Neon Metathesis Evangelion [NGE]
Turing Decidable
𝕘𝕒𝕣𝕗
- Location
- Belgium
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Life During Wartime, Alex's side story to this fic.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
As a kind of "behind the scenes" note, I wanted to delay the "reconciliation talk" between Misato and Asuka until the pilots/NERV talks are done, but I don't think this is feasible. For one thing, I really can't delay it any longer, and second, well, Asuka being bitchy hurts my ratings
And, after all, Misato has realized now what the problem is...And he just strong-armed Gendo. He can only hope that the various factions will disagree on how to kill him.
SEELE: "Poison!"
JSSDF: "Execution!"
NERV: "Unfortunate accident!"
Well, she was just one of several, changing guardians. You could as well blame Kaji for that. Or others. Still, I must say, your point... bothers me a bit. Because "respecting superiors, being nice to colleagues"... that sounds a bit like not only raising Asuka to be a child soldiers (which surely is the gravest problem), but also a nice and compliant one. In my maybe slightly warped view, it's a good thing that Asuka is not a perfectly disciplined and "professional" child soldier. That she still can rant at superiors. She's 14. It shouldn't be expected of fourteen year olds to be "professional".
(Now, being nice to people in general, that's of course another matter...)
- Location
- Canada
Now that's something we can agree on.
- Location
- Canada
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
"Ra-Ra-Rasputin, lover of the Russian Queen."
*Misato falls over laughing*
Timerider
That guy who really should get out more.
- Location
- The End of the World.
Why not all three?
Make a public spectacle of lethal injection, when halfway through a section of the ceiling falls and crushes his head.
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- Location
- The Midlands.
For the benefit of everyone too old to remember Top of the Pops (or even TOTP2 reruns):
- Location
- the dark reaches of the internet
Please bear with me this kinda got out of hand.
I think I see where your coming from, part of it was miscommunication on my part. so lets start with me trying to clear up what I meant.
First I agree with the point on the multiple guardian thing, they all share a degree of blame, rather than it all falling on Misato as I made it sound.
Next there are two things I want to clear up before moving on when I said professional I didn't mean "Professional soldier" I meant "A person who is working with others" be it a company, a classroom, or what have you. Essentially anything that has a hierarchy. The other is that when I used the term civil, I meant something more along the lines of, not interfering in eachothers work, yes yelling counts. You dont even have to talk to someone to be civil in my book. Basically how Misato and Ritsuko act while on the job. Honestly I probably should have either included the explanations there or just used different terms, though I will admit I'm not sure what terms I'd use in their stead. Something to think on later.
Now what I meant by "bring up criticism and critics in private" when you have an issue with how your boss is handling things, you either pull them aside, or set up a meeting with them. Or if you believe it necessary make a more formalized complaint either to the boss or their superiors Thing is, is that Asuka is right about what she's complaining about, their treatment by NERV command is absurd (god it seems like every line from the Vice-directors mouth makes me want to shoot him). My issue stems from the fact that yelling about it in front of everyone; is not the way to go about effecting change, and that while Asuka cant be expected to really know or understand that, no one around her that should know better makes any real effort to explain to her why she is being dismissed as a petulant child rather than a
co-worker/professional/"elite pilot without whom the world could very well end" with a serious complaint (or 20).
I agree that 14 year old should not be held to the same standards as adults. They are however old enough to understand an explanation on how they are expected to act. I certainly heard enough from teachers at that age. Their at an age where your expected to have your emotions run away with you sometimes, and you might not always know how to act besides, but you are old enough to start really learning what sort of behavior is expected of you.
Honestly though the more I think about it the more the whole program seems like it was set up to fail, there are no clear expectations for how the pilots should behave, there is no clear guidelines on what they should or shouldn't do. As it is anything they do or say can hardly be called disobedience simply because what constitutes obedience in this situation has not been established. If a school or job can have a guildlines for behavior, then by god the public fiction of an afterschool program the pilots attend (IE fighting for the sake of humanity) can have them to. Its like the people in charge expected all of the pilots to act like pre character development Rei, rather than a bunch of kids.
To close of an already oversized rant I will admit that a lot of what I am saying should be done, or what the kids should be advised to do, has a fair chance of not working. Simply because Gendo and Fuyutsuki are shitty superiors who while technical good at their job of "preventing the death of all mankind" (ha), are also useless assholes who have to be blackmailed into having a fucking meeting with the pilots, admittedly one where they have preemptively agreed to make concessions, but its not like they were really willing to have that meeting to begin with so that's not really here or there.
Honestly a large part of this is just me bitching about evangelion characters being evangelion characters, not really with your portrayal of them.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
That would be the Rasputin variant, yes.
Rasputin's death
So Rasputin was poisoned several times, shot twice and drowned. One tough bastard.
Hey, Turisas' cover is only...
Man, that's ten years already as well.
Well, maybe that's the problem. How respectful towards teachers you think 14 years old Susano was? Or even 16 years old Susano?
In general I think a classroom is not in fact the same as a company. And while Japan may disagree, I think a measure of wildness and disrespect is to be expected in kids and teenagers. If a 14 year old student is openly pointing out in classroom how wrong the teacher is... well, uh, I'd say that's just school. That happens. That's normal. In fact, what school kid wouldn't relish to prove the teacher wrong in classroom? Everyone who can leaps at that chance! That's just normal school kid behaviour.To expect of 14 years old to go the ultra-smooth route of waiting after class, then telling the teachers and so on, I think that is not reasonable to expect. Of course the kids will have to learn that for later job life, but for now they're still fourteen and will behave accordingly. In fact, I'd find it more disturbing if they didn't. That's also why the comparison with Misato and Ritsuko is a bit out of line, IMO: Those two are adults, those two are actual employees of NERV, for them that is actually their professional job. None of this applies to Asuka. If NERV wants (or needs) to work with teenagers, well, they better prepare for them to also behave like teenagers. The idea that a fourteen year old should be held to the same standards as professional employees at a company is in fact a bit appalling to me.
As for effecting change, it's not like Asuka can. Her bosses' superiors? Basically non-existant, NERV Japan is Gendo's little fief. The only way to affect change is the way Kaji has done now - applying force. Strong-arming Gendo, in this case. And regarding that, well, as Kensuke has noted in that one LDW chapter, the pilots have only one card to play and it's a damn dangerous one. In any case, the idea that you can solve problems if you simply communicate and behave professionally is absolutely not applicable to NERV to begin with. You're assuming an amount of reason and understanding on part of NERV command (the people who want to start 3I, remember) that absolutely isn't there. Oh wait, no, you mention that fact later on. Well then
I think in general - you can't expect fourteen years old to be that professional. What would normally happen is that they voice their displeasure in various "non-reasonable" ways, and if they think it's more than just normal bitching, their parents or guardians would pick on it and, acting in the interest of their child/ward, would act to change the child's/ward's situation. Like, in the case of an extremely bullied child, maybe a school change is in order. The child may not be able to articulate that reasonable, but that's why it is the parent's/guardian's duty to pick up on it. So... this would be Misato's job. Who is also Operation's Director and part of the NERV hierarchy.
And this is really something to bitch about, how toxic that structure, that conflict of interests, is.
/E: That's also why I'm not much of a fan of the "give them guidelines" variant. If you HAVE to work with teenagers, if you HAVE to send them into battles - well, then work around that fact. Instead of giving an additional burden to the kids whom you make suffer already anyway, instead of having them adapt - adapt yourself. Just tolerate them being teeangers, nod with a smile, and work around it.
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Sir Plusse
Overly Vicious Quester
- Location
- Kansas
Biggest problem with this approach, as Susano mentioned, is that the guys in charge (to compare to a normal company: The branch supervisors and, to some extent at least, the OWNERS) are exactly the problem: Asuka's not happy with Misato or Ritsuko (the latter and her nude test being the metaphorical last straw), but her biggest problem right now is probably with Gendo and Fuyutsuki, since they both seem to be ignoring the human rights violations (Ritsuko doesn't seem to have even been reprimanded for provoking the strike in the first place) and even encouraging their subordinates to demean her and her fellow pilots while simultaneously placing the ENTIRETY of the burden of the Angels on them.
