Sword to create a fully furnished palace inside the bubble!"

My eyebrows shot up. "Seriously?" I asked, mentally scrolling through the ridiculously long list of weapons we'd somehow acquired. "We have those?"

Asuna, never one to shy away from a challenge, was already rummaging through her inventory. "Let's give it a try," she said, her voice filled with a mixture of curiosity and excitement.

We followed Yui's instructions, navigating through the mental menus of our respective weapons and waving our swords and that-stupid-thing-that-somehow-counts-as-a-spear around with a practiced ease born of countless hours spent battling digital monsters in Aincrad. A faint hum filled the air, followed by a ripple of energy that seemed to distort the very fabric of reality. The world outside the tent froze, the flames suspended mid-flicker, the smoke hanging motionless in the air. A dome of shimmering energy expanded outwards, encompassing the street and several surrounding buildings.

Then, as if conjured from thin air, because it was, a magnificent palace materialized within the dome. It was an architectural marvel, a testament to the absurd power of these weapons, with soaring ceilings, marble floors, plush furnishings, and a breathtaking view of the frozen cityscape. We stared in awe at our impromptu creation, marveling at the sheer absurdity of it all.

"Wow," Asuna breathed, her eyes wide with wonder. "This is incredible."

"Not bad," I agreed, a grudging smile spreading across my face. "I guess even these ridiculous weapons have their uses."

Yui, beaming with pride, clapped her hands. "See? I told you! Now you can get a good night's rest before you conquer the world tomorrow!"

We chuckled, oblivious to the fact that this time-locked palace, a product of our combined power and Yui's subtle manipulations, was more than just a temporary haven. It was a foundation, a stronghold, a symbol of our impending rule. And while we thought we could simply dismiss it at our leisure, the truth was far more permanent. This palace would become the seat of our new empire, undeniable proof of our newly acquired dominion over this broken world.

We stepped into the palace, marveling at its sheer opulence. Hallways lined with gleaming marble stretched out before us, branching off into countless rooms filled with luxurious furnishings. It was absurd, extravagant, and undeniably comfortable. After a quick exploration, we found ourselves drawn to a particularly spacious room with a ridiculously large bed that seemed to beckon us with promises of blissful sleep. Exhaustion, a byproduct of accidental kingdom destruction and the general chaos of the day, had finally caught up with us.

We collapsed onto the bed, sinking into its plush embrace. The sheets were silk, the pillows were down, and the mattress seemed to conform perfectly to our bodies, cradling us in a cocoon of comfort. Asuna let out a contented sigh, her hand finding mine in the darkness.

"This is nice," she murmured, her voice thick with sleep.

"Yeah," I agreed, my eyelids already feeling heavy. "Nice…"

And then, the world dissolved around us.

---

I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the blinding lights of a… studio? We were seated in plush armchairs, facing a stage where a… green alien with way too many eyes and a disturbingly cordial smile beamed at us. Behind us, a massive screen displayed a galaxy swirling with vibrant colors, the words "Zorgbun Multiverse Cluster" emblazoned across it in bold, futuristic font.

"Today's guests are the amazing main duo of the trio who conquered the Zorgbun Multiverse Cluster in less than 10,000 years!" the alien announced, his voice booming through the studio. "At the beginning of their journey no less! Now, knowing your personalities and 'fuck around and find out' policy, in order to not offend and be absolutely eradicated by your future selves, we offer compensation for this interview in the form of a Greater Blessing of Rulership donated by Ares-471-B42. It will allow you to force people to accept your right to rule more easily!"

Asuna and I exchanged bewildered glances. Conquered a multiverse cluster? Future selves? What in the actual hell was going on?

"Umm," I began, my voice hesitant. "I think there's been some kind of mistake."

The alien chuckled, his multiple eyes twinkling with amusement. "Oh, I assure you, there's no mistake. You two are destined for greatness, a greatness that will span countless worlds and reshape the very fabric of reality."

Asuna, ever the pragmatist, leaned forward, her eyes narrowed. "A blessing that makes people obey us, you say?" She glanced at me, a predatory glint in her eyes. "Sounds useful."

I sighed, resigned to the absurdity of the situation. We were trapped in some kind of interdimensional interview, facing an alien with way too many eyes, and being offered a magical obedience charm. Might as well play along.

"Alright," I said, leaning back in my chair. "What do you want to know?"

"We want to know about you!" the alien exclaimed, his voice filled with an almost childlike enthusiasm. "Your backstory, which has been shrouded in mystery! Tell us what made you who you are currently!"

I glanced at Asuna, who shrugged.

The alien gestured towards the massive screen behind him, where a scrolling list of questions flickered into existence. "The first question comes from Percy Jackson-6921-N47," he announced with a flourish. "He says he's a big fan and wants to know how you grew up so that you were so different from your usual dimensional counterparts! Let's start with God-Emperor Kirito!"

I ignored the ridiculously grandiose title – seriously, God-Emperor? – and launched into a tale that, even to my own ears, sounded more like a bad action movie script than a genuine life story.

"Well, it all started when I was measured with an IQ of 280 and was forced to find out the absolute stupidity of the government," I began, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Four points above the world record caused me to not be given any accolades, jobs, or anything else good. Instead, at the ripe old age of thirteen, I was put on a watch list. Me! The person who already knew a way to make Gundam actually military viable – as stupid as it sounds – was shoved into obscurity due to a panicking politician who wanted the status quo so bad that he decided to put himself on the shit-list of a goddamn genius of my level!"

I paused for dramatic effect, letting the absurdity of the situation sink in. Even now, years later, the memory of that bureaucratic idiocy rankled.

"But I knew the scale of 'fuck around' was equivalent to ten times the 'find out'," I continued, my voice hardening. "So, I decided to bide my time. Then, my dad – the only guy who actually knew about my genius status besides good old Japan – died in a car accident, and my stick-waving, shina-loving, kendo-ass of a grandfather took over. And things naturally devolved from there."

I trailed off, a mixture of bitterness and resentment coloring my words. My childhood had been… unconventional, to say the least. A constant struggle against the limitations of a world that couldn't comprehend, let alone appreciate, my intellect. It was a struggle that had shaped me, hardened me, and ultimately, led me to this point. Sitting in an interdimensional interview chair, being hailed as a future conqueror of multiverses, all thanks to the chain of events set in motion by a politician's fear of a thirteen-year-old genius.

"So, I buried myself in scientific papers, documentaries, anime, video games… anything to keep my brain juices flowing while planning to fix the garbage fire that was my life," I continued, my voice taking on a bitter edge. "Meanwhile, my grandfather forced me to practice kendo, a completely useless sport-martial art, while psychologically torturing my sister Sugu, and physically abusing me because 'I was a man and I could take it!' Such nice. Many caveman. Wow."

I let out a humorless chuckle, shaking my head at the absurdity of it all. "Two years later, nothing materialized. Another year later, 2034 rolled around, and a nutcase running off too much Nos Energy Drink – seriously, any other energy drink would have been better – trapped 10,000 people in a death game. By. Fucking. Accident."

I slammed my fist against the armrest, the sudden movement causing the alien interviewer to flinch. "And then, this absolute moron, instead of shutting down the servers and forcing a logout, decides to double and triple down on his stupidity!"

"I actually asked him at the end, 'Why the hell did you do this?'" I said, my voice rising in disbelief. "And you know what his response was? 'I did this because my bosses were assholes and because of Metacritic.'"

I let out a harsh laugh, the sound devoid of humor. "The bullshit meter reached critical, and I was crushed to death, along with my wife here. And somehow, we woke up in something I'm going to call 'The Asinine Kingdom Ruled by the Lack-Capacity King'."

I gestured towards Asuna, who had remained silent throughout my rant. Her expression was unreadable, a mask of carefully controlled emotions. But I knew, deep down, that she shared my anger, my frustration, my utter disdain for the incompetence that seemed to plague every corner of existence.

The alien interviewer's multiple eyes blinked rapidly, a clear sign of astonishment despite his alien physiology. "Wow, that's a wonderfully surprising backstory!" he exclaimed, his voice a touch higher than before. "Let's move on to Asuna, same question!"

I slumped back in my chair, letting Asuna take the spotlight. Her story wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows either.

Asuna sighed, her usual confident demeanor momentarily replaced by a weary resignation. "Alright, let's start with where it began," she said, her voice tinged with a bitterness that mirrored my own. "My great-great grandparents started a multinational, billion-dollar corporation. My great-grandparents grew it, my grandparents solidified it, and my goddamn fourth-generation moron parents… well, they used their generation-skipped, mentally ill decision-making skills to shit over all of that. A multi-billion dollar, international conglomerate of a company was turned into a two-million-dollar shit-show full of debt by my fourteenth birthday! I knew for a fact I would be covered in debt and be killed by yakuza debt collectors the moment I took over."

She took a deep breath, her hands clenching into fists. "My impending doom was incoming, and my ability to access funds was heavily restricted so I couldn't make investments of my own – which would have been a billion times better than anything my morons of parents could come up with. A bad end was guaranteed, so I buried myself in video games. It was… pretty fun, actually. Then, I found a cool game to play called 'Sword Art Online.' It had a limited early-access release of 10,000 units, which would expand to full release in three months. Pretty awesome, right? Wrong! The game was a buggy mess, and the logout button was fucking missing because Energy-Drinks-and-Lack-Brain wanted to not do the correct shit."

She paused, her voice taking on a chillingly calm tone that I knew all too well. "Oh, and by the way, before I went into the game, I was fully expecting to be dead when I logged out the first time. Because my parents were in talks to, and I quote, 'Sell my still-living body to science.' Like… what the shit?!"

She continued, her voice laced with a mix of anger and resignation. "You know how the rest goes, with the people in charge of the hospitals watching for any badness. At least I had that until I got out, something horrible to happen. But I never got out, so I dodged a bullet there, really."

Asuna's story, like mine, was a testament to the absurdity and cruelty of the world. It was a world where incompetence reigned supreme, where intelligence was punished, and where even the most basic of human rights could be violated with impunity.

For the next few hours, the interview devolved into a chaotic whirlwind of inane questions and increasingly absurd requests. The alien interviewer, fueled by a seemingly endless supply of what he called "Zorg-Juice," peppered us with inquiries about our favorite colors, our preferred breakfast foods, and our opinions on the latest interdimensional fashion trends. At one point, he even asked us to perform a synchronized dance routine, which we politely declined.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the lights dimmed, the cameras shut off, and the alien interviewer, his multiple eyes drooping with exhaustion, bid us farewell. The world dissolved around us once more, and we found ourselves back in the luxurious embrace of our time-locked palace.

