Woo! I am back. After some negotiations and some compromise, I am able to put out another installment of Life During Wartime. This is the longest one yet! Thank you to all those for the surprising support.
It was Monday, and despite the battle with the angel the previous Friday, life went on. And for Hikari, that meant school and all that entailed, from helping students with their schedules to organizing the cleanup duties and taking a hand in managing the school's ever shrinking clubs. Shinji, Rei, and Asuka were not present today. Hikari guessed that the two girls had taken the time to take care of their friend, who by Touji's account was hurt badly during the previous engagement. Not a situation she approved of, but one that was understandable. Touji and Kaworu on the other hand? Hikari could tell from looking that them that whatever had happened over the weekend with the two had dissolved any bad blood that had formed between them since the party with Misato. Kensuke was with them as well, back to joking with his friend for the first time in a week. It was the looks however that concerned the class rep. Ever so often Kensuke or Kaworu would give the other a look that Hikari found strange. She raised an eyebrow at Touji, but he just shrugged and continued to scarf down his rice.
Things seemed to come to a head however when, after a great deal of frustration in attempting to use them, one of Kaworu's chopsticks flew out of his hand, smacking against the opposite wall with a dull thud, earning a laugh from Touji and Kensuke and a mild scolding from Hikari herself. What followed was what shocked her as, after a beat, Kensuke took his own chopsticks and fed the gray-haired boy a dumpling from his plate directly.
Kensuke looked at Kaworu and s
hook his head, chuckling. "They let you pilot a hundred-tonne war machine but you can't figure out how to use two pieces of wood."
Kaworu smiled. "I admit there are some intricacies to living in Japan that I have not yet mastered. I am just grateful I have someone here to teach me." Without a word, Kaworu reached down and grabbed Kensuke's free hand for a quick peck, which made Kensuke blush.
A great wave of realization swept over Hikari. Immediately, she looked over at Touji to gauge his reaction to this... event. To add to her shock, the look on her boyfriend's face was one of forced nonchalance. Hikari, on the other hand, was having none of it, sneering as she picked up her food to eat somewhere else.
Touji in turn got up, looking at his girlfriend and sensing her distaste "Hikari, come on. Don't be like that."
Hikari was not enthused. "Are you really okay with that?" She motioned with one hand to Kaworu and Kensuke, who were both still sitting but watching the display.
Touji stood tall. "He is my friend, as is Kaworu. Now let it go."
A look of slight revulsion came over Hikari. "A weirdo is one thing, but I thought you would think twice before hanging around disgusting little pillow biters," Hikari huffed, storming off out of the classroom door before anything more could be said.
Touji thought for a moment about chasing after her, but let it go. Touji knew well that sometimes people needed time to cool down. Instead, he turned his attention to his friend and his fellow pilot. Not wanting to say anything stupid, he instead opted to let silence reign.
*
Sunday saw Kaworu thinking about his conversation with Kaji, their scheduled meeting deep in the city later that night. While this... dalliance with Kensuke and Mana was unplanned, it was well within the leeway SEELE had given him. Speaking with Kaji, on the other hand, spilling secrets entrusted to him for the sake of a friend — that would be a line he could not uncross. He looked down at Kensuke, who was currently leaning against him as they watched one of his shows. It seemed to consist of equal parts mech combat and singing, something Kaworu found odd but enjoyable. The fact that Kensuke tended to clutch onto Kaworu as they watched did nothing but endear the show in Kaworu's opinion, however, so perhaps he was biased. It had become a regular routine for them this past week. It was... pleasant. This feeling of normalcy that it had brought. As well as other feelings... Kaworu was unused to being touched in such a manner but delighted in the experience. It made him feel wanted and loved. He was careful, however. If the past week had taught him anything, it was that people were different and things that might not be important to him might be important to others. And so, he tried not to push Kensuke into doing anything he did not want, Kensuke, in turn,
seemed to sense this and the two had settled into a slow progress. Still, it was hard for them to enjoy themselves when they were worried about Mana. Her fate, and what Kaworu was willing to do to save her rolled around in his mind.
As the colorful ending credits played on the television in front of them, Kensuke perked up and saw the frown on his boyfriend's face. He understood, at least in part, what he was feeling. Mana's disappearance had affected them both. Her absence was... tangible. "You want something to drink?" Kensuke asked as he got up and headed toward the kitchen.
