Lets Get To It! Rwby Ideas/discussion Thread

All this talk of the White Fang and the SDC has me thinking of one thing:

Second to worst timeline, the heroes save the day, but they're all broken. Weiss has given up hunting to work at the SDC and will do anything to overthrow her father and gain more power. Occasionally, she breaks the fourth wall to tell you why her actions are perfectly justified or just to feed her own ego.

It's a cross between RWBY and House of Cards ;)
 
Clutching her 2 year old daughter, Sarah, in her arms, Alice ran through the streets of Boston, dodging the wrecks of still-burning cars and the numerous trash strewn across the street. Her breathe came out in gasps, and she struggled not to collapse from exhaustion. Behind her, a horde of rotting corpses clad in filthy rags crawled and ran after her, their hands stretching out towards her.

Alice was no runner, having never exercised a day in her life. When the dead rose, she had been home with her daughter, while her husband was out at work. With the streets running full of undead monsters, she had boarded up the doors and windows, and had hid within her daughter's bedroom with a crowbar. She'd held her when Sarah cried, when she was woken up by the moans outside, trying to ignore the screams of people being eaten alive.

That is, until 2 weeks had passed. And then the food ran out.

At that point Alice had become desperate. Packing up some clothes and blankets, she had left the house in the morning, hoping to get some food from the shops and malls, and perhaps escape from the city. Where to go, she didn't know. She just knew that she had to get away from the massive numbers of zombies within the city.

Unfortunately, she had run across a pack while crossing a street, and they had given chase across several city blocks. By now, she was getting exhausted and dizzy, the streets surrounding her swimming around and becoming blurred.

Tripping over a pothole in the road, Alice fell flat onto the ground, sharp pain shooting up her ankle. Sarah flew from her arms, and she fell onto the ground, wailing. Looking over her shoulder, the horde was gaining on her, dozens of outstretched and rotting faces wide open, their moans filling the air.

Grabbing onto Sarah, she held her to her chest and rocked her, trying to calm her down. She spoke :"There, there....", trying to keep the trembing out of her voice, trying to be a good mother one last time.

She failed.

A pair of rotten hands, with an index finger missing from the right hand, both covered in worms infesting open sores, was about to touch her face. Turning around, she crept into a fetal position and clutched her baby tightly. Shutting her eyes tightly, she prayed that it would be quick and painless.


"Moah, awooohhh.... Crunch."

Crunch?

Slowly opening her eyes, Alice turned around, seeing a street devoid of zombies. The street was filled with bits and pieces of human bodies, many of them still moving. Here and there, there was a large smear on the ground. Before her, a man stood facing away from her. He had a black suit, which had obviously seen better days. His hair was silver, and she could see a pair of spectacles on his head. In one hand, he held a cane. In another, he held a.... cup of steaming coffee?

Trying to find her voice after being unexpectedly saved from a gruesome death, she stuttered :" W....W.... who are you?"

The man lifted the coffee to his head, and took a sip.

Turning around with a smile on his head, he spoke :"Headmaster Ozpin, at your service."
 
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Unfortunately, she had run across a horde of zombies, and she had been chased across several blocks. By now, she was getting exhausted and dizzy.

Tripping over a pothole in the road, Alice fell flat onto the ground, sharp pain shooting up her ankle. She let go of Sarah, and she fell onto the ground, wailing. Turning her head, the horde was gaining on her, a dozen arms outstretched and rotting faces wide open, their moans filling the air.
An interesting crossover, though I can't think of who the crossover character is at this point.

If I had any critique its that the narration feels a bit tell over show, the first line quoted is especially strong on this point, however on the second paragraph I quoted the stuff I bolded was much more evocative I felt.

The ending works well on a narrative level.
 
An interesting crossover, though I can't think of who the crossover character is at this point.

If I had any critique its that the narration feels a bit tell over show, the first line quoted is especially strong on this point, however on the second paragraph I quoted the stuff I bolded was much more evocative I felt.

