RHYTHMS: The noise of waves, crashing on the rocks of the town's half-flooded bay, eroding the wreck of a vermillion fortress, undermining the seawall meant to keep the panthalassic ocean away. And then he reels your signal further, further. Towards the line of chewing plankton, to the slick and sickly brew of an omniphagic horizon. That watery part of the world, where nothing lives, and nothing dies. Where there plays a single track, a single note, a single chord, repeated to infinity.
Hmm, is there a missing "and" between the two furthers, or is this just a typo?
THE GREY
The rain on the bedrock is summery grey.
The wyrm in the mantle digs free.
But gather together to greet the storm.
Tomorrow belongs to me.
Seems written as intended but I think there might be a missing word here between "But" and "gather?" For I'm confused on what is gathering together here in the third line?
You need to be a daughter. You need to be her daughter. You need to speak back, call her, with wild, sinful abandon, 'mom', ecstatic at the electric shiver it sends down her spine, the marbling cracks that single word forms in her soul's sarcophagus.
It reads to me as if a word might be missing before "call her," perhaps?
Your eyes meet after her lullaby, and in the pupil- shine of diamond upon diamond, there is the fledgling glimmer of something entirely new.
This escaped my notice in the reaction/thought post. But there is a space separating the hyphen from shine.
Your mother scratches at the carved glyph scars of her conditioning under her sleeve, as she remembers. You brush your fingers against her arm, as if you could heal the wound, but you can't heal that. You can't heal something that has been cut so deep - and not when you're also cut so deep.
I presume this is talking about Sympathy's right arm since the left one (If I've read 7: The Name of the Rose, correctly) originally belonged to the first Harmony?
There is no room to breathe, and no room to live. None of the imperfections of the copse are permitted here - you are always watched by green-eyed holographic doves here, here. The leaves have eyes. The strings are imprisoning thorns. Even you, a hylic, taste the conditioned psychic air. Clean. Pure. Sterile.
This double repeating of "here" escaped my notice in my reaction/thought post. Is the bolded doubling of "here" supposed to be "here, and there," perhaps? Or is it just simply a typo?
She seems to read your mind, activates an egophagic shroud to prevent anyone from hearing your conversation. "Someone has to be kind," she assures you, "someone has to be better. Remari was."
Feels as if there is a missing word between "mind" and "activates," I believe? Maybe an "and" was supposed to be there?
Each of the eight elder virtues rest on a hovering lotus in the center of a reflecting mirror-pool, in soft snowsilk shifts of innocence that complement their unmarred forms. Some lay on one another, lazily lean upon each other for comfort. Others eat from bowls of fruit, or examine illuminated holoscripts, or meditate.
Should "lean" be "leaning" instead, here, based on the sentence?
Immaculate Penitence is there, too, standing. Her body is cracked by lacerations, her butterfly wings torn and punctured, her halo dim. Her hair has been cut short and shaggy, bangs framing her face. She has refused to heal the damage - has made a point of displaying war wounds inflicted by the Prime Soul, Theia. She doesn't smile back to the elders, not ever.
Might be me but the phrasing seems off here in the bolded. Could it be that there is a missing word between "shaggy" and "bangs?" Or instead that "framing" is supposed to be "framed?" Something else entirely, or I'm I just overthinking this?
But you just wrap yourself around her arm, as your null-field flares, and the mirror-pool's surface freezes. There is panic, and Faith trying to calm the scene. And Penitence, like a shark smelling blood, is doing something that frightens you almost as much as the elders -
Again, is this referring to her right arm, since Sympathy's left one, (If I've read 7: The Name of the Rose correctly) belonged to the first Harmony? And, might there be an "is" or possibly a different word missing between "faith" and "trying?"
Did she really think you had forgotten about her inaction all those years, letting you and the copse suffer because of her own fears, her own avoidance, her own cowardice? Did she really think you had buried the hatchet of the long-nursed hatred, resentment, you held for her, for fifteen years? Did she really think that a bit of family-bonding, a little bit of copse-camaraderie, would erase the memory of every single day of your brutal, cruel abuse, for which she did nothing? The fifteen years in which she abandoned you?
I believe, an "and" might be missing between "hated" and "resentment" here?
And that is enough. She pierces through the raging arguments, and speaks up, with such authority, such power, such unflinching fury , that the air ignites and the Immaculates flinch, backing away on their lotus flowers. Fire and ice are terrible hazards to such pretty, flowered plants
There is an extra space separating "fury" from the comma.
