Yeah, I can't claim to have had high hopes for this story after the previous part but damn if it doesn't manage to still undershoot spectacularly.
Only bright spot I suppose is the continued gradual acquisition of something that might be mistaken for dignity in dim light, if you squint, by Doom's choice of generic minions. Better garments at least. And while the Luke Cage storyline earlier featured the return of the Mickey eared helmets that at least gave me the impression of continuity. I.e the obviously composed of the dregs of the forces remote-border guards having gear that's been phased out of service way before by units with any actual prestige. Hand-me-downs essentially.
Variant 02: Spidey Super Stories (1975-1981) (Part 1)
Introduction
Doctor Doom's an archetypal supervillain, and when you become the standout example of a thing, sometimes that leads in interesting directions.
In this case we have to go back to the years 1971-1977, when the series 'The Electric Company' was broadcast on PBS. It was created by the Sesame Workshop, which was still Children's Television Workshop at the time. Aimed at children between the ages of 6 and 10, it consisted of various sketch comedy bits and other entertaining segments, and was meant to teach children grammar and reading skills on a level one step beyond that of the workshop's flagship series - Sesame Street.
So why am I covering 1970's children's television history? Well, during the fourth season of the Electric Company, the show introduced a new segment in association with Marvel: the Spidey Super Stories, which were various short stories featuring the wallcrawler taking on petty street crime. It was Spider-Man's first live-action appearance, believe it or not. It should be noted at the outset that this was a Spider-Man segment first and foremost - to the point that there weren't even any insignificant side characters like Peter Parker!
As a sort of cross-promotion, Marvel soon began publishing a comic about this version of the character, also aimed for young children. They kept it going well after the series itself went off the air, since the last issue came out in 1982. Notable for the time, the comic featured a large number of female characters and superheroes to balance out the cast, and topics like women's rights and race equality were brought up alongside the usual kids' issues.
It's no huge shock, I imagine, that Doctor Doom was an iconic enough Marvel character that he made the jump into the comic book adaptation of a children's television series adaptation of a comic book series. Six times. In fact, several of the most iconic panels in Spidey Super Stories prominently feature Doctor Doom, and I'll certainly include those below. (We will, unfortunately, miss out on the Thanoscopter.)
I'll split this up into two halves, each covering three of the issues. They're children's stories after all, so they go by pretty quickly.
Covers
Doctor Doom shows up on the cover of each issue he appears in, which is handy. We'll start with his debut on #9, where he appears in an inset alongside an ethnically varied collection of children, as well as Morgan Freeman in a hat. Look, I'm beginning to feel kind of racist for thinking every second black person in these comics looks vaguely like a famous actor, but there you go. The cover is otherwise bland. Doom's next cover appearance is on #19, where he misses a jumping Spider-Man with one of his hand-lasers, and the Silver Surfer flies by in the background. Decent cover, but nothing too remarkable - although a little more violent than I might've expected. Finally, #25 has Doom looking on as two Spider-Men with inverse color palettes face off. While Doom's pose is nice, that ghastly yellow background hurts my eyes...
We'll cover the second half of the covers in the next post, where those issues are looked at.
Story Overview
#9 - The Day of Doom!
The first page of this comic is a black-and-white origin story of Doctor Doom, for kids! Understandably, the writers chose not to include the murderous king, or the dying parents, or the persecution, or the witchcraft, or the satanism, or the demonic pacts, or the horrific scarring experiments, or the spooky monks… In short, they kept his armor, and they kept Latveria. Doom built himself a suit of armor (in a cave, with a box of scraps) which made him strong enough to take over a tiny country, and they immediately crowned him king. Now he wants the rest of the world! Also all his lackeys wear berets and suspenders, for some unspecified reason. It's no weirder than his canonical minions.
On to the story!
We open with Spider-Man web-slinging across a street full of honking cars - he is the only one not stuck in traffic. He's on his way to the United Nations building, since apparently Doctor Doom is expected to speak today, and Peter has to take pictures for the Daily Bugle.
As he approaches, he notes that the 'Electric Company gang' is there, and we'll get back to them. He also belatedly realizes he's still dressed in his Spider-Man costume and there's a momentary threat of a Peter Parker appearance - but he decides he can switch clothes when he's inside. A cop stops him and asks for a press pass, and Spidey's stumped - his pass says Peter Parker, not Spider-Man! He shows off to the cop to demonstrate that he's the real deal, swinging on webs and declaring nobody else could do that stuff. The cop shuts him down - he still needs a pass if he wants to get in. Heh.
Inside the UN we see J. Jonah Jameson and Robbie Robertson of the Daily Bugle, worrying as they wait for Peter to show up with his camera. 'He'd better not miss the great, peace-loving Doctor Doom,' JJJ declares passionately, and Robbie just as seriously says that he thinks this speech will prove that Doom is evil! Ooooh, dramatic!
It's now that Doom enters the room with his cape flowing behind him, and he's brought a strange spherical device on a stand. 'My friends…' he begins, which JJJ thinks is strong evidence of Doom's best intentions. Doom then turns on the device he brought, and declares that he has now trapped everyone inside! No one can get out!
Elsewhere, we see - Peter Parker? I call shenanigans, the show never did that! He shows his press pass to the cop from before, and this time he's allowed to pass - but he can't! A force field has popped up around the building, and if he can't get in… the people inside can't get out! Only Spider-Man can save all those people… so it's time to get back in the Spidey suit! (The cop, meanwhile, looks on in utter confusion. I get you, man.)
Inside the UN, Doom is monologuing. Or the equivalent for a children's comic book - he says he put a force field around the building, and nobody can get out. The only way out is to let Doctor Doom rule the world! 'Give me your countries!' One of the delegates denies this request, and gets zapped for his trouble. Robbie shames JJJ for thinking Doom was a good guy, and gets threatened with zapping by Doom.
Outside, Spidey returns to the forcefield in his super-suit, and climbs across the outside so he can have a look inside, even if he can't get through. He has a good enough angle that he sees Doom's machine, deduces that it's causing the field - and decides it must run on electric power! If someone pulled the plug, it might just stop to work! And if it didn't work, it wouldn't make the force field! (Dun DUN!) He must send that vital information to the people inside!
Back in the UN, we meet the electric company gang - the group Spidey mentioned at the start. They are the diverse group from the cover, including 'Easy Reader', the older black guy. He also showed up in the original television show, played by… Morgan Freeman?! I knew I made that reference for a reason! Freeman and the kids realize that Spidey is writing something on the outside of the force field using his webs: 'PULL PLUG.' 'Whatever Spidey can write, old Easy can read!' Freeman declares. 'But what does it mean?'
The kids summarize the comic so far, deducing that they need to pull the plug on Doom's machine. Amazing! But first, they must sneak out of their seats, which they do by walking regularly while holding a finger to their lips and smiling. Then the lead girl tells everyone they should spread out and pull every plug they see! One of them must be the right one! While the kids do that, Freeman heads over to the fuse box to attempt a more efficient approach.
'Oh no, my plan will be spoiled!' Doom cries as Freeman cuts the power. Spider-Man is already in the room, and chases after Doom as he runs towards a landmark of the UN headquarters, the huge Foucault Pendulum in the lobby. Spidey webs it up to use it as a weapon, knocking Doom out with the two-hundred pound gold-plated sphere. Ouch.
'You saved all the countries of the world!' announces one of the delegates to Spidey, while Doom is carted off in handcuffs by regular cops. Robbie Robertson closes us out: 'Goodbye, Doctor Doom. Your evil plan was doomed from the start!'
#19 - Deadly is the Doctor Called Doom!
We return to the black-and-white origin story of Doctor Doom for kids! But, what's this? It's not the same story! Once, it says, Doom was just a very smart scientist - we even see his face - but then there was a terrible accident! Doom made a mask to hide the scars, and strong armor to help him rule the world. 'Why not?' asks Doom. 'I'd do a better job!' ...Doom 2020 everyone, you can't beat that logic.
On to the story!
We open on a talent show, where the 'Short Circus' just finished singing a song, and came out victorious in the contest. Spidey is in attendance, looking on from backstage and sensing something is amiss. Elsewhere, Doom is watching the show on a viewscreen, declaring that the brats won - and he knew they would! His plan is working! The moment he turns the screen off, a hidden camera also sputters out, and Spidey's danger sense calms down. Hm…
It turns out that the talent show was set up by Doctor Doom, and the Short Circus have won a trip to his kingdom! When the kids arrive at the plane, however, they find Spidey is already there - he doesn't trust Doom, so he's hitching a ride to protect the kids. He then hands one of the girls a ring, telling her that she should pull the stone out of the ring if the trip turns out to be a trap. Chekhov's gun, everyone!
As they arrive in Latveria, Doom is there to welcome them, describing his country as a land of milk and honey. 'Sounds more like syrup to me,' Spidey quips. Doom slings a hand over Spidey's shoulders and tells him that what's past is past, and old foes must become new friends. 'Maybe,' Spidey thinks. The children are on Doom's side, and call Spidey a party pooper - can't he see that Doom's changed? Spidey's still convinced that the 'tin turkey' is up to something, though…
'Please forgive my modest home,' Doom declares as they approach his huge castle, and Spidey replies with 'Sure. What did it do?' which is even more painful than Spider-Man's regular jokes. Doom offers a toast to all children, pure and innocent… I think I'm going to be sick. 'Not sick!' declares Doom. 'Just sleepy. Very sleepy.'
Oh, no! The drinks were drugged, and while all the children are out cold, Spidey is made of stronger stuff. He moves to escape, declaring he'll be back to 'dump you, Doom!' after the sedative wears off. Continuing the alliteration, Doom answers with 'Doubtful, dolt!' Spidey swings towards the window, but falls unconscious before he can make it there.
A few minutes later, we see that the kids are all waking up in a straw-filled cell. They've finally figured out that Spidey was right about Doom, and wonder where their hero is. Elsewhere, we get a nice shot of Doom looming over the unconscious Spider-Man, who's been hooked up to some vaguely medical machine. The hero wakes up, but he can't move. Doom explains that he knew the Short Circus would win that talent contest, and that Spidey would follow to protect them! Spider-Man was the target all along, because Doom wants to figure out his powers and build an army of Spider-Men!
We then get an amazing panel featuring Doom strutting through the streets surrounded by a legion of minions in green-and-pink costumes wearing push-pins for hats - most of which are in silly Spider-Man poses, or gallivanting across the page. 'No one can stop the spider army!'
We also get some shots of a webbed-up military, and Doom at the United Nations (again!) getting sworn in as the king of Earth, complete with fancy coat and crown. Spidey's comment about all this? 'Doom is all bananas!'
We switch back to the kids, and that one girl grabs Chekhov's ring and pulls out the stone. Which… well, if you're arachnophobic, it makes your worst nightmares a reality. Every spider in a vast area comes crawling towards the castle, and they approach the immobile Spider-Man. It seems, in this universe, Spider-Man has the power to control spiders with his thoughts. He's got more claim to his name than the canonical version! He uses the spiders' webs to pull a lever that's helpfully labelled 'Master Control' to the off position. Free at last!
Two of Doom's lackeys come rushing into the room, strangely hat-less but wielding medieval spears for reasons I can't quite explain. They miss Spidey because he slinks away across the roof, and quickly heads towards the holding cells. He finds a few more guards there, and these are wielding swords! He quickly webs them up, then moves to free the kids.
Doom crushes a goblet in his hand when he hears Spider-Man has escaped, and tells a bunch more lackeys to find him, or else! Unfortunately Spidey got a bit lost in the castle, and accidentally wanders into Doom's throne room, with all the kids in tow. He quickly tries to web up Doom, but the villain heats up his armor to get rid of the mess. (Did this children's comic just remember a bit of continuity that even canon forgets about? Huh.)
