Pretty much, yeah. Eli is actually pretty good, unlike Nero, she just tends to use her Breath Weapon while singing on accident. In It's I no my a problem when she's singing for selfish reasons tho.
Also her Image song is great but also kinda sad, but I am love it.
I'd really like a chance to stop and think. To make sense of this new authority, and all the info from Ahab. Charging in without a plan is what gets me killed the most, after all - but for now I have to put all of that aside, because there's something way more important to deal with.
Francois Prelati.
We're already entering his fake reality marble - I need a plan to kill him, as quickly as possible.
But when is 'as soon as possible' anyway? Obviously, pulling it off inside his Grand Illusion is going to be near impossible. That means I'll need to make a contract with him; but there's no way in hell I can risk him getting to view my past through his dreams - so I'll have to betray him before the next time I sleep, or something along those lines, right?
…It's simple, then. We'll push straight through to Lyon without sleeping so we can save Siegfried, and I'll use a command spell to kill Prelati immediately after.
I just need to keep my cool for ten hours or so. Just remain calm for that long, and everything will-
"Oh dear." Marie mutters, and the carriage rapidly draws to a stop. "It seems there's another lone Servant in our path."
"...Already, huh." I say, heaving a deep breath. It's fine. I'll be fine. After all, he doesn't know about [Return by Death] yet, so in the absolute worst case, he kills me and I can try again until I finally kill the bastard.
And so, with my heart pounding in my ears, I step out of the carriage into a beautiful meadow.
"How do you do, fellow defenders of humanity?" Asks Prelati, seated at a nice looking picnic, arms stretched wide.
My breath hitches. I can't do this. I can't do this. It's too much, just hearing his voice makes me want to scream in terror.
But I have to-
"Oh?~ You seem a bit worked up there, Subaru." The alchemist says, grinning. "Are you okay?"
"I-I'm fine." I say, goosebumps running up my arms as his grin widens. "Look, let's just-"
"Oh, that's good. That means we can pick up where we left off!" He laughs, and I freeze.
I open my mouth, trying to say something to play it off, but no words come out.
Boom. Boom. Boom. I can barely hear his next sentence over the sound of my own heartbeat.
"-Come on, did you think it would be that easy to escape me?" He chuckles, and arms emerge from among the flowers beneath him, lifting him to his feet.
Immediately, I turn to run, but it's too late. I sink into the flowers, the hands dragging me down, and I can clearly see that the carriage I exited is nowhere to be found.
"Ahahaha! What part of 'no escape' don't you get?" He laughs, grabbing me by the hair and dragging me up once more, knocking me to the ground where more hands bind my movement.
In desperation I lash out, seizing his head with [Invisible Providence], only for it and his whole body to dissolve into a cloud of laughing butterflies, a new body rising from amidst the flowers elsewhere.
"Ah, scary, scary!~" Prelati chuckles. "But you already know that won't work, right? So hey, won't you tell me? I was sure it was foolproof, so how did you end up escaping my noose, Subaru?"
How? How the hell does he know!? Didn't he say he learned from dreams of my past!? But we aren't contracted this time!
"Hm? You look really confused - d-don't tell me, my future self told you I learned about your ability from the Dream Cycle or something! Bwahahaha! That's hilarious!" He wipes a tear from his eyes. "I see, I see - so it was actually advanced play, to make you think you'd escaped! As expected of me!"
I can't move. I can't scream. No, no, no, not again, I can't take this again, please, someone-!
"I know, I know, it hurts - but doesn't it hurt more, knowing your friends are all alone out there? They're all going to die, you know?"
From the fog, a blur of red lightning explodes. Mordred streaks forward, her sword already ablaze - but tentacles erupt from the ground, scattering a cloud of flowers into the air, restraining her limbs. I watch it all - the crunching of broken bones, the screams as she is dragged beneath and devoured by something unseen.
It's not real. It's not real. Please, it's not real.
"Of course, if you could only kill yourself, you'd be able to escape - but even then, do you really think you can escape me?"
[Invisible Providence] finds my brain stem and crushes it - but all that follows is darkness. Eternal darkness. Can't breath, can't think, out of lives, dead, dead, dead.
It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.
"Don't you see that even if you escape, I'll live in your heart forever? Because that's what love is, right?"
A monster of unfathomable size emerges from the flowers, and tears me to shreds as my own body and sanity turn themselves inside out, but it's not real, it can't be real nothing is real please please please.
"More! More! Suffer more, suffer eternally! Fill yourself up, fit to burst! Until you become the perfect living monument to sin! Until you become the ultimate proof that humanity is unworthy of pity!"
I scream and bite my tongue and the blood drowns the whole world and it isn't real. I catch Prelati by the throat and choke the life out of him but then it's not him it's a young girl, Meili, dead again at my hands but it isn't real. I am crushed burned torn to pieces eaten alive swallowed by darkness frozen to death but it isn't real isn't real isn't real isn't real.
"Don't worry, I won't let up! I'll see you to the ultimate finish line, where you're finally perfect! Because, after all, I'm your ally!"
Ally.
At that word, a dim, hazy idea cuts through the pain. I tried it last time, and it didn't work - but somehow, this time, I can feel it properly.
Broken arm broken toes broken ribs.
Prelati is my ally - that's right. Regardless of everything else, this guy still thinks he's my ally.
Eyes gouged out nose removed tongue torn out.
So I'll accept those feelings. I'll gladly accept them. I'll be your friend, Francois Prelati. I'll take all the help you can possibly give me, including-
Healed to full and repeat ad nauseam.
[Cor Leonis].
I won't take your burdens. You won't take mine. But - I know exactly where you are now. And so I wait.
I wait for him to heal me one more time. I wait for, ignoring his illusory duplicate, his true body to draw just a little bit closer. Three meters. That's all I need. Three meters - but he's too far. He won't get-
No. That isn't true. Because the star directly next to his, in the dim awareness of my authority, is undoubtedly Natsuki Subaru. My awareness was displaced - no wonder I couldn't kill myself, the body I was trying to destroy was an illusion all along.
But now, there's a chance. One chance - now wait. Wait for him to get distracted.
-There. A pause in his rantings. I don't know what he's busy with - adjusting the illusion, or something?
But it's enough. From my chest, two unseen hands surge forth. Brain stem. Heart. Both are valid targets, so I'll destroy both. Crush, twist, tear.
Francois Prelati does not have Battle Continuation. Francois Prelati has no defensive stats to speak of. And so, he receives no final words as my authority tears him to pieces.
All I hear is the roar of a colossal beast as the foggy world dissolves into nothingness.
Prelati lied?
Impossible. There's just no way.
Anyway, Subaru managed to piece together an escape method this time - for some reason, Prelati didn't prepare a countermeasure for Cor Leonis in this loop, but he did last loop. Why is that, I wonder?
Anyway, I'm sure it's still Wednesday in some parts of the world. Next chapter Saturday.
From Hell's Heart I Stab at Thee: Thus do I Give Up the Spear
Rank: B
Type: Anti-Unit
Range: 2~10
Maximum number of targets: 1 person
Ahab's harpoon, forged by the Zoroastrian magus Fedallah and quenched in its wielder's blood. Drawing upon the same type of primitive curse as Angra Mainyu's [Verg Avesta], Ahab's harpoon applies a curse of shared pain to its target - and at the same time, his body is consumed by the flames of vengeance emerging from his scar.
In other words, it's a suicide attack.
Ironically, despite being an imitation, Ahab's harpoon actually exceeds its original in potency, applying actual damage to the target, and taking effect despite Ahab's demise. Furthermore, unlike Angra Mainyu, who deals back to targets only that which they had inflicted, Ahab inflicts the whole of his life experience upon his target.
Of course, if the target can dodge or deflect the harpoon, or has sufficiently high Magic Resistance, the attack (and Ahab's death) will have amounted to nothing. Nonetheless, Ahab will pour his all into the strike, committed wholly to his purpose.
Ultimately, it is not the spear itself, but Ahab's own determination and hatred that provides the bulk of this Noble Phantasm's power; should another individual wield the spear with anything less than suicidal hatred it would amount to a mere E-rank attack even weaker than [Verg Avesta].
Incidentally, it is this difference in attitude that causes the gulf in results when Natsuki Subaru's Authority of Gluttony encounters the harpoon and the cursed grail mud. While the grail mud is more potent, it is directionless, lashing out at all that touches it. The harpoon, meanwhile, is bound to Ahab's will and proves lethal to digest.