Kaworu forced a smile
. "That would be wonderful." He tried to formulate his thoughts as Kensuke poured them both tall glasses of ice tea. When the boy returned and set the glasses down he gave Kaworu a strange look.
"What i
s it, Kaworu? Are you thinking about Mana?" He asked seriously.
Kaworu sighed. In some ways, having people that could see beyond his warm stoic mask had made things more difficult. "In a way," he said, looking his love in the eyes. "I spoke with Kaji and asked his assistance."
Kensuke brightened at the thought. From what little Kensuke had seen of him, Kaji seemed like a cool suave spy dude. If anyone could help them find Mana, he could. "That's good, right?"
Kaworu nodded solemnly. "It is, but... In order to get his help, I will need to do something that may change things for us. Make things more complicated. And before I do, I want to tell you so you are prepared. And if it is too much... You can tell me now."
Kensuke was about to laugh
but stopped when he saw Kaworu was serious, and so instead looked at him, concerned. "What do you mean, Kaworu?"
Kaworu took a deep breath "I am not a normal person, Kensuke."
At that, Kensuke did laugh. "Of course you're not, Kaworu, you're a pilot, and well, I wouldn't exactly call what we and Mana have going normal." He placed a hand on his boyfriend's, only for Kaworu to get up and sigh in frustration.
Perhaps the best way would be a small demonstration. Nothing serious, just something to show Kensuke in a way his words never could. "No, Ken," He let a hand rise, and with it, so did the glasses filled with their drinks, and the remote. Then, the controllers to the video game system scattered on the ground, then the models and books flew off the shelves, and finally
, Kaworu himself began to float.
Kensuke looked dumbstruck "What—" He struggled for words a few moments more. "What are you?"
"I am so much more."
Kaworu gently let the items across the room descend to their former places and then himself. He took one of Kensuke's hands and held it lightly. To his shock and amazement, the boy did not pull away, did not flinch or run. "I think you and I need to have a long talk."
Kaworu did not tell him everything. He did not tell him about what SEELE called his destiny; he did not tell him of his drive to unite with his mother or his origins from Second Impact. But he told him enough. That he was an alien, or at least created from the ancient blood of one. That he had spent his life until he came to Tokyo-3 alone, with nothing but sterile laboratories and the sickening clutches of Kiel to call home. Kensuke asked what he could do. Kaworu shrugged and explained that there were numerous applications of and effects that resulted from the manipulation of AT fields. One of those obviously was the ability to move and control objects. He told Kensuke that while the people in Germany knew that, those here did not and therefore Kaworu had to keep his powers and his nature a secret.
After Kaworu was done, Kensuke sat silently holding Kaworu's hand for a long time. Internally, Kaworu was afraid. Kiel had always told him that humans feared what they did not understand. That they would hate him and reject him if he were to reveal himself to anyone other than SEELE. Kaworu tried to push his mentor's words out of his mind, but couldn't. Surely, Kensuke would leave him, abandon him to his fate, and—
Kaworu's despair was interrupted by a sound from Kensuke. It started low, barely a whisper, but grew like thunder. Kensuke was laughing, a joyful wonderful laugh that cut through Kiel's words like lightning.
"I always knew you were... odd. B
ut I always chalked it up to you being a pilot. Alien, though?" Kensuke chuckled and squeezed Kaworu's hand tight. "That explains a few things."
Kaworu was amazed. For the first time in years, Kaworu began to cry. "You're... not angry?"
Kensuke shook his head. "Surprised? Yes. Angry? Never. I care about you, Kaworu. This... thing… isn't going to change that. I meant what I said on the roof of the school. I want to try. No matter how hard it gets, no matter what... surprises come our way. Because the truth is, I think I love you."
Kaworu was taken aback. Those words hit him to his core. He knew that he was different, he had seen that he was not like him. And yet, Kensuke still loved him. Kaworu could only repeat what he had heard back to his love as Kensuke kissed him. It was warm and rich and full of love. Kaworu barely registered when Kensuke's hand ran through his hair, pulling him closer as the two embraced, lying on the couch together, trading kisses and touches. They lay there for a good while, enjoying the feeling of being in each other's arms.
