Save Scumming? It's on my Character sheet. (Re: Zero/Fate Grand Order)

[Xorn]

136: Those thinking of her.

"Anyway, that's how the plan turned out. Sorry to go running off on you so soon after we were last split up, Mash," I say with a nervous chuckle.

"No." She shakes her head. "There's not any reason for you to apologize, Senpai. The other times you wound up on your own turned out alright, so at this point I can't really do anything but accept it."

"Are you really okay with it?" Nobunaga asks. "Even putting aside the first rate comedy routine that's bound to spring from the encounter with Elizabeth, we've got that Rem girl coming with us. Subaru and her might end up flirting, don't you want to be around to break that up?"

"...Just what kind of person do you think I am?" Mash asks, grimacing.

"Fou!" A small white form barks at Nobunaga from atop her shoulder, and the Archer gives a small laugh.

"Alright then, let's go, Subaru! Before I get kicked!"

"Yeah… thanks for being so understanding, Mash." I say, rubbing the back of my head.

"Mm. Good luck, Senpai."

***

A peaceful, uneventful flight atop a rifle later, we touch down outside a small coastal cave.

"We're here, so you can stop screaming now," Nobunaga says, chuckling.

Lies and slander. I was doing no such thing.

"S-so…" I say in between heavy breaths. "What now?"

"Well, there might be a few wild Mini-Nobbus still in the cave, but I should be able to mow them down. We had to leave Blackbeard here -he might show up too and try to take you hostage, so we should be on our guard for that," The Archer says. "But before we get into any of that, I should probably go ahead and warn you about something, since I might not have a chance after this."

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean!? Did the head reattachment-?" Naturally, I start worrying.

"No, there's just the obvious risk that I die in the Hercules fight," she says plainly. "I'm gonna be one of the ones actually trying to take lives off of him, so it won't be a surprise if something goes wrong and I end up dead. In that case-"

"No, that won't happen," I reply. "We're gonna win this thing without casualties, because that's the way I like my victories."

"Subaru-kun…" Rem mutters from her perch on my shoulder.

By the way, this silly pirate mystic code apparently had a feature to flawlessly secure a parrot if it wanted to sit on my shoulder. Someone needs to audit Da Vinci's budget already…

"Well, I appreciate ambition, but let me get this off my chest anyway," Nobunaga says. "...You're probably going to need to keep an eye on Mash, going forward. As far as I can tell, that girl's already starting to think that you're not a [Normal Person], and I'm not really sure where things will go from there."

I blink. "What do you… no, to start with do you really have any place to be commenting on interpersonal relationships!?"

"I don't. But it can't be helped; I'm the one who's here, after all," She gives a wry grin, before returning to a frown. "If I knew it was gonna be like this, I would have stayed quiet about Ritsuka. That's my bad, I've probably made things tougher for you."

"I'm not really sure I follow," I say. "What's the problem, exactly?"

"...First, did you already mute your comm unit?" She asks.

"Yeah. I switched it off as soon as you started implying it was gonna be personal stuff."

"Good work! I think it'd be fine - no, actually it would be 100% a good thing if Romani heard this too, so you should catch him up later - but I don't really know or trust Olga Marie Animusphere, and the general staff is a bit of a mixed bag," Nobbu says, and I can't help a small frown that comes over my face.

"What do you mean you don't know her-?"

"I mean, she died before I was summoned, in the world I'm from," She says with a shrug.

…Ah.

Come to think of it, I guess I did one-up this Ritsuka guy in that regard, huh? All it cost me was dying horribly three times in a row!

"But that's the problem, really. You aren't Fujimaru Ritsuka," Nobunaga immediately hits me right in my pride. "I mean, I'm the type that prefers exceptional people, so I don't mind that much, but the fact is that you really are an exceptional guy."

"O-oi, that's a bit much…"

"-That's exactly the wrong type of guy to connect with Mash Kyrielight," She says with a grimace. "You probably seemed harmless when she first met you, but-"

"...A 'senpai in being human', was it?" I mutter. Right, there was something like that.

"I don't know enough about the details to say whether the peace you reached with that Alter Ego is wrong, but I don't think it was the normal thing to do," She says.

"What are you talking about? That was plain and simple brotherly love," I say. "There's nothing more normal than that."

"Heh," she gives a small snort, and her eyes look far away for a moment - and then she breaks into full laughter. "Wahaha! You're right! It's completely normal! I don't know what I was thinking!" Then, laughter dying down she continues. "Well, it'll probably be fine as long as you're trying to approach her in a good way. Your relationship with Mash doesn't need to be the same as Ritsuka's; she's already cracking out of her shell. To be honest, maybe some disappointment to cull that hero-worship would be better?"

"Subaru-kun is a hero, though?" Rem interjects.

"The A Team… Ah, if they go through with bringing Wodime out first, you should try to keep a balance between getting along with him and Mash, Subaru. They basically want opposite things," The Archer continues. "As far as the rest go, everyone except Beryl will be good for her growth at this point anyway, so it should be fine!"

***
Beryl Gut

The first sensation is pain. Totalizing and complete agony.

Every nerve in my body screams of 'life'. I can remember bits and pieces - an explosion, the feeling of bones breaking, a feeling of terrible and final cold.

"Ma…" I try to vocalize, but I can't hear it - my ears are ringing, and my tongue is too swollen to move in the first place.

Mash. Where's Mash? Is she safe? I need to find her. I'll use my [Sirius Light] if I have to.

Vision returns to my left eye, and I gaze around with frantic urgency. I can't move. I'm- tied down?

I can see, so I need to look. What's going on?

This isn't the command room. This is… a medical room? Yeah, there's Romani. Okay. Okay, I'm being healed.

But this isn't enough. Whatever magecraft they used to bring me back to life was only able to heal my 'fatal wounds'. The sheer quantity of wounds which are on their own survivable will still see me dead from blood loss before this guy in the plague doctor mask can finish sealing them.

So I gotta take matters into my own hands.

Something. There has to be something.

With the memory of fresh blood trickling down my throat, my magic circuits fire. I expend all three of the command spells that were engraved on my right hand before the rayshift to Fuyuki, and I lunge forward, tearing free from my restraints as I take the form of my last 'meal', a lion-based chimera.

This won't save me. If anything, it's made my death faster. But that's fine, because I can smell it - a meat beyond any other, the remnant of something truly divine. I bound one, two steps, my body already tearing itself apart at the seams - and then my jaws close around it.

***

"Yeah, I've got the gist of the situation," I say as I button up my vest, cutting off the rest of Romani's explanation. "Man, you guys were lucky to choose me. Anyone else would have died there - hell, I would have died if you hadn't left those materials on the very next table over." I grin and glance at the good doctor. "Unless that was your plan!"

He looks away with nervousness and shame… no way! "No way! Seriously, man? I didn't think you had it in you!" I can't help but laugh a bit. "That moment of passion a few years back was one thing, but this was basically premeditated!"

"Shut up, Beryl. I still did my best to help you," The Doc says.

"Guess you did, huh?" I say, stretching my body experimentally. "By the way, I'm not gonna break the rules that got set, but how's Mash? Did she get frozen too?"

