Save Scumming? It's on my Character sheet. (Re: Zero/Fate Grand Order)

[Xorn]

85: The Third Step

"Are you… Kongming?" I ask, staring at him. The cigar puffing makes me want to hope…

"I'm not." He replies, and I breathe a sigh of relief. "Probably, from an objective standpoint, he'd be the better one to give you the final plan for victory. But from a morale perspective… we both figured you'd rather talk to me."

"Final plan?" I echo, hope rising in my heart.

"[Chu Shi Biao]. As displayed by its use with Ahab, it will even allow me to send a request for specific allies to be summoned through one of your loops." He says, and then glances at Dantes. "...However, I'll need to carve it into the Count's body. That way, his [Oblivion Correction] can carry it back in time."

"Kuhaha! Is that all? Do you think mere pain will faze me, tactician?" The Avenger laughs.

Right, there's this guy. After all the shit he put me through, after killing me and my friends several times over, he turns around and rescues the professor and me from Satella. But, I can't blame him, not fully. Because… "You said the Mad Enhancement wore off?"

"...Indeed. I believed myself immune to the Mad enhancement, due to my nature as an Avenger. But that itself was a delusion. I set an impossible standard in order for me to betray my so-called Master, that she should transform into an Avenger class Servant before I would finally change sides and kill her." He mutters, closing his eyes. "I am no stranger to sin. But, even so… even so, I cannot help but resent being forced into such a role. The butchery of innocents was never the path I sought."

I sigh. There's no helping it, I guess. I need his help anyway. "Alright. Let's do it, then. What's the plan, Professor?"

"The goal is to get the grail. To get it while defeating every major enemy in our path and experiencing no casualties on our end." The professor takes a drag of his cigar and smirks. "Simple enough. But first - Subaru, I'll have you tell me everything. All of your previous loops, leaving absolutely nothing out."

I nod, and begin to speak.

***

"...Any questions?" He finishes.

…It should work. No, to be honest, I can't really see any flaws with the plan. But there's just one part. Just a single tiny quirk of the plan that sticks in my throat.

"You won't be summoned." I say, trying to stop my voice from shaking.

"...Yeah." He says, as his cigar finally dies.

"I…" I mumble. My vision is starting to blur. "I don't want… Professor, I…"

"That's right. I'm a Professor." He takes a step towards me, and I feel his hand gently ruffle my hair. "It's my job to teach you - and then I send you away, and you never see me again. That's my role. You can't stay in the classroom forever, Subaru."

"...Flat-Senpai did." I mutter.

"We're not talking about Flat, here." He says, his fingers applying some slight pressure to my head.

I chuckle. "I guess not."

…

"What about Mash?" I ask. "Without you there, her shield…"

"You don't need me there. You just need to overcome her doubt." He says. "Heroic speeches like that one are unnecessary. They don't really work long term, anyway. That's not how you break a bad mental habit. The only way to do that is with practice. You know that, right?"

He's right, of course. Even after Rem, after Otto, after Beatrice - I just fall right back into the same self loathing. It's simple. It's a habit. Mash's doubts… will probably be the same way.

So the answer is to practice until she's used to me sharing her burdens. It won't be perfect. But nothing ever is, right?

"...Alright." I answer, and he nods.

"We'll meet again." He says. "The next time you're trapped in an unsolvable puzzle, just call me up. I'll be right there."

"Yeah." I say, finally smiling. "I'll see you then, Professor."

"Alright. One final thing – regarding that Witch of yours." He says, glancing at the still advancing tide of shadows. By this point, we've already had to move a couple times to stop her from catching us. "I've figured out a few things, so I'll share them with you. Firstly… I'd guess that you getting trapped in at the start of this Singularity wasn't a fluke. I'd wager she can't reset you across the barrier of a rayshift. In other words, she can't send you back to Chaldea if you die in the past, and the reverse is probably also true. Chalk it up to interference between two kinds of time travel." Yeah, that makes sense. "Secondly - it's important not to think of her rampage there as a 'penalty' or something."

"Huh? But that's what it is, right?" I ask.

"It's not. It's not some automated system or anything. What it amounts to is [The Witch's Envy]. It's her going berserk. Not strictly because you 'told' someone but because you 'shared' with someone. [Return by Death] is your burden. Yours and hers, and she'll go mad with envy if you try to share it with someone else, or if someone else tries to share it with you." He explains. "She'll respond as she sees fit. Usually, it's by stopping you from talking, but in cases like me or Prelati, when someone wants to make your ability their own in some way, then she'll go truly berserk. Similarly, she didn't go nuts on Batenkaitos, because he doesn't care about your ability. For him, it's just an obstacle. He doesn't want it for himself, so he doesn't provoke her envy."

…That's right. I try to forget about it, but the Witch is a person, after all. She's not just some automated system.

"Third," He continues, "She isn't omniscient. Especially not across the space between worlds like this. She can't detect what people are thinking, or she would have grabbed Kongming the moment we were summoned. She probably wouldn't even attack me if I was far enough from you. You are her obsession, Subaru. If she's paying attention to someone else, she doesn't get to watch the man she loves trying his hardest.

And fourth - this is an extension of the second point, but remember that she won't always respond to the same thing the same way. She's a person, with emotions, and even the ability to understand. She probably won't interfere in the next loop. As long as you're not trapped by Prelati again, she'll be content to watch you crush and destroy him instead of her unless he starts blabbing to other people where she can see. In all likelihood, watching you defeat Francis - or I suppose his predecessor, Francesca - will be more to her tastes. Remember, she loves you, so watching you defeat Prelati will be like 'hooray, darling defeated that person for me'. It's romantic, so she'll let it happen. At the same time, you can't just use her as a weapon. A last minute act of spite like you did against Saber in Fuyuki, or a request to purge someone possessing you is one thing. If it's a desperate request for help, she won't refuse you. But if you use it too frequently she'll get mad. No girl wants to be seen as a tool."

He's right. I probably should have known this before, but I ignored it… because I don't really like to think too hard about my connection with her.

But by this point, it's inescapable. So-

"I'm going to go talk to her. Can I leave the rest to you, Professor?"

"You don't have to if you don't want to. A little hypnotism will account for the possibility of a reset into Prelati's trap." He says.

"...No, I'll be fine." I say, smiling a bit. "I'll see you next time I get stuck, Professor."

He smiles. "See you later, Subaru."

I walk into the shadows.

I love you.

Yeah, I know. Sorry I've been stuck this long.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

You'll need to move the reset point. But, you probably already knew that.

Love me. I love you. Love me. Love me.

Sorry for spreading it around so much. I'll try to avoid it in the future, but I won't promise anything, since I'm bad with promises.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

You can't even hear me, can you? At this distance, it's impossible.

I love you.

I'll be back soon. I promise. And I will definitely save you.

I love you.

{We're done.} Professor Velvet tells me telepathically.

I love you.

Okay. I'm going back now. I'll handle it, so you won't feel guilty. See you next time, Satella.

I love you.

My unseen hand crushes my brain stem. There's a vague tugging sensation, and then-

Spoiler: A/N:

Waver's analysis of Satella is probably not entirely accurate. But it does align with my current beliefs about her motivations, so you can expect her to largely behave along these lines in this fic barring new revelations in canon.

 

[dat_noob1926812]

Satella bestgirl arc coming up!

 

[Young Pyromancer]

loves you, so watching you defeat Prelati will be like 'hooray, darling defeated that person for me'.

Click to shrink...

…did Waver just try to put on a Witch of Envy voice?
I mean, it's hilarious, don't get me wrong, but it's also kind of surprising for him. He puts so much effort into people respecting him it's become habit. It's why he deliberately deepens his voice all the time.

Ah, now I really want to know what his impression sounded like, considering he's probably never heard her before.

 

[Xorn]

86: Sometimes, the trick is to try the same thing twice.

"There are four primary obstacles facing us, now that the Count has changed sides - that will persist into the next loop, yes?" The Professor said.

"The madness will likely return, but even in that state I possessed enough awareness to restrain myself if I had reason." Dantes replied. "I do not know if I will be capable of truly working with you directly, however."

"That's fine. I've got a different job for you, anyway." Professor Velvet said. "Returning to the four obstacles.-"

I raised my hand. "Professor, I'm counting more than four here. Batenkaitos, Prelati, Dark Jeanne, the seven berserk servants-"

"Primary obstacles, Subaru. I mean the enemies who can actually stop you outright, on their own. Berserk Lancer, Berserk Assassin, Berserk Rider - those three may be strong, but considering the False Jeanne's total inability to position her forces correctly so far, I'd anticipate her throwing them away one or two at a time the same way she did with Berserk Saber. Without Monsieur Dantes-"

"That man is dead." The Avenger snapped.

"-Sorry, without the Count of Monte Cristo - without him, pulling her forces together is likely beyond that Tsukumogami." The Professor said, "Berserk Caster, Gilles de Rais - if Prelati really took his spellbook back from the man, then it will have disappeared with him."