Eventually, Kensuke looked down at his love with an odd expression. "Kaworu?"
Kaworu looked up. "Yes?"
A sly smile crept onto Kensuke's face "You told me about your abilities, but besides that, is your body different from a human's?"
Kaworu was about to explain that his body was nearly identical, save for the S2 engine in his core. But he stopped himself as he caught his boyfriend's meaning. Returning the coy smile, he asked "I don't know, Kensuke. Why don't we find out?"
*
The sound of the front door opening caused Kaworu and Kensuke to jump up from the bed in a flash. Kensuke swore under his breath as the two scrambled to become as clothed as possible as quickly as possible. He chooses today of all days to come home early. Kensuke winced as he pulled up his socks with the fury of a man going into battle. Kaworu sensed his boyfriend's concern and followed his lead. When he heard his father's call, Kensuke gave a polite response that he was coming down in a minute. Ascertaining with a quick glance that both he and his boyfriend were wearing all the necessary components to be called an outfit, the two made their way down the stairs to the hallway where Kensuke's father stood. Hideo was the very model of a Japanese businessman: A slightly bedraggled man with a gray suit and thinning hair. Hideo glanced at the two coming down the stairs, raising an eyebrow as they exchanged greetings.
He looked at Kaworu and smiled. "You must be the Nagisa boy my son keeps raving about. I am glad he's finally met, someone. With all his models and anime, I was afraid he was going to be an otaku forever."
Kensuke was red as a tomato "I—" He tried to formulate a response to his father, but eventually gave in and breathed out a yes. Gods, I suck at this whole secret relationship thing. "How did you know?"
Hideo raised an eyebrow. "Besides the fact, everything you have said about him to me has been with glowing affection?" He gestured to their outfits. "You're wearing each other's shirts." He smiled coyly. "Unless this is a new fad among kids these days I am missing," He added.
Later after some initial awkwardness the three sat around the table and talked, laughing occasionally about the circumstances while their food cooked. Unlike Shinji, who had been forced to learn to cook due to his circumstances, the extent of Kensuke's culinary expertise seemed to be the use of an oven or microwave. They talked about school and dating and old stories of Hideo's glory days.
Hideo laughed as he loosened his tie, leaning back in his chair. "I remember when I was about your age, my father caught me in bed with some girl. His reaction was a mix of pride and fear. Pride for me and fear for himself, because the girl was his boss's daughter." He chuckled at the thought.
"Are your parents going to come after my boy like that girl's did me?" He joked to Kaworu.
Kaworu thought for a moment and looked a bit sad. "I don't have any parents."
Hideo stopped laughing and nodded knowingly. He shouldn't have been so tasteless. Lots of kids Kaworu's age were orphans from the impact.
"I am sorry about that. I want you to know you are always welcome here." He raised an eyebrow at his son. "Not that you don't know that already, apparently, given that you have been over all week." The three continued to chat, Hideo asking about how Kaworu was enjoying Japan and what were his hobbies. After a while, Hideo stopped laughing, his eyes heavy as he looked at Kaworu. Hideo went quiet for a moment, his face going serious "I heard from Kensuke that you are one of NERV's pilots."
Kaworu nodded. He was unsure what exactly the public knew of their missions or what the stakes truly were, but he assumed that at the very least the average person would know that the Evangelions were the only real line of defense against the angel attacks.
Hideo Aida pushed out his chair and stood up facing Kaworu. Then in a deliberate fashion bowed deeply.
Kaworu was shocked. He was unused to being thanked in such a manner. The people of NERV had treated piloting as a duty and a job. Not something worth praising, and his classmates? While when he had first arrived, Kaworu had had his share of fans, things had quickly died down around the angel. Most of his classmates seemed to avoid him if anything. The exceptions being his fellow pilots, Mana and Kensuke for obvious reasons, and Hikari, who seemed to make an effort to reach out to all of the students of the class and was dating a pilot herself.
Kaworu was unsure what the proper response was to such a display. "I... thank you, Mr. Aida. I admit that this new to me."