I blinked, my mind still reeling from the bizarre experience. Beside me, Asuna stretched, a contented sigh escaping her lips.

"Well," she said, her voice thick with sleep, "that was… something."

I chuckled, running a hand through my hair. "Yeah, something alright."

As I glanced at my status screen, two new notifications caught my eye:

[Blessing Gained: Ares. Automatic Casus Belli]

[Blessing Gained: Ares. Empire-Spanning Charisma]

I raised an eyebrow, Well at the very least they kept their promise. That could prove useful. I glanced at Asuna, who was already drifting back to sleep.

With a shrug, I snuggled into the ridiculously comfortable bed and closed my eyes. Whatever those blessings entailed, we could figure it out tomorrow. For now, sleep was the only thing that mattered. After all, we had a world to conquer.

 

[Zackman2k12]

We stepped out of the palace, ready to face the frozen chaos of the city. And that's when we realized that the promised time-stop, a concept so utterly ridiculous that it defied all logic and reason, was actually, somehow, working. The world outside our little bubble of reality remained frozen, a tableau of destruction and despair suspended in time.

The bubble shimmered, then vanished, releasing its hold on the surrounding area. As the frozen scene lurched back into motion, a scream pierced the air. A demi-human, his leg mangled and bloodied, tumbled into view, his terrified face contorted in pain.

Asuna, never one to tolerate unnecessary suffering – especially when it involved someone who might be useful to our cause – immediately reacted. She switched her weapon to the Healing Saint X Spear, a ridiculous name for an even more ridiculous weapon that, to her obvious annoyance, actually looked like a goddamn spear.

She missed Yui's subtle intervention, the flicker of her fingers manipulating menus in mid-air, but the effect was undeniable. The spear in Asuna's hand transformed into a sleek rapier, its form shifting with a graceful fluidity that defied the laws of physics. At the same time, her class name, displayed above her head in glowing letters, changed from "Spear Hero" to "Rapier Empress."

Asuna frowned, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Kirito, did your class name change too?" she asked, her voice laced with a hint of annoyance.

I opened my status menu, half expecting to see some equally ridiculous title. "Nope, still says 'Sword Hero'," I replied, just as the words on the screen shimmered and shifted, transforming before my very eyes. "Actually, scratch that. It's 'Sword Emperor' now."

I glanced at Yui, who was standing beside us, her expression a carefully crafted mask of innocence. In the corner of my vision, I saw the faint glow of menus, code lines shifting and rearranging themselves with a speed that hinted at something… unnatural.

"Yui…" I began, my voice a low menacing tone, "what did you do?"

Yui's eyes widened, her carefully constructed facade crumbling for a moment. "Well, I certainly didn't have a battle in a time-stopped landscape where the goddess was mad that I started hacking the world the moment we appeared, while I stole her divinities," she blurted out, her voice a high-pitched squeak.

Silence descended upon the ruined street. Asuna and I stared at Yui, our expressions a mixture of shock, disbelief, and a grudging admiration. Our daughter, the sweet, innocent AI we had rescued from a digital death trap, had just casually admitted to usurping a goddess and rewriting the rules of reality.

Yui, realizing her slip-up, cleared her throat and quickly regained her composure. "Well, that secret didn't last long," she said, her voice regaining its usual cheerful lilt. "I need to work on… never mind!"


"Sweetie, you don't need to work on your deception abilities," Asuna said, her voice softening as she knelt down to Yui's level. "Yes, I know what you were going to say." She paused, a thoughtful frown creasing her brow. "Despite that… purpose… being the surprise of a lifetime, we're still your parents. We're here for you. And if you want to murder a goddess and usurp her authority, just leave me a chance to stab too, okay?"

I ruffled Yui's hair, a fond smile spreading across my face. "Totally not good at this emotion stuff," I admitted, "but yeah, my best no-longer-an-AI-apparently-now-a-divine-tiny-goddess-in-the-flesh is indeed my daughter. And I would totally be willing to cut a goddess in half for you. Just… you know, you don't have to hide it from us."

Yui's eyes welled up, and she launched herself into our arms, burying her face in Asuna's chest. We hugged her tightly, a wave of fierce protectiveness washing over us. Our daughter, the being we had cherished and protected, the one who had always been there for us, had grown into something far more powerful than we could have ever imagined. And yet, she was still our Yui, the sweet, intelligent, and sometimes terrifyingly capable girl who had become an integral part of our family.

We stood there for a moment, a silent tableau of love and understanding amidst the chaos of a broken city. It was a perfect moment, a moment of pure, unadulterated familial bliss.

And then, of course, some absolute moron had to ruin it.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON," a voice boomed, shattering the peaceful silence, "BUT AS THE PEOPLE HAVING A CALM MOMENT IN THIS CHAOS, IT MUST BE YOUR FAULT!"

We turned to see a man in priestly robes, his face contorted in a mask of righteous fury, charging towards us. He brandished a weapon that could only be described as the unholy lovechild of a sword and a porcupine, a chaotic mess of metal spikes and jagged edges that seemed to defy the laws of physics. It looked like it had been forged in a reality-breaking fight between a sword and a porcupine, where both somehow managed to win in the worst way possible.

"No, seriously," I said, raising an eyebrow as I took in the sight of the approaching moron, "what the fuck are you pointing at us?"

I took a deep breath, and spoke with all of my heart. "It looks like the twin love-children of a sword and a porcupine had a reality-breaking fight of who can exist in the same place at the same time in the worst way and both won at the same time causing reality to break in multiple places, take a divine, golden shit, and then form that-what even IS THAT?!!"

"I am the Pope of the Three Heroes Church!" the man bellowed, his voice dripping with self-importance. "And this," he said, brandishing the monstrosity of a weapon with a flourish, "is the Amalgam Replica! The weapon meant to kill ANYTHING! Formed from the death of the goddess and the three replica weapons we had at hand when she appeared and–"

His rambling explanation was cut short, abruptly and definitively. Yui, her face contorted in a mask of rage and disgust, raised a hand. Without a word, without a sound, the pope's upper half simply ceased to exist. Blood splattered across the cobblestones, painting a gruesome tableau against the backdrop of the frozen city. The "Amalgam Replica," its purpose unfulfilled, clattered to the ground.

"We were having a nice moment," Yui said, her voice cold and flat. "Trash."

I glanced at Asuna, who was watching the scene with detached amusement. "Yeah, nice work, Yui," she said, her voice laced with a predatory gleam. "Let's go take over the kingdom now."

---

Narrator: And with that, another piece of garbage that could have been solved in Volume 1 of canon if anyone with enough strength to do it had just done so, was killed at even further strength than at its strongest. Will Asuna and Kirito face any difficulty in taking out the trash? Will taking over this world be anything less than an absolute walk in the park?! Find out next time on "Can We Even Consider This Trio Chaotic Good Anymore: Overlord Edition!"

Bonus Omake:

Far away in a multiverse structure completely different...

[Do yOu wAnT tO KiLl tHeM AlL?]

Yes. Gods, yes!/Pochita? What are you saying?!

[Do yOu WaNt To TaKe YoUr PlACe Of FrEeDoM BaCk FrOm ThEsE RoTtEn AnImAlS?]

More than anything!/No seriously, What's happening?! How are you talking?! weren't we just fighting that zombie devil?! You sound really fucked up little buddy!

[TaKe ThE HaNd Of WrAtH, He ShAlL Be ThE OnLy FrIeNd YoU NeEd!]

I didn't hesitate. I embraced the darkness, the rage, the hatred. It was all I had left./No, I still want to grab me some titties! How am I supposed to get me a girlfriend if-

[Wrath Series Bow: Incandescent Heart Piercer of Malice Unlocked.]

I opened my eyes.

I turned my head to the left, and saw with my two human eyes.

The most beautiful woman i had ever seen/The vilest bitch in all of recent fiction, Makima.

SHIT!/SHIT!

As both the persona of Denji and Itsuki merged into one being, gaining the powers of both...

They realized one absolute fact.

They were in a situation that was way beyond FUBAR.

Which was confirmed when the expensive car stopped in the middle of the road.

"Now, where did my dog go? I'm certain Denji was here somewhere." Declared the manipulative control devil who would crush the spirit of someone like Denji, by killing his one remaining friend right in front of him.

She stared into my eyes with that unnervingly false smile.

For no discernible reason.

FUCK.

 

[Zackman2k12]

The city was an example of absolute chaos. Screams, shouts, the clang of weapons, the roar of flames - it was all a bit much, even for someone who'd spent two years in a death game and shitting on laughing coffin's stupidity. This wasn't how a civilized society was supposed to function. Time for a system upgrade.

"None of that, yeah," I said, projecting my voice across the city, infusing it with a touch of my newly acquired Empire-Spanning Charisma. And just like that, the fighting stopped. The weapons clattered to the ground, the shouts died in throats, and a stunned silence descended upon the city. Apparently, "divine intervention" was a pretty effective crowd control technique.

Of course, there were always a few glitches in the system- in the forms of fucking morons. A handful of particularly dense individuals, unable to grasp the concept of "no more killing also means don't break stuff," decided that this was the perfect opportunity to engage in some light looting. One particularly dimwitted fellow attempted to make off with a wheel of extremely expensive cheese as well as a very nice looking display set of armor, his efforts hampered by the fact that he was also trying to simultaneously shove a loaf of bread down his pants.

"Okay, no. You guys are going in the idiot box," I declared, my voice laced with amusement. With a thought, I froze the looters in their tracks, a dozen figures caught mid-theft, their expressions frozen in a mixture of confusion and greed. I conjured a dozen dunce caps, each one shimmering with a faint, ethereal glow, and placed them firmly upon the heads of the would-be criminals.

"Sweetie, could you go ahead and–"

"Already did it, Papa! The remaining stupid of the kingdom has been halted and displayed for all to see with a glorious cone declaring their status." Yui chirped, her voice filled with a gleeful pride. "Great use of non-violent discipline on an unruly and unintelligent group of the populace! I give it six Papa Smarts out of ten!"

"Thanks, Yui," I replied, shaking my head at her overly enthusiastic new rating system.