The conflict continues, with Spidey leaping over Doom's hand-blasts and gumming up the workings with sticky webs. A few of the kids run over to the walls and pull down one of the tapestries, dropping it on top of Doom's head!
While the tyrant is busy embarrassing himself by trying to escape from a rogue wall decoration, Spidey takes on some of his literally medieval henchmen with a spear. 'Trouble is my business!' he declares like he's Captain Kirk.
Soon all of the minions are down for the count, and Doom is somehow still caught under that tapestry, wrestling to get it off his head. Spidey takes the opportunity to… move a mirror. The moment Doom gets the cloth off his head, he sees Spider-Man - and swayed by his immense hatred, he jumps towards the image in a rage, not realizing it's only a reflection. He crashes through the mirror, the open window behind it, and down into the moat below. 'The water will rust Doom's metal suit,' Spidey opines.
In the epilogue, the hero and the kids are on a plane that's headed back home, relieved that the Doctor called Doom doesn't make house calls.
#25 - Spider-Man and Web-Man!
We open with yet another black-and-white page, this time depicting Doctor Doom's present-day state: he's introduced as the Lord of Latveria, having his boots shined on the literal back of his servants. His people love him - or else! Soon, the whole world will love him, for he is just too good to be true! Hah!
On to the story!
The first panel is funny - we see the two Spider-Men from the cover, with the blue one punching Spidey in the face and declaring that now he'll see double! Spidey comments that the Web-Man is as strong as he is… but his jokes are worse! (Truth is, both of them are the literal worst.)
The story flashes back to how this all started. Spidey is swinging by when he senses something is wrong in a building - so he crashes inside through a window, finding nothing but a mirror. He takes a moment to study himself, observing that he has to shave - I'm not going to analyze how that works, but it's a better joke than Web-Man's.
On the other side of the mirror, we see Doctor Doom… with his twin machine! He throws a switch, and makes a copy of Spider-Man with all of the powers, but none of his goodness! He sends Web-Man to take down Spidey, but the real deal has already left. Doom decides that when Webby takes out Spider-Man, he can run the city with Web-Man as his bodyguard.
Swinging out the window, Web-Man manages to crash right into a building, clearly somewhat unpracticed with his powers. Doom smacks himself in the forehead, blurting 'So, he isn't perfect…' I think this is my favorite Doom expression in the whole comic.
Web-Man goes to rob an armored car in full view of Mary Jane Watson, running off with a cartoonish sack of money, even labelled with the amount of cash and everything.
Spidey catches up pretty quickly, demanding to know who Web-Man is, and how he got his powers. Since this is a kid's comic, Web-Man explains that he is an evil mirror twin, and Spidey is quick on the uptake, linking him to that strange mirror incident from earlier. 'Let's talk!' he says. 'Let's not!' Webby responds. Riveting dialogue. They chase each other, each using their spider-powers to get out of each other's moves - like mirror images. Get it?
Web-Man tries to trick Spidey, and manages to nail him in the face with a double-handed punch. He yells that he should have seen that coming, and Spider-Man shouts a protracted 'I knoooowww!' as he goes over the side. Precious!
Web-Man looks over the edge, only to realize that he's been tricked right back as he gets pulled over the side. They're both left sticking to the walls, and declare: 'This wall isn't big enough for the two of us!' Web-Man's response? 'So I'll leave." He promptly slings away. Pfft!
Later, Spider-Man returns to the mirror room, and Webby is already there. Doom starts making another evil Spider-Man copy, and… H-hold on. This is starting to seem like some sort of saga about clones and… I might need to go lie down for a while. Ahem. The two blue Spider-Men gang up on the original, who takes the obvious way out of this - by jumping through the mirror!
Crashing into Doom's room, Spider-Man immediately webs up the dastardly monarch's hands. Doom expects help to arrive at any moment, but none comes. When Spidey broke the mirror, the evil copies also disappeared! Looks like Doom… is doomed to go to jail!
Rating & Comments
It's not really fair to give these stories a regular star rating, since they're intentionally simplistic tales for children. Childish storytelling is expected, and not just a result of Marvel's poor quality control, which makes it a little tougher to be harsh. For what they are, these stories are pretty good - they contain decent action, tons of groan-worthy jokes from Spidey, and they have a certain charm. Three stars for the lot, I'd say?
As individual issues go, #9 is probably the most simple in terms of plot, but it still has some amusing moments, like the kids going around pulling every random plug they can find and turning off fans and desk lamps as they go. I appreciated the use of actual props from the UN Headquarters within the story, which suggests they actually researched the place. Doom is very generic here, but he still gets to zap some people. Gotta love J. Jonah Jameson's enthusiasm for Doom - we'll see that again in the future.
The next issue, #19, has a more complex story, as far as that goes in these comics. Doom's tactic of luring Spider-Man to Latveria by relying on his heroic tendencies makes sense, as does his desire to steal the wall-crawler's powers - he's tried this sort of thing before. Spidey's failed getaway was the most surprising element here, followed shortly by his spontaneous ability to control spiders with his mind! When did that happen?
In any case, I am a little puzzled why Latveria became actually medieval in this story, with everyone suddenly wielding archaic weapons everywhere - is it just because of the castle thing? It's like they forgot kingdoms existed outside the middle ages... In any case, the conclusion of this story is hilarious, and probably Doom's most embarrassing defeat since that time the Avengers won with sneeze powder!
The last issue in this set, #25, has the silliest plot of the bunch, but it's still pretty fun. Doom mostly hangs out in the background this time, while Spidey and Webby have a fight and trade terrible quips back and forth, until the latter just gets bored and sets up the final battle. Doom gets defeated rather easily int the end, but what can you do?
Next time, the final three tales - including the legendary one.
Most Gloriously Childish Doom Quotes
"No one can save you. The only way out is to let me, Doctor Doom, rule the world! Give me your countries!"
"There! I can see again! And what I see, I hate!"
"Look out! [Web-Man splats into wall] … I think you need more practice. ... [Slaps forehead] So, he isn't perfect…"
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Variant 02: Spidey Super Stories (1975-1981) (Part 2)
Variant 02: Spidey Super Stories (1975-1981) (Part 2)
Covers
Here we are, back for the second set of covers!
#31 is an obvious ripoff of Star Wars, right down to the name, with Spider-Man standing in for Luke, and Moondragon (who?) as Leia. It also features Doom in the role of Darth Vader, which - since I'm pretty sure Doom served as an inspiration for Vader in the first place - probably counts as some sort of reference autocannibalism. The cover is neat, but obviously mostly because it's copying a classic. It should be noted that the issue came out only about two months after Star Wars did, so it's a timely reference!
On #45, we find Doom looming over the Earth, Spider-Man, and - again - the Silver Surfer. The wall-crawler is apparently flying through space wearing only his super-jammies, so one wonders if Doom has to do much fighting in this one, or can just let the vacuum do its work.
Finally, and doubtlessly most iconic, there is Doom's appearance in #53, where we see Doom riding a weird man-faced Godzilla monster while holding Prince Namor's tooting horn. I like this cover least, but the reverse is true for the story… but that's probably in large part due to those famous panels.
Story Overview
#31 - Star Jaws!
The Star Wars ripoff issue is first! I know that Marvel and Star Wars both belong to the Mouse these days, but I gotta wonder if this was skirting copyrights at the time of release - or if it was fine because it's kind of a parody, and also for children. Nobody would look good going after Sesame Street, after all…
On to the story!
Peter and MJ are having a nice night out at the beach, and are about to kiss when - Spidey sense! Danger! A missile crashes down from the sky, and Peter tells MJ that it might be an attack from space, so she'd better go for help! Her response is that it was only a tiny rocket. Not the point, MJ! She takes the car and heads off for help, leaving Peter to investigate the crash. What comes out of the ship is… Sam, the Sesame Street Robot!? And it's looking for Spider-Man!
It turns out Sam was taking a ride on Moondragon's spaceship when they received a strange signal from beyond the Moon. They went to have a look, but what they found was no Moon! It was a space station as big as a planet!
They tried to flee, but a big metal hand folded out of the station and dragged them inside. After blasting open the doors, an army of metal stormtrooper robots then rushed in and captured them. Doctor Doom showed up too, announcing it's 'lock-up time, baldy-locks!' to Moondragon. Heh. Sam got loose somehow, and she told him to take an escape rocket and go find Spidey!
Soon enough a bunch of spaceships show up to capture Sam, each carrying more trooper-bots, which are honestly more intimidating minions than most of Doom's canonical minions. Spidey shows off his skills by taking down all the troopers single-handedly, including their ships, and declaring it fun. Still, they gotta run when more show up...
Meanwhile, in space, Moondragon demands what 'square-eyes' is up to, and Doom explains that he's going to take his space station to the Earth, pull a switch… and have it eat the Earth. Turns out this particular Death Star can open up and eat planets like it's Pac-Man, or a giant shar- No. No way. It's called Star Jaws. Is it also a Jaws ripoff?!
In any case, we switch to the Mos Eisley Cantina, where Marvel Boy is serving the role of Han Solo, while a random Gorilla doubles as Chewbacca. (Apparently the ape an Electric Company character.) Marvel Boy tries to order milk, and gets into a tussle with a frog-alien who thinks it's a drink for babies. He blinds the man with his bracelet, then knocks him over - and the frog literally loses his head. Turns out it's a costume - Marvel Boy is an actor in a science fiction movie, and currently they're taping a scene in an alien cantina. This is getting real meta, real fast!
We see a lady director, who announces that the big fight scene is coming up and they're going to need a bunch more extras. It's right about here that Spider-Man and Sam run into the building, and are erroneously mistaken for said extras. They're told that after the big fight, they should run inside Marvel Boy's spaceship. Spidey tries to tell her that they're being chased by real robots, and the director thinks it's a joke. 'Save it for the cameras!'
The trooper-bots rush into the studio, and the director is delighted at the arrival of more extras, telling them to mingle. When the robots start throwing set furniture around, however, the heroes flee onto Marvel Boy's suspiciously familiar spaceship and take off. The carbon copy of the Millenium Falcon is then quickly followed by the robots in their replica Star Destroyers. The director complains that this isn't in the script, and where is everyone going?
The heroes push the accelerator all the way up, where it just says 'Fastest', and head out beyond the Moon. Doom has already noticed them, and has prepared a surprise. As the Falcon approaches 'Star Jaws', they can't stop in time and are promptly swallowed up by the station. Whoops.
Doom demands that his troopers search the captured Falcon, but they quickly announce that they can't find anyone inside. This despite the fact that all the people on board are merely hiding around the corner, and Sam is even playing a game of tic-tac-toe with the Gorilla. Yeah, that's still here. In fact, the ape distracts the troopers long enough that Spidey and Marvel-Boy can knock them unconscious and steal their costumes!
Imitating the trooper-bots, Spidey and Marvel-Boy then march Sam and the Gorilla off as prisoners, pummel a couple more guards to steal their keys, and go to rescue Moondragon. She's ready to punch them out, but the heroes quickly ditch the costumes to show that they're on her side. They then all rush back towards the spaceship, while Spidey elects to stay behind to web up a hallway to slow down the troopers.
If you know your Star Wars, you can guess what comes next. Spidey runs after the others, but as he comes around a corner he find his path blocked by… Doctor Doom, wielding a lightsaber! Not to be outdone, Spidey takes a conveniently available lightsaber off the wall to fight back. For some reason it's not retracted into the hilt when it's off - but that's a nitpick. They briefly clash before Spidey hits Doom in the head with the blade - and thankfully there's only a metallic clang, rather than what would have happened in Star Wars. (I guess his helmet is made of Cortosis.) Oddly, Doom's lightsaber does retract into the hilt.