Naturally, I pass out from [Invisible Providence]'s penalty long before the world comes back into focus again. I wake up with a nasty headache and the taste of bile in my mouth. I can feel woven bed sheets covering my body, and an uneven mattress beneath me. Squinting, I open my eyes.
"...I don't recognize this ceiling." I mutter, and gingerly I sit up, giving an experimental roll of my shoulder. Quickly, I find myself wincing. "-Damn, it's still sore."
It's to be expected of a dislocation, and the less said about my fingers, the better - but I had hoped Prelati would have healed my pre-existing injuries as well as the ones he had been giving me while torturing me. If he hadn't, then…
"Was all of the torture an illusion? Or did he specifically leave this stuff unhealed to mess with my head?" I wonder aloud.
…Whatever. I don't ever want to understand that guy in the first place, so I'll give up on figuring this one out.
"Anyway, where the hell am I?" I ask, glancing around. It's clearly a small bedroom - judging from the architecture, it's definitely one of the buildings I've seen around the cities of France - maybe a nobleman's house? A low ranking one, though, nowhere near as gaudy as Roswaal's manor. A distinct sort of unease starts to set in, as my mind starts to stray - sure, I woke up in a pretty safe-seeming situation, but what about everyone else? "Hey, Director-"
Ah, the communicator is missing from my wrist.
"She's gonna be pissed…" I mutter - plan B it is. Hope I'm not interrupting anything… {Hey, Mordred, can you hear me?}
{Oh, Master, you're awake!} She responds, an easy tone in her voice, and I breathe a sigh of relief. {What's up?}
{Yeah, I just woke up. Where are we, anyway?} I ask, opening the door and glancing into the hallway. Part of the roof in here has caved in and there are cracks in the wall and debris littering the floor.
{Ah you really did just wake up, huh?} She says with a mixture of annoyance and amusement. {Sorry to say, we're in totally different spots right now. We got split up in that Reality Marble, and apparently got thrown out in pretty far apart places. The hell happened in there, anyway? You just disappeared in a puff of smoke and we wound up having to fight dragons til it broke down.}
…I inhale.
"PRELATIIIIII!!!" I shout, shaking my fist at the sky. {We're split up!? Start with that, dammit! Why are you acting so calm? And you were fighting dragons? Is everyone okay!?}
{It's fine, it's fine! We all got out alive - there was some kind of infighting going on between them.} She assures me. {Anyway, it's not like anyone's lost or anything - we've been able to keep in touch with the guys who picked you up using your wrist communicator, so now we just need to get to that Lion city. Shouldn't take more than a few days. Siegfried is about as strong as me, so you should be fine for now, right?}
Ah, so I didn't lose the communicator. The people who rescued me took it and have been using it to talk with the Director. Safe!
"Lion city… does she mean Lyon?" I mutter. "She must, she mentioned Siegfried, after all…"
I pause at the top of a staircase. "What the hell!? Isn't this really bad!?" Berserk Saber is on her way, and Fafnir can't be far behind! {Mordred, you guys are gonna need to pick up the pace - a few days isn't going to cut it.}
{Those premonitions of yours really don't let up, huh?} She grouses. {Fine, fine, I'll tell Marie to pick up the pace.}
{I guess that's all I can ask for.}
***
As I make my way downstairs, the faint whiff of something delicious teases my nose. Come to think of it, in the hours leading up to our deployment Meuniere had said something about this, right?
"By the way, I know Paris is all the rage, but Lyon is the real cuisine capital of France. So if you get a chance to go by my hometown, make sure you guys give the food a try!"
It's not like I can say no to-
A slightly different scent passes through my nose, and adrenaline surges through my veins as pure instinct takes over.
Charging through a lounge, through the dining room, I arrive in the kitchen! A blonde girl wearing an apron cries out in shock as I barge in, but I'm not even paying attention to her. The pure survival instinct of a butler working in the same kitchen as Ram has already taken over!
Desperately I scan the kitchen - that will do! Grabbing a towel from a hook on the wall, I snatch the cast-iron pan off the stove. Already I can feel the towel growing warm in my hand, but- "As if I'd let you! Emergency Reinforcement!"
Triumphantly, I place the pan upon a trivet, and examine the damage…
"Nooo! It burned anyway!" I mourn.
"Are you… really a hero from the future..?" The other occupant of the kitchen asks, and I turn my attention to her.
She's a blonde girl, maybe fourteen or fifteen years old, wearing a poorly fitting maid outfit. Her slightly greasy blonde hair is tied up in a bun, and in her mouth I can see the slight glint of razor sharp teeth. Combined with slightly oversized blue eyes…
"I've got it, you must be one of the relatives of Clodovech!" I shout, pointing at her.
"...Who?" She asks in utter bewilderment.
"...King Clovis I."
"I don't… think so?"
"Hm…" I mutter, stroking my chin. "Then… you must be Siegfried!"
"I'm a girl!" She protests.
"Didn't stop Arthur or Mordred…" I say. "Then - I've got it! Kiyohime! You've got to be Kiyohime!"
"What kind of weird foreign name even is that!?" She shouts in total confusion.
"It's Japanese. Shouldn't the Grail tell you this kind of thing..?" I ask her.
At that moment, a Servant materializes in the room - a gray-haired man with a familiar luminescent green emblem on his bare chest. "Master of Chaldea, I believe you've made a slight mistake. Merry is not a Servant at all."
"Eh?" I pause as my brain comes to a screeching halt. And then I notice it - emblazoned on her left hand, two crimson marks, and a third faded one.
"She is a Master."
***
The gray-haired man - Siegfried - explains things from there, with the occasional interjection from Olga Marie on the comm unit. He had mounted a desperate defense of the city, but ultimately was overwhelmed and grievously wounded. In desperation, he formed a contract with one of the survivors, allowing her to use command spells to allow him to fight through his injuries.
"However, my injury has yet to heal, even now - it seems that the false Jeanne d'Arc's fire was cursed. I'm sorry to inform you of this, but I'm afraid I'm useless." He concludes. "I can barely move my body in this state without the use of a command spell.
"Lord Siegfried, don't blame yourself." His master protests. "If I had been able to accomplish the summoning ritual for additional aid, then…"
"You tried to summon another Servant? Can you even handle the upkeep?" Olga Marie interjects. "You're a first-generation Magus, right?"
"That is one small boon we have had - Merry seems to have extremely high quality Magic Circuits. Even my E-Rank Luck will occasionally turn in my favor, it seems." Siegfried lets out a dry chuckle.
"But what does it matter?" The girl shouts. "We did the summoning, and…"
"No one came." Siegfried says with a sigh.
"...That sucks and all, but that implies there's a leyline near here, right?" I can't help but note.
"...Good call, Natsuki. There's no use in bemoaning past failures right now." Olga says. "Get to the Leyline and summon someone, immediately."
"We don't have a catalyst, though." I say.
"Idiot! Don't you have that holy shroud that Ruler gave you?" She counters.
"...Right, there was something like that, wasn't there?" I replay, and she sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.
***
The leyline is in a nondescript part of town, just along the riverside. Merry guides me there through corpse-choked streets, eyes locked firmly on the ground, her shoulders shaking and her fists clenched with white knuckles.
She doesn't say anything. Not a word about the neighbors, friends, family she's doubtless lost over the past few days as this city was reduced to rubble. I wouldn't even know how to respond if she said something, so I suppose that's for the best.
As I set up the ritual, I can't help but reflect on the fact that I have no idea what's going to happen now. [Dispatch Troops] ought to guarantee Gareth is summoned, but it might not even be in effect anymore. Kongming had said it would only be good for a few loops, after all - have I already reached its limit?
"-come forth from the ring of restraint, protector of the holy balance!" I conclude, and light pours out of the magic circle on the ground.
I know, realistically, that there's every chance I won't see Gareth emerge from the magic circle. But even so, as the silhouette of a tall man with long hair begins to manifest, I can't help the surge of disappointment that runs through me.
However, as the light dims, and I catch sight of his face - I feel a rush of joy. A tangible feeling of relief - because, if he's here, it'll all be okay. The relief of a child when an adult enters the room, the relief of a student when his teacher steps forward to help him.
"Servant, Caster -" The familiar black-haired man says, taking a drag of his cigar.
He's a man of many names. I have no clue which one he plans to introduce himself with. But one, the one burned most deeply into my mind through repeated conversations with Flat Escardos, tumbles out of my lips unbidden.
