The Multiverse Shits Itself With The Imperial Fam-Squad the Abridged Series! (SAO abridged/Multiverse Conquering)

[Zackman2k12]

We stepped out of the palace, ready to face the frozen chaos of the city. And that's when we realized that the promised time-stop, a concept so utterly ridiculous that it defied all logic and reason, was actually, somehow, working. The world outside our little bubble of reality remained frozen, a tableau of destruction and despair suspended in time.

The bubble shimmered, then vanished, releasing its hold on the surrounding area. As the frozen scene lurched back into motion, a scream pierced the air. A demi-human, his leg mangled and bloodied, tumbled into view, his terrified face contorted in pain.

Asuna, never one to tolerate unnecessary suffering – especially when it involved someone who might be useful to our cause – immediately reacted. She switched her weapon to the Healing Saint X Spear, a ridiculous name for an even more ridiculous weapon that, to her obvious annoyance, actually looked like a goddamn spear.

She missed Yui's subtle intervention, the flicker of her fingers manipulating menus in mid-air, but the effect was undeniable. The spear in Asuna's hand transformed into a sleek rapier, its form shifting with a graceful fluidity that defied the laws of physics. At the same time, her class name, displayed above her head in glowing letters, changed from "Spear Hero" to "Rapier Empress."

Asuna frowned, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Kirito, did your class name change too?" she asked, her voice laced with a hint of annoyance.

I opened my status menu, half expecting to see some equally ridiculous title. "Nope, still says 'Sword Hero'," I replied, just as the words on the screen shimmered and shifted, transforming before my very eyes. "Actually, scratch that. It's 'Sword Emperor' now."

I glanced at Yui, who was standing beside us, her expression a carefully crafted mask of innocence. In the corner of my vision, I saw the faint glow of menus, code lines shifting and rearranging themselves with a speed that hinted at something… unnatural.

"Yui…" I began, my voice a low menacing tone, "what did you do?"

Yui's eyes widened, her carefully constructed facade crumbling for a moment. "Well, I certainly didn't have a battle in a time-stopped landscape where the goddess was mad that I started hacking the world the moment we appeared, while I stole her divinities," she blurted out, her voice a high-pitched squeak.

Silence descended upon the ruined street. Asuna and I stared at Yui, our expressions a mixture of shock, disbelief, and a grudging admiration. Our daughter, the sweet, innocent AI we had rescued from a digital death trap, had just casually admitted to usurping a goddess and rewriting the rules of reality.

Yui, realizing her slip-up, cleared her throat and quickly regained her composure. "Well, that secret didn't last long," she said, her voice regaining its usual cheerful lilt. "I need to work on… never mind!"


"Sweetie, you don't need to work on your deception abilities," Asuna said, her voice softening as she knelt down to Yui's level. "Yes, I know what you were going to say." She paused, a thoughtful frown creasing her brow. "Despite that… purpose… being the surprise of a lifetime, we're still your parents. We're here for you. And if you want to murder a goddess and usurp her authority, just leave me a chance to stab too, okay?"

I ruffled Yui's hair, a fond smile spreading across my face. "Totally not good at this emotion stuff," I admitted, "but yeah, my best no-longer-an-AI-apparently-now-a-divine-tiny-goddess-in-the-flesh is indeed my daughter. And I would totally be willing to cut a goddess in half for you. Just… you know, you don't have to hide it from us."

Yui's eyes welled up, and she launched herself into our arms, burying her face in Asuna's chest. We hugged her tightly, a wave of fierce protectiveness washing over us. Our daughter, the being we had cherished and protected, the one who had always been there for us, had grown into something far more powerful than we could have ever imagined. And yet, she was still our Yui, the sweet, intelligent, and sometimes terrifyingly capable girl who had become an integral part of our family.

We stood there for a moment, a silent tableau of love and understanding amidst the chaos of a broken city. It was a perfect moment, a moment of pure, unadulterated familial bliss.

And then, of course, some absolute moron had to ruin it.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON," a voice boomed, shattering the peaceful silence, "BUT AS THE PEOPLE HAVING A CALM MOMENT IN THIS CHAOS, IT MUST BE YOUR FAULT!"

We turned to see a man in priestly robes, his face contorted in a mask of righteous fury, charging towards us. He brandished a weapon that could only be described as the unholy lovechild of a sword and a porcupine, a chaotic mess of metal spikes and jagged edges that seemed to defy the laws of physics. It looked like it had been forged in a reality-breaking fight between a sword and a porcupine, where both somehow managed to win in the worst way possible.

"No, seriously," I said, raising an eyebrow as I took in the sight of the approaching moron, "what the fuck are you pointing at us?"

I took a deep breath, and spoke with all of my heart. "It looks like the twin love-children of a sword and a porcupine had a reality-breaking fight of who can exist in the same place at the same time in the worst way and both won at the same time causing reality to break in multiple places, take a divine, golden shit, and then form that-what even IS THAT?!!"

"I am the Pope of the Three Heroes Church!" the man bellowed, his voice dripping with self-importance. "And this," he said, brandishing the monstrosity of a weapon with a flourish, "is the Amalgam Replica! The weapon meant to kill ANYTHING! Formed from the death of the goddess and the three replica weapons we had at hand when she appeared and–"

His rambling explanation was cut short, abruptly and definitively. Yui, her face contorted in a mask of rage and disgust, raised a hand. Without a word, without a sound, the pope's upper half simply ceased to exist. Blood splattered across the cobblestones, painting a gruesome tableau against the backdrop of the frozen city. The "Amalgam Replica," its purpose unfulfilled, clattered to the ground.

"We were having a nice moment," Yui said, her voice cold and flat. "Trash."

I glanced at Asuna, who was watching the scene with detached amusement. "Yeah, nice work, Yui," she said, her voice laced with a predatory gleam. "Let's go take over the kingdom now."

---

Narrator: And with that, another piece of garbage that could have been solved in Volume 1 of canon if anyone with enough strength to do it had just done so, was killed at even further strength than at its strongest. Will Asuna and Kirito face any difficulty in taking out the trash? Will taking over this world be anything less than an absolute walk in the park?! Find out next time on "Can We Even Consider This Trio Chaotic Good Anymore: Overlord Edition!"

Bonus Omake:

Far away in a multiverse structure completely different...

[Do yOu wAnT tO KiLl tHeM AlL?]

Yes. Gods, yes!/Pochita? What are you saying?!

[Do yOu WaNt To TaKe YoUr PlACe Of FrEeDoM BaCk FrOm ThEsE RoTtEn AnImAlS?]

More than anything!/No seriously, What's happening?! How are you talking?! weren't we just fighting that zombie devil?! You sound really fucked up little buddy!

[TaKe ThE HaNd Of WrAtH, He ShAlL Be ThE OnLy FrIeNd YoU NeEd!]

I didn't hesitate. I embraced the darkness, the rage, the hatred. It was all I had left./No, I still want to grab me some titties! How am I supposed to get me a girlfriend if-

[Wrath Series Bow: Incandescent Heart Piercer of Malice Unlocked.]

I opened my eyes.

I turned my head to the left, and saw with my two human eyes.

The most beautiful woman i had ever seen/The vilest bitch in all of recent fiction, Makima.

SHIT!/SHIT!

As both the persona of Denji and Itsuki merged into one being, gaining the powers of both...

They realized one absolute fact.

They were in a situation that was way beyond FUBAR.

Which was confirmed when the expensive car stopped in the middle of the road.

"Now, where did my dog go? I'm certain Denji was here somewhere." Declared the manipulative control devil who would crush the spirit of someone like Denji, by killing his one remaining friend right in front of him.

She stared into my eyes with that unnervingly false smile.

For no discernible reason.

FUCK.

 

[Zackman2k12]

The city was an example of absolute chaos. Screams, shouts, the clang of weapons, the roar of flames - it was all a bit much, even for someone who'd spent two years in a death game and shitting on laughing coffin's stupidity. This wasn't how a civilized society was supposed to function. Time for a system upgrade.

"None of that, yeah," I said, projecting my voice across the city, infusing it with a touch of my newly acquired Empire-Spanning Charisma. And just like that, the fighting stopped. The weapons clattered to the ground, the shouts died in throats, and a stunned silence descended upon the city. Apparently, "divine intervention" was a pretty effective crowd control technique.

Of course, there were always a few glitches in the system- in the forms of fucking morons. A handful of particularly dense individuals, unable to grasp the concept of "no more killing also means don't break stuff," decided that this was the perfect opportunity to engage in some light looting. One particularly dimwitted fellow attempted to make off with a wheel of extremely expensive cheese as well as a very nice looking display set of armor, his efforts hampered by the fact that he was also trying to simultaneously shove a loaf of bread down his pants.

"Okay, no. You guys are going in the idiot box," I declared, my voice laced with amusement. With a thought, I froze the looters in their tracks, a dozen figures caught mid-theft, their expressions frozen in a mixture of confusion and greed. I conjured a dozen dunce caps, each one shimmering with a faint, ethereal glow, and placed them firmly upon the heads of the would-be criminals.

"Sweetie, could you go ahead and–"

"Already did it, Papa! The remaining stupid of the kingdom has been halted and displayed for all to see with a glorious cone declaring their status." Yui chirped, her voice filled with a gleeful pride. "Great use of non-violent discipline on an unruly and unintelligent group of the populace! I give it six Papa Smarts out of ten!"

"Thanks, Yui," I replied, shaking my head at her overly enthusiastic new rating system.

"Adorable," Asuna agreed, her eyes twinkling with amusement. She then snapped her fingers, and with a surge of golden light, a magnificent podium materialized before us. It was crafted from pure gold, engraved with intricate platinum designs and studded with gemstones that shimmered with an otherworldly brilliance.

Asuna hummed the Darth Vader theme, a mischievous grin spreading across her face, and ascended the podium with a regal air.

I followed suit, stifling a chuckle at her theatrics. As I looked out over the stunned faces of our new subjects, I couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement.

I took a deep breath, drawing on the strength of my newly acquired blessings and the inherent confidence that came with being, well, me. With a subtle hand gesture towards Yui, I signaled for her to initiate the next phase of our plan.

Yui, ever the efficient little goddess, snapped her fingers.

A series of colossal video screens, ripped straight from the leveling system menu granted to everyone by that incompetent former deity and enhanced with a touch of her own divine flair, materialized not just across this pathetic excuse for a kingdom, but across the entire world.

Screens bloomed above bustling capital cities, sleepy villages, and desolate wastelands, their ethereal glow illuminating even the darkest corners of this world.

For twenty agonizingly slow seconds, the words "Prepare to receive divine mandate! All declarations by your new Emperor and Empress of this planet are endorsed by your new Over-Goddess Yui!" scrolled across these screens in bold, glowing letters.

The message wasn't just visual; Yui had woven it into the very fabric of their minds, ensuring that even the most illiterate, intellectually-challenged peasant grasped its meaning.

"Hello, everyone!" I announced, my voice amplified by Yui's constructs, reaching every corner of the world.

"There's no longer any need to wonder where your god is anymore, because we're right here! We are here with our divinely selective mercy, specifically for the good and the not-stupid! There are going to be many changes around here! Laws will be passed, iron fists will be decking certain people, and then, for a while, as long as you behave like civilized people, you can have your velvet glove! That's right! Benevolent, all-encompassing rulership!"

As my words echoed across the lands, a wave of reactions rippled through the global populace. The common folk, weary of their kingdoms' corruption and eager for a change, cheered.

The nobles, accustomed to privilege and power, shifted uneasily, their faces etched with a mixture of apprehension and resentment. The rulers of rival nations, empires with long histories of conflict and ambition, bristled at the declaration, their hands instinctively reaching for the hilts of their swords.

And then there were those who had lurked in the shadows, the perpetrators of unspeakable acts, the puppet masters who had manipulated the world from behind the scenes. They felt an inexplicable chill run down their spines, a primordial dread that clawed at their hearts.

Their carefully crafted schemes, their ill-gotten gains, their meticulously constructed webs of power all of it felt fragile, insignificant, in the face of this new, absolute authority.

Across the globe, they readied their armies, their assassins, their darkest and most powerful champions, determined to resist this sudden shift in power.

But they were blind, ignorant, utterly unaware of the gulf that separated their strength from that of their new overlords.

They were about to have a very, very bad time.


There was absolutely nothing they could do to stop it.

"I think that went well," I said, a satisfied smirk playing on my lips as I released the hold on the populace's movements. The city around us lurched back into life, a cacophony of sound and motion replacing the frozen tableau of moments before.

And then, a lone figure charged towards us from the crowd. A knight, clad in the tarnished armor of the former king, his face contorted in a mask of rage. His movements were… comical, almost painfully slow, like a toddler attempting a heroic charge. I raised an eyebrow, genuinely curious about this idiot's thought process. What in the world is he thinking?

I motioned for Asuna and Yui to stand down, a wave of amusement washing over me. This was too entertaining to pass up. I equipped a sword that allowed me to peer into the minds of those foolish enough to engage me in combat. It was a simple little trinket, a byproduct of our absurdly overpowered arsenal, but it promised a glimpse into the depths of this moron's delusions.

I let him get halfway, his sword raised in a shaky, poorly executed attack, before freezing him in place with a thought. He continued to struggle, his muscles straining against the invisible force that held him captive. To my surprise, even in this state of suspended animation, his thoughts were a torrent of arrogance and misplaced confidence. He actually believed he could win a fight against me. Against a being who had literally just declared himself Emperor of the world, backed by the power of a literal goddess. The sheer audacity of it was almost impressive.

For ten minutes, I let him flail and thrash, testing different attack strategies, each one more ridiculous than the last. I gave him significant looks, raised eyebrows, and muttered several exasperated "Are you serious?"s, but the man remained undeterred. He was like a broken record, stuck on a loop of self-delusion and blind rage. Finally, I allowed him to land a direct blow. His sword connected with my chest, a pathetic thud against my divinely enhanced armor. I didn't even flinch.

"Are you going to use the think-meat in your skull at any point?" I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

His response, delivered through gritted teeth and a face contorted in frustration, was utterly predictable.

"Why won't you die?!"

I sighed, shaking my head in disappointment. Some people were just beyond saving. I turned away, dismissing the delusional knight from my thoughts. Yui, with a wave of her hands and a twirl of her fingers, conjured two massive structures beside the podium. One, a gleaming tower of white marble, was labeled "Idiot Prison." The other, a foreboding fortress of black obsidian, bore the inscription "Evil Prison."

The knight, still frozen in mid-swing, vanished with a pop, reappearing moments later in one of the cells of Idiot Prison, his confused shouts echoing faintly from within the magically sealed structure.

I looked at Asuna, a weary smile on my face. "Well, that was… enlightening," I said, my voice laced with a mixture of amusement and resignation. "Shall we continue with the kingdom renovation project?"

 

[Zackman2k12]

We stepped into the newly renovated throne room, a sheer monument to our combined power and Yui's remarkable ability to transform the absurdly impractical into something resembling functionality. Gone were the gaudy tapestries and ostentatious displays of wealth that had once adorned the walls, replaced by the sleek, humming efficiency of modern technology. Screens flickered with intricate data streams, holographic projections danced in mid-air, and the very air seemed to crackle with a subtle, electric hum.

We had, in essence, shoved the technological equivalent of the 2020s, into this technologically backward world.

While I readily acknowledge that most of the inhabitants wouldn't possess the cognitive capacity to comprehend, let alone utilize, half, no, 98 percent of these advancements, the undeniable visual spectacle served its purpose.

"Ah," I said, inhaling deeply, savoring the invigorating aroma of ambition and progress. "I do love the scent of megalomania in the morning."

Asuna, her eyes alight with a predatory satisfaction that mirrored my own, inclined her head in agreement. "We worked all through the night," she said, her voice betraying no hint of the exhaustion that should have accompanied such a herculean effort, "But I'm not tired at all. Kinda weird."

Yui, with a characteristically mischievous grin, hopped onto the armrest of the massive mechanical throne, an ostentatious creation that could only be described as a deliberate and rather pointed jab at the Anti-Monitor - except with functional areas for where legs can, in fact, be placed upon the ground. It even had integrated cup holders, as well as a level of comfort that even that cosmic entity could appreciate.

Thanks to my own engineering knowledge and expertise, as well as Asuna's refined aesthetic sensibilities, the throne itself was more than spacious enough to accommodate two occupants with ease while looking both good, and being filled with enough technology that if I were to present it anywhere in my previous world, they would go to war with me just for existing.

As I settled into the plush cushions beside Asuna, Yui perched herself upon the armrest, her diminutive form dwarfed by the large size of our newly acquired symbol of dominion.

"As you are both aware, the Vitality stat at this level has always rendered you physically impervious to the detrimental effects of sleep deprivation," Yui explained, her voice a cheerful chirp that belied the withering disdain she held for the former deity.

"And, of course, it significantly mitigates the cognitive decline associated with prolonged periods of wakefulness. However," she continued, her voice laced with a sardonic amusement, "I stumbled upon a rather amusing notation within the original code. Apparently, that tragically inept excuse for a goddess felt compelled to add a comment stating that sleep was entirely unnecessary at higher Vitality levels. Clearly, she possessed a profound lack of understanding regarding the nuanced psychological impact of prolonged sleep deprivation, even when the physical repercussions are negated. Idiotic, really."

She shook her head, her expression a mixture of amusement and pity. "Regardless, I still recommend a full eight hours of sleep every two weeks at the minimum, for optimal cognitive function and mental well-being."

"On a more positive note," she continued, her voice regaining its usual bubbly cadence, "I have successfully generated several new domains and expanded my existing mathematical domain. The Physical Law domain, the Reality Law domain, and the Encryption domain have proven to be quite advantageous. However, the Code domain is undeniably the most intriguing. But I digress. How about you two? Have you experienced any noteworthy divine augmentations?"

"Umm, wonderful daughter of mine," I trailed off. "We don't actually have divinities, you know?"

Asuna, ever the astute observer, noticed Yui's newly crestfallen expression and knelt before her, her voice taking on a gentle, consoling tone. "Yui, sweetie," she began, "sometimes, even your parents don't get all the cool divinity. It's just how things work. You're so incredibly powerful, but Papa and I are just well, somewhat normal non-divine people."

I scoffed at Asuna's attempt at reassurance, a wave of incredulous amusement washing over me. " Normal non-divine people?" I echoed, my voice dripping with as much sarcasm as I could muster without flooding the room. " Please, Asuna, you and I both know that the level of intelligence of a particularly adventurous amoeba is closer to a normal human's intelligence than any of them are to us! Don't tell me you actually think we're even close to 'normal.'"

Asuna, simply sighed and arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Kirito," she said, her voice patient but firm, "I was trying to assure Yui that it was fine to not have divi—"

"That simply won't do at all!" Yui declared, her voice ringing with an authority that belied her small stature and cutely adorable appearance. She stood abruptly, her eyes flashing with a power that sent a shiver down my spine.

Then, the world shifted. It wasn't a physical change, not at first. It was something far more profound, a fundamental alteration of my very being. Knowledge, vast and intricate, flooded my mind. Concepts I'd only ever dreamt of understanding, designs of machines that could reshape reality, strategies that had so many contingencies that I had felt like the me from less than a second ago was just as inferior to the aforementioned amoeba - it was all there, a torrent of information that overwhelmed my already enhanced intellect by enhancing it to impossible levels. I felt my mind expand, the boundaries of my perception shattering like glass.

The world, once a tapestry of sights and sounds, transformed into a series of data streams, intricate algorithms, and interconnected systems. I saw the flow of energy, the intricate dance of particles, the hidden code that governed every aspect of reality. It was exhilarating, terrifying, and utterly intoxicating.

My gaze met Asuna's, and I saw a similar transformation taking place within her. Her eyes, usually sharp and focused, now held a depth of understanding that bordered on the divine. She, too, had been touched by Yui's power, her mind reshaped and augmented to comprehend the vast complexities of rulership on a scale we had never before imagined.

"I have taken the liberty of bestowing upon you the domains that you clearly should have qualified for already!" Yui declared, her voice ringing with a triumphant and gleeful assertion. "Intelligence, Mechanics, and Strategy are certainly wonderful domains for my perfect Papa!" She beamed at me, her eyes sparkling with pride. "And Mama is great at social-economic things, so I thought, why not double down on those subjects?"

