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Save Scumming? It's on my Character sheet. (Re: Zero/Fate Grand Order)
- Thread starter Xorn
- Start date
- Crossover
- Location
- Somewhere North of south
I'm pretty sure it leads to Mash's body failing sooner.
- Pronouns
- It
what about the personality bleedover?
- Location
- Somewhere North of south
The what?
I Mean yes that thing I was totally aware of umm... I'm pretty sure that would be a secondary concern compared to the accelerated death...
- Pronouns
- It
Galahad's personality bleeding over to mashu
- Location
- Somewhere North of south
Refer to my previous reply.
53: The one who calls people idiots is the idiot, idiot!
Xorn
Master Procrastinator
- Location
- Somewhere I won't be able to rest in peace
53: The one who calls people idiots is the idiot, idiot!
I bite back a scream as I snap back into reality. Phantom pain dances along every one of my skin cells as I heave breath after breath. Slowly, my consciousness clicks into place and I comprehend my surroundings. The rattling of the carriage, the tinkling of [Guillotine Breaker]'s hooves as we move. My shoulder still hurts from its dislocation earlier, and my fingers are still broken, and behind us I can hear the loud footfalls of the Tarrasque.
"-Senpai!?" Mash asks, eyes widening with worry. "Senpai, please use some magecraft to heal yourself first, the rest of us can handle ourselves."
"I'm fine." I say, brow furrowing as my mind starts moving to make use of the reset.
"Ah… okay then." Mash mutters returning to her seat.
Anyway, the reset point changed again, huh? What a position to spit me out in, though - after everyone's already injured and my only option is to opt into a contract with piece of crap Prelati. Honestly, what the hell has Satella been thinking lately? Still, all things considered, the solution's pretty easy this time, I think. We just need to move faster. It should take Berserk Avenger the same amount of time as before to create those magic items and come after us, so if we move just a bit faster, I can summon backup and we can kill that bastard.
Soon enough, fog swallows the carriage and we find ourselves on the same flowered hill as last time.
"Oh dear." Marie says as the carriage starts to slow. "It seems there's another lone Servant in our path."
"Yeah, yeah, let's get this over with." I sigh, and emerge from the carriage.
"How do you do, fellow defenders of humanity?" Prelati says, arms spread wide in the center of the field.
"We feel like shit, obviously. Now hurry up and bring us to the leyline, we don't have time to talk. That damn Avenger's going to show up before we can finish summoning backup if we don't move fast." I shut him down immediately. "Don't ask how I know that, I can't tell you - not that I would in the first place."
"Wait, Subaru-!" Jeanne tries to get a word in, only for Prelati to interrupt with a laugh.
"Well, well! Aren't you an interesting guy, Natsuki Subaru! But I'm afraid I can't do that-" He starts, but I cut him off.
"You want a contract, right? Fine. Now hurry up and do your job." I say, and my depleted command spells flash as he smiles widely.
"Aren't you going to ask how I know your name?" He says with an amused look.
"The real question is 'how long were you watching us for?'" I retort.
The alchemist simply laughs, and a second later the flowered hill disappears, and we stad in a familiar clearing.
"Natsuki, what-?" The communicator beeps to life, Olga Marie's image appearing in the air.
"Sorry, I'm gonna need you to shut up for now, Director. Prelati, can you set up a magic circle?" I ask.
"Hmmm? Are you sure you trust me to do something like that?" He asks.
"Of course not, but you can do it quickly with an illusion, right? We have to go fast or we'll all die anyway - so hurry up and slap it down. Mash, we're gonna need your shield too. Summoning with no catalyst is a last resort." I say quickly as I do my best to recall the summoning chant - it doesn't have to be perfect. Just get close enough for the first few lines and the rest ought to follow - and I can't add those extra lines Prelati stuck in to get a Foreigner, or Reid might show up again.
"No, really, where are you getting the notion that they'll catch up so quickly? Sure, Dantes was fast, but I'm almost certain we killed him-" Mozart says.
"No, the bastard has some OP self-heal garbage." I say, watching as Prelati's illusory circle takes shape and Mash puts her shield in the center. "Alright, let's start this-
"Let silver and steel be the essence. Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation. The ancestor is-" Crap, I can't remember the name Mash had me use the first time. "-the Great Sage, Flugel."
That seemed to work. The circle is pulsing with blue light now.
"Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall. Let the four cardinal gates close. Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate.
"Let it be declared now; your flesh shall serve under me, and my fate shall be with your sword. Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail. Answer, if you would submit to this will and this truth.
"An oath shall be sworn here. I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven; I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell.
"From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three great words of power,
"come forth from the ring of restraint, protector of the holy balance!"
The blue light of the magic circle glows brighter and brighter, turning almost white - and a moment later, a form in heavy armor with a shield and spear takes shape.
The voice of a young girl rings out from the summoning circle. "By your call I come! Seventh seat of the Round Table-!"
"Geh!?" Mordred face faults.
"Lancer, Gareth Beumains, reporting for- eh? Ehhhh?" The proud declaration of the blonde girl turns into confusion as she tilts her head, a vacant look on her face. "Sir Mordred? And Sir Ga-!"
Mordred lunges forward and covers her mouth. "Shut up! Don't say his name. That girl, she's a demi-servant, borrowing the shield bastard's power, and he didn't tell her his name when he gave her his power. You know what that means, right? That guy wouldn't just cripple her for no reason."
Gareth nods, closing her eyes in a thoughtful manner. Mordred removes her hand, and her fellow knight nods a few more times. "Homu homu… I see, I see. But, Sir Mordred… are you sure he didn't just forget to tell her?"
"What." Mordred gives her a deadpan stare, and I find myself doing the same. "Gareth, what are you talking about? I mean, it was that guy. He had a reason for everything he did."
"Ah, Sir Mordred. My sweet, innocent little brother." Gareth shakes her head, a smug smile creeping onto her face. "Poor, naive, stupid Sir Mordred. You always were a terrible judge of people's personalities."
"Who the hell are you calling stupid!?" Mordred's sword starts to blaze with red light.
"Ah, wait, wait, calm down, calm down! This is just, that thing, sibling banter! That's all! Gawain did it all the time with Agravain!" The Lancer waves her arms in front of her face.
"Wasn't that clearly bullying…?" I ask. There's no way that will-
"Ahaha! So that's what it is, I see, I see!" Mordred laughs and sheathes her sword.
She bought it completely!?
"Ahem! Anyway, as I was saying, you didn't really pay enough attention to the other knights, so you were probably tricked into thinking he was a stoic genius who always had a plan, but the truth is… Sir Galahad was actually a total airhead!" Gareth nods triumphantly.
"Ah, she said it." Mozart notes.
"The only airhead is you, you airhead!" Mordred screams, pointing angrily at her sister.
"...Oops." Gareth mutters.
"Sir… Galahad…" Mash mutters. "I see, so it was Sir Galahad!" In a flash of light, her armor changes, a dress-like cape appearing in her hips, and a plate of metal appearing to displace the stomach armor that Da Vinci had put into the hole in her armor.
"Mash, are you okay!?" Doctor Romani yells, appearing on the communication terminal.
"Yes! This is… Doctor, I feel amazing!" The shielder exclaims. "We know now - it was Sir Galahad! The Shielder's name is Galahad! And… this shield, I understand now. As long as I believe in myself, it won't fail. That's how this shield, the Round Table, Lord Camelot, works!"
And yet, it's failed twice before, in some failed loops… why is that?
I'll have to think about it later. For now…
"Alright, we're running low on time, so let's make a plan." I say.
***
"[Ira Lupis]!"
The plan executes flawlessly. Edmond Dantes is utterly defeated, and this time we're free to keep an eye on him until he vanishes completely.
"Confirming defeat of the enemy - The Count of Monte Cristo completely dispersed." Mash says with a sigh of relief.
Gareth doubles over for a second, and I jump forward to heal her, but Mordred's hand stops me. The next instant, the Lancer dematerializes her helmet and throws her head back in laughter. "Wahaha! You let your guard down just because I look small!" She starts to dance around a bit, thrusting her gunlance here and there. "I'm a Knight of the Round Table! As if I'd lose to the likes of you, haha!"
Without her helmet, I can see that her blonde hair has two patches of brown on the sides that look kind of like… "Hey, Mordred, her hair…"
"Looks like a dog's ears, yeah." The Saber grins, and then her face gets super serious. "-Don't tell her. Whatever you do, you can't tell her, okay? Rule fifty-four of the round table, 'The puppy knight must not know that she is a puppy knight.'"
"Ah, I understand. That's definitely a cute little sister you've got, Mordred."
"Hm? No, she's older than me. Mother accelerated my aging, that's all. So I'm only biologically older than her. Gareth is still my older sister."
Something weird just came up! "Just how old were you when you died?"
"Ehhh… I mean, I'm an adult. You've seen my body, right?"
Her phrasing makes me blush despite myself. "D-don't say it like that! I meant, how long did you live for?"
"Oh, ten years or so?" She shrugs.
Ah.
...
Julius Juuklius, I know you're laughing at me, from across the gap between our two worlds. Please stop.
I bite back a scream as I snap back into reality. Phantom pain dances along every one of my skin cells as I heave breath after breath. Slowly, my consciousness clicks into place and I comprehend my surroundings. The rattling of the carriage, the tinkling of [Guillotine Breaker]'s hooves as we move. My shoulder still hurts from its dislocation earlier, and my fingers are still broken, and behind us I can hear the loud footfalls of the Tarrasque.
"-Senpai!?" Mash asks, eyes widening with worry. "Senpai, please use some magecraft to heal yourself first, the rest of us can handle ourselves."
"I'm fine." I say, brow furrowing as my mind starts moving to make use of the reset.
"Ah… okay then." Mash mutters returning to her seat.
Anyway, the reset point changed again, huh? What a position to spit me out in, though - after everyone's already injured and my only option is to opt into a contract with piece of crap Prelati. Honestly, what the hell has Satella been thinking lately? Still, all things considered, the solution's pretty easy this time, I think. We just need to move faster. It should take Berserk Avenger the same amount of time as before to create those magic items and come after us, so if we move just a bit faster, I can summon backup and we can kill that bastard.
Soon enough, fog swallows the carriage and we find ourselves on the same flowered hill as last time.
"Oh dear." Marie says as the carriage starts to slow. "It seems there's another lone Servant in our path."
"Yeah, yeah, let's get this over with." I sigh, and emerge from the carriage.
"How do you do, fellow defenders of humanity?" Prelati says, arms spread wide in the center of the field.
"We feel like shit, obviously. Now hurry up and bring us to the leyline, we don't have time to talk. That damn Avenger's going to show up before we can finish summoning backup if we don't move fast." I shut him down immediately. "Don't ask how I know that, I can't tell you - not that I would in the first place."
"Wait, Subaru-!" Jeanne tries to get a word in, only for Prelati to interrupt with a laugh.
"Well, well! Aren't you an interesting guy, Natsuki Subaru! But I'm afraid I can't do that-" He starts, but I cut him off.
"You want a contract, right? Fine. Now hurry up and do your job." I say, and my depleted command spells flash as he smiles widely.
"Aren't you going to ask how I know your name?" He says with an amused look.
"The real question is 'how long were you watching us for?'" I retort.
The alchemist simply laughs, and a second later the flowered hill disappears, and we stad in a familiar clearing.
"Natsuki, what-?" The communicator beeps to life, Olga Marie's image appearing in the air.
"Sorry, I'm gonna need you to shut up for now, Director. Prelati, can you set up a magic circle?" I ask.
"Hmmm? Are you sure you trust me to do something like that?" He asks.
"Of course not, but you can do it quickly with an illusion, right? We have to go fast or we'll all die anyway - so hurry up and slap it down. Mash, we're gonna need your shield too. Summoning with no catalyst is a last resort." I say quickly as I do my best to recall the summoning chant - it doesn't have to be perfect. Just get close enough for the first few lines and the rest ought to follow - and I can't add those extra lines Prelati stuck in to get a Foreigner, or Reid might show up again.
"No, really, where are you getting the notion that they'll catch up so quickly? Sure, Dantes was fast, but I'm almost certain we killed him-" Mozart says.
"No, the bastard has some OP self-heal garbage." I say, watching as Prelati's illusory circle takes shape and Mash puts her shield in the center. "Alright, let's start this-
"Let silver and steel be the essence. Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation. The ancestor is-" Crap, I can't remember the name Mash had me use the first time. "-the Great Sage, Flugel."
That seemed to work. The circle is pulsing with blue light now.
"Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall. Let the four cardinal gates close. Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate.
"Let it be declared now; your flesh shall serve under me, and my fate shall be with your sword. Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail. Answer, if you would submit to this will and this truth.
"An oath shall be sworn here. I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven; I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell.
"From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three great words of power,
"come forth from the ring of restraint, protector of the holy balance!"
The blue light of the magic circle glows brighter and brighter, turning almost white - and a moment later, a form in heavy armor with a shield and spear takes shape.
The voice of a young girl rings out from the summoning circle. "By your call I come! Seventh seat of the Round Table-!"
"Geh!?" Mordred face faults.
"Lancer, Gareth Beumains, reporting for- eh? Ehhhh?" The proud declaration of the blonde girl turns into confusion as she tilts her head, a vacant look on her face. "Sir Mordred? And Sir Ga-!"
Mordred lunges forward and covers her mouth. "Shut up! Don't say his name. That girl, she's a demi-servant, borrowing the shield bastard's power, and he didn't tell her his name when he gave her his power. You know what that means, right? That guy wouldn't just cripple her for no reason."
Gareth nods, closing her eyes in a thoughtful manner. Mordred removes her hand, and her fellow knight nods a few more times. "Homu homu… I see, I see. But, Sir Mordred… are you sure he didn't just forget to tell her?"
"What." Mordred gives her a deadpan stare, and I find myself doing the same. "Gareth, what are you talking about? I mean, it was that guy. He had a reason for everything he did."
"Ah, Sir Mordred. My sweet, innocent little brother." Gareth shakes her head, a smug smile creeping onto her face. "Poor, naive, stupid Sir Mordred. You always were a terrible judge of people's personalities."
"Who the hell are you calling stupid!?" Mordred's sword starts to blaze with red light.
"Ah, wait, wait, calm down, calm down! This is just, that thing, sibling banter! That's all! Gawain did it all the time with Agravain!" The Lancer waves her arms in front of her face.
"Wasn't that clearly bullying…?" I ask. There's no way that will-
"Ahaha! So that's what it is, I see, I see!" Mordred laughs and sheathes her sword.
She bought it completely!?
"Ahem! Anyway, as I was saying, you didn't really pay enough attention to the other knights, so you were probably tricked into thinking he was a stoic genius who always had a plan, but the truth is… Sir Galahad was actually a total airhead!" Gareth nods triumphantly.
"Ah, she said it." Mozart notes.
"The only airhead is you, you airhead!" Mordred screams, pointing angrily at her sister.
"...Oops." Gareth mutters.
"Sir… Galahad…" Mash mutters. "I see, so it was Sir Galahad!" In a flash of light, her armor changes, a dress-like cape appearing in her hips, and a plate of metal appearing to displace the stomach armor that Da Vinci had put into the hole in her armor.
"Mash, are you okay!?" Doctor Romani yells, appearing on the communication terminal.
"Yes! This is… Doctor, I feel amazing!" The shielder exclaims. "We know now - it was Sir Galahad! The Shielder's name is Galahad! And… this shield, I understand now. As long as I believe in myself, it won't fail. That's how this shield, the Round Table, Lord Camelot, works!"
