Part 12-3
"Do not prize the greater good. Treasure the little goods, the tiny embers in even the blackest heart. And nurture those embers. Even the smallest flame can light a beacon. Evil might say that this is trite and inane, but such words are merely bluster from those scared of the soft glow of hope."

Dei



…​



The Grand Archives of the university stretched upwards against the black sky. The structure, rebuilt just a few years ago in the latest baroque style with increased fortifications, appeared untouched. Louise took in the unsmashed golems, the not-set-on-fire sentinels and the still-animate suits of armour just waiting to spring into action, and winced.

It appeared that Eleanore knew rather more evil magic than she did. She'd somehow got in without setting off any of the guardians. What terrible power! Obviously ten years of academia had taught her something.

"Cattleya?" Louise asked. "Do you have any ideas on how to get in?"

Cattleya frowned. "Well, I could turn into a giant bat and carry everyone up onto the roof. There might be a door up there."

"Hmm." Louise considered her alternatives. It certainly seemed better than going in through the killing field of the front. And she didn't want to hope that they'd been silly and left the back unguarded. There'd probably be all sorts of traps back there. No, she'd definitely prefer to come in through an unexpected entrance. "Good idea."

"Right-o!" Cattleya said, already unbuttoning her dress. "One monstrous bat shape, coming right up!"

Louise grinned. "Oh, I don't need you to carry me." She flicked her wand. "Levitate!" Gently, her feet lifted off the ground. "It's rather wonderful, don't you think?"

Cattleya froze up, fanged mouth wide open. "I… excuse me?"

"Oh, did I forget to mention? Without the cursed evil power afflicting me, I'm a terribly strong wind mage."

"Then why you no fly when you is normal?" Scyl asked reasonably.

"It… it doesn't work. When I tried the levitation spell, it nearly blew up in my hand. By which I mean, it nearly blew up my hand." Louise drifted upwards. "I'll see you up there!"

Cattleya blinked. "Wait, no, wait for a moment!" She scowled, her features taking on a monstrous cast and turning grey-black as she shed her clothes. "She needed to carry my dress! Fettid! No stealing it!"

Drifting upwards, Louise landed elegantly on the lead-coated rooftop, and resisted the urge to dance for joy. It was so good to be good! And-

Stone crunched behind her. Louise turned, and then swallowed. The gargoyle on the clock tower was peeling itself away from the brickwork. With a noise like a landslide, it clattered down onto the lead roof, bending the metal under its weight. It had to be three times her height, and many times broader. Ornamental copper armour shed flakes of verdigris as the gargoyle flexed its muscles, hefting a poleaxe big enough to decapitate a dragon.

Throwing its head back, it moved as if to roar but made no noise.

"Lightning Bolt!"

Thunder boomed, and the gargoyle's left leg shattered. Arms pinwheeling, the stone statue lost its balance and fell over sideways. The roof gave way under its bulk and it collapsed through the building, shattering with the noise of a thousand dropped teapots.

Smugly, Louise watched it fall. The end of her borrowed wand smoked in the cold air. With a slow exhalation, she blew the smoke away. And then she started coughing.

Founder, that had been nearly perfect! That'd been when she'd dreamed of doing her whole life! Not the coughing, but everything else! Mother probably wouldn't accidentally inhaled some of the smoke, but that just meant she had room to improve.

"Did you see that?" she demanded of the giant-bat-shaped Cattleya and the minions as they settled down on the roof

"See what?" asked the bat, speaking too loudly. "What was that far too loud noise? I'm a bat! I have very sensitive ears!"

"I was so incredible! A giant gargoyle attacked me and I blew off its leg and then it fell over and that's why there's a hole in the roof!"

Louise couldn't help but feel that the bat was eyeing her suspiciously. "Well, I'm sure you did really well," Cattleya said.

"You don't believe me."

"No, no, of course I do. I'm sure you killed a gargoyle, even though you were really scared. I just think it was probably helped by how weak the roof was. Giant stone statues shouldn't be standing on lead roofs."

"I wasn't scared! And it was ten metres high!"

Cattleya fluttered down, her shape twisting to become more of a hideous hybrid of man and bat. "I'm sure it felt that way," she said, sounding very reasonable for a monster with a mouth full of finger-length fangs.

"I think the little oversister are not very bad at judging the size of things what are much taller than her. And that are a lot of things," said a minion who was trying to be a voice in the crowd, but who Louise knew to be Scyl. It was hard for five minions to be a crowd.

Louise pouted, and sighed. "Well, thanks to the giant gargoyle I killed in one spell," she said, "there's a giant hole in the roof. Caused by the giant gargoyle. So that gives us a way in. Now, Eleanore and the other minions will be down there. However, fortunately I have a plan. I'll just need one of the minions to go down in disguise, to infiltrate their ranks and subvert them from within and…"

"Count on me, comrade!" Char said, puffing up his chest. From within a stinking inner pocket, he pulled out a pair of spectacles, half a turnip, and a moustache. Louise wondered who that had originally belonged to. "I is a master of dis-guys, you know! I has a whole new personality I use when I is being a redvolutionary." He put on the glasses, the moustache, and stuck the turnip on his nose. "I no are Char Marks! I are now Grouchy!"

Louise stared. "What kind of an idiot would fall for—"

"Hey, where did Char go?" Fettid asked. "Oh, hey, that are Grouchy. Where he come from? I no think any other minions stay loyal."

"… minions. Yes. Right." Louise massaged her temples. "For once, I am glad that the overlady is surrounded by idiots. Very well. So, while Char…"

"Where Char?"

"Shut up. While… Grouchy works his way into their ranks, me and Cattleya will approach around the back and…" Louise paused. There was a certain lack of vampire in the surrounding area. "Catt?"

"Oh yeah, she turn into a mist and floaty float away," Scyl said helpfully. "Down through the hole what are in the roof."

"Catt! Get back here right now!" But Cattleya didn't return. And Louise had a fairly certain idea of where her big sister was headed.

"Oh, sugar," she groaned.



…​



One of the horrifically mutated servants of Baelogji had escaped the minions and had retreated upstairs to lick her wounds and regain her strength. She felt very faint – and had done so ever since her neck had grown to such an extent that she was twice her previous height. She wasn't sure why she needed such a long neck, but surely there was a purpose to the actions of her goddess.

Something moved, far below her eye level. Could it be one of those damnable minions? But no, it was something else entirely. A creeping mist roiled and boiled its way along the higher levels of the Grand Archives. Where it went, silver tarnished and shadows thickened.

She flinched and tried to run. All this managed was slam her head into a chandelier, and she collapsed to her hands and knees. This somehow felt much more right, and her hands and feet suddenly seemed to realise that this gave her a more stable platform and started fusing together.

"I'm awfully sorry," the mist asked her, "but given you're a freakish twisted cultist, do you know what you have for blood? Oh wait, never mind, you have open wounds and it looks delicious and red, and not at all like that awfully nasty copper-ish blue-green blood that the last one of you had. Jolly sorry for bothering you!"

And then the mist was upon her, welling up to surround her entirely, and there only time to scream once, in a voice that was nearly a bray. Then there was silence.

The desiccated corpse of something which looked like a sick fusion of human and a ridiculously long-necked deer hit the ground. Their shrivelled grey skin was covered in countless tiny puncture marks. And the mist moved on, now accompanied by a faint shushing noise. In its wake, it dragged the black robe the twisted cultist had been wearing.

"Oi. Snot? Do you hear something?" asked Leg, ears perking up.

Snot and Leg were two of the minions who Coddy had ordered to form an 'outer perry-metre at the tacty-cool ten-four double'. Since they didn't know how to do that, they were just guarding the place instead. "Hear what? The scream?"

"Nah, that are just a cultist being killed. It are sort of a rustle rustle rustle noise."

"They must be a rustler? They is here to steal the overlady's stuff!"

"Could be, could be." Leg put his hands behind his head. "I reckon that it are prob'ably another one of them cultists. Ain't that right, mysterious and creepifying mist?"

The mist that had snuck up on them giggled. "That's awfully funny! I am misterious. Because I'm a mist! But more seriously, do you know where Eleanore has gone?"

"Well, she went down below through that place what we are all guarding," began Snot. "Down in the basement and all…"

"Oi," interrupted Leg, "you is the oversister what has always been the oversister. I dunno if we is meant to be letting you—"

And then Cattleya coalesced into a naked vampire, tore their heads off, and very carefully drunk none of their blood at all. Red light gleamed in her eyes as she unhinged her jaw, revealing a mouth full of needle-like teeth. Her fingernails were more akin to daggers than anything that might be carefully painted at an all-girls non-de-la-Vallière sleepover.

"This is the last time I go do something in a fancy dress that Jessica hasn't bespelled to shapechange with me," she muttered, donning the stolen robe. "Awfully sorry for that, you little cuties. Don't worry, Louise will be able to have the adorable blues bring you back. But I may need to massacre a teeny tiny few of you if you get between me and my big sister. Now, where are the rest?"



…​



Minonly screams echoed from down below. Louise paused in her attempt to carefully, subtly, and cunningly ease her way down an old squeaky staircase without making any noise.

"Oh, dang it, Catt," she growled. "Why don't you give away that they're not alone in here? I went to all this effort to get in here quietly…"

"Didn't you make a golem fall in through the roof?" Scyl asked. "That no are quiet."

"… get in here quietly," Louise said, ignoring him, "and then you had to just rush in. Do you think Char will have had time?"

"Who?" asked Fettid, idly stabbing a book to keep in practice.

"Shut up. Char and Grouchy are the same person. Have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?" Fettid's mouth fell open as her brain short-circuited from shock. "Maggat?"

"Dunno," he said, hefting his club. "But if the oversister are killing all the minions, it are making the odds more even."

"Yes," Maxy agreed. "Also, she are making the evens more odd. It depends whether there is an odd or an even number of minions when she kills one."

Louise blinked. Was that a maths joke from a… oh, wait, Maxy. She probably should watch him. He might be smart enough to realise that she had no intentions of ever becoming the overlady again. "What to do?" she whispered to herself. No, she couldn't rely on either the minions or Cattleya. But Cattleya was audibly killing a lot of minions – and if she delayed too long, most of those minions would be back on their feet.

Oh well. Strike while they're distracted by your mother, as her father had always said.

"Let's go!" she ordered, giving up any care for stealth. It was easy to see Cattleya's passage, because of all the eviscerated minions painting the floor. And walls. And ceilings.

The minions who had been fortunate enough to be somewhere else were flocking back to the commotion. They were panicking, and that in itself was unusual. Minions usually were too dense to show fear. Moreover, none of them had the magical brand on their left hands, and Louise's eyes lit up at that. Her sister hadn't got the magical loyalty of the minions! Oh, that was wonderful! There was still hope!

"Stop it! You no is allowed here!" one of them shouted at her. Others turned, and some of them were raising weapons.

"Do you know who I am?" Louise asked, glaring at the minion horde.

"You is the overla—" began one of the minions, before he got smashed in the head by a poleaxe. Louise wasn't sure why there was a telescope tied to the weapon, but it was probably because minions were stupid.

"You is the little oversister," the head-smasher said, and cast a gimlet eye over the crowd. "She no are the overlady no more."

"That isn't what I asked you?" Louise said, her voice level and calm. "'Overlady' is just a title. So I'll ask again. Do you know who I am?"

The minion blew a raspberry at her. "Do you know who I are? I are Coddy, I are the chief minion what no are Gnarl, and I are telling you to jog on. You ain't the overlady no more, so you can't tell us what to do!"

Louise crossed her arms and glared down at the sea of minions, tapping her foot. "I am Louise de la Vallière," she said in a clear voice. "I am no longer your overlady, no." She smiled. "I now walk my mother's path."

The minions stared at her blankly. Or, rather, she realised with dawning horror, more specifically they were looking at her feet.

"I no see a pa—"

"I am the daughter of Karin of the Heavy Wind," Louise said, not quite fast enough to avoid minion stupidity. "You know about her. You know how many creatures much more powerful than you she's killed. And," she whispered a word, and sparks began to drink from the end of her wand, "I am a wind mage. Just. Like. Her."

"Argh! It are the Karin but smaller!" a voice called out from the crowd. Louise recognised Char's voice. "We is gonna need to run away right now! The Karin has taught her, so we can see her and we is only moments from double-death!"

Panic and confusion broke out in the ranks of the minions.

"Panic!"

"We is confused!"

"Let's go loot stuff what no are here!"

Coddy brained one of the nearby minions who was about to turn tail. "Idiots! This no are the Karin! And we is minions! We no is meant to be scared!"

"Well, if you says you is the head minion what no is Gnarl," Maggat called out, "then I are gonna fight you in a one-on-one fight for that title! Winner gets all the loot of the other!"

Even the noise of the minions panicking fell to a dull roar. A minion, willing to gamble all his loot on such a fight? Unthinkable! Coddy wetted his lips hungrily. "I no are gonna fall for that. You is just gonna have Fettid stab me inna back."

"So?" Maggat grinned. "Any minion what no are cunning enough to do that no are worth to be leader."

There was a general consensus of nods from the other minions. That was just common sense.

"Ha! I no need to fight you, Maggat. I got lots of minions around me! They is all loyal to the real overlady!"

"But she no are even the real overlady!" Char shouted out from the crowd. "Why she no give us the mark? She no make us her servants! So she no are our overlady!"

"Who said that?" Coddy yelled.

"Me! I are Ch… Grouchy! I are just a humble red, but I no want an overlady who no need us!"

"You is a traitor!"

"How can I be a traitor if she no are the overlady?"

This was just wasting time. Louise's eyelid twitched. She didn't want to listen to the minions arguing what amounted to politics. Plus, they had totally ruined her line about being her mother's daughter. No one was taking her seriously, and she was a hero now! Was she just too darn short and delicate looking to be taken seriously as a hero? That was it! She needed a heroic helmet! It worked as the overlady, so it'd work now!

"Ahem!" She tapped her foot, and briefly wished for her metal boots. They just made a much more intimidating tapping noise. "Stop arguing and pay attention to me! I am Louise de la Vallière, daughter of Karin de la Vallière, and I will kill you all if you don't get out of the way! Are you going to move?"

Coddy snorted. "I bet the overlady are gonna reward me proper if I…"

"Chain Lightning!"

The other minions stared at Coddy's smoking boots. The rest of him had gone AWOL, leaving only his shins behind. And he wasn't the only strangely missing minion. The bolt had leapt from target to target, scything down targets like wheat. Some peculiarity of the magic meant that blue minions had taken the brunt of the spell.

"Ouchie," Scyl said from his nice safe position behind Louise. "Lightning ain't a friend for us."

"It are 'cause you is all wet," Fettid said, a malicious grin on her lips.

"Would you look at that?" Louise said, in the same clear voice. "I killed your healers. The only one left is Scyl and he's on my side. Do you fear death, minions? Because if I kill you, you'll be staying dead." She tilted her head. "Or perhaps a better question would be 'Do you fear me?'." Because I can kill you. I know how you come back to life. I've killed your blues. If you stand in my way, I'll have your bodies thrown in the river so no one will ever find them." She paused. "Well, what is it? Do you fear me?"

"… okay-dokey, maybe you is the daughter of the Karin. And a wind magic-y girl," a viscera-covered minion conceded.

"I just wanna say that this was all Coddy's idea!"

"Yeah, yeah, we no involved. We was just pillaging…"

"And looting!"

"Yeah, and looting!"

Louise pointed her wand at the minions, and rejoiced at the way they shifted away. Wasn't that strange? For the first time, she felt the minions truly feared her. She'd ordered them executed before, but they'd faced that with the same cheerful nature they took most threats. But now? Now, she had them scared.

"I wonder who's in charge now?" she asked in a low voice.

The minions before her looked around. "Grouchy!" one of them volunteered. "He now the boss."

"Yeah, if he in charge, we no get killed by the tiny Karin."

"Ah ha!" 'Grouchy' postured. "Now I is in charge! We is gonna see some changes around here! 'Cause I is the elected leader of this minion so-vet, and that means we can get rid of the boor-swah-see! For, you see, I is actually Char! Viva la Redvolution!"

"No, you is not Char! Don't be silly, Grouchy!"

Char removed his fake glasses and moustache. Then he pulled off the turnip from his nose and ate it.

"Oh wait, no, he are just Char," said a very disappointed green.

"Go to the Abyss, Char," groaned a brown, "we no are interested in your stoopid Redvolution. You no is our leader."

"Easy now, boss lady, easy now," Maggat said, hefting his club. "I guess you lot should get outta her way. I no know how much longer I can hold her back. 'Cause, you know, the blood of the Karin are talking to her. So maybe if you is still seeing her, you is gonna die. So runnin' away are probably the only way to not double-die."

The other minions ran away.

Louise nodded. "Maggat," she said. "I expect you to chase them down and beat them into proper order. And make sure no one else tries to follow me down here. I need to deal with my sister alone."

Maggat seemed torn between orders explicitly telling him to beat people up, and whatever loyalty to Louise existed in his filthy heart. "Should be keeping you safe, boss-lady," he grumbled.

"And the way to do that is to stop me being swamped by those minions trying to help Eleanore, if she starts ordering them with the Gauntlet," Louise said. "Now, go."

"I dunno," Maxy said. "Is that something she'd really—"

"Go!"

They went. Louise took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair. Her sisters were down there. Both of them. One of them was the overlady, and knew far more spells than she ever had. The other was a blood crazed vampire with a grudge. She wasn't sure what she could do, but she knew what she would do.

Louise headed down to do the right thing.



…​



Broken magical wards sparked in the darkness of the lower levels. Eleanore had smashed through ancient doors and new spells alike, and the shattered remnants of golems marked where magical guardians had tried to stop her.

She stood in front of a magical circle that glowed a dull purple. Lines within it formed a pentagram, but a clock-like pair of hands had been added to the chalk markings. If one looked closely, it could be seen that the hands were moving. The crystal holding the trapped souls of Athe, Baelogji and Françoise-Athenais lay in the middle of the circle, where the purple light was brightest. Sharp words in the Dark Tongue spilled from her lips, read from the prematurely aged book she held in her hands. Her eyes burned bright yellow, the light shining out from under her stolen helmet.

Cattleya stared at Eleanore from the shadows, eyes glowing red. Her breath escaped between her fangs in a low hiss. Her skin was pallid and drawn tight over her skull; her lips had receded slightly making her teeth more prominent.

Eleanore shouldn't be doing that. Eleanore was bad. Cattleya wasn't meant to kill good people. Both her parents and Louise had been very clear about that.

But Eleanore wasn't good. Not anymore. And she had wanted to make her big sister hurt for a very, very long time. She wanted to make her suffer. There was no reason not to make her pay for every night of darkness; every hunger pang; every nightmare of waking up with the Bloody Duke latched onto her.

Eleanore fell silent, closing the book with a heavy snap.

"I know you're out there," she said softly. "You make the scar I got from Graf Roteblut ache."

Cattleya reflexively inhaled, even though she had no need to breathe. Some habits were hard to break. Folding her hands behind her back, she stepped forwards into the edge of the circle of light cast by the ritual. "What of it?" she asked.

Eleanore's face was a mask. "Cattleya, go home," she said. "You shouldn't be involved in this."

"You can't make me do anything," Cattleya said. Anger broiled in her gut. She could smell Eleanore's sweet blood, dripping from self-inflicted cuts on her palms.

"You should be back with Mother and Father. You shouldn't be caught up in Louise's foolishness."

"Or what? You'll kill me?" Cattleya laughed – cold and sharp and quite unlike her normal temperament. "Like I need to care about that. I've died once today already." She paused, red eyes narrow. "Death doesn't mean much to me. Thank you oh so very much."

Eleanore flinched. "I don't want to hurt you."

"That's wonderful. That's wonderful." Cattleya leaned forwards. "Because I want to hurt you. I want to hear you scream. And when you've screamed enough, I'm going to show you what it's like. You'll get to see what a life without sunlight is like. You'll get to feel everything I do. And the best thing about this? You'll have to do what I say." Her razor-sharp claws dug into her palms. "There'll be no escaping this. I'll stop you finding any way out. You get to suffer this for ever and ever and ever."

"You don't mean that. Cattleya wouldn't mean that. Try to pretend to be her, at least for a little longer."

"I am Cattleya!" She stared at her big sister's pale neck. Her inhuman vision could see every pulse force its way through her vein. Eleanore's heart was racing. She was scared. Good.

"Are you?"

"No, I am not going to let you do that!" Cattleya snarled. "You don't get to pretend that I'm not me, just to make it easier on you! If you're going to kill me – again – then have the common decency to look me in the eye and do it! Not… not some… some cowardly pretence that—"

Eleanore threw a handful of something in her face. Cattleya spat out the wood shavings, eyes automatically dropping to the ground. "That's not even silver dust or garlic or…"

"Count them." Eleanore's voice barely wobbled, despite how her heart was racing.

And before Cattleya realised what she was doing, she was counting them. Dang it! Dang it all! Stupid useless… she bit down on her tongue, tasting her own stale blood. "Louise did the same one two three four five six trick against me," Cattleya mumbled, barely able to focus on anything apart from the seven eight nine ten eleven twelve wood shavings.

"Just keep counting," Eleanore told her. "It's in your nature."

"Do you know the difference thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen between now and then?"

She let her nails dig into her hands. The pain brought her back to herself, and she sprung. She slammed into her sister, bowling her over. They rolled over and over, but Cattleya was simply vastly stronger than Eleanore and all too easily she was kneeling on her chest. All she could hear was the sound of Eleanore's heartbeat, pumping fresh, rich, alive blood around. Merely human fists beat at her chest. They might as well have been punching stone.

"I didn't want to hurt Louise," Cattleya whispered, leaning in. Her jaw unhinged, mouth as wide as a steel trap. "I 'o 'an' 'o 'urt 'o."

Eleanore frowned. "What? What was that?"

Cattleya rehinged her jaw. "I saw, I do want to—"

"Eternal Tomb!"

The explosion slammed Cattleya into the ceiling, where she bounced off and hit a bookcase. Eleanore pulled herself up to one knee. Her helmet and the exposed parts of her face were covered in soot. She stared at her left hand. "Oh. Right. I have Louise's magic," she muttered, trying to shake the ringing out of her ears. "I suppose that works."

She took a deep breath.

"I can feel you flagging," Cattleya's voice called out from the shadows. "Your heartbeat is pounding like a drum. But you don't smell just of fear sweat. You're exhausted, aren't you?"

"Just go sort the books," Eleanore ordered. "But first count them."

"I told, you that won't… one, two… no, no, it definitely won't work on me."

Eleanore whispered a spell, and her left hand ignited in a blade of smoky red fire. The harsh light broke up the intensifying eerie purple glow of the ritual circle. And not a moment too soon, because Cattleya hissed at the sight and retreated back into the shadows.

"Just… just stay back," Eleanore said. "It'll all be over soon. Soon. You'll understand."

"Yes. It will," Cattelya whispered from behind Eleanore's ear. And then she hit her very hard, sending her flying into the same pile of books.

The paper ignited, the magical tomes burning in many colours, and Cattleya snarled. The fire blade from Eleanore's hand flickered and went out as she rolled away from the burning books. Laboriously she pulled herself to her feet again, and summoned a ball of fire to hand.

"You… you won't get… get me," wheezed the winded Eleanore. "Fire. Fire keeps you back."

In the blink of an eye Cattleya was up in her elder sister's face, and with a hand that cracked like a whip she slapped her sister. Another blink of an eye, and she was safely back.

"Are you so very sure?" Cattleya asked sweetly. "The question was always who got their revenge first. Me, or Louise. But I think I deserve it more." The light from the burning tomes caught her fangs.

Thunder boomed, deafening in such a dense space. In the darkness, the blue-white of lightning was blinding. Eleanore gasped in pain.

Cattleya paused. She turned to face Louise standing in the doorway behind her, revealing the head-sized hole clean through her chest. "That was a little a… little… clumsy…" she mouthed, trying to speak without lungs. Sagging, she collapsed to her knees, and then hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. The skin sloughed off Cattleya's body, revealing the badly decayed skeleton underneath, and with a faint exhalation she was still.

"I'm sorry!" Louise whispered, heart curled up in a ball in her chest. Eleanore was staring at her, eyes wide. "I missed," she lied.



…​



And then there were two de la Vallière sisters left.

"You didn't miss." Eleanore's glowing eyes were wide. "And that was a wind spell."

"Yes. It was." Louise kept her wand pointed at Eleanore's chest, breathing deeply. The bright purple glow from the circle hurt her eyes, especially now that the magical tomes were just embers. She was feeling the strain of using so much magic in a short period. Without the cursed power of the overlady in her, she seemed to have a lot less stamina. Or perhaps that was just because she only knew square-rank wind magic.

"You should have aimed for me."

"Perhaps I should have." And yet she couldn't. Her de la Vallière blood had wanted her to kill her eldest sister and rid the world of a rival once and for all, and she… couldn't. Wouldn't. There was no way she was going to let her sister die. Not when she could save her.

She hadn't wanted to kill Cattleya either, but that was reversible.

"You're not a wind mage. You're a failure."

"No." Louise clenched her jaw. "I'm not."

Eleanore's shoulders slumped. With her free hand, she pulled the dented helmet off, and tossed it aside. It clattered on the stone floor. The soot covered all the bits of her face that had been exposed, but the rest of her was ghost-pale – save for the redness from the slap. "No," she said softly, sweaty blonde hair falling around her shoulders. "I suppose you're not."

"Stop this," Louise said softly, almost kindly. "There's no need."

"There is."

"There really isn't. Don't you remember what father always used to say? 'No matter how tempting it seems, never meddle with the nature of time'?"

"This is different. I know what I'm doing."

Louise tried not to grind her teeth. "Listen to yourself, Eleanore. 'This is different'. 'I know what I'm doing'. You can't trust anyone who talks like that."

"You don't understand," Eleanore said, clenching her left hand into a fist. "I can do it. I can save them all. I can go back and change things and the whole world will be a better place."

"What are you talking about? Give it up, Elly. Father was very clear. Using evil magic to break the timeline never ends well. You'll just make things worse."

"I can't make things worse!" It came out in a scream as Eleanore's seeming calm broke, the emotions welling up from inside. Louise shuddered to see the depths of the self-loathing on display. "We were the best! The brightest! And every one of us has fallen to evil and it's all my fault! It all happened because of me! I can fix this! I can save Mags! I can save Fran! I can save Cattleya!"

Louise's stomach lurched, butterflies whirling in it. She knew those kinds of dark thoughts. Oh, Founder, she knew those dark thoughts. "You won't make things better if you were never born! It'll strip out everything you've ever done!"

"Oh, I'll still be born. I just need to have died twelve years ago," Eleanore said. She was past screaming now, talking quickly and with an awful, desperate intensity. As if she could force Louise to agree that her points made sense, if only she could explain them fast enough. "I'll have died a hero, without getting corrupted by this terrible power. I won't have got my little sister killed and turned into a blood-hungry monster. Mags won't be consorting with demons. I won't have trapped Fran's soul in a crystal with two dark gods. They'll be there for Jean-Jacques – more than I could manage for him. I was so caught up in my misery that I drifted away and left him alone. And the family won't have to put up with me and get to have Cattleya as the heir. It'll be better for everyone. Even me."

"Eleanore, I forbid you from going back in time and killing yourself!" Louise yelled.

"You're not Mother! Stop trying to sound like her!"

Louise kept her wand at the ready. "It's not going to work, you know that," she said. "Because you're here. So if you go back in time and kill yourself, that means that you're not here, so you can't…"

"I know what you're trying to say, but no, that's not how it works," Eleanore said, sounding a little more like her normal self. "I don't have - ha! - time to explain it to you right now, but suffice to say, the Great Spell of Elias Chronophagus shatters time. Cause and effect has no hold on what happens. You can in fact go back in time and murder your grandfather. Goodness knows ours deserves it, but that would hurt Cattleya and I don't want that. She and father are the only ones worth saving." She laughed bitterly. "If only I could go back and kill our great great great times something grandfather and spare all of Halkeginia the affliction of our family. But even the power of a dark god isn't enough to go back far enough to kill Louis the Bloody when he was still alive."

"He's dead." Louise squared his jaw. "Cattleya killed him. She already got her revenge."

"It doesn't matter. That's not Cattleya. Not really." Eleanore's voice was soft. "It's a blood-sucking monster with her memories. It's a monster that thinks it's Cattleya. But it's not really her. Cattleya died. And it was my fault. All my fault."

"It was Louis' fault! He was the vampire!" Louise snapped. "And it is Cattleya! You're wrong about how vampires work! It's her soul trapped in her body! It has to eat life force to stay mobile! It's her, not a monster."

"It's a monster in there. You might not remember her, but I do. That thing wanted to make me into one of its spawn. Just to make me suffer."

"It is her!"

"It is not! Cattleya was sweet and kind and innocent. That… that thing is a vampire. An amoral monster who reminds me of my failure every time I have to see my sister's little face twisted into monstrosity. It's my fault. I was stupid and sixteen. I've lived with this guilt for twelve years, knowing that there'll never be any salvation for Cattleya and that her soul was eaten by the thing that now lives in her body." Eleanore's nose was running. "And no matter what I do, it won't make up for it."

"Look, you were right! Not about the guilt thing! What you said earlier, about how the evil power gets into your head!" Louise blurted out, getting more and more worried. The fire had gone out in her big sister, and now she just sounded numb. "This isn't you! Or it… it is you, but it's not all of you! The power of the overlady, you took it from me by beating me and… and I'm finding myself so much calmer and not getting angry in the same way, so this… this drive you're feeling, this… I don't know how you're feeling it, but it's something and—"

"Hush." Eleanore shook her head. "If I could spare you this, I would. But I can't. Not without killing you when you're born – and if I did that, I couldn't reliably save Cattleya. I'll just have to hope that Mother and Father can help you in this better history. Or put you down if you go over the edge. I wish I could do more, I really could, but this tainted blessing is your curse to bear. For once, it's not my fault. You were born an heir to the Void."

Louise blinked. The words didn't seem to make sense. Was Eleanore losing her mind? "What? No, no, I… I'm not a saint! Louis was breeding us for the power of the overlords, not—"

Eleanore met her eyes, gaze weary. "You think there's a difference?"

"Yes! There's a difference between the Sacred Void and this evil power!" Her fingers clenched around her wand. "And you'd know, too, if you weren't crazy because you took the evil power and you're not used to it!"

"No, Louise," Eleanore said, in a whisper. "The Void isn't sacred. The world was born from the Void. Once it was pure. When Brimir used it, it was truly a holy place. But we polluted it. Men, elves, dragons – all of us. The Void was empty and pure, outside good and evil. Once. No more." She lifted her hand. The ruby on the back of the gauntlet was still blood red, even in the bright purple light from the ritual circle. "The power runs in the royal families and in the papacy. You've read your history books. You know how the monarchs of Halkeginia act. You know how many popes have gone mad. They taint the Void, and the Void taints them."

"No! You're wrong! There are good popes! Good monarchs! It's not a doom! It can be fought!"

"No. It can't. I… I don't think this world can be saved. We've tainted it too much. Our family is rotten and you're the culmination of our sins. If I just remove myself from this world, it might survive a little longer – but I'm really not sure how much of a difference it will make. The Void itself is polluted with wickedness. No wonder nothing ever goes right." Eleanore turned back to face her ritual circle. "Sorry, Louise. I am sorry," she said, looking away, shoulders shaking. "Truly, sorry. I can't save you. It's… it's all I can do to try to save Cattleya and my old friends. I've thought and thought and… and I can't."

"Eleanore!" Louise cried out. "Stop! Stop! The evil… it's just making you get sad like I used to get angry!"

"No. I won't. I can't. It's already too late for you. And for this misshapen, aborted history."

"There's always time!"

"There's not. Because I already set up the ritual. I did it before the vampire showed her face," Eleanore said. "All the time we've been talking, the power's been draining from the crystal into the spell. All I needed to do was delay you. Both of you."

Behind her, the world shattered like glass. Something chimed, the sonorous tolling of a bell. Blackness flared up within the spell circle, casting shadows over the room. Louise snapped off a spell, but her lightning vanished into one of the cracks in the world.

And then there was no more time.
 
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Part 12-4
"My dear, you wouldn't believe what happened today! A spectre made itself known to me, a vision of strangeness! Sadly she got away, but she was awfully young and pretty! If only I could have drained her blood. Such a shame. No, no, she wasn't one of my victims. I'd definitely remember whose form preserved their youth that well. "

- Madeline de la Vallière (née Ambracia)



...​



The world rang like a finger on a wine glass. Louise's vision blurred, as if she was spinning very fast while also remaining stationary. Her inner ear protested the feeling of moving without moving, and she sagged and retched.