Spidey takes off towards the spaceship again, yelling 'ta-ta, tinhead!' while Doom shakes his fist angrily at the webhead. After the spaceship has escaped, Doom just says 'So long suckers!' It doesn't matter that they got away, since nothing can stop Star Jaws anyway.
The heroes, however, have a plan to fix that problem! They fly the Millenium Falcon over to the Pentagon, where they request one million tons of TNT! 'Anything you say, Marvel Boy!' says the general. Ah, children's comics... Several minutes later the Pentagon has apparently scrounged together all those explosives and packed them together into a giant red block with the label 'TNT' on the side. What is this, freaking Minecraft? The Falcon drags the explosives into space, and from there it's up to Moondragon.
With her psychic powers, Moondragon creates a fake image of the Earth around the block of TNT, tricking Star Jaws into going for the wrong target. It immediately explodes into pieces, leaving Doom and his minions floating freely in space. 'What shall we do now, Master?' one of his robots asks. 'Just shut up!' Doom snaps back. Hah!
The heroes head back to Earth, and Moondragon drops Spidey off in New York City. Peter heads to work from there, and sees MJ again. She's quite annoyed with Peter, telling him that she hopes he had a good time playing hero on the beach, while some real heroes saved the Earth! 'I had stars in my eyes,' Peter answers.
#45 - The Sunshine Machine!
We open this story with a balding scientist dragging an enormous machine towards a building, single-handedly.
It's apparently a 'Sunshine Machine', which captures light from the sun and sends it to everyone, whatever that means. It's there to be displayed at a science show, but it's too big for the door… Spidey arrives and offers to take the device to the top of the building. The top of the… World Trade Center… Right, it's the 1970's. Gotcha. After the machine is installed on the roof, Spider-Man decides to stick around as Peter Parker, science student!
Over in the castle of Doctor Doom, it seems that the Silver Surfer is on approach. Doom is pleased by this, as he intends to trap the Surfer, and make sure he flies no more! The Spidey Super Stories version of the Silver Surfer is… childlike, to put it mildly. He's mopey and sad because he doesn't have a friend, and he flies over to Doom's castle because he figures if he helps someone there, they'll be his friend.
As the Surfer comes near, Doom declares that they should run, because he might be mean! The Surfer denies this, and Doom does a one-eighty. 'Like sugar and spice, I'm sweet and nice,' he declares. For now, he adds in his mind.
One of his minions slaps a pair of headphones on the Surfer's head, and it turns out to be a power draining device, giving Doom his abilities. Now, Doom decides, no one can stop his plan to rule the world!
Back in New York, Peter Parker notices his spider-sense going off, and decides he must become Spider-Man again. Doctor Doom flies in on the Surfer's board, declaring 'it's the only way to fly!' He gets everything he wants, he says, and he wants the sunshine machine for himself. Spidey webs up his hands, but Doom easily escapes, and flies off with the huge machine in tow. Spidey attaches a web to the thing, then thinks to grab a spare spacesuit from a nearby science exhibit.
Doom flies the machine into orbit, and he declares that nobody can stop him now, only for Spider-Man - in the spacesuit - to declare otherwise. 'It's late. You should be in bed,' Doom opines, and he conjures a literal bed in space to illustrate.
Spidey then uses his webs to sling a meteor into Doom, who totally ignores the hit. Spidey next shoves a giant wad of webs shaped like a foot into Doom's mouth, which is actually kind of disturbing.
It seems Spidey's space suit is running on empty, however, and he decides he needs to end things quickly. He holds on to the sunshine machine, and somehow realizes that if he holds the shiny side away from the sun and points the device it at Doom, it can steal the tyrant's power. He lures Doom in for another blast, and the villain falls for it - he zaps the machine, gets depowered, and drifts off into space without the surfboard.
Spidey reorients the sunshine machine to a point on the ground, singling out the Silver Surfer and rejuvenating him. The re-powered Silver Surfer grabs Doom from space, then heads over and offers Spidey a lift. 'I ran out of gas,' Spidey quips.
As they head home, the Surfer says he could use a few friends. He soon finds a whole lot of people who are thankful he saved the sunshine machine. 'I finally have friends!' he shouts joyously, while Spidey takes Doom to jail.
#53 - Doctor Doom Meets Prince Namor!
Remarkably, this issue serves as a nice complement to the first, since we once more visit the United Nations headquarters. This time it's Namor the Sub-Mariner who is going to address the delegates on behalf of Atlantis! And, once again, Peter Parker is present to take pictures.
Also present, again, is Doctor Doom. I would ask why they haven't banned him after his previous visit, but it seems they might have. We see him getting stopped by a cop, who tells Doom that he can't enter. 'Yes I can!' declares Doom proudly. 'I rule my own country!'
Peter rushes off to change into his super-suit, figuring Doom's presence means trouble. The good Doctor takes this time to introduce himself to Namor. 'I have an idea,' he says. 'You have a large army, and I have a lot of weapons. Let's team up and rule the world!' Well, that was blunt. Namor's answer is also blunt: 'No! I don't want to!'
Doom doesn't take no for an answer, zapping the fish-man unconscious before blasting off with his jetpack. Spidey arrives and chases after them, so Doom puts a mind control collar on Namor and commands him to fight Spider-Man. Namor can't help but attack, knocking Spider-Man out of the sky and down to the roofs below. He returns to Doom, and begrudgingly asks what's next. Doom, it turns out, wants to head to Atlantis.
Soon they're underwater, and Namor asks how Doom is even breathing - the answer, obviously, is his waterproof armor. Doom warns Namor not to try anything tricky, as the slave collar works just as well here as it does in the air. They head towards the throne room of Atlantis, where Doom soon notices a peculiar shell hanging from the ceiling by two strings. It's the Sea Horn, Namor says, but he warns Doom not to use it.
Doom, ignoring the advice, declares that Doom does as he pleases, and blows the horn. It releases a pleasing 'Toot!'
This is soon followed by an awful racket from outside. The huge ugly monster from the cover is outside, and Namor says that the horn summoned it - and Doom has doomed them all! Only the horn can control the monster, and Namor says he must hand it over, but the collar prevents him from doing anything more. Doom decides the monster will help him take over the world, and he'll return to take over Atlantis later. He then mounts the creature, using it as his royal steed, and storms off towards the surface world. 'Ha-ha! I am the master of the world!' he shouts.
This entire sequence is a reference to the Horn of Proteus from the actual Sub-Mariner comics. It's a similar shell-instrument which is used to control all manner of sea creatures, including the enormous whale-monster Giganto. Namor sets that monster on the city early in his Silver Age career, one issue before Doctor Doom first made his comic book debut, and it still gets referenced occasionally.
Anyway, Spidey is concerned about what happened to Namor and Doom after they disappeared beneath the waves. He doesn't have to wait long for answers, as Doom rises from the oceans on the back of his monster! Spidey immediately tries to web him up, but the monster tears through the webbing and knocks the web-head into the water with its tail. It then wanders farther into the city, where Doom demands surrender from the people, or he'll just keep crushing everything.
Down in Atlantis, a red-skinned woman - Tamara Rahn, who we'll meet soon enough in the regular comics - releases Namor from Doom's collar. Namor decides that he can't allow Doom to rule the world, and swims off to go stop him!
Back on the surface, Spidey once more starts a quip-filled fight with Doom, dragging the Doctor away from the monster with his webs. When Spidey realizes the monster is following him, his next move is to lure it back toward the sea. That is where Namor shows up, and after quickly clarifying that Doom's control over him is broken, he grabs the Sea Horn from the tyrant and destroys it. That, it seems, is how you make the monster go home!
Unfortunately for Doom, his last command to the monster was to save him, and it obeys that directive. It drags Doom along towards its home in the sea, much to his dismay.
Spidey wonders if they should save him, but Namor says his armor will keep him alive. Then, when the monster sleeps, he will go fetch Doom and take him to Atlantis. 'He's all washed up!' Namor declares to close out the issue.
Rating & Comments
The theme that these three stories seem to share is that they're all references to past comic stories - or in one case, a famous movie.
Firstly, #31 mimics a few key scenes from Star Wars, in particular the rescue of Princess Leia from the Death Star, with relatively less known superheroine Moondragon taking the role. It's interesting that the comic has her save the day, rather than the titular Spidey that tends to hog all the glory. It's a bit of a puzzle how Doom got himself a space station that's several times the size of the planet Earth, but we'll go with it! (Never mind that it changes size massively during the story, always being as big as the plot demands.)
#45 is a more straightforward children's adaptation of Fantastic Four #57-60, when Doom stole the Silver Surfer's power and went on a rampage. The plot is simplified (as was the Surfer) and combined with a generic 'evil satellite' story, to lead to the weirdness that we get here. Although the cover doesn't suggest it, the comic actually goes out of its way to justify Spidey's space escapades, which I wouldn't have expected. (I mean, I've seen worse. Batman can breathe in space!)
Finally, #53 is the classic entry that everyone always references, featuring Doom and Namor the Sub-Mariner in heated conflict. I admit, it's probably my favorite of the bunch, and the misadventures of Doom and his monster are fun. I think the Namor design is a little generic - I miss the ridiculous exaggerated eyebrows, I guess. I was surprised the book would directly reference slavery when that collar came up, but I suppose I expected more political correctness from a kids' comic. I suspect the existence of this particular issue might be related to some main Doom entries that are coming up soon...
On the whole, this interpretation of Doom is less than important, I'll grant you, but it was a fun little diversion. Time to get back to canon...
Ah! Before I forget!
Most Gloriously Childish Doom Quotes
"Lock-up time, baldy-locks!"
"My Star Jaws will eat up the earth!"
"I'll get even for this!"
"Run! It's the Silver Surfer! He might be mean!"
"Like sugar and spice, I'm sweet and nice! (For now!)"
"Save me! I'm a kindly king!"
"I am Doctor Doom! I rule my own country!"
"I have an idea! You have a large army, and I have a lot of weapons! Let's team up, and rule the world!"
If you know your Star Wars, you can guess what comes next. Spidey runs after the others, but as he comes around a corner he find his path blocked by… Doctor Doom, wielding a lightsaber! Not to be outdone, Spidey takes a conveniently available lightsaber off the wall to fight back. For some reason it's not retracted into the hilt when it's off - but that's a nitpick. They briefly clash before Spidey hits Doom in the head with the blade - and thankfully there's only a metallic clang, rather than what would have happened in Star Wars. (I guess his helmet is made of Cortosis.) Oddly, Doom's lightsaber does retract into the hilt.
As far as the Star Wars thing goes, it was probably fine because Marvel was doing (Or was going to do, not sure on the time) a licensed Star Wars Comic. It actually saved the company.
As far as the Star Wars thing goes, it was probably fine because Marvel was doing (Or was going to do, not sure on the time) a licensed Star Wars Comic. It actually saved the company.
We've arrived, at last, at the second series that features Doctor Doom as a headliner! It's also the second time he has to share the book with someone else. Unlike his first outing, however, these won't be two half-sized stories squeezed inside a normal length comic, which are utterly unrelated to each other beyond sharing a publication. No… these will be team-up stories! Villainous team-up stories! Welcome to Super-Villain Team-Up! Strap in, because this series lasted twice as long as Astonishing Tales did, and Doom was there for most of it!
The first two issues of this series are unusual, in that they're super-sized bricks on par with Annuals, fittingly designated 'Giant-Size' to indicate as much - though it does make the title a bit unwieldy. You could see these as pilot issues, in a sense. I'm using a trade paperback edition as a source, mostly because it's a lot less blotchy and aged than many of the scans of the individual issues that you can find online. I'm not sure if all the covers are included, but I can fetch those from elsewhere, if I must. Ah, well, those are more my problems to solve...
