Chapter 37: Megami is about to have a BAD TIME.
(The Re:zero Arc is in the other fic)

"There's no helping it," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. The weight of my cosmic blunder, a multiversal deity hunt in six million years, pressed down on me. "And if we can't go back, we just have to move on and prepare. So, we've got reality-plagiarism number one down. Where's this Being X fellow? Maybe we can find a Megami to slap while we're at it?"

Asuna, her expression softening as my obvious stress seemed to lessen, rose from her seat and wandered over to her throne. It was a magnificent thing, crafted from pure gold, its surface etched with intricate designs that shimmered with a soft, ethereal light. She paused, her gaze shifting to Yui's throne, a curious blend of obsidian and gold, a perfect fusion of my stark, angular aesthetic and her own love of elegant curves. A soft chuckle escaped her lips.

"Oh honey," she said, her voice dripping with mock sympathy, "did you get overwhelmed trying to pick between Mama's beautiful throne and Papa's extremely boss one?"

Yui's face flushed, a deep crimson that meshed spectacularly and amusingly with her midnight-black armor with red cloth accents. "Mom!" she whined, her voice a mix of embarrassment and exasperation. "It's not a big deal! I like both styles!" She stamped her foot for emphasis, her golden sandals clinking against the obsidian floor.

Asuna, unable to contain her amusement, let out a peal of laughter. "Aww, our sweet little Yui," she cooed, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Torn between her parents. It's so adorable!"

"Mom!" Yui wailed again, burying her face in her hands. "I love you, but why are you like this?"

I chuckled, enjoying the familiar banter between my wife and daughter. Asuna, despite her goddess status and her occasionally terrifying displays of power, still had a soft spot for teasing our daughter. And Yui, despite her unparalleled intellect and her ability to reshape reality, still reacted like a typical teenager when embarrassed.

Yui, her composure visibly and forcefully regained, cleared her throat and turned back to me. "Being X will be out of reach for a while," she explained, her voice regaining its usual cheerful lilt, though a hint of exasperation lingered. "But we can go to a world ruled by that shapeshifting usurper goddess, Megami. It's a place called the Hyuman World, and it's unique in that it grants humans an immense power boost, especially those who've already ascended to godhood. Sadly, it doesn't work quite the same way for former AI. Something about the lack of a 'former' human body to transform."

"And this 'Megami'," I said, my curiosity piqued, "why the 'pimple goddess' nickname?"

Yui smirked, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You'll see. Let's just say she's a bit… obsessed with appearances. She's a shapeshifter, you see, and she usurped the entire world from the moon god, Tsukuyomi. She calls it the Hyuman World now, even though it was made for humans and Hyumans, not just Hyumans. But Tsukuyomi left a little trick in store for her and she's definitely going to regret it. Well that is if we don't let her regret it more."

"Alright, daughter of mine," I said, raising my hands in mock surrender. "Keep your secrets about the nature of pimples and goddesses and redirect the conversation to where you want it to go. I approve. Tell me when we get there and make sure we can make an entrance."

Yui nodded, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. "You got it, Papa. I'm coming with, though. Spending a full three years managing your worlds up here while you have fun in another world is not my idea of a good time."

Asuna's eyes widened, her playful demeanor vanishing. "Yui…" she began, her voice laced with a sudden concern, "how long did you think we were down there? And what do you mean, it was three years…?"

Yui's grin faltered, replaced by a look of sheepish confusion. "I mean, you must have been down on the 'new world' for at least ten years," she explained, her voice a bit higher than usual. "I set the timescale of the automatic time-stabilization to 'Variable Fast Deviation' so you would get back fast."

"Yui!" My voice rose into the level of alarm that was clearly warranted for missing my daughter's birthday THREE DAMN TIMES! "We were down there for a month! That program is specifically unfinished! Why didn't you just set the timescale manually?! How many years of your life did we miss?!"

"It was only three years!" Yui exclaimed, her voice now bordering on a whine.

"Three years too many!" Asuna and I declared in unison, our voices echoing through the throne room. The weight of those lost years, the missed moments, the experiences stolen by a faulty program, settled upon us like a leaden shroud. Three years. It wasn't a lifetime, not in the grand scheme of things, but it was still too much.

"I clearly need to take better documentation," I muttered, shaking my head at my own carelessness. "Gonna just mark all my prototypes that aren't working as 'Unfinished: Do Not Use.' And no, Yui, that is not an excuse to go code-diving. My shorthand is a lot different than yours, even if they use similar terms. They're used for different things, and you could definitely hurt yourself. DON'T FUCK WITH THE HYPERBOLIC TIME CHAMBER, ESPECIALLY! I sent the test cube into a supermassive black hole by accident three times, and I don't know why! It's supposed to compress time and space, but the space and time are REALLY FUCKED. So, really!"

