Jace911
Spider-Dork
- Location
- The Gold-Bricking State
Episode Six Reactions
when we last left our heroin (and the characters) blue hair was getting the shit kicked out of her by Toothy
that does not appear to have changed in our absence
ULTRA DRAMATIC TIME STOP RESCUEEEEEE pffffff hahahaha did the music seriously just cut out for goth chick's hair flip
"how the hell did you do that OH MY GOD HOW ARE YOU BEHIND ME" she's literally been standing behind you since before you started that sentence, how did you not realize she was no longer in front of you until you finished
blue hair shows her gratitude towards goth chick for saving her life by losing her shit and getting judo chopped in the neck for her troubles
you know you can actually kill people like that goth chick
"what the heck whose side are you on" "im on the side of those who think rationally" OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME HER MAGICAL GIRL NAME ISN'T EUPHORIA
and I see the writers are continuing to be coy as fuck about something that is now blatantly obvious
the two non-scrub magical girls have a srsface staring contest before Toothy decides to leave
"you saved blue hair" by fucking breaking her neck, that fast healing's gonna come in handy
"how many times do I have to tell you not to get involved" well judging from pinkie's appearance in the opening credits my guess is more than you have
"if I cant reason with you ill use more drastic measures" judo chops are time-honored tools of diplomacy
"we have to be careful now, shes planning something" YOU WOULD KNOW YOU LITTLE FUCK
after the intro credits blue hair sucks the goop from her soul gem using a grief seed and is somehow surprised to learn that grief seeds are in fact babby witches
so the life cycle goes grief seed > familiar > witch
and the grief seed feeds off negative emotions of magical girls
and cat thing EATS near-mature grief seeds
NOPE TOTALLY NOT A CRITICAL PLOT DETAIL LETS JUST SKIP RIGHT OVER THAT SO HEY ABOUT THAT TOOTHY BITCH
"you need to get more grief seeds so that you can beat Toothy" hey does anyone else hear that fucking RED ALERT GOING OFF IN THE BACKGROUND
WAIT DID THIS JUST TURN INTO THE FUCKING MATRIX
IS THAT WHERE THIS IS GOING
"so Toothy is way better than you in literally every way BUT there's someone who could stomp her bitch ass in a fight" "really? who?" "pinkie"
FUCKER OF MOTHERS WE JUST ENTERED THE MATRIX PINKIE IS THE ONE
"no this is something I gotta do for myself im not getting her dragged into it" spoilers: I'm guessing she gets dragged into it
this arcade has the best "no soliciting" sign ive ever seen in my life
toothy is apparently trying to beat sandstorm on ddr
I'm sorry but I was trying to pay attention to the dialogue between creepy goth chick and Toothy about territory and the true nature of magical girls but then a cat randomly appeared on the DDR screen in the background and meowed fucking Japan
APPARENTLY THE SILENT HILL NECK ANGLES ARE FUCKING CONTAGIOUS
"hey blue hair I know Toothy just tried to fucking murder you less than a day ago but do you think you guys could be friends"
the sad part is this is the best idea pinkie has ever had
"just give her a chance, I know you two do things differently" yeah as in blue hair isn't a fucking psychopath
"goth chick won't help us, she waited for the cake witch to kill drill hair before showing up to help fight it" um bull fucking shit donkey she did drill hair tied her ass up the second she showed her face
I sense blue hair is not in the most stable of mindsets right now im sure she'll snap out of it
"cat thing why don't you say something!" "I'm sorry when did you get the impression I gave a single fuck"
cut to pinkie's room as she sleeps OH GOD HER FUCKING STUFFED ANIMALS CHECK PIRATE COVE
ehem sorry slight ptsd episode there
pinkie can't sleep so she goes down to chat with mom, who so far seems to be the only sane person in this entire series
wait am I crazy or did mother straight up just give her thirteen year old daughter some whiskey
"just because you try to do the right thing doesn't mean you're guaranteed a happy ending"
urge to quote spec ops rising
"in fact the more stubborn a person gets about what they think is right the less happy they're going to be"
okay now you're just fucking toying with me
"at this point I doubt it'd end on a happy note no matter what anyone did"
DAMN IT WRITERS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I HAVE A CONDITION
"if the only way to help was to do something drastic, would you do it?" "yeah"
phew thank goodness that's ov-
"then you should do something wrong"
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME SIDEWAYS MOM
"ask yourself whats better: doing nothing, or doing something?"
