As long as you don't look too carefully at his hand position, anyway, because it looks like he's bending his wrist at an uncomfortable angle to me.
You know how to get me in a terrible mood real fast? Opening your blatant filler with Doom and Wire flying through the technicolor void of cyberspace. Yeah, it's another one of these!
We get it 90's the internet is a big deal and will only get bigger in the future, that doesn't mean I want to dwell entirely on hacking exploits in my super-(hero/villain) comic. I'd be reading about Shadowrun or something if that was the case (actually, come to think of it, that whole Nekrotek arc could have come straight out of a Shadowrun game).
- although I'm still not sure what the mysterious Latverian Prince was supposed to help with to begin with. Wire states he's there to solve a 'dilemma' but I'm not sure what that is supposed to be. The comic is quite vague on that. It also doesn't really make sense for there to be a super-powerful Latverian mystic recently enough that he'd wear a 19th or 20th century uniform, but also be a complete unknown to Doom. The guy had a time machine. He's travelled through history so many times and never ran into the Sorceror Supreme-level super-Prince that apparently hung out in his neighborhood? What?
I think the comic was (badly) implying he was Old Man Doom from the past (or possibly the future). You know, being a Prince of Latveria in technological armor who is also a mystic and whose powers 'come from the same source' as Doom's.
But really this episode was a mess. Like you said, when the historical figures appeared I couldn't figure out how this was any more meaningful than Doom playing Civilization, but it's treated as a big deal. Worse, the guy who tries to teach Doom a lesson then erases all memory of the events meaning that... Nothing happened. Nothing was learned, or gained, or lost.
Fall of the Hammer (October 1993 - March 1994) - Part 1
Introduction
I've been hinting at a relatively big crossover event for a few issues now, and here it is. I'm covering a lot of ground in this one, since the buildup and the actual event in question sprawl across roughly a dozen issues, and only one of those is actually in the main Doom 2099 catalog, surprisingly. Ravage gets the lion's share of the page time, presumably because he has nothing else going on, and he's followed by Spider-Man and Punisher respectively, while the X-Men and Doom only have a single issue each to contribute. Still, since we're dealing with a crossover here, the various characters show up in other people's titles to strut their stuff, so covering the entire event makes sense. Even if that kind of dilutes the amount of Doom and includes a fair bit of extraneous detail. Eh, it's kind of important to cover all this anyway, since there's a relatively major plot element that gets carried forward from this event which is relevant to this readthrough.
Covers
Two out of the twelve comics involved in Fall of the Hammer feature Doom, and they're both in the main event - Part 2 and 4 respectively. One of them features Doom taking on a future Loki while the huge snarling face of the titular Ravage watches on, whereas the second is Doom's own title, in which he gets to loom over a fight between Alchemax CEO Avatarr and Meanstreak of the X-Men. I wonder if either of those fights will actually happen within these comic issues? Innocent whistling. Yeah, the artists were having a bit of fun.
Story Overview
Ravage 2099 #11 - The Stigmata Effect
We start our grand proceedings with a foray into several comics where Doom actually doesn't appear at all - but his future co-stars and some bad guys sure do! While the titular beastman Ravage is off somewhere doing beastman things, we look in on the Board of Directors of the evil megacorporation Alchemax and see what they're up to. The Board consists of the reclusive bug-eyed CEO Avatarr who frequently claims to have alien allies, Vice President Tyler Stone, who is the bio-dad of Miguel O'Hara and a Spider-Man villain, Darryl King, also known as 'Fearmaster', a Punisher villain, and finally Anderthorp Henton, who is a Ravage villain. Avatarr criticizes Henton for his recent failures at dealing with Ravage, and explains that he called everyone here… for a performance review.
See, it seems the world is suffering from an acute outbreak of superhero disease, ever since Spider-Man, the Punisher, Ravage, and Doom appeared on the scene - and a disturbing host of newcomers are making world affairs more difficult to handle, like the X-Men. When the flesh is unhealthy the rot must be cut out, and Avatarr doesn't like it when his scalpels start bickering at each other!
The CEO references the recent appearance of what appears to be the Hulk out West, the latest in a series of resurrections from the long-dead Age of Heroes, and admits that said superheroes are unfortunately gaining popularity with the public. He foresees them providing a role model of disobedience and even rebellion to the common man, and that's not something he can abide by. Avatarr holds Tyler Stone personally responsible for Spider-Man's return, and calls Fearmaster's attempts to wipe out the Punisher pitiful. And as for Henton… well, the man tries to weasel out of getting similarly blamed for Ravage's actions, so Avatarr tells him he's not angry, just disappointed - and they'll discuss it after the meeting is over.
Avatarr then explains his own ideas about dealing with this newfound menace to the stability of their corporate rule - to his mind, it is necessary to create their own new breed of heroes to counteract the wild model - domesticated icons for the unwashed masses to believe in. And where better to enlist from than the devout members of the Church of Thor, the people's church? Stone suggests that several suitable candidates have been found for their special project of genetic enhancement, including someone who would make for a suitable Hela. The sky-city Valhalla will soon be populated by credible super-people, since clearly you can't have gods flying around the place without a nice big heaven for them to live in!
Before the meeting ends, the CEO points out that he specifically asked 'Fearmaster' to be here in the flesh, when he usually isn't, because a price must be paid for incompetence. He pointedly asks Henton if he agrees with that, and the man quickly does. King sees what's coming and uses his super-powered hand to try and take Avatarr down before he can be 'retired', but the CEO simply crushes the appendage with his superior physical strength and promises his subordinate that he'll get a better hand from his 'star-friends.' Oh, and King is also promoted to head of Eco Central, Alchemax's anti-pollution subsidiary. This confuses Henton, since he is currently in that position. Avatarr explains that he's actually promoting Henton too, and then incongruously points him to a window, noting that there's a man outside on a hover-platform to meet him. The rather dopey Henton wanders over and waves to the unknown person flying outside - and he is promptly shot through the forehead by the sniper waiting for him. The price of incompetence is harsh, I suppose...
Ravage 2099 #12 - Nature of the Beast
While Ravage does Ravage things, we catch up with Tiana Sikoski, a former love interest of his who recently left him due to constantly being the damsel in distress to his heroic persona, despite the fact that all her personal heroes are warrior women like Sif and Hela. She aspires to stand up for herself, and Ravage keeps getting in the way of that. Seeking a way to escape her feelings of helplessness and inadequacy, Tiana goes to pray to Hela at the local Thorite church for the first time in her life, begging for intercession from a being known as goddess of anguish and misery to her enemies, but a goddess of plenty to her followers. She begs for a way to become someone new, to be more than just some fashion accessory to a man. Okay, she doesn't really believe in the Norse Gods that much, and she rarely comes to the shrine at all - but maybe they can help her out, just this once…?
A man in full Thor cosplay walks up to her, though he's wearing dorky square glasses underneath the winged helmet to distinguish him from the real deal. This is Reverend Cecil McAdam, local preacher, and he notices that Tiana seems troubled. He asks if she's here to seek solace in a time of grief, but Tiana wryly answers that she actually seeks a costume and a cape. She just wants to fly through the air and beat up bad guys, be the sort of badass she always imagined she could be. But that's just a fantasy - an image in her head of being the goddess Hela, who really inspires her. Hela really had the power to make herself known! McAdam agrees that even Thor respected her might, but then he goes back to Tiana's earlier statement - she has interest in becoming a superhero, huh? A veritable goddess, even? He knows exactly what she means, and he might have a way to make that dream a reality. With an evil grin he puts a hand on her shoulder, and she looks back at him in alarm…
Ravage 2099 #13 - Apocalypse Next
Some time later, Tiana returns to that same Church of Thor, and McAdam welcomes her inside - he's been expecting her arrival. He picks up a torch and leads her down a long series of staircases, claiming they are descending into the realm of Hel itself. It's actually a laboratory full of machines, as well as Tyler Stone wearing elaborate medical scrubs. McAdam explains to Tiana that the gods work in mysterious ways, and it suits Thor's purpose to use technology of the modern age here. Thus, through the medium of bionanotronics, she will be forever transvolved into a veritable goddess! Stone impatiently tells McAdam to get on with it - he has more shit to do. He asks if the subject filled in the release forms excusing Alchemax from any negative repercussions of the procedure? McAdam ignores the brusque tone, and explains to Tiana that she'll have to make a decision, now - should Tiana end here, so that Hela may be reborn? Stone also warns that it'll hurt - a lot.
Tiana doesn't care what it'll actually take to make her superpowered - she's thought about it a lot, and she's not happy being just Tiana. If there's a chance for her to start again as someone powerful, then that's what she wants! Stone approves and sends her off with a nurse to get dressed for the operation, while McAdam offers her an elixir that will rush her off to the realm of gods - or a sedative, whichever. Moments later Stone hits a button and various mechanical arms descend and unleash a wave of energy into the prone body of Tiana, who immediately arches up and starts screaming her lungs out…
Elsewhere in the city, Ravage is checking up with his company's higher-ups and brings up their involvement in the construction of Alchemax's flying city. He wants to pull out on ethical grounds, since the anti-gravity engines they're using to keep it afloat are possibly alien and certainly dangerous - and based on the data he's gleaned, they're using illegal long-wave amplifiers which are carcinogenic to life on Earth and cause storms and geological hazards wherever they pass. If it ever got over land, the ecological consequences would be enormous! Despite being leader of the company, ostensibly, he's narrowly outvoted because of his dad holding on to a large chunk of the company's stocks. Angry at being outplayed by his own family, he transforms into the Beastman and heads out to try and solve the problem another way.
Ravage takes a company jet and flies it over to the sky city, still under construction over the ocean, in an attempt to sabotage it somehow. The safest thing would be to take it down and let the sea take care of the problem for him, he decides. He leaves the jet to fly overhead on autopilot, then jumps on board the city and heads for the gravity lifters in the bowels of the craft. Just as he gets close to them, though, he is interrupted by the untimely arrival of Jake Gallows - the Punisher from 2099 in civilian clothes. The beastman senses there's something different with this particular private eye cop as their battle begins...
Punisher 2099 #11 - The Gathering Storm
We jump back a little in the timeline to some time before that final scene. Jake Gallows is called up for an urgent job at Sky City, Valhalla, where he's to go monitor the security team currently set up there and confirm that things are alright before the job is handed over to new people. Jake protests the assignment, noting he's still on a Punisher case at the moment, and there's also this horned man running amok that he wanted to look into. His boss wonders if he knows their home addresses and secret identities to make that a little easier on all of them - if not, it can wait until later. He'd better get his butt into the sky!
Elsewhere, Avatarr catches up with Darryl King, the 'Fearmaster', who wonders why they had to meet in person again - is it just so Avatarr can use his freaky eyes to see what he's been up to? Avatarr freely admits that he uses his 'temporal multi-vision' superpower to check up on stuff like the recent past, and compliments King on his new hand - it's a robot one, installed after Avatarr crippled his freaky organic one. The two then recap most of the same plot beats already shown in Ravage #11, including many directly quoted lines from a scene that they were both already in - so that's kind of weird. I guess this is a bit of freeform rehashing so people don't have to read every single one of these issues.
Later, at Reverend McAdam's church, we see the Thorite preacher explain to a statue of Thor that he's so far gathered four people to the cause of the Asgardian Gods in order to rekindle an Age of Heroes, but he's still having personal doubts about the morality of his actions. He asks for a sign of their blessing - and then a pillar of yellow light appears in front of him, beaming in Alchemax CEO Avatarr from wherever he was before. He doesn't like doubts in his employees. McAdam explains that he simply feels overwhelmed by the task ahead of them, and Avatarr thinks McAdam flatters himself by thinking his part in these affairs is vast. Building Valhalla was a real vast undertaking, and yet it was still only a small step in a bigger plan. All he's asked of McAdam is to find human subjects to be transvolved. McAdam explains that he has - Baldur, Heimdall, Loki, Hela - not to mention himself as Thor!
After a moment, McAdam admits that he found another excellent subject recently, both in body and faith, but unfortunately that guy was way too busy chasing after the vigilante called the Punisher to agree to the procedure. The person he's talking about is Jake Gallows, naturally. Avatarr tells McAdam to stop rambling about such irrelevant things, and asks instead how Tiana is doing. McAdam tells him that the candidate for becoming Hela is currently in the 'crypt' with Tyler Stone, undergoing the transformation, and offers to take him to her to look in on the process. Avatarr approves of this idea, stating that Baldur is already doing great in the polls, so the PR is working out so far - the plan will work!
Jake arrives at Valhalla and meets with the local security team, who explain that they've already been there for a month without issues. Jake points out that such a thing won't matter if they can't deal with a sudden terrorist attack - it's easy to be good security when nothing happens. A lieutenant explains that they'd see any enemy aircraft coming from a long way off, since they register all unknown vessels with the sensor system. Jake points to a nearby airplane and asks who it belongs to, and he's told that it's a craft from Green Globe, Ravage's company - they're the main contractors for this job, so they've got clearance. Jake wonders if that means they know for sure who the pilot is - do they know it's not some hijacker, a terrorist or assassin? No? Didn't think so. He soon goes to check out the anti-grav lifters to see if they're in good shape, because he's noticed that the city is slowly moving, and the security guys admit that they were aware of the drifting - but that's not their department, is it? Jake explains that it's their job to check on everything, and suggests they speak to Heimdall, the 'god' responsible for security, to put things right around here. Jake soon heads to do his job at the anti-grav engines, but is surprised to find the doors already open… and there's a wild horned beastman there, messing with the grav lifters! Yeah, we've caught up to where we were...
Ravage 2099 #14 - Clouds of Doom
Jake and Ravage exchange a few swift blows, but eventually the former runs off to resupply with his vigilante equipment, since he can't get much done against the supernaturally tough beastman with his police-issue gear. Ravage takes advantage of the pause to try and sabotage Valhalla's gravity engines again, but realizes they're protected from even his mighty blows by some sort of advanced atomic stasis device which keeps a molecule-thick layer of atoms absolutely impervious to damage. The Punisher shows up for a rematch, but again it devolves into a stalemate.
Ravage has a little internal dialogue over how he doesn't like vigilantes - well, except the ones who are like him, who have a good goal in mind. He's not just some bent cop with a taste for mindless violence! Their fight gets interrupted when a bunch of Alchemax stormtroopers show up. Both the Punisher and Ravage quickly flee from the corporate soldiers, as this has become too much of a fuss for either of them. Ravage actually jumps straight off the flying city and arranges for his plane to catch him on the way down. He decides to head home and study the Alchemax files that he's stolen some more, to see if he can find a way around the stasis fields. As he heads out, he spots a trail of devastation in the water below the city - the engines must be even worse than expected, since dead marine life floats en masse below the anti-gravity engines in a wide trail that leads into the distance. Oh, the huge manatees! To his dismay, Ravage realizes that the trail is heading against the current… and the city is floating on a direct course towards New York City! Oh, crap!
Later, after he's transformed back into his human form, Ravage muses that it doesn't make sense to take the city over land if it's just going to kill everything underneath it - a lot of people would die. Alchemax has to realize that - or do they not know the city is drifting? He goes to check up on the specs in his stolen data, knowing that the information he needs must be there, but that he lacks the know-how to understand what he's looking at. His grasp of physics is just not advanced enough, he's out of his depth. Much to Ravage's shock, someone suddenly appears in the middle of his office, seemingly responding to his very thoughts by commenting that these problems might be taxing to a brain such as his - but not to the minds of others. Not to someone like Doom! Ah, there you are! Long time no see, Doomsy! Good to have you!
Doom introduces himself as the ruler of Latveria, and a spooked Ravage wonders if this is 'heroes day', since he already had a fight with the Punisher earlier. Is Doom here to have a workout too? Doom observes that flippancy is a trait of the truly ignorant, but he's here for a higher purpose - he's interested in defusing the threat that Valhalla poses. That fact alone should be enough to get Ravage, also known as the infamous beastman, to help him out. Ravage is freaked out that Doom knows about his secret identity, and that he somehow got through the security systems. Doom tells him contemptuously that he breached the security systems with the same ease he decoded Alchemax's blueprint of Valhalla, as he's had some recent experience with the security systems of computers… Oh, wow, the VR arc actually has plot relevance?
Ravage demands to know if he's just supposed to hand over all the information he's gathered because of Doom's little speech, but the monarch points out that he'll do that because Ravage trusts his instincts, and they should be telling him that Doom is speaking the truth. Ravage admits that Doom is right, as the beast within him can tell they're on the same side - against Alchemax. He asks where he should upload the data, and Doom distractedly mentions that he already took it the moment he arrived. So much for asking for permission! He then adds that they'll meet at Valhalla that evening at 2200 hours. Don't be late! As Doom fades away, proving to be nothing more than a hologram, Ravage admits that it seems the man knows what he's doing - but he can't just leave it up to some foreign stranger to resolve the issue. He needs a plan B...