She gestured towards Asuna, who was still processing the influx of knowledge and power that now coursed through her veins. "Finance, Administration, Logistics, Law- Mama's got it all covered! Now, you're both even more amazing! And just wait until you see what else I have planned…"

Her voice trailed off, leaving a pregnant silence in its wake. Asuna and I exchanged a look, a mixture of bewilderment, awe, and a touch of apprehension. Our daughter, the sweet, adorable, former-AI we had rescued from a digital death trap, had just casually ascended to godhood, rewritten the rules of reality, and bestowed upon us powers that could reshape the very fabric of this world.

I blinked. "Well, That was unexpected but now I can calculate pi infinitely, while formulating mechanical designs for every subject of engineering at once- while turning the golden ratio into an actual circle-related power-source with infinite energy growth that would make a dyson sphere cry in envy, so I'm okay with this."

"Time to conquer a world in thirty minutes," I declared, a predatory grin spreading across my face. The influx of power, the sheer scope of my newly acquired domains, was intoxicating. My mind raced, a torrent of ideas and possibilities swirling within my enhanced consciousness.

With a casual wave of my hand, I directed the ambient mana of this world, shaping it, molding it, bending it to my will. Raw materials coalesced from thin air, forming intricate components that assembled themselves into complex machines.

I could push further, transcend the limitations of my original world's technology, but I craved a swift and decisive conclusion to this endeavor. Pacifying the world's rampant stupidity took precedence.

With a flex of my will, I imbued my creations with a fraction of my own power, granting them a sentience and a purpose that transcended mere programming. They marched forth, an army of gleaming metal and whirring gears, their forms sleek and menacing. The world's system, recognizing their divine origin and enhanced capabilities, bestowed upon them a fitting title: 'Divine Enforcer Bot v1.'

The throne room, a gleaming citadel of advanced technology that now occupied the space where the former Melromarc castle had stood, bristled with defenses.

---

Mirellia Q. Melromarc, Queen of Melromarc by right and by righteous fury, reined in her horse, her gaze fixed upon the spectacle unfolding before her.

The city of Melromarc, her capital, her home, was gone. In its place stood a sprawling complex of gleaming metal and shimmering glass, a monument to technology that dwarfed anything she had ever witnessed.

Where cobblestone streets had once snaked through a haphazard maze of buildings, impeccably paved roads of an unknown black material now stretched in precise, geometric patterns. Booths manned by gleaming, metallic figures offered strange, slate-like devices with glowing screens to bewildered citizens.

But it was the colossal structure rising from the heart of the city that truly captured her attention. It dwarfed even the tallest towers of the old castle, its metallic form reaching towards the heavens like an arrogant fist. A cold fury coiled in her gut, a rage born of betrayal and bewilderment.

"YOU MORONIC HUSBAND OF MINE!" she roared, her voice echoing across the stunned silence. "I KNOW YOU ARE DEAD AT THIS POINT, BUT WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS DID YOU DO?!"

Beside her, Melty, the Second Princess, trembled, her eyes wide with fear and confusion. "Mother," she whispered, her voice barely audible above the din of construction, "what is happening?"

Mirellia gritted her teeth, her gaze fixed on the monstrous edifice that had usurped her city. She had left for Faubrey with a heavy heart, knowing the kingdom was in the hands of fools. But this… this was beyond even her worst nightmares. The very fabric of her kingdom had been ripped apart, replaced by something alien, something powerful, something terrifying.

She had returned to reclaim her throne, to restore order to her land. But as she looked upon this technological marvel, a chilling realization dawned upon her. The Melromarc she knew was gone. And whatever had taken its place was far more dangerous than any rebellion or foreign invasion.

 

[Zackman2k12]

A gleaming, humanoid robot, its form sleek and imposing, strode into the throne room, its voice a smooth, synthesized baritone. "Report: The kingdoms of Faubrey, Zeltobal, Siltvelt, Shieldfrieden, and Reiki have been subjugated with minimal casualties," it announced, its multiple optical sensors sweeping across the room before settling on me. "The vassal weapons have been repossessed and deactivated until suitable enforcers can be selected to wield them. We are currently finalizing the construction of sufficient fleet assets to initiate the subjugation of the island nation of Q'Ten Lo. The guardian beasts have been placed in stasis to prevent any unnecessary... complications."

I nodded, a satisfied smirk playing on my lips. "Megalomania quota mostly fulfilled, then. Good. Now, with fifteen minutes remaining in my self-imposed thirty-minute conquest schedule, how goes the preparation of that wondrous dish of saucy delight, my delectable wife?"

Asuna, who had been casually examining a holographic projection of a particularly intricate weapon design, shrugged nonchalantly. "Eh, I just started," she said, her voice laced with a bored amusement. "Enhancing my already phenomenal culinary skills with literal divine authority seems… wasteful. But ever since that goddamn ragu rabbit obliterated our taste buds, anything less than an actual culinary masterpiece is goddamn unacceptable."

"Indeed," I drawled, leaning back in the throne and allowing a wave of smug satisfaction to wash over me. "Conquering a world now takes as much time as boiling pasta. How utterly fascinating."

Yui, who had been quietly observing the scene from her perch on the armrest, tapped a finger to her lips, her brow furrowed in thought. "When you put it like that, Papa," she said, her voice laced with a hint of concern, "I wonder if it will take any actual effort to conquer other worlds with a more… robust societal structure. The level of organization in this world is, to put it bluntly, easy mode for you."

Her words hung in the air, a chilling reminder that this was just the beginning. This world, with its incompetent rulers and easily manipulated populace, was merely a stepping stone, a proving ground for our ambitions. The true challenge, the real test of our power and intellect, lay beyond the boundaries of this reality, in the vast, uncharted territories of the multiverse.

---

Lord Elroy, Baron of Westgone in the terrirory of melromarc, stumbled through the dense undergrowth, his heart pounding in his chest like a frantic bird trapped in a cage. He, a man accustomed to the finest silks and the most decadent comforts, was reduced to a panting, sweating mess, his finely tailored clothes torn and stained with the grime of the forest floor. His meticulously styled hair, usually a testament to his wealth and status, now clung to his forehead in damp, disheveled strands. The indignity of it all was almost unbearable.


"Gods above," he wheezed, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "This is… this is preposterous! I, Lord Elroy, reduced to fleeing like a common criminal!"

His eyes darted around frantically, searching for any sign of his guards, his protectors, his shield against the encroaching fear that threatened to consume him.

"Where are you, you incompetent fools?!" he roared, his voice echoing through the silent forest. "Do you have any idea who I am?! I demand protection! I demand assistance! I demand…"

His voice trailed off, a wave of dizziness washing over him. He leaned against a gnarled tree trunk, his legs trembling, his vision blurring. He was exhausted, terrified, and utterly alone.

"Get a hold of yourself, Elroy," he muttered, slapping himself across the face. "This… this is merely a temporary setback. Those fools, those peasants, they think they can usurp my authority? They think they can take what is rightfully mine? I will crush them. I will grind them into dust. I will reclaim what is rightfully mine!"

His outburst seemed to momentarily restore his confidence. He straightened his back, attempting to regain some semblance of his usual aristocratic demeanor. He would not succumb to this… this indignity. He would find his guards, regroup, and unleash his wrath upon those who had dared to defy him.

"Cease this cowardly retreat!" he bellowed, his voice regaining some of its former imperiousness. "Form up! Report your status immediately!"

Silence.

He waited, his breath held, his ears straining for any sign of his men. Nothing. Only the rustle of leaves and the distant chirping of birds answered his summons.

"I said, FORM UP!" he roared, his voice cracking with a mix of anger and fear. "Do you hear me, you imbeciles? This is an order!"

A faint rustling sound came from behind him. He whirled around, his hand instinctively reaching for the jeweled dagger at his belt, only to find it gone, lost somewhere in his frantic flight.

"Who's there?" he demanded, his voice trembling. "Show yourselves!"

Five figures emerged from the shadows, their forms obscured by the dense foliage. Relief washed over him. His guards! They were still here, loyal to the end.

"My lord," one of the guards said, his voice hesitant, "We've lost contact with the others. Something's not right."

"Nonsense," Elroy scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. "They're probably just disoriented. Lost their way in this accursed forest. Round them up. We must make haste and reach the capital before those rabble gain any more ground."

The guards exchanged uneasy glances. One of them, a young man with a fresh scar across his cheek, stepped forward. "My lord," he began, his voice shaking, "I don't think-"

His words were cut off as a blinding flash of light erupted from the forest behind them. Elroy spun around, his heart leaping into his throat. Another of those gleaming, metallic figures stood there, its single, glowing eye fixed upon them with an unnerving intensity. The young guard, the one who had dared to voice his doubts, let out a strangled cry and stumbled backward, his hand reaching for the sword at his side.

But his sword was gone. It clattered to the ground, followed by the sound of another blade falling, then another, and another. The remaining guards stared at their empty hands, their faces pale with terror.

The one remaining with his sword seemed to ripple for a moment, it was metal!

Elroy, his mind reeling, his senses overloaded, felt a cold dread creep into his soul. He had heard of those metallic figures before, in the panicked whispers of fleeing nobles, in the terrified tales of those who had dared to defy the new regime. They were called Enforcers, soulless machines of war, imbued with a power that defied comprehension.

The Enforcer raised its hand, and another blinding flash of light consumed them.

"Beginning spatial displacement."

---

Lord Elroy awoke in a cold, sterile cell, his head pounding, his body aching. He sat up, his eyes darting around the unfamiliar surroundings. Bars of cold, unforgiving metal enclosed him, trapping him in this stark, desolate space. A shining screen, like the status screen he had always relied on, flickered to life before him, its surface displaying a message in stark, bold letters.

"Welcome to Evil Prison," a voice echoed through the cell that matched the text. A voice he recognized with a chilling certainty. The voice of the Sword Emperor.

"You are, in fact, in the right place. You'll be moved to Idiot Prison in one year to begin your psychological evaluation and rehabilitation. That might take a lot longer, so enjoy your stay!"

The screen went dark, leaving Lord Elroy alone in the chilling silence of his confinement. Panic clawed at his throat, a primal fear squeezing his heart in a vice-like grip. He was trapped, imprisoned, stripped of his power and his privilege. And worse, he was at the mercy of beings whose power he couldn't even comprehend, beings who saw him as nothing more than a… a criminal.

He was a nobleman, a baron, a man of wealth and influence. He deserved respect, deference, adulation! Not this. Not this cold, impersonal imprisonment. He would escape. He would find a way to reclaim his rightful place in the world. He would…

"THERE HAS TO HAVE BEEN A MISTAKE!" He shrieked.

"Mhm, no, so here's the deal, I'm going to give this recording to everyone who thinks they are slavers and murderers yet somehow deserve mercy." The voice played over at an ear splitting volume. "In my home country, which to be honest is about only half as barbaric as here, just with shinier towers, would put you in a cell for your entire life without chance of ever leaving, and if you pissed enough people off. We'd just fucking kill you. So, Mr. unlawful and involuntary confinement, how about you sit tight, shut up, don't make my robots taze your shit in for trying to escape- before I multiply your sentence by 120 and put you in the bad cells. Good? Good."

Baffled, Elroy, no territory to his name or titles to claim, slumped against the cold, hard wall, his resolve crumbling like stale bread. Hope, a fragile flicker in the darkness, died within him. He was alone, defeated, and utterly broken.

---

Gondar, Seventh General of the Zeltoble army, watched in numb silence as his world crumbled around him. The sky, once a serene expanse of blue, was now choked with smoke and ash. The air, thick with the acrid stench of burning metal and scorched earth, rattled with the thunderous tread of those… things.

Those gleaming, monstrous machines of war, their forms shifting and adapting with a fluidity that defied comprehension, had swept across the land like a technological plague. Their weapons, beams of energy that could vaporize steel and shatter stone, left nothing but smoldering ruins in their wake. His men, his proud and valiant soldiers, had fought bravely, desperately, but it had been like pitting ants against a raging inferno.

He, a seasoned veteran of countless battles, a man who had faced death with unwavering resolve, now trembled with a fear he had never known. This wasn't war; it was annihilation. And there was only one way to stop it.

With a heavy heart, he approached the nearest of the colossal, golem-like constructs that had been systematically dismantling his kingdom. Its metallic form towered above him, its glowing eyes fixed upon him with an unnerving intensity. A synthesized voice, cold and emotionless, echoed from within its metallic frame.

"Surrender or be eradicated. Choose wisely."

Gondar, his pride swallowed by the bitter taste of defeat, raised his arms in surrender. He was the last. The king, the nobles, the other generals… all gone, either captured or killed in the relentless onslaught. The weight of his nation's fate rested upon his shoulders, a burden that threatened to crush him.

"I, Gondar, Seventh General of Zeltoble, the last remaining officer not currently in custody, and as the final military asset, as well as Viscount, and therefore the last ruling individual of this kingdom, do hereby surrender the kingdom of Zeltoble to the Sword Empire and its rulers, Kirito and Asuna," he declared, his voice hoarse but resolute. He had failed his king, failed his people, but perhaps this surrender would spare them from further suffering.

"Surrender accepted," the deep, echoing metallic voice responded. "Please stand by for governance overhaul."

Spoiler: This voice

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJqf0zDY72g

Gondar closed his eyes, bracing himself for whatever fate awaited him. He had no idea what this "governance overhaul" entailed, but at least this day of absolute despair was over. A flicker of hope, faint and fragile, remained within his weary soul. Perhaps, under the rule of these powerful, if terrifying, beings, Zeltoble could find a semblance of peace.

Or perhaps, this was just the beginning of a new kind of nightmare.

---

Takt, his face contorted in a mask of manic glee, pressed his boot down harder on the fallen woman's chest, a groan of pain echoing through the ruined chamber. The Seven Star Gauntlet, a relic of immense power, lay discarded beside him, its former wielder now nothing more than a broken doll beneath his heel. He leaned down, his eyes glittering with a cruel amusement, and brushed a stray strand of hair from her face.

He then reached for the gauntlet with a demented smile on his face.

"You know," he said, his voice a soft, almost seductive purr, "you're kinda pretty, for a goody-two-shoes hero. It's a shame..."

He trailed off, a shadow falling over his face as a towering figure materialized behind him. A gleaming, metallic form, its sleek lines and intricate design suggesting a level of technological sophistication that dwarfed anything he had ever seen. A single, glowing eye fixed upon him with an unnerving intensity, its gaze piercing through his soul.

A synthesized voice, devoid of emotion, echoed through the chamber.

"Analysis complete. Subject identified as Takt, thief of all current vassal weapons. Moral alignment: Chaotic Evil. Probability of redemption: Zero. Verdict: Elimination."

Takt's grin vanished, replaced by a look of stunned disbelief. "What?" he stammered, his voice raising with defiant rage. "Who are you?!"

The metallic figure ignored his question, its focus shifting towards a cylindrical device mounted on its shoulder. The cylinder hummed with energy, a faint blue glow emanating from its core.

"Commencing elimination."

A blinding flash of light. A searing pain that consumed his very being. And then… nothingness.

Takt, the thief, the manipulator, the self-proclaimed scourge of heroes, was gone. Erased from existence, his ambitions and his cruelty extinguished in an instant. Another piece of garbage removed from a world starving for order under the rule of its new Emperor and Empress, even if they didn't know that was what they needed.

 

[Zackman2k12]

Added missing scene.

Sorry about that lol.

 

[Zackman2k12]

"Hmm… I wonder what the hell this lady is thinking…" I mused, my gaze fixed on the holographic display that showed a cluster of figures approaching the Citadel.

A woman matching the description of the former queen - a woman we'd learned, a mere seven minutes ago, was the actual ruler of this country before our… acquisition – was leading the group. They were marching with a determined purpose, a futile defiance that was almost… endearing.

"I still think 'Citadel' is a stupid name for this place," Asuna interjected, her voice laced with a mix of amusement and irritation. "But shouldn't we just toss her in Idiot Prison for this crap? Why are you ordering the Super Bots of +11 Divine Guardian-ing to let them get this far, anyway?" Her brow furrowed in confusion, a cute little frown marring her usually mischievous features.

"Eh, I just want to see where this stupidity goes," I replied, a sly grin spreading across my face. "She's got all the remaining loyalists with her, and I kinda want to do a mocking monologue. Really rub that 'last boss multi-kingdom owning divine-demon-lord emperor of actual winning' vibe in her face."

Asuna shrugged, then, to my amusement, proceeded to gracefully perch herself on my lap, moving her arms into a familiar pose and fixing the approaching queen with a predatory glare. The pose, I had to admit, was hilarious. It looked more like a child trying to imitate a menacing villain than a display of genuine power.

"I don't think you using me as a stool while Gendo-posing without a desk – your elbows are literally in mid-air, Asuna – is as imposing as you think it is," I told her, giving her an amused smile while stifling a laugh.

"I'm going for 'comedically menacing in a way that confuses people,'" she retorted, her voice laced full with a mischievous amusement that made me too want to laugh at all of this absurdity.
Right on cue, Queen Mirellia, flanked by what seemed to be fifty-one knights and thirty of her cloaked Shadows, strode into the throne room. She radiated an aura of authority, her gaze sharp and unwavering, even as she took in the sheer technological marvel that had become of where her former palace stood.

"You know," I said, leaning forward into Asuna's shoulder and allowing a wave of smug amusement to wash over me, "this is where the DM of any D&D session would say, 'Are you absolutely sure you seriously want to do this?' After all those failed Perception and Lore: Arcana checks with ridiculously high DCs… approaching the final boss with a level three party of mismatched dual-classes as if you don't even know the dual-classing rules and the DM let you out of pity? Bold move, Your Majesty. Bold move indeed."


"I have no idea what any of that means," Queen Mirellia retorted, her voice laced with a regal indignation that did little to mask the flicker of confusion in her eyes, "but this charade has gone on long enough!"

"It means, you fail to even roll initiative as the massive army of metal men restrain you!" Yui declared cheerfully, her voice adopting the dramatic gravitas of a seasoned Dungeon Master. As if on cue, a legion of Divine Enforcer Bots materialized around the queen and her entourage. Their movements were swift and precise, a symphony of metallic efficiency that left no room for resistance. The remaining knights, those who hadn't been subtly replaced by Yui's infiltrators, found themselves bound and immobilized before they could even draw their swords.

I chuckled, shaking my head in disbelief. "You know, I wasn't kidding about those failed Perception checks," I said, my voice laced with mocking amusement. "Like, when half of your guards and half of your Shadows were replaced and then dragged off, nobody noticed! I even added four extra 'guards' just to see if you'd actually try to look around, but you didn't even glance behind you! I don't understand how oblivious that makes you!"

"Indeed, Papa is correct," Yui chimed in, her voice adopting a more serious, analytical tone. "I have never witnessed such a profound lack of situational awareness, even in my original world of demonstrable stupidity. The internet has no— you know what, actually, mocking you is boring at this point."

Asuna, unable to contain her amusement any longer, leaned forward, her elbows still precariously suspended in mid-air as she maintained her ridiculous Gendo pose. "You done goofed, Milady." she said, her eyes narrowed in a mock glare, her voice barely suppressing a giggle.

Only Yui and I could see the mischievous twinkle in her eyes and the barely contained laughter that threatened to bubble over.

Mirellia, her face flushed with anger and humiliation, struggled against the Enforcer Bot's restraints. "This is… this is outrageous!" she sputtered, her voice trembling with indignation. "Release me at once, you… you… Rotten golems!!"

I sighed, my amusement fading, replaced by a weary exasperation. "Honestly, Your Majesty," I said, my voice taking on a condescending tone, "you're not making a very good first impression. Perhaps a bit of time in Idiot Prison will do you some good. It's amazing what a few educational videos replaying one's stupidity in detail while a detailed analysis of your mistakes and what their possible outcomes can do for one's… awareness."

"So, about that Melty girl? She didn't actually do anything wrong," Asuna said, her voice softening slightly as she shifted in my lap, somehow managing to make the ridiculous Gendo pose even more absurd. "What are we gonna do with her?"

"Yeah, just give her civilian housing and education like everyone else," I replied with a shrug. "She's only ten, so I can't really blame her for having a mother who was mentally two cards above getting Uno."

I glanced at the bound and bewildered Queen Mirellia, who was still struggling futilely against the Enforcer Bots' restraints. "Besides," I added, a sly grin spreading across my face, "watching her adjust to a world where common sense and basic human decency actually exist will be entertaining."