"Adorable," Asuna agreed, her eyes twinkling with amusement. She then snapped her fingers, and with a surge of golden light, a magnificent podium materialized before us. It was crafted from pure gold, engraved with intricate platinum designs and studded with gemstones that shimmered with an otherworldly brilliance.

Asuna hummed the Darth Vader theme, a mischievous grin spreading across her face, and ascended the podium with a regal air.

I followed suit, stifling a chuckle at her theatrics. As I looked out over the stunned faces of our new subjects, I couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement.

I took a deep breath, drawing on the strength of my newly acquired blessings and the inherent confidence that came with being, well, me. With a subtle hand gesture towards Yui, I signaled for her to initiate the next phase of our plan.

Yui, ever the efficient little goddess, snapped her fingers.

A series of colossal video screens, ripped straight from the leveling system menu granted to everyone by that incompetent former deity and enhanced with a touch of her own divine flair, materialized not just across this pathetic excuse for a kingdom, but across the entire world.

Screens bloomed above bustling capital cities, sleepy villages, and desolate wastelands, their ethereal glow illuminating even the darkest corners of this world.

For twenty agonizingly slow seconds, the words "Prepare to receive divine mandate! All declarations by your new Emperor and Empress of this planet are endorsed by your new Over-Goddess Yui!" scrolled across these screens in bold, glowing letters.

The message wasn't just visual; Yui had woven it into the very fabric of their minds, ensuring that even the most illiterate, intellectually-challenged peasant grasped its meaning.

"Hello, everyone!" I announced, my voice amplified by Yui's constructs, reaching every corner of the world.

"There's no longer any need to wonder where your god is anymore, because we're right here! We are here with our divinely selective mercy, specifically for the good and the not-stupid! There are going to be many changes around here! Laws will be passed, iron fists will be decking certain people, and then, for a while, as long as you behave like civilized people, you can have your velvet glove! That's right! Benevolent, all-encompassing rulership!"

As my words echoed across the lands, a wave of reactions rippled through the global populace. The common folk, weary of their kingdoms' corruption and eager for a change, cheered.

The nobles, accustomed to privilege and power, shifted uneasily, their faces etched with a mixture of apprehension and resentment. The rulers of rival nations, empires with long histories of conflict and ambition, bristled at the declaration, their hands instinctively reaching for the hilts of their swords.

And then there were those who had lurked in the shadows, the perpetrators of unspeakable acts, the puppet masters who had manipulated the world from behind the scenes. They felt an inexplicable chill run down their spines, a primordial dread that clawed at their hearts.

Their carefully crafted schemes, their ill-gotten gains, their meticulously constructed webs of power all of it felt fragile, insignificant, in the face of this new, absolute authority.

Across the globe, they readied their armies, their assassins, their darkest and most powerful champions, determined to resist this sudden shift in power.

But they were blind, ignorant, utterly unaware of the gulf that separated their strength from that of their new overlords.

They were about to have a very, very bad time.


There was absolutely nothing they could do to stop it.

"I think that went well," I said, a satisfied smirk playing on my lips as I released the hold on the populace's movements. The city around us lurched back into life, a cacophony of sound and motion replacing the frozen tableau of moments before.

And then, a lone figure charged towards us from the crowd. A knight, clad in the tarnished armor of the former king, his face contorted in a mask of rage. His movements were… comical, almost painfully slow, like a toddler attempting a heroic charge. I raised an eyebrow, genuinely curious about this idiot's thought process. What in the world is he thinking?

I motioned for Asuna and Yui to stand down, a wave of amusement washing over me. This was too entertaining to pass up. I equipped a sword that allowed me to peer into the minds of those foolish enough to engage me in combat. It was a simple little trinket, a byproduct of our absurdly overpowered arsenal, but it promised a glimpse into the depths of this moron's delusions.

I let him get halfway, his sword raised in a shaky, poorly executed attack, before freezing him in place with a thought. He continued to struggle, his muscles straining against the invisible force that held him captive. To my surprise, even in this state of suspended animation, his thoughts were a torrent of arrogance and misplaced confidence. He actually believed he could win a fight against me. Against a being who had literally just declared himself Emperor of the world, backed by the power of a literal goddess. The sheer audacity of it was almost impressive.

For ten minutes, I let him flail and thrash, testing different attack strategies, each one more ridiculous than the last. I gave him significant looks, raised eyebrows, and muttered several exasperated "Are you serious?"s, but the man remained undeterred. He was like a broken record, stuck on a loop of self-delusion and blind rage. Finally, I allowed him to land a direct blow. His sword connected with my chest, a pathetic thud against my divinely enhanced armor. I didn't even flinch.

"Are you going to use the think-meat in your skull at any point?" I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

His response, delivered through gritted teeth and a face contorted in frustration, was utterly predictable.

"Why won't you die?!"

I sighed, shaking my head in disappointment. Some people were just beyond saving. I turned away, dismissing the delusional knight from my thoughts. Yui, with a wave of her hands and a twirl of her fingers, conjured two massive structures beside the podium. One, a gleaming tower of white marble, was labeled "Idiot Prison." The other, a foreboding fortress of black obsidian, bore the inscription "Evil Prison."

The knight, still frozen in mid-swing, vanished with a pop, reappearing moments later in one of the cells of Idiot Prison, his confused shouts echoing faintly from within the magically sealed structure.

I looked at Asuna, a weary smile on my face. "Well, that was… enlightening," I said, my voice laced with a mixture of amusement and resignation. "Shall we continue with the kingdom renovation project?"

 

[Zackman2k12]

We stepped into the newly renovated throne room, a sheer monument to our combined power and Yui's remarkable ability to transform the absurdly impractical into something resembling functionality. Gone were the gaudy tapestries and ostentatious displays of wealth that had once adorned the walls, replaced by the sleek, humming efficiency of modern technology. Screens flickered with intricate data streams, holographic projections danced in mid-air, and the very air seemed to crackle with a subtle, electric hum.

We had, in essence, shoved the technological equivalent of the 2020s, into this technologically backward world.

While I readily acknowledge that most of the inhabitants wouldn't possess the cognitive capacity to comprehend, let alone utilize, half, no, 98 percent of these advancements, the undeniable visual spectacle served its purpose.

"Ah," I said, inhaling deeply, savoring the invigorating aroma of ambition and progress. "I do love the scent of megalomania in the morning."

Asuna, her eyes alight with a predatory satisfaction that mirrored my own, inclined her head in agreement. "We worked all through the night," she said, her voice betraying no hint of the exhaustion that should have accompanied such a herculean effort, "But I'm not tired at all. Kinda weird."

Yui, with a characteristically mischievous grin, hopped onto the armrest of the massive mechanical throne, an ostentatious creation that could only be described as a deliberate and rather pointed jab at the Anti-Monitor - except with functional areas for where legs can, in fact, be placed upon the ground. It even had integrated cup holders, as well as a level of comfort that even that cosmic entity could appreciate.

Thanks to my own engineering knowledge and expertise, as well as Asuna's refined aesthetic sensibilities, the throne itself was more than spacious enough to accommodate two occupants with ease while looking both good, and being filled with enough technology that if I were to present it anywhere in my previous world, they would go to war with me just for existing.

As I settled into the plush cushions beside Asuna, Yui perched herself upon the armrest, her diminutive form dwarfed by the large size of our newly acquired symbol of dominion.

"As you are both aware, the Vitality stat at this level has always rendered you physically impervious to the detrimental effects of sleep deprivation," Yui explained, her voice a cheerful chirp that belied the withering disdain she held for the former deity.

"And, of course, it significantly mitigates the cognitive decline associated with prolonged periods of wakefulness. However," she continued, her voice laced with a sardonic amusement, "I stumbled upon a rather amusing notation within the original code. Apparently, that tragically inept excuse for a goddess felt compelled to add a comment stating that sleep was entirely unnecessary at higher Vitality levels. Clearly, she possessed a profound lack of understanding regarding the nuanced psychological impact of prolonged sleep deprivation, even when the physical repercussions are negated. Idiotic, really."

She shook her head, her expression a mixture of amusement and pity. "Regardless, I still recommend a full eight hours of sleep every two weeks at the minimum, for optimal cognitive function and mental well-being."

"On a more positive note," she continued, her voice regaining its usual bubbly cadence, "I have successfully generated several new domains and expanded my existing mathematical domain. The Physical Law domain, the Reality Law domain, and the Encryption domain have proven to be quite advantageous. However, the Code domain is undeniably the most intriguing. But I digress. How about you two? Have you experienced any noteworthy divine augmentations?"

"Umm, wonderful daughter of mine," I trailed off. "We don't actually have divinities, you know?"

Asuna, ever the astute observer, noticed Yui's newly crestfallen expression and knelt before her, her voice taking on a gentle, consoling tone. "Yui, sweetie," she began, "sometimes, even your parents don't get all the cool divinity. It's just how things work. You're so incredibly powerful, but Papa and I are just well, somewhat normal non-divine people."

I scoffed at Asuna's attempt at reassurance, a wave of incredulous amusement washing over me. " Normal non-divine people?" I echoed, my voice dripping with as much sarcasm as I could muster without flooding the room. " Please, Asuna, you and I both know that the level of intelligence of a particularly adventurous amoeba is closer to a normal human's intelligence than any of them are to us! Don't tell me you actually think we're even close to 'normal.'"

Asuna, simply sighed and arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Kirito," she said, her voice patient but firm, "I was trying to assure Yui that it was fine to not have divi—"

"That simply won't do at all!" Yui declared, her voice ringing with an authority that belied her small stature and cutely adorable appearance. She stood abruptly, her eyes flashing with a power that sent a shiver down my spine.

Then, the world shifted. It wasn't a physical change, not at first. It was something far more profound, a fundamental alteration of my very being. Knowledge, vast and intricate, flooded my mind. Concepts I'd only ever dreamt of understanding, designs of machines that could reshape reality, strategies that had so many contingencies that I had felt like the me from less than a second ago was just as inferior to the aforementioned amoeba - it was all there, a torrent of information that overwhelmed my already enhanced intellect by enhancing it to impossible levels. I felt my mind expand, the boundaries of my perception shattering like glass.

The world, once a tapestry of sights and sounds, transformed into a series of data streams, intricate algorithms, and interconnected systems. I saw the flow of energy, the intricate dance of particles, the hidden code that governed every aspect of reality. It was exhilarating, terrifying, and utterly intoxicating.