Just moments later, a bunch of X-Men from 2099 show up in hologram form to interrogate him about the Alchemax data disc he stole, and he tells them that if they're very nice, he might share what he knows…
We switch over to Alchemax CEO Avatarr, who is overlooking the final transformation of Tiana into the goddess Hela. He inquires if she'll die like some of Tyler Stone's earlier experimental subjects, but the VP explains that she's got the gene-type and belief-system that should make the process seamless - she's just about to emerge now! The next few minutes will be critical, as Hela and the original owner of the body struggle for control. We see a depiction of this spiritual struggle, showing Hela as an aggressive inner persona who feels she's always been held back by Tiana, while Tiana excuses this by explaining that she's always had to leave a normal life. Hela declares she won't lead any life now, and Tiana begins to have second thoughts, wondering briefly if she'd be safer remaining as she is. Finally, though, she decides to submit her spirit to her goddess, and stops struggling. Hela declares there was never any choice to begin with, and strikes to kill…
Tiana leaps from the operating table, a snarl of rage on her face, and Avatarr congratulates her on her success. The newly reborn Hela demands clothes and her death rake, a vicious-looking trident, and receives a costume worthy of a goddess - or a stripper. The metamorphosis is now complete, in another victory for Alchemax technology!
Avatarr warns Stone not to forget his 'star friends' and the respect they are due, though the VP does not seem clear what to do with that constant reminder of these mysterious alien allies. Avatarr next turns to Hela and explains that this super-empowerment treatment wasn't entirely free, as she'll be expected to deal with certain criminal elements of society, so-called heroes, for the benefit of the general public. She'll simply have to choose one of them… and wipe them out! Hela agrees, raising her death-rake before her, and decides that Ravage will be her quarry to hunt! First, though, Tiana always dreamed of flying, and she can finally fulfill that particular wish...
In Hela's wake, Avatarr asks Stone if their PR campaign to advertise the new gods and goddesses is working out, and Stone explains that 'Operation Iconoblast' is still ongoing. We witness a PR broadcast interrupt a couple's favorite program on the 'ad channel', and it's an interview with the god Baldur. Apparently he recently resolved a siege on the 'Real Food Fanatics', a bunch of culty crazies who thought you should be able to grow your own food. Insane! Baldur did it without anyone getting hurt - except the foodies, of course! What a man - fearless and strong, and not hiding in the shadows like those 'heroes' you hear about, but out and proud in public! In an interview booth, Baldur is asked why he does what he does, and the god explains that the Public Eye, the Eco Police and so forth have their hands full already, they're overworked. They're tied up in red tape, and that's why the gods and goddesses of Valhalla are coming to change all that, and to free the city from fear. But first they must remove the imposters, the costumed vigilantes and freaks like Spider-Man, the Punisher, and the Beastman!
Spider-Man 2099 #15 - Rise of the Hammer
In what I presume is a flashback, Jordan Boone is busy sending an e-mail to his friend Henri - Meanstreak of the X-Men - to complain about his standing at Alchemax after the failure of his 'Virtual Unreality' project. (Ugh.) It seems bigwig Tyler Stone is focused on mentoring Miguel O'Hara whom Boone has an adversarial relationship with, and Boone has been forbidden from getting involved in the Valhalla Project entirely which rather pisses him off. In contradiction to this mandate, Boone managed to find out everything about the project, and he is now sending the details to Henri in case things go bad - because he's about to go and do something outrageous. After he sends his message off, though, Boone is almost immediately taken down by a member of the Public Eye corporate police, who calls Boone a trickster before knocking him unconscious and carrying him away.
After handily defeating some members of a gang lead by an incredibly edgelord 90's dude named Bloodsword, the Spider-Man of 2099 is promptly surrounded by people who worship him, and he becomes very uncomfortable about it, especially when a woman asks him to heal her son's severely scared face. It seems he's gained a reputation as a 'harbinger of Thor' within the Thorite Church, since he was one of the first of the new batch of heroes that recently showed up, so he's seen as the start of a new Age of Heroes. Spidey tells the woman that he will ask Thor for help and swings away to people cheering his and the thunder god's names. Well, that's not good! Up above, Miguel O'Hara changes back into his street clothes and returns to the richer parts of town, disgusted with the opulence of the upper city while it leaves the poor to suffer. To punctuate this, he hears a child begging his mother to buy something for him, and when she complains that her son's dirty hands make him look monstrous, Miguel asks her if she wants to know what real monstrous-looking kids are like. He then quickly tells her never mind and walks off.
Later, after some irrelevant relationship drama, Tyler Stone informs Miguel that they are scheduled to pay a visit to Valhalla, currently docked at an oil rig, to witness the grand activation of the flying city. Miguel asks after Jordan Boone, worried that the man is mucking about with his crazy experiments again, but Stone assures him that won't ever happen again. In fact, he tells Miguel that Boone is no longer working for Alchemax at all! Miguel and Dana are soon taken to Valhalla in a flying car, and they are impressed by the mag-lev vehicles which travel to the flying city using a rainbow-hued anti-graviton particle system called the Bifrost. When Miguel explains the reference to Norse mythology to Dana, their guide asks O'Hara if he is a Thorite. Miguel admits he isn't, but claims to be the subject of Thorite worship, which is dismissed as a mere joke.
They arrive just as Valhalla's main systems are being activated, which would allow the floating city to become totally self-sufficient rather than reliant on outside power supplies. Once the various machines spring to life, however, Valhalla suddenly begins to shake and there is a distant explosion which sends people panicking. The explosion was actually the city ripping itself free from the oil rig that supported it, and it has now started moving in earnest. Someone calls out to the gathered crowds from above, referring to the many civilians around as 'mortals',' and two armored men descend from the sky, claiming to be Thor and Heimdall respectively. They appear to have the powers to match, if not the classic costumes, and Thor tells the gathered people that he has come now to fulfill prophecy and bring a golden age upon the people - and death to all the charlatans that claim to spread his word!
Spider-Man 2099 #16 - Fall of the Hammer (Part 1) - The Hammer Strikes
Thor tells those gathered on Valhalla that the Aesir will protect them and hold back the tide of Ragnarok, but the so-called thunder god's attentions are soon turned to more Earthly concerns when he notices Dana in the carnal sense. He considers her a 'comely wench' and says that she can stay, while he orders the rest of the crowd to leave. Miguel obviously has a serious problem with this, and openly questions whether these two men are really Thor and Heimdall or just impostors. Taking great offense at this minimal slight, Thor tries to strike Miguel with his hammer, but Miguel catches the god's fist. Still, Thor is far stronger than Miguel expects, and he lifts the boy off the ground and tosses him out of a nearby window to his apparent death.
Dana, horrified by this, soon loses Thor's favor and she is told to leave with everyone else. Naturally, Miguel is not as dead as everyone fears thanks to his spider-powers, and manages to swing himself to the bottom of the floating city where he doffs his street clothing and changes into Spider-Man. Dana, meanwhile, cries over Miguel and thinks him dead while she and the other civilians are returned to New York. Watching their departure, Thor considers smiting the woman for not agreeing with his advances, but before he and Heimdall can make up their minds about that, they are ambushed by Spider-Man. He's eager to fight them until he learns that Dana has already left with the crowd, and there's no point to start a conflict anymore. However, when Spidey attempts to leave the two alleged gods attack him for the temerity of… showing up? Spider-Man manages to grab Heimdall's sword and uses it to fend off Thor's attacks, and when Thor manages to disarm Spider-Man, the hero snares the sword with his webbing and strikes Thor in the face with it, cutting his cheek.
Thor is enraged at having his blood drawn by a mortal and charges at Spidey. The vigilante tries to fight off his vengeful attacker, but his blows are all effortlessly shrugged off by Thor. Ultimately, Spider-Man is forced out of Valhalla on the business end of Thor's flying hammer. It takes all his effort to pry himself free from the weapon, only for him to fall down in some rubble just outside the rich side of New York, Uptown, after which the hammer slams into him a few more times for good measure. Some time later, Spider-Man pulls himself out of the dirt with a lot of painful effort, surprised to even be alive - and then the Punisher arrives and gets the drop on the hero, ordering him not to move. Spidey admits that moving is not something he's gonna be doing for a while, anyway…
Ravage 2099 #15 - Fall of the Hammer (Part 2) - Horns of a Dilemma
We return to Ravage while he's just finishing up his call with the X-Men in his last issue - they were asking about a missing friend of theirs, Jordan Boone, and they suspected the stolen data he had might've been connected to his disappearance. Ravage thought them a bunch of rude teens though and figures giving them any information would be a waste of time. Unfortunately the X-Men think differently, as one of them promptly breaks into his office, physically this time. The monstrous Bloodhawk grabs him to shake the truth out of him, but the mutant is surprised when Ravage promptly starts stripping. What's going on here? Ravage explains that he's ruined way too many suits already doing this, so he's making sure he still has clothes to wear after the transformation wears off… before turning into the wild and horned Beastman!
Puzzled by what the hell is going on here, since he thought he was dealing with some human, Bloodhawk retreats a little. Ravage explains that he doesn't know about the X-Men's missing friend, but if it's a fight they want, they can get one! Bloodhawk admits that he's probably not going to find Boone by fighting, nor is it going to help bring down that ecological nightmare, Valhalla. Ravage is surprised by the motives of the X-Men, which match his own, and wonders if perhaps they can work together on this. Meanstreak and Krystalin soon join them, and they share information on the stolen data disc as well as Valhalla, including an uneasy alliance with the mysterious tech-genius called 'Doom' who might be key to neutralizing the threat of the sky city to New York. Ravage figures if they can just replace the engines with something less polluting, things might turn out alright…
Meanstreak and Ravage keep posturing and squabbling towards each other the entire way over to Valhalla, two big male egos fighting it out. Bloodhawk and Krystalin both tell them to cut it out, and reluctantly the two cool it on approach. They're intercepted by a bunch of security personnel working for the Punisher's civilian ID, who recognize Ravage and the X-Men as maverick faux-heroes rather than the 'real deal' of the Aesir that inhabit the city behind them, so they go in for the kill.
While the X-Men distract the cops, Ravage hijacks one of their flying motorcycles and goes off to meet Doom - he'll have a way to get through the stasis lock on the engines, and keep the city aloft afterwards even without the polluting hardware. As Ravage flies closer to the city, however, a host of security personnel get ready to pepper him with bullets - only for Heimdall to suddenly fly in and interrupt matters, declaring that he'll take care of this problem personally.
Down in New York, we catch back up with Spider-Man and the Punisher. The Punisher is confused, because he fought off the Beastman up in Valhalla only a little while ago, and now Spidey got into a tussle with who appears to be Thor… Who are the bad guys here, and who are the good guys? Spidey admits that's a bit of a big philosophical question to ask of someone who just got kicked out of the sky - but he figures in his mind they're both good guys. The Punisher declares that they know where they both stand - against Alchemax, Valhalla, and these so-called Aesir! Spidey decides he'll go along with that, but asks if maybe his newfound ally can put that big gun away from his face. The Punisher does, and the two soon grab a nearby skycycle to get back up to the flying city, and do what they do best - kick butt!
Ravage is a bit weirded out by this Heimdall fellow, who is loudly shouting that he's sullying the sacred city of Valhalla with his presence. Ravage points out that the city is doing a fair amount of sullying just by itself, but Heimdall dismisses the death of a few fish as a small price to pay for the glory of the gods. Ravage decides that's all he needs to hear - anyone who thinks destroying nature is worth it to boost their personal ego is no god - but a Grade A butthead! Yea, work on those quips, bud. Heimdall slices up the skycycle, but Ravage jumps off and smashes his horned skull into Heimdall, sending them both falling to the city below.
Heimdall starts boasting about his infinite awareness, and Bloodhawk approaches from behind hoping to take advantage of the bloviating, but unfortunately Heimdall notices him and smacks him in the face with his sword, figuring that's a demonstration of his vaunted omniscience… The other two X-Men soon arrive as backup, and Heimdall proclaims that he expected them, since Loki warned they were looking for him. Krystalin is confused about who Loki might be, but realizing the person they're looking for, wonders whether it's possible that Jordan Boone might be who they're talking about. Has Boone somehow joined these false Aesir gods? Elsewhere, a mysterious figure in Loki-inspired armor is watching all this on cameras, and smiles evilly as he declares: 'If only you knew, my dear…'
Ravage leaves the X-Men to keep Heimdall busy as he renews his attempt to disable the engines and find Doom. Unfortunately he's once again thwarted, this time by a golden trident that rakes across his back - Hela has arrived! She intentionally gave him a flesh wound rather than actually hurting him much, though, since she wants this to last. Ravage is annoyed at having to deal with another costumed weirdo, especially one who knows his tricks - she's aware of his healing factor, and figures it'll stop working once he's in fifteen pieces. In response, Ravage lashes out with his superior speed, figuring that since he's that much faster, he should also have an edge in strength, which would perhaps be enough to take her out of the fight. As he lays into her with a haymaker, however, Hela suddenly cries out for Paul-Philip, Ravage's real name, and demands to know, in tears, how he could hit her like that. Is that… Tiana?
Naturally, Hela takes advantage of Ravage's confusion, and slashes him across the chest when he attempts to help her up and apologize for his attack. Ravage isn't sure if he can fight his former love interest, but he knows that she's not holding back at all, so he can't think of her as anything but an enemy to combat. He just has to defend himself in any way he can, no matter who he's fighting. In response to Ravage dialing it up a notch, Hela also decides that the time for flesh wounds is over - it's time to dice him! While Ravage tries to get through to Tiana, she rejects the name entirely - that secretary who hung onto his every word was a weakling! Ravage notes that she was sensitive, intelligent and kind, and Tiana waves those off as descriptions of a good dog. No, he now deals with Hela, Queen of the Underworld! Ravage dismisses that as nonsense - all this Aesir stuff is just corporate abuse of Thorite worship. It's a front for the bad guys!
Ravage tries to convey the truth of the Aesir trick and the pollutant city they inhabit, but Hela just declares that Ravage has always been a liar. He used Tiana, knew that she loved him, but never had enough time for her! Ravage realizes that everything she's doing is personal - she's establishing her own identity at the expense of Ravage's. He notes that it doesn't matter whether she's Tiana or some superpowered thing, if that's how she's trying to establish her identity, it won't work. And he's prepared to die to prove it! He then allows her a free stab with her trident, and Hela quickly goes to take advantage, cackling in victory - only for her to falter in the last moment and miss intentionally. She realizes that he meant his boast - he really was going to let her kill him to prove his point. At that she breaks, admitting she hasn't thought this through, and she collapses into his beastly arms.
Ravage goes to give her a hug, promising he'll help her, but Hela quickly pushes him back, telling him not to touch her. How can she trust him, when she can't even trust herself? She needs some time alone. She takes off despite Ravage's calls to stay, and he declares that a woman's heart is far more frightening than Alchemax, villains, and flying cities all together! Ugh. That reminds him that there's still a job to be done, and he's had quite enough trouble already getting to it. It's time to take the heavens down!
X-Men 2099 #5 - Fall of the Hammer (Part 3) - Lightningstrike
We see an Alchemax police vehicle racing through the streets of New York, which is currently facing a storm due to the presence of Valhalla overhead. One of the cops wonders if the stories are true and Thor really is back, while the other dismisses that as mere religious 'mindwash.' Ever since this new Spider-Man appeared, things have gotten real weird in the city - for example, what about those four freaks, the X-Men? The only one they've been able to catch is the normal one! Not so normal, it turns out, as Timothy 'Skullfire' Fitzgerald blasts his way out of the hover car with a blast of green energy, his fists wreathed in power. He's got too much to do to spend time in Alchemax lockup, and friends to find - and he knows just where to look! Up above, Halvalla beckons…
Heimdall faces off against the other three X-Men, declaring that Valhalla has been consecrated by Thor, who has returned to right Midgard from its errant path. While Hela tries to kill their Beastman companion Ravage in another book, Heimdall will take care of the mutants! Bloodhawk tries to blindside the god but it doesn't work, as he declares he can feel the very tectonic shifts of continents, and count drops of dew that blanket rainforests - his senses are truly divine! He raises his sword, Hofund, and declares there is no place in the world to come for a monster like Bloodhawk, but Krystalin interferes with his aim by launching a shower of crystals at him. Heimdall spins his blade to disrupt that attack, which works like a lightsaber against blasters - he's clearly very fast.
Meanstreak decides to test that speed, since he hasn't yet met anyone as fast as him - while Krystalin distracts the Aesir, the speedster grabs a stray pipe and goes for a headshot from behind. Heimdall sees him coming long before he arrives and just puts the sword in the way of Meanstreak's path, knocking him unconscious with a single blow and sending his body careening along the ground until it comes to a stop against a wall. Heimdall's hyper-accelerated senses are just too much to overcome. A figure in the shadows nearby watches on and notes that Heimdall is the most steadfast of the watcher's Aesir brethren, resolute in his purpose and unquestioning in loyalty. In other words, he's a giant bore. The figure smiles and declares that Meanstreak should regain consciousness soon - for his old friend Loki wishes to inspire misschief for mortals and gods alike!