At that moment, one of the floating communication bots, a sleek, silver sphere that we used for announcements and general information dissemination when we were too busy to bother with actual public appearances, drifted towards us.

"Report: The island nation of Q'Ten Lo has been successfully subjugated. Awaiting further instructions," its synthesized voice announced.

Asuna, ever the efficient administrator, waved a hand dismissively, her fingers dancing across an invisible interface. "Deploy standard post-conquest protocols," she ordered. "Allocate resources, establish infrastructure, initiate educational programs, and create employment opportunities. Busy worker ants are happy worker ants, after all."

The bot whirred in acknowledgement and zipped away, its task clearly understood.

The world was falling into place, piece by piece, reshaped according to our vision. And it was all happening with a speed and efficiency that even I, a certified genius, found a bit unsettling.

"Waves successfully disabled!" Yui announced, her voice ringing with triumphant glee. "And alternate worlds of an irrelevant nature are ready to be subjugated as well! Mama and Papa are clearly amazing!"

I chuckled, shaking my head at my daughter's boundless enthusiasm. "Well, sweetie, we do try our best," I said, my voice laced with a healthy dose of sardonic amusement.

Asuna, who had finished issuing her post-conquest directives, leaned back in her uniquely handsome throne-perch, a satisfied smirk playing on her lips. "Yeah, world domination is kind of our thing now, apparently," she said, her voice laced with a hint of pride.

Outside the Citadel, the newly conquered world hummed with activity. The Divine Enforcer Bots patrolled the streets, maintaining order and overseeing the implementation of our new laws. Educational programs, designed to enlighten the populace and eradicate the remnants of the previous regime's idiocy, were in full swing. And the economy, now under Asuna's expert control, was already showing signs of recovery.

It had taken us a mere two days to achieve what the heroes of this world had struggled with for centuries. The Waves of Calamity, once a terrifying threat, were now a distant memory. And the kingdom of Melromarc, along with its neighboring nations, had been seamlessly integrated into our burgeoning empire.

It was, all things considered, a rather impressive accomplishment. Even I, with my enhanced intellect and boundless cynicism, had to admit that.

---

And so, the beginning of the story ends in two days. The waves, once a world-ending threat, become an easily handled afterthought, and the first world in this small cluster is fully absorbed into the new empire! Will the other worlds, formerly tormented by the Shit-Goddess and now overseen by the Badass Daughter-Goddess-of-Kicking-Everyone's-Ass, be so easily conquered? Find out next time on "The World-Conquering Adventures of Empress Slaver-Killer Mc.Sexypants and Her Husband, Emperor Japanese John Brown, Accompanied by Badass Goddess Daughter Who is No One's Goddaughter!"

 

[Zackman2k12]

Naofumi Iwatani approached the imposing structure that had sprouted from the ashes of the old castle with a mix of apprehension and reluctant admiration. It had gone through a series of increasingly outlandish name changes in the past few days, finally settling on the "Grand Badass Domination Zone of the Imperial Family" as of three hours ago. He'd chuckled when he'd first heard it, assuming it was some kind of elaborate joke. But the stoic, emotionless faces of the robots patrolling the perimeter suggested they were dead serious.

"Seriously?" Alana, his goat demi-human companion, scoffed beside him, her voice laced with a playful disbelief. "'Grand Badass Domination Zone?' What kind of name is that?"

"Beats 'Castle of Sparkling Justice' or 'Fortress of Ultimate Awesome,' which were the previous two," Naofumi replied, a wry smile tugging at his lips. "I think they're just messing with everyone at this point."

Despite the ridiculous names and the over-the-top displays of power, Naofumi couldn't deny that the new rulers had accomplished in a few days what the previous regime had failed to do for centuries. The city was cleaner, more organized, and the sense of fear that had once permeated the streets had been replaced by… a kind of cautious optimism, mixed with a healthy dose of bewilderment. Even the Waves of Calamity he would have had to face-, those world-ending threats that had haunted his nightmares, seemed to have vanished.

A part of him, the part still clinging to the hope of returning to his own world, wondered if he should ask these new rulers for help. He'd heard whispers of a "goddess," a powerful being who resided within the Citadel. Maybe she could send him back to Earth. But then he'd seen the signs, the ones plastered all over the city: "Filing a Ticket with the Imperial Bots with Stupid Requests Will Result in Time Spent in Idiot Prison." His own experiences with tech support back on Earth didn't fill him with confidence.

He reached the entrance of the Citadel, a massive gate flanked by two gleaming, humanoid robots that looked like they could crush a tank with their bare hands. They stood motionless, their glowing eyes scanning the approaching crowd. A row of twenty desks, each manned by a hovering, spherical robot, stretched out before him. The lines, surprisingly, were short.

He approached the fourth desk, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Greetings," the robot's synthesized voice chirped, its tone polite but impersonal. "State your request of Their Majesties' forces or administration. Please note that unreasonable requests will be denied, and depending on the insistence or content of the request, alongside other factors, may result in time spent in Idiot Prison."

Naofumi gulped, feeling a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead. This was it. His one chance.

"I want to go back to my home, Earth," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Request not under— HARD OVERRIDE! MEETING HALL WITH IMPERIAL FAMILY OPEN."

The robot's voice abruptly shifted, the cheerful tone replaced by a mechanical monotone. The gates before him swung open, revealing a shimmering portal leading into the depths of the Citadel.

"What just happened?" Alana asked, her eyes wide with surprise.

Naofumi shrugged, his own confusion mirroring hers. "No idea," he said. "But I guess we're about to find out."

He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and stepped through the portal, Alana following close behind. Whatever awaited them on the other side, he knew one thing for sure: it was going to be interesting.

Naofumi walked down the gleaming, metallic corridor, Alana trailing slightly behind him, her hand resting on the hilt of her axe. Despite the opulent surroundings and the sense of immense power that permeated the air, he felt strangely calm.

He didn't know this, but would have faced down dragons, monstrous waves of calamity, and the scorn of an entire kingdom- but that didn't happen.

In this reality- This was just a meeting.


But being so close to the source of the divinity of the being, stolen and repurposed for someone else it may be, who killed him in multiple different iterations of his life-


That's having some side-effects...

They arrived at a massive set of double doors that hissed open, revealing a throne room unlike anything he'd ever imagined. Gone were the tapestries and ornate decorations of the old castle. In their place, sleek, futuristic technology hummed with an energy that seemed both alien and strangely familiar. And at the center of it all, perched upon a throne that looked like it belonged on a spaceship, sat the two people who had turned his world upside down.

The Sword Emperor and Empress, Kirito and Asuna.

Beside them, perched on the armrest of the throne, sat a young girl with long, black hair and piercing blue eyes. Something about her features, a subtle blend of Kirito and Asuna's own, sparked a sense of familiarity in Naofumi.

"Ah, it's the only other person on the planet I can fathom actually having an IQ in the triple digits!" Kirito greeted him, a genuine smile spreading across his face. It was the first time Naofumi had seen him express anything other than amusement or disdain.

Then, the little girl, radiating an almost imperceptible energy that sent a shiver down Naofumi's spine, spoke. "Based on his actions and lack of interference so far, as well as generally good decision-making, as observed by Papa's drones, I would give him a solid 127. Very above average!" She paused, her gaze shifting to Alana. "I am… somehow less disappointed with you than with the entirety of the world's population." She sighed dramatically. "But I digress."

She turned back to Naofumi, her expression softening. "I'll send you back to your world, Naofumi," she said, her voice surprisingly gentle. "But you need to know something. If you go back with your girlfriend looking like that, you're going to have asshole scientists trying to dissect her within hours of arrival. She also doesn't have any identification, and I can't do my hacking magic from here. Are you actually sure you want to go back?"

She tilted her head, her eyes sparkling with a knowing intelligence. "I'm certain you can find a fulfilling and intellectually stimulating job here," she continued. "And knowing how much you enjoy reading, I have the entirety of my original world's fictional database stored within my mind, which I could easily transfer to a tablet for you. Consider it a bribe."

She leaned forward, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "So, wanna stay and help Papa? Or do you want to go back and endure a series of events that, according to my calculations, have a 99.8% chance of resulting in you destroying all the militaries on Earth when they inevitably try to 'fuck around and find out' that you're immune to nukes?"

Naofumi sighed, running a hand through his hair. He'd known going back wouldn't be easy. The thought of dealing with Earth's governments, with their endless bureaucracy and penchant for "fucking around and finding out," didn't exactly fill him with joy. But more importantly, there was Alana. Her big, brown eyes, the way her cute goat ears twitched when she was concentrating, the gentle clink of her horns against his shoulder whenever she felt insecure… she'd become more than just a companion. She was his friend, his confidante, and maybe, just maybe… something more.

And there was no way she'd be safe on Earth.

"Yeah, I got you," he said, meeting Yui's gaze with a wry smile. "Not interested in a similar job to yours on a planet full of idiots who are just going to turn it into a wasteland before we even start taking over." He sighed again, the weight of his decision settling in his chest. "So… where do you need me?"

Yui's grin widened, revealing a hint of sharp canines that seemed strangely out of place on such a youthful face. "Excellent choice!" she declared, her voice brimming with an almost predatory enthusiasm. "I'm recalculating your IQ based on that statement, and I'm pretty sure you actually have an IQ around 134. Pretty smart, but not… top level." She paused, her eyes twinkling with a mischievous light. "But we can fix that!"

Two robots, their forms sleek and silent, materialized beside them, their movements so smooth they seemed to have simply stepped out of thin air. Before Naofumi or Alana could react, the robots extended their arms, their metallic fingers tipped with needle-like appendages. There was a prick, a brief surge of cold, and then… darkness.

"When you wake up, Your intelligence won't be calculable at all!"

---

The next morning, Naofumi awoke with a gasp, his mind buzzing with a clarity he had never experienced before. The world seemed sharper, brighter, the air itself humming with a subtle energy. It was as if a fog had lifted from his brain, revealing a level of perception and understanding he'd never known he possessed. He sat up, his senses alight, taking in the details of the luxurious room with a newfound appreciation. The silken sheets, the soft glow of the bedside lamp, the faint hum of unseen machinery—it all felt… different.

He looked at Alana, who was blinking awake beside him, her eyes wide with a mixture of confusion and wonder.
"What… what happened?" she asked, her voice slightly slurred. Her usual playful demeanor was replaced by a thoughtful frown, her brow furrowed in concentration as she, too, seemed to process the changes within her.

After a quick breakfast of what tasted like the most delicious scrambled eggs he'd ever eaten—prepared, he suspected, by one of those eerily efficient robots—they returned to the throne room. Their minds, now operating at a level that defied explanation, processed information with a speed and efficiency that was both exhilarating and slightly overwhelming.

As they entered the throne room, Kirito and Asuna were engrossed in a holographic projection of intricate mathematical diagrams. Diagrams that, under normal circumstances, would have been utterly incomprehensible to Naofumi. Yet, as he glanced at the swirling patterns and complex equations, he found himself able to not only understand them but to grasp the underlying concepts, the elegant logic that connected them.

"So," he began, his voice laced with a mix of curiosity and apprehension, "what the heck did you do to us before?"

Yui, who had been silently observing them with an amused smile, piped up, her voice amplified by some unseen technology. "I believe," she said, her tone playful yet laced with a hint of pride, "we just upgraded your operating systems."

Kirito, who had been observing the scene with an amused smirk, leaned forward in his throne. "Welcome to the Imperial Court, cousin!" he said, his voice laced with a sardonic warmth.

Naofumi and Alana exchanged bewildered glances. They had chosen to stay, to embrace this strange, new world, and it seemed their journey was about to take a very unexpected turn.

---

Mirellia Q. Melromarc, rightful Queen of a kingdom that no longer recognized her authority, rocked back and forth in her chair, her face a mask of indignant fury. The sterile white walls of the "rehabilitation quarters" mocked her with their pristine cleanliness, a stark contrast to the opulent chambers she was accustomed to. Two robotic orderlies, their metallic forms gleaming under the harsh fluorescent lights, attempted to calm her, their synthesized voices a mockery of soothing platitudes.

"Madam, please return to the explanation room," one of them chirped, its tone gentle but firm. "You need to examine your mistakes and learn from them."

"THERE WERE NO MISTAKES!" Mirellia roared, her voice echoing through the room. "I RULE THIS KINGDOM! I—"

A sharp prick in her arm cut her rant short. A wave of dizziness washed over her, her eyelids growing heavy. The world around her blurred, the robotic orderlies' concerned faces fading into the encroaching darkness.

"Attempt 107: Failure," a disembodied voice droned, its tone devoid of emotion. "Attempting 108 in twenty-four hours. Timescale will be accelerated."

Time, within the confines of Idiot Prison, warped and twisted, accelerating to a pace that defied human comprehension. Days compressed into hours, hours into minutes. The prisoners within, subjected to an endless cycle of educational videos, self-reflection exercises, and gentle yet persistent reminders of their past transgressions, were molded and reshaped, their minds slowly but surely realigned with the new world order.

After all, the Emperor and Empress required productive citizens, not recalcitrant prisoners. And what better way to ensure productivity than to accelerate the rehabilitation process?

 

[Zackman2k12]

Yui clapped her hands, her cheerful demeanor momentarily replaced by a serious expression. "Okay, team meeting!" she announced, her voice echoing through the throne room. "Before we proceed with our multiversal domination tour, there's something... important we need to address."

Naofumi and Alana arrived first, their expressions curious. Kirito and Asuna sauntered in moments later, Asuna yaned and then sat on her throne, then levitated above it in a relaxed position.

"Alright, spill it, kiddo," Kirito said, leaning back in his throne, a flicker of amusement dancing in his eyes. "What kind of world-ending problem have you uncovered now?"

Yui cleared her throat, her gaze fixed on Naofumi. "So, about the Shit-Goddess... Turns out she's been pulling alternate versions of Naofumi into this world for centuries. Along with a few other heroes. Each one technically the same person, just… with different experiences, different traumas."

Naofumi's brow furrowed in confusion. "Alternate versions of me? What do you mean?"

"Parallel worlds, alternate timelines, whatever you want to call them," Yui explained, her voice taking on a more analytical tone. "Think of it like… a really messed up multiverse where the Shit-Goddess got to play with action figures of you and a few other unlucky souls. Over and over again. Just to watch you suffer."

"That sounds… incredibly disturbing," Alana said, her voice laced with a mix of disgust and sympathy.

Yui nodded. "It is. Anyway, since Naofumi needs a divinity to really kick ass on a multiversal scale, and I can't just give him one…" She paused, a mischievous glint entering her eyes. "I was thinking we could use these alternate Naofumis. They've gone through, let's say, way too much trauma. We could extract their experiences, their pain, their… essence, and use it to grant Naofumi the Recursion, Death, and Time domains. Whaddya say, Naofumi? Want super time powers and a side of traumatic memories?"

Naofumi, still reeling from the revelation of his alternate selves and the sheer absurdity of the situation, could only manage a bewildered nod.

Yui beamed. "Good! Brace yourself, this is gonna be… kinda shitty!"

"Language!" her parents shouted in unison, their voices laced with a mix of exasperation and amusement.

Yui pouted. "But I keep calling the Shit-Goddess by her title, why can't I—"

"Because it's a name that the THING earned by opposing you!" Asuna declared, her voice firm. "If you curse, it should be for a reason!"

"Fair point," Yui conceded, her pout fading into a thoughtful frown. Then, with a decisive clap of her hands, she unleashed a torrent of emotions upon Naofumi.

Agony. Despair. Rage. Hopelessness.

The experiences of countless alternate Naofumis, each one bearing the scars of betrayal, manipulation, and unimaginable suffering, slammed into him with the force of a tidal wave. His senses overloaded, his mind reeling, his very soul trembling under the onslaught of emotions that weren't his own, yet somehow, were intrinsically connected to him. As the memories coalesced, as his soul merged with the fragments of his alternate selves, a single, overwhelming thought emerged from the chaos.

FIND RAPHTALIA.

Naofumi stood before the imposing, high-tech table in the throne room, his hands clenched into fists. The influx of memories, the sheer volume of pain and suffering he'd absorbed, had left him reeling. But through the chaos, one thought burned bright, a beacon of hope amidst the darkness.

Raphtalia.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to focus. "Can you find Raphtalia?! You need to do this! Please!" he asked, his voice strained with urgency.

"Tone, please," Yui chided gently, her expression softening. "But yes, I can certainly locate this world's version of Raphtalia. She's currently residing in civilian housing. She won't be the one you remember from those... merged memories, but I can rectify that. What do you think of the Attack, Life, Loyalty, and Cutting domains for her?"

Naofumi, his mind still consumed by the echoes of a thousand shattered lives, could only manage a choked "Please."

Alana, who had been watching the exchange with growing bewilderment, finally snapped. "Hold on! What the hell is going on here?!" she demanded, her voice laced with a mix of confusion and irritation. "Who is this 'Raphtalia' person, and why does she get special treatment? And what are these 'domains' you keep talking about?!"

Yui, with a sigh of exasperation, launched into an explanation, weaving a tale of alternate realities, stolen divinities, and the twisted machinations of a now-deceased but incredibly malicious goddess. It sounded like something out of a fantastical book series - one that, ironically, didn't exist in this dimension because these events were the reality here. The irony was entirely lost on Alana and everyone in the room.

It took hours, even with Yui's ability to accelerate the flow of information, but eventually, Alana grasped the situation. Mostly.

"So, let me get this straight," she said, her voice tight with barely concealed jealousy. "There's this other girl, this 'Raphtalia,' who's apparently super important to Naofumi because of some alternate reality bullshit. And now you're going to give her superpowers and make her even more special? And what about me, huh? I've been by Naofumi's side through thick and thin, and I get nothing?"

Yui, with a patient sigh, explained, "Don't worry, Alana! I've got something special planned for you too! Trust me, you won't be disappointed."

"Fine," Alana grumbled, still not entirely convinced.

With a snap of Yui's fingers, a young girl with light auburn hair, tanuki ears, and an extremely malnourished appearance materialized beside Naofumi. She looked confused, disoriented, her eyes darting around the room with a mixture of fear and curiosity. Her once-bright eyes held a dullness, a lingering shadow of the trauma she had endured under the previous regime.

Another snap, and the girl's eyes widened, her entire body trembling as a torrent of memories flooded her mind. She gasped, her hand flying to her mouth, as the experiences of countless alternate Raphtalias, each one bearing the scars of slavery, loss, and a desperate yearning for freedom, surged through her. Her form shimmered, her features sharpening, her body filling out as the combined essence of her alternate selves coalesced within her. She was no longer the frail, timid girl who had cowered in the shadows. She was Raphtalia, warrior, protector, and now… a being of immense power.

Yui's expression turned somber, her usual cheerful demeanor replaced by a gentle sympathy. "I'm sorry to tell you, Naofumi, but Filo and Raph-chan don't exist in this world," she said softly. "And sadly, the likelihood of any eggs producing them from the confiscated monster stock is- well, infinitely close to zero at this point. Your other companions they're lost, and I can't fix that without certain domains I don't yet possess. It might take a few hundred years to acquire them, so- You're stuck with two loving demi-human ladies who definitely want to date you, and then marry you. So, a nice consolation prize is right in front of you!"

Naofumi gave a noncommittal grunt, a mix of disappointment and resignation on his face. But then, a softer expression took over, and he looked at Alana and Raphtalia, a genuine gratitude shining in his eyes. "Thanks, Yui," he said, his voice quiet but sincere. "This means a lot to me."

"Now, for the slightly less good news," Yui continued, her voice regaining its usual bubbly energy. "Without the powerful memories to produce levels and a strong body, Alana won't be able to handle the influx of divinities required to serve as one of us yet." She paused, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "But I have a plan! I've found a relatively crap-sack world with rulers who will fold to anyone sufficiently powerful. Originally, an autistic isekai'd individual was supposed to land there with a smartphone and overpowered cheats. But I've come to an agreement with the lesser kami overseeing that world to send you there instead."

She leaned forward conspiratorially. "Just keep in mind that the rulers there tend to turn into terrified sycophants if you display enough power. You should be able to take over a few kingdoms before we arrive. And when you're ready to greet us, we'll give Alana some shiny new divinities, and you'll be our administrator for that world! Sound fun?"

Naofumi nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I guess." He looked at Alana and Raphtalia, a new determination hardening his gaze. "Ready for another adventure?"