"That is a shame. Not enough people in this city show appreciation to you for your efforts to save us from those... things. I remember when a NERV official dropped Kensuke home after he was almost killed by that... crab thing. Kensuke told me that Shinji Ikari stood his ground to defend him and Touji even when his superiors told him to retreat. And then later I remember overhearing." He turned to his son for a moment "I did not mean to eavesdrop, but the boy was weeping." He returned his attention to Kaworu. "What had happened in Suzuhara's first battle, and how... painful it was. For him and the rest of the pilots. I admit I have wanted to thank you and the rest of the pilots for your efforts for some time now. Shinji did save my son after all. But I was a coward. It is easier, I suppose, for someone like me to try and ignore the monsters and the guns the battles and the destruction and most importantly the pilots that put their lives on the line to save us. Easier than to face the real danger that we all face, but in doing so, you are swept under the rug and ignored. I hope you may forgive me."
Kaworu felt for the man. He seemed genuinely remorseful both for himself and the people around him. And yet, Kaworu could not let an opportunity such as this pass him by. "Guilt is useless unless it drives one to action. And you Mr. Aida are in a unique position to help."
Hideo's eyes widened. "Me? What can I offer?"
Kaworu shot Kensuke a look that told him to trust him and then continued. "Information. You possess information that may help a friend of ours that is in trouble. Now, tell me if you would all you can about the M200-DSLX neural interface chip."
Hideo looked confused. "That thing? Why do you need to know about—" He trailed off, deciding it did not matter. "I am sorry, but I can't tell you much. I am in the financial division of the company. Truth be told, I do not know very much about most of the equipment we sell beyond a vague description."
Kaworu looked sympathetic. "Anything could help. Please. A friend of ours may be in danger."
Hideo thought for a moment. "They were designed before Second Impact as the first real cybernetics. They were supposed to connect sensor nodes on the machine to the spatial awareness and touch segments of the brain, the idea being that the machine or vehicle or whatever would feel like an extension of your body, and therefore be easier to control and maneuver. The project, like so many others, was put on hold after the Impact but was eventually picked up by the JSSDF and Japan Heavy Chemical Industries under the direction of Doctor Ivan Wick. They are still quite experimental, mostly used for research until recently, when a few years ago, the JSSDF started ordering a number of them. They told us it was part of a program for disabled veterans. That's all I got. The JSSDF has been extremely secretive these last few years, ever since the business in Nansha."
A wave of disgust came over Kaworu. "We believe that a device like this has been implanted in a teenage girl."
Hideo almost laughed, but then he remembered the times after Second Impact. The desperation and the fear. And then he remembered how secretive the JSSDF had been to them about the whole deal. Always acting suspicious, always hiding. The idea that they would use it on a teenager as a guinea pig, or worse, as a soldier. He knew better than to assume innocence on their part. "I will try to look into this myself, see what I can dig up. But please, if what you are saying is true, I would be careful. The JSSDF does not take kindly to people poking around in their business. Especially someone from NERV."
Kaworu nodded knowingly. "Don't worry. I will take every precaution. But first, I need more information. Something I am sure will come when I speak to my contact tonight."
*
Kaji walked along the dark winding back streets of Tokyo-3, the only light to be found coming from the warm glow of his cigarette, avoiding the street cameras that dotted the major intersections. These grimy alleys were much like his old stomping grounds. Even after all these years, he could still feel his way by instinct alone in such places. If he stopped, he could almost hear the voice of his brother urging him forward. Their gang fought over every inch of their streets, over every scrap to be found. Kaji knew that when you have nothing, you will fight for anything. The UN inspector sneered when he saw a half eaten hot
dog that someone had discarded. In his time, he would have seen it as manna from heaven. He thought of Asuka and her friends. Their generation was too young to know well the horrors that followed Second Impact, the desperation and the tragedy that it brought. To them, it was simply a fact of life — the sun rose, the tides ebbed, and fifteen years ago, three billion people died. Kaji felt very conflicted about this. On one hand, Kaji wanted to ensure that neither Asuka nor anyone else went through what he did. On the other? Sometimes, Kaji wished that Asuka and the other pilots understood what it was like, if only so that they understood why the people around them were so desperate to prevent another.