Yui blinked, her expression went from full surprised at dad's language to sheepish guilt pretty fast. "Okay, Papa," she said softly. "I can probably make ones myself without making mistakes like that anyway. Sorry."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's my fault, Yui, not yours," I said, my voice softening. "Just… be careful with the divinity-based programs. Please. I don't want to lose my daughter to faulty reality-code."

A warm smile spread across Yui's face. "Thanks, Papa," she said, her voice full of affection. "Okay. So, we're here!"

The pocket dimension shimmered, the swirling void of colors and energy resolving into a breathtaking vista. We were hovering above a lush, green world, a planet teeming with life and a subtle hum of magic that tickled my divine senses. Below, a sprawling city, its architecture a blend of futuristic skyscrapers and traditional Japanese temples, glittered under a sky painted with hues of orange and purple.

"Welcome to the Hyuman World," Yui announced, her voice laced with a mischievous glee. "Let's make an entrance, shall we?"

It seemed Yui had, with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, brought our throne room spatially adjacent to the goddess's throne room. A grand entrance, indeed. Except…

Megami was talking to a slightly above-average-looking Japanese guy, a bit below my former appearance when I first entered Sword Art Online. Something was definitely off. The scene in the throne room was moving at an insanely accelerated pace, like a sped-up film reel.

We watched, our enhanced perception allowing us to barely grasp the unfolding events. The goddess, with a cruel laugh, mocked this "Musumi" fellow, cursing him to be unable to speak any Hyuman or human tongue, while somehow understanding dead languages and monster languages. Then, with a flick of her wrist, she launched him towards the ground below the throne room, which was apparently floating high above the planet's surface.

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed, already moving to intervene. This "Megami" was a piece of work, and I wasn't about to let her get away with this kind of crap. But as I stepped towards the dimensional boundary separating our throne rooms, I slammed into something invisible, something unyielding. It wasn't a wall, not in the traditional sense. It was… time itself, flowing at a speed so incompatible with our existence that it felt like a solid barrier.

"Yui! Turn off the time displacement!" I shouted, panic edging into my voice. "It's not working from my end!"

Asuna, her face a mask of frustrated anger, was already trying to override the program, her fingers flying across an invisible interface. But it was no use. The time displacement, a consequence of Yui's interacting with my unfinished program, was beyond our immediate control.

We were trapped, forced to watch as this "goddess" – who was starting to look more and more like a cosmic cockroach – wreaked havoc on this poor sap's life.

With a scowl, we reluctantly relaxed our perception, focusing our efforts on fixing the damn time distortion. We couldn't help Musumi right now, but we could damn well make sure this didn't happen again.

Five minutes crawled by for us, an agonizing eternity as we watched a week unfold in Megami's throne room. We saw her bossing around fairies, her voice dripping with a condescending arrogance that made my skin crawl. We saw her watching interdimensional cable, specifically some truly messed-up gameshows where the reward was "you get to live" and the challenges included "don't become a meat toboggan" and other horrifying displays of deific torture.

"Yui," I said, my voice tight with disgust, "make a note of those dimensions. We're going to need to do some cleaning later."

Yui, her face pale, nodded silently.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the time displacement flickered, then vanished. The flow of time stabilized, the two throne rooms now synchronized. We were back in control.

"Right," I said, cracking my knuckles. "Time for a little… intervention."

I shifted the dimensional entrance, moving it from its original position directly in front of Megami's throne to a spot on the wall, high above the ground, outside the throne room. We were going for a more dramatic entrance.

"Ready?" I asked Asuna, a mischievously vindictive grin spreading across my face.

She grinned back, her eyes gleaming with a predatory light. "Oh, I'm ready."

Yui, catching on to our plan, giggled. "This is going to be fun!"

And then, with a synchronized shout of "OH YEAH!" we burst through the wall, a three-person Kool-Aid Man entrance that sent shockwaves through the throne room. Megami, her jaw slack, her eyes wide with disbelief, stared at us as we materialized in a shower of plaster and splintered wood.

"Well, well, well," I said, my voice dripping with a sardonic amusement. "Looks like someone's been having a bit too much fun. Let's fix that shall we?"
 
Chapter 38: To smash a cockroach; Roast verbally. Then accidentally call pest control.
A warm, exhilarating energy surged through me, a rush of power that made my senses sing. My divinity, my physical strength, my magical abilities, even the very essence of my soul… it was all expanding, growing, reaching new heights. I could feel Asuna experiencing the same phenomenon, a shared grin passing between us as we basked in the power boost of the Hyuman World.

