Sandakan
Twenty Years Ago
You crack open the soda can and hand it to Masa, opening your own can. Lord, you're certain this conversation will require beer at the least, but your mum's rules are very particular: no drinking until after dinner. You'll have to make do with cold soda.
Well, like the Lord ordered: Honor thy father and thy mother.
You take a sip, eyeing your best friend, and gesture at him. "Something's on your mind, Masa. Spill it."
"I've been thinking, Johnny. Back then, we didn't have any power. We couldn't do anything. Hypothetically-"
"Hypothetically, of course."
"-hypothetically, since we've never had this conversation before-"
"-we have never hypothetically discussed this hypothetical in the hypothetical past, yes."
"-hypothetically, we've got friends, we've made connections. Hypothetically, if we were to do something… we'd have a chance to do this, Johnny."
"Realistically, we have a hypothetical ghost of a hypothetical chance, Masa. We're warship captains, not squadron leaders, not fleet commanders. We don't have enough power to try anything. Even if we had all of 1st Fleet on our side, there's still the IRG and the rest of the loyalists. It'd be a pyrrhic victory at best. Hypothetically, best case scenario, we might carve out a small fief for ourselves, but that will never last. As corrupt and complacent as it is, the Throne will never tolerate a blatant challenge to its power. Hypothetically."
"If upstarts like us could get away with seceding, it would give the Great Houses ideas," agrees Masa, and you give him a look.
"See, this one you know also. Don't need me to be teaching you."
"Hyung, what if winning wasn't the point? What if the fight itself was the entire point?"
"If you'd asked me ten years ago, I'd have said yes. Five years ago, qualified yes. Today?" You sigh tiredly. "No. We've both got too much to lose."
"Johnny, we're sitting in your dad's glorified doghouse. I'm okay with losing this."
You snort and toss Masa a one-fingered salute, which he returns. "You know what I'm talking about, Masa. You have a kid. Not just any kid, the Heir Presumptive some more. She could do by living what we can't do by dying in a blaze of spite. Yes, I still think your mother's a piece of shit, and your sister's little better. Ten years ago I'd die for the chance to spit in that hag's eye, but I won't if it means Yui dies. Look me in the eye and tell me you're willing to throw away your daughter at a futile shot at revenge."
The Prince of Akasha bristles at your words, and gathers himself to retort at you… and then he sighs, deflating, leaving you with Yui's Dad. "I hate them, Hyung. I hate them and I want to hurt them. But… but not if it means losing my daughter."
"My brother," you say, clapping Masa on the back. "That's right. We're not dying to spite those bitches, we're living to protect Yui. Do we hate that hag and that bitch, sure. But we swore our oaths to the office of the Empress. We can be loyal to an office, and to our oaths, and to our brothers. And you never know: maybe our future Empress is in my mom's kitchen right now, prepping the reunion dinner." You tap your chest, pointing to your heart. "So let's bury all that hypothetical talk, all those thoughts. Let's go as far as we can go, do as much as we can do, and keep your daughter safe."
"And while my royal sister's wish is our command, we'll just have to disappoint her by surviving Pattani, and every shithole she sends us to."
"I'm so proud of you," you say, wiping away a pretend tear. "You've grown so well and become a fine young man, my work here is done. Oh, my baby, leng chai ah, I'm so proud of how I've raised you."
Masa makes a shuddering noise, halfway between a sob and a laugh, and shakes his head. "Hyung, what happened to that firebrand I met, the guy who thought the Empire was rotten and needed to be burned out by the roots?"
"He picked up a brother, a sister-in-law, and a niece, and grew old before his time taking care of them," you snark, though your tired tone and fond smile robs your words of a lot of their bite. "What happened to that clueless playboy I met?"
"He picked up a wife, a daughter, and a brother, and learned to live for other people," says Masa fondly. He pauses thoughtfully, but whatever he would say is interrupted by your mum yelling to you: "Boys! Dinner time!"
"Mum, we're having a heart to heart talk about stuff!" you yell back to the house.
"You've had enough time to talk! Come inside now, we're tossing the yee sang!"
You sigh and shake your head. "Coming!"
Masa snickers. "Good grief, Johnny. You're how old and your mom still treats you like you're twelve?"
"Excuse me, you also behave like you're twelve when you're with my mom. You ain't got room to talk, boyo."
You both step out of the shed-doghouse, and head inside. This time next week, you and Masa will be in Pattani, doing your best to avoid dying in service to an Empress you disdain. But that's later. Next week is for disappointing Her Majesty.
Tonight is for your family.