"Indeed." The Count nodded. "Gilles de Rais is completely useless beyond his role as a moral support for my so-called Master. He has no secret trump cards. He can be ignored entirely."

"I really can't help but feel like you're foreshadowing something there…" I muttered.

"You're imagining things." The Count said. "He really is useless."

"...Moving on." The Professor said - hey, your cigar burned down quite a bit there! Are you really, really sure this Gilles guy doesn't have a secret trump card!? "Berserk Archer and the true Fafnir - it's not clear what became of their comatose bodies, but I'd wager that Prelati used them as material for that abomination he summoned. I doubt he'd leave useful stuff lying around - so we'll forget about them for now. That leaves our four primary obstacles.

Ley Batenkaitos. Lancelot du Lac. Chlodovech. Prelati's Sea Monster. Those are the ones that we need to take special measures for. The rest won't be easy by any means, but they should be beatable. With that in mind, let's tackle them in order…"

***

I wake up in the upper room of the mayor's house in Lyon. It's not really confusing; this is more or less where the Professor expected my reset point to be. From downstairs, I can smell the gently wafting scent of Merry's quenelle cooking in the oven. That's right, it's time for my first heroic act of this final loop-!

I walk down the stairs, past Siegfried, into the kitchen, and calmly extract the dish before it burns.

"Hah! Take that, fate!" I say triumphantly, examining the dish - yeah, any way I look at this it's way better than what she served for dinner tonight.

"Are you… really a hero from the future?" Merry asks, staring at me from the door to the kitchen.

"Better than that! I'm a butler from the future!" I say with a wink, and watch as her eyes fill with stars. Yeah, this is what this girl should be like. That whole heroic sacrifice thing from last time isn't her style at all. "Well, that being said, I'm feeling pretty invincible right now, so we'll see if you end up thinking I'm some kind of hero by the end." I continue as I ready the dish to serve. "Can you call Siegfried in? I'll see if I can get rid of that curse on him."

"Can you seriously do that, monsieur…?" She asks.

"Probably." I reply, extracting a jug of water from the pantry. Alright, mix a little ale to sterilize, and… "By the way, call me Subaru. We're fellow Masters, so no need to be too respectful."

"Um, the title 'Master' is-" She starts.

"We'll be dedicated back-watchers then." I say easily.

"Th-that's so on the nose!" she laughs. Yeah, that's the kind of sound she should be making.

"Excuse me." Says Siegfried, entering the room.

"Ah, good timing." I say, touching him with my left hand. "She's not the real one, but the name given to her is still 'Jeanne d'Arc' - thanks for the meal."

I swallow, and the sensation of being burned wracks my body. But it's trivial to digest, compared to Ahab's harpoon. Her grudge is fake, after all, the same as her. And in a moment, the pain is gone, and I open my eyes. "How's that?"

"...My wounds are healing. My thanks, mage from the future." Siegfried says.

"Great. Now let's-" I start.

"Wait, hang on Natsuki! Was that a new ability!?" The Director starts to shout - oh, the bags under her eyes are back.

"Yeah. It's not really important for now, though." I reply. "You can read about it in my report later, so go get some sleep."

"What do you mean, your report!? If you have a new tool it's important to know about it so we can plan-!" She starts.

"No, I'm not going to need [Filth Eater] for the rest of the singularity." I say, and then I pause. "Hm, that name is a bit too gross. [Sin Eater], maybe? Anyway, the curse on Siegfried is all I need to eat for now."

"...Natsuki, you're suddenly acting way too confident." She deadpans. "What kind of stupid joke are you setting up now?"

"It's not a joke. I've just had about enough of running around like an idiot. Natsuki Subaru has engaged full flag-crusher mode now." I grin as I slide past Siegfried and out into the desolate streets of Lyon. "Tell Mash's group to pick up the pace, Director. We're ending this mess in the next six days."

"You've been completely outmatched this whole time! What do you even think-!?" She starts to shout.

"That's what the summoning ritual is for, Director." I say, removing my earpiece and holding it further from my head.

"What are you going to… that holy shroud? I guess you might summon Saint George…" She mumbles.

"Nah, he's in Paris right now." I reply. "Besides, this shroud was generated in this singularity. All it will do is prevent anything else from serving as a catalyst. Seriously, Director, you'd be able to figure that out if you weren't so tired."

"Don't you condescend to me, you impossible moron!" She screams. "There's no way you figured that out on your own! Who's passing you notes? Romani?"

I groan. She's not wrong, but… well, there's no way I'm getting through to her like this. "Siegfried, can I leave her with you? Maybe you can sing her a lullaby or something."

"Do you think I'm-!" She starts to yell, but I've already tossed the communicator.

"I was never a particularly good singer." The Dragonslayer mutters.

"I was mostly joking, but… you're associated with an Opera now, so maybe that changed?" I ask.

He gives a slow, tentative nod, and I turn to continue on my way outside.

"M-monsieur-!" Merry shouts, running after me.

"Call me Subaru." I say with a wink.

"Monsieur Subaru! Where are you going!?" She says.

"The Leyline. I've got an airhead to summon." I say. "Oh, you can stay back if you want, Merry. I know seeing the city like this is hard for you."

"D-did I tell you my name?" She mumbles.

"You sure did!" I'm telling the truth, technically.

She doesn't follow me, so I wave goodbye as I stroll deeper into the city.

***

"[Chu Shi Biao] won't be as effective as before." The Professor said. "In all likelihood, I'll only be able to guarantee the summoning of one servant this time. Things just aren't as desperate as they were the previous time I used it, if only because we know it will work."

"Hmph. So you must bet everything on a single hope, then?" The Count of Monte Cristo said.

"So what kind of ridiculously powerful Servant do we need to summon?" I asked.

"I've got an idea of what to do about Chlodovech and Prelati's sea monster, so what we need most is the servant best suited to defeat Batenkaitos and Lancelot." He said, smirking. "In other words…"

***

"-Come forth from the ring of restraint, protector of the holy balance!" I shout, and the magic circle flares to life, gleaming blue light giving way to a familiar armored form.

"By your call I come! Seventh seat of the Round Table," She shouts, and I grin. "Lancer, Gareth Beumains, reporting for duty!"

"Yo, welcome aboard, Gareth!" I reply. "By the way, we actually summoned Mordred earlier, so I'm counting on you to measure up!"

"Huh? Sir Mordred is here too? Where?" She gazes around, eyes sparkling.

"We got separated." I turn and start walking, and she quickly starts trotting after me. Might as well address the reason I left the communicator behind, too. "By the way, we've also got a Demi-Servant - you know what that is?"

"Hmph! O-of course I do! But how about you explain it so I can be sure you know what it is?" She says.

"Well, it's like a Pseudo-Servant, but the spirit is summoned into a provided vessel instead of the vessel being summoned as well." I say, smirking.

"O-oh… an excellent explanation, Master! But, just in case, why don't you explain what a Pseudo-Servant is too?" She asks.

"It's like the Living Servants created by the Watcher Class-" I start, grin widening.

"There's no way that's real! You're making fun of me!"

"Anyway, the gist of Mash-tan's situation is that Galahad got summoned into her body. She's got most of his power, but until she's got a stable self-image it's not really safe for her to know the one summoned into her body is Galahad." I explain. "...Seriously, this is really important, Gareth. I'll use a Command Spell if I have to."

"No sir! I understand completely! My lips are sealed!" She says, saluting.

Well, I'm still going to use one once things have settled down. Just in case.

 

[dat_noob1926812]

Oh my, Subaru's going on a warpath, Speedrunning France!

 

[ExNihilo]

He's read the strategy guide. They don't stand a chance.

 

[Xorn]

87: Sometimes it's the backline positions that are most important.

"The step after the summoning is a crucial one. You need to pick off Berserk Saber in Lyon - Chevalier d'Eon is the type of Servant who is unremarkable on her own, but as part of a team she's much more dangerous. Her being out on her own like that is a chance that's too big to pass up on." The Professor said, "On the other hand, you need to avoid engaging Batenkaitos too soon. With just Siegfried, Merry, and Gareth, you're lacking anyone capable of trapping him into a fight. Remember that his little Fafnir masquerade will end the moment he knows that you know who he really is - after that, he'll come in full force. His perfect timing so far makes me almost certain that he's got [Presence Concealment], so if he does find out, you might as well just reset then and there."

"Yeah." I replied. "If he tags me when I'm not expecting it, it's over. Louis only ate my memories of Lugnica back then, but the safe assumption is that he'll be able to get them all."

"...Speaking of which, that new ability of yours-" He starts to say.

"[Solar Flare], I think I'm calling it." Sorry, Toriyama-sensei. "The previous holders of [Gluttony] were able to gain new uses for their authority like picking out new candy at the convenience store - I guess I'm the same there. The ability to replace my [Name] with that of someone whose grudge I've devoured… I'm sure it's got other uses, but-"

"Grudge, not curse?" He asked. "That's an important distinction."