Lifting her eyes and wiping her mouth on her sleeve, she looked around. The room had been torn in half. She was standing on the stone floor, but ahead of her, where Eleanore had been, there was just a sea of purple light. Across the sea she could see little islands, frozen tableaus of time.

The air felt too thick, and a little bit stale. When she waved her hand through the air, it was like there were unseen cobwebs there.

Eleanore had actually done it. She had shattered time. And for some reason - perhaps because Louise had been close to the ritual - she was in a tiny fragment of the world.

Poor Eleanore. Poor, poor Elenaore. Louise recognised that self-hate. That feeling that maybe the family would be better off if you just… weren't around anymore. For her, it had been because she had been a magic-less failure, a zero, a nothing.

… though if Eleanore was right, that meant she was a mage of the sacred void of Brimir, which was corrupted by evil and what a nightmare that was! She wasn't going to think about that. Not yet.

But her big sister hated herself because she had been sixteen and stupid and tried to kill a vampire - and wound up releasing him. She hadn't meant to, but she had. And everything had gone downhill because of that. That only made Louise more certain that she had to find a way to save her. The evil force within them had probably pushed Louise into trying to prove herself, but Eleanore was being coaxed to be self-destructive.

She had to find her. And quickly. Before Eleanore killed her past self.

Now, what had Mother always told her to do if stuck outside of time due to evil magic?

"Now, remember, Louise, if you find yourself stuck outside of time due to evil magic, always ask yourself why on earth you were such a fool as to let them complete their ritual rather than just killing them. It's always easier to defeat the villain before they finish their dark spell, so don't prevaricate!" the mental image of her mother said.

"Argh! Not useful, Mother!" Louise moaned. "You're right, yes, but that's not helpful now."

She racked her brain for anything else her mother had told her about time. Only kill Germanian tyrants if the history books record them as dying about now, or if they're about to win in the present and this is a last ditch effort to save the world. Never engage in inappropriate behaviour with relatives no matter how attractive they are. Never use your real name. Always make sure that you actually have travelled in time and it's not a prank by the other Manticore Knights who think it'd be funny to pay some peasants to dress up in clothing that's three hundred years out of date and tell you you've been sent into the past by an evil wizard.

Something about that drew her attention. What had it been?. Aha! It had been just after her mother had thumped her father because he'd started sniggering about that prank thing. She… she had said that one of the most reliable ways of navigating these kinds of un-spaces and un-times was following chains of correlation and meaning, hadn't she? Something about there always being a certain logic to this sort of thing, and you just had to work out how things interlinked and hop between the broken moments until you found the right time where you had to be.

What was her plan? One, do not accidentally destroy history. Two, do not deliberately destroy history. Three, stop Eleanore from destroying history. Four, do not die.

Louise reviewed her plan. It seemed solid. She just had to avoid standing on any butterflies while she stopped her sister. And not die, of course.

There were certainly butterflies churning in her stomach as she stepped up to the sea of violet light. She peered at the horizon. One of the islands looked like the de la Vallière estate. That was the right place. She wasn't sure when it was, but that step could come later.

And now that she stepped closer, she could see that there were stepping stones shaped like clocks in the light. Louise swallowed. This promised to be unpleasant. But she couldn't think of a better way.

"Well," she said, breathing into her cupped hands. "Here goes nothing. This better work. Or else..."

And then something heavy and wooden hit her in the back of the leg. Louise toppled forwards and vanished into the ocean of time with a scream.

Something moved in the shadows of the vacated fragmented moment.

Eyes glowing yellow, Ozymandias muttered monkey-ish vulgarities to himself and tossed the broken plank in after Louise.



...​



This was the first war; the dawn war; the greatest war that ever would be.

On one side of the scorched battlefield was a final alliance of the forces of good. A solid core of short, armoured, bearded figures held the centre ground. They were an immovable anvil against which all foes were dashed. Poleaxes rose and fell in unison as they smashed and diced their way through anything which dared attack them. Rune-covered war machines spewed out arrows and razor-sharp blades. Dragons roared overhead, ridden by powerful mages and brave knights, while light footed elves flitted around the flanks, dashing in with deadly magics. Oh, and there were some short people with hairy feet. They were probably doing something helpful, or at least they were going to claim that they had been instrumental to the whole victory when the history books got written.

On the other, the endless hordes of evil. Demons, the undead, the corrupt, orcs - and above all, minions everywhere. Overhead hung Albion, the utterly corrupt birthplace of the dark lord. Through his power he had torn the island into the sky, and it bristled with malign weaponry.

There was a lot more evil than good on this battlefield.

Of course, Louise de la Vallière was not paying much attention to this. She was too busy falling from the sky. Scrabbling through her pockets, hair whipping around her face, she managed to find her wand. The ground was getting awfully close awfully quickly, and the wind was stealing away her breath.

Louise managed to force out a levitation spell. She felt the force drag on her as the magic bled off speed, but the ground was coming up faster than she was slowing down. Fortunately, when she touched down she found that what she had taken for green grass was in fact swamp weed.

She sunk up to the waist. Admittedly, that was less than it would have been for other people, but it was still unpleasant.

And then a plank of wood nearly hit her in the head.

Hissing bowdlerised curse words, Louise dragged herself out of the filthy water. Looking up, she could see a scar of purple light in the sky. Maybe if she…

Louise threw herself down with a squelch as a dragon roared overhead, breathing lightning. The sound of the thunder was an assault on her ears. Okay. Right. She was not going up and out that way, even if she had enough strength to reach that height. Which she didn't.

The battle lines were in constant flux, and minion fireballs were much scarier when they were flying over your head. It wasn't even really a thought to run away from the orcs and minions and towards… elves, she realised with a sinking feeling. She just had to hope that they wouldn't try to kill a human on sight, because she knew minions and not only would they kill her, they would also steal her clothes.

She found herself face to face with a long-eared elf warrior who was falling back. She wasn't entirely sure if they were a boy-elf or a girl-elf, but under the wide-brimmed hat they had gorgeous long red hair and earrings. The elf raised their weapon, but recognition flared in their eyes and they grabbed her hand, yanking her back towards the elf lines.

They pulled her back behind a glowing shield sustained by elf wizards, just before Albion unleashed a barrage of flaming rocks that made the earth shake and filled the air with dust. The elves seemed to suffer from the noise even worse than she did. It must have been the long ears.

Another elf, who she was fairly sure was female judging by the chest region, jabbed her finger at Louise and asked something. The maybe-a-male elf who'd saved her retorted with something which included the words "Markay maga" while pointing at her wand. That seemed to placate the she-elf, and she turned back to the short bearded armoured warrior who was shouting at her.

From the short person's arm gestures and their jabbed fingers up at Albion, things didn't seem to be going well. Louise thought that they wanted to pull back - or possibly they were accusing the elf of wanting to pull back. The elf's tone wasn't helping, and Louise could hear the arrogance dripping from her tone.

Pulling herself to her feet, Louise investigated the elven shield that was holding off the bombardment from Albion. It seemed miraculous, able to reflect even direct hits from the island overhead which blotted out the sun. They were safe in here. But with a sinking feeling, she wasn't sure how long she'd be safe for. The elves sustaining the magic looked exhausted, and they were flinching each time a new rock landed nearby.

Peering through the shimmer, she tried to see if there was anywhere where there was a time rift. She had to get out of here. She didn't want to die here, and she didn't know how much time she had to stop Eleanore. If the concept of time even applied here, which it might not.

There! Though the dust, she could see purple light! Maybe the flaming rocks had damaged time enough that she could get out, or maybe it was just that the waves of enemies ahead of them had been thinned out. The minions had died in vast numbers under the Albionese bombardment, but that wasn't going to stop them; not with blues already hard at work. These idiot elves and shorter-than-hers were wasting the chance to strike back and deny them their resurrections.

Louise chewed her knuckle. She had to get through. Somehow.

Wait. She had a plan. It was probably a stupid plan, but it was that or stay here and risk getting hit by a stray fireball from a red.



...​



Years later, stories would be told of the brave Markay warrior who charged the enemy lines, screaming a berserker battle cry. Though a mere slip of a girl, her bravery was enough to shame those who had been about to flee. No dwarf or elf could be shamed by some pink-haired girl, and they rallied and did not rout, fighting with distinction and honour. She was honoured in song by all who had seen her, although admittedly not for very long in the case of the dwarves. Sadly, though, her body was never found.

The fact that she was screaming "Argh, mustn't destroy the timeline, mustn't destroy the timeline!" as she charged was not recorded, due to the fact that the listening dwarves and elves didn't speak Tristainian.



...​



Unfortunately, the next fragment of time along was no better. The vegetation had concealed that this was another battlefield, but as soon as she stepped into this shard the screams of the dying and the clash of metal filled the air.

Poking her head around the trees, Louise saw that this time it was humans versus the short armoured figures from the last war. The humans had routed and were being cut down where they stood. Clusters of mages tried to stand and fight, but the armoured troops were too well protected even against powerful magics. Their eyes under their helmets were wild, and some were stopping even in the middle of battle to loot the dead. In the rear of their lines, Louise could see big clanking metal war machines, covered in glowing runes - and, apparently, coated in gold and gems.

Swallowing hard, Louise pressed her back against the tree and fought back her urge to help the poor humans out there. She was a hero and wanted to save them - but she couldn't! She mustn't! She'd destroy the timeline if she won. And she'd die if she didn't. She'd probably die. Mages who had to be at least triangle rank were being cut down like firewood by the inexorable advance of the short armoured figures.

But people were dying! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Biting her lip so hard it bled, Louise clutched her wand to her chest and wished she could close her ears. The tramp of their metal-clad feet were getting closer and they'd see her for sure if she ran, but she couldn't kill them! Not without changing history!

All the hairs rose on the back of her neck. Black clouds swirled overhead. Louise could taste the dark magic in the air, thick and nauseating.

And then every single short armoured figure on the battlefield dropped dead, wreathed in black lightning. The clatter as they fell was deafening.

No one moved for a long moment.

A ragged cheer rose up from the human survivors. Louise wanted to cheer, but couldn't. She could see the burned skeletons in their armour. The air was so thick with wicked power that she wanted to be sick. Her eyes stung from tears, and she wasn't sure who she was crying for.



...​



Hopping off the final clock-stepping stone, Louise sunk to her knees and gasped for breath. She had nearly died! Those armoured figures had nearly found her. And before that, she'd nearly died on that hellish battlefield! And before that… she gritted her teeth. She couldn't dwell on that. If she started counting all the ways she'd nearly died since she woke up this morning, she'd be here all day.

Louise was feeling more than a little stressed, and needed a brief moment to recollect herself while nothing was trying to kill her.

She patted her chest, feeling her lungs burning. Back on the giant battlefield, those minions hadn't been at all like the ones she knew! Even when her ones were being threatening and dangerous, they still were dumb and goofy. Those minions had been lean, sleek, killing machines. In fact, they had looked like those blort-ing minions that she had made before she'd given up on trying to get the minion hive working. Lord, was that what minions had been made to be like?

Once she had her breath back, Louise slowly eased herself to her feet, hugging onto the cold stone wall. There wasn't very much light in here, and looking behind her she couldn't see any useful other time fragments to get to. They all looked like terrible battles. So she had to find another sea of time and try to find a path back to her own time.

There were voices up ahead. Louise tried to listen in. It sounded Romalian, but it wasn't a dialect she understood. It hovered just at the edge of understanding. There were two voices, a man and a woman, and they were arguing.

There was a taste to the air. A familiar taste she knew too well from her tower. The taste of evil.

Pressing her back against the wall, Louise sneaked closer to the voices. Her clothes were still soaked from the dang swamp, and she was consciously holding off feeling sorry for herself until she wasn't lost in time. Deep red light streamed through a gap ahead of her, and the voices were louder in that direction. Kneeling, she peered through the gap.

There were two people in there. The first of them was a blonde woman, in a sensible brown leather coat, a brightly coloured scarf and a sheathed sword at her hip - except, no! That wasn't a woman, with ears like that! She was an elf!

And the blond man in there wore metal gauntlets. His eyes glowed with a dull yellow light as he looked up at the tower heart next to them. It shone with a faint blue light. This had to be a tower.

Louise swallowed. The metal gloves he wore looked like they were made out of the same metal as the Gauntlet. And on the back of his left hand, four rubies gleamed. Four rubies, where she just had one.

Oh no. No, no, this was some past overlord, some powerful figure of darkness who had acquired both gauntlets and had all four rubies.

She shouldn't watch. She couldn't look away.

The elf shouted at the man, her voice high pitched and shrill. Louise could grasp enough of the almost-Romalian that echoed around the dimly lit tower interior to know that she was angry at him. She was shouting something about stopping him, about how she shouldn't have gone along with this the first time. The word 'Cathay' appeared twice, too. His responses were quiet and even-toned. He sounded like he was justifying himself.

When the elf turned her back on the overlord, Louise could see that she was crying. Fat tears trickled down her cheeks.

He opened the bag beside him, pulling out an ornate helmet made of dark metal. It looked just like the metal that the Gauntlet was made of. Just like the two metal gloves he was wearing. Raising his hands, he lifted the helmet up and placed it upon his head.

And in that moment the elf moved, blade in hand. Her sword glowed with unearthly light. In the blink of an eye she had drawn, cut, and stood, bloodied sword in hand.

The world seemed to pause for a moment.

The man sagged. His right hand hit the ground. His left hand hit the ground. His head hit the ground.

And then his decapitated, armless corpse collapsed. Something rushed out of the body, something cold and dark and barely there at all.

Louise didn't understand what the elf said, but she didn't need to; not to hear the anger and the sorrow in her voice. She turned away from him and walked away, weeping openly. And then the sword started speaking to the elf, the runes on the blade glowing a morbid red through its coating of blood. By the time she reached the exit on the far end of the hall, she was hugging the bloodied blade.

Swallowing, Louise took one last glance at the fallen helmet and gauntlets - plural. So much power there. Gnarl had mentioned those things, and encouraged her to find them.

But no. No. Her will was strong. It was wrong. They were evil. And she was not going to destroy the timeline. The left gauntlet had to eventually find its way to her, so someone else had to find it. And that meant she had to move, because she didn't think she could take an elf-lady as dangerous as that one.

Time to go.



...​



By the twentieth fragment of time, Louise had stopped counting. The entire experience had rather lost its novelty.

A grand city stood before her, armoured knights in shining plate and bright tabards riding out through the main gates. All was sunny and glorious.

The next time fragment was the same city, but now soot streaked the walls and strange infernal machinery pumped out smoke. A clattering of armoured horseless carriages proceeded out, demonic seals on their raised banners. By the next fragment, here was a new lake covering half the ruined city and a vast expanse of land downstream from it. A few leather-clad savages picked their way through the rubble, trying to salvage what they could find. They ran from barbarian horsemen who rode by, wielding savage flails and curved swords. Oh, and look, by the next one they'd built a new town on the shores of the lake where once the old city had been. And pointed hats were in for women this year.

Actually, Louise thought, that looked like it was probably Lake Ragdorian, on the border of Tristain and Gallia. It was about the right shape. Ah ha! She now knew where she was. Which was on completely the wrong side of the country, and she had no idea when she was.

Dang. Time to move on and try to get closer to the capital, maybe. She rubbed her aching thighs. All this jumping around on clock-shaped stepping stones was doing a number on her legs.

Next fragment. The world was dark. Overhead, a blackness blocked out the sun, ringed by a flaming disc. From the architecture in the gloom, Louise thought she was probably in Romalia, in Roma itself. Well, she'd found a capital. Just not the one she was looking for.

"For thousands of years, mankind has dreamed of destroying the sun! But today, I shall go beyond that! I shall exceed the greatest dream of humanity, and I shall devour the sun!" ranted the black-clad pope standing at the entrance to the church, surrounded by scantily clad allegedly-nuns. In their defence, what little they were wearing was black, although rather shinier than was customary for a woman of the cloth.

Hmm, Louise thought wearily. Yes, she knew about when she was as well as where she was.

"It will replace my feeble and decrepit human heart, its power fuelling me and me alone, and through this I shall rule over a blackened world forever!"

At least this had still happened. That was a good thing, probably? It meant time was mostly surviving if things that she knew had happened were still happening.

"I am invincible! I am unstoppable! I am… you know, my left arm is really hurting. I wonder why? Oh well. Today is the day of my ultim…"

And she was gone.

Far too many crossings of the sea of time later, and she was fairly sure the area she found herself in resembled the de la Vallière estate. She wasn't quite sure, but the terrain seemed right and the smell was familiar. The sun was bright, birds were cheeping, and on the other side of the clearing a young deer grazed on soft green grass.

"Hello," Louise said to it happily. "I think I'm nearly there, Mademoiselle Deer."

With a shrill ululation, a man pounced on the deer and beat it to death with a mixture of the club he carried and his bare hands. Birds scattered and the peace of the woods was broken. By the end of it, the savage man's hands were smeared with gore.

Louise stared at the hulking man wearing poorly tanned furs and waving a club over his head. She noticed, with a dawning sense of horror, that he was red-headed and well-tanned and looked more than a little von Zerbst-ish. Oh dear. Oh dear. What if he c-captured her and took her off to be his cave-dwelling bride? She… well, okay, she'd probably just shoot him with a tiny lightning bolt and hope it wouldn't ruin history forever, but it'd still be scary!

"I'm awfully sorry, I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere," she quavered. "I think I've gone the wrong way. Can you tell me which way…"

The hulking man reached into his furs, and pulled out a monocle, putting it on. "Oh, Tristanian!" he said, in a pronounced Germanian accent. "I apologise if I frightened you!"

"Um," Louise said, feeling like she had just had a rug she was standing on yanked out from under her.

"I like to hunt the old fashioned way, jah! It is very healthy! Much more healthy than sitting on a horse! Much weight I lose this way! The thrill of the wild! Of chasing down animals and beating them to death!" He peered at her. "Are you a de la Vallière?"

"No," lied Louise de la Vallière. Inwardly, she celebrated. Yes! Finally! She was recent enough that her family existed. "I've heard that they're very bad people," she said, for lack of anything more precise. It was a useful ice-breaker, and almost always accurate.

"Yes! That they are! You must be careful! If you had wandered a little bit to the west, you would be in their lands! That is not safe! The living dead walk the border regions, and they do terrible things to people they do not think would be missed. Once they turned me into a werewolf!

"A w-werewolf?" Louise asked, sudden fear churning in her gut.

"Ah, fear not, fraulein! I got better. Still, that was when I learned the value of a good workout! Like this!"

Louise narrowed her eyes. "West, you say. Which way is that? So I can avoid it." He pointed it out. "Well, thank you very much. Good luck with your…" she tried not to gag, "... hunting."

"Ah ha! Yes!" Hefting the dead deer onto his shoulders, he walked off, whistling.

Louise let him get out of sight, and headed straight in the direction she had been explicitly told not to go.



...​



The chamber was gloomy. The air smelt of old rust. Dark stains lined every single floor tile. The blindfolded servants were playing a suitably dramatic dirge, to honour their mistress who stood before the large golden bath.

Frowning, Madeleine de la Vallière considered her conundrum. The peasantry were jolly improper, all things considered. They had no idea of proper chastity before marriage. And this was darned bullsugar, because there were aggravatingly few beautiful young virgins left in the de la Vallière lands. The ones who she hadn't already made use of had quickly shed their purity without blessed matrimony. Even the dowdy women and ugly men seemed to have caught on.

Yes, the villages were going through a population boom and that meant her husband had plenty of soldiers, but that didn't help her problem.

She glanced down at the sack of puppies beside her. They were very handsome dogs, it was true, and they were virgins. The rituals didn't specify humans were required. But there were certain side effects to non-human blood if used to excess, and more than that there was a shocking lack of blood in a pup. The contents of the sack would barely be enough to wash her hair in.

Oh well. Wants must what wants must. She began to unfasten the neck of her dress.

And that was when a young pink-haired woman walked out of the solid wall in front of her.

"Oh, I say!" Madeline exclaimed, dropping her knife with a clatter.

The young woman looked around. "Oh! Is… is this the Yellow Reading Room?" she asked, sniffing. Her nose wrinkled up and she looked down in disgust. "Uh… well, no, but the architecture looks right."

"Who do you jolly well think you are, barging in here like this?" Madeline demanded. She was practically vibrating, which was producing no small amount of jiggling in her generous figure. "I am trying to do something here with an adorable sack of puppies and you can't just come in here! Who are you? Did I murder you? Because I don't remember if I did and I'm awfully sorry to say I'm not at all sorry, so if you plan to haunt me can you come back later?"

The young woman recognised her, eyes widening, before she frowned. "I… am a ghost who walked these halls for much of my life," she said. "Yes. I should go. By the way, what year is this?"

Madeline cocked her head. "Oh, yes, of course, time moves differently for the…" she paused, as an idea struck her. This girl did look very alive for a ghost, which meant she was rich in stolen life energy. De la Vallière ghosts tended to do that. And possibly that could serve her very well. "Come to think of it, there really is no need for you to go. Come, you adorable cute little girl-ghost and tell me what portentous message you bear."

"I… no, I really must go. My words are for another." The young woman looked around.

"No, no, I jolly well insist." Madeline took a step forwards, lips parted. Oh, she could almost smell the blood. The girl was so very alive for a ghost who walked through walls. "By any chance, are you a virgin?"

"What?"

"You didn't happen to kill yourself because of an unwanted pregnancy? Did you remain proof against the silly sins of the flesh?"

The ghost-girl blushed bright red. "Well… um… what kind of… um… a question is… I really have to go!"

Was she mortified because she was an innocent, or mortified to confess her sins? Well, she was a de la Vallière, Madeline considered, so it was more likely she was embarrassed about a lack of experience in carnality. Her smile grew wider.

The ghost actually seemed to be cringing, desperately trying to avoid Madeline's gaze. Her wandering eyes noticed something. The girl leapt forwards, grabbing up something that had been lurking in the shadows. "Got you, you little monster! I knew you'd be lurking around, waiting for me to show up! Ha! I'm wise to you!"

Something chittered back. Madeline blinked. What was a little gold-furred monkey with glowing yellow eyes doing in her ritual room?

Her chain of thought was interrupted when the monkey bit the girl on the arm. She screamed and flailed it against the wall, vanishing through it again.

Madeline pursed her lips, and sighed. What a shame. Picking up her sacrificial knife, she licked the blade. "Oh well. Back to the puppies." She opened her sack, and pulled out the first one, which looked at her with big eyes. "Oh, you adorable little thing! I'm going to be a little sad when I cut your throat!"



...​



Arms flailing, teeth clenched, Louise leapt off the clock stepping stone, golden lion tamarin clamped onto her arm. Founder, she'd nearly fallen in so many times, which was just what Ozymandias wanted. It was late evening in the grounds of the de la Vallière estate. The buildings were heavily damaged and patched up, but Louise wasn't paying much attention to that compared to the rather more pressing point of a dang monkey biting her arm.

"Get off, you little bastard!" she yelled, slapping at the thing. Blood stained her dress. She slammed her arm into the ground until he let go and staggered backwards. She felt light-headed and she could feel her pulse in the bite.

Ozymandias screeched monkeyish profanities at her, pulling out a belt knife that was more like a sword for him.

"You made one mistake messing with me," Louise growled, backing up for a good run-up. "I've been around minions for far too long now. And do you know what that means?"

Ozymandias' rude hand gesture indicated that there were certain things that he could not give vis a vis what it meant. His expression changed, however, when Louise lunged forwards and her foot connected with him in a solid punt. He went flying and vanished into the purple rift.

"It means I'm really good at kicking minion-sized things," Louise said, teeth clenched. "And good riddance."

Ooof. Her head spun. The air felt too thin. That was a bad sign. Combined with the way that her whole sleeve was red, she was losing unhealthy amounts of blood. Which, hah, her grandmother would have been very angry at her about. Very angry about. Ha. Ha ha. She needed to apologise to her father some time. It was a wonder he was as functional as he was if that was what his mother was like.

For some reason, that seemed hilariously funny to her. Or possibly she was just crying. She wasn't entirely sure. Founder, her family was so mucked up.

Louise staggered over to the low wall, already considering what clothing she was wearing would make the best bandage, and sat down. She glanced over the other side and saw...

… nothing. There was no ground there. Only clouds, and below that, a burning hellscape.

"Um. Where has the ground gone?" Louise panted. She whirled, feeling light-headed. No, that was the de la Vallière estate behind her. It was usually on the nice and solid ground. Not in the sky. That was not a thing that it did, except occasionally when past family members turned it into a flying castle. But that hadn't happened for at least fifty years. Forty, tops. She'd only seen it a few times in trying to find the right era.

"Great," she moaned, slumping down to look down over the hellscape below. The burning magma pits and screams of the damned echoed up. "I thought I was getting closer to twelve years ago. How far back is this?"

"Uh… that's a complicated question," a very familiar voice said from behind her. "Because if now is when I think it is, the concept of time doesn't apply."

Louise didn't turn. "The spell can go to the future?" she said, feeling faint. Her knuckles whitened as she tensed up, clutching her arm to her chest.

"Don't you remember what Eleanore said?" the older woman said. "The spell shatters time. There is no past and future. There's just now." She paused. "Aren't you going to turn around?"

"I don't know if I want to look."

"Surely you've seen worse in a mirror."

Louise turned around, and came face to face with herself. She swallowed. Looking at older-her wasn't like looking in a mirror. Not at all. The future-Louise looked to be in her thirties, and was dressed like an sky-captain. A livid red scar barely missed her left eye. Her shirt was open at the neck, revealing both that Louise would manage to fill out more and also part of what looked like a sizable old burn. She was slightly taller than Louise, and her hair was cut short.

"Let's get the necessary things out of the way," older-Louise said, sounding incredibly like their mother. "I'm thirty six. Yes, having children affects your bosom. Yes, that burn hurt. Don't worry, the demon came out worse than I did. No, I'm not the overlady. Does that cover it?"

Louise counted off the questions that had been bubbling up in her mind on her fingers. "What the hell happened here?"

"Hell happened here."

"Helpful."

"Hello? What did you think happened? We're a flying island above the Abyss."

"That's… literally the Abyss down there?" Louise asked, stomach churning.

"Mmm," said her elder self. "Get away from the edge, and sit down. We need to talk. You're bleeding and I can close that up and get that bandaged. And you look like you could do with a meal. Perhaps over some wine, stolen from the Queen of Hell."



...​



The food was largely hellish in origin. Louise suspected her future self was a sky-pirate - and a rather successful one, at that. Still, she ate all she could. She needed her strength and the last food had been… uh, probably canapes at the Abyssal banquet for the Cabal Awards. She continued eating with one arm, even as the other her rubbed an astringent potion into the injury, then professionally sewed and bandaged it up. The sewing hurt, but the older her kept her mind off the pain with the explanation as to what had happened to the world.

"... and that about summarises it," future-Louise said, downing the rest of her glass of wine. Louise watched with a fair amount of amazement. Her older self had a quite impressive tolerance for hell-wine. Louise had tried it in the Abyss and had felt tipsy after a single glass. "The world tore itself apart. Fragments of Halkeginia now float in the sky above the Abyss. I literally have no clue why it happened - and neither do the demons, either. It might have been some plan of that Hell-Queen bitch, but if it is, her underlings don't know."

"They talk to you?"

Future-Louise laughed humourlessly. "Eventually. But I also have some contacts with the Underworld - and with the elves. The pointy-eared bastards know something about this they're not telling me. But they always act like that, so I haven't been able to get anything out of them."

"Hmm." Louise winced, moving the fingers in her left hand. They hurt, but she could still move them. Henrietta would need to look at her arm if… no, when she made it back home. "So I can't stop it from happening except accidentally. You just don't know enough."

"It really is jolly useless," future-Louise said, nodding. "But at least you know it's coming." She paused and reconsidered. "Maybe. It might not happen at all. I think I'm probably not even a possibility from your point of view. I didn't wind up in the future when Eleanore broke time and I don't remember meeting me when I was you, which means that I'm not actually from the real timeline. Which is a bunch of bullsugar, but what can you do? Where and-or-when did you come from before you got here-and-now?"

"Um," said Louise. "Well, uh, that wretched thing attacked me when I wandered into. Um. Our grandmother being a horrible person. Did you know that Cattleya inherited her personality? And I don't mean the 'obsession with blood' bits. I mean the bounciness and tendency to use words like 'jolly', 'awfully', and describing things as 'adorable'. And the figure. Although she was blonde like Eleanore and father." She scowled. "I'm pretty sure she wanted to kill me and bathe in my blood."

"My goodness," said future-Louise. "That never happened to me. Did you stumble into Mother's changing room when she was fifteen?"

"... no?"

"Be very glad you didn't. I still have the scars." The older version of Louise absent-mindedly rubbed her left arm, exactly where Louise had been bitten – and Founder, didn't that open up possibilities she didn't want to think about? "Anyway, as the princess of the Vallière Sky-Principality, I have my duties and my honour. I'm not sure what will happen to me when time reassembles, but I'm willing to not-exist if that'll stop this future from happening."

"Wait, what? Principality?"

Older-Louise massaged her neck. "Uh… it's complicated. The power was vested in me by the Sky-Pope, though. And when Bruxelles fell… oh, right, uh. How to put this? Henrietta went a teeny tiny bit off the deep end fighting the Abyss."

"How teeny-tiny?"

"She killed everyone in Bruxelles, reanimated their corpses as soldiers, bound their ghosts, and then crashed Bruxelles into Los Diablos to unleash her undead horde. She died, but that didn't stop her from conquering about a quarter of the Underworld once she got there."

"Um." Louise considered. "I'm not sure what to say."

"That's… that's about it. We still stay in touch, but even in the best light she's a psychotic death-obsessed monster who rules the lands of the dead as a necrotic tyrant. Just… one who I'd prefer still thought of me as a friend, not least because it means she won't try to murder me and bind me into friendship."

"Well. Um. I should also probably try to avoid that happening," Louise said slowly.

"That would be for the best." Her older self looked her over. "Have you eaten enough? Are you feeling better?"

"Don't mother me. I'm you." Louise paused. "Less hungry and thirsty. More nervous about the future."

"Good. Rely on your nerves. They'll keep you alive. I wish I could help you more, but I can't even see the time rifts. They don't exist to me. You need to get going."

"Yes. I do." Louise rose, taking a deep breath and heading over to the nearest fracture in this time. She worked her hand a few times, getting used to the pain that certain movements caused her. She was at the estate, so now it was just a question of heading back in time to the date she needed. Preferably not so early that she met her grandmother again.

"Oh, and one word of advice?" future-Louise said, from her seat at the table.

"Mmm?"

"Don't throw Eleanore down a time rift. You and me were able to climb back up to the present, but she cast the spell and Half-Eaten Chronos hates the caster. He took her. The books say she died instantly, from the perspective of everyone else. Not from her perspective." There was an ancient look of pain in her older self's eyes. "I killed both my sisters that day, and only one of them was easy to bring back."

Louise swallowed, breaking into a run. That had been her plan. "I'll… I'll bear that in mind," she snapped, nearing the purple-glow of the rift.

"See that you do. Now, run! You've been here too long! You might be too la—"
 
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Part 12-5
"It is enough to ask somebody for his weapons without saying 'I want to kill you with them', because when you have his weapons in hand, you can satisfy your desire. How much better would it be to lay hands on my wretched half-brother's weapons before he ever could snatch them up? Alas, my studies have revealed to me that meddling with the nature of days and hours will not get me the crown, and so I must take another path to secure it."

- Louis de la Vallière, the Bloody Duke



...​



The red light of one of the moons shone in through the tall windows of the de la Vallière estate, casting the galleries and halls in a bloody hue. Long shadows draped themselves across floors and walls like grasping hands. The soft humming of a maid as she checked the doors on her way to bed faded into the distance.

Two yellow eyes flickered to life in one of the shadows. Eleanore de la Vallière emerged, dark metal gauntlet at the ready. Carefully, delicately she eased her way up the stairs, avoiding the squeaky parts with long familiarity. She could make her way through her family home even without her glasses.

She eased open her room's door, and squeezed through the gap, carefully closing it behind her. Her sleeping chambers were just on the other side of this room. She couldn't make a sound. Not until the moment came. And, well, after that it wouldn't really make a difference.

Would it hurt, she wondered? Would it be a simple, clean case of non-existence, or would she feel pain when she cut away her own past? Maybe she'd even last long enough for history to reassemble itself, and that's when she'd vanish; when the world realised that she died when she was sixteen.

