[X] Cordelia scored a starring role in a big horror movie, and they want to do shooting in Sunnydale. It could be great for the city's publicity, and might provide work for peaceful demons in the city. What's the catch? Buffy's still popular in Hollywood, and she might have to do a cameo role.
Previously, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
EXT. RESTFIELD CEMETERY - NIGHT
BUFFY: (walking, shaking head) I remember pretty much all of it, in 3D-technicolor even. More colors than were probably actually there. I was a total spaz in front of Willow, Warren, Xander, half the SDCW, and last and most awfully of all my mom. She probably thinks I'm a closeted necrophiliac lesbian now.
HARMONY: (trips over a gravestone, then gets back up, acting unperturbed) Wasn't she already all disapproving and demanding though? I mean, you have money and power, why do you even care what she thinks?
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INT. MEARS RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT - GYM - NIGHT
WARREN: So, almost three tons. It's enough to make a guy feel inadequate.
BUFFY: (still a little winded) But without you, we wouldn't even know. So partial credit?
WARREN: (smiling) I was always an A student. Is there any way I can raise my grade?
BUFFY: (takes a step forward) Extra credit may be available.
WARREN closes the rest of the distance, and kisses her. It's a little cautious, but they're both smiling at the end.
INT. BUFFY'S BEDROOM - MORNING
BUFFY: (desperate) I mean, Harm, before, like, there were boys. You and boys.
HARMONY: Well, yeah. But it's not the same. Everything's been so different ever since I died. Giles says vampires are like, different people. Maybe he's right?
BUFFY starts to pull away, but HARMONY darts forward at vampire speed and kisses her. BUFFY kisses back hard for a second before pulling away.
INT. CITY HALL - BUFFY'S OFFICE - DAY
ANYA: (wide eyed) Wait, so Harmony kissed you too?
BUFFY: Keep it down! (quieter) Yes. It totally caught me out of left field. It was the leftest, like, it was a foul ball.
ANYA: (reluctantly quieter too) Foul like 'eww'? (BUFFY doesn't answer, looks conflicted) Or foul like 'ohhh'? I'm sensing the latter.
BUFFY: (collapses into her seat) Total 'ohhh'. I'm such a freak. (puts her head down in her hands)
ANYA: I mean, if Harmony kissed you better, shouldn't she win then? I was pretty sure that was the point.
BUFFY: But … (waves her hands wildly) she doesn't have a soul. And didn't you say she was just one of my vampire groupies or something? Plus the whole lesbian thing.
ANYA: The vampire glomming thing is just another biological imperative. It's no different from all this romance stuff in the first place, really. Plus, it's even better than the normal human one, since she's probably way less likely to cheat!
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S3.5E11: Lights in the Sky
Buffy leant against a locker, waiting silently. The other two girls with her were less restrained. Classes were over for the day, and there were only a few kids passing through the halls. Her group got the occasional worried looks (especially when Jonathan walked by), but Buffy's glares kept the passersby silent. Teachers were nowhere to be seen.
"What lame story do you think she found this time?"
"Maybe it's a cat up a tree."
"Hey, be fair, maybe there's a lost dog this time instead!"
"Quiet you two," Buffy made a put upon sigh. "Seriously, you'll screw it all up, just give it a minute." Buffy examined her nails again without even paying attention to their reactions. Bitchy schoolgirl was an attitude she knew well.
She didn't have to wait too long though, before Cordelia came barrelling out of the room they'd been watching. Unfortunately for her, she didn't notice the suspicious state of the door in her rush, and the precariously balanced bucket of cranberry juice came down off of it and drenched her head to toe. Buffy's lackeys burst out laughing, and some of the other students passing by gathered to watch the spectacle.
Buffy herself just smiled a naughty little smile and released her quip, "I know they say the news is red all over, but did you really have to take it literally, Charisma?" That got another laugh out of the gathering crowd.
Cordelia's clothes were ruined, her bag was overflowing with juice, her hair was unrecoverable, and there was a bucket on her head. She knocked it off to the side, and she was apoplectic with rage. "Why do you have to keep doing these stupid pranks, Sarah? The whole town is in danger, and forget about helping, you still won't even leave me alone!"
The redheaded girl on Buffy's right was quick to respond. "Nerds like you need to be put in their place!"
The brunette on her left said, "And that place is the garbage!" They both redoubled their laughter at the lame joke, but Cordelia didn't even respond.
Buffy got to the interesting bit, "What could ever even happen in this place to put it on the news, much less in danger? Did you find another junkie to tell you a crazy story?"