And yet, it's failed twice before, in some failed loops… why is that?
I'll have to think about it later. For now…
"Alright, we're running low on time, so let's make a plan." I say.
***
"[Ira Lupis]!"
The plan executes flawlessly. Edmond Dantes is utterly defeated, and this time we're free to keep an eye on him until he vanishes completely.
"Confirming defeat of the enemy - The Count of Monte Cristo completely dispersed." Mash says with a sigh of relief.
Gareth doubles over for a second, and I jump forward to heal her, but Mordred's hand stops me. The next instant, the Lancer dematerializes her helmet and throws her head back in laughter. "Wahaha! You let your guard down just because I look small!" She starts to dance around a bit, thrusting her gunlance here and there. "I'm a Knight of the Round Table! As if I'd lose to the likes of you, haha!"
Without her helmet, I can see that her blonde hair has two patches of brown on the sides that look kind of like… "Hey, Mordred, her hair…"
"Looks like a dog's ears, yeah." The Saber grins, and then her face gets super serious. "-Don't tell her. Whatever you do, you can't tell her, okay? Rule fifty-four of the round table, 'The puppy knight must not know that she is a puppy knight.'"
"Ah, I understand. That's definitely a cute little sister you've got, Mordred."
"Hm? No, she's older than me. Mother accelerated my aging, that's all. So I'm only biologically older than her. Gareth is still my older sister."
Something weird just came up! "Just how old were you when you died?"
"Ehhh… I mean, I'm an adult. You've seen my body, right?"
Her phrasing makes me blush despite myself. "D-don't say it like that! I meant, how long did you live for?"
"Oh, ten years or so?" She shrugs.
Ah.
...
Julius Juuklius, I know you're laughing at me, from across the gap between our two worlds. Please stop.
Julius: "Sasuga Lolimancer-sama"
Here are the reasons why I grailed Gareth:
1. She's cute.
Here are the reasons why I grailed Gareth:
1. She's cute.
ExNihilo
SPACE!
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Imagine grailing for reasons other than "they're cute."
I guess "I thought it would be funny" works too.
RoboRenee
Trans of gender
- Location
- FFXIV, probably
- Pronouns
- She/Her
"Strong
54: There's never enough to go around.
Xorn
Master Procrastinator
- Location
- Somewhere I won't be able to rest in peace
54: There's never enough to go around.
We survived. No, more than that, it was an absolute victory. That piece of shit, Edmond Dantes, has been crushed, without any loss on our part. Gareth's injuries are nothing with her level of Battle Continuation, and the single spell I spent healing her has already almost recharged.
Well, I say that, but the truth is, I made one huge mistake. Indeed, even though we all survived, there are some fates worse than death.
"-God, why did it have to you!? Give me Wodime, I take back everything bad I said about him-!" Olga Marie shouts, fingers frantically messing up her hair, just barely avoiding tearing it out by the fistful.
Frankly speaking, being eaten alive is one of my least favorite ways to die, so this chewing out, nonlethal though it may be, is something I'm not a fan of.
...No, that joke wasn't even funny in my head. I feel like I'm about to puke.
"-Even Beryl would be better, if you're going to treat me like that, you damn third rate!" She continues to rave, until finally Romani taps her shoulder.
"Director, Subaru-kun looks pretty pale, so I think he's gotten the message." He says with a strained smile. "Any more is excessive, and we can't really waste time right now."
His second sentence sends a small chill down my spine. "What do you mean, we can't waste any time?" We dealt with Avenger, and it ought to be a bit before anyone can catch up with us…
"Well, the problem is…" He gives a nervous chuckle. "Basically, we're gonna run out of power in around two hours, at the current rate. You did it again, Subaru-kun."
Wait, what did I… oh. "Crap, you mean Gareth is also…?"
"I'm afraid so. Even if she is less well known than Mordred, a Knight of the Round Table is a Knight of the Round Table. There's no way the current generator can handle manifesting both of them at the same time." He sighs. "So considering the circumstances…"
"Yeah, I get it, I get it. I'll tag out." Mordred waves her hand in the air. "Between this eye and the damage to my sword, I'm half useless anyway."
"Ehhhh!? No way!" Gareth shouts, suddenly zipping over to us in the blink of an eye- that's A-Rank agility for you, huh? "We were just reunited, and we won't even be able to fight alongside each other? That's not fair!"
"Don't whine so much. We've got another six singularities after this one, and once we grab the Grail from here, it should be possible for both of us to manifest at the same time." Mordred says. "Just don't get yourself killed doing some dumb shit this time, and we'll have a chance to fight together later."
"Sure, that's… wait, what do you mean 'dumb'!?" Gareth growls.
"Oh come on, you showed up to guard duty without armor on! What did you think would happen, you idiot?"
"The one who calls other people idiots is the idiot, idiot!"
Sparks fly from the two siblings' eyes as their foreheads press together in anger. A second later they both jump backwards drawing weapons in perfect sync with one another.
"Hey, one of us just needs to go, right? Then it's fine if I beat this idiot up and send her back to the throne, right!?" Mordred shouts, red lightning crackling forth from the [Azoth Longsword].
"Oho?~ So you think to joust with me, Sir Mordred? Shouldn't you know by now that you're a thousand years too early to face me?" Gareth boasts as her [Gunlance] starts to spark.
Oi, oi, are they seriously doing this? Even after hearing about the generator situation? And here I am with no command spells-!
"Come on, then! [Azoth-!" Mordred roars.
"-Rayshift preparations complete. Beginning unsummon process." Doctor Roman deadpans, and Mordred vanishes in a cloud of golden dust. Through the comm unit, I can hear a small explosion in the distance.
"Is that gonna be okay?" I can't help but ask. Are they going to be able to calm her down?
"Da Vinci already set up a bounded field in the rayshift room when it looked like they were going to get violent." He says. "More importantly, though… Subaru-kun, you shouldn't have just let them fight like that."
"Ah, right…" What was I supposed to do, though? Just throw myself in between them?
"You look like you don't believe me… Look, Subaru-kun. At the end of the day, you're a Master, and they're your Servants. They'll listen to your advice." The Doctor says with a small smile.
Is that really true? Gareth, at least for now, is just some girl I've never met before, who's a thousand times more powerful than I am. And sure, Mordred gave a knightly oath or whatever, but in the first place, she's famous for-
"What the hell am I thinking?" I mutter, scratching a bit at my arm reflexively. What a cruel thing to think about a friend. Just when the hell did I get so cynical? I learned this lesson before, right?
"-Is it truly so strange to help a friend?"
I didn't forget it, while I was still in Lugnica. It stayed in my mind, and ever so often, when I felt like a fake, Otto's voice would ring in my head.
But the truth is, it's been a long time since that conversation with Otto in the Sanctuary. And so, so very much of that time has been spent dealing with people who make Roswaal look trustworthy. Aozaki in Japan, The Spiral Manor in China, Afanas and the Burial Agency in Russia, Von Krudik and all the other scheming mages in London… The people in Atlas weren't that bad, but meeting fucking Quasar there made up for that.
Betrayal, everywhere, from all angles. Not a single trustworthy person aside from those I had power over. Sure, Flat-senpai was friendly enough, but there's no way I could trust him, crazy as he was. Professor Velvet was reliable, but I couldn't ever forget that his loyalties were to Lady El-Melloi. And, of course, old man Zelretch was ultimately an inhuman creature to whom I was just another chess piece, albeit a valuable one.
How depressing. I told Zelretch that I didn't want to become someone Emilia wouldn't recognize, but that's already happened, hasn't it?
"Subaru-kun?" Roman asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Sorry, I got lost in thought." I give him a smile. "Thanks, Doctor, you've given me a lot to think about. But all of that aside, that should fix the generator problem, right? Considering we've got a couple of new faces, and haven't had that much of a chance to yet, I guess the right move here is to get everyone up to date so we can start planning our next move."
And with that, the inevitable infodump begins.
***
"-And that's everything so far," I conclude, scanning everyone's reactions. The doctor has his eyes closed as he strokes his chin in thought. Prelati is listening intently. Mash's eyes are flicking from person to person, trying to gauge the proper response. Marie is chatting with Jeanne, and Mozart is doodling on a piece of paper. And Gareth is-
"Homu homu, I see. So that's how things stand right now." Gareth nods. "With that in mind, the next action is to kill Prelati, right?"
"Eh!? Hang on, isn't that a bit extreme? I haven't even betrayed you yet!" The boy shouts in an insincere-sounding protest.
"What do you mean, 'yet'?" I sigh.
"It's no fun if you're not all the way at the top of the slippery slope when I kick you off!~" He admits easily.
"Okay, can I stab him?" The Lancer repeats.
"...No, he's still useful for now. We'll deal with his sudden but inevitable betrayal when it comes." I explain. "I'll see it coming, so don't worry about it too much."
"Hmmm? Come to think of it, just what kind of seer are you, huh?~ Artist, poet, prophet?" Prelati grins. "Time traveler?"
My muscles spasm at his accusation - swiftly, I cover it up by grabbing at my injured arm and feigning pain. My eyes flick towards the grinning alchemist.
…Does he know? There's no way he could, right?
"Mash and I are both time travelers, remember?" I joke.
"Ahaha, that's right, that's right!" The boy laughs.
"All jokes aside, what exactly is our plan right now?" Mozart finally interrupts. "With this, Berserk Avenger and Berserk Assassin have both been eliminated, but I'm certain we won't be able to fight the rest all at once. The Tarrasque alone would take all we have, and we're still no closer to learning the identity of that Black Knight."
"Right, about that… Gareth, it's a Servant that can hide his Identity, wield anything as a weapon, has some special 'Overload' attack, and keeps screaming Arthur's name. Got any clues?" I ask the Knight.
"Ah… I should know this. W-why can't I remember?" She clutches her head and grinds her teeth in pain. "It's missing. There's something, something so very important, completely missing!"
"...Don't push yourself too much, Sir Gareth." Mash says, patting her shoulder. "Sorry, Senpai, I think it's just no good. We won't figure him out until he drops his disguise."
"And then there's Dracula. Maybe Guillotine Breaker will wipe out enough of him at once to put him down for good, but…" I don't bother to say the rest - if we screw it up, we won't have an escape route available. We'll die for sure if it doesn't kill him.
"About that one, I think I can handle him with the right preparations." Mozart pipes up.
"So much for just being a normal magus who plays music!" I yell.
"I'm just a normal magus who plays magical music!" He says with a laugh. "I'll need to have territory set up to manage it, though… and it'll have to be in a church, probably."
...Ah, so that's how it is.
"Alright, that leaves… Berserk Archer, Caster, and Saber, right?" I ask. "Do we have any clue who they are?"
"Oh, Caster's just Gilles. He's useless though - I borrowed his Noble Phantasm before I switched sides." Prelati says with a laugh, producing a menacing tome from seemingly nowhere. "Well, it was mine to begin with, so when you think about it, it's definitely not theft!"
"Hm? Does that mean you can actually use the thing?" Mozart asks, eyebrows raised.
"Yup! Normally Servants can't use each other's Noble Phantasms, but I can use my own spellbook for sure! Hey, Master, how'd you like me to end this whole singularity right here and now?" The boy says, waving the book - which, looking closely, seems to be bound in human skin - back and forth. "I can do it! Without a doubt, we can win right now!"
"And the catch is?" I ask, already more or less knowing the answer.
"There's none! Absolutely no price to be paid!" He laughs and throws his arms wide open, and then leans forward to whisper conspiratorially. "After all, it's a singularity - even if a few thousand children are sacrificed to the [Evil God of the Abyss]... it'll be undone, right? So it's not even a real price, right? Humanity would get a full refund, after everything is said and done!~"
…
How gross. I want to puke.
"Gareth, next time he offers something like that, go ahead and kill him." I say, turning away from the Evil Alchemist.
"Roger!"
I want to puke. I'm going to be sick.
Because… for just a moment. For a fraction of a second.
I almost agreed with him.
"Ahaha! Well, I guess that makes sense! Just remember, the offer's always open!~" Prelati laughs easily, utterly unfazed by my threat. "Anyway, if that way's no good, maybe we should go to Lyon and pick up the Dragonslayer, Siegfried. He'd probably be pretty useful!"
"Why didn't you start with that, you piece of shit!?"
We survived. No, more than that, it was an absolute victory. That piece of shit, Edmond Dantes, has been crushed, without any loss on our part. Gareth's injuries are nothing with her level of Battle Continuation, and the single spell I spent healing her has already almost recharged.
Well, I say that, but the truth is, I made one huge mistake. Indeed, even though we all survived, there are some fates worse than death.
"-God, why did it have to you!? Give me Wodime, I take back everything bad I said about him-!" Olga Marie shouts, fingers frantically messing up her hair, just barely avoiding tearing it out by the fistful.
Frankly speaking, being eaten alive is one of my least favorite ways to die, so this chewing out, nonlethal though it may be, is something I'm not a fan of.
...No, that joke wasn't even funny in my head. I feel like I'm about to puke.
"-Even Beryl would be better, if you're going to treat me like that, you damn third rate!" She continues to rave, until finally Romani taps her shoulder.
"Director, Subaru-kun looks pretty pale, so I think he's gotten the message." He says with a strained smile. "Any more is excessive, and we can't really waste time right now."
His second sentence sends a small chill down my spine. "What do you mean, we can't waste any time?" We dealt with Avenger, and it ought to be a bit before anyone can catch up with us…
"Well, the problem is…" He gives a nervous chuckle. "Basically, we're gonna run out of power in around two hours, at the current rate. You did it again, Subaru-kun."
Wait, what did I… oh. "Crap, you mean Gareth is also…?"
"I'm afraid so. Even if she is less well known than Mordred, a Knight of the Round Table is a Knight of the Round Table. There's no way the current generator can handle manifesting both of them at the same time." He sighs. "So considering the circumstances…"
"Yeah, I get it, I get it. I'll tag out." Mordred waves her hand in the air. "Between this eye and the damage to my sword, I'm half useless anyway."
"Ehhhh!? No way!" Gareth shouts, suddenly zipping over to us in the blink of an eye- that's A-Rank agility for you, huh? "We were just reunited, and we won't even be able to fight alongside each other? That's not fair!"
"Don't whine so much. We've got another six singularities after this one, and once we grab the Grail from here, it should be possible for both of us to manifest at the same time." Mordred says. "Just don't get yourself killed doing some dumb shit this time, and we'll have a chance to fight together later."
"Sure, that's… wait, what do you mean 'dumb'!?" Gareth growls.
"Oh come on, you showed up to guard duty without armor on! What did you think would happen, you idiot?"
"The one who calls other people idiots is the idiot, idiot!"
Sparks fly from the two siblings' eyes as their foreheads press together in anger. A second later they both jump backwards drawing weapons in perfect sync with one another.
"Hey, one of us just needs to go, right? Then it's fine if I beat this idiot up and send her back to the throne, right!?" Mordred shouts, red lightning crackling forth from the [Azoth Longsword].
"Oho?~ So you think to joust with me, Sir Mordred? Shouldn't you know by now that you're a thousand years too early to face me?" Gareth boasts as her [Gunlance] starts to spark.
Oi, oi, are they seriously doing this? Even after hearing about the generator situation? And here I am with no command spells-!
"Come on, then! [Azoth-!" Mordred roars.
"-Rayshift preparations complete. Beginning unsummon process." Doctor Roman deadpans, and Mordred vanishes in a cloud of golden dust. Through the comm unit, I can hear a small explosion in the distance.
"Is that gonna be okay?" I can't help but ask. Are they going to be able to calm her down?