NOTHING
NOTHING IS BETTER
"sometimes being an adult sucks, that's why we're allowed to drink alcohol" something for which I have thanked god every day since starting this half-assed review
blue hair is astonished to find that not-crippled boy is no longer in the hospital due to the simple fact that he is no longer crippled
she goes to visit him at home but before she knocks she hears him playing the violin, and it's a soft and tender moment so NATURALLY IT DOESN'T LAST LONG
Toothy shows up to lecture blue hair on using her wish for the benefit of others, saying that magic always goes bad when used that way
there are not enough Nick Cage jpegs in the universe to describe my reaction to this
"if you want him to like you so bad you could just use your magic powers to break every bone in his body" okay Toothy did you start on the drugs without us be honest
"lets go someplace quiet, we'd attract too much attention here" *slasher smile*
cat thing runs to drag pinkie's ass into the middle of things yet again
JUMP CUT TO A FUCKING FREEWAY OVERPASS
ON WHAT PLANET DOES THIS QUALIFY AS "QUIET" TOOTHY
well at least Toothy's transformation scene isn't nearly as creepy as blue hair's was
oh hey apparently goth chick isn't the only one who can stop time either that or pinkie is the fucking Flash because HERE SHE IS
"the annoying bitch has an annoying friend, go figure-" "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER"
wait
pinkie what
what are you doing
"if she's so focused on doing something right try doing something wrong to snap her out of it"
NO NO NO NO NO
NO WALKER DON'T DO IT
DON'T YOU FUCKING-
fuck
aaaaaand now blue hair's apparently suffered a stroke, I'm sure this is going to go happy places
"are you crazy pinkie why would you throw away your friend like that"
…
"why would you throw away your friend"
"throw away your friend"
"your friend"
I
FUCKING
CALLED
IT
when we last left our heroin (and the characters) blue hair was getting the shit kicked out of her by Toothy
that does not appear to have changed in our absence
ULTRA DRAMATIC TIME STOP RESCUEEEEEE pffffff hahahaha did the music seriously just cut out for goth chick's hair flip
"how the hell did you do that OH MY GOD HOW ARE YOU BEHIND ME" she's literally been standing behind you since before you started that sentence, how did you not realize she was no longer in front of you until you finished
blue hair shows her gratitude towards goth chick for saving her life by losing her shit and getting judo chopped in the neck for her troubles
you know you can actually kill people like that goth chick
"what the heck whose side are you on" "im on the side of those who think rationally" OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME HER MAGICAL GIRL NAME ISN'T EUPHORIA
and I see the writers are continuing to be coy as fuck about something that is now blatantly obvious
the two non-scrub magical girls have a srsface staring contest before Toothy decides to leave
"you saved blue hair" by fucking breaking her neck, that fast healing's gonna come in handy
"how many times do I have to tell you not to get involved" well judging from pinkie's appearance in the opening credits my guess is more than you have
"if I cant reason with you ill use more drastic measures" judo chops are time-honored tools of diplomacy
"we have to be careful now, shes planning something" YOU WOULD KNOW YOU LITTLE FUCK
after the intro credits blue hair sucks the goop from her soul gem using a grief seed and is somehow surprised to learn that grief seeds are in fact babby witches
so the life cycle goes grief seed > familiar > witch
and the grief seed feeds off negative emotions of magical girls
and cat thing EATS near-mature grief seeds
NOPE TOTALLY NOT A CRITICAL PLOT DETAIL LETS JUST SKIP RIGHT OVER THAT SO HEY ABOUT THAT TOOTHY BITCH
"you need to get more grief seeds so that you can beat Toothy" hey does anyone else hear that fucking RED ALERT GOING OFF IN THE BACKGROUND
WAIT DID THIS JUST TURN INTO THE FUCKING MATRIX
IS THAT WHERE THIS IS GOING
"so Toothy is way better than you in literally every way BUT there's someone who could stomp her bitch ass in a fight" "really? who?" "pinkie"
FUCKER OF MOTHERS WE JUST ENTERED THE MATRIX PINKIE IS THE ONE