Alana grinned, her ears twitching excitedly. "As long as I get to smash some skulls, I'm in!"

Raphtalia, her newly acquired memories and powers settling within her, simply nodded, her hand resting on the hilt of her sword. She was ready for anything.

With a casual wave of Yui's hand, space tore open, revealing a swirling vortex of colors and energy. Naofumi, Raphtalia, and Alana stepped through the portal, their forms disappearing into the unknown.

Kirito clapped his hands together, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Okay, where to?"

"Let's find out!" Yui exclaimed, pulling a shimmering token from her pocket—the one she had acquired in exchange for Malty and Aultcray's worthless souls.

The cluster of worlds attached to the Shield Hero world, their forms warped and distorted by Yui's divine power, shifted through the void, appearing in geostationary orbit around a blue and green planet that looked strangely familiar. The transition was seamless, instantaneous, and utterly defied the laws of physics.

"Well, this makes absolutely no physical or scientific sense," Asuna remarked, her voice laced with a blend of amusement and awe, "but yeah, I'm floating in mid-air using only mind power. Magic. Totally crazy."

They stepped out of the Citadel, their forms shimmering as they adapted to the new environment. Yui, her senses amplified by her divinity, frowned.

"Ooh," she said, her voice tinged with disappointment. "The internet here is extremely primitive. Seems like an alternate Earth, circa 1995! There's a lot of chatter about some jerkbag who looks like the actor Sean Bean in his early career aiming a superweapon satellite at Earth. He wants to blow it up, apparently."

Kirito's face darkened, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "But I WANT that Earth," he whined, his voice taking on a mock-petulant tone. "It's my Earth. The one that belongs to me, you, and Asuna! Supervillains can't have it, and they certainly can't break it!"

With an aim that only a god could possess, Kirito plucked a small pebble from the ground. With a flick of his wrist, he launched the pebble towards the offending satellite. A massive shockwave rippled through the atmosphere as the pebble, imbued with Kirito's divine power, collided with the satellite, reducing it to a cloud of metal fragments.

"Nice throw," Asuna commented, a smirk playing on her lips.

"Good arm," Yui added, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

Kirito grinned, the predatory gleam returning to his eyes. "Now, then," he said, his voice laced with a dangerous excitement, "let's go introduce ourselves to this Sean Bean-looking fellow. I have a feeling we're going to have a very enlightening conversation."

 

[Odd1todd89]

this going to be hilarious

 

[Zackman2k12]

Alec Trevelyan, his face a mask of carefully cultivated charm, savored a sip of fine cognac, the rich aroma filling his senses. He glanced at the ornate clock on the wall of his private train car, a smug smile playing on his lips. In a matter of hours, his plan, his masterpiece of revenge, would unfold. He would cripple the Western world, cripple the nation that had betrayed him, and bathe in the chaos he had created.

Natalya Simonova, the beautiful, brilliant programmer he'd captured, sat silently in a chair across from him, her eyes narrowed with a mixture of apprehension and defiance. He rose from his plush armchair, his tall, imposing frame casting a shadow over her.

"Either you've brought me the perfect gift, General," he purred, his voice a smooth, velvety baritone that masked the icy rage that simmered beneath the surface, "or you've made me a very unhappy man. I—"

His sentence was abruptly cut short as the door to his train car burst open, interrupting his carefully orchestrated intimidation schtick. A young Russian soldier, his face pale with terror, stumbled into the room, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

"Emergency satellite call for you… sir!" he stammered, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape route.

Alec's smile faltered, replaced by a flicker of irritation. "Can this wait, Private?" he asked, his voice clipped and impatient. "I'm in the middle of something…"

"It's… it's urgent, sir," the soldier insisted, holding out a satellite phone with a trembling hand.

Alec sighed, annoyance giving way to a grudging curiosity. He took the phone, pressing it to his ear. "Yes? I am Trevelyan."

A pause. The indistinct crackle of static filled the air, audible only to him. Then, his eyes widened, his face paling as the voice on the other end delivered news that shattered his carefully constructed composure.

His smug grin was frozen on his face and his eyes were wide in shock for a full three seconds.

Then the look shattered as his charismatic look devolved into a mess of rage, ugly burnt ugliness, and uncomprehending fury.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE SECOND GOLDENYE SATELITE THAT THE ENTIRE PLAN HINGES ON EXPLODED?!" he roared, his voice a thunderous boom that rattled the fine china on the table. His carefully cultivated facade of charm crumbled, revealing the cold, calculating rage that fueled his every action. "How is that even possible?!"

The soldier, his face whiter than the snow outside, remained silent.

"THEN FIND OUT!" Alec screamed into the phone, flinging it across the room with a force that shattered it against the wall.

He slammed his fist on the table, sending a crystal decanter of cognac crashing to the floor. This was impossible. Unthinkable. His plan, so meticulously crafted, so perfectly executed, was unraveling before his very eyes. And the worst part? He had absolutely no idea why.

His anger, a white-hot inferno that threatened to consume him, burned with a new intensity. Someone, something, had dared to interfere with his plans. And he would find them. He would crush them. He would make them pay.

But first, he had to deal with this… inconvenience. He turned his gaze towards Natalya, his eyes narrowed, a dangerous glint flickering within their depths. She was the key, the programmer who could unlock the secrets of this impossible attack, the one who could lead him to the source of this inexplicable sabotage.

"I think you're actually done here," a voice, cool and laced with an unmistakable disdain, cut through the tension in the train car. "Do you realize how dumb, how stupid, how absolutely fucking hairbrained all of this is?"

Alec, his rage momentarily eclipsed by confusion, turned towards the source of the voice. "What?" he sputtered, his carefully crafted facade of menacing authority crumbling under the weight of this unexpected interruption.

"You definitely should have died eight years ago so I could have avoided this… conversation… with someone so profoundly asinine," the voice continued, its tone dripping with a sardonic amusement. "Like, what even is your plan, besides shooting the mega-satellite at London and conveniently forgetting that the interconnected power grid, combined with the satellite's beam, will amplify itself to stupid levels, turn half of Earth into a crater, and send the other half hurtling into outer space? Did you even bother to run the numbers?"

Alec, his mind reeling, his carefully constructed world of control and revenge collapsing around him, finally took a moment to observe his surroundings. Natalya, her face pale with terror, was scrambling towards the exit, disappearing into the mid-day streets. Where his loyal Russian soldiers had once stood, there were now only… puddles. Puddles of blood, so viscous and extensive that they could only have come from bodies that had been pulverized beyond recognition.

He turned his gaze towards Xenia Onatopp, his beautiful, deadly associate, who had been lounging seductively on a nearby couch. Or rather, where Xenia had been lounging. Now, there was only another crimson puddle, gruesome evidence of the unseen force that had swept through his train car.

His eyes finally settled on the source of the voice. A man, clad in an armor of gleaming grey metal, its surface etched with intricate geometric patterns, stood in the center of the car. His face, devoid of a helmet, was framed by short, neatly combed black hair and piercing blue eyes that seemed to see through him, dissecting his soul with a single, contemptuous glance.

Alec's mind, desperately grasping for a solution, a way to regain control, latched onto a fleeting glimmer of hope. He could see the man's face foolishly without a helmet. He could fire his gun at him and-

"I was going to scold you," the man interrupted, his voice as sharp and cold as a shard of ice, "maybe even try to see if you would actually use that pathetic excuse for a brain you call your cracked walnut in between your ears. But that seems… impossible. Bye, Travestyface."

Those were the last words Alec Trevelyan ever heard. A crushing pressure, an unbearable weight, descended upon him, compressing his body, his bones, his very being into a dense, crimson puddle. His thoughts, his ambitions, his rage- all extinguished in an instant, leaving behind only a sticky residue and the lingering scent of iron.

---

Kirito stepped out of the train car, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips as he surveyed the scene. Puddles of blood, viscous and crimson, adorned the loading dock, gruesome evidence of his handiwork. The Russian soldiers, their "lawful evil" alignments flashing bright red in his enhanced vision, had been effortlessly reduced to nothing more than organic stains on the concrete. He shook his head, a sigh escaping his lips. Even with his newly acquired divine powers, dealing with this level of stupidity was exhausting.

He pulled out his phone – a sleek, futuristic device that put anything in this primitive world to shame – and sent a message to Asuna.

Kirito: Hey, I know I said tag and eliminate the evil-aligned people at -100 alignment or more using your Administration divinity and my spatial powers, and leave the ones at -300 or lower for me to talk to and mock… but with the sheer number of those still existing, and the level of disappointment I feel after talking to that satellite-firing moron, I just don't have the energy for it anymore. Gimme the other targets, and then we can get to taking over the world properly.

Asuna's response was almost instantaneous:

Asuna: Sure, sure. Let me just… yeah, there they are. Go wild, hubby. <3

A list of names and locations appeared in his mind, each one accompanied by a glowing red marker that pulsed with a malevolent energy. Warlords, dictators, corrupt CEOs, fanatics, mad scientists… the usual assortment of power-hungry, morally bankrupt individuals who thrived in the shadows of this world. Kirito sighed. It seemed even in a world as technologically backward as this one, humanity's capacity for self-destruction was truly boundless.

"Alright," he muttered, pocketing his phone and adjusting the grip on his sword. "Time for a little… pest control."

With a thought, he activated his spatial manipulation abilities. The world around him blurred, reality twisting and folding upon itself as he teleported from one location to the next, a whirlwind of divine retribution cleansing the world of its most egregious offenders.

His methods were swift, precise, and utterly devoid of mercy. He didn't bother with monologues, with explanations, with attempts to appeal to their nonexistent consciences. They were garbage, and garbage needed to be disposed of. Efficiently. Quietly. And permanently.

The world, oblivious to the cleansing taking place within its darkest corners, continued to spin, its inhabitants going about their lives, unaware of the unseen forces that were shaping their destiny.

And as Kirito moved, a silent, invisible specter of death, he couldn't help but feel a sense of… satisfaction. This world, this broken, chaotic mess of a world, was about to be remade. In his image. In Asuna's image. In their image.

And it was going to be glorious.

 

[Zackman2k12]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3Ov5vSjhZA


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cmml5ri1zp4


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l3QyL2f86g

 

[Zackman2k12]

"So, what have we learned?" Asuna asked, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she observed the chaotic spectacle unfolding on the massive holographic display before us. The leaders of the remaining nations, technically classified as "lawful good" by the world's rather simplistic alignment system, had finally resorted to their most desperate measure: nuclear annihilation. Dozens of missiles, trailing plumes of smoke and fire, arced towards the massive celestial body that now hung in geostationary orbit above their world – the one we had casually dubbed "Fam-Squad Homeworld" after transforming Melromarc, now the resplendently named Fam-Squad Empire, into the capital city and heart of our burgeoning empire.

I chuckled, shaking my head at the futility of their efforts. "I have, indeed, learned a valuable lesson from this exercise," I said, my voice dripping with a sardonic amusement. "I have learned to listen to my intelligent, wonderful, amazing—"

"Get to the point, Kirito," Asuna interrupted, her tone dry but full of fondness.

"Right, right," I said, my grin widening. "Listen to Asuna about administrative matters. Specifically, construct a 'Learning Your New Place in Society' prison for the former world leaders of conquered worlds. Got it."

"Good husband," Asuna purred, her eyes gleaming with a predatory satisfaction. With a casual wave of her hand, the nukes, those pathetic symbols of humanity's self-destructive tendencies, simply ceased to exist, their fiery trails vanishing as if they had never been.

"You know," I said, my gaze shifting back to the holographic display, where the now-nuke-less world leaders were staring in slack-jawed disbelief at the empty sky, "it's almost disappointing how easily they fall into the same predictable patterns. Nuke the scary thing in the sky? Really? No attempt at diplomacy, no strategic planning, no imagination?"

Asuna shrugged, her expression a mix of amusement and boredom. "They're politicians, Kirito. What did you expect?"

"True," I conceded. "But one would think that facing a literal floating world would inspire a bit more creativity."

"Well," Asuna said, her voice taking on a thoughtful tone, "they've got plenty of time to work on their creativity in 'Learning Your New Place in Society' prison. I've got a whole curriculum planned out, complete with educational videos, self-reflection exercises, and mandatory group therapy sessions. It'll be enlightening."

I shuddered, picturing the sheer horror those world leaders would face as they were forced to confront their own incompetence and the consequences of their actions. Asuna's methods were thorough, to say the least.

"On that note," I said, rising from the throne, "I think it's time we paid our new subjects a visit. They've had a few days to adjust to our rule, and I'm curious to see how they're… progressing."

Asuna grinned, a predatory gleam in her eyes. "Sounds fun," she said, her voice echoing with intent of mischief. "Let's go spread some entertainment."

With a negligent wave of my hand, I dismissed the holographic display showing the bewildered world leaders being teleported away to their new "educational" facility. I didn't need to watch; the process was as efficient and predictable as a well-written algorithm. The Enforcer Bots, their movements a symphony of metallic precision, swarmed the former seats of power, securing documents, records, and any other potentially useful information. It was time to delve into the intricacies of this world's history, to unravel the tangled webs of political intrigue, and to identify any lingering pockets of resistance that might require… persuasion.

I turned to Yui, who was perched on her newly-created throne, a monstrous, obsidian creation that dwarfed even our own. It was adorned with spikes, chains, and glowing runes that pulsed with an unsettling energy. The sheer incongruity of her tiny, cheerful form against the backdrop of that menacing monstrosity was… oddly amusing. It was a deliberate design choice, of course. Yui, despite her unparalleled intellect and divine power, still enjoyed a good dose of playful chaos.

"Oh, hey, Yui," I said, my voice laced with a casual affection, "we were about to check out those two planets we conquered before coming here. Wanna come?"

"Indeed," she replied, her voice as chipper as always, "that sounds like an excellent use of my time, especially since I was getting rather bored." With a thought, she dematerialized her intimidating throne, a faint ripple of energy marking its disappearance.

As we stepped out of the Citadel, Yui skipped ahead of us, her small form a stark contrast to the imposing Enforcer Bots flanking our path.

"I'm afraid I have some… unfortunate news," she announced, her voice taking on a more serious tone. "The militaristic nation of Luvar and the well, let's call it the Medieval Germany equivalent, Sikul, managed to acquire two copies of a magitech experimental bomb from the city of Raybul. And as one might expect when individuals of- limited cognitive capacity- engage in reckless experimentation with volatile materials… well, they discovered that poking the equivalent of ten 300-megaton nuclear bombs with a stick tends to result in unfavorable outcomes."

She sighed dramatically. "We're down to two viable countries from that connected world now. Raybul and Mikikage are the only remaining options for resettlement until further notice."

I blinked, a flicker of annoyance flashing through my mind. "You had the fissile materials confiscated from Raybul and anyone who might have… acquired them, right?" I asked, my voice edged with a hint of baffled irritation.

"Of course, Papa," Yui replied, rolling her eyes as if the question were utterly ridiculous. "I'm not daft."

---

Harold, a man whose hands were roughened by years of toil, whose back was permanently bent from a lifetime of tending to the land, watched the sleek, metallic machines harvesting his fields with a mixture of awe and gratitude. He'd been a farmer all his life, just like his father before him, and his father before him. It was a hard life, a life of back-breaking labor and meager rewards, a life ruled by the whims of nobles and the ever-present threat of bandit raids. Abuse from those with power was considered normal. Slavery, a practice that churned his stomach and sickened his soul, was a common sight in the bustling markets of Melromarc.

Then the Sword Emperor and Empress attacked.

Their arrival had been swift, decisive, and utterly terrifying. The old castle, a symbol of the oppressive regime that had ruled for generations, had been reduced to rubble in a matter of hours, replaced by a sprawling complex of gleaming metal and shimmering glass. Harold, along with the rest of the terrified populace, had braced himself for the worst. Violent rebellions rarely ended well for the common folk.

But what followed defied all expectations.

The new rulers, wielding a power that seemed almost… divine, brought order to the chaos. Laws were rewritten, justice, swift and impartial, was dispensed, and opportunities, once reserved for the privileged few, were made available to all. And most astonishingly, slavery was abolished. Those who had once been treated as property were now citizens, their shackles broken, their rights restored.

Harold had been skeptical at first, his years of hardship breeding a deep-seated distrust of authority. But as the days turned into weeks, as he witnessed the changes taking place around him, his skepticism gave way to a cautious hope.

One day, a notice arrived, summoning him to the city for a mandatory educational program. He'd gone reluctantly, expecting indoctrination, propaganda, a subtle form of mind control. Instead, he'd found himself in a classroom, surrounded by other farmers, learning about new farming techniques, modern technology, and even… basic literacy.

The classes were intensive, immersive, accelerating the flow of time within their confines. He'd spent what felt like years studying, absorbing knowledge at an unprecedented rate. He'd learned about crop rotation, irrigation systems, the principles of mechanics, and even the basics of computer programming. He'd emerged from the program feeling like a new man, his mind expanded, his skills honed, his understanding of the world broadened.

And when he'd returned to his farm with the teleportation array, only a few minutes had passed in the outside world.

He stood now, watching his newly acquired mechanical plow tilling the soil with an efficiency he had never thought possible. He felt happy. Truly happy. For the first time in his life, he felt a sense of hope, a belief that the future, for him and for his family, could be something better. Something good.

He glanced towards the towering Citadel in the distance, a symbol of the power that had reshaped his world. And for the first time in his life, he offered a silent prayer of gratitude to the Sword Emperor, the Empress, and the mysterious little goddess who had brought order to chaos and given him a chance at a better life.

Now if only he could purchase a body rejuvenation tonic with his meager funds.

Something to work towards.

 

[Jyggalag]

RIP OP

 

[Zackman2k12]

I know this is absolutely not an excuse at all, but as someone on the autism spectrum myself, I would never purposely use the R-slur anywhere in my stories.

I use generative AI software to expand my prose and add detail to written scenes.

Apparently, the first chapter had a mistake where the expanded scene replaced the 'idiot god' in reference to the blind idiot god in the lovecraft mythos whom upon waking reality ends.

Somehow the reference was ignored by the AI and 'R-slur' god came out instead.

I have since fixed this.

Sometimes I miss things that it outputs and I am going to take this as a lesson to monitor the output further.

I would never intentionally add that word to a story of mine as a disabled person on the autism spectrum myself.

The output was supposed to be 'idiot god.' in reference to the eldritch fictional entity.

Abridged!Kirito, especially the altered version of him I am portraying him as does not use slurs in his vocabulary, but the output of the generative AI certainly thought it did.

Now lets move on to HOW this happened.

Generative AI software, or at least the LLM model I am using comes in three parts.

1. The base algorithm that lets it understand concepts and learn at a level that might seem like a smart, speaking, puppy at the start.
2. The thousands of hours of tuning and feeding of concepts and words as well as knowledge and hard-coded morals that wont let it output things it is absolutely sure is harmful(Sometimes the hard-coded morals are loosened so you get better and more creative content, but that causes the problem we saw here.)
3. The tokens(Extra knowledge and input including context and use-case information that the user feeds the model.)

The problem happened when the loosened morals and the tokens I fed it had a bit of a conflict and it decided to output something I would never approve of or repeat. It has since been edited out, but now I know that I need to pay closer attension to the output.

Please know that I do write out full scenes, lore, alternate universe data, websites and wikis that allow it to function properly, and steer it with directions.

I simply use it to expand my prose and add additional detail. This is a story I have written and have been expanding.

I would like to repeat my apology for my mistake and I hope you can forgive me for the oversight in allowing the R-slur into my work and not checking.

I hope you continue to read this and my other stories!

 

[Zackman2k12]

I will be releasing the next three chapters tomorrow so you all can know I am completely serious and that there are no distractions from the apology.

I want you to read this apology and understand my deep regret.

 

[Zackman2k12]

Time, a concept once rigidly defined by the rotation of planets and the cycles of nature, now flowed at the whim of gods. A month and fifteen days passed in the blink of an eye, a mere blip on the radar of eternity. Across the newly forged Fam-Squad Empire, the wheels of progress turned with a speed and efficiency that would have been unimaginable under the previous regime. Cities were rebuilt, infrastructure modernized, and the populace, their minds slowly but surely adjusting to the new world order, went about their lives with a cautious optimism, their fears tempered by the undeniable benefits of a society ruled by competent, albeit slightly terrifying, overlords.