"Da Vinci already set up a bounded field in the rayshift room when it looked like they were going to get violent." He says. "More importantly, though… Subaru-kun, you shouldn't have just let them fight like that."
"Ah, right…" What was I supposed to do, though? Just throw myself in between them?
"You look like you don't believe me… Look, Subaru-kun. At the end of the day, you're a Master, and they're your Servants. They'll listen to your advice." The Doctor says with a small smile.
Is that really true? Gareth, at least for now, is just some girl I've never met before, who's a thousand times more powerful than I am. And sure, Mordred gave a knightly oath or whatever, but in the first place, she's famous for-
"What the hell am I thinking?" I mutter, scratching a bit at my arm reflexively. What a cruel thing to think about a friend. Just when the hell did I get so cynical? I learned this lesson before, right?
"-Is it truly so strange to help a friend?"
I didn't forget it, while I was still in Lugnica. It stayed in my mind, and ever so often, when I felt like a fake, Otto's voice would ring in my head.
But the truth is, it's been a long time since that conversation with Otto in the Sanctuary. And so, so very much of that time has been spent dealing with people who make Roswaal look trustworthy. Aozaki in Japan, The Spiral Manor in China, Afanas and the Burial Agency in Russia, Von Krudik and all the other scheming mages in London… The people in Atlas weren't that bad, but meeting fucking Quasar there made up for that.
Betrayal, everywhere, from all angles. Not a single trustworthy person aside from those I had power over. Sure, Flat-senpai was friendly enough, but there's no way I could trust him, crazy as he was. Professor Velvet was reliable, but I couldn't ever forget that his loyalties were to Lady El-Melloi. And, of course, old man Zelretch was ultimately an inhuman creature to whom I was just another chess piece, albeit a valuable one.
How depressing. I told Zelretch that I didn't want to become someone Emilia wouldn't recognize, but that's already happened, hasn't it?
"Subaru-kun?" Roman asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Sorry, I got lost in thought." I give him a smile. "Thanks, Doctor, you've given me a lot to think about. But all of that aside, that should fix the generator problem, right? Considering we've got a couple of new faces, and haven't had that much of a chance to yet, I guess the right move here is to get everyone up to date so we can start planning our next move."
And with that, the inevitable infodump begins.
***
"-And that's everything so far," I conclude, scanning everyone's reactions. The doctor has his eyes closed as he strokes his chin in thought. Prelati is listening intently. Mash's eyes are flicking from person to person, trying to gauge the proper response. Marie is chatting with Jeanne, and Mozart is doodling on a piece of paper. And Gareth is-
"Homu homu, I see. So that's how things stand right now." Gareth nods. "With that in mind, the next action is to kill Prelati, right?"
"Eh!? Hang on, isn't that a bit extreme? I haven't even betrayed you yet!" The boy shouts in an insincere-sounding protest.
"What do you mean, 'yet'?" I sigh.
"It's no fun if you're not all the way at the top of the slippery slope when I kick you off!~" He admits easily.
"Okay, can I stab him?" The Lancer repeats.
"...No, he's still useful for now. We'll deal with his sudden but inevitable betrayal when it comes." I explain. "I'll see it coming, so don't worry about it too much."
"Hmmm? Come to think of it, just what kind of seer are you, huh?~ Artist, poet, prophet?" Prelati grins. "Time traveler?"
My muscles spasm at his accusation - swiftly, I cover it up by grabbing at my injured arm and feigning pain. My eyes flick towards the grinning alchemist.
…Does he know? There's no way he could, right?
"Mash and I are both time travelers, remember?" I joke.
"Ahaha, that's right, that's right!" The boy laughs.
"All jokes aside, what exactly is our plan right now?" Mozart finally interrupts. "With this, Berserk Avenger and Berserk Assassin have both been eliminated, but I'm certain we won't be able to fight the rest all at once. The Tarrasque alone would take all we have, and we're still no closer to learning the identity of that Black Knight."
"Right, about that… Gareth, it's a Servant that can hide his Identity, wield anything as a weapon, has some special 'Overload' attack, and keeps screaming Arthur's name. Got any clues?" I ask the Knight.
"Ah… I should know this. W-why can't I remember?" She clutches her head and grinds her teeth in pain. "It's missing. There's something, something so very important, completely missing!"
"...Don't push yourself too much, Sir Gareth." Mash says, patting her shoulder. "Sorry, Senpai, I think it's just no good. We won't figure him out until he drops his disguise."
"And then there's Dracula. Maybe Guillotine Breaker will wipe out enough of him at once to put him down for good, but…" I don't bother to say the rest - if we screw it up, we won't have an escape route available. We'll die for sure if it doesn't kill him.
"About that one, I think I can handle him with the right preparations." Mozart pipes up.
"So much for just being a normal magus who plays music!" I yell.
"I'm just a normal magus who plays magical music!" He says with a laugh. "I'll need to have territory set up to manage it, though… and it'll have to be in a church, probably."
...Ah, so that's how it is.
"Alright, that leaves… Berserk Archer, Caster, and Saber, right?" I ask. "Do we have any clue who they are?"
"Oh, Caster's just Gilles. He's useless though - I borrowed his Noble Phantasm before I switched sides." Prelati says with a laugh, producing a menacing tome from seemingly nowhere. "Well, it was mine to begin with, so when you think about it, it's definitely not theft!"
"Hm? Does that mean you can actually use the thing?" Mozart asks, eyebrows raised.
"Yup! Normally Servants can't use each other's Noble Phantasms, but I can use my own spellbook for sure! Hey, Master, how'd you like me to end this whole singularity right here and now?" The boy says, waving the book - which, looking closely, seems to be bound in human skin - back and forth. "I can do it! Without a doubt, we can win right now!"
"And the catch is?" I ask, already more or less knowing the answer.
"There's none! Absolutely no price to be paid!" He laughs and throws his arms wide open, and then leans forward to whisper conspiratorially. "After all, it's a singularity - even if a few thousand children are sacrificed to the [Evil God of the Abyss]... it'll be undone, right? So it's not even a real price, right? Humanity would get a full refund, after everything is said and done!~"
…
How gross. I want to puke.
"Gareth, next time he offers something like that, go ahead and kill him." I say, turning away from the Evil Alchemist.
"Roger!"
I want to puke. I'm going to be sick.
Because… for just a moment. For a fraction of a second.
I almost agreed with him.
"Ahaha! Well, I guess that makes sense! Just remember, the offer's always open!~" Prelati laughs easily, utterly unfazed by my threat. "Anyway, if that way's no good, maybe we should go to Lyon and pick up the Dragonslayer, Siegfried. He'd probably be pretty useful!"
"Why didn't you start with that, you piece of shit!?"
And with that, Mordred hits the bench. Sorry folks, but the party size needs limits, and benching the injured tomboy is one one way to deal with cast bloat.
Prelati is bound to get yeeted at some point too, let's be honest.
Mo-San will be back, I promise. Cu too, eventually.
Now, because I like to keep track of these things - Afnas and Von Krudik are OCs that Subaru met in the past loops, and are not important to the story. Whether Quasar counts as a "character" is up for debate, but it was also made up for the purposes of this story.
The Spiral Manor, the Burial Agency, and Aozaki are all canon, the latter two more obviously than the former, as the Spiral Manor only came into play in the recent Case Files storyline.
Prelati is bound to get yeeted at some point too, let's be honest.
Mo-San will be back, I promise. Cu too, eventually.
Now, because I like to keep track of these things - Afnas and Von Krudik are OCs that Subaru met in the past loops, and are not important to the story. Whether Quasar counts as a "character" is up for debate, but it was also made up for the purposes of this story.
The Spiral Manor, the Burial Agency, and Aozaki are all canon, the latter two more obviously than the former, as the Spiral Manor only came into play in the recent Case Files storyline.
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- Location
- Somewhere North of south
NOOOOO~~ Mo-San! ah well.
I suppose Subaru is gonna make Olga become a beast of the end out of sheer frustration.
I suppose Subaru is gonna make Olga become a beast of the end out of sheer frustration.
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55: The Troubles of a Shielder
Xorn
Master Procrastinator
- Location
- Somewhere I won't be able to rest in peace
55: The Troubles of a Shielder
The dream starts the same as always.
My first sensation is being watched. There's something staring at me, standing in the center of the gate. Its form is shapeless, a mere black shadow, but I can make out long silver tendrils drifting from its head, lighting the murky darkness of this strange place I find myself in. And, glowing deep within its inky form, piercing purple eyes stare into my soul.
I've been here before. I remember that now. But each time, she has appeared in my way. I have to get past her, some part of me urges. There's something beyond that black gate she stands in front of, something that I must see. I have to see it - it's my right, and my duty, as a Servant. I'm certain of that. I tighten my grip on [Lord Chaldeas] - no, I suppose it's [Lord Camelot] now.
"...▂▂▃▃▃▃▂▂."
Her speech is completely unintelligible, but I know that she hates me. I can understand that much.
"▬██▁▆█▆▀▬██▆!"
How dare you. How dare you appear in this place. Disappear, disappear, disappear. -I can tell, her words are something like that. "Something" reaches towards me, and-
"Hm? Is that Mash? What a coincidence, running into you here!" A voice, off to the side, calls me further into lucidity, and I easily sidestep the slow moving black hands emerging from the mysterious shadow. They clap together, crushing empty space, and then recede back into the shadowy woman.
"Well, I was a bit worried about it, but it seems like the illusion stuck! Her true body must be pretty far away." Francois Prelati chuckles. "She thinks she got you, so you can go ahead and lower that shield, Mash."
"Hm, is that so?" Slowly, I relax, watching as the shadow woman retreats back through the shining archway she had emerged from in the first place. Speaking of which… "Prelati, where exactly are we, anyway?"
I glance around - aside from the shining portal she emerged from, the rest of this space is just a featureless void.
"Hm… well, it's the Dream Cycle, I guess? Servants are supposed to see dreams of their masters' past, you see - well, maybe it's less that 'they're supposed to', and more that 'it's unavoidable', but it comes down to the same thing in the end!" The boy shrugs. "Of course, it works the other way around - I hope you're okay with our master seeing your deepest and most intimate memories! I know I am~!"
...So on top of everything else, he's an exhibitionist too? Gareth was right, we should just kill him.
"Woah, watch where you swing that thing!" He laughs. "I would have thought you'd be reduced to a blushing mess from that, but you're actually pretty - oh! Hahaha! So that's how that's going to play out, huh?"
"What are you talking about?" I ask, pausing my assault.
"Pfffthaha! I thought you would know first, but oh well~! I'm sure you'll get the punchline eventually." His ever-present grin shifts into an unsettling sadistic smile. "Regardless, we're on a bit of a clock here - only so long before we wake up. Hey, you want to see it too, right? Just what kind of secret trauma that boy is hiding."
...And I won't be able to get past that mysterious woman without his help. "Fine. But only for Senpai's sake."
"Go ahead and lie to yourself all you like~!" He gives a last sing-song retort, and then we step through the gate.
***
I see a boy surrounded by love.
From the moment he was born, his parents loved him, adored him, doted on him.
My upbringing was utterly devoid of such affection - would be a lie. Doctor Roman was there. But he was never once "Dad", only ever "Doctor". And I imagined such was normal. The books I read, growing up - never got too much into family dynamics. And so, I thought: surely everyone has this level of somewhat-distant love. That is all family was, and I was happy with it.
My mother loved me, but only so far as I was her precious tie to my father. And father - I understand. I understand why he couldn't bear to look at me. And I thought such was normal. All of humanity is a morass of false love and short-sightedness. I never once questioned it. That was all family was, and though I loathed it, I accepted it.
Ah.
Ah.
I really wish I hadn't learned this.
I'm so ashamed it took me this long to learn this.
This... is what family actually is, isn't it?
….I'm so terribly jealous.
***
I wake up with the gentle tingle of sunlight upon my cheeks, cast through the tent window.
To be honest, it's a huge relief that they finally sent these tents through rayshift.
...N-not that the experience of waking up without shelter was that bad, or that I'm complaining in any way! It was just a little annoying… just the tiniest bit really - that the morning dew would always mess up my hair.
I had never been particularly proud of my hair before, but… there's a sort of bare minimum of teasing that I can really take from the likes of Mordred.
…"The likes of Mordred?" That was a bit of a mean thought, wasn't it?
Putting it out of my mind, I emerge from the tent, into the full sunshine, taking in the fresh scent of the wet grass, and the faint scent of-
Something freezes in my gut. A deep-rooted sense of terror swims to the surface of my soul.
"Oh! Gala- er, Mash! You're finally awake! Good morning!" Standing at the fire, stirring a cooking pot, is Gareth.
Gareth is cooking, huh… This is bad. I'm sure this is bad - peeling vegetables is one thing, but in the end she's still Gawain's sister!
"-I can't allow this! Senpai, who has the highest standards for cooked vegetables - I won't let him taste your cooking, Gareth!" I roar, charging her as my shield materializes.
"J-just what are you implying about my cooking! I'll have you know that it was because of my skill as a kitchen servant that King Arthur recognized me!" She shouts, lance materializing.
"There's no way that's true!" I shout. Mordred told me after all! "There's no way that's true, because King Arthur never cared about food in the first place!"
"He did too! I'll show you - [Ira-!"
"Oi, oi, oi, what the hell are you two doing so early in the morning!?" Senpai shouts, emerging from his tent, and I feel shame course through my whole being. Gareth and I both freeze, looking away from each other. With a sigh, he walks over, pauses for a moment, and glances at the newest addition of our team. "Gareth."
"Y-yes?" She glances away, kicking the dust a bit.
"-I get you being upset about that, but if you keep using your Noble Phantasm against allies…"
"R-right. Sorry, I got a bit too excited." She cringes. "B-but-!"
"Look, I'll try what you made, but if it tastes bad, I'm gonna spit it out." Senpai says dully.
"Yes! Just give me five more minutes, master! I'm sure you'll love it!" The girl practically skips back to the cooking pot.
"...I guess the Doctor was right, huh?" Senpai mutters. Not for the first time, I wonder if he's aware of how much he thinks out loud - but I'm barely ever able to hear it, so I guess it doesn't matter. "Anyway, Mash."
"Y-yes!?" I squeak, glancing away from him.
"...Are you okay? This kind of thing's a bit out of character for you, isn't it?" he asks, face shifting into obvious concern.
"Ah, no… I think it was just Galahad's influence. Remember, I got upset when Mordred was talking about Camelot's food at Chaldea too?" I reassure him.
It's nothing. It has to be, because he's already worrying too much about me as it is. He's already been injured three times for my sake - I'm terrified that if I give him anything more to worry about, he might do something truly reckless.
"...Ah, so that's how it is." He pauses, and goes pale. "Crap, this is gonna be like Emilia's cooking all over again, isn't it?"
I laugh nervously as the Lancer comes bounding over to us, offering a pot full of clumpy white something.
"...So these are the famous Camelot mashed potatoes, huh?" Senpai mutters, extracting a spoonful. "Right, here goes… ah, not bad actually. Pretty decent, for mashed potatoes."
"Haha! Victory! Didn't I tell you, Galahad! I told you I'm the best cook in Camelot!" Gareth gloats at me. "I'm gonna go scoop some into bowls now, be right back!"
...
"...By the way, Senpai, in this singularity - the Columbian exchange still hasn't happened yet, right?" I ask.
"I was trying not to think about that…" he groans.
The dream starts the same as always.
