Chapter Twenty - Party in the CIA
Gai and I were waiting in the outer antechamber in the Hokage's offices when another party left.
"You!" I leveled a finger at the man at the head of that party. The tan robes and weathered features. The turban, its loose end arranged to cover half his face. The red paint upon the other half of his tanned face.
Baki.
"Huh," the man grunted. "Chunin. Good. It would be embarrassing otherwise."
"I killed you!"
He chuckled, and patted the spot in question on his ribs. "You tried."
My eyes were drawn to where he'd called attention to it - and therefore to the belt slung around his hips, where he now had sheathed-
"That's my knife!"
"It's a good knife," he told me.
"Jonin Baki," Shizune smoothly interrupted our little repartee. "The Hokage will see you now."
What the fuck.
The Jonin from Sand and his retinue swept past us and the tension hung in the air until the door behind them closed.
"What the fuck," I breathed.
Gai was inscrutable.
My heart was pounding; my head was racing with the possibilities. Obviously, the scuttlebutt was that we were going to war with Sand; this was clearly a negotiating party, a peace delegation, but were these the kind that would avert war or the sort that were doomed to fail - the pro forma talks that had to occur so that war could be sold to both sides?
Twenty minutes later, my question was answered.
"Bad news, kid," Baki grunted at me. "You don't get another chance to kill me."
"Eh?"
"We're not going to war," the Sand jonin clarified. "We got tricked by your old Sanin, same as you. Our alliance will hold, with some new terms - among them, we'll be putting together a joint task force to track down Hidden Sound and, ah, express our displeasure."
I stared at him. "You still killed Konoha ninja."
"I did," the man acknowledged. "I obeyed what I thought were the lawful orders of my Kazekage."
"Who
is the new Kazekage, then?" Gai broke into the conversation, a fraction of his intent seeping in.
A bead of sweat dripped down Baki's face. "...we're working on that," was all he would admit. "But the new terms of the alliance will be announced publicly soon enough. The details of the task force, likewise."
Baki inclined his head at me, and kept walking.
"That's just how it works in the ninja world, kid," were his parting words. "Enemies one day, allies the next. You'll go far, if you survive."
Hidden Sand had betrayed us - and we'd been caught flat-footed by it. There had to have been a reason as to why; without addressing the fundamental reason, any treaty, any alliance was suspect at best.
But I was only a chunin. I didn't make policy.
"The Hokage will see you now," Shizune informed us, and opened the door once again.
"...and that's the mission," Tsunade finished, turning over the final page of the dossier. "As jonin and chunin of Team Gai, the two of you are of course authorized to brief your genin as you see fit."
It was weird seeing her behind the Hokage's desk. Behind the old man's desk. The same desk, that, for all I knew, the original Hokage had himself sat behind. My great-grandfather.
"-
Thank you, Hokage-sama," Gai breathed. "For putting me on this task!"
Tsunade sighed. "...You're a fan, aren't you," she lamented.
"...Perhaps?" he hedged, poorly.
I wasn't going to lie - I was fairly excited about the mission myself. Though the conversation I'd just had with Baki brought another sour thought to the forefront of my mind.
"You're trying to keep me off the joint Anti-Sound task force, aren't you," I stated flatly. "With this." I tapped the dossier for emphasis.
"Chunin!" Gai protested. "This is an S-Rank mission!"
It was. The payout figure alone had my head spinning and my heart aflutter. But I still had to ask the question - was I being bribed?
Tsunade was quiet.
"...To an extent," she said at last. "Yes."
"I knew it," I hissed, but she fixed me with her gaze and held a hand up.
"Orochimaru is a monster," she spat. "And you are- like it or not, and I
know which one it is!" She clutched at her brow; Gai raised an eyebrow at the awkward turn of phrase. "
Who you are! And so does he! You are a target, and a strategic weakness that the village cannot afford at this critical juncture."
That she couldn't afford.
"I am trusting you with an S-rank mission," she emphasized. "To acquire strategic assets and new allies. This is not busywork, Nobunaga. This is respect, I promise you that."
Well, she had me there. This… definitely wasn't busywork.
I still needed to take a few deep breaths, even still.
"Maito Gai," Tsunade turned her attention to my jonin while I was preoccupied. "If you could give me a moment alone with your chunin?"