While talking to the superiors of whoever's causing the problem is viable in MOST situations, when the problem comes straight from the top, as it does here, and there are few to no indications that they are interested in correcting them, as Gendo and Fuyutsuki have clearly demonstrated (their response boiling down to "stop whining and be a proper tool in the Scenario" until it's proven that the pilots as a whole REFUSE to just go along with things without at least SOME concessions), then more drastic actions are required in order to MAKE them correct their mistakes.
- Location
- the dark reaches of the internet
@Susano ,@Sir Plusse
Ok so short response this time. The first part of what I said was meant to outline a normal response to what Asuka's doing, not to say that this is how she should act. Going back to me bitching about Misato she didn't bring up any thing that I said, she didn't bring up anything even like it. That Is my main problem with Misato right now.
My issue is not that Asuka should be doing this but instead that someone should be telling her that that is what she should be doing. Not that it would work in that Idealistic form, but I honestly have to question the fact that people who think they part of an organization trying to save the world haven't tried that.
Edit: The reason I kept bringing up the professional thing is because Asuka is demanding to be treated as one.
Ok so short response this time. The first part of what I said was meant to outline a normal response to what Asuka's doing, not to say that this is how she should act. Going back to me bitching about Misato she didn't bring up any thing that I said, she didn't bring up anything even like it. That Is my main problem with Misato right now.
My issue is not that Asuka should be doing this but instead that someone should be telling her that that is what she should be doing. Not that it would work in that Idealistic form, but I honestly have to question the fact that people who think they part of an organization trying to save the world haven't tried that.
Edit: The reason I kept bringing up the professional thing is because Asuka is demanding to be treated as one.
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- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Right. So basically, like the Israfel debacle, Misato simply telling Asuka "You know, if you had told this the Vice Commander in any other way than over the public comms..."? Hmmm. Maybe...
- Location
- the dark reaches of the internet
Wait.. did that happen? cause if that happened I'm going to go bang my head against a wall until I can't remember what embarrassment even is.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Ah, no, sorry! That was a genuinely musing "hmmm", not irony! What we see at the victory party is Asuka and Misato storming in, both furious, and Misato angry at Asuka for having caused the incident and for causing her to stand an hour in Fuyutsuki's office.
- Location
- the dark reaches of the internet
Oh thank god, but yes that is essentially exactly what I meant.
Dragxon
King of The Dragonhumans
- Location
- Realm of the Dracanthropes
That would be the Rasputin variant, yes.
Rasputin's death
So Rasputin was poisoned several times, shot twice and drowned. One tough bastard.
Hey, Turisas' cover is only...
Man, that's ten years already as well.
Well, maybe that's the problem. How respectful towards teachers you think 14 years old Susano was? Or even 16 years old Susano?
To expect of 14 years old to go the ultra-smooth route of waiting after class, then telling the teachers and so on, I think that is not reasonable to expect. Of course the kids will have to learn that for later job life, but for now they're still fourteen and will behave accordingly. In fact, I'd find it more disturbing if they didn't. That's also why the comparison with Misato and Ritsuko is a bit out of line, IMO: Those two are adults, those two are actual employees of NERV, for them that is actually their professional job. None of this applies to Asuka. If NERV wants (or needs) to work with teenagers, well, they better prepare for them to also behave like teenagers. The idea that a fourteen year old should be held to the same standards as professional employees at a company is in fact a bit appalling to me.
As for effecting change, it's not like Asuka can. Her bosses' superiors? Basically non-existant, NERV Japan is Gendo's little fief. The only way to affect change is the way Kaji has done now - applying force. Strong-arming Gendo, in this case. And regarding that, well, as Kensuke has noted in that one LDW chapter, the pilots have only one card to play and it's a damn dangerous one. In any case, the idea that you can solve problems if you simply communicate and behave professionally is absolutely not applicable to NERV to begin with. You're assuming an amount of reason and understanding on part of NERV command (the people who want to start 3I, remember) that absolutely isn't there. Oh wait, no, you mention that fact later on. Well then
I think in general - you can't expect fourteen years old to be that professional. What would normally happen is that they voice their displeasure in various "non-reasonable" ways, and if they think it's more than just normal bitching, their parents or guardians would pick on it and, acting in the interest of their child/ward, would act to change the child's/ward's situation. Like, in the case of an extremely bullied child, maybe a school change is in order. The child may not be able to articulate that reasonable, but that's why it is the parent's/guardian's duty to pick up on it. So... this would be Misato's job. Who is also Operation's Director and part of the NERV hierarchy.
And this is really something to bitch about, how toxic that structure, that conflict of interests, is.
/E: That's also why I'm not much of a fan of the "give them guidelines" variant. If you HAVE to work with teenagers, if you HAVE to send them into battles - well, then work around that fact. Instead of giving an additional burden to the kids whom you make suffer already anyway, instead of having them adapt - adapt yourself. Just tolerate them being teeangers, nod with a smile, and work around it.
well we have this now
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- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Depicted: NERV's Science Department. Just as ethical and useful.
Chapter 38: Communication I
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Who would have thought this… this… domestic life would be for me?
Granted, it was an unusual domestic life, what with three partners living under the same roof, but Asuka was still utterly enchanted with it. She got breathless just thinking about it. Maybe it was the novelty of the whole thing and it would wear off again, but for now she just enjoyed having two people around whom she loved and by whom she was loved, without any questions or ambiguities or challenges. That was really what she liked most about it: It was so relaxing. Here there was a safe space where she didn't need to constantly prove herself. She could trust, or at least desperately wanted to trust, that Shinji and Rei would accept her, no matter how she rated on her most recent synch-test, no matter which successes or losses on the battlefield, or what school degree she had.
It really made it easy to forget about everything else in the world. Like Misato.
Asuka had tried on Thursday to go to her, talk to her, maybe apologize. That was something very rare for her, but… now that Shinji and Rei had declared their love for her, both of them, always staying on top, always being right, wasn't that desperately important to her anymore. And most of all, Misato had in fact been one of her better guardians. Asuka really wanted to fix up things with her. So she had gone, rang Misato's doorbell… and Kaji had opened and told her Misato wasn't feeling well.
Not well? Who knows what the two have been… Asuka breathed out forcefully thinking about it. That wasn't her business. Not anymore. She had Rei and Shinji, after all.
But it had foiled her plan. Maybe she could have tried again today, Friday. Rei had said that Misato had been present at the synch-test in the morning. However, yesterday, Asuka had been full of determination to go through with it, whereas today… Well, Kaji had called them and told them about his plans to mediate in talks between the pilots and NERV command. Surely, it was just prudent to await those talks before speaking with Misato. It wasn't that Asuka was afraid, that her courage had left her… she was just going about this in a strategically sound way. Misato still was the Operations Director, after all. Yeah, that's the ticket.
In the meanwhile, she tried to think as little as possible about Misato. Or about NERV. Or, really, the outside world. And it was easy to keep her thoughts on her current living situation. In just a few days, she had learned a surprising amount of things about her new partners.
Regarding Shinji, the foremost thing was that he was getting better. Of course, with every one of the three reveling in the opportunity to get as many cuddles as possible it was difficult to say how much he still needed the physical contact and how much he just wanted it, but he could increasingly do without constantly having either Asuka or Rei around him. Not that Asuka had ever found that a burden. Now and then it had been a bit annoying, okay, but all in all she had just been glad that she had been able to do anything at all about his state. However, for his own sake, she was glad that he was increasingly able to stand on his own feet again, so to speak.