Reaching out, Eleanore groped for the drawer where she'd always kept a spare pair of glasses. It was a necessary precaution, when your brat of a little sister would steal them because she thought it was funny. For a moment, Eleanore considered whether the world would be better off if she instead killed Louise. It was no surprise that a girl who used to reactivate some of the house's old traps for her short-sighted elder sister to fall into would become an evil overlady. The malice ran deep.

But no. That would be wrong, she thought as she slid the drawer open and reached in. She had her own misdeeds to right. Maybe without her, Louise would have more of a chance since Mother and Father wouldn't be so distracted by Cattleya.

Eleanore frowned as her fingers found only wood

The drawer was empty.

"Oh," Eleanore said, a sudden coldness gripping her stomach. "Oh. Clever girl."

And then Louise hit her over the head with a hatstand.

Eleanore clutched her head. Blood trickled down her face from cuts to her scalp. "The hell? Where did you come from?" she groaned. In the dim red light, her little sister was nearly invisible.

"I've been here for hours! I came early! I was hiding in the closet!" Louise whispered triumphantly. "But now I don't need to hide! I'm going to stop you, Eleanore!" She resisted the urge to rub her eyes. She'd nearly fallen asleep several times in the warm, comfortable wardrobe. But now her veins were filled with utter clarity of purpose. If only clarity of purpose was better at burning out the layers of fatigue.

"For Founder's sake, just keep it down!" Eleanore hissed at her. "Do you want to wake everyone up?"

"I don't care! At least it'll stop you killing yourself!"

Eleanore's face snarled up into a mask of desperate agony. "Flames of the Sunken Abyss!" she hissed, flinching even as she cast the spell.

A small black flame fizzled out of the end of the Gauntlet, and followed a sad parabolic arc down to the carpet.

Hah! Eleanore must have drained her will casting the time-breaking spell. Now she could take her down silently and safely, using a spell like… um. Oh. Louise blanched, as she realised that the only Wind spell she had was lightning and there was really no way she could think of to make it non-lethal. "Wind Chains!" she announced, waving her wand around. "Oh, damn. It failed. I must be exhausted too."

"Idiot," Eleanore said, sounding more like herself for once. "Wind Chains isn't even a real spell."

"Y-you don't know that!" Louise hefted the hatstand again. She swung it at Eleanore's midsection, and missed, dropping the heavy wooden object as her injured arms gave way. Eleanore, half-blind without her glasses and this light closed in, and threw a tired punch that even Louise could step back from. The two sisters flailed pathetically at each other. They were both so exhausted that they barely had the strength to lift their arms, let alone cast spells.

"Your dang monkey kicked me into the past!" Louise growled, uselessly slap-punching at Eleanore's raised forearms. "Do you know how long it took for me to climb into the future? Far, far, far too long!"

"I am trying to fix things," Eleanore grated, falling into a bear-hug around Louise. "You are ruining everything. Stop being so loud, or else…"

"What is going on here?" a crisp, sharp and distinctly Eleanore-ish voice demanded of the fighting siblings.

The two of them turned their heads. On the other side of the room, a bespectacled, glasses-wearing Eleanore glared at the intruders, her wand raised. Through her open door, could be seen scattered weapons of a vampire-hunting inclination - stakes, crossbows, and various kinds of religious iconography.

"Don't worry, this is just a symbolic nightmare thing," Louise blurted out before Eleanore-the-older could say a thing. "Um. I represent your good side and she's your bad side. That's why she has glowing eyes."

Eleanore-the-older turned red, insofar as any difference could be seen in the red-lit gloom. "You little—"

"Choose good!" Louise quickly added. "Don't let evil consume you, Eleanore! And don't trust the lies of your dark side!"

The younger Eleanore snorted, striding forwards. "Oh, please," she said, reaching out to pull the fighters apart. "Like I believe-"

Eleanore laid hands on Eleanore.



...​



The world lurched.

On the edge of the estate, a faintly sizzling line formed. On one side, things were as they had been. On the other side, the landscape flaked away to fall into the sea of time. And now, the moonlight shining in through the windows was no longer a dull red. It was now a sharp, brilliant purple.

The moon blinked.



...​



"What just happened?" younger-Eleanore asked, backing away. She looked around wildly, bed-mussed hair falling around her. "Why is everything purple?" She dashed to the window. "And why is the moon an eye?!"

"Eleanore," Louise hissed at the future version of her older sister. "Dang it. Remember Mother's rules! Don't ever touch your past self!"

"She touched me!" older-Eleanore hissed back. "This isn't my fault. It's hers!"

"She is you! I'm blaming both of you!"

"Stop muttering, you two!" the younger Eleanore shouted from the window. "Why is the moon an eye? No one has explained this!"

"I said this was all a dream," said Louise. "It's just a nightmare."

"I'm from the future and here to stop you," older-Eleanore said at the same time. The two of them glared at each other.

"Well, what is it?" demanded younger-Eleanore, hands on her hips. "One of you is lying!"

"Actually, we could both be lying," older-Eleanore pointed out, apparently unable to resist the urge to correct someone's misaimed assumptions even if the incorrect person was herself.

Younger-Eleanore bit back a comment. "Yes, fine. Both of you can't be right. Is that better?"

"Much better," older-Eleanore said. "And I'm telling the truth. It's Louise who's lying."

"I am not!" Louise lied. "This is all a dream. Time travel doesn't explain the moon turning into an eye, after all."

"Wait, that's Louise?" younger-Eleanore said at the same time. "And that is true. Why would time travel turn the moon into an eye?"

"It's a paradox caused by you touching me," the other Eleaonore said, straightening up. Her shoulders were hunched and she was bruised, beaten and exhausted - not just physically, but mentally and spiritually too.

"Oh, sure, blame it on a paradox," Louise said, thinking fast. The purple light outside the window was getting even brighter, which probably meant that reality itself was falling into the sea of time. That was bad. And it wasn't just a time paradox. Louise had touched her elder self and that hadn't destroyed everything. Maybe it was a specific thing that applied to the caster. "Sounds just like what a nightmare who doesn't want Eleanore to wake up would say."

"Stop interfering!" older-Eleanore screamed at her.

"I'm the good one here! You're evil! You literally have your eyes glowing with evil! Everything you say is a lie!" Louise retorted.

Tilting her head, younger-Eleanore considered her options. "That is a convincing argument," she said.

"No it's not! I can't believe I was ever stupid enough to fall for Louise lying to my face!"

"She's calling you stupid," Louise said, stepping closer to the younger Eleanore. If there was one thing she knew about her sister, she hated that. "I don't think she thinks very much of your intellectual capacity."

Eleanore-the older screamed and threw herself at Louise, knocking her to the ground. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" she yelled, bludgeoning Louise with wild punches.

"No, both of you stop it!" Eleanore-the-younger snapped. "I'm trying to evaluate your claims here! That means you're meant to wait until I pick one of you!" She stepped in, reaching out to pull them apart, and her hand brushed against Eleanore again.

A purple crack zig-zagged through the air, propagating out from where she'd touched her elder self. The room itself split in two, tearing the fragments apart with dizzying speed. One half held the Eleanores - the other held Louise. And as she watched, the swiftly receding fracture containing the Eleanores disintegrated further. It was already sinking down through history, in a whirlpool of hours and minutes.

And if Louise wasn't very mistaken, the bottom of the whirlpool looked a lot like a maw. Future-Louise had told her that everything had gone wrong in her timeline when she had thrown Eleanore down a time rift - and that Half-Eaten Chronos hated the caster of the spell. The eye and the mouth were probably his. And were going after her sister.

Well, she wasn't going to let that happen.

Louise took a deep breath. Time to put everything she'd learned in painfully climbing her way back up through history. It was how she'd managed to get here before Eleanore. She focussed on a time and place, staring out over the purple sea, and before her eyes a clock-stepping stone formed. She might only have one chance with this.

"You owe me for this, Eleanore," she whispered wearily, taking her first step.



…​



The red light of one of the moons shone in through the tall windows of the de la Vallière estate, casting the galleries and halls in a bloody hue. Long shadows draped themselves across floors and walls like grasping hands. The soft humming of a maid as she checked the doors on her way to bed faded into the distance.

Two yellow eyes flickered to life in one of the shadows. Eleanore de la Vallière emerged, dark metal gauntlet at the ready. Carefully, delicately she eased her way up the stairs, avoiding the squeaky parts with long familiarity. She could make her way through her family home even without her glasses.

Unfortunately for her, this sixth sense only extended to things that were meant to be there. And she certainly wasn't expecting someone to have reactivated the old trapdoors in the de la Vallière estate. She screamed out as she fell, but the trapdoor snapped shut behind her as she plummeted down the slide. When the housemaid came running, she put the mysterious scream in the night down to just another unexplained happening, and went to bed safe in the knowledge that at least one of the old ghosts had escaped the purge by the young Duke.

This was no consolation to Eleanore, who was by then gagged, bound, and dangling by her ankles in one of the old hidden torture chambers. Her eyes glowed with uncontained rage as she glared at her little sister, who was leaning against the opposite wall with a smug expression on her face.

"Mmmph mph mphou mpht mpheer mphrst," snarled Eleanore, which translated to 'How did you get here first?'

"Oh, Elly," Louise said, her grin widening. It covered the relief that she felt that this had actually worked out. "You haven't fallen for this trap in years. Well, in the present you probably last fell for it a few weeks ago, but I haven't done this since… oh, probably since I was six. Mother and Father eventually managed to strip out the systems I was using and scolded me into not doing it anymore." She shook her head. "Lord and Founder, I was a little monster when I was younger. I suppose the evil force was even more potent in me, given that I was a six year old with far too much talent with the house's old traps."

"Mphoor mphil amprat!"

"I am not. I'm doing this for your own good. You don't know what you're doing. Trust me, it's much better that I intercept you now rather than let you get through to the room and try to stop you there. Thank you, future pirate princess me."

"Mmphuh?"

"No, I won't explain." She wasn't going to tell Eleanore about that - not yet. The former overlady crossed her arms, and looked up at her big sister. "So I suppose you wonder what I'm going to do to you, now that you're my captive." She grinned, her cheeks rounded. "What horrible torments I'm going to inflict on you? Well there's no need to worry. Because I'm going to do… nothing."

Eleanore made a concerned noise.

"Why would I need to do anything?" Louise stepped forwards, until she was face to inverted face with Eleanore. "After all, you're my captive now. You're too exhausted to cast another spell… no, I know you are. And tonight is the night that younger-you goes to try to kill the Bloody Duke. So I won't do a thing. I'll just keep you here until dawn, unless you tell me how to end the spell. And you'll have failed."

From the panicked look in Eleanore's glowing eyes, she took the threat seriously. Louise removed the gag.

"You can't do this! You can't!"

"Are you going to tell me how to end this spell?"

"You have to let me do this! This is the only way to stop mmmph mmph mpph."

Louise stepped back and tried not to look too satisfied. Founder, it was cathartic to be able to gag Eleanore when she started talking. It was the kind of thing her younger self upstairs would kill to be able to do.

"You'll probably pass out from being held upside down in a bit, judging how things use to go when we were younger," she said, with a false yawn. "Goodnight, Eleanore. I'll see you in the morning." Curling up on a pile of old bodybags, Louise closed her eyes, ignored her sister's muffled protests, and pretended to be asleep.



…​



Of course, she didn't leave her like that for too long. The de la Vallière estate had several seminal works on the effects of suspending someone upside down for extended periods. There were pictures of the many ways that a man could die in such a position, along with recommendations of amusing twists to put on the whole affair.

Louise, who didn't want Eleanore to die but didn't mind a bit of unpleasantness therefore lowered her down once she'd passed out. It took less than half an hour. She must have been exhausted. It was never so rapid when they were younger.

Hmm. She probably should apologise for that.

She squatted down, sitting on her haunches. The Gauntlet gleamed in the gloom. It wasn't the same on her sister's hand as when she wore it. But then again, it hadn't had the form she was used to before she put it on the first time.

Its dark power called to her. She wanted to say "No!"; to resist it, to stand strong. And she could do it. Even exhausted to the bone and desperately needing sleep, she could stand strong.

But if she prevailed against its evil, what would happen to Eleanore? Louise felt very old. Her big sister, ten years older than her, was too fragile and too much of a mess to handle it. Louise thought that the Gauntlet and whatever evil that came with it didn't introduce anything that wasn't already there. She had a temper and wanted to prove herself - and so the Gauntlet turned it into fits of burning rage and drove her to stupid things to show everyone else they were wrong. And Eleanore… Eleanore wasn't a happy person, and the darkness within had prompted her to try to erase herself from history as a self-sacrificing martyr.

"Oh, Elly," Louise said, brushing her hair with her fingers. "I didn't know how much you struggled with the influence of the de la Vallière side. I suppose you're old enough that you might have met grandmother and grandfather. No wonder you're a wreck if you think you're on the edge of turning out like them. If you can hear me, don't worry about resembling grandmother. She's actually," Louise shuddered, "more like Cattleya than you. Or me."

For the first time, Eleanore wasn't a towering figure of meanness and bullying and petty cruelties. Curled up in front of Louise, she looked very small and delicate. Reaching out, Louise traced her fingers along Eleanore's jawline. They did have the same bone structure, after all, and everyone said she looked petite and adorable. Without the cutting aura of her-ness her sister usually radiated, they were more similar than - ha, than either of them had previously thought.

Too much treacherous de la Vallière blood to be a proper hero. Too much of Mother to settle for being anything other than the best. Neither one thing nor the other; always torn between two worlds.

As she saw it, there were two ways this could go. She could take the Gauntlet back off Eleanore and accepted the evil that came with it, this thing that was possibly the corrupted Void. She'd be back to how she lived her whole life, except now she'd be aware that it was the evil in her that fed the sulks, the sudden rages, and the inability to be honest with herself about how she felt about Henrietta.

Or she could leave it with Eleanore, and in her current state her big sister would wind up dead soon enough, through some ill-fated suicidal attack or… or via some other way. She wasn't a happy person. And Louise knew that the holy Void was said to pass down the royal bloodline. This corrupted Void would come and find her and she'd be the overlady anyway.

Or it'd find Henrietta - and Louise doubted her friend, her love, would handle it any better than Eleanore. She was more than a little worried about the way that Henrietta was reaching towards necromancy, and the gauntlet would only make things worse. After all, future-her had said that Henrietta had murdered everyone in the capital, crashed it into the Abyss in a suicidal act of revenge and then taken over a big chunk of the Underworld. A mind like that couldn't be let near the Gauntlet.

Louise moaned, holding her head in her hands. No, no, no. Stupid logic. Stupid, stupid logic. She didn't want to do this. But when she put it like that, there really wasn't a choice at all. She'd have to become the overlady again - knowing that the evil power twisted her mind and the way she thought. Louise wiped her eyes, feeling them well up. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair at all! She was happy now. She could be the daughter Mother had always wanted her to be – and more crucially, she could be the woman she wanted to be.

But no. Of course not. She had to give it up, after tasting a few short hours of how life could have been others. Dang it. Dang it all.

At least she'd have the memories of this brief moment to remind her that she didn't have to be evil. It… it would have to be enough. She hoped.

With a deep breath, she reached out and eased the gauntlet off of Eleanore's hand. And with just a hint of ceremony, she put it on.

Dramatically, portentously, meaningfully… nothing happened.

"Um," Louise said, wagging her fingers. The gauntlet still looked like it looked when Eleanore wore it. And peeling back her sister's eyelids, there was still a faint glow.

A thought struck her. Oh. Of course. Just putting on a magic glove wouldn't do a thing. This was evil she was talking about. She was willing to bet that the reason the power had passed from her to Eleanore was because she'd beaten her, and accepted the power. After all, it wasn't like Louise had been a normal mage before she'd put it on for the first time.

And it didn't want to come back to her? Hah! How dare it spite a de la Vallière like that!

"Listen to me," she said, voice low and intense. She didn't speak to the gauntlet, but instead directed her glare at Eleanore. "I've beaten her. I'm better than her. Look at what she tried to do with this power. She tried to kill herself in a very elaborate way. Me? I just defeated a dark goddess, just because they were in the way of my revenge on Montespan.

She paused, and wet her lips. "Look at everything I've done already. And there are still two more people on the Council in my way. So either you leave Eleanore alone and come back to me, or I'll go found the nearest volcano and throw the gauntlet in. I bet the forces of Evil won't like that. And then I'll go to Mother and I'll tell her everything."

Louise felt something dark and sinister pulse within Eleanore, matched by a second shift within the gauntlet. She smiled, a motion which had rather more displayed teeth than it should.

"Oh yes. Yes, I will. I'll tell her everything. I'll tell her the Void is corrupted. I'll tell her about the curse that the royal families carry because of that. And you know how she'll react to that. I'll be with her every step of the way. Listen to me, Void. You can either have me as your host, or you can have me as your enemy. You make the choice. Give me that power. Or else."

The creeping feeling of evil intensified. Eleanore contorted, heels drumming on the stone floor. She opened her mouth in a silent scream, something black and red and vaporous coming out in a sudden rush. It hung in the air for just a fraction of a second, before it darted to Louise and enveloped her.

She screamed. She could feel it sinking into her skin, into her muscles, into her very bones. It burned and it froze all at once. Just for a moment she felt horribly, terribly dirty - and then the moment passed.

The screams became hoarse laughter.

Hair steaming, eyes burning a fierce pink, Louise smiled. There wasn't much humour in her expression, though her face was flush with the warmth of victory. "Now that's more like it," she said, clenching her fist in front of her face. The metal of the gauntlet gleamed in the light of her eyes.

And she was angry. Downright furious at how much complete bull-sugar she'd been through today just to get this dang gauntlet back. She embraced her anger, pulled it in close and nursed it. Her hand sparked with bloody lightning; her nails burned with pink flame. The gauntlet pulsed in acknowledgement. Oh yes. Yes. It dang well knew who was in charge and it knew she was just about to smash the flip out of Eleanore's stupid spell.

Channelling her rage, Louise spoke a single word in the Dark Tongue.



…​



The sun was rising over Amstrelredamme, shedding its light down on a smoking, ruined university.

With a faint and vaguely anticlimactic pop, Louise and Eleanore re-appeared in the basement of the Grand Archives of the University. The ritual site burned a bright pink, and the great tome of Chronos Chronophage ignited, crumbling away into ash.

"Did I do that?" Louise asked herself. "Um." She looked around, just to make sure that no one had seen that happen. Well, it was probably for the best. At least no one else would be able to use that wicked spell in future.

Cattleya's skull contrived to stare accusingly at them, despite its lack of eyes. It sat beside the overlady's helmet, which was going to need extensive work from Jessica to beat out the dents. Up overhead, she heard the distant sound of something collapsing. That was probably the minions. She should probably intervene, but all things considered they'd probably set the Grand Archives on fire already. After all, minions had been left unattended in the vicinity of a lot of paper. Even if they hadn't meant to, some red had probably missed with a fireball.

With a sigh, the overlady went looking for a broom to sweep up Cattleya. Hmm. She'd need to bring as much of her back as possible to make the resurrection as easy as she could make it. Maybe there was some kind of pot or urn down here. No, wait, that would be a terrible idea. Any pottery down here would be cursed, binding a demon, or otherwise a very bad idea to disturb. She could probably send the minions to steal something. Picking up Cattleya's skull, she pondered it, making sure not to prick herself on the exposed fangs. "Well, I stopped Eleanore," she told the skull. "And punched her quite a few times. And gagged her. So that's something. Felt pretty good, honestly. But no, don't glare at me like that."

The mouldering skull didn't say anything. Eleanore stirred, groaning, and Louise flinched and hid the skull behind her back.

"... little brat, I'll get you for…" She blinked herself awake and groaned.

"Welcome back to the present, Eleanore," Louise said, in a cheerful tone which even sounded forced to her. She dropped the skull. "In conclusion, no, you're not going to kill your past self. I've stopped you, and also destroyed the ritual. And I've taken this power back, because it's really bad for you."

"Mmgh?" Slowly, Eleanore curled up onto a ball. A slow, wet sob escaped from her.

"So, I know what I'm going to do. I'm heading back to my tower, and I'm going to finish what I started. That's two members of the Council down, and only two more to go. But now there's also the question of what I'm going to do with you." Louise wished she'd had more time to think of this. The fatigue was biting in and she just wanted to collapse somewhere soft.

"There's no need to bother," Eleanore said miserably. "I'm coming with you."

Louise blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Eleanore pulled herself upright; eyes bloodshot; dress tattered; fingernails torn. "So this is it," she said in a raw, choked voice. "This is what I get. I spend ten years trying to make up for… for trying to do the right thing! Ten years of trying to be good, fighting my instincts every day, facing the contempt of people who assume that as the heir of the de la Vallière family I must be wicked to the bone. Ten years – and all for nothing. When my little sister embraced the dark heritage of our family and within a few years she's slain the Bloody Duke and… and claimed our heritage in full. And I try to stop her and I find I'm just as pliable. Everything I tried… all for nothing."

"Eleanore…" Louise began, not unsympathetically.

A tear trickled down her cheek. "Was I even ever good?" Eleanore groaned, shoulders shaking with sobs. "Or was I just seeking attention? Trying to get validation from Mother, trying to be more than just the de la Vallière spawn everyone said I was? I leaned on my pride and pride was all I had left… and now pride isn't enough."

"Eleanore," Louise said, this time more sharply.

"Well, so be it! No more! No more futile attempts to be go—"

Louise slapped her.

"Ow!" Eleanore rubbed her reddened cheek, anger flickering back to life. "What was that for?"

"You're being stupid and emotional," Louise said sharply.

"I'm trying to join y—"

Louise slapped her again.

"Ow! Stop that!"

"You are not joining me!" Louise fumed, raising her hand threateningly. "What you are going to do is to go home to Mother and Father and you're going to keep yourself safe."

"No I'm not! I'm sick of being good! I want to embrace my dark heritage and... don't hit me again!"

"Then stop trying to join the forces of darkness!" Louise said, lowering her hand. She'd used her right hand, and thus it was stinging. If she'd used her left, Eleanore would probably be out cold again. "And you don't want to embrace your dark heritage. You're just having a breakdown. You'll feel different in the morning, especially once you've had a meal and seen some sunlight." Louise folded her arms. "Trust me. I've been trapped underground for months with no one to speak to but goblins. It leaves you a mess. Being locked up in jail is probably the same."

Eleanore blinked, clearly trying to fit the concept into her head. "But I want to rule over Tristain at your side?" she tried hesitantly.

"Well, you're out of luck if you're joining me for that," Louise stated. "That's not the plan. I'm destroying the Council – especially Wardes, that lying treacherous cheating dog, oh yes I'm going to destroy him long and hard – and then Princess Henrietta is going to slay the Overlady of the North and escape a hero and rescue me and then she gets her name cleared. And I won't have to wear clothes made of steel all the time and live in fear of assassins. Elly, you're going home. Back to Mother and Father. You need to talk to them."

"No, I don't." Eleanore tried to square her jaw, and winced because aforementioned body part was stinging from repeated slaps.

"Yes you do. Look, you just tried to erase yourself from history. You need to talk to someone, and Father is probably a lot more understanding about that than Mother. After all, he's a de la Vallière by blood as well." She considered how to say this tactfully. "I don't want you dead," she said awkwardly. "So you need to stay safe. And to have people who care about you around to look after you. And… look," she glanced over at the pile of dust and fanged skull on the ground, "... Cattleya is going to be, um. Irked. Even if I wanted you at my side - and I don't - I don't want my big sisters killing each other. You can't get better from that, unlike her."

She took a deep breath, and squatted down next to Eleanore. "And I need you alive and a hero," she said. "Something bad is coming. Something very, very bad. When you broke time… Elly, I saw the future. Or a future, at least."

"I don't like the sound of this," Eleanore said. Despite her red-eyed, snotty state there was still a glimmer of alertness in her eyes. That had to be a good sign.

"Neither do I. I met myself. She was thirty-six. The entire continent had torn itself apart. The estate was floating above the Abyss. Future-me said something had happened, that the world had torn itself apart. The Abyss is planning something big. Really, really big. Something we need to stop."

"You're evil. Why are you trying to stop the Abyss?"

"It's… it's complicated," Louise said. "But if I'm evil, and I don't think I am, I'm the kind that doesn't want the world torn apart in a hellscape." She leaned over, and gave Eleanore her hand. "So if you want something good to do, something that'll help you redeem yourself for what you did this night… then I think I know what you can do. And I'll help you with it." She frowned. "When I can spare time from the Council, at least. But yes, an alliance of sisters."

"Mother would tell me to kill you on the spot."

"Yes, but there are two reasons why you're not going to do that. Firstly, you're too exhausted to do that," Louise said. And like that, she knew she'd got Eleanore. If she actually did want to kill her, she'd have tried anyway. "And secondly, she's not a de la Vallière. She doesn't have our… certain way of looking at the world. Mother would kill me here, but I don't think Father would."

Eleanore considered things. And she smiled, a tiny, fleeting, weak smile. "No, I don't think he would."

"And come on," Louise said, wincing as she rubbed her puffy swollen eye, "it's probably for the best. I mean, if the two of us spent time in the same place for too long, we'd probably try to kill each other. I mean, not like you and Catt, but we'd probably try to strangle each other. As sisters, but strangling is strangling."

"I… can't argue with that," Eleanore said hoarsely. She smiled, wincing from the pain. "We're too similar for comfort, but too different to really understand one another."

"I was mostly thinking of how you're just plain mean, honestly."

"And you're a brat."

Pulling her sister upright, Louise helped her over to a bench. "So here's what we're going to do. As far as everyone else is concerned, tonight was the fault of the demon possessing Montespan. That basically discredits all the charges against you, so you're going to go home - and yes, face Mother and Father. You need to make up with them. It's been twelve years."

Eleanore winced. "I suppose it's a form of penance," she muttered to herself.

"And another thing." Louise took a deep breath, and walked over to the place where the ritual circle had been. She lifted up the cursed gem with her gauntleted hand. "You need to take this back to Father so he can put this in the secure vaults. I never want any chance of Athe or Baelogi getting out."

"You're… not keeping it?"

"I don't want it. I don't want any risk either of them will escape." Louise wrestled with herself, trying to push aside the anger and cling onto the warmth and clarity she'd felt when she wasn't the overlady. "And if you find Magdalene, she's got Montespan's body. If… if you're… if you're serious about finding a way of helping her, that's… that's something you can do."

"Louise, I…"

"But only if you make sure she suffers from your full meanness for her own stupidity of getting stupidly possessed by a stupid demon!" Louise quickly added.

Eleanore gave a shaky smile. "She locked me up for six months. That was always on the cards."

"Good. Good." Louise dropped the gem with a clatter, and rushed forwards to hug Eleanore, burrowing her head into her shoulder. They both stunk of metal, sweat, and blood. "And d-don't you dare get yourself into trouble again, Elly! I mean it!" she mumbled. "I'll never f-forgive you if I have to go through all this again!"

"I'll never forgive myself if I have to be saved by you again," Eleanore retorted, trying to sound arch and failing. "It's… it's n-not… I'd h-have managed things fine if you hadn't nearly killed me with that punch!"

Things rather degenerated into incoherent sobbing from thereon in. Eventually, they detached.

"Awfully dusty down here," Eleanore whispered, mopping at her eyes.

"So much dust in the air," Louise agreed, blowing her nose on her sleeve. "Well, I suppose I… I suppose I ought to sweep up Cattleya and gather the minions and get out of here."

"And I need to rest to get enough strength to make something to hold that jewel, then I need to find Françoise-Athenais and a horse and head home," Eleanore agreed. "And Louise?"

"Yes?"

"Rejoice, for it is the Silver Pentecost."

"Yes. Yes, I suppose it is." Louise rubbed her eyes. "Next year, I hope it'll be at home. Properly, I mean. Because there's only two members of the Council left. I can get them done in a year, right?"



…​



The snow falling on Bruxelles made the city for once look pure and clean. The duc de Richelieu looked out over his white city, nose wrinkling into a sneer. It just showed that you couldn't trust appearances.

"Do you recall our previous discussions on the topic of Françoise-Athenais, Jean-Jacques?" he said, without turning around. "I do believe I gave you certain suggestions with regards as to how to stop her womanly mind from being distracted. And now I discover that she was apparently possessed by a demon." He whirled. "Did you not pay her any attention, or did you just not care?"

Jean-Jacques de Wardes was sat by the fire, hunched over in a leather chair. The large glass of brandy in his hand was mostly empty, so he downed it and poured himself a new one before continuing. "I didn't know," he said hoarsely. "She seemed like herself."

"Oh, so you're just an inobservant fool, not an utter incompetent," said Richelieu, expression twisted into a sneer. "If you'd known and kept it from me, then I'd be calling you out for a duel right now. A demon could have been a useful ally."

Wardes said nothing, but merely took a mouthful of brandy.

"Now because of your foolishness and her weakness, we have a scandal on our hands," Richelieu continued. "Of all the damn fool things! You should have been more attentive in your masculine duties! If all she'd been thinking of had been your trouser saucisson, she wouldn't had had time to think of getting involved with demons."

"I blame myself," Wardes said, voice hollow.

"That's wonderful, because I blame you too. In fact, that's what I've been doing; blaming you!" Richelieu thumped the wall. "And now we're going to need to find someone new for the Regency Council who can handle Amstelredamme which is going to be a veritable powderkeg. They have to be someone intelligent and capable, but also someone who won't have time to ask questions that we don't want asked.

He snapped his fingers. "I have it! Magdalene le Provost! She was always useful back in the day when she was one of your bevvy of beauties – and that idiot Montespan has completely ruined the chance of us calling on Eleanore de la Vallière. A shame."

"Magdalene's married now," Wardes said, taking another drink. "She's van Delft now."

"Oh yes, and isn't her husband one of our useful fools? Yes, that has real potential. She's highly intelligent and capable – and hardly a puritan – but she's a new mother and she'll be worked off her feet handling Amstelredamme. Exactly what we need to hold down the fort while the plan moves into its latter stages."

Wardes looked conflicted. "Normally I would agree," he said cautiously, "but do remember; she is a le Provost. She is from a de la Vallière cadet line."

"So? I consider that an advantage," Richelieu snapped. "Before the current generation, the de la Vallière family were perfect examples of the nobility. Yes, they might have been rotten to the core, but they understood the virtues of stability. God, if I could replace all the ducal lines – save my own – with old school de la Vallières, I would! Certainly I'd get rid of the current lot. People ascribe too much importance to 'good' and 'evil'. The de la Vallières were perfectly content to stay on their land, bathing in the blood of peasants and feuding with the von Zerbsts. And of course, they were so useful for suppressing the real threats to the Crown, like rebellious peasants. Heroes can be relied on to consistently stop portals to the Abyss, but they're less trustworthy when the peasantry are getting uppity."

Running his fingers through his grey hair, Wardes sighed. "De la Vallière cadet lines are… pliable to the will of the main bloodline. I have mentioned this before."

"Then you can go find her a magical amulet or esoteric ritual or something else of that ilk that'll stop that," Richelieu said, his tone acidic. "If you really believe it's a problem. And Magdalene is a tall, curvaceous beauty, so you should be able to keep your powder dry around her."

Wardes glared at him, but said nothing.

"I shall handle this. If I left this in your hands, no doubt I'd come back to find my clerks possessed by demons. Rikkert! Rikkert!"

A shambling, foul-smelling creature ambled through the door. "Yes, yer grace?" the cardinal's manservant asked. "If that was me you were wanting."

"Of course it was, you buffoon! I was calling your name!"

"Oh."

"Prepare the coach! I need to go to the palace."

"Oooh, very nice, yer grace. Did you forget to give the queen her present?"

Richelieu threw the poker at him. It bounced off his head. "Ow."

"No, you idiot! I have work to do!" He turned back to Wardes. "And as for you..."

Wardes nodded. "When the weather clears, I'll be heading to Albion. Our 'friends' will be moving this year, but I don't trust them."

"Good. At least you haven't forgotten our real plans. I'll hold down the fort here. As for the mess of Amstrelredamme ," Richelieu said thoughtfully, "there is an agent of mine who might be quite useful for this. One who serves a similar role to what you once did, in fact. I'm sure there are inconvenient facts in Amstrelredamme that could be made to vanish. Possibly by being eaten by a dragon."



…​



Upon the return of the overlady to her dismal dungeons, she retreated to her bedchambers, to brood on dark and unpleasant things.