Heimdall next turns to Krystalin and demands surrender, declaring he would gain no honor from battling a mere maiden. Krystalin doesn't take too kindly to that patriarchal nonsense, and figures since Sif isn't around to knock sense into him, she'll have to do it herself. Unfortunately she doesn't get to put that promise into practice since Ravage swoops in to grab her, noting that they have more immediate concerns than Norse sexism. Krystalin is surprised that Ravage is fine, since Heimdall implied Hela was sent after him. She's informed that Hela couldn't go through with killing him, as it turned out she was an old and confused friend of his. These Aesir aren't gods, but just twisted people! They might even be a diversion to take attention away from Valhalla's polluting anti-gravity technology. Ravage is still intent on taking those engines down before they do any more damage, and Krystalin follows him, musing to herself that her late mother would be heartbroken if she'd known her faith in Thor would one day be misused like this for corporate gain...
With a thunderclap, Thor announces himself to some civilians, and the people below chant his name. Grifters are already trying to take advantage of all the religious fervor, with various people charging exorbitant fees for cab rides up to Valhalla. Skullfire needs to get up there, so he's forced to deal with the markup. The people around him don't really care for Skullfire's attitude, especially when he admits he doesn't even believe in Thor and just wants to save his friends. For his blasphemy, the people there decide he should be taught a lesson in the way of the hammer, and they pull out their weapons to beat him up. Skullfire decides that if they want a god of lightning, he'll give them one, and unleashes green energy which surrounds him until his very skeleton is visible through his skin - which explains his name, I guess. After the crowd runs away in fear, Skullfire threatens the scalper, who allows him a free ride up to Valhalla in his old, smoke-belching vehicle.
We suddenly get a flashback to a few issues ago, where we see the X-Men in a hover car on the streets, summarizing their latest actions in their own titles, as well as their current mission. They're presently following up on Jordan Boone's disappearance after investigating the Valhalla project. Around them, news screens are reporting sightings of Thor and other Asgardian gods - things have gotten pretty crazy recently! They go to Boone's place and use voice ID to pass by the holographic answering machine, then look around for Jordan's journal - he always kept one in the past. Meanstreak explains that Boone is a self-centered competitive genius with a vicious wit - just like him, and they were constantly competing at the academy, but Boone managed to help him break an unbreakable Alchemax contract, so he's in the man's debt… Soon enough he finds a chip under a 'Richards Foundation' award for theoretical physics - exactly what they were looking for.
While Skullfire somehow gets himself trapped in a super-squishy armchair that forms itself to your body, like the complete goofball he is, Meanstreak accesses the journal's latest entries. It seems that Alchemax shifted resources to activating Valhalla two years earlier than scheduled, but internal memos indicate that the anti-gravity engines are dangerously unstable. These tests were buried by top brass, so Valhalla could be approved more quickly. The office of Ravage greenlit the project, so Boone was planning to investigate that man's connection with the coverup - despite his corporate image, Ravage is a veteran of the pollution wars, and his recent behavior has been rather eccentric so it's unclear how much he's involved. The X-Men decide they should pay this Ravage guy a visit…
Before the team can leave the building, Public Eye cops invade and declare that everyone is under arrest - they were probably monitoring the apartment. Krystalin puts up a crystal wall to stop the baddies from approaching, telling the others that there's no reason to get into a firefight here, now that they have a lead - they just have to get to Ravage. Bloodhawk agrees with that and transforms into his monstrous form, crashing through a wall to get out into the open air. The others quickly follow him, telling Skullfire to get a move on too… but that guy is still stuck in that comfy chair. He can't get up! While everyone else gets away, declaring they'll meet at Valhalla later, the Alchemax goons aim guns at the ridiculous numbskull left behind and put him under arrest, which brings up back to the start of this comic…
Finishing up his flashback, Skullfire is jolted by a sudden knocking sound from below - the engine of the old, crappy sky car has finally given up the ghost in the terrible weather. The pilot decides to cut his losses, jumping over the side with the only parachute. Skullfire complains that there's no Bloodhawk around to catch him - but maybe he'll land on a street mime and make his death count! At the last possible second, however, a mysterious metal hand reaches down and catches his cape…
A thousand feet below them, the Punisher and Spider-Man dodge Skullfire's crashing vehicle as they make their way up towards Valhalla, noting that ever since these 'Aesir' appeared, the city's gone wild, and people are taking crazy risks to try and get up to the city. Spidey muses that he thought New Yorkers were supposed to be cynical, but Punisher replies that people just want to believe in the promise of something better than what they have - sometimes that's all they live for. That's why they can be manipulated by con artists - whether through drugs, sex, movies, or false religion. Spidey quotes a bible verse about false prophets, and warns Punisher that even if these are wolves in sheep's clothing, they're more than mere animals - Thor carries around a hammer with a nuclear kick. He learned that the first time he visited Valhalla…
Alchemax CEO Avatarr is reflecting that the masses are gullible children who kneel by their beds at night, praying to fictional deities to rescue them from the dreary responsibilities of mundane life. Now, though, they have a new pantheon to worship - and those so-called heroes who keep interfering with the corporation will fall from grace, branded as heretics. And then they will be slain by the gods he created!
Bloodhawk recovers from Heimdall's sucker punch, ready to charge back into the fight, but Krystalin warns him to stay back - he's still not at his best. Heimdall decides he misjudged the woman - she stands her ground to protect her monstrous comrade knowing full well she is outmatched - clearly she's a valiant warrior, and thus earned the right to remain on Valhalla. Krystalin declares that's the last thing she wants to do, but Heimdall notes that it's a high honor to be counted among Valhalla's warriors - she need only swear allegiance to his lord and liege! Indeed, she already wears Thor's amulet around her neck! Krystalin replies that she does have faith - but not in his Thor.
Nearby, Meanstreak wakes up and comes face to face with a snarling wolf from out of nowhere. What? Meanstreak is similarly confused and tries to hold off the animal, only for it to start speaking. The animal fades to reveal a humanoid form in its place - a tall horned figure in yellow and green. The god of mischief takes many forms - but this is Loki!
The god notes that Meanstreak shouldn't look so alarmed - he's here to offer assistance, after all. Still, the hesitance is logical - who would trust the lord of deception? Loki offers advice - it's not immortal blood which makes ever-vigilant Heimdall so fast and perceptive, but neurotechnology which accelerates his responses. Technology which can be turned off. Loki offers up a small device, and Meanstreak decides that he'll take it - he doesn't have much of a choice.
Launching back into the fight, Heimdall is about to kill Krystalin when Meanstreak gets her out of harm's way before activating Loki's device. Instantly Heimdall is struck blind and deaf, crying out in horror as Bloodhawk comes down on him like a ton of bricks and sends him to the floor. Loki wasn't lying, then! Bloodhawk wonders why another false god would help take down this one, and Meanstreak notes that in the myths Loki could never be trusted - he brought about Ragnarok by killing Baldur in those stories, after all. Loki approaches and notes that he brought down a house of sanctimonious, brutish, frost-bitten gods, and he'll do so again. It's a role he accepts. Still, the most obvious reason for his interference still eludes the X-Men. They came in search of a vanished friend… and they've found him.
Loki, it turns out, is actually Jordan Boone transformed into an Aesir, much like Tiana was turned into Hela. Once, Boone and Meanstreak competed for everything at the Academy, but there was one thing the former could never match, and that was the latter's mutant ability. Now, he can - for he's a god! Meanstreak wonders why Boone would risk genetic restructuring and all its possible side-effects for some powers, and Loki explains that Alchemax was turning morons into the most powerful beings in the world, rushing transformations to coincide with the city's launch, he took advantage by breaking into the research banks and altering his psych and gene profiles to match the Loki criteria, sabotaging the process so he would retain his own identity.
'You are a hollow mockery of a god,' Doom states as he suddenly arrives on a hover-platform alongside Skullfire, whom he rescued from a long fall earlier. 'You are a genetically engineered clown performing tricks in Alchemax's three ring circus!" Good to see you again, Doomsy!
The X-Men are confused as to why Latveria's monarch is here, and Doom explains that the floating city intrigued him, as did the apparent resurrection of Thor. Loki declares that with Doom here, Ravage waiting below, and the X-Men at his side, they need only wait for Spider-Man's return and they'll all be assembled as he planned. Doom irritably asks if Loki is implying he got here at the false god's direction, and Loki informs Doom that he allowed easy access to Alchemax's priority files to lure the monarch here, since he would doubtlessly understand the dire implications of a poor man's Hall of Heroes. They're all here as part of Loki's glorious game…
Angry at the manipulation, Bloodhawk tosses Loki around a bit and declares that playing at divinity while his flying city poisons the sky and leeches life from the earth is a travesty - he doesn't care for these pretend gods! He soon takes off into the sky, only for a bolt of lighting to strike him down and send him crumpling to the ground. Loki stares up and greets his 'brother' as he descends from on high - he never could make an entrance without drama. Thor has arrived, raging about mortals taking up arms against the chosen of Asgard. On this day, they shall find no quarter, no mercy, so sweareth Thor, God of Thunder!
I can't get past Dumbskull getting caught in a bean-bag chair of all things. Seriously.
He's a Blaster archetype! His whole body is wreathed in his destructive energies! If he was more well-reknowned that'd be his Squirrel girl defeat!
Fall of the Hammer (October 1993 - March 1994) - Part 2
Story Overviews
Doom 2099 #14 - Fall of the Hammer (Part 4) - The Anvil and the Hammer
Thor, furious, spots the unconscious body of Heimdall on the floor and demands to know who was responsible for the blasphemous act of harming him, and Loki - who has randomly decided to start hanging upside down from the ceiling - blames the mortals around him for conspiring against his noble intent. Meanstreak, annoyed, points out that Loki was the one who gave him the technology to shut the Aesir down. Doom, impatient, declares that you cannot reason with a god of lies and deceit - not even a false one. Meanstreak hesitates, telling him that Boone used to be a friend, but Doom moves on, pointing out that none of the Aesir are the gods they claim to be, but a fabrication of science to exploit Thorite worship. The real threat is not the Asgardian play actors, but the flying city they call home - it hangs explosively over the earth like the Sword of Damocles…
Doom tells the others that Ravage is working below to attempt to fix the anti-gravity technology of the aerial time-bomb, and the X-Men discuss what to do about Valhalla - Bloodhawk suggests blowing it up before it does any more damage, Meanstreak is hesitant about shutting down an entire city, while Skullfire is on team Doom after the guy saved his life last issue. Finally, Krystalin suggests exposing the phony gods for what they really are, which really gets Thor mad. Arrogant mortals, impudent enough to question his divinity, have earned his righteous anger! Thor then raises Mjolnir and surges straight at Doom, knocking him into the ceiling with a single vicious blow. As he falls to the floor, Doom muses that the ionic energy field around the hammer is far more powerful than his readings indicated.
Loki descends from the ceiling, telling Doom that he remembers him from the historical archives - he's been an evil genius, beneficent ruler, hero slayer, world builder… Which role will he play this time? Doom demands to know what the trickster wants, and Loki replies that Doom shouldn't be so surly, as he only wants to deliver some advice. He tells Doom not to confront Thor physically, because all his power stems from Mjolnir. All his power. Doom asks Loki why he'd betray his brother, and Loki points out that it's half-brother, since he's never truly been of Asgard. And his loyalties, well, they're as changeable as his form!
Thor tells Loki to step aside, as Doom is his to destroy, declaring he'll make an example to all who would defy the Aesir - Mjolnir will pound his metal exterior into slag for the foundries of the Dwarves! Doom dodges, and observes that Loki wasn't lying about the hammer, as it really is Thor's power source. Recalibrating his sensors to edit out the static allows him to trace the energy generated by Mjolnir, and it flows through the Asgardian's body as well, making it stronger. He'll just have to interrupt that flow… Doom reaches out to touch the hammer, much to Thor's dismay, and the false god declares that only he or Odin may hold it. Doom replies: 'Whosoever is worthy indeed,' and unleashes the weapon's power, and it engulfs both him and Thor in a nimbus of crackling energy. Thor tells Doom that he doesn't know what he's doing, but the monarch replies that he really, really does.
Meanstreak tells the others of the X-Men what Loki told him about the Aesir - that they're all transformed human beings using bio-technology, and that Doom is presently staunching the energy that gives Thor his inhuman strength. Bloodhawk observes that Doom is clearly a formidable warrior, but he's dubious about the man's motives. Krystalin tiredly points out that everyone seems to have their own agenda - Doom, Ravage, Loki… She suddenly notices that Heimdall has disappeared, but that issue becomes less relevant when the dueling Doom and Thor start shining like a miniature star - the power buildup is about to reach critical mass and explode! With a magnificent Skrathoom! The entirety of Valhalla is engulfed in a burst of energy and lightning, and a single streak of fire smashes downwards to crash somewhere in the city below.
The X-Men made it through the explosion, but they're not sure if either combatant survived the fall, and perhaps there's now an Asgardian-and-Armor pancake on the ground somewhere? Meanstreak notices that Loki is trying to get away and chases him down, telling him that just because Thor might be a stain on the street, that doesn't let him off the hook. Loki responds that Jordan Boone is gone, and he's now the god of mischief - he's got to do his part. He figured Meanstreak of all people would understand, that's why he brought the X-Men, Doom and Ravage to help him out. He sabotaged Alchemax's biggest project - and they gave him the powers of a god in return! Suddenly Valhalla starts wobbling under their feet, tilting precariously to the side and rocking like a boat in a storm. Meanstreak asks why the gyroscopes aren't adjusting the city to the atmospheric disturbances, only to realize that it's causing the disturbance. Boone reiterates that the anti-grav technology of the city is unstable, and the top brass covered that up. They've designed Valhalla to fall...
Downtown, some Alchemax goons use a crane to retrieve an unconscious Thor from the middle of a large crater, while shooting to kill any citizens who might catch sight of the defeated god. They also get his hammer back, still charged with a huge amount of energy. One of the guys says that radar noticed two figures on descent, so where's the other one? Another replies that there's no evidence of any secondary impact, so maybe he burned up as a fireball, or just disappeared into the ether. In the shadow nearby, Doom reveals to the reader that unlike the powerless Thor, bereft of his hammer's full power, Doom was able to gradually phase his body into intangibility, thereby slowing his descent until he could land unharmed. His armor's cloaking systems, meanwhile, will allow him to follow the reclamation crew to see where exactly they'll be delivering their fallen god.
Later, Thor wakes up in a tall building, in front of six stereotypical mad scientist glass tubes, one of which is occupied by a skimpily-dressed woman. Thor rubs his head, declaring it feels like he got trampled by all eight of Sleipnir's hooves, before remembering that he was locked in combat with the mortal Doom, when the man sought to take Mjolnir from his hands. Wait, Mjolnir - where is his hammer? He gets up, deciding it must be near - he needs it before heading back to Valhalla to continue the battle. Perhaps it was concealed somewhere in this strange place reeking of that mortal sorcery, science? Thor gets uneasy when the laboratory comes across as oddly familiar, then spots the woman in the tube and recognizes her as the goddess Sif!
Alchemax CEO Avatarr arrives, telling Thor that you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, and the geneticist on the Aesir program missed a stubborn DNA strand in the woman which resisted the Sif transformation. They were unaware of her incompatibility until it was much too late to find another subject, and she died. Thor declares that he shall hurt the CEO for hurting his lady Sif, but Avatar warns him that threatening his superior is an unwise course of action, and tells the computer to reconvert the Thor subject. The reversal of the transformation is quicker than the first time around - but no less painful. With a cry of pain Reverend McAdam falls to the floor in front of Avatarr's feet.
Avatarr explains that the nanotech receptors placed in McAdam's bloodstream have reversed gears, and thus he's once more an ordinary priest of Thor, rather than deity. McAdam begs forgiveness, but he's told that it's too late for repentance. McAdam didn't hesitate when he was offered the chance to become the god he so worshipped, and since he and the other five's psych profiles matched their genes, they transformed and forgot their mortal identity and believed they were truly Aesir. Thus, he leaves McAdam the option - he'll either stay a sniveling little priest, or return to being Thor once again, in Avatarr's service. McAdam begs for Thor to help him, and in response Avatarr orders the computer to reconvert him back into godly form. He then hands the angry god back his hammer, and tells him not to forget that in this life, he is the Allfather!
The moment Thor leaves, Doom deactivates his cloak and tells Avatarr that he played his hand too soon. As part of Alchemax's highest echelons of power, he's surprised that he would be so very visible in this corporate deception. Avatarr observes that Eduardo Devargas underestimated Doom, that he's more than just resourceful, but he won't make the same mistakes. Doom replies that the false Aesir have so far served no real function except to initiate conflict, and Avatarr replies that that was their point. Heroes are a dangerous abstraction, he explains, they breed independence. Alchemax is built on public dependence on them for everything in their lives, and thus he chose to create his own larger-than-life heroes to control their effect on the public. Doom agrees, but notes that heroism is a contagious idea that spreads quickly, and he lived during the last epidemic.