"No, she's currently on deployment in a singularity," He replies, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"That's great to hear," I smile, and he scowls back at me. "But if Singularity F still hasn't been resolved, I guess I wasn't out that long?"

Romani grimaces. "Actually, the situation right now is…"

…

"There's seven!?"

***

I can't help but groan as I enter my workshop. "Goddammit, they're all dead."

Every last one of my poor delicate plants failed in my absence, and now I've gotta start my garden all over… "Well, maybe the cacti - oh come on!" Caterpillars!? You guys don't even eat cacti, leaving aside the question of how you got in here in the first place!

With a scowl, I crush the little things, and give one last look around the room. "All my poisons are no good now, and I can forget about using one of you as a catalyst," I speak idly to my poor kids. "The sirius light can narrow things down a bit, but without some flower language to lock the personality in it's still gonna be way more luck-based than I hoped."

It's not like I can complain too much. The inheritance I got from dear old mom survived the explosion, and my most recent meal was of a quality like no other. But, even so-

I freeze.

There's something here. An overwhelming presence, suddenly here within my private sanctuary. Slowly, carefully, I reach for the locket hanging around my neck-

A rustling noise. the sound of my dead plants shifting. From the corner of my eye, I catch sight of a dull yellow cloth-

And then the presence is gone. I whirl around - and see something where it had been.

A black shadow. Something like a puppet, made of black cloth with red trim, and three blazing red eyes scrawled upon it.

And then, with a noise like static, it's gone, leaving behind a single potted plant in its place. A plant clearly and obviously out of place in my garden, on account of the fact that it's, well, alive.

"...The hell?" Does it think it's slick? "No, in the first place what kind of flower are you, even?"

Carefully, I approach the foreign plant, ready to dodge if this really is the obvious attack it looks like. Gingerly, I reach out, inspecting the stem and leaf structure, examining the bulb of a yet unbloomed flower. "Helianthus, maybe…? Your stem's way too small, though, that can't be healthy."

My defenses didn't even detect the intruder's presence. It following up that infiltration by the mere leaving of a harmless flower seems wildly unlikely, and every rational course of action starts with disposing of this strange, pitiful plant.

...

I sigh. "Well, welcome to the garden, I guess. It's a bit lonely right now, but I'm sure I'll find some friends for you soon." With a small smirk, I pat her on the head. "Make yourself at home, Mash the Seventeenth."

Spoiler: A/N:

Beryl be cray-cray.

Spoiler: How you can support me

Actually, I don't need your money very much.

However, I am living within close enough proximity to the areas affected by Hurricane Helene to have strongly considered going to volunteer with the disaster relief efforts. One of the conditions I set for myself as an excuse not to do so was to use what little platform I have to try and raise awareness.

If you have money that you want to throw at me for writing this, please send it to one of the many disaster relief charities working in that area instead.

Thank you.

 

[dat_noob1926812]

So is the plant... Real?

And how far into the Lostbelts was Nobu before she arrived! She knows everything!

 

[Lykantos]

Come to think of it, with Subaru's skills he doesn't really need Mash to beat Salomon right? In canon the MC needed her because they had near zero magecraft but Baru here can survive pretty well on his own + whatever contracts he'll get by that point. So really Mash is a nice bonus but not crucial like in canon. The only who's really important is Romani for Ars Nova unless there's some other Re:zero thing I'm unaware of that can defeat Goetia.

 

[thenew]

BERYL IS ALIVE WOOHOOOOOOOO

 

[Ku4kin]

Re:zero thing I'm unaware of that can defeat Goetia.

Click to shrink...

Dormammu Goetia, I've come to bargain!

 

[Lykantos]

Dormammu Goetia, I've come to bargain!

Click to shrink...

Ah that's right, Goetia would be aware of the resets, wouldn't he? But he should be pretty patient since at least some of the Pillars were able to wait a ridiculously long time (Baal) and their whole plan did in fact require them to basically sit there for like 2000 years.

 

[Xorn]

Ah that's right, Goetia would be aware of the resets, wouldn't he? But he should be pretty patient since at least some of the Pillars were able to wait a ridiculously long time (Baal) and their whole plan did in fact require them to basically sit there for like 2000 years.

Click to shrink...

He kinda needs to be looking at it directly to notice. He has perfect Clairvoyance, but only one mind; he can only focus on one thing at a time, which is why he hasn't noticed yet that Subaru's personal history involves time loops.

 

[Lykantos]

So technically the Dormammu Gambit would work, but only at Salomon (which is when it'd be necessary anyway, assuming Mash doesn't get her canonical development). That probably makes it somewhat better since the loop would be pretty short, there wasn't much to do in the Final Singularity besides fight Beast 1 anyway.

 

[Arbestos]

Happy Halloween everyone and everybody🏂

 

[Xorn]

137: We can out-stupid him!

"Swimsuit, please!"

"..."

"I said, swimsuit, please!"

"...How did you even make this connection? Oh, who am I kidding, it's you."

"I've never met you before, lady, and I don't know why you're in my Grail, but give me my Swimsuit!"

"Can't you tell that I'm something ominous? I'm a dangerous, last-boss-type eldritch-"

"Don't care! Swimsuit, now!"

***

We make our way into the small cave, down a winding sandy tunnel that finally opens up into some sort of shrine.

"And you're saying the Mini-Nobbus built all of this?" I ask as I examine the bizarre hieroglyphs marking the sequined curtains.

Nobunaga shrugs as we cross through that veil and into a deeper tunnel. "Either that or they found the place in this state. It's not like I was here to see it. Either way, you should probably get ready for things to get unbelievably stupid."

Going deeper, the sandy floor gives way to grayish-blue clay, and then to cobbled greenish masonry. At the same time, the sloppy hieroglyphs in a vaguely nobbu shape etched into the wall, go through stages of quality, finally arriving at lapis-colored runes as we reach a wide cavern, clearly made by older residents.

"Uwaahhh… there's totally gonna be some weird mud titan thing at the end of this," Nobunaga mutters, "I can feel it in my bones."

Ignoring her (at this point unsurprising) non-sequitur, I push forward into the dim azure light of this strange underground realm. Overhead, a strange blue aurora dances along a sea of subterranean fungi, and ahead strange, squat shapes move furtively through cold mist-

"[Three Line Formation]!" Nobunaga mows them down without mercy, and sure enough I hear the telltale "NOBWAH!?" of dying chibis.

"I-is this really okay?" I mumble.

"They drop loot, so that means it's morally acceptable to purge them!" The Archer replies. "Also if left unchecked they'll probably try to overthrow humanity…"

"...Subaru-kun, is this woman really trustworthy?" Rem asks.

…

"Hey! Tell her yes already! Even I can have my feelings hurt!" The Archer whines.

And so, rampaging through this blue-litten subterranean world under a hail of gunfire, we continue forward.

***
Blue gives way to red as we pass through cyclopean arches, winding down a cliffside path towards an entire underground city, now lit by unreadable crimson runes covering each and every stone.

"Seriously…? Isn't this a bit much…?" I wonder aloud.