But that didn't stop me from enjoying the moment.

"YOU!" Megami shrieked, her voice a shrill, grating sound that echoed through the throne room. "Since you are deities as well, albeit sub-par in the looks department, I suppose I must greet my guests from afar due to the required etiquette. I am Megami, Goddess of—"

"I don't give a damn," I interrupted, my voice laced with a bored amusement. "You know, I'm really curious as to why my very capable daughter—"

"Yes, thank you, Father," Yui chimed in, her voice a smug purr. "My analytical skills are divine. Appreciate me more."

I chuckled, shaking my head at her blatant fishing for compliments. "Ahem, my very capable daughter, whose capabilities in gaining information are divine, happy?" I shot Yui a playful wink. "Called you the 'Pimple Goddess.'"

Sensing I'd absorbed enough of the Hyuman World's power to make this a bit more… interesting, I raised my hand, focusing my will. I activated my Logic domain, its power surging outwards, tearing at the illusion that cloaked Megami's true form.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, her carefully crafted visage shimmered, the illusion cracking and distorting. It held, partially, but the glimpse I caught beneath was…

"Oh my god!" I burst out laughing, unable to contain my amusement. "You somehow partially resisted that, and yet somehow you look like a very bored child started drawing a bowling ball made of fat, got bored halfway, decided he would give it arms, a head, and a face, give that face polka-dot welts, and then give the picture to the fugly-god and ask him how far he could go with that!"

Megami's face, the portion that was still visible, contorted into a mask of furious indignation. I ignored her, my laughter echoing through the throne room as I continued my impromptu art critique.

"He told the child, 'Don't worry, young one, even with this, we can go EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!' So he created a shit-golem, told it to get shittin' in your current shape. The result is… that." I gestured towards her partially revealed form with a smirk. "But that's not all! For you see, I am an intelligent god. It's even one of my domains! So when I see that the removal of your shapeshifting failed, I must find out… that since this isn't even your final form, what does Golden Megami look like?!"

With another wave of my hand, the full, unadulterated truth of her divine form was revealed.

"Cthulhu is indeed looking for the bowling ball made of the lamentations of Azathoth's worst nightmares that he borrowed and then lost!" I roared, my laughter echoing through the throne room. "Do you want me to return you?!"

The walls of the throne room shattered, dissolving into motes of light as the space around us warped and twisted. We were no longer in a lavishly decorated chamber, but adrift in a vast, star-strewn expanse. Planets, distant and swirling with vibrant colors, hung in the void, their light casting an eerie glow upon the crude dirt platform we now stood upon.

Megami, her true form a grotesque parody of the absolute limit that could ever be ugliness, glared at us with fury blazing in her eyes. The sight of her, combined with the dirt platform and the cosmic backdrop, triggered a wave of nostalgia, a flashback to a classic game from my past.

"I apparently have finally met a JRPG final boss," I said, a grin spreading across my face as I gestured towards the ridiculous setting. "Did Ringabel not kick your ass hard enough, Ouroboros?! Are you going to be eating any Horizons? Are you fat because you are Ouroboros, the Serpent Who Eats the Horizon?! I was certain they killed you!"

My words, a mix of genuine curiosity and playful mockery, were met with a shriek of rage that seemed to shake the very stars around us.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT NAME?!" Megami roared, her voice a distorted cacophony of anger and fear. "I BURIED THAT IDENTITY AND FLED! I CAN'T BE FOUND HERE!"

And then, as if summoned by her outburst, a portal shimmered into existence, tearing open the fabric of reality. A grayish-blonde man, his features etched with a grim determination, stepped through the portal. A woman with ankle-length black hair, her eyes blazing with righteous fury, followed close behind. A gray-haired playboy whose hair was closer to white, with his expression a mix of amusement and anticipation, sauntered through the portal. And finally, a blonde woman, her gaze cold and calculating, emerged as the fourth.

"We finally found you!" the black haired woman I recognized as Agnes from bravely default declared, her voice ringing with a triumphant finality. "You won't get away this time!"

Asuna, Yui, and I stared at the newcomers, our jaws slack with disbelief. This… wasn't what we'd expected. Not at all.

"THAT WAS A JOKE! I THOUGHT OUROBOROS WAS A DUDE!" I exclaimed, my voice a mix of shock and confusion.


"NO! Hold the phones!" I burst out laughing, unable to contain my amusement at the sheer absurdity of the situation. "No wonder you have fairy servants, are a massive asshole, and usurped a world not your own— you're on the run! HOLY SHIT! Lemme just play the boss music! Not that it'll last long since they clearly kicked your ass before, but yeah!"