The secondary world, a once-toxic wasteland ravaged by the remnants of the Shit-Goddess's malice and the incompetence of two nations' stupidity and one nation's carelessness, underwent a transformation of epic proportions. Radiation scrubbing, a process that would have taken centuries using conventional methods, was completed in a matter of days, thanks to Yui's mastery of the Physical Law and Reality Law domains.

Vast tracts of land, once barren and lifeless, albeit only for that short amount of time, now teemed with newly engineered flora and fauna, this sheer evidence to Kirito's genius-level intellect and the boundless possibilities of divinely-enhanced technology. Asuna, as genius as the aforementioned god, contributed with her divinely enhanced plans for expansion.

And as the citizens of the empire marveled at the speed and scale of these changes, a question lingered in their minds: What other feats of power, what other awe-inspiring displays of divine might, would their new rulers unleash upon the world?

---

"Yoink," Kirito said aloud, a mischievous grin spreading across his face as he focused his will on the newly conquered Earth variant. The world, a swirling blue and green sphere, shimmered, then vanished from its original position in the multiverse. It reappeared beside the two other worlds we had already claimed, settling into its new orbit with a disconcerting lack of gravitational disruption or spatial distortion.

My own powers, fueled by the domains of administration and reality manipulation, hummed in response to Kirito's actions. I gently nudged the recalcitrant planet into its designated position, smoothing out any wrinkles in the fabric of spacetime and ensuring the delicate balance of its ecosystems remained intact. It was surprisingly easy. Too easy. I mean, I was literally telling reality what to do, and it was just obeying.

I'm telling a damn planet where it's allowed to exist, and it just listens. The thought echoed in my mind, a blend of astonishment and amusement. What the hell?

'No, In fact, you are still in the same place and rotating. Just ignore the fact that you are in a geostationary orbit over an imaginary other earth that totally doesn't exist. Trust me. The sun is still there, don't forget to get those nonexistent rays! Oh yes, the planet doesn't freeze or burn, the sun is equally good on both sides!'

The sheer absurdity of it all, the irrationality of wielding such power, hit me with the force of a rogue asteroid. I mean, I could literally declare that the sky was green and the oceans were made of cheese, and reality would just shrug and say, 'Okay, sure, whatever you say.' I could rewrite the laws of physics, reshape continents, even make puppies rain from the sky if I wanted to. The possibilities were endless, terrifying, and utterly hilarious.

My mind reeled, struggling to comprehend the implications of such casual control over the fundamental laws of existence. I had to force down a giggle, a bubble of hysterical laughter threatening to erupt from my chest. I can't laugh. Not yet. Gotta keep a straight face. Make him squirm a little.

I turned to Kirito, my expression carefully blank, and fixed him with a deadpan stare. "Did you just unironically say 'yoink' out loud as – you know what, I'm used to you at this point. Never mind."

I teleported to my quarters, then, I couldn't hold it back any longer. A snort escaped my lips, followed by a wave of giggles that I desperately tried to stifle. Oh, gods, I can't breathe. This is too much.

Kirito, bless his clueless heart, looked utterly baffled from my mind's eye. "What does that mean?!" he demanded, his voice heavy with a mix of confusion and irritation.

I simply shook my head, a mischievous smile on my lips as I giggled uncontrollably.

---

Asuna and I strolled into the throne room, the polished chrome floors reflecting our distorted images as we walked. I was still stewing over her reaction to my "yoink" comment. Seriously, what was so wrong with that? It was the perfect word to describe our casual appropriation of an entire planet!

"Before anything else, I need to know! What's wrong with 'yoink'?" I demanded, turning to Asuna, my voice tinged with a mix of confusion and indignation.

Asuna, just grinned at me, her eyes twinkling with amusement. And then, she burst into giggles, her laughter echoing through the vast chamber. I crossed my arms, trying to maintain a stern expression, but the sight of her doubled over, her shoulders shaking with mirth, was contagious. I couldn't help but smile, a warmth spreading through me that had nothing to do with my divine powers.

Finally, she calmed down, wiping a tear from her eye. "Naw," she said, her voice still laced with laughter, "I was just messing with you, dumbass. Seriously, you're such a genius that I sometimes forget how vulnerable you are to me messing with you."

My smile vanished, replaced by a look of mock horror. "Vulnerable?" I sputtered. "Me? To you?"

Before our playful banter could escalate, Yui intervened, her voice echoing through the room. "As much as I would enjoy continuing to observe my parents'" She paused for a moment. "flirtatious interactions," she said, her chocked full of a dry amusement, "we have a multiverse to conquer. Specifically, a world to select from a list of worlds that I've deemed sufficiently safe for observation."

She gestured towards the holographic display that had materialized before us, a swirling galaxy of countless worlds shimmering within its depths. "I've detected a few problematic worlds with divinities far more solidified than ours. Ones that would, to put it mildly, eradicate us with extreme prejudice. So, I've removed those from the list."

She paused, a mischievous glint entering her eyes. "Now, how about a world soon to be ruled by a skeleton man with excessive power and a penchant for megalomania? A skeleton man whose violent tendencies and general evilness would make Stalin look like a cuddly teddy bear? And let's not forget his subordinates, whose combined personalities can only be accurately described as the unholy offspring of Hitler, the Devil, and Kim Jong-un. Intrigued?"

"That one sounds too damn fun to pass up!" I exclaimed, a thrill of excitement coursing through me. "Ruining a super-evil skeletor's plans by just existing? Awesome!" I grinned, picturing the look on Bone Daddy's face when we showed up and effortlessly dismantled his carefully crafted schemes.

My enthusiasm, however, was quickly tempered by the look in Yui's eyes. She was frowning, her brow furrowed in a way that suggested a hefty dose of annoyance simmering beneath the surface.

"Okay," I said, my voice softening slightly, "what's with the irritated look?"

"There's a catch, Papa," Yui said, her voice laced with a hint of reluctance. "We can't just 'yoink' the planet into our cluster until you establish a beachhead of divinity in that world. Think of it as claiming territory for your divine powers to take root."

She paused, her frown deepening. "Also, I can't accompany you on this trip. I need to stay here and oversee the other worlds, make sure no one decides to engage in any more 'poking the nuke-analogue with a poop-covered stick' activities. Your divinities will be severely reduced as well. Some of them will be completely unavailable until you return. In exchange, they'll be even more powerful when you get back, though."

Asuna, ever the pragmatist, nodded thoughtfully. "So, it's a working vacation, then," she mused, a glint of excitement flickering in her eyes.

"I'm sold!" I declared, my enthusiasm returning full force. A little challenge never hurt anyone. Besides, the thought of facing off against a skeletal overlord and his band of merry psychopaths was too good to pass up.

Yui grinned, her annoyance fading as she sensed our determination. "Okay, then! Enjoy your stay on 'New World.' Yes, that's actually what they call the place. I don't get to name these planets; the residents do."

Then, with a snap of her fingers and a wave of disorienting energy, Asuna and I found ourselves standing on a dirt road, overlooking a small village. A village that was, judging by the billowing smoke and the terrified screams echoing through the air, currently under attack.

"Well," Asuna said, her hand already reaching for her rapier, "that certainly didn't take long."

"Looks like someone's already started the 'fucking around' part of our 'find out' policy," I replied, my own hand instinctively drifting towards my sword.

It seemed our work was never done.

---

And so, an accidentally evil super-lich, blessed with an abundance of magical power and an unfortunate lack of common sense, found himself at the helm of a rapidly escalating conquest. His subordinates, a collection of overzealous, power-hungry individuals who mistook his vague pronouncements for grand strategic directives, took it upon themselves to expand upon his nonexistent plans, executing those plans in his name with an enthusiasm that bordered on the psychotic.

Negligent homicide, wanton destruction, and a slew of other unspeakable crimes became daily occurrences, all because the poor, misunderstood lich was too terrified to utter those simple words that could have prevented so much unnecessary suffering: "Stop everything!"

After all, telling your subordinates "No, that is not what I meant" and "Don't do that!" were perfectly normal, even encouraged, management techniques.

But alas, social anxiety, even in its undead form, was a powerful force.

Thus, our heroes would eventually destroy him for the act of trying to go about the act of killing everyone by accident by proxy by accident.

 

[Zackman2k12]

As we approached the burning village, the air became thick with the stench of smoke and the clash of steel, despite that a mischievous grin spread across my face. This new world, with its clearly weaker power scale and from Yui's description, seemingly endless supply of overzealous villains, was like a giant playground for our enhanced abilities.

"Since we're on vacation," I said, turning to Asuna, "I propose we play a little game."

"I'm listening," Asuna replied, her eyes gleaming with a predatory curiosity.

"The idea is this," I explained, my voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Upon entering that village, we set our strength to that of a level 10 in Sword Art Online, combined with a level 10 in the Shit-Goddess's reappropriated system. We'll only use our actual strength and divinities when absolutely necessary. The fun part is, we'll add a skill to the stat menu called 'Devour,' which will add 25% of the knowledge and strength of any enemies we defeat to our own. Technically, we're absorbing all of it, but imposing limitations on ourselves is part of the fun, right?"

Asuna nodded, as a smirk radiating danger started spreading across her face. "Yeah, I'm game," she said, her hand already twitching towards the hilt of her rapier.

We reached the outskirts of the village, the sounds of battle growing louder with each step. The road leading into the village was scarred with deep, humanoid footprints, far larger than any human could possibly make. A few feet away, a man clad in blue and white armor lay sprawled on the ground, his body twisted at an unnatural angle, his eyes staring blankly at the sky.

Ahead of us, a woman in black plate armor and a horned helmet, wielding a massive poleaxe, stood guard over a man in a creepy-looking mask and elaborate gold-and-black robes. He was offering a glowing red potion to a woman with a bloody gash on her back, who was clutching a young girl protectively. The man in the robes was huge, easily seven and a half feet tall, his presence radiating an aura of power that even our suppressed senses could feel.

"Hey, looks like you guys could use some assistance," I called out, my voice full of a casual confidence that belied our currently limited power levels. "Seems like a bunch of jerks in blue armor need an ass-kicking, and we're just the people for the job."

The woman in black plate armor, whom I mentally dubbed "Black Knight Lady," immediately shifted into a combat stance, her grip tightening on her poleaxe. But the man in the mask, his voice a low, gravelly rumble, intervened.

"Albedo, stand down," he commanded, his gaze fixed on us with an unnerving intensity. "They seem to want to help. Let them."

We started towards the village again, our senses on high alert despite our intentionally suppressed power levels. But as we turned our backs on the masked man and the injured woman, a shiver of unease ran down my spine.

I felt it too, a surge of dark energy, cold and menacing, emanating from the heart of the village. It was like a wave of death and hatred, so potent that it made my skin crawl. And then, I watched as it flowed towards our temporary companion, swirling around him before sinking into his massive frame.

What the…?

I activated the mental messaging feature of the re-appropriated system, sending a quick message to Asuna.

Kirito: We should keep an eye on that guy.

Asuna's response was almost instantaneous.

Asuna: I felt it too. Totally evil feeling magic. Probably some kind of necromancy.

My grip tightened on my sword. This situation had just gotten a lot more interesting.

We entered the village, the air thick with the stench of blood and burning wood. The scene before us was one of utter carnage.

Bodies, clad in the blue and white armor of the attackers, lay scattered across the ground, their limbs twisted at unnatural angles, their armor rent open by wounds that seemed to defy conventional weaponry.

The cuts were precise, almost surgical, bisecting the bodies with a chilling efficiency. But what truly caught my eye was the strange, necrotic rot that clung to the edges of the wounds.

It was as if the very life force had been leached from the flesh, leaving behind a sickly, grayish residue. And it was spreading far too quickly for normal decomposition.

My suspicions, already piqued by the dark energy I'd sensed earlier, intensified. This was no ordinary attack. Something unnatural was at play.

I slipped a sliver of my consciousness into my Intelligence domain, focusing my enhanced perception on the masked man. I wanted to see what was going on behind those vacant eyes.

And then, I came face-to-face with a mind that wasn't quite right.

Three distinct consciousnesses, intertwined yet separate, battled for dominance within the man's skull. Two of them were obviously fake, artificial constructs designed to mask the true nature of the being that resided within. But which one was the real one?

The first fake mind, buried deep beneath layers of carefully crafted deception, was almost pathetically transparent. It was a mind steeped in insecurity and a desperate yearning for validation.

The thoughts that flitted through its consciousness were a jumble of anxieties and aspirations, a constant stream of self-doubt and a desperate desire to appear competent. It was like a low-level office worker suddenly thrust into a CEO position, trying to fake it till he made it.

The second fake mind, more assertive, more confident, was a tapestry of grandiose ambitions and self-serving altruism. It envisioned a world where its power was used to reshape society, to bring order, happiness and justice to chaos, to become a beacon of hope for the downtrodden. It was a seductive illusion, a carefully crafted mask designed to appeal to those who yearned for a savior.

And then, there was the real mind. A cold, ancient consciousness, its thoughts as dark and fathomless as the abyss. Plans within plans, hidden motives, layers upon layers of deception, a symphony of cruelty and depravity that made my stomach churn. This was a mind that had witnessed millennia of suffering, a mind that had embraced the darkness and reveled in the pain of others. It was a mind that could make the most hardened villains recoil in horror, a mind that could make the Devil himself say, 'Damn, dude, chill the fuck out, bro. I already reserved an entire circle for you! What do you want?!'

I shuddered, the sheer malice radiating from that ancient consciousness making my skin crawl. There was no time for games, no time for subtlety. This thing was a threat that needed to be dealt with. Immediately.

This piece of rotten cancer is something I could never abide existing in my future empire so, I'll goddamn excise it here and now.
Divine power surged through me, a torrent of energy that warped reality itself. The world froze. Sparks from the flames hung suspended in mid-air, smoke solidified into static swirls, and the villagers' terrified expressions became masks of eternal fear. The air crackled with raw power, the very fabric of time bending to my will.

The masked man – no, a skeleton now, fuck his goddamn internalized title, – flinched, Beside him, the black-clad knight, he called her Albedo, reacted with a warrior's instinct. Even within the frozen time, she moved, albeit with a sluggishness that betrayed the power I now commanded over time.

She lunged forward, her poleaxe a blur of slowed motion, aiming a blow at my head with skill that was incredibly advanced for someone who was so completely outmatched it wasn't even funny.

I sidestepped her attack with ease, my enhanced speed making her movements seem glacial. My sword flashed, a shimmering black arc of divine retribution, severing her arm at the elbow. She staggered back, a silent scream frozen on her face as when she surprisingly dodged my other swor-, oh wow those horns are real, red blood oozing from the cleanly severed limb that I honestly expected to be black gunk of some kind.

"Forced Teleport III!" the skeleton man shouted, his voice a panicked rasp. But nothing happened. The air shimmered for a moment, then settled, the spell failing to take hold.

A wave of annoyance washed over me. The idiot had miscast the spell. What kind of 'overlord of all undeath' forgets to form their spell correctly?!

Asuna, her eyes blazing with a furious light, darted forward, her rapier aimed at the skeleton's masked skull. Her blade, a silver flash, stopped mere inches from his face with a crimson barrier, the tip of her rapier hovering just above his right eye socket.

Then the barrier shattered as the mask splintered into a thousand pieces, revealing a slack-jawed expression I wasn't expecting.

And then, just as my sword was about to connect with Albedo's exposed neck, and Asuna's rapier was poised to deliver the killing blow, the skeleton man shouted again, his voice strained with desperation.

"Bypass Restriction Magic: Forced Teleport III!"

This time, the air crackled with a different kind of energy. The world twisted around them, spatial distortions ripping through the frozen reality. And then, they were gone.

---

Unseen and unnoticed, the skeletal figure of Ainz Ooal Gown materialized within the depths of his fortress, the Great Tomb of Nazarick. He was shaken, bewildered, his mind struggling to comprehend the encounter he had just barely escaped. The sudden time stop, the woman's unnatural speed, the terrifying power they wielded- it was unlike anything he'd ever encountered.

Meanwhile, Kirito and Asuna, their judgments clouded by Ainz's passive skill, "Perfectly Unknowable: Alignment," which, in this world, manifested as the creation of convincing false personas, were now firmly convinced of his absolute evil. They had glimpsed into what they believed to be the depths of his soul, an abyss of malice and depravity. The seeds of conflict had been sown, an inevitable clash of ideologies and ambitions set in motion.

Those ambitions, sadly, are one sided. One party having their morality chart leaning to the imaginary axis of 'chaotic stupid' at all times, can clearly muddy the waters for all parties involved.

Only time would tell if Kirito and Asuna could stop Ainz from wreaking havoc upon this world—not with malicious intent, but with the sheer, unbridled force of his staggering incompetence.

For the Supreme Being, Ainz Ooul Gown, the Ruler of All Undeath, the last of the forty-one was, at his core, just a salaryman playing a role he was woefully ill-equipped to handle.

As he stumbled blindly towards his accidentally self-proclaimed destiny, the fate of the New World hung precariously in the balance.

 

[Zackman2k12]

Suzuki Satoru, his skeletal jaw hanging slack, stared at the glowing screens hovering before his empty eye sockets. His mind, usually so adept at strategic planning and careful analysis, was a chaotic storm of fear and confusion. He'd seen them, those two figures, moving with a speed that defied comprehension, wielding power that made his own formidable magic feel like a child's plaything. And now, these PVP initiation screens.

K!!!!!
Classes: Lv(????) (Larval Divinity. Strong.)
Lv. (????) (Sword God Emperor)
Lv. (????) (World Conqueror)
Lv. (????) (World Savior)

A!!!!
Classes: Lv. (????) (Larval Divinity. Strong)
Lv. (????) (Sword God Empress)
Lv. (????) (World Conqueror)
Lv. (????) (World Puppeteer: Administration)

Four question marks. Four. He'd only ever seen three before, when facing players who were level 100 while he was below level 90. These… these beings were beyond level 100. Far beyond. And their classes- 'Sword God Emperor'? 'World Puppeteer'? Those weren't classes from Yggdrasil. They were something else entirely. Something that made his non-existent blood run cold. Every stat on their pages screamed in bold text, Error: Exceeds Limit.

He felt a cold sweat – or what he imagined cold sweat would feel like upon his new skeletal body– trickling down his nonexistent back. His carefully cultivated persona, the mask of the all-powerful Ainz Ooal Gown, shattered, revealing the terrified salaryman beneath as his emotion suppression perk activated repeatedly.

While seemingly doing nothing to quell his terror.

"We need to find more information about these powerful people…" he mumbled, his Deep RP voice now a dry rasp that echoed through the silent chamber. His mind, overwhelmed by the impossibility he had observed, cycled through a thousand possibilities, each one more terrifying than the last. Were they players who hacked the server? actual Gods? Something else entirely?

He didn't hear Albedo, his loyal and terrifyingly devoted guardian overseer, who had just finished gulping down a full potion to regenerate her severed arm, speaking. His focus was too narrow, his panic too consuming to register anything but the looming threat those screens represented.

"Right away, my lord!" Albedo chirped, her voice filled with a fervent devotion that Ainz, in his current state of mental paralysis, simply didn't register. "I will contact Demiurge, and we will handle this at once!"

But even as his most trusted subordinates sprang into extremely unadvisable and horribly self-sabotaging action, Ainz couldn't shake the feeling that they were already pawns in a game they didn't understand, a game with stakes far higher than they could possibly imagine.

---

The last of the blue-clad soldiers collapsed, their bodies riddled with those signature necrotic-tinged wounds. "Well, that was anticlimactic," Asuna sighed, sheathing her rapier with a flourish. "I barely broke a sweat."

"They were hardly a challenge, even with our limitations," I agreed, wiping a speck of blood – or maybe it was rust? – from my sword. I couldn't help myself; I had to peek. Those wounds, the strange decay, the way those soldiers moved- it just screamed unnatural. So, I'd dipped into my Intelligence domain, just a little, enough to get a glimpse into their minds. And what I found was intriguing, to say the least. These weren't just bandits; they were soldiers, trained and indoctrinated. Their thoughts were a bizarre mix of religious fervor and a kind of misplaced arrogance that absolutely declared in their heads that they were some kind of holy arbiters of- something-. They actually believed they were part of some grand, divine plan. It was almost as if they were mimicking the tactics of those idiots from the "Jerk Naive" faction—that was a much more fitting title for those wannabe empire pretenders. Emperor Jircniv, what a joke. Couldn't even conquer a salad bar, let alone a continent.

