DB_Explorer
Purveyor of alternate realities.
- Location
- San Diego, California
- Pronouns
- He/Him
It's hard to describe your homeworld. "Earth," "The Blue Planet," and "That World With All The Uppity Monkeys" are all descriptions shared by worlds in dimensions close to your own. It doesn't help that your mother wasn't exactly a huge fan of covering history, nor was your father. For some reason, Dad frequently claimed it made him hungry. Neither you nor Celes is quite sure how that's supposed to make any sense.
Civilization itself tried to start up several times, encountering hiccups each time. Which is to say, either natural disasters or exceptionally destructive Capes. Historians frequently argue about which it is, an issue not helped that the most powerful known postcog only being able to look back five centuries. At any rate, the scorched and crumbling ruins of several attempted settlements, chronologically located between 5,000 BC and 3,000 BC, have been discovered to the east of the Mediterranean Sea. You think the first was supposed to have been destroyed by fire, the second by lightning, the third by fire, the fourth and fifth by water and winds, the sixth by fire, and the seventh by an earthquake.
At around 2,950 BC, a Cape-led theocracy finally managed to properly form along the banks of the Nile River. The ruler of this civilization called himself "Pharaoh" and is believed to have leeched the powers of other capes. This state of affairs persisted until 2,563 BC, when he made the mistake of having ambitious twin children who acquired his powers after finding snakes in their beds. The brother and sister ultimately assassinated their father, split the kingdom into Northern Egypt and Southern Egypt, and proceeded to repeat the mistakes of their father.
Meanwhile, over in South America, a Builder-led civilization made it all the way to gunpowder before infighting destroyed most of their works and left much of the area barren. Tourist guides often omit that part, you notice; what's the point in having been the most advanced civilization if they fell?
Anyway, the two Egyptian Pharaohs got along with one another just fine and were often referred to as one entity, but the two-dozen children they had between their ascension and 2,260 BC got just a little tired of being overshadowed. It doesn't really help that might making right was rather codified in their religion, and they were really quite sick of being wrong. Unfortunately for them, three of Pharaoh's children decided to tattle on their siblings, leading to the banishment of most of the conspirators. Some people like to point at this as an excellent example of procrastination — if the Pharaohs had just killed them all, it would've saved quite a bit of trouble down the line.
Fast-forward to 2,130 BC and Egypt was constantly embroiled in a series of wars, courtesy of their banished children and grandchildren. Back in those days, information-gathering powers didn't seem to be nearly as common, making it difficult for Pharaoh to properly locate their enemies. This culminated in the female half of the pair being outright struck by lightning. To this day, nobody is quite sure if her sibling was responsible, if it was simply an unfortunate coincidence — she had been standing atop a pyramid in a rainstorm — or if another Cape had decided they didn't want to be ritually sacrificed. At any rate, the fall from said pyramid finished her and her sibling went just a teensie bit berserk. The glass lakes of Egypt remain to this day, including the pool where Pharaoh ultimately suffocated. Turns out that immunity to heat and significant resistance to damage doesn't do anything for an inability to breathe. You're still horrified that said glass pool is the most popular tourist attraction in the entire area. It contains the body of a dead person.
You're a bit fluffy on much of the history between the fall of Rome and the medieval-ish era, but you do know an acceptable amount about the Wars of Succession. Enough to not get teased mercilessly by random strangers, anyway. Back in the nineteenth century, one of the monarchs of the British Empire — you think it was one of the King Georges or something? — went and got himself killed in what was allegedly a riding accident. Since both his heirs were present and implicated in what was possibly an assassination, the nobility decided to kick up a bit of a fuss and refused to follow "Kinslayers." Canada took the opportunity to follow the example of the United States the century prior and revolved, coordinating with Australia to encourage it to do the same. Britain, fearing that the United States would simply help Canada, decided to focus their attention on the latter and all-but ignore Canada.
This would prove to be just a bit of a mistake. Canada managed to strike at England while its fleets were elsewhere, burned much of London to the ground, and crowned their own Queen Alise (or Alice, you can't remember if that was an ingrained spelling mistake or an urban myth) ruler of what would become the Canadian Empire. Spain and France promptly said, approximately, "bugger all that for a lark" and tried to oust Canada from Europe. Canada, possibly deciding things had gotten a bit out of hand, offered significant parts of its western border to the United States in exchange for military aid.
To cut a textbook-long story short, Canada was ultimately victorious and managed to establish control over much of the globe, a state of affairs that would last until the first World War. France, Spain, and England would cease to exist as independent nations until that faithful day. Although Canada is less of an empire in the modern era and more of a single nation with a bunch of tropical assets, it still remains a significant world superpower to this day, along with China, Russia, Australia, and the United States. Arguments over which is the most powerful are a frequent topic of flame wars on the Internet.
Voting is still ongoing; no concrete plan has formed beyond "Blur for school identities, human for heroic ones." If one isn't made, I'll default to brainstorming at Celes and letting her pick. And, uh, I'd intended for this interlude to be significantly longer, but it turns out summarizing an entire alternate world of history would be a longer process than I'm willing to do at one time.
Feel free to ask questions about specific points in history anyway. Smaller bites are easier.
I think I saw this EUIV play through