In fact, he was feeling well enough that he already got exasperated with Asuka's and Rei's unorderliness the previous day. Both girls had just superficially washed the dishes after dinner and replaced them into the cupboards without any order. And that was something that just would not do for Shinji. Asuka supposed she couldn't really fault him. After all, after having lived with Misato, it was no wonder that he got twitchy at the smallest sign of disorder in the house. He had seen where it could lead to in the worst case after all.
Besides, it just wouldn't be her adorably serious Shinji without that trait, so she had reacted mostly with amusement to his annoyed sighs. She did think he exaggerated a bit with cleanliness and order, but she and Rei had nonetheless then re-ordered the dishes. It was clear that some conflict might lie in wait that way. Asuka could hardly wait how this turned out. She just wanted to see this living together in all its aspects, as weird as that might sound.
Rei had tried to help Shinji with cooking the meal. And that was another thing Asuka had learned: Somehow, Rei managed to make an even worse cook than Misato. It stood to reason, considering how the blue-haired girl had apparently lived most her life, but still… the spices, sauces and vegetables she had wanted to add to the meal would have made for abominable combinations. For everyone's security, Asuka and Shinji had decided to keep her as far away from the kitchen counter as far as possible.
A thing that Rei had soon learned was that her pouting was counter-productive: It was just too adorable.
In fact, as both Asuka and Shinji had found out, it was a very good thing Rei was in a triad. Over just a few days, the girl had evolved to be a real cuddlebug. It was a good thing she had two partners, so there was always someone which she could hug or cuddle or kiss. Asuka was definitely not complaining.
And there was something that Asuka had learned about herself that surprised her: The utter trust she had in her two partners. She knew she wouldn't be excluded. It could happen that she was too utterly focused on her game console to notice anything around her. Even when Rei and Shinji then kissed passionately in the kitchen… Asuka knew she could join in. She could play her games, do homework, or kiss with them. All of those things were just things that happened in the household. She didn't always need to be on guard about not being left out. And that was true for the other two as well, of course.
And finally, while Rei became ever better at the console's fighting games, Asuka had learned that Shinji was surprisingly good at her FIFA games. Especially considering that before he hadn't even known the rules of football. Though, granted, the games were more about keeping oversight of the team and pushing the right buttons than playing actual football. Most newbies were overwhelmed at first with having to control eleven people, and even Asuka still was at times, but Shinji seemed to have a certain knack for it. He still didn't know all tricks in dribbling or shooting, but he managed to keep his team well in order.
Shinii groaned after he had lost another match. "I think… I think my eyes are closing by themselves."
Asuka chuckled. "You just don't want to lose again." Rei had sat herself behind her, wrapping her arms around Asuka, and laying her head on her shoulder. Asuka moved her head backwards to gently rub against Rei's. The blue-haired girl already seemed to be half-asleep as well.
"How do you have the energy to play games for hours on end?" Shinji asked.
Asuka shrugged. "Video games never tire me out. Back in Germany, sometimes..." She broke the sentence off. Maybe one day she would tell her partners about the times she was on her lowest, and had literally played video games eighteen hours a day, interrupted only by going to the toilet, and that for several days straight. Not something one should let a child do, maybe, but her guardian at the time had cared for little else but her synch-rate. "Well, whatever. It's just something I'm good at that allows me to not think about anything else. Just challenges I master one after the next."
Asuka was surprised when she felt Shinji's hand on hers. He smiled at her, one of those subdued but cute Shinji smiles. And strangely, that was just the reassurance Asuka had needed.
Behind her, Rei mumbled, sleep-drunken, "We should go to bed."
Asuka grinned. "You think so, don't you?" Ever since their first night as a… whatever… Rei hadn't tried to push anymore. That was good. Asuka still felt that going anywhere into… that… territory could threaten their new and still fragile relationship. She was anxious about that topic. Though now Rei looked far too tired to try anything and besides, Asuka trusted her. So, in one smooth move, she moved her arms beneath Rei's armpits… and stood up, bent forwards, thus giving her a piggyback ride.
"Asuka," Rei just mumbled. The redhead assumed it was supposed to be a protest, but the Japanese girl didn't even seem to have the energy for a proper protest anymore. Shinji just chuckled.
And thus, Asuka carried Rei to their sleeping room, accompanied by Shinji. With his help, she carefully laid down the sleep-drunken girl on the futon. Then she and the boy laid down on both sides of her. Soon, everyone's arms found everyone else, and they nestled comfortably against each other.
They want to blindside us.
Only yesterday Kaji had told Asuka about his plan: Talks between pilots and NERV command. And already now, Saturday, the first round was to be held. That smelled. Not that Asuka had been really convinced of that idea to start with. NERV had shown no signal that it found the pilots' needs, wants and concerns to be of any importance. All she had seen of NERV here in Japan had made the organization out to be stubborn, oppressive and untrustworthy. She didn't think they would actually negotiate anything in good faith, and this early first round seemed to prove her suspicions.
However… this still was a gigantic chance. Truth be told, Asuka missed her Evangelion unit. And she missed being an EVA pilot. For eight years, that had been the core of her identity. Whatever else she was, she was an EVA pilot. Nowadays, that part of her identity had decidedly sunken to second place. First of all she was Rei's and Shinji's partner. But in truth, she had never stopped considering herself an EVA pilot as well. She had been suspended, she had stopped going to the synch-tests, and she was angry how NERV was taking her for granted, and yet… she was an EVA pilot. And the threat that this could change for good still filled her with dread.
Not that she would show that here. And if this succeeded, if she could stay EVA pilot and yet improve her conditions at NERV, she could almost forgive Kaji not having been there when she had needed him.
She had been the first pick for the pilots' delegation of course, as she had de facto been the pilots' representative during their refusal of the nude synch-test. Touji was part of it because he had particular concerns; he relied on NERV for medical treatment of his sister, after all. And finally, Kaworu was the third in the delegation because he was a bit of a free spirit: His interests and attitudes didn't necessarily align with the others.
Meanwhile, the NERV delegation consisted of Fuyutsuki, Akagi and Misato, while Kaji would mediate.
The two groups were sitting down at a simple long table. Fuyutsuki and Asuka sat opposite one another, the obvious heads of their respective delegations. On NERV side, Misato and Akagi thus sat next to each other. The two women were exchanging hostile glances. Kaji, as mediator, stood at the head end of the table, next to Asuka and Fuyutsuki.
"Thank you all for coming," he opened the talks up. "You all know why we're here. The rifts between Command and pilots need to be mended. Frankly, the defence of the world rests on it."
Misato had her 'Major' face on, all stony and collected. Akagi looked defiant. And Fuyutsuki seemed slightly annoyed.
"Well, the pilots have complained," Akagi started. "I'm sure they can tell us in great detail what's wrong."
"You know what's wrong!" Asuka hissed at her. She managed to suppress 'you witch' or the other -itch word. "We save the Earth time and time again, and yet get no respect for it. Instead of the Vice-Commander slightly inconveniencing himself by calling in the conventional forces, we get sent out to fight. When that fungus angel took over EVA-03, you didn't tell us a damn thing until we had visual contact, so as to keep us under control. This abysmal tactical leadership nearly cost Rei her life! And against the shadow angel, you would have sacrificed her! We save your asses time and time again, and yet you value those damn machines higher than us! And then, just to add insult to injury, as part of that job, you wanted to denigrate us! I'd say there is a lot wrong here!"
Fuyutsuki furrowed his brow deeply. It was clear he was not pleased with Asuka's rant. However, he remained silent. Instead, Akagi spoke up, "We can discuss the necessities of battle, such as during the Leliel operation. But I did not try to 'denigrate' you!"
"Be fair," Misato spoke up. "We decided to surprise the pilots with the nude test. We knew they would have objections – and instead of taking them seriously, we devised a way they wouldn't be able to resist."
"So is that what you want?" Fuyutsuki asked. It sounded like he was talking to a petulant child. "No more nude tests?"
"No more nude tests," Asuka confirmed gravely and crossed her arms. "And no more sacrifices of pilots. Our recovery must always have higher priority than the Evangelions. And full information before every battle. And in general… just that our dignity is respected!"