"...Yeah, my gluttony devours grudges, not curses. I think I could eat ghosts too, if they were weak enough." I answered. "The reason why I eat that specifically… my element, maybe? Though I think the test on Earth suggested that was [Curse], and in Lugnica it was [Yin]."

"Regardless, if you say you eat grudges, not curses, then you're probably right." The Professor said, exhaling a small cloud of smoke. "That does explain why you died from Ahab and not Angra Mainyu. The latter's curse ought to be much stronger, but…"

"One being cannot truly seek vengeance against all humanity." The Count mutters. "The path of revenge is always a deeply personal one."

"Exactly. There's seven billion humans on Earth; that's so far beyond Dunbar's number it's obscene." The Professor says. "Any grudge held against so many would be so abstract as to be devoid of meaning. Just the same as the abstract pity expressed for humanity by the Demon God Flauros, or the twisted love claimed by Prelati. It's little more than a lie they tell themselves."

"...Does that mean I can eat the curse on Siegfried?" I ask. "France is pretty big, after all…"

"Even beyond that, remember that Dark Jeanne is a fake. Her grudge is practically nonexistent to begin with." Professor Velvet explains. "But that brings us back to the next step…

***

"Alright, tomorrow morning enemies are going to start showing up, so we'll need to play it carefully." I say between bites of mediocre quenelle. "First will be Fafnir, but with Siegfried up and about, he'll probably get too skittish and refuse to engage."

"Huh?" Gareth asks. "How do you… mmph, mnch… wow! This food is really good!" It's not, though. Just how bad was Camelot's food, anyway?

"Um, Monsieur Subaru, how do you know who will be attacking us?" Merry asks.

"Can't tell you." I say. "Sorry, but that's the rules."

"It's some sort of Geas." Doctor Romani explains via hologram - woah, did the director finally go to bed? "It's pretty much useless to ask how Subaru knows what he knows, but when he gets new information it's always reliable."

"Okay…?" Merry says.

"That aside, I may not remember any sort of battle with a dragon named Fafnir, but-" Siegfried says.

"Oh, wow, the famous dragon-fight-amnesia!" Gareth shouts. "Sir Lancelot also- eh, Master, what's with that expression?"

"Ah… how do I say this…" I mutter. "One of our enemies is a Berserk Lancelot, so… prepare yourself, I guess."

"...Oh." She mutters, closing her eyes. A brief silence follows - and then Gareth slaps her cheeks and the smile returns to her face. "Okay! That's okay, since I'm already resolved!"

"You already forgave him, huh?" I ask, a bitter smile on my face.

"Mm. It's Sir Lancelot, after all." She says with a nod. To be honest, I don't think there's any way I could agree with her perspective. I don't even know if Lancelot would agree with her perspective.

"Sorry, but… to return to the subject." Siegfried says. "I don't believe that Fafnir is the type to get 'skittish'."

"...You'd think that, but he got wounded yesterday, so he's acting a little shy." I lie. I don't know when Batenkaitos will start spying on us under [Presence Concealment], waiting for an opening. It shouldn't be tonight, but I need to be careful. If I tip my hand too soon, Prelati's little game will be over and I'll have to deal with an unrestricted archbishop. "That aside, the second enemy is Berserk Saber. Doctor, that's where you come in."

"Huh? Me!?" He shouts.

***

Combat the next morning opens on a scene of disaster.

"Haha! Finally - what all the others were incapable of! I'll do it myself, and kill this wretched Dragonslayer!" Chevalier d'Eon laughs. Siegfried gazes back, immobilized by the curses layered upon him, and I can only watch… and try my best not to laugh.

"Your Majesty, are you watching? This is my dedication! This is my love! All of your enemies, all who side with France will-" The Berserk Saber continues to ramble.

"I.." 'Siegfried' mumbles.

"Now, die, you wretched ingrate-!" She shouts, lunging forward. There's nothing Siegfried, crippled by his cursed injuries could do to avoid it… if he was actually Siegfried, anyway.

"...am a rampaging wolf!" Gareth concludes, her [Ring of Illusion] dispersing. "[Ira Lupus]!"

It really would have been hard to pull off this ruse with the right timing if Chaldea hadn't been monitoring her approach. I guess we could have used Watcher's [Universal Bird's Eye], but… nope, fuck that guy.

The rapid thrusts of her lance find d'Eon's flesh, and in a rapid series of blows, the Saber is propelled backwards, shoved down the street as countless slashes and holes are added to her body.

"Wha-!?" She barely has time to utter, before the [Gunlance]'s final thrust erupts in a torrent of blue ether that tears her body in half.

"You… pathetic worms…" Chevalier d'Eon hisses as she dissolves into a shower of golden dust. "Your majesty, I…"

A familiar pulse resounds through the town square as she dies, as Merry absorbs her Spirit Origin. The girl's eyes narrow into pinpricks, and she begins to hyperventilate - okay, that's enough of that.

"Anyway, that's the last Spirit Origin I'll be letting you absorb, so relax a bit." I say, resting my hand on her head.

"-Huh?" She asks. "But… every time we beat an enemy-"

"Oh, you won't be going with us to Paris." I explain. "To be honest, I don't have any plan for you or Siegfried to fight at all. I'm pretty sick of dancing to the multi-century schemes of ancient assholes by this point."

"Th-that's- eek!" She shrieks, recoiling at the sound of some invisible voice shouting.

"Shut up, you stupid fish!" I shout at the sky. "Maybe if you could treat a single peasant girl well you might have ended up as something less wretched!"

Slowly, Merry stops trembling, and looks up at me. "A-are you really just a butler?"

"Well, I'm a knight too." I say with a shrug and chuckle. "Still, it's easy to shout at someone I can't hear, you know? All that aside, once we link up with the rest of my party, I'll be sending you and Siegfried to a zone that shouldn't have much combat. At worst… some sea fiends, maybe?"

"Is that… really going to be okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, Subaru - I'm sure you know this, but the Director will have your hide if you send one of the most famous dragonslayers to the sidelines!" Doctor Roman says.

"I wouldn't really call it the sidelines." I say. "We'll be drawing Dark Jeanne's attention to Paris, but it needs to be someone who can handle a stray servant or two if worst comes to worst. We need to keep the coast at Golfe-Juan open."

"Golfe-Juan!?" Roman shouts. "Wait, hang on, isn't that-!?"

"Yup. There'll be a boat arriving in the next few days - straight from Elba." I reply.

***

"Do you think that speed of yours will be enough to crew an entire boat by yourself?" Professor Velvet asked.

"Kuhahaha! Child's play!" The Count of Monte Cristo boasted. "There are three places I know best. The first is the inside of my cell, in the Chateau d'If. The second, my childhood home. But the third is the whole of the Mediterranean Sea. It was not for no reason that I called myself Sinbad the Sailor."

"So, how long is a trip like that going to take?" I asked.

"Hmph. I won't give you a perfect time of my arrival. All I will say is… Wait, and hope." The Count said.

"Six days, probably." The Professor said. "It took three days for the one-way journey before the Hundred Days, so the round trip is probably twice that… right, Count?"

"Wait… and hope." The Count repeated.

"Are you sure you're not still Berserk…?" I mumbled.

Spoiler: A/N:

How did Napoleon end up on Elba? Prelati, probably. Something something folding space, something something Napoleon's legend made the distance feasible, something something his legend made him wait until someone comes to get him.

 

[dat_noob1926812]

Oh, you're brining out the big guns now.

 

[Xorn]

88: …Also a tool to be used.

I knew the Count had switched sides, but it's still a huge relief when Marie's carriage crests the hills just outside Lyon. [Guillotine Breaker] trots to a stop, and the Queen rises from her seat. "Hello everyone! Vive la France!"

"Yo, Marie." I wave. "Glad to see you guys made it here safely. By the way, this is Siegfried, Gareth, and Merry."

"Oh, someone with the same name as me? Okay, let's be friends!" Marie hops down from the carriage, grabbing the already thoroughly overwhelmed girl by the hands as she opens her mouth to deliver the finishing blow. "I'm Marie Antoinette, I'll be the queen of France a few hundred years from now. Nice to meet you!"

Anyone watching could pinpoint the exact moment Merry's internal monologue just gave way to screaming. She starts to move to curtsy or bow, but Marie has a firm grip on her hands, so she's just left bending her legs a little bit and trying to stammer out a greeting. "M-merry d'Lyon, y-y-y-your highness- um, no, s-s-sorry! I meant your majesty!"

"Okay, Maria, stop terrifying the peasantry please." Mozart says as he disembarks. "Nice to meet you all, Amadeus Mozart, a perfectly normal musician, at your service." Yeah, he's a perfectly normal magical musician who also happens to be a Demon Pillar.