Louise slumped down on her bed, feeling awful. This wasn't unusual. Except now she knew that all of the… most of the… well, at least some of the reason she felt awful was that the Evil in her was messing with her mind. It wasn't all the Evil, of course - some of it was because she was bruised, battered, tired, and had just experienced probably the worst Silver Pentecost ever.

But would she be feeling like this if she hadn't taken the cursed metaphorical-mantle of the overlady back from Eleanore?

Gnarl had been distinctly unhappy with her when she'd got back and handed him the swept-up remains of Cattleya for her to handle later while the minions took care of the copious amounts of loot from Amstrelredamme. She'd never seem him like that before. He'd been all but spitting in rage over how she'd neither corrupted nor killed Eleanore and had instead just set her free. She desperately hoped that her story about how she'd given her sister Montespan to spread chaos and undermine the Council had been believed. But even if it had, Gnarl would probably been watching her.

"Corrupt or kill, your wickedness," he'd said, knuckles white around his walking stick. "Corrupt heroes, or kill them. You should never just leave them running around where they can get up to mischief!"

She shook her head, trying to get his quietly furious voice out of her ears. She was exhausted to her very bones, but she couldn't sleep. Her mind was too busy, buzzing with swirling thoughts until it almost felt like it could burst from the pressure.

Pallas padded up her chest, and licked her from chin to brow. When Louise sat up and glared at the cat, she mewed and washed her ears. Her expression was an innocent as an angel's, if the angel happened to be a cat and thus a sadistic little self-centred monster mostly interested in food, napping and petting.

"Bleargh," Louise muttered. "You little monster, are you nagging me for food?"

"Mraw," Pallas said wisely.

Swinging her weary legs off her overly high bed, Louise swayed for a moment, grabbing onto the bedposts. "Well, come on, then," she said, rubbing her eyes. "We'll get you a snack and get me some wine or something to help me sleep. Warm milk, maybe."

By the time she had got halfway down the torch-lit corridors, she was very much regretting her decision. Not only was she exhausted enough to collapse, but Pallas was twining around her ankles and generally being a pest. And now she looked up, she had been in fact heading the wrong way in her confusion. The door in front of her was the door to Henrietta's alleged jail cell, although in practice since Henrietta had the only key it wasn't much use.

Louise swallowed. She still remembered the easy simplicity of… of being so free with her feelings. How everything had seemed so simple. How she had so casually declared she'd just tell Henrietta how she felt.

She repressed a giggle. Maybe the tiredness was making her sleep-drunk. Because she felt like she could maybe say it to her.

… and if she couldn't, she could just collapse on her bed, which would be easier than walking all the way back to her own bedroom. Pallas had vanished, treacherously realising that there wasn't going to be any food here, Louise noted.

She took a deep breath, and raised her hand to knock on Henrietta's door.

Then she shuffled away and hid, until she stopped hyperventilating. She could do this! She had to! She'd fought a literal dark god! Telling a girl how she felt about her was nothing!

Louise knocked on Henrietta's door.

"Coming!" Henrietta called out. She opened it, and Louise laid eyes on her best friend, who was clearly in the process of preparing for bed. Her hair was loose, and she wore a black chemise and bloomers. A faint smell of iron wafted out of the room, but Louise ignored it. "Oh, Louise-Françoise, I'm so glad to see you."

Louise's heart swelled with warmth. Yes! She could do this. She could almost feel the warmth radiating off Henrietta. She just had to say the words, through a suddenly bone dry mouth. "Henrietta," she croaked.

"Excellent news, Louise-Françoise!" Henrietta said brightly. "I got to talking with that Albionese overlady - a half-elf, if you can believe it! So evil! - and I believe I've found something useful for us!"

"I… I…" Louise wet her mouth. "I've been thinking about us and…"

"So have I! It'll serve us very well! Well, you know, Tiffania is fighting against the Albionese Republicans - the ones who murdered my sweet love - and that automatically makes her our friend. But she wants to talk about a treaty between us so we can focus on ruining both the Council and the Republican government!" Henrietta clasped her hands to her chest. "And then! Just think! They executed my love, but we can recover his body. Louise-Françoise, I can bring him back."

"Oh," said Louise. "Oh." Her shoulders slumped. "I see." She looked at Henrietta, so happy and gleeful and… and vivacious and pretty and in love with someone else. Her eyes blurred. "I'm… so happy for you," she managed, before the exhaustion overcame her and she sagged down into the kind waters of unconsciousness.

Her last sight before sleep claimed her was a decidedly déshabillé Henrietta kneeling over her, almost overflowing her chemise, which seemed very unfair.



…​
 
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A Winter's Heroic Interlude in Three Parts - Red
A Winter's Heroic Interlude In Three Parts

Part 1 – Red




…​



A coach carrying the von Zerbst family made its way along a narrow snow-choked road, under the light of the twin moons. It was followed by a coach carrying more of the von Zerbst family, then another coach which carried the family members who couldn't fit into the first two vehicles.

Kirche sighed, and stared out of the window at the flakes of snow drifting down from the sky. The de la Vallière estate was painted white by the weather. Ice choked the fishing lakes, while the tall and narrow pine trees creaked under the weight of their snow-laden boughs.

The markgraf thought it wise to keep up with the neighbours, officially because they were ancestral foes but mostly because he wanted to brag to the duchess of the de la Vallières about certain accomplishments of his in the past year. Of course, unfortunately that meant he had to stay still in a closed space for extended periods, and his patience was wearing thin.

Kirche, for her part, was trying to ignore her father's leg-tapping and occasional bellows of "Are we there yet?" at the coachman.

"Don't ruffle your velvet, and sit still, my love," said his wife.

"No one tells me what to do, woman!" Blitzhart snapped reflexively, but he complied.

"And Kirche, dear, could you look a teeny weeny little bit less bored? I know you'd rather be out doing… rough and tumble things, but family is important."

"Yeah, Kirche," Lucien sneered.

"Luci, sweetie, be nice to your older," she glanced quickly at her sullen husband, "sibling."

Francesca Juliet Helen Georgia Phosphene von Zerbst had to be at least forty, but only the faintest lines on her brow marked the passage of the years. Her mass of pale blonde hair was pinned up in an elegant hairstyle, while her dress was a little risque for a woman her age but clearly pleased her husband. Once again, she was heavily pregnant. Kirche was darkly sure that her family would have been bankrupted by how many children her parents had were it not for the von Zerbst fortune born of generations of heroic looting. And her mother had been wealthy before her marriage too.

Many people had wondered what kind of a person could capture Blitzhart von Zerbst in holy matrimony. As it turned out, it had taken one of the great beauties of Germania, aided amply by her status as a massively wealthy heiress who had inherited the fortune left to her by her demon-murdered family. Blitzhart had rescued her from the Abyss itself after she was snatched away by the force of darkness, wedding bells had rung out, and Kirche had been born six months later. She was a reclusive and shy woman who spent much of her time on pilgrimage, overshadowed entirely by her irrepressible husband and sizable brood of rambunctious children.

"Oh!" Kirche said suddenly. "We're just coming up to the ravine with the giant skull carved into the walls. We're nearly there, father!"

"What? We're already past the ruins of the Fortress of Impaling?"

"I must have missed it in the snow. That, or the de la Vallières have finally got around to removing the spikes."

And indeed, it was only a few minutes before the convoy of coaches was pulling up in front of the estate. Golden light streamed out of the lit windows, though most of the complex was dark. Blitzhart burst out of the coach, nearly tearing the door from the hinges, and dashed up to the door, hammering on it with one meaty fist.

"Oi, dukey! Let us in! It's bloody freezing out here."

"Help your mother out of the coach, my darling," Kirche's mother commanded her. "And then, if you wouldn't mind, herd up the others. And do try to stop anyone from running off."

It took some corralling of little red-haired hellions and the occasional levitation spell, but eventually the von Zerbsts were assembled. The grand doors to the de la Vallière household swung open, with an exaggerated creak.

A tall figure was standing in the shadows. His monocle somehow caught the light, reflecting it even as the rest of his face was shaded. His high-collared mantle was of an archaic cut; his blond hair was elegantly cut, yet the product of an older time.

"Welcome to my household," he said in a soft voice that seemed like it should have come from a much smaller man. "Please, come in and-"

"Ah, Centurion, you old dog! I see your moustache is still growing! Bet your wife likes it - and she'd like it more if it was as big as mine! Rrrrawwrr!"

Stepping out of the shadows, the duke's moustache twitched. "Blitzhart," he said flatly.

"That's my name! And you all know what my game is! Rrrawrr! Good to see you, my man! I see that stick up your butt is still poking into your tonsils!" He stepped up to the duke, offering his hand, but when he went to take it Blitzhart reached around to slap him on the bottom. "And you haven't let yourself go! Always knew you were a tight-arse! Great thing for a rival! Not an arch-rival, of course - that's your wife! Where is the lethal lady herself, anyway?!"

A little muscle under the duke's right eye spasmed. "My beloved wife was feeling a little shut-in from the weather. When news of a giant squid on the north coast came in, she decided to get out of the house. She should be back soon."

"A squid! What the blazes! Why didn't anyone tell me this! I might be able to make it," Blitzhart said, checking his pocket watch. He turned on his heel, and was about to march out the door when his wife caught his sleeve.

"Dear," Francesca said. "You'll miss the meal, and I doubt you could make it there before dear sweet Karina kills a mere squid."

"That's true, but…"

"I dare say it's not even a worthy enemy for you. Not worth going out in the cold for," she pressed.

"Quite so," the duke said. "I dare say Karina will be back soon enough, when she's let off a little steam, but my daughter will be taking her place."

"Ha! So your sickly little girl has got well enough to attend one of our dinners! Good to hear that! I hear rumours she's quite the beauty and is unmarried! Rrawrrr!"

The duke's eye muscle twitched again. "Not that daughter. I m-"

"What, you mean she's turned up? What's her name, Kirche? Your rival!"

"Louise?" Kirche asked, shocked.

"No," the duke said, mouth a thin line. "I mean Eleanore."

"Oh." Blitzhart looked momentarily nonplussed. "Are you feeling well, old chap? Do you remember what happened last time she was allowed to host a dinner?"

"I do. Lord and Founder, I do. But I've talked with her and she's promised that she's not planning to run anyone through in a duel."

"Ha! She can duel me any time she likes! I'd run..."

"Yes, yes," the duke said tetchily, before the inevitable innuendo made its appearance; doubly so because it would be about his eldest daughter. "Why don't you come inside?"

"I'd love to!" Francesca said with a tinkling laugh. "The weather has been so awful recently! I hate it when it's this cold! I'm so prone to catching chills! I nearly was too ill to travel, and I've just had this cough that wouldn't clear until I went to pray in Roma. And on top of that I'm pregnant again which is leaving me tired all the time and…"

Kirche sighed, and wished she had earplugs. Spending time around her mother was literally hellish, or at least figuratively literally hellish. Why couldn't she be in Amstelredamme like the others, rather than being caught between de la Vallières on one side and her mother's stream-of-consciousness chatter on the other?



…​



"Thank God for me!" Blitzhart slammed his hand down on the table, roaring with laughter. "And don't you just know it, that's what the nun said!"

This dining hall was much warmer than the coaches, and whatever legendary feasts of the blood of the living that may hypothetically have occurred here in the past were long forgotten. The von Zerbst side of the table was packed, with the smaller children needing to be put on a secondary table due to lack of space. By contrast, the de la Vallière side of the grand table had only two people sitting there, and they were slightly further apart from one another than was traditional.

Blitzhart was enjoying the aperitifs, even if they were meant to be drunk from rather smaller drinking vessels than the one he was using. He certainly hadn't noticed the tensions on the other side of the table, but Kirche had. She decided that the de la Vallières were like cats. That is to say, they were a bunch of vicious killers who just happened to be good at looking pretty and so people let them into their homes. Admittedly that had been after a study of her family's history books and Louise de la Vallière had comprehensively failed to live up to the whole 'vicious killer' thing when they had actually met, but she had made up for it in being small, cute, and utterly ridiculous while not quite realising how silly she was. And also getting very angry when she got caught in a sudden rainstorm.

What had happened to her was such a shame.

"How is little Cattleya doing?" Francesca asked, conversationally. "I haven't seen her in so long. Why not invite her down for drinks, at least? Surely that would be pleasant, even if she doesn't drink wine."

"Cattleya is on a constitutional trip to Romalia, for the sake of her health," the duke said, without blinking. "She gets so cold in winter with her poor circulation, and so close to the Great North Sea the winds are too damp for her."

"I was in Romalia this summer," Kirche agreed. "Someone we rescued let us stay in his villa for a few weeks. It was very relaxing, right until a mountain nearly tore itself apart."

"That's one way of putting it," Danny muttered from further down the table. To his disgust, he was sitting with the younger children and had only been allowed apple juice. He was sulking.

"Oh yes. I just hate it when a mountain tears itself apart," the woman sitting opposite to Kirche drawled. Kirche glared at her. Eleanore de la Vallière stared back, eyes hidden by the light reflecting off her spectacles. Her lips were quirked up in a tiny smug smile, although Kirche was of the opinion that that was just her default expression. Eleanore was far less amusing than her youngest sister. She was eight years older than Kirche, and probably hadn't even had a single evil step-sibling try to murder her for inheritance.

"Something you wanted to say?" Eleanore said, a slightly sardonic note in her voice. "You looked like you were about to expand on the topic. Perhaps you were going to contribute to your father's marvellous and fascinating tales?"

"Eleanore…" the duke said warningly.

"Oh, no, I'm being quite honest here. I haven't heard stories like that in years. I had thought that the giant sandsnakes of the Rub' al Khali were quite gone. A few years back, I was part of an expedition that touched the very edge of elven lands looking for them. There wasn't a trace. Some thought they were extinct."

"Ha! They are now! I guess you just weren't trying hard enough to find them!" Blitzhart bellowed. "Count another point for me! Hurrah!" His cheer was matched by a cheer from his many children.

"My goodness," Eleanore said softly, one eyebrow raising. "And what of you, Kirche? What have you done recently? What glorious stories of heroism are you bringing here to this winter feast?"

Kirche sat back in her chair, wineglass held in one hand. She resisted the urge to down it, even though she was feeling far too sober to be dealing with a de la Vallière quite as catty as this one. "Oh, you know," she said, deliberately slowly. "One thing and the next. Saving a Gallian duc, killing an evil cardinal in Romalia…"

"And there was that man who was way too fond of bears! Me and Guiche killed him!" Danny chipped in from down the table. "Then the land tore itself apart and we saw the Abyss!"

Eleanore played with her napkin, carefully pleating the edge. "You've become quite the little hero," she said to Kirche. "We should talk after the meal. Share some stories, and the like. I did the same when I was at the Academy. I would be fascinated to hear from a first-hand experience of one of these Abyssal rifts. My knowledge of them is sadly limited, but I fear the forces of Darkness may be plotting."

"Could we please not have such talk when we're soon to be eating?" Francesca asked, looking queasy.

"Do you really think the constant and ever-present threat of the Abyss will disappear if we pretend it doesn't exist?" Eleanore demanded, leaning forwards.

"I just think that so much blood and guts is the sort of thing that—"

"Harumph. No, I think now is a perfectly good time to discuss such things."

"Eleanore!" the duke said sharply.

With an obvious sign of effort, Eleanore bit back whatever she was about to say next. "I do so apologise for my manners," she said, her tone sickly sweet. "It was so… unfeminine of me."

"Ha! Keep on acting like that, then!" Blitzhart said, raising his pitcher of fine white wine. "Good girl you've got there, Centy! Be better if she was a boy, but she's trying her best with her female limitations! Not as good as Kirche, though! That's m'boy!"

Eleanore opened her mouth, eyes flashing.

"No," said the duke.

"But…" Eleanore began.

"No."



…​



As Kirche was a well-known hero of repute, she always kept an eye out for people planning things at dinners and parties. The last thing she wanted was to get locked in another mansion trying to find which of the guests had murdered their host with a dagger in the library. Last time that'd happened they'd never caught the suspect, even though Tabitha had been trying her hardest to help them.

And so of course she noticed the de la Vallières sneaking off and followed them. What else was she meant to do? Kneeling down, she pressed her ear to the locked door to listen.

"Founder," Eleanore groaned, her voice muffled through the door. "Why did I subject myself to this? That was just the aperitifs. There's six courses of him to go."

"You subjected yourself to this by arguing with your mother as soon as you arrived home," the duke said, barely audible.

"I had good reason! She-"

"You have no one to blame for this but yourself. You are my eldest daughter, and part of that means you are obliged to maintain your family's position. You are going to sit through all of this without insulting him. No matter how much you want to." He sighed. "I certainly want to, sometimes."

"You?"

"I understand he's a bore, a pig, and not half as funny as he thinks he is. He still calls me Centurion, and I haven't used that nomme de guerre in decades," the duke said wearily. "He is a very trying man. But you will be duchess someday, Eleanore, and part of being duchess is putting up with trying people without running them through or having their lands sacked and their peasants impaled."

"I am trying," Eleanore said more softly. "I really am."

"Yes, I do see that. I've known you are a trying girl for years. Unfortunately, he's very trying too."

Eleanore's sigh was audible even from the door. "Really, father?"

"If you feed me such a line, how can I resist?"

"Please do."

"But just think of it this way - only a few more hours of Blitzhart, and then we won't have to see any of him for months. At least you're here to commiserate with. Your mother finds him amusing, God only knows why. Possibly a mild case of hearing damage from overuse of lightning magic, so he isn't quite so loud for her."

"Mother is… Mother." Eleanore paused. "Father, I do believe that he needs to know about…"

"No. I need to think about how we're going to address it. It may be a ploy by the forces of Darkness. He's a loose cannon. And easily manipulated if you present a nice obvious threat in the opposite direction, or a pretty woman. With the sensitive political situation here - especially with the revelation that little Francoise-Athenais was possessed by a dark angel - this may be a plan by the overlady to throw Tristain into further chaos by having him rampage around like a drunken bull."

"But…"

"Kirche!" Her mother had somehow crept up on her while she was focussing on the de la Vallières, and was glaring down at her, looking very disappointed. "What are you doing?"

"Shhh," Kirche whispered, finger to her lips. "I'm listening in at the door."

"Well, I never!" Francesca said, pulling her by the arm. "That is so ill-mannered, darling!"

"Pfft. I'm just doing what Dad does."

Francesca sighed wearily. "Kirche, darling," she said, "you are being very difficult. Can you at least please try to be a little more polite? I do realise that your father sets a certain example to you, but could you try to be more lady-like? Like me, perhaps?"

Kirche's eyes hardened, but she forced herself to smile. "Why, I quite apologise for my behaviour, mother," she said floridly. "I am quite beside myself with shame."

"Kirche! Such manners ill befit you!" Her mother's lip wobbled, even as she pulled Kirche away from the interesting conversation on the other side of the door. "There is no need to act like that disgusting de la Vallière girl just because we are in their household."

That was hurtful. "I am not acting like her!"

"Oh yes you are. De la Vallière woman have no respect for what should be done. They're so rude. Why, I remember her grandmother."

Kirche blinked. "Wait, what?"

"Oh, darling, did I not tell you this story? When I was much younger, she dragged me from my home and imprisoned me. She had some frightfully wicked plan to drain all my blood and steal my life energy and use it to become immortal. Fortunately, a young heroic knight was also imprisoned along with me, and he managed to fight his way out and free me."

"Wait, that was how you met Dad?"

Francesca laughed. "Oh, my, no. Darling, lots of men used to try to imprison me before I met your father. It's one of the dangers of being an heiress. This was before all that." She sighed. "It was a shame what happened to that poor boy. I might have married him instead of your father, but that de la Vallière woman had stolen most of his blood and he died in my arms not long after we escaped."

Straightening up, Kirche looked down at her mother. "I'm an heiress and I don't get kidnapped."

"That would be because of your father's influence, sweetie. That and the fact that much of Germania thinks you're a boy and so doesn't think to try to imprison you. But your father's wishes for you are a jail even more confining than any prison. I wish you could live as you're meant to be, darling, I really do. You're not meant to be trapped by his expectations. Someday I hope you'll see that."

Yanking her hand free, Kirche took a deep breath. "I've told you a thousand times before. I don't want that. I'd prefer that people think I'm a man than be reduced to some… some fainting lambling who, like, sits around waiting to be rescued. Well, fuck that. I'd rather live in Dad's expectations than yours."

"You don't respect me," Francesca said in a tiny voice. Kirche didn't reply, but her expression said everything. "You don't need to be so coarse or try to act like a man to earn respect. There are more feminine ways of influencing people."

Kirche snorted. "What, sitting around hoping to be married well? Being the trophy of some man much older than me? Oh, or being taken captive by some villain and hoping you get on well with whatever muscled thug rescues you?"

"It worked out for me and your father."

"That's you. Not me." Kirche turned on her heel and walked back to the light and noise of the main hall, leaving her mother standing in her shadow.



…​



The meal at the de la Vallière estate was excellent, even if the von Zerbsts present were contractually obliged to feel that it was not as good as they got at home. After that, the gentlemen, Kirche included, retreated to the Duke's reading room to talk about manly things. However, for some reason the Duke de la Vallière seemed somewhat unwilling to do that with her around and thus most of the conversation consisted of Blitzhart's complaining that Karin still wasn't back and his bragging.

Kirche was occupied with maintaining an expression of rapt fascination as her father went on about a dragon he'd taken down - "You should have seen what she looked like in human form! Didn't believe in human clothing, rrrawrrr!" - when she felt her belt purse shudder. Something inside it was moving, as if it was a living thing.

"Excuse me. I just need a breath of fresh air," she said brightly.

"Oh yes, feel free, please do," the duke said quickly. His expression was more than a little mortified.

Shaking her head, Kirche stepped outside. Tristainians were a repressed people. Louise must've got her more-than-usual levels of repression from her father. She paced down dark corridors until she felt she was far enough away from any listeners. The tapestries on the walls depicted de la Vallières impaling peasants on spikes, while bloodless aristocrats sneered down from the paintings on the walls.

Reaching into her belt purse, she pulled out a small hand-mirror about the size of her palm, and flipped it open. Cupping it in her hand, she traced an occult symbol on the front. The surface of the mirror ceased to reflect her own face. Instead, Izah'belya stared out of it. "Well, honestly," she said tetchily. "It took you ages to pick up."

"I was busy," Kirche told her evil demonic succubus half-sister. Despite the rather substantial moral difference between them, the two had found they actually got on very well once Izah'belya had reached out to her. Yes, Kirche was fairly sure she was trying to corrupt her and had only made contact for that purpose, but in her defence Kirche had her eyes set on redeeming her half-sister and wasn't prepared to lose to her. Turn-around was fair play, after all.

"Where are you? Unholy cow, I've never got a signal as strong to the surface world! You must be close to a force of terrible and maleficent Evil!"

Kirche frowned. "No. We're just on a family trip to see the neighbours. What could be…" She slapped herself in the forehead as she realised how stupid she was being. "Oh. Right. The neighbours are the de la Vallières, and I'm on their estate right now."

Izah'belya paled, smiling nervously. "The de la Vallières… if you're busy, I can go." She swallowed. "I don't want the Karin finding out about this. I heard that she can smell fear – and that it smells like chocolate to her."

"Nah, she's actually pretty nice," Kirche said with a shrug. "A bit proper, but she's totally more normal than Dad. Who, uh, considers her to be his arch-rival." She caught the stare that her half-sister was directing at her. "Don't look at me like I'm crazy. One of the advantages of not being an evil demon is the fact that you can talk to Karina de la Vallière without her trying to kill you. Plus, she's not even here right now. She's off killing a giant squid on the coastline."

"Oh, thank the dark gods," Izah'belya breathed. "So, uh. Merry Silver Pentagram, by the way."

"Silver Pentacle."

"Silver Pentagram. I got you a present, foolish hero, but you'll need to come to my lair to embrace the gifts of Hell."

Kirche shook her head. "Nuh uh. I got you a present too, vile demon. But you're not getting it unless you meet me on sacred ground to repent your sins."

With a sigh, Izah'belya ran her hands through her hair. "Whatever. Fine. Let's just do lunch around the New Year and we can hand things over."

"That's good for me," Kirche agreed. "Is that all?"

"No, I… look. Let's cut the crap and just be open with each other. I know it's against both of our religions, but it'll be over way quicker if we don't have to stop and, like, call each other 'vile demon' or 'wretched hero' and that reduces the chance of the Karin coming back unexpectedly." Izah'belya's image took a deep breath. "What do you know about what happened in Amstelredamme?"

That was a shock. "Why are you asking me? That was the forces of Evil."

"Yes, but it wasn't my subset of the forces of Evil and no one seems to know exactly what went on. Plus, rumours are going on that a mysterious unicorn-riding heroine showed up and slew Baelogji after she betrayed and stole the power of Athe the Disbeliever. Know anything about that?"

Leaning against the wall, Kirche considered what to say. She decided honesty was best. She didn't trust that her half-sister was telling the truth, but she didn't exactly have much to be honest about. "I'm running off rumours too. I would be there right now, but this family thing came up."

"Bless it. I was hoping you knew something. This whole business is causing widespread instability in the dark futures market. I'm having to work over the Silver Pentagram when I should be on vacation. Oh well, at least Mother isn't forcing all of us to attend one of her parties."

"Oh?"

"They're so dull and traditional."

Kirche nodded sympathetically. "I know the feeling. I sometimes think Mother got our Silver Pentacle gatherings out of a book about the Hundred Most Boring Family Gatherings."

"I know! Orgies and the ravening theft of the souls of mortal cultists are, like, so played out!"

She had to work one step at a time, Kirche reminded herself. She couldn't expect her evil succubus half-sister to make redemption easy. If the road to the Abyss was paved with good intentions, that meant that the road from the Abyss was also paved with good intentions and so good intentions could get you going in either direction. And since Izah'belya was already a denizen of the deepest pits of the Realms Infernal…

"I'll tell you what," she said. "We can meet up and exchange our gifts in a month or so. And then we'll share everything we can find out about what happened in Amstelredamme."

"Hmm. Sounds pretty bad to me. Anyway, call me when you're away from the de la Vallière place. They're a dangerous family and either way I don't want them knowing you're talking to me."

"Got it. Yeah, that wouldn't be helpful. Talk with you later, then." Kirche touched the magic mirror again, and put it away in her pouch.

"What wouldn't be helpful?" a very smug voice said from directly behind her.

Kirche whirled, a fireball dancing at the tip of her raised wand. In the long shadows behind her, a pair of spectacles reflected the light. Breathing heavily, she lowered her wand, but didn't put it away. "You shouldn't be here."

"In my own house?" Eleanore stepped forward. "Possession of Abyssal artefacts like that mirror of yours is forbidden by Church law and civil law alike."

"Possession of unsanctified artefacts," Kirche countered. "I dunked it in holy water, dried it out in salt, and had a priest bless it."

"Really?"

"Yes!" She might not have told the priest what it was that he was blessing, but she certainly had it blessed. And what did it matter that the dropping in holy water had been an accident? "And what are you doing here?"

"When people skulk around listening at doors, I get very curious indeed." Eleanore crossed her arms. "You and your mother made quite a noise outside the door."

"That was her fault," Kirche said, pulling a face. "I was listening fine before that."

"... no apologies?"

"What for?"

Eleanore sniffed haughtily. "Just what I'd expect of your family." She looked down her nose at Kirche, a gesture which was slightly handicapped by how the younger woman was taller than her. "And now you're looking for information on what happened in Amstelredamme. On the behalf of a demon, I might add."

"I think she knows more about what happened there than I do, and if we know what the Abyss was planning there, we can stop them!"

"Hmm." Eleanore took another step forwards and adjusted her thick glasses. "Perhaps we can make a deal of our own."

"Hey, Kirche, what's…" Danny turned the corner. "What're you two doing all the way back here in the dark?"

"Run along, child," Eleanore said, making shooing motions. "The grown-ups are talking."

"No, stay," Kirche said out of pure contrary spite. Danny stuck his tongue out at Eleanore. "What would I need from you?"

"Temper, temper. I was in Amstelredamme. I know a lot more about what happened there than you do. You should probably treat me nicely if you want to know about what happened there."

"You were there?" Danny asked enthusiastically, scooting up close. "What went on? I heard the Madame de Montespan got dragged away by demons and they ate her and crunched up her bones!"

"Weren't you in jail?" Kirche asked bluntly, ignoring her brother's enthusiastic imagination.

"False charges," Eleanore said. She raised her eyebrows. "Don't tell me that you haven't been thrown in jail by someone who didn't want you sticking your nose into things?"

"Well, I have, but not in years. Not since I teamed up with Tabitha, in fact."

"Oh?"

"She happens to people who try to arrest us."

"Happens to do what?"

"No, no," Kirche said, shaking her head. "She happens."

"People die when Tabitha happens," Danny said, wrapping his arms around himself. In the dim light, he was a little paler than usual.

"Yeah, she's pretty great like that," Kirche agreed. "It's, like, quite a thing to watch."

"Fascinating," Eleanore said, her tone indicating that she thought it was anything but. "But I don't care. Here's the deal. I know what happened in Amstelredamme. In return, I want something. I've discovered the possibility that the Abyss might seek to tear the world apart. I'll help you with your Amstelredamme problem if you help me investigate this and discover if this danger truly exists."

"If it's a threat, why not just tell someone?" Danny demanded.

Eleanore's eyebrows fluted upwards. "I am telling the leader of one of the most reputed band of young heroes in Halkeginia. Who else do you want me to tell?"

"... um. Well, uh… what about your royals and stuff?"

"The queen is weak-minded, and the Regency Council had me arrested for six months on false charges - and one of their members was possessed by a demon and no one noticed," Eleanore said sharply. "I'm sorry, I'd rather avoid the Abyss discovering that I'm investigating the possibility that they're plotting such a thing. Not least because if this isn't actually real, letting them know will just give them ideas. And no one wants that."

Kirche leaned back against the wall, eyes alert and narrow. "Hmm. You want to know what I think about you?" she asked Eleanore.

"Well, not particularly, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"I think you're a de la Vallière - and not a zero-talent failure like Louise, a real one. I think you're cunning, treacherous, ambitious, and you think you're better than everyone else."

"Your point is?" Eleanore said, one eyebrow raised.

"... aren't you going to deny it?"

"I'm quite aware of my vices, thank you very much. I know pride is a weakness of mine." Eleanore leaned forwards. "Are you aware of your vices? Where will you fail, Kirche, when the moment comes?"

Kirche laughed. "Oh dear. You're playing that kind of stupid game with me. I'm not like you. I don't have hundreds of years of evil ancestors in my bloodline. Most people don't have a constant pressing force of darkness within them leading them into sin. And, you know, we aren't big huge bitches with a thing for sneaking up behind people in the shadows and offering them shady deals."

"Naïve." Eleanore's words were cutting. "You know very well that the von Zerbsts have eloped with de la Vallière white eggs before, just like we've married your black eggs - and even if that wasn't true, you don't need a heritage like mine to fall because of your weaknesses. It just makes things easier. How do you…"

"Who do you think you are, to lecture Kirche like that?" Danny demanded.

Eleanore sighed. "I was trying to provide sage advice from an older, more experienced heroine," she said acidly. "Maybe even assume something of a mentorly role to avoid you repeating my mistakes - of which there were many. And on that note, Kirche, your little brother is a firebrand and a hothead who's going to get himself into trouble."

"Yeah, already knew that. He does get himself into trouble on a regular basis," Kirche yawned.

"Kirche!"

"Danny, it's true. Last week you punched a mercenary captain twice your weight because he spilled your drink. And you," she said to Eleanore while Danny muttered about how the man'd had it coming, "are you going to keep on going on?"

Opening her mouth, Eleanore seemed on the edge of a cutting retort. Then she deliberately took a deep breath. "No. You know what? I am trying to be a better person. I'm not going to negotiate for a deal or try to blackmail you into helping me save the world from the Abyss. I'm just going to ask nicely." Her lips curled up and her brows furrowed, as if she had something bitter in her mouth. "Please?" she tried.

"You could try sounding more sincere," Kirche said thoughtfully.

"Pretty… pl-please?"

"Now you just sound sarcastic."

"Look, do you want the bloody information or not?" Eleanore demanded, having worn through her diminutive stores of patience.

"Bloody information? Who did you murder to—"

"I can't believe it! I very much can't believe it! You are literally more willing to negotiate with a demon than talk to me about saving the world! You're not even accepting the information to evaluate it on its own terms!"

"Well, yes." Kirche smirked. "Demons are more trustworthy than de la Vallières."