Anyway, I'm supposed to be covering... covers. This one's pretty promising! Namor is back! After three meetings between him and Doom, two of which were team-ups, it only makes sense that he would be here to start us off. We covered Doom's latest interaction with Namor pretty recently, and that particular story turned out to be better than anticipated - so we'll have to see if that trend carries on. Judging by the right they're having on the cover, it seems Doom and Namor are back to their old enmity, but I suppose theirs is a bit of an on-again off-again relationship…
Story Overview
Encounter at Land's End!
We open with shots of the final frontier, and a quick lesson on meteors, shooting stars, and meteorites. Then we zoom in on one such shooting star… only to find it quite familiar. We see the unconscious form of Doctor Doom rocketing down from the heavens at terminal velocity, headed for the ocean.
The recap for this issue is a little peculiar - the first part is a quick summary of events that we haven't yet covered, from a story in Fantastic Four #155-157 that's I'm going to read next. So, why am I reading this one first? Because the second part of the recap summarizes Fantastic Four #144, the last issue we've read, and then declares that this story bridges the gap between the two stories. Even though this came out a month later, this happens before #155!
In the time I've spent explaining that, Doom plunges into the ocean below. For hours he just bobs around there, his armor keeping him afloat, while a storm rages around him. Then, however, a figure like a great shark rises from the deep - the flagship of the Royal Atlantean Navy has come to investigate!
Namor pops out of the ship, and declares that he's spent weeks keeping vigil for Doom to enter his domain. And though Doom now lies near death, the force fields that keep him above the water nearly spent, there is power within the armored enigma that the Prince-Regent of Sunken Atlantis can use. He drags Doom into his ship, noting that his life still hangs in the balance.
Placing Doom on a huge machine, an electronic 'Stimulatron', Namor then draws power from the wrathful ocean and the raging elements. The device overflows with energy, infusing Doom with power in a spectacular blast of Kirby Krackles. 'Doctor Doom lives!' Namor cries, like he's Doctor Frankenstein himself. 'Of... course... I live, fool!' Doom responds.
Slowly gathering himself, Doom explains that his armor is of his own design, and no mere explosion could pierce it, or even damage the oxygen supply he's hidden within. He peers at Namor, and his memories return to him. Unfortunately they're not memories of recent issues of Sub-Mariner, because he seems to recall Namor as a sworn and deadly foe!
'Only if you wish it so, von Doom,' answers Namor. He reminds Doom that when they last met, he described them as 'natural allies' - which happened way back in Sub-Mariner #20. Doom notes that they've met again since then, in Sub-Mariner #47-49, but Namor was in an amnesiac state at the time. Lots of continuity this time!
Namor doesn't really care about continuity, though, he just wants to say that while he denied Doom before, the tyrant wasn't wrong about their similarities. Doom is the Lord of Latveria, after all, while Namor is the Lord of the Trackless Depths. That, and they made a good team against the Fantastic Four… (His memory of that particular story is a little skewed - I don't recall them fighting the Four side-by-side. I remember instant betrayal!)
Surprisingly, Doom himself brings this up! He notes that he betrayed Namor in that particular team-up, and there's little love lost between them regardless, so why would the Atlantean want to ally with Doom? Namor argues that against the Fantastic Four they were an invincible team. Together, he says, they could rule the world which rejected them both - the surface men who almost destroyed his people, and who are inferior to them both!
Doom considers the offer, and admits that his mind is still sluggish - he needs a moment to consider. He thinks back to the past, and…
Hold on. What's this? A story entitled 'In the Darkness Dwells Doom'? Isn't that - yeah. That's Sub-Mariner #20 alright. Not content to recap this event in the story, the entirety of that issue is reprinted here as a flashback, barely a panel out of place. It's a cheap way to fill an issue without doing any real work. Which is the crux of the matter, right? It's cheap.
Skipping the utterly pointless reprint, we return to the submarine, where Namor asks Doom if he's come to a decision. Doom admits he's tempted to ally with Namor, but wonders what the Atlantean has to offer him. After all, he's heard disturbing rumors of a recent disaster in his realm. Namor admits that Doom is right - all but a few of his subordinates are in suspended animation, and he can't wake them from it. He turns it around, though - Doom himself rules over a pocket kingdom whose peasantry will hardly help him achieve world domination either!
With Namor's help, though, the coastal cities of the world would be easy prey! He mentions New York, London, California, Japan… Doom admits he's tempted, and muses that he's hardly ever allied with anyone before, and the one time he did, he was forced into it. That, he recalls, was not one of his finest hours…
Oh, for crying out loud, is that another reprint!? This time we get Marvel Super-Heroes #20 again, which we've also covered before. It's even worse than the Sub-Mariner issue from before, though, since this story was already plus-sized to begin with! Also, before I forget: that was one of your finest hours, Doom. I gave it four stars and everything!
Skipping our second unnecessary rehash, we find that Doom has finally found his answer. It's surprisingly self-aware: Namor would betray him, he decides, or he would betray Namor. Those are the possibilities he foresees - there is no third option, not for them. Thus, his answer is: 'No!'
He blasts the Atlantean across the room with that word, but Namor is prepared for the possibility and quickly retaliates. They fight, clashing like titans, but Namor notes that Doom was more weakened by his misadventure in space than he supposed, and he offers leniency - if Doom would only surrender, throw himself at their royal mercy…
'Surrender? Never!' Doom declares. 'I am Victor von Doom, and I was born to rule! Merely to speak to me of surrender is to sign one's death warrant!' He attempts to throttle Namor, who warns Doom that the ship is going out of control due to their struggle, and they're about to crash into some Atlantean ruins!
Briefly distracted by this proclamation, Doom gets thrown across the sub once more, and Namor takes the opportunity to adjust course so they can continue their battle to the death. 'No, Namor…' Doom finally says, 'that is not the way of Doctor Doom.' He has no interest in needlessly struggling on while his powers are nearly expended. Not when he's figured out Namor's ship, and found the eject button!
Doom blasts out of the side of the vessel, and a few moments later he breaks through to the stormy ocean surface. From there it's a simple matter of activating hidden electro-motors in his armor to sail him to a nearby island, where he strides ashore like Poseidon himself. Here, the comic says, he is once more monarch of all he surveys. Lightning arcs down from the sky and Doom absorbs it, slowly recharging his reserves...
Namor, meanwhile, isn't terribly upset about how things went. He recognizes that Doom's actions weren't those of a coward, since only a fool would fight at a disadvantage, and Doom was no fool. But, he decides, this saga isn't over. He sees their twin destiny, written in fiery letters across the cosmos: the Sub-Mariner and Doctor Doom shall fight again, side by side, and they shall topple the world!'
Rating & Comments
Ten. Ten pages. The cover advertises sixty-eight, and it turns out almost all of those are accounted for by advertisements and old reprints, leaving less than half a story's worth of content that's actually new. It doesn't help that what remains is essentially a framing narrative for the flashbacks, including a bit where a single page separates the two full-length reprints, and that page adds nothing new to the table! This isn't a story. This is a clip-show in comic form!
As far as the new content is concerned, it's mostly fine on Doom's end - even decent in places, considering Doom seems to realize the untrustworthy nature of supervillains (and indeed, himself) and correctly deduces that their team-ups are doomed affairs. But… that's Doom's side of things. He's only one half of this team-up feature.
The other character, Namor, is much more poorly served here. The Atlantean has had a complete character transplant since his previous appearances, somehow regaining his bloodthirsty genocidal persona from more than a decade before, ditching all the character development that had turned him into a heroic figure and complex character. How is he suddenly a supervillain again? Why? Granted, I am kind of amused that this version of Namor has gone full star-crossed lovers about allying with Doom, but it's not terribly sensible for the character. Just because it's called Super-Villain team-up doesn't mean you have to railroad the characters who straddle the line between hero and villain...
This issue is not a great introduction to a new comic book, unfortunately, so I hope the second super-size package is more engaging, and sets up the series properly. This issue is mostly superfluous and leaves the status quo pretty much where it was, so we could just ignore it…
Best Panel(s) of the Issue
Gotta give this one to the fun panel of Doom and Namor teaming up against the Fantastic Four - even though it's an ahistorical fiction that changes what actually happened. They didn't include that issue as a reprint, however, just in case a reader wanted to check!
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"I have your answer, Atlantean. If we were allies, either you would betray me one day - or else I would betray you. Being as we are, there could be no third alternative. Thus, my answer is - NO!"
"Surrender? Never! I am Victor von Doom, and I was born to rule! Merely to speak to me of surrender is to sign one's death warrant!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
Either our good friend Namor grew another leg, or Doom put a mismatched pair of socks on that morning. Which is it? Who knows!
Comic Trivia
One thing to note about this issue is the presence of a bunch of continuity-related details - not only are there multiple editor's notes related to various old issues here, but the story itself references specific events that have happened in the characters' past (even ignoring the reprints.) This continuity-stickler stuff is a pretty rare thing before the 1970's, but keeps becoming more relevant from now on. It seems mostly attributable to Roy Thomas, who worked at Marvel and was into that sort of thing - he kept index cards containing all the various appearances characters had. Bless him, because that sort of work makes my job much easier! Imagine having to comb through every comic ever published, hunting for specific characters...
Doom-Tech of the Week
I guess there's the built-in Electro-Motors in his armor, that he uses to cruise around the ocean? Technically they count. Meh.
While a disappointing letdown in many ways I do agree that the respect for continuity shown is heartening. It gives at least a thin coating of plausibility (and often much more than that) as the feeling of interconnectedness helps sells the world as more tangible.
While a disappointing letdown in many ways I do agree that the respect for continuity shown is heartening. It gives at least a thin coating of plausibility (and often much more than that) as the feeling of interconnectedness helps sells the world as more tangible.
It's really interesting, in a way, that early Marvel comics actually did care quite a bit about continuity, unlike people's general perception that it was just a bunch of one-shot unrelated stories. Actually, almost every story directly connected to the last, sometimes to the point of lunacy. Note for example that Doom gets explanations for how he escaped death on almost every occasion, and even got a story in miniature after he was the target of a shrink ray!
On the other hand, more long-term continuity was sometimes shoved by the wayside, and it seems this could be partly the fault of ignorance. Basically, the writers just didn't know all the previous events that happened. It makes sense - I can't imagine every writer would have read the entire history of Marvel comics, and it only gets more difficult with time, as there is more and more stuff to read. Even in summary, it gets overwhelming.
As such, I think a lot of writers cared to keep things consistent, but just didn't have the tools to manage it. Eventually - around the time of this comic, really - they would build up methods to keep track, and this would lead to ever more elaborate stories founded on old lore. Personally I quite like the broader world-building, but I can see some people's problems with a truckload of editor's notes, much less reprinty flashback nonsense like this issue.
Meanwhile, DC's continuity is much worse, and requires a non-Euclidean graph to map out. Let's stick to Marvel.
045: Fantastic Four v1 #155-156 (February-March 1975)
Cover
Alas! Before we return for a second helping of super-villains teaming up, Fantastic Four is serving up another Doom-filled trilogy! It's got unfortunate echoes of the previous three-parter, including the fact that the opening chapter is almost entirely Doom-less except for the ending. I'll have to treat this one the same as before, so I'll summarize issue #155 and move on to the meat afterwards!
The cover of #156 is pretty good, although Doom's footing looks a little precarious, the way he's balancing on a random greeble that's jutting from the floor. I appreciate the Kirby Krackle of power in his hand, which makes sense when you realize the Silver Surfer is co-starring. A follow-up to the Silver Surfer Saga, perhaps?
Story Overview
#155: Battle Royal!
