John tried to smile, and mostly succeeded. "So uh… Yeah, this is a special mailbox. Just put in letters or… Parchments or slabs of rock or whatever, and I'll get it and I can write back and stuff."
He had Crafted it using Ancient Debris, which resonated VERY well with this horrific nightmare of a Realm.
It would NOT be altered by anything as long as it existed here… And would likely exist unchanging until the end of all time within this entire section of reality.
That way the mailbox wouldn't ever break down and John would NEVER need to come back here to fix it.
Pebbles was still giving him a concerned look but still smiled as she accepted the oddly colored 'stone' container. "Thank you John, I'm sure it will be very helpful."
His sister came in next, which was great because he was focusing on staying calm and breathing smoothly. "Yep! If you have ANY issues with the stuff we did to Bamm-Bamm's place, or if you need new furniture or anything, just send us a note and we will get it done!"
The large man of muscle hummed as he spoon fed little Chip, Roxy already off from the breakfast table and crawling about full of energy. "Should we use this thing to send you the money from the couch auction? It will probably end up being a lot of clams in the end."
Huh? "Nah, money doesn't mean much to us…" But on the other hand… "Could you save it instead and use it to buy stuff if we ask for it later?"
ANOTHER reason to never come back? Yes please!
The man chuckled. "Of course! Though I'm not sure what would fit in that small box thing, however it works."
Oh, right. He hadn't really explained that bit, had he? "The box sort of alters reality a little and warps dimensional fabric to…" Wait, no. Keep it short and sweet so leaving could come sooner. "My mailbox will shrink stuff you try to put inside it. Anything you put in will fit."
Jessica blinked. "But not people, yes? John?"
Huh? "No, they should fit too, why?"
His sister held his shoulder, making him focus. "John, what would happen if a person climbed into your mailbox?"
John ignored the gnawing of his Mind and the clawing at his Soul. "I'm sure they'd end up eventually getting to me after a few dozen millennia or something… Depends on how they were sent and what methods of distribution they go through and how much temporal refactoring they endure and all that. Why?"
Jessica looked concerned. "That sounds lethal."
Oh yeah, probably. "It certainly wouldn't be FUN, no. It's why I don't use my mailing system to have my friends visit."
She nodded, tapping the box. "Then please make sure that nothing living can be put in this mailbox… In ANY of your mailboxes, alright?"
John counted his Pocket Pals, and they were real and he was real and this was real and… "Sure?"
He could just make special tools to take scans of animals and stuff if he needed some living patterns from a past (Or future) location to be delivered through the network.
As he attempted to think sane thoughts, his attention waivered. "Should I change this one now or?"
Her hand pulled his focus back to the now. "I do not want to risk Chip or Roxy climbing into this mailbox."
Oh.
OH!
Oh fuck. FIX IT NOW!
[[Altering field restrictions and…]]
No, fix it retroactively! Tell me to NEVER allow living materials to be sent! Just make scans and send those, returning anything that doesn't match!
[[Confirmed. Contacting the N̕͡e̶̵̛͠t͞͏̡͏̨w̴̶͜o͟͡͡ŕ̷̡̛͠ķ̷͜…]]
[[T̞̳̖͎̰ͅu̦̼̼͎͈̗̼h̙'̱͇͡d҉͈̹̝ ̮̪͇͘f̷̺͓͙̦̖̠̯u̵̻̲̪̝͍n̝n̻̺͈͉o̵̩͎̪͚,̛̦ ͙̦̣̻͕̯̜m̥̰e͙͔̲̯͢d̸d̫̮m̸͙̰̟a͇̣͓͔͓̙̻ ͙̖̮͜s̶a͇ͅ.̗͔̜͙̠̠ ͉̠̱F͔̮̹ͅą͇ r̦y̗̣̣͍̫h̬͚ṯ̛̙͈̹̦m͚̟a̖̪͈͘t ͔͙e̠̱̘d̖.̹͎̀]]
[[Alterations to Mailing Network has always been changed.]]
Oh thank goodness.