"And there comes the darn von Zerbst compulsion to get the last word in!" Eleanore stormed off. She turned. "Your pride will get you in time. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience," she added bitterly.



…​



Eleanore had got down two more twisting corridors when she heard the patter of feet behind her. She turned, and then looked down to see Danny.

"Look, Kirche is just being a butt because she doesn't want to be here," Danny said frankly. "She wants to be with her friends. How about you tell me instead?"

"You're twelve,"

"Thirteen! And I'm on the team too! At least when I can get away from school and the nannies Mother sends after me to track me down!"

Eleanore sighed. She really did have no better option - and father had said she had a long, hard path of unlearning certain habits. "I can't believe I'm reduced to this… but very well. I'm going to trust you with this."

Danny grinned, jamming his hands in his pockets before he frowned. "But why aren't you telling your parents, then?"

"I have. And it's… complicated," Eleanore said, spreading her hands. "Just before you arrived, I got in a flaming row with my mother because… well, she didn't like some of the things I said. She stormed out – and when my mother storms out of a place, we're not talking metaphorically. It was literally a storm. I'm afraid most of the time I've spent around her in the past decade has usually ended up in arguments, but this was worse than usual. And that's saying something. And Father is naturally cautious. He doesn't like rushing into things."

"And you're not cautious?"

Eleanore smiled wryly. "I am my mother's daughter as well as my father's. Why do you think I'm telling you these things?"

"You know," Danny said, thoughtfully, "I don't think you're as bad as Kirche says you are."

"Ah. So I'm worse."

"You're funny," Danny said with a giggle that he hastily tried to convert into a manly chuckle. "And," his ears popped. "Did you just feel that?"

"The sudden change in atmospheric pressure?" Eleanore said drily. "Yes. It means Mother is back. And still hasn't calmed down." She took a deep breath. "I suppose I ought to be a dutiful daughter and present myself."

"Why're you like this? Your mother's awesome," Danny insisted.

"Oh, she very much is. She is awesome. She is worthy of awe. I am in awe of her – and have lived my entire life with the people who don't see me as another de la Vallière monster instead seeing me as just 'Karin's daughter'. They look at me and want me to be her – and I can't do that. Do you know what it's like to know you'll never be the equal of your famous parent?"

Danny looked at her flatly. "Yes. What's your point? And for that matter, do you know what it's like to know you'll never be the equal of your big sister?"

With an unexpected giggle, Eleanore conceded the point. "Very well. You probably do understand, then."

Squaring his jaw, Danny jammed his hands in his pockets. "Tell you what, actually. You said you want this stuff about the plans of the Abyss to be looked into. But there's two things I want from you. 'Cause I can see you're like Kirche and you hate being given things without feeling like you've earned it."

"What are you asking for?"

"You used to be a hero, didn't you? And you were talking about how you were trying to be all mentor-y to Kirche, but she's too pig-headed to listen to you. Well, give me some training then. You get to pass on stuff – and also we have an excuse to talk – and I get someone helping me get stronger."

"Hmm." Eleanore looked Danny up and down. "I'm not a nice person. I won't make it easy."

"Look, I get what time I can grab with Dad, and what the others pass on and what I can teach myself," Danny said bluntly. "Kirche gets the personal time with him. Maybe he'll pay more attention to me if I can stand out from the others. I'm not looking for easy. I'm looking for what works."

"That's an attitude I can get behind. What's the other thing?"

Blushing, Danny looked away. "I… forget about it. It's… it's just one thing. We… I just want to get stronger."

Eleanore's brow wrinkled as she evaluated Danny. "You're a little troublemaker. You're a hothead with a short temper. You rush into things and get yourself into trouble. You idolise your parent, but don't feel you can be what they want you to be. You also feel stuck in your eldest sister's shadow, and want to be her equal – even though you love her."

"D-does that mean no?"

"No, it means 'yes'. And also 'never ask why it means yes'."

"Yaaaay! Oh Founder this is going to be so cool! You're going to teach me blade tricks and how to pick locks properly and lots of new kinds of spells and we're going to train and train and train until I hit triangle rank and we can go hunt goblins and orcs and trolls and dragons and even more goblins and…"

Eleanore's smile had a hint of melancholy in it. "You remind me of someone. Someone I knew when I was younger. Just promise you'll never make a pact with the forces of Evil."



…​
 
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A Winter’s Heroic Interlude In Three Parts - Blue
A Winter's Heroic Interlude In Three Parts

Part 2 – Blue




…​



The piercing winds howled across the icy fens around Amstelredamme and through the old city. The fires were out, but that just meant that slushy snow was blown up in mounds lining the gutted buildings. Guiche de Gramont wrapped his cloak around him more tightly, and shivered.

"This truly is miserable weather," he said.

"Oui." Tabitha was almost spherical from her layers of clothing. Beside her, her dragon huffed in agreement. "Mole. How long?"

"Verdandi is still searching for a trail - and she's a mole, not a bloodhound. This is hard going for her," Guiche said defensively. He kicked up slush and leaned against a wall, huddling in the wind shadow of the building. "What do you think happened here? No one seems to know for certain."

For her own part, Tabitha - who had been at the Cabal Awards when this had all happened - had a rather better idea than most people. "Two dark gods were fighting for power. Zat eez what I think 'appened 'ere."

"Two? Not one?"

"I 'ave heard ze rumours," she said, not saying where she heard them. "For a dark goddess to be so weak, I would say zat that meant she was either weak and old, or new to ze power."

"Yes. Yes. That would make sense." Guiche frowned. "But then why would there be," he shuddered elegantly, "minions here?"

Tabitha shrugged.

"Hmm. I wonder if it was another plan of the Overlady of the North. She did try to subvert Amstelredamme in the summer, so perhaps she tried again. But then again, the Madame de Montespan was possessed by the powers of evil! I feel there has to be something we're missing. Some greater scheme." Pulling out his notebook, Guiche scribbled something down. "Here's what I think we should do. We need to gather the evidence that there was some greater evil plot behind this, so they can't dismiss us. We'll probably need evidence from three or four different locations to build a solid case, so we can get the support of the Council."

"Will zat work?"

"Of course," Guiche said confidently. "Especially with Kirche on side, there's no way anyone will dare make disingenuous assertions or try to slander us. Because she'll punch them if they do. Or she'll set them on fire. I sort of wish she wouldn't do that, actually. I could talk my way out of things, but she always interrupts at the first chance." Rubbing his hands together, he blew on them. "We have that meeting with Magdalene van Delft in half an hour. No doubt this is our chance to find out what she knows – and see if there's any clues we can unravel! Maybe without Kirche, we can do it without anyone getting punched in the face."

Tabitha didn't care, and rather enjoyed the violence and chaos that Kirche punching someone usually produced. Looking up to the sky, a small fleck of motion caught her attention. She adjusted her glasses, squinting, and slumped fractionally. Tabitha held out her arm as a rest, and a bird landed on it. Only it wasn't a bird, Guiche realised in surprise; it was paper folded into the shape of a bird. Tabitha straightened it out, scanning the message in a glance.

"I must go," she said.

"Sorry, I beg your pardon?"

"Eet eez not possible for me to stay. I 'ave been summoned to court."

"What does the Queen want with you?"

Tabitha adjusted her glasses. "Non. Ze Gallian court." She whistled for her dragon. "You must stay 'ere and…"

"No!" Guiche didn't quite realise where he was going with this until he'd already said it. "I mean, if you don't mind, I'm coming with you."

"I do mind."

"I'm still coming!"

"Non."

"Yes!"

"Non."

"Yes!"

Tabitha slumped down. This was more effort than she evidently wanted to put in. "Fine. But you will wait wiz Slyphid. Zat court eez a nest of vipers."

The dragon whuffled happily, butting her head up against Guiche in a playful manner that still nearly knocked him over on the icy floor. Clinging onto her neck for balance, Guiche tried to pretend he hadn't nearly landed flat on his arse and failed. "Kirche said you'd taken her to your home and Gallia once or twice," he managed.

"Kirche talks. Like you."

Guiche sighed, already regretting the cold flight that he foresaw. But his honour would not let a maiden go out and about unaccompanied. Even if it was Tabitha who was a living murder-machine who had once heard of the concept of a damsel in distress and decided that it sounded easier to be a damsel who put other people in distress. "I wish the others were here," he said, voice hitching. "But Monmon's family wants her back, and Kirche… well, Kirche also has family things."

"I wish Blitzhart von Zerbst was my family," Tabitha whispered faintly. Guiche didn't catch that; partly because she was soft-spoken and the wind was loud, but mostly because she said it in Gallian.



…​



Any plans to hide Guiche from the treachery and decadence of the Gallian court were for naught. As soon as the dragon landed both Tabitha and Guiche were seized by powdered popinjays. Guiche did consider resisting, but given that Tabitha hadn't happened to them this was probably some strange Gallian custom. At least it was much warmer in Versailles, safe from the piercing winds blowing off the Great North Sea.

An hour later, Guiche was none-too-gently thrust into a grand masquerade ball. If this was a kidnapping, it was the second most unusual one to date, only edged out by that time the forces of the Abyss had snatched him and forced him to wear white underthings and pose with a sword. The hall was lit by countless floating candles, gleaming upon windstone chandeliers, while the floor had been flooded and pleasure barges floated upon the waters.

He smoothed down his blue velvet waistcoat, and sidled up to Tabitha who looked glum in a black silk dress and a devil-mask. Even if he hadn't known to look for someone as short as her, the fact that she was wearing her glasses over the top of her mask and had smuggled in a book would have been a dead giveaway.

"What's going on?" he hissed.

"Zis is one of my uncle's parties," Tabitha said, her usual monotone tinged with a smidgen of weariness. It was highly unusual for her to emote that much, and Guiche stiffened up.

"One of your uncle's? But…" He swallowed. "Oh. Uh. Your highness."

"Don't call me zat."

"Yes, your highness."

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"... yes," Guiche admitted.

"Stop zat. Eet is not funny when Kirche does eet either."

One of the flunkies wanted Tabitha to follow her. Guiche drifted in her wake as she was led to the throne on the highest barge. A blue-haired pale man with delicate, china-like features and very pale skin sprawled on the seat, his crown tilted at a jaunty angle. He had one leg hooked over the arm of the chair, and he looked over the crowd below with a wry expression.

"Oh, Charlotte!" King Joseph said in Gallian. "You showed up at my party! Dear girl, how wonderful! I'm so glad you could make time for your dear old uncle."

"You said my absence would be considered treason," Tabitha said in the same language.

"So I did! But you're here, so there's really no need for me to have your stomach sliced open, your intestines removed, and used to strangle you! Hurrah, hurrah, what a wonderful day this is! And who is this companion you brought with you? Your mistress? She has such beautiful blonde hair."

Tabitha blinked. "Your majesty, this is Guiche de Gramont, the famed hero. He is a man," she added, in case her uncle was having a particularly bad day. "Though yes, the hair can be a trifle confusing."

"Why didn't you bring that gorgeous Kirche girl with you?" the king asked, a little sulkily. "She's one hell of a woman. I'd even picked out a dress I was going to give to her as a gift. It was backless. And frontless."

"She is with her family for the new year. I thought it best not to anger Blitzhart von Zerbst by pulling his heir away from his celebration. He might have got violent, tracked us down, and jumped through the window while shooting fire at you."

King Joseph blinked, something that almost approached sanity flickering through his eyes. "Oh, yes, yes… uh, good thinking there, Charlotte."

Guiche understood very little of that, because he lacked magical translation glasses of the kind used by the Abyss and his Gallian was what might charitably be called hero-grade. That is to say, while he was capable of asking where the orcs were and whether there were any giant rats present in a local inn, it was rather lacking in courtly manners. He recognised his name, however, and bowed deeply to the Gallian king. "Your majesty, I am pleased to have been invited to the wonders of Versailles," he said.

"He says…" Tabitha began.

"I can speak Tristainian," King Joseph said sharply, in that language. His accent was much less opaque than Tabitha's, and largely served to give his voice an exotic hint that almost managed to overcome the petulance. "I don't know why everyone insists on treating me like I'm a fool. It's basically treason, don't you know? I am the king! I deserve respect! And demand it!"

"Your majesty," Guiche said, with a florid bow. "I am honoured that you saw fit to invite me to this winter celebration."

"I didn't invite you! You just showed up!" the king said sharply, before smiling. "But I don't care about that! Charlotte is a very boring guest, you know! She's always reading! She doesn't have one comic story about milkmaids to tell! I hope you're more interesting!"

"I am at your majesty's disposal," Guiche said. "I hope I can be of some interest to you."

"Oh, I do too! I'm so dreadfully bored! Charlotte, begone! I think Isabella is looking for you." Tabitha departed without a word, and the king turned his full attention to Guiche, taking him in. His eyes were cold and dead, exposing the lie of his smile; his pupils were pinpricks. Guiche became faintly aware that the king of Gallia was trembling slightly. "I do believe I am a fish, Mademoiselle Guiche," said the king, after a long moment of thought. "I have thought about this long and hard, and the evidence seems incontrovertible."

"I… see."

"Consider this. My blood is red, much like a fish's. I have a spine, a skull, teeth and ribs. I have four fins, though mine are longer than those of most fish. Is it therefore not logical that I am a fish?"

He seemed to want something from Guiche. A bead of sweat formed on the young man's brow. "How good a swimmer are you, your majesty?" he tried. "If you're at home in the water, would that not reinforce your… your point."

"Ah ha! An excellent point! I am a fantastic swimmer! Is not my fish-like nature evident for the world to see? Your wisdom is as evident as my fish-like nature, young lady."

"Very… very evident."

Leaning forwards, King Joseph crossed his hands on his lap. "Now, I do believe I've heard of certain tales of your exploits. Now, when it comes to it… how exactly did you beat Fouquet?"

Guiche blinked. "Are you sure you really want to hear that tale, your majesty?" he asked, mildly surprised. "It's one of the first things I did, and I look back at it with some mild embarrassment."

The king laughed, throwing back his head. "Good, good! No one really wants to hear about that! No, no, I jest! I hear from Charlotte that last summer, though, you stumbled across a tear in the world that led to the Abyss."

"Yes, your majesty, we did."

"Have you any idea what might have caused such a terrible tragedy?" The king pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at his dry eyes. "I can't cry, you know. It's a shame."

"We don't know what caused it. It just seemed to happen, but we have heard tale of other such things all across Halkeginia."

Down on the other boats, the musicians struck up music in a minor key. "My daughter has been studying such things. You should meet her. You could plait each other's hair or something like that! Whatever girls do together! That, and stop the Abyss stealing my kingdom. It'd be very bad of them. In fact, I insist. You there!" He jabbed one finger at a courtier. "Take this lady to meet my daughter, or I'll have your hand sewn to your heads!"

There was something slightly weary about the courtier's posture. "Yes, your majesty," he said. "Zis way."

King Joseph watched them go. "What a nice young man," he said to the thin air, once they were out of earshot. "So willing to humour me. I'd give him a title, if he wasn't Tristainian filth. Now, time to find a duc to bemuse. Perhaps I should pretend that I think he's a moorhen."

He paused, as if listening to someone.

"No, no, keep at what you're doing, my dear. You have important business in Albion. You need to find me my special hat, for one."



…​



Guiche stirred. The last thing he remembered, he'd been talking to the Gallian princess - that is, the one who wasn't Tabitha - and then his wine had started tasting of sleepiness.

People really needed to stop doing that.

He opened his eyes.

"Um," he said, after evaluating how very, very pink the scene before him was. It wasn't that everything in front of him had ruffles or frills. It wasn't the large and extensive collection of stuffed fluffy animals who stared down at him with glassy eyes. It wasn't the bed big enough for six that he was lying on, or the fact that everything smelled of flowers. It was all of that, and also the worryingly intense look the scantily clad crown princess of Gallia was giving him.

"'Ello," she said. Guiche wasn't very experienced in what might be considered the 'advanced' elements of flirting. Both his school days and his heroing days never got him that far – and for the past year or so, he'd been pining after Monmon. However, he was fairly sure that the adverb 'coquettishly' might be applicable, if that was even a word. She snapped a fan open in front of her face. This obscured her lower mouth, but not any of her ample female attributes on display which were barely hidden by a few measures of pink and white cloth. "So you are awake. What are you doing een my boudoir?"

"I woke up here after drinking a glass of wine you handed to me," Guiche said, without thinking. Damn. He should have been more careful. He was fairly sure that it was princesses who were meant to be kidnapped, not doing the kidnapping. Then again, now he knew that Tabitha was secretly a princess, and last time someone had tried to kidnap her she'd torn out all of the would-be abductor's blood. Clearly there were traditions here in Gallia he didn't understand.

"But of course," Princess Isabella said. "Zat eez 'ow you meet young men, eez eet not?"

Guiche tilted his head, as he tried and failed to squirm out of the ropes. "Um," he said. "I don't really have a response for that."

"Eet eez," she said firmly. "And you are such an 'andsom 'ero!" She ran one pale hand over his arm. "I like 'ow you are all slender and not built like a wall zat eez made of bricks. Too many men are like zat."

"I do sort of have an arrangement with someone else. Another girl," he said. "She's very nearly my fiancée," he added, bending the truth in the somewhat desperate hope that the girl with the too-intense eyes would back off.

"... but zat means she is not your fiancée."

"I'd like her to be."

Princess Isabella's shoulders slumped down. "And eez she as pretty as me? I bet she eez not even a princess!"

"I'm sorry, it's nothing personal." The princess was indeed, quite attractive, even if she had an over-large forehead and slightly too large eyes to be truly pretty. Also, her gaze looked like it could cut glass. That didn't help matters. But Guiche had spent too much time around Tabitha to feel attracted to a member of the Gallian royal family. The thought of getting intimate with someone who shared blood with a girl who carried so many hidden knives made vulnerable parts of him cringe in fear. "But I've known her for a long time and… well, I first met you today and then you drugged me and tied me down in your bedroom. It does rather weight things in her favour."

Isabella's face fell. "Merde," she muttered. "Zis always 'appens, you know? Ze nice boys I meet, zey already 'ave fiancees or are married, and ze not-so-nice boys, zey are only out to marry me for my crown and position as 'eir."

"Poor you," Guiche said earnestly. "It must be terrible."

"Eet eez! And zen I 'ave to 'ave them imprisoned and I 'ave to tell Charlotte not to smother zem in zeir cells and zen it takes 'er so long to getting around to doing it…"

"Wait, sorry, what?"

"... and just when you think zat you've met someone who might be compatible, eet turns out to be zat 'e eez being paid by your fazzer to torment you because 'e thinks eet is funny."

Guiche considered the conversation he had had with the King of Gallia today. He reached out with one tied-up hand, and managed to pat her on the hand reassuringly. "There, there," he said. "I met your father. I can't imagine how bad it must be to have to interact with him on a daily basis."

"I will just go untie you," Princess Isabella said, shoulders slumped down. She picked up a fluffy pink dressing gown from the floor, and put it on, then got to work on the ropes. "Zis 'as been a farce from start to finish. I 'ad zought zat you were single, and… well, one zing led to another and eet is all very embarrassing."

"No, no, it's all my fault for not making it clear enough," Guiche said, on the grounds that it was always good to be nice and understanding to the person who had you tied up but you'd just about talked into letting you go.

"Such a shame. Most men would not be as understanding as you." She sighed again. "I 'ope that your woman eez very 'appy with you. She eez very lucky."

He sat up, rubbing his wrists. At least she hadn't been cutting off his circulation with the way she'd tied them. The princess clearly had practice at this. "I hope so too. If we can just get around the problem with her family…" He shut his mouth. He hadn't wanted to mention that.

"Non, I understand," Isabella said, sitting down next to him on the bed. "Really, I do. My fazzer eez crazier than a farmer who uses foxes to guard 'ens. I too understand ze problems of family." She gestured to him. "Go on, s'il vous plaît."

"Well, her family is in debt. She's been trying her hardest to earn enough to pay it off, but they've gone and arranged an awful marriage for her because they need the money."

"'Ow terrible. And you love 'er? And she loves you?"

"I… I love her, yes." Guiche stared into the middle distance, at a glass-eyed bear that gazed vacantly back. "And I think she loves me. Enough that she told me she can't be caught talking to me, because she's scared that she'll do something inappropriate."

Princess Isabella patted him on the shoulder. "Zat eez sad. 'Ave you zought what you will do?"

"I… I don't know. I feel torn."

Reaching down, she squeezed his hand. "If I were you, I would not let 'er go. She sounds like she will be miserable in zis arranged marriage. She does not want eet and you do not want eet. Zere must be some way to stop eet." The princess perked up. "I know! I will lend you Charlotte! She eez a very evil girl who murders people when you tell 'er not to do it, so you will just need to tell 'er not to kill your love's 'usband-to-be and then she will do eet and zen… simple! Ze obstacle to true love 'as been removed!"

"Um." Guiche wetted his lips. "That's not what heroes are meant to do."

"Oh? Zat is a problem." Isabella leaned against his shoulder. "I try to be good, but it is 'ard. Zey say zat zere eez a problem with us, those with royal blood in Gallia. Everyone else seems to find eet so easy to know what to do. I think we 'ave been marrying among ourselves too long, trying to keep ze blood of the 'Oly Void pure. Zat is why I thought that you - a foreign 'ero - might have been a fine consort."

Guiche nodded sympathetically. Time to deploy his hidden technique. "At least you're trying. Here's a bit of advice. If you want to meet men, perhaps don't drug them and drag them to your bedchamber," he suggested. "It's probably better to get to know them in other ways beforehand."

Princess Isabella nodded. "I think I 'ave some parchment around 'ere," she said, getting up to root through her stuffed-toy-covered chest of drawers. "Do you 'ave any more suggestions? I think I should be making notes."



…​



Tabitha was waiting for Guiche outside. She had contrived to lose her mask, and was wearing a guard's jacket over the top of her dress. No one dared to ask her how she had got her hands on the warm garment.

"You are not imprisoned," she said, showing very mild surprise and even looking up from her book. "And I 'ave not been ordered not to smother you."

They were going to have to talk about that later, Guiche decided. "Oh yes. Once we'd cleared up the misunderstanding, me and your cousin just talked for a while. She's a nice girl." He considered his statement. "Well, no, she isn't. But she's trying to be a nice girl, while not really having much of a clue what that entails. I think she's just as mucked up as you are."

She stared blankly back at him, not saying a word.

"I can't imagine how bad it must have been for you as children."

Tabitha managed to contrive to become even paler. "'Ow much do you know?" she asked quietly.

"Enough to know that there's very good reasons that you're peculiar. And so good at, uh, happening. Potions, education in isolated schools that are more like jails, iron masks..."

"Not even Kirche knows."

Guiche jammed his hands in his pockets. "Mmm. She might. She's smarter than she acts. But, Founder, you couldn't pay me to be part of your family, even if it'd make me a prince. I gave your cousin some advice about being good and how to meet boys and how kidnapping them and dragging them to your bedroom isn't how it's meant to be done. It came as a genuine surprise to her, can you believe?"

Tabitha blinked. "Wait. Zat eez not how eet is done?"

"... and apparently you also need that talk. Well, you have Kirche. She certainly knows more about that topic. Both about meeting boys and also being a boy." He ran his hands through his blond hair. "It's a little embarrassing to admit that Kirche is better at being a swashbuckling playboy than me, but Blitzhart von Zerbst is her father."

"Zere eez no man like 'im," Tabitha agreed.

"You certainly have that right." He paused. "Are you feeling alright? After she cried into my shoulder and talked about how bad her school had been and… well, I talked to her and she said I was her best friend and the only person who didn't want something from her." He shook his head. "Your cousin hopefully won't order you to kill as many people in future. Or… not order you or… this whole set up makes my head hurt."

"Tradition."

"Yeah, well, your traditions are awful. I'm sorry, but they are. And I think I can see what they were going for at first. If about half the royal family is good and the other half is evil, if you get them young enough you can channel their impulses usefully. Of course it didn't work. People are more complicated than that. And you can't filter for good and evil aged six. No wonder you're all crazy." He paused. "Uh, sorry."

"My mother eez mad. So eez my uncle. Madness eez in the royal line. Do not be sorry."

They stepped out into the winter chill. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

"Amstelredamme?"

Guiche shook his head. "No. There's no real clues there - nothing that someone else can't find. If it's fine with you, I think we should go with my parents. It's warm there, we're nice and not-at-all-like-your-family, and you might as well get to meet some of my sisters for girl talk from someone who isn't Kirche. And there'll be absolutely no killing, unless you want to go hunting with my mother." He paused, looking back at Tabitha who had stopped where she was. "What is it?"

"What are you planning?" she asked flatly. "Eez it because you know that I am now a princess? Are you trying to marry me?"

Guiche pulled a face. "No! I already had your cousin throwing herself at me today, thank you, and… Tabitha, you scare me. Even if I didn't have my… thing with Monmon, you're not a girl I'd go for. I'm just… I don't think enough people have been nice to you in your life, so I'm trying to be… nice. That's all."

"Oh."

"While we're there, I think it might be a good idea to do some research into that priest who Monmon mentioned in her last letter and see if we can dig up something there. And then maybe we can go off and grab the others, and go kill dragons or something over the New Year."

Something hot blew on the back of his neck. He looked up at Tabitha's dragon.

"Present company not included," he added quickly, clapping his hands together. He paused, tilting his head. "Though I can't help but think there was something we were supposed to do. Something I'm forgetting."

Tabitha was no use and stared blankly back at him.

"Oh well. It probably wasn't that important."



…​



"Where in the name of the Founder are they?" snapped Magdalene van Delft, back in Amstrelredamme. She checked the clock hanging on the wall. Her meeting with Guiche de Gramont had been due three hours ago and she was a very busy woman!

Her calendar was packed with meetings from her new ascension to the Council of Regents, she was overseeing the clean-up of the city, and on top of that she was a sleep-deprived new mother. This fact made itself clear again, as her son started to wail and she realised she couldn't just snap things without thinking these days.

"Hush, hush, hush. Mama's here. What's the matter? I know I didn't mean to raise my voice but… are you wet? No. Hungry?" Clasping her son to her chest, Magdalene rocked him back and forth. "Lord and Founder, how… how am I meant to… it's going to be at least a year or two before you're a person rather than a little crying monster and… and…"

"I always found them nicest at that age," said a voice at the door.

Magdalene looked up and paled. "Aunt Karina?" she asked the figure wrapped up in warm furs. A hint of pink hair poked out from under the hood. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know how it is," the Duchess de la Vallière said. "I was feeling a little trapped inside the house. Chunks of giant winged squid-dragon may be washing up on the shore over the next few days. Incidentally, squid-dragons were planning to invade Amstelredamme."

"Uh… there's no risk of that?"

"Not anymore." Karina pushed back her hood, revealing her sharp features which much resembled her eldest and her youngest daughters. "I thought I'd stop by and congratulate you on the birth. How are you coping?"

Trying to smile, Magdalene instead merely winced. "He's keeping me up. He wasn't an easy birth, either. Of course, it's never easy giving birth after being stabbed."

"Cattleya was the same," Karina said, understandingly. "It's harder to avoid knives when you're heavily pregnant." She paused, deliberately. "Do you want to talk about the circumstances of the birth?"

"Excuse me?" It was warm in Magdalene's office, but she suddenly felt cold and clammy.

"Eleanore had quite an interesting tale when she arrived at my doorstep with poor Françoise-Athenais' soulless body in tow," Karina said, her attitude that of an older relative congratulating a new mother. "A tale of dark gods and possession and other such things. Not to mention quite a guilty confession about how she was nearly corrupted herself. I thought I'd just stop by and see if you had anything you'd want to add to that."

Magdalene swallowed. She began to spin her tale. And if there was one thing she was very glad of, it was that Aunt Karina was not a de la Vallière of the main branch by blood. It made everything so much easier.



…​
 
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A Winter's Heroic Interlude in Three Parts - Yellow
A Winter's Heroic Interlude In Three Parts

Part 3 – Yellow




…​



The grand hall of the Montmorency family was a rival to the ancestral homes of any of the other great families of Tristain. Busts of ancestors glowered down from plinths and the weaponry of former heroes decorated the walls. Yet the grand paintings were blackened with soot, the velvet curtains were tattered and balding, and the silverware had long since been sold off. There were not enough candles to light such a vast space, and the fire was unlit.

Montmorency de la Montmorency was wrapped up warm, her breath visible in the chill air. Her familiar Robin was refusing to come out of the warmth of her pocket; frogs were too sensible creatures for that. The blond ringlets falling around her face couldn't soften her hard eyes. She forced herself to smile, even though she was so very sick of putting on a happy face. But she couldn't let her younger sister or her step-sisters see her sadness or her anger. She couldn't let her wicked step-mother see any trace of weakness.

Her father loudly drained the dregs from the bottle of wine in his hand, and without thinking went to open the next one before him. He wasn't watering it down, Monmon thought sadly, and hated herself for mentally totting up the cost. But it was what she did. Her stepmother reached out to try to move the bottle away from him, but he slapped her hand out of the way.

Her sister Charlotte caught her eye, glancing over at their step-sisters Marguerite and Charlotte-Marguerite. If her own name hadn't been enough of a clue, their father was atrocious at naming children. The little brats were fighting again. They couldn't even stay quiet at a moment like this.

Darn it. Darn it all. Things had been better once. Before her brothers had died in the war. Before her mother had died giving birth to Charlotte. Before her father had sunk down into a bottle and married her shrill harpy of an evil stepmother.

And certainly before that little tick of a priest had shown up. Monmon looked over at Abbé Étienne Guibourg, seated next to her father, with a stare that was very nearly a glare. The priest was blond and pale, almost bloodless, with watery blue eyes. He was her father's spiritual advisor, at least in name. In practice, he was the one who ran the family. Her father listened to him much more than he did her. No matter how hard she tried to change things or prevent him from wasting the money her heroing brought in, that sugar-head was there to reassure her drunk of a father that what he was doing was the right thing. She'd have been able to hold the creditors at bay if it hadn't been for him, and Monmon was all but sure that he was the one who had arranged the marriage.

Oh, there was something going on with him, no doubt, and many times she'd been on the edge of asking her friends to… remove him. She could just tell them he was evil, and they'd spring into action. But she couldn't order a man's death on a personal grudge without proof that he was actually in league with the dark powers. That wasn't what a good person did. Stupid useless sense of decency.

And there he was, standing up, with that wretched cursed slight smile on his face. The abbé clasped its hands together. "Let us pray," he said. "We thank the Lord God for his manifold gifts to us, and hope that in the forthcoming year we might fully make use of them. We thank the Founder for the gift of family, which brings us what we all deserve. We thank the lesser spirits who are the sentinels of the Lord on this earth, who ensure that all shall be made right. And most of all, we thank the Church, for the blessings it provides so that we may right all past sins."

Monmon was certainly praying. She was praying that he'd be hit by a cart.



…​



After the meal, Monmon made her way to the study to once again check the accounts. It was a habit she had acquired years ago, and it calmed her down. Yes, it seldom provided good news, but at least she knew the bad news was coming. She had always felt that it was better to know that you were about to be torn to shreds by a ravenous swarm of vampire bats than to sit in blissful ignorance right until the first fangs sunk into your flesh.

Things were not going well. Her father's wavering, shaky handwriting wobbled across the page, counting out expenditure after expenditure and very little to balance it out. To Fr. Giles, 23 e. payment and interest. To Abbé Eccles, 12 e., wine and repayment. From Fr. Giles, 12e winnings. To Fr. Giles, 23e, payment and interest. The names went on and on.

She twirled a lock of hair around one finger. She had tried to get her father to practice double ledger accounting, but as it was he couldn't even manage single. And trying to handle the household accounts was always an exercise in forensics and trying to piece together things from scraps of paper tucked into drawers or occasionally torn into shreds and tossed into the wastepaper bin. But as far as she could discern, everything she'd made from the incident with Kirche's evil succubus half-sister had just gone. Vanished into the triple holes of creditors, card tables, and her father's drinking habit.

"Sugar," she whispered, letting her head sink down onto the table with a quiet thud. "Sugar, sugar, sugar." That had been her last chance, and he'd wasted it. Just like he always did.

"You shouldn't spend so much time in here," her stepmother said. Monmon jumped. She hadn't heard the woman come in.

"I think I should," she replied coolly, not looking up.

"Montmorency, please. You're wasting your time in here. You should be trying to enjoy your youth, while you still have it."

