CONTENT WARNING: Internalized Homophobia.
[X] Continue on this train of thought.
You rub your temples and bring the next drink right to your lips...except there's no next drink. You just brought an empty glass right to your lips, you complete fuckup. You shake your head and tap your fingers against the bar.
"Toji-"
He shakes his head from behind the bar. "No, I'm cutting you off."
"It's only been
two drinks! I'm a fucking
magi!"
"And yet you're like this. The answer is no and I don't feel comfortable about it."
You throw your hands into the air and slam them against your face. God
damn you're a mess. You slump back down to the bar, elbows on the wood. It's not hard enough to break it (you're not
that smashed, really) but it is hard enough to cause Akane's drink to bounce.
She manages to catch it before it hits the bar again, then sips it again. "Are you sure you're okay? Again, we can stop-"
"No!" You shout when you meant to just reply. You bite your tongue, then you shake your head. "No, no I don't need or want to stop. Like the worst fucking part isn't even that my kid knows I'm lying or that it's hurting Kyouko it's that
I know it's terrible. I actually
know that it's a terrible fucking idea to keep it bottled up or to keep it from leaking out or to just not share my problems or all that."
Akane nods. "But knowing doesn't make it better. It just makes you feel like-"
"It makes me feel like I'm even more of a failure. Because I'm going to therapy. I'm taking the meds. I'm still on really good terms with my wife. My kid, bless their heart, is still alive. But I still feel like shit. I still feel awful. I still lash out. I still break down and I still do this
after two fucking drinks!"
Your hand hits the glass as you speak, and before it can hit any of the bottles behind him, Toji snatches it out of the air.
You freeze, absolutely mortified, as he simply puts it under the sink head and rinses the cup.
"It's fine." The glass squeaks as he simply soaps it down. "I've had worse."
You lean onto your hand again. "I'm just...I don't know? I thought I beat it. I just...I wish I was right after Walpurgis. I thought all my problems were gonna be solved but it's like I just traded that shit for new ones. You know that Aokigahara actually has a megawitch lurking there, right?"
Akane nods. "Oh, I'm well aware. I also know it has a reputation. Magi walk in, but nobody comes out."
You suck air in through your nose. "Apparently that's where my dad went."
Akane pauses and narrows her eyes "Did...Incubator-"
"Don't worry, I learned about this just before Kyouko had Mina. I already gave up on that." You stare at your hands. Even with your healing, they're calloused and rough. They're covered in lines and bumps and scar tissue, stuff that you thought would go away but has stuck around. You wonder if there's a metaphor in there.
Probably not. The universe doesn't work like that.
"But it tried to goad me with that. Tried to drag me to Tokyo."
Akane nods at you. She leans over. "I'm just glad you didn't go."
You take a look ahead. You wonder how many people that thing's eaten...but then you stop. If you processed that all the time, you wouldn't function. Things are miserable enough on their own; they don't need your help to be
extra terrible.
You smile ahead. The wall of booze is in warm, orange colors. it probably shouldn't make you feel comforted but...well, maybe it's just how you're thinking right now.
Because now you're thinking about Minako. And your wife. And Minako's friends and their girlfriend.
You smile.
"In a way, I'm glad too. Because I got to see my kid grow up."
[=]
Her name is Mami Tomoe, and she's sitting upright in her bad, panting in her loose nightgown. Her bedsheets are ornate, but the girl herself is wide-eyed, terrified, hair frayed, teeth chattering.
Lady Rin should've taken care of that, she selfishly thinks to herself.
How can I be having those nightmares again?
She remembers the last words she said to Kyouko. She doesn't remember exactly what they all were. Just that...they were callous and cruel. She argued with her. Screamed at her. Was upset at her. She thought better of the girl, thought more of the girl, thought she could handle it.
She curls up in her bed. Her blonde hair falls by her face as she buries her face in her hands. She hopes it can hide her shame from the world. The snot and tears that leak through says otherwise.