The ending works well on a narrative level.
Ozpin. ;)

There was a discussion of crossing over rwby hunters with zombie shows.

The suggestions were:

Ruby
Pyrrha
Ozpin
Torchwick
Penny.

I chose Ozpin. Seems the easiest to write.

Any suggestions for Ozpin?
 
Ozpin. ;)

There was a discussion of crossing over rwby hunters with zombie shows.

The suggestions were:

Ruby
Pyrrha
Ozpin
Torchwick
Penny.

I chose Ozpin. Seems the easiest to write.

Any suggestions for Ozpin?
Isn't Ozpin's hair silver not green?

There's certainly advantages to writing him, sadly I don't have much advice save that Ozpin is very secretive and so is likely to be vague about anything and everything in regards to himself.
 
Isn't Ozpin's hair silver not green?

There's certainly advantages to writing him, sadly I don't have much advice save that Ozpin is very secretive and so is likely to be vague about anything and everything in regards to himself.
Holy shit.

I had the impression cause of the clothes.

Thats good. Now i need to write less.
 
An interesting crossover, though I can't think of who the crossover character is at this point.

If I had any critique its that the narration feels a bit tell over show, the first line quoted is especially strong on this point, however on the second paragraph I quoted the stuff I bolded was much more evocative I felt.

The ending works well on a narrative level.
Now that I have a computer....

How would you recommend I increase the show?
 
Now that I have a computer....

How would you recommend I increase the show?
That's a difficult question to answer, partially cos I am unsure I'm really the best to offer guidance on such a front. But as I said, you had some solid stuff in there:
Tripping over a pothole in the road, Alice fell flat onto the ground, sharp pain shooting up her ankle. She let go of Sarah, and she fell onto the ground, wailing. Turning her head, the horde was gaining on her, a dozen arms outstretched and rotting faces wide open, their moans filling the air.
As I said, the bolded stuff definitely felt more 'in the moment' or evocative. In the case of emotionally tense situations I generally think short, charged descriptions are best.

This is something I've been called on before as well, for instance once I used "The children's stamina will not last against the orcs" from the perspective of the children's caretaker as she tried to lead them in running away from the orcs. I ended up changing it to an inner monologue '
'There's no way my children can outlast the orcs!' However this situation was a bit different than running from zombies, the threat was following but was much further away and so not as immediate if that makes sense.
Its probably better that I go into one of your own scenes, keep in mind I am an amateur so take all I say with several grains of salt.

Alice and her daughter ran across the street, dodging burning cars and panting all the way. Behind her, a horde of undead chased after her, arms outstretched.

Normally, alice would not be like this. She was no runner, having never really been really athletic. She had stayed within her house with her daughter when the zombies had appeared, until after 2 weeks, the food had run out.

At this point Alice had become desperate. All through the time she was in the house, she had heard the screams of people being eaten alive, or the groans and moans were heard everywhere. Sarah was still having nightmares from that. Packing up some clothes and blankets, she had left the house in the morning, hoping to escape the city and find a place to get more food. Maybe a farm, or somewhere.

Unfortunately, she had run across a horde of zombies, and she had been chased across several blocks. By now, she was getting exhausted and dizzy.
OK, so I rather liked the opening, its in media res and gives a brief overview of the situation that is easy to picture.

The second paragraph I am slightly mixed on. On one hand it does give insight into Sarah as a person but it feels a bit disconnected from the terrified fleeing from a horde of monsters which makes it feel a bit dry and separate from the lines above it.

The third paragraph does offer useful exposition but in terms of tenses it feels somewhat awkward to me, especially given the chase brought up in the opening. Interspersing this paragraph with either hiding, physical actions or sensations such as dodging or Sarah being in pain from a stitch could make the moment feel more lived in. Beyond that, maybe some more emphasis on what Sarah is feeling, or on how she's too numb and wired to feel fear?