"It's probably some kind of foreshadowing for the Agartha Singularity," Nobunaga says with a shrug.

"You're joking, right? Something like that won't happen, right?" I protest as we reach ground level, a desolate plaza meeting us.

Here and there, the rusted waste of what might have been park benches can be made out, and in the center a long dried up fountain is backlit by the dull red glow of the still somewhat distant buildings.

The centerpiece of the fountain was once a statuary, but all but one of the residents have long crumbled to dust - the sole survivor is a simple black mass, with a three lobed eye of the same dull glowing red.

"Yup. Mud titan. It's gotta be a mud titan," Nobunaga says with a nod as she pushes past the sinister statue.

"Are you going to explain what that is now…?" I try to ask, but she ignores me again.

***
We walk the abandoned streets, the only sound our own footfalls. At a few points, I see things - squat white shapes, always scurrying out of sight. A serpentine form clambering into a high up window. A black, fluid thing slipping down a drain of some kind. All of them for but an instant. All without the slightest noise.

Finally, the silence is cut by a sharp high-pitched noise, at first distant and then hurtling closer and closer with alarming speed.

It's a scream. A wail of abject, supernatural terror, continuing for an impossible duration as its source scrambles into view, sheet white as though hell itself is on his heels.

"Oh, it's Blackbeard," Nobunaga notes as he shoots towards us.

"His beard is white though!?" I retort. If he's supposed to be blackbeard - don't tell me he got the color scared out of his hair like some sort of cartoon character!

He collapses some ten feet before reaching us, devolving into a fit of mad laughter as frothing spit leaks from his lips. "Ahh… Ash'agah! Iya, iya! Ha… hahahave m-mercy, oh great one! Ygnah! Fzah-grmah!" Black-now-whitebeard rambles something wildly incoherent, and begins to beat his head against the misshapen flagstones beneath him.

Involuntarily, I shudder. Something coils in my brain - a half-remembered sunken spiral that does not exist, until-

"Wait, is this actually a Foreigner bit?" Nobunaga wonders, still totally unfazed. "I guess that'd be convenient for dealing with Hercules, but I thought our token Lovecraft reference this singularity was Dagon. Where does the author get off bringing that stuff in so much, anyway? I guess it is Halloween…"

"It's not, though!? Like Mash said, it's September!" I protest, ominous feelings not subsiding in the least. "And quit leaning on the third wall so much, this is a main story chapter!"

"Is it?" She asks, raising her eyebrows suggestively. "Is it really?"

…

-At that time, I did not yet understand. The convergence of GudaGuda Particles, and the Eliza Particles deeper within this cave, blended with otherworldly powers, and the influence of a blind idiot god.

137.5: Save Scumming Halloween Special: Tsathoggua's Revenge! The Witch of Gluttony and the Daemon of Nuclear Chaos!

-Mercifully, other than those strange, unknowable words burnt into my brain, my recollection ends there.

***
Awareness returns to me as a fresh wave of vomit leaves my mouth.

"Wh… what… the hell was that?" I ask.

I'm standing at close to ankle depth in the water, just outside that cave of horrors. With a grimace, I take a few steps back, dodging my stomach contents as they're swept away by the tide.

"Horrors beyond your comprehension, kid. Horrors beyond your comprehension," Rasps Blackbeard as he rests the chainsaw attached to the stump of his left hand against his shoulder.

"Blackbeard?" I ask. "Wait, you're with us now?"

"It's just Black now, kid…" He says, gazing somewhere into the middle distance.

"Yeah, nobody's calling you that," says a bombshell of a woman with long red hair and a tight fitting black combat suit. I feel like I've seen her before, but-

"Wait, who the hell are you!?" I shout.

"Huh?" In a puff of smoke, the woman disappears and Nobunaga is standing in her place. "It's just me, Subaru. I had to go Demon Lord mode for a bit there to deal with Daphne's final form."

"What do you mean Daphne!?" The Witch of Gluttony!? Is she talking about the Witch of Gluttony!?

"Huh, you seriously don't remember anything, huh? You fail a Sanity save, or something?" The Archer asks.

"Yes! I feel like I took at least 2d10!" Luckily, I'm already Mythos Hardened - but I still took an average of 5, and that's enough for Temporary Insanity!

"Terms I don't understand aside, Rem doesn't really remember anything either…" Rem notes.

"That's great! I botched the first reintroduction, so I'll do it right this time!" A familiar voice says from behind me, and I finally release a sigh I didn't know I had been holding in. If she's with us, we had to have succeeded, despite everything. Slowly I turn around, and take in the dazzling sight.

Dazzling, because she's literally glowing. Ow. Ow, ow, ow, my eyes.

"That's right, Fishie! At long last, in the witching hour! Neither a summer servant, nor one for Halloween, but a devilish twist of the two in one!" A voluptuous-looking(????) horned girl who some might call beautiful strikes an arguably cute pose. "The Swimsuited Daemon Sultaness of Nuclear Chaos! Elizathoth Bathory!"

Wow, that's another 1d8 sanity right there.

Sure enough, she's wearing a one-piece swimsuit of deepest black, sparkling from every angle with pinpricks of green light. here and there, glowing green ribbons trail off of her body, dancing in the breeze just like her hair, which is crackling with similar green highlights. Her skin is tanned, and most importantly of all-

"If you pad your chest that obviously everybody is gonna know!" I blurt out before I can stop myself.

…

A moment of silence follows as Nobunaga and Rem both stare at the idiot who had the gall to say that to a girl.

By the way, that idiot is me.

(Blackbeard stealthily retreats back into the cave).

Elizabeth sniffs once. And then again. And then finally-

"BwaaaaAAAHHH!" She screams as tears spew from her face. "I'm dhrying… I-I'm dhrying my besht!!!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" I apologize while bowing over and over.

"Buht you're RRRHIIIIGHHHT!" She wails as she yanks the pads out and tosses them to the ground. W-wait, don't do that, the swimsuit's gonna be loose-! "Iht… It'l never woorrk! Even though… Even though I'm shupposed to be an iiidohl! It's shupposed t-to be EAAASHY!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" I scream as I hastily force my overcoat over her body before I can see anything. "Look leave it to me! Costume coordination is the manager's job!" Wait, what did I just say?

She blinks as the waterworks suddenly stop. "...Rheally?"

….Oh well, I'm doomed anyway. I nod. "Y-yeah! I might be a slob at times, but I can handle this!" I have the power of my secret alter-ego on my side, after all.

Not Rigel. I'm talking about Natsumi Shwartz.

"Look, the issue is that all your fans are already going to know about your normal body type, more or less. At best this would just cause rumors of breast-binding, but anyone who's even slightly smart will see through your current costume. And so, the answer is-!" I grin. "We'll use frills!"

"I like frills…" Elizabeth mutters.

"You see, that's the trick - if your chest is covered in cloth frills, the actual cup size is completely left to the viewer's imagination!" I say with a wink. "It's a simple trick, but highly effective!"

"Fishie… are you some kind of fashion genius?" She asks in awe.

"Heh, no…" I turn away, looking towards the horizon. "I'm just a man who's cross-dressed once or twice."