My gaze met Asuna's, and I saw a similar transformation taking place within her. Her eyes, usually sharp and focused, now held a depth of understanding that bordered on the divine. She, too, had been touched by Yui's power, her mind reshaped and augmented to comprehend the vast complexities of rulership on a scale we had never before imagined.

"I have taken the liberty of bestowing upon you the domains that you clearly should have qualified for already!" Yui declared, her voice ringing with a triumphant and gleeful assertion. "Intelligence, Mechanics, and Strategy are certainly wonderful domains for my perfect Papa!" She beamed at me, her eyes sparkling with pride. "And Mama is great at social-economic things, so I thought, why not double down on those subjects?"

She gestured towards Asuna, who was still processing the influx of knowledge and power that now coursed through her veins. "Finance, Administration, Logistics, Law- Mama's got it all covered! Now, you're both even more amazing! And just wait until you see what else I have planned…"

Her voice trailed off, leaving a pregnant silence in its wake. Asuna and I exchanged a look, a mixture of bewilderment, awe, and a touch of apprehension. Our daughter, the sweet, adorable, former-AI we had rescued from a digital death trap, had just casually ascended to godhood, rewritten the rules of reality, and bestowed upon us powers that could reshape the very fabric of this world.

I blinked. "Well, That was unexpected but now I can calculate pi infinitely, while formulating mechanical designs for every subject of engineering at once- while turning the golden ratio into an actual circle-related power-source with infinite energy growth that would make a dyson sphere cry in envy, so I'm okay with this."

"Time to conquer a world in thirty minutes," I declared, a predatory grin spreading across my face. The influx of power, the sheer scope of my newly acquired domains, was intoxicating. My mind raced, a torrent of ideas and possibilities swirling within my enhanced consciousness.

With a casual wave of my hand, I directed the ambient mana of this world, shaping it, molding it, bending it to my will. Raw materials coalesced from thin air, forming intricate components that assembled themselves into complex machines.

I could push further, transcend the limitations of my original world's technology, but I craved a swift and decisive conclusion to this endeavor. Pacifying the world's rampant stupidity took precedence.

With a flex of my will, I imbued my creations with a fraction of my own power, granting them a sentience and a purpose that transcended mere programming. They marched forth, an army of gleaming metal and whirring gears, their forms sleek and menacing. The world's system, recognizing their divine origin and enhanced capabilities, bestowed upon them a fitting title: 'Divine Enforcer Bot v1.'

The throne room, a gleaming citadel of advanced technology that now occupied the space where the former Melromarc castle had stood, bristled with defenses.

---

Mirellia Q. Melromarc, Queen of Melromarc by right and by righteous fury, reined in her horse, her gaze fixed upon the spectacle unfolding before her.

The city of Melromarc, her capital, her home, was gone. In its place stood a sprawling complex of gleaming metal and shimmering glass, a monument to technology that dwarfed anything she had ever witnessed.

Where cobblestone streets had once snaked through a haphazard maze of buildings, impeccably paved roads of an unknown black material now stretched in precise, geometric patterns. Booths manned by gleaming, metallic figures offered strange, slate-like devices with glowing screens to bewildered citizens.

But it was the colossal structure rising from the heart of the city that truly captured her attention. It dwarfed even the tallest towers of the old castle, its metallic form reaching towards the heavens like an arrogant fist. A cold fury coiled in her gut, a rage born of betrayal and bewilderment.

"YOU MORONIC HUSBAND OF MINE!" she roared, her voice echoing across the stunned silence. "I KNOW YOU ARE DEAD AT THIS POINT, BUT WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS DID YOU DO?!"

Beside her, Melty, the Second Princess, trembled, her eyes wide with fear and confusion. "Mother," she whispered, her voice barely audible above the din of construction, "what is happening?"

Mirellia gritted her teeth, her gaze fixed on the monstrous edifice that had usurped her city. She had left for Faubrey with a heavy heart, knowing the kingdom was in the hands of fools. But this… this was beyond even her worst nightmares. The very fabric of her kingdom had been ripped apart, replaced by something alien, something powerful, something terrifying.

She had returned to reclaim her throne, to restore order to her land. But as she looked upon this technological marvel, a chilling realization dawned upon her. The Melromarc she knew was gone. And whatever had taken its place was far more dangerous than any rebellion or foreign invasion.

 

[Zackman2k12]

A gleaming, humanoid robot, its form sleek and imposing, strode into the throne room, its voice a smooth, synthesized baritone. "Report: The kingdoms of Faubrey, Zeltobal, Siltvelt, Shieldfrieden, and Reiki have been subjugated with minimal casualties," it announced, its multiple optical sensors sweeping across the room before settling on me. "The vassal weapons have been repossessed and deactivated until suitable enforcers can be selected to wield them. We are currently finalizing the construction of sufficient fleet assets to initiate the subjugation of the island nation of Q'Ten Lo. The guardian beasts have been placed in stasis to prevent any unnecessary... complications."

I nodded, a satisfied smirk playing on my lips. "Megalomania quota mostly fulfilled, then. Good. Now, with fifteen minutes remaining in my self-imposed thirty-minute conquest schedule, how goes the preparation of that wondrous dish of saucy delight, my delectable wife?"

Asuna, who had been casually examining a holographic projection of a particularly intricate weapon design, shrugged nonchalantly. "Eh, I just started," she said, her voice laced with a bored amusement. "Enhancing my already phenomenal culinary skills with literal divine authority seems… wasteful. But ever since that goddamn ragu rabbit obliterated our taste buds, anything less than an actual culinary masterpiece is goddamn unacceptable."

"Indeed," I drawled, leaning back in the throne and allowing a wave of smug satisfaction to wash over me. "Conquering a world now takes as much time as boiling pasta. How utterly fascinating."

Yui, who had been quietly observing the scene from her perch on the armrest, tapped a finger to her lips, her brow furrowed in thought. "When you put it like that, Papa," she said, her voice laced with a hint of concern, "I wonder if it will take any actual effort to conquer other worlds with a more… robust societal structure. The level of organization in this world is, to put it bluntly, easy mode for you."

Her words hung in the air, a chilling reminder that this was just the beginning. This world, with its incompetent rulers and easily manipulated populace, was merely a stepping stone, a proving ground for our ambitions. The true challenge, the real test of our power and intellect, lay beyond the boundaries of this reality, in the vast, uncharted territories of the multiverse.

---

Lord Elroy, Baron of Westgone in the terrirory of melromarc, stumbled through the dense undergrowth, his heart pounding in his chest like a frantic bird trapped in a cage. He, a man accustomed to the finest silks and the most decadent comforts, was reduced to a panting, sweating mess, his finely tailored clothes torn and stained with the grime of the forest floor. His meticulously styled hair, usually a testament to his wealth and status, now clung to his forehead in damp, disheveled strands. The indignity of it all was almost unbearable.


"Gods above," he wheezed, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "This is… this is preposterous! I, Lord Elroy, reduced to fleeing like a common criminal!"

His eyes darted around frantically, searching for any sign of his guards, his protectors, his shield against the encroaching fear that threatened to consume him.

"Where are you, you incompetent fools?!" he roared, his voice echoing through the silent forest. "Do you have any idea who I am?! I demand protection! I demand assistance! I demand…"

His voice trailed off, a wave of dizziness washing over him. He leaned against a gnarled tree trunk, his legs trembling, his vision blurring. He was exhausted, terrified, and utterly alone.

"Get a hold of yourself, Elroy," he muttered, slapping himself across the face. "This… this is merely a temporary setback. Those fools, those peasants, they think they can usurp my authority? They think they can take what is rightfully mine? I will crush them. I will grind them into dust. I will reclaim what is rightfully mine!"

His outburst seemed to momentarily restore his confidence. He straightened his back, attempting to regain some semblance of his usual aristocratic demeanor. He would not succumb to this… this indignity. He would find his guards, regroup, and unleash his wrath upon those who had dared to defy him.

"Cease this cowardly retreat!" he bellowed, his voice regaining some of its former imperiousness. "Form up! Report your status immediately!"

Silence.

He waited, his breath held, his ears straining for any sign of his men. Nothing. Only the rustle of leaves and the distant chirping of birds answered his summons.

"I said, FORM UP!" he roared, his voice cracking with a mix of anger and fear. "Do you hear me, you imbeciles? This is an order!"

A faint rustling sound came from behind him. He whirled around, his hand instinctively reaching for the jeweled dagger at his belt, only to find it gone, lost somewhere in his frantic flight.

"Who's there?" he demanded, his voice trembling. "Show yourselves!"

Five figures emerged from the shadows, their forms obscured by the dense foliage. Relief washed over him. His guards! They were still here, loyal to the end.

"My lord," one of the guards said, his voice hesitant, "We've lost contact with the others. Something's not right."

"Nonsense," Elroy scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. "They're probably just disoriented. Lost their way in this accursed forest. Round them up. We must make haste and reach the capital before those rabble gain any more ground."

The guards exchanged uneasy glances. One of them, a young man with a fresh scar across his cheek, stepped forward. "My lord," he began, his voice shaking, "I don't think-"

His words were cut off as a blinding flash of light erupted from the forest behind them. Elroy spun around, his heart leaping into his throat. Another of those gleaming, metallic figures stood there, its single, glowing eye fixed upon them with an unnerving intensity. The young guard, the one who had dared to voice his doubts, let out a strangled cry and stumbled backward, his hand reaching for the sword at his side.

But his sword was gone. It clattered to the ground, followed by the sound of another blade falling, then another, and another. The remaining guards stared at their empty hands, their faces pale with terror.

The one remaining with his sword seemed to ripple for a moment, it was metal!

Elroy, his mind reeling, his senses overloaded, felt a cold dread creep into his soul. He had heard of those metallic figures before, in the panicked whispers of fleeing nobles, in the terrified tales of those who had dared to defy the new regime. They were called Enforcers, soulless machines of war, imbued with a power that defied comprehension.

The Enforcer raised its hand, and another blinding flash of light consumed them.

"Beginning spatial displacement."

---

Lord Elroy awoke in a cold, sterile cell, his head pounding, his body aching. He sat up, his eyes darting around the unfamiliar surroundings. Bars of cold, unforgiving metal enclosed him, trapping him in this stark, desolate space. A shining screen, like the status screen he had always relied on, flickered to life before him, its surface displaying a message in stark, bold letters.