"...I wasn't very interested in music in life, but I seem to have developed a talent for Opera as of late." Siegfried says - oi, did he actually sing the director to sleep? I really can't read this guy at all… "So, pleased to meet you, I suppose."

"Likewise!" Mozart says with a smile. "If you've snagged some talent via Wagner, then I might-"

"Hey, did I just hear Gareth is here!?" Mordred shouts over him, emerging from the carriage. "Hey, idiot, stop taking up all the mana from the generators!"

"The one that calls people idiots is the idiot, idiot!" Gareth shouts, pointing back at her sister - oh, so we're doing this exchange again, huh?

"Hey, Master, why don't you send this airhead back to Chaldea?" Mordred asks. "I bet that the moment she sees Mash, she's gonna just blurt out Ga-"

"Don't say his name!" I shout, command spell blazing. Seriously, these two really are siblings, huh!?

"Hah, you thought I was going to say his name, but you were the one who almost said it!" Gareth says, pointing and laughing.

"Um, did I miss something?" Mash asks, emerging from the carriage.

"Nothing important, Mash-tan!" I say, flashing a thumbs up. "How are your injuries doing?"

"O-oh, they're healed, thanks to Marie's horse. But, um, Senpai… about earlier…" She starts to mumble, face growing redder and redder. Wait, what happened earlier again? We were running from Tarrasque, and then we entered the illusion…

Oh, right, I totally hugged her when I returned from Paris, didn't I? That's got to be a bit much, especially for a girl as pure as Mash. That's… a bit embarrassing. "Right, that was-" I start to say.

"I-I'm sorry! I don't know how to respond to your feelings right now, so-!" She stammers out, bowing her head in apology - and then a white blur launches out of her shield.

"Murder Subar-fouuuu!" Fou shouts as he latches onto my face.

"Hey! Hey, get off, stop clawing my face!" I shout. "Sorry, I was just too glad to be alive! I won't touch your daughter again, so get off me!"

"I lost my place to an animal…?" I hear Romani mutter through my earpiece.

***

"Alright, so that's the plan." I conclude, as our carriage races towards Paris. Merry and Siegfried have, of course, already left in order to secure the southern coast for Napoleon's arrival. Mordred has been rayshifted back to Chaldea. And so I gaze, in turn, at each of my remaining allies. Marie, Mozart, Jeanne, Mash, and Gareth. "Any questions?"

When no one else responds, I address one more thing.

{"Gareth, are you okay with your part?"} I ask telepathically. The precise details of our plan to bring down Batenkaitos and Lancelot had to be communicated this way, to make sure Batenkaitos couldn't overhear just yet.

{"To be honest… it makes me feel a little dirty."} She says. {"B-but if it has to be that way, then I'll deal with it!"}

{"...Thanks. I'm counting on you."} I respond.

Moving the curtains aside, I gaze out of the carriage window. There's that hill again, same as last time. "Okay, stop the carriage for now."

We step outside. Gareth, of course, stays in the carriage to emerge when the time is right. To one side of the road, a field of grain dances in the wind. To the other side, the hill where the professor, the count, and I planned all of this while Satella swallowed the world lies silently, like a signpost to show me the proper position.

With a grin, I call out to the enemy I know is watching me. "Why don't you come out so we can end this?" I'm sweating. I know this place, right now, is our best shot, but I'm still so tense I feel like my head is going to burst. "You won't reject an invitation to a meal - right, Ley Batenkaitos!?"

(In the distance, I can already hear the screaming. Lancelot is right on cue, so come on Ley. Take the bait. How could you possibly do anything else?)

A sonic boom. Fafnir appears above us.

"[Lord Chaldeas]!" Mash shouts, and the white wall of Camelot is bathed in fire.

"AAAAAARRRRTHUUUUR!" Lancelot's cry resounds as he finally arrives, head twitching wildly.

Batenkaitos-as-Fafnir plunges to the ground, and the seismic force of his impact launches Mash into the air, ending her Noble Phantasm.

{"Now, Gareth!"} I shout as Lancelot tenses, preparing to leap upon us.

Fafnir swings his left claw at the airborne shielder, meeting her weapon.

Three things happen, in the instant that follows.

Lancelot begins his pounce, howling Arthur's name.

Mash's shield slips from her grasp, due to an unfortunate tear in her glove at the worst possible time.

And a beautiful woman with reddish-brown hair steps forth from the carriage. I don't recognize her, of course.

This is, after all, my first time seeing Queen Guinevere.

Lancelot's helmet dissolves into spiritrons and Arondight appears in his hand as he catches Mash's shield in the other one, leaping past her and towards the dragon.

***

"There are several requirements to defeat Ley Batenkaitos. We need a Servant who can carve through Fafnir's impenetrable armor. We need a Servant who can keep up with him once he's shed Fafnir's form and defeat him despite his ability to pull out hundreds of unique techniques. And we need a Servant who can trap him, preventing his [Leaper's Talent] from allowing him to escape." The Professor says.

"Yeah. I get all of that." I say. "But what do any of those conditions have to do with Gareth? Sure, she might be able to fight him if he didn't have Fafnir's form, but she hasn't got anything to trap him into a fight. And her lance almost definitely won't pierce his hide as Fafnir! I said you might be overestimating her when we talked about Lancelot, and I'll say it again now-"

"Heh." The Professor chuckles. "Come on, Subaru. I already said it earlier, wehen we were talking about d'Eon - Gareth's spear is powerful… but her most versatile tool is her [Ring of Transformation]."

"Wait, you mean-!?" I shout.

"Gareth doesn't need to meet any of those criteria. That's what Lancelot is for."

***

"[DOLOROUS GAAAAARD]!" Chains catch Ley-as-Fafnir and Gareth-as-Guinevere, dragging them towards Lancelot - and then the Steel Trap Castle snaps shut, swallowing all three and landing with a crash amidst the golden wheat.

***

"Are you sure he'll use the castle?" I asked. I only saw him use it that one time, after all. "And that he'll pick Gareth and Batenkaitos?"

"He must. The Fallen Lancelot brings Guinevere to Dolorous Gard - he will have no choice but to do so, his madness demands it of him." Dantes said. "As for the other one-"

"His priority will be to eliminate the one threatening his lady's life." The Professor said. "And beyond that, he'll want to target the most dangerous foe present, so he doesn't fight Fafnir while exhausted. Of course, I can't totally predict who will win between the two, but-"

"The survivor will be weak enough for Gareth to clean up, especially with the element of surprise." I concluded. I didn't like it, of course. I kind of hated this plan. "Is that really… the only way?"

"Is there something wrong with it?" Professor Velvet asked. "I thought it was pretty foolproof, myself."

It was. I couldn't see any real way for it to fail. But, even so, something about it…!

"...You ask your master to forgive the two of them, El-Melloi." The Count said.

"Hm?" He asked. "They're both still going to die, though?"

But… something about that sounded true. The same chest melting hatred that made me stay to see Ley's end, was compelling me to not let Gareth be the one to kill him. Not with Lancelot's help. Not where I can't see it.

…How gross.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of, Natsuki Subaru." The Count said. "Though I do not encourage it - my path, beyond love and hate, is-!"

"...Let's use the disguise plan, then." I sighed. "No offense, but if I start saying lines like that with a straight face, Ram will ruin me when I go back home."

My heart ached. My gums tingled. But I had to step past it, no matter how much I wanted to kill him myself. Because even more than that, I wanted to return to Emilia as the same person she knew.

 

[Chronometry]

My heart ached. My gums tingled. But I had to step past it, no matter how much I wanted to kill him myself. Because even more than that, I wanted to return to Emilia as the same person she knew.

Click to shrink...

Attaboy, Subaru. Let yourself be satisfied with the fact that it's your actions that will lead to his death.

 

[Xorn]

89: Irresistible

We are Ley Batenkaitos, Witch Cult Archbishop of Gluttony, representing gourmet eating. We are Ley Batenkaitos, and we are starving.

As the Steel Trap Castle closes around us, we don't even care. We can't resist it now. We can't forget. Ahh, Atalanta… you ruined us, and we love you for it. How can we go back now!? All of the meals before this were nothing!

The [Leaper's Talent] frees us from the chains, and we pounce upon him. We spin head over heels and strike with our tail, but his sword - [Arondight], the Grail provides - carves through our flesh and removes it.

What is a story without an ending? What is life without death? Heroic spirits… what a wonderful opportunity, to taste, to lick, to gnaw, to crunch, to tear into, to consume, to devour the greatest lives of all, to their very end, missing absolutely nothing!

If this was what awaited us, we wish we had died much sooner.

The sword has been swung. We swipe with both claws, from opposite sides. Lancelot can only possibly block one-

He blocks neither. He bends backwards, stretching with flexibility so perfect that it would have made the dancer Pristina Galliana green with envy. Our claws clap together in empty air, and we bring them down upon him, but the bottom edge of the shield bites into our wrists, holding back the blow. His muscles must be beyond even the [Carnivorous Beast] Beli Hainelga, we realize as his feet leave the ground, the shield twisting to redirect the blow to his side, and his foot impacting us with a spinning kick.