"...Eh." Both Nobunaga and Elizabeth let out sounds of abject disappointment.

"It was effective! I'm not bad at it, okay!?" For some reason I try to salvage that pride-

"Rem… can't actually argue against that, but she won't praise you for it," Rem mutters.

 

[Xorn]

Class: Foreigner
True Name: Elizathoth Bathory
Alignment: Chaotic Summer
Armaments: Spear, Nuclear Rays (wait, what?)
Manifestation Cost: Medium

Bio:
It began simply. A wish for a swimsuit to match (what she thought was) the theme of the singularity. But somehow, connections that should not have been made were formed. The Daemon Sultan of Nuclear Chaos, the Blind Idiot God at the center of all things, who is lulled to sleep by the daemoniac wailing of instruments beyond any mortal comprehension- for some reason or another, he was an adequate match for Elizabeth.

It's probably because of her music.

Now, in a hand-me-down swimsuit that doesn't fit her in the slightest, with the power of Nuclear fire at her beck and call, Elzathoth Bathory bursts onto the summer scene!

…By the way, both Elizabeth and the Daemon Sultan are idiots, so neither has actually noticed that any sort of connection was made.

Parameters
Strength: B
Endurance: D
Agility: E
Mana: A
Luck: D
NP: A+

Class Skills:

Existence Outside the Domain: A

Insanity: E-
"Strange, eldritch tongues? Why you-! These are lyrics I thought up myself, you know! All on my own!"

Divinity: B

Personal Skills:

Beach Flower: D-

Battle Continuation: A

Familiar (Backup Singer): A
The ability to conjure those nameless things that serve in the Daemon Sultan's court into this world. If commanded, they are capable of calling forth more, and it is readily possible for a breach in reality and a total invasion by the outer beings to result. But, as said, Elizabeth is (somewhat willfully) ignorant of any of this. They are backup singers, and that is all.


Noble Phantasms:

In The Beginning, There were Idols: Daemon Sultan's Awakening
Rank: A+
Type: Anti-World
Range: 3-60
Maximum Number of Targets: 1000 People

With a beautiful song, Elizabeth awakens the Daemon Sultan - by this, we mean a song with actual musical qualities, as opposed to the usual discordant atrocities used to keep him in slumber.

Reflexively, he responds, lashing out to destroy the source of his irritation, and Elizabeth directs this fire from the dawn of time towards the target to rain down absolute destruction. Being made aware of the connection between them, the Daemon Sultan will then sever the link, and this Spirit Origin will be lost.

It is the performance of a lifetime, never to be repeated - is how Elizabeth's Insanity has rationalized this Noble Phantasm.

 

[Flamerai]

God I love Liz, though she's not actually stupid she just ignores and refuses to believe stuff she doesn't like about and around herself which leads to plenty of nonsense probably a consequence of screwing around with her spirit origin in order to remove Carmilla from it

 

[Xorn]

138: A Changing Heart

Mash Kyrielight

The day of the briefing for Singularity F began just like every other one in my life. I showered, put on my clothes, and ate breakfast with no particular feelings. I meandered through sterile white corridors under harsh white lighting searching for Fou-kun, passing other Chaldea staff members in silence.

The sky was clear outside, and I saw one or two people stopping to watch the 'sunrise'. I didn't bother. It wasn't real, after all. It was the middle of July; the Sun wouldn't rise in Antarctica for some time yet. The light in the sky was simply illusion magecraft designed to keep the staff's mental health stable.

That was how I had always viewed Chaldea. A pale facade of normalcy papered over an inhuman design.

Saying that I hated it would probably be an exaggeration. Mash Kyrielight didn't really understand that emotion at the time, after all. Maybe that meant the emotion was always there, and I had never noticed - but I think I'd prefer to believe I never felt much one way or another. I didn't judge Chaldea, but I did understand it for what it was - a gathering of the most abnormal people in the world, for one of the most abnormal tasks possible.

That was fine, for them. That was just perfect, for those 'gathered' to this place. But for me, who had been born in this place, it was-

-I saw him.

A common, everyday absurdity. A boy sleeping where he wasn't supposed to, with Fou-kun snoozing on top of his chest.. For anyone 'normal', I'm sure it would have just been a silly anecdote. Something they took note of, and then ignored without much comment.

For me, it was exhilarating.

This was, after all, my first time actually seeing someone with their guard down.

That's what made me hope that Natsuki Subaru could be the Senpai I had been longing for. The one who would finally be able to demonstrate to me what a 'normal' human looked like. It was just that first impression, in the end. That's what made me believe in him - and despite everything else that would follow, it's why I kept making excuses.

Even if he had been to another world, the protagonists of Isekai stories were normal people, so it was fine. Even if he could cast a little bit of magic, or make contracts with spirits, he was only a basic mage at the end of the day, so it was fine. Even if he had a strange ability to see the future, it was fine-!

***

It was only near the end of the first day in this singularity that the poison started to drip into my heart.

"Ah, by the way, you guys don't have someone named Fujimaru Ritsuka with you at Chaldea, right?" The self-proclaimed Mysterious Archer N - who I'd later know as Oda Nobunaga - asked suddenly as we were boarding Jason's ship.

I shook my head. "I don't know anyone with that name… but there are a lot of people on Chaldea's rosters, so-"

She waved me off. "No, you'd know him if he was around. He's normal enough that you'd latch onto him in an instant… actually, you calling a wacky guy like Subaru 'Senpai' probably should have clued me in."

Then, she wandered off to shout at those ridiculous oarswomen, and I was left to stand there, with a terrible sense of vertigo, and a feeling like I wanted to throw up.

***
From there, the occasional anecdote kept drifting through my ears. Of a Senpai I'd never known, someone with no background in magic at all, someone for whom my shield was never in doubt, because I was the only one he could count on, and all he could offer in response was emotional support. A boy who was not an impossible, invincible hero; a boy who did not exist in this world.

And so, the second night found me.

***

Thunder rumbled in the distance like an unending series of complaints as warm water ran down my face. The wind, still tossing the ship to and fro, wasn't enough to move my hair anymore, weighed down by water as it was. Even so, the rain continued to drum against my face and outstretched arms, as if there was some part of me that it still had yet to reach.

Intellectually, I realized this was a strange thing to do, but somehow it felt right. I was enjoying - no, that's the wrong word. It was a compulsion. That's all. A strange, irresistible drive to stand in the middle of this tropical storm, in some vague hope that the warmth of the rain could melt the chunk of ice that was forming in my heart.

"What's up, Mash? Can't sleep?" Nobunaga asked, materializing behind me.

"Nobunaga," I simply said her name in response, to acknowledge her existence. For some reason, I didn't feel like saying much else for a few moments.

…

Eventually, words found me. "I don't know… if I'll learn to be normal from Senpai. Like the Mash of your world learned from hers."

"Huh?" She tilted her head a bit, and I regretted the question already. "That's not the case, really. I mean, no matter the world, you're kind of a total weirdo, Mash."

Ah.