"Dignity," Akagi scoffed.
"We can try to patch up what has gone wrong in the past," Kaji intervened now, "but that would be a band-aid that will only hold until the next crisis. There are still a thousand other things the pilots may, quite validly, object to. We need to make sure none of those happen."
"And how do you plan to do this?" Akagi asked, agitated. "You want to give these children a say in everything?"
"And why not?" Asuka shouted. She and the scientist glared at each other.
The tense silence was interrupted by Fuyutsuki. "It seems there is in fact a need for better communication between Command and the pilots. I'm normally not used to justifying my decisions to subordinates, but I'd be willing to give you explanations for my command decisions."
Now Touji sneered. "So we'll know afterwards why we got screwed over. But how about not screwing us over in the first place?"
Fuyutsuki stared at him sternly. "And what else do you suggest then? Do you want to get to pick and choose what you can do and what not?"
"As I understand," Kaworu spoke up now, as eerily calm as always, "it is commonly understood to be morally quite repugnant to use children as combatants. Necessities force NERV to take this route, as only certain children can pilot Evangelions. But surely that means the only thing that can be expected of those children is to fight angels. Nothing more than that."
"That's a reasonable argument," Kaji judged. He put his hands on the edge of the table and leaned forwards on them. "We must come to an agreement what is reasonable to expect of the pilots and what isn't. Asuka, you have no objections to fighting per se, do you?"
"Of course not!" Asuka exclaimed. "I'm an EVA pilot! The best! I'll fight those angels, if NERV lets me! But that doesn't mean I can be sacrificed! And it doesn't require me to prance around naked!"
"It isn't that easy," Akagi argued. "Do you think we thought of this for our amusement? The data won from that test would have allowed me to establish a baseline for synchronizations. That would have allowed me to design better plugsuits, especially for our new pilots, that would have allowed higher synch-rates. All we do is designed to help you in these fights."
"Sorry, we can manage without that help," Asuka replied acidly.
"Hey, Doc," Touji spoke up. "In case you haven't noticed: We're actual human beings, not just your tools for fighting those angels. We… we have more concerns than just that!"
"Right," Asuka agreed. "You seem to look at us as just objects to be optimized!" She scoffed. "Or sacrificed."
Ritsuko clammed up now, leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms and just staring at Asuka. Instead, Fuyutsuki spoke up with a level voice: "NERV exists to defend Earth from the angels. If we fail, all of Earth is destroyed. We have to optimize our defences, for the sake of all of humanity."
That argument irritated Asuka. They wanted the pilots to fight, but kept all actual decision making power to themselves. They wanted the best of both worlds, and Asuka thought that an unbearable double standard. But before she could say that, Kaworu spoke up. "That is a weighty argument. It could have been used on us. Akagi or Katsuragi could have talked with us about this, about the necessity of this test, and what modalities could be used to still protect the privacy of the pilots as best as possible. But instead, they decided to try to spring the test on us."
Kaji nodded. "The basic problem here is the lack of respect for the pilots. How that test went down is just a symptom."
"Indeed," Asuka added aggressively. "And I just love how NERV leaps on that issue, and completely ignores how they would have sacrificed one of us! Or how they withheld critical information from us! Or made us fight an unnecessary fight! Was that also necessary for the optimization of our defences?"
"Yeah," Touji chimed in. "I wasn't there for the rest, but… damn, I hope we won't do that stupid test. But that won't be enough. As long as everyone just keeps disrespecting us, we'll all stay angry at each other. Things won't improve."
"And that does threaten the effectiveness of our defence against angels," Kaji summarized.
"So much for a neutral mediator," Akagi grumbled.
Kaji shrugged. "We have three adults on one, and three children on the other side here. Helping the kids with formulations is only fair. Though they're doing great on their own."
"As 'mediator', what do you suggest, then?" Fuyutsuki asked.
"We know the basic problem now," Kaji said. "A lack of respect for the pilots and their concerns."
"Even for our privacy and dignity..." Asuka muttered.
"And we know what needs to be cleared up," Kaji continued. "Namely the question of what can be expected of the pilots. So, I advise that both sides work that question out. Next time we meet, both sides will have a proposal concerning that question. And then we can put the relationships between NERV and pilots onto a new foundation."
Akagi scoffed. Misato showed no reaction. Fuyutsuki replied, "I doubt that this will be necessary, Inspector, but we will formulate our position. It is always helpful to have clarity in such matters."
Kaji turned to the pilots. "And you three, work out what you want. Be fair about it, and work out a coherent system."
Asuka grinned. "Will do."
With a feeling of triumph she left the room together with the others. Maybe something will come out of this… But she knew it wouldn't be easy. NERV wouldn't shape up just because the pilots were asking nicely. They would have to be more serious than that.
Outside, in the corridor, by chance, she and Misato came face to face.
"Asuka..." Misato began. Then she noticed Akagi looking at them. "We'll talk later."
Asuka stood in the corridor and watched Misato leave. Then she glared at the faux-blonde scientist.
For days now, Rei had had this feeling of belonging, the feeling of home, the feeling of tenderness of love. Within just a few weeks her entire life had been changed so drastically. She now felt like she would never have to fear loneliness again, never have to fear this grey and drab abyss of nobody caring for her. She had been just a tool that had been stashed away, and had known and accepted that fact. It had been a monotone and emotionless existence. Shinji and Asuka had turned a key inside her heart, and that even before her soul had been reunited. She loved them more than anything else in her life, and now living together with both of them, as a triple pairing… that filled Rei with just so much contentedness, so much calm and at the same time so much excitement.
And yet, right now, there was something else on her mind. They love me, but they don't even know the real me. They have a right to know. After all, could it even be called genuine love if it was based on an illusion? Rei wanted genuine love or nothing at all.
She was always very quiet, of course, even now still, but right now, at breakfast, she didn't even react to what Asuka and Shinji were doing. She would have to tell them soon, and that occupied all her thought processes. It continued to do so as the three were storing the dishes away again.
Rei turned to go to the living room, but Shinji gently grabbed her shoulder. "Rei?" The blue-haired girl stopped, but didn't react otherwise. "You seem… is something the matter?"
He noticed… It was somewhat inconvenient, yet Rei liked that thought.
"Is it… is it what I told you yesterday?" Asuka asked.
Now Rei turned around and shook her head. Yesterday, at dinner, Asuka had boasted about her successes at the negotiations. That the Commander has apparently assented to those talks was surprising to Rei; that didn't seem to be in character for him. And even so she wondered if the talks could go anywhere.
"I mean, I was maybe a bit aggressive..." Asuka admitted.
"That's okay," Rei told her. She knew she still had to pilot for the sake of… everyone, to prevent an angelic Third Impact. But she wasn't dependent on piloting anymore. It wasn't her bond to humanity anymore. For years, piloting had been the only way she could have felt connected to people at all. But now, she had Asuka and Shinji. "I trust you won't overdo it." The world still needed pilots, after all.
"Right, I won't!" Asuka promised.
"What is it then?" Shinji asked.
"Something I need to tell you," Rei admitted in a barely audible voice and walked over to the living room. Shinji and Asuka followed her.
"Is it something you're afraid to tell us?" Asuka asked with concern in her voice.
Rei looked out of the window and shook her head. "No. I trust you. But it is grave." She turned around to look at her loves again.
Shinji gave her a reassuring smile. "Take as much time as you need. We will listen whenever you're ready."
Rei felt her body tense up. "Can I… can I have a hug?"
Shinji seemed surprised by the request, or maybe that she would ask, whereas Asuka's lip slightly trembled, as if in amusement or some other reaction. Then, as if synchronized, the two walked up to the blue-haired girl and enclosed her from two sides. Rei could feel her loves all around her.
Rei breathed out. We belong together. They'll understand. As physically close as the three always were when at home, how could it be any different? Rei could feel the confirmation of it.
Quietly, she spoke up, "Maybe… maybe I should tell you now."