Avatarr admits that he does know about the fabled Age of Heroes - but in that more innocent of times, Doom was hardly a revolutionary sweetheart. He was a dictator, wasn't he? Doom warns Avatarr to take care of what he says, but the CEO smiles and wonders if Doom will threaten him physically next. He's welcome to try, but Doom might find his gaze too much to bear. In any case, he could also deal with the more immediately life-threatening problem of Valhalla. They both know, after all, that the technology keeping the city afloat is failing. While the Doctor Doom of legend would care nothing for the lives of people endangered by such a crash, in this decade Doom has caught an infection of conscience, hasn't he? Could he let all those people, both on Valhalla and below it, die? Doom responds that he won't be blackmailed, and Avatarr just suggests thinking of it as a negotiation…
On board Valhalla, people are panicking as it keeps rocking back and forth. The X-Men wonder why it's doing that when the Beastman was ostensibly fixing the engines, but admit that if Alchemax's best and brightest failed to make it work, a crazy werebeast probably wouldn't be any better at it. Krystalin suggests analyzing the cause of the catastrophe later, after everyone gets safely off this death trap. Right now, they have to get everyone into emergency escape vehicles! Bloodhawk decides to get the attention of civilians by flying up and shouting, which is noticed by the Punisher and Spider-Man, who have finally shown up. They're not sure who the winged character is, but at least he's getting people to the lifeboats, so that's something. Punisher muses that the civilians saw their god plummet to Earth and not return - their faith was shattered, and now they just want to get the hell out in a burst of panic and hysteria.
Spidey decides he can help getting the rest of the people to move by leveraging his 'Harbinger of Thor' reputation, but the Punisher just raises his gun and pops off a shot, declaring that he hates wasting ammo when he doesn't have a target, so they'll make this evacuation orderly. Orderly, you hear? Spider-Man turns and spots a wolf, which promptly turns into Loki. Loki is glad to see him, noting that none of this would have happened without his presence, as Spider-Man's appearance was the first needle in the eye of Alchemax's might. Spidey isn't sure what he's on about, but recognizes the smug delivery - Jordan Boone?! Loki is baffled that Spider-Man would know him, only for the Punisher to arrive with a huge hand cannon, declaring he's got the trickster in his sights. 'When you're a god, you've got no one to pray to.'
Loki apologizes for breaking the Punisher's god-killing fervor, but he doesn't care for Ragnarok - it's always such a drag. He disappears into nothing, appearing elsewhere to reflect that everything he dreamed has come to pass, with the heroes challenging the corporation gods, to the detriment of Alchemax and his own benefit. When they take away the rest of the Aesir's godhood, he'll still have his own - free to spread glorious chaos around the world and back again in his satisfying game! Meanstreak arrives to tell Loki that he's playing with people's lives, and he needs to help get the ship back online before it crashes. Loki muses that he used to be much more fun, and gets a punch to the face for his trouble. Loki decides his old classmate must be jealous that he's finally been outclassed - for Loki can be anywhere, anyone, anything. With that he turns into a bird and flies away.
While Apollo-capsule escape vehicles descend in every direction from Valhalla, we see it listing to the side again as the X-Men get on board the final lifeboat. Bloodhawk figures he can just fly down on his own - he kind of wants to see the crash for himself. Nearby, Doom approaches under his own power, noting that Avatarr was correct about Doom choosing to save Valhalla - but he was mistaken about his motives. Doom will right the floating city not out of compassion, but because he has his own plans for the city. And he will enact them once he resumes intangibility and floats over there…
Spider-Man tells Punisher that Loki completely vanished, probably using his shape changing to slip away in the evacuating crowds. Punisher figures there are other Aesir around for him to use his ordinance on, though - and when he finds them, he's gonna test their faith. Doom arrives and tells the two that Thor is on his way, filled with Asgardian rage, to be a viable target. Punisher replies with a trio of bullets, which bounce harmless off Doom's armor. Impatient, Doom tells him to recognize an ally; together they will salvage Valhalla! Punisher observes that he must be Doom, and Spider-Man recalls that he's supposed to be a bad guy from his research into the original Spider-Man. Doom acknowledges that history repeats itself - both of their twentieth century counterparts were equally annoying. Spidey is intrigued by the notion that Doom knew the original, but there's no time to get into nostalgia here - they're the first of a new age, and the Aesir are here to stop them!
After a protracted absence and a variety of brief descriptions of his location, Ravage reappears to join the impromptu team-up, glad that Doom has finally shown up to assist since everything he has tried in the engine room failed to work. He's not certain how much time is left now before this piece of sky will fall down on the New York City below… Since this is a Doom 2099 issue, we also get a closing quote, as per tradition: 'You must be master and win, or serve and lose, grieve or triumph, be the anvil or the hammer.' It's by Goethe.
Punisher 2099 v1 #13 - Fall of the Hammer (Part 5) - All For One
With the heroes, anti-heroes, and Doom assembled, we get a bit of banter - Spidey proposes a 'All for one, one for all' mantra, while Ravage notes that none of them are really team players, and Punisher declares that he doesn't hang out with costumed amateurs. Doom, ever practical, tells the others that circumstances have forced them into a team - like it or not.
They are soon faced by a bunch of random mooks - snarling men which prove to be Alchemax-created Berserkers, inspired by the Norse concept, which are nearly mindless violent maniacs who are genetically engineered to be a first wave attack force to weaken enemies, destined to die gloriously. Some of them are headbutting each other or trying to eat the railings - they're not that smart. Everyone starts fighting, with Spidey and Punisher trading quips until an impatient Doom tells everyone to listen up.
He explains that he has a method of saving New York and Valhalla, but it'll only work if they all do exactly as he says. Ravage isn't impressed, noting that he now understands how the X-Men felt when Doom was ordering them around. Spidey tells Doom that he shouldn't bother informing the meatheads of the party of the technical details, but he could probably keep up. Punisher doesn't disagree, declaring that college technospeak won't save their sorry asses when the Aesir arrive. Doom tells Punisher that'll be his role, while he and Ravage will descend to the anti-gravity chamber where Doom will remove the stasis fields protecting the engines. They'll then destroy the engines at the exact moment that Doom reroutes the city's power into his Null-G Warp Matrix, which should keep the city afloat instead of crashing it into the city below.
Punisher asks what his role is in all this, and Spidey jokes that he can pass the screwdriver and make coffee. Doom tells Spider-Man off for presuming that the Punisher is unfamiliar with high tech, since he knows the man's secret identity. Spidey wonders what Punisher's day job actually is, and concludes he must fix vending machines! The banter is interrupted by the arrival of Alchemax's CEO, Avatarr, who addresses Doom and wonders if his little team of misfits will be a match to the heroes of Valhalla. How convenient to have them all assembled like this! Avatarr created Valhalla as a base for the heroes who would destroy them and lead mankind along more productive lines, but he never expected all his victims to just fly straight into the web like this. He's always overestimating people's intelligence, it seems. Doom irritably mutters that his intelligence is inestimable, as Avatarr will soon discover.
Furious at the nattering, Beastman Ravage goes to gore the CEO, only to pass straight through the man - he's only a holographic image. Punisher wonders if he lost his mind, since clearly that wasn't the real Avatarr, but Doom comments that Ravage's attack interfered with the holo-field just long enough for him to get a fix on the transmission frequency. He immediately moves to jam it, disallowing him from spying on the team for a while - he's dismissed! As Avatarr disappears, he declares that they are dismissed as well - for the Aesir know where they are! Doom acknowledges that this is obviously true, and asks the Punisher if he's ready for this challenge. 'Are you armed?' he asks. 'Is water wet?' the Punisher answers dryly. When Doom asks for specifics, the Punisher gets fancy.
'Okay, you asked for this,' he says, as he displays his armory. It seems the Punisher has gone all out with equipment, and got himself a .54 caliber Magnum Smith & Wesson handgun, a .48 Stark-Fujikawa Street Pacifier, smart targeting 'grenazers', Vibro-Knux flesh-shredding knuckle-dusters, anti-personnel dart missiles, a plas-steel armor-penetrating wrist crossbow, a telescopic ceramic machete, mean mule turbo kick boots, and a plasma gas cannon. Also his variable density power bat, which he used to beat up Ravage the other issue. Doom and Ravage are impressed by the huge amount of firepower, while Spidey thinks he's sick and needs help. Doom intentionally misinterprets the latter and tells Spider-Man that he's the help, since he's going with the Punisher. Now that Avatarr has seen them all together he's doubly intent on ruining Valhalla and preventing the city from being saved - he's hoping for Ragnarok. Doom muses that the Aesir are probably already underway, and he hopes they together can deal with them. Punisher says he's not sure about dealing with them - but killing he can manage.
Not long after, Heimdall reappears with Baldur, the Aesir from the commercials. Punisher declares that whoever these men are, they're not worthy of the names they lay claim to. Spidey knows why he's up there, but he's not sure what the Punisher's beef is with the Aesir, but he just says it's personal. Spider-Man is surprised that he even has a personal life, and he says that he doesn't. To himself, he admits that Jake Gallows does. Jake's brother was named Baldur, and these people he's fighting are also on the same side as Fearmaster, who killed Jake's girlfriend. Plenty of reasons to want them dead. Punisher unleashes his firepower and quickly blasts Baldur from the sky while Heimdall pulls out his sword Hofund to take him on in melee combat.
Heimdall declares that he doesn't know what motivates vigilantes to stand against the Aesir, but he has regained enough power to deal with the Punisher. He's up against real heroes now! Punisher replies by charging up his serrated glove and deflecting the sword with his hand, declaring that being a hero is about more than having a costume and a superpower. Spidey complains that he's a costume and a superpower, but he's still one of the good guys! In a confusing few panels, Heimdall gets kicked in the face by Spider-Man who is then somehow turned away from him such that Heimdall tries to attack him from behind, and Punisher gets in the way to block the blow with his own body. It doesn't help that the Aesir are recolored on some pages so it's hard to keep track of exactly who you're looking at.
The Punisher is shocked that Hofund is actually much sharper than a regular sword, hardly noticing his armor before it almost cut through to his bones. Spidey webs up Heimdall before someone - presumably Baldur - returns from off-camera in a recolored suit to blast him in the back with a sword-beam of some sort. This issue is a bit of a mess. Anyway, Punisher gets mad and decides it's time to pull out the big gun which turns out to be a gigantic plasma gas cannon strapped to his back on some of the previous panels. It'll turn their flesh to hairspray! Jake, apparently some sort of split personality rather than just a secret identity, tries to convince him not to use this as it would make him a murderer, but the Punisher just tells him to leave - they've murdered plenty, for there must be justice! Spider-Man approaches the man caught up in an internal debate and tries to jog him awake, telling him that if he's going to do anything, he has to do it now! Jake reminds Punisher that he was brought up a Thorist, and his brother was named after Baldur - can't kill a god!
Spider-Man swings towards the Punisher while the gods belatedly recognize the danger they're in and try to prevent it from firing. Spidey tells Punisher to have a nervous breakdown later - he has to pull the trigger! He then punches Punisher in the face, and the gun-toting vigilante lets out a gleeful evil grin as he thanks the hero for the wakeup call before unleashing the BFG, declaring that it's time to turn some gods into soot! In seconds, both Heimdall and Baldur are turned to ashes on the wind - hot damn! Spider-Man doesn't really pause, noting that they've dealt with two heavy threats, but Valhalla is still right over New York…
Elsewhere, Ravage and Doom are working on the engines. Doom has finished installing his Null-G Warp Matrix and turned it on, so he asks Ravage whether he's ready. The beastman declares he's been looking forward to this, and he's reminded that power will automatically shunt into the Matrix device the second he destroys the generators. On his mark - Five, Four, Three, Two, One… With extreme savagery Ravage tears into the engines and destroys them, and much to everyone's relief Valhalla remains afloat - Doom's plan worked. Doom is ever-confident about his plans and declares that his system is harmless to the life below. Ravage asks if the city is navigable, and the monarch explains that he planned for everything - the city will soon rise into the clouds where it will no longer be a threat.
Thor suddenly bursts into the scene again, shouting that there must be a Ragnarok - the mortals must suffer the wrath of the gods! No mere human can rule Valhalla, so he shall bring it down! The hammer must fall! (Title drop?) Thor brings his Mjolnir down on what I presume is the Null-G device, and Doom cries out that he's a fool as a huge beam of green energy fires out of the top of the city, wild unfocused energy that rips its way through the decks as the city descends once more. While Punisher and Spider-Man look on in horror, Thor flies through the city and declares to everyone who will listen that the green lance of energy is the Midgard Serpent unleashed by the power of his hammer and Valhalla shall soon kiss the earth. Ragnarok is at hand!
The Punisher demands to know what Thor has done, even while Spidey cries that millions will die because of this Thorist insanity. Punisher manages to jump onto Thor as he passes by and holds on for dear life, and the others shout him advice - Ravage tells him to go for the hammer, while Doom suggests throwing it into the head of the vortex, as it would ground the energy back into the city. Thor refuses to yield, but that's when the Punisher recognizes the way the false Thor speaks - he sounds just like Cecil McAdam, priest at the church he attends! Thor denies being anything but Valhalla's finest son, but Punisher quickly introduces his civilian identity of Jake Gallows, and says they've known each other all their life! Thor, confused by running into a familiar face, seems to realize who he's talking to and begins to stammer as he's asked what happened to him, what Alchemax has done to his mind. Does he even know what's going on?
Spider-Man swings in at that moment, knocking Thor over while he's confused so the Punisher can snatch the hammer out of his grip. Teamwork!
Now to deal with the 'Midgard Serpent'... The energy updraft catches Punisher within its coils, and it takes him a moment to rip himself free before he draws back the hammer and launches it straight up with a mighty throw. Thor screams in protest as the weapon sails up and into the vortex, and tries to catch it, but it violently explodes in his face, knocking him into next week while Valhalla stops falling, stabilizing in the air. The heroes and Doom quickly check up on the Punisher, who got blasted pretty good too, but he's already coming around despite Doom's doomsaying. It seems Doom was pretty convinced such a hit would have killed a regular person, but the Punisher is still alive… Hm.
At that moment Avatarr reappears as a hologram, seemingly defeating the scrambling effects from before, and declares that they make an unlikely team of unwilling heroes. Doom declares that nevertheless they have beaten him together, but Avatarr quickly dismisses the victory, noting that the chessmaster doesn't die after his pieces have been swept off the board. Punisher notes that they're not playing a game like chess, but instead gambling with the lives of millions. Avatarr gets pissed at the backtalk, but Spider-Man points out that they're not exactly shaking in their boots because a hologram is being nasty. Avatarr threatens that he can do anything to anyone, any time he wishes - his power is truly limitless. And he will kill them all in his own time and at his leisure - this is no idle threat! (Promise!)
Punisher asks why Avatarr even bothers with all this Aesir nonsense if he's powerful enough he can just take them out whenever he wants. Why come up with this elaborate Valhalla plot? The CEO responds that a player can't become one of his own pieces - that spoils the game, and reduces the chance of winning in the end. It's not the rules he operates under. A grandmaster influences events from above! Punisher decides that despite all the bloviating, Alchemax still lost out anyway, and Avatarr decides that it's time to change the rules - perhaps he should give Punisher a glimpse of the fate he has in store for the hero. And he shouldn't comfort himself with the thought of changing the future, because he can't - not while Avatarr is guiding that future. Next time they meet he won't be a hologram, and in that battle they will all die! Starting with the Punisher. There's a final image of the Punisher strapped into a disintegration chair, about to be killed by a mysterious cyborg villain in an image of a doomed future. Will it come true…?
Spider-Man 2099 v1 #17 - Ye Gods
Serving as an epilogue, this issue starts with the final shot of Punisher, Spider-Man, Ravage and Doom arrayed together as part of their team-up in the last issue. The Punisher recommends immediate departure from the abandoned city of Valhalla before they get too far away from land to travel back on his skycycle. Doom agrees, stating that without maintenance their jury-rigged repairs will likely fail completely within four hours. While Ravage uses his own transport, presumably, Spider-Man bums another ride with the Punisher. Spidey figured it'd give the fish a new Atlantis to gawk over, only to belatedly muse that Doom had agreed a bit too readily with the quick evacuation...
Shortly after the heroes leave the city, Valhalla suddenly changes course, heading out to sea but in a different direction. It's no longer aimless - Doom is controlling it, and that wasn't part of the deal! Punisher decides he won't leave until he knows what's up, only for a giant hologram of Doom to appear before him, in the way of the receding flying city. He wonders why the heroes think they're still needed, since they're pawns allied to a king - and their usefulness to him has ended.
In any case, he's relieved them of the responsibility for Valhalla. 'Says who?' Punisher replies, and Doom states that clearly he hasn't been listening - Doom said so. Have a nice day. He then very nearly knocks the sky cycle out of the air with a bolt of lightning before Spider-Man manages to stabilize it with a web-parachute, and the heroes realize their skycycle doesn't have the reach to get to Valhalla again - never mind that Doom could just zap them once more, this time permanently.