{"You can't win this, Ley. Want me to bail you out? I've still got another command spell."} Francesca asks. {"Do you really want to play into Natsuki Subaru's-"}

We land against the wall with human feet once more.

"Don't you dare!" We scream, both aloud and telepathically. "We don't care about Natsuki Subaru, we can't leave now! Just give us more! Give us everything, all of it, command spell, mana, advice, blessings-! Master, we can't stand it!"

{"Then, by my command spell, eat to your heart's content!"} Francesca replies, and might surges through us.

"Thank you for the meal, sluuurp!~" We shout, and cross the gap with the [Leaper's Talent]. Sword meets both of our blades and shield swings for our head. Again, we move, left hand outstretched as we approach from the opposite side, but his footwork is perfect, flawless, without peer, it's certainly peerless, because it's supreme, and it's spectacular- and it's all we can do to block his knee with our blades before he can strike our face.

We move again, and the sword is there. Again, and the shield is there, Again, and a foot, our a knee, or an elbow, or his head-

"Lanceloot!" We howl with delight as sparks fill the dark castle from our rapid exchange of blades. "Lancelot, Lancelot, Lancelot! You are gourmet! You are our greatest dish! We can't resist it, slurp~! You are supreme, you are sublime, surely not even the Sword Saint could measure up! He was born mighty, and you-!"

He steps around the [Palm of the Fist King], shield catching our wrist as sword thrusts for our neck, but we move again.

"We know, from the throne, for every ounce of talent, twice as much is effort! We know, from the throne, hints of the emotional spice that makes up your life! Ah, this appetizer! No wonder you looked at us with contempt, Natsuki Subaru, when the meals of your world were like this! This is the greatest! We're so glad that we died, sluuuurp~!" We yell. "Hahaha! We'll die again! We'll die for this meal, any number of times!"

Give us more! The appetizer isn't anything near enough! Give us everything, Lancelot! And in return we'll give you all of us as well! We don't even care now, if we lose our existence! What little remains will burn this into our heart and carry it to the throne to digest for eternity-!

"Thank you for this feast! [Total Eclipse]!" We howl, and our world unfolds. Every one of our three-hundred-seventy-six lives, invoked at once, within the Reality Marble contained in our stomach.

Our shape does not change, but we are all at once. We are the almighty muscles of Beli Hainelga. We are the peerless hand-to-hand power of Neiji Rockheart. We are the unnatural agility of Dorkell. We are unbreakable scales of the Dragon, Fafnir. We are the Oni maid Rem. We are the Witch of Glaciation, Emilia. We are Julius Juuklius. We are Atalante. We are every one of them-!

Rem's horn, along with the horns of six other Oni, and the mana absorption of three other people with defective gates swallow all the mana in this iron room. Emilia's [Ice Brand Arts] target his lady, along with the spells of a hundred other skilled magic users.

Lancelot throws his shield, chains catching it moving it to protect Guinevere as he grasps his blade in both hands. Something like awareness burns in his eyes now. "Reach the edge of the world and go beyond its limit."

Dorkell's talent, Atalanta's [Crossing Arcadia], and the unique talents of over fifty other athletes rush through us as we close the gap. Beli Hainelga's [Palm of the Fist King], the [Carnivore]'s body, Rem's augmented strength, Julius's skill with the blade, the Dragon Fafnir, and a hundred other lives with unnatural strength are in our limbs as we swing down both of our hands, claws, blades, hammers-

Chains catch our arms, and we break them. We come within inches. His blade glows brilliantly. "O distant king, witness this light. [Arondight…"

We strike. The martial arts of Beli Hainelga and fifty like him reach the strongest knight. We tear two dozen holes through his body.

"Sir Lancelot-!" Someone behind a shield shouts

"...Overlooooaaaad]!" He roars, and our body is warm.

We land a few feet away. Our legs land somewhere else. Our reality marble spills on the cold iron floor.

That's fine. We win. We touched him, in all of that. Thanks for the meal, we know our… who was it again? She'll love it. We know it.

We lick our hand, and nothing happens.

Oh, right, the name, the name. What was his name again? It's our greatest meal, we can't possibly forget.

The name, the name, the name, we can't remember, what was it, what was it, why can't we remember, why can't I remember!?

I.

Who am 'I', again?

***

Gareth Beumains
As Ley Batenkaitos slowly dissolves into golden dust, licking his hand over and over with a confused look on his face, I feel a little bit of pity. But most of my attention is still on Sir Lancelot, as he staggers toward me, heedless of his wounds.

"Gui..ne..vere…" He warbles. Reaching out and stroking my cheek with a gauntleted hand.

It was a fun fantasy, being protected by Sir Lancelot, being looked at with the same eyes he looked at the Queen with. But it makes me feel dirty too, and if I let it go too far past this point I might end up as bad as that Elaine woman. "Please forgive me."

Sir Lancelot gasps as my spear pierces his Spirit Origin.

I catch him as he falls, and lower him gently, resting his head on my lap as I sit and wait for the greatest Knight of the Round Table to disappear.

He stares back at me, with eyes that don't see my face - and then, he blinks, and somehow, miraculously, the mist fades and I finally see his eyes as I remember them.

"Ah… Gareth. It was you." He lets out a small sigh, and I smile back. "I… don't mind punishment at your hands. I… really, if I had only seen it was you then-!" his breath hitches.

"Punishment, huh? Is that why you kept yelling for the king?" I ask, and he closes his eyes in response. "But, I'm sorry, I can't be the one to condemn you."

"But I-!" He rasps, voice cracking. "I… killed you. With my own two hands, I-!"

"Even for killing me, I can't condemn you. Because that very decisiveness, that mad devotion to love so great that you wouldn't even hesitate to kill another who loved you if it was for her sake… those things are also part of what I admire about Sir Lancelot." I don't wish that he lacked those traits. I only wish that they had been directed-

"Forgiveness for something like this… just makes me feel even worse." He mumbles, closing his eyes and leaning back further against my lap pillow. Hmph, your words and actions sure are at odds again, Sir Lancelot. Not that I'm complaining.

A wicked idea springs to mind, and I almost ignore it. But then, who will know? Sir Lancelot will probably just forget when he returns to the throne, and no one else is here to see. I really can't resist.

"...Shall I punish you, then?" I ask, heart pounding.

"-Hm?" He asks, eyes opening, and then growing wide.

His lips taste like iron.

A moment passes, and I pull away.

"...That's a very cruel punishment, Gareth." He mumbles.

"Well, I'm the daughter of a witch after all." I giggle.

Sir Lancelot lets out a wet chuckle as tears start to pour from his eyes. "...I wish I had loved you."

"That would have made things much less troublesome, wouldn't it have?" I ask.

He'll forget this. But as for me, I'll be carving it onto my Spirit Origin as deep as possible. Even if he might have said the same thing to Galahad's mother, or the Lady of Shalott.

I stroke his hair as we sit upon the marble floor, and a few moments later Lancelot and [Joyous Gard] both dissolve and blow away on the gentle French breeze.

 

[Xorn]

Compendium Update: Ley Batenkaitos

Noble Phantasm Updated!

The Whale Devours Itself: Total Eclipse
Rank: -
Type: Anti-Existence (Self)
Range: -
Maximum number of targets: 1 Person

A Sub-Phantasm of [Gluttony].

The true potential of [Gluttony], a step beyond even what Ley achieved just prior to the end of his life. All names and memories are invoked at once, through the medium of a Reality Marble created within Foreigner's stomach. Through the imposition upon reality, all of the physical abilities and skills of every person Ley has ever eaten can be utilized.

However, this ability is several orders of magnitude more corrosive to Ley's sense of self than Solar Eclipse, and the total time he can utilize it without completely erasing himself amounts to a mere four seconds.

Incidentally, Roy Alphard and Louis Arneb also obtain this ability when summoned as Foreigners. The latter can utilize it for up to six seconds; the former can only manage two. (Reid, of course, could utilize Total Eclipse for up to a minute without any serious side-effects. However, since he thinks it's gross, the situations under which he would actually do so are close to none.)

 

[Lykantos]

Ooh, very nice. A perfectly poetic resolution to Lancelot and even Ley's arc, even if I knew nothing about the latter before this fic. He was actually pitiful enough to stir my heartstrings, there at the end. Only a little, but still.

 

[buli-buli]

Thanks for the info post. Because I thought I missed something.

And I wasn't expecting Gareth to do that!

 

[Xorn]

90: Some Problems Should be Avoided.

"Alright, that should be that." I conclude, taking a seat on the carriage step to wait for Dolorous Gard to open.