Monmon looked up at her wicked stepmother with barely veiled hostility. She remembered how she'd met the woman for the first time. She had been nine, her mother had barely been dead a year, and here was this gold-digging shrew out to win her father's hand. The woman had dared pretend to be nice and had tried to bribe her with a honeycomb! Nothing she had done since then had improved Monmon's opinion of her.

"Perhaps," she said, "but it's my time to waste."

The other woman narrowed her eyes. "Fine. Do as you will. You always do," she said, brushing aside a lock of dark hair shot through with white.

Monmon finished her depressing work, and with a sigh headed back to her room. The door was open and a lamp was on. Drawing her wand, she edged her way in, wary of who the intruder might be.

She knew who it was rummaging through her book shelves. And he wasn't even trying to hide his presence here.

"Abbé Guibourg," Monmon said, inclining her head to him with the absolute minimum respect she could get away with without him complaining to her father. "And what precisely would you be doing in my quarters?"

The pale man smiled, blue eyes crinkling. "Your father instructed me to ensure that you weren't trying to hide anything from him. With how very important you are to the family, mmm, he just couldn't stand to have your reputation ruined by any form of misconduct." He raised a selection of letters. "And what would these be?"

"Letters from friends," Monmon said, trying not to shift guiltily or look away. Because she had no reason to look guilty. They were just letters from friends. Kirche was just a friend. Tabitha was… Kirche's friend. Danny was just a friend, for all that he was a brat. And most certainly, in every way possible, Guiche was just a friend. Even if she would wish otherwise.

"Oh? Then you won't mind if I read them," he said, stepping closer with his oily smile.

"Feel free," Monmon retorted.

"Then I will."

"Fine."

"Fine!" He pocketed the letters, crumpling the parchment. "I believe I have my educational reading materials for tonight."

"Then please leave. I intend to get changed out of my formal wear, so it is not creased," she said wearily. She saw him out the door, made sure he was far away, and the locked the door and dragged the draft excluder in front of it.

Dang. He'd found another one of her ablative caches of forged letters. Some day he might find something actually valuable to her.

Not Guiche's letters, though. She'd burned them after reading. It was the only safe way, given what they implied. How she felt. It didn't matter if he found the letters from the friends who were really just friends. Montmorency was used to that kind of violation. But she had cried as she watched the parchment blacken and char, taking with it a future she wished she could have had.

"I hate him," Montmorency whispered to herself. "I hate him I hate him I hate him so very much."



…​



But of course, that wasn't the end of her familial duties. There were certain things that the Montmorencys had to do, even if they were reduced to penury and their lands were a fraction of what they once were. That was the reason that the family formed up along with the elderly priest who oversaw the chapel by the shore, and headed down to Lake Ragdorian.

Monmon would like to say that her hatred for Abbé Guibourg and how he wasn't out here in the cold kept her warm on the way down there, but unfortunately mere hatred wasn't enough to defeat the climate. Her only exposed flesh was a thin line between her hood and the scarfs covering her mouth and despite that she was fairly sure her eyeballs were freezing over.

It was said that once her ancestors had dwelled in the ancient ruins by the lake, which had once been a city greater than Versailles and Bruxelles combined. Honestly, she didn't give that very much credit. If every city that claimed to be greater than all modern cities had actually been so, at least one of them should have survived. But the foundations of the stone towers of the ruins were of such a scale that once they must have been a thing to look upon. And from this ancient city had passed down a legacy and a heritage to her and her family.

All the Montmoreny family were water mages, and all of them were a little more aware of the spirits that hid themselves in the world than most people were. Even most mages couldn't see them unless they deliberately revealed themselves. Usually, Monmon wished she couldn't. She didn't want to have this uncanny power, and she didn't want the spirits paying more attention to her than they did to other people. Her life was complicated enough as it was.

Unfortunately, the spirits didn't care. The water spirits of Ragdorian Lake had to be placated at the right times of year, or else they'd raise the waters of the lake and flood the entire district. And her kin in Gallia had been slain by a mad queen long ago, so it was entirely up to the Montmorency family now.

When you put it like that, she thought darkly to distract herself from the feeling of her tear ducts solidifying, spirits were right bastards.

"… and so at the closing of the year, we offer to you these gifts," droned the old priest, speaking words he'd spoken for decades.

One by one, the family members went to throw their offerings into the lake. Sometimes she might see a watery hand drag them down, but more often lately they'd just sink. Her younger sister thought that the misfortune of the family was because the spirits were angry. Monmon wished she could be that optimistic. If it was just the spirits, there'd be a nice, doable target to focus on for making things better.

Her father made his offerings. Then she, as heir, stepped onto the pier to cast her gift into the water.

A plume of water erupted before her, blasting a freezing mist up from Lake Ragdorian. She screamed a little bit from the biting cold. From the depths up rose a water spirit; a creature of water. Initially it was a formless, vague humanoid but as it rose it took on her own appearance. One hand was outreached.

Monmon froze, unsure of what to do.

Unfortunately it turned out that rather than offering a choice, the spirit was making a demand. With a firm yank, the water spirit pulled her into the lake water. Then followed freezing cold and the screaming of her lungs for air.



…​



Monmon surfaced, gasping for breath. Icy water dribbled down from her sodden blond hair, completely ruining her ringlets. Perhaps that was why it took a moment to realise that the air here was warm. She looked up at the cavern roof encrusted with blue-glowing crystals, and…

… there was air down here. There shouldn't be air down here. She was underwater. Even through the cold shock, she had felt herself descend, and descend, and descend. She had to be at the bottom of the lake, if not under it. And yet there was air down there and the water wasn't chilling her to the very bone.

The spirit pulled her out of the water, then pulled the water out of her mouth and clothes. Monmon just coughed and spluttered. It didn't fix her hair, though. She wasn't surprised. Her hair didn't naturally take her customary shape, and tended to look more like someone had tried to drown her if she didn't sleep with her hair in curlers.

"Bleargh," she said, working her bone-dry mouth and wetting it again. A squirming in her pocket alerted her to her distressed familiar, and she freed him, dropping him in a puddle where he could wet his skin again.

"Come," said the spirit that wore her face, leaning over her. "They are waiting."

"Who are waiting?" Monmon croaked, licking her lips.

"They are."

The spirit led her down twisting corridors, down to a pool that lay in this strange space below the earth. Perhaps it had once been the temple of some long forgotten god, because there were arches in the ceiling and the faceless remnants of old statues. The white stone here looked a bit like some of the oldest ruins that Monmon had seen all over Tristain and beyond in her time heroing. Water dripped from the roof, echoing in the hush.

There were three water spirits waiting for her, sitting on the still pool. They sat around a crystal that glowed a faint blue. It had once been flawless and perfect, but a spider-like crack propagated down one side.

Monmon bowed her head, and said nothing. Nothing should be offered to the spirits unless it was agreed; no names should be asked.

One spoke. His beard and shaggy mane of hair was white sea-foam; his blue-green body was rotund and heavy. "I speak for the water of the seas," he said.

"I speak for the living water of the rivers and lakes," said the next water-spirit. She was tall and spindly; long limbs stretched out with too many joints. The water in her body was silty in her legs but clearer in the head.

"And I am the water in air, the falling rain," said the last. This water-spirit took the form of a small girl-child with rounded features, and she was hard to see in the gloom. She was nearly entirely transparent; pure liquid whose surface rippled with unseen impacts.

"We wish to speak to you," said Father Ocean. "Once there was a marriage and a child was born. You are our distant kin, for all that you are wrapped in markay flesh."

"The elves will not listen to us," said Mother River. "Their lords are deaf to the cries of water. From great stone structures comes forth terrible things that pollute their rivers. From their fields wash food for plants that chokes river mouths with algal blooms. They do not care."

"Your spirit is scarred by the marks born by those who have fought the Abyss, but you remain pure of its influence. You stand against demonkind. We are desperate," said the Rain Child. "The pressure of the Abyss builds up under the world, and the heat rises. Something is swelling up the place of the demons. It grows hotter. The fires rise. Soon they shall break through."

Montmorency blinked. "What is… the world is in great danger?"

"Yes."

"Why haven't you told someone?"

"We are telling someone."

"How soon?" Monmon asked, mind focussing on that concern as she tried not to think about the fact that the water spirits claimed her as their own kin. "How much time do these lands have?"

"We do not understand time as you do," said the Rain Child. "Such things are for the mortals, and you pretend to be mortal."

"We do not even know," said the spirit of the lake.

"Quiet," snapped Mother River. "This is not your place to speak, especially since you lost the Ring of Andvari."

"I didn't lose it! It was stolen! I can't believe you'd say it's my fau—"

The Rain-Child clasped her hands together. "It does not matter if it is to happen a year from now or a century. It must be stopped regardless," she said firmly. "Evil will destroy the world. Evil will corrupt the world. Evil will make things as they should not be. This cannot be permitted."

Monmon decided to pay attention to the Rain-Child rather than the degenerating argument between the lake spirit and Mother River. It felt much more gratifying to be tasked with such a mighty endeavour by three wise spirits of the waters, as opposed to bickering children. Even if the one she was listening to was the one who appeared as a child. "What might be causing this?" she asked. "Do you have any knowledge of what the demons are planning?"

"The demons do not seem to know what is causing it," said Father Sea. "They know that their realm is becoming more polluted and heating up, but they are not sure whether the change in the climes of the Abyss is their fault or not."

"Some of them believe it may be the result of unnatural cycles," said the Rain-Child, raising her voice over the squabbling Mother River and the lake spirit. "The Four Evils have appeared once again. The Heirs to Darkness walk the land, and they unknowingly seek to make the Four into the Prime Evil. Perhaps the day approaches when the Throne of the Abyss shall be filled again."

"The King of the Abyss will break out of his prison?" Monmon breathed.

"Perhaps," said Father Sea, "or perhaps a new tyrant shall rise whose eyes are turned upwards. It matters not. It must be stopped."

"You shall stop it," said the Rain-Child.

"Me? But I—"

"You misunderstand," the piping voice contradicted her. "I speak of mortal-kind. It must be done, but we cannot say – or know – who can do it. You are our messenger to the mortals because you are our kin, but your flesh lets you act without the constraints of our nature."

Letting her head sink into her hands, Monmon tried not to sigh audibly. "So, what you're saying is that somehow, at some time, the Abyss will break into reality in some way. And I need to find a way to stop this."

The water spirits exchanged a look between each other. "That is an accurate summary," said Mother River haughtily.

Opening her mouth to make a caustic remark about unhelpful spirits, Monmon changed her mind. One was not meant to be sarcastic to spirits, not least because they could tear all the water out of your body if they were offended. "I understand," she said, bowing her head. "I shall do this for you, and in return…" she paused, aching at the knowledge of the boon she really wanted from them but compelled to ask for something else, "you will tell me if you find any more details about this plan of the Abyss."

"This is a fair trade," said Father Sea approvingly. "So it shall be."

No, it wasn't fair at all, Monmon thought to herself. It wasn't fair that they were asking this of her – but she didn't have a choice if they were telling the truth. Damn them, they were right. Such a plan of the Abyss had to be stopped.

"And," sullenly added the water spirit who had pulled Monmon down here, "it was not my fault the Ring of Andvari was stolen. I just want to make this clear. It was all the fault of a trickster thief. I'm not to blame at all. No matter what anyone else says."

"Take her back to her kind," ordered the Rain-Child sharply.

The trip up to the surface was no kinder on her than the voyage down, and she was unceremoniously dumped on the lakeside in the freezing cold.

She was rushed to bed to recover, and while she stared up at the ceiling she wondered what on earth she was going to tell her family. Monmon wished that she could simply say that she had been given an epic quest by the spirits and thus simply had no time for marriage, but she doubted she'd be believed. Between her drunkard of a father, her evil stepmother, and the vile presence of the abbé they'd just believe she was making it up to avoid hated matrimony.

No, Monmon decided, she couldn't tell her family. They might confine her to stop her running away. So she'd just need to make best use of the free time she had.



…​



The lights were still on in the little house attached to the estate that was given to the abbé. It was much warmer in there than the main estate, and all the furnishings were in much better condition. If one were to pay very close attention to certain aspects of the walls and floorboards, any number of cunningly hidden caches of coins might be found.

Abbé Étienne Guibourg lit his pipe, and inhaled, contemplating things. All things considered, he wished the girl hadn't survived. When word had come that the spirits had dragged Montmorency into the lake, he had been interested – but then she had been returned a quarter of an hour later, mostly intact.

What had they done to her down there, and could he use it to his advantage? Perhaps. Some rumours might be useful; an implication of foul deeds here, a muttering of lost purity there. But then again, that might just put him in danger. His plans were reliant on things not being looked at too closely, and who knew what the family might do if they decided to try to disprove whatever whispers he set up.

And his plans were on… tentative territory as they stood. He had no idea what had truly happened in Amstelredamme, but Françoise-Athenais was gone. His ally on the Council was gone. The foolish woman must have trusted someone else to carry out Black Rites for her, and had wound up possessed. Such a shame. He had been lucky beyond belief when she had achieved that high rank, and perhaps he had grown too used to it.

"What do you think, Mysterion?" Étienne asked his familiar, idly running his fingers through the black fur of the hound. The dog only whuffled and sank into his gestures. "Yes, perhaps it is best to not unduly worry. Since she appears to have been dragged to the Abyss, there's very little risk that they'll find out my involvement."

But should he risk reminding Magdalene van Delft about their mutual… interest in demonology? Or would there be too much of a risk that she'd just have him killed?

Étienne ran his hands through his blonde hair. He just needed to stay focussed. No distractions.

First an unhappy marriage. Then a death. Then the end of the Montmorency family. The culmination of his plans.

No. Call it for what it was. Call it revenge.



…​
 
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More Overlady Fanart, by Arcus
Okay so I know we're on hiatus but have this thingy that I spent too much time on. I wanted to colour and shade it but colour is incredibly painful and time consuming. Maybe later.

Tried to be a bit closer to the original description this time, what with the robe/tabard thing. I missed the hood though.

Before her stood a robed and armoured figure. The robe was the first thing to catch the eye, and seemed to be based on the black robe she had worn to this meeting. This one, however, was in a deep, bloody crimson. And there were other differences. The robe was merely knee-length and short in the sleeve, well-placed cuts added to prevent it from reducing her ability to run. The hood was full, and cast the face in half-shadow, exposing only the mouth. Leaning in, squinting, Louise realised that somehow, the cut of the robe suggested cleavage that did not exactly exist, playing at the figure underneath. Where she went in, the robe followed closely, but where things went up and down it billowed, in a deception of well-cut fabric.

And rather than exposed flesh under the garment, there was steel. Dull, sullied steel which glinted in the hellish light from the windows. It wrapped every limb tightly, and under the opened robe there was plate which implied figure-hugging while not actually doing so. Even the heels were armoured. With a giggle at the expression on Louise's face, Jessica threw back the hood, to reveal the helmet underneath. Somehow the shadows clung to it too, still-shrouding half the face in a horned helmet which brought to mind both beasts and crowns.

And an alternate version without the helmet covering up Louise's face:


EDIT: Reuploaded in better resolution/more visible lineart.

I did mention colour, didn't I. Honestly I'm not entirely satisfied with this but here you go anyway:


 
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Perfidious Albion
"Let's be frank here. Why do we have the monarchy? It's essentially a coin-flip whenever a new one takes the throne as to whether they're a saint or a black-hearted tyrant. And their morals – or should I say the lack of them – are disgraceful! They're always marrying their siblings and taking demons and angels as consorts and having secret affairs with their shapeshifting dragon and other sort of things that decent folk don't do. I'm telling you, the Albionese have the right idea!"

Eloise-Kathleen the Petite, Bourgeoisie Agitator



…​



Spring rain hammered down upon the bleak landscape. Crashes of thunder and lightning cast the looming trunk-like shape of the base of the ancient tower into stark relief. Malicious and cruel creatures patrolled its top, huddling under stolen dead men's clothing and occasionally pushing each other off the side for a laugh.

Down in the depths, the overlady of this forsaken place was engaged in dark deeds. Before her lay a hulking granite coffin, roughly hewn from the rock. In the coffin was a crumbling skeleton. The bones lay all out of order, and the torchlight gleamed off the fanged skull. Her vile goblin-like servants gibbered and cackled as they manoeuvred a heavy bronze bowl into position at the head of the coffin.

"If any of you spill that blood, I'll have you flayed, resurrected, drowned, brought back again, and then have your loot confiscated!" the overlady ordered.

"Oi, you lot, you heard the overlady! She are well serious about all of this!" called out the brown goblin next to her, who wore armour largely made of skulls.

With a clanking and a clattering, the vessel was firmly placed in the cradle of levers and pulleys intended for it. The accursed villainess made a note on the parchment before her, adding another tick to the long list of sinister actions required for her latest diabolical scheme. "I do believe that's everything," she said.

"Yep, overlady!" chirped up a green goblin in a dress and a powdered wig.

"Then it is time to bring back a vampire!" the dark lady intoned.

There was a pause. The minions glanced at each other, wondering who was going to speak up first and risk loot confiscation.

"Uh, overlady?" asked Maxy. "Which vampire is you talking about?"

"Yeah," agreed Fettid, "cos we still got the ashes of the one you killed way back when in a pile somewhere. If you is wanting to bring them back, then we gotta go fetch them."

"And that are gonna take ages," Maggat said soundly. "Honestly we no are even sure where we left him. I think Talunt mighta snorted them. He got a problem. We is thinking about staging an inter-vent-shun."

Louise de la Vallière brought her hand up to her face, gauntlet hitting her helmet with a solid clank. "I mean Cattleya! The vampire we have right here! Who is my sister! And who I actually have reason to want to bring back!"

"Ah, well, you gotta be clearer about this sorta thing," Maggat said.

"This no are a con-struck-teeth place to be amb… ambi… not clear," Fettid said, picking her teeth with a knife.

"Why the heck would I want to bring that hesitant cretin back?" Louise fumed. Honestly, minions! They were stupider than… than a very stupid thing! Like a self-referential simile!

"You is the overlady. It no are our place to do the thinking," Maggat said. "We is here to obey."

"It no are in our contract," Char agreed. "We is working to rule 'ere."

"Except for Gnarl, of course."

"Well, duh. He are management, not part of the prole-eat-a-rat."

"But I'm not going to bring that other vampire back so this is an irrelevant distraction!" Louise snapped before they could say something about eating rats. "So everyone, just shut up and pour in the dang blood! Honestly! I'm trying to make it a little bit dramatic and you had to go ruin it!"

"Oh no, she has caught the melon drama," Scyl whispered a little too loudly. "Probably from all the blood 'cause watermelons is like blood inside."

Maggat thumped him. "Pour in the blood!" he hollered.

Machinery clanked and ropes crackled as the great bronze bowl tilted. A wave of steaming crimson blood spilled down into the coffin.

"Phew-ee!" said Scyl. "What are that smell?"

"It're blood."

"Oh yeah, so it are."

"You so stupid, Scyl."

Lord and Founder, Louise prayed in her head, couldn't the minions shut up for just once?

Thick white mist roiled and boiled, pouring up and out of the stone coffin and cascading down the sides. It crept across the floor, moving like a living thing. Wherever it touched, the blood disappeared. Wispy hands rose up out of the mist, snatching at the air. A rat happened to scamper too close to the sinister flowing fog, which surged out to envelop the creature. When it withdrew, all that was left was a desiccated corpse.

The mist turned scarlet and rose up, then spiralled inwards to form a pillar, sucked back into the coffin. In the silence, a death rattle sounded.

And the vampire rose from her tomb. She surfaced from the blood filling the coffin, grasping the stone sides, and levered herself upright. Cattleya de la Valliere opened her eyes, which burned a dull red, and ran her tongue over her prominent canines.

Her head rotated a little further than heads should as she focussed on her little sister.

"Um. Good evening, Catt," the dark lady said, rubbing the back of her neck. "How are you feeling?"

"How long?"

"I don't…"

"How. Long?" Cattleya demanded, baring her fangs.

"Uh. Just a month. Or two. Really three. And a half."

Cattleya twitched her head, bone creaking as she flexed her jaw. "Oh no, something awful must have happened!"

"I… excuse me?"

"Oh, so nothing bad happened?" Cattleya smiled, tilting her neck. There was still a lot of fang showing. "Well, then, why did you take that long to bring me back!"

"This wasn't easy! I lost most of your ash, which really increased how much life energy I needed. And I had some munitions depots belonging to the Council to blow up, and tax collectors to ambush. Plus, Jessica dug up some research papers for me that revealed that feeding minions to vampires was a 'very good thing to do' which led me to get her to work on purifying the life energy so you wouldn't wake up in a grump."

"In a grump? In a grump?" Cattleya threw her hands up. "Well, I'm awfully sorry – and do correct me if I remember things wrong – but at least as far as I can recall, you murdered me!"

"Nonsense." Louise felt on sounder ground here. "You're already dead, Catt. You can't murder the undead." She crossed her arms. "That's well established under both Church and Tristainian law."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it," her sister said with brittle calm.

"Why are you making such a big deal about it anyway? I only did it because I knew I could bring you back, while the same didn't apply to Eleanore."

"You blew a giant hole in my chest!"

"It's not there anymore. No harm done." Louise cleared her throat. "And on that note, Catt, would you like a towel? And maybe a bathrobe? And then a bath. Because as it stands, you're not exactly wearing anything apart from, uh, a thin coating of blood." She picked up the towel she had brought along, and tossed it to her sister. "I did have your maids run you a bath. They've all been missing you." She nodded. Such devotion from servants was quite admirable.

Cattleya seemed to perk up at that. "Oh, of course, I can't believe I wasn't there for them for months and months! They were probably worried sick." She stooped down and started to towel herself off, fairly immediately soaking the cloth with cooling blood. "I'll go up and see them!"

And with that said, she collapsed into a creeping fog, flowing towards the door.

"Don't forget, we have book club tomorrow!" Louise called after her. "And don't trail blood through my halls!"



…​



Spring light shone in through the high windows of the van Delft estate. The library smelled of old paper and a hint of mould. Over from next door, the sound of a discussion on a romantic novel that Magdalene had nothing but contempt for could be heard. For that reason and others, the cult priestess and the overlady were meeting privately.

"So how is it on the Regency Council?" Louise asked, cradling Magdalene's son in her arms. She smiled. "It hasn't gone to your head and left you bloated and conceited?"

"Support his head more," Magdalene ordered, before leaning back. The shadows clung to her, even if she was wearing a loose and brightly coloured maternity dress. "And honestly, I've just been rushed off my feet with everything that's going on in Amstrelredamme." She paused. "Your mother has been snooping around. As have Guiche de Gramont's little band."

Louise swallowed. "Is she associating with them?" she asked nervously.

"No." Both women sighed in relief. "She's very much keeping things on the down low. Meanwhile, de Gramont is blundering around. I've got him chasing dead ends and cleaning up rival cults, but they're distracted anyway."

"What is Kirche after?" Louise asked. The baby in her arms made a soft burbling noise, and her features softened. Despite her best efforts, she was softening to her… second cousin twice removed. Probably. Stupid gnarled up family tree. But his fingers were so tiny wrapped around her fingers!

She was very concerned that she might be experiencing maternal feelings. She didn't have time for that sort of thing! And if Gnarl found out, he'd probably give her a tiresome lecture about how they distracted from the cause of Evil, or some such rot.

"Not the von Zerbst," Magdalene said, with a slightly amused expression as she took in Louise. "The daughter of the Montmorency family is getting married."

"Oh." Louise shrugged. "I never liked her. So I don't care."

Magdalene rose, retrieving a collection of papers, and adjusted her reflective spectacles. "Mmm hmm. Now, the Council hasn't let me into their innermost councils. Jean-Jacques and Richelieu have their own private meetings and they're keeping me ignorant. In fact, they're offloading work onto me. But I can put some things together. I know Jean-Jacques too well for him to be able to hide everything."

She laid the papers down on the table in front of Louise. "The Regency Council is in contact with the Albionese revolutionaries and the Lord Protector. It's not a secure alliance — the Council is overtly acting to be prepared for an Albionese invasion. But they have contacts behind the scenes, and they're planning something big."

Adjusting the sit of the baby in her arms, Louise leaned forwards, pouring over the papers. She didn't like that sound of that. She'd been trying hard to stop Henrietta dragging her into some kind of Albionese fiasco. That wasn't why she was the overlady. The fact that nagging at the back of her mind was the idea that Henrietta might use black magic to bring the prince back from the dead and that'd leave Louise with no chance with her was not a contributing factor. At all. Really.

"I was initially worried about possibly the Albionese invading after we overthrow the Council," she said carefully. "But if they're allied, that's even more disturbing. The Albionese Commonwealth is anti-monarchist. Do you think Wardes and Richlieu are going to try to overthrow the monarchy?"

"Jean-Jacques, no. I don't think so. I think he's planning something else," Magdalene said thoughtfully, picking up one specific bit of paper and showing it to Louise. "But Richelieu. Maybe. I think he'd like the crown. Or at least the position of Lord Protector General-in-Chief for Life." She pursed her lips. "Rumour is that he was looking to assume the papacy, but the current pope is a young man. I think he's decided that there's no way to out-wait him, so he's settling for a 'lesser' prize."

Louise nodded, and tried to steeple her fingers. Unfortunately, Magdalene's baby was not cooperating with the proper evil posture. "I don't think that's enough to act on," she said, trying to cradle a baby sinisterly and failing. "We'll need to watch for that, but we want to get Princess Henrietta back on the throne before we do anything like that." She glowered, and mumbled, "No matter what she might want."

Magdalene unfortunately had very good hearing even if she was nearly blind without her glasses. "What is her desire?"

"Hmmph. She wants to go to make trouble in Albion. And," Louise said, wanting to ball her fists but having to settle for rocking the baby, "Princess Henrietta made some contacts with a group of Albionese dark elves."

"Trusting elves?"

"Exactly! It's a bad idea!"

"We are evil," Magdalene pointed out amiably.

Louise narrowed her eyes. "It's an ill-thought out idea! Please don't do that stupid evil pedantry thing." She sighed. "I'd appreciate any information you can get on the current state of affairs in Albion, though. If there are any would-be rebels, we might be able to support them. And that'd get Henrietta off my back."

"I'll see what I can do." Magdalene leaned in, scooping up her baby. "I don't think there'll be much, though. The Albionese have been very busy clearing out so-called 'Staytors'. Traitors to their cause."

"Wonderful," Louise said with a sigh. "Well, I'll take whatever you can get."

Magdalene nodded towards the papers. "Take those. They're copies. There might be something useful in them." Louise began to gather them up. "Now, on other matters… how have you been?"

Louise paused, looking away. "I… I mean, I've been getting used to being the overlady again. Been thinking a lot. About… various things." She swallowed, and tried not to give away that Henrietta had been one of the things she had been thinking on about.

Magdalene, in a display that reminded her that she was related to Eleanore, asked, "So, how is Princess Henrietta, then? You said she has been," Magdalene coughed, "on your back."

"Um. Well…"



…​



Pale effervescent witchlights burned in the depths. They floated into the eye sockets of the skulls scattered around the morbid room, giving those long dead remains the semblance of life. Blood-red candles upon a black altar illuminated the dark liquid spilling out of the guts of the sacrificial rodent.

Princess Henrietta of Tristain pricked her left finger, and let the blood fall upon the dead rat. "Rise!" she intoned. "Rise and answer my call, oh spirit of..." She glanced at her family tree, which she had been methodically working her way through, "... Elisabeth, second consort of Charles XII. Answer my call!"

A thin mist rose up from the ground. Ectoplasm boiled and bubbled from the eyes of the rat — far more than its body could possibly have contained. Oozing and creeping, it took the form of a bust of the dead woman. The head took somewhat longer, but eventually it coalesced from the oozing green-grey substance.

"Who wakes me from my eternal slumber in the grey lands of the dead?" the dead queen-consort intoned in archaic Tristainian.

Henrietta crossed her arms and glared up at the spectral abomination. "If you start projectile-vomiting, I will be very unimpressed," she said clearly. "I've only just got the place cleaned up after the last one who did it. Who was your son, by the way." She cracked her knuckles. "And for your information, I have in place the triple-warding of Mortimer Osseous, the Fifth Pronouncement of Pope Necrach III, and I'm wearing a regal admonishment. If you try to possess me, you'll be painfully torn back to the Underworld, and I'll have drained the best part of your power."

"Oh, I wouldn't do such a thing," Elisabeth said, tilting her wobbling, jelly-like head.

"I'm just a little concerned, considering that you murdered your precursor, captured the king's mind inside a gem, and had your demonic lover puppet his flesh around."

The spectral apparition smiled. "Yes, and you are descended from me. Not yet twenty, and you're already an accomplished necromancer. What do you want me to do? Murder your father? A brother?"

Behind her skull mask, Henrietta's expression hardened. "I am the crown princess. Traitors have plotted against me, imprisoned me, and defamed me — claiming I am an adulteress. I want to see them dead. I want to see them harried with nightmares, to see all they love destroyed, to watch them suffer."

The spectre smiled from ear to ear. Literally. "Oh, look at you. It's nice to see that the family hasn't lost its killer instinct. Just a question — are you actually an adulteress?"

The already-freezing crypt grew several degrees colder. "No. I am a pure virgin as per Brimiric law, and-"

"Oh, don't take it personally — I don't have anything against adultery. My husband was nothing compared to my demon lover," Elisabeth said. "And you're the crown princess — and you'll be queen? Well, isn't that grand. Just one question."

"Go ahead."

"The Fifth Pronouncement, you say?"

"Yes."

"Oh, you poor sweet naive girl." Her ectoplasm was drawing in more solidity and colour. "You did your research, I must admit — but not enough. Your flesh will keep me warm."

"Please don't," Henrietta said, taking a step back.

"Oh, you can't stop me," Elisabeth cooed, reaching out with one too long arm. Ichor dripped from the end of one claw-like nail. "Don't feel scared. You can't change a thing."

She touched Henrietta's cheek, and burst like a popped tick. Ice-cold ectoplasm went everywhere.

"Urgh," Henrietta said, shaking off her hand. Long thin slimy trails of translucent goo dripped off her fingers, pooling on the floor. "Well, at least the glass eye-shields behind the skull mask worked this time. I'll need to thank Jessica for that. And this is more power gathered for my great working." She looked over the dripping room. "But seriously, can just one of my ancestors not try to betray me and possess me? Please?"

There was a little voice in her head that suggested maybe this wouldn't happen if she didn't tell them she was using the fundamentally flawed Fifth Pronouncement. Maybe, just maybe, she should tell them she was using the actually-functional First to Fourth Pronouncements.

But honestly, it was doing a good chance of weeding out the ghosts who would try to betray her at a moment's notice. Which, so far, was all of them. This was the problem with only summoning evil ancestors. She'd tried some good ones, but they just lectured her about being 'evil' and 'wicked' and 'a morally corrupt harlot of a necromancer who disturbed the sleep of the dead'.

So much for good! Ha!

One hand went to the little locket around her neck, and without thinking she flipped it open. A tiny portrait of her prince stared back at her; eyes so blue, hair so blond, skin so fair. Her vision began to blur.

"Oh, my love," Henrietta whispered to him, cradling the locket. "Death will have no domain over you. I will have you back. All the terrible power of the Underworld will bear us to the chapel, and the screams of the souls who did this to you will scream us to sleep on our marriage bed." She brushed her lips against the tiny painting. "Soon. Soon."



...​



"... she's enthusiastic," Louise said. "Really, uh, looking forwards to clearing her name."

"Oh, that's good," Magdalene said. "And. Um. You and… her?"

Louise looked away, cheeks turning bright red. "I don't have to answer that!"

"Well, I didn't want to have to ask it, but as the only female relative you have access to who isn't one of the living dead, I feel a disgusting sense of obligation." Magdalene sighed and tried to scowl her sisterly expression away. "It's probably motherhood messing with my body and mind. It's revolting."

Hands pressed to her blazing cheeks, Louise glanced back. Magdalene was fortunately just as red, and deliberately looking down at her son. "Nothing has happened," Louise mumbled. "I nearly… nearly plucked up the courage to have a talk with her and. Um. Then she started talking about Prince Cearl and how she still loved him and plans to raise him from the dead. That put a stop to that."

"Ah. That's… that's awkward. It's always a problem when there's. Um. Someone else in the relationship. Especially if they're dead." Magdalene coughed. "I could make a comment about 'boning', but that might be treason."

Louise frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

"Never mind that. You'll understand when you get married. Or not, as the case may be. Well, no progress there. And though I really, really hate to continue on with this line of discussion — really, I hate it, it's mortifying — but, Emperor Lee?"