A minute later and Mami walks out in the dead of night. She in't hungry. She isn't thirsty. She now undersands a little more of how things re organized.
Mami is to be an enforcer. Someone to strike out to Mitakihara...but because of her personal connection to the Tyrant, Rin regards her as special.
Mami has stricken "Sayaka" from her mind. It is easier to think of her as the Tyrant. The
Tyrant, who killed Sayaka and stole Kyouko.
Kyouko couldn't really be gay, could she? Maybe she was? Could she really be gay? Was she gay and she simply hadn't noticed?
Sayaka The Tyrant for that matter, too. The Tyrant is also clearly gay, as she stole away Kyouko. The Kyouko.
Her...
No. No, Kyouko isn't hers. This is a different one.
Mami isn't a queer. Why would she be. Maybe in another universe. In another time she could be. Could she be? She couldn't be.
That's impossible. Clearly.
Mami stares into the streets. She's dressed in her nightgown still; she hadn't really changed. And it's not as though it matters right now; she could just transform into her armor and it would be fine. Except as she walks by, she hears a rattling in a dumpster. A quick look says that the top has been sealed with a lock.
She wonders if it was to keep raccoons out.
She shoves the thought out of her mind. She has been doing that a lot lately.
She has to. She has to do something for Lady Rin tomorrow.
Lady Rin needs someone to
enforce.
[=]
Your name is Minako, and currently you're sitting on a couch with a controller in your hands and a dancing Mario on the screen. He's stuck in a goofy little animated loop in the middle of a colorful, gorgeous-looking level that's probably very interesting to look at. On the floor, playing on the same map, is Reika with her arms stuck in the air and her thumbs on the buttons. Takane is leaning against your shoulder, wriggling a little bit as her papa strolls in.
"Hey, made some cookies! Wanted to try a new recipe," the man says. He's bearded, with red hair and freckles and the biggest smile you've ever seen. He's
big, but that's more because of a thick core and big arms than him being overweight. In a way he reminds you of a less-buff Akane. "Only took twenty minutes this time!"
You wonder how you didn't smell it, before Takane's dad strolls right by. "You didn't try a new recipe, you took a box and split the dough."
"But it's still
technically a recipe," her papa snorts. "In that it's a different set of ingredient-"
"Thanks, papa," Takane interrupts as she raises her hand. "It's super appreciated and Mina, Reika, and I are super happy to try them all out."
The platter is put right on her hand. "Mmmhm! Just let me know so I can buy 'em again." He walks back to the kitchen, but not before giving his husband a kiss on the lips. "You know I love you, you pedant."
"Oh, I know you know I know." Takane's dad waves his hand. He has pitch-black hair, neatly combed and with a clean-shaven face. He's far, far thinner than his husband, but he's not gaunt by any means. He takes a step back and walks off. "I'll be back in the morning."
You glance over to Reika. She hasn't been talking that much ever since...well...you contracted. Or was that your fault? You're not really that sure.
Her emotionscape is a maelstrom. It's a swirling tornado, a tiny little floating island inside of a whirlwind of lightning and rain and splinters and debris. The island rumbles, threatening to fall out of the sky as the wind buffets it.
Back in the real world, you glance at Takane as she leans further against you.
You ask the first question on your mind.
'Do your dads know?'
Takane wriggles again, but it's less endearing and more...concerned
. 'No. They don't really need to know about my magi business.'
Honestly, you don't blame her. You don't think her dads need to know about how often her life is threatened.
'...So do you think we should talk to Reika?'
Takane shrugs.
'It's up to you. I do...I think she's still thinking about the witch.'
'So you think we should talk about it with her?'
'I think it's up to you.'
[] Discuss it with Reika. (DIFFICULTY 2)
-[] Write-in how deep into magi business you want to go
[] Don't. Just relax with Takane. (DIFFICULTY 2 She's obviously thinking about it.)