"Wait, what the heck is going on, Subaru!?" Roman shouts, his face appearing on the intercom. "I thought the plan was for Gareth to come out and distract Lancelot so Jeanne or Mash could beat him! What was that? Who's that Lie-something-or-other and why did that dragon appear when you shouted for him?"

"Sorry, I lied a bit." I say with a sigh. "I mentioned Ley before - he's one of those Gluttony bastards from the other world. Turns out they can be summoned here too, as Foreigner class Servants."

"...Pardon?" The Doctor asks.

"Since he has Presence Concealment, I couldn't risk him overhearing, so I told Gareth the real plan with telepathy. Basically, we just trick Ley and Lancelot into fighting each other first, and have Gareth clean up the survivor." I explain. "Anyway, things probably won't stop being confusing for a while, so just wait patiently for my report, ok?"

"Hey, Subaru, you've mentioned an after-action report twice now, but I wrote your report for you after Fuyuki. You're not planning to make the same thing happen, are you?" He asks.

"Tch. He figured it out." I mutter.

"I knew it!"

***

"So the castle turned white." I comment. It's the only real sign of something happening inside, and I guess… maybe it's good? "...Did she somehow get through to Lancelot or something? I would have guessed something like that was- oh, it's disappearing."

The only one sitting in the crater amidst the gently blowing wheat field is Gareth, so I walk over to speak with her.

"Yo. Good work in there, Gareth." I say, taking in the bittersweet smile on her face. "Did you get to say what you needed to?"

"Mm." She gives a small nod. "I think it went about as well as it could have.:

"Sorry you had to be the one to handle this." I say, and I really do mean it. If I could have taken this role upon myself, I obviously would have done it.

Or maybe I wouldn't have. This is the third time I've left killing Ley to someone else. I guess I just didn't have the stomach for it, in the end. I wish I did. Then I'd have somewhere to put all this hate, still boiling inside me.

There's Lancelot, too. I've got no idea how Gareth could forgive that guy. But that's a private matter between them, so I'll just bear my own grudge in silence.

I probably won't ever feel better about Ley or Lancelot. But… hopefully, I'll never see either of their faces again, so in time it'll fade.

"Okay, let's load up!" I say.

But speaking of people who will piss me off the moment I see them, it's time to move on to the next step.

***

"Of course, we can't expect our enemies to just stay idle after we eliminate two of the most important pieces on the board." The Professor said. "They'll respond. They have to respond. In Dark Jeanne's case, the response is obvious. She'll do the same thing she did when the Count was killed in your previous loop. She'll summon Chlodovech."

"Hang on, wasn't [Chu Shi Biao] the reason he was summoned?" I asked. "If it's weak enough this time to only influence Gareth's summoning, doesn't it stand to reason he might not even appear?"

"Do you really think you'll get that lucky?" He deadpanned, and I sighed in response. "The safe bet is, he'll show up, and without [Chu Shi Biao] he won't be on your side. Well, he's not the first issue to deal with anyway. He'll be far away in Orleans. The real issue at hand will be Ley's master, Francois Prelati."

"Francesca, most likely." The Count interjected. "She was the body that preceded the 'Francis' you met here. With the task assigned to me, I likely won't have the time to find and kill her, not when it will just result in another one being born."

"What's up with that, anyway?" I asked. "Has Prelati just got piles of relatives lying around to possess? Or is it some kind of Dollcraft thing?"

"...Who knows?" Dantes replies. "Whatever nature that creature's reincarnation takes, it's bound to be unbearably foul. But as for the exact methodology, I'm afraid I've got no idea."

"So how do we kill him for good?" I ask. "The French burned him, right?"

"So too did I, in the prior loop. And yet, if your account is to be believed, Batenkaitos persisted to the very end." He scowls. "Perhaps an exorcism is needed."

"...It's also possible that the human Prelati never truly died in the first place." The Professor mutters. "His execution was the end of his 'legend'. Mankind never knew of his ability to reincarnate, and so his Spirit Origin was only recorded to the point that he shuffled off the stage."

I feel sick. "You mean he just… got away with it?"

"It's possible. I know that a few years back there was some gossip about a mage with his surname getting in a fight with Aozaki Touko." The Professor said.

I grimaced, but let out a small huff of laughter. "If anyone deserves the horrors that come with being in that woman's bad graces, it's Prelati."

"Did you meet her?" He asked.

"I'd rather not talk about it, thanks." I carefully suppressed a particularly nasty flashback. "Returning to the subject, you were implying Prelati's going to be lurking around wherever Ley is, right?"

"It's likely. Batenkaitos doesn't strike me as the type of servant one can keep on a long leash. And that means we should expect Francesca Prelati to intervene as soon as Ley goes down - no, in all likelihood, she'll start preparing to act the moment he gets trapped in Dolorous Gard." Professor Velvet explained. "In that regard, it's fortunate for us that he's such a loose cannon. Prelati has no way to safely extract him - we already know that she had to spend a command spell to get him to go along with the Fafnir impersonation plot; she might have even needed two. If she tries to teleport him out of fighting Lancelot, he might eat her."

"That sounds like him, yeah." I said. "So next after Lancelot and Ley, the next obstacle is the Sea Monster?"

"No." He said. "The sea monster is her final trump card, to be played after everything else has failed, when Chaldea is inches from the Grail, like a surprise appearance from Ganon right when you're expecting the credits to roll. With Dark Jeanne still alive, and in possession of the Grail, betting on the possibility that you are unaware of her sea monster, Francesca has one more option available to her."

***

"Okay, I surrender...!"

"...There she is, just like you said." Mozart mutters, and I poke my head out the window.

'There's a pervert in the middle of the road.' Is my first thought. A girl in a striped corset, white stockings and garters - and barely anything else. Oi, did you forget to put on your dress!? She's resting at what looks to be an outdoor tea table, leaning on it with a tired look on her face, lazily waving a white flag - but then her eyes meet mine, and she perks up, springing to her feet. Ankle-length white hair flutters in the breeze behind her as madness dances in her coal-black eyes.

"Heeey, I give up now!" Shouts a girl who can only be Francesca Prelati, now frantically waving that same white flag. "I'm ready for a handsome Chaldean hero to take me prisoner and do all kinds of nasty things to - huh, you're not slowing down? Whaaaaat~? Hey, hang on, where are you going, the mastermind's right here! Aren't you going to talk, or try to kill-?"

"No thanks!" I shout as we swerve around her and continue down the road.

"Whaaaa-!?" Her disappointed scream trails off into the distance.

***

"Anyway, just ignore her." The Professor concluded. "There's nothing to be gained from killing her at that point besides the corruption of your own morals. And I don't think I need to list all the reasons why actually taking her prisoner would be a bad idea."

"Maybe something with a geas scroll-?" I started.

"No. No way, Subaru. That's how she'll suck you in. There's no possible way you can beat Prelati in the realm of mind games or exploitation, so just give up and stop trying. Imagine you're dealing with Reines, but a million times worse." He scolded me. "And again, don't even think about killing her at that point. If not for your own sake, then for your companions - even if they'd say they were fine with it, the likes of Marie Antoinette or Jeanne d'Arc aren't going to be able to conscience the slaying of a surrendering opponent. It'll drive a wedge between you, which is probably her goal."

"If he could do it secretly-" The Count starts.

"No. Absolutely not." The Professor says.

"I'll just shout something smug, I guess…" I mumble.

Spoiler: A/N:

In this chapter, Waver prevents an IF story-style bad end.

 

[Nealend]

Waver continues to be a chad.

 

[Young Pyromancer]

Supports are busted when they have teammates. And now, the weather.

 

[Chronometry]

The sea monster is her final trump card, to be played after everything else has failed, when Chaldea is inches from the Grail, like a surprise appearance from Ganon right when you're expecting the credits to roll.

Click to shrink...

Good to know that even in the Nasuverse, there is still GAME OVER, RETURN OF GANON.

 

[Xorn]

91: Some mysteries have stupid answers.

I still have a lingering feeling of unease as we leave Prelati in the dust - but eventually, it fades. Turning my attention away from the road behind us, I say, "Alright, that's the urgent stuff dealt with. From here, we're going to be flying blind for a little bit - but I wouldn't expect to run into anyone else important until… tomorrow, probably."

That's when Martha attacked the last time we had Gareth; with Dantes switching sides, we can pretty much expect the berserk servants' response time to be the same as the time we killed him.

"That's all well and good, but what's the plan after you guys reach Paris?" Romani asks. "Or are you just going to stall another four days for Napoleon to arrive and hope he'll be able to stomp what's left of Jeanne Alter's army?"

"That's pretty much it, yeah." I say with a shrug. "The current lineup of servants - here and in Paris - is super biased in favor of defense. We need someone like Napoleon to actually go on the offensive. Otherwise we're just gonna get flooded with wyverns and
be unable to do anything. That being said, we should be able to handle anyone that tries to invade Paris prior to that point."

"What can we expect tomorrow, then?" Jeanne asks.