With a faint noise that was vaguely like "Ghnee," Louise sunk down in her chair and hid behind the table.

"You're… going to have to use words. I don't know what that means."

"I don't know myself," the table grumbled. "Sometimes he blows hot. Sometimes he blows cold. We've been… we've been doing something every fortnight or so. And it seems half the time he really likes me, and half the time he hates seeing me and he's just doing it out of obligation. D-does he actually like me? Or d-does he just want me for my evil magical power?" Louise sniffled. "I don't know how to handle this! How do you handle someone who acts nice half the time and nasty the rest of the time? Who'd do this to someone else?"

"Ow!"

A pink-haired head poked above the table. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"No, just bit the inside of my mouth. Now it tastes all iron-y."

"You should be more careful," Louise said. She was barely paying attention, lost in her own romantic dilemmas. "I have another maybe-a-date with him tomorrow. I hope he'll apologise for being such a… such a cold jerk last time! Or I'll… I'll do the same to him!"

Magdalene exhaled. "Good. I think I've fulfilled my family duties here. Thank the Founder. Now let's not talk of it any more. There are more important things to speak of. Like, for example, whether you've read any good books recently!"

Louise pulled herself up from under the table, still definitely pink. "Yes! Yes! Books! Books that aren't at all related to my love life or lack thereof! Ha ha ha. And we probably shouldn't mention any romance novels for at least half an hour just to be on the safe side! Yes!"

For all the mortification, she did have to wonder; was this what it was like having a big sister? One who wasn't Eleanore. Or Catt.



…​



The carriage rattled its way back along the remote road. The foul-smelling and suspiciously goblin-like driver whipped the equally suspiciously goblin-like horses.

"Oi, quit it Maxy!"

The driver just lashed them again.

There was little conversation going on inside the carriage. Louise scribbled away in her notebook, flicking through the reports that Magdalene had provided her with, while Cattleya dabbed at her mouth with a blood-splattered handkerchief.

"We stopped to get you a snack," Louise said acidly. "Maybe now you'll cheer up a little."

"And I do appreciate it! I really do! You were super nice and didn't let me starve to death. Even if it would probably have been more convenient to you. After all, I'm the expendable one here!"

Louise clenched her jaw. "Oh, for goodness sake."

"Aren't you meant to say 'oh, for the sake of evil'?"

"No. Because that sounds stupid." Louise sighed, curling a lock of hair in one finger. "I thought you'd be happy I took you out somewhere. To meet people. And talk about books."

Thunder boomed outside. "I wasn't too pleased to hear that they're being mean to my dear Maria," Cattleya said darkly.

Louise looked at her sister, eyes flat. "That would be the same Maria who tried to betray them to Baelogji?"

"She didn't mean it!" She got a hard look in her direction. "Dark angel-god things are really scary! Trying to bargain with them to survive is something I can understand. I mean, I always got on quite well with Athe! He liked my beetle collection!"

"Cattleya, she tried to sell them out for power."

"It's basically the same principle! You're an overlady! I don't see how you can get in other people's faces for consorting with the forces of darkness!"

Louise harrumphed. "Betraying your friends and doing a few things that are technically not entirely morally clean are totally different!" she said, crossing her arms. She tried not to show a flicker of emotion at the memory of those few beautiful hours when she'd felt so light and so free and able to just do things and say things without anything in the way. Being the heir to Brimir's twisted legacy was such hard work.

"Well, after we got some private time, she asked me to move in with her! So there!"

All the blood rushed from Louise's face. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Cattleya waved her bloodied handkerchief. "I have friends too!"

"I know you have friends. I made sure you could see them," Louise groaned, holding her face in her hands. "But Cattleya, holding a grudge that I wasn't prepared to let you kill Eleanore is not helpful."

"See, this is exactly why I might want some time away from you," Cattleya said, flashing fangs. "Because it's far from being about that, and you don't even understand why I might want some time away." She tilted her head back. "We are, as the Albionese say, 'gals being pals'."

"Catt, I already know you're her friend. You don't need to make such a point of it," Louise said, exasperation in her voice. "But she's not good for you. She's willing to sell out at a moment's notice!"

"Well, perhaps, perhaps," Cattleya said sweetly. "But at least she won't blow my chest open with a lightning bolt and then take months to bring me back."

And that was enough to silence the carriage. Louise returned to reading the notes, while Cattleya stared out the window. And if either had tears in their eyes, they weren't going to let the other one see.



…​



"Are you feeling quite well, Louise-Françoise?" Henrietta asked as the overlady swept in to her briefing room.

"Fine. Just fine," Louise said shortly.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course!" Louise scooped up her white cat onto her lap, who had been occupying her chair, then slumped down. The red leather squeaked under her. "I'm just slightly irked at Cattleya."

"Oh dear. What did she do?"

"A minor thing that I don't care about because it doesn't matter!" Louise said firmly, stroking her cat. She looked over at Henrietta, who was wearing a long gown the colour of dried blood and whose necklace was made of tiny silver skulls. She had been meaning to talk to her about that, but right now she just didn't have the mental energy to do it after her fight with her older sister. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"So, I sorted the notes you left lying around on your desk. The ones about Albion. You were so thoughtful to think of that!"

Louise's blood ran cold. Drat. She really, really hadn't meant to let Henrietta see them. But of course, she was just being helpful. "Go on," she said, trying to cover up the urge she had to punch something.

Henrietta nodded seriously, shuffling her papers. "I have been keeping up to date with the state of the sky-island of Albion in the aftermath of the Civil War, but Magdalene's notes are much more comprehensive than the reports I've had access to." She shook her head. "Albion remains deeply, deeply divided. I hadn't realised how bad it was getting up there — which is just wonderful for us." She smiled, showing teeth. "I want to see those murderous lords and ladies suffer for what they tricked the country into doing."

Louise chuckled nervously — entirely aware of how intense Henrietta could be about these matters — and leaned back in her chair. "I have to admit, I really haven't been paying much attention to the Albionese Civil War things. I mean, I was at school for most of it, and then I've," she sighed, "sort of been distracted with other things. But the entire thing seems… stupid."

The door opened, and Gnarl ambled in, chewing on cockroaches from a bowl. Without a word, he shuffled up into one of the seats, crossing his legs. "Don't mind me," he said. "For some reason, my invitation to this conference must have got lost. Probably got eaten by the minion you sent."

No, because I didn't invite you, Louise didn't say. "Probably."

Henrietta glanced at Gnarl, then turned her attention back to Louise. "So, the core reason for the Albionese Civil War was because the nobles were all disgusting traitors who didn't want to pay taxes," she said.

"Not to mention the rumours that the king had engaged in marital relations with a barnyard animal," Gnarl added, grinning happily.

Henrietta glared at him. "I don't put any credit in those rumours," she said tersely.

"I do!"

"Gnarl," Louise warned.

"Just providing the fullness of information, your wickedness."

"Ahem!" Henrietta said sharply. "But beyond the taxation and the… the scurrilous rumours, there was also a branch of the Albionese nobility who felt that Albion was too friendly to the continental powers." She blushed. "There were whispers at court that, uh, my sweet Cearl was going to marry me and there would be a union of Albion and Tristain."

Louise paused. "Wasn't that true?" she asked hesitantly.

"Not at the time the rumours started," Henrietta said hotly. "I was only twelve at the time! It's just a coincidence we later fell in love!" Gnarl made a gagging sound, which she ignored. "Now, yes, I must concede that fears of foreign entanglement were a real worry. The last personal union between Albion and Germania nearly bankrupted Albion as it was dragged into war against Gallia," she said, with a deep breath. "But then they went crazy."

"Crazy?"

"Well, the rebels started talking about moving floating Albion away from the continent. Dragging it up north, if you can believe it."

The overlady stare at her trusted advisor/kidnapping victim in disbelief. " Excuse me? They want to do what?"

Henrietta cleared her throat, playing with the bracelet of rat skulls around her right hand. "They want to attach giant chains to Albion and pull it north away from the continent using dragons. It's part of a great project they call 'Albigone'."

"But... why?"

"No one is entirely sure, to be honest. Cearl said that no one could really explain it to him either. Advocates would just shout 'Sovereignty!' and 'Freedom!' and talk about how everyone would be better off when they could export freely to the rest of the world."

"What rest of the world? The elves? The mysterious lands across the Great Western Ocean? The... the bears in the Northern Ice?"

"I don't know either. When pressed too hard, he said they'd just call the person a 'Staytor'."

Louise considered the situation. "That's stupid. They're stupid. They'll starve! Dragging Albion up north means..."

"They'll all starve when the crops fail," Gnarl said happily. "Maybe it's the Iron Lady again, looking to get more corpse-slaves. I never did hear what happened to her. Hard to get the latest information when you're stuck in a cage."

Henrietta shook her head. "No, I don't believe so. They broke her phylactery thirty years ago."

"Shame, shame. That was a woman you could look up to, when she was callously and brutally crushing innocent lives."

Louise tickled Pallas under the chin. "That's all well," she said, "but from what you're telling me, the Albionese government is not only traitorous dogs, but they're also insane. Or at least committed to a course of action which anyone with the slightest lick of sense knows is stupid."

Henrietta nodded. "Yes."

"And from the notes, they know their course of action is stupid, but they're either ideologically committed to it, or too afraid of being stabbed in the back by the frothing lunatics who do believe?"

"It would seem so. Oh, seeing those idiots caught in a trap of their own making just gives me a frisson of pleasure, my dear Louise-Françoise!"

"So," she tried, "we don't really have to get involved, do we? We can just let them bankrupt themselves and starve."

That earned her a judgemental stare from Henrietta. "Albion has always been a good ally to Tristain!"

"Apart from when you've been at war!" Gnarl chuckled. "Which is, oh, a good forty years out of every century."

"We can't let my love's subjects starve! The only moral thing to do is to brutally murder everyone involved in their treasonous pl—"

"There are more important things, like clearing your name," Louise said, before Henrietta could say anything more. "What time is it Gnarl?"

"Just past noon."

Louise paled. "That late? I thought I'd have… oh no!"

"What is it?" Henrietta demanded.

"I have another date with Lee this evening! I need to get ready!"

Henrietta took Louise by the arm. "Well, come on then! Come with me, to the baths! We need to get you cleaned up, because you've clearly been in the dusty library again! And have you even thought about what to wear?"

"Well, not exactl—"

"Louise-Françoise!"

"I've been busy!"

"Well, we're getting you cleaned up and then I'm going to grab Jessica to make sure you look properly fitting for your swain! I'm going to scrub you clean! You're my subject and we can't have some Cathayan emperor looking down on you because you have dirt on your neck!"

"Stop embarrassing me," Louise wailed, blushing pinkly.

"Never! It's for your own good! To the baths with you!"



…​



An unnatural spectrum of kaleidoscopic lights from infernal machines played across the walls. Their mechanistic chimes and hums were unlike anything of the living world. The foul braying creatures of the Abyss took their merriment in this place of horrors. In one room, a starving demon was unleashed in a maze to seek food while fleeing a quartet of murderous ghosts. In another, gawky incubi hunted each other with enchanted crossbows that fired bolts of malignant light. In the far corner, younger demons operated vicious clawed cranes seeking to pull screaming prey from pits.

"This is something that is… popular?" Louise enquired, adjusting her translation glasses. She glanced over at the huddle of a horned pink-haired girl with red tattoos covering her arms, a boy with turquoise hair and golden skin, and a red-eyed albino with feathered wings. What was it that they saw in feeding coins into a machine to make two demons fight on a narrow stage above spikes?

Emperor Lee nodded. "My spies have told me so," he said. Louise thought she could hear a certain degree of puzzlement in his voice too. Today he was wearing black armour with gold overlays. His open-faced helmet was shaped to look like a dragon's head.

The two of them stood at the entrance way. Louise could feel her stomach churning, and unconsciously patted her chest to remind her that she had layers of steel there. Stab-proof armour was wonderful for one's self-confidence.

"Let us work towards making this go better than last time," said Emperor Lee.

Beneath her helmet, Louise blushed. For a moment she wasn't sure if it was embarrassment or anger, but then the reddish-pink mist parted and she realised it was both. That jerk! He was the one who'd been all cold and distant and totally different last time!

Rather than look at him, she stared around for something — anything — that wouldn't involve potentially causing a diplomatic crisis. Something involving a mallet and captive goblins poking their heads out of holes caught her attention. "Let's give this a go!" she said, marching off without waiting for him. She picked up one of the mallets, and hefted it speculatively.

Emperor Lee caught up with her, and tried one of the mallets. His arms shook somewhat. Hah! Clearly his armour was enchanted to be as light as cloth! She couldn't exactly afford that, but marching around in actual armour did help build endurance. "What's the point of this?" he asked.

Louise grinned. "It's a chance to smash goblin skulls," she said. "On the count of three…"

By the time the bell rang, Emperor Lee was wheezing. Louise had a manic light in her eyes. Yes, she was tired too — and somewhat annoyed that the mallets were rubber-headed — but it had been cathartic to imagine that the goblins were minions. And also Wardeses. There had been some Lees among them too. And also a Cattleya and a Henrietta.

Honestly, she had anger to spare.

She glanced over at Lee, who limped over to one of the seats and slumped down. She put one hand on her hip. "Tired already?"

"I have people to do my sword-fighting for me," he muttered.

Something about that rung false to Louise. "Wait. Last time you were talking about how you'd collapsed an entire mountain pass on northern barbarians and then cut down the survivors."

Lee froze up. "Well, I… I might have exaggerated," he said, looking away. "Sword-fighting is an uncivilised endeavour that involves putting yourself at risk for little gain."

She pursed her lips. With what he was wearing, he did look skinnier than she'd thought. Instead, she crossed her arms and tried for her best haughty tone. "I can't believe you'd lie to me about something like that."

He tilted his head. "I'm the Dark Dragon Emperor," he said. "Of course I'd lie to you about a lot of things."

"Those are matters of state," Louise said, flapping her hand at him dismissively. "They don't count in the same way. Look at me. I'm not exactly some hulking muscle-bound barbarian princess," an image of Henrietta in the baths flashed into her head and wouldn't go away, "... and… and I still have more stamina than you," she finished lamely.

He scowled. "Putting too much effort into such physical traits is unwise. Manual dexterity is all you need, for magic. I'm not my sister."

Louise tilted her head. "You have a sister?"

"Had. She… she liked fighting too much. More than a lady 'should'. While I was terrible at being a 'proper man'." He paused. "But she is dead and I am not," he added quickly.

Brushing down the strange red material of the seat, Louise sat herself down beside him. She wasn't sure what to say. Part of her wanted to say that she was sorry. Part of her wanted to call bullshit on his blatant ploy for sympathy, because how stupid did he think she was to trust him on an apparent emotional revelation, honestly? "That's sad," she said. She wracked her brain for something else to add. "I don't think you're not a 'proper man' just because you're an evil wizard rather than some swaggering brute."

That earned her a surprisingly warm smile. "That's good to hear," he said.

He looked entirely different when he smiled like that. Louise rather wanted to see more of that smile. "So, how have you been?" she asked.

He shrugged, with a clanking of armour. "Could have been worse. Things have been proceeding in the South East. It's been easier without those three troublesome lords around."

Louise nodded, acutely aware of how she had one of then locked in her dungeon very much alive. "That's good to hear."

"Mmm. You?"

She considered what to say. "What do you know of Albion?"

"That strange floating island in the West? Not much." He leaned back in his seat. "Their government has been talking to me. Trade and similar things."

"Trade?" She frowned. "All the way from Cathay?"

He shook his head. "I don't understand what they're thinking of. They wanted to buy a lot of rare alchemical metals and gemstones."

She pursed her lips. "Are you going to sell?"

"I already have. They were clearly desperate — my trade negotiators gouged those proud men who thought they were so clever." He chuckled humourlessly. "They are not very clever, and that stupid blond man leading the delegation was insulting."

Inside, Louise's mind was whirring. Why would the Albionese go to Cathay to buy rare metals? Yes, their flying island was short of them, but there were places in Halkeginia they could find them. The only reason they could have to go to Cathay was… that they didn't want the kings of Halkeginia and the pope finding out what they were doing. "What kind of metals?" she asked with false idleness.

From the look on Lee's face, it hadn't worked. "It all depends. What is it worth to you?"

Louise froze up. Oh Founder. What should she do? What would her mother do? Wait, she'd murder such a potent lord of darkness. What about Cattleya… no, no, that'd involve drinking his blood. Louise's mind grasped for a voice of female advice that didn't involve murder, and came up with Jessica, who'd tell her to use her feminine wiles. Well, actually she wouldn't, but Louise mentally substituted that for what Jessica would actually say which would probably involve rather more knowing stares and rib nudges.

She swallowed. "Well," she said, quite aware that her voice was higher than usual, "if you'd just help out a bit, I'd be really very grateful."

"Oh." Emperor Lee swallowed. "How grateful?"

Louise wasn't entirely sure herself. "Very," she said, trying not to squeak.

The dark emperor paused where he was. "Well, I suppose if I didn't mention specifics…" He left the sentence hanging.

"I'd be a little less grateful," Louise said, throat dry. Part of her was very glad to have a way to back out. "But still a bit grateful."

The only noise for a while was the backdrop of the demonic entertainment place and the gibbering of the inhabitants of the Abyss. Claxons sounded and creatures wailed. Then; "The Albionese wanted to buy two main categories of metal," Emperor Lee said. "They wanted meteoric iron — that iron which falls from the sky. They wanted certain Cathayan steels that are very, very light and strong. And they also wanted certain kinds of gemstone that are used for the binding of spirits."

Louise's mind whirred. "I see. Thank you," she said curtly.

"You have an idea what they wanted them for."

"Not yet," she said, in response to his not-question.

"Hah. I am not sure what they wanted to do. With a floating island like that, I would build a death fortress that could fly over the lands of my enemies — or rebels — and crush them from an aerial position. If you broke it apart, you could get countless invincible sky-skips."

"Yes." Louise swallowed, and turned fully to face him. Her throat felt parched. Lord, why was she having to handle both conspiracies of evil Albionese traitors and her feelings for Emperor Lee at the same time? It just wasn't fair! And on top of that, she had to discharge her gratitude before he started getting ideas. "I am grateful," she began, reaching out. Her metal gauntlet brushed his, and he flinched back as if she'd cast lightning at him.

Strangely that made her feel better. As a dark overlady of wicked darkness, she had learned about the power of fear. Maybe it was good for a boy to be a little bit scared of you. Not too scared. But just scared enough.

Carried on a wave of worry and nerves, Louise reached out, and placed both hands on the side of his head. And then she leaned in, pressing her lips against his and barely avoiding losing an eye to the ornamental dragon-skull on his brow.

The Dark Dragon Emperor of Cathay turned pale, and let out an unmanly squeak. He didn't pull away, though. She felt strangely proud of that.

Louise let go, and leapt to her feet. "I said I'd be grateful!" she blurted out. "Um. I… I need to go to the bathroom." She rushed off without waiting for a response.



...​



The bathroom was grimy and the floor was tacky. A teenage succubus was in here, adjusting her make-up in the mirror. Louise kept well away from her and her excessive amounts of eau de brimstone, and splashed cold water on her face.

With trembling fingers, she touched her lips. That… that hadn't been awful. He'd been warm, and soft. She dug around in a pouch to recover her purse, and from that retrieved the universal antidote lip balm that Jessica had provided her with. She didn't trust him to not have poisoned his lips.

"Stop it," she hissed to her shaking hands. "You've kissed men before." Only on the cheek in greeting, she could add, but didn't. "That's… that's no different."

She applied the lip balm to her lips as well as some of the surrounding area of her face — which probably made it more effective, right? — and couldn't help but touch them again. Would Henrietta's lips feel like that? Would they be softer? Warmer? Taste gritty because she'd been rubbing grave ash into her face again? Romance novels seemed to have the idea that kissing was wonderful and magical and captured your heart and… well, she felt somewhat mis-sold. What it had felt like was pressing her lips to someone else's. It hadn't been much different from kissing someone on the cheek, apart from the frisson of this being something good girls didn't do. You know, kiss evil emperors.

Then why was she shaking?

Maybe it was one of those things that got better with practice. The blush hit like a tsunami as she imagined trying again with an individual who alternated between wearing Henrietta's and Lee's faces.

"Like, if you're going to do that, could you, like, do it in private?" the succubus said, shooting a filthy glance in her direction.

"Do what?"

"Go and feel so lusty. Duh."

Louise spluttered, glared, and barely managed to resist the urge to scorch that annoying whiny pain in the butt. And only then because it might cause a diplomatic incident or something that she just didn't need on top of everything else. Rather than meet the other girl's eyes, she locked herself in one of the stalls and tried to think of something else. Like what Emperor Lee had said.

Wait.

Giant mobile dragon-pulled sky island fortress. The Albionese having no sensible reason to drag their sky island up north. The Albionese government being acknowledged as a bunch of inept morons who have problems deciding what to serve at their councils, let alone make meaningful decisions.

Louise could feel a yawning chasm in her logic. It would take a leap to clear it — and she had such a leap.

Someone knew about the future she'd seen. The one where the world tore itself apart leaving only sky islands above the Abyss. Someone was pushing the Albionese to do this, using them as patsies so there'd be a mobile fortress island that could survive the catastrophe. She didn't think it was someone Albionese. They had too much to lose. But someone else was going to profit from this.

Well, sugar. Stupid stupid world. She was going to have to do something she'd been trying to avoid.



...​



The iron door bounced off the stone wall with a loud clang.

"You know, you could've just knocked," Jessica said with a sigh, looking up from her jeweller's table. "Use your hands for opening doors, not your stylish-and-fashionable metal boots."

Louise slumped down on the reinforced chair set aside for her. It was a replacement for the previous chair, which had not been rated for a small girl in a lot of armour flopping onto it. "I'm going to have to go to Albion," she said bitterly.

"If you want to kiss and tell about what Henrietta offered you, I'm all ears," Jessica said, her expression shifting to a smirk.

"Urgh, no." Louise flapped an armoured hand in the direction of the annoyingly smug half-incubus. "It was something that came up on the date with Emperor Lee. He had information about what's happening there. They've been buying magical gems and metal from Cathay, and, um," she blushed, "I managed to coax him into telling me."

Jessica rose, fetching a bottle of something dark brown and fizzy. "Well, I can tell you didn't go all the way — incubus, remember? — but from the blush you went some of the way. Did he have to help you put your armour back on?"

"I… you… no! Of course not!" Louise crossed her arms. "All my armour stayed on!"

Jessica grinned, and poured the drinks. "Oooh, you got to the second circle."

"No, I…" Louise blinked. "What does that mean?"

"Second circle? Feeling through the clothes?"

"What, Lord, no! We were both wearing plate armour. We just kissed, which-"

"First circle, niiiiiiiiice. Did you use any tongue?"

".. tongue?"

"OK, we're going to have to talk about how to kiss boys properly. Or girls, as it may be in your case."

"Shut up, Jessica," Louise said, glaring at her. "I am talking about things that matter here!" She ignored the muttered comment, which was probably something about how being a good kisser mattered, and picked up her drink. "The Albionese are probably turning the whole country into a giant dragon-pulled death fortress of flying doom," she said, just as Jessica took a swig from the bottle.

The snort and the sight of the drink coming out of Jessica's nose was excellent payback. "Oh… ow!" Jessica spluttered, dripping Hellish beverage. "Oh dark gods, it's all over me. They're doing what?"

"Turning all of Albion into a weapon," Louise said flatly. "And that means I have to get involved. Because Tristain is the easiest target." She wasn't going to mention her vision of the future to Jessica, because she didn't trust her to not think it was a good idea and then try to make it come true. "I wanted to leave them alone, but now they've made myself my problem."

Jessica nodded. "Yeah. Makes sense. We don't want them ruining our plans to take over the country and put your would-be girlfriend in charge."

"She's not my… that's… yes. Yes."

"Plus, we could take it! The Academy loves a superweapon plan!"

"You'll need to upgrade the ship to get us up to Albion without being intercepted by their navy." Her words tasted sour. "And then we have to trust elves."

Jessica gave up trying to dry herself down. "I'm going to have to come with you," she said, hands on her hips. "I know the dark elves, and you'll need someone who knows how giant magical doomsday weapons work. I took a semester on them at college."

"Oh no. No, no, no." Louise waved her hands in front of her. "No way. Not a chance. Out of the question. I don't want to be eternally tortured by your father, so trust me when I say there is absolutely no possibility I'm taking you to Albion with me!"

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Look, we both know you'll have given in by the time it actually comes to the departure. So can we just skip that bit and just accept I'm coming? It'll give me more time to get things done if I don't have to argue you down. Plus, I'm a princess of the Abyss, so we can use diplomatic plates and get into the hellgate fastlane if I'm there."

Louise opened her mouth. Louise closed her mouth. "Can't you at least let me feel like I have a say?" she muttered.

Reaching out, Jessica squeezed her arm. "Tell you what," she said kindly. "As far as everyone else is concerned, we had a screaming argument and it took me a week to persuade you. 'Kay?"

"Mmm hmm." It helped. A bit.
 
Part 13-2
"Some so-called 'experts' might say that it is a fool's errand to try to use dragons and lots of chains to move Albion away from the continent. Well, the Albionese people have had enough of experts! We'll take back sovereignty, and the lack of trade with those greedy Gallians means that we'll have at least three hundred and fifty pounds a month more to spend on curing the Red Plague. And only someone working for foreign powers would ask too many details about how we're going to accomplish this – but trust me, it will be both quick and easy!"

The Lord Protector, Oliver Cromwell



...​



The somewhat battered ship was covered with a new black coat of paint, and positioned in front of a stone arch that swirled with malevolent red energy. Lightning arced around the gateway.

"Now remember, Cattleya, I left you a note," Louise said, pausing on the gangway. "It tells you everything you need to do."

Cattleya huffed. "I know, I know, you've only gone over it quite enough already."

"You need to keep up raiding patrols against tax gatherers," Louise said, ignoring her, "hunt down more goblins to turn into minions, maintain the defences of my fortress, answer calls from Magdalene, and Catt, most importantly?"

"Yes?"

"Feed my cat." Louise bent down and scratched the white cat who was twining around her legs. "Sorry, Pallas, sweety, but mummy is on a working trip this time. It's only going to be for a week or two, and she needs you to stay behind with Aunty Cattleya."

"Mraaaaaaaaaw," protested Pallas, hissing at Cattleya.

"Don't take that attitude with me, Pallas!"

"Mraw."

"That's better."

"Yo, Lou!" Jessica called across from the deck. "Hurry up! The hellgate is nearly charged!"

Louise stepped forwards, and gave Cattleya a hug. She didn't respond, but she didn't step back. She was just cold and still. "Look, it'll be good for us to have a little time apart," she said, trying to be the metaphorically bigger woman. "You can calm down and have some time to get back to a normal routine over your snit, we won't be getting on each other's nerves, and we can try to start again when I get back. Does that sound fine?"

Cattleya patted her on the shoulder. "Very well."

Resisting a sigh, Louise kissed her sister on the cheek, then stepped onto the ship as the minions pulled the gangplank up and prepared for the temporary trip through the Abyss.

"I can't help but feel that this is a bad idea," she said to Jessica.

"I know, right? With me here, I can use my diplomatic rights to get us into the fast lane. We'll just boomph up north of Albion, and bypass their navy entirely." Jessica grinned. "Plus, that elf-girl is one of Izah'belya's clients. I've got free samples for her. Ha! I'll show that bitch!"

"That's not what I…" Louise began, but Jessica had already jogged off to check the large black rock covered in glowing red sigils that had been roughly jammed through the deck, splintering the wood. Instead, she looked over at Henrietta, who was wearing her new armour and leaning over the side, staring into space.

"It looks good on you," she observed. The basic design was similar to Louise's, but as part of the compromise needed to get her to wear it the helmet was a full-face skull, there were numerous skulls engraved into the lines of the black-painted steel, and the less said about the corset worn in place of a surcoat, the better. It was a nice corset, at least if you liked black and bones, but Louise personally would have preferred to see her in just the armour. Or just the corset.

"I'm still getting used to the weight," Henrietta admitted, her voice slightly muffled. She pushed the visor up. "And I really don't like this. It's like I'm looking out at the world through two tiny windows."

"You know we can't risk people finding out who you are."

"Yes, but…" Henrietta left the sentence hanging.

"Oi, you two! You better get down below! And sit down! Passing through a hellgate takes some people strangely, and both of you are in full armour. I don't want to have to drag you off the deck if you pass out!"

Louise nodded. "We better get going," she said, taking Henrietta's hand. There might have been two layers of demon-forged steel between their flesh, but Louise still felt pleasantly warm and tingly.

"Yes, we should," Henrietta agreed. "The sooner we get there, the sooner I can avenge my poor innocent beloved!"

"... yes. That," Louise agreed, swallowing. She tried to to ignore the yawning feeling in her stomach. Hopefully it was just a sign that hellish travel didn't suit her.



...​



As it happened, Louise was totally unaffected by the passage through the hellgate. On the other hand, Henrietta was violently ill.

"Oh dark gods what happened in here!" Jessica asked when she came to check, holding her nose. "It's like someone pumped pea soup through a hose!"

Henrietta just groaned faintly. Louise winced. "Thank you for that… imaginative description, Jessica." She was going to be seeing that in her nightmares for a week.

"It's what I'm here for! Well, as well as everything else." Jessica took a step back. "Lou, you gotta go handle the docks. A patrol boat saw us and they're guiding us in. You… um, probably should change too."

Louise nodded. Her armour had protected her from splashing, but she wasn't exactly presentable. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to show up as the Overlady of the North. "Good idea. I'll have some minions clean this up. It's not like they can make things smell worse, after all. And I'll ask them for directions."

Dressed in one of the fashionable-yet-comfortable gowns she had brought with her and wearing a black wig, Louise went up onto deck. The sails were a little scorched and the disguised minions were busy shovelling ash and embers off the deck.

Albion filled the horizon. The floating island was wreathed in mists from the waterfalls that poured off its edge, forming clouds which clung to the underside. Louise had heard that there were hidden things in the eternally clouded lower face; dragon nests and manticore caves and goblin tribes that had never seen the sun. From their elevation she could see down onto the tiny green fields and smoky towns. The island was relatively low right now, but it rose and sank by the phases of the moons. Albion was also known as the White Island, but Louise couldn't see any trace of its famed chalk cliffs. The stone up here was grey and boring. Perhaps the white cliffs were a southern thing.

Without conscious thought, the things she had seen in the past forced themselves into her awareness. Albion hadn't looked like this peaceful isle. The underside had been covered in dragon eyries and cannons; strange magical artefacts had spat out dark spells down on the armies below. It had been the mobile oppression fortress of the First Overlord.

Her gauntlet pulsed warmly in her hand. Yes, Louise thought darkly. The gauntlet could recognise it. It knew it was coming home.



...​



"Anything you want t'declare, lass?"

Louise considered the answer. Within her ship's hold, she had a large number of minions, a princess who was conversant in the dark arts of necromancy, and another princess, this time of Hell. Who was also an incubus. Oh, and of course, her armour which would give away that she was an overlady. All things considered, therefore, Louise gave the only answer she could honestly.

"No."

It wasn't like she was lying, she thought to herself as her badly disguised minion sailors stomped around on deck, carrying crates which were also full of minions. She just wasn't being honest in any meaningful sense save the technical.

"Right then, so you got t'inspection fee and then you'll just need to fly this flag to make sure t'patrols know you paid your dues." He handed a folded piece of red and blue cloth. "That'll be ten shillings."

Louise paid, just glad that he hadn't tried to inspect the boat. If he had, he'd have been brutally murdered by minions who would then have stolen all his clothing and the oak baton he had at his hip.

Seagulls called, their mournful cries echoing through the morning. The air was thinner up here than she was used to, and a mist still clung to the buildings. Still, from what she could see, this was not a happy place. The few stone buildings were mouldy and their thatch was rotten. Painted slogans stacked layer on layer desecrated their sides. The wooden structures huddling around the docks were ramshackle things that she would have put minions in. A few scattered peasants lounged around, eating the famous Albionese dish; seagull and turnips. The smell of the fat nearly turned her stomach and the vinegar was acrid enough that she could smell it from here. It was famous because only the Albionese would eat it.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened to this place?" Her gesture took in the widespread misery and suffering; the weeping children, the hard-faced women, the beaten-down men. "Was it the Civil War?"

"But of course," the customs agent said. "Things are better than they've been in donkey's years thanks to t'war, lass. We're a one-horse town again! We could buy a replacement for Ol' Bess!"