Tired of the nonsense, Spidey asks to be dropped off in the city. Punisher asks if he doesn't care that Doom just made off with Valhalla, and Spider-Man agrees that it's a problem, but that he'd care to keep living so he can keep caring - and pursuing the matter right now seems unlikely. Punisher figures the only battles worth fighting are the hopeless ones, and Spider-Man responds that fighting hopeless battles is like self-immolation - great trick, but limited in repeat potential. Punisher is disappointed, figuring Spidey was a real man, but the wallcrawler points out he would have called himself 'real man' instead of Spider-Man then. Punisher leaves, and an annoyed Spidey stays behind and mutters to himself that he'll call his attorney about Punisher copying his chest symbol…
The rest of the issue is less directly tied in to the crossover, but it does concern the fate of Thor and his hammer after last issue - it seems they both landed somewhere in downtown, with local idiot Bloodsword picking up the depowered weapon and rechristening himself Bloodhammer so he can have random brawls in the street with his followers. Spider-Man ends up in conflict in his civilian persona because he spots his mother among the congregants of the impromptu Thorite sect, and he pretends that his super-strength is a blessing from Thor to distract the mob before knocking out Bloodhammer and leaving. Later, a depowered Cecil McAdam picks up the hammer and tucks it away in his jacket. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, particularly the lords of industry...
Rating & Comments
So, that was Fall of the Hammer. This event would prove to be 2099's only true mass crossover during its run - there's a few other smaller ones between individual titles, but all the major players wouldn't run into each other again for the rest of the imprint's lifespan. That doesn't mean all these characters never meet Doom again - far from it - but the greater team-up established here was ephemeral and very much a needs-must situation. That is, perhaps, why it doesn't really feel like everyone is on the same page for most of this crossover - we're dealing with various combinations of people meeting while others are hanging out somewhere in the background, and some of them just plain leave before the main conflict is even resolved. It gives the whole story a somewhat disjointed feeling, but it's not really bad.
The various writers of all these titles presumably didn't know the details of what the others were doing, so there's some odd timeline vagaries in this crossover. For example, in the Spider-Man books Valhalla is docked before the Aesir show themselves in public, and it only starts moving towards New York after it violently breaks loose from its moorings. During the Punisher and Ravage stories, though, it's free floating well before that, and it's already drifting towards the city. I would think those two latter stories are somehow placed after the Spider-Man one despite their publication dates, except that the Spider-Man story ends with him falling back to Earth when Valhalla has already arrived over the city, which has most definitely not happened yet in the other two. The first Punisher issue pretty explicitly places itself before the place opens up, too. I guess the idea is that it docked at some point and then undocked again? It's not made clear. Another example is McAdam only learning of Tiana's dreams of being a goddess after he's already told Avatarr that he found a good candidate for the role of Hela.
In terms of the various comic titles involved, I'm a little puzzled why Ravage has so very many issues dedicated to this event, including a lot of the buildup to it, when his part in the proceedings is actually fairly small compared to the others - his only major accomplishment is getting Hela to stand down due to their past relationship. Tiana doesn't die here, by the way, and though it's not really elaborated on, she makes it off Valhalla and shows up in later Ravage books while retaining her powers, the only Aesir besides Loki to do so. Spider-Man and Punisher are actually in a similar situation to Ravage, since a large part of their involvement in this crossover is fairly inconsequential until the final team-up happens, when they finally get to strut their stuff together. The Punisher is the MVP there, personally killing two of the Aesir, Baldur and Heimdall, dealing the final blow to Thor, and facilitating Spider-Man's entire presence. Spidey doesn't really do much beyond quipping like he's Peter Parker and getting defeated by Thor, but he does bitch-slap the Punisher into doing his job, so there is that.
The X-Men are an odd duck here, since they play second fiddle to Ravage for an issue, then defeat Heimdall temporarily and discover the Aesir Loki is their missing friend Jordan Boone… after which they all leave on one of the lifeboats, evidently uninterested in helping to save the city if there's no personal stake in it for them. Harsh. It's odd that one part of the mass crossover vacates the crossover entirely before the group shot even happens, leaving the quartet that remains to clean things up by themselves. Also they have Skullfire, who is a turbo-level dumbass who nearly dies from hijacking a shitty smoking sky-car… and getting stuck in a comfortable chair. That was kind of funny, actually.
This leaves me, of course, to discuss the influence of Doom on this crossover. While he isn't in a lot of these issues, only physically showing up more than halfway through the event, every time Doom appears he's bringing a significant plot development with him. He's essentially single-handedly responsible for the heroes having a plan at all, much less one that might work. Firstly, he gets Ravage involved by yoinking his stolen blueprints of Valhalla - I have to presume the scene takes place a little earlier than the scene in Doom 2099 #11, since Doom is studying the files there, or maybe that's another bit of chronological discontinuity. In any case, Doom then develops very compact anti-gravity technology that is much less polluting than Alchemax's possibly alien-derived super-engines, breaks through an extremely strong atomic barrier that Ravage spent several issues hopelessly flailing at, and then handily defeats Thor in single combat by stealing Mjolnir's power and smiting the would-be god down to the ground while sustaining no injuries himself. Then he fucking steals Valhalla for himself!
Look, I know that Jordan Boone ostensibly 'allowed' Doom to get access to all the files he stole to learn about Valhalla in the first place. But are we to assume that he meant for the flying city to be stolen by a foreign monarch? If so, Loki is weirdly supportive of Doom, and I'm interested to learn what on Earth that could be based on. Doom and Boone have never met before as far as I know, and the only time some of his technology showed up in Doom 2099, it was a shitty sequel that retconned itself. I'll work from the assumption here that Loki only dragged Doom into the proceedings, but didn't manipulate his actions, which at least allows him to take credit for the coup he performed in this crossover. The whole thing was about stopping the gigantic flying mega city from crashing… and Doom decided that wasn't ambitious enough.
The crossover feels fairly messy and uneven from issue to issue, and I was often wondering where exactly everyone was supposed to be at times. Thor shows up a few times to announce himself, but then he's just sort of absent for a while until he deigns to show himself again, even though he wasn't finished off at all. What, was he taking a fifteen minute break? Heimdall and Hela get taken out which explains their absences, but why doesn't Baldur show up for ages, only to get immediately bodied? The same goes for the heroes, with the X-Men just sort of vanishing from the story, while Ravage spends essentially two whole issues separate from ongoing events, and it turns out he was failing at getting anything done for that entire period anyway. The Punisher and Spider-Man similarly fly around for an extended period of time until they get involved with story events again despite it being right around the corner in a flying vehicle. It's odd.
Alchemax's CEO Avatarr is stepping up to be a larger scale threat than any of the minions that have been plaguing the heroes of each of the other books, though it's very unclear how his super-eyes are supposed to work, or what this whole star-friends thing is about. More locally, the Aesir are decent villains - we see the process through which Tiana is turned into Hela, and learn how the powers of Heimdall and Thor are simulated, which are all suitably futuristic and technological. It is left a bit mysterious how the mental changes work, though - Hela remembers that Tiana liked flying so clearly some memories are maintained, but maybe only personal memories? When Reverend McAdam is turned back into his human form he seems to be aware of what was happening, too. So why was Jordan Boone so wary of getting the mind whammy, if it's apparently not as egregious as thought? Or perhaps he was hit anyway, and that's why he comes across as so devious and manipulative. Loki vibes. I think the implication is that he went a bit mad at some point, but when is anyone's guess…
Favorite character of the crossover, leaving Doom out of it? Probably the Punisher, because he's so hopelessly extra that everyone else just goes 'are you alright, dude?' several times, especially Spider-Man, and he takes down three different Aesir. He gets some of the funnier lines, too. Least favorite? Ravage, who is a dweeb in human form, and a mindless brute while he's a beastman that tries to smash every problem and doesn't seem to know any other solution. It's not even a Hulk-like brain/brawn situation, both his personalities are idiots. Favorite moment of the event? Probably Doom yoinking Valhalla, but I think Thor just fucking tossing a random civilian out the window of a flying skyscraper is up there. Dude! Least favorite moment? All the freaking Ravage buildup that was basically instantly defused the moment Hela showed up. They barely even fought! Also the pointless Ravage vs. Punisher pre-fight was pretty dumb too. A lot of Ravage in my negatives, huh?
Leaving all my quibbling aside, it was still fun to see everyone together in a single story for the first time, and the interactions are alright - even though Doom doesn't really get much direct interaction with some of the characters. No fun quips with Spider-Man at all, for example! Still, from this readthrough's perspective it's pretty good; Doom comes off as competent and in command, and proves to have greater aspirations than just showing up to be a good Samaritan and saving the city - though I guess he won't complain about the accolades. The idea of having fake Asgardian Gods as villains was also pretty neat, even if they all went down rather easier than you'd expect from genetically engineered super-beings. I started this as a three star comic, ditched a star for the inconsistencies and several lame characters, and then gave it a star for the fun Doom content and the amusing characters. So we're back where we started, I suppose. Nothing magnificent, but serviceable at three stars...
Quotations from Chairman Doom
"It may tax your brain, Ravage, but to one such as I, these problems are minuscule!"
"You are a hollow mockery of a god... a genetically engineered clown performing tricks in Alchemax's three-ring circus!"
"Heroism is a contagious idea. It spreads quickly. I lived during the last epidemic."
"My intelligence is inestimable, as you will discover to your cost."
Doom: "Well, well. You seem to be under the impression you are still needed here."
Punisher: "We are supposed to be allies!"
Doom: "Indeed you are, Punisher. As a pawn is allied with a king... until it is no longer needed. I have relieved you of your responsibility for Valhalla."
Punisher: "Says who???"
Doom: Were you not listening?I said it. As I recall, in the era of your original counterparts, the correct thing to say at this moment would be... Have a nice day!"
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Null-G Warp Matrix is pivotal to solving the crisis of this crossover - and something of an achievement and throwback. Doom effortlessly creates an anti-gravity device that's superior to the world's most powerful megacorporations's alien-assisted effort, yes - but also shooting a building into space was one of Doom's very first feats back in Fantastic Four v1 #6. He has experience!
Hela does not need both wolverine claws AND a trident, that's just excessive. Also a sign they're getting their underworld figures confused. And I won't even get into the giant cut out of the front of the costume, besides saying I think the real Hela would have some issues with the designer. Speaking of bad costume choices: Why did they give Heimdell groin tassels? If they ditched those, his costume would be pretty decent. The first time I saw them, I actually thought he was flying and they were groin rockets, which is even worse. At least Thor's is a workable super-hero costume if a bit 90's. Loki's costume is probably my favorite of the faux-aesir, though, it actually looks like something the real Loki might wear, though I think making his bracers exactly the same color as his cape was a mistake.
After handily defeating some members of a gang lead by an incredibly edgelord 90's dude named Bloodsword, the Spider-Man of 2099 is promptly surrounded by people who worship him, and he becomes very uncomfortable about it, especially when a woman asks him to heal her son's severely scared face.
I'm not sure even the 2099 series could take this guy seriously, looking at his wiki entry. 2099 is very, very 90's, but it's willing to poke fun at 90's trends at the same time.
Taking great offense at this minimal slight, Thor tries to strike Miguel with his hammer, but Miguel catches the god's fist. Still, Thor is far stronger than Miguel expects, and he lifts the boy off the ground and tosses him out of a nearby window to his apparent death.
Between this and the two personality thing with Hela, I'm getting the impression Alchemix did a really bad job screening the candidates for their super-power process. That or the process itself causes instability, which did seem implied in the Hela scene. Either way, not really great when your plan is to use them for PR purposes. This does make Hela's emotional turn during her fight with Ravage easier to accept, though it makes it kind of funny/offensive that Ravage accepts her behavior as just 'a woman's heart'.
Skullfire complains that there's no Bloodhawk around to catch him - but maybe he'll land on a street mime and make his death count!
Credit where credit is due, if that line's in the original comic, then Skullfire actually managed to amuse me for a moment. He's still a loser, though.
Loki, it turns out, is actually Jordan Boone transformed into an Aesir, much like Tiana was turned into Hela.
Oh wait, never mind, while the process probably causes mental instability, their screening system is also pants.
Avatarr created Valhalla as a base for the heroes who would destroy them and lead mankind along more productive lines, but he never expected all his victims to just fly straight into the web like this.
Was it just his minions cutting corners to make him happy, not realizing he'd murder them when the city crashed into New York or what? I originally thought it was some kind of anti-terraforming plan on the behalf of his alien overlords, with the 'pollution' the city gave off actually being the point rather than the waste byproduct, so that lifeforms not suited to earth conditions could comfortably move in. But apparently he wanted the city to crash into New York? Was he willing to write off millions of people to kill a few costumed vigilantes and just hoping none of them would be out of town that day? That seems pretty inefficient.
I always considered Ravage the weakest of the 2099 titles, personally, so it makes sense he's the worst part of the crossover. Surprised we didn't get any Hulk 2099, other than one mention, though.
Hela does not need both wolverine claws AND a trident, that's just excessive. Also a sign they're getting their underworld figures confused. And I won't even get into the giant cut out of the front of the costume, besides saying I think the real Hela would have some issues with the designer. Speaking of bad costume choices: Why did they give Heimdell groin tassels? If they ditched those, his costume would be pretty decent. The first time I saw them, I actually thought he was flying and they were groin rockets, which is even worse. At least Thor's is a workable super-hero costume if a bit 90's. Loki's costume is probably my favorite of the faux-aesir, though, it actually looks like something the real Loki might wear, though I think making his bracers exactly the same color as his cape was a mistake.
There's a bit of recolor confusion going on with Heimdall and Baldur in particular - there's some panels where it's unclear which of them is involved since their colors change and after Heimdall loses his headgear they end up being pretty interchangeable. There's one or two instances where the action makes no sense whatsoever as drawn. Maybe the artists got a bit confused?
I'm not sure even the 2099 series could take this guy seriously, looking at his wiki entry. 2099 is very, very 90's, but it's willing to poke fun at 90's trends at the same time.
Yup, he's most definitely a joke on an ongoing trend at the time, and he actually predates some of the worst excesses...
Between this and the two personality thing with Hela, I'm getting the impression Alchemix did a really bad job screening the candidates for their super-power process. That or the process itself causes instability, which did seem implied in the Hela scene. Either way, not really great when your plan is to use them for PR purposes. This does make Hela's emotional turn during her fight with Ravage easier to accept, though it makes it kind of funny/offensive that Ravage accepts her behavior as just 'a woman's heart'.
They screened personalities through McAdam, who decided he was the best candidate to become Thor. Him. I'm not sure how Sif got chosen, but all the others are pretty explicitly confirmed to be his doing, and I have no idea why Avatarr would sign off on that. As for the personalities - it seems to be some kind of stereotype overlay where people start acting like Alchemax's idea of what the Aesir should be like - after all, Baldur is a corporate stooge who kills healthy eaters because they dare to grow their own food, and that's really not in keeping with his mythological or 616 counterpart. I'll try to contain myself in commenting on the fact that Reverend McAdam transforms into a rapey version of Thor. Too easy.
Credit where credit is due, if that line's in the original comic, then Skullfire actually managed to amuse me for a moment. He's still a loser, though.
Some of the quips in these are not bad, really. Punisher, Skullfire, Spidey - they all get some good ones. Spider-Man is a bit weird in that Miguel isn't really that type of person normally - he channels his inner Peter Parker whenever another writer gets a hold of him for a while & can't be bothered to read what Spidey 2099 is actually like.
Oh wait, never mind, while the process probably causes mental instability, their screening system is also pants.
With Boone, some of the instability could be due to him faking being compatible - he falsified his records and sabotaged the process so it's no wonder he'd go a bit nutty. I think he later ditches the Loki persona and becomes a Green Goblin-like lunatic called Halloween Jack later, it's a thing.
I have no idea what Avatarr's actual plan is there. Like, presumably he was going to frame the heroes for destroying Valhalla, New York, and possibly taking down Thor, who a lot of people worship? Though that's not really what he conveys in his villainous meetings, so who knows? Avatarr isn't remotely done in our readthrough, so we might get some more ideas of his larger plans down the line - I imagine it involves his mysterious star-friends...
Was it just his minions cutting corners to make him happy, not realizing he'd murder them when the city crashed into New York or what? I originally thought it was some kind of anti-terraforming plan on the behalf of his alien overlords, with the 'pollution' the city gave off actually being the point rather than the waste byproduct, so that lifeforms not suited to earth conditions could comfortably move in. But apparently he wanted the city to crash into New York? Was he willing to write off millions of people to kill a few costumed vigilantes and just hoping none of them would be out of town that day? That seems pretty inefficient.
Well, Jordan Boone concludes that was Avatarr's intent, I'm not sure if he's right. What we do know is that the city's anti-grav engines were really efficient at killing things, and also the writers forgot about that for the several issues during which it floated over New York City. I'm still not sure how Doom could whip up a better anti-grav engine in a few spare hours than a megacorporation with alien assistance, so I presume it was all an intentional plot of some description, even if we are a bit vague on specifics...
I always considered Ravage the weakest of the 2099 titles, personally, so it makes sense he's the worst part of the crossover. Surprised we didn't get any Hulk 2099, other than one mention, though.
To be entirely honest, I barely am paying attention to the plot-lines shift and move and am more adoring how you can see the art style develop, shift from method to method, advance with tools becoming more available, with sensibilities changing rapidly, standards being challenged and social change seemingly apparent year by year!
Comics are history, you can see how society thought about things with them in deeply telling ways.
So yes, Doctor DOOM is teaching us all American Social History, what can't he do?