"Ah- of course, Hokage-sama." Gai stood up, clapped me on the shoulder with a squeeze for support, and left me alone in the suddenly too small office.
With her.
The silence wasn't really silence - it was a beautiful day, and the windows looking out upon the village were open. Birds were chirping; a wind was blowing; there were the faint sounds of schoolchildren at play.
It was still silent, nonetheless.
"I have made so many mistakes in my life," she said at last. "I deeply regret the harm I have caused you-"
"-no."
"No?"
"No," I heard the word repeated, my hands clenched into fists. The form was awful - Gai would have my head if they saw them. "Not… not before a mission. Not… no."
"...Oh. Okay. Yes. No." Tsunade nodded, her eyes scrunched closed.
"...You could have at least written a letter!" Where the fuck did that even come from? I'd just said no! Dammit, me! Be consistent! "Or-or something!"
"...I had no right to send you anything," she whispered. "And I signed over our family wealth to the village long before you were born. So I'm an honest deadbeat, at least. About that. Maybe I should have given you some of my winnings… the all of two times I hit a jackpot."
I let out a bitter little laugh at that, which she shared with me. It was… I don't know.
"Open your hand," she ordered abruptly, and when I complied-
"Here," she placed five small coins on my palm, curling my fingers loosely around them. I recognized their get - Eiraku Tsuho, ceremonial offering coins, monetarily worthless.
"It's a tradition in our family," the woman informed me. "For your first S-rank. W-we'll go to a shrine, cast them for good fortune."
I jingled them in my hand - the bright copper made a pleasant clinking sound.
"...Thanks," I told her, then tossed them onto the desk, and turned away. "But I make my own luck."
As I crossed the threshold, and opened the door to leave, the woman let out a sharp breath.
"...Holy shit," I heard her whisper.
The movie that Gai made the three of us watch at his place was shit, and I would die happily on that hill.
See, the fundamental issue, was that I was spoiled, horribly spoiled, by my previous life. I had over thirty years of memories of a previous acting tradition that had over a century's worth of refinement specifically for the screen. Stage acting and screen acting were separate disciplines with overlapping skill sets; more than that - editing. Postproduction. Stuntwork. Special effects. Cinematography. Screenwriting. All of these things needed to develop and mingle, crossbreed and pollinate.
The Land of Fire - or any other Elemental Nation's cinema tradition, for that matter? Was maybe fifty years old.
Heart of Heaven was a mindless action blockbuster with admittedly some fairly decent fight scenes. The somewhat lackluster cinematography meant that they couldn't do the quick cutaways that my previous life hated; the problem was that now that I was actually trained and experienced in combat. I now could tell that the distance and techniques and form they were using was all staged and wrong. The acting and writing made Michael Bay look like Ridley Scott, and it all ended in an explosion of "Rainbow Chakra" - a last-minute Xianxia Carebear Stare shit that solved everything and utterly destroyed the one-dimensional, completely over the top villain. Who somehow got resurrected in the post-credits sequel hook.
Naruto would have eaten it up. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd heard him raving about one of the sequels a year or so ago.
"-And this!" Gai exclaimed happily. "Is only the first in the series!"
Lee nodded eagerly. "It is a mighty movie!" he approved. "About the bond between sworn siblings and the power of unity! I haven't seen this one in years, Gai-sensei!"
"It was enjoyable," Neji agreed, seated with Lee between the two of us. Things had been… awkward with Neji after the incident. But he was talking with me again, though he still was still hesitant to look me in the eye. I, in turn, would have to figure out how to break the ice properly - this mission seemed like a pretty good way to do it, as a matter of fact. "The soundtrack was quite excellent."
"...Don't ask me for my opinion," I said, when their attention fixed upon me. "I'm glad you all liked it."
The other members of my team groaned.
"Oh, come on," I protested. "You know me! I don't have a tv!"
"Or even go to the movies?!" Lee sounded like I had confessed to strangling puppies in my free time. "Nobunaga!"
"Regardless," I pressed on, over my subordinates (and also Gai's) crestfallen expressions. "Our mission involves a certain actress-"
"Fujikaze Yukie," Lee sighed. "The number one actress in the Land of Fire…. Wait, what?!"