The final paragraph does explain how Sarah got into her predicament but as I said, feels a tad dry and narrated to be from the perspective character. Mixing omniscient (Who has the perspective of the character) and from the characters perspective can work, but it is extremely hard to pull off. With the last sentence, maybe rather than saying she was getting exhausted and dizzy, describe the sensation, like:

Sarah's chest heaved, each breath stung, the beating of her heart felt like it'd tear out of her chest at any moment.

She could feel them at her back.

Sarah flung herself forward, legs screaming as the road began to blur and waver.

Sorry if this isn't very helpful and or feels rude, your writing is very good if that helps.
 
That's a difficult question to answer, partially cos I am unsure I'm really the best to offer guidance on such a front. But as I said, you had some solid stuff in there:
Tripping over a pothole in the road, Alice fell flat onto the ground, sharp pain shooting up her ankle. She let go of Sarah, and she fell onto the ground, wailing. Turning her head, the horde was gaining on her, a dozen arms outstretched and rotting faces wide open, their moans filling the air.
As I said, the bolded stuff definitely felt more 'in the moment' or evocative. In the case of emotionally tense situations I generally think short, charged descriptions are best.

This is something I've been called on before as well, for instance once I used "The children's stamina will not last against the orcs" from the perspective of the children's caretaker as she tried to lead them in running away from the orcs. I ended up changing it to an inner monologue '
'There's no way my children can outlast the orcs!' However this situation was a bit different than running from zombies, the threat was following but was much further away and so not as immediate if that makes sense.
Its probably better that I go into one of your own scenes, keep in mind I am an amateur so take all I say with several grains of salt.


OK, so I rather liked the opening, its in media res and gives a brief overview of the situation that is easy to picture.

The second paragraph I am slightly mixed on. On one hand it does give insight into Sarah as a person but it feels a bit disconnected from the terrified fleeing from a horde of monsters which makes it feel a bit dry and separate from the lines above it.

The third paragraph does offer useful exposition but in terms of tenses it feels somewhat awkward to me, especially given the chase brought up in the opening. Interspersing this paragraph with either hiding, physical actions or sensations such as dodging or Sarah being in pain from a stitch could make the moment feel more lived in. Beyond that, maybe some more emphasis on what Sarah is feeling, or on how she's too numb and wired to feel fear?

The final paragraph does explain how Sarah got into her predicament but as I said, feels a tad dry and narrated to be from the perspective character. Mixing omniscient (Who has the perspective of the character) and from the characters perspective can work, but it is extremely hard to pull off. With the last sentence, maybe rather than saying she was getting exhausted and dizzy, describe the sensation, like:

Sarah's chest heaved, each breath stung, the beating of her heart felt like it'd tear out of her chest at any moment.

She could feel them at her back.

Sarah flung herself forward, legs screaming as the road began to blur and waver.

Sorry if this isn't very helpful and or feels rude, your writing is very good if that helps.
Made some small changes to the passage. Hope for more critique
 
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Clutching her 2 year old daughter, Sarah, in her arms, Alice ran through the streets of Boston,
Oh wow I got the names mixed up, sorry XD Anyway I think its a strong opening, I'd make some minor adjustments with the intent off streamlining it:
Clutching her 2 year old daughter, Sarah, in her arms, Alice ran through the streets of Boston, dodging the wrecks of still-burning cars and the trash covered street. Her breathe came out in gasps, and she struggled not to collapse. Behind her, a horde of rotting corpses clad in filthy rags crawled and ran after her, their hands stretching out towards her.

Overall I think this works well, I might cut the "Alice was no runner" line as her lack of fitness is demonstrated in the following line but that's one of those 50/50 things on whether it'd make for a smoother read or make it duller. I would take out the first 'had' and maybe use more contractions such as "She'd held Sarah when she cried, awoken by the moans and screams outside that Alice tried to desperately to ignore."
Alice was no runner, having never exercised a day in her life. When the dead rose, she had been home with her daughter, while her husband was out at work. With the streets running full of undead monsters, she had boarded up the doors and windows, and hid within her daughter's bedroom with a crowbar. She had held her when Sarah cried, when she was woken up by the moans outside, trying to ignore the screams of people being eaten alive.