John slumped in relief. "Alright, it's fixed now sis. If ANYTHING gets into this or any of my mailboxes that shouldn't be, or that would be hurt or damaged? It will just stay here and be ignored."
Well, it might mail off their diapers or something, but no kids would be traveling outside of time and space, as of forever ago and onwards.
Sure it might add a few steps if he wanted to ship cattle from one Realm to another or something, but it would likely be safer to just recreate the species in future trips ANYWAY. To reduce the risk of existential contamination, if nothing else.
Jessica relaxed, smiling. "Thank you, John. You ready to go?"
[["I know WE are, Master! Let's go on an adventure!"]]
[["My Lord, I've already adjusted the defensive routines too… We should be good to depart!"]]
John smiled at the lovely local family trapped in this living nightmare. "Thank you again for helping me out so much, Pebbles, Bamm-Bamm…"
They seemed concerned for some reason? Why… Whatever. "You two stay safe and listen to your parents! You hear me, you little scamps?"
Chip was sucking away on his most recent spoonful of mush, but Roxy paused mid crawl. "Ba?"
John nodded. "Yep! I'll make sure to write you a…" Oh wait. "To chisel you a note as you grow up, Roxy. Stay in touch!"
Pebbles blinked. "Um… What was that about this 'mailbox' being deadly?"
He blinked. "Huh? No, I fixed that. You can all feel free to climb inside it now, there's no risk." Oh wait. "Small warning: If you DO climb inside my mailbox, you might end up mailing your clothing and stuff out and end up naked. If that happens, just send me a note and I'll mail your jewelry and outfits and things right back as soon as I can!"
She paused, blushing. "Naked!?"
Yep! "Naked! Alright, you guys stay safe because I need to GO BYE!"
[[
Pocket.]]
Jessica vanished.
[[
Pocket.]]
John Doe V̟̯͙̮̬͇͢ͅa̡̤̩̹̠n̵̡̡̬̘̗i̶̪̟̮̜̝̯̘̼͓s͏̣͙͇̖̀͡h̗̝͍͈͈͘ę̴̘̦̞d͉̗̺.̧̻͕͍̩̯̝͘͜
[[
Transfer.]]
~~~Pocket System~~~
Pebbles stared stunned at the missing house guests.
Bamm-Bamm chuckled. "Glad to see little John perk up a bit… I could see that last night was really trying for him for some reason."
She absently caught Roxy as the little rapscallion attempted to climb into the nudity box. "What just happened?"
Her husband hummed, cleaning up Chip's face as he made a mess eating. "Sometimes this sort of thing comes around. Remember those
strangers mom and dad talked about from another time that visited? Compared to THAT chaos, this was practically normal."
She glared at her laid back husband… And sighed, letting it go. "I might as well get the office couch sent off to be auctioned, it will take a few weeks for the advertising deals I made yesterday to filter through the paperwork and lawyers anyway."
No Roxy, do NOT climb into the nudity mailbox! "Do you want to come with me, little lady? You can help keep mommy sane as she puts up with your daddy gaining a magical car repair shop and has to put an impossibly valuable couch out for bid!"
Her little darling began to pout at being denied access to the strange, slightly glowing purplish rock box on the breakfast table… But was happy enough to suck her fist and be pulled into a side hug.
Bamm-Bamm chuckled as he casually lifted the stack of emptied breakfast dishes and began to carry Chip towards the kitchen. "Us boy's will clean up a bit, you girls have fun today!"
As they left the room, they didn't seem to notice the various animal appliances in the dining room staring at the slowly pulsing stone box.
Nor did they notice the box staring back.
…It would probably be fine.
~~~Pocket System~~~
[[System connection reestablished.]]
[[Deploying HOST.]]
~~~Pocket System~~~
John was still, staring.
Cautiously, he felt the Realm, touching the unseen.
Stable.
Flexing modules he rarely interacted with, he applied just a touch of P̼͍̹͕̣̯re̱̱̱̞s̜̠͎̜̤s̞u̼̱̗̭r̜e̙̜̙̗.
Solid.
He slumped to the ground in relief, falling without care or concern knowing his Body wouldn't even bruise… None of that mattered.
"I'm real."