"I mean, that's to be expected. I don't think there's such a thing, really, as an 'ordinary person'. I called Ritsuka 'normal', before, and I guess he was at some point, by the standards of his era and upbringing… but that's just the bias of the modern world. The people of my era would see him as a madman," The Archer said. "That was before he met hundreds of the heroes of humanity - by this point, they've worn off on him, and if you met him now, he definitely would be even less the 'Senpai' you've been searching for than Natsuki Subaru is."

I think I understand.

"To be honest, your whole fixation on 'being human' is completely backwards," Nobunaga said with a shrug. "You're copying other peoples' homework, trying to find a baseline for yourself, but that's really a moot point. Feelings, aspirations, humanity… they come from the heart, not from the intellect. Even if you visit the outside world with someone normal for you to copy the reactions of… you can't learn to be human from them, because you already are."

I understand, now-

"Nobunaga… I think I hate you, actually," I admit.

"Wahahaha! That's super normal, Mash!" She just laughed in response. "Hating someone who wants to deconstruct your worldview is the most normal, human thing in the world!"

***

"-And that's why you made that call, earlier," King David says as I conclude my story, the now old man stroking his beard. "To disconnect Nobunaga from Chaldea's system, I mean."

"No, that's…" I trail off, gritting my teeth. "No, it was just…"

"Well, you had an excuse," He says with a shrug. "And with her Independent Action providing for her, in the end there was no harm done. Even so… I would not take even the aspiration to sin lightly. Repentance is a painful process."

A chance to change the subject comes, and I take it without hesitation. "Um, on that note, your current form…"

He nods. "You're a smart girl. That's right, this new body is 'David, the Repentant King' - as opposed to 'David the Upstart Youth', who you met before."

"Ah, and since your Noble Phantasm's invocation contained words about repentance-" I mutter.

"I'm no longer permitted to do things like flirting with girls old enough to be my granddaughter," He chuckles. "In hindsight, it's quite the acceptable trade; sin is only appealing when one is chained down by it. But it's for that same reason that my Archer self will find it so difficult to use [Sacrifice]. Enough about me, though, let's return to your problems Mash."

Ah, I thought I had-

"Fooled me? You can't distract me so easily, Mash; Clairvoyance aside, I am old enough to be your Grandfather," He chuckles, before growing serious. "Actually, you should definitely call me 'Papa' or 'Ojii-chan' or something similar. I'm demanding it, in fact."

My wrist communicator beeps, and springs to life. "What part of your perversion is gone again!?" Doctor Romani shouts, pointing at him.

Wait, he was watching!? No, even more than that, was the entire staff-!?

"Wait, Mash, don't panic! Once you started getting personal with your recap, I had the Director isolate things so only I could watch!" The Doctor says. "Though that still leaves the question of why you went to this guy of all people instead of me…"

That's a good question, one I don't really have an answer to, other than… "He… seemed kind of grandfatherly, I suppose." King David immediately fist pumps in response to my admission, even as the Doctor buries his face in his hands. Naturally, I deal the finishing blow without hesitation. "And there's no way I could talk to you about this kind of thing, Doctor."

As he groans, King David speaks again. "Romani, there's some things that a young girl isn't comfortable sharing with her father, so don't take it too harshly," He says gently. "But, Mash, you should be more gentle towards him. You might regret this kind of treatment, one day - kids usually do."

…I pause and contemplate for a moment, but-

"That won't happen, because I'll die long before Doctor Roman does," I say simply.

I see him cringe and look away, but I don't feel any particular-

"Don't!" Doctor Romani shouts, and King David freezes, inches away from slapping me.

A tense silence follows.

"...You can't do that anymore, King David," Romani says. "That would have been a gentle treatment in your era, where children could be killed for disrespecting their parents, but… people don't do that anymore."

"-Forgive me," The ancient king says after a moment. "I was out of line."

"...I don't mind," I admit. If anything, this strange warmth in my chest, after seeing the doctor shout in my defense is…

"You should," David says. "Humans are meant to fear pain. You'll find that anywhere."

And so what? A memory of a certain man, breaking my fingers one by one, flashes through my mind. The fact is, Mash Kyrielight does not fear pain. "That would just be a shallow imitation."

"There's nothing shallow in imitation, really," David says. "Humans measure all of their desires by imitation. We long for that which others long for, because copying is how we learn." He gives a gentle smile, and lays a hand on the top of my head, tossing my hair. "Don't let the self-proclaimed 'Fool of Owari' give you too much advice. You're learning to be human in the most human way of all. Just don't overthink it so much, is all."

***

As the conversation dies down, Romani Archaman groans and pinches his brow. "Clairvoyance, huh… since he's a prophet, I guess?"

'Does he know? He must, with all these hints he's tossing around.' He thinks to himself. 'Still, acting like he was going to slap her so I could intervene and look cool…'

"I don't need that kind of service, you shitty old man…"

 

[buli-buli]

"That was before he met hundreds of the heroes of humanity - by this point, they've worn off on him, and if you met him now, he definitely would be even less the 'Senpai' you've been searching for than Natsuki Subaru is."

Click to shrink...

Thank you Nobu. Someone needed to say it.

 

[SMBlade]

Massive King David W, carrying Roman's social clout on his repentant back.

 

[Xorn]

Class: Ruler
True Name: King David
Alignment: Lawful Good
Armaments: Harp, Sword
Manifestation Cost: Medium-High

Bio:
Not David the boisterous youth, but David the wise old king. Having repented of his past sins through the use of [Sacrifice], he will no longer act with lust or greed, instead being the very model of a Holy Prophet.

Parameters
Strength: D
Endurance: D
Agility: C
Mana: C
Luck: A+
NP: A+

Class Skills:

Magic Resistance: EX

True Name Discernment: B

Divine Judgement: C
Due to irregular factors such as the environment of a singularity and David's transformation from the Archer class to this one, he has received command spells only for those Servants still present in the singularity who were summoned by the Human Order.

Personal Skills:

Divinity: B
As his repentance has drawn him 'closer to God', David's divinity skill has been enhanced. Should he commit a major sin, it will drop back to D-rank, the value granted by his status as the ancestor of Christ.

Divine Protection: A

Harp of the Psalmist: A
David's Psalms, the hymns he wrote to God, are received as prophecy - this is a skill that combines the effects of [Harp of Healing] and [Clairvoyance].

Noble Phantasms:

To Thee, O Lord, is Due a Song: Psalter
Rank: A+
Type: Anti-Army
Range: 3-60
Maximum Number of Targets: 1000 People

David recites one of the 150 (or 151, depending on the tradition) Psalms, calling down holy light to damage enemies and protect allies. The allocation of power towards protection or destruction depends on the Psalm recited.

Flames Upon the Altar: Sacrifice
Rank: A
Type: Anti-Army
Range: 1-99
Maximum Number of Targets: 600 people

The Ark of the Covenant: Ark
Rank: EX
Type: Covenant
Range: 1-99
Maximum Number of Targets: 900 People

 

[SMBlade]

There he is, our king in all of his repentant glory.

Shame his awe inspiring dance moves haven't been recorded, but oh well. He's got Magic Resistance EX to make up for it.

 

[Xorn]

139: Persuasion is one thing, respect is another.