"Great Big Ben London☆Star!?" I blurt out, and Professor Waver Velvet doubles over coughing as he swallows the cigar smoke. After a moment he stops, and with a wild eyed stare, shouts the most obvious response.
"WHY THAT NICKNAME!?"
Surprise party split! Time for Siegfried to get his long-delayed heroic spotlight, and d'Eon to get their delayed villainous spotlight.
And then there's Merry. A local girl caught up in this mess with no last name, a first name that doesn't sound very French, too much mana for a random peasant, and the same fishy face that Chlodovech had going on. Nothing to see here, move along.
This isn't actually her first appearance on the story, she showed up in Dantes's first interlude - but that was two years ago, so I doubt people remember it super well at this point.
She is by far the story element I am most skeptical about including in this fic, but if I manage to pull it off right I think it'll be okay?
Also Waver's here. Story needed more Straight Man characters, so he's here to provide. Ganbatte, Waver.
And then there's Merry. A local girl caught up in this mess with no last name, a first name that doesn't sound very French, too much mana for a random peasant, and the same fishy face that Chlodovech had going on. Nothing to see here, move along.
"S-sorry, I just blurted it out." I say, scratching my arm nervously. "Flat-senpai kept insisting I use that nickname, and since I spent so much time with him…"
"I should have known his name would pop up…" Professor Velvet says, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Still, I should get through the other half of my introduction, since you probably don't know that part. Servant Caster - I'm Lord El-Melloi II, though I've been summoned as a Pseudo-Servant. My true name is Zhuge Liang, courtesy name Kongming."
What.
"Wait, you were El-Melloi II!?" I say, pointing at him. That… somehow isn't that surprising?
Right, Ahab's memories. Now that I think about it, I can almost see the Chinese strategist's wicked grin on his face.
The Professor raises an eyebrow. "Why are you… oh, that's right. From the information the grail gave me, the 'present day' is 2016. By this point, I suppose I'd have stepped down and given the title to Reines."
"So that's how it is…" I mutter. "Well, now that the summoning's done, I guess we should get everyone up to date - a strategist with no information is no use, right?"
"Hm. I'd not say no use. I've still got one or two tricks at my disposal. But information would definitely be appreciated." He nods.
Merry, from a largely ineffectual hiding place behind an overturned handcart - did she run there when the summoning started? - gives a small, hesitant nod. "L-lord Siegfried says he's listening as well, but he will remain dematerialized for now."
"I'm ready too." Says the Director, appearing on the comm unit once more. "We're routing to Mash's communicator as well."
…Alright. I'll put aside thoughts of Gareth for now. I need to make a good impression on new teammates after all. Calling up my courage and Ahab's spite, I trace my mind across everything I've learned of this exhausting singularity so far. And then, with a forced grin and a deep breath, I begin.
***
"Okay! To start with, this singularity was formed due to the sudden return of an evil version of Jeanne d'Arc, who summoned an army of dragons and Madness-Enhanced servants using a Holy Grail gifted to her by one of the demons of the Ars Goetia. With that, the timeline diverged enough that the planet began to summon Servants to counter the threat, and Chaldea observed a singularity.
As far as our allies go, we're spread pretty freaking thin. There's the group from Chaldea - Mash Kyrielight, Mordred Pendragon, and myself. We had linked up with Jeanne d'Arc, Amadeus Mozart, and Marie Antoinette, but we got separated during an encounter with Francois Prelati. I managed to kill the little bastard, but when his Reality Marble unraveled I was miles away in Lyon."
"What are we working with there? I can't imagine a Knight of the Round Table or a famous local Saint being weak, but as for the rest - who even is Mash Kyrielight, anyway?" Professor Velvet asks.
Galahad, I carefully don't say. There's not a chance in hell that I'll let Mash get overwritten this time around.
"Mash is a Demi-Servant. It's a similar deal to what you've got going on, but the creation process is different - anyway, whoever it is she's fused with is definitely a powerhouse, but he seems to be withholding his name from her on purpose." I explain. "As for the rest… don't worry, it's way worse than it sounds. Mordred sacrificed her sword at the end of the last singularity, and Jeanne says she was summoned without her offensive Noble Phantasm, her legend bonus, most of her abilities as a Ruler class Servant, and all of her memories of previous summons."
The Professor takes a long, long, drag of his cigar and closes his eyes, exhaling with an equally long sigh. "I see. Do we have any other cards to play? That girl over there mentioned Siegfried's presence, right?"
"Y-yes milord! I'm his m-m-master, Merry d'Lyon, milord!" She says, giving a sloppy curtsy. "But Lord Siegfried was terribly injured protecting the town, and so-"
"He can't even materialize, huh?" Professor Velvet takes yet another long drag of his cigar. "What a fucking shitshow."
"...Pretty much, yeah. What kind of timescale are we looking at for his recovery?" I ask.
"That's…" Merry trails off.
"Indefinite, it seems." Siegfried's voice emanates from nowhere. "My injuries were cursed, so I've been unable to recover."
I can do something about that, I want to say, but- I'm not sure. I still don't know how my [Gluttony] works, still don't have a name for it, even. I know that it killed me last time. I know that it didn't kill me in Fuyuki. How the hell does that even make sense!? Ahab's Harpoon killed me, but the curse of Angra Mainyu didn't? Isn't that unreasonable?
In any case, if it has a chance to kill me, I can't risk using it, not when it could reset me back into Prelati's trap.
But that aside, it makes sense now - in the last loop, I had wondered why Kongming hadn't prepared any measure to save Siegfried. But knowing about his cursed injury, and Kongming's personality…
"He's dead weight anyway, so I'll just let him die." - I'm sure he said something like that.
"Well, to try to save some morale, we have got one other group of allies - a group of Rogue Servants defending Paris at the moment. Captain Ahab, the young version of Elizabeth Bathory, Kiyohime, Charlotte Corday, Robespierre, Edward of Woodstock, and, most importantly, Saint George. Napoleon was around too, but Prelati talked him into attacking Orleans alone and he hasn't been seen since."
Speaking of allies disappearing, there's also that - Corday and Robespierre vanish tomorrow, followed by Kiyohime later in the night. Ahab had tried a little bit to figure it out, but ultimately Robespierre and Corday were useless anyway and wrangling Kiyohime without setting off her berserk buttons was impossible for someone as disagreeable as the old captain. In other words, he gave up after… just two tries!?
Seriously, Ahab, does that [Determination of Steel] skill of yours only apply to whales!?
And then there's Edward of Woodstock, who in every loop had ridden out to aid us against Chlodovech, despite Ahab's urgings, and in every loop had been killed by Lancelot.
"The Black Prince…?" Merry asks in utter disbelief. "Why… why him!? Why not Emperor Charlemagne, or King Clovis, or even … why did it have to be the one of the men who began this hundred year war in the first place!?"
"To be honest, I'm more curious about Napoleon." Professor Velvet says. "Who exactly are we facing in this Singularity - and how the hell did they manage to bring down Napoleon Bonaparte on French Soil?"
"I guess that's as good a segue as any." I say with a sigh. "Dark Jeanne summoned a whole bunch of Wyverns and Dragons, including Fafnir. Aside from that, there's a full set of Servants with Mad Enhancement - Berserk Avenger, Edmond Dantes; Berserk Saber, Chevalier d'Eon; Berserk Lancer, Vlad III; Berserk Archer, a cat-eared woman I don't know the identity of; Berserk Rider, Saint Martha; the second Berserk Rider, Chlodovech, King of the Franks; Berserk Assassin, Carmilla; Berserk Caster, Gilles de Rais; and True Berserker, Lancelot du Lac."
Professor Velvet takes a drag of his cigar, and exhales. And then he does it two more times, before finally finding a good response.
"Fuck." He says.
"Yeah." I reply. "We thought we picked off Carmilla in La Charite, but it seems she's still alive, with extra dragon traits like wings added on for some reason. Same with Dantes and Fafnir; it seems like the former's got a stupidly strong healing Noble Phantasm, and they're going to be popping up again. Even worse, Fafnir's learned his lesson from being injured, so he's going to be using hit-and-run tactics from here on."
"Ah!" Merry says. "Ridiculous healing… is he that kuhaha guy who attacked us this morning?"
"...Kuhaha guy?" Professor Velvet asks.
"Y-yes, milord! He was zipping around with great agility and kept laughing with a strange 'kuhaha' laugh." The girl says. "Lord Siegfried almost slew him, but the next moment he was unharmed."