"My daughter speaks true," Immaculate Sympathy announces. She is the angel of death in truth, here, her halo shining, warings outstretched, her inner fire burning free from any chain but yours, burning hotter than it has ever dared. And then, back to you. "She always does."
I believe "warings outstretched" is supposed to be "wings outstretched," with the way the sentence is phrased?
There are quiet, and more furious psychic messages, back and forth, that you can spot as spectral lights in your wireframe warpsight.
I presume, based on the way the sentence is phrased, that there might be a word or two missing before "back and forth?"
"Personalist, undistributed power - dividing wartime responsibilities in a way that I face the warfront and Penitence is allowed to gather supporters domestically - weakening the bonds between the Immaculates and their soldiery, who will look far more to me and Penitence, and not to them - Kora, as if Pentinence's soldiers aren't fanatical enough - it could be the schisomachia again, even if I refused -"
Uh
, Penitence's name is misspelled.
That makes her surrender. She kneels before you, and vows herself to you, in the way of ancient knights. A vow to set aside the old one, the one that looked up the Icon Remari.
The bolded part reads like there is a word missing here, maybe it should be along the lines of "the one that looked up
to the Icon Remari?"
There is always a cost, and always a price. You've compelled Sympathy to act, and take real control of the warfront. You should've expected, should've feared, she would betray you this way. But even you couldn't imagine the scale of this backstab.
Seems written as intended, but is there a missing word before "she would?"
You have to. You have a mother, but that's not enough. Not after the Day of Twin Suns. You have other wants, but nobody will hold you that way. Nobody wants you. No Kora wants you. No girl wants you. It hurt so much when Roxana revealed she never wanted you. The cinnabar of her hair, the curve of her neck, was so pretty in the limelight of that room before the Twin Suns it hurts you to think of. You didn't want anything special from her. Just one kiss. One good honest kiss. Why couldn't you have that?
Is there a missing word at the end of "think of?" Because it feels like a finishing word might be absent, there.
You're not endangered by anything except his creature killing the mood. You wish you could just behead him in a back alley but Karuna would be upset.
Not sure if a word is missing between "except" and "his." And/or if "his" is a misspelled "this?"
He talks about the recent news of a 'wyrm event' delaying the war, and the unseasonal rain storms around the Lapsarian Lung, and the Prime Souls withdrawing to defend the Lung against some monstrous corewyrm burst from the ground. He speculates on a speaking machine on behalf of Hydra trying to make one last push.
Might be me but the bold feels incomplete, as if there are a couple of missing words here. Particular between "machine" and "on," maybe words along the lines of "sent" or "working" were left out by mistake?
He points out things about Kind Landing he read in palimpsests for this date (that he calls an 'excursion', the dolt). How disordered, chaotic and modern it is, how much it has outgrown its charming old city. Drawing a sweep across the forest canopy of synthetic bamboo and gingko, wicking moisture from the air and showering the understory of spires.
Um, is "its" supposed to be a different word?
And you can't help but join in with his 'study of the poetry of cities'. It's terrible. You point out the young print refugees whose copse-superiors have died, forming pneumatic gangs hundreds-strong who refuse to go to their designated block-school, refuse to obey orders from police-sophians, and mob strangers. A group of them with bandanas rushes toward you, but when they see your military uniform, they steer well clear.
"Block-school" seems to be missing an ending s based on the sentence's phrasing? Rendering it "Block-Schools?" If I'm reading this right.
They have all the best games in the amusement hall. Guess the Psalm. Eliminate the Stranger. Identify Her Breakfast. Smash the Stranger. Kora Rapid-fire Trivia. Target the Stranger with Projectiles. The Hat Incident. And you're really good. You obtain a series of significant rewards, many of them religious icons weighing several kilograms, and hand them all to Karuna, who hands them to the maintenant-bride trailing you. The creature begs 'my lord please', and Karuna responds sadly that only in death does duty end.
Shouldn't there be quotation marks around "only in death does duty end" since these are Karuna's own words?
Okay, he is screaming a great deal after it starts. And he keeps asking how many cycles there are, and then you tell him six more, he makes a strangled noise of some kind. But it seems like a good scream, and a good noise. He is emoting. Men have to be emotive, to be teased out of their stoic shell. He's tearing after the seventh. You've moved him to tears. That's when you put your arm around him, and promise to keep him safe. Perfect delivery. There's a shade of red on his cheeks you didn't need to lacerate to tease out.