What's the name of this arc's baddie, I wonder? I don't think this cover made it quite obvious enough. Could you spell his name a little bigger next time, say twice the size of the name of the actual title? Cool. Today's issue, as you can tell, has Doom running into a giant stompy cosmically-empowered Galactus-eared armored alien called Radian, and that's about all I really know about it. Judging by all the broken walls exploding everywhere, I'm guessing it won't be a peaceful encounter. Doom, you just recently ended up in a fight with a Wakandan half-robot, did you really have to go for an instant repeat…?
Story Overview
Heaven's Net
Our brand new three-part story arc starts with a new character to this readthrough, though his name has come up on several occasions. He's our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ! No, wait, he's actually Kazimierz 'Kaz' Maksymilian Rosikon, native of Latveria, brother of Fortune, and possessor of a rather substantial amount of hair. Kaz's name and birthplace no longer have any meaning to him now, though, since he recalls nothing of his former life, and these days he is not even aware of the passage of time, instead staring blankly into the starry expanse of space from his fancy sci-fi window. He's waiting for something unspecified to happen, while extraterrestrial melodies and rhythms are burned into his brain - a chorus of another world. The silhouette of a woman enters his room and comments that her astrophysicists assure her that 'contact' is imminent, but Kaz doesn't respond to that, oblivious to her words. All that matters to him is that soon he will fulfill the task for which he was resurrected. Soon!
Over in charming microstate Latveria, Wire is having a bit of fun blazing around the sky on a hover-platform. He's transporting a distressed Andrei, who isn't too pleased with all the daring, high-flying acrobatics he's subjected to. Wire just tells him he should stop being such an old man - he did say he wanted to get to Antikva in a hurry, after all! Andrei grouches that he specified he'd like to get there in one piece too, but Wire retorts that their Sweeper is perfectly safe, as he stripped and customized it himself. Andrei grouches that just because the kid can barrel roll the flying service tray, it doesn't mean that's necessary! He swears, ever since Xandra left for Wakanda, Wire has been acting more and more foolishly, risking his life as if that's somehow going to bring her back. Wire claims he doesn't even think about Xandra anymore, but the old man calls him out on that obvious lie, saying that while he might hide his eyes behind all his neuro-cybertech, he still wears his heart on his sleeves…
Wire is about to respond when both Zefiro are distracted by an enormous thing hovering into view on the horizon, soon taking up the entire sky. Andrei is baffled by what he's seeing, but Wire asks if he never watched the news - that's clearly Alchemax's aerial colony, the flying city of Valhalla!
Andrei wonders what idiot came up with the idea to name their city after the mythological hall of the dead, as if daring disaster to strike, and Wire admits that it did almost crash into New York City recently, so maybe he has something of a point there. Andrei scoffs at Valhalla's presence above Latveria, figuring it to be Doom's latest mad scheme; this time he's finally lost his senses! Wire is pretty sure Doom must have brilliant plans for the thing, but Andrei calls Wire too trusting, since Doom hides more than just scars behind his mask.
Wire and Andrei fly up to the city and land on its surface, where Doom is quite busy dramatically posing on the edge like he regularly does on his castle's battlements. He then actually comes to greet them, calling them his Zefiro brethren and introducing them to Valhalla, the newest province of Latveria! Wire is a bit weirded out by the fact that Doom sounds like he's in a good mood for once, and compliments him on his big score in stealing Valhalla from Alchemax. Doom quickly recaps the recent events of Fall of the Hammer, noting the false Aesir that Alchemax created and which he and a host of modern heroes defeated. Wire is annoyed that he didn't get to see the big fight - he never gets to go anywhere!
Suddenly, and without any transition, Doom is contacted by the pissed-off holographic image of Tyler Stone - I'm not clear if Wire and Andrei are still watching, since they don't pop up again in any of the subsequent panels. Stone berates Doom for making a grave error in stealing Valhalla, and demands the immediate return of Alchemax's property. He asks if Doom really thinks he can just waltz off with a city without any repercussions? The monarch dryly points out that without his intervention Valhalla would have destroyed New York in its death throes. Regardless, attempting to reclaim the city now would come at Alchemax's own risk. Stone declares that Latveria doesn't have the resources to take on Alchemax International, but Doom smartly retorts that if they couldn't even wrest Latveria from Tiger Wylde's hands, what hope do they have against the likes of Doom? He now rules land and sky in Latveria!
Switching over to Hong Kong, we next catch up with Fortune and Vitaly Morkovkin, who are currently hiding out in the storage site of a toy factory instead of more luxurious climes. Morkovkin complains that they're in one of the greatest cities in the world, so they should really be painting the town red! Fortune reminds him that they're not there to play tourist, and they can't be too conspicuous lest they lure in more of Feng Huang's demon-masked thugs. Morkovkin suggests breaking the bank at every casino in the city using Fortune's psychic abilities, but Fortune clarifies that's not actually how her precognition works - it's focused through Tarot cards, and all they really tell her right now is that unexpected and dangerous events are soon to arrive. Helpful. Morkovkin asks her what the cards tell her about him. Do they perhaps speak of her repressed passion for him? Fortune scoffs, noting that she doesn't need to read the cards to know what he's about as she turns one over to reveal the 'Fool.'
Lei Fong soon butts in to tell Morkovkin that his services as a pilot are no longer needed, and he'll probably be of little help in finding Kaz going forward. Besides, she's already used her personal contacts to figure out where Kaz is being detained, and has arranged for transportation to take them there. Fortune is surprised at Lei Fong's sudden reappearance after an extended absence, and inquires after her brother. Instead of giving details, however, Lei Fong simply insists that they only have a short time to reach his location, so they must leave for the island of Lantau immediately. That's when a new quartet of demon-masked assassins intrude on their meeting, having seemingly followed Lei Fong into the warehouse - they're very quickly defeated with the proficient placement of a single neural grenade, but clearly their hiding place is now compromised so the trio hustles out of there.
As they leave, Morkovkin comments that clearly they still need a sturdy Russian chaperone, and a tired Fortune decides that if he wants to tag along so badly, he can do so - just as long as he stays quiet. Now he should shut up and get in the cab! Lei Fong explains that Feng Huang's people are all implanted with subcutaneous tracking implants, so she'll quickly realize that her last group of assailants failed and send more. To avoid getting noticed too quickly, they decide to hijack a taxi cab. Since there's hundreds of thousands of them in Hong Kong, and not all of them actually pick up passengers, that should give them some anonymity for the moment. They will use their cab to get to Lantau, where a shuttle is being prepared for launch. Fortune, incredulously, asks if she heard that last bit right. A shuttle? As in a space shuttle? ...Yup.
Fortune, now quite thoroughly fed up with the constant barrage of mysteries from her capricious Chinese ally, tells Lei Fong that it's high time to stop being so damn taciturn at every step and explain to her what's going on. She's been tolerant of her antics because Lei Fong is the only link she has found to her missing brother, but she's tired of blindly following weird orders. Who is Feng Huang, anyway? Why is she so determined to keep Fortune away from Kaz?
A weirdly off-model Lei Fong admits that she finds conversation difficult, and tends to let her actions speak for her, but that's no excuse. Her ally deserves an explanation. It's exposition time! Five years ago, Lei Fong says, seismic activity in the Himalayan mountains unearthed a large metallic sphere of unknown origin, and an on-site research team determined that it had already been there for centuries. Gaining entry into the sphere, they found evidence of incomprehensible alien technology inside… as well as Fortune's brother Kazimierz, who was being held in metabolic stasis by the sphere's systems, still alive! After they revived Kaz, he apparently spoke an alien language that was unrecognizable to linguists - it seems that through saving Kaz's life, the sphere had also turned him into something of a living Rosetta Stone, the key to a civilization that many experts believed could be trying to make first contact with Earth.
When this fact became known in China, Kaz apparently became something of a commodity that was fought over by various mercantile houses, until he was finally won by Feng Huang, the Red Phoenix of the South, an upstart whose economic maneuvers challenged the ruling cadres. Feng Huang then transported Kaz as a prisoner to her private zero-gravity pharmaceutical manufacturing station in orbit. While Kaz is apparently very sick and frequently zones out, he spoke to Lei Fong about Fortune during one of his rare moments of lucidity. Lei Fong admits that she's afraid Feng Huang will quickly discard the man if his usefulness comes to an end. Fortune asks Lei Fong how she could know all of this secret information, and the response is simple - Lei Fong used to lead Feng Huang's demons! Shocking!
Over in Hong Kong's central district, the heart of the international financial network, we see a nondescript Asian man with a ponytail walk up to the desk of the Lin Zexu Gallery, a place to get aesthetic rarities for the wealthy buyer - or for an even more exclusive clientele, rare information. The man is addressed familiarly by the receptionist, and while he tries to play dumb, she points out that his holographic enhancement system was detected the moment he entered the building. She calls him Mr. Poet, and the man complains that their security has improved since he was last there. Luckily, the woman isn't interested in recriminations - she knows why Poet is here. He's after the Latverian woman, isn't he? It seems the so-called Neon Angel alerted them to Poet's imminent arrival, and while she's apparently displeased at his presence in China, she nevertheless permits the Gallery to support Poet's attempt to track Fortune down.
Back in Latveria, Wire is making spooky noises as he walks around the empty halls of Valhalla, gawking at everything he passes by - it's like an enormous ghost ship, utterly uninhabited but with phenomenal acoustics. Doom irritably tells him there's a gameroom a few floors away if he wishes to occupy himself, but Wire complains that there is only kid stuff there - he checked. He wanders over to see what Doom is doing, and the monarch explains that he's currently trying to determine what became of the Shi'ar stargate that once allowed interstellar access to the solar system - it's missing. There's also no trace of Skrull satellites or Xandaran outposts, two more races which used to monitor Earth.
Doom asks Wire if he's ever been aware of any alien presence in his lifetime, and Wire admits that the only time he's heard of something like that was when a VR glider claimed Galactus was a corporate hoax. Doom darkly confirms that Galactus is quite real, then wonders why there's such a dearth of aliens after the previous century's continual interference. Right now, there is only a single signal directed at Earth from deep space, and only two lone signals answering back from the planet. It's as if Earth has been entirely abandoned by all the interstellar empires!
Later, we see Doom driving a snowmobile through the imposing and beautiful terrain of Nepal's snowy mountain tops. He wasn't able to translate the deep space signals he picked up, but he could trace the two responses from Earth. While one of those transmission points originated from a commercial space station, the other was much less apparent to detection, hailing instead from a point high up in these Nepalese mountains. Doom is determined to figure out what the intentions of this new alien race are, and perhaps manipulate them to his own ends - he cites doing the same thing to the Ovoid race long ago, which is quite the deep callback to Fantastic Four v1 #10!
Doom arrives at the coordinates he seeks, but there is only snow there, so he starts blasting away with his gauntlets to see what lies underneath Soon enough Doom unearths - unsnows? - a black sphere with a large hole smashed into its side, presumably by the people who found Kaz. Doom's sensors tell him that it's a titanium shell alloyed with various alien metals, and the stress patterns in the surrounding rock indicate it impacted here and never moved - but where in the heavens did it come from? The rough hole in the side was carved recently, which means Doom was not the first to find the vessel, but he doesn't know who might've been there ahead of him. The whole affair is becoming more interesting by the minute!
Doom revels in the joy of discovery for a moment, admitting it's been a long time since he's had the opportunity, but the pleasant moment is interrupted when his sensors detect an atmospheric disturbance. Then a golden fist sucker-punches him in the back, and an enormous alien robot surrounded by Kirby Krackles looms over him, sputtering something in a bizarre alien language.
On Lantau, the largest of Hong Kong's outlying islands, Fortune and friends have arrived at Kuanyin airbase - Lei Fong is sure that Feng Huang who prides herself on ruthlessness probably appreciates the irony of owning an airstrip named after a goddess of mercy. Fortune isn't so sure that hijacking a space shuttle is a wise course of action - clearly finding Kaz has gotten very complicated. Lei Fong figures it should be easy work for someone who overthrew Tiger Wylde, and she would not have brought Fortune here if she didn't think Kaz could be helped. Lei Fong then gives everyone a full-body suit containing an electronic signature plate which the security system will register as a repair worker, and the accompanying masks should help obscure their faces. They quickly sneak through the base, with Lei Fong explaining that the launch pad is mostly automated, so they have to move quickly to stay away from prying eyes - then, once inside, they need only dispatch the shuttle's skeleton crew and they'll be finished.
When the group gets into the shuttle proper, they all quickly ditch their disguises - they'll be in flight before the base video logs are reviewed and their presence is discovered. Fortune decides that now is a good time to restart an earlier conversation, and asks Lei Fong why she left Feng Huang's employ in the first place, if she used to lead her elite assassin unit. Lei Fong chalks it up to ideological differences, stating that she refused to take Feng Huang's word as law. Like every other time we've seen him, Poet tries to pull a surprise jumpscare at that very moment, and he only narrowly avoids an asskicking due to Fortune's timely intercession, warning her that Poet is a good guy. She quickly explains that he's a friend she can't seem to lose these days, while Poet complains that Fortune could have told him that Kaz was alive, since he had to hear the truth from Wire!
Lei Fong inquires who hired Poet to follow them here, but he explains that he's not getting paid - he's here on his own time. Years ago, he explains, when he and Kaz were too stupid to know better, they decided to explore China in spite of the harsh travel restrictions. They bought a navigational unit from a gurkha in Kathmandu who swore that it would help circumvent border patrols. They sure missed those Chinese guards, but instead they walked straight into an avalanche! Poet survived that disaster, but Kaz didn't - or so he'd thought. After considering Poet's story, Lei Fong tells him that if he insists on joining them that's alright - just as long as he stays out of her way. She won't take responsibility for his safety.
The foursome soon run into the shuttle's actual crew, and Lei Fong takes them out with another handy neural grenade. Poet asks who's going to pilot the shuttle, and Morkovkin claims that Lei Fong is trained for more than you'd expect - and in any case, he will most happily act as her co-pilot. Poet keeps staring at Morkovkin afterwards, and finally asks if they know each other, but the Russian claims he'd remember something like that. Soon everyone has strapped themselves in - it'll take them about half a day to reach the space station after the rocket launches. After all this time, Fortune will finally get to see her brother again, and she blames herself for not realizing he was alive all this time - why didn't she feel something like that? Poet shows sympathy for her plight, reminding her that nobody would have known the truth, if not for Lei Fong…
Morkovkin dryly comments that Lei Fong possesses remarkable compassion, a trait that's uncommon to those birthed in a creche and engineered for battle - a detail which nobody's mentioned before, but which would explain those 'not human' quips from a few issues ago. Lei Fong was too focused on the launch countdown to follow the conversation and wonders what the Russian is ranting about, only for the man to pull one of those feathery laser-knives on her, declaring that she can no longer be of help to the pretty gypsy, or to anyone, before stabbing her in the neck! Yikes! With a thundering boom the shuttle takes off from the Earth while Fortune screams for an explanation for what the Russian backstabber just did.
Eleven hours later, the shuttle docks at the private Chin Shan platform orbiting above the Earth, with Morkovkin holding the rest of the crew at gunpoint and telling them there's no means of escape. Surprisingly, Lei Fong seems just fine for someone who got stabbed in the neck, so it turns out those feathery things I'd been assuming were some sort of laser knives might actually be poorly rendered tasers? Poet finally realizes where he remembers Morkovkin from, after half a day - he was one of the people stealing emergency relief supplies bound for hurricane-ravaged Micronesia a few years earlier. Poet helped retake that shipment from the raiders, but the ringleaders escaped his vigilante justice. Morkovkin seems uninterested in this part of history, just telling Poet to get a move on - they're to meet their new host. And if he tries anything foolhardy - he'll die!
Lei Fong admits that she clearly underestimated Feng Huang by assuming her influence did not yet reach to the Free Russian Alliance. 'My influence extends everywhere,' Feng Huang proclaims as she enters the room, flanked by half a dozen troops that somehow look more robotic than most of Doom's actual robots. She explains that they've all arrived just in time for a momentous occasion. She means to reap the benefits of first contact with a new alien race, and tells everyone to savor these coming moments, for they will be their last!
The end quote is: "Heaven's net is indeed vast. Though its meshes are wide, it misses nothing." - Lao Tzu
Rating & Comments
It's a little odd to cover a single issue of a multi-part story again after a dozen issues of Fall of the Hammer, a couple weird oneshots, and an interim doom update that also spanned a dozen issues. This story feels very much incomplete as a result of its serial nature, containing a whole lot more setup than actual events, though there's a promise of a bigger overarching plot in waiting. The two separate storylines in this issue seem destined to meet in the next, but are entirely divided for now, and they have a rather different tone from each other - one is a bit more down to Earth than the other, right up until the space rockets get launched. I'll be honest, I did not expect the space alien angle to Fortune's missing brother Kaz. He was lost in a blizzard in China - and apparently aliens were involved? Comic books.
This comic includes a bunch of side-updates for ongoing plot threads that aren't really the focus, like the flying city of Valhalla that Doom recently stole, which has made its way to Latveria while Alchemax impotently complains about the theft. We also see more evidence that Wire is still caught up in his daredevil attitude after Xandra's departure - he got himself in trouble in cyberspace once already, and now he's risking his life and that of Andrei with reckless stunts in reality. Things seem to have calmed down a bit since the last few arcs, since Doom is in a good enough mood that he's pursuing flights of fancy, hunting aliens and going on skimobile joy rides across the mountains instead of flying to wherever he's going - that's just fun.