My first sensation is being watched. There's something staring at me, standing in the center of the gate. Its form is shapeless, a mere black shadow, but I can make out long silver tendrils drifting from its head, lighting the murky darkness of this strange place I find myself in. And, glowing deep within its inky form, piercing purple eyes stare into my soul.
I've been here before. I remember that now. But each time, she has appeared in my way. I have to get past her, some part of me urges. There's something beyond that black gate she stands in front of, something that I must see. I have to see it - it's my right, and my duty, as a Servant. I'm certain of that. I tighten my grip on [Lord Chaldeas] - no, I suppose it's [Lord Camelot] now.
"...▂▂▃▃▃▃▂▂."
Her speech is completely unintelligible, but I know that she hates me. I can understand that much.
"▬██▁▆█▆▀▬██▆!"
How dare you. How dare you appear in this place. Disappear, disappear, disappear. -I can tell, her words are something like that. "Something" reaches towards me, and-
"Hm? Is that Mash? What a coincidence, running into you here!" A voice, off to the side, calls me further into lucidity, and I easily sidestep the slow moving black hands emerging from the mysterious shadow. They clap together, crushing empty space, and then recede back into the shadowy woman.
"Well, I was a bit worried about it, but it seems like the illusion stuck! Her true body must be pretty far away." Francois Prelati chuckles. "She thinks she got you, so you can go ahead and lower that shield, Mash."
"Hm, is that so?" Slowly, I relax, watching as the shadow woman retreats back through the shining archway she had emerged from in the first place. Speaking of which… "Prelati, where exactly are we, anyway?"
I glance around - aside from the shining portal she emerged from, the rest of this space is just a featureless void.
"Hm… well, it's the Dream Cycle, I guess? Servants are supposed to see dreams of their masters' past, you see - well, maybe it's less that 'they're supposed to', and more that 'it's unavoidable', but it comes down to the same thing in the end!" The boy shrugs. "Of course, it works the other way around - I hope you're okay with our master seeing your deepest and most intimate memories! I know I am~!"
...So on top of everything else, he's an exhibitionist too? Gareth was right, we should just kill him.
"Woah, watch where you swing that thing!" He laughs. "I would have thought you'd be reduced to a blushing mess from that, but you're actually pretty - oh! Hahaha! So that's how that's going to play out, huh?"
"What are you talking about?" I ask, pausing my assault.
"Pfffthaha! I thought you would know first, but oh well~! I'm sure you'll get the punchline eventually." His ever-present grin shifts into an unsettling sadistic smile. "Regardless, we're on a bit of a clock here - only so long before we wake up. Hey, you want to see it too, right? Just what kind of secret trauma that boy is hiding."
...And I won't be able to get past that mysterious woman without his help. "Fine. But only for Senpai's sake."
"Go ahead and lie to yourself all you like~!" He gives a last sing-song retort, and then we step through the gate.
***
I see a boy surrounded by love.
From the moment he was born, his parents loved him, adored him, doted on him.
My upbringing was utterly devoid of such affection - would be a lie. Doctor Roman was there. But he was never once "Dad", only ever "Doctor". And I imagined such was normal. The books I read, growing up - never got too much into family dynamics. And so, I thought: surely everyone has this level of somewhat-distant love. That is all family was, and I was happy with it.
My mother loved me, but only so far as I was her precious tie to my father. And father - I understand. I understand why he couldn't bear to look at me. And I thought such was normal. All of humanity is a morass of false love and short-sightedness. I never once questioned it. That was all family was, and though I loathed it, I accepted it.
Ah.
Ah.
I really wish I hadn't learned this.
I'm so ashamed it took me this long to learn this.
This... is what family actually is, isn't it?
….I'm so terribly jealous.
***
I wake up with the gentle tingle of sunlight upon my cheeks, cast through the tent window.
To be honest, it's a huge relief that they finally sent these tents through rayshift.
...N-not that the experience of waking up without shelter was that bad, or that I'm complaining in any way! It was just a little annoying… just the tiniest bit really - that the morning dew would always mess up my hair.
I had never been particularly proud of my hair before, but… there's a sort of bare minimum of teasing that I can really take from the likes of Mordred.
…"The likes of Mordred?" That was a bit of a mean thought, wasn't it?
Putting it out of my mind, I emerge from the tent, into the full sunshine, taking in the fresh scent of the wet grass, and the faint scent of-
Something freezes in my gut. A deep-rooted sense of terror swims to the surface of my soul.
"Oh! Gala- er, Mash! You're finally awake! Good morning!" Standing at the fire, stirring a cooking pot, is Gareth.
Gareth is cooking, huh… This is bad. I'm sure this is bad - peeling vegetables is one thing, but in the end she's still Gawain's sister!
"-I can't allow this! Senpai, who has the highest standards for cooked vegetables - I won't let him taste your cooking, Gareth!" I roar, charging her as my shield materializes.
"J-just what are you implying about my cooking! I'll have you know that it was because of my skill as a kitchen servant that King Arthur recognized me!" She shouts, lance materializing.
"There's no way that's true!" I shout. Mordred told me after all! "There's no way that's true, because King Arthur never cared about food in the first place!"
"He did too! I'll show you - [Ira-!"
"Oi, oi, oi, what the hell are you two doing so early in the morning!?" Senpai shouts, emerging from his tent, and I feel shame course through my whole being. Gareth and I both freeze, looking away from each other. With a sigh, he walks over, pauses for a moment, and glances at the newest addition of our team. "Gareth."
"Y-yes?" She glances away, kicking the dust a bit.
"-I get you being upset about that, but if you keep using your Noble Phantasm against allies…"
"R-right. Sorry, I got a bit too excited." She cringes. "B-but-!"
"Look, I'll try what you made, but if it tastes bad, I'm gonna spit it out." Senpai says dully.
"Yes! Just give me five more minutes, master! I'm sure you'll love it!" The girl practically skips back to the cooking pot.
"...I guess the Doctor was right, huh?" Senpai mutters. Not for the first time, I wonder if he's aware of how much he thinks out loud - but I'm barely ever able to hear it, so I guess it doesn't matter. "Anyway, Mash."
"Y-yes!?" I squeak, glancing away from him.
"...Are you okay? This kind of thing's a bit out of character for you, isn't it?" he asks, face shifting into obvious concern.
"Ah, no… I think it was just Galahad's influence. Remember, I got upset when Mordred was talking about Camelot's food at Chaldea too?" I reassure him.
It's nothing. It has to be, because he's already worrying too much about me as it is. He's already been injured three times for my sake - I'm terrified that if I give him anything more to worry about, he might do something truly reckless.
"...Ah, so that's how it is." He pauses, and goes pale. "Crap, this is gonna be like Emilia's cooking all over again, isn't it?"
I laugh nervously as the Lancer comes bounding over to us, offering a pot full of clumpy white something.
"...So these are the famous Camelot mashed potatoes, huh?" Senpai mutters, extracting a spoonful. "Right, here goes… ah, not bad actually. Pretty decent, for mashed potatoes."
"Haha! Victory! Didn't I tell you, Galahad! I told you I'm the best cook in Camelot!" Gareth gloats at me. "I'm gonna go scoop some into bowls now, be right back!"
...
"...By the way, Senpai, in this singularity - the Columbian exchange still hasn't happened yet, right?" I ask.
"I was trying not to think about that…" he groans.
Mash Chapter! Mashed potatoes chapter! Prelati-is-a-piece-of-shit chapter!
- Location
- Somewhere North of south
IDK helping save mash from the WoE is a pretty bro tier move, even if he did 'Show?' result in her seeing only happy things from Subaru's life
- Location
- Oregon, USA
Wait, was the bolded text Prelati?
…jealous Prelati is not a good Prelati.
…jealous Prelati is not a good Prelati.
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
It's Sir Galahad. The Servant summoned into Mash. Bastard son of Sir Lancelot and Elaine of Corbenic, Lancelot's stalker and rapist. Was the knight who won the quest for the Holy Grail.
56: Sometimes, it's better to skip Breakfast.
Xorn
Master Procrastinator
- Location
- Somewhere I won't be able to rest in peace
56: Sometimes, it's better to skip Breakfast.
Putting unsettling questions to its origin aside, Gareth's cooking wasn't terrible. A bit on the bland side, but it was nowhere near some of the atrocities that came out of Emilia's pot. At worst, I'd compare it to Green Peas Day.
"And… done!" Prelati says, brushing off his hands. "The carriage is all good to go - not to brag, but my Item Creation skill is pretty terrific! This illusion ought to fool - well, if there are any fairies or clairvoyants around, it'll be useless against them, but it'll work on just about anyone else!"
"On that subject, just how on earth are you this powerful anyway?" Mozart asks somewhat sullenly. "Weren't you just some random serial killer?"
"Haha! Well, that's my legend, but in actuality, I learned magecraft from a certain batch of Lake Spirits, one of whom learned from Merlin himself. You could even think of me as a distant member of Arthur's court - you'd be wrong, but it would amuse me, so please do!" He explains.
"W-wait, do you mean that you learned from-?" Gareth starts to ask.
"Ah, actually, the experience was super traumatic, so I'd rather not talk about it if that's okay." For once, Prelati seems genuinely unsettled. "No clue how someone like Arty could handle those guys."
"...Arty?" Mash mutters.
"Hey, the Lake fairies are Sir Lancelot's family, so-!" Gareth starts to protest.
"And look how he ended up! That guy crushed your head with his bare hands - do you really think he was all there, mentally?" The Caster hisses, face twisted into a scowl. Something seems to squirm furiously in the blackness behind his eyes. "You understand he was crazy, right? Everyone on good terms with Fairies has to have lost their minds at least once or twice!"
(Mash glances at me nervously.)
"Th-that's…" Gareth flinches, averting her eyes.
"-Ah, sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that." Prelati immediately returns to his usual grin, all hatred seeming to vanish. "What I meant to say was:" He gives a shrug and shakes his head, continuing in a singsong voice. "-Look how Lancelot ended up! That guy crushed your head with his bare hands - do you really think he was all there, mentally~? You understand he was crazy, right? Everyone on good terms with Fairies has to have lost their minds at least once or twice~!"
…Oi, he just said the same thing in a meaner way.
"You just weren't satisfied with the effort you put into being an asshole!?" I shout, taking a step forward, fist clenched. And to think, for a moment I almost felt sorry for him-!
"...It's fine." Gareth says, halting my motion. "It's fine!" She says a bit louder, standing up straight. "I already forgave Sir Lancelot. Even before I had been summoned, on the throne, I already decided to forgive him, And…" She trails off, mumbling something under her breath.
"Heh. Hehehahaha! I-is that so?" The Alchemist doubles over with laughter. "Pfft… pfft… bwahahaha!" He falls even more, pounding on the ground, and then rolling back and forth on the ground spewing mocking laughter. "That's great! That's amazing, you really mean it?"
"Yes." the Lancer replies, utterly unfazed.
"Hahaha! -the… the best! You Round Table Knights, are just the best!" Prelati keeps laughing between heavy breaths, splayed out on the ground. "I love this…" he hops to his feet. "Ah, this is going to be the best adventure ever! I'm so excited, I can't wait! Quick, everyone, get in the carriage, we've gotta get moving, there's no way I can hold this excitement in otherwise!"
…Is this guy really worth having around?
As I enter the Illusion-protected carriage, it's truly infuriating that the only possible answer I can come to is yes.
***
"Good work, everyone - at this rate, you should reach Lyon by noon." Olga Marie says - though, her line delivery is completely unconvincing. Is she still pissed about yesterday? "Now, let's go over the plan one more time so Natsuki doesn't end up saying 'Oh right, there was something like that, wasn't there?' again."
"Hey, that's slander! I've never forgotten anything in my life!" I shout in feigned outrage, prompting an angry sigh. Come on, take the bait, take the bait-!
"Except the time that you forgot about telepathy with servants, and the time you forgot about your Mystic Code, and the time you forgot that Servants sympathize with their legends, and half a dozen other times I don't feel like mentioning!?" She shouts. Checkmate.
"Oh right, there were events like that, weren't there?" I deliver the punchline.
"..." The Director opens her mouth and closes it a few times, a small high pitched noise escaping her mouth. Mozart gives me a high five as we giggle like children.
"...In all seriousness, I do remember all of it. Sweep into Lyon, grab Siegfried, and get out before anyone realizes we were there. It's simple enough even a child could remember it, Director."
"That's right. It's such a simple plan that it's impossible to get wrong unless you do it deliberately - do you get what I'm saying, Natsuki? No side trips. Even if the enemy shows up, and is doing something awful, you're to keep your eyes on the mission. Do I make myself clear?"
For a moment, I contemplate just agreeing with her to get her off my back. But in the end, lying is bad, right?
"...I can't promise something like that, Director."
"Tch. Of course you'd say something like that." She scowls.
"Sorry for-" I cut myself off. There's no point in apologizing if I'm not actually sorry, right? No, the right thing to say here is- "Thanks for being so understanding, Director." I grin.
"Ah?" She pauses, scowl vanishing into total confusion. "You're… welcome? I mean, o-of course I am! I'm the most understanding employer in the world! Ah… good luck?"
The transmission cuts off there.
***
"...Well, that's not good." Prelati mutters as the Carriage rattles down the road.
"Your familiar reached Lyon?" Jeanne asks, and receives a nod in response. "What's wrong?"
"Seems like we're a bit late. Berserk Saber beat us there. I don't want to alarm you guys, but it looks pretty grim. Siegfried's putting up a pretty good fight, but… damn. There goes my familiar." He sighs.
"Berserk Saber… What do we know about him?" I ask.
"I've seen their Noble Phantasm, but it's [Fleur de Lys], so the knowledge is basically useless. They could be literally any French Noble all the way back to the Merovingians and it wouldn't be a surprise. And I'm talking any French Noble. I can't even tell whether they're a man or a woman from a glance!" Prelati sighs and kicks his legs, cheeks puffed out in annoyance. "Of course, as far as parameters go, they're a monster. No physical stat lower than B-rank. As expected of the Saber class, really!"
"...Can you describe their appearance?" Marie says suddenly, a slightly disturbed look on her face.
"Blonde hair, blue eyes, with a turquoise overcoat of some kind and a pink lily-shaped cloak." Prelati says. "I don't remember the rest too clearly…"
"No, that's enough." Marie sighs. "It is her then… d'Eon, how could it come to this…?"
"Ah, the Chevalier d'Eon. I see, I see! I guess you would recognize them, huh?" Prelati chuckles.
Marie says nothing, eyes downcast - for a few moments, after which her bright smile returns to her face. "So be it! I'll just have to pin her down and charm her until she switches sides! I love her after all, so it can't be helped."
"...Queen of White Lilies indeed." Mozart mutters with a grin, which turns to a small frown. "But, charming them to swap sides… is that truly possible, I wonder?"
***
Lyon is another ruin. We make our way through melted streets, and forests of impaled corpses - it seems this place was hit even before La Charite. There's not even smoke, nor a cloud in the sky. Just a calm landscape of horror, silent save for the crows, utterly at odds with the warm sunlight and gentle breeze shining on us.
"It's here." Prelati says as the carriage draws to a stop. "This is where my Familiar was when it was destroyed, so there should be some sign."
"-No need for a sign, can't you sense them?" Mozart says as the door swings open. "Right there."
He points to a corpse sitting against a building - a corpse, which slowly rises to its feet in response. She - or is it he? - is already a bloodied mess. The right quarter of her torso has been gouged out, staining the turquoise coat and white shirt a deep red. Her face is a dented mess, the left half all but flattened, eye missing. Of the fingers on her remaining hand, three are bent backwards, twitching slightly. One of her feet is twisted backwards. And yet, the Chevalier d'Eon stands, and smiles warmly.