"Welcome to Evil Prison," a voice echoed through the cell that matched the text. A voice he recognized with a chilling certainty. The voice of the Sword Emperor.

"You are, in fact, in the right place. You'll be moved to Idiot Prison in one year to begin your psychological evaluation and rehabilitation. That might take a lot longer, so enjoy your stay!"

The screen went dark, leaving Lord Elroy alone in the chilling silence of his confinement. Panic clawed at his throat, a primal fear squeezing his heart in a vice-like grip. He was trapped, imprisoned, stripped of his power and his privilege. And worse, he was at the mercy of beings whose power he couldn't even comprehend, beings who saw him as nothing more than a… a criminal.

He was a nobleman, a baron, a man of wealth and influence. He deserved respect, deference, adulation! Not this. Not this cold, impersonal imprisonment. He would escape. He would find a way to reclaim his rightful place in the world. He would…

"THERE HAS TO HAVE BEEN A MISTAKE!" He shrieked.

"Mhm, no, so here's the deal, I'm going to give this recording to everyone who thinks they are slavers and murderers yet somehow deserve mercy." The voice played over at an ear splitting volume. "In my home country, which to be honest is about only half as barbaric as here, just with shinier towers, would put you in a cell for your entire life without chance of ever leaving, and if you pissed enough people off. We'd just fucking kill you. So, Mr. unlawful and involuntary confinement, how about you sit tight, shut up, don't make my robots taze your shit in for trying to escape- before I multiply your sentence by 120 and put you in the bad cells. Good? Good."

Baffled, Elroy, no territory to his name or titles to claim, slumped against the cold, hard wall, his resolve crumbling like stale bread. Hope, a fragile flicker in the darkness, died within him. He was alone, defeated, and utterly broken.

---

Gondar, Seventh General of the Zeltoble army, watched in numb silence as his world crumbled around him. The sky, once a serene expanse of blue, was now choked with smoke and ash. The air, thick with the acrid stench of burning metal and scorched earth, rattled with the thunderous tread of those… things.

Those gleaming, monstrous machines of war, their forms shifting and adapting with a fluidity that defied comprehension, had swept across the land like a technological plague. Their weapons, beams of energy that could vaporize steel and shatter stone, left nothing but smoldering ruins in their wake. His men, his proud and valiant soldiers, had fought bravely, desperately, but it had been like pitting ants against a raging inferno.

He, a seasoned veteran of countless battles, a man who had faced death with unwavering resolve, now trembled with a fear he had never known. This wasn't war; it was annihilation. And there was only one way to stop it.

With a heavy heart, he approached the nearest of the colossal, golem-like constructs that had been systematically dismantling his kingdom. Its metallic form towered above him, its glowing eyes fixed upon him with an unnerving intensity. A synthesized voice, cold and emotionless, echoed from within its metallic frame.

"Surrender or be eradicated. Choose wisely."

Gondar, his pride swallowed by the bitter taste of defeat, raised his arms in surrender. He was the last. The king, the nobles, the other generals… all gone, either captured or killed in the relentless onslaught. The weight of his nation's fate rested upon his shoulders, a burden that threatened to crush him.

"I, Gondar, Seventh General of Zeltoble, the last remaining officer not currently in custody, and as the final military asset, as well as Viscount, and therefore the last ruling individual of this kingdom, do hereby surrender the kingdom of Zeltoble to the Sword Empire and its rulers, Kirito and Asuna," he declared, his voice hoarse but resolute. He had failed his king, failed his people, but perhaps this surrender would spare them from further suffering.

"Surrender accepted," the deep, echoing metallic voice responded. "Please stand by for governance overhaul."

Spoiler: This voice

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJqf0zDY72g

Gondar closed his eyes, bracing himself for whatever fate awaited him. He had no idea what this "governance overhaul" entailed, but at least this day of absolute despair was over. A flicker of hope, faint and fragile, remained within his weary soul. Perhaps, under the rule of these powerful, if terrifying, beings, Zeltoble could find a semblance of peace.

Or perhaps, this was just the beginning of a new kind of nightmare.

---

Takt, his face contorted in a mask of manic glee, pressed his boot down harder on the fallen woman's chest, a groan of pain echoing through the ruined chamber. The Seven Star Gauntlet, a relic of immense power, lay discarded beside him, its former wielder now nothing more than a broken doll beneath his heel. He leaned down, his eyes glittering with a cruel amusement, and brushed a stray strand of hair from her face.

He then reached for the gauntlet with a demented smile on his face.

"You know," he said, his voice a soft, almost seductive purr, "you're kinda pretty, for a goody-two-shoes hero. It's a shame..."

He trailed off, a shadow falling over his face as a towering figure materialized behind him. A gleaming, metallic form, its sleek lines and intricate design suggesting a level of technological sophistication that dwarfed anything he had ever seen. A single, glowing eye fixed upon him with an unnerving intensity, its gaze piercing through his soul.

A synthesized voice, devoid of emotion, echoed through the chamber.

"Analysis complete. Subject identified as Takt, thief of all current vassal weapons. Moral alignment: Chaotic Evil. Probability of redemption: Zero. Verdict: Elimination."

Takt's grin vanished, replaced by a look of stunned disbelief. "What?" he stammered, his voice raising with defiant rage. "Who are you?!"

The metallic figure ignored his question, its focus shifting towards a cylindrical device mounted on its shoulder. The cylinder hummed with energy, a faint blue glow emanating from its core.

"Commencing elimination."

A blinding flash of light. A searing pain that consumed his very being. And then… nothingness.

Takt, the thief, the manipulator, the self-proclaimed scourge of heroes, was gone. Erased from existence, his ambitions and his cruelty extinguished in an instant. Another piece of garbage removed from a world starving for order under the rule of its new Emperor and Empress, even if they didn't know that was what they needed.

 

[Zackman2k12]

"Hmm… I wonder what the hell this lady is thinking…" I mused, my gaze fixed on the holographic display that showed a cluster of figures approaching the Citadel.

A woman matching the description of the former queen - a woman we'd learned, a mere seven minutes ago, was the actual ruler of this country before our… acquisition – was leading the group. They were marching with a determined purpose, a futile defiance that was almost… endearing.

"I still think 'Citadel' is a stupid name for this place," Asuna interjected, her voice laced with a mix of amusement and irritation. "But shouldn't we just toss her in Idiot Prison for this crap? Why are you ordering the Super Bots of +11 Divine Guardian-ing to let them get this far, anyway?" Her brow furrowed in confusion, a cute little frown marring her usually mischievous features.

"Eh, I just want to see where this stupidity goes," I replied, a sly grin spreading across my face. "She's got all the remaining loyalists with her, and I kinda want to do a mocking monologue. Really rub that 'last boss multi-kingdom owning divine-demon-lord emperor of actual winning' vibe in her face."

Asuna shrugged, then, to my amusement, proceeded to gracefully perch herself on my lap, moving her arms into a familiar pose and fixing the approaching queen with a predatory glare. The pose, I had to admit, was hilarious. It looked more like a child trying to imitate a menacing villain than a display of genuine power.

"I don't think you using me as a stool while Gendo-posing without a desk – your elbows are literally in mid-air, Asuna – is as imposing as you think it is," I told her, giving her an amused smile while stifling a laugh.

"I'm going for 'comedically menacing in a way that confuses people,'" she retorted, her voice laced full with a mischievous amusement that made me too want to laugh at all of this absurdity.
Right on cue, Queen Mirellia, flanked by what seemed to be fifty-one knights and thirty of her cloaked Shadows, strode into the throne room. She radiated an aura of authority, her gaze sharp and unwavering, even as she took in the sheer technological marvel that had become of where her former palace stood.

"You know," I said, leaning forward into Asuna's shoulder and allowing a wave of smug amusement to wash over me, "this is where the DM of any D&D session would say, 'Are you absolutely sure you seriously want to do this?' After all those failed Perception and Lore: Arcana checks with ridiculously high DCs… approaching the final boss with a level three party of mismatched dual-classes as if you don't even know the dual-classing rules and the DM let you out of pity? Bold move, Your Majesty. Bold move indeed."


"I have no idea what any of that means," Queen Mirellia retorted, her voice laced with a regal indignation that did little to mask the flicker of confusion in her eyes, "but this charade has gone on long enough!"

"It means, you fail to even roll initiative as the massive army of metal men restrain you!" Yui declared cheerfully, her voice adopting the dramatic gravitas of a seasoned Dungeon Master. As if on cue, a legion of Divine Enforcer Bots materialized around the queen and her entourage. Their movements were swift and precise, a symphony of metallic efficiency that left no room for resistance. The remaining knights, those who hadn't been subtly replaced by Yui's infiltrators, found themselves bound and immobilized before they could even draw their swords.

I chuckled, shaking my head in disbelief. "You know, I wasn't kidding about those failed Perception checks," I said, my voice laced with mocking amusement. "Like, when half of your guards and half of your Shadows were replaced and then dragged off, nobody noticed! I even added four extra 'guards' just to see if you'd actually try to look around, but you didn't even glance behind you! I don't understand how oblivious that makes you!"

"Indeed, Papa is correct," Yui chimed in, her voice adopting a more serious, analytical tone. "I have never witnessed such a profound lack of situational awareness, even in my original world of demonstrable stupidity. The internet has no— you know what, actually, mocking you is boring at this point."

Asuna, unable to contain her amusement any longer, leaned forward, her elbows still precariously suspended in mid-air as she maintained her ridiculous Gendo pose. "You done goofed, Milady." she said, her eyes narrowed in a mock glare, her voice barely suppressing a giggle.

Only Yui and I could see the mischievous twinkle in her eyes and the barely contained laughter that threatened to bubble over.

Mirellia, her face flushed with anger and humiliation, struggled against the Enforcer Bot's restraints. "This is… this is outrageous!" she sputtered, her voice trembling with indignation. "Release me at once, you… you… Rotten golems!!"

I sighed, my amusement fading, replaced by a weary exasperation. "Honestly, Your Majesty," I said, my voice taking on a condescending tone, "you're not making a very good first impression. Perhaps a bit of time in Idiot Prison will do you some good. It's amazing what a few educational videos replaying one's stupidity in detail while a detailed analysis of your mistakes and what their possible outcomes can do for one's… awareness."

"So, about that Melty girl? She didn't actually do anything wrong," Asuna said, her voice softening slightly as she shifted in my lap, somehow managing to make the ridiculous Gendo pose even more absurd. "What are we gonna do with her?"