He rounded a corner to see his destination ahead of him. It was a small diner whose flickering red neon sign proclaimed it was open twenty-four hours. Inside, he saw the place was mostly empty, save for a man in industrial coveralls downing a plate of potatoes, a bored waitress reading a paper and in the back, in a booth, the boy he had come to meet — Kaworu Nagisa. The boy smiled at Kaji as he sat down opposite the pilot.
"Are you sure this place is safe?" Kaji asked in a hushed tone.
"This place comes on recommendation from Toshiro Suzuhara. He said it is a favorite of both the local police and the Yakuza. Also, this has become a bit of a neutral zone; as such, the wait staff is paid extra to have selective hearing problems."
Kaji nodded. He was about to ask Kaworu about his connection to SEELE, but their waitress appeared, showing them the menu. After a moment of discussion, the two gave their orders.
Kaji shrugged. "I guess I will have a burger with fries," he said, unable to focus on the food when the answers he craved were so close. "Oh, and a cup of black coffee," he added, not knowing how long they would be here.
Kaworu, however, seemed to take his time making up his mind. "I will have a New York strip steak, rare, with two sunny-side up eggs on the side and an iced tea." He smiled warmly as he gave the menu to the waitress.
After the woman left for the kitchen, Kaji gave the boy a smirk. "Steak and eggs? You're making my wallet cry."
Kaworu gave another one of his inscrutable looks. "I assure you, Mr. Kaji, what I am going to tell you is well worth the price of a meal."
"So," Kaji said, straightening up. "Where should we begin?"
Kaworu looked mysterious as he formulated his thoughts. "I would think at the beginning, but that may be easier said than done. Sometimes, people or organizations are like species. It can be difficult to find a hard line when it stopped being one thing and became something else. So it was for SEELE." Kaworu took a drink of the water on the table before continuing. "It may have been something else a long time ago, but by the start of the second half of the twentieth century, it had become something much... darker." He thought of his childhood, of long empty
rooms and tests. And he thought of his teacher. "There is a man, Chairman Kiel Lorentz. Hidden away from the world, he acts as an observer. Like a spider, he watches and waits, feeling the vibrations in his web. You will not find his name in any register or census. No company holds his employ, no government recognizes his authority and yet... You will find no more powerful an individual than him he.
Kaji looked interested. Finally, he was getting names! He could barely contain himself as he tried to get Kaworu to continue. "Did you know him? Is he connected to NERV Germany?"
A flash of pain crossed Kaworu's eyes as he thought of his time under the chairman. "I do. He was my mentor and teacher for as long as I can remember. And to answer your second question: He is not connected to NERV Germany. He is NERV Germany."
"There is a truth you must face, Inspector Kaji. You were sent by the U.N to inspect NERV, but the truth is that both NERV and the U.N answer to the same master... SEELE. I hate to be the bearer of this horrible news, but it is the truth. Your job was a show. A farce. No matter what you reported, no matter what you uncovered, NERV would continue on its way unimpeded because NERV is simply the operating arm of SEELE. You have been working for the people you have been searching for all along, Inspector." He said, as he took his knife and fork and cut into one of his eggs, spilling the yellow yolk over his plate.
Much of what Kaworu was saying were things that he had suspected. He had felt the strings of some higher authority in his work in the U.N before. Certain projects seemed to be passed and funded with no opposition, and people who tried to look into the inner workings were either "exposed" as corrupt, kicked downstairs into a job far below their station or seemed to vanish entirely.
"When did these guys take over?" Kaji asked, worried.
"After Second Impact, the chaos let them do as they pleased as they placed their men in positions of power all over the globe. That was how they gained the power to seize the nuclear arms of the world, create a standing army and form NERV."
"Are you saying they took advantage of the Impact?"
"No, Inspector. I am saying they caused Second Impact."
Kaji went numb. He had had thoughts about Second Impact over the years, suspicions. But to hear it so plainly, so clearly, disarmed him. Kaji hardly felt a thing as the mug of coffee slipped from his fingers and shattered on the tile floor, causing the waitress to yell at the two of them before grabbing a mop. He could hardly hear her. In his mind, Kaji was thirteen again, fighting with his brother on the streets for even a scrap of food. He remembered the day that they took him; he remembered when he found his brother's body, shot and left to rot in a ditch like an animal. The numbness Kaji felt was passing, now replaced with something far more volatile. They did this. The hell that had forged Kaji, the hunger and the gangs and the violence. It was not a tragedy. The event that had thrown the world into chaos and death was not an accident. It was murder.