Probably change nothing, though it could maybe be one sentence and the 'then; may not strictly be necessary but I don't think it hurts either.
That is, until 2 weeks had passed. And then the food ran out.

I think this one is very strong, especially in the middle. If I were to make any changes it might just be shortening and personalizing the sentences more, but this may be a stylistic difference.
(Yours) At that point Alice had become desperate. Packing up some clothes and blankets, she had left the house in the morning, hoping to get some food from the shops and malls, and perhaps escape from the city. Where to go, she didn't know. She just knew that she had to get away from the massive numbers of zombies within the city.
(Mine) Desperation had forced her onto the streets. Alice had fled the house with a backpack of supplies in the morning, hoping to scavenge some food from the shops or malls. Maybe she could escape the cit? Where to go she didn't know; Alice just knew that she had to get away from the zombie-choked streets.


This one sort of has the same feel as before, though that may just be me. Unfortunately feels a bit disconnected and the sensations of dizzines and exhaustion are told rather than shown in the descriptions.
Unfortunately, she had run across a pack while crossing a street, and they had given chase across several city blocks. By now, she was getting exhausted and dizzy.

I'd probably just make some minor alteration to the last one as its quite strong overall.
Tripping over a pothole in the road, Alice fell flat onto the ground, sharp pain shooting up her ankle. Sarah flew from her arms, and hit the ground, wailing. Looking over her shoulder, the horde was gaining on her, dozens of outstretched and rotting faces wide open, their moans filling the air and her head as she dragged herself to her daughter.

Overall I do feel your new version is smoother, flows better and is more vivid.
 
Second to worst timeline, the heroes save the day, but they're all broken. Weiss has given up hunting to work at the SDC and will do anything to overthrow her father and gain more power. Occasionally, she breaks the fourth wall to tell you why her actions are perfectly justified or just to feed her own ego.

It's a cross between RWBY and House of Cards ;)

I am more than a bit curious about how the other heroes would be broken and what would break the team up. Maybe Ruby dying

Had a similar idea but for Ruby in response to a discussion in the reddit RWBY discord about how RWBY could be the villain for a RWBY 2 series (without any dumb "corruption" scheme). Currently about 1.2k words into writing it.

The gist of it is a post canon Ruby who has successfully cleansed the planet of Grimm but accidentally gained immortality via acquiring all of the Maiden abilities (which gives her more than enough Aura to constantly regenerate and thus keep being young). Instead of the peaceful happy ending she expected however people inevitably begin to squabble without the existential threat of Grimm looming over their heads and she becomes increasingly jaded and lonely. Eventually another "Great War" occurs and Ruby eventually decides she needs to save humanity from itself and using her ridiculous amount of power and legendary status she eventually conquers Remnant with herself as Empress.

Ruby was/became team RWBY's moral center and with a constant reassurance that she was a hero and a pure soul for her legitimately heroic actions from both friends and later Remnant itself means that she views both her conquest as innately just and heroic and with everyone having passed from old age she has no friends who would really say what she is doing is wrong. Instead of her ideals of heroism and saving people being broken and her turning into a massive edgelord they just get twisted over the years and used to justify some shady stuff. After all what is the matter with creating a cult of personality around yourself when it helps prevent bloody revolts and your teachings are all about peace and equality. Nothing wrong with constant surveillance when it keeps everyone safe from crime and prevent some sort of uprising.

Sorry about rambling its just I have been brainstorming/writing about this for awhile :p
 
I am more than a bit curious about how the other heroes would be broken and what would break the team up. Maybe Ruby dying

Had a similar idea but for Ruby in response to a discussion in the reddit RWBY discord about how RWBY could be the villain for a RWBY 2 series (without any dumb "corruption" scheme). Currently about 1.2k words into writing it.