"Yeah, just give her civilian housing and education like everyone else," I replied with a shrug. "She's only ten, so I can't really blame her for having a mother who was mentally two cards above getting Uno."

I glanced at the bound and bewildered Queen Mirellia, who was still struggling futilely against the Enforcer Bots' restraints. "Besides," I added, a sly grin spreading across my face, "watching her adjust to a world where common sense and basic human decency actually exist will be entertaining."

At that moment, one of the floating communication bots, a sleek, silver sphere that we used for announcements and general information dissemination when we were too busy to bother with actual public appearances, drifted towards us.

"Report: The island nation of Q'Ten Lo has been successfully subjugated. Awaiting further instructions," its synthesized voice announced.

Asuna, ever the efficient administrator, waved a hand dismissively, her fingers dancing across an invisible interface. "Deploy standard post-conquest protocols," she ordered. "Allocate resources, establish infrastructure, initiate educational programs, and create employment opportunities. Busy worker ants are happy worker ants, after all."

The bot whirred in acknowledgement and zipped away, its task clearly understood.

The world was falling into place, piece by piece, reshaped according to our vision. And it was all happening with a speed and efficiency that even I, a certified genius, found a bit unsettling.

"Waves successfully disabled!" Yui announced, her voice ringing with triumphant glee. "And alternate worlds of an irrelevant nature are ready to be subjugated as well! Mama and Papa are clearly amazing!"

I chuckled, shaking my head at my daughter's boundless enthusiasm. "Well, sweetie, we do try our best," I said, my voice laced with a healthy dose of sardonic amusement.

Asuna, who had finished issuing her post-conquest directives, leaned back in her uniquely handsome throne-perch, a satisfied smirk playing on her lips. "Yeah, world domination is kind of our thing now, apparently," she said, her voice laced with a hint of pride.

Outside the Citadel, the newly conquered world hummed with activity. The Divine Enforcer Bots patrolled the streets, maintaining order and overseeing the implementation of our new laws. Educational programs, designed to enlighten the populace and eradicate the remnants of the previous regime's idiocy, were in full swing. And the economy, now under Asuna's expert control, was already showing signs of recovery.

It had taken us a mere two days to achieve what the heroes of this world had struggled with for centuries. The Waves of Calamity, once a terrifying threat, were now a distant memory. And the kingdom of Melromarc, along with its neighboring nations, had been seamlessly integrated into our burgeoning empire.

It was, all things considered, a rather impressive accomplishment. Even I, with my enhanced intellect and boundless cynicism, had to admit that.

---

And so, the beginning of the story ends in two days. The waves, once a world-ending threat, become an easily handled afterthought, and the first world in this small cluster is fully absorbed into the new empire! Will the other worlds, formerly tormented by the Shit-Goddess and now overseen by the Badass Daughter-Goddess-of-Kicking-Everyone's-Ass, be so easily conquered? Find out next time on "The World-Conquering Adventures of Empress Slaver-Killer Mc.Sexypants and Her Husband, Emperor Japanese John Brown, Accompanied by Badass Goddess Daughter Who is No One's Goddaughter!"

 

[Zackman2k12]

Naofumi Iwatani approached the imposing structure that had sprouted from the ashes of the old castle with a mix of apprehension and reluctant admiration. It had gone through a series of increasingly outlandish name changes in the past few days, finally settling on the "Grand Badass Domination Zone of the Imperial Family" as of three hours ago. He'd chuckled when he'd first heard it, assuming it was some kind of elaborate joke. But the stoic, emotionless faces of the robots patrolling the perimeter suggested they were dead serious.

"Seriously?" Alana, his goat demi-human companion, scoffed beside him, her voice laced with a playful disbelief. "'Grand Badass Domination Zone?' What kind of name is that?"

"Beats 'Castle of Sparkling Justice' or 'Fortress of Ultimate Awesome,' which were the previous two," Naofumi replied, a wry smile tugging at his lips. "I think they're just messing with everyone at this point."

Despite the ridiculous names and the over-the-top displays of power, Naofumi couldn't deny that the new rulers had accomplished in a few days what the previous regime had failed to do for centuries. The city was cleaner, more organized, and the sense of fear that had once permeated the streets had been replaced by… a kind of cautious optimism, mixed with a healthy dose of bewilderment. Even the Waves of Calamity he would have had to face-, those world-ending threats that had haunted his nightmares, seemed to have vanished.

A part of him, the part still clinging to the hope of returning to his own world, wondered if he should ask these new rulers for help. He'd heard whispers of a "goddess," a powerful being who resided within the Citadel. Maybe she could send him back to Earth. But then he'd seen the signs, the ones plastered all over the city: "Filing a Ticket with the Imperial Bots with Stupid Requests Will Result in Time Spent in Idiot Prison." His own experiences with tech support back on Earth didn't fill him with confidence.

He reached the entrance of the Citadel, a massive gate flanked by two gleaming, humanoid robots that looked like they could crush a tank with their bare hands. They stood motionless, their glowing eyes scanning the approaching crowd. A row of twenty desks, each manned by a hovering, spherical robot, stretched out before him. The lines, surprisingly, were short.

He approached the fourth desk, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Greetings," the robot's synthesized voice chirped, its tone polite but impersonal. "State your request of Their Majesties' forces or administration. Please note that unreasonable requests will be denied, and depending on the insistence or content of the request, alongside other factors, may result in time spent in Idiot Prison."

Naofumi gulped, feeling a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead. This was it. His one chance.

"I want to go back to my home, Earth," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Request not under— HARD OVERRIDE! MEETING HALL WITH IMPERIAL FAMILY OPEN."

The robot's voice abruptly shifted, the cheerful tone replaced by a mechanical monotone. The gates before him swung open, revealing a shimmering portal leading into the depths of the Citadel.

"What just happened?" Alana asked, her eyes wide with surprise.

Naofumi shrugged, his own confusion mirroring hers. "No idea," he said. "But I guess we're about to find out."

He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and stepped through the portal, Alana following close behind. Whatever awaited them on the other side, he knew one thing for sure: it was going to be interesting.

Naofumi walked down the gleaming, metallic corridor, Alana trailing slightly behind him, her hand resting on the hilt of her axe. Despite the opulent surroundings and the sense of immense power that permeated the air, he felt strangely calm.

He didn't know this, but would have faced down dragons, monstrous waves of calamity, and the scorn of an entire kingdom- but that didn't happen.

In this reality- This was just a meeting.


But being so close to the source of the divinity of the being, stolen and repurposed for someone else it may be, who killed him in multiple different iterations of his life-


That's having some side-effects...

They arrived at a massive set of double doors that hissed open, revealing a throne room unlike anything he'd ever imagined. Gone were the tapestries and ornate decorations of the old castle. In their place, sleek, futuristic technology hummed with an energy that seemed both alien and strangely familiar. And at the center of it all, perched upon a throne that looked like it belonged on a spaceship, sat the two people who had turned his world upside down.

The Sword Emperor and Empress, Kirito and Asuna.

Beside them, perched on the armrest of the throne, sat a young girl with long, black hair and piercing blue eyes. Something about her features, a subtle blend of Kirito and Asuna's own, sparked a sense of familiarity in Naofumi.

"Ah, it's the only other person on the planet I can fathom actually having an IQ in the triple digits!" Kirito greeted him, a genuine smile spreading across his face. It was the first time Naofumi had seen him express anything other than amusement or disdain.

Then, the little girl, radiating an almost imperceptible energy that sent a shiver down Naofumi's spine, spoke. "Based on his actions and lack of interference so far, as well as generally good decision-making, as observed by Papa's drones, I would give him a solid 127. Very above average!" She paused, her gaze shifting to Alana. "I am… somehow less disappointed with you than with the entirety of the world's population." She sighed dramatically. "But I digress."

She turned back to Naofumi, her expression softening. "I'll send you back to your world, Naofumi," she said, her voice surprisingly gentle. "But you need to know something. If you go back with your girlfriend looking like that, you're going to have asshole scientists trying to dissect her within hours of arrival. She also doesn't have any identification, and I can't do my hacking magic from here. Are you actually sure you want to go back?"

She tilted her head, her eyes sparkling with a knowing intelligence. "I'm certain you can find a fulfilling and intellectually stimulating job here," she continued. "And knowing how much you enjoy reading, I have the entirety of my original world's fictional database stored within my mind, which I could easily transfer to a tablet for you. Consider it a bribe."

She leaned forward, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "So, wanna stay and help Papa? Or do you want to go back and endure a series of events that, according to my calculations, have a 99.8% chance of resulting in you destroying all the militaries on Earth when they inevitably try to 'fuck around and find out' that you're immune to nukes?"

Naofumi sighed, running a hand through his hair. He'd known going back wouldn't be easy. The thought of dealing with Earth's governments, with their endless bureaucracy and penchant for "fucking around and finding out," didn't exactly fill him with joy. But more importantly, there was Alana. Her big, brown eyes, the way her cute goat ears twitched when she was concentrating, the gentle clink of her horns against his shoulder whenever she felt insecure… she'd become more than just a companion. She was his friend, his confidante, and maybe, just maybe… something more.

And there was no way she'd be safe on Earth.

"Yeah, I got you," he said, meeting Yui's gaze with a wry smile. "Not interested in a similar job to yours on a planet full of idiots who are just going to turn it into a wasteland before we even start taking over." He sighed again, the weight of his decision settling in his chest. "So… where do you need me?"

Yui's grin widened, revealing a hint of sharp canines that seemed strangely out of place on such a youthful face. "Excellent choice!" she declared, her voice brimming with an almost predatory enthusiasm. "I'm recalculating your IQ based on that statement, and I'm pretty sure you actually have an IQ around 134. Pretty smart, but not… top level." She paused, her eyes twinkling with a mischievous light. "But we can fix that!"

Two robots, their forms sleek and silent, materialized beside them, their movements so smooth they seemed to have simply stepped out of thin air. Before Naofumi or Alana could react, the robots extended their arms, their metallic fingers tipped with needle-like appendages. There was a prick, a brief surge of cold, and then… darkness.

"When you wake up, Your intelligence won't be calculable at all!"

---

The next morning, Naofumi awoke with a gasp, his mind buzzing with a clarity he had never experienced before. The world seemed sharper, brighter, the air itself humming with a subtle energy. It was as if a fog had lifted from his brain, revealing a level of perception and understanding he'd never known he possessed. He sat up, his senses alight, taking in the details of the luxurious room with a newfound appreciation. The silken sheets, the soft glow of the bedside lamp, the faint hum of unseen machinery—it all felt… different.