I felt a little bad lying to Lee and Neji, even on a temporary basis, but protecting an actress, no matter how high-profile, was never going to be classified as an S-rank mission.
No, our mission was actually far more broad and important than that, even if keeping "Fujikaze Yukie" from coming to any harm was in fact vital to the mission - necessary, though not sufficient.
Our true mission, currently known only to Gai and myself, was the overthrow of the current regime in place in the Land of Snow: a proper
coup d'etat. Fujikaze Yukie, actress, was in fact Kazahana Koyuki, the daughter of the former daimyo of the Land of Snow - and therefore the most fitting replacement head of state for the country when our mission succeeded.
And to get to her, we had to go to the capital: Hokyo. The largest city in the Land of Fire. Beautiful, scenic, industrialized Hokyo - with a population estimated at nearly 2 million. Konohagakure, for reference, had just under 79 thousand.
"Wow," Lee breathed.
Neji's eyes were wide; the teenager himself was speechless as we approached the city on foot.
So was I - I'd seen bigger, but not in this life.
I could taste the air, even at this distance.
The latest installment of the
Adventures of Princess Fūun were being filmed, first on set in Hyoko and then on location - we would be meeting the director, Makino, and our client, Sandayu Asama, with the cover of being additional protection for the film's star.
"Hello hello!" one of the actors greeted us as we arrived onto the studio lot. "Are you lost or something?"
"Not at all!" Gai boomed out. "Maito Gai, ninja of Konohagakure, at your service!"
"Hidero!" the other man laughed. "Actor of… Hokyo, at yours! I play Shishimaru! Love your energy! You must be the new security, then!"
"So we are!" Gai grinned.
"Take us to your leader?" I requested, chuckling.
We arrived in a large, warehouse/hangar building where matte paintings and sets were being moved around - a scenic battlefield under the moon was apparently transforming into something considerably more domestic, by the looks of things.
"Pretty great, isn't it?" Hidero noted. "First time on a set?"
"Yes!"
"Eh," I shrugged. It actually wasn't, from my past life - though admittedly it was my first time on an actual triple-A production set. There were some key differences - particularly with respect to budget. Just a few.
"Nobunaga, you're drooling," Neji informed me.
"I am not," I insisted, hastily dabbing my mouth with my sleeve. "Hey Neji?"
"What?"
"Is he hot?" I whispered, pointing at the actor who played Sukeakura in the series.
"What?!" Neji went stock still. "Nobunaga! What?! He! You!"
Got'em.
…I was not being mean; he was already approaching us! I was being a good person - warning my friend that a person who he might find attractive was coming.
"So, you're her new escorts, are ya?" the actor drawled. "I'm Michy."
"Maito Gai!"
"Rock Lee!"
"Uzumaki Nobunaga!"
"..."
"-and my friend here is Hyuuga Neji," I draped an arm around Neji companionably. "Sorry - he's a big fan."
"Hey hey no problem, kid," the long-haired man nodded. "Here, lemme give you an autograph…."
Neji's hands cradled the signed photo so tightly he was in danger of crumpling it.
"See you on the set," Michy flicked his fingers in a salute. "Oh! Looks like the boss is calling you over. Ah, that's 'Director Makino' to you non-industry types, I guess."
Makino was a man in his late middle age, wearing a yellow turtleneck, a brown flat cap, and sporting a snazzy pair of green sunglasses, seated in the stereotypical folding director's chair, a thin pipe in hand, smoke curling around him like a dragon's breath.
"So you're the Konohagakure ninja Sandayu's hired." The man's voice was low and gravelly - it belonged on a radio set more than anything. Perfect for his job too, I supposed. He was surrounded by concept art for the upcoming movie. "This project is to be our most ambitious - our first overseas production in the series, and the first production ever to occur in the Land of Snow!"
"Makino-sama," the younger man standing to his left bowed slightly. He wore a baseball cap backwards - gave the overall impression that he was trying far too hard. "This idea remains financially sound. The Land of Snow is a poor country, has been for years. The cost savings from filming there will be substantial - they need the money."
Being isolated from the world for a decade would tend to do that to a country, yes. Ever since the coup, the island nation had existed in a state of near-total autarky. Nothing in, nothing out, save for the occasional refugee or asylum seeker.