"Ah, your Highness. Did you see it?" She asks, madness glinting in her remaining eye. "I defeated him- the Dragonslayer, Siegfried. I did what Berserk Archer, Berserk Lancer, and Berserk Avenger couldn't, and finished him off - Isn't that wonderful, Your Majesty?"
Putting unsettling questions to its origin aside, Gareth's cooking wasn't terrible. A bit on the bland side, but it was nowhere near some of the atrocities that came out of Emilia's pot. At worst, I'd compare it to Green Peas Day.
"And… done!" Prelati says, brushing off his hands. "The carriage is all good to go - not to brag, but my Item Creation skill is pretty terrific! This illusion ought to fool - well, if there are any fairies or clairvoyants around, it'll be useless against them, but it'll work on just about anyone else!"
"On that subject, just how on earth are you this powerful anyway?" Mozart asks somewhat sullenly. "Weren't you just some random serial killer?"
"Haha! Well, that's my legend, but in actuality, I learned magecraft from a certain batch of Lake Spirits, one of whom learned from Merlin himself. You could even think of me as a distant member of Arthur's court - you'd be wrong, but it would amuse me, so please do!" He explains.
"W-wait, do you mean that you learned from-?" Gareth starts to ask.
"Ah, actually, the experience was super traumatic, so I'd rather not talk about it if that's okay." For once, Prelati seems genuinely unsettled. "No clue how someone like Arty could handle those guys."
"...Arty?" Mash mutters.
"Hey, the Lake fairies are Sir Lancelot's family, so-!" Gareth starts to protest.
"And look how he ended up! That guy crushed your head with his bare hands - do you really think he was all there, mentally?" The Caster hisses, face twisted into a scowl. Something seems to squirm furiously in the blackness behind his eyes. "You understand he was crazy, right? Everyone on good terms with Fairies has to have lost their minds at least once or twice!"
(Mash glances at me nervously.)
"Th-that's…" Gareth flinches, averting her eyes.
"-Ah, sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that." Prelati immediately returns to his usual grin, all hatred seeming to vanish. "What I meant to say was:" He gives a shrug and shakes his head, continuing in a singsong voice. "-Look how Lancelot ended up! That guy crushed your head with his bare hands - do you really think he was all there, mentally~? You understand he was crazy, right? Everyone on good terms with Fairies has to have lost their minds at least once or twice~!"
…Oi, he just said the same thing in a meaner way.
"You just weren't satisfied with the effort you put into being an asshole!?" I shout, taking a step forward, fist clenched. And to think, for a moment I almost felt sorry for him-!
"...It's fine." Gareth says, halting my motion. "It's fine!" She says a bit louder, standing up straight. "I already forgave Sir Lancelot. Even before I had been summoned, on the throne, I already decided to forgive him, And…" She trails off, mumbling something under her breath.
"Heh. Hehehahaha! I-is that so?" The Alchemist doubles over with laughter. "Pfft… pfft… bwahahaha!" He falls even more, pounding on the ground, and then rolling back and forth on the ground spewing mocking laughter. "That's great! That's amazing, you really mean it?"
"Yes." the Lancer replies, utterly unfazed.
"Hahaha! -the… the best! You Round Table Knights, are just the best!" Prelati keeps laughing between heavy breaths, splayed out on the ground. "I love this…" he hops to his feet. "Ah, this is going to be the best adventure ever! I'm so excited, I can't wait! Quick, everyone, get in the carriage, we've gotta get moving, there's no way I can hold this excitement in otherwise!"
…Is this guy really worth having around?
As I enter the Illusion-protected carriage, it's truly infuriating that the only possible answer I can come to is yes.
***
"Good work, everyone - at this rate, you should reach Lyon by noon." Olga Marie says - though, her line delivery is completely unconvincing. Is she still pissed about yesterday? "Now, let's go over the plan one more time so Natsuki doesn't end up saying 'Oh right, there was something like that, wasn't there?' again."
"Hey, that's slander! I've never forgotten anything in my life!" I shout in feigned outrage, prompting an angry sigh. Come on, take the bait, take the bait-!
"Except the time that you forgot about telepathy with servants, and the time you forgot about your Mystic Code, and the time you forgot that Servants sympathize with their legends, and half a dozen other times I don't feel like mentioning!?" She shouts. Checkmate.
"Oh right, there were events like that, weren't there?" I deliver the punchline.
"..." The Director opens her mouth and closes it a few times, a small high pitched noise escaping her mouth. Mozart gives me a high five as we giggle like children.
"...In all seriousness, I do remember all of it. Sweep into Lyon, grab Siegfried, and get out before anyone realizes we were there. It's simple enough even a child could remember it, Director."
"That's right. It's such a simple plan that it's impossible to get wrong unless you do it deliberately - do you get what I'm saying, Natsuki? No side trips. Even if the enemy shows up, and is doing something awful, you're to keep your eyes on the mission. Do I make myself clear?"
For a moment, I contemplate just agreeing with her to get her off my back. But in the end, lying is bad, right?
"...I can't promise something like that, Director."
"Tch. Of course you'd say something like that." She scowls.
"Sorry for-" I cut myself off. There's no point in apologizing if I'm not actually sorry, right? No, the right thing to say here is- "Thanks for being so understanding, Director." I grin.
"Ah?" She pauses, scowl vanishing into total confusion. "You're… welcome? I mean, o-of course I am! I'm the most understanding employer in the world! Ah… good luck?"
The transmission cuts off there.
***
"...Well, that's not good." Prelati mutters as the Carriage rattles down the road.
"Your familiar reached Lyon?" Jeanne asks, and receives a nod in response. "What's wrong?"
"Seems like we're a bit late. Berserk Saber beat us there. I don't want to alarm you guys, but it looks pretty grim. Siegfried's putting up a pretty good fight, but… damn. There goes my familiar." He sighs.
"Berserk Saber… What do we know about him?" I ask.
"I've seen their Noble Phantasm, but it's [Fleur de Lys], so the knowledge is basically useless. They could be literally any French Noble all the way back to the Merovingians and it wouldn't be a surprise. And I'm talking any French Noble. I can't even tell whether they're a man or a woman from a glance!" Prelati sighs and kicks his legs, cheeks puffed out in annoyance. "Of course, as far as parameters go, they're a monster. No physical stat lower than B-rank. As expected of the Saber class, really!"
"...Can you describe their appearance?" Marie says suddenly, a slightly disturbed look on her face.
"Blonde hair, blue eyes, with a turquoise overcoat of some kind and a pink lily-shaped cloak." Prelati says. "I don't remember the rest too clearly…"
"No, that's enough." Marie sighs. "It is her then… d'Eon, how could it come to this…?"
"Ah, the Chevalier d'Eon. I see, I see! I guess you would recognize them, huh?" Prelati chuckles.
Marie says nothing, eyes downcast - for a few moments, after which her bright smile returns to her face. "So be it! I'll just have to pin her down and charm her until she switches sides! I love her after all, so it can't be helped."
"...Queen of White Lilies indeed." Mozart mutters with a grin, which turns to a small frown. "But, charming them to swap sides… is that truly possible, I wonder?"
***
Lyon is another ruin. We make our way through melted streets, and forests of impaled corpses - it seems this place was hit even before La Charite. There's not even smoke, nor a cloud in the sky. Just a calm landscape of horror, silent save for the crows, utterly at odds with the warm sunlight and gentle breeze shining on us.
"It's here." Prelati says as the carriage draws to a stop. "This is where my Familiar was when it was destroyed, so there should be some sign."
"-No need for a sign, can't you sense them?" Mozart says as the door swings open. "Right there."
He points to a corpse sitting against a building - a corpse, which slowly rises to its feet in response. She - or is it he? - is already a bloodied mess. The right quarter of her torso has been gouged out, staining the turquoise coat and white shirt a deep red. Her face is a dented mess, the left half all but flattened, eye missing. Of the fingers on her remaining hand, three are bent backwards, twitching slightly. One of her feet is twisted backwards. And yet, the Chevalier d'Eon stands, and smiles warmly.
"Ah, your Highness. Did you see it?" She asks, madness glinting in her remaining eye. "I defeated him- the Dragonslayer, Siegfried. I did what Berserk Archer, Berserk Lancer, and Berserk Avenger couldn't, and finished him off - Isn't that wonderful, Your Majesty?"
TFW Gareth's cooking kills Siegfried indirectly. Shoulda skipped Breakfast, that hour spent cooking/eating really mattered here.
Using feminine pronouns for d'Eon because Marie would have known her as a woman, and from actual historical record that seems to be what d'Eon preferred in the latter part of her life.
The Santa Who Judges the Sinners Chapter Two is (hopefully) coming this week.
Using feminine pronouns for d'Eon because Marie would have known her as a woman, and from actual historical record that seems to be what d'Eon preferred in the latter part of her life.
The Santa Who Judges the Sinners Chapter Two is (hopefully) coming this week.
ExNihilo
SPACE!
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Neat take on Berserk Saber. Most of the time we get to see Chevalier, she's calm and collected, or embarrassed, but her stats are badass and Berserk alters her mental state, she's a dangerous foe indeed.
She was also my first Complete Maxed servant in FGO, so I doubly appreciate any positive appearances for her.
- Location
- Somewhere North of south
That is... quite the image you've put in my mind with the description of D'eon at the end there...
57: Dedication/Desolation
Xorn
Master Procrastinator
- Location
- Somewhere I won't be able to rest in peace
57: Dedication/Desolation
Marie stands in shocked silence for a few moments, her face filled with pain. "d'Eon, why…" She trails off, gazing mournfully at Berserk Saber. Then, with a huff, she steels her expression, drawing up to her full height and crossing her arms over her chest. "-Chevalier d'Eon, thou findest thyself in our deepest ire. This despoiling of our lands, the butchery of our people, the treasonous alliance with those who would see our Nation destroyed! For crimes against God and the Crown - answer for thyself, immediately!"
"...Your majesty is truly too kind. To ask for an explanation first - but you wouldn't be Marie Anoinette without such forgiveness in your heart, no?" Berserk Saber gives a wet chuckle, blood leaking from her mouth. "-But, majesty, didn't you realize? I haven't betrayed you in the least. Because I love you. And because I love you, I can do what your kindness, your forgiveness won't allow you to."
What the hell is she-?
"Because, they deserve it!" d'Eon spits. "This ungrateful nation, of oathbreakers and scoundrels, who killed her Majesty and her children without a regret, deserves to perish! Don't you see, your Majesty? Kindness can only go so far! The people of France-!"
"-don't deserve this, d'Eon. I forgive them, for all of it." Marie interrupts, a bright smile filling her face. "After all, it can't be helped right? The world changes. That can't be stopped. And if France moves beyond even Louis and myself, it's still 'Vive la France', right?"
Marie continues to explain her point of view, and pink energy starts to flow out of her and into the Saber - I guess that's her Charm skill. But my attention on her words is broken by someone else's words.
["-Say, between Jeanne, Marie, and Gareth, we sure have got a lot of forgiving people in this group, huh Subaru~?"] The voice of Prelati echoes in my mind - right, we've got a contract now, haven't we? ["Come to think of it, which type are you? Personally, I'd bet you're a pretty vengeful guy - that's right, isn't it?"]
["...No, I think I'm pretty forgiving, all things considered."] I reply. I'd still be having trouble with half of the Emilia camp if I wasn't, after all.
["Haha! Well, I'll look forward to seeing it!"] He laughs. Tch, this guy…
["-That aside, keep your damn voice out of my head. It's making my brain feel oily, having you in here."] I grumble.
"-Enough!" d'Eon roars, interrupting our conversation as she blows the charm away with a sweep of her hand. "You can't say that! You can't call the Revolution 'moving on', or 'progress'! You died too soon, so you don't understand! You weren't there, so you can't possibly comprehend the hell that the French people created!"
"Ooh, here it comes." Prelati giggles. "To be honest, I'd really been wondering just how much willful blindness Marie had to the deeds of Robespierre's ilk."
"Everything! They corrupted absolutely everything! The days of the week, the names of the months, the calendar, the dates of holidays - everything they could do to erase the lives that people had lived up to that point. They abolished courtesy, abolished beauty, abolished elegance, abolished doubt, abolished faith, and then abolished the rights of all who wouldn't consent, be they man, woman, or child!" The Saber raves, blood foaming out of her mouth. With every word, Marie cringes, shrinking back more and more as the words carve themselves into her heart. "That was all the love the French people had for the White Lily of Chivalry, that they would grind it into the mud without a second thought at the mere prompting of a mad lawyer! They deserve to die! They all deserve-!"
"-Big words, from someone who didn't raise a finger against it." Mozart interrupts, and the d'Eon freezes mid-sentence. "Unless Maria has mistaken your identity, and you are in fact Cathelineau or some such?"
"-Th-that's! I had no choice in the matter! Do you not know the power those people held?" She protests. "They would have taken everything from me!"
"Which is exactly what they did in the end, no? You lost your money, your properties, and every single family heirloom, surviving only off dueling money and dying flat broke in some London gutter." The composer chuckles. "And where do you get off, trying to act like Maria's friend, you who volunteered to lead troops against her family on behalf of her killers? Really, there's not one thing that's elegant about you."
Fury fills Chevalier d'Eon's face, as her sword flashes free of its sheath and-
Suddenly, the sun goes dark.
No, that's not it - something has blotted it out. A colossal shadow, large enough to cast every person present into darkness.
An instant later, sound catches up and the sonic boom knocks me off my feet.
Suddenly, impossibly, at the worst possible time, the Evil Dragon Fafnir appears in the air above Lyon.
***
I, Charlotte-Geneviève-Louise-Augusta-Andréa-Timothéa d'Éon de Beaumont, have known humiliation. In some sense, my entire life had been a seesawing of honor and dishonor, humiliation and elegance. From a spy in the kings good graces, to a disgraced noble in banishment. From a friend of the Queen to a penniless exile. From a champion duelist to an impoverished cripple.
I have known humiliation, but that does not mean I shall stand for it. He must die. Those who mar my elegance must die. Be they France, be they Siegfried, be they even the friends of the Queen I swore allegiance to once upon a time.
Thus, I have no choice but to slay this cur in her company - Mozart, I suppose? He matches the description. In any case, I have no choice but to kill him. Even though my next blow is certain to be my last. But, Your Majesty, please watch me - I'll make it truly beautiful!
As my blade leaps free of its sheath, a dragon appears. By far the largest of those summoned, by far the most powerful, enough to perhaps overwhelm this lot, since Siegfried is dead. An ally has arrived - if I don't push myself, I might yet survive these wounds.
But, her Majesty will die.
Of course, holding back is not an option. My sword has been drawn, and I must slay this man.
But, my Queen will die if I do.
I could even use a personal skill to draw their attention to me and prevent them from blocking the flames - and in doing so seize victory for my master.
But, Marie Antoinette will die.
A devilish voice presents itself - honor, or duty? Beauty, or love? I made my choice in life - shall I change my course in death?
The dragon opens its jaws, blue flame licking forth from therein. Before I realize it, my body is moving on its own.
My Noble Phantasm, [Fleur de Lys], can be invoked in three possible ways. The first is an anti-unit attack, which both lowers the target's parameters and deals damage to them. The second is an anti-army attack, which deals no damage, but does decrease the parameters of up to fifty targets, and potentially stuns them. The third…
The third is also an anti-army attack, but its effect spreads over everything, no matter how many spectators. Even a dragon, or fire itself will be mesmerized.