The Space Argo glides above the waves for a few hours, its gravitic stabilizers keeping the journey smooth and pleasant. But for the majority of the crew, the atmosphere is drowning in awkward silence. After the conversation between David and Mash wrapped up and the two returned to the top deck, not a word has been uttered aside from the occasional direction given by Grimr to Jason, directing the ship towards their destination. David sits to the side, idly tapping his harp, preparing a tune. Benkei stares in silence towards the distant puncture in reality where Hercules awaits. And finally, after an hour of silent contemplation, Mash Kyrielight breaks the silence.

"Atalanta… what kind of person is she, Jason?" Mash asks. "She was present in the last singularity too, but she was defeated by someone else before we ever met her."

"Hm?" Jason strokes his chin tentatively. "If I had to put it into words… well, she's the calm one I guess? The rest of us were pretty excitable, so she sort of wound up as the one reigning everyone in and keeping us focused." He pauses, and then nods to himself. "Yeah. She's probably the most reasonable Argonaut other than me, so we should have a pretty good chance of convincing her."

***

"-So that's pretty much the gist of it," Jason concludes.

"In other words, you've made a huge mess of things as usual," A green and gold-haired woman replies, her cat ears twitching. "I fail to see how any of this is my problem."

"Th-that…" Her once captain says through gritted teeth. "No, you're right. there's nothing in it for you. But even so… please, help me. This isn't a request as your captain. Just… if you ever considered me, or Heracles, a friend, then-"

"Not particularly, no," Atlanta says with a small smirk, and Jason collapses on his face.

"That's so harsh!"

"Seeing you beg this desperately is amusing, but…" she says with a barely perceptible huff, and then her smirk turns to a frown. "It's not enough to give up a utopia."

"Oh come on! Aren't you a wild girl!? A kill-or-be-killed huntress type? What kind of purpose does someone like you have for a utopia!?" Jason whines.

"No child should be raised as I was," She replies. "That is my purpose for utopia. That is my fondest, my only wish, that children would finally be protected."

Atlanta stares at him after that, as Jason's face goes through several emotions - confusion, amusement, anger, before finally settling on regret. "...Sorry. I guess I never really got to know you as much as I should have."

She doesn't respond, simply staring at him as he turns in regret and begins to leave.

-And then, a small stuffed bear wearing an animal skin bursts out of the bushes. "Atlanta, you're avoiding the obvious here, and Jason's got his own reason not to say it, so I will instead!"

Jason whirls around. "Wait, who the heck-?"

"-Are you really gonna trust Heracles of all people to protect children?" The bear asks simply. As shocked horror dawns on Atlanta's face and fury on Jason's he continues. "He's gonna screw it up! You know that! All Greek heroes are screwups, the same as our gods!"

"But, if he kills the gods, then maybe…" Jason tries to blurt out a defense.

"Get real. The gods are just a scapegoat for his own failures as a hero. Heracles became one himself, you know? And he ruled the same way as all the other Greek gods. If he beats them all, and makes himself the sole god of humanity, what's gonna happen? How long until Hercules gets pissed off and destroys us in his rage?" The small stuffed Bear says with a snarl. "I'm not saying I'm better! I know I'm not! But modern humanity doesn't deserve to die for a utopia that guy can't create."

Silence fills the air for close to five seconds, until.

"...No, before all that, who are you, anyway?" Jason asks, Atlanta nodding along with him.

"Orion," The Bear responds.

As he takes in the revulsion and disappointment of the two Servants before him, the man-turned-mascot who might have been Grand Archer under other circumstances wonders whether it was even worth speaking up in the first place.

***

"I can't believe we were on the same island this whole time…" Atalanta mutters as she follows the strange mascot character further into the woods.
"It's not a big surprise to me," says Orion. "I was trying to find a way to safely approach you for almost a whole day, but you kept detecting me before I could get close enough to explain, and hurling rocks with all of your might."

"...Is that so?" The catgirl asks, her eyes narrowing. "In other words, you were that impure gaze I felt lingering on me?"

"A-ah… look! You can't blame a guy for looking, okay!? I wasn't going to do anything, not with Artemis in her current state!" The bear protests.

"Lady Artemis… it's difficult to believe someone like you is tied to her," Atalanta mutters.

"Doubt all you want, but here we are," Orion says, and pushing forward into an ivy-shrouded cave, Atlanta sees her goddess for the first time. "Artemis stole most of my Spirit Origin when we were summoned, but I guess it was for the best. There's no way we would have survived that shot if our core wasn't in my tiny body."

"D-dArling? Is thAt you?" A broken mechanical voice rasps out from a twisted mass of metal and flesh.

"I'm here, Artemis," The bear says, stepping forward to rest a paw on her.

"...Hercules did this?" Atlanta asks.

"Him and that redhead, when we tried to get involved in their fight," Orion says. "Stole our bow, too."

"I see," Atlanta mutters with closed eyes. "Then it seems I have reason to fight."

"DarLing…?" Artemis asks with an out-of-tune voice. "Is that anOTher womAN?"

"It's Atlanta. She came to see you," Orion says. "That thing you mentioned before… I was thinking we could probably give it to her."

"Lady Artemis, I…" The Huntress steps forward to kneel before the broken almost-corpse, a regretful look on her face. "Even though I have already broken my oath to you, I-"

"I d-dON't mind," The goddess says. "A sweEt girl like you who ALWays prAYs to me dESErves to find some love."

"Artemis has a head full of flowers anyway, she was probably rooting you on," Orion mutters.

Atlanta blinks, and then a scowl forms on her face. "Speaking ill of lady Artemis is-"

"It's nOt bad?" Artemis says. "I love dARLing lots!"

"It's like that, everyone." The bear says with a slightly embarrassed sigh. "Anyway, we can't do anything to help out like this, so we were thinking that we should probably turn Artemis's body into a bow."

"What?" Jason asks. "I mean, I get that Servants can be reshaped quite a bit since we've got spiritual bodies, but-"

"I was AN intERgalaCTIC cannon once!" Artemis says. "So if I USE some diVINE authority, I can. Bestowing a blessing to a WORSHipper, is within my abilities."

"So yeah, that's about it," Orion says. Sorry we couldn't do more, but we're checking out here."

"W-wait!" Atlanta stumbles forward. "I didn't… I'm not worthy! I haven't… I haven't done a thing to deserve this honor-!"

"Are you kidding? You're her greatest worshiper by far. Take yourself more seriously," Orion says with a chuckle.

"Darling is always telling me… Can't you do more for AtLAnta? That girl is always asking for yOUR help," Artemis says. "Okay, it's activating, Darling!"

"Ow! It kind of stings!" The bear complains.

"You need to say the words!"
"Fine, fine, I get it!"

""[Tri-Star Ortygia].""

Three more stars plunge from the heavens, as a great white bow stringed with starlight takes shape, alongside a single arrow.