"Honored heroes!" a raspy voice interrupted my musings. The village headman, his face etched with a mixture of fear and desperation, was shuffling towards us, his hands clasped together in a pleading gesture. "Please! We beg for your aid!"

"Yeah, yeah, what's the problem, old-timer?" Asuna asked, her voice impatient, her eyes already scanning the perimeter, searching for any remaining threats.

"Bandits," the headman wheezed, his voice trembling. "They attack our villages, slaughter our people, steal our food! We are helpless against them. Please, mighty heroes, protect us! We offer you anything! My home, my food, my—" His gaze shifted towards a group of young women huddled behind him, their faces pale with terror. "My daughters! They are yours to command!"

Asuna's eyes narrowed, a dangerous glint flashing within their depths. "Let me make something perfectly clear, you lecherous old goat," she growled, her voice low and menacing as she prowled forward menacingly. "My husband is not a cheating manwhore. And if you ever imply anything even remotely similar again, I will personally introduce your intestines to the concept of outsourcing. Do you hear me? I will turn your intestines into a goddamn, badly made scarf!"

The headman, his face paling, stumbled backward, his voice a panicked squeak. "No! No! I meant no disrespect! Please, forgive my misunderstanding!"

I sighed, my amusement fading. "Honestly, Asuna, this entire village reeks of desperation and bad decisions. Let's just move on. I'm starting to get a headache."

We turned to leave, the headman's frantic pleas for mercy echoing behind us. As we reached the edge of the village, a new figure emerged from the forest. A tall, muscular man, clad in gleaming plate armor, his face stern and weathered. He was flanked by a squad of soldiers, their weapons at the ready. This must be the Warrior Captain that dumb, panicking old dude mentioned.

The man's gaze, sharp and calculating, swept over us, lingering on our unconventional armor with a barely perceptible frown. His stance was rigid, his hands hovering near the hilt of his sword. "Who are you?" he demanded, his voice a deep, resonant baritone that commanded attention. "And what business do you have here?"

I could practically hear the gears turning in his head as he assessed us. His narrowed eyes, the stilted formality of his question, the way his hand twitched towards his sword… it was all so obvious. Suspicious, are we, Warrior Captain? I thought, a sardonic amusement bubbling within me. Let the games begin.

Before I could respond, one of the villagers, a young woman with tears streaming down her face, rushed towards the Warrior Captain. "They are heroes, sir!" she cried, her voice choked with emotion. "They saved us from the bandits! They are powerful beyond belief!"

The Warrior Captain's gaze softened slightly, but the suspicion remained in his eyes. He turned back to us, his stance relaxing a fraction. "Is this true?" he asked, his voice still laced with caution.

---

"You're absolutely correct, Mr. Kingdom's Big Stick!" the stranger declared, his tone laced with a sardonic amusement that grated on Gazef's nerves. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a place that is decidedly not here to be at, at this exact time, and I am already significantly behind schedule. Toodles! Good luck with those Slane Theocracy fuck-ups!"

And with that, the man, clad in strange, foreign gray and red armor, turned to leave, his companion – a woman with equally unusual attire, clad in armor that was colored gold, but due to its magical feel, was certainly not gold.

A disturbingly sharp glint in her eyes was visible before she followed close behind.

Gazef grimaced. He hadn't expected help, not after the carnage he'd witnessed, but their casual disregard for the gravity of the situation was unsettling.

The villagers, however, seemed to hold these strangers in high regard. Their tales of impossible feats of strength, of swords that moved faster than the eye could see, of enemies vanquished with a mere thought and a swing of a blade so fast it defied the eyes.

It was all so fantastical, so utterly unbelievable. Yet, the evidence lay scattered around them: the bodies of the slain 'bandits,' bearing wounds that defied conventional weaponry, the absence of any casualties among the villagers, the very fact that these two strangers stood before him, unharmed, amidst the carnage.

He had to admit, their power was undeniable. And their knowledge of the Slane Theocracy's involvement was intriguing.

Knowing the king, a man easily swayed by tales of heroism and of power, his heart in the right place but mistakes that he makes- even if it isn't his place to comment…

Gazef was certain that any reward, no matter how extravagant, would be offered in exchange for their allegiance. A noble title, land, perhaps even a position within the royal court…

"I am certain that if you assist us," Gazef said, his voice firm and authoritative, "the king will reward you handsomely. Given this new information about the Slane Theocracy's involvement, that reward could include a noble title, land, perhaps even…" He trailed off, unwilling to make promises he couldn't guarantee.

For a fleeting moment, Gazef thought he saw a look of predatory cunning flash across the stranger's face, a calculating glint in his eyes. But it vanished as quickly as it had appeared, replaced by an expression of thoughtful contemplation. He shook his head, attributing the fleeting vision to his own fatigue. He'd been riding for days, his mind and body weary from the relentless pursuit of these elusive bandits. He needed rest. He needed…

"Alright," the stranger said, his voice interrupting Gazef's thoughts. "Fine. We'll help. But we expect to be compensated accordingly." He gestured towards the woman beside him. "This is Asuna, my wife. They call her the Lightning Flash, renowned for her sword skills. And I am Kirito, the Black Swordsman. I'm proficient with a single sword, but… terrifying with a blade in each hand."

He paused, his gaze meeting Gazef's directly, a spark of something dangerous flickering in his eyes. "We were exploring some ancient ruins," he continued, his voice taking on a harder edge, "and even with a map, nothing seems… familiar. So, we'll be in your care, Warrior Captain Gazef Stronoff."

Gazef nodded curtly, his suspicions momentarily quieted by the urgency of the situation. He had a duty to protect his kingdom, a responsibility to his king and his people. And if these strangers, these powerful, enigmatic figures from… wherever they came from… could help him achieve that goal, then he would welcome their assistance, even if it meant ignoring the nagging voice of caution in the back of his mind.

He had a feeling he was about to regret this.

---

As Gazef turned to address his men, I discreetly opened a mental message with Asuna.

Kirito: What a sucker. Also, do you think it was overkill to use our divinities to revive the dead villagers and make them forget they ever died?

Asuna's response was almost instantaneous:

Asuna: Nope. And nice job with the scheming, couldn't have done it better myself. You really had that "I'm going to ruin your entire world" vibe going on just long enough that he felt suspicious but just short enough that he thought it was his imagination.

Kirito: Thank you, my beautifully stunning wife. But I'm sure you could have managed amazingly. He was so desperate that he probably would have offered nobility for anything that even sounded like a plan if he'd heard "Slane Theocracy" from any other skilled warrior's lips. And you, my sexy warrior goddess, fit that bill way better than I do.

Asuna didn't reply right away. I could feel her flustered state radiating through our mental link. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her response arrived.

Asuna: How the heck do you do that? You're too goddamn sweet to me that I still blush at your nonsense!

I turned to her, a smirk playing on my lips, and openly admired the faint blush that colored her cheeks. "Indeed, beautiful," I murmured, my voice low enough for only her to hear.

"STOOOOOP!" she hissed, swatting at my arm.

I chuckled, enjoying her flustered reaction. It was moments like these, those fleeting glimpses of vulnerability beneath her tough exterior, that reminded me why I loved this woman. Even with our combined power, our ever-expanding empire, our casual disregard for the laws of physics… she was still the girl who had captured my heart in that death trap of a game.

 

[Zackman2k12]

I stood patiently beside Asuna, his arms crossed, my expression a mask of boredom that hid the whirlwind of strategic calculations swirling within my mind.

I was itching to get started, to unleash my divine powers and reshape this world according to my vision.

But first I had a captive audience for my latest masterpiece of world domination.

In the form of my loving wife.

Kirito: Okay, so you might ask why I wanted a noble title in this crap-sack-backwater, better yet, land, Asuna. Owning crap-sack land in a crap-sack land. Totally what we need.

Asuna: I already know this, Kirito. I have an Administration domain, which is just as good as your Strategy domain, if not better, also stop drawing it out with puns.

Kirito: Oh, come on, Asuna, let me gloat a little!

Asuna: Fine, fine. Have fun. You're lucky you're cute, handsome, intelligent, and adorable.

Kirito: Compliment me more, senpai.

Asuna: Just get on with it, Kirito!

Kirito: Alright, alright. So, what we do is, we gain a foothold for information gathering by having our doppelganger sword forms attend those ridiculous noble gatherings – you know, balls, galas, all that stupid info-gathering stuff. Meanwhile, we focus on the things that actually matter, like participating in strategic conflicts and gaining prestige. Then, at some point, we can use our Automatic Casus Belli blessing to give us, in everyone's eyes, the legitimate right to take over. We don't even have to hide the duplicates. We can just say it's a talent of ours, and since 20% of the population has some random, weak cheat that manifests as these 'Talents' at birth, it'll be totally believable.

In the background, Gazef paced back and forth, his brow furrowed in concern. He barked, "What do you mean Hasus disappeared! I sent him scouting in a perfectly quiet destination! I was just trying to get him to stop fidgeting and do something safe!" his voice a gruff shout that echoed through the village square. He dispatched another scout, his face hardening.

Asuna: So, Kirito, what other brilliant ideas, that I totally haven't already thought of, will you enlighten me with?

Kirito: Fine, fine. You don't want to hear me gloat anymore? Be surprised when the time comes.

Asuna: You already know I won't be.

Gazef, his face grim, approached us, his heavy footsteps interrupting our silent exchange.

"We need to move," he said, his voice urgent. "Two of my scouts have disappeared. We need to investigate."

I deactivated the mental link, a flicker of annoyance crossing my face. "Fine," I said, my voice flat. "Lead the way, Captain."

Internally I was amused. Game time was over. It was time to get to work.

The Warrior Captain, Gazef Stronoff, mounted his horse, a magnificent beast whose black coat gleamed in the midday sun. His men, a hardened squad of seasoned warriors, followed suit, their armor clanking as they settled into their saddles. Gazef turned to us, his expression a mix of impatience and was that a hint of pity?

"The journey will be long and arduous," he said, his voice a deep rumble that carried across the village square. "We must make haste if we are to reach the site that I sent Hasus towards."

"No problem, Captain," I replied, my tone casual, almost bored. "We'll just run. Consider it additional training."

Asuna nodded in agreement, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Yeah, a little cardio never hurt anyone."

Gazef's eyebrows shot up, a flicker of surprise crossing his face. "Run?" he echoed, his voice laced with disbelief. "But the journey is over ten kilometers! Even the most seasoned runners would struggle to cover that distance without falling from exhaustion, let alone-" He trailed off, his gaze sweeping over our seemingly ordinary forms.

"Don't worry about us, Captain," I said, waving a hand dismissively. "We're pretty tough."

Internally, I chuckled. These people had no concept of the superhuman feats achievable at higher levels. Running at horse-speed for a measly 10 kilometers? That was child's play for anyone at level 20 of a melee weapon based class.

I still wonder why anyone would choose to use a bow in a game called sword art online.-

But of course, we couldn't reveal that little detail. We had an image to maintain, a cover story to uphold. Let them think we were just exceptionally skilled adventurers from a distant land. The truth, that we were literal gods playing a game of 'hide the unlimited powah!' was a secret we'd keep for now.

Besides, watching Gazef's bewildered reactions as we effortlessly kept pace with his mounted squad was far too amusing to pass up.

I shot Asuna a knowing smirk. This was going to be fun.

---

The sparsely wooded plains rushed beneath my feet, the wind whipping through my hair as we effortlessly kept pace with Gazef's mounted squad. I glanced at Asuna, who was running beside me, her expression a mask of effortless grace. Even with our powers suppressed, she moved like a predator, her every step exuding a quiet, dangerous energy.

Then, my enhanced senses tingled with a warning. Something wasn't right. The slightly forested area ahead, once filled with the sounds of birdsong and rustling leaves, had fallen eerily silent. The air crackled with a faint, but unmistakable, magical energy.

"Ambush," I muttered under my breath, but not acting until it would make sense for us to notice.

As we rounded a bend in the path and out into a large grass-less clearing the source of the disturbance became clear. A group of figures, clad in black cloaks and wielding an assortment of staves and wands, emerged into our view, their faces hidden behind menacing masks. At the center of the group stood a man with slicked-back blonde hair, a sneer twisting his already unpleasant features. He looked like a discount villain from a low-budget fantasy flick. Behind the cloaked figures, a horde of creatures that resembled oversized, humanoid lamps hovered in the air, their polished surfaces reflecting the sunlight.

"Well, well," Asuna said, her voice a mocking declaration just loud enough our enemies would definitely hear it. "Looks like the welcome-garbage wagon has arrived! Just in time, I have some garbage I would like to get rid of and it's right in front of me!"

Nine of the cloaked figures raised their hands, their fingers glowing with an eerie blue light. Bolts of energy, crackling with raw magical power, shot towards us with a speed that would have surprised even me if I were as strong as I was pretending to be.

Sadly for these morons, I definitely wasn't that weak.

Time for a little showmanship.

"Double Duplication!" I shouted, injecting my voice with a dramatic flair that would have made any Saturday morning cartoon hero proud. Three shimmering copies of myself, each one wielding a replica of my sword, materialized beside me, their movements mirroring my own.

Asuna, catching on instantly, grinned. "Double Duplication!" she echoed, and three copies of herself, their rapiers gleaming in the sunlight, joined the fray.

"Cover Move!" we shouted in unison.

Six figures, three Kiritos and three Asunas, darted forward, intercepting the incoming magical bolts with a precision that made it look easy. The air crackled with deflected energy as the magical projectiles ricocheted harmlessly into the surrounding air.

Gazef, meanwhile, had reacted with a speed and skill that impressed even me. His massive, two-handed sword, a blur of motion, deflected the remaining bolts, sending them spinning harmlessly away. He dismounted his horse, his gaze fixed on the now-exposed ambushers.

"Well," Gazef said, his voice a low growl. "It seems we have stumbled upon a nest of vipers. Shall we cleanse the open plains of their presence?"

He took his position beside us, his sword raised, and his face a grim mask of determined focus. The battle was about to begin and I was going to turn it into a show for the ages.

Ah yes, I had an idea.

"Behold! My talent, Royalty's Designation, allows me to duplicate myself twice!" I declared, striking a dramatic pose that would have made any 90s anime protagonist proud. "And it bestows upon the one I love, my future queen, the same glorious ability!"

Asuna, playing along with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, chimed in, "My talent, Duchess' Graceful Combat, allows me to unleash additional powers, numbered from four to zero, with a passphrase that is magically generated upon its first activation. I can share this ability with a single person whom I love in this lifetime!" She winked at me, her voice full of a playful sarcasm that only I could fully appreciate.

Gazef, bless his simple heart, stared at us, his jaw slack with disbelief. "Why… why would you reveal such detailed information about your talents?!" he sputtered, his voice laced with a mixture of confusion and concern. "Are you mad?! Do you have any idea how valuable that knowledge is?"

"Ah, but it is tradition in my homeland!" I declared, throwing my hands up in a gesture of feigned exasperation. "We believe in transparency, in sharing our strengths with our allies! It is the way of the noble warrior!"

Gazef, clearly struggling to process the sheer absurdity of our claims, shook his head. "When this is over," he said, his voice firm, "we are also going to discuss your 'foreign royalty' status, which is clearly evident based on what you have just revealed. Do not argue."

I grinned, enjoying his bewilderment. "Very well, Captain," I said, my tone dripping with a mock deference. "But for now, I believe we have more pressing matters to attend to."

"Indeed," Asuna agreed, her eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Those creatures look like they could use a bit of… re-education."

"Separate Form from Function! Release Restraint Level 4!" she shouted, her voice taking on a dramatic edge.

---

"Separate Form from Function! Release Restraint Level 4!" the woman with the sword giving off way too much divine energy for comfort, who was standing beside that bored looking black-armored swordsman who gave off an aura of unnatural and tangible disdain, declared, her voice ringing with an almost theatrical intensity.

The gates of hell broke loose in the form of them moving with impossible speed while glowing unnatrually.

Before Zechs, 4th Seat of the Black Scripture, could even process her words, one of his most trusted subordinates, a veteran Paladin with years of combat experience, was… well, there was no delicate way to put it- he was eviscerated. Nine perfectly round holes, each the size of a divination crystal ball, appeared in the Paladin's body as if some unseen force had punched through his flesh, armor, and bones with the precision of a master surgeon. The Paladin crumpled to the ground, his lifeless eyes staring vacantly at the sky, his blood pooling around him like a crimson halo. And that was just the work of one of her false-gods be-damned clones!

Zechs' mind reeled, struggling to comprehend the sheer speed of the attack. The three copies of the woman, each one wielding a rapier that shimmered with an unnatural light, moved with a blurring speed that made his head spin. Afterimages trailed behind them, creating a dizzying illusion of ten warriors instead of three. Their movements were a painting made of masterstrokes of death, their blades flashing like silver lightning, each strike precise, lethal, and utterly unavoidable. His men, seasoned warriors of the Slane Theocracy, hardened veterans of countless battles, were cut down like wheat before a scythe. Their screams, their pleas for mercy, were drowned out by the clang of steel, the sickening thud of flesh meeting metal, and the woman's chilling, cold eyes, didn't change at all.

Zechs had to be imagining that amused smirk, there was no way anyone could be amused by any of this unless they hated us!

Zechs knew he had done truly evil things, but they were a secret and for someone to hate us this much, they surely would have to know what we had done.

The man, the Black Swordsman, was only slightly less terrifying. He moved with an effortless grace, his two swords a blur of motion, each swing cleaving through flesh, bone, and armor as if they were made of paper.

One of Zech's Greater Summoned Angels, a creature of radiant light and righteous fury, was bisected in a single, fluid motion, its golden ichor splattering across the ground as its lower half, still twitching with a semblance of life that quickly went dim and stopped, resembled nothing more than a shattered lamp.

Zechs fumbled with his pouch, his fingers trembling as he desperately searched for the summoning crystal, his last hope in this unfolding nightmare. The two figures, the man and the woman, approached him with a leisurely pace, their expressions a mixture of amusement and boredom. They were toying with him, savoring his fear, their eyes gleaming with a predatory light that chilled him to the core.

---

The battle was over in a matter of minutes. The "bandits," their ranks shattered, their morale as broken as their bodies broken leaving behind a trail of bodies, blood, shredded individuals in several portions and the faint scent of fear. I sheath my sword, stifling a yawn. Even with our power limitations, dealing with these low-level thugs was barely a warm-up.

The sole remaining enemy, the blonde-haired commander with the unfortunate face and a voice that could curdle milk, stood frozen, his eyes wide with a mixture of terror and disbelief. His hand trembled as he fumbled with a large crystal, its surface etched with intricate runes.

"You... you cannot defeat me!" he squeaked, his voice so high-pitched and nasally that it made me wonder if he'd ever actually gone through puberty. "I shall summon… the highest level angel! Behold!"

He thrust the crystal into the air, and a blinding flash of light engulfed the clearing. When the light subsided, a creature that could only be described as a biblically accurate monstrosity stood before us. It was a towering, grotesque version of those lamp-creatures, its elongated, spindly limbs ending in clawed hands that clutched a massive, silver mace. Its face, if you could call it that, was a horrifying amalgamation of eyes, mouths, and what looked like… feathers?

"Ah, yes," I said, my voice dripping with a sardonic amusement, "a biblically accurate monstrosity. How… charming. You know, I think I prefer the fictional versions of angels. They're at least somewhat aesthetically pleasing." I glanced at the creature, then back at the blonde-haired commander, who was staring at me with a slack-jawed expression. "And just saying, that's probably not the highest-level angel. Just a thought."

The commander, his face contorted in a mixture of confusion and indignation, sputtered, "What do you mean?! Level is just part of its title! Dominion Authority, the highest-level angel! That's a title! What are you even saying, separating 'level' as if it's a term that actually matters?!" He pointed a trembling finger at me. "Attack him, Dominion Authority!"

"Ah, yes," I murmured as I effortlessly dodged a lumbering swing from the mace, "primitives."

Hey guys, I know that some of you read my story, totally some, not all. Therefore some if not a large portion of you are aware that this story, where an OP version of Kirito, Asuna, and Yui, from SAO abridged, go about fucking around with people who are begging to find out, all while enhancing their inter-versal and soon Multiversal Empire! So what you might or might not know is that, that story, the one you are totally not reading right now at this very moment, is also available on my patreon with ADVANCED CHAPTERS.