Cordelia visibly tried to calm herself down, and her words were serious, "Strange patterns are getting burnt on the ground! People are saying they've been abducted! There are mysterious lights in the sky! But nobody's paying attention but me. We need to-"
Buffy interrupted her with a snort. "We need to what? Make up some more tabloid garbage to feel important? Fill pages in a worthless school paper with pop scifi? Or maybe what we really need is to distract ourselves from how pathetic our real lives are." She paused, pretending to think. "Oh wait, we don't need any of those things. That's just you. Later, loser." Buffy turned and walked away, her two minions following her without needing to be told. She heard Cordelia choking back tears behind her, and then the sound of her feet running in the opposite direction.
"And cut!" Director Cortez shouted. "And that is how we do scenes here, everybody! Filled with emotion and elan!" People scrambled around at his command, cameras were rolled out of the cramped hall, and she heard Cordy screaming about her hair. Buffy felt kind of bad, even though it wasn't like she'd actually been the one to set up the prank. She turned and was about to go after her friend, but was interrupted by someone walking up to her.
"So, how's showbiz feel? Maybe you're going to reconsider that career in politics." Ian's cousin Jeff was here on set, even though this sort of thing wasn't normally his job. He had been the one to greenlight the script though, and was part of the reason it was being shot in Sunnydale; Buffy figured he'd come along to make sure things went smoothly. That or maybe just to take another swing at recruiting her.
"It feels surprisingly like LA did when I lived there," Buffy said speculatively. "I'm the queen of the high school and saying a lot of nasty things."
"But now you're being paid to say them!" Jeff gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder.
"That does make it better," Buffy agreed. The budget situation wasn't bad enough that she was tempted to donate this almost-entirely-legitimate income either. She might get that motorcycle after all. "I think I'll see how the election thing goes before trying my luck with any more roles though."
"And such a shame that is!" Director Cortez had finished whatever he had to do post-cut and had strolled over to their conversation. "I should've found you back then, you were made for the camera's eye!" He was pretty flamboyant, but apparently it got the job done; he'd turned several B movies into cult hits in recent years.
"Really you should be complementing Cordelia," Buffy said. "She made cranberry juice look good." She felt a little bad that she was stealing some of her thunder, but without the whole big deal to bring a movie to Sunnydale Cordelia might not have even got the part.
"She is wonderful as well. A little shrill, but the authenticity, the fury? Such things cannot be faked." He nodded to himself. "And speaking of the authentic, How has the search gone for the, how shall we say it, the 'special talent'?"
"I've got my best people on it, they'll know just who to get and how to motivate them." Buffy said confidently. Anya and Andrew knew almost everything there was to know about the local demons between the two of them, and they'd been canvassing for ones that would react well to the movie alien experience. She'd wanted to get Giles involved too, but he'd been too busy; he was still in full research mode over Spike's nighttime visit to the Fowler Museum.
"Of course, of course!" Cortez said. "I am hoping that casting those truly meant for their parts shines through for us, something all too lacking in this new era of these computers and their effects. P'shaw!"
Hopefully this guy wouldn't run into Willow in a dark alley. "Anyway, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have a feeling Cordelia might need a friend to help work through that authentic fury of hers." Buffy waved and left Jeff and Cortez to discuss whatever it was movie gurus talked about between scenes.
Buffy knew there weren't any showers in this building, so Cordelia would've probably gone outside to look for one. She knew this because it was the same school building she was borrowing from UC Sunnydale, which had the distinction of being the only thing that looked like a high school in the city for Cortez to shoot in. There hadn't even really been this when he first showed up, but luckily he'd had some of his set carpenters help them finish refurbishing the place with lockers and everything. With all the hats Buffy had to wear these days, getting two vampires with one stake was a real accomplishment.
By day, she was the mayor. By night, she was the slayer. As Buffy Summers, she campaigned for votes. And in her totally-not-just-a-cameo as the queen bee 'Sarah', she terrorized an innocent high schooler. It was enough to make a girl forget that sleep was a thing that existed. And then there was Harmony, which was a whole extra barrel of wacky. Good wacky, but still.
Finally exiting the building out into the late afternoon sun, she was surprised to see a still-drenched Cordelia wasn't running for a shower but instead berating Jonathan. "Enough with the mojo talk! Can you fix it or can't you?"
"I thought that I wouldn't need to do anything, it should've just worn off," Jonathan said with a confused expression. "I switched the real juice with some illusioned water, but it won't turn back."
"Whatever. The false hope was almost worse than this mess in the first place!" With that, Cordelia stalked off in the direction of the athletics building, leaving a sad little trail of juice behind her.
Buffy made a sympathetic expression at Jonathan as she ran to catch up with Cordelia. Maybe he'd have better luck next time? He just shook his head and sighed. She was kind of surprised he was still carrying a torch for Cordelia, but even though the summer had seemed like it'd lasted half a year it had only been two months, really.