The gist of it is a post canon Ruby who has successfully cleansed the planet of Grimm but accidentally gained immortality via acquiring all of the Maiden abilities (which gives her more than enough Aura to constantly regenerate and thus keep being young). Instead of the peaceful happy ending she expected however people inevitably begin to squabble without the existential threat of Grimm looming over their heads and she becomes increasingly jaded and lonely. Eventually another "Great War" occurs and Ruby eventually decides she needs to save humanity from itself and using her ridiculous amount of power and legendary status she eventually conquers Remnant with herself as Empress.

Ruby was/became team RWBY's moral center and with a constant reassurance that she was a hero and a pure soul for her legitimately heroic actions from both friends and later Remnant itself means that she views both her conquest as innately just and heroic and with everyone having passed from old age she has no friends who would really say what she is doing is wrong. Instead of her ideals of heroism and saving people being broken and her turning into a massive edgelord they just get twisted over the years and used to justify some shady stuff. After all what is the matter with creating a cult of personality around yourself when it helps prevent bloody revolts and your teachings are all about peace and equality. Nothing wrong with constant surveillance when it keeps everyone safe from crime and prevent some sort of uprising.

Sorry about rambling its just I have been brainstorming/writing about this for awhile :p
THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND APPROVES
 
I am more than a bit curious about how the other heroes would be broken and what would break the team up. Maybe Ruby dying

Had a similar idea but for Ruby in response to a discussion in the reddit RWBY discord about how RWBY could be the villain for a RWBY 2 series (without any dumb "corruption" scheme). Currently about 1.2k words into writing it.

The gist of it is a post canon Ruby who has successfully cleansed the planet of Grimm but accidentally gained immortality via acquiring all of the Maiden abilities (which gives her more than enough Aura to constantly regenerate and thus keep being young). Instead of the peaceful happy ending she expected however people inevitably begin to squabble without the existential threat of Grimm looming over their heads and she becomes increasingly jaded and lonely. Eventually another "Great War" occurs and Ruby eventually decides she needs to save humanity from itself and using her ridiculous amount of power and legendary status she eventually conquers Remnant with herself as Empress.

Ruby was/became team RWBY's moral center and with a constant reassurance that she was a hero and a pure soul for her legitimately heroic actions from both friends and later Remnant itself means that she views both her conquest as innately just and heroic and with everyone having passed from old age she has no friends who would really say what she is doing is wrong. Instead of her ideals of heroism and saving people being broken and her turning into a massive edgelord they just get twisted over the years and used to justify some shady stuff. After all what is the matter with creating a cult of personality around yourself when it helps prevent bloody revolts and your teachings are all about peace and equality. Nothing wrong with constant surveillance when it keeps everyone safe from crime and prevent some sort of uprising.

Sorry about rambling its just I have been brainstorming/writing about this for awhile :p
Heh. Saw that idea once.

They Called Us Heroes: A RWBY One Shot

They called us heroes.

To be fair, we probably deserved the titles.

They called many things.

Witch Killers, Grimm Destroyers, Remnant's Defenders, but the title I liked best was heroes.

I always wanted to be a hero as a child. My mom was my hero, and when she died, I wanted to be like her. She died a hero. She was one of the lucky ones, if I may say.

They never really tell you what you're supposed to do after you save the world.

I mean, congratulations, you beat the big bad, you stopped the Grimm, you saved Remnant, what next? Once you stop the bad guy, there's nothing left for the heroes to do. What are you supposed to do? Go home? Raise a family? Nothing really compares to saving the world, that's kinda your peak, you know? Basically, we get told to go home, take a rest, well we certainly did enough to deserve that. But, the body doesn't want rest after you've been at it for so long. It gets restless. So, now you're sitting at home, reliving your glory days in your big fancy mansion they gave you, letting your abilities waste away while you reminisce the good ol' days where you could just stab your problems with a sword.