"That's the one." I nod. "It seems like he's… I think he said he could 'escape outside of time', or something like that?"
"I see… I think Flat mentioned that there was a Dead Apostle with that kind of ability in Egypt once." He says. "The ability to attack within stopped time… how terrifying."
"...I think Flat-Senpai might have been talking about an anime there, actually." I say, scratching my head. "Regardless, I'm pretty sure that Dantes has to enter into the normal timestream again to attack, at least for an instant. If you can predict his location, your Noble Phantasm is definitely able to catch him."
"Hmm… In that case, we can probably make do. On that note… I suppose you have some kind of clairvoyance, Master?" The Professor asks, and it takes a little too long for me to realize he's talking to me.
"Man, hearing you call me 'Master' is way too weird… Can you just call me Subaru like normal?" I mutter, scratching the back of my head. "And I can't exactly tell you about it."
"It's something like that." The Director pipes up. "Whatever his deal is, it's got some sort of clause that will kill him if he talks too much about the details."
"...Troublesome." He notes, cigar shifting up and down in his mouth as he chews on the end. "Still it seems you can share events somewhat freely, so… what do we have to worry about in the immediate future?"
"Berserk Saber will arrive in Lyon tomorrow morning to finish off Siegfried. I don't think she'd be able to beat him normally, but as he is…" I trail off, and he closes his eyes in thought. "Fafnir and Dantes could show up at any time, too. The bulk of the Wyverns have… probably withdrawn to Orleans with Dark Jeanne, I think. Dantes and Fafnir could have as well, but they're both fast enough that location doesn't necessarily matter."
"...When did you say Fafnir had been wounded, again?" Professor Velvet asks.
"Um…" It had happened before my reset point, right. How long… five minutes, maybe? Taking into account the time I spent unconscious… "It can't have been much more than two hours ago. Why?"
"...Just a theory. I need some more time to think about it, I'll let you know later." He answers. "Is there anything else I should be aware of?"
I stop to ponder. I feel like there's one more thing I'm missing…
"-Wait!" The Director blurts out. "I was too busy thinking about other problems earlier, but… how the hell did you show up in the first place, El-Melloi!?"
"El-Melloi II," He corrects. "And what do you mean by that, Olga Marie?"
There's something in his tone of voice, something that was missing when he was talking to me, that should have been there. But I can't quite figure out what that is-
"I mean how were you 'Zhuge Liang', the one to come out of that summoning ritual!? Our catalyst was a holy shroud provided by Jeanne d'Arc! There should be no way for a Chinese tactician of all things to pop out!" She shouts. "And that's 'Director', to you!"
The Professor closes his eyes, a troubled look flitting across his face, before it vanishes and stern eyes gaze back at her. "You can't answer that for yourself?"
"Of course not! How should I know-!"
"You're smarter than that, Olga Marie." He chides, and realization dawns. I get it - this attitude, I missed it in him because he didn't recognize me. The attitude of a teacher, drawing out the best in his student. "I'll give you a hint. What was the history of that holy shroud?"
"It was created by Jeanne d'Arc, earlier…today…" Her head falls into her hands. "Ahhhh! I'm so stupid! It's in a singularity! It's an object that won't even exist outside of that point in time, which is where the Throne of Heroes is! Of course we got someone random, we might as well have not been using a catalyst at all!"
"...Seven points. Rather than 'no catalyst', it would be better to say that the catalyst was set to 'zero'. A summon not taking any catalyst into account, not even compatibility with the summoner. In some sense, it was just leaving the whole process up to luck and the will of the planet. All in all, not the worst circumstance." He explains patiently. "But that raises the extra question - just how tired are you, Olga Marie? This kind of mistake is unlike you."
She blinks, and stares at him with a bizarre look on her face. "...Do we know each other? In your timeline, I mean?"
"We met on the Rail Zeppelin. Some unfortunate events unfolded, but it ended with you striking up a friendship with… I suppose she's the current El-Melloi III. You ended up joining my class at the Clock Tower as well."
"...What about Chaldea?" She asks, strangely distant.
He shrugs. "It doesn't exist. Your father was never able to find the funding he needed."
"...I see." She says. A few moments pass, and then she lets out a breath. "I'll go try to get some sleep. Romani, you're in charge until I get back."
Her display cuts out, and a familiar fluffy-haired doctor pops up. "Well, that's… Listen, I'm going to go after her. I'm not any good with battle plans anyway, so… ah, why not. Cu Chulainn, you're still lurking around in spiritual form, right? You take charge until I'm back."
"Finally!" I hear a rush of spiritron particles, and Caster's face replaces Romani's.
"Have you just been… waiting in the command room this whole time?" I ask.
"Obviously. Where else would I be hanging out?" He says with a grin.
Three months, schmee months
(No but seriously I'm very sorry for the delays)
Obviously, Cu should be workshopping mystic codes with Da Vinci.
But that's boring, so he's watching our boy fight instead and badgering the command staff to send him in despite his injury. They were going to do it in the last loop, because an injured servant is better than none, but the generators came down with a fatal case of ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU so they couldn't power a rayshift.
-This is the story of something that never happened.
To start with, there's no room for seasonal events in a story crawling by at a pace like this. And, furthermore, the tone is way off base, and the story includes several characters that have no business showing up this soon.
But with all that said, it's that magical time of year again, when the pagan kings of northern Europe would invite their courtiers to feast with them on horse meat and blood and also just slather horse blood all over the place because apparently Odin is really into that kind of thing. That time of year when all good Christians were forbidden from eating horse meat in AD 732, because looking like a pagan is a big no-no, and even today most of those northern European cultures are quite ant-horse meat. That magical time of year where no person from the Americas would have eaten horse up until the Columbian exchange, primarily due to American horses going extinct around 7900 BC.
That time of year when every Persona Protagonist faces their climactic battle, a bit of information that the author was unaware of prior to his unannounced hiatus three months ago with the release of Persona 5 for PC. I'm sure that's just a coincidence, though.
That's right. It's Christmas time. And as anyone who's familiar with FGO will tell you, that means it's time for me, the author, to violate all the traditions and magic of the holiday season, for the sake of comedy.
Grab a glass of eggnog, huddle under a blanket, and relax, with this heartwarming(?) tale.
***
The Santa who Judges the Sinners, Chapter 3
-My face hurts. The wind is way too strong…
Slowly, I sit up, prying one eye open to gaze at my red-hatted companion, and the sea of clouds below us. Still not a dream, huh?
"Baru! Don't pass out aga~in! We've still got a long night ahead of us!" Typhon says over the howling wind.
"Can't you just take me home now? I'm so tired…" I complain. It feels like we've been at this for years…
"Maybe when you finally escape Orleans, Baru."
"Ah, so it'll continue forever, then…"
"Anyway, the next person we need to visit is a little girl named Merry!" Typhon says
"Is it really okay to use such a recently introduced Original Character here…?"
"Little Merry's letter to santa says:
'Oh Saint Barbara, Saint Louis , Saint Mark, Saint Nicholas, any Saint that is listening, please intercede for me! I'm surrounded by pagans and there's blood everywhere and they're drinking it and one of them is staring right at my hiding place, please, please, please send someone to deliver me from this trouble!'"
"What the he-ck, that sounds scary!" I shout. "Also, are we ever going to get an actual Santa letter, or is that just part of the joke?"
"[White Whale, Compact Model], descend-!"
White Whale-kun lets out a cry, and we plunge down below the clouds once more.
***
We crash through the front door of a wooden temple-looking building with a thunderous noise. The scent of blood is already reaching my nostrils as Typhon calls out into the cloud of sawdust and wood splinters.
"Santa is here! Prepare to perish, sinners!" She shouts, and as the dust settles, I can feel the eyes of half a dozen sinister-looking buff men resting on me. Two shirtless men, one with brown hair and horns and one with blonde hair and tattoos pause in the middle of an arm wrestle. A bearded blonde with eyes like a dead fish slowly lowers a glass of wine from his lips as he raises an eyebrow. A man in a hooded blue cloak pauses in the middle of smearing what looks to be blood on one of the walls and glances in our direction. A man with gray hair combed into a wave of forward-facing spikes adjusts his glasses, which glint sinisterly in the firelight. And a man with long gray hair and a glowing emblem on his chest - wait, that's Siegfried, isn't it!?