"no this is something I gotta do for myself im not getting her dragged into it" spoilers: I'm guessing she gets dragged into it
this arcade has the best "no soliciting" sign ive ever seen in my life
toothy is apparently trying to beat sandstorm on ddr
I'm sorry but I was trying to pay attention to the dialogue between creepy goth chick and Toothy about territory and the true nature of magical girls but then a cat randomly appeared on the DDR screen in the background and meowed fucking Japan
APPARENTLY THE SILENT HILL NECK ANGLES ARE FUCKING CONTAGIOUS
"hey blue hair I know Toothy just tried to fucking murder you less than a day ago but do you think you guys could be friends"
the sad part is this is the best idea pinkie has ever had
"just give her a chance, I know you two do things differently" yeah as in blue hair isn't a fucking psychopath
"goth chick won't help us, she waited for the cake witch to kill drill hair before showing up to help fight it" um bull fucking shit donkey she did drill hair tied her ass up the second she showed her face
I sense blue hair is not in the most stable of mindsets right now im sure she'll snap out of it
"cat thing why don't you say something!" "I'm sorry when did you get the impression I gave a single fuck"
cut to pinkie's room as she sleeps OH GOD HER FUCKING STUFFED ANIMALS CHECK PIRATE COVE
ehem sorry slight ptsd episode there
pinkie can't sleep so she goes down to chat with mom, who so far seems to be the only sane person in this entire series
wait am I crazy or did mother straight up just give her thirteen year old daughter some whiskey
"just because you try to do the right thing doesn't mean you're guaranteed a happy ending"
urge to quote spec ops rising
"in fact the more stubborn a person gets about what they think is right the less happy they're going to be"
okay now you're just fucking toying with me
"at this point I doubt it'd end on a happy note no matter what anyone did"
DAMN IT WRITERS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I HAVE A CONDITION
"if the only way to help was to do something drastic, would you do it?" "yeah"
phew thank goodness that's ov-
"then you should do something wrong"
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME SIDEWAYS MOM
"ask yourself whats better: doing nothing, or doing something?"
NOTHING
NOTHING IS BETTER
"sometimes being an adult sucks, that's why we're allowed to drink alcohol" something for which I have thanked god every day since starting this half-assed review
blue hair is astonished to find that not-crippled boy is no longer in the hospital due to the simple fact that he is no longer crippled
she goes to visit him at home but before she knocks she hears him playing the violin, and it's a soft and tender moment so NATURALLY IT DOESN'T LAST LONG
Toothy shows up to lecture blue hair on using her wish for the benefit of others, saying that magic always goes bad when used that way
there are not enough Nick Cage jpegs in the universe to describe my reaction to this
"if you want him to like you so bad you could just use your magic powers to break every bone in his body" okay Toothy did you start on the drugs without us be honest
"lets go someplace quiet, we'd attract too much attention here" *slasher smile*
cat thing runs to drag pinkie's ass into the middle of things yet again
JUMP CUT TO A FUCKING FREEWAY OVERPASS
ON WHAT PLANET DOES THIS QUALIFY AS "QUIET" TOOTHY
well at least Toothy's transformation scene isn't nearly as creepy as blue hair's was
oh hey apparently goth chick isn't the only one who can stop time either that or pinkie is the fucking Flash because HERE SHE IS
"the annoying bitch has an annoying friend, go figure-" "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER"
wait
pinkie what
what are you doing
"if she's so focused on doing something right try doing something wrong to snap her out of it"
NO NO NO NO NO
NO WALKER DON'T DO IT
DON'T YOU FUCKING-
fuck
aaaaaand now blue hair's apparently suffered a stroke, I'm sure this is going to go happy places
"are you crazy pinkie why would you throw away your friend like that"
…
"why would you throw away your friend"
"throw away your friend"
"your friend"
I
FUCKING
CALLED
IT