"We're listening," Asuka promised her softly.
She and Shinji loosened their embrace around Rei and looked at her. She stepped out of it, breathed out again. "You know that I am unusual. My appearance. My connection to the Commander. My… what happened after the Bardiel battle."
"Yes..." Asuka answered, her voice prompting her to gon.
"There is a reason for that." Rei turned around to her loves again. "I'm an… you could call me an angel."
"An angel?" Shinji sounded aghast.
"Rei what are you talking about?" She hurried over to Rei and grabbed her shoulders. "Don't be silly..."
She was slightly pushed back. An orange hexagon appeared between her and Rei.
Asuka and Shinji gasped, both taking some steps back.It saddened Rei.
"Ein… AT-Feld..." Asuka muttered. Rei nodded. "Aber wie… wie kann…" [1]
"All beings have AT Fields," Rei explained softly. "Humans and angels alike. It is that which defines your soul and your form. AT Fields are your borders to other beings, that which ensure that you are you and not them."
"So… we could…" Shinji stuttered.
Rei shook her head. "No. AT Fields separate us. For humans that only means ensuring their identities vis a vis others. But for certain beings that separations can happen physically. As you have seen. Angels, Evangelions… me."
"Then what are you?" Asuka whispered. She sounded disturbed.
"I am comprised of the same matter as angels and Evangelions," Rei explained. "In a certain way, that makes me an angel as well." But – I'm – not – her. That part of her identity Rei couldn't bring up, because she couldn't even properly think of it. She was too afraid of it. Not because of Asuka and Shinji, but because of herself.
"But… But angels are our enemies!" Shinji insisted loudly now. "And you aren't!"
"No," Rei agreed softly. "I never could be." I'd rather die.
"Then how..." Shinji asked.
"I was created," Rei explained. "The Commander and the Vice-Commander created me, to be their angelic tool." There was of course a very direct reason why the Commander had created her. She was his Third Impact tool... or that had been the plan. Right now, Rei didn't know if she still was. That was why she didn't mention that. Maybe it would soon be moot. And explaining that her purpose was to end the world... that would be difficult...
"Created..." Shinji echoed. But it didn't sound repulsed. More like… He's sorry? "That… would explain some things."
"But how do you create a human?" Asuka asked. "Or an angel or whatever."
"They cloned someone," Rei told her. "They cloned some human's, some woman's genetic code, and transcribed it to particle-wave matter – the sort of matter angels and EVAs are composed of."
"You're a clone?" Asuka asked.
Rei shook her head. "I'm several clones. My body died during the battle with the angel Bardiel. It was my second body. This is my third body."
Asuka again took a step back. "You… died?"
"Only my body," Rei told her. "NERV has the technology to capture and retransplant a soul. It is still me, Asuka. It has always been me." She looked down. "Beneath NERV Headquarters, there is room with a giant LCL tank. Inside, there are dozens of soul-less clones. All bodies like this one, all ready to receive my soul should the current body fail."
"A clone," Asuka echoed. "An angelic clone. Created by Ikari."
"Yes," Rei simply stated.
"That's… that's a lot to take in," Shinji admitted. And it indeed sounded like he was at a breaking point. Rei didn't even dare imagine what her loves were thinking now. But they won't leave. And they have a right to know. "But… you say it's always been you? Because, after that fight, you were… changed..."
"There was another me inside EVA-00," Rei explained. "After its destruction we… reunited. But I'm also still the same Rei as before the battle. It's always been me."
"Another you?" Asuka asked.
"It's difficult to explain," Rei admitted. "But I've always been Rei. I'm just complete now."
"You are Rei," Shinji muttered.
"Yes," Rei simply confirmed.
"Then… then it doesn't matter," Shinji declared. It still sounded subdued, but secure. "You're Rei. What else matters?"
And before Rei could react, she found herself wrapped up in a tight hug by Shinji. Her lips curled up. He understands. He always does. She looked over to Asuka. The redhead still seemed to be in shock.
"We really didn't know anything about you," Asuka muttered.
Rei turned around in Shinji's embrace, slightly loosening it. "No. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier."
"I… I suppose it isn't something you could just say," Asuka mused. Rei shook her head. "Oh, damnit. You're still as cute as before. But… an angel? Okay, you aren't an enemy. You could never be an enemy. And… a clone besides? So you were… produced?"
Rei nodded. "I still know the room where I was produced. That is where I lived most of my life. It is also deep below NERV Headquarters, close to the clone tank. I have been aware of them from the beginning."
"Replaceable..." Shinji breathed. "That's why you said you were replaceable." Rei nodded again. "My father… my father..." He seemed to get angry, and then breathed out forcefully.
"You are not!" Asuka insisted. "I guess… You're a person. No matter how you came to be. If… if there really are souls, doesn't that define you?" It isn't that easy. Rei remained quiet. Asuka stepped forward and pecked Rei's cheek. "Thank you Rei. For… for trusting us. Shinji's right: You're Rei. That's enough." She then grabbed both Shinji and Rei into an embrace.
Shinji chuckled, though it still sounded somewhat melancholic. "You could be a tree for all I care, and I'd still love you. As long as you are Rei."
Asuka chuckled as well. "And the fact that she is a beautiful girl has nothing to do with it? What if they had cloned a man?"
Shinji blushed. "Well… Rei is a unisex name, right?" He took a step back, out of the embrace, leaving his hands on Rei's shoulder and looking her in the eyes. "I love you no matter what you are."
Asuka looked at Shinji strangely, but then turned to Rei again. "As do I," she whispered into her ear. "You're Rei, and Rei is a wonderful thing to be. You're loved."
"I know," Rei whispered softly, and leaned her head against Asuka's shoulder.
[1] "An… AT Field..." "But how… how can…"
Okay. Maybe the talk with Misato will in fact be delayed...
There are of course a few things Rei didn't mention. She told them she is angelic and a clone, but not that...
1) she is Yui's clone, because she plain doesn't know.
2) she carries Lilith's soul, because she doesn't like to think about that
3) the Scenario, because she is wavering on that
4) the whole rest of the soul business, like synching to EVAs and all that, because she doesn't know details there, either. Still, a chat about that subject will probably follow.
Granted, it was an unusual domestic life, what with three partners living under the same roof, but Asuka was still utterly enchanted with it. She got breathless just thinking about it. Maybe it was the novelty of the whole thing and it would wear off again, but for now she just enjoyed having two people around whom she loved and by whom she was loved, without any questions or ambiguities or challenges. That was really what she liked most about it: It was so relaxing. Here there was a safe space where she didn't need to constantly prove herself. She could trust, or at least desperately wanted to trust, that Shinji and Rei would accept her, no matter how she rated on her most recent synch-test, no matter which successes or losses on the battlefield, or what school degree she had.
It really made it easy to forget about everything else in the world. Like Misato.
Asuka had tried on Thursday to go to her, talk to her, maybe apologize. That was something very rare for her, but… now that Shinji and Rei had declared their love for her, both of them, always staying on top, always being right, wasn't that desperately important to her anymore. And most of all, Misato had in fact been one of her better guardians. Asuka really wanted to fix up things with her. So she had gone, rang Misato's doorbell… and Kaji had opened and told her Misato wasn't feeling well.
Not well? Who knows what the two have been… Asuka breathed out forcefully thinking about it. That wasn't her business. Not anymore. She had Rei and Shinji, after all.
But it had foiled her plan. Maybe she could have tried again today, Friday. Rei had said that Misato had been present at the synch-test in the morning. However, yesterday, Asuka had been full of determination to go through with it, whereas today… Well, Kaji had called them and told them about his plans to mediate in talks between the pilots and NERV command. Surely, it was just prudent to await those talks before speaking with Misato. It wasn't that Asuka was afraid, that her courage had left her… she was just going about this in a strategically sound way. Misato still was the Operations Director, after all. Yeah, that's the ticket.