Okay this is fine. We just invaded the party of a bunch of scary heroic spirits. No big deal. After all, Typhon is powerful, so-
"Hmm? What's all this commotion?" A red-haired woman calls out as she enters from an adjoining room. She's wearing an apron and holding a ladle in her hand- "Oh, aren't you the cutest little thing! Come to the kitchen with me, I'll get you some sweets."
"Santa demands cookies!" Typhon immediately runs over to her. Oi, hang on-!
"Now, now, that's not the right way to ask for something.~" The woman replies, leading Typhon away by the hand.
"Ah-" I try to protest my single source of protection leaving.
"Please give Typhon some sweets, Onee-san~!" Typhon says
"Mm, mm, that's right!" The woman nods, and they disappear through the door into the kitchen.
A solid five seconds of awkward silence follow as I stare at the room's remaining occupants, sweat cascading down my brow, until finally -
"Kid, what the hell?" Asks the man in the blue cloak - hang on, that voice is-!
"Cu Chulainn!?" I blurt out.
"Yeah. Yule is a festival for Odin, so since I've got some links to the guy, I ended up getting dragged into being the head priest for this mess…" The Caster says with a small shrug. "But listen, even if you're usually my master, I can't exactly let this kind of thing slide, you know? Showing up uninvited is one thing, but you broke the door down and everything…"
…
"I'm very sorry, please forgive me!" I shout, bowing at a perfect 90 degree angle.
He pauses, glancing towards a large wooden statue of a horned man, and closing his eyes for a moment.
"-sorry, that's not good enough. Should have gone for the full dogeza, kid." Cu Chulainn sighs. "Well, it's still enough for me to just kick you out instead of actually killing you or something."
I laugh nervously, glancing back at the howling snowstorm outside the temple. That's no good. Seriously, just looking out there is enough to make me imagine a giant cat spirit glaring at me. I let out an involuntary shudder.
"Oh, and that girl hiding behind the statue there-" He starts.
"Kyaaaa!" Said girl lets out a piercing shriek as she charges out from behind it, dashing for the gaping hole in the wall where the door had once been. "I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die-!"
The room's other inhabitants make no effort to stop her, and an instant later she vanishes into the blizzard.
"-I was going to say 'take her with you', but I guess she left on her own." He shrugs.
A brief silence follows, and I glance back into the blizzard. "Could you maybe give me a coat or someth-"
"Ūruz." He intones, and a wave of force seizes me, flinging me into the cold night.
***
A few short moments of flight later, I crash into the still running girl, and we both tumble into cold, wet snow.
This is bad. This is all kinds of bad. I'm seriously going to freeze.
"Aaah! Aaah! No, no please!" She starts screaming again, and my teeth smash together painfully as her fist meets my jaw, knocking me off of her. "Let me go! Help, help-!" Wisely, I roll away from her flailing legs, just barely dodging being knocked prone again.
"For the love of- calm down, Merry!" I shout, and the girl pauses, opening her slightly-too-large eyes and staring at me.
"H-how do you know my name?" She asks.
Cu remembers me, but she doesn't? How the hell does any of this make sense!?
Well, other circumstances aside… "I guess you could say we heard your prayer…?"
"A-are you an angel!?" She blurts out
"I'm not." I retort, crossing both arms in front of me. "It's way more disappointing than that."
"Huh?" She tilts her head.
"I'm a reindeer."
An awkward silence follows.
"I-is that so?" She asks eventually.
"Please don't look at me with such pity in your eyes."
…
Another freezing gust of wind tears my attention away from my flaming cheeks. "Right, we should-!"
"Ohoho!" A new, male voice calls out. "I came, I saw, and what did I find - two more fellows kicked out of the celebration. Then that makes us allies, compatriots, friends-!"
Emerging from the blizzard around us, carrying a bright, warm torch, with a laurel wreath on his head, is quite possibly the fattest man I have ever seen.
"Allow us to introduce ourselves! I am Saber (for some reason), Gaius Julius Caesar, leader of the Yuletide Crashers Alliance!" From the blizzard, two more individuals emerge.
A teenage boy with red eyes and gray hair speaks quietly. "Caster, Sieg. I'm not even technically a heroic spirit, but please take care of me."
Of course neither of us are really paying attention to them, because the third member of their party is far too bizarre. With a horse's body, and a man's upper body… it's a centaur right? This is a centaur, right? But that head…
"It's a horse?" Merry asks.
"A horse? Where!?" The horse-faced centaur asks, looking around.
"She means you, right…?" I can't help but ask.
"Hm? No, that's ridiculous. I'm not a horse." The horse insists.
"Th-then what are you?" Merry replies.
"I'm Lu Bu."
"I-is that so?" She says, and then glances at me.
"No, that reindeer thing was just a joke! I didn't know something like this would happen, okay?"
***
"So, tell me, my new friends - who are you and what are your abilities? I'm certain can fit you into my grand plan to infiltrate the party."
"Um, Merry de'Lyon! It is an honor to meet you, Lord Caesar!" Merry says with a small bow. "I'm good at repairing and washing clothes!"
"...And?"
"I can… cook and clean…?" She continues.
"...Can you though?" I ask after a moment's thought - after all, when we first met, in France…
"That's… I don't have, much experience, but I'm willing to learn!" She says.
"Hmm, inexperienced, but a self-starter.. hang on!" Caesar says. "This isn't a summer job interview, why are you only listing mundane skills? Aren't you a servant?"
"No, Lord Caesar! But I admire Mademoiselle Valour, the Governor's maid a great deal. I'd like to be like her someday!" Merry responds.
"Ah, basically, we're both just normal humans." I interrupt before Caesar can get any more confused. "I can use some magic, and I've got a couple command spells, but that's about it. And Merry is just a normal girl… I think. Probably."
"Oh lord forgive me, for consorting with witches - ah!? What do you mean you think? I'm just a normal girl from Lyon!" She protests.
"No, that's clearly not the case - you've somehow found your way back in time to Ancient Germany, and that aside, your face-" Sieg starts to say.
"I was born with this face, you scoundrel!" She shouts.
"Hey, don't judge people just because they have eyes like a dead fish!" I shout at him.
"Don't insult my eyes, you shifty-eyed boy!" Merry turns on me.
"We have the same eyes!" I retort.
"What I was saying was, her face is strangely similar to that King Clovis I back at the party." The red-eyed boy continues.
"The hell, Chlodovech was there? I didn't see him." I say.
"The blonde, bearded middle-aged guy." Sieg says.
"Are you sure? In France, he was summoned as a kid."
"Well, Servants can take different forms depending on the circumstance of their summoning, after all." Says Caesar with a laugh. "This charming girth of mine is simply the result of my class - I'm sure that had I been summoned as Rider, you could see my chiseled jaw the same as my marble bust!"
"And I guess Lu Bu wouldn't be a horse if he was summoned as something else, right?" I say, nodding.
"O-of course not! I'm not a horse in the first place! I'm Lu Bu!" The horse whinnies back.
"A-anyway, that's impossible!" Merry says. "King Clovis was a good Christian ruler. There's no way he'd take part in that barbaric pagan ritual!"
"Speaking of which, isn't Caesar a pagan too? Why aren't you freaking out about him, huh?" I ask.
"Well, Lord Caesar is one of the Nine Worthies, after all." She says matter-of-factly. "I don't know much about him, but all the nobles say he was a good man!"
"Just because some stuffy French nobles look up to him…?" I mumble. I really don't get this girl at all…
"Ahem!" Caesar coughs. "Returning to the point, you wouldn't happen to have a Servant with you, Mister…?"
"Ah, I forgot my introduction!" I say, striking my signature pose. "My name is Natsuki Subaru! Not only am I clueless, I'm also completely separated from my Servants!"
"What's that pose about…?" Sieg asks.
"It… doesn't mean anything. My dad just did the same pose when introducing himself to people, so before I knew it I was doing it too."
"Haha! Well, nothing wrong with having a family tradition, nothing wrong at all." Caesar laughs jovially. "But with that in mind, I believe we're back where we were before, my friends. Terribly outnumbered."
"Like I said, if you can keep the dragonslayers occupied, I can probably deal with the rest." Sieg says.
"Indeed. But even with Red Hare supporting me, there's not a chance I can take on Siegfried, Sigurd, and Beowulf all at once." Caesar sighs.
"Red Hare!? Where?" Asks the horse who seems to in fact be Red Hare.
"Wait, are you seriously that much of a big shot that you can take on Chlodovech, Cu Chulainn, and that guy with the horns all on your own!?" I ask.
"When you say it like that, I feel much less confident." He says. "But to make a long story short, some stuff happened, and now I'm Fafnir."