With Jonathan left behind both of them, Buffy finally caught up. "Cordelia, hey, sorry about the whole-"
"Don't be. You're not the one who insists everything be 'authentic'," she scoffed. "I won't say this job isn't worth it, but that was totally not what I was expecting when they said I'd have to do my own stunts."
"That Cortez guy does seem a little intense," she agreed. "He does have a stellar record though. If this is a hit, you could look back and laugh over your glass of juice someday."
"Intense, that's a nice way of putting it." Cordelia shook her head. "Do real kids even do stuff like this? If I pulled that prank on you back in tenth grade you would've probably cracked my face in half or something."
"I like to think I would've had more restraint," Buffy said. "Charisma seems more like the intrepid reporter type than the 'violent delinquent' though."
"Did people really call you that? It sounds like something out of Happy Days," Cordelia said.
"And so it was fully in line with Snyder's worldview," Buffy replied.
Cordelia paused to think about that, drops of juice still occasionally falling out of her hair. "But now he's eaten and you're mayor-slayer, so in a way, violence won in the end."
"It's inherent in the system," Buffy agreed. "This is the athletics center, you can wash off here."
Cordelia's face scrunched up. "I just realized I don't have anything to change into. Ugh, this movie needs better service staff."
"I have it under control," Buffy said. She did some dialing on her radio and gave a few quick orders as the security guy waved them inside. Most of the school extras in the movie were SDCW members (it paid to be safe), so it was easy for Buffy to setup a special clothing delivery.
The summer term at UC Sunnydale didn't lend itself to big crowds at the gym, and Cordelia and Buffy found themselves alone in the locker room when she was about to get into her shower. Cordelia got into the little booth and threw the destroyed clothes over the door, but there was a pause for a second. She didn't turn the shower on, and instead she asked, "So, how's Harmony been doing lately?"
"Well the timing of this question isn't at all suspicious," Buffy said sarcastically.
"I mean, like, did she mention anything kind of surprising?" Cordelia probed.
Buffy took a last quick look around and couldn't hear anyone else nearby. She could just deny, but Cordelia already knew half of it, and getting a non-demony perspective on the whole thing would be reassuring. "Well, would you count coming to my bedroom at five in the morning and kissing me surprising?"
"That was a little more extreme than I expected," Cordelia said. Then she asked in a quieter voice, "Does she still, you know, exist?"
Buffy's eyes went wide. "Yes! She totally still exists! Did you think I was going to stake her over it? I thought you were all pro-confession with her!"
"I was, but I didn't tell her to be so aggressive," Cordelia defended. "You can get jumpy. So did you let her down easy? She had it pretty bad, I think she might've took a staking better, honestly."
"Umm."
"Buffy."
"It's complicated."
"No. No way," Cordelia was quiet for a second. "Were you in the closet all this time or something? Do I need to protect my virtue? I'm naked in here!"
"No!" Buffy boggled at the notion. "I mean, the Harmony thing, it's new. The kiss was good. It's just all very something. Not like, a regular Buffy thing."
"Not like you're a vampiresexual or something?" Cordelia asked. "Kind of seeing a pattern here."
Chilly lips. Strong arms. "Maybe like that. Does that make me bad?"
"Buffy, you saved the world what, half a dozen times already? I don't think you could be bad if you were selling puppies into slavery." Cordelia said. It was probably for the best she didn't know about the kittens she'd traded for her mother. "Just, admitting these things to yourself is important. Even if you're not admitting them to certain other people."
"I want to! But if it got out-"
"I know, I know, the Scoobies couldn't keep a secret even if all of them were dead. Maybe especially not then." Buffy was reminded that Cordelia hadn't left the group on the best of terms, despite how Graduation went. "I'm just saying,"
"I know," Buffy said. "But, I'm seeing her tonight. Do you think it's, well, OK?"
"Just don't barge in on my shower and you can do whatever to whoever makes you happy," Cordelia said. "But really, Harmony? I mean, forget her being a girl and a vampire, but Harmony?"
"She's changed. And grown, and stuff," Buffy said. Not that she'd known her super well in school, but Harmony-the-vampire was actually pretty cool at times these days.
"I guess she was better company than usual last weekend," Cordelia allowed. "Though I did get very drunk. So what are you doing with her tonight? Care to share gossip about your torrid romance?"
Vote: Well, you heard Cordelia. What's Buffy going to do with Harmony tonight?
[] Harmony always likes to patrol. It's not exactly a novel activity, but familiar can be good. Buffy does happen to know about a few secluded spots in graveyards, too.
[] Buffy knows that Harmony always loved going to the beach, and that's obviously been a non-option for her this summer. But they could go at night, and it'd be pretty private. It's not like either of them have to worry about drowning.
[] Write In. Buffy has some better idea that you'll put instead of one of the other two, but she has to remember to be careful to keep things on the downlow.