Doom's part of this story is actually fairly simplistic - he poses a bunch, before discovering that the Earth is suffering a serious drought of alien encounters, and then he flies off to Nepal to get punched by an alien. From Doom's perspective, the whole sordid affair with the alien sphere is pretty mysterious - he doesn't know that there is any connection at all to Latveria or his supporting cast, he just gets involved by sheer coincidence. Which is kind of convenient, no? Doom just happened to rock up to a sphere that's been there for thousands of years, at the exact same time that its occupant went to visit his supporting cast? Although I'm guessing that the only reason Doom could even find the sphere was because it was sending that signal into space, and it's presumably the same signal that Kaz is waiting for, so it's more like they are converging on the same target.
The other half of the issue follows Fortune and company around, and they actually get the lion's share of the plot despite not facing much actual challenge. Look, we might be informed on several occasions that Feng Huang's masked minions are well-trained and dangerous, but they were rather easily killed during their first appearance, and at this point they all get taken down in a panel or two with a single tossed grenade, before they even get an attack in. They don't come across as much of a threat. Indeed, a large part of this issue is spent with the group walking from point A to point B without getting noticed at any point, while Lei Fong goes on an extended narration binge regarding some really wacky outer space nonsense. And then they knock another few people out with another grenade without ever tripping any alarms or even getting noticed. Amazing! Kind of boring, actually.
Morkovkin's sudden and inevitable betrayal is just weird, in my opinion. He only betrays the group after it no longer makes any difference, since they're already loaded into the rocket headed for space - even if he hadn't knocked Lei Fong unconscious, the ship would have simply docked with Feng Huang's space station anyway. [Paragraph about events in #17 excised because, oops.]
Having read this issue, I still don't really understand where this three-parter is going - evidently Doom and the alien Radian will become relevant at some point, but the entire Feng Huang storyline went in a direction I didn't expect at all. Space stations and aliens? Okay. Why was there an entire subplot about infiltrating Hong Kong to get into mysterious future cyberpunk China if the plot actually takes place on a nondescript space station? When did anything even suggest aliens were involved? It rather threw me for a loop when the Himalayas came up and the first thing they mention is that an alien spaceship healed Kaz. I guess we'll learn more of what's going on in the next issues, but I hold out little hope that we'll get any more elucidation on what 2099's China is like.
Quality-wise, this one isn't too easy to grade. It's not terrible, but neither does anything really happen - the Fortune half was mostly boring or plain exposition, when not carried along by some questionable logic here and there. The Doom half is fine, but since it's very much a dangling plot thread and cliffhanger without much indication of what it's actually about, I have to mostly reserve judgement. I think I'm going to go a little below average on this issue, honestly - the weird alien stuff might be intriguing, but most of this issue is just spent with Fortune hijacking cabs and space shuttles and not much else. Two stars, then? Sure, let's hope the next one lifts it back up to par.
Quotations from Chairman Doom
"If your company could not wrest Latveria from Tiger Wylde - what hope have you against me? I rule the earth and sky of Latveria!"
"This becomes more intriguing by the minute. It has been a long time since I have had opportunity to revel in the joy of pure discovery."
Art Spotlight
I don't really understand what this weapon is actually supposed to be, now that it's used here. Why is it treated like a knife in other issues, including holding at people's necks threateningly, if the only thing it does is render someone unconscious even if it's stabbed forcefully into one's neck? That's just weird. Miscommunication between writers or something...? Also, note that Lei Fong's scream is almost invisible because it's not colored and blends into her hair on the third panel...
Doom 2099 has its ups and downs, and I think we still haven't gotten to its best and worst issues. At any rate, we're closing in on the moment when the series changed hands and radically changes direction and focus, with many arguing it was for the better. Which, granted, thus far it doesn't seem like this series actually has much in the way of actual direction beyond just following up on some random characters' backstories and having Doom just sort of around. Most of the series hasn't been terrible, but neither has it been very impactful since the first arc.
I'll be inserting a few more Interim Doom updates soonish, which take place in the main timeline - a few issues with Doombots, with Doom-shaped mental constructs, and some more Nathaniel Richards and other Doom-mimics. And, towards the tail end of the 2099 readthrough, the return of 616's Doom from where he's been for several years. So... we'll get to higher ground eventually and leave the 90s cheese behind?
Does anyone else think the alien menace of this issue looks like Ultron given a cosmic Jack Kirby upgrade? I like it, it's distinct from all the very much of their time costume designs we've been seeing. Especially Feng Huang's outfit. That thing's just horrible. It's a swimsuit with thigh high boots and really weird half-opera gloves/half disconnected poofy prom dress sleeves. Not what I would expect an international crime-boss to wear to confront one of her former assassins.
I really liked the information broker just seeing right through international man-of-mystery Poet's disguise. Shows she's good at her job and makes him less infallible.
Doom asks Wire if he's ever been aware of any alien presence in his lifetime, and Wire admits that the only time he's heard of something like that was when a VR glider claimed Galactus was a corporate hoax. Doom darkly confirms that Galactus is quite real, then wonders why there's such a dearth of aliens after the previous century's continual interference. Right now, there is only a single signal directed at Earth from deep space, and only two lone signals answering back from the planet. It's as if Earth has been entirely abandoned by all the interstellar empires!
It's good that at least one of the 2099 titles is addressing this because it is a major oddity of the setting. If anything, I would have expected the mega-corps to all be regularly trading with other species by this point in the Marvel timeline. Maybe Avatarr's backers have obtained sole rights to earth or something?
He only betrays the group after it no longer makes any difference, since they're already loaded into the rocket headed for space - even if he hadn't knocked Lei Fong unconscious, the ship would have simply docked with Feng Huang's space station anyway. It's not even like Morkovkin delivered Lei Fong while she was KO - she'd revived long before they actually arrived, and then she kicked him in the balls for what he did.
It made a small difference: They were going to sneak in as maintenance workers and, thanks to his betrayal, instead Feng Huang knew they were coming and prepared a welcoming committee. That said, he could have accomplished the same thing by sneakily radioing ahead and it would have been a lot less risky.
To make matters weirder, it turns out that Morkovkin somehow failed to realize that his boss is a murderous hardass who would kill people over sexist jokes, somehow, and gets himself killed. What, this wrinkle never came up? Is this literally the first time they meet? Morkovkin couldn't stop making crass remarks in any previous issue, so I'm not sure how he thought this particular partnership was a clever idea...
It might very well be the first time they met. Since she runs a large organization, he might have only dealt with someone lower on the totem pole and more forgiving up until now, only drawing her personal attention because he's got Lei with him and normally being beneath it. Though you would have thought he'd have heard rumors, maybe he was insulated by living in another country. After all, Feng Huang's expansion into Russia seems recent, since Lei doesn't know about it.
Well, that reveal sure didn't take long - Radian basically only had one panel worth of appearance in the last issue, so this is essentially a character getting 'revealed' in their debut issue. Like, no shit, that's usually what happens? It turns out that the big lug of a robot is actually a big lug of an alien in a fancy spacesuit - he looks human enough, but I guess he's sufficiently monobrowed, thicknecked, and weirdeyed to count as at least a Star Trek alien, just sans the funny forehead. Well I guess he has a hell of a widow's peak...? Doom is also present on the cover, hovering in the background with his gauntlets raised, ready for... something? Ready for action.
Story Overview
Radian and Reunion
We start again where Doom's last appearance ended - just after getting punched by a shiny robot. Doom scrambles up from the floor and gathers himself, telling the newcomer to Earth that he'll grant him some latitude, since clearly he perceived Doom as an intruder to his hidden dome, and in some distant manner relating to the moralities of lesser beings he might actually be guilty of trespassing. Heh. That at least explains the attack on his person, so let none claim that Doom is totally without compassion! Still, compassion must not be misinterpreted as weakness, and the alien must learn that in this world all actions have consequences - and to attack Doom is to suffer the most dire consequences this planet has to offer! Time for revenge! I kind of love that Doom simultaneously praises his own self-control and then lashes out anyway...
Doom starts blasting Radian with his force bolts from his gauntlets, but is horrified to realize that his attacks prove utterly ineffective. No, Doom decides, that's impossible - the alien must simply be very gifted in concealing the impact the assault is having! He gets ready for a second barrage when the alien figure gathers a blob of energy in his fist and levitates Doom off the floor to render him helpless. Doom sputters in denial for a bit, declaring that this pushes his tolerance too far, before he finally falls entirely silent, red eyes glaring at his captor from the dark.
Radian moves on, leaving Doom stuck in the air like a fly on flypaper, and goes to manipulate his ship's computer system for inscrutable reasons. He speaks again in his alien language, and Doom decides Radian must be awed by Doom's superior firepower and now seeks to employ diplomacy. Yeah, that must be it. Soon an image coalesces in the air, a picture in light of Feng Huang's space station, and Doom wonders what the alien is trying to show him…
Back in space, on the Chin Shan space station, we catch up with our secondary cast again. Morkovkin was a plant sent by Feng Huang to capture Lei Fong and Fortune, and he explains to her that it was all too easy to manipulate the latter with promises of finding her long-lost brother. It was not too easy of course, not so much that anyone could have done it, but he wishes to let his employer know that he can handle greater challenges than this one. Lei Fong furiously tells Morkovkin that this challenge isn't yet concluded, before pulling her leg back and nailing the Russian in the balls with a field goal kick that lifts him clear off the ground. Youch. That was for knocking her unconscious, she declares, and she follows it up by breaking the helmet of the nearest robot-like guard before Feng Huang decides to get personally involved.
Feng Huang tells the other guards to back off, declaring that Lei Fong is hers to fight; since birth in fact, as Lei Fong is actually her little sister! Dun-dun-duuuun! All their lives, she explains, Lei Fong has failed to beat Feng Huang - so what self-inflated burst of ego made her think this time would be any different? Sure enough, the younger sister is taken down within moments with a quick knock to the head, and rendered unconscious for the second time in a few hours. A few guards quickly show up to drag her away to the holding cells.
A winded Morkovkin slowly gets up, muttering that it's a shame Lei Fong was already taken down before he could catch his second wind. Feng Huang dismissively tells him to stop whining about getting hit in the crotch, noting that he wasn't much of a man to begin with anyway. She then turns to Fortune and Poet and decides that they should know who exactly they've gotten themselves involved with. You see, Lei Fong and Feng Huang were both born from the same genetically enhanced parents, who were descendants of the Red Princes of China and wealthy enough to design their children as part of a long-lived dynasty. The two women were tailor-made to be the warrior kings and queens of a future China...
When Morkovkin makes a crass sexist joke in response to that statement, Feng Huang gets thoroughly offended and declares that she doesn't have to endure his insolence. Lei Fong's mistake was not realizing he was in her employ, but Morkovkin's own mistake was never shutting up. That will be rectified, now. The Russian is promptly knocked unconscious with the butt of a guard's gun, and when he wakes up he is strapped into a space suit. He complains that he's had enough of this game - it'll be a cold day in hell before he begs for forgiveness! Feng Huang notes that hell is full of fire, but if it's cold he wants, she's got just the place for him. She steps away and a door closes behind her - it turns out to be an airlock. Morkovkin cries that he did what she wanted, so why throw it all away over some thoughtless jokes? He demands to be let out, and Feng Huang obliges - opening the outside airlock instead. Morkovkin is spaced, tumbling out into the void. Poet and Fortune watch in horror as he disappears into the black of space, screaming inside his helmet…
Back in Nepal, the alien Radian is still blurting various alien phrases while Doom watches on, until the golden figure finally turns into a beam of energy and disappears, teleporting away from his dome. The instant he does, Doom releases himself from his apparent bondage, revealing that his imprisonment was a ruse on his part from almost the very beginning. He just decided that instead of wasting time on defending himself in a bout of senseless combat, he could instead hang around in stasis and watch his alien captor go about his business while recording every move he made with all his armor's onboard instrumentation. In doing so, Doom learned much of the alien's technological base, including the fact that he is adept at manipulating light energy to serve his ends. Still, there is nothing he can do that Doom couldn't just as easily emulate, and he quickly hijacks the computer and ties the dome's technology into his armor, recreating the energy patterns which enabled Radian's departure. He has no clues where the alien actually went, but it's high time to find out…
Back on the space station, Feng Huang asks her 'guests' whether the lesson that Morkovkin learned was wasted on them. Lei Fong replies that she already knew her sister was a warped, sadistic pig - so what else is new? Poet is wary about angering the lady who just spaced a subordinate, but Feng Huang notes that for Lei Fong to anger her, her words would need to be of interest - which they are not. Now, Miss Fortune does interest her, however. Her family has long made use of various prognostication skills, so perhaps she'd be interested in providing her services? Fortune says she's only interested in seeing her brother, and nothing is negotiable until that condition is met. If Feng Huang doesn't like that, Fortune demands to be blown out an airlock too - the worst she could do is kill her! Feng Huang figures she could come up with things that are worse than death, but posturing isn't necessary in this case.
One of the guards enters the room with Kaz, and Fortune rushes at her brother in relief, hugging him tightly. Poet, however, warily tells her to look at him - there's nothing going on behind the eyes, there's nobody home.
Fortune demands to know what Feng Huang has done to him, but she proclaims innocence in the matter of his mental state, and swears on the honor of her parents that she did nothing to contribute to it. The gypsy, she recaps, was found in an alien beacon left on Earth, one which matches none of Earth's past alien visitors. While her scientists were incapable of reading the transmissions beamed to the beacon from space, Kaz could read them, since his brain was altered by the aliens so he could serve as a Rosetta Stone. Clearly, they're dealing with first contact here, and Feng Huang will be the beneficiary of all their technology!
Their discussion is rudely interrupted when Radian, golden and still blurting moonspeak, teleports into the room with them. Poet admits that he was tempted to call the whole story a bunch of crock, but maybe that's a bit out of line now, and though Fortune still suspects it might be some kind of trick, she doesn't sound very confident. Doom teleports into the room behind Radian, appearing mere moments after him to assure her that it's no trick - and the alien figure is actually surprised at his presence.
Doom is quite gratified to see that he was underestimated - such is to be expected. Radian's head is suddenly engulfed in energy, and Doom panics when he realizes that the alien is sending an energy pulse back through the gateway they both used to get here - if he does that… Doom commands him to stop, but it's too late, and in a huge explosion the spherical ship in Nepal detonates, preventing anyone from gaining access to it in the future, be it Feng Huang or Doom.
Several of Feng Huang's guards surround Radian and try to hem him in, but the alien simply vaporizes their weapons out of their hands, rendering them helpless. Doom comments that clearly Feng Huang's orders are of little import here, but when Fortune asks Doom if the big guy is with him, he admits that much to his chagrin, it's rather the other way around.
Radian finally reaches for his helmet and reveals that he's not really a robot, but a person in alien armor - a glowing, thick-necked, monobrowed humanoid. He introduces himself with the name Radian, and identifies himself as one of the Y'Lestja. It has taken him some time to assimilate all the languages of the people there so he can communicate with them - there are so many languages! It's inconvenient, and humanity really should take steps to remedy that...
Feng Huang hears the alien's words in Mandarin, while Poet hears English, and Doom registers the speech as Latverian - albeit with a truly abysmal accent. Radian decides that their language is ultimately their own concern, and Radian's is simply to prepare for the arrival of the Y'Lestja, which is why he's taken control of the station for himself. And now… he would speak with Kaz. Light engulfs both the alien and the impassive Kaz, and they both converse with weird moonspeak while everyone else watches on and wonders what they could be discussing that requires such intensity. Poet guesses they're discussing the merits of short versus long hair.
Feng Huang, quite finished with the weird glowy alien taking control of her space station and storyline, grabs a big gun (and, apparently, a fluffy white boa) from somewhere and states that she'd hoped to learn all about Radian from his own lips, but she'll make do with a detailed autopsy! Doom reacts quickly by firing a finger beam at her to disarm her, asking if she's completely deranged?! As a result her laser shot goes wide at the last possible moment, missing Radian and clipping Kaz in the head instead. Well, that's the implication at least, since the art is pretty vague on that point, but the comic gets a bit more explicit in its descriptions than its art. Doom calls the villain out for her enormous idiocy, but Feng Huang responds that he was the one who spoiled the shot, so he's to blame! Fortune, of course, cries in horror as she races to her brother's side.
Outside, in space, a dying Morkovkin is still tumbling through the void, musing that he's pretty sure if you expire with enough focused hatred, then the subject of that hate will never again know peace. That's what he heard, at least. As such, he concentrates all his hatred on Feng Huang… only for him to grow silent as space bleaches white around him, and strange gooey tentacles reach out to fetch him from the darkness. On the space station, Radian tells Fortune not to grieve, and Doom wonders if he's clunkily trying to offer her solace in his alien way. No, Radian explains, he doesn't want to provide solace - it's just that grief doesn't really matter anymore. None of any of their earthly concerns do, for the Y'Lestja are here! Sure enough, a bulbous quasi-biological spaceship dwarfs the space station as it appears outside the window, glowing white and gold...