"...What." Does not compute.
"It's called the [Evil Dragon Phenomenon]. People who exhibit overwhelming greed just sort of transform into Fafnir naturally, apparently." The self-proclaimed Evil Dragon says. "Though in my case it's a bit more complicated."
"I guess that explains how both Siegfried and Sigurd can have killed Fafnir." I sigh. "To be honest, I don't even want to get into that Yule party, but they sort of stole my ride, so it can't be helped. Typhon is… well, she isn't strong, exactly, but Sigurd cheated on his wife or something, right? She should be able to take him down. We just need to find a way to smuggle her out of the kitchen."
"It's an iron age German kitchen, though. There's no way any men will be allowed in there." Sieg notes, and slowly turns to stare at Merry.
"N-no! Go back there… I can't!" She wilts under his gaze. Yeah, she doesn't strike me as someone who can tell a lie to save her life. Someone else will have to handle the infiltration, which means…
"In that case… I suppose this looks like a job for Natsumi Schwarz."
"Actually, Baru, we're out of time! It's already January!" Says Typhon, appearing from nowhere.
"Eh!? Hang on! The author procrastinated that long!?" I shout.
"Sorry, Baru! You'll have to wait until next year to disguise yourself as a woman!"
74: You lost it!? How do you lose something like that!?
"Anyway, nice work surviving out there, kid - guess this makes you two for two on dealing with Reality Marble ambushes, huh?" Cu Chulainn says with a laugh, and I wince as a recollection of agony shudders through my organs and muscles.
"O-oi, can you do me a favor and not bring that horrible experience up?" I ask. "Just because I survived doesn't make it fun to remember."
"Ha! You're no fun, Master." the Caster shakes his head with an unrepentant grin. "You don't see me freaking out when people talk about how I died."
Our argument is interrupted as Professor Velvet exhales a large cloud of smoke - Hey, his cigar's already almost gone!? Professor, are you really gonna be okay!? - and speaks up. "I'll keep it brief since I don't want to linger on past trauma - Francois Prelati. You didn't number him among our enemies or allies. Considering that you were kidnapped by him, I'm assuming the former, but that he was able to get Napoleon's ear implies that at some point at least he was considered the latter. How does he play into everything?"
I grit my teeth as my heart pounds in my ears, and for a moment, I can see the punchline. 'Professor Velvet's head suddenly falls off. The illusion fades, and I find myself in the tunnels beneath Paris once more, with no company save Prelati and his mocking laughter.' - that's the scenario that plays out in my mind.
But it doesn't happen. Eventually, my breathing steadies, and I open my eyes again. "...Enemy. He was an enemy, no doubt about it. He caused some trouble for Dark Jeanne too - he said he stole her Caster's Spellbook, and…" -and he "helped" us reach Paris. But that's not what makes me trail off. What makes me trail off is-
Demon God Bael.
The very reason Prelati had been summoned to this singularity in the first place, the one good thing that I knew he had done for us.
What the hell happened to Bael!?
I know from my second loop at Chaldea that death of the host won't necessarily kill a Demon Pillar right away - they can last at least long enough to fireball me.
I know that Prelati's illusions end upon his death. That's why Satella showed up at the end of last loop, and why I was released from his fake reality marble in this one. So Bael must have seen through the illusion when Prelati died.
So where the hell is he!?
…No, this is stupid to panic about. The answer is right in front of me.
"-He said he had trapped the Demon God Pillar Bael in an illusion too, but it didn't show up when he died, so that was probably just a lie." I finish. But does that make everything else a lie too? That seeming insider information he revealed when he was torturing me, was it just to toy with my emotions?
"That's a very specific bluff." The Professor points out. "Just how well known is it that these Demon Pillars are involved at all?"
"...At the very least, it would have to be known to whoever was given the Grail in the first place. But I'm pretty sure Dark Jeanne hates his guts. He did goad her into getting burned, after all." I say.
"...No, you're making a mistake there. There's no reason to assume that she's the original holder of the grail." Professor Velvet replies. "Occam's Razor doesn't apply when magecraft is involved. The question is never 'whodunnit' or 'howdunnit', but rather 'whydunnit'. In this case, that means: 'Whose wish on the grail is for Jeanne d'Arc to return and take her revenge on France?'"
"Wouldn't that still be the dragon witch…?" Merry asks.
"Possibly." He answers. "But that doesn't feel quite right. Like putting a round peg into a square hole. The peg fits. It fits and goes through the hole, but I can't ignore the perfectly sized square peg sitting in the background." He pauses to take another drag of his cigar, and then jolts as the flame reaches his fingers, tossing it to the ground with a scowl. Grumbling, the Professor reaches into his pocket and pulls a second cigar from a case.
"Oi, Master, I'm not too sure on the etiquette here, but people aren't supposed to chain smoke cigars, right?" Cu Chulainn stage whispers to me.
"Well, the professor has a difficult job…" I say with a nervous laugh.
"Shut up. I need- shit." His lighter slips from his hand, and as he reaches down to pick it up, I realize that he's trembling. Carefully, he picks it up, lights his cigar, and takes another long puff. "When I was a young man, I participated in the Fourth Fuyuki Holy Grail War."
"So you're a veteran, huh? That's probably how you ended up as a candidate to become a Pseudoservant in the first place, right?" Cu Chulainn notes.
"Probably." He admits, and then falls silent for a few moments, taking a deep breath to steady himself. "...Gilles de Rais was the Caster Servant of that war. To be honest, I'm not certain what to even expect from a berserk version of him - he was mad enough as it was. But I know that his wish was to restore Jeanne d'Arc to life - and after mistaking Saber for her, and seeing that his wish had been granted, it seemed his wish simply became to commit as many atrocities as possible."
"So he could be the real culprit, you're saying?" I ask.
"It lines up in my mind better. For Jeanne d'Arc, the ones who humiliated and killed her were the English. Certainly, she must have known she was betrayed by the French - but it wasn't a face to face betrayal. The mere refusal to pay a ransom - learned secondhand from her captors - is that enough to make her first enemy upon her return as a villain France? The whole of France?" Professor Velvet asks. "But as for Gilles de Rais - he didn't witness her death. What he witnessed firsthand was the failure of the French to save the girl he admired. And then he went mad, driven onward by the taunting of Francois Prelati, and made himself an enemy of France, perhaps of humanity as a whole. In the end, it was the French who killed him. For Gilles de Rais, it's only natural that France would be his target. So the question becomes - Master, you've met Jeanne d'Arc. The one not summoned by the enemy, I mean. This level of indiscriminate carnage - is she capable of it?"
"...If I'm just going off the normal Jeanne, no. There's no way that's possible." I answer. "And Dark Jeanne… to be honest, it's not like she's been acting revenge-crazed. She keeps saying she is, but-"
A flash of a memory cuts through my mind - a conversation, leading to a completely idiotic decision.
***
"So, Monsieur Whaler, tell me - what do you make of that dragon witch?" A massive man in an even larger tricorn hat asked.
"Whatever that girl be, 'tis no Avenger. Were that the case, her hands would be stained most of all - but she delegates! She allows others to commit vengeance in her stead, and lurks within her castle!" 'I' spat in reply.
"So her heart's not in it, huh? To be honest, that Alchemist said something about her being compelled into this whole business." The man replied, stroking his brown beard thoughtfully.
"And thou wouldst trust that creature's judgment?" 'I' asked, rolling my eyes. Was this really the man who conquered all of Western Europe save Britain? Why was he acting this naive?
"Of course not! But, if you think it might be the case, then that changes things." He replied, pursing his lips.
"In what way? Even if she is under another's control, what canst thou do about it? Tis impossible for thee to march into Orleans and free her." 'I' sighed.
"Ooh la la! I believe you said a new word to me there, Monsieur!" He said, a fearless grin stretching across his lips.
"What-?"
"That word, 'impossible' - I've never seen it in my dictionary." Napoleon said in a low voice, materializing a massive cannon and pointing it experimentally in the direction of Orleans. "What does it mean, exactly?"
***
-And then he marched off to Orleans, despite Ahab's protests, and got himself killed.
"-Is something wrong, Master?" the Professor asks.
"No, it's… I'm pretty sure that Napoleon came to the same conclusion." I say. "That Dark Jeanne wasn't our real enemy in this singularity, I mean."