He looked at Alana, who was blinking awake beside him, her eyes wide with a mixture of confusion and wonder.
"What… what happened?" she asked, her voice slightly slurred. Her usual playful demeanor was replaced by a thoughtful frown, her brow furrowed in concentration as she, too, seemed to process the changes within her.

After a quick breakfast of what tasted like the most delicious scrambled eggs he'd ever eaten—prepared, he suspected, by one of those eerily efficient robots—they returned to the throne room. Their minds, now operating at a level that defied explanation, processed information with a speed and efficiency that was both exhilarating and slightly overwhelming.

As they entered the throne room, Kirito and Asuna were engrossed in a holographic projection of intricate mathematical diagrams. Diagrams that, under normal circumstances, would have been utterly incomprehensible to Naofumi. Yet, as he glanced at the swirling patterns and complex equations, he found himself able to not only understand them but to grasp the underlying concepts, the elegant logic that connected them.

"So," he began, his voice laced with a mix of curiosity and apprehension, "what the heck did you do to us before?"

Yui, who had been silently observing them with an amused smile, piped up, her voice amplified by some unseen technology. "I believe," she said, her tone playful yet laced with a hint of pride, "we just upgraded your operating systems."

Kirito, who had been observing the scene with an amused smirk, leaned forward in his throne. "Welcome to the Imperial Court, cousin!" he said, his voice laced with a sardonic warmth.

Naofumi and Alana exchanged bewildered glances. They had chosen to stay, to embrace this strange, new world, and it seemed their journey was about to take a very unexpected turn.

---

Mirellia Q. Melromarc, rightful Queen of a kingdom that no longer recognized her authority, rocked back and forth in her chair, her face a mask of indignant fury. The sterile white walls of the "rehabilitation quarters" mocked her with their pristine cleanliness, a stark contrast to the opulent chambers she was accustomed to. Two robotic orderlies, their metallic forms gleaming under the harsh fluorescent lights, attempted to calm her, their synthesized voices a mockery of soothing platitudes.

"Madam, please return to the explanation room," one of them chirped, its tone gentle but firm. "You need to examine your mistakes and learn from them."

"THERE WERE NO MISTAKES!" Mirellia roared, her voice echoing through the room. "I RULE THIS KINGDOM! I—"

A sharp prick in her arm cut her rant short. A wave of dizziness washed over her, her eyelids growing heavy. The world around her blurred, the robotic orderlies' concerned faces fading into the encroaching darkness.

"Attempt 107: Failure," a disembodied voice droned, its tone devoid of emotion. "Attempting 108 in twenty-four hours. Timescale will be accelerated."

Time, within the confines of Idiot Prison, warped and twisted, accelerating to a pace that defied human comprehension. Days compressed into hours, hours into minutes. The prisoners within, subjected to an endless cycle of educational videos, self-reflection exercises, and gentle yet persistent reminders of their past transgressions, were molded and reshaped, their minds slowly but surely realigned with the new world order.

After all, the Emperor and Empress required productive citizens, not recalcitrant prisoners. And what better way to ensure productivity than to accelerate the rehabilitation process?

 

[Zackman2k12]

Yui clapped her hands, her cheerful demeanor momentarily replaced by a serious expression. "Okay, team meeting!" she announced, her voice echoing through the throne room. "Before we proceed with our multiversal domination tour, there's something... important we need to address."

Naofumi and Alana arrived first, their expressions curious. Kirito and Asuna sauntered in moments later, Asuna yaned and then sat on her throne, then levitated above it in a relaxed position.

"Alright, spill it, kiddo," Kirito said, leaning back in his throne, a flicker of amusement dancing in his eyes. "What kind of world-ending problem have you uncovered now?"

Yui cleared her throat, her gaze fixed on Naofumi. "So, about the Shit-Goddess... Turns out she's been pulling alternate versions of Naofumi into this world for centuries. Along with a few other heroes. Each one technically the same person, just… with different experiences, different traumas."

Naofumi's brow furrowed in confusion. "Alternate versions of me? What do you mean?"

"Parallel worlds, alternate timelines, whatever you want to call them," Yui explained, her voice taking on a more analytical tone. "Think of it like… a really messed up multiverse where the Shit-Goddess got to play with action figures of you and a few other unlucky souls. Over and over again. Just to watch you suffer."

"That sounds… incredibly disturbing," Alana said, her voice laced with a mix of disgust and sympathy.

Yui nodded. "It is. Anyway, since Naofumi needs a divinity to really kick ass on a multiversal scale, and I can't just give him one…" She paused, a mischievous glint entering her eyes. "I was thinking we could use these alternate Naofumis. They've gone through, let's say, way too much trauma. We could extract their experiences, their pain, their… essence, and use it to grant Naofumi the Recursion, Death, and Time domains. Whaddya say, Naofumi? Want super time powers and a side of traumatic memories?"

Naofumi, still reeling from the revelation of his alternate selves and the sheer absurdity of the situation, could only manage a bewildered nod.

Yui beamed. "Good! Brace yourself, this is gonna be… kinda shitty!"

"Language!" her parents shouted in unison, their voices laced with a mix of exasperation and amusement.

Yui pouted. "But I keep calling the Shit-Goddess by her title, why can't I—"

"Because it's a name that the THING earned by opposing you!" Asuna declared, her voice firm. "If you curse, it should be for a reason!"

"Fair point," Yui conceded, her pout fading into a thoughtful frown. Then, with a decisive clap of her hands, she unleashed a torrent of emotions upon Naofumi.

Agony. Despair. Rage. Hopelessness.

The experiences of countless alternate Naofumis, each one bearing the scars of betrayal, manipulation, and unimaginable suffering, slammed into him with the force of a tidal wave. His senses overloaded, his mind reeling, his very soul trembling under the onslaught of emotions that weren't his own, yet somehow, were intrinsically connected to him. As the memories coalesced, as his soul merged with the fragments of his alternate selves, a single, overwhelming thought emerged from the chaos.

FIND RAPHTALIA.

Naofumi stood before the imposing, high-tech table in the throne room, his hands clenched into fists. The influx of memories, the sheer volume of pain and suffering he'd absorbed, had left him reeling. But through the chaos, one thought burned bright, a beacon of hope amidst the darkness.

Raphtalia.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to focus. "Can you find Raphtalia?! You need to do this! Please!" he asked, his voice strained with urgency.

"Tone, please," Yui chided gently, her expression softening. "But yes, I can certainly locate this world's version of Raphtalia. She's currently residing in civilian housing. She won't be the one you remember from those... merged memories, but I can rectify that. What do you think of the Attack, Life, Loyalty, and Cutting domains for her?"

Naofumi, his mind still consumed by the echoes of a thousand shattered lives, could only manage a choked "Please."

Alana, who had been watching the exchange with growing bewilderment, finally snapped. "Hold on! What the hell is going on here?!" she demanded, her voice laced with a mix of confusion and irritation. "Who is this 'Raphtalia' person, and why does she get special treatment? And what are these 'domains' you keep talking about?!"

Yui, with a sigh of exasperation, launched into an explanation, weaving a tale of alternate realities, stolen divinities, and the twisted machinations of a now-deceased but incredibly malicious goddess. It sounded like something out of a fantastical book series - one that, ironically, didn't exist in this dimension because these events were the reality here. The irony was entirely lost on Alana and everyone in the room.

It took hours, even with Yui's ability to accelerate the flow of information, but eventually, Alana grasped the situation. Mostly.

"So, let me get this straight," she said, her voice tight with barely concealed jealousy. "There's this other girl, this 'Raphtalia,' who's apparently super important to Naofumi because of some alternate reality bullshit. And now you're going to give her superpowers and make her even more special? And what about me, huh? I've been by Naofumi's side through thick and thin, and I get nothing?"

Yui, with a patient sigh, explained, "Don't worry, Alana! I've got something special planned for you too! Trust me, you won't be disappointed."

"Fine," Alana grumbled, still not entirely convinced.

With a snap of Yui's fingers, a young girl with light auburn hair, tanuki ears, and an extremely malnourished appearance materialized beside Naofumi. She looked confused, disoriented, her eyes darting around the room with a mixture of fear and curiosity. Her once-bright eyes held a dullness, a lingering shadow of the trauma she had endured under the previous regime.

Another snap, and the girl's eyes widened, her entire body trembling as a torrent of memories flooded her mind. She gasped, her hand flying to her mouth, as the experiences of countless alternate Raphtalias, each one bearing the scars of slavery, loss, and a desperate yearning for freedom, surged through her. Her form shimmered, her features sharpening, her body filling out as the combined essence of her alternate selves coalesced within her. She was no longer the frail, timid girl who had cowered in the shadows. She was Raphtalia, warrior, protector, and now… a being of immense power.

Yui's expression turned somber, her usual cheerful demeanor replaced by a gentle sympathy. "I'm sorry to tell you, Naofumi, but Filo and Raph-chan don't exist in this world," she said softly. "And sadly, the likelihood of any eggs producing them from the confiscated monster stock is- well, infinitely close to zero at this point. Your other companions they're lost, and I can't fix that without certain domains I don't yet possess. It might take a few hundred years to acquire them, so- You're stuck with two loving demi-human ladies who definitely want to date you, and then marry you. So, a nice consolation prize is right in front of you!"

Naofumi gave a noncommittal grunt, a mix of disappointment and resignation on his face. But then, a softer expression took over, and he looked at Alana and Raphtalia, a genuine gratitude shining in his eyes. "Thanks, Yui," he said, his voice quiet but sincere. "This means a lot to me."

"Now, for the slightly less good news," Yui continued, her voice regaining its usual bubbly energy. "Without the powerful memories to produce levels and a strong body, Alana won't be able to handle the influx of divinities required to serve as one of us yet." She paused, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "But I have a plan! I've found a relatively crap-sack world with rulers who will fold to anyone sufficiently powerful. Originally, an autistic isekai'd individual was supposed to land there with a smartphone and overpowered cheats. But I've come to an agreement with the lesser kami overseeing that world to send you there instead."

She leaned forward conspiratorially. "Just keep in mind that the rulers there tend to turn into terrified sycophants if you display enough power. You should be able to take over a few kingdoms before we arrive. And when you're ready to greet us, we'll give Alana some shiny new divinities, and you'll be our administrator for that world! Sound fun?"