Once more, he counted. Party the Apartment and Debby the Debris and Poppy the Balloon and Spike the Pinecone, Mr. Pointy the Second, and Nanny the Nanite.
Right.
Breathe in. "Nanny, we… We are real. Of… Of course we are! And look, Poppy is still here, so Jane is probably real too and… Yeah, all my friends will want to hear about our recent adventure, yes?"
Mentally he began editing this last trip for good letter content material.
Let's… Let's leave out the internal screaming and terror. Yes? Yes.
He'd talk about how odd it was to have a new Body. And how ROUGH it was to Transfer between places when you didn't HAVE a Body in the first place!
Maybe mention the glowing issues, and how his hair had turned into a puff ball a few times…
The talking animal appliances and tools and stuff.
How delicious the food was, even if John had to keep altering his body to not… No, leave that out.
Maybe he'd mention the crazy stuff Roxy did? Super babies made great conversation starters!
John sighed.
He had put this off long enough.
Cautiously, he began to test the local area.
A touch of Magic, soft smatterings of Belief, the taste of Social Reinforcement, but above all of that?
A rainbow spectrum of Soul and Legends and Myth.
The afterlife blended into Legends and Myths here, where powerful stories and other local dimensions shared some strange connection betwixt them all.
It felt strange, and touched upon things that were not well defined…
But it didn't feel arbitrary. Not loose and unformed, not like…
Forcing the thoughts back, John stared up as he lay on the sidewalk.
It was late at night, and he could hear crickets, and the moon gave off enough light from whichever building it was behind. The air was crisp, possibly a bit cleaner than it SHOULD be since the buildings around implied the same time period as Jessica's Realm.
For now, John bathed in the light of the streetlamps as he just soaked in the world around him.
Later, he would find out where he was.
Later, he would call out the girls and Jessica. Explore a bit. Meet new people.
Right now, he carefully experienced the hard concrete beneath his head, the sounds of distant cars and city life and all that. Just… Soaked it all in.
Honestly, he just felt a bit exhausted.
…Though not so pooped that he was willing to sleep here on the sidewalk, getting in everybody's way. That would be pretty awkward, and might have people call for an ambulance or something if they thought he was hurt. Or call the cops if they thought a kid like him was drunk.
Grunting because it felt like the right thing to do, John Doe stood up and prepared to face this new city nightscape with determination!
…Shit. "How old am I?"
[[HOST's current Body is biologically 18 years old.]]
Huh. "Then why am I so short?"
He was like what, 150cm or so? Five foot tall was pretty darn short right!?
[[User 'Temptation' has set Body configuration due to following reasons: He'd be so cute!]]
What!? "How'd she even get access to those files!?"
[[User 'Grace' has upgraded User Temptation's permissions due to the following reasons: So cute!]]
But WHY!? Being tall was AWESOME!
…Although it WOULD be easier to snuggle like this.
Sigh, whatever. "Is there internet in this place? Wifi or cellular networks?"
[[Confirmed: The following networks were detected…]]
Good enough. "Get online and find me a nearby hotel and I'll get some sleep." Just being in a Realm that was untainted felt like a full Body massage, really. Oh, wait! "What currency do they use here?" No, that didn't matter. "Can we get some local money? Maybe with some online trades or something?"
[[Accessing Networks: Processing… Completed. Marking hotel 'Shuffle Inn' on minimap. The following online transactions can be utilized to generate local currency…]]
John blinked and wanted to slap his own head. "Wait, hold up! Doi, even if I sold a bunch of stuff online right now I'd still need to ship it and all that mess."
Stop making this complicated, and do what worked before: "Find some online bank accounts belonging to some criminal organization, drain a chunk of it, set up a new account and Craft me a debit card that will work with it."
[[Confirmed.]]
There! That was MUCH easier than futzing around with selling jewelry or gold or whatever.
Feeling the new black card be Crafted, John pulled it out of his Pocket and curiously examined the patterned surface. "
Domino Bank, huh? I guess they didn't do the
pizza thing here. Neat!
Right, he now had some money and directions to a hotel! Let's go rent a room and get some actual sleep! Huzzah!