"That's wrong." He replies firmly. "She might not be the root cause, but she's still a 'real'... enemy…" He trails off as his eyes widen slightly. "Actually… what if she isn't 'real' at all? Gilles de Rais receives the grail from the Demon Pillar, and uses it to create a Jeanne d'Arc that matches his delusions, leaving behind a weakened True Jeanne as a waste product - how does that sound to your clairvoyance?"
"...And returning to the start of this conversation, Prelati learns of the Demon Pillars from Gilles de Rais, before eventually betraying him for his own amusement." I conclude. "In other words, he was never Bael to begin with, and it was all a lie?"
…Even then, didn't he know too much for that to be true? He seemed to understand all of the motives of the supposed king of Demon Gods, after all. Is Berserk Caster coherent enough to have dragged all of that information out of whoever gave him the Grail - Amdusias, I guess? Or was he just making that stuff up as he went!?
Prelati, Prelati, Prelati… you piece of shit, come back to life so I can strangle you again! I bet you made this as confusing as possible on purpose, you bastard!
"...Let's assume that it was a lie for now. So the timeline is probably something along the lines of-"
"Francois Prelati is summoned by the planet to help humanity in the Singularity. He talks his way into Gilles de Rais's camp, using the long friendship between the two of them. He learns about the demon pillars, steals Gilles's Noble Phantasm, and returns to the side of humanity, where he 'helps' in such a destructive fashion that he ends up getting Napoleon killed and almost getting Ahab killed. Then he meets me, tries to 'help' in a similar way, and I kill him when negotiations break down."
"You're sure that he had Gilles de Rais's Noble Phantasm?" the Professor asks.
"...Yeah. He used some captured wyverns to create sea fiends, back when he was working with Ahab and Napoleon." I answer.
"He used wyverns to do it!?" His eyes go wide, and he grabs me by the shoulders.
"Y-yeah." I respond, a bit caught off guard.
"...During the Fourth Grail War, Gilles de Rais used exclusively kidnapped children as fuel. I had assumed that was a restriction on the Noble Phantasm, not…" His arms drop to his side.
"Just his own sick preference, huh…?" Cu Chulainn says.
"Or Prelati just taught him wrong, for his own amusement." I note, grimacing.
Professor Velvet scowls, taking a drag of his cigar. "-Either way, that raises another damn possibility. That Demon God Bael is absent because he's already been disposed of, used as a supplement for that fucking book. In Fuyuki, Caster used a few hundred children to summon a Fiend dangerous enough that [Excalibur] was needed to put it down for good. With something on the level of Bael…"
"...I guess we've found Ahab's 'White Whale', then." I snarl. Of course. That explains why Prelati was so eager to have him kill Fafnir with his Noble Phantasm - his harpoon kills him too when he uses it; if he used it on a red herring, then Prelati's secret weapon would be unstoppable. "So there's some rogue sea monster somewhere now…?"
"Probably not." Professor Velvet says. "If Gilles de Rais's work is anything to go by, he could just store the power of its sacrifice in his spellbook - he summoned his big monster after Rider and I had already destroyed his workshop. In which case, the question becomes - who has [Prelati's Spellbook] now?"
"I'd like to say 'It vanished with him when he died', but there's no way we're going to be that lucky, is there?" I sigh. "But in terms of people who can use it, it should just be Gilles left, right? Lancelot could use it to hit people with, I guess…"
"No, there's one more." He says, casting his spent cigar to the ground. "You killed Francois Prelati, the servant. But remember, the year is 1431 right now - what about Francois Prelati, the living human?"
In which Waver uses previous knowledge and his own intuition to preemptively figure out the twist at the end of canon Orleans in the first fifteen minutes of his summoning. He is a detective, after all.
To be clear, he didn't trust Prelati a single time in the brainwash loops, but his advice to Subaru was always to command spell kill him the first moment he got a chance, and somehow Subaru was never able to get enough command spells (because Prelati was rigging the random encounter table)
We'll get back to the action at some point, I promise.
As a side note, Merry has spent this whole chapter totally lost on what they're talking about and too scared to ask questions.
As the mission briefing comes to an end, I contemplate the absolute mess I've been summoned into. Already, I find myself wishing that Kongming had just gone ahead and taken the lead in our summoning. Dealing with Gray face to face was traumatizing enough for me; fighting Gilles de Rais again is asking way too much of me, dammit!
We're up against overwhelming odds. Lancelot, Fafnir, the Dragon Witch, Dracula, Saint Martha, Clovis I, whatever the hell Francois Prelati might be cooking up… any one of those would be a nightmare to deal with alone. Having to tackle all of them working together is terrifying. Especially where we are now, isolated from any allies aside from a crippled Siegfried and his slightly sketchy Master.
I close my eyes, and examine the board. I've started play with a king, a bishop, and two pawns, and my opponent hasn't lost anything.
It's a good thing I'm playing against an idiot, then.
"You said that Chevalier d'Eon arrives tomorrow?" I ask.
"Yeah." my Master says. "But if Mash's team doesn't make any stops, they might be able to reach us in time to help. So if you've got any tricks to stall her…"
"Stall her?" I chuckle. "Why would we need to stall her? The only question is how to avoid scaring her off before she attacks. When your enemy hangs their knight, you take the piece, Subaru."
He gives me a slightly shocked look.
"One day isn't enough time to set up a full 'Temple', but my [Territory Creation] is A-rank, and we've already gone to the trouble of finding this Leyline." I say, a grin stretching across my face. "Saber Class or not, Chevalier d'Eon was a mundane human from the near-modern era. I can't imagine her Magic Resistance is higher than C-rank. I won't claim that I can annihilate her, but if we can bait her into one of my bounded fields, tipping the odds in Siegfried's favor is well within my capabilities."
Subaru seems to relax considerably. "I don't know all of her abilities, but I do know that she'd barely beat Siegfried even if we weren't here. I guess if we have a Caster providing support…"
"Pardon, Monsieur Subaru." Merry, the girl who had been introduced as the master of Siegfried, interrupts at that point. To be honest, I was fairly sure she had completely stopped paying attention a while back, but maybe my teacher's instincts aren't properly calibrated for French peasants. "Um, that is… Lord Siegfried says, he doesn't think he'd stand any chance against anyone right now without me using a Command Spell."
So she was zoning out after all, but Siegfried was taking notes. What a reliable classmate (lol).
"It's that bad, huh…?" Subaru sighs. "How many do you have left?"
"...Only two." She replies - and then, color drains from her face, and her eyes flick to the side. "Um, if there's any way that we can… not fight that Saber, I think it would be the better option."
…What did Siegfried tell her, just now?
Or was it Siegfried? There's too much about this girl that doesn't add up. The only surviving human in the city not only has the potential to be a Master, and has high quality magic circuits, and somehow acquired command spells - you're kidding me, right!? That's obviously suspicious!
Sure. Your other summoning ritual "failed". I believe that. As if, idiot!
But all of this comes down to-
"No, the best option is to eliminate her here. Even if it seems risky, I'm totally certain that this is the optimal path to victory." I don't intend to compromise with this girl. I'll have her put her cards on the table, where I can see them, whether she likes it or not.
"Hey, Professor, if it's going to be risky-" Subaru starts to say, but I interrupt him.
"It won't be. This isn't my advice as a Clock Tower Professor, or even as the former Master of Iskander, King of Conquerors. This is my [Tactician's Advice], my A+ Rank Personal skill granted to me as China's greatest strategist Zhuge Liang." It's bad manners to smirk, but I can't help myself. "Any strategic advice I give is guaranteed to be 100% correct, even if there's information that I'm missing."
Cu Chulainn lets out a low whistle. "I'd heard of that skill, but I didn't know it could reach that level - that's pretty absurd."
"Professor," Subaru asks, a small frown on his face. "'100% correct' - is that by your standards, or Kongming's?"
In an instant, he cuts to the glaring weakness of the skill. Sure, there are counters - another with the same skill, or a Servant with a high enough Luck stat. But ultimately, the most glaring weakness of [Tactician's Advice] is in its name. It's the advice of Zhuge Liang, not Waver Velvet. That monster of ancient history, for whom any number of losses is a mere statistic so long as it brings us closer to victory. That's an exaggeration, El-Melloi. Throwing away lives needlessly will only cause resentment among the troops - in any case, it's my impression that we've been summoned by the worst sort of master for a tactic like that.
I sigh. "It's Kongming's standard. But part of the evaluation includes morale management - so long as you remain the type who can't stand taking losses, sacrifices will probably remain as low on the list of options as possible."