"Well, of cou-" She blinked. Better? "... then what happened?"

"At, 'twere the Iron Lady herself, very vicious force of darkness, never liked us here oop north. 'Twas her who stole all the milk from our children's mouths wit' her vile magics. She shut down all t'mines, saying we were delving too deep and too greedily. She ruled oop here for a decade, and only were overthrown when she put a tax on everyone's heads, with confiscation as t'penalty if you didn't pay. Also, she were a lich. That's pretty bad too. When someone smashed her phylactery, I ain't ashamed to say we all sang and danced in the streets, singing 'Di-'"

"Fascinating," said Louise, who didn't care. "If you don't mind asking, my cargo needs to be delivered to Shire Wood. Do you know exactly where it is? My maps are coastal ones. They don't cover the interior."

The inspector backed away, making the Brimiric sword with his fingers. "You don't want to be going near t'Shire Wood. It's an evil place! Full of elves and walking trees and lil' ghosts who want to kill any human they see! There's a whole network of caves where ancient monsters used to live and they're double-haunted!"

"Well, obviously it's not in the Shire Wood," Louise lied, making it up as she went, "but it's the nearest big landmark."

He wiped his brow. "Thank the Lord. Now, as as for maps, come wit' me. Mister Haywood oop near t'port sells maps along with other books."



...​



With a proper map, progress was swift and the winds were favourable overland.

"Overlady! Spooky forest up ahead!" Char called out from atop the creaking windship, peering down a telescope he had strapped onto his musket.

Much as Louise hated to agree with anything a minion said, he wasn't exactly wrong. The Shire Wood stretched out ahead of them. The trees were a particularly sullen dark green, and patches of dead leafless vegetation and barren ground lay here and there. Tooth-like protrusions of rock rose up from the woods, breaking up the landscape. Louise shook her head. If she wasn't very mistaken, the ground itself had been torn up here and there by terrible magics. When your mother took you to her old battlegrounds, you learned to recognise the marks.

"No sounds," Henrietta said softly, still somewhat pale and wobbly in the legs. Crows and ravens cawed in the branches. "Apart from those dratted birds, I mean. But listen. There's nothing in the undergrowth." She wrapped her mantle around her dark steel armour more tightly. "My love mentioned the Shire Wood once. He said it was a cursed place, tainted by an ancient sin."

A chuckle sounded from the Gauntlet, and Louise sighed. "Ah, your wickedness," Gnarl said, appearing as a flickering blue image. "I see you've reached the Shire Wood. I remember how this used to be in the olden days. Disgusting. It was horrible bucolic farmland, filled with fat little creatures that ate seven meals a day and generally had an incredibly easy life. It was so peaceful and so fertile that they could spend half of every day sitting around smoking various drugs. Urgh. Just thinking of it makes my skin crawl."

"Was it you who committed the ancient sin, Gnarl?" Louise asked immediately.

"No, your maliciousness, sadly not."

"Don't lie to me, Gnarl!"

"Oh Dark One, would I do that?" Yes, Louise thought. "I wish that we had, truly. Those half-sized race were incredibly fat and stupid and fond of turnips. And pipeweed and poppies, of course. But it was the humans here who declared war on them, having grown tired of the narcostate within their borders that dominated the illegal drug and pie trade. So they set fire to the fields, hoping to suppress the trade in pharmaceuticals.

"That was," Gnarl grinned wider, "a mistake. The narcotic clouds caused a lethal overdose for all who breathed them in. And that was the end of the halflings, more or less. Along with everything for twenty miles downwind. Ah, what a marvellously malevolent day that was!"

There was an awkward silence on deck.

"What an awesome way to go," Jessica breathed.

"What a stupid way, you mean," Louise said primly.

"Oh yeah, that too. Fucking dumb. But hilariously awesome."

Henrietta cleared her throat, examining the map. "I believe, Louise-Francoise, we should set down in that clearing next to the oversized skull-shaped rock."

"Are you sure?" Jessica asked.

"Well, we did arrange to meet them in Skull Glade. How many giant skull-shaped rocks can there be in this forest?"



...​



"Six," Louise said, with a weary sigh. The sun crept down towards the western horizon. The creaking of the mast and sails marked their descent. "There are six giant skull-shaped rocks in this forest. I can't believe I had to stop and ask for directions. From a talking raven, no less."

"I'm just glad the raven knew where we had to go," Henrietta said, leaning on her staff. She wrapped her cloak tighter around herself. "It's getting cold up here."

"At least you're feeling better," Louise said, shuffling up to her princess. "I didn't think you'd react like that."

"I don't like hellgate travel, Louise-Francoise," Henrietta admitted, with a rueful grin. She was still rather pale and shaky. "I… I think I'd prefer for us to sail home the normal way."

Louise took her hand. "That might not be possible," she said seriously.

"I know. I… I really hope we can avoid it, though." She swallowed. "I probably shouldn't eat for a day beforehand."

"Oi! Overlady!" Maggat yelled from the front. "Brace for landing!"

"Doesn't he mean 'prepare'?" Jessica said nervously.

"No, sadly not," Louise said, pulling Henrietta with her away from the edge. "Hold on, ladies."

They landed. It was a short sentence, but a busy one; full of meaning, happening, Minionish hollering, and some small screams from Jessica and Henrietta.

"A fine landing," Louise said, adjusting her helmet and blowing away a lock of hair. "A little easier on the anchor next time, I think."

"Yep, boss!"

"And try to get a few fewer minions falling overboard."

"Scyl are off to go bring them back from the dead place," Maggat reported. There was a Scyl-ish scream. "Oh, whoops, no, now we are needing to bring Scyl back."

Over from the direction of the scream were black-clad figures. They were also scantily-clad figures, despite the growing cold. Their ears menaced pointedly. They had bows out and drawn, and the way they held them was about the only professional thing about or around the elves.

The immediate reaction from the minions was to cluster around the overlady and her associates, weapons aggressively brandished.

"It are the dark elves!"

"Why are they no wearing hats? What is we gonna loot from them now?"

"I dunno, I think I are gonna be a sex icon in those fishnets!"

With horror oozing through her brain, Louise couldn't help but confirm that Fettid had been the one who had said it. Her brain, traitor that it was, conjured up a mental image of that. Then she threw up in her mouth.

Fortunately, Henrietta didn't have a mind prone to treachery – or possibly hadn't heard it – and so stepped forwards. "Dark greetings to you, shadow-traitor-kin of the elves!" she said, raising a hand in salutation.

One of the dark elves stepped forwards. They were probably male, but it was hard to tell given their unhealthy thinness, long silken locks, and disproportionate amounts of eyeshadow. "All hail the shadow! Down with the empires of man! Return all to the primordial state of chaos!"

Jessica groaned. "Don't encourage them," she muttered.

Henrietta paid her no attention. "I am Anne, called by some the Blackskull, the Voice of the Steel Maiden! We come bearing dark tidings, here to meet with your dark queen for the sake of evil deeds! Stare upon the malevolent visage of the overlady who will crush the lords of Tristain!"

Louise, whose eyes were watering and who really wanted a glass of water to clean out her mouth, swallowed and nodded. She hoped that she looked like a dark and menacing force of Evil. The elves, at least seemed to be convinced.

"We accept your dark tidings and bring our own! For the shadow is dark and long, and—"

"Okay, okay, Apostrophe," Jessica said sharply. "Stop it with the dark greetings. We need to park the ship and I've had a long and hard day, so… chill."

"All hail to the crown princess of the Incubi!" the titular Apostrophe proclaimed. "Truly the forces of the Abyss are with us in this dark venture, for—"

"Look, just cut me some slack and take us to where we need to go, all right?" Jessica sighed. "I have a headache, and I just want to sit down."

Apostrophe scowled. "If you insist, dark one. Uh… Emerald, call off the children and their ambush," he said to one of his companions. "I shall convey them before our dark queen Malevola."

Louise frowned. "Wasn't her name Tiffania?" she whispered to Jessica.

"These are dark elves," Jessica said wearily. "Their hearts are in the wrong place." She looked over at them. "But speaking as the daughter of the Incubus Prince, they're just super embarrassing to be around. Lilly is sort of damp and pathetic, but Apostrophe just takes things way too far in his desire to be down with the denizens of the Pit." She paused. "Honestly, I'm pretty sure it's cultural appropriation."



...​



Given the general environs of the forest and the attitude of the elves, the actual wicked lair of the dark elven queen Tiffania was remarkably homey. Yes, she was occupying an abandoned ancient castle, but rather than dwelling in the looming age-worn citadel within the walls there were a number of small houses which had seemingly been shaped from the ground itself. There was the sound of children's voices everywhere.

"Elven craft," Jessica said softly when she realised where Louise was looking. "They're good at coaxing nature to do things for them."

Louise nodded. Elven magic involved calling upon spirits. Probably evil spirits, given what elves were like, and these were dark elves so their spirits were likely doubly evil. She ran her gauntleted hand over the trees growing within the ancient walls. The smells of leaf mould and wet soil were there, under the wood smoke and the cooking food.

"Halt! Who goes there!" demanded a freckled girl with bright red hair who was waiting by the entrance. One hand rested on her belted on-sword, which was too long for her. The sheath dragged in the ground. She looked to be about twelve or so from her features, though she was tall for her age. Perhaps it was something to do with her accent, which was peculiar even by the standards of the Albionese.

"It's just our visitors," the elf Apostrophe said.

That just made her eyes narrow further, and she slid the top centimetre of her blade out of its sheath. It gleamed blood red in the late afternoon sun. "Well, I have a wee problem with letting them in in. Those are goblins!"

"No we ain't," Maggat objected. "We is minions."

"Goblins is a de-gen-er-ate form of minion," Maxy agreed. "We ain't calling you damn dirty apes, is we?"

"You want to die? 'Cause I'll cut you."

"I died before," Maggat said, with a shrug. "We come back. Humies don't."

Louise felt that she really had to step in before the minions killed an unfairly tall small child. "Maggat, stand down. Out of our way, little girl."

"Who're you calling little?" the girl demanded, squaring up to Louise. Her very blue eyes were on a level with Louise's. "Who's this bairn trying to tell me what to do?"

Louise clamped her mouth shut.

"Hannah," Apostrophe said with a sigh, "that's the Steel Maiden."

"Back from the dead?!" she demanded, knuckles whitening around her sword.

"No! Steel, not iron!" he said before she could draw. "And maiden, not lady! She's Tristainian! Don't kill her! She's the overlady come to talk to Malevola, Hannah!"

"Tifa, not Malevola," Hannah said automatically. She glared at Louise. "Are you sure she's not some wee bairn dressing up? She's shorter than me!"

As one, the minions inhaled. "Ooooo," one of them went.

The blush was coming. No, wait, Louise realised through the haze that had descended from her vision, it was already here. And on the note of aforementioned haze, she wasn't sure if it was anger-red or humiliation-pink. "I am n-not shorter than you!" she snapped.

"Uh, yes, you are. You're wearing heels and you're still my height," this incredibly cruel and malevolent child insisted.

Louise spluttered, lost for words. Henrietta reached out, and squeezed her hand in hers. "Stay calm," she breathed. "Listen to me. She's just a brat."

And it was probably for the best that at that point a melodramatic chorus of elven voices rose up, singing ethereal songs about pain, suffering, and never-healing afflictions.

Hannah whirled. "Oh, Founder!" she snapped, brandishing her sheathed sword in their direction. "Shut up! Shut up, just… we told you about those stupid songs whenever Tifa shows up and… Tifa, Tifa, they're singing the songs again!" she called out.

"Well, I know they are, Hannah, but they like doing it," said the newcomer who was approaching the entrance. She was only a little taller than Louise, with a round face and long blonde hair. She wore a warm woollen shawl over a hard-wearing and practical dress.

Now, other people would have assumed it was a servant and there would have been all kinds of unproductive misunderstandings, but Louise had made sure to find a drawing of the queen of the Dark Elves and verify with Henrietta that yes, this was what she looked like. As a result, she could focus on putting this insubordinate brat out of mind. "Your majesty," she said, voice only trembling a bit with mortified rage. She was in the presence of – evil, elven – royalty and she could not allow her to shame herself.

"Um… oh, right, yes, me," Tiffania said loudly. She smiled. "You're the overlady? And, oh, yes, Anne! So good to see you again!"

Henrietta curtseyed gracefully, skull-themed jewellery clinking. "You're too kind," she said, raising her voice.

"Oh, no, please don't be so formal," Tiffania protested, nearly shouting. "I get enough of that from my kinselves and… Doomblood Deathtide, please stop singing."

"Told you so," Hannah leered.

"We're just giving you a suitable mystic air," one of the elves said. "It's traditional to have this kind of singing going on when someone of a lesser race meets with elves."

Tiffania rubbed her temples. Louise felt a sudden and unexpected wave of sympathy for this half-elf. She understood very well the travails of trying to get your underlings to stop doing annoying things that they claimed were traditional. "Might we take this inside?" she suggested. "These are sensitive matters. And it's getting cold out here."

"Yes, an excellent idea," Tiffania said quickly. "Elves, please can you help put the youngest children to bed?"

There seemed to be some reluctance. "Do we have to? They're scary."

"Now! Or I'll send you to the Naughty Step," Tiffania said firmly, sending the elves scattering. She rubbed her hands together, huffing on them. "I'll be glad when the last of the winter chill is gone. It's stuck around longer this year than previous ones," she said conversationally. "Albionese winters are almost as bad as abyssal ones, at least at high altitude."

"I find that hard to believe," Jessica said, shaking her head. "The walls aren't frozen over."

"Well, maybe." Tiffania led the way past well-lit houses, towards the bulk of the ruined central citadel. "I've got a bit of a dungeon down there, where I keep things I shouldn't let the children near. But it's not particularly well ventilated, so, uh…"

Louise understood her meaning immediately. "Minions, don't come in unless I call. You'll stink up the place."

"But overlady..." Maxy protested.

"I mean it! I'll have you all tortured if you disobey!" There was some grumbling, but they obeyed. "Sorry for being later than expected. I hope you weren't waiting too long."

"We would just feel awful if you were expecting us," Henrietta added.

"Oh, no, no," Tiffania hastened to say. "There's always things for me to do here, what with the children and the elves. Who are honestly a big bunch of children anyway. And one of my contacts dropped by, so the tea didn't go to waste!" She glanced at Jessica. "Actually, you might know her. I can say that, right? Or is it rude to assume demons all know one another?"

"It's actually kinda rude, yeah," Jessica said. "The Abyss is a big place. It's not like we all know each oth—" She trailed off as they came to the bottom of the stairs. "You!"

Izah'belya looked up from her book, adjusting her oversized sunglasses. "Jesz'ika, darling, imagine seeing you here."

"Cut the crap! What are you playing at?"

"Me? I'm just visiting a client of mine!" Izah'belya rose, sundress flapping around her. "And what're you up to, huh? Are you poaching? I bet that's it!"

"Oh, like I'd need to poach from you!" Jessica snapped, not mentioning the samples hidden in the ship. "Dark gods! This is like like that time in New Amstelredamme! You're always... always showing up to be annoying and thwart me and—"

"You're totally stealing from me! You always do!"

Things went downhill from there.



...​



Things were very awkward. Jessica and Izah'belya had been yelling at each other for twenty minutes now, and no one wanted to say a thing.

"Should we do something?" Henrietta asked softly, fumbling for a handkerchief.

"Um. I mean, this is probably an Abyssal thing," Louise replied. "It might be rude to butt in."

Tifa edged up to her. "Uh, what's going on?" she whispered as Izah'belya and Jessica started screaming about who stole what from whom ten years ago.

"They're cousins," Louise explained.

"Oh!" Tiffania smiled brightly. "I don't really have any relatives. Maybe this is normal."

"No. No, it is not." Louise reconsidered. "Well, unless you're royalty. Which they are. Hmm."

"Excuse me!" Henrietta said huffily. "I heard that crack about royalty!"

Louise stood on her toe with a clank and glared at her. "As neither of us are royalty," she said firmly, "I don't think we care about implying that foreign royalty spend all their time murdering each other and marrying their cousins. Unlike Tristainian royalty," she added, as a peace offering.

"Oh, yes, wasn't the dead Prince of Wales involved with his Tristianian cousin?" Tiffania asked, frowning. "I thought I heard something about that."

"Ouch!" Henrietta exclaimed as Louise kicked her in the shin, metal meeting metal. "Stop bullying me, your wickedness." She snivelled, wiping her eyes.

"I'm an overlady," Louise said, flushing pinkly. "It's my job to bully people, especially when they're trying to make a big deal about the rumours of Princess Henrietta being involved with someone. Which none of us care about!" She tried not to care. Not that the rumours were true, anyway! Henrietta's love for the prince had been platonic and pure and untouched by c-carnal urges and… and whatever Louise wanted to do with her wasn't the sort of thing that could make her impure and-

Wait.

The two demons had unfurled their wings, standing face to face. Jessica was looking decidedly handsome, and she found herself idly wondering if Izah'belya was wearing anything under that dr- ah! Louise slapped herself in the face, even as she pressed her thighs together. Stupid hot blushy feelings! They better stay out of her way! Just because she'd admitted to herself that she like-liked Henrietta didn't mean she wanted to do things – whatever two girls could do together, she'd probably need to look into that – with some busty, tanned, cow-like, Germanian-looking, pretty...

Louise's mental feet tangled together and her entire thought process tripped and fell over. One sentiment among the resultant cognitive pile-up was clear. Kirche must never know.

For her part, Tiffania was just innocently staring at Louise with some mild concern. "Are you feeling fine?" she asked. "You just turned red, hit yourself in the face, and then stared into the middle distance." She glanced at Henrietta, who was sobbing into her handkerchief. "And what's up with her? Are they upsetting her?"

"I miss him so mu—" Henrietta gasped out, before Louise got her hand over her mouth.

"Evil magic!" Louise blurted out, grabbing the other overlady by the hand and dragging her and Henrietta out of the overlapping demonic auras. "When two demons like that do... stuff, people act strange around them. We need to get away from them!"

"Are you sure? I don't feel any different," Tiffania protested as Louise pulled them away into the next room.

Well, bully for you, Louise thought bitterly. She sat Henrietta down. "Are you still feeling… um. Sad?"

Henrietta nodded mutely, her skull-shaped helmet sliding back and forth on her head.

"Do you need a hug?" Louise suggested, even as her brain belatedly pointed out that maybe they weren't out of the demonic influence yet and she should avoid embracing Henrietta. And also that her friend was a very strong hugger, although that part only really registered when she had all the air squeezed from her lungs and her armour was making alarming creaking sounds.



...​



A wicked, sinful girl crept through the evening, holding onto her demonhost dolly Cuddles. She had slipped the elves easily, and now she peeked around the corner at the small horde of foul-smelling goblins who were sitting around outside the entrance to Aunty Tifa's not-secret secret lair.

"My lady," Cuddles said, "it would be best for you to not get involved with minions. They are cruel, vicious, and very stupid."

"And smelly," Magda agreed. "I'm still doing it."

"But why?"

"Really, please don't," said the demon-possessed toy goat she called Fluffles and carried in her rucksack.

"Because I want to! As mummy and daddy always said, 'do what thou want shall be the whole of the law'."

"... that's from a rather pathetic Abyssal self-help book, and not some great philosophy to live by," Cuddles began, but Magda stopped paying attention.

She marched up to the minions, dolly held so he could project hellfire at a single command. "Hey! Who are you?"

One of the larger ones, a brown-skinned creature with skull pauldrons and wicked yellow eyes glared at her. "Easy, lads."

"Oi! You is in the presence of ladies, Maggat!"

"And girl-lads, ta for the reminder Fettid, we is going to be careful here."

"But why?" one of the others hollered.

"'Cause the overlady was very per-sific about us not killing tiny humie. She'd get super mad at us."

"Urgh," a blue minion in a melodramatic cape groaned, collapsing to the ground. "She are real shrieky when she does that."

"Exactly, Scyl," Maggat said. "What is you wanting, tiny humie? 'Cause we no is meant to kill you, but the overlady no say I couldn't give you a clip around the ear and steal your dollies to wear on my head."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Cuddles said smoothly. "While I am of course a gentleman – and a lawyer," a word that made the minions flinch back, "I wouldn't say the same about Falufarglesh."

"Wanna eat faces," the toy goat growled.

"Quite so."

Maggat nodded. "Got it. I no wanna wear a lawyer on my head anyway. What is the tiny humie wanting, horny?"

"Sooooo." Magda scuffed her shoes in the dirt. She hugged her demonhost dollie close. "I have a fun game for us to play."

"It better not be Fifty Two Knife pick up," a shifty looking brown minion next to Maggat said, shaking his head. "It are a boring game. They is always in people's backs."

Magda beamed, pulling out a stolen kitchen knife. "No, silly! It's called Vivvy Section!"

There was a long pause. "Played it before!" one of the minions called out from the back.

"Yeah," a red minion carrying a musket and wearing a red beret agreed. "Get your organs cut out by Fettid once, an' it ain't fun any mor—" He screamed as Fettid stabbed him.

"Let's just go ride some sheepies!" Scyl said dreamily.

"Wait." Magda's deep blue eyes were wide with the sudden vistas of limitless possibility revealed before her. "You can do that?!"



...​



Louise felt like one of those tube-things that chefs used to put icing on cakes. No, she didn't know what they were called. She didn't make cakes. She was a noble. There were people to do that for her. But after finding a place to unlatch the tearful Henrietta and leave her to get over her breakdown, all the while being tightly hugged, she had a pretty good idea of what it must feel like to be one.

"It is very strange that you're both so sensitive to demonic energies – and so differently!" Tifa said brightly. "I can't imagine what it feels like. Has it stopped?"

"No." Louise swallowed. "No, it has not." She bit her lip, and pushed down the urge to go comfort Henrietta. Normally she'd be fully on board with cheering up her friend, but right now there was an under layer of wanting to kiss away her tears.

"Well… uh." Tiffania winced. "I mean, I can't see much of you under that armour, but you look hot and bothered. Are the flames of the Abyss burning your soul?"

"Um. No?" Louise pondered that question. "I'm pretty sure not. How would you check?"

"I don't really know myself. It's just the sort of things the elves say." She leaned against the solid stone wall, brow furrowed. "Well, this has been a right proper disaster! I'm rather peeved!"

Louise frowned. "Yes," she said, distracted. There was something about the way the other woman spoke that wasn't quite right. It was… hmm. Yes. That was it. Tiffania didn't have the brash, drawling elven accent when speaking a proper language. She spoke… well, she spoke Tristainian like an Albionese noble. And more than that, she spoke Albionese like an Albionese noble. "If you don't mind me asking… you don't sound like the other elves. And the way you talk about them…"

"Oh, that! Yes! That's because I'm only half-elf," Tiffania said with a shrug. "On my mother's side. My father was a duke."

Louise swallowed. A human and an elf, m-making babies? Who knew what vile wiles an elf might have used on a poor innocent duke? "I didn't know an Albionese duke married an elf," she tried.

"They loved each other, but they couldn't tell anyone about their marriage," Tiffania said, face suddenly hard. "The Republicans murdered my father and my mother. She gave her life to get me out of there. So I'm going to kill them all." She smiled. "I am the rightful duchess of these lands. And given my father's status, it's a bit of a mess and some other people closer to the throne might have survived, but I think I'm the true queen of Albion. Oh, and I'm the rightful heir to the elven monarchy, too. The elves make a big deal about it. There's a dark prophecy and everything."

"Ah." There didn't seem to me much else to say.

"And my magic music box that teaches me spells says I'm an overlady too and I'm destined to cover the land in shadow," Tiffania added, as an afterthought. "But you probably know all about that sort of thing."

"Oh," said Louise. She wasn't used to such a forthright admission of such things. She also felt more than a little irked that she didn't have a magic music box… that…

Wait. She stared suspiciously at her left hand. They were going to have a talk later, oh yes they were. But not around Tiffania. She wasn't about to be out-destined! Out-destinied? Well, whatever the word was, she wasn't having it! And on top of that, she couldn't give up the power until she had her revenge on Wardes and had put Henrietta back on the throne. Her revenge was more important than Tiffania's revenge. Though she could use Tiffania's revenge to further her revenge!

… and do good, of course. Yes. She just had to crush the council and put Henrietta on the throne and then she could start finding a way to get rid of this dark power. Maybe she could give it to Tiffania, yes. Yes. Hmm. Maybe not, if she was destined to cast the land into shadow. That sounded like giving her more power might go wrong.

Something to think about.

For her part, Tiffania clearly had concluded that her fellow overlady was still zoning out because of the demonic power. She grabbed Louise's hand, pulling her towards the exit. "I think this has gone on quite long enough," she said firmly, rolling up her sleeves. "Time to fetch... the Bucket! I've had enough of them fighting!"

"The bucket?" Louise asked. "What is this bucket?"

"Some of the children call it," Tiffania paused dramatically, "the Bucket of Doom."



...​



Izah'belya had a black eye. Jessica was bleeding from the nose. Their clothes were shredded. They were also both dripping wet.

"So," Tiffania said firmly, holding up the now-empty Bucket of Doom, "if you two don't stop all this silliness, I'll throw another bucket of cold water over you. Don't think I won't."

"..." Louise didn't say, because the two were still radiating demonic energy in their dripping-wet, clothes-torn state. Words were a little hard to come by right now.

"You two are being so ill-mannered that my guest is reduced to speechlessness out of fury! Look how red in the face she is! You're lucky I just threw water at you! She might have started throwing fire! Or lightning!"

Jessica and Izah'belya exchanged a look; Jessica bemused, Izah'belya weary.

"What's going on with her?" Jessica muttered handsomely, shaking her head and scattering water droplets everywhere. She was starting to steam.

"Looks like she doesn't... you know," Izah'belya said, wringing out her ruined top with a disgusted-yet-lascivious look.

"You know?"

Izah'belya fluttered her eyebrows.

"Being obtuse doesn't... oh. You know."

"Mmm hmm."

"Oh wow, not even, like, a little bit?"

"Seems not. I mean, I knew she wasn't into girls, but…" Both of them shrieked as another bucket of water was thrown over them.

"We'll have no more of that silly conversation, thank you very much," Tiffania said primly. "I don't know what you're talking about and I don't think I want to."

"How the fuck did that refill itself?" Jessica smouldered. "There's no way you- ah!" Another wave of water hit her in the face, splashing onto her cousin.

"It's a magic bucket, obviously," Tiffania said, as if it was simple.

"Oh come on!" Izah'belya stared down at her front in disgust. "I didn't even bring a spare top, let alone a spare bra, and this is all silk! It's only meant to be dry cleaned! If you're going to throw water, throw it at Jez'sika! She's wearing cotton!"

"Stop that!"

"You stop that!"

Tiffania tapped her fingers against the bucket. "Now, what am I going to do with you horrible pair?" She gestured at Louise. "She can't even stand to look at you!"

Louise had her back turned, and her knees were held tight together. "Y-yes! Of course! It's... it's disgusting how you're carrying on," she said, voice peculiarly breathy. "I think it's a good idea for them to go somewhere and get changed into fresh clothes and make out and resolve their differences." She trailed off. Would it be worse if she corrected herself and brought attention to the slip, or worse if she let it stand? "It's good for cousins to get along well," she said, and groaned when she registered how it sounded.

"A solid idea!" Tifa said grandly. "I know just the place! Both of you! To the Naughty Corner! Or as it has now been renamed, the Nice Corner!"

Jessica sniggered. But the smile fell from her face when she realised that Izah'belya wasn't laughing. "Now, now, there's no need for that—" began the succubus, backing away.

Tiffania spoke a word that made Louise's teeth squirm and buzz like insects. The world shook and shivered, dust falling from the ceiling and flies dropping to the ground dead. Space twisted. Jessica and Izah'belya accelerated away rapidly while remaining in place. Then the world snapped back to how it was meant to be – absent one succubus and half-incubus.

"What did you do?" Louise screamed at her. Cold fear gripped her stomach. Scarron was going to kill her. Scarron was going to kill her and then take her soul and torture it for eternity and-

Tiffania smiled sunnily. "Put them in the Naughty Corner. It's where I put all the misbehaving boys and girls. I'll let them out in a bit, after they've had time to cool their heads."

"But did it kill her? Or hurt her in any way? It's very, very important to me!"

"Of course not. It's just a way to punish people who are naughty." Tiffania crossed her arms. "You should try looking after children. It teaches you all kinds of things. Well, that was the magic music box that taught me this, but it's basically the same thing. Now, come on. Let's get you and Anne fed and rested! Tomorrow we can talk properly without those two interrupting."

Louise swallowed, working her jaw. "Are you absolutely, one hundred percent sure that Jessica and… whatever her name is… are fine?"

"Of course, of course!"



...​



The sky was black. The ground was not black, because there was no ground. There was only endless scattered fragments of worlds floating in this endless void. The detritus of history and the jetsam of timelines spun in this infinite expanse. Many-coloured auroras gave inconstant, erratic lighting.

Upon a ruined fragment of a temple, two soaking wet, tattered, and more than a little wind-blown demons stood.

Jessica sidled up to the edge, and looked down. There was nothing. She picked up a fallen brick, and tossed it over the side. There was no clatter.

"OK, I'll bite," she said, retreating from the crumbling side. "Where the unholy crap are we?"

Izah'belya sighed, snapping her fingers. The small pile of dried wood she had managed to scavenge ignited, and she blew on it until it caught properly. "Who knows? Hopefully she remembers about us. Or your boss reminds her. Your boss is cute, she probably will. Won't she? But Tifa sent me here once before, but that was just because I wanted to see what she was doing from the inside. So it was for, like a minute or two."

"Um." Jessica searched for words. "That's kind of dumb to let an overlady cast magic on you," she settled on, as she approached the fire to dry off her clothes.

"Yeah, I mean, I thought she was opening a hole to the Abyss so I wanted to see where it came out. I thought I could get a cheap backdoor smuggling route Mom wouldn't know about. Nope. Turns out it's this place. Whatever it is."

Jessica scratched her nose. "Well, it's super-bad, whatever it is. There's more than enough Evil in here for us to live off it. I can taste it drifting through the air in clouds."

"Urgh. I fucking hate hate hate living off dark magic," Izah'belya said, trying to get comfortable on the stony ground. "I tried it once."

"Oh yeah, when we were teenagers. Weren't you trying to make your horns bigger? Something silly like that."

Izah'belya glared at her. "Yeah. And it sucks. It works – at least if you're fed enough Evil, but the side effects suck. It gave me a splitting migraine from the horn growth and shoulder pains from my wings."

"Wait, was that why you wound up in that psych place?"

"Yeah. That, uh. That was my feet turning half-way into hooves. And almost all the changes faded once they got me back on a normal diet. Give me proper food any day." She sighed, hugging her knees. "I don't trust myself with all-Evil diets. I might slip back into… unhealthy coping mechanisms."

"Well, we've got a fire, and we're not going to starve to death," Jessica said, trying to look on the side of dark radiance. "You won't have to do this for long, because I bet she's going to pull us out soon. And I brought some books with me for the boat trip, so, you know. Could be worse." She pulled one out of her bag, flipping it open. "At least the bag was waterproof, even if everything else wasn't."

Izah'belya stared at her, pale brows furrowed. When that didn't work, she started coughing.

"I don't have any cough sweets."

"You know that's not why I'm coughing."

"Whatever could you mean, sweetest cousin?" Jessica asked, with a false aristocratic Tristainian accent.

"Stop that. Look, I'm going to keep on getting on your nerves until you lend me a book," Izah'belya said. "I mean, what else is there for me to do here? Have a heartfelt conversation with you where we resolve our differences and realise we've really got more in common and it's only the systematic racism and structural discrimination of the Abyss that drove us apart when we were childhood best friends? And that we've both been really bitchy to each other at one time or another? And both of us are outcasts in our own way; me because I'm 'weak-blooded' and 'too human' and because I don't do what a 'proper' succubus should, while you're a female incubus and so don't conform to heteronormative standards of beauty and sexuality?"

There was a long pause. "Are you trying to get into my pants?" Jessica asked suspiciously. "Because you know damn well that I'm not into girls."

"Oh my dark gods!" Izah'belya snapped. "You just can't stop with the anti-succubus comments! And—"

A tossed book hit her in the face and she reeled back, mildly stunned. "Ooops," Jessica said, not sounding very sorry. "Something to read."

Izah'belya scowled at her, muttering.

"Say 'thank you'."

"Fuck you."

"It's pronounced 'Thank', Izzie. Thaaaaaaank."
 
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