We open with some filler content, as the Fantastic Four get attacked by hoodlums and make quick work of them. When they're done, however, their next opponent arrives - and it's the Silver Surfer! The alien immediately attacks, apologizing all the while for what he must do. He has no choice! If the one thing that makes his life bearable is to survive, then the Fantastic Four must die! The Surfer engulfs them all in his cosmic power, but stops himself from going through with the attempts on their life. The Silver Surfer does not kill!
As everyone cools down a little, the Surfer decides to explain what's happened to him in recent times. A few months earlier, he says, he attempted to break through the barrier that Galactus placed around Earth to imprison him. He succeeded in that venture, but soon found that his cosmic powers weakened outside the barrier, shriveling his body, and thus he was forced to return to Earth to survive.
He returned like a meteor, crashing home from space - and he landed in a village square somewhere in Eastern Europe. (Aha!) As he emerged from the crater, the Surfer's eye fell on a poster depicting the country's new Queen - and she was his beloved Shalla-Bal! He'd believed her forever banished to the alien world of Zenn-La by Mephisto, so how could she possibly be here? (This happened in Silver Surfer #17, by the way.)
Flying over to the nearby castle where the Queen was said to reside, the Surfer found the Fantastic Four engaging the armored guards. More guard units arrived, these ones armed with new energy weapons, and they annihilated the Four - only to reveal they were only robots involved in some sort of training exercise. Shalla-Bal was watching the spectacle from a window, and the Surfer went over to her - but she didn't recognize him, instead summoning guards on him. Doctor Doom soon appeared, gloating that Shalla has forgotten him because she no longer wanted to know him! The Surfer's beloved now belonged to Doctor Doom - as his wife!
After a hilarious panel depicting Doom, the Surfer finishes his lengthy recap by explaining that the monarch offered to release Shalla from her wedding vows, and return her memories, if the Surfer slew the Fantastic Four for him. He feels he has no choice but to obey - because there's nothing he wouldn't do, nothing he wouldn't sacrifice, to regain Shalla's love! Begging forgiveness, he renews his attack and bathes the Four in cosmic power once again. (I suppose he got over the 'no killing' thing real quickly there...)
#156: Middle Game!
We begin this issue with a recap of the previous issue, but this time from Doctor Doom's perspective. He's watching the fight between the Surfer and the Fantastic Four on a monitor while playing with his superhero-themed chess set. Oh wow, that's a throwback to Doom's very first panel in Fantastic Four #5! Gotta love that continuity…
Doom grabs the Silver Surfer piece from his chess set, and describes the alien as his pawn. A pawn, like all men are to Doom, safe for the infernal Fantastic Four! Reed Richards and his companions have devoted themselves to thwarting Doom's plans - but no longer! Once before, Doom recalls, he stole the Silver Surfer's power for himself. He decides wielding such power does not befit a man of his stature, however, and instead he wants to control that power!
Okay, what? Doom, you're not making any sense. The only reason you lost, last time around, is that you tried to leave the planet and smacked into Galactus' barrier. You know that limitation, now. You can avoid it. Why handicap yourself like this, for no conceivable reason? 'Not fit for someone of your stature' you say? What's that even supposed to mean, exactly? Why would you want to control this power at a distance, when you just last issue decided that working alone was the best idea?
On the screens, the recap of last issue has reached the point where the Surfer refused to kill the Fantastic Four - which is honestly pretty close to the start of the issue, still. Doom crushes the Surfer's chess piece in his fist, and declares that he's heard quite enough of the Surfer's self-lamenting diatribes.
Instead, it's time for some of Doom's diatribes! You see, perhaps some of this is his fault. An idea spawned in his mind after his recent fall from space, when Namor rescued him in Giant-Size Super-Villain Team-Up #1. (what a mouthful!) He arranged, somehow, that the Silver Surfer's fall from space would place him within Latveria's borders. From there, we witness another take on the scene where the Surfer first came upon Shalla-Bal, and Doom's proclamation that she is his wife.
We finally catch up to the present, with the Silver Surfer cruising into Latverian airspace with the entire Fantastic Four in tow, now neatly seated in their Fantasticar. It seems the Surfer has found a convenient way to circumvent his moral opposition to murder: he's placed the Four in a hypnotic trance, and is now delivering them to their greatest enemy to be killed by him. Much better. Totally morally defensible.
After the Surfer deposits his captive cargo on Doom's patio, the tyrant analyzes them, and concludes that they are the real deal. Right now, he could kill them with a single blast! He turns to the Surfer and wonders if he is really incapable of taking four lives, even if it means regaining the love of his life. The Surfer admits as much, and says he's not sure if he feels ashamed of that, or proud.
Unimpressed by the Surfer's hesitance to use his power, Doom declares that he will show him the ways of power as he sees them. He roars that power is the image of a boot, endlessly stamping on the upturned face of cringing humanity! An armored hand across a quivering lip! This is power! He smacks the Silver Surfer across the face in demonstration.
The alien points out that Doom mistakes restraint for weakness, and compassion for cowardice. The Surfer has power to spare - enough to rip up the stones from under their feet! He tears up the floor, then declares he could use this power to build a city, or smash a world! He's merciful by choice, because if he weren't he would have torn Doom apart long ago. In demonstration, he rips apart a medieval suit of armor that he fetched from the castle. 'Have I made myself clear?'
Doom considers this, and says that the Surfer's power is certainly impressive. He activates his armor, channeling his own sources of power, and reconstructs the floor beneath them, then reassembles the broken suit of armor as well. Doctor Doom, no less than the Surfer, can be a builder and restorer! 'Do I make myself clear?'
'We are equally matched, then,' the Silver Surfer observes. Which is not remotely true, but a hell of a compliment from the most powerful being on the entire planet. Doom notes that they're not equally matched for another reason: Doom has Shalla-Bal as his bride, and through her he controls the Surfer and his cosmic power. As proof of his control, he demands that the Surfer release the Fantastic Four from their trance - all but Reed Richards! He has plans for them.
Doom levitates the Four into various contraptions meant to imprison them, as depicted on the cover of the issue. There's a flameproof cage for Johnny, an electric rack that tightens its grip on Ben every time he moves, and a transparent bubble around Medusa's hair. Reed is kept in a transparent tube, unconscious, since his mind is as much his power as his elastic limbs. Doom intends to watch their vain attempts to escape, before finally putting them out of their misery.
The Surfer asks what Doom has done to his Shalla-Bal, that she can watch all this cruelty in silence, and what could the world have done to Doom, that he could have conceived this plan? Doom immediately declares that Reed Richards knows why he is a 'lionized incompetent', while Doom's genius goes ignored, and hides his face behind a lifeless mask. But that secret will die with Reed and his fellow glory-hounds!
Down in prison, we see that the Fantastic Four have woken up. Ben is attempting to shout Reed awake, without much success. The three waking heroes take a moment to recap each of their respective traps, and we then leave them as they lament their inability to escape. Doom watches on, enjoying their suffering tremendously. He then calls for his servant 'Daedalus'.
We next see the Surfer getting pushed around by said servant. The man forces the Surfer to sit down in a fancy chair, then holds him at gunpoint, cackling that the alien is no braver than any common peasant when faced with a loaded weapon. The Surfer says it's not the gun that cows him, but Shalla-Bal, who once more hangs out in the background doing a whole lot of nothing. If not for her, he argues, Daedalus would soon know how pointless earthly weapons were against cosmic power. Daedalus dismisses this notion, antagonizing the alien some more.
All of it is at Doom command, of course - his servant is breeding rage and frustration within the Surfer's heart, which are emotions that Doom can put to better use than he. 'Far, far better use!' he says, laughing all the while.
Back in prison, Ben of all people figures a way out of their predicament - he asks Johnny to swing his suspended cage closer towards him, and manages to crush it with his super-strength, releasing Johnny from captivity. Did Doom really not anticipate that? The fiery hero can't actually release Ben from his tightening clamps, so he moves over to Reed's tube and smashes it open, reviving the unconscious man. Wait, wasn't the Surfer maintaining the hypnotism? Reed quickly releases the pressure on Ben's trap, and soon they're all free.
That escape was too easy, and even Reed agrees with that. He smells a trap! To close up some plot holes, he then notes that the Fantastic Four voluntarily went under the Silver Surfer's hypnosis, as they were convinced that Doom's ego would never permit him to kill them without giving them a chance to fight back. They got genre-savvy! Anyway, trap or not, they're free now, so it's about time to go lay the smack-down on Doom!
It doesn't take long for them to find the monarch. Doom is waiting for them in his throne room, where he's having a smoke while surrounded by a bunch of mostly half-naked men. They are actually his latest experiment in humanoid robots, he claims, and he sends them off to fight the Four.
After crushing a few of the bots, the Four gets suspicious. These were supposed to be new models, but they don't fight any differently than the old ones! Besides, they're only up against three-to-one odds, whereas Doom would have made that twenty-to-one if he were actually trying to hurt them. Doom admits that they're correct - these are obsolescent models from the last generation of robots, and he merely deigned to have the Four dispose of them. He had them trash his trash, if you will.
Ben figures there's one thing he didn't want them to trash - himself! He goes after the Doctor, while the other members of the Four hold off the robots. He quickly manages to nail Doom with one of his super-punches, only to find nothing but gears and wires where a body should be - it was a Doombot! Huh, it's been literal years since one of those popped up! The real Doom watches on a monitor from elsewhere in the castle, noting that his diversion worked wonders to keep the Four busy while he finished his own errand.
You remember how Daedalus made the Surfer sit in a fancy chair a couple pages back? Yeah, it turns out that the chair is rigged up to absorb the cosmic power that the Surfer releases in his state of emotional turmoil, and Doom intends to use for his own purposes. He has made a creature which can use that power, so it can do the job that the Surfer failed to achieve: execute the Fantastic Four!
To be continued...
Rating & Comments
After the previous Giant-Size disappointment, I suppose I should be glad that this, at least, is a full-length story. Or is it? Honestly, it seems like the writers just didn't have enough material to fill the comic cover-to-cover, since they spend its first five pages recapping all the events of the preceding issue while Doom paces around a room. That's a quarter of the total run-time! Fact is, the simplistic narrative of that first issue coupled with this lengthy recap basically means this story could have been told in two issues, rather than these bloated three. I guess that lesson hadn't yet been learned, since the Hobbit movies were still decades in the future...
Come to think of it, this issue also applies to the last three-parter I covered. The first issue spent its time spinning its wheels while action sequences happened, just with Darkoth instead of the Surfer. Then the second issue started an entirely separate story which barely used anything that happened before, but was centered entirely around Doctor Doom instead. It's not the only echo these stories have, as the second issues of each spend their time discussing how fantastic Doom's plan is with grandstanding speeches and exposition, while the Fantastic Four are helplessly imprisoned all the while. Then both issues end with Doom unleashing his plan, while at the same time the Four escape from their imprisonment, setting up the finale.
Much like the parallels between earlier Thor and Hulk two-parters, this feels like writers are cribbing from previous material, including things that came out pretty recently. It's only been a year since that previous trilogy was released, after all! That's without mentioning the obvious references to the Silver Surfer Saga that are woven in here - though this comic seems hesitant to copy it directly, even giving Doom implausible motives for shunning cosmic power just so they don't have to invent a new method of depowering him.
Something unrelated I wanted to mention, but couldn't fit in anywhere else: why is Medusa even in these issues? She does even less than the Invisible Woman, who is already generally poorly served, but at least gets her share of useful moments. Despite several extended fight scenes across these two issues, in which the others get plenty of licks in, we see Medusa do something in a grand total of one panel, and that's grab one of the disposable robots Doom sends out. All the rest of the time she's standing around in the background looking surprised, or waving her hair around at nothing. Useless! (Shalla-Bal is similarly useless, but at least she has the excuse of being brainwashed into it. I'm a little glad that the 'wife of Doctor Doom' thing seems to barely factor into events, because I could see that going many extremely stupid directions. Plus marrying brainwashed people is creepy as hell.)