It will come at the cost of my life, dissipating all of the magical energy in my body. Lasting only an instant, simply a brief respite during which Her Majesty's allies might ready their defenses. But that instant will engrave itself upon their memory, and not a single soul who beholds that moment of beauty shall forget.
"Please, keep your eyes upon me - [Profuse Blooming of Fluttering Lilies ]!"
I bloom magnificently.
Marie stands in shocked silence for a few moments, her face filled with pain. "d'Eon, why…" She trails off, gazing mournfully at Berserk Saber. Then, with a huff, she steels her expression, drawing up to her full height and crossing her arms over her chest. "-Chevalier d'Eon, thou findest thyself in our deepest ire. This despoiling of our lands, the butchery of our people, the treasonous alliance with those who would see our Nation destroyed! For crimes against God and the Crown - answer for thyself, immediately!"
"...Your majesty is truly too kind. To ask for an explanation first - but you wouldn't be Marie Anoinette without such forgiveness in your heart, no?" Berserk Saber gives a wet chuckle, blood leaking from her mouth. "-But, majesty, didn't you realize? I haven't betrayed you in the least. Because I love you. And because I love you, I can do what your kindness, your forgiveness won't allow you to."
What the hell is she-?
"Because, they deserve it!" d'Eon spits. "This ungrateful nation, of oathbreakers and scoundrels, who killed her Majesty and her children without a regret, deserves to perish! Don't you see, your Majesty? Kindness can only go so far! The people of France-!"
"-don't deserve this, d'Eon. I forgive them, for all of it." Marie interrupts, a bright smile filling her face. "After all, it can't be helped right? The world changes. That can't be stopped. And if France moves beyond even Louis and myself, it's still 'Vive la France', right?"
Marie continues to explain her point of view, and pink energy starts to flow out of her and into the Saber - I guess that's her Charm skill. But my attention on her words is broken by someone else's words.
["-Say, between Jeanne, Marie, and Gareth, we sure have got a lot of forgiving people in this group, huh Subaru~?"] The voice of Prelati echoes in my mind - right, we've got a contract now, haven't we? ["Come to think of it, which type are you? Personally, I'd bet you're a pretty vengeful guy - that's right, isn't it?"]
["...No, I think I'm pretty forgiving, all things considered."] I reply. I'd still be having trouble with half of the Emilia camp if I wasn't, after all.
["Haha! Well, I'll look forward to seeing it!"] He laughs. Tch, this guy…
["-That aside, keep your damn voice out of my head. It's making my brain feel oily, having you in here."] I grumble.
"-Enough!" d'Eon roars, interrupting our conversation as she blows the charm away with a sweep of her hand. "You can't say that! You can't call the Revolution 'moving on', or 'progress'! You died too soon, so you don't understand! You weren't there, so you can't possibly comprehend the hell that the French people created!"
"Ooh, here it comes." Prelati giggles. "To be honest, I'd really been wondering just how much willful blindness Marie had to the deeds of Robespierre's ilk."
"Everything! They corrupted absolutely everything! The days of the week, the names of the months, the calendar, the dates of holidays - everything they could do to erase the lives that people had lived up to that point. They abolished courtesy, abolished beauty, abolished elegance, abolished doubt, abolished faith, and then abolished the rights of all who wouldn't consent, be they man, woman, or child!" The Saber raves, blood foaming out of her mouth. With every word, Marie cringes, shrinking back more and more as the words carve themselves into her heart. "That was all the love the French people had for the White Lily of Chivalry, that they would grind it into the mud without a second thought at the mere prompting of a mad lawyer! They deserve to die! They all deserve-!"
"-Big words, from someone who didn't raise a finger against it." Mozart interrupts, and the d'Eon freezes mid-sentence. "Unless Maria has mistaken your identity, and you are in fact Cathelineau or some such?"
"-Th-that's! I had no choice in the matter! Do you not know the power those people held?" She protests. "They would have taken everything from me!"
"Which is exactly what they did in the end, no? You lost your money, your properties, and every single family heirloom, surviving only off dueling money and dying flat broke in some London gutter." The composer chuckles. "And where do you get off, trying to act like Maria's friend, you who volunteered to lead troops against her family on behalf of her killers? Really, there's not one thing that's elegant about you."
Fury fills Chevalier d'Eon's face, as her sword flashes free of its sheath and-
Suddenly, the sun goes dark.
No, that's not it - something has blotted it out. A colossal shadow, large enough to cast every person present into darkness.
An instant later, sound catches up and the sonic boom knocks me off my feet.
Suddenly, impossibly, at the worst possible time, the Evil Dragon Fafnir appears in the air above Lyon.
***
I, Charlotte-Geneviève-Louise-Augusta-Andréa-Timothéa d'Éon de Beaumont, have known humiliation. In some sense, my entire life had been a seesawing of honor and dishonor, humiliation and elegance. From a spy in the kings good graces, to a disgraced noble in banishment. From a friend of the Queen to a penniless exile. From a champion duelist to an impoverished cripple.
I have known humiliation, but that does not mean I shall stand for it. He must die. Those who mar my elegance must die. Be they France, be they Siegfried, be they even the friends of the Queen I swore allegiance to once upon a time.
Thus, I have no choice but to slay this cur in her company - Mozart, I suppose? He matches the description. In any case, I have no choice but to kill him. Even though my next blow is certain to be my last. But, Your Majesty, please watch me - I'll make it truly beautiful!
As my blade leaps free of its sheath, a dragon appears. By far the largest of those summoned, by far the most powerful, enough to perhaps overwhelm this lot, since Siegfried is dead. An ally has arrived - if I don't push myself, I might yet survive these wounds.
But, her Majesty will die.
Of course, holding back is not an option. My sword has been drawn, and I must slay this man.
But, my Queen will die if I do.
I could even use a personal skill to draw their attention to me and prevent them from blocking the flames - and in doing so seize victory for my master.
But, Marie Antoinette will die.
A devilish voice presents itself - honor, or duty? Beauty, or love? I made my choice in life - shall I change my course in death?
The dragon opens its jaws, blue flame licking forth from therein. Before I realize it, my body is moving on its own.
My Noble Phantasm, [Fleur de Lys], can be invoked in three possible ways. The first is an anti-unit attack, which both lowers the target's parameters and deals damage to them. The second is an anti-army attack, which deals no damage, but does decrease the parameters of up to fifty targets, and potentially stuns them. The third…
The third is also an anti-army attack, but its effect spreads over everything, no matter how many spectators. Even a dragon, or fire itself will be mesmerized.
It will come at the cost of my life, dissipating all of the magical energy in my body. Lasting only an instant, simply a brief respite during which Her Majesty's allies might ready their defenses. But that instant will engrave itself upon their memory, and not a single soul who beholds that moment of beauty shall forget.
"Please, keep your eyes upon me - [
I bloom magnificently.
Been a bit, sorry for the delays.
I'm not so certain about this chapter. I'm never super confident when writing mad rambling, I'm always uncertain if it's convincing.
I'm not so certain about this chapter. I'm never super confident when writing mad rambling, I'm always uncertain if it's convincing.
Omake: The Santa who Judges the Sinners, Chapter 2
Xorn
Master Procrastinator
- Location
- Somewhere I won't be able to rest in peace
Also here's a twenty-two day late Christmas omake
-This is a tale of something that never happened.
To start with, there's no room for seasonal events in a story crawling by at a pace like this. And, furthermore, the tone is way off base, and the story includes several characters that have no business showing up this soon.
But, with all that said, it's that magical time of year again. The same time of the year that the Green Knight Bertiak approached the knights of the round and tricked(?) Sir Gawain into cutting his head off(??) in order to scare Guinevere to death(???) as part of a convoluted scheme by Morgan to kill Arthur's wife even though she was putting her own son in jeopardy(????).
Yeah, I don't get it either. But it did make Gawain look like a total badass and give him a neat belt and axe.
Anyway, it's Christmas time. And as anyone who's familiar with FGO will tell you, that means it's time for me, the author, to violate all the traditions and magic of the holiday season, for the sake of comedy.
Grab a glass of eggnog, huddle under a blanket, and relax, with this heartwarming(?????) tale.
The Santa who Judges the Sinners, Chapter 2
-My face is cold.
"Ah, Baru, you passed out again! Wake uuuup!"
My eyes snap open. "Wait, it's this again!? I thought that was just a bad dream!"
"Wahaha!~ Baru, you dummy - we've only visited one kid tonight-" Typhon laughs.
"Tonight!? It felt like an entire year passed!"
"-did you really think Typhon would be satisfied with that? Typhon is set on milking as many chapters out of this gimmick as she can, because she knoooows she won't get an actual in-story appearance.~" The Witch of Pride says with a mocking shrug.
"Please just send me home already…" I mutter, glancing over the edge of the sleigh to see a fog-shrouded city lit by gaslamp - I can still see Big Ben, so I guess we're still in-
"Our next stop is Victorian London!" She shouts, pumping her fist in the air.
"Oi, am I supposed to yell about the fact that this thing can time travel, or the fact that we skipped the entire rest of the Clock Tower." I ask as I massage my brow. I can already feel the migraine coming on.
"Of course Santa's sleigh can time travel, how else is she going to visit every kid on the same night?~"
"So it was the first one, huh?"
Typhon pulls her list from her pocket once more. "The next person we need to visit is Little Ebenezer Holmes!~"
"Ah, we're mixing random servants with other figures this time, huh? I thought the Author said he wasn't doing GudaGuda events though…" I mutter.
"Baru, breaking the fourth wall this much is a writing sin, so stop it, okay?"
"Sorry, go on."
"-Ebenezer's letter to Santa says:
'It seems I've been summoned to a rather queer singularity, and merged with another famous englishman to boot. Considering that we have already been attacked by the Ghost of Marley, Cratchit and I deduce that the rest of the Christmas Carol ghosts we encounter tonight will be hostile - with that in mind, I've decided to write a christmas wish, with the hopes that we can use it to chain-summon Saint Nicholas to our aid. Please help us, Santa Claus.
P.S. The usual "sugar" that I ask for each year would not go amiss. Ha ha!'"
"-Oi, doesn't that actually sound like a ton of trouble!? And what was that about-?"
"[White Whale, Compact Model] - descend!" She shouts with a laugh, and the sleigh screams out a curtain of fog as we dive through the choking smog.
We land with a resounding crash, smashing the cobbled street to pieces as poor White Whale-kun groans in pain again.
Slowly, I stand, rubbing my bruised tailbone. "Oi, Typhon, you've got to get better at landing this thing. I might get seriously hurt at this rate."
"Wahaha! Didn't you know, Baru? It's Christmas! And nothing bad happens on Christmas."
Of course, it's at the very moment that Typhon raises the flag, that she emerges from the fog. A beautiful woman in a black miniskirt, with poofy cotton edges and a green and red ribbon securing a black cloak around her shoulders. A black Santa hat is perched on her pale blonde hair, beneath which are her piercing yellow eyes. In one hand, she's carrying a large burlap sack, and in the other, a glowing black and red sword-
"Oh god, it's Arthur again." I groan. "…Why are you wearing a Santa costume?"
"I am the Santa of Christmas past." She says, straight-faced.
"Oh, good, here I was worried it would be for a reason that made sense." I mutter.
"Prepare yourself! [Excalibur-!" Black energy surges from her sword.
"There's nothing Santa about you! You're the exact same as ever! [E-M-M]!" I yell, grabbing Typhon and expending a Command Spell.
"...Morgaaaaan]!"
***
The wave of tainted mana crashes over me in a blinding torrent - but with [EMM] active, it doesn't actually touch me or Typhon.
I've faced this Noble Phantasm before, so I know. I know exactly when its torrent will end, and assuming she doesn't have a Grail powering her this time, she won't be able to fire off another quite as fast. And so, the moment it cuts off, before she has a chance to realize I avoided it-!
The blast ends, and I chuck Typhon at Arthur with all of my might.
"Waaaaah! Typhon is flyiiiing!" She yells in a childish mix of joy and fear.
"What-?" Arthur's sword hesitates for a split second.
"Ei!~" Typhon shouts as she impacts Arthur with her fist, and the King of Knights shatters into twenty or so pieces. A moment later, the Witch jumps to her feet. "Wahaha!~ Take that, sinner! How dare you attack Santa! Now all you get is Typhon's just- ehhhh? Baru, she's not puking blood, what's going oooon!?"
"Ah, come to think of it, the last time we ran into her she said she only turned evil after she was dead, so her intent aside, she hasn't actually done anything bad yet… or something like that." I say with a shrug.
"Mm.. that sounds kind of unconvincing." The witch says, stroking her fake beard.
"Kill me. I refuse to live with this humiliation." Arthur's severed head says.
"Oh, she's alive because it would be funny to carry her around with us!" Typhon slaps her fist into her palm.
"That must be it." I nod, picking up the Saber's head.
"You dare mock the pride of a Santa!? My fellow Santas will certainly avenge me!" She shouts angrily.
"It's a bold assertion that such a symbol of rampant consumerism could be said to have pride." A man's voice calls out as he emerges from the foggy night. Wearing a black overcoat, with slicked back gray hair and a pipe in one hand, he stalks forward into view, eyeing Typhon and myself. "...I suppose it was too much to hope for an actual Saint to manifest on this bizarre night. I am Ebenezer Holmes. If I were summoned normally I would say it was a pleasure to meet you, but as it is the only thing I can ask for is a profitable business relationship. Ha ha!"
"You said it anyway, just in a backhanded way!" I protest.
"An excellent deduction, though I hope you aren't planning on charging a detective fee. I can't abide a business rival." He says with a puff of his pipe. Then he yells behind him, "Cratchit, I found them! Get over here, you waste of coin!"
"Righty-o, here I am!" A blond youth leaps out of the fog. "It's me, Flat Cratchit, at your- oooohhh, it's Pleiades! What've you been up to?"
…I really wasn't ready to deal with Flat-senpai today, but here we are.
"Uh… I got involved in saving the world. And then got abducted by a Loli Santa from another world. We just got done breaking into Professor Velvet's office and nearly killing him." I say, rubbing the back of my head.
"Eh, so you finally made your attempt at killing the Big Ben London Star, huh? Nice job, nice job!" He laughs and claps me on the back.
"Oi, that's supposed to be a bad thing, you idiot! Don't praise me for it!"
"It's fine, it's fine! Everyone in the Modern Magecraft Department tries to kill Professor Velvet at least once. It's like a rite of passage!"
"What kind of fucked up school is- wait, that's a stupid question."
"Yep!" He laughs.
"As amusing as this is, it seems our next visitor has arrived." Holmes says, puffing his pipe.
"Eh? Who is it, who is it?~" Typhon makes her hands into a little goggle shape, dropping the head of Arthur, who lets out a small yelp.
"N-now, face your doom!" The Saber says as she rolls across the street. "The Santa of Christmas Present!"
"A shame then," Standing in the lamplight as the fog clears, a green-cloaked, santa-hatted figure glances over his shoulder at us, eyes sparking. "That the only ones who receive a 'present' from me, the Santa of Monte Cristo, are the good of heart! Kuhahaha!"
"Booo! Your pun sucks! Are you even trying?" Flat yells.
Dantes ignores him, continuing his monologue. "One such as you, Ebenezer Holmes, who deconstructs Christmas beneath his cold microscope, could never hope to overcome-!"
"I've already figured you out by deconstructing you beneath my cold microscope." Holmes says as a dozen large lenses manifest, shining spotlights upon the Count, who reels backwards. "Whatever your holiday business, I'll see through it… [Humbug, My Dear]."