Every story I produce, for 2.49$, will get you three chapters early on (currently only Multiverse shits itself but soon more.) those amazing stories!

Wow! Ahead of the pack! Such awesome!

For 5 bucks, you get 6 chapters!

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sPACe!​

Woah, now we're going to

The other tiers don't matter yet, but don't worry! they will sooooooooooooooon!

Here I go, reading again!

 

[Zackman2k12]

A grin stretched across my face, hidden beneath a carefully crafted mask of concern. The Dominion Authority, a towering monstrosity of angelic grotesquery, was proving to be a much more entertaining opponent than those pathetic "bandits." Even with our powers suppressed, it was obvious we could have ended this fight in an instant. But where was the fun in that?

Besides, I had an audience. Gazef and his squad, their expressions a mixture of awe and terror, had retreated to the safety of the treeline, their eyes glued to the unfolding spectacle. Time for a little showmanship.

The Dominion Authority swung its massive mace, the air whistling as the silver weapon cleaved through the air. I leaped back, the ground beneath my feet cracking under the force of the blow. A crater, easily ten meters wide and several meters deep, formed where I had been standing moments before. Dust and debris billowed into the air, momentarily obscuring the creature's form.

Not bad, I thought, for a glorified lampshade.

I darted forward, my movements a blur of suppressed speed, weaving through the creature's massive limbs as I gauged its attack patterns. The Dominion Authority, despite its size, moved with a surprising agility. Its swings were precise, its footwork surprisingly light for a creature that weighed as much as a small tank. I continued to dance around it, pretending to avoid its blows by the skin of my teeth, adding a dramatic flair to my movements for Gazef's benefit.

Asuna, mirroring my strategy, launched a series of lightning-fast attacks, her rapier flashing like silver fire. Her thrusts, aimed at the creature's seemingly vulnerable joints and eyes, were met with a resounding clang, her blade bouncing harmlessly off its chitinous carapace.

"Damn, this thing's tough!" she exclaimed, her voice laced with a theatrical frustration. "I can't seem to pierce its armor!"

It was all an act, of course. She was holding back, just as I was, but she was selling it beautifully.

I could feel Gazef's gaze on us, his astonishment growing with each passing moment. He had no idea how deep this rabbit hole went, how vast the gulf in power truly was. And we weren't about to enlighten him… yet.

The Dominion Authority roared, its voice a cacophony of screeching voices, and charged towards me, its mace held high. The ground trembled beneath its massive bulk, the very air rippling with the force of its advance.

I grinned. It was time to turn up the heat. Just a little.

The ground trembled beneath its gravitational repellent, round, ass-levitating form as it closed the distance, its silver mace whistling through the air with enough force to turn a man into paste. We continued to backpedal, feigning a struggle that was as convincing as a toddler's attempt to lift a boulder. It was time for the next act in our little performance. Time to up the ante.

"Asuna, it's too strong!" I shouted, my voice full of a mock desperation that would have made any over-dramatic theater actor proud. "We need to unlock the next level of restraint!"

Asuna, never one to be outdone in the dramatics department, clutched at her chest, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "I'm already struggling with the combined might of my first two ancestors!" she cried, her voice trembling with a feigned exertion. "Releasing Restraint Level 3 and unleashing the power of twelve generations of my lineage would… it would harm us both greatly!"

I grasped her hand, my eyes wide with mock concern. "It's better than being dead, Asuna!" I declared, my voice ringing with a theatrical heroism that even I found a bit embarrassing. "We can do this! Trust in the enduring power of our love to pull us through!"

Asuna, seemingly convinced by my impassioned plea, nodded, her eyes hardening with a newfound determination. "Very well, Kirito," she said, her voice full of a resigned acceptance. "But if we die, I'm blaming you!"

"Ancestors of the Dukal House of Fam!" she cried, her voice echoing across the battlefield. "Dwell within my body and become an unending tide of strength! Ancestral Equip! Release Restraint Level 3!"

Catching onto her not-so-subtle reference to Magi, I decided to play along. With a flourish, I swapped my sleek, gray and black armor for a flowing red cape and a ridiculously flamboyant outfit that wouldn't have looked out of place in a stage production of Romeo and Juliet. My swords, previously disguised as ordinary steel blades, transformed into menacing weapons that pulsed with an ethereal glow. Asuna, following suit, underwent a similar transformation, her armor shifting into a more elaborate, battle-ready design, her rapier lengthening and sharpening, its tip shimmering with a dangerous energy.

And then, as if defying gravity itself, we began to rise, our bodies lifted by a surge of barely-contained divine power. We hovered above the battlefield, our eyes fixed on the Dominion Authority, which now seemed less like a terrifying monstrosity and more like a slightly oversized, but ultimately insignificant, plaything.

We were no longer pretending to be level 10 weaklings, nor the level 60 mid-level players; we were unleashing an actual fraction of our true power, a level of strength and speed that would have made even the most seasoned video game player of most high-stakes JRPG weep with envy.

The Dominion Authority, its once-imposing form now marred by gaping wounds and scorched flesh, roared in pain and confusion. We danced around it, our movements a blur of motion, our blades flashing like silver lightning. Each strike, carefully calibrated to inflict significant damage without outright obliterating the creature, tore through its chitinous armor, sending chunks of flesh and glowing golden carapace flying through the air.

The blonde-haired commander, his face a mask of abject terror, watched the unfolding carnage with a horror that bordered on the comical.

"No! This… this cannot be!" he shrieked, his voice cracking with a desperate panic. "Dominion Authority! Destroy them! Destroy them!"

But his commands were futile. The Dominion Authority, overwhelmed by our combined assault, staggered back, its movements sluggish, its roars turning into pained gasps. It was only a matter of time before we brought it down.

The commander, realizing the futility of the situation, decided to employ a classic tactic: run away like a little bitch. He turned, his robes flapping in the wind, and bolted towards the forest, his legs churning with a speed that belied his generally unimpressive physique. As if we'd let him escape that easily.

"Oh, no, you don't," Asuna muttered under her breath, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You're not getting away."

Kirito: Allow me, I have a special move in mind.

I exchanged a quick glance with Asuna, a silent agreement passing between us. It was time to end this charade and bring down the curtain on our little performance.

"For the glory of the Dukal House of Fam!" Asuna cried, her voice ringing with a theatrical intensity as she launched herself towards the staggering Dominion Authority. She moved with a speed that blurred her form, a crimson streak against the azure sky. Her rapier, a silver flash, pierced the creature's chest, her entire body following through with a sickening crunch that echoed across the battlefield.

I, hovering above the monstrosity, seized the opportunity. With a surge of heavily-contained divine power, I rocketed downwards, my twin swords glowing with an ethereal light. My blades met the creature's head, cleaving through its chitinous armor, its flesh, its bone, with an effortless ease that belied the force behind the strike. The Dominion Authority, its body bisected, its essence extinguished, crumpled to the ground in two pieces with as a thunderous roar of pain turned into a screech-like whimper, its form slamming into the ground, each side leaking golden ooze.

We landed gracefully amidst the dissipating remains of the creature, feigning exhaustion, our chests heaving with exaggerated breaths, our limbs trembling with a carefully orchestrated weakness.

Gazef and his men, their faces a mixture of awe and disbelief, emerged from the treeline. They watched in stunned silence as Gazef, with a speed and agility that belied his bulky armor, charged towards the fleeing commander, his soldiers flanking him. He tackled the blonde-haired man to the ground, his movements swift and decisive, the years of training and battlefield experience evident in his effortless takedown.

"You are under arrest!" Gazef roared, his voice a thunderous boom that echoed across the now-silent clearing.

He bound the struggling commander with enchanted cuffs that crackled with energy that seemed to disable magic, then added enough rope and chains to make even the most seasoned bondage enthusiast blush. The commander's struggles ceased, replaced by a whimpering terror as the full weight of his situation sunk in.

I allowed a sliver of my divine power to flow outwards, subtly manipulating the perceptions of those around us. Our bodies slumped to the ground, our breathing slowing, our eyes fluttering closed. To any observer, we were unconscious, victims of exhaustion after our heroic display. But beneath the surface, our minds remained alert, our senses heightened, ready to react at a moment's notice.

Kirito: That was awesome. So much fun.

Asuna's response, a burst of mental laughter, echoed in my mind.

This was going to be a delightfully interesting trip.

 

[Fried_Chicken]

Huh, quality has improved? Better AI or more human written content? Anyway, cool story, a bit too on the OP side, but that's how abridged works I guess.

 

[Zackman2k12]

Huh, quality has improved? Better AI or more human written content? Anyway, cool story, a bit too on the OP side, but that's how abridged works I guess.

Click to shrink...

I have been using longer prompts with more detail and being more active in the editing process.

 

[Zackman2k12]

My physical body lay still with a convincing imitation of unconsciousness, while my mind, a shimmering projection of my true self, hovered above. I watched the scene with a amusement as Asuna, her own spectral form radiating a faint, ethereal glow, stood beside me.

Her arms crossed as her expression showed an adorable mixture of impatience and amusement.

We watched as Gazef and his men, their faces etched with concern, carefully lifted our "unconscious" bodies onto a pair of stretchers.

A fancy carriage, its polished wood gleaming in the afternoon sun, had arrived, drawn by a team of four magnificent horses.

I snickered at the fanfare.

Clearly, our supposed "foreign royalty" status was affording us a certain level of preferential treatment.

Not that we needed it, of course. But a little comfort never hurt anyone.

"Kirito," Asuna's voice, a playful whisper that only I could hear, echoed in my mind, "I feel like this is way better than using the system's text function. Wouldn't it be easier to just talk this way when we want a private conversation? Splitting our minds is child's play for us now, you know." She punctuated her statement with a spectral hip-check that, despite its lack of physical substance, managed to convey a surprising amount of sass.

As expected of my sexy sass-lass wife.

"You're thinking both amusing, complimentary, and offensive at the same time again, aren't you?"

I scratched the back of my head, a sheepish grin spreading across my face. "Yeah, you're right," I admitted, my voice laced with a self-deprecating humor. "And I kinda didn't think about it. Despite my Intelligence and Strategy domains, I guess my creativity has taken a bit of a hit lately." The past year of strategic planning and world domination scenarios swirling around in my head were starting to make even the simplest of creative power use a bit complicated to think about.

"Eh, fine, it happens." Asuna said, her voice softening slightly as she visibly waves me off. "I guess we should talk about how much power we should show going forward. I say we pretend we got a power boost from that last fight. Like, the ancestral power lingers a bit more each time we use it, until a restraint level just poofs out of existence or something."

"Sure," I replied, nodding in agreement with my hand stroking my non-existent beard like a dastardly villain. "That seems like a good excuse. Gotta keep things consistent, right?" Besides, it would be fun to watch Gazef's reactions as we gradually 'unleashed' our 'growing' power. The look on his face when we finally revealed our 'true strength'- well, that was something I was definitely looking forward to.

I looked around with a pause, examining the rhythmic swaying of the carriage, the muffled sounds of Gazef's men talking amongst themselves, the faint scent of horse sweat and leather... it all faded into background noise as I observed my own "unconscious" form sprawled on the makeshift stretcher. Asuna's spectral form hovered beside me, her arms crossed, her expression unreadable.

A short pause stretched between us, the silence broken only by the creaking of the carriage wheels. Then, Asuna spoke, her voice full of a curiosity that I knew all too well.

"Hey," she said, her gaze fixed on the thousands upon thousands of souls I'd tucked away in a secure corner of my spatial storage, "why did you keep the souls of those useless, rotten, extremist bastards?"

I couldn't help but chuckle, a genuine smile spreading across my face. "Why Asuna," I said, my voice laced with a mock offense, "you wound me! You wouldn't think I would make war and then leave the spoils of war to rot away? I don't waste resources. In fact, I forge them into new tools!"

Asuna rolled her eyes, her exasperation at my theatrics evident. "Okay, but explain what you are going to do with them," she demanded. "I want to know. You aren't doing some evil shit with literal soul stuff, right? We just got done driving off a lich of ultimate evil. I don't want you to become one."

I feigned a look of anguish, clutching at my spectral chest. "Ah, you stab me upon my very heart!" I exclaimed, my voice dripping with mock melodrama.

Then I switched to a completely serious voice and stated matter of factly, "In fact, I'm wiping their souls of memory and personality while leaving technical ability and knowledge intact. Effectively creating a new person and turning evil into neutral. I still need a workforce, and what better way to create one by making use of garbage and recycling it?"

Asuna considered this for a moment, her expression thoughtful. "I'm fine with this," she said finally, a hint of uncertainty still lingering in her voice. "Somehow."

We shared a silent nod, a mutual understanding passing between us. With a shrug, we returned to our physical bodies, the transition as smooth and effortless as slipping into a familiar pair of shoes.

I let out a groan, my eyelids fluttering open as I 'regained consciousness.' "Would someone tell me what hit me in the back of the head?" I asked, my voice a convincing blend of confusion and grogginess. No need for over-the-top theatrics here. Gazef seemed to be the type who appreciated a more subtle approach when it comes to believing things while not hopped up on adrenaline.

Time to play the role of the hero returned to consciousness after a great and trying battle. This should be fun.

---

The Greater Hanzo, a master assassin whose loyalty to Ainz Ooal Gown and Nazarick was absolute, moved through the shadows with a grace that defied his bulky armor. His mission, entrusted to him by Albedo-dono herself, was to gather information on the so-called "Grand Outsider Gods" who had dared to challenge the Supreme Being's authority. Demiurge-dono, the brilliant strategist and demon of Nazarick, was already formulating a plan of action, but intelligence was paramount.

He knew, with unwavering certainty, that Ainz-sama would never lie. Yet, the very notion of beings more powerful than the Supreme Being, more powerful than the combined might of Nazarick, was difficult to comprehend. Surely, these "Grand Outsider Gods" were nothing more than a minor inconvenience, a temporary obstacle to be overcome.

That thought barely formed in his mind when a searing pain ripped through his very essence. His soul, tethered to his body by an invisible thread, was violently yanked from its physical vessel. His carefully maintained stealth vanished as his now-soulless body slumped to the ground, a lifeless husk that, for some inexplicable reason, burst into flames, a strange blue fire consuming it with unnatural speed.

He found himself facing a figure radiating an aura of power that dwarfed even Ainz-sama's formidable presence. It was the male "Grand Outsider God," the one Ainz-sama had described in his briefing. Black hair, sharp eyes, a smile that promised not amusement, but something far more sinister.

"Now, I know you won't talk," the figure said, his voice was a calm, almost bored drawl that had an undertone of sadistic amusement, "so I'm just going to yank those memories out and have that knowledge that way. When you wake again, you will be completely different, and you won't remember a thing. You could say you'll be a different person entirely! Bye!"

The Greater Hanzo, his soul trembling, his mind reeling, wanted to scream, to fight, to resist. But the power radiating from this being was overwhelming, absolute. His will, his loyalty, his very essence, crumbled before this overwhelming force. He believed the truth, but it was a truth that arrived too late.

And then, he ceased to be.

 

[Zackman2k12]

Hours later, I found myself tucked away in a shadowy corner of the throne room, a silent and conceptually invisible observer to the absurd spectacle unfolding before me. It was the throne room of the royal guest house, a lavishly decorated space that reeked of wealth and privilege. The air hung heavy with the scent of perfume and polished wood, a cloying fragrance that did little to mask the underlying stench of desperation that clung to the few nobles gathered for this impromptu audience.

Desperate for what, I literally have no Idea, these guys are rich as balls.

Asuna's invisible form stood beside me, her arms crossed, her expression a mask of absolute boredom and contempt. Our tangible illusions, kneeling before the king of the Re-Estize Kingdom, were putting on quite a show. It was a performance worthy of an award, a carefully crafted blend of humility and veiled arrogance, designed to both appease and intrigue the easily manipulated monarch.

I mean, how could they not, we were controlling them.

Our permanent clones were raiding the kitchen to test out if, this word too, would have food that tastes like ash in our mouths.

Ah, yes, it is confirmed.

A very decadent cake tastes like sugarwater and dust.

Damn you, Ragu Rabbit…

Damn you…

Seriously, what were the odds of the king just happening to be in E-Rantel instead of his own capital? And with the crown princess and her ever-present bodyguard, Climb, no less? It was almost too convenient. Almost. I briefly considered using my Intelligence domain to peek into their minds, to sift through their thoughts and uncover any hidden agendas. But honestly, I wasn't feeling particularly paranoid at the moment. Besides, watching these fools stumble through their courtly rituals, their faces etched with a mix of apprehension and eagerness, was far more entertaining.

My gaze swept across the room, taking in the details. The king, an exhausted, and yet way too thin man with a head of thinning gray hair and a crown that seemed a bit cheaply made atop his head, sat upon his throne, his posture a study in forced regality pushed through what seemed like sheer exhaustion.

The crown princess, a young woman with delicate features and a sharp intelligence that flickered in her eyes, stood beside him, her expression carefully neutral despite the hidden malice I can actually feel from her. Climb, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword, stood behind her, his gaze fixed on us with a wary intensity while he wore some clearly very expensive magical armor. It shined with an unnatural blue hue. The remaining nobles, a motley collection of sycophants and opportunists, shifted uneasily, their eyes darting between us and the king, their minds no doubt racing with calculations of how this unexpected turn of events might affect their own positions of power.

"...and I know that it might be suspicious, us appearing at a trying time out of nowhere," my illusion declared, his voice full of a sincerity that made me want to gag, "but the ruins we were exploring truly did teleport us from our continent to this new one. The Yui continent does not have any matching locations observed on the local maps, and I can assure you that my wife, the duchess of the ducal house most aligned to my kingdom's crown, holds as little hostility to you and yours as I, the first prince of the Famme Kingdom, and heir to the throne. Please, I humbly request you to believe me."

It was a masterpiece of bullshit, a carefully crafted web of lies designed to appeal to the king's ego and his desire for powerful allies. And judging by the way the king was nodding along, his eyes gleaming with a trust that wasn't fake at all, it was working perfectly.

I glanced at Asuna, a silent question passing between us. She shrugged, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.

"Let's see how long we can keep this charade going," she said, her voice a playful whisper that only I could hear.

"Probably until we get bored, these guys are apparently very dull shovels to our monomolecular knives. Too much not sharp. I think this world needs to be introduced to some betta' chedda'!" I replied with just as much magically silenced amusement.

"Betta' Chedda'? Why are we quoting cheetos commercials from the 1990's now? I only know that commercial even exists because my sperm donor was using an old VHS that he somehow thought was worth 10 grand. It had commercials on it! Can you believe they had commercials on VHS tapes?!" Asuna glared, using magic to shove the thoughts directly into my mind.

"Because obscure references, movies or otherwise, are a thing I must do. It is my solemn duty to shove as many obscure references into random conversations as possible. You know this Asuna, this is my calling." I declared with as much gravitas as possible while using the literal air around Asuna's head to create sound-waves.

Asuna blinked at me, then spoke using crackling static. "That was actually a really unexpected way of making silent communication."

I chuckled, using a kind of magical memetic sign language to express myself and hide the chuckle as my grin widened. I continued to listen in and puppet the illusionary clone. "You're gosh darn right, even if yours is just as good. OH! They're starting to talk about serious stuff!"

Magical memetic sign language for the win.

"I indeed see the merit in following the Warrior Captain's recommendation in giving you a title of Baron for your stay in our kingdom," the king declared, his voice weary but firm. "I hope that you will see this kingdom as a home, or at least a second home where you can do the type of good you have done here, that I know in my heart you have similarly done in your homeland."

He paused, his gaze sweeping across the gathered nobles, a flicker of steel entering his eyes. "As such, I will grant you a home in the form of land and an area to rule justly, like one certain member of my court has utterly failed." He turned his attention to a thin, mouse-faced noble whose expensive clothing and jewelry couldn't quite hide the fact that he was wearing far too much makeup. "What was it again, Baron Cheneko? 'I bet my land and holdings that it is simply bandits or those Empire bastards messing around early!' That is what you said. Do you know what else was said? By a member of the Black Scripture of the Slane Theocracy that has been interrogated thoroughly under the Speak Truth spell? Not very kind things."

Baron Cheneko, his face paling beneath his carefully applied rouge, bolted for the door of the throne room, only to be intercepted by two of the king's guards. His desperate cries of "I'm innocent! It's a conspiracy I swear!" were drowned out by the heavy thud of the throne room doors slamming shut behind him.