Is this supposed to be "arms?" It doesn't specify which arm Harmony is using here.
But then he wants to get off. And that's sad. You wanted another ten cycles or so, and admit that, that you thought he was brave enough for it. And then there is that flash. That male defiance, from the book, that male death-drive. He wants to impress you. Show he is no coward. He decides to go again, and you beam.
Perhaps a word or two is missing before and/or after "show?" With the sentence possibly being "To show you that he is no coward? But, that might be me, however.
After dancing, and a meal, you end the day in his tent pitched at the city's edge, beside Amrit's stable, where his maintenant-brides work to install enhancements for the coming fights. And then, the two of you laying on the open-air blanket on this clear-skied dronesong night, nothing between you and him but a few centimeters of luxuriant fabric, he really talks. Confides. And so do you.
I believe "Amrit" is a misspelled "Ammit?"
How he won't forget how Roxana had screamed, how it sounded as though she'd lost her voice, and lost her soul. How he and she, then just menials, were close as betrothed brides, how they'd shared a first kiss and a first night, even been together, for a time. How she'd changed after Numan's death, becoming dishonest, harsh, manipulative, had risen to exalted status while he was sent away, chosen to replace a Zodiac-Raja after heroism on a machine-hunt. How Roxana admitted she'd arranged the exile, and how she insisted it was for his own good - because everytime she looked at him she was reminded of the hylic weakness she had purged from herself.
Hmm, is a "had" missing before "even been together?" Plus, I'm not sure if a word is missing somewhere in the 2nd bolded part. As I'm presuming it's talking about how a previous Zodiac-Raja either died or left, allowing Karuna to take their place?
How he reacts worries you, though. He's romantic in ways you aren't allowed to be. He's a hylic who has the status, if not to dream, then to really love. He has no Immaculates looming over him. Trapped by his status - but a better status than you could ever achieve. Only through Sympathy do you have any power, any importance.
Almost certainly written as intended, but I'm not sure if there might be a missing word or two after "status?" The same perhaps applies before "a?" Say maybe along the lines of "Trapped by his status
as a raja - but
holds a better status then you could ever achieve?"
He stops, and recalibrates. He Pays attention to what he's doing. Apologizes for babbling, admits he's excited.
"Pays" shouldn't be capitalized, I believe?
You cackle and try to smother the quaking laughs against his chest, enjoy the way your head bounces against it as he belly-laughs too, closes his arm around you, traces a finger down the implant of your hotwire augment to the base of the spine, provoking a shiver from a sensitivity you didn't know you had.
I'm unsure if "closes his
arm around you" shouldn't be "closes his
arms around you?" As it doesn't specify which here.
You fear she might envy you, that the 'whitetree coven' of hylic selves she has built around herself might hate you, for each is fanatically loyal to Penitence. But she carries herself with inhuman innocence and grace, and celebrates each scar - even the one inflicted, so long ago, by your mother, and hers. Traces them in white chalk, so that her body is criss-crossed by crack-lines. The harder they hit her, the more pure she becomes.
It looks as if the "hers" at the end is an incomplete "herself?"
Penitence has tried to beat every affection out of her, so that she prefers to be referred to by her number, 'nine-eight-four'. But she feels as bravely as you, and without hesitation, refers to you as 'little-sister-commander'. She and her sisters stage midnight ballets for you and Sympathy that are the most disturbing, earnest expressions of pain you've seen since the Red Sun, and every kindness that you give her, every caring question, she marks and treasures the way she does the scars.
Might there be a missing word here between "her" and "so?" Maybe the word "enough," perhaps?
The bespoke toolsheds of the ziggurats, the artisan manufactures of the Cubes, cannot match Koinon's northeast, where spiral shaft mines into the deep earth carry minerals, and increasingly cheap, fast air transport carries tons upon tons to the Cube factories. And every time the titans force menials into the assembly lines, they have made a violation - ripped away the chain of being, and replaced them with more crude and iron chains.
Is that "and" supposed to be there?
And with what people will you protect the defensive line at Pantokrator? Koinon has lost a fifth of its people, but those that remain are fighting for true victory, and true freedom, and believe they have already won. You cannot draft the strangers, and when conscription targets the cities and Cube Malachite, there are riots, and rages. These Koras, ripped from their homes and paradises, blame Faith and blame Sympathy, and Penitence, and demand the devastated copses fight in their place, the ones with the conditioning to die for Kora. They see the covenant with the Immaculates, that gave them privilege, resources, power - stripped away, and rise against that imposition.