***
"-Now, while he's blinded! Get him, Tiny Jack!" Flat yells, and suddenly a young boy is standing behind Dantes, leaning on a pair of crutches.
"...This is so embarrassing," The boy mutters as he runs a hand down his face. "Why did we get summoned like this? I'm going to hold this against you for a long time, Flat."
"Eh? Why is it my fault?" The Magus protests.
"Oh come on! You're the one who made the decision back in Snowfield that got us stuck together like this!" The kid shouts in response, dodging around a blast of black flame from Dantes and jabbing him in the gut using his crutch.
"Not the crutch, use your Noble Phantasm, your Noble Phantasm!" Flat yells.
"No! It's too embarra-" The boy yells, but he's cut off when his body is reduced to ashes by a gout of black flame.
"Ah, Jack died!" Typhon says.
"Alas, poor Tiny Jack." Flat shakes his head mournfully.
"...Oi, don't make a joke out of-" I start to say, only for another young boy to emerge from the Fog and whack Dantes's shin with his crutch. "Nevermind, he's fine!?"
"Kuhaha! You think such things will affect me!?" Dantes shouts, clutching at his shin and hopping up and down, tears in his eyes. "I have a skill that suppresses pain, this won't- ow! Ow, ow, ow, stop!"
He falls over as Tiny Jack whacks his other shin, rolling back and forth. The little kid, just continues the abuse, beating the Avenger over and over.
"Ha ha! My Noble Phantasm eliminates all defenses of its target. Foolish spirit, did you think you could face Ebenezer Holmes unprepared?" Holmes boasts.
"Guh- then I'll use my own -ow! I - ow! Follow a - ow! Path beyond - ow! Love and hate - ow! [Santa Château d'If]!" The Avenger yells, and flickers out of existence, a dozen afterimages appearing in the air surrounding us. A dome of black flame begins to rain down-
"Fine, fine I'll use it if you won't!" Says Flat. "[Christmas Goose From Hell]!"
"""What.""" Holmes, Arthur, and myself all respond in the same utterly baffled manner.
"Woah!" Typhon yells in excitement. "Baru, you told Typhon you didn't get Mabeasts here!"
A giant creature manifests from nowhere - a colossal goose with three heads and six horns, fanged bills dripping with poison.
The beast roars, a shockwave repelling Dantes's Black flames, and an instant later, its fangs close on his true body, tearing him in half.
But as his torso falls to the ground - "Not yet, I'm not satisfied yet! [Attendre, Christmas]!" His body repairs itself in an instant, and he flickers forwards, hand driving towards my chest-!
"-Take this, sinner! Hiya!" Typhon yells, and Edmond Dantes breaks into several chunks, spewing blood.
"Ah, he was actually a sinner." I note.
"Kuhaha, you think that's enough-! [Attendre, Christmas]! Edmond yells, and the chunks of his body stop bleeding - but they don't come back together, and his head flops to the ground with a thud. "Ow!"
Typhon prances up to it and lifts his head above her own, laughing. "Hey, Baru, look! The Kuhaha guy didn't die either!"
"Kuhaha guy!?" The Avenger's voice cracks a bit as he yells in protest.
"So we're gonna collect all three, huh?" I ask with a forced grin. "Who's next?"
"That would be the most menacing of the three if the pattern is anything to go by." Holmes says. "First we had the ethereal beauty, then the laughing man - and now comes the black-cloaked angel of death, the Santa of Christmas Future-!"
"Oh, do I get a peek at a future boss fight?" I ask, peering into the fog. Slowly, a black shape comes into view, and all kinds of emotions surge through my chest.
Eerily, she drifts towards us, and it clicks in my head. Of course she'd be here. Christmas is a season of giving, but it's also a season of Romance - there's no way she'd pass up the chance, is there?
Silver hair and purple eyes, visible beneath the black shroud of shadows surrounding her. A mournful look on her face as she gazes upon me, tears just barely threatening to spill forth.
Luckily, she isn't muttering words of love right now, which means…
"Ah! Hi Tella!" Typhon waves excitedly at the Girl Who is Not the Witch of Envy.
"I am… the Santa of Christmas Future." Satella whispers.
***
"Hmph. So you're Christmas Future." Holmes notes. "Then in that case, Spirit-"
"No, you guys don't need to fight here." I say with a sigh. "I'll handle this one. Oi, Typhon, can I..?" I ask, reaching for a certain item.
She's confused for a moment, glancing back and forth between Satella and myself, before realization dawns. "Ah! You're right, Baru - you take it! Mama gave Typhon spares."
"Thanks. I'll be back in a bit, guys. We're just going to go for a little walk." I say, walking past Satella for a few steps, and then glancing back at her. "Well? Are you coming?"
The Girl Who is Not the Witch nods once, hesitantly, and she follows me into the foggy winter night.
***
We walk in silence for a little bit. I've got everything and nothing to say all at once, and I'm not sure where to begin. And, well, she has her own circumstances, I'm pretty sure.
We cross a silent bridge, and a noise draws my attention to the Thames below, where small chunks of ice crunch gently against one another. Not quite able to flow freely, not quite able to freeze solid, they drift down the muddy water with a kind of lazy violence.
It's a strange sight, but somehow, it feels right, for a night like this. I glance at my companion, and see her open her mouth.
"...You don't have to speak." I say, and she closes her mouth. "It hurts you, right? To say things in that state, is painful or something. That's why you're so untalkative, limiting yourself to just what has to be said - that's right, isn't it?"
Of course, as far as her counterpart is concerned, any amount of pain is bearable, as long as she can say the words she wants to say to me.
Satella doesn't give any affirmative response, but she goes quiet. I'll take that as a yes, I guess.
"That's fine. All I'm good at is talking big, so I'll talk for both of us." I give her a small smile.
She says nothing, her sad eyes boring into me. I think, I really wish that I could change those eyes of hers. So, with a sigh as I glance down at the slushy water, I start to talk.
"This was a lot easier before. Back when I could just reject you, I mean, when I could simply say 'I don't know you' and be done with it. But after that talk in Echidna's place, I didn't want to be mean about it. And after Atlas, I'm not so sure what to think about the rest of it."
I pause for a moment, glancing at her face. For a second, it seems a bit confused to me, but maybe I'm just imagining it. "Ah, Quasar said you couldn't see me down there, so I guess you don't know what I'm talking about. It doesn't matter. I won't be going back there, no matter what Flugel had in mind. It's just not worth the hassle if I fuck up again."
When I died in Atlas, my ghost was trapped there until the world was incinerated - that was part of their defense system. The Witch hadn't been able to find me, and for a while I was worried I would be trapped forever. But when humanity was wiped out, the defense systems turned off, and I Returned By Death - is what I'm pretty sure happened. I'd really rather not think about other possibilities about my escape there, so let's ignore it for now.
"Sorry for pushing it so hard back in Fuyuki, by the way. That was mean of me. I'll try to be more considerate going forward." I sigh, and then stand up straight. "...Anyway, I haven't forgotten. About what you asked me to do, or what I promised you. I'm going to make it back, and I will definitely save you. You've got that, right?" I ask, pointing at her.
She says nothing, and it clicks.
"Ah, I get it. You can't hear me in the first place, can you?" I ask, chuckling a bit. "I guess that's what happens when you're in a seal a world away, huh?"
More silence.
"Then I'll skip to the point, I guess." Stepping forward, I reach towards her, and plant Typhon's Santa hat squarely atop her head. For a moment, I think I see the corners of her lips twitch in amusement, but maybe that's wishful thinking.
"Smile, Santella. It's Christmas, after all, so I'll give you this at the very least. I know you already said I gave you stuff, but I don't remember anything like that - so I'll give you this, at the very least. Not to thank you for your gift, but just because I want you to have it. I'm sure, that's how it was for the other guy too."
"I love you." She murmurs.
"...Sorry, I still don't know the right answer for that." I sigh, stepping back. "...But I'll figure it out, someday. For now, though - Merry Christmas, Santella! Keep your eyes on me - I'm sure I'm going to need your help a lot more before this is all over - but I'll see it through."
And so, with a wave, I walk forward into the foggy night, with the Girl Who is Not the Witch staring after me.
***
Eventually, after getting lost once or twice, I find my way back to where White Whale-kun and the rest of everyone is. The Christmas Goose From Hell is gone, and it seems that Typhon already got started on the gifts - Tiny Jack is leafing through what looks to be some kind of police dossier, Dantes is staring vacantly into the night sky, and Arthur's disembodied head, while still as obviously miserable as before, now has a plush lion leaning against her cheek.
"...I didn't take you for the type to enjoy stuffed animals." I note.
"I do not. This gift is insulting. I am not a child." She grumbles, eyes never leaving it.
"...Do you want me to take it away?"
"No!" She shouts, voice cracking. "A-ahem. That is, I shall not allow one such as you to take me possessions."
"I see." I nod. So she likes it after all, huh?
"Ah, Baru! Welcome back!" Typhon shouts. "How did it go with Tella?"
"About as well as could be expected, I guess." I shrug. "She liked the hat, I think. What about you guys?"
"Things have resolved quite nicely. Some time after you left with Christmas Future, the spirits of Scrooge and Cratchit returned to the throne, so now all that's left is myself and Mister Escardos." Holmes says, puffing his pipe. "On that note, since I couldn't say it before - a very merry christmas to you both."
"Merry Christmas, little Ebenezer!" Typhon says as she throws a bag of sugar at him, knocking him off balance.
Holmes staggers a bit. "N-no, like I said, I'm just Sherlock now - ah, this is just cane sugar. Tch."
"Let's not talk about what you actually wanted, Mister Rathbone!" Flat laughs. "Anyway, what did you bring me, huh? Huh?"
"I really am Sherlock Holmes, though, not the actor who played him in the 1940s…" Holmes mutters.
"Typhon already gave a present to little Jack, though?" Typhon tilts her head. What was the deal between the two of them anyway? It seemed like Flat used Jack's Noble Phantasm, right?
"Oh come on, he's Jack! I'm Flat! We're two totally different people." Flat gives a totally half assed argument, but…
"Hmmm… that does make sense to Typhon! Okay!" The literal child is obviously completely fooled by it. "Here, you can have this Steam key for the hit Video Game, 'Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- The Prophecy of the Throne'!"
"Amazing! I hear it has a story written by Nagatsuki Tappei and illustrations by Shinichirou Otsuka!" Flat shills flawlessly.
"Hey, is this level of blatant advertising really okay!?" I ask.
"Hm, if I were him, I would have preferred 'Melty Blood: Type Lumina'." Holmes says, setting his bag of sugar on the ground.
"We're not getting paid for these blatant advertisements, you know!" I continue to protest.
"Alright, Baru, are you ready to go? We need to hurry to the next stop!" Typhon says, running back to [White Whale - Compact Model].
"Ugh, there's more!? I was hoping we'd end this series here!"
"The spirit of Christmas ne~ver ends, Baru! Kuhahaha!~" She laughs.
"...Hey, wasn't that different from your normal laugh?"
"Typhon took it from the Kuhaha guy!" The Witch boasts proudly.
"Speaking of which, what did you give that guy? He looks totally out of it." I ask.
"Oh, Typhon gave him some hashish."
"Even though we've been sidestepping Holmes's drug issue this entire time!?"
-This is a tale of something that never happened.
To start with, there's no room for seasonal events in a story crawling by at a pace like this. And, furthermore, the tone is way off base, and the story includes several characters that have no business showing up this soon.
But, with all that said, it's that magical time of year again. The same time of the year that the Green Knight Bertiak approached the knights of the round and tricked(?) Sir Gawain into cutting his head off(??) in order to scare Guinevere to death(???) as part of a convoluted scheme by Morgan to kill Arthur's wife even though she was putting her own son in jeopardy(????).
Yeah, I don't get it either. But it did make Gawain look like a total badass and give him a neat belt and axe.
Anyway, it's Christmas time. And as anyone who's familiar with FGO will tell you, that means it's time for me, the author, to violate all the traditions and magic of the holiday season, for the sake of comedy.
Grab a glass of eggnog, huddle under a blanket, and relax, with this heartwarming(?????) tale.
The Santa who Judges the Sinners, Chapter 2
-My face is cold.
"Ah, Baru, you passed out again! Wake uuuup!"
My eyes snap open. "Wait, it's this again!? I thought that was just a bad dream!"
"Wahaha!~ Baru, you dummy - we've only visited one kid tonight-" Typhon laughs.
"Tonight!? It felt like an entire year passed!"
"-did you really think Typhon would be satisfied with that? Typhon is set on milking as many chapters out of this gimmick as she can, because she knoooows she won't get an actual in-story appearance.~" The Witch of Pride says with a mocking shrug.
"Please just send me home already…" I mutter, glancing over the edge of the sleigh to see a fog-shrouded city lit by gaslamp - I can still see Big Ben, so I guess we're still in-
"Our next stop is Victorian London!" She shouts, pumping her fist in the air.
"Oi, am I supposed to yell about the fact that this thing can time travel, or the fact that we skipped the entire rest of the Clock Tower." I ask as I massage my brow. I can already feel the migraine coming on.
"Of course Santa's sleigh can time travel, how else is she going to visit every kid on the same night?~"
"So it was the first one, huh?"
Typhon pulls her list from her pocket once more. "The next person we need to visit is Little Ebenezer Holmes!~"
"Ah, we're mixing random servants with other figures this time, huh? I thought the Author said he wasn't doing GudaGuda events though…" I mutter.
"Baru, breaking the fourth wall this much is a writing sin, so stop it, okay?"
"Sorry, go on."
"-Ebenezer's letter to Santa says:
'It seems I've been summoned to a rather queer singularity, and merged with another famous englishman to boot. Considering that we have already been attacked by the Ghost of Marley, Cratchit and I deduce that the rest of the Christmas Carol ghosts we encounter tonight will be hostile - with that in mind, I've decided to write a christmas wish, with the hopes that we can use it to chain-summon Saint Nicholas to our aid. Please help us, Santa Claus.
P.S. The usual "sugar" that I ask for each year would not go amiss. Ha ha!'"
"-Oi, doesn't that actually sound like a ton of trouble!? And what was that about-?"
"[White Whale, Compact Model] - descend!" She shouts with a laugh, and the sleigh screams out a curtain of fog as we dive through the choking smog.
We land with a resounding crash, smashing the cobbled street to pieces as poor White Whale-kun groans in pain again.
Slowly, I stand, rubbing my bruised tailbone. "Oi, Typhon, you've got to get better at landing this thing. I might get seriously hurt at this rate."
"Wahaha! Didn't you know, Baru? It's Christmas! And nothing bad happens on Christmas."
Of course, it's at the very moment that Typhon raises the flag, that she emerges from the fog. A beautiful woman in a black miniskirt, with poofy cotton edges and a green and red ribbon securing a black cloak around her shoulders. A black Santa hat is perched on her pale blonde hair, beneath which are her piercing yellow eyes. In one hand, she's carrying a large burlap sack, and in the other, a glowing black and red sword-
"Oh god, it's Arthur again." I groan. "…Why are you wearing a Santa costume?"
"I am the Santa of Christmas past." She says, straight-faced.
"Oh, good, here I was worried it would be for a reason that made sense." I mutter.
"Prepare yourself! [Excalibur-!" Black energy surges from her sword.
"There's nothing Santa about you! You're the exact same as ever! [E-M-M]!" I yell, grabbing Typhon and expending a Command Spell.
"...Morgaaaaan]!"
***
The wave of tainted mana crashes over me in a blinding torrent - but with [EMM] active, it doesn't actually touch me or Typhon.