Kaji sat in silence for a long while, simply watching the Nagisa boy eagerly devour his meal.
This changes things, Kaji decided. For his whole life since that moment, Kaji had blamed himself for what had happened. He had believed the wrong brother had died. But now? Kaji realized that neither his brother nor himself would ever have been in that situation if not for SEELE. A terrible weight seemed to have been lifted off Kaji's shoulders, only to be replaced by a rage. How many countless others were like him? Chaff to be thrown away. Eventually, a singular question came to his lips. "Why?" And then, after a moment of thought, "What do they want?"
Kaworu looked solemn. "What does a man who throws himself in front of a train want?" His eyes went cold. "Oblivion."
Kaji was gobsmacked. "What? Are they some kind of death cult?"
Kaworu shook his head. "It is more complicated than that. SEELE sees itself and humanity as a whole as flawed and weak compared to the angels. To them, human life on earth is an aberration, a sickness. They believe they are fulfilling an almost divine mandate. A new holy order that will wash away humanity's sins."
Kaji was horrified. A deep feeling of dread came over him. These are the people running the world. These are the people I am working for! His appetite gone, Kaji just took out a cigarette from his jacket pocket and lit it, dragging in deeply. Kaworu, on the other hand, looked almost cheerful as he reached over and pointed to the Inspector's fries.
"You're not eating these, are you?"
Kaji shook his head and gave the boy access to his meal. He gave Kaworu an odd look. For the first time since meeting the boy he seemed... normal. Kaji felt a little ashamed of himself then, playing spy games with someone half his age. He only hoped that he was not putting the pilot in too much trouble. Still, he was not going to let this unprecedented access to secret information slip by him. "What else can you tell me?"
Kaworu shook his head gravely. "I do need to keep some things to myself, at least for now, if only so you have a reason to help me."
Kaji shook his head "It's not like that. I just—"
Kaworu waved a hand. "It is alright, Inspector. I never expected your assistance to come purely from the goodness of your heart."
The worst thing was, Kaworu was right. As bad as what the JSSDF seemed to be doing was, Kaji would not have taken an active look if not spurred by Kaworu."I managed to find some records of a girl named Mana Kirishima living in Kitakyushu. That is a city on Kyushu. Unfortunately, it seems that upon further investigation these files are faked."
Kaji scratched his stubble. "I tried to look into that chip thing you mentioned and... well, I am glad you are sitting down," he said, clearing his throat. "This thing was breaking new ground, but it was not the only one of its kind. There were other programs around the world developing similar systems. Most, however, have been shut down by the U.N."
Kaworu raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
Kaji was unsure how to break this, but the kid deserved the truth, especially after how much he had opened up about SEELE. "I don't know about the chip you were talking about, specifically. That info is pretty deep stuff; might have to make an official request for information. But the others, the canceled projects? They went bad. Really bad. Nerve damage was the most common. The systems were often rejected by the body of the subject. Sometimes violently. There were cases of paralysis, loss of motor function, brain damage and sometimes even death."
Kaworu was unsure how to take this news. At the very least, Mana seemed not to exhibit the symptoms that Kaji described, but that only pushed Kaworu to do something about it now before the damage was done. Looking at his watch Kaji swore and explained they had to go. No doubt Section Two monitored the pilots movements forcing them to brief encounters. Kaji took the papers and the two went their separate ways after Kaworu finished his meal. Kaji apologized for not being able to drive him home, but he did not want too many street photos of the two together.
Before they split, Kaworu made a final note to thank Kaji for representing the pilots against Command. He was unsure how the next meeting would go, but he hoped that both sides could find some common ground.
Kaji walked along the dark streets with an uncertainty not present on the way to the diner. His eyes had been opened, and with it came a new sense of danger. Every corner seemed to hold a would-be assassin; every car on the road a SEELE informant. He tried to take out a smoke but found he was out. Christ, he thought, I am getting paranoid. But then, was it really paranoia if the world really was out to get you?
As in Rei dies again (Oh bother) and wakes up in a male body.