In the meanwhile, she tried to think as little as possible about Misato. Or about NERV. Or, really, the outside world. And it was easy to keep her thoughts on her current living situation. In just a few days, she had learned a surprising amount of things about her new partners.
Regarding Shinji, the foremost thing was that he was getting better. Of course, with every one of the three reveling in the opportunity to get as many cuddles as possible it was difficult to say how much he still needed the physical contact and how much he just wanted it, but he could increasingly do without constantly having either Asuka or Rei around him. Not that Asuka had ever found that a burden. Now and then it had been a bit annoying, okay, but all in all she had just been glad that she had been able to do anything at all about his state. However, for his own sake, she was glad that he was increasingly able to stand on his own feet again, so to speak.
In fact, he was feeling well enough that he already got exasperated with Asuka's and Rei's unorderliness the previous day. Both girls had just superficially washed the dishes after dinner and replaced them into the cupboards without any order. And that was something that just would not do for Shinji. Asuka supposed she couldn't really fault him. After all, after having lived with Misato, it was no wonder that he got twitchy at the smallest sign of disorder in the house. He had seen where it could lead to in the worst case after all.
Besides, it just wouldn't be her adorably serious Shinji without that trait, so she had reacted mostly with amusement to his annoyed sighs. She did think he exaggerated a bit with cleanliness and order, but she and Rei had nonetheless then re-ordered the dishes. It was clear that some conflict might lie in wait that way. Asuka could hardly wait how this turned out. She just wanted to see this living together in all its aspects, as weird as that might sound.
Rei had tried to help Shinji with cooking the meal. And that was another thing Asuka had learned: Somehow, Rei managed to make an even worse cook than Misato. It stood to reason, considering how the blue-haired girl had apparently lived most her life, but still… the spices, sauces and vegetables she had wanted to add to the meal would have made for abominable combinations. For everyone's security, Asuka and Shinji had decided to keep her as far away from the kitchen counter as far as possible.
A thing that Rei had soon learned was that her pouting was counter-productive: It was just too adorable.
In fact, as both Asuka and Shinji had found out, it was a very good thing Rei was in a triad. Over just a few days, the girl had evolved to be a real cuddlebug. It was a good thing she had two partners, so there was always someone which she could hug or cuddle or kiss. Asuka was definitely not complaining.
And there was something that Asuka had learned about herself that surprised her: The utter trust she had in her two partners. She knew she wouldn't be excluded. It could happen that she was too utterly focused on her game console to notice anything around her. Even when Rei and Shinji then kissed passionately in the kitchen… Asuka knew she could join in. She could play her games, do homework, or kiss with them. All of those things were just things that happened in the household. She didn't always need to be on guard about not being left out. And that was true for the other two as well, of course.
And finally, while Rei became ever better at the console's fighting games, Asuka had learned that Shinji was surprisingly good at her FIFA games. Especially considering that before he hadn't even known the rules of football. Though, granted, the games were more about keeping oversight of the team and pushing the right buttons than playing actual football. Most newbies were overwhelmed at first with having to control eleven people, and even Asuka still was at times, but Shinji seemed to have a certain knack for it. He still didn't know all tricks in dribbling or shooting, but he managed to keep his team well in order.
Shinii groaned after he had lost another match. "I think… I think my eyes are closing by themselves."
Asuka chuckled. "You just don't want to lose again." Rei had sat herself behind her, wrapping her arms around Asuka, and laying her head on her shoulder. Asuka moved her head backwards to gently rub against Rei's. The blue-haired girl already seemed to be half-asleep as well.
"How do you have the energy to play games for hours on end?" Shinji asked.
Asuka shrugged. "Video games never tire me out. Back in Germany, sometimes..." She broke the sentence off. Maybe one day she would tell her partners about the times she was on her lowest, and had literally played video games eighteen hours a day, interrupted only by going to the toilet, and that for several days straight. Not something one should let a child do, maybe, but her guardian at the time had cared for little else but her synch-rate. "Well, whatever. It's just something I'm good at that allows me to not think about anything else. Just challenges I master one after the next."
Asuka was surprised when she felt Shinji's hand on hers. He smiled at her, one of those subdued but cute Shinji smiles. And strangely, that was just the reassurance Asuka had needed.
Behind her, Rei mumbled, sleep-drunken, "We should go to bed."
Asuka grinned. "You think so, don't you?" Ever since their first night as a… whatever… Rei hadn't tried to push anymore. That was good. Asuka still felt that going anywhere into… that… territory could threaten their new and still fragile relationship. She was anxious about that topic. Though now Rei looked far too tired to try anything and besides, Asuka trusted her. So, in one smooth move, she moved her arms beneath Rei's armpits… and stood up, bent forwards, thus giving her a piggyback ride.
"Asuka," Rei just mumbled. The redhead assumed it was supposed to be a protest, but the Japanese girl didn't even seem to have the energy for a proper protest anymore. Shinji just chuckled.
And thus, Asuka carried Rei to their sleeping room, accompanied by Shinji. With his help, she carefully laid down the sleep-drunken girl on the futon. Then she and the boy laid down on both sides of her. Soon, everyone's arms found everyone else, and they nestled comfortably against each other.
They want to blindside us.
Only yesterday Kaji had told Asuka about his plan: Talks between pilots and NERV command. And already now, Saturday, the first round was to be held. That smelled. Not that Asuka had been really convinced of that idea to start with. NERV had shown no signal that it found the pilots' needs, wants and concerns to be of any importance. All she had seen of NERV here in Japan had made the organization out to be stubborn, oppressive and untrustworthy. She didn't think they would actually negotiate anything in good faith, and this early first round seemed to prove her suspicions.
However… this still was a gigantic chance. Truth be told, Asuka missed her Evangelion unit. And she missed being an EVA pilot. For eight years, that had been the core of her identity. Whatever else she was, she was an EVA pilot. Nowadays, that part of her identity had decidedly sunken to second place. First of all she was Rei's and Shinji's partner. But in truth, she had never stopped considering herself an EVA pilot as well. She had been suspended, she had stopped going to the synch-tests, and she was angry how NERV was taking her for granted, and yet… she was an EVA pilot. And the threat that this could change for good still filled her with dread.
Not that she would show that here. And if this succeeded, if she could stay EVA pilot and yet improve her conditions at NERV, she could almost forgive Kaji not having been there when she had needed him.
She had been the first pick for the pilots' delegation of course, as she had de facto been the pilots' representative during their refusal of the nude synch-test. Touji was part of it because he had particular concerns; he relied on NERV for medical treatment of his sister, after all. And finally, Kaworu was the third in the delegation because he was a bit of a free spirit: His interests and attitudes didn't necessarily align with the others.
Meanwhile, the NERV delegation consisted of Fuyutsuki, Akagi and Misato, while Kaji would mediate.
The two groups were sitting down at a simple long table. Fuyutsuki and Asuka sat opposite one another, the obvious heads of their respective delegations. On NERV side, Misato and Akagi thus sat next to each other. The two women were exchanging hostile glances. Kaji, as mediator, stood at the head end of the table, next to Asuka and Fuyutsuki.
"Thank you all for coming," he opened the talks up. "You all know why we're here. The rifts between Command and pilots need to be mended. Frankly, the defence of the world rests on it."
Misato had her 'Major' face on, all stony and collected. Akagi looked defiant. And Fuyutsuki seemed slightly annoyed.
"Well, the pilots have complained," Akagi started. "I'm sure they can tell us in great detail what's wrong."
"You know what's wrong!" Asuka hissed at her. She managed to suppress 'you witch' or the other -itch word. "We save the Earth time and time again, and yet get no respect for it. Instead of the Vice-Commander slightly inconveniencing himself by calling in the conventional forces, we get sent out to fight. When that fungus angel took over EVA-03, you didn't tell us a damn thing until we had visual contact, so as to keep us under control. This abysmal tactical leadership nearly cost Rei her life! And against the shadow angel, you would have sacrificed her! We save your asses time and time again, and yet you value those damn machines higher than us! And then, just to add insult to injury, as part of that job, you wanted to denigrate us! I'd say there is a lot wrong here!"