And most importantly of all for Konoha, none of the most precious resource the Land of Snow possessed: chakra-conductive metal.
"Eh," a new voice grumbled from behind us - another actor, this one bald, wearing a black obi trimmed in turquoise. "I hear it's very cold that far north. Always winter - I hope they have heaters."
"And never Christmas," I muttered under my breath.
Lee frowned. "Eh? What's that, Nobunaga?"
"What Naruto called the Rinne Festival growing up," I clarified, happily throwing my brother under the bus.
"Sorry," the bald man, started a little at our presence. "I forgot to introduce myself. My name is-"
"Kinja!" Gai all but shouted. "You play Burikinto!"
"Ah. Uh - yes? And you are?"
"Maito Gai!"
"Right, you're the actual ninja, right?"
"So I am!" he roared happily, and began to flex. Neji groaned - I could only imagine. I really hoped that my friend wasn't experiencing attraction to our teacher. That would be… uncomfortable in all sorts of ways.
"Director-sama! Director-sama!" Someone ran into the hanger. "Fujikaze-san isn't in her trailer! I think she-"
Makino swore. "I think introductions have gone on for too long," he informed us. "If you would be so kind?"
"We'll be right on it," I promised. "Team Gai! Transform and roll out!"
As it turned out? Finding Kazahana Koyuki? Was not hard.
The actress had escaped the set in full costume and regalia, riding her white stunt horse, in broad daylight. Like an asshole. Or a prima donna.
But I repeat myself.
<Squad Two in position.>
<Squad One in position.>
<Emergency Backup in position! Ah, youth!>
<Execute!>
As Princess Fūun's white charger barreled down the alley, I gracefully descended.
"Move!" the rider cried out in alarm. "Get out of the way!"
Censor Bar no Jutsu!
The horse, now blinded, instinctively reared up in a panic, throwing the startled woman from its back -
"I have you! Sorry, miss!" Lee cradled her in his arms as his leap upward reached its apex.
"Neji!"
"Shuh shuh shuh," he soothed, stroking the mane of the horse as I canceled the genjutsu. "It's okay boy, it's okay…."
<Why did you set me on horse duty?>
<Neji, who else on this team has horse money?>
<...Point.>
"Oh look at you," he crooned. "Aren't you just gorgeous…." and then he began to start going into horse-based technobabble the likes of which I had never heard before in my lives. As it turned out, my teammate was a horse girl. Who'd a thunk it?
"Apologies, Princess," I stated, as Lee set her back down. "I fear you've been turned around a bit. Let's get you back on set, eh?"
Her eye twitched at the title, but she brushed herself off with all the dignity she could muster.
One would think that a movie star all glammed up would be stunning. But she wasn't. She was caked in makeup meant to stand up to on-set lighting - more of a doll or clown than a human being, really. She tried to look stern, imperious - on camera, it would have worked. In person, merely stilted.
"I can handle myself," she stated coolly.
<Do not engage,> I warned.
"As you say," I conceded. "Please. After you."
So behind her, we went. And knowing that we were there, she dared not take any wrong turns.
Seeing as we were responsible for her safety and security, we weren't going to let her out of sight. But because I wasn't a complete and total asshole - and because my teammate had the goddamn Byakugan - we didn't have to observe her where she could see us. We kept our distance, gave her the illusion of privacy as the working day ended - costume fittings, makeup, rehearsals, that sort of thing.
And after her day ended? Ours continued of course. She changed from period clothing into a pink blouse and tan overcoat, a fashionable pillbox hat and little round sunglasses, and allowed herself to be swept into the bustle of Hyoko.
"...Wow," I mused, staring at my chunin vest and attire. "We ninja really do kind of stick out, don't we?"
"Eh?" Lee frowned. "What's wrong with what we wear?"
"Nothing," I responded instantly. "Just… never mind, Lee. Wear what you like."
We crept up and along the second and third stories of buildings mostly - people tended not to look up in cities, for obvious reasons. Neji stayed apart from the two of us, acting more akin to mission control - correcting us on the rare occasion where we lost our principal.
Eventually, she went to a basement bar.