Generally speaking, this comic is thoroughly meh in quality - not outright horrible, but also nothing special. Still, I do have to give it a few points for that fun little dick-measuring contest between Doom and the Silver Surfer, as well as the callbacks to some of Doom's first appearances and old tactics. There is that chessboard, the use of Doombots, as well as the specific cages for each member of the Fantastic Four. Those brought to mind Fantastic Four #17, which is that time the Four each got their own trap on board Doom's giant zeppelin base. Some things never change! Also, another point for quoting Orwell in a relevant way - the 'boot stomping on a human face forever' line is about the intoxication of power, which is all that remains when all competing pleasures are eradicated in 1984's view of the future.
The parallels I noticed to the last three-parter don't make me hopeful for next issue, given what happened with the resolution in that one. Fingers crossed that they learned something from it?
Best Panel(s) of the Issue
I think I'll have to go with one of the fight scenes. I was not sure whether to go with a Thing panel or this one featuring Johnny, but I elected to go with the latter because this panel also contains the one and only time Medusa is useful!
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"Then allow me to enlighten you, my friend, in the ways of power! This is power, you whimpering oaf! The image of a boot, stamping endlessly upon the upturned face of a cringing humanity - or an armored hand across a quivering lip! This is power!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
Art-wise, I have to comment here on Doom's exceptionally malleable mask in these issues - it's basically a regular face with expressions, most of which are rage. I admit, though, that one on the bottom right is hilarious, and reminds me of Alexander Anderson from Hellsing!
Occasionally Doom gets some truly silly poses, too. What is this, Looney Tunes?
And then there's that random one-panel shot where Doom is suddenly in blackface. Hmmm... blackmask? (Yes, I know it's supposed to be shadows, it still looked weird to me. Hmpf!)
Doom-Tech of the Week
Doom's Cosmic Chair counts - it's a device which saps the Silver Surfer's power while he's being emo. Which is pretty much all the time. To the point that the Sesame Street people made fun of him for it! Sesame Street! (See Variant Doom #2 for details!)
Doombot Count: 5
It's been so long, buddy! The last Doombot was featured back in Astonishing Tales #1, which was published a full five years before this! I'm pretty confident they'll show up more often from here on out, but it'll be a while yet before they're actually commonplace. We're 45 issues into this thing, and we've seen five in total. And that's the actual number, since each issue only had a single Doombot! How times will change!
I mean, that still doesn't really help me that much, since I'm not sure what 'middle game' is happening this weekend. Is it a sports thing? I presume the comic meant it as a reference to the chess term, but how are you interpreting it?
I mean, that still doesn't really help me that much, since I'm not sure what 'middle game' is happening this weekend. Is it a sports thing? I presume the comic meant it as a reference to the chess term, but how are you interpreting it?
Well, I can comment on this, as I'm becoming something of a Doctor Doom scholar.
I can only give you rough numbers, however, since I haven't read many of these comics to confirm whether or not Doom only shows up for a panel or three, or if he has a substantial role in a story. That said, the Complete Marvel Reading Order website lists 588 appearances, while the Marvel fan wiki lists 834 - I've found discrepancies with both of their lists, however, so these numbers are doubtlessly inexact. There's a couple other lists online which filled out my archive a little, and I will probably put it online somewhere down the line.
If we include variants of Doom, by the way, we must take note of Ultimate Doctor Doom, who has about 45 appearances across two identities, the Doom from Universe-X with roughly 30, and Doom 2099, who has close to 100 comics. That's not mentioning at least half a dozen versions with 10+ appearances each, and dozens of Dooms who only show up for a single storyline and then never again.
Finally, there's also several prominent Doombot characters, who often consider themselves Victor von Doom in spirit, even though they're an AI copy. These include a disguised one in 'Unbelievable Gwenpool', and another that's actually an Avenger, believe it or not. There's also a disembodied Doombot-head who serves as a supporting cast member in the pages of Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur. I figure they all count! Each of those have at least a dozen or more appearances, and not all of them are done!
So, that's it. He shows up a bunch. And yes, this does mean I will probably be here reading comic books until the 2050's roll around. C'est la vie!
Huh. You know what? This cover is actually legitimately awesome! There's a pretty kick-ass fight happening here, with the entire Fantastic Four are involved, and even the Surfer has shown up to pitch in. I'm not sure why Doom is blasting the Thing with some sort of cosmic power, given that he pretty explicitly reserved that for someone else. Which would, presumably, be the looming 'Doomsman' that dominated the picture.
Doomsman, huh? I recognize that name. I mentioned this concept during the previous three-parter, and here it is realized: the return of the bald android that Doom created in Astonishing Tales! Doom banished that first iteration of his murder-bot into another dimension in Astonishing Tales #3, after it proved too powerful to keep under his control indefinitely, but I suppose the general concept persisted in his mind all this time...
Story Overview
The Endgame Cometh!
Okay, yes, I will admit that this title is quite serendipitous, considering when this review is going up. (Avengers: Endgame just came out.)
We open with the Fantastic Four standing around the broken Doombot from last time, while Ben complains that every time he manages to get his hands on Doom, it turns out to be a blasted robot. (This isn't really true - one of those times involved Ben crushing the real Doctor Doom's hands, after all!) Ben is convinced Doom is toying with them all, and probably even watching what's going on right that minute!
Ben is right - Doom is watching from another room, and turns to a figure that's off-camera. He declares that they will fight the final battle in his wargame with the Fantastic Four, and soon they will find themselves checkmated! (Mixing metaphors, dude.) Doom recaps the previous issue in a few quick panels, declaring that he's copied the Silver Surfer's power within the 'Doomsman II' - far more deserving of its appellation than the last!
I think this is a remarkable use of continuity, because it references something about the original Doomsman that never really made that much sense. There were mentions of it wielding the 'power cosmic' in those Astonishing Tales issues, but it happened in a story that featured no displays of such power, nor did they feature the Silver Surfer. I theorized at the time that Doom built the android based on what he'd learned when he stole the Surfer's powers, and this issue seems to confirm that suspicion. Maybe Roy Thomas noticed the weirdness too, and wanted to close the gap? He is a continuity freak, after all.
Amusingly, the very first thing that the Doomsman does is demonstrate his power by punching down a wall, much like his forebear. It seems some things are instinctual!
Doom observes that his robot is completely subservient, and decides that his recent temptation to ally with Namor was a indeed a bad idea. This is how things are supposed to be. It is control he relishes, he declares, to be the puppeteer pulling all the strings. Always, he decides, always Doom must be in charge! Thus he created this second Doomsman - with all the Silver Surfer's strengths, but none of his weaknesses!
After Doom shuts off the fancy power-draining chair, we switch to the Surfer and Shalla-Bal. The former shakes off a strange feeling, then focuses on his beloved, who addresses him merely as 'Wanderer.' He wonders if that's how he's now seen by the only woman he ever loved, and she wonders whether she is that person. She woke up mere days ago, unaware of her identity, and only knows that she's in a 'in name only' marriage with Doom (I knew it!) and that he's keeping her memories ransom in exchange for the lives of the Fantastic Four…
The Surfer laments that he lost the ability to freely fly through space, because he's been tormented by the thought that his beloved was back on their distant home world. Now, though, he's discovered she was here all along, a fellow prisoner on Earth. Perhaps it was a good thing he failed to pierce the heavens, since he might never have found her again? Shalla-Bal tells the Surfer that she wishes she could remember, and uses the name 'Norrin Radd.' The Surfer is shocked, taking it as confirmation that this is his beloved, even if amnesiac, because nobody on Earth knows his true name! He decides that the memories must be close to the surface, somehow unlocked by their skin contact. Naturally, Shalla-Bal immediately goes in for some more of that sexy, sexy skin contact. Smooch time!
Elsewhere, we find the Fantastic Four are still wandering around Castle Doom, and they keep running into dead ends. Ben tries to punch his way through the place, but finds that the walls are made from something far harder than stone. Soon the Four find themselves caught in a trap, where the walls literally start closing in on them. Ben uses his strength to hold their advance, while Reed squeezes his way through the cracks in another wall, appearing on the other side like he's literally been through the wringer.
Soon enough the walls stop approaching, and one of them slowly slides open. Ben threatens whoever is on the other side - he's not sure if it's Reed or one of Doom's robots. It turns out to be Reed, still rather out of breath from his power use, who has subdued a couple of Doom's lackeys, and opened the secret passageway. Ben considers aggressively questioning the two green-clad minions, but Reed just says that Doom doesn't tell his underlings anything. Behind them, a wall begins to glow ominously…
The Doomsman arrives by smashing through a wall, as is tradition! 'Zugzwang!' the comic announces - which is a situation found in chess and other games wherein one player is put at a disadvantage because they must make a move when they would prefer to pass and not move. I'm not sure how that applies to the situation, but I guess it fits in with all the other chess analogies that have been thrown around in these issues. 'I am the Doomsman, and I am truly named, for I am your doom!' the robot announces, and even the comic acknowledges the corniness of that line.
Ben is quick to respond, declaring that 'It's Clobbering-' before getting clobbered off his feet by the Doomsman himself. His voice, Reed decides, is a magnified version of the Silver Surfer's, and his body is a golden, more muscled version of the same. Worst of all, naturally, is that while the Surfer has no inclination to kill, the Doomsman falls in line with Doom's ethos of power, and would gladly end them all…
Back with the Surfer and Shalla-Bal, we find that she shrank away from him after their kiss, much to his confusion. Shalla-Bal admits, then, that the Surfer's cosmic power did stir her memories - but they weren't what they expected. She is not Shalla-Bal! Her appearance and voice were chosen by Doom for their resemblance to the Surfer's beloved. She is actually Helena, a peasant citizen of Latveria, who was discovered by her Master and drawn into his plans. Doom's machines wiped her memories, and replaced them with dim, foggy notions of Shalla-Bal, so that she could be used to extort the Surfer.
Surprisingly, Daedalus reappears here, the asshole minion from last time. It seems he hasn't gotten the message that his gun is ineffectual, and tries to take out the Surfer for his master, only to find the bullets absorbed. After knocking the man out, the Surfer notes that he's still not sure how Helena (or, I guess, Doom) knew about his true name, but he can put that issue aside for later - the Fantastic Four need his help!
The Four are still fighting the Doomsman, and not having a lot of luck. The huge golden being is every bit as strong as the Silver Surfer, perhaps more so, and they already lost that match two issues ago.
Their bout is interrupted by the arrival of the Surfer, however, who promptly joins in their attack and evens the odds. The Doomsman declares he doesn't want to fight the Surfer, but is promptly inundated by blows from everyone around him, and driven backwards. Ben gets to complete his 'Clobberin' time!' shout, and they finally destroy the Doomsman, crashing it through yet another wall in the process. Okay, that has to be intentional, right?
Behind that wall, incidentally, they find Doctor Doom. Reed warns the others that it's not over - Doom himself still has plenty of power at his disposal. Doom agrees, noting that his armor is impervious and bristling with weapons that could sink the most modern Destroyer. He then declares, quite grandly: 'Let cries of battle fill this castle - nay, the land - and hell yawns widely for the first fool who gasps for quarter!'
Johnny is the first to fly in and attack, and gets zapped for his trouble. It's about here that Helena arrives, just in time to see Ben punch Doom's personal force field. She throws herself into the mix, declaring that they have no right - no right! - to do this! They're equally matched, she says, and while they fight they destroy everything around them. They're threatening the castle's archives, the priceless treasure trove of a nation's legacy!