Fuyutsuki furrowed his brow deeply. It was clear he was not pleased with Asuka's rant. However, he remained silent. Instead, Akagi spoke up, "We can discuss the necessities of battle, such as during the Leliel operation. But I did not try to 'denigrate' you!"
"Be fair," Misato spoke up. "We decided to surprise the pilots with the nude test. We knew they would have objections – and instead of taking them seriously, we devised a way they wouldn't be able to resist."
"So is that what you want?" Fuyutsuki asked. It sounded like he was talking to a petulant child. "No more nude tests?"
"No more nude tests," Asuka confirmed gravely and crossed her arms. "And no more sacrifices of pilots. Our recovery must always have higher priority than the Evangelions. And full information before every battle. And in general… just that our dignity is respected!"
"Dignity," Akagi scoffed.
"We can try to patch up what has gone wrong in the past," Kaji intervened now, "but that would be a band-aid that will only hold until the next crisis. There are still a thousand other things the pilots may, quite validly, object to. We need to make sure none of those happen."
"And how do you plan to do this?" Akagi asked, agitated. "You want to give these children a say in everything?"
"And why not?" Asuka shouted. She and the scientist glared at each other.
The tense silence was interrupted by Fuyutsuki. "It seems there is in fact a need for better communication between Command and the pilots. I'm normally not used to justifying my decisions to subordinates, but I'd be willing to give you explanations for my command decisions."
Now Touji sneered. "So we'll know afterwards why we got screwed over. But how about not screwing us over in the first place?"
Fuyutsuki stared at him sternly. "And what else do you suggest then? Do you want to get to pick and choose what you can do and what not?"
"As I understand," Kaworu spoke up now, as eerily calm as always, "it is commonly understood to be morally quite repugnant to use children as combatants. Necessities force NERV to take this route, as only certain children can pilot Evangelions. But surely that means the only thing that can be expected of those children is to fight angels. Nothing more than that."
"That's a reasonable argument," Kaji judged. He put his hands on the edge of the table and leaned forwards on them. "We must come to an agreement what is reasonable to expect of the pilots and what isn't. Asuka, you have no objections to fighting per se, do you?"
"Of course not!" Asuka exclaimed. "I'm an EVA pilot! The best! I'll fight those angels, if NERV lets me! But that doesn't mean I can be sacrificed! And it doesn't require me to prance around naked!"
"It isn't that easy," Akagi argued. "Do you think we thought of this for our amusement? The data won from that test would have allowed me to establish a baseline for synchronizations. That would have allowed me to design better plugsuits, especially for our new pilots, that would have allowed higher synch-rates. All we do is designed to help you in these fights."
"Sorry, we can manage without that help," Asuka replied acidly.
"Hey, Doc," Touji spoke up. "In case you haven't noticed: We're actual human beings, not just your tools for fighting those angels. We… we have more concerns than just that!"
"Right," Asuka agreed. "You seem to look at us as just objects to be optimized!" She scoffed. "Or sacrificed."
Ritsuko clammed up now, leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms and just staring at Asuka. Instead, Fuyutsuki spoke up with a level voice: "NERV exists to defend Earth from the angels. If we fail, all of Earth is destroyed. We have to optimize our defences, for the sake of all of humanity."
That argument irritated Asuka. They wanted the pilots to fight, but kept all actual decision making power to themselves. They wanted the best of both worlds, and Asuka thought that an unbearable double standard. But before she could say that, Kaworu spoke up. "That is a weighty argument. It could have been used on us. Akagi or Katsuragi could have talked with us about this, about the necessity of this test, and what modalities could be used to still protect the privacy of the pilots as best as possible. But instead, they decided to try to spring the test on us."
Kaji nodded. "The basic problem here is the lack of respect for the pilots. How that test went down is just a symptom."
"Indeed," Asuka added aggressively. "And I just love how NERV leaps on that issue, and completely ignores how they would have sacrificed one of us! Or how they withheld critical information from us! Or made us fight an unnecessary fight! Was that also necessary for the optimization of our defences?"
"Yeah," Touji chimed in. "I wasn't there for the rest, but… damn, I hope we won't do that stupid test. But that won't be enough. As long as everyone just keeps disrespecting us, we'll all stay angry at each other. Things won't improve."
"And that does threaten the effectiveness of our defence against angels," Kaji summarized.
"So much for a neutral mediator," Akagi grumbled.
Kaji shrugged. "We have three adults on one, and three children on the other side here. Helping the kids with formulations is only fair. Though they're doing great on their own."
"As 'mediator', what do you suggest, then?" Fuyutsuki asked.
"We know the basic problem now," Kaji said. "A lack of respect for the pilots and their concerns."
"Even for our privacy and dignity..." Asuka muttered.
"And we know what needs to be cleared up," Kaji continued. "Namely the question of what can be expected of the pilots. So, I advise that both sides work that question out. Next time we meet, both sides will have a proposal concerning that question. And then we can put the relationships between NERV and pilots onto a new foundation."
Akagi scoffed. Misato showed no reaction. Fuyutsuki replied, "I doubt that this will be necessary, Inspector, but we will formulate our position. It is always helpful to have clarity in such matters."
Kaji turned to the pilots. "And you three, work out what you want. Be fair about it, and work out a coherent system."
Asuka grinned. "Will do."
With a feeling of triumph she left the room together with the others. Maybe something will come out of this… But she knew it wouldn't be easy. NERV wouldn't shape up just because the pilots were asking nicely. They would have to be more serious than that.
Outside, in the corridor, by chance, she and Misato came face to face.
"Asuka..." Misato began. Then she noticed Akagi looking at them. "We'll talk later."
Asuka stood in the corridor and watched Misato leave. Then she glared at the faux-blonde scientist.
For days now, Rei had had this feeling of belonging, the feeling of home, the feeling of tenderness of love. Within just a few weeks her entire life had been changed so drastically. She now felt like she would never have to fear loneliness again, never have to fear this grey and drab abyss of nobody caring for her. She had been just a tool that had been stashed away, and had known and accepted that fact. It had been a monotone and emotionless existence. Shinji and Asuka had turned a key inside her heart, and that even before her soul had been reunited. She loved them more than anything else in her life, and now living together with both of them, as a triple pairing… that filled Rei with just so much contentedness, so much calm and at the same time so much excitement.
And yet, right now, there was something else on her mind. They love me, but they don't even know the real me. They have a right to know. After all, could it even be called genuine love if it was based on an illusion? Rei wanted genuine love or nothing at all.
She was always very quiet, of course, even now still, but right now, at breakfast, she didn't even react to what Asuka and Shinji were doing. She would have to tell them soon, and that occupied all her thought processes. It continued to do so as the three were storing the dishes away again.
Rei turned to go to the living room, but Shinji gently grabbed her shoulder. "Rei?" The blue-haired girl stopped, but didn't react otherwise. "You seem… is something the matter?"
He noticed… It was somewhat inconvenient, yet Rei liked that thought.
"Is it… is it what I told you yesterday?" Asuka asked.
Now Rei turned around and shook her head. Yesterday, at dinner, Asuka had boasted about her successes at the negotiations. That the Commander has apparently assented to those talks was surprising to Rei; that didn't seem to be in character for him. And even so she wondered if the talks could go anywhere.
"I mean, I was maybe a bit aggressive..." Asuka admitted.
"That's okay," Rei told her. She knew she still had to pilot for the sake of… everyone, to prevent an angelic Third Impact. But she wasn't dependent on piloting anymore. It wasn't her bond to humanity anymore. For years, piloting had been the only way she could have felt connected to people at all. But now, she had Asuka and Shinji. "I trust you won't overdo it." The world still needed pilots, after all.
"Right, I won't!" Asuka promised.
"What is it then?" Shinji asked.