<Alright,> I noted. <I'll go in.>
<Nobunaga….> the words hovered in my field of vision as Neji struggled for what next to say. <Lee and I could go instead.>
<I'm not afraid of alcohol, Neji.>
<...As you wish.>
The bar had a bit of a grunge, bit of an industrial vibe to it - clean, modern, but enough of an edge that its patrons felt like they were descending. The premium brands behind the bar itself were backlit by blue bulbs; the bartender was polishing glasses while sporting a red bowtie, a slick coiffure, and shades.
The principal had apparently asked them to leave the whole ceramic bottle of sake - she was pouring her own cups of rice wine, as she melancholically stared at something in her hand; I couldn't see from where I was as I entered.
Another patron was approaching her - cargo pants, an olive jacket. He stumbled like he was drunk; he wasn't. The man reached for the frame of her high chair -
- I bumped into him, 'accidentally' knocking the wind out of him, elbow placed just so as to be driven into his solar plexus. I didn't see his eyes, but they must have bulged out from my blow.
"Oh, sorry, buddy," I said, amicably enough. "Didn't see you there." Patting him down to make sure he hadn't taken anything (he hadn't), I sent him on his way before sitting at the bar myself.
The barkeep raised a quizzical eyebrow at my presence, but I flashed my ninja ID. "A Collins glass, light ice, one jigger lime juice, half a jigger simple syrup, fill the rest with seltzer." I instructed, and left a 50 ryou coin in appreciation. He grunted meaningfully, and I left another. That, at least, got me a shrug, and he was off.
So this was an expensive bar then.
"Ah," drawled the princess-turned-actress, downing her latest cup, and already reaching over to pour the next. "My stalker."
"Your security," I corrected her, and handed the barkeep a 20-piece as final gratuity when he came back with my drink. "Ooh. Excellent balance."
"I suppose you want an autograph," she groused.
"Not really," I shrugged, savoring the lime rickey and her reaction to my nonchalance both. Her head lifted from its bowed state, where it had been worshiping its ethanolic idol - piercing blue eyes peered into my own.
Without her make-up, even shambolic as she was like this, Kazahana Koyuki was quite striking despite herself.
"You got something against actors?" she asked, her words slightly slurred together.
"No," I set my drink down, spread hands amicably. "Just not a cinephile. Or maybe too much of one."
"Ha!" she all but spat, spun around to pour herself a drink that the woman took like a shot. Woman - she was barely eighteen. "Well, lemme tell you something. Being an actress is the worst. Work only the lowest of the low would do. We act out lies from scripts, written by other people… it's so stupid! I'm so stupid!"
She was drunk, and melancholic is what she was. But you weren't supposed to tell drunk people they were drunk - that just got them belligerent.
I discreetly signaled the barkeep for her check - the nice thing about being a ninja was that nobody asked inconvenient questions - and looked at her for a moment.
"Nobody made you an actress," I informed her, quietly. "Nobody put a knife to your throat before filming."
She let out a dark, bitter laugh. "What else was I supposed to do?" she demanded - not of me, but from the universe itself. "After-" she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Shut up! Just… shut up, ninja!"
The bartender had to have mixed that mocktail wrong - there was something wrong with my chest. Or maybe I'd just drank it too quickly.
"Yukie-sama!" Our client burst in through the door, along with Lee and Neji - apparently, she was a regular here. "The boat for the Land of Snow will soon set sail. We must hurry."
"Well," she squinted at the man. "I quit."
"What?!"
"I'm dropping out."
"It happens all the time," she continued, raising her glass in a mock toast, before downing the shot. "Lead actress or the director gets cold feet - a role gets recast in the sequels."
"You- you can't! If you drop out now- you'll never find work in the industry again!"
"I don't care. I'm not-"
I nodded to Neji, ever so slightly.
She collapsed softly, even gently, and Lee caught her once more.
"I apologize," I said to her still form. "I suppose that would be us."
Her uncle was a terrible man. I'd read the dossier. The oppression and cruelty of his regime.
Konoha wasn't intervening because of that. Frankly, we would have tacitly tolerated all of it, looked the other way, had he followed in the footsteps of his murdered predecessor with respect to a single policy.
Sometimes we didn't get a choice.
I was a chunin; I didn't make policy.
And in that basement bar, it took every last drop of willpower not to vomit as I stared at the unconscious face of an actress who just wanted a normal life.