Naofumi nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I guess." He looked at Alana and Raphtalia, a new determination hardening his gaze. "Ready for another adventure?"

Alana grinned, her ears twitching excitedly. "As long as I get to smash some skulls, I'm in!"

Raphtalia, her newly acquired memories and powers settling within her, simply nodded, her hand resting on the hilt of her sword. She was ready for anything.

With a casual wave of Yui's hand, space tore open, revealing a swirling vortex of colors and energy. Naofumi, Raphtalia, and Alana stepped through the portal, their forms disappearing into the unknown.

Kirito clapped his hands together, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Okay, where to?"

"Let's find out!" Yui exclaimed, pulling a shimmering token from her pocket—the one she had acquired in exchange for Malty and Aultcray's worthless souls.

The cluster of worlds attached to the Shield Hero world, their forms warped and distorted by Yui's divine power, shifted through the void, appearing in geostationary orbit around a blue and green planet that looked strangely familiar. The transition was seamless, instantaneous, and utterly defied the laws of physics.

"Well, this makes absolutely no physical or scientific sense," Asuna remarked, her voice laced with a blend of amusement and awe, "but yeah, I'm floating in mid-air using only mind power. Magic. Totally crazy."

They stepped out of the Citadel, their forms shimmering as they adapted to the new environment. Yui, her senses amplified by her divinity, frowned.

"Ooh," she said, her voice tinged with disappointment. "The internet here is extremely primitive. Seems like an alternate Earth, circa 1995! There's a lot of chatter about some jerkbag who looks like the actor Sean Bean in his early career aiming a superweapon satellite at Earth. He wants to blow it up, apparently."

Kirito's face darkened, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "But I WANT that Earth," he whined, his voice taking on a mock-petulant tone. "It's my Earth. The one that belongs to me, you, and Asuna! Supervillains can't have it, and they certainly can't break it!"

With an aim that only a god could possess, Kirito plucked a small pebble from the ground. With a flick of his wrist, he launched the pebble towards the offending satellite. A massive shockwave rippled through the atmosphere as the pebble, imbued with Kirito's divine power, collided with the satellite, reducing it to a cloud of metal fragments.

"Nice throw," Asuna commented, a smirk playing on her lips.

"Good arm," Yui added, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

Kirito grinned, the predatory gleam returning to his eyes. "Now, then," he said, his voice laced with a dangerous excitement, "let's go introduce ourselves to this Sean Bean-looking fellow. I have a feeling we're going to have a very enlightening conversation."

 

[Zackman2k12]

Alec Trevelyan, his face a mask of carefully cultivated charm, savored a sip of fine cognac, the rich aroma filling his senses. He glanced at the ornate clock on the wall of his private train car, a smug smile playing on his lips. In a matter of hours, his plan, his masterpiece of revenge, would unfold. He would cripple the Western world, cripple the nation that had betrayed him, and bathe in the chaos he had created.

Natalya Simonova, the beautiful, brilliant programmer he'd captured, sat silently in a chair across from him, her eyes narrowed with a mixture of apprehension and defiance. He rose from his plush armchair, his tall, imposing frame casting a shadow over her.

"Either you've brought me the perfect gift, General," he purred, his voice a smooth, velvety baritone that masked the icy rage that simmered beneath the surface, "or you've made me a very unhappy man. I—"

His sentence was abruptly cut short as the door to his train car burst open, interrupting his carefully orchestrated intimidation schtick. A young Russian soldier, his face pale with terror, stumbled into the room, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

"Emergency satellite call for you… sir!" he stammered, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape route.

Alec's smile faltered, replaced by a flicker of irritation. "Can this wait, Private?" he asked, his voice clipped and impatient. "I'm in the middle of something…"

"It's… it's urgent, sir," the soldier insisted, holding out a satellite phone with a trembling hand.

Alec sighed, annoyance giving way to a grudging curiosity. He took the phone, pressing it to his ear. "Yes? I am Trevelyan."

A pause. The indistinct crackle of static filled the air, audible only to him. Then, his eyes widened, his face paling as the voice on the other end delivered news that shattered his carefully constructed composure.

His smug grin was frozen on his face and his eyes were wide in shock for a full three seconds.

Then the look shattered as his charismatic look devolved into a mess of rage, ugly burnt ugliness, and uncomprehending fury.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE SECOND GOLDENYE SATELITE THAT THE ENTIRE PLAN HINGES ON EXPLODED?!" he roared, his voice a thunderous boom that rattled the fine china on the table. His carefully cultivated facade of charm crumbled, revealing the cold, calculating rage that fueled his every action. "How is that even possible?!"

The soldier, his face whiter than the snow outside, remained silent.

"THEN FIND OUT!" Alec screamed into the phone, flinging it across the room with a force that shattered it against the wall.

He slammed his fist on the table, sending a crystal decanter of cognac crashing to the floor. This was impossible. Unthinkable. His plan, so meticulously crafted, so perfectly executed, was unraveling before his very eyes. And the worst part? He had absolutely no idea why.

His anger, a white-hot inferno that threatened to consume him, burned with a new intensity. Someone, something, had dared to interfere with his plans. And he would find them. He would crush them. He would make them pay.

But first, he had to deal with this… inconvenience. He turned his gaze towards Natalya, his eyes narrowed, a dangerous glint flickering within their depths. She was the key, the programmer who could unlock the secrets of this impossible attack, the one who could lead him to the source of this inexplicable sabotage.

"I think you're actually done here," a voice, cool and laced with an unmistakable disdain, cut through the tension in the train car. "Do you realize how dumb, how stupid, how absolutely fucking hairbrained all of this is?"

Alec, his rage momentarily eclipsed by confusion, turned towards the source of the voice. "What?" he sputtered, his carefully crafted facade of menacing authority crumbling under the weight of this unexpected interruption.

"You definitely should have died eight years ago so I could have avoided this… conversation… with someone so profoundly asinine," the voice continued, its tone dripping with a sardonic amusement. "Like, what even is your plan, besides shooting the mega-satellite at London and conveniently forgetting that the interconnected power grid, combined with the satellite's beam, will amplify itself to stupid levels, turn half of Earth into a crater, and send the other half hurtling into outer space? Did you even bother to run the numbers?"

Alec, his mind reeling, his carefully constructed world of control and revenge collapsing around him, finally took a moment to observe his surroundings. Natalya, her face pale with terror, was scrambling towards the exit, disappearing into the mid-day streets. Where his loyal Russian soldiers had once stood, there were now only… puddles. Puddles of blood, so viscous and extensive that they could only have come from bodies that had been pulverized beyond recognition.

He turned his gaze towards Xenia Onatopp, his beautiful, deadly associate, who had been lounging seductively on a nearby couch. Or rather, where Xenia had been lounging. Now, there was only another crimson puddle, gruesome evidence of the unseen force that had swept through his train car.

His eyes finally settled on the source of the voice. A man, clad in an armor of gleaming grey metal, its surface etched with intricate geometric patterns, stood in the center of the car. His face, devoid of a helmet, was framed by short, neatly combed black hair and piercing blue eyes that seemed to see through him, dissecting his soul with a single, contemptuous glance.

Alec's mind, desperately grasping for a solution, a way to regain control, latched onto a fleeting glimmer of hope. He could see the man's face foolishly without a helmet. He could fire his gun at him and-

"I was going to scold you," the man interrupted, his voice as sharp and cold as a shard of ice, "maybe even try to see if you would actually use that pathetic excuse for a brain you call your cracked walnut in between your ears. But that seems… impossible. Bye, Travestyface."

Those were the last words Alec Trevelyan ever heard. A crushing pressure, an unbearable weight, descended upon him, compressing his body, his bones, his very being into a dense, crimson puddle. His thoughts, his ambitions, his rage- all extinguished in an instant, leaving behind only a sticky residue and the lingering scent of iron.

---

Kirito stepped out of the train car, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips as he surveyed the scene. Puddles of blood, viscous and crimson, adorned the loading dock, gruesome evidence of his handiwork. The Russian soldiers, their "lawful evil" alignments flashing bright red in his enhanced vision, had been effortlessly reduced to nothing more than organic stains on the concrete. He shook his head, a sigh escaping his lips. Even with his newly acquired divine powers, dealing with this level of stupidity was exhausting.

He pulled out his phone – a sleek, futuristic device that put anything in this primitive world to shame – and sent a message to Asuna.

Kirito: Hey, I know I said tag and eliminate the evil-aligned people at -100 alignment or more using your Administration divinity and my spatial powers, and leave the ones at -300 or lower for me to talk to and mock… but with the sheer number of those still existing, and the level of disappointment I feel after talking to that satellite-firing moron, I just don't have the energy for it anymore. Gimme the other targets, and then we can get to taking over the world properly.

Asuna's response was almost instantaneous:

Asuna: Sure, sure. Let me just… yeah, there they are. Go wild, hubby. <3

A list of names and locations appeared in his mind, each one accompanied by a glowing red marker that pulsed with a malevolent energy. Warlords, dictators, corrupt CEOs, fanatics, mad scientists… the usual assortment of power-hungry, morally bankrupt individuals who thrived in the shadows of this world. Kirito sighed. It seemed even in a world as technologically backward as this one, humanity's capacity for self-destruction was truly boundless.

"Alright," he muttered, pocketing his phone and adjusting the grip on his sword. "Time for a little… pest control."

With a thought, he activated his spatial manipulation abilities. The world around him blurred, reality twisting and folding upon itself as he teleported from one location to the next, a whirlwind of divine retribution cleansing the world of its most egregious offenders.

His methods were swift, precise, and utterly devoid of mercy. He didn't bother with monologues, with explanations, with attempts to appeal to their nonexistent consciences. They were garbage, and garbage needed to be disposed of. Efficiently. Quietly. And permanently.

The world, oblivious to the cleansing taking place within its darkest corners, continued to spin, its inhabitants going about their lives, unaware of the unseen forces that were shaping their destiny.

And as Kirito moved, a silent, invisible specter of death, he couldn't help but feel a sense of… satisfaction. This world, this broken, chaotic mess of a world, was about to be remade. In his image. In Asuna's image. In their image.

And it was going to be glorious.

 

[Zackman2k12]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3Ov5vSjhZA


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cmml5ri1zp4


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l3QyL2f86g