"Ideally, nobody." I say. This time around, we don't have the servant Prelati feeding our location to his living self, after all. "But if we do run into someone, it'll probably be Saint Martha."

A complicated look appears on her face. "I still can't believe someone as holy as her could become Berserk, let alone wreak havoc like this…"

"Regarding that," a second display appears on my communicator, and Siegfried's face appears. "She does seem to have resisted her madness to some degree. At the very least, she did so in Lyon."

"Huh?" This is the first I'm hearing of this. "How so?"

"She… hid Lord Siegfried and myself." Merry explains. "After he was wounded, she cornered us in the town prison, and I thought she was going to kill us - but she did something else instead, and for the rest of the day none of the enemies could perceive us."

"...Saints can perform [Miracles], after all." Jeanne mutters, a small smile on her face.

"That's…" I mutter, remembering the furiously punching Dio-impersonator I encountered before. "...probably not something we can count on. Don't worry, though, I've got a plan."

We defeated her easily the first two times, after all. What could go wrong?

***

"-And that's what we'll need to handle the sea monster, so get our Casters to work." I conclude between bites of trail mix. Not stopping for dinner hurts, but getting places late hurts more!

"Ugh, you're a real slave driver, Master." Cu Chulainn's voice emanates from behind Doctor Romani.

"I knew you were still watching!" The Doctor shouts.

"Speaking of other people in the command room, how are those irregular Singularities looking?" I ask. "Is the Director still keeping an eye on them?"

"Nope." He shakes his head. "Marcus is handling it right now. The Director is looking through Chaldea's records at the moment, though I've got no clue why."

"Why?" Wasn't the reason she went through them last time because of Ley? What's she looking for now?

"No clue. She just said it was important and dragged Elron off to help her page through them." He sighs. "As far as the irregularities go, It's looking like we're going to have to put the Roman singularity off. We were planning to do it second since it was the second most stable, but…"

Yeah, that's obviously not the case anymore. "So where are we aiming at next?"

"We haven't got the order yet, but I can go ask which one is the next most stable…" He says, walking off camera.

"Senpai, shouldn't you focus on this singularity first…?" Mash asks.

She's right. "Yeah, sorry. I guess I'm just anxious for this one to be over…"

"Alright, looks like the next one is in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean!" Romani says, returning to view.

"That one's no good! Pick another!" I shout. "The ocean and I are enemies for life! Not just the ocean - lakes, rivers, canals - none of them are any good!"

"A-another hidden trauma…?" He asks.

"Ugh, I'm just going to go to sleep and pretend seasickness isn't rea-" I start to say, and then it hits me.

"I'll teach you the Feng Shui arrangement you need, but you've got to remember to order some kind of sleep aid mystic code from Chaldea when you get the chance." Professor Velvet said. "You won't always get a room to yourself."

"Um, senpai…?" Mash asks.

It's all my fault. I'm the one who forgot such a crucial detail. It's my fault, but touching the spot on my wrist where my [Dream Catcher] should be, I shout his name anyway.

"Prelatiiii!!!!"

***

The gentle sound of Mozart's music is still dancing through the carriage when I wake up. After a few moments, he draws his performance to a close. "Did that do the trick?"

"...Yeah. Better than the dream catcher, to be honest." I say. The cold sweats I usually get even with it present are nowhere to be found.

"Wonderful." He replies. "I'm glad a perfectly normal musician like myself could be of some use!"

"I already know you're a magus, so who are you trying to fool!?" I know you're a Demon Pillar too!

"Hmm, I guess - oh dear, incoming!" Mozart shouts.

"[Luminosite Eternelle]!" Comes a cry from atop the carriage, and an instant later, the sound of lightning and fire as the Tarasque smashes into the barrier.

"She's here already!?" Scrambling, I poke my head out of the carriage, and see the enormous spiked shell spinning in front of us. "Alright, in this case, the next step is [Murak]!"

The instant the spell leaves my hand, I realize my mistake. 'It worked both times before' - isn't quite the truth. Because both of those times-

"Dragons have magic resistance, so I'll give you a boost!" Prelati said.
But this time, he's not here. And so-

The spell passes right through the Tarasque's Magic Resistance as if it wasn't there.

"...Eh?"

"Hm, that shouldn't have worked… is this a [Miracle] perhaps?" Mozart asks.

"[Ira Lupus]!" Shouts Gareth as Jeanne's shield drops, and a rapid series of lance strikes start to drive the now weightless beast back.

"Wait, hang on…" I mumble. I thought I needed Prelati for-

Oh.

Oh, I get it now.

He wasn't even enhancing my spell at all, was he!? As if that piece of shit would have such a useful ability! It was Martha's [Miracle] skill working things in our favor, because she wants to lose!

I let out a low groan as Saint Martha starts punching the opposite side of the dragon turtle from Gareth again.

"Is something wrong, Senpai?" Mash asks.

"I'm just cursing Prelati again, don't mind me…" I mumble.

"Take this, and this, and this-!" Gareth continues to shout, even as Berserk Rider lays blow after blow into the dragon's shell.

"Come to think of it, we never really heard what her madness was about…" I mutter.

"Lazaruuuuus!" She screams - oh that's her brother, right? I wonder- "Do the disheeees!!!!" A comedy relief motivation!?

"Something like Arondight overloaaaad!!" Blue light erupts from Gareth's spear in a final thrust, breaking through the exact spot Martha was punching, tearing through dragon and saint alike.

The broken body of Saint Martha falls to the ground as Guillotine Breaker gallops past. We don't have any time to stop, but I hear her final words this time.

"...Thank you, Chaldeans. God be with you all." She mumbles, and I think I can see a serene smile on her face.

Then she vanishes in the distance as we tear down the road towards Paris.

Spoiler: A/N:

Martha is a really difficult character for me to work with. All of her memorable traits are basically comic relief elements. I guess I could have included a scene where she kills someone with ridiculous wrestling moves to give a different spin on that, but... Well, there just wasn't any room for it. By this point, she's jobbed to Murak twice, and already done a Dio impression. There's not really an easy way to turn this final showing for her into a serious event.

The other part is... her madness in canon is basically nonexistent? She just kind of shows up, gives boring exposition, Ritsuka assumes she's a wrestler with no real justification, and then she dies to Jeanne for free. I could have rewrote her insanity more like I did d'Eon's but... I don't really have time for that, and I'm a bit too religious to put blasphemy into the mouth of a saint.

 

[dat_noob1926812]

The speed run continues!

Literally never even slowing down!

 

[EmperorArthur]

Okay, I love that chapter title. Too perfect.

 

[Xorn]

92: Better than no leader at all.

The sun is starting to set when Paris appears on the horizon. No one else shows up to stop us - I guess the fake Jeanne was bound to think twice after we blew through three of her Servants in the span of two days, huh?

We slow down as we approach the gate - and a figure on a horse steps forward to greet us. A knight in black armor, but unlike Lancelot, his armor carries gold trim, which combined with his colorful tabard and plumed helm gives him a slightly less sinister appearance.

Nevertheless, I see Jeanne grit her teeth as we approach him.

Edward of Woodstock. The "Black Prince", the son of the king who instigated the Hundred Years War. History isn't clear whether the title came from the color of his armor, or from his character - it's entirely possible it came from both. Regardless, it's only natural for Jeanne to dislike him. He's one of the reasons the world she grew up in was in chaos, after all.

Edward doesn't speak - his [Innocent Monster] skill makes it difficult for him, Ahab's memories inform me. He simply inclines his head towards us, and gestures for us to enter the slowly opening city gates.

***

The streets of Paris fall quiet as we pass through - on each side of the road, throngs of civilians stop what they were doing, pointing at our carriage and murmuring to one another. It's not a shock, of course, considering that we're being pulled along by a horse made of literal crystal.

Amadeus pokes his head out the front window, and says quietly, "Maria, I can drive if you'd like."

"N-no. I know the way." I hear her say. Her voice is shaking.

"That's not what I meant." He says. "We're headed to City Hall, right? The Hôtel de Ville - or I suppose it's still just the Maison Aux Piliers right now - in any case, it's close to… that place. If the drive is-"

"No. It will be… worse if I'm not driving." She says, and I realize exactly which unsettlingly quiet carriage ride she must be remembering right now. In that case-

"Alright! Which way is the Eiffel Tower? I want to see the Arc de Triomphe too!" I shout, poking my head out the window right next to Mozart.

Marie giggles despite herself, some color returning to her face. "Subaru, those haven't been built yet!"

"Gah! Is that that 'Paris Syndrome' I've heard so much about!?" I moan, faking disappointment to the best of my ability. "I-in that case! Marie, you were the Queen of France, right!? You've gotta know some of the good sights around Paris!"

A murmur runs through the crowd.