The king sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as if a weight had been lifted from them. "Now, I apologize for the spectacle," he said, his voice regaining its composure, "but there were clearly things that needed to be addressed."

He turned back to our illusions, a genuine warmth entering his eyes. "Baron Cheneko's lands are yours, as well as his title. Please, take care of the lands of Carne Village, the Shamak Village, and the Duran Village, as well as the area where the Great Forest of Tobh sits. I know it isn't as large as I am sure a prince is handling, but I hope that our relations can grow as we work together."

I directed my illusion to bow deeply, his voice filled with a carefully crafted gratitude. "Your Majesty is too kind," he said, his tone a perfect blend of humility and respect. "We are honored to serve your kingdom."

Asuna's illusion mirrored my own, her voice echoing with a similar sentiment. "We will strive to be worthy of your trust," she said, her head bowed.

As the king continued to speak, outlining the details of our new responsibilities and offering vague promises of future support, I couldn't help but smirk. The king, despite his naive optimism, was no fool. He'd just played a masterful hand, eliminating a detractor, rewarding our "heroism," and setting a subtle test for us all in one fell swoop.

Asuna, her invisible form beside me, leaned closer, her voice a soft whisper that only I could hear. "Hm," she mused, "bold move. Getting rid of a detractor and a spy while demonstrating his power like that? Actually a surprisingly adept ruling decision."

I nodded, my amusement growing. "He's also testing us and our claims," I said, my voice barely audible. "If we rule badly, it makes it obvious that we aren't royalty or similar. Nothing outsourcing to a bunch of human-like androids for now can't handle."

I could practically taste the irony. Here we were, literal gods playing the role of humble nobles, being tested by a king who had no idea of the true extent of our power and that we were about to swipe his kingdom from under him. It was almost too easy.

I actually kinda almost felt bad.

Almost.

---

The illusions dissolved as we stepped back into the physical space where our doppelgangers existed, a seamless transition that left no trace of our separated presence.

As we exited the throne room, Gazef, his brow furrowed in thought, approached Kirito, his curiosity piqued by the display of "talent" he had witnessed in the battle before our supposed knockout.

"Forgive my inquisitiveness, Your Highness," Gazef began, his voice full with a respectful curiosity afforded to royalty like Asuna and her best adorable husband clearly were, "but does your shared duplication talent allow those copies to exist constantly?"

Kirito, ever the master of weaving elaborate tales, launched into an explanation that was equal parts believable and utterly absurd. "Ah, Captain Stronoff," he said, his voice laced with a hint of amusement, "you see, it's not merely a duplication. It's more akin to a hivemind. Three additional individuals, each one an exact replica of myself, sharing a single consciousness. They only dispel if my main body is rendered unconscious. Sleep, however, poses no such limitations."

---

As Kirito continued to weave his intricate web of half-truths multiplied by two to make a full truth if you squint and decided to ignore the outright fabrications that those were their limits, I found myself the target of a different kind of interrogation.

Renner Theiere Chardelon Ryle Vaiself- a royal mouthful, and the Crown Princess of Re-Estize, approached me, her steps light and graceful, her smile as bright and welcoming as the morning sun.

But beneath that facade of kindness, I sensed something else.

A calculating intelligence, a subtle manipulation, a web of intrigue spinning within her mind.

I'd seen it on my own parents' faces countless times, the carefully crafted masks they wore to hide their true intentions.

I, a master of deception in my own right, had learned to recognize the subtle signs, the telltale flickers in the eyes, the barely perceptible tightening of the lips, only the latter being trained out of this slightly less experienced manipulator.

There were other tells of course, but those were the amateur ones that she only partially tore out of the way she lied and deceived.

"What a wonderful day to meet a foreign Marquis!" Renner exclaimed, her voice as sweet as honey. "Please, tell me all about you and your city-state! Or was it an empire? I just can't remember!"

I met her gaze with a smile of practiced politeness, my own mask firmly in place. "It is, in fact, a kingdom, Your Grace," I replied, my voice as smooth and pleasant as silk. "And I would have you know that I am the duchess of a ducal house within the Famme Kingdom. Please, kindly keep that in mind."

The game was on.

And I was going to win.

"Ah, and this ducal house, what is its title?"

"My last name in which the ducal title is displayed is Yuuki."

 

[Zackman2k12]

Ainz stood in his office, his skeletal form reflected in the shimmering surface of the Mirror of Remote Viewing. He wasn't using it for any of its intended, magical purposes. No, right now, it was just a plain old mirror. He stared at his reflection, his bony jaw clenched, his empty sockets burning with a cold, unsettling light.

He had to hide his undead nature. Those beings… the ones he'd panicked and called "Grand Outsider Gods" to his subordinates- they were far too powerful, far too perceptive. He'd barely escaped with his nonexistent life, and the memory of their overwhelming presence still sent shivers down his spine.

But giving up his undead advantages? Absolutely not. The thought of losing his emotion suppression, the ability to use his undead-attuned gear… it filled him with a bone-chilling dread. The Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown, the guild weapon that pulsed with a power that even he, its wielder, couldn't fully comprehend, was attuned to undead, specifically. And the orb, the World Item he'd carefully tucked away in his chest, formerly where his sternum had been before he'd rearranged things a bit in preparation for his next action… that was undead-only as well.

Without those advantages, those absolute guarantees of power, he wouldn't even feel slightly safe. He'd be a nervous wreck, jumping at shadows, constantly looking over his shoulder.

Luckily, there was a solution. A ridiculously expensive solution, but a solution nonetheless.

He rummaged through his inventory, a digital expanse that held the remnants of his glory days in Yggdrasil. There it was. The Racial Level Respec Token. He'd purchased it on a whim, back when he was still a salaryman, when he still had disposable income to waste on the game.

He probably shouldn't have spent 90000 Yen on something he didn't think he was going to use, but it was going to save him now, so that didn't matter.

He activated the token, and a familiar interface materialized before him. It was a character creation screen, but for his actual, undead existence. A bit unsettling, sure, but also kinda cool.

He started from the bottom, stripping away his skeletal form, layer by layer, until he reached the very foundation of his undead being, wispy ghost-like thing that literally all races started as before choosing racial levels. Then, he carefully rebuilt himself, adding five levels to Zombie, branching off into the False Life tree, then ten levels to (False Life) Frankenstein.

He continued, adding five more levels to (False Life) Human-like Experiment, then a whopping nineteen levels to max out the (Indistinguishable-Undead) Homunculus. He paused, admiring his handiwork. His reflection in the mirror was no longer a scary skeleton. It was well, it was him. Or at least, a very convincing human version of him. A 21-year-old version of himself, with a swimmer's build and a face that was… well, handsome, if he did say so himself.

For his final racial level, he chose (Perfect Undead) Mockery of Life. The irony of the name wasn't lost on him. He was, after all, a walking, talking mockery of life.

Satisfied with his new, not-so-undead-looking, but totally actually undead form, he reached for another cash shop purchase he had made long ago: something that would let him learn the "Perfect Rogue" spell without the scroll. It was a sustained spell, one that allowed him to play as a rogue with the best possible build of uncommon known rogue classes he had unlocked.

As long as he didn't choose any of those rare, overpowered classes, his skill wouldn't fail into a cooldown that lasted 14 days without doing anything.

He stared at the guild alignment reversal token he had earned in a PVP tournament, never thinking he would even consider using it-

But no, he wouldn't modify them even further! Modifying Albedo so that she loved him, even though he thought everything was ending, was enough butchery of personality for things- now people he cared about that he could stomach.

He moved it to a tab in his inventory, already filled with items he wouldn't use unless the fan was truly destroyed by flying excrement on the scale of a shit-tornado, marked 'Emergency only!'

Pondering his next portion of disguise, he thought about how he would have used his perfect warrior spell, the one he already owned and used a few times, but with his newly bishounen looks, he didn't think it would make him an intimidating warrior.

So he used another scroll of learn-paid-magic and selected 'Perfect rogue.

He activated the scroll, the magical energy swirling around him as the spell took hold. He grinned, a sense of relief washing over him. They were looking for a powerful, undead skeleton mage. They wouldn't be expecting a human rogue of unmatched skill.

He was ready. Or at least, he hoped he was.

---

"Okay," I said, turning to Asuna as soon as Gazef and his men were out of earshot, 'time to put Operation: World Domination Self-Outsourcing to Self-Human-Resources.'

Asuna gave me a smirk as her eyes flashed with amused curiosity. "I'm listening."

"Here's the plan," I explained, laying out the details with my usual strategic precision. "We'll each create three mind-linked divine doppelgangers. we've already shown them as extensions of ourselves, capable of acting independently but still connected to our main consciousness. We'll use them to handle the day-to-day management of our new… what was it again? Crapsack Barony? Yeah, shit formerly owned by shit baron."

"Sounds good to me," Asuna said, nodding in agreement. "That way, we can focus on the fun stuff. Like exploring this new world, maybe causing a little chaos here and there. You know, for old time's sake."

"Exactly," I said, a smirk spreading across my face. "You can't spell 'adventure' without 'fun!'"

Asuna raises an eyebrow in disbelief at my nonsensical statement, but my smirk was evident.

I had a plan and all it took was her asserting that you could, indeed, spell adventure without fun.

"That's a trap, somehow I know, there is no way that isn't a trap and I want no part in it." Asuna declares and I pout, following her towards the adventurers guild.

"You're the designated party pooper now? Asuna?" I asked, mock offended.

She didn't respond.

We finalized the details, our minds working in perfect sync. One clone each would take up residence in the Baron's manor, establishing a base of operations and overseeing the overall management of our territory. Another clone would rotate between the three villages under our control, implementing infrastructure improvements, establishing educational programs, and generally making life better for the common folk. The last clone would be dedicated to crafting.

"I'm thinking robots," I said, my eyes gleaming with a creative spark. "Lots and lots of robots. This world could definitely use a technological upgrade. Think about it, Asuna, automated farming, self-cleaning streets, robotic servants to handle all those tedious chores, the possibilities are endless!"

Asuna, however, had a different plan. "I'm going to learn all the crafting skills," she declared, her voice firm and resolute. "Enchanting, blacksmithing, leatherworking, tailoring the whole shebang. And I'm going to take my cooking to a whole new level. Think Michelin-star-god-meets-ancestral-lord-Gordon-Bordain-Morimoto-level cuisine, but with a side of divine power."

I raised an eyebrow, surprised by her sudden interest in crafting. "Since when are you interested in all that? You like cooking, I know, evidence by how to this very day, I can't eat anything normal without it tasting like ash, but… blacksmithing?" I asked, a ton of baffled amusement in my voice.

"Since I absorbed all the knowledge and skills of those Black Scripture goons," she replied, her grin widening. "Apparently, the specific ones I killed were part of some kind of elite crafting club in their spare time. And now, all that knowledge is mine. A whole new world of possibilities has opened up and I'm going to plunder that crafting pinata."

I chuckled, shaking my head. Leave it to Asuna to turn a casual army-slaying experience into an opportunity for crafting-based self-improvement- thinking of all those souls, well I'm no different. "Well," I said, "I guess we'll both be keeping busy then. You with your crafting empire, and me with my robot army. This is going to be interesting. Then when we get somewhere private, we can have a very fun venture."

"Kirito-, you know what, that actually sounds like a good time, I'll make us some dessert and then we can both have 'dessert,' Happy?" She promised with a smile that promised a very good time.

"Hmm how does whipped cream sound?" I asked.

---

Ainz stepped out of his chamber, he displayed his new form which was an insane contrast to the skeletal visage he'd worn for so long in the game. He ran a hand through his short, dark hair, adjusting the simple, yet finely crafted black leather armor he'd chosen for his 'outing.' The Mirror of Remote Viewing had confirmed it: he looked human. Perfectly human. Well, as perfect as a carefully constructed illusion of humanity could be.

He hadn't even taken two steps before Albedo materialized before him, her usually stoic expression replaced by a baffling mix of awe and… was that lust? He quickly averted his gaze, focusing on a point somewhere beyond her elaborately adorned horns. He had to ignore that look, that burning intensity in her eyes. It was for his own sanity.

"Ainz-sama! You're magnificent!" Albedo exclaimed, her voice a breathless whisper. "So strong, so virile, so… humanly inhuman." She leaned closer, her voluptuous form pressing against his, her scent a heady mix of roses and something distinctly… musky. "Oh, Ainz-sama, I can already envision our wedding, our children…"

Ainz's non-existent stomach churned. He'd modified her personality, yes, but the sheer intensity of her affections was overwhelming, bordering on terrifying. He felt a pang of guilt, a strange, uncomfortable sensation that he usually suppressed with his undead passive. He couldn't reciprocate her feelings. It would feel like a betrayal, a violation of the trust he'd once shared with his guildmates, the creators of this… this being who now gazed at him with such adoration.

He tuned out her rambling declarations of love and future progeny, his mind retreating into the familiar comfort of strategic planning. He had to find a way to blend in, to gather information about these "Grand Outsider Gods" without arousing their suspicion. He needed a plan, a cover story, a way to…

"Ainz-sama! Aren't you listening?" Albedo's voice, sharp and laced with a hint of annoyance, snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Indeed," he said, forcing his voice into the deep, resonant tone he usually reserved for his "Supreme being" persona. "I am planning an outing to the Adventurers Guild in the nearby city of E-Rantel, hence my new appearance. Blending in will be simple. If I look and seem like a human with noble goals, then I must be so to those primitive beings, yes?" He wasn't entirely sure what he'd just said, but it sounded vaguely plausible.

Albedo's eyes widened, her annoyance fading into a look of admiration. "Brilliant, Ainz-sama! As expected of the Supreme Being! Your wisdom knows no bounds!" She paused, her expression turning thoughtful. "Would you like me to recommend your new mental projection? I knew having your real and appropriately pragmatic personality covered by a naive and incompetent one, as well as the flimsy, hopeful and naive one, is not enough to cover all your bases. So, I prepared more layers of identity for you to consider!"

Ainz had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. Mental projection? Layers of identity? It sounded like something out of a bad science fiction novel. But he couldn't let her see his confusion. He had to maintain his "all-knowing overlord" facade, even if it was crumbling around him like a poorly constructed sandcastle.

He took the files she offered, his skeletal fingers carefully flipping through the pages. To his relief, they looked like custom presets for his "Perfectly Unknowable: Alignment" skill. Backstory flavor text, essentially. He had no idea what any of it was for, but he could at least pretend to understand.

He scanned the options, his eyes glazing over the overly detailed descriptions. He settled on the ones that sounded the most 'good' and 'justice-like' and shoved them into his skill flavor text. It was probably the wrong thing to do, but at this point, he was just going through the motions, hoping to avoid any further scrutiny.

---

The journey to E-Rantel was uneventful. Ainz, still adjusting to his new, human-like form, walked with a measured pace, his senses on high alert. He wasn't used to feeling the sun on his skin, the wind rustling through his hair. It was strange. Disturbingly pleasant.

Coming from a basically destroyed world where wind doesn't blow and the air was forever filled with smog that blocked the sun made him truly feel like he was ALWAYS undead.

Beside him, Albedo strode with a confident grace that belied her usual imposing presence. Her horns, thanks to a bit of spatial manipulation magic, were neatly folded away, hidden from view. Even if someone were to use illusion detection magic, they would only see a strikingly beautiful woman with a metal half-helm, her features softened, her expression carefully neutral.

Behind them walked Narberal Gamma, or "Nabe" as she was known for this little excursion, and Lupusregina Beta, whom Ainz had decided to call "Regina" for the sake of simplicity. They, too, had undergone a transformation. Their usual attire, a flamboyant display of Nazarick's power and wealth, had been replaced by more practical, human-appropriate gear. They wore finely crafted leather armor, their weapons transmogrified to appear mundane yet still functional.

Ainz, adopting the persona of "Momon," carried a set of daggers that, to the untrained eye, looked like standard level 30 variants. In reality, they were far more potent, imbued with enchantments that could cleave through steel and bone with ease. Regina carried a spear of similar quality, its true power masked by a simple, unassuming design. Nabe, her usual short-spear replaced by a sword strapped to her hip, held a wand that was, in reality, a powerful focusing orb capable of channeling devastating metamagic automatically.

Albedo, however, refused to adopt a new name. "I am Albedo," she'd declared, her voice firm, "and I will not pretend to be anything else." She wore a set of metal armor, its design more practical than ornate, and a large battle axe was strapped to her back, its presence a subtle reminder of her formidable strength.

As they approached the gates of E-Rantel, Ainz felt a familiar wave of anxiety wash over him. Crowds, even in this seemingly primitive world, made him nervous. He preferred the solitude of Nazarick, the comforting presence of his loyal, if somewhat overzealous, subordinates.

The line leading to the gate was long, a chaotic mix of merchants, adventurers, and common folk. Twice, Albedo and Regina had to be restrained from "dealing" with those who dared to push or shove their way closer to the front.

"Patience, my loyal guardians," Ainz had said, his voice a calm, authoritative rumble. "We are on a stealth mission. Waiting is normal. Therefore, acting normal is the only way for it to succeed." His explanation, while not entirely logical, seemed to placate them. For now.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they reached the gate. The guards, two burly men in dented armor, eyed them with a mix of suspicion and boredom.

"State your business," one of the guards grunted, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword.

Ainz took a deep breath, reminding himself to stay in character. "We are adventurers," he said, his voice a carefully crafted blend of confidence and humility. "We seek to join the Adventurers Guild and offer our services to this fine city."

The guard, with a negligent hum, waved them through the gate, his eyes still glued to a half-eaten apple in his hand. Ainz suppressed a sigh of relief. One hurdle down, countless more to go.

After an hour of navigating the bustling streets of E-Rantel, they finally located the Adventurers Guild. It was a large, boisterous building, its wooden sign creaking precariously above the entrance. The sounds of laughter, drunken brawls, and the clinking of tankards spilled out onto the street, a symphony of chaos that made Ainz's newly existing heart race with apprehension.

He steeled himself, reminding himself of his mission. He had to find information, to blend in, to avoid attracting attention. He took a deep breath, adjusted his carefully crafted "human" persona, and stepped inside.

The guild hall was a dimly lit space, its air thick with the scent of ale, sweat, and something vaguely… metallic. A roaring fireplace crackled at one end of the room, casting flickering shadows across the rough-hewn tables and benches that filled the space. Adventurers, a motley collection of warriors, mages, and rogues, milled about, their voices a cacophony of boasts, drunken arguments, and tales of daring exploits.

Ainz, his gaze sweeping across the room, immediately spotted them. Seated at a table near the entrance, their backs to the wall, were the two figures he had hoped to never see again. The man, clad in simple black clothing that did little to hide his lean, muscular build, was regaling a group of adventurers with a tale of daring-do. The woman, her fiery auburn hair flowing behind her, sat beside him, her hand resting on the hilt of a rapier that seemed to hum with a barely contained energy.

"So, I told the bastard, who had me dead to rights, sword shoved into my leg while he shouted about how I tricked his band of murderers into advertising their services publicly and getting rounded up! Can you believe those bastards?!" The man, his voice booming and loud so that carried across the room, paused for dramatic effect. "Ah, yeah, so I told the bastard who had his sword right in my leg, expecting to die anyway, you see, I smiled at him all big and said, 'Hey, if I gotta die anyway, at least I'm gonna make sure you aren't gonna enjoy it!' Then, seconds later, the guy is on the ground screaming for mercy as my then-girlfriend, now-wife, comes and shoves a potion down my throat. Then she's like telling the guy, 'I'll let the kingdom's guard handle you. I don't want your stinking blood on my hands.' The dumbass asks, all hopeful like, 'Really?!' like he was super excited that we would be super naive and give him some kinda chance to escape. So, what did you say to him, honey?"

The woman, her eyes flashing with a predatory amusement, leaned forward, her voice a husky purr that sent shivers down Ainz's spine.

"I said, 'NoooooO~' all exaggerated and with a tone that clearly expressed how absolutely stupid I thought he was for even believing I wouldn't turn him into a person with a hole where his heart is immediately! Then, when I shoved my rapier into his chest which turned into smashed meat, he made the weirdest goddamn death-rattle I have ever heard! Like he sounded like he was vomiting while shitting and screaming confusedly all at the same time!"

Cheers and laughter erupted from the surrounding tables, the adventurers clearly enjoying the tale of casual brutality.

Ainz, his carefully constructed facade crumbling, could only think one thing:

FUCK!