It comes across to me that there might be a missing "blame" before "Penitence?"
And how long must you fight? Each day the resources grow scarcer, and the conditions harsher. You are running out of clay, and do not have the land to mine the resources that Koinon does. They develop new techniques, new strategies. The Prime Souls are not the witch-kings of old, but integrated keystones of each phalanx. Theia organizes ranks on merit, abandoning the old aristocratic structures of phalanx command.
Kephalon hovertanks, with faster maneuver and stronger axial turrets, join them. Ornithopters that drop bombs in clusters, take out whole formations, join them. Increasingly augmented harpies, increasingly augmented phalangites - a cybernetic revolution provoked by the pneumatics most exalting in the strength of the human form.
I don't think that it is intentional that there is a lack of space between the two paragraphs here. And in the second paragraph it reads like the word "maneuver" itself should be "maneuvering" that proceeds a missing word that I think is likely "capabilities?". Rendering it "Kephalon hovertanks, with faster maneuvering capabilities and stronger axial turrets, join them."
Plus, the way the successive sentence is phrased makes me believe either a missing "that" comes before "take" or it might be "taking" instead?
Night Witches are bisected by her swords, bisected by her spears. It does not matter that you project a null-field, that you are impervious to direct psychic attack - if she murders you with the material objects, and material forces, she wields like playthings.
I think there might be a missing word between "forces" and "she," perhaps the word "that?" rendering it "
that she wields like playthings?"
Now she is Terror - not a name but a purpose. She is the storm that falls on Ganzir when the Titanhost breaks, a psi-titan felled by Hyperion and Morpheos before the Undying Underworld's outer blackstone wall. They sack the city, roll out the melting vats, and roll out the stapling machines.
I believe the word "is" is missing between "psi-titan" and "felled" based on the phrasing in the sentence?
False, because Kora is alive. Entombed, a living martyr. The strands of her ever-growing hair extending to the roots of the tree, psychically connected to the whole of the Progeny by the memory wafers you've been eating all your lives. Her contorted, immortal body entwined in golden thorns inscribed with Asoryani runes, and her soul sealed inside the very first, exquisite, beautiful sarcophagus that the Immaculates ever built. Their gift, and their punishment, for Kora. For rejecting them.
This didn't occur to me in my reaction/thought post, but on closer examination. It feels as if "beautiful" and "exquisite" might lack an "and" between them, and maybe they lie in the opposite position's from where they should be in the sentence? And unrelatedly is "Asoryani" a purposeful alternative spelling for "Asuryani?" Cause this is the second time this spelling has shown up
Where border-copses under siege gather in the central garden, every print inside immolates, and turns to spectral phoenixes of green, striking at Theia's columns, searing pyres in the phalanx lines. Where border copses are abandoned, their prints fled, the stone-tree dead rouse from their slumber, uproot and march on Koinon's modern armies.
Seems as if "to" an incomplete "into?" Unless it is a stylistic choice?
So you act. You fight the armies of Koinon, inflict the worst defeat they've borne since the Red Sun. Even as you feel nothing, so many others feel hope. Those who don't know the truth, those who pretend that they didn't hear Kora's voice, those who know they did, but thought her imploring, caring, protective. Who did not grasp she was in pain, or agony. At least you've stemmed the tide, they say. At least you've stopped them, and showed they can be beaten.
Uh, is it possible that either a word or two is missing before "inflict," or that "inflict" is an incomplete "inflicting?"
There is panic in the cubes of Koinon, and calls for reviews of internal enemies to blame for this, for mass-arresting Koras, for burning every lavender grove in the country to prevent their being used (something you're not sure is even a threat). You can only imagine the glee of the Immaculates, even though the calls are shouted down, and those calling for it themselves targeted by counter-calls for arrests and purges for betraying 'Mother Eleusia' and her sacrifice by their bare-faced suggestion to turn on their 'nationalized, all-patriotic Kora-selves'. Koinon is an inexplicable country.
Not sure if "their being used" is a misconstructed "them from being used." As it seems to flow with the sentence better.
He declares, fuming, he will go to Saffron, where Roxana has invited him to join the honour guard and the Bronze King's final stand against the prime souls now entering Titanagalabt's own territory, now setting fire to border Ziggurats.
Titanagalbat is misspelled here.