It's honestly a surprise it didn't happen sooner.

Weiss was both the first and the last of us to fall.

It started off slowly, with her retaking her family business a couple years after the war. She was really good at it, much better than her father. She made sure all the workers had good conditions, hired Faunus for just as many jobs as humans, and all was well. Then, she started staying a couple hours later once a week. Then it was every day. Then it was weekends. Over time, we didn't see Weiss anymore. Well, we saw her every so often at the events she would invite us to, but it wasn't Weiss, it was Ms. Schnee. A while after she became Ms. Schnee, she started to change. Slowly but surely, she became more and more like her father. More cutthroat in negotiations, less willing to help the workers, cutting salaries across the board. Years later, the Schnee Dust Company was bigger than it ever was, and Weiss was even worse than her father.

The second person to fall was Blake.

Blake had big dreams after the war. She had an idea for the future, and she was damn well gonna work for it. She took over the White Fang and turned it back to theWhite Fang. Back to when she was a kid. They were peaceful for a while, made some pretty big waves in the political sphere. There's a picture somewhere with Blake shaking hands with Weiss, both in pressed suits, a glimmer in their eyes of hope. They knew they were going to change the world. It was awful to see that light leave Blake's eyes. It always started slowly. Tensions started to rise a couple years after the war, some businesses started to fire their Faunus employees after it went out of vogue to hire them in the first place. The White Fang started getting pushier with their protests, bigger demonstrations, more speeches. I think it was after a man shot up a Faunus neighborhood when they finally snapped again. Blake herself fired the first shot on the police that were holding back the protest. Bada bing, bada boom, now Blake's a terrorist, and the White Fang is worse than ever.

After Blake, was Yang.

Yang had nightmares after the war. She played them off when we stayed in the same house on Patch, joking that it was no big deal, that she could handle it. Spoiler alert, she couldn't. They got worse as the years went on, and Yang took up Uncle Qrow's hobby of whiskey. That started slowly too. It started with going out to party on Friday, then Saturday, then it was a drink with dinner, then a handle at night. Soon enough, Yang was going through a bottle a day. I think this wasn't long before Blake snapped, definitely after we lost Weiss. We stopped hanging out with each other, we didn't notice Yang's decline. Next thing I knew, Yang was on the news for blowing up half of Vale in a drunken haze. She started a fight, blew up the bar, the police got called, and there's no way in hell that the police are gonna stop one of the greatest Huntresses to ever live, so they got killed. Ended up causing millions in property damage killing dozens, and overnight, Yang was a fugitive.

They called us heroes.

I was the worst of them.

When it came down to it, I didn't have a slippery slope, I didn't have an breaking point, I didn't have a secret decline.

No, I never had any justification.



...



I just ran

END
 
here's the second snippet:

Ozpin awoke to something tugging on his arm.

Groaning, he sat upright, and felt around him. Murmuring a 'wait a moment', he felt around using his other hand. It went to his face. Ah, his glasses were still on, by some miracle. And they were not even broken. He opened his eyes.

His glasses, though unbroken, did have several scratches across the lenses. Must be the result of smashing face first into a pillar of fire hot enough to vaporize stone. He mentally listed all his injuries. A strong smell of smoke, probably from Cinder Fall. A few burns, though rapidly healing. A bone fracture on his right leg. A massive number of bruises on his bodies. Various cuts and scrapes. And finally, a lack of coffee.

And oh yes, a biting sensation on his right arm----

Biting?

Finally fully awake, he truly looked around him for the first time and saw the carnage surrounding him. He was laying on a concrete road, in the middle of the city. Around him, several cars and buildings were on fire, producing the smoke he had smelt. Numerous corpses were laying on the ground surrounding him, several of them having large wounds or even in several pieces. Rubble, broken glass, and trash littered the streets. It looked like a war had happened here.