"Right, in that case I'm going to avoid relying on it too much." Subaru says. "It'll probably interact badly with my whole thing too…"
"So, with all that… Should we pack up and leave to avoid Berserk Saber?" Merry suggests again.
"No." I shut her down again. "The odds are good that she'll catch us anyway, and I'll be more competent defending than attacking. If you're too unsettled to use a command seal to help Siegfried fight, then we'll just defeat her without him. Master, give her your shirt."
"Eh!?" The girl freezes completely and for a second I wonder if she passed out standing up. Embarrassment, confusion, and terror war for dominance on her face in a pretty amusing fashion.
"Oi, Professor, what do you-?" Subaru starts to ask.
"It's a Mystic Code, right? Merry doesn't know the first thing about magecraft, but you went to the Clock Tower - give her the training wheels, and use your own spells for the upcoming fight." I explain.
"That's… I mean, you're right, I guess. But my Magic Circuits are damaged. I can't cast anything without something to draw the mana out of them." He says.
Seriously? How the hell did that happen to you? I know there are some poisons that will do it, and the Magus Killer had some kind of trick like that, but Natsuki Subaru doesn't have the kind of pedigree to demand special attention like that.
"I'll make you some Fulu talismans or something. Give the simple to use mystic code to the poor novice." I say with a sigh.
"I guess that works." He says, unstrapping his shirt. "Tossing around talismans like some sort of Onmyouji sounds pretty cool, to be honest… even if it feels weird to use the Chinese variant. Here, Merry, wear this."
"N-noooo!" She finally screams, crossing her arms in front of her face. "I can't! I can't fight, and I can't wear a man's clothes! I caaaaan't!!!"
"Ah, for that matter, it's still got some bloodstains, huh? Whose idea was it to make our uniform white, anyway…?" Subaru asks, examining his shirt in his hands. "And it, uh, kind of smells."
"Noooooo!" Merry screams even louder.
"...We've got some spare female uniforms. I'll see what I can do to get one rayshifted to you guys." Cu Chulainn says. "A clean one for you too, Master."
***
It's only after a long day of preparation that I finally get the chance to speak with Subaru alone. Academically, I understood that a lot of work went into setting up the type of defenses someone with A-Rank [Territory Creation] could make. But I never had anything approaching the chance to do it myself, so it had only remained in the airy realm of theory for me.
"Hey, Professor - you didn't push yourself too hard out there, did you?" Subaru asks.
"No, I'm still feeling fine." I answer. "Becoming a Servant has done wonders for my constitution, it seems."
"Huh, I see." He says, and an uneasy silence falls between us.
"...I'm sorry, by the way." I finally say. "That it was me summoned, instead of the Waver Velvet you knew. It's got to be awkward for you."
He laughs a bit, looking away. "It's fine. I'm already used to this kind of thing, anyway. Besides! The Professor Velvet I know was probably too old to handle this kind of stuff, even with Servant upgrades.It was pretty shocking, seeing you with dark hair like that."
Well he has a… point… hey, hold on!
"What year did you say you were from, Master?" I ask. Maybe the grail got it wrong?
"Didn't you say it earlier? It's 2016 in the modern day." He answers.
"What do you mean my hair has gone gray by 2016!? My dad only started in his fifties!" I shout. But no, I know the reason! I know exactly why this would happen! "Rider, Reines, Flat… give me my youth back, you bastaaaaards!"
"There was only one Fuyuki Grail war in this timeline, you know? I don't think that the you I met would have known your Rider." Subaru says.
"So it's just Flat and Reines then!?"
"Ahaha…" Subaru rubs the back of his head. "I mean, I owe Flat-Senpai a lot, but there's no denying that he's kind of a stressful guy to deal with, huh?"
Obviously.
"Speaking of stressful people to deal with, though…" I say, finally turning to the thing that's been eating at me the whole day. "You're going to give me a headache if you keep this up, Master. You went to the Clock Tower, didn't you? Why are you wandering around blabbing everything about yourself to anyone who will listen, huh!? You're among mages, why the hell are you talking about your damaged magic circuits where anyone can hear you?"
"Oh, that, huh?" He says, glancing away with a nervous chuckle. "Basically… we're allies for now, right? So I need to do whatever I can to hold up my end of things. Besides, with how things are, no one at Chaldea is going to try anything."
"I could maybe see what you're saying with regards to Chaldea. But what about that Merry girl?"
He blinks. "What about her?"
I groan. "You utterly gormless-! Listen, just what do you suppose the odds are that the single survivor of this city has the aptitude to be a master, good magic circuits, and command spells!? Not to mention, we have no idea how she found you after you were released from Prelati's Reality Marble. Her Servant is crippled, do you really think she'd be wandering about randomly looking for stray Chaldeans to take home!?"
His brow furrows. "That's… hang on, go back. What's the issue with the Command Spells? Doesn't anyone who summons a servant get them?"
"That's just it. Everyone who is selected by the grail to summon a servant gets command spells. Just contracting a stray servant wouldn't do it. You could summon me through Chaldea's summoning system; what summoning system was Merry trying to summon through? What did she summon with it? She has command spells, there's no way that she could just get nothing. And taking all of that into account, do I really need to remind you who holds the Holy Grail in this Singularity?"
Natsuki Subaru closes his eyes. He thinks for a few moments, before he finally comes to an answer. "Well, we'll deal with her betraying us when it happens. To be honest she had me at her mercy before, and chose to save my life… I guess it could be some kind of long con Prelati trick, but to be honest I don't think that guy would have been able to resist rubbing my nose in it for this long."
'We'll deal with it when it happens'? What a ridiculous answer. Is it his clairvoyance - he can foresee and overcome any betrayal, so he doesn't worry about it?
Think more carefully, El-Melloi. Recall what we've seen of his ability so far - does it seem something that invincible? He's playing the Guqin for everyone.
…I get it now.
Kōng Chéng Jì.
The Empty Fort Strategy. When lacking enough men to defend a fortified position, Zhuge Liang once threw open the doors of his fortress; predicting that his foe, Sima Yi, would assume an ambush.
To be honest it was an act of sheer desperation. I'd do it again given the same situation, but if I had to do it too many times, I'd probably end up with more than a few of those gray hairs you're so worried about.
Can a person really live, applying that kind of philosophy to every interpersonal interaction? Isn't that too much!?
Well, whatever his clairvoyance is probably helps. My guess is that it's short term - in that sense, his gambit also forces his enemy's hand early. There's no room for a long siege if the gates are already open. If his enemy accepts the gambit, he can foresee it and crush the enemy at first sight like he did with Francois Prelati. If they decline the gambit, he has an ally until they finally see through him.
Seriously… just how have you been living, Natsuki Subaru?
"I know that it's probably the wrong decision." He finally says, shoulders shaking. "I know that. I know that it could go wrong in so many ways, that there's a chance I could finally get trapped for real this time. But even so… it might be old habits, or maybe it's just that I don't want to become someone who strikes first. Whatever it is, I just… can't. I can't just kill the last survivor of this town simply because-"
…Good Grief.
"Who said anything about killing her?" I ask. "Didn't you say you were my student? Is the me of this world seriously type to kill someone just because they were suspicious?"
"...Huh?" I chuckle at his shocked expression.
"I'm not some American Pulp Detective who shoots everyone he meets and leaves a trail of bodies leading to the culprit. The British Tradition has always had a lighter touch." I laugh. "All I need to do to force her hand is to give her a good scare - and she's bloody French, Master. It'll be child's play."
Jokes about French cowardice are a bit stale to me these days. But Waver is a Brit from the early 2000s.
I'm fairly sure it is a reference to the Empty Fort tactic; during that story ZL sat on the battlements calmly playing a guqin. I think the implication is that Waver/ZL is noticing that Subaru's preferred tactic is to put himself, rather than anyone else, at risk (eg sitting in plain view with a musical instrument infront of an enemy army).
I'm fairly sure it is a reference to the Empty Fort tactic; during that story ZL sat on the battlements calmly playing a guqin. I think the implication is that Waver/ZL is noticing that Subaru's preferred tactic is to put himself, rather than anyone else, at risk (eg sitting in plain view with a musical instrument infront of an enemy army).
I'm fairly sure it is a reference to the Empty Fort tactic; during that story ZL sat on the battlements calmly playing a guqin. I think the implication is that Waver/ZL is noticing that Subaru's preferred tactic is to put himself, rather than anyone else, at risk (eg sitting in plain view with a musical instrument infront of an enemy army).