I… is that a callback to Fantastic Four #87? It has to be, right? That's the time when Doom let the Fantastic Four go to save his castle's priceless artwork, when he murdered a loyal minion for endangering his paintings with a flamethrower. It's not explicitly called out here, but it's pretty obvious to me! When I said continuity would become more important from here on out, I didn't expect it to be this noticeable!
What is explicitly called out, by Ben, is the castle's destruction back in Astonishing Tales #3, which would certainly have destroyed all that artwork already. The comic acknowledges the event, but notes that after the rebuilding effort, the castle became the storage site for much of Latveria's cultural heritage, such that its second destruction would be a tragedy. Plot hole filled!
Like in that previous Fantastic Four issue, Doom begrudgingly agrees to a stalemate - the result of this conflict mean nothing to him anymore, now that his precious Doomsman has been so irrevocably destroyed. Or perhaps he realizes that the Silver Surfer tips the power balance against him, and this is the best he can get. 'Get out of my sight, before I change my mind!' As they leave, Doom reflects that he's never known a blacker hour than this. He had the Four in his palm until the end, when suddenly they slipped through his fingers, and he lost control of events. He feels cheated somehow, used.
Which isn't, it seems, untrue. We switch scenes to the pits of hell! The demon Mephisto appears, announcing that he, not Doom, was the one playing people like pawns all along! You see, he hates the Silver Surfer more than anything else, and has thus wreaked vengeance on him! One of his demons is confused, pointing out that the Surfer is leaving Doom's castle unharmed. Mephisto agrees, but points out that in finding out that Shalla-Bal was actually a brainwashed Latverian peasant, his longing for his beloved has increased. Except, the awful truth is that Helena is Shalla-Bal after all!
Back when Mephisto banished her in Silver Surfer #17, he didn't send her to Zenn-La as he claimed, but banished her to life in Latveria as a subservient peasant, her memories hidden from her. When the Surfer stripped away the layer of false memories placed there by Doctor Doom, he merely found a second layer underneath, as the truth lay deeper still. The only hint of this was her use of the Surfer's true name. That was Mephisto's doing, a tantalizing hint he delivered to increase the agony of his nemesis.
Back with the Fantastic Four, they debate whether to take Helena back with them, but Reed argues that Doom has no reason to harm her, and Latveria is still her home. Speaking of which - it's about time they went home too, isn't it? Mephisto watches this, cackling that everyone has a home except Norrin Radd. And while Mephisto's might be a raging, all-consuming hell, the Surfer carries his hell with him wherever he goes!
Rating & Comments
This issue, it turns out, is not the clusterfuck that I anticipated, and manages to close out this little storyline reasonably well, if not in any spectacular way. It hearkens back to several previous Doctor Doom stories, including ones from quite a few years in the past, which really seems like it's Roy Thomas' signature. That said - I can't help but notice that it's anticlimactic to end a second storyline on the same 'save the artwork' punchline. Doom himself chose the venue, after all, so it just seems like poor planning on his part!
Honestly, at this point it kind of seems like Doom's heart isn't really in destroying the Fantastic Four - he claims to want to kill them, but passes by multiple opportunities to do so, just so he can further his little war games. Then, when events turn against him, Doom just lets everyone go with a flimsy excuse that he's grown bored, or he doesn't care for winning, or whatever else. Even the Fantastic Four have started to rely on this pattern of behavior, convinced that their arch-nemesis could never resist the temptation to screw with his enemies first. It's about time Doom gets himself some new tricks, or he's going to find himself obsolete...
The other half of the issue, the entire storyline surrounding the Silver Surfer and Shalla-Bal, is convoluted and silly. It was alright when Shalla-Bal was revealed to be a fake, since I'd suspected she was one of Doom's robots from the start - it would have neatly explained how she got there from an alien planet, and why she didn't have her memories. To go back on that and state that she was Shalla-Bal after all is absurd - as is the implication that Doctor Doom just happened to find her and accidentally brainwashed her into thinking she was herself. Mephisto's involvement may help excuse the implausibility, though, since it could be that Doom was manipulated into this trilogy's plot from the start, which would explain the coincidence as just another aspect of Mephisto's dickishness.
Incidentally, as a little update to last time, I noticed that Medusa once again does nothing in this issue! Worse, even during the final, joint attack against the Doomsman which brings it down to size, she's just left standing on the sidelines, without even using her prehensile hair to play support. Why is she here…?!
The Doomsman turned out to be a bit of a letdown, since it went down pretty quickly once the Surfer joined in - but I enjoyed the fact that it kept demolishing every wall it came across, in a likely intentional reference to Astonishing Tales. The way this story patches up a bit of vague storytelling from before is appreciated too, and these sorts of efforts warm this continuity nut's heart. I'm still not sure why Doom thought it a good idea to put his cosmic power on a stick rather than using it himself - but I guess we've already read that story!
In the end, I'm going to give this issue the same rating as the last one, but I do think it falls on the topside of mediocre, while the last edged the bottom. This issue lacks the entertaining tête-à-tête from the last story, but it still gives Doom a pretty glorious over-the-top line or two, which earns it some points. In anyone else's mouth, they would be utterly ridiculous - but this is Doom.
Best Panel(s) of the Issue
I think I have to pick the Doomsman's fall at the hand of the Fantastic Four - or Three - and the Silver Surfer. I find I like a lot of the action shots lately, so I suppose they have gotten better over time!
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"I have spent a lifetime designing, building, redesigning my impervious armor. It bristles with weaponry which could sink the most modern Destroyer. Come then! Let cries of battle fill this castle - nay, the land - and hell yawns widely for the first fool who gasps for quarter!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
This panel is just weird, depicting the Torch getting blasted back by Doom - who appears here as a disembodied floating head sticking out of Johnny's crotch. Surely there was a better way to depict this?
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Doomsman II had a short life-span, and didn't get to do a whole lot. Still, it's a neat reference to an older story, and it filled a bit of a plot hole that I didn't expect would ever be addressed again. All the rest of Doom's technology is just the old classics, including the silly traps.
Doombot Count: 5
Technically this comic book does contain a Doombot… but it's the same one that was destroyed in the previous issue, so I'm not going to count it.
047: Giant-Size Super-Villain Team-Up #2 - To Bestride the World!
It's time for another go at this Supervillain Team-Up thing, so let's hope this attempt goes a little better than the last. The cover, at least, is a little more in line with the title, since Doom and Namor actually appear to be working together this time. I'm not sure if I recognize the 'humanoid hordes' they're fighting here, though they kind of resemble some of Doom's old guards. Huh. Maybe this comic will finally confirm that whole 'Doom's guards are actually really realistic androids' theory I was going on about a while ago?
I should also note that at some point in the last couple issues, Namor learned how to put on a shirt. He was still mostly starkers in the Sub-Mariner, but come Super-Villain Team-Up he's wearing pants and an Aquaman-like fish-scale shirt - albeit with a neckline that plunges all the way to his waist. I admit, I think I prefer this look over his traditional one, if only because it seems awfully chilly!
In case you're curious, this issue does contain another reprint - but it's merely a very early Spider-Man story, and unrelated to the main narrative. Though I'm not sure why it'd be in this book, when it contains absolutely no villains teaming up...
Story Overview
To Bestride the World!
Part 1 - The Slaying of a Titan
This comic opens with a shot of a new kind of gigantic super-tanker, the S.S. Typhoeus, heading south towards the Cape of Good Hope. The comic references the then-contemporary closing of the Suez Canal (from 1967 to 1975) and how such giant ships were used to transport huge amounts of oil at this time, flying under whatever flag would permit a bit of spillage and environmental catastrophe as they went. But - perhaps today the sea would have its vengeance!
We catch up with a couple of sailors, Turk and Mickey, who rehash the same things already mentioned in the narration, calling their vessel an 'oil drum with a rudder' and undeserving of being referred to as a woman, as is tradition with ships. Their discussion is interrupted by an unexpected arrival - Namor the Sub-Mariner approaches on his vessel, which resembles a throne carried along by dolphins. Doom would certainly approve.
Bringing a huge shell to his mouth and using it as a loudspeaker, Namor announces that the Typhoeus must turn around and return to its original port, or suffer the consequences. The Captain, 'Plato Monarkos' is a member of the Patagonian Navy refuses to consider this threat, and commands a bunch of sailors to take up arms and shoot. The bullets bounce off the fish-man's hide, and Namor takes it as their final answer. He says they have five minutes to abandon their ship, before vanishing beneath the waves...
Turk and Mickey discuss the situation, with Mickey admitting he thought Namor was only a story, like the Old Man of the Sea. Turk seems to think it an apt comparison, noting that Namor isn't exactly as young as he appears - more like ageless - but quite real. He first met the Atlantean in 1942, when he was working on a steamer that got attacked by a Nazi U-Boat. That is a pretty direct reference to the Golden Age Sub-Mariner comics, though I'm not sure if it's referencing a specific event in an old issue. Either way, it's Roy Thomas at work.
Soon enough, despite the Captain's certainty that Namor has run off, the huge vessel starts taking on water - a hole has been punched in the hull, and the engineers are forced to escape the lower decks. Thankfully the ship was headed towards the middle east rather than away from it, sp Namor watches as it sinks below the waves without a drip of oil destroying the environment. He then takes up his conch shell again and announces to the crew of the Typhoeus that he's already made contact with rescue services - he wants to punish the greedy companies, not the regular people who work for them. He then tells them to convey that Namor will allow no more such huge ships to intrude on the domain of Atlantis.
Namor returns home to the ruined streets of Atlantis, where he laments Sub-Mariner #68-70, which ended up putting most of the population of Atlantis into a state of suspended animation. The events which lead to this involved Namor accidentally exploding a bunch of untested nerve-gas, which then infects most of the Atlantean population and forces them into a dreamless sleep. Thus far Namor has been unable to awaken them, instead keeping them alive in transparent life-support cylinders - only a handful of others escaped this fate, but Namor refuses to hang out with them so long as he hasn't fixed his mistake.
Namor's emotional outpouring is rudely interrupted when an explosion goes off near the force field that surrounds the city. He he speeds off to investigate, fearful that more explosions might shatter the precious cylinders that keep his people alive…
Part 2 - When Monarchs Meet
With that random, unrelated Namor one-shot out of the way, it's about time we actually get to the point of this issue. Namor finds the cause of the explosion is a handful of what appear to be very airplane-shaped submarines right out of a G.I. Joe catalogue. Namor starts smashing them up, declaring himself the 'Avenging Son' of Atlantis, and tanking several direct shots by lightning guns without even caring. Ripping open the vessels' hulls with his bare hands, he grabs one of the ship's pilots and rips open his mask, only to reveal… Doctor Doom's mask!
I should pause here for a moment and comment on how completely bizarre is that these minions are wearing not just red and yellow - which is fine - but also the symbol of a lightning bolt superimposed over a circle. Yes, the entire invading force appears to robotic Flash cosplayers! Now, if only they had the powers to go along with the look, that might have helped.
It turns out that the pilot wasn't actually Doom in disguise - it's just a robot with a television screen for a face, serving as Doom's mobile phone. It seems the attack was just a ruse to lure Namor out of his emo stupor, and Doom wants to talk on the surface. He then tells Namor to get moving within five seconds, and hangs up. He wasn't kidding, since he then detonates the remains of his invading fleet, collapsing yet more of Atlantis into ruin. What a dick!
Namor swims to the surface, where he finds a metallic, spherical vessel hovering in the air. He figures Doom is trying to hide behind thick layers of steel, and goes to rip a hole, only for a door to open. It's like Namor forgot he was invited! Doom is a little hurt, wondering if this is any way to great your new partner. Namor is taken aback, wondering if this means Doom has reconsidered his refusal from Giant-Size Super-Villain Team-Up #1? (Gah. That's still an unwieldy name.)