I've faced this Noble Phantasm before, so I know. I know exactly when its torrent will end, and assuming she doesn't have a Grail powering her this time, she won't be able to fire off another quite as fast. And so, the moment it cuts off, before she has a chance to realize I avoided it-!
The blast ends, and I chuck Typhon at Arthur with all of my might.
"Waaaaah! Typhon is flyiiiing!" She yells in a childish mix of joy and fear.
"What-?" Arthur's sword hesitates for a split second.
"Ei!~" Typhon shouts as she impacts Arthur with her fist, and the King of Knights shatters into twenty or so pieces. A moment later, the Witch jumps to her feet. "Wahaha!~ Take that, sinner! How dare you attack Santa! Now all you get is Typhon's just- ehhhh? Baru, she's not puking blood, what's going oooon!?"
"Ah, come to think of it, the last time we ran into her she said she only turned evil after she was dead, so her intent aside, she hasn't actually done anything bad yet… or something like that." I say with a shrug.
"Mm.. that sounds kind of unconvincing." The witch says, stroking her fake beard.
"Kill me. I refuse to live with this humiliation." Arthur's severed head says.
"Oh, she's alive because it would be funny to carry her around with us!" Typhon slaps her fist into her palm.
"That must be it." I nod, picking up the Saber's head.
"You dare mock the pride of a Santa!? My fellow Santas will certainly avenge me!" She shouts angrily.
"It's a bold assertion that such a symbol of rampant consumerism could be said to have pride." A man's voice calls out as he emerges from the foggy night. Wearing a black overcoat, with slicked back gray hair and a pipe in one hand, he stalks forward into view, eyeing Typhon and myself. "...I suppose it was too much to hope for an actual Saint to manifest on this bizarre night. I am Ebenezer Holmes. If I were summoned normally I would say it was a pleasure to meet you, but as it is the only thing I can ask for is a profitable business relationship. Ha ha!"
"You said it anyway, just in a backhanded way!" I protest.
"An excellent deduction, though I hope you aren't planning on charging a detective fee. I can't abide a business rival." He says with a puff of his pipe. Then he yells behind him, "Cratchit, I found them! Get over here, you waste of coin!"
"Righty-o, here I am!" A blond youth leaps out of the fog. "It's me, Flat Cratchit, at your- oooohhh, it's Pleiades! What've you been up to?"
…I really wasn't ready to deal with Flat-senpai today, but here we are.
"Uh… I got involved in saving the world. And then got abducted by a Loli Santa from another world. We just got done breaking into Professor Velvet's office and nearly killing him." I say, rubbing the back of my head.
"Eh, so you finally made your attempt at killing the Big Ben London Star, huh? Nice job, nice job!" He laughs and claps me on the back.
"Oi, that's supposed to be a bad thing, you idiot! Don't praise me for it!"
"It's fine, it's fine! Everyone in the Modern Magecraft Department tries to kill Professor Velvet at least once. It's like a rite of passage!"
"What kind of fucked up school is- wait, that's a stupid question."
"Yep!" He laughs.
"As amusing as this is, it seems our next visitor has arrived." Holmes says, puffing his pipe.
"Eh? Who is it, who is it?~" Typhon makes her hands into a little goggle shape, dropping the head of Arthur, who lets out a small yelp.
"N-now, face your doom!" The Saber says as she rolls across the street. "The Santa of Christmas Present!"
"A shame then," Standing in the lamplight as the fog clears, a green-cloaked, santa-hatted figure glances over his shoulder at us, eyes sparking. "That the only ones who receive a 'present' from me, the Santa of Monte Cristo, are the good of heart! Kuhahaha!"
"Booo! Your pun sucks! Are you even trying?" Flat yells.
Dantes ignores him, continuing his monologue. "One such as you, Ebenezer Holmes, who deconstructs Christmas beneath his cold microscope, could never hope to overcome-!"
"I've already figured you out by deconstructing you beneath my cold microscope." Holmes says as a dozen large lenses manifest, shining spotlights upon the Count, who reels backwards. "Whatever your holiday business, I'll see through it… [Humbug, My Dear]."
***
"-Now, while he's blinded! Get him, Tiny Jack!" Flat yells, and suddenly a young boy is standing behind Dantes, leaning on a pair of crutches.
"...This is so embarrassing," The boy mutters as he runs a hand down his face. "Why did we get summoned like this? I'm going to hold this against you for a long time, Flat."
"Eh? Why is it my fault?" The Magus protests.
"Oh come on! You're the one who made the decision back in Snowfield that got us stuck together like this!" The kid shouts in response, dodging around a blast of black flame from Dantes and jabbing him in the gut using his crutch.
"Not the crutch, use your Noble Phantasm, your Noble Phantasm!" Flat yells.
"No! It's too embarra-" The boy yells, but he's cut off when his body is reduced to ashes by a gout of black flame.
"Ah, Jack died!" Typhon says.
"Alas, poor Tiny Jack." Flat shakes his head mournfully.
"...Oi, don't make a joke out of-" I start to say, only for another young boy to emerge from the Fog and whack Dantes's shin with his crutch. "Nevermind, he's fine!?"
"Kuhaha! You think such things will affect me!?" Dantes shouts, clutching at his shin and hopping up and down, tears in his eyes. "I have a skill that suppresses pain, this won't- ow! Ow, ow, ow, stop!"
He falls over as Tiny Jack whacks his other shin, rolling back and forth. The little kid, just continues the abuse, beating the Avenger over and over.
"Ha ha! My Noble Phantasm eliminates all defenses of its target. Foolish spirit, did you think you could face Ebenezer Holmes unprepared?" Holmes boasts.
"Guh- then I'll use my own -ow! I - ow! Follow a - ow! Path beyond - ow! Love and hate - ow! [Santa Château d'If]!" The Avenger yells, and flickers out of existence, a dozen afterimages appearing in the air surrounding us. A dome of black flame begins to rain down-
"Fine, fine I'll use it if you won't!" Says Flat. "[Christmas Goose From Hell]!"
"""What.""" Holmes, Arthur, and myself all respond in the same utterly baffled manner.
"Woah!" Typhon yells in excitement. "Baru, you told Typhon you didn't get Mabeasts here!"
A giant creature manifests from nowhere - a colossal goose with three heads and six horns, fanged bills dripping with poison.
The beast roars, a shockwave repelling Dantes's Black flames, and an instant later, its fangs close on his true body, tearing him in half.
But as his torso falls to the ground - "Not yet, I'm not satisfied yet! [Attendre, Christmas]!" His body repairs itself in an instant, and he flickers forwards, hand driving towards my chest-!
"-Take this, sinner! Hiya!" Typhon yells, and Edmond Dantes breaks into several chunks, spewing blood.
"Ah, he was actually a sinner." I note.
"Kuhaha, you think that's enough-! [Attendre, Christmas]! Edmond yells, and the chunks of his body stop bleeding - but they don't come back together, and his head flops to the ground with a thud. "Ow!"
Typhon prances up to it and lifts his head above her own, laughing. "Hey, Baru, look! The Kuhaha guy didn't die either!"
"Kuhaha guy!?" The Avenger's voice cracks a bit as he yells in protest.
"So we're gonna collect all three, huh?" I ask with a forced grin. "Who's next?"
"That would be the most menacing of the three if the pattern is anything to go by." Holmes says. "First we had the ethereal beauty, then the laughing man - and now comes the black-cloaked angel of death, the Santa of Christmas Future-!"
"Oh, do I get a peek at a future boss fight?" I ask, peering into the fog. Slowly, a black shape comes into view, and all kinds of emotions surge through my chest.
Eerily, she drifts towards us, and it clicks in my head. Of course she'd be here. Christmas is a season of giving, but it's also a season of Romance - there's no way she'd pass up the chance, is there?
Silver hair and purple eyes, visible beneath the black shroud of shadows surrounding her. A mournful look on her face as she gazes upon me, tears just barely threatening to spill forth.
Luckily, she isn't muttering words of love right now, which means…
"Ah! Hi Tella!" Typhon waves excitedly at the Girl Who is Not the Witch of Envy.
"I am… the Santa of Christmas Future." Satella whispers.
***
"Hmph. So you're Christmas Future." Holmes notes. "Then in that case, Spirit-"
"No, you guys don't need to fight here." I say with a sigh. "I'll handle this one. Oi, Typhon, can I..?" I ask, reaching for a certain item.
She's confused for a moment, glancing back and forth between Satella and myself, before realization dawns. "Ah! You're right, Baru - you take it! Mama gave Typhon spares."
"Thanks. I'll be back in a bit, guys. We're just going to go for a little walk." I say, walking past Satella for a few steps, and then glancing back at her. "Well? Are you coming?"
The Girl Who is Not the Witch nods once, hesitantly, and she follows me into the foggy winter night.
***
We walk in silence for a little bit. I've got everything and nothing to say all at once, and I'm not sure where to begin. And, well, she has her own circumstances, I'm pretty sure.
We cross a silent bridge, and a noise draws my attention to the Thames below, where small chunks of ice crunch gently against one another. Not quite able to flow freely, not quite able to freeze solid, they drift down the muddy water with a kind of lazy violence.
It's a strange sight, but somehow, it feels right, for a night like this. I glance at my companion, and see her open her mouth.
"...You don't have to speak." I say, and she closes her mouth. "It hurts you, right? To say things in that state, is painful or something. That's why you're so untalkative, limiting yourself to just what has to be said - that's right, isn't it?"
Of course, as far as her counterpart is concerned, any amount of pain is bearable, as long as she can say the words she wants to say to me.
Satella doesn't give any affirmative response, but she goes quiet. I'll take that as a yes, I guess.
"That's fine. All I'm good at is talking big, so I'll talk for both of us." I give her a small smile.
She says nothing, her sad eyes boring into me. I think, I really wish that I could change those eyes of hers. So, with a sigh as I glance down at the slushy water, I start to talk.
"This was a lot easier before. Back when I could just reject you, I mean, when I could simply say 'I don't know you' and be done with it. But after that talk in Echidna's place, I didn't want to be mean about it. And after Atlas, I'm not so sure what to think about the rest of it."
I pause for a moment, glancing at her face. For a second, it seems a bit confused to me, but maybe I'm just imagining it. "Ah, Quasar said you couldn't see me down there, so I guess you don't know what I'm talking about. It doesn't matter. I won't be going back there, no matter what Flugel had in mind. It's just not worth the hassle if I fuck up again."
When I died in Atlas, my ghost was trapped there until the world was incinerated - that was part of their defense system. The Witch hadn't been able to find me, and for a while I was worried I would be trapped forever. But when humanity was wiped out, the defense systems turned off, and I Returned By Death - is what I'm pretty sure happened. I'd really rather not think about other possibilities about my escape there, so let's ignore it for now.
"Sorry for pushing it so hard back in Fuyuki, by the way. That was mean of me. I'll try to be more considerate going forward." I sigh, and then stand up straight. "...Anyway, I haven't forgotten. About what you asked me to do, or what I promised you. I'm going to make it back, and I will definitely save you. You've got that, right?" I ask, pointing at her.
She says nothing, and it clicks.
"Ah, I get it. You can't hear me in the first place, can you?" I ask, chuckling a bit. "I guess that's what happens when you're in a seal a world away, huh?"
More silence.
"Then I'll skip to the point, I guess." Stepping forward, I reach towards her, and plant Typhon's Santa hat squarely atop her head. For a moment, I think I see the corners of her lips twitch in amusement, but maybe that's wishful thinking.
"Smile, Santella. It's Christmas, after all, so I'll give you this at the very least. I know you already said I gave you stuff, but I don't remember anything like that - so I'll give you this, at the very least. Not to thank you for your gift, but just because I want you to have it. I'm sure, that's how it was for the other guy too."
"I love you." She murmurs.
"...Sorry, I still don't know the right answer for that." I sigh, stepping back. "...But I'll figure it out, someday. For now, though - Merry Christmas, Santella! Keep your eyes on me - I'm sure I'm going to need your help a lot more before this is all over - but I'll see it through."
And so, with a wave, I walk forward into the foggy night, with the Girl Who is Not the Witch staring after me.
***
Eventually, after getting lost once or twice, I find my way back to where White Whale-kun and the rest of everyone is. The Christmas Goose From Hell is gone, and it seems that Typhon already got started on the gifts - Tiny Jack is leafing through what looks to be some kind of police dossier, Dantes is staring vacantly into the night sky, and Arthur's disembodied head, while still as obviously miserable as before, now has a plush lion leaning against her cheek.
"...I didn't take you for the type to enjoy stuffed animals." I note.
"I do not. This gift is insulting. I am not a child." She grumbles, eyes never leaving it.
"...Do you want me to take it away?"
"No!" She shouts, voice cracking. "A-ahem. That is, I shall not allow one such as you to take me possessions."
"I see." I nod. So she likes it after all, huh?
"Ah, Baru! Welcome back!" Typhon shouts. "How did it go with Tella?"
"About as well as could be expected, I guess." I shrug. "She liked the hat, I think. What about you guys?"
"Things have resolved quite nicely. Some time after you left with Christmas Future, the spirits of Scrooge and Cratchit returned to the throne, so now all that's left is myself and Mister Escardos." Holmes says, puffing his pipe. "On that note, since I couldn't say it before - a very merry christmas to you both."
"Merry Christmas, little Ebenezer!" Typhon says as she throws a bag of sugar at him, knocking him off balance.
Holmes staggers a bit. "N-no, like I said, I'm just Sherlock now - ah, this is just cane sugar. Tch."
"Let's not talk about what you actually wanted, Mister Rathbone!" Flat laughs. "Anyway, what did you bring me, huh? Huh?"
"I really am Sherlock Holmes, though, not the actor who played him in the 1940s…" Holmes mutters.
"Typhon already gave a present to little Jack, though?" Typhon tilts her head. What was the deal between the two of them anyway? It seemed like Flat used Jack's Noble Phantasm, right?
"Oh come on, he's Jack! I'm Flat! We're two totally different people." Flat gives a totally half assed argument, but…
"Hmmm… that does make sense to Typhon! Okay!" The literal child is obviously completely fooled by it. "Here, you can have this Steam key for the hit Video Game, 'Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- The Prophecy of the Throne'!"
"Amazing! I hear it has a story written by Nagatsuki Tappei and illustrations by Shinichirou Otsuka!" Flat shills flawlessly.
"Hey, is this level of blatant advertising really okay!?" I ask.
"Hm, if I were him, I would have preferred 'Melty Blood: Type Lumina'." Holmes says, setting his bag of sugar on the ground.
"We're not getting paid for these blatant advertisements, you know!" I continue to protest.
"Alright, Baru, are you ready to go? We need to hurry to the next stop!" Typhon says, running back to [White Whale - Compact Model].
"Ugh, there's more!? I was hoping we'd end this series here!"
"The spirit of Christmas ne~ver ends, Baru! Kuhahaha!~" She laughs.
"...Hey, wasn't that different from your normal laugh?"
"Typhon took it from the Kuhaha guy!" The Witch boasts proudly.
"Speaking of which, what did you give that guy? He looks totally out of it." I ask.
"Oh, Typhon gave him some hashish."
"Even though we've been sidestepping Holmes's drug issue this entire time!?"
ExNihilo
SPACE!
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
D'eon badass is always appreciated.
Now I want Santa Dantes. Thanks for that.
- Location
- Somewhere North of south
I like to imagine Sion sitting in the atlas institute for a while before investigating and finding Subaru in one of the traps, studying him then realizing: "oh damn, so he's the one that needs to fix this."
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