***

The Atalanta who greets the eyes of those left aboard the Argo is different from the one they saw leaving entering the forest with Jason and Orion. The change is less dramatic than Jason's, but it is there nonetheless. A certain fire in her eyes, the tension of an overwound spring in every motion. A tattered red cloth, wrapped around her neck like a scarf flutters in the salty ocean breeze. A pure white gauntlet of some unknown metal, stretching all the way up her right arm tightly grips an ornate bow twice as tall as she is, and strapped to her back an arrow near as large threatens to scrape the ground as she walks.

"That's…" Mash Kyrielight trails off, her eyes locked on the weapon - even her novice observation can make out its quality - a weapon like this, will surely-

"Don't get your hopes up," Jason says with a sigh as he emerges from the woods behind her. "That bow's almost entirely made up of Divine Authority, so no matter how cool it looks, it's not gonna do a thing to Hercules so long as he's got Nega-Divinity. No sign of Meleager either, so there goes the hope of more bodies. I hope the others are having more luck, because everyone here is totally use-gah!"

Naturally, Atalanta trips him, and he's sent tumbling down the beach's sandy slope.

 

[dat_noob1926812]

Orion got involved in Reid and Herakles's fight, not remembering that he's not a grand servant here...

Poor Artemis!

EDIT: TBH even if he was SuperOrion in that fight I imagine he'd get mulched.

 

[Xorn]

Natsuki Rigel

"...You don't have to fight with us, you know."

I didn't really want to say it, but the point had to be made before we went any further.

"Jason's got his own reasons, and Aesclepius is only helping indirectly," I continued. "But for you, Medea…" I trailed off, letting the distant lap of waves against the Space Argo's exterior finish my sentence.

She didn't look up from her task, but the needle and thread in her hand paused for a moment. "And then what?" Her eyes flicked for a moment towards a strange mote of blue light, and a scowl crossed her face. "You can happily flirt with this girl with the knowledge that I've betrayed you?"

"It's not like that," I said, or perhaps lied. I wasn't really sure.

"Isn't it?"

"...I don't know. I spent a long time around someone who didn't understand human hearts, and I think she rubbed off on me," I admitted with a sigh. "I still have feelings. I realized that while fighting Dagon and… I guess I just have to call him Subaru at this point." I felt a wry grin appear on my lips, and raised my fingers to it to trace its shape as it turned to a confused grimace. "But these emotions, my emotions… they just show up. I don't control them, can't control them, because I barely realize they're happening until they're already moving me forward."

The glowing mote of light that Subaru had said was Rem blinked a little brighter, and Medea gave it a harsh look from the corner of her eyes. "I didn't know you before this, so I can't mimic whatever comforting words that girl wants to say," Medea said after a moment, turning back to her work. "But all of that aside, please don't imagine that I'll allow you to dispose of me now. You lost your opportunity earlier."

Ah… that's right, that's the kind of person Medea was. Leave it to a Witch to make overwhelming decisions like forgoing utopia based purely on a romantic impulse. Still… "Are you sure? You're throwing away a chance at 'happily ever after', here."

"Hmph. That's someone else's happiness. Make no mistake, Subaru-sama, If Hercules wins, 'I' will disappear," the Witch replied. "The happiness of the girl I once was, which Hercules says he'll guarantee, is something else - I don't mind stabbing her in the back. She'd do the same to me, after all."

As she said that, still painstakingly altering the contents of the stuffed doll requested by my own younger and better self, a small worry crossed my mind. "I don't really feel the same way, I think. Please don't do anything too drastic, on that front."

A pause in her work followed, and then a change in movements as she began to undo some stitches. "What will you do, then?"

"...I don't know," I muttered. It was supposed to be so easy. I was supposed to attack him, and steal his body. I hated [Natsuki Subaru] so it would be perfectly easy to erase him from existence. But the 'Natsuki Subaru' that met me turned out to be a different person, and even more than that- "I… really can't believe… that he just turned around and called me his family."

How was I supposed to respond to that? How was I meant to maintain my hatred, when faced with unflinching kindness, even after I already killed him a dozen times over?

No. To be honest, that wasn't what this was. It wasn't some grand morality play. It was just me throwing a tantrum, and him calmly stepping forward to defuse the situation with basic maturity.

"What the hell… that makes him the older brother after all, doesn't it…?"

***

I'd bet that Medea's teleportation magecraft was probably disorienting the first few times, but I don't really remember it, if it was. By the time of our transport to Circe's island, it doesn't even faze me.

And, similarly, considering the number of times I encountered it-

-A whirlwind erupts in front of us, spraying lightning everywhere, and the familiar voice of Circe the Witch booms out. "So it's you, Medea! Did you think you could simply waltz in here, and that I'd greet you with open arms?"

-there it is. The classic Circe opening line, where she pretends that she wants anything other than to spoil whoever showed up on her island rotten. In other words, she's a tsundere with about a millimeter of 'tsun' protecting her vulnerable heart. And the way to defeat her is-

"Hello Auntie! It's good to see you again!" Medea unleashes an all-out charm offensive!

"G-geh… did you hear anything I just said?" Circe asks, her voice obviously flustered. The charm is super effective! "And what part of 'don't call me Auntie' hasn't gotten through your thick skull yet!?"

"Miss Circe… no, I guess at this point I should be calling you Aunt Circe," I say, faking a knowing smile.

"What the hell do you mean 'at this point'!? We haven't even met, don't you go assuming I'm that much older because of this blockhead apprentice of mine-!" She's already lost. She's firmly associating Medea as 'her apprentice', no matter how frustrated she is right now. So, the final push is-

"Ah, sorry, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself," I say, chuckling and rubbing the back of my head. "I just figured that as Medea's future husband, I should call you the same way that she does."

Medea's 'customer service' smile turns a bit more genuine, but she doesn't get particularly flustered by my declaration. I'm not exactly sure whether that's due to her ability to stay subtle with her feelings or if she's unsurprised because she already assumed that sort of ending for our relationship as fact like the nascent yandere she is.

Circe, on the other hand, falls silent for a moment, and the storm she had conjured dies down. A moment later, her real body emerges with a glittering light and a cloud of feathers as she gets right up in my face. "...Listen here, you little shit. Medea's been through a lot, so don't you dare think about using her like some kind of tool."

Alright, Pattern C is in progress. I just need to lock in Variation Twelve and we're good to go.

…Incidentally, I've spent an unreasonable amount of time on this island in the past. In the end, Echidna and I decided that it wasn't feasible to properly recruit Circe, so we went with the 'send Stede' plan in the hopes that he'd be able to honey trap her long enough to keep her neutral for the duration of my fight with 'Natsuki Subaru'.

"You can go ahead and test me if you like," I reply, stretching a taunting grin across my face. "The rumored 'Great Witch Circe's Heart-Pounding Kykeon Love Scramble' - I'll blow it away without a second thought." Overwrought name aside, it's basically just a cooking and eating contest which will certainly end in me turning into a pig, which is why I went the taunting route.

"You think you'll get off that easily!? You're facing Circe's Castle, so get ready to die!" She blusters.

"That ridiculous obstacle course? I can take it, but does that really have anything to do with romantic compatibility?" I ask, shrugging and shaking my head.

"Subaru-sama, please don't tease Auntie too much…" Medea chides me.

