The first week or so, after you come back in time, is spent mostly asleep.
This isn't entirely intentional. In fact, on the first day, you actively try and
fight it.
But you're tired, and you still feel the urge to rest, so you eventually give in.
Your other self doesn't remember. You've made sure of that. So it'll be fine.
At least, that's what you keep telling yourself.
Christmas is the first time you manage to hold onto wakefulness for more than an hour at a time. The other you, in the space of about ten days, has been living a mostly normal life.
You try not to be jealous of that, because there's
no point in being jealous of somebody who's just another you. Even if he has things you only wish you had at that age. Even if he can cast Spells without calling a Persona, something that you never managed to do.
Even if he's out there, and you're stuck in here, unable to do anything.
Well. Not quite unable. You can speak up, tell the truth in a way that's still kind, and so you do.
It also scares the child who shares your name.
You suppose it makes sense. Even if you're the same, you still borrowed his voice before he could even think of what to say.
By the time the Ken Amada of this world steps into the SEES dorm for the very first time, you're actually capable of retaining wakefulness in general. You still feel a bit tired, sometimes, but you think that's normal.
You watch, and try to talk, even though you know nobody can hear you. Because it's nice, being with your friends again. Even if the other you doesn't fully appreciate it.
He's turning an Evoker over in his hands now. You wonder, for a moment, if SEES is really
so desperate that they'd try recruiting a nine-year-old.
You then remember that Ikutsuki-san is currently the main adult supervision. So, in hindsight, you really didn't have to ask.
"I am thou, and thou art I..." The words sound right on your tongue, and that makes sense. "...That's how this is supposed to go, right?" After all, from what you can tell, that is what Personas normally say, when they Awaken.
And that's
all you are now.
"Persona."
It's an odd sort of overlap, when an Evoker is used. You have power,
so much power, more than you'd ever needed after you stopped fighting, more than a small child's body can handle. For a moment, you can't fully take shape, your resolve warring against the child's unformed mind.
But you back off. You don't want to break him, so you take on the shape of whatever name he chooses to give.
It's the name that's less powerful, but it's also the one that reminds you that you don't fully trust him. If he remembers, you're sure that he'd hurt Shinjiro-san. More than he does just by being in the same room as him, anyway.
You understand where your new name comes from. But you don't really like it, and you tell the other you as much.
You don't want to be Shinjiro-san's enemy anymore.
"But what else am I supposed to call you? You don't have any other names, do you? Or something I could shorten it to?" You pause to think about it, because you're honestly scared what would happen, if you gave him your more powerful name.
He might not have the resolve needed to wield it, but you
do, and that could get... messy.
Something in-between, though... that could work just fine. "...Nemi. That would work."
He doesn't question it. "Nemi it is, then."
He looks inside your notebook without asking. Suddenly, making the executive decision to blot out most of the entry about the night Mom died is completely justified.
He makes a friend you never had. You don't get jealous. Not of that, anyway.
But it cements that he's different than you were, and you're not sure if that's a good thing or not.
You're not sure what it was, about that shop, that brought everything coming back. But it sends you off-balance, and for a
very good reason.
You're supposed to be a collection of important forgotten emotions and memories. So how did you not remember something as important as
that? You might not have seen Zen and Rei since- might not this time around, depending on how that works, time's
weird- but being forgotten to the point that not even a Shadow can reliably recall?
More than that, though... you can't help but wonder what would have happened if you'd just remembered sooner. If you hadn't forgotten at all, had the memories of your decision remained on the twenty-first, maybe Shinjiro-san wouldn't have-
...Okay, so it's a
big maybe, given that, in hindsight, it's pretty clear he was suicidal, but
at least whatever happened wouldn't have been your fault. Not directly, anyway.
Lesser Shadows reform after a certain amount of time. Even if they didn't, you could always just challenge the small thoughts that don't really matter.
Maybe if you fight your own personal thoughts often enough, you won't have to think about anything anymore.
When your other self fully befriends Morgana, another set of lost memories starts to trickle back. Not all at once, like the Yasogami Labyrinths did, but bits and pieces, fuzzy images where people the other you doesn't yet know should be.
Still, it amuses you that Zen and...
whoever that was... managed to create the same acronym for something under very different reasons.
The other you trusts you far more than he should.
You realize this, all at once, when Mitsuru-san realizes that Zorro is manipulating Morgana's memories, and the other you immediately thinks that you'd never do that.
There's a locked box in your closet that says otherwise.
You try to push it out of mind for a bit, electrocute the Shadow that it creates as many times as you can, but it just keeps coming back.
And then you hear Saito-san telling Akira that he should have more faith in himself, and that
sticks with you.
"...Faith in myself, huh?" And you actually let yourself think about it. You managed to reconsider mostly on your own, even when all you had of Shinjiro-san, before that month, was a
terrible first impression. Sure, you ended up forgetting about that decision as soon as you stepped through those doors, but the point still stands.
And this you
likes Shinjiro-san. Wants him to somehow be okay. Maybe... maybe it'd be alright.
It's not like you'll have a choice soon, anyway. If he came back for you the
first time... Castor was the one part of the memory that you couldn't manage to remove.
At the very least, no matter how badly returning those memories goes, it'd
still be better than the realization hitting your other self in the middle of a battle.
That decides it, then. You're going to do it.
That... went about as well as it could have. You were so unsure about this whole thing, but it's
over now, and you think that might be all that matters.
It's not like there's a lot you can ask for, here.
Still, you decide that you should fight a few Shadows, while you're here. The sort of turmoil both of your selves have been thrown into... there's a lot of opponents to face now.
You don't need your Evoker anymore. But you still press it to the side of your head, close your eyes, and pull the trigger, because it feels better this way.
It makes you feel more real.
"Kala-Nemi. Mapsiodyne."