"Something I need to tell you," Rei admitted in a barely audible voice and walked over to the living room. Shinji and Asuka followed her.
"Is it something you're afraid to tell us?" Asuka asked with concern in her voice.
Rei looked out of the window and shook her head. "No. I trust you. But it is grave." She turned around to look at her loves again.
Shinji gave her a reassuring smile. "Take as much time as you need. We will listen whenever you're ready."
Rei felt her body tense up. "Can I… can I have a hug?"
Shinji seemed surprised by the request, or maybe that she would ask, whereas Asuka's lip slightly trembled, as if in amusement or some other reaction. Then, as if synchronized, the two walked up to the blue-haired girl and enclosed her from two sides. Rei could feel her loves all around her.
Rei breathed out. We belong together. They'll understand. As physically close as the three always were when at home, how could it be any different? Rei could feel the confirmation of it.
Quietly, she spoke up, "Maybe… maybe I should tell you now."
"We're listening," Asuka promised her softly.
She and Shinji loosened their embrace around Rei and looked at her. She stepped out of it, breathed out again. "You know that I am unusual. My appearance. My connection to the Commander. My… what happened after the Bardiel battle."
"Yes..." Asuka answered, her voice prompting her to gon.
"There is a reason for that." Rei turned around to her loves again. "I'm an… you could call me an angel."
"An angel?" Shinji sounded aghast.
"Rei what are you talking about?" She hurried over to Rei and grabbed her shoulders. "Don't be silly..."
She was slightly pushed back. An orange hexagon appeared between her and Rei.
Asuka and Shinji gasped, both taking some steps back.It saddened Rei.
"Ein… AT-Feld..." Asuka muttered. Rei nodded. "Aber wie… wie kann…" [1]
"All beings have AT Fields," Rei explained softly. "Humans and angels alike. It is that which defines your soul and your form. AT Fields are your borders to other beings, that which ensure that you are you and not them."
"So… we could…" Shinji stuttered.
Rei shook her head. "No. AT Fields separate us. For humans that only means ensuring their identities vis a vis others. But for certain beings that separations can happen physically. As you have seen. Angels, Evangelions… me."
"Then what are you?" Asuka whispered. She sounded disturbed.
"I am comprised of the same matter as angels and Evangelions," Rei explained. "In a certain way, that makes me an angel as well." But – I'm – not – her. That part of her identity Rei couldn't bring up, because she couldn't even properly think of it. She was too afraid of it. Not because of Asuka and Shinji, but because of herself.
"But… But angels are our enemies!" Shinji insisted loudly now. "And you aren't!"
"No," Rei agreed softly. "I never could be." I'd rather die.
"Then how..." Shinji asked.
"I was created," Rei explained. "The Commander and the Vice-Commander created me, to be their angelic tool." There was of course a very direct reason why the Commander had created her. She was his Third Impact tool... or that had been the plan. Right now, Rei didn't know if she still was. That was why she didn't mention that. Maybe it would soon be moot. And explaining that her purpose was to end the world... that would be difficult...
"Created..." Shinji echoed. But it didn't sound repulsed. More like… He's sorry? "That… would explain some things."
"But how do you create a human?" Asuka asked. "Or an angel or whatever."
"They cloned someone," Rei told her. "They cloned some human's, some woman's genetic code, and transcribed it to particle-wave matter – the sort of matter angels and EVAs are composed of."
"You're a clone?" Asuka asked.
Rei shook her head. "I'm several clones. My body died during the battle with the angel Bardiel. It was my second body. This is my third body."
Asuka again took a step back. "You… died?"
"Only my body," Rei told her. "NERV has the technology to capture and retransplant a soul. It is still me, Asuka. It has always been me." She looked down. "Beneath NERV Headquarters, there is room with a giant LCL tank. Inside, there are dozens of soul-less clones. All bodies like this one, all ready to receive my soul should the current body fail."
"A clone," Asuka echoed. "An angelic clone. Created by Ikari."
"Yes," Rei simply stated.
"That's… that's a lot to take in," Shinji admitted. And it indeed sounded like he was at a breaking point. Rei didn't even dare imagine what her loves were thinking now. But they won't leave. And they have a right to know. "But… you say it's always been you? Because, after that fight, you were… changed..."
"There was another me inside EVA-00," Rei explained. "After its destruction we… reunited. But I'm also still the same Rei as before the battle. It's always been me."
"Another you?" Asuka asked.
"It's difficult to explain," Rei admitted. "But I've always been Rei. I'm just complete now."
"You are Rei," Shinji muttered.
"Yes," Rei simply confirmed.
"Then… then it doesn't matter," Shinji declared. It still sounded subdued, but secure. "You're Rei. What else matters?"
And before Rei could react, she found herself wrapped up in a tight hug by Shinji. Her lips curled up. He understands. He always does. She looked over to Asuka. The redhead still seemed to be in shock.
"We really didn't know anything about you," Asuka muttered.
Rei turned around in Shinji's embrace, slightly loosening it. "No. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier."
"I… I suppose it isn't something you could just say," Asuka mused. Rei shook her head. "Oh, damnit. You're still as cute as before. But… an angel? Okay, you aren't an enemy. You could never be an enemy. And… a clone besides? So you were… produced?"
Rei nodded. "I still know the room where I was produced. That is where I lived most of my life. It is also deep below NERV Headquarters, close to the clone tank. I have been aware of them from the beginning."
"Replaceable..." Shinji breathed. "That's why you said you were replaceable." Rei nodded again. "My father… my father..." He seemed to get angry, and then breathed out forcefully.
"You are not!" Asuka insisted. "I guess… You're a person. No matter how you came to be. If… if there really are souls, doesn't that define you?" It isn't that easy. Rei remained quiet. Asuka stepped forward and pecked Rei's cheek. "Thank you Rei. For… for trusting us. Shinji's right: You're Rei. That's enough." She then grabbed both Shinji and Rei into an embrace.
Shinji chuckled, though it still sounded somewhat melancholic. "You could be a tree for all I care, and I'd still love you. As long as you are Rei."
Asuka chuckled as well. "And the fact that she is a beautiful girl has nothing to do with it? What if they had cloned a man?"
Shinji blushed. "Well… Rei is a unisex name, right?" He took a step back, out of the embrace, leaving his hands on Rei's shoulder and looking her in the eyes. "I love you no matter what you are."
Asuka looked at Shinji strangely, but then turned to Rei again. "As do I," she whispered into her ear. "You're Rei, and Rei is a wonderful thing to be. You're loved."
"I know," Rei whispered softly, and leaned her head against Asuka's shoulder.
[1] "An… AT Field..." "But how… how can…"
Okay. Maybe the talk with Misato will in fact be delayed...
There are of course a few things Rei didn't mention. She told them she is angelic and a clone, but not that...
1) she is Yui's clone, because she plain doesn't know.
2) she carries Lilith's soul, because she doesn't like to think about that
3) the Scenario, because she is wavering on that
4) the whole rest of the soul business, like synching to EVAs and all that, because she doesn't know details there, either. Still, a chat about that subject will probably follow.
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RexHeller
Title Incoming. Please Hold.
- Location
- Somewhere else.
Asuka, wipe that drool of your chin right now.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Hey, over at the other triad, Mana had her yaoi senses tingling as well.
But of course, yes, that was also to confirm that in theory Shinji could still bat for both teams. It's just that this is a moot point here.
- Location
- Canada
Shinji swallowed hard. If this was the time for confessions, tho admittedly there was no way his was going to beat angelic clone. "Umm yeah, Asuka about that..."Heh, who'd do something silly like that?
Good chapter, I am glad that Asuka seems to have taken the time to properly articulate her grievances. Hopefully, the pilots can come up with a list of reasonable demands. (That means Akagi's head will not be delivered to Asuka on a plate) And hopefully Kozo's sense of resonponsibility and honor overwighs his arrogance of the pilots issues which seems like a good possibility given what he said a few chapters earlier about regreting sending kids into battle.