"That's right! Medea's on my side! I don't know who you think you are, but if you think you can just pull the hearts of witches this way and that, you've got another thing coming!" Circe says, pointing at me with a smug look on her face as her wing mystic code flaps her to her nieces side and lets her pull the girl into a one-armed hug.

Anyway, that's the conversation steered into Medea's control, so my pulling of Circe's heart this way and that has been a success.

"...Auntie, Subaru-sama's words aside, we did come here for a reason," Medea says, wrapping Circe in a two-armed hug, and Circe's smug grin falls into a beleaguered scowl as she realizes she's been had.

"Don't tell me you're going to request something crazy from me again?" The Great Witch says. "I saw that… whatever it was, that got fired a few hours ago; I hope you don't think that I'm getting anywhere near that thing."

"...Actually, I can't imagine you'll be of that much use on that front," I admit. "We're here for Stede."

"...Eh?"

***

After some more negotiations, Circe ends up taking us to her island manor. Medea manages to corral her teacher into her workshop and drag her into a conversation about magecraft, and so I take the opportunity to stop by the wing of the house reserved for male guests. And there, I find-

"Yo, Stede. Did you enjoy yourself?" I ask a thoroughly unamused pig.

"Why are you treating that pig like it's me!? You came into my room, looked me in the eye, left, and then came in here!" The actual Stede shouts. "You're terrible!"

Something approaching an honest smile finds its way to my face as I turn towards the Gentleman Pirate. "Sorry, I couldn't resist the joke. I'm glad it seems like things are going well for you."

His face flits between a slight hint of happiness, then exasperation, and finally he seems to just give up, falling into a slightly annoyed indifference. "So? How was that 'alternate self' of yours?"

"Crazy freaking strong-willed!" I say, giving a big shrug and shaking my head. "I don't think I would have won even if he was vulnerable to Angra Mainyu's curse."

"Wait, you lost!?" He shouts.

"Right? And after all that big talk I was doing too…" I say with a sigh. "Drake got herself killed, too; and on top of all that, Alcides went and became the big bad of the singularity and now everyone's teaming up to stop him from destroying the entire timeline after Ancient Greece."

"Gee, if only you'd had a clever pirate captain around to help you out… is what I'd like to say, but I can't really see any way that I could have helped if things escalated to the point that Drake got killed," He sighs.

"...I think that's why I left you here, in the end. I made up some half-baked excuse about keeping Circe neutral, But I think I was just looking for an excuse to keep you safe and away from what I thought was the final battle," I admit.

"Huh?" He gives me a quizzical look.

"I mean, we're friends. I don't want to see you hurt," I say simply. "And sticking you on an island with a girl who's your type is a bonus."

"Wait, you thought we were gonna hit it off?" He asks with slight shock.

"I had a pretty good idea, yeah."

"I forgive you for everything - no, really I need to thank you! Even for being so rude as to stuff me in a barrel!" Stede says with a kind of enthusiasm that doesn't really suit a guy in his late thirties. "Circe is seriously an angel! Why couldn't I have met her back when I was alive…?"

"Well, if you really want to thank me… we kind of need your help with something," I admit. "It's sort of a long shot, but… if anyone can do it, it's you."

"Wh-what's with that strange confidence of yours?" He asks, taking a step back, embarrassment plain on his face.

"It's not strange. When it comes to winning people over, you're the best there is. You managed to last three full days with the Witch Circe without getting turned into an animal - compared to that, this is child's play," I say with a grin. "All you need to do is convince some sailors to do something they don't want to do."

"No! No way! Putting aside the fact that your vague description makes it super obvious you're gonna put me in over my head again, I've got a good thing going on here!" Stede protests, making an 'X' with both hands. "There's no way I'll abandon Circe! I… I know it's been three days, but I'm in love with her!"

I start to respond, but I'm cut off by a flurry of movement as Medea enters the room. "Subaru-sama, we should leave as soon as possible. Auntie is getting strange ideas again."

"The manageable kind of 'strange', or are we going to have a fight on our hands?" I ask.

"She was saying something along the lines of 'Ehehe, if he knows about the love trials, he must have been watching me for a long time… Maybe it's fate!~ I'm getting pretty fed up with Stede, anyway!'" Medea reports.

"Geh!?" The aforementioned pirate collapses to the ground. "W-what do you mean, fed up? She said she was happy I was relying on her, so even if I haven't done a single thing other than laze about and eat her food while flirting with her, shouldn't she be happy!?"

"Well, you were going to blow it eventually…" I sigh. "Get the teleportation ready, Medea. Do you think we should take this guy with us?" I gesture towards the pig, who begins nodding vigorously at the idea. "Ah, he can understand me."

Stede pauses in his tears for a moment to look up at us."...He's a pretty smart pig. Circe calls him Hector."

Oi.

A faint rumbling starts to become audible as the manor starts to shake - oh dear, she's on the rampage. "We'll take him, so Medea, please hurry up."

With a terrible crash, a swarm of conjured animals smashes through the wall and door blocking off this wing from the rest of the house, a wild-eyed witch at its head.

"Don't think you can escape!" Circe shouts, lobbing a large glass bottle full of something black and squirming at us-

The pig launches itself over our heads to intercept it - and in an almost cartoonish puff of smoke takes human form.

"Didn't you think the transformation was sticking a little long?" a brown-haired man in green armor says with a lazy grin as he arcs through the air. "Forgive an old man his tricks, would ya!?" He catches the thrown bottle, secures its cork before it can open, and with a sudden burst of flame from what seems to be a mechanical arm jets back into Medea's teleportation spell in just the nick of time.

***

-And so, in a flash of light we find ourselves at the planned meeting place.

"Ah, there's the first arrivals," An unfamiliar voice says, and I turn to take in the appearance of a man with slicked back black hair, wearing a black vest over a red shirt and tight red pants. "I just got finished with my summoning, so you're just in time."

I look around for a moment, but the Servant in question seems to be in spirit form, so I turn back to gaze at the stranger directly. His smile's friendly enough, but there's something… the scent of primeval sludge, just hinted at in a newly resurgent breeze.

"Sorry, I won't be revealing her identity just yet. Call it insurance, if you like." Distant lightning glints off his glasses, and he continues to smile as he slides something yellow into his pocket, and extends his other hand for a handshake. "Beryl Gut. I guess you're technically not my Kouhai, since you're his… alternate self or something, right? But it's nice to meet you, man!"

Well, he seems friendly enough.

 

[dat_noob1926812]

Man, this Beryl guy seems nice! I bet he'll do nothing bad.

I'm sure nothing bad will come of him secretly summoning a servant behind everyone's backs! (It was behind everyone's back right?)

 

[Xorn]

Man, this Beryl guy seems nice! I bet he'll do nothing bad.

I'm sure nothing bad will come of him secretly summoning a servant behind everyone's backs! (It was behind everyone's back right?)

Click to shrink...

He's plugged into Chaldea's system, so the staff there know who he summoned. It's only secret from those in the singularity.

 

[dat_noob1926812]

He's plugged into Chaldea's system, so the staff there know who he summoned. It's only secret from those in the singularity.

Click to shrink...

I'm certain this will have no negative repercussions