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Nil0qRve4k
With a flick of my wrist, I conjured a holographic display, the iconic Bravely Default boss theme blaring through the throne room. Megami, her face contorted in a mask of rage and fear, had her eyes dart between both of our groups.

"Go on, Ringabel and fam, go ring that bell!" I said, gesturing between the newcomers and old, hidden, and ugly. "I'm just gonna watch for funsies."

The four heroes from Luxendarc – Ringabel, Agnes, Edea, and Tiz – turned their heads towards me, their expressions a mix of confusion and annoyance. But they didn't linger. They had a job to do, a score to settle. And they were clearly in a hurry.

They moved with a speed that even my now even further enhanced perception could barely track. They were a blur of motion, a whirlwind of blades and magic, their attacks so swift and precise that they made the Campione look like clumsy amateurs. Megami, her defenses crumbling before their onslaught, shrieked in rage and pain as they tore her apart. It was over in twenty seconds.

The Bravely Default crew, their task complete, turned back to us, their expressions now an inquisitive. Ringabel however, had a scowl with a weary curiosity hidden within. Tiz, his gaze fixed on Ringabel, who was already eyeing us with a speculative glint in his eye, shook his head.

"Do we really need more problems right now?" he asked, his voice stuffed so full with exhaustion that I couldn't help but wince.

Ringabel shrugged, his usual swagger momentarily subdued. "Alright," he said, and with a snap of his fingers, the portal reappeared.

Edea, her blonde hair whipping around her as she turned to leave, started speaking to her friends. "Can't believe that's finally hand—"

The portal closed with a snap, the four heroes vanishing as quickly as they had arrived. Asuna and I stood there, stunned, the remnants of the boss music echoing through the now-empty throne room.

Megami was gone. The Hyuman World was ours. And we hadn't even lifted a finger.

"Well," I said, breaking the silence. "That was… anticlimactic."

"I still want an actual vacation," I declared, stretching my arms with a sigh. The whole Megami debacle, while entertaining in a cosmically absurd kind of way, had left me feeling drained. "Who wants to skip the planet-grabbing and just mess around for a while?"

Asuna, still basking in the afterglow of the Hyuman World's power boost, nodded enthusiastically. "Mhm, yeah," she agreed. "Sounds good to me."

Yui, perched on the armrest of her obsidian-and-gold throne, chimed in with a cheerful, "Yup! Don't wanna go back yet."

"That indeed sounds like a good plan," I said, a smile spreading across my face. "The Best Daughter is indeed requiring a break."

Yui beamed, her eyes sparkling with delight. "Aww, thanks, Papa!"

With a snap of my fingers, I activated my Time Manipulation domain. A wave of energy, invisible to the naked eye but tangible to my divine senses, washed over our cluster of worlds, enveloping them in a pocket of temporal stasis. Time, within our little empire, ground to a halt. The bustling cities froze, the churning oceans stilled, the very stars themselves hung motionless in the sky.

"Vacation time," I declared, a sense of contentment settling over me. "As long as we want."
 
Announcement
I need to take action upon the knowledge that if I can't earn money soon I will be on the streets within 6 months and dead shortly after.

So I need to move on back to writing more original stories and using them to earn money.

If you like my work, know that my originals are even better.

The many hours I used to spend on fanfiction writing will be moved to writing the following Original novel.

I will be writing this:

www.royalroad.com

Time-Smash Chronicles (A LitRPG In Which a Time Cop Really Needs A break) | Royal Road

Why was he of all people a time cop now? That was what Samuel Grain wondered as he sat in a crater where he used to work as a security guard. As he idly stared at a chunk of concrete below a facility that according to reality, never got built in the first place, he pondered how the hell he got...

and rewriting this into the 3rd edition:

www.royalroad.com

Kicking The Bucket Talent Shop(A Cultivation world LITRPG With An Infinite Lore-Onion of Story) (3rd Edition Rewrite) | Royal Road

Now that a large portion of volume one has been fixed and edited, I feel safe posting this here in hopes of gaining a new audience and bringing my old audience here as well. You can also read the 2nd edition version that was on amazon by going to the shop section of my patreon and making a...
 
Announcement+ is this Yui's source code?! New
Okay so bad things have been happening and things have just calmed down enough for me to hopefully start writing again. KTBTS and TMSI will start up again soon(Probably KTBTS on Saturday on royal road and I'll start posting the 3rd edition rewrites here too when I can get a few moments to do so!)

So look forward to KTBTS and TMSI coming soon!

Also, I think I found Yui's source code... Did kayaba steal Evil-Neuro from Vedal and just decide to go ham?


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYClXSIpMR0
 
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