In another situation, the people of Paris would have ignored my idiotic shout. But the people of Paris right now have already seen unbelievable things. They've seen dragons, resurrected saints, and a magic horse of pure crystal. Right now, they are desperate. They've spent weeks like this, praying for salvation to arrive, beyond the mere defensive might of Saint George and foreign nobles. And so-

"Queen?" "Did he just say Queen?" "Hey, hasn't that horse got tiny fleurs de lys floating inside it?" "We haven't got a Queen right now-" "But Saint George-" "A Queen-"

She laughs. "I mostly just lived at the Château de Versailles, Subaru."

A roar runs through the crowd.

In another time, the people of Paris hated Marie. They saw her led to the guillotine and the only words spoken were jeers. But this is not the Paris of the revolution. Here, in the Paris of three centuries before-

"Vive la Reine!" Long live the Queen, someone shouts - and then another person joins, and another, and another.

A tear falls from her cheek.

"Y-yes! Vive la France, everyone!" She calls with a voice slightly choked by emotion, raising her hand to wave at the now cheering crowds.

"Vive la France!" "Vive la Reine!" "Vive la France!" "Vive la Reine!"

The chants continue for the rest of our journey to the City Hall, and Marie accepts them all without tiring in the slightest. Thoughts of her last ride through Paris, of the Place de la Revolution just a few blocks away from our destination, are banished far away.

***

The Maison Aux Piliers is a relatively unassuming building - I was expecting some kind of big palatial construction with a clock tower and everything, but apart from some fancy pillars out front and its position in the city, it doesn't stand out that much from the other houses we saw on the way in.

The crowd following our carriage is still cheering as Guillotine Breaker comes to a stop in the square in front of it, and slowly disappears, Marie breathing a small sigh of relief. That's right, she had to push herself hard to get here, huh?

"Good work, Marie." I say as we exit the carriage. "Now we just need to talk with the leader of the Paris defenders and get everyone up to speed."

"Saint George, huh?" Jeanne asks. "I'm a bit nervous to meet someone as holy as him…"

It's still bizarre to me how humble this girl is - but that's not why I look away nervously. "...About that. Since Saint George needed to be ready to go to the front line at any time, he refused the role of leader."

"That makes sense!" Gareth nods. "Agravain was always complaining about how it ended up being him shouting orders to everyone on the battlefield because King Arthur charged ahead."

"Sure, but… it couldn't be Edward either, since he can't talk easily, and Ahab needs to be deployed close to the front to get anything done with his peg leg. Kiyohime, Robespierre, and Corday were all deemed too crazy, and Napoleon ran off and got himself abducted." I let out a small sigh as I pinch my brow preemptively. "All of which left-"

"Everyone♡~! Thanks for the applause!" A pink-haired girl with the horns and tail of a dragon shouts as she flings open the front door of the city hall.

Naturally, the crowd disappears in the blink of an eye.

"Hm? They left?" She mutters, and something almost like self-awareness flits across her face - and then disappears into the never ending void as a wide smile takes its place. "My fans are always so thoughtful! I need privacy to greet my new backup dancers after all!"

"-Elizabeth Bathory." I mutter. "Why did it have to be a Liliana type…"

"Oh! You recognized me?" Oh no, she heard me. "That's right, Fishie! It's everyone's favorite Idol, the Innocent Demoness of Fresh Blood, Elizabeth Bathory! Nice to meet you and please take care of me!♡"

"...Was this really the only option?" Mozart mumbles.

"Well, she's got sonic breath, so she can give orders over long distances…" I whisper back.

"She wants to be an Idol and she has sonic breath?" He asks.

"Yup." I mumble through gritted teeth.

"I see." The Composer closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Nice to meet you, Elizabeth!" Marie says with a glowing smile. "Vive la France!"

The Dragon Girl recoils. "Geh! Natural Idol Power!? No, stay calm, Eliza-! W-who do you think you are! I'll show you- that's right, since that girl's not here right now, you're my new rival!"

"Okay! Amadeus only tutored me a little when I was young, so even though I kept up all of my practice exercises I'm sure I'm not as good as someone who actually wants to make a career of it - but I'll try to measure up!" Marie says, Elizabeth growing paler and paler as she speaks - until the Queen grabs both of her hands and clasps them in her own, pulling her close. "Let's be great friends, Elizabeth!"

"Y-y-yes! Exactly, I'm g-g-glad you know your- oh, y-your hands are…" The self-proclaimed Idol stammers out, and I can almost see steam rising from her flushed face. "Very… warm. B-by the way, what, um, blood type- no! N-n-never mind, I didn't say anything!"

"Instantly defeated, huh…?" Mozart says.

***

"From the point you reach Paris, it's just a waiting game." Professor Velvet said. "Three days should have passed by then. Assuming the Count's travel time is something like that of Napoleon's sailors, you'll still need to buy three more days."

"What about the travel time once he makes landfall?" I ask. "Won't we need another three days for him to join up with us?"

"That's part of why Merry needs to be on-site. She should be able to retain a command spell that she can use to teleport him to Paris - or at least close enough." He said. "Regardless, [Tactician's Advice] guarantees that it shouldn't pose too much of an issue."

"Aren't we leaning on that skill a bit too much…?" I muttered.

"Ideally, of course, the precise timing of Napoleon's arrival shouldn't matter too much in the first place. Dark Jeanne is bound to be rattled by this point, so the ideal result to hope for is that she just holes up in Orleans and freaks out for a few days." He said, ignoring my quip entirely. "But she's the type to lash out when she gets upset. She'll have to make some kind of move. My bet is that she'll throw her whole force against you shortly after you arrive in Paris. And the best way to deal with each of those is-"

***

"-So with that in mind, we need to start preparing." I conclude. "Mozart, how far have you gotten on [Requiem for a Vampire] or whatever you're calling it?"

"Just about done!" He says. "I just need-"

"A singer?" Elizabeth asks.

"Absolutely not." He says, and then noticing a disappointed look from Marie, continues. "W-well, what I mean is that it doesn't really suit your aesthetic. Don't be fooled by Subaru mentioning vampires, it's essentially a religious hymn."

"Oh, that's definitely not suited to my style, then." She says. "You can have this one, Marie!"

"Thanks Elly!" Marie smiles back.

("A-a nickname!? Calm down… calm down, Eliza-!" Elizabeth mutters to herself, wiping some drool from the corner of her mouth.)

Someone barges into the meeting room - a man in a guardsman's uniform. "G-great Idol Eliza-chama!" Wow, she seriously made them call her that? "Wyverns on the horizon! Tons of them, enough to blot out the sun!"

"Hmph. You forgot to say the ☆, Guillaume." Great Idol Eliza☆Chama pouts.

"Okay! Sooner than expected, but it's fine! Mozart, Marie, you should both head to Notre Dame for now. Jeanne, you're with them until we get eyes on Carmilla." I say, nodding. Next is… "Doctor, what's the status on those items I asked for?"

"Cu and Da Vinci are still working on the rest, but they've got four pairs ready right now if you want them." Doctor Romani says.

"Yeah, four is better than none." I reply. "The nearest Leyline is…"

"It's in the southern part of town." He replies. "I can guide you guys to it."

"That's probably best - Elizabeth, you should come with us too. I'm not sure how fast you are, but the older you probably has A-rank agility, and if she catches you off guard it's gonna be bad news." I say.

"Oh, did you plan it this way so that you'd get to have me in your group, Fishie? Very clever, as expected of the fan who recognized me at first sight!" She replies. "I'll just shout what's going on to the others as we walk!"

Oh no.

Spoiler: A/N:

Vive la France is sort of an anachronism (mostly being born out of the revolution), but it's used in canon too, so I guess we gotta deal with it.

 

[buli-buli]

The chants continue for the rest of our journey to the City Hall, and Marie accepts them all without tiring in the slightest. Thoughts of her last ride through Paris, of the Place de la Revolution just a few blocks away from our destination, are banished far away.

Click to shrink...

This was honestly exceptionally sweet of Subaru. And I've never seen another fic pull off anything similar. (Actually, most don't even acknowledge the existence of regular humans).

"Y-y-yes! Exactly, I'm g-g-glad you know your- oh, y-your hands are…" The self-proclaimed Idol stammers out, and I can almost see steam rising from her flushed face. "Very… warm. B-by the way, what, um, blood type- no! N-n-never mind, I didn't say anything!"

Click to shrink...

("A-a nickname!? Calm down… calm down, Eliza-!" Elizabeth mutters to herself, wiping some drool from the corner of her mouth.)

Click to shrink...

It is easy to forget that in Type-Moon Bathory is guilty of everything she was accused of. So, props for remembering.

...don't leave Marie alone with her Subaru!

 

[Chronometry]

Vive la France is sort of an anachronism (mostly being born out of the revolution), but it's used in canon too, so I guess we gotta deal with it.

Click to shrink...

Just blame it on the Singularity fucking up time, everyone does!

 

[dat_noob1926812]

Montjoie Saint Denis!