Looking to the right, he beheld a monster. A... man, he supposed, dressed in a black coloured business suit was busily biting down upon his arm. The man was filthy, and his skin was of an unhealthy pallor. His body was covered in sores where maggots and flies covered, and there was even necrosis surrounding several wounds. However, what concerned Ozpin the most was the giant hole in his neck where something had taken a bite out of it. the man should be a corpse. And yet, he still moved.

Still shocked from the surroundings, Ozpin shouted :" Hey." The man continued biting him. "Hey!". The man finally noticed him. But he did not answer. What he did do, is to roar and lunge for Ozpin's throat.

Fortuantely, Ozpin still had his reflexes, and punched his skull off.

Standing up and shaking the dirt from his suit, Ozpin finally gathered his wits around him. "A shambler?" He thought. "But so far into the city? But how?" He could not remember what happened after his battle with the new Fall Maiden, and as he looked around, he felt a twinge of guilt at being unable to protect these people.

"I do not know what has happened. But I'll have to look for the others. At the very least, there could still be civilians trapped in here."

Thinking that, Ozpin set off.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He had found no one.

Taking a long sip from his coffee cup, Ozpin pondered at the state of the city around him. And gagged. The coffee was thick and dark, quite unlike the normal ones he had in his ordinary mornings. Then again, it was outdoor coffee. The last time he had it, it was during the fall of Mount Glenn, when he had taken part in the evacuations.

Walking along the streets, he had found no living people. His scroll was damaged. Leaping to the top of the buildings was to no avail, as there were no bullheads nor flying aircraft. Walking on the ground was fruitless, too, as he had only found burnt out buildings, smashed storefronts, and more corpses. It was almost like the entire city was empty.

Sighing, Ozpin wondered if he would ever get good coffee.

That was when he heard the baby.

He sent aura to his legs and exploded forwards, his legs a blur, the concrete cracking beneath his footsteps. He rounded a corner where the scream came from, and saw a young woman curled up on the ground, with several Shamblers reaching out to devour her. The crying and wailing seemed to come from a bundle clutched in her arms.

Ozpin was tired and hungry. He had barely recovered from his injuries from his battle with Cinder Fall, and he had hardly gotten any rest these past few days. He was at one of the weakest points of his life.

Of course, that was still enough to kill them all.

The first to die was the shambler closest to the woman. First he smashed its forearms, sending them flying off. Then he swung the crook of his cane to its head, turning it into mush. He then begun to work his way through the crowd. The shamblers didn't even realize he was there before he killed them, splitting apart their bodies and turning them into smears on the ground.

In less than a second, it was over.

Behind him, a frightened and trembling voice asked :"W....W.... who are you?"

Taking a sip of coffee and wincing at the taste, Ozpin thought for a moment for a way to calm this moment down.

Well, honesty was the best policy. Turning around and putting on as friendly a smile as possible, he answered: "Headmaster Ozpin, at your service."
 
He sent aura to his legs and exploded forwards, his legs a blur, the concrete cracking beneath his footsteps. He rounded a corner where the scream came from, and saw a young woman curled up on the ground, with several Shamblers reaching out to devour her. The crying and wailing seemed to come from a bundle clutched in her arms.
This was an incredibly strong description and conveyed so much so well, kudos!

I'm a little surprised Ozpin hasn't realized he's not in Vale or even Remnant and knows about shamblers (Assuming he isn't just using a pre-existing Grimm name)

Other than that quite strong, some very solid descriptions, and the flow of events works well, ending at a good cut off point.
 
This was an incredibly strong description and conveyed so much so well, kudos!

I'm a little surprised Ozpin hasn't realized he's not in Vale or even Remnant and knows about shamblers (Assuming he isn't just using a pre-existing Grimm name)

Other than that quite strong, some very solid descriptions, and the flow of events works well, ending at a good cut off point.
He's still out of sorts from the fight. Head injury.

RWBY Idea and Discussion Thread 2: We Crashed the Hype Train | Page 53
 
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