Doom admits he may have decided too hastily before, and that they may be natural allies after all, as Namor originally declared. Doom says he approved of Namor's assault on the S.S. Typhoeus from the opening of this comic, and Namor notes that he needed no help for that - he can protect the sea by himself. Doom doubts this, pointing out that he no longer has Atlantis to back him up, and if the navies of the world found out about that, they would retaliate against Namor in an instant. The implicit threat is recognized, and Namor isn't too happy about it.
Doom then lays out his side of this matter: if the oil industry's super-tankers are stopped, the energy-crisis will worsen and weaken all the rich nations, which will allow Namor to control the seven seas, while Doom can spread his influence across the land.
"The unthinking world calls us villains," Doom declares. "Or, rather melodramatically, supervillains. But the true word for both of us is conquerors." He decides that villainy is a relative term, and if he and Namor are victorious, it will be the so-called superheroes who are labelled 'villains' instead.
Namor is tempted, but recognizes that Doom's concept of ruling the world might be quite a bit more bloody than his own, which the Latverian monarch dismisses as mere details. Are they not, after all, meant to rule? Namor by birthright, and he by conquest?
As a sort of final point, Namor notes that he hates all surface people, and that naturally includes Doom. Doom notes that he came to acquire an ally, not a friend. Namor doubts they could be either, and in response Doom tells the androids that populate his ship to set a course for Latveria. The Atlantean suspects a trap, but Doom says he's certain he'll change his mind if only he sees what Doom might bring to the table…
Doom's bulbous ship is absurdly fast, by the way, making its way to London in the space of their conversation, invisible to radar and a blur to the naked eye. It then travels to Paris and the Alps within the span of a single sentence, before finally heading for Castle Doom. (It's called Castle Latveria here, but that doesn't last.) Doom declares that all these places could be theirs!
Namor admits that he's impressed with the castle - from the outside a medieval construction, but inside a hive of activity, with mechanical marvels in every direction. Doom notes that all this has a purpose. While Latveria is too small to be depicted on many maps of Europe, he says, through Doom's unparalleled genius it has now harnessed the atom, and has become a nuclear world power!
He has achieved this with the help of his legion of androids, who govern every technological aspect of the operation. He doesn't trust humans at this level - they betray, while androids merely obey. Namor is curious, wondering if the androids have no will at all, and Doom decides to demonstrate in a very familiar fashion. He commands two androids to kill each other!
Part 3 - The Armies of Andro
The fight is quick and disturbing - the androids show no pain, but their fight is bestial nonetheless and ends when one snaps the neck of the other. Namor is convinced that the androids are Doom's, now, but an edge in his voice tells Doom that he's less than pleased. The killer android, meanwhile, mutters the designation of his victim - confused, perhaps?
Namor soon notes that he already knew Doom is into making robots, so he doubts that's the reason he was brought all the way here. Doom begs patience, and Namor points out that he has other things he could be doing with his time, like finding a cure for his people. Doom just responds that if they conquer the surface world, the scientists there could help find said cure…
It's here that they come across a peculiar sight, namely a shrine of sorts, where several androids have put the body of their dead brother before an altar. Doom says this is due to a flaw in his recent androids - a tendency towards establishing primitive religions, which is harmless enough. Namor wonders at this, noting the looks of hatred across the faces of the androids as they watch Doom pass. (The one labelled '616' seems especially cross. Heh.)
Doom leads Namor into the next chamber, where the androids are created. He declares that he's creating a new, more perfect race, which knows no fear, no pain, no weakness. 'No hope,' Namor adds. The narrator agrees, noting that fear, pain, and weakness are indeed strange to the androids - but not hope. Hundreds of androids have abandoned their assigned posts to kneel before a glowing altar, supplicated in prayer - and among them appears a blue-skinned figure, as emotionless as them, whom they clothe in ways they weren't programmed to know…
Doom is still showing off, noting that there's another secret he wishes to reveal, besides his control of nuclear energy. He has created the world's first array of solar batteries! You realize now, perhaps, what Doom is going for here. This super-villain is going to conquer the world with… green energy!
Before that, however, Doom wants to talk branding. He's already placed the trident seal of Atlantis alongside his own symbol - the sun-rimmed thunderbolt from before. Combining them into the sun-rimmed trident, however, would symbolize the union of their powers! Doom asks whether Namor wants to do this, and he is about to answer...
There's a sudden thundering crash, as someone smashes Doom's solar generator! Doom demands to know who would dare - and is faced with Andro, Lord of the Androids! For unclear reasons the blue-skinned robot (hold on, could it be…) is wearing a dark blue costume with a giant red Dracula collar, a fin on his hat, and the symbol of masculinity on his chest. He commands his children to attack and subdue Doom and Namor!
Blasting aside dozens upon dozens of androids, Doom wonders whether Namor recognizes Andro - the full-blooded Atlanteans are blue-skinned, after all. Andro pipes up to say that Doom should really know him from three years back, when he was known under another name, and shrouded in bandages like a mummy. (It is!) He is now Andro, but he was once… the Doomsman!
Doom now recognizes his old creation, but notes that he banished it to another dimension. After recapping his origin story from Astonishing Tales #1-3, he describes what happened after those stories ended. It seems his dimension was eventually visited by Lockjaw and the Thing, who were dimension-hopping during the events of Fantastic Four v1 #160. He made himself invisible and hitched a ride with them, then used the copied genius of Doctor Doom to figure out how the dog's teleportation worked and left them behind them when he got somewhere Earth-like. From there then he looked in on the 616 universe he came from, and manipulated Doom's androids so he became like a god to them.
Doom is about as tired as I am of this overly long recap, and Namor notes that they've been fighting long enough that his powers are fading due to lack of water, and Doom's own blasts aren't looking so hot either. Doom agrees, deciding that if they can't go forward, they should go back, and opens a secret passage that was built after the Doomsman was there. (Which isn't hard, since the entire castle was rebuilt.)
As they rush into the secret tunnels, Namor complains that there's no point in running away when the robots will just catch up - only for Doom to use his palm lasers to blast a hole in the side of the tunnel. Water comes rushing into the passage, and Doom explains that there's mountain streams behind these walls, and they will rejuvenate Namor's powers, while Doom's armor is perfectly capable of sustaining him under water. The androids, however, are deliberately designed to be air-breathers, presumably so Doom exploit this as a weakness if he ever needed to. Now, at least, they have no more reason to flee!
Doom then blasts off, boring his way to the surface through solid rock, while Namor sticks to the water-filled passages below. Most of the androids, it seems, have come pouring into the subterranean passages, only to find them filling with water - Namor almost pities them as they die. They were inhuman androids, sure, but did they not have a spark of life? Andro watches on without care, sending ever more to their deaths.
Enraged by his callousness, Namor rushes the Lord of Androids, protesting that the androids worshipped him like a god, and he was using them like cattle! He declares that he's torn steel hulls asunder with his hands, and sunk mighty ships - and now they shall end him. Doom disagrees, approaching from behind to declare that Andro is a copy of his mind, and therefore his falls to him to smash the thing.
Doom and Andro then have a shoving match, in which they soon prove equally matched - neither can seem to outwit or outmuscle the other. Andro simply says that he wanted Doom to know their status as equals, and then uses his teleportation to escape. Namor theorizes that the android wanted Doom to live in fear of an equal who might strike at any moment…
As they wander through the massacred android legion, Doom notes that after this stalemate, the android will doubtlessly take his time to plan anew - because he is still merely a copy of Doom, not the original article. Namor wonders what Doom's going to do now, with his solar plant ruined, and his army of androids laid low by his own hands.
Doom says he'll return to those who have served him best and most faithfully - his long-dormant army of robots, which are less advanced than the androids, and thus immune to Andro's influence. As Doom and Namor leave, off to dastardly plans together, we see a menacing spark of life in the eyes of one of the robots...
Rating & Comments
Okay, this is a little out of order, but there's a significant factor from outside this comic which I should bring up immediately, since it really drags it down into the dumps. Andro, the rediscovered Doomsman? Yeah, he never returns to make good on all this build-up. Ever. How about those possibly compromised robots that Doom elects to use instead of his androids? Yeah, those don't ever appear again either. That bulbous super-vessel Doom uses to zoom across the planet at super-speed? Promptly forgotten about and discarded. This entire issue went into the memory-hole instantly.
Moving beyond the fact that this comic is mostly set-up for events that would never be published, the story somehow manages to hit the opposite end of bad from the first issue of this series. This, instead of being really short, is overly drawn out and boring, and spends entirely too much time waffling on without getting to a point. Namor in particular can get incredibly ranty, and he makes Doom look conservative with his verbiage, sometimes.
Speaking of that, the entire first act is essentially a Namor side-story which adds little or nothing to the overall plot. The second act is almost entirely a rehash of issue #1, except the roles are reversed and it's now Doom who is trying to convince Namor that they should team up. That leaves the third act for the action-filled Andro affair - but that still opens with a lengthy section of Doom showing off how he has androids, and places to make androids, and how well his androids behave, and other filler material.
Lest you think the story gets a move on from there, however, it then also contains an extended flashback section in which Andro explains his origins as the Doomsman, his original demise, his stay in another dimension, and finally culminates by explaining his current state and evil plot. All that for a one-off character that gets forgotten about without the slightest resolution to his arc. The downside of a continuity-freak writing your comics is that sometimes… you get this.
For all that I enjoy callbacks, Andro is peculiar in that he spends ages explaining his return to the present, but never bothers explaining why he's chosen to wear the symbol of masculinity on his chest like a superhero symbol - or, indeed, why he risked coming back to Latveria when Doom has repeatedly demonstrated the ability to mind-control him pretty effectively. It's a little weird that Doom never even tries to do that again, actually.
Other weird moments in this issue include Doom attacking Atlantis to get Namor's attention, which just seems like a great way to provoke a needless fight. Doom just ends up using a cellphone android anyway, so why not just stick with that? There's also Doom missing the robot rebellion within his ranks, despite the appearance of a freaking android cult. Even Namor figures out that stuff is not right within like three minutes. Maybe Doom is just really religiously tolerant?
In the end, while this story is competently written, I suppose, it's just not to my taste. I'm not going to give it a one-star rating, but I am dropping it to two stars for those aborted story-lines, the irrelevant Namor prologue, and all the rehashing. That, and the art. Ugh. For all that the static objects look nice and detailed, the faces are frequently ghastly!
Best Panel(s) of the Issue
Since I consider most of the faces rather unsightly, I'm just going to elect that awesome shot of Atlantis being invaded by Doom's crazy submarine planes… It's pretty sweet.
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"The unthinking world calls us villains, Namor - or rather melodramatically, super-villains; but the true word for us is 'conquerors'. You and I know that villainy, like all else, is but a relative term. Let us emerge triumphant in the end, and we shall write the history books! Then the Fantastic Four, the Avengers, all the so-called superheroes shall be the 'villains' - and we the mighty forebears of a brave new world!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
There's plenty of weird faces to pick from in this issue, but I'll go with odd melty Doom for this one. What's wrong with your faaaace? Bonus points for randomly making Namor look like off-model Jean-Claude van Damme, by the way.
Doom-Tech of the Week
A lot of stuff this time - most of which never appears again. Alas. On the robot side, there's the Androids which show up in this issue, only to disappear soon after - they're numbered and all look the same, so at least it'll be easy to recognize one should they show up in the future. There's also the Pure Metal Robots that make their one and only appearance here; they look like stereotypical crooks with those little masks over their eyes.
Among more general tech, there's the Solar Battery which gets ruined in the story, and was apparently the first of its kind. There's also a pair of vehicles, with the Submarine Fighters which resemble airplanes, and the Spherical Transatlantic Vehicle which Doom uses to take Namor to Latveria.