Our ending quote is fairly long: "Joy, beautiful radiance of the gods, daughter of Elysium, we set foot in your heavenly shrine dazzled by your brilliance. Your charms re-unite what common use has harshly divided: all men become brothers under your tender wing."- Friedrich Von Schiller
Rating & Comments
I'm not sure what exactly I expected from this story, but thus far it hasn't really been going in any direction I could have predicted. Firstly, the alien Radian seems utterly uninterested in conquering, or fighting, or any of that - he just casually shrugs off getting blasted by Doom's force bolts, then plasters him to a wall to cool off. Can I say that it's very refreshing to see an alien that's a little more nuanced than rabid xenomorph knockoffs? Granted, he threw the first punch last issue, but Doom seems to have gotten over that by the second half of this issue, and he actively protects the weird alien from Feng Huang's idiocy, so it seems that's been forgiven. Radian seems way more fascinated following up on this whole Rosetta stone malarkey, which means talking in incomprehensible gibberish with the blank slate of a character that is Kaz, who seems barely capable of speaking a word in a known language, never mind emote. Riveting stuff.
Now, Feng Huang... is even worse than her rather weird-for-a-crime-boss costume would suggest, and somehow way, way less stable than even a riled up Doom. She reacts to a relatively dumb sexist joke by murdering her subordinate in an excessive and cruel way, and when the exact event she was waiting for happens and an alien shows up on her space station, she immediately decided to murder it because he doesn't immediately shower her with attention and give her all his technology. Seriously, I don't think she even tries communication, despite ostensibly getting ready for first contact just last issue. Instead, the alien decides to have a chat with her prisoner Kaz, whom she brought to the station for exactly that purpose, and Feng Huang gets murderous over it and starts blasting. What is her deal? Did she get all the crazy aggressive genes from her eugenicist parents? Why was Lei Fong even there if she was going to be defeated and then disappear from the comic entirely? As a side note, something I noticed belatedly - are the artists ashamed of Feng Huang's character design? She almost always shows up in close-ups without any of her costume visible, and I can't get a single clear image of her in this entire issue despite having multiple elaborate views of basically everyone else. She does change the color of her costume from last issue and acquire a boa at some point, though, judging from those close up shots...
This comic has a fair bit of decompressed storytelling to pad it out. What I mean by that is that there's a lot of page space dedicated to illustrating various events, without actually moving the story forward much, and sometimes there's an excess of dialogue that doesn't actually go anywhere. There's just multiple panels of the same thing, or showing each step of an action in sequence, when traditionally comics would compress those so that so there's less empty air and things keep moving - this was especially necessary when stories tended to be one-and-done and didn't span multiple issue. It's nice if you like the art, of course, and that's pretty good here, but it makes the actual story relatively brief and often without much momentum. In this issue, for example, the sequence of Doom confronting Radian is splayed out across three full pages, with another two or three all about showing the two of them teleporting. Feng Huang facing off with Lei Fong and Morkovkin takes four pages, and recapping Kaz's deal takes another two, including a full splash page that repeats the previous issue. And then there's Radian and Kaz interacting, which is a splash page of stuff nobody can actually read, and just to top it off, there's even a full page of Morkovkin dying in space. These all just take up a lot of room.
Now, I quite like the portrayal of Doom in this issue, since it has some of the contradictory facets of his personality on display. Doom grants Radian leeway for assaulting him, verbosely explaining that the alien had good reason to attack and maybe Doom was the one at fault - but then he turns around and decided that compassion like that might be misinterpreted for weakness, so he takes revenge to impress upon his foe that actions have consequences. Heh. Doom subsequently bides his time while spouting some grandstanding phrases to Radian, all the while pretending like he's been captured and recording all of the alien's actions. Surprising amount of patience on Doom's part, even if it makes a lot of sense to do this. It's a classic Doom move to immediately incorporate the alien technology into his armor, but I guess he didn't expect Radian to blow it up in their wake, thereby cutting off a way for him to teleport back. Whoops!
You have to love Doom's entrance in space, by the way, even if I'm not sure it makes sense temporally - he appears behind Radian's shoulder mere instants after the big lug, which suggests that taking over the computers on the ground took him basically no time at all, which doesn't seem likely when that process took up seven full panels of imagery and monologuing. Decompression again? I am amused that Doom has no real idea who Feng Huang even is when he arrives, and keeps telling the enraged woman to stop doing stupid shit like ordering people around while the alien has control of the station, or trying to shoot Radian while he's negotiating. Logically speaking, he has no idea why some of his allies are just randomly on a space station - you have to wonder what he believes this is all about, exactly. I guess Fortune fills him in while they're chatting on the sidelines? At least he got there in time to see the aliens arrive...
Thus far, this entire trilogy of comics sort of weirds me out, since the villainous Feng Huang gets a lot of time so strut her stuff, before becoming almost an afterthought to the Big Dramatic Alien Events that are happening center stage. Even Doom and his supporting cast are mostly just standing around waiting for something new to happen there, which is kind of weird. Why exactly is this a Doom comic at all, if he's just a tagalong spectator to the proceedings? Now, granted, I did enjoy several of Doom's scenes in this issue, and the nut shot and spacing were quite memorable, so I can't rate it too badly - plus the art is pretty good, and the alien spaceship looks awesome, actually. I figure those make up for the relative paucity of forward movement here, and I'll leave this at a meh three stars. Would've been two-and-a-half but I picked a format and I'm sticking to it. Now, how is this all going to wrap up in only one more issue...?
Quotations from Chairman Doom
"Since you are a newcomer to our verdant sphere, I am inclined to grant you some latitude. You perceived me as an intruder here in your hidden dome in Nepal. In some distant manner relating to the moralities of lesser beings, I imagine I do commit trespass. Hence, your attack against my person. Do you see, you great glowing buffoon? Let none claim that Doom is totally without compassion. However, compassion must not be misinterpreted for weakness. Understand, then, that I do what I am about to because you must learn... that on this world, as on all worlds, actions have consequences. And to attack Doom is to suffer some of the more dire consequences this planet has to offer."
"How dare you turn your back on the sovereign ruler of Latveria!"
"There is nothing that you can do, that Doom cannot emulate."
"Ah. You finally exhibit an emotion: fittingly, surprise. When you underestimate Doom, such is to be expected."
Art Spotlight
I quite like the way Doom's attack is depicted in this panel - the outlined fist surrounded by lightning and cosmic crackling energy is pretty sweet.
Doom-Tech of the Week
Doom does hijack Alien Teleportation Technology in this issue, though he loses access almost immediately when Radian blows it up in his wake.
I read on MarvelDirectory that the uniforms Dr. Doom provides for his mercenaries make them look just like his Servo-Guard robots, which is why they are often confused for each other, and why sometimes they act like robots, and sometimes like people.
Alright, so I actually like this cover quite a lot! It's a dramatic shot of Doom in space, going full combat mode against the reader while flames burst from his brightly glowing eyes in the shape of Kamina's glasses. He's truly ready for a space showdown! The way the text curves around the spherical aura of energy surrounding his hand is great, though it does kind of look like he's launching his gauntlet like a missile. Not sure I care for the spoiler at the corner - really, you're announcing the death of Radian? The dude was introduced last issue, so we're not exactly dealing with a major supporting cast member, but it still feels like a weird spoiler...
Story Overview
Communion
We continue our ongoing three-parter with a curious Doom looking out the window of the Chin Shan space platform while the shiny alien spaceship from the end of last issue is reflected in his mask. He announces to everyone in the room that they should savor this moment, for it is one of historical singularity - they witness the first contact between mankind and the Y'Lestja! Now, they will discover whether this mysterious race of luminous beings comes with peaceful or hostile intent.
Doom turns to Radian and asks to be enlightened - why exactly have the Y'Lestja sent a ship to Earth? Radian explains that what they're seeing outside is not really a ship, but instead a manifestation of the Y'Lestja's collective consciousness, and Doom catches on that they must be creatures of a less corporeal nature. He shrewdly inquires if Radian is really one of them, since he's decidedly more physical than that, and the alien admits that he can't claim the honor - he is merely a servant of the collective given this humanoid form in order to interact with human beings.
Feng Huang, still unreasonably pissed off about everything like usual, snarls that Radian is an unwelcome intruder who dares to usurp her authority on her own space station, and she will not suffer such an affront. She orders her guards to prepare to fire at the alien, but Doom declares that their weapons are useless against the alien's ability to bend and manipulate light energy, and tells Feng Huang off for behaving like a petulant child. She's a woman who built her business empire through cold calculation, so clearly she should know better than this. Radian controls the station, so it's up to him to make the next move, and gunplay won't bring her any closer to the power she seeks from the Y'Lestja. Her response is, naturally, to furiously shout that she should kill them all! Poet acerbically reminds her that she almost killed Kaz already, and she's lucky her rifle blast merely grazed his head and knocked him out rather than killing him. Kaz is still breathing while Fortune cries and tells her little brother to hang on, reminding him that she didn't come this far only for him to slip away again!
Dazed and confused, a barely conscious Kaz remembers the Himalayan avalanche that should have killed him, had he not been rescued at the last moment by the Y'Lestja beacon which had been left there millennia earlier. He recalls enduring the neurological surgery that the beacon's computer performed on him, altering his mind so it could program the intricate Y'Lestja language into him. He remembers being found by a team of Feng Huang's scientists who were tracking the beacon's signal - that's a little different from how issue #16 described these events, but it works. He remembers being poked and prodded by them at the behest of their power-hungry employer, eager to ensure that all the economic and political advantages of first contact would be hers. None of that really matters to him, though - he had been resurrected with only one purpose, to await the Y'Lestja arrival, and finally that day had come!
Fortune clutches Kaz's hand and asks him to talk to her - they have a lot of catching up to do. Poet warns her that something's happening with her brother, and Fortune stares in disbelief when Kaz begins glowing and slowly lifts off the floor, levitating into the air in front of her. Radian jubilantly declares that the time is at hand, and the ceremony of communion now begins!
Down in the space station's brig, locked behind some laser bars, Fei Long has regained consciousness and tries to learn what's happening on the bridge by badgering one of her guards. Said guard wonders what it matters now, since her attempt at sabotaging her sister's business by bringing in 'foreign devils' has already failed. Lei Fong declares that Feng Huang is her sister only through a capricious whim of science, and the only parent they share is the sterile laboratory creche where they were made. The guard scoffs and proclaims that her association with the West has clearly corrupted her and she dishonors her family, but Lei Fong states that her family traded honor for power long ago. They created warrior daughters in test tubes, and to their dismay only one of them shared their compulsive hunger for power and wealth! Her guard shouts that Feng Huang is a great woman whose vision will reshape the world - and then the laser bars of the cell suddenly turn off. That's why you use metal ones, you know, so this can't happen! Lei Fong announces that her sister's vision is why she must be stopped, before violently punching the guard unconscious and leaving him behind.
Radian, meanwhile, explains that for untold eons the Y'Lestja have traveled across the universe to seek other species with which they could commune - to be chosen by the collective is considered an honor of celestial magnitude, as the ceremony of communion has altered the course of many civilizations. Doom doesn't share in Radian's obvious reverence, but he's curious why the Y'Lestja have waited until now to appear, when their exploratory beacons have apparently been buried on Earth for thousands of years. Radian explains that they learned through Kaz that a crossroads for humanity soon approaches, and this might well be the last opportunity to fully join with his people. Poet concludes wryly that the aliens only showed up now because the human race might go extinct before the Y'Lestja swing by this neck of the universe again. Yikes, comforting.
The alien acknowledges humanity's capacity for self-destruction, but explains that the Y'Lestja also recognize its potential for people to transcend the cancers that plague their spirits. Radian's own species was once the way humanity still is, at war with itself and headed for an oblivion of its own making. They were creatures of light dimmed by the darkness of their own souls, to put it poetically and also rather literally. Then the Y'Lestja came to their planet, and from the communal cultural exchange Radian's species found the means to change their discordant existence into a harmonious one. In appreciation of that boon, some of Radian's people became emissaries of the collective, taking on the form of chosen species to act as heralds for the arrival of their benefactors. Even now, the communion begins anew - the life force of the collective surrounds them all!
Fortune exclaims that she just felt something strange wash over her, something soothing and warm. Poet agrees, admitting that he feels like he's glowing, and Fortune confirms to him that he actually is. Kaz then wakes up from his unconsciousness, eyes wide, and speaks with the voice of the collective: 'We are Y'Lestja!' they announce. 'We are the ones who dance the light transcendent, sing the harmony constant, celebrate the forever rhyme, share the bond universal.' This is the melding, they declare, the point at which all barriers of flesh and form are swept away! Doom desperately tries to avoid getting subsumed by the alien forces engulfing his mind, but his armor refuses to respond to his commands, and he needs all his will to concentrate on ignoring the voices, the voices…
All around the Earth the orbital presence of the Y'Lestja brightens the sky with a burst of light that can't be ignored. In New York, Miguel O'Hara and his girlfriend Dana D'Angelo watch from their penthouse and wonder if they're seeing some sort of satellite explosion. Dana wonders if they should be worried, but Miguel tells her that through the chaos in his life he's developed something of a sixth sense for danger - and it's not going off. Back in Latveria, aboard the sky city Valhalla, Wire watches in genuine awe and declares the spectacle 'absolute hardcore.' At a Wakandan observatory, Princess Okusana demands an explanation for the phenomenon, but all her people really know is that the glow surrounds a civilian space station. In the heart of Antarctica, a team of geologists returning to the Savage Land stop in their tracks at the celestial sight and muse that if they were religious men, they'd say it was a sign from God…
Lei Fong makes her way through the space station's empty hallways, confused by the fact that none of the electrical systems are online, so she has had to climb through Jefferies tubes to get to the bridge. She's pretty sure that if her sister has lost control of the station, she could turn that to her advantage… only for her to stop in place when she sees what's really happening on the bridge. What exactly did she miss that would lead to this mess? There's a weird alien there, and the monarch of Latveria, and everyone is pulsing with a weird kind of energy that's… weirdly… enrapturing… Soon enough she's swept away by the communion as well like the others.
Kaz proclaims that the Y'Lestja offer the totality of their travels, the poetry of their experience, the sensation of thousands upon thousands of different life forms, each unique yet bound to another by the cosmic thread. He describes places they've seen before, sharing images of these alien wonders. There's the world of Tsomnaia, where the airborne Linstrea spend their entire lives creating patterns of harmonic resonance that shape the sound-sensitive crystal gardens below - the passionate rhythm of their mating song has created entire jungles of crystal on that planet. Or what about the infernal planet of Drelys, where the long-lived M'Rglots spend hundreds of seasons in the magma flow, writing new stanzas to the epic poem which is sung every hundredth season at tribal gatherings? They are creatures of great humor in harsh environs. And in the depths of the sea world Va, millions of one-celled Eldrites form mathematical equations of great complexity and beauty, believing each problem solved brings them closer to divinity…
This is the Y'Lestja's gift - a momentary glimpse into the magnificence of the universe, and understanding of the infinity diversity of life across the cosmic plane. And from those who represent Earth, the Y'Lestja seek only to grasp that which defines their existence, the symbols and metaphors and iconography which gives their lives meaning and substance. We see tiger and dragon totems, cards of divination, books of magic and medicine, guardian angels, birds of resurrection - a rainbow of variation. Humanity's capacity to draw strength from its empathetic abstractions might well be their salvation, the aliens proclaim. No matter their final fate, however, the hive mind will sing of humanity until they too reach their ultimate conclusion, and the Y'Lestja thank everyone in the communion for opening their minds and souls to the collective consciousness.
Doom slowly comes around as the psychic connections of the collective begin to fade, and the choir of voices within his head grow silent. Still, the experience has left him feeling oddly content and even… hopeful. Could a powerful race like the Y'Lestja really be solely motivated by their great passion for cultural exchange? Doom swiftly concludes he has to make sure his armor has recorded all the events of this day, since they warrant much study, as does the being called Radian.
Radian tells the Y'Lestja that their presence graces his humble existence, and that he will return the power allocated for his task now that his duty is complete. He gives off a huge amount of light energy, and Doom can't even quantify it - being this close to the source, all his sensors are redlining. The Y'Lestja respond by declaring that their 'lightchild' has served them well, and they reward him with his freedom, allowing their former servant to follow his own destiny. They will meet again in the hour of ascension - until that time, farewell! With that final statement the collective vanishes back into deep space, leaving the space station and Radian behind in darkness...
In the wake of this unique brand of enlightenment, Poet admits his head is reeling, and he feels like he's just awoken from an amazing dream - but all the details are already starting to slip away. Fortune admits that she can barely comprehend anything she saw or felt anymore, but while she was in communion with the collective everything was very clear. Doom is more practically minded, and asks Radian what he intends to do next, now that the collective left him behind to do what he wants. Feng Huang cuts in to declare that he can rot for all she cares, along with the Y'Lestja! For they offered her nothing, and their so-called communion was worthless! Lei Fong tiredly observes that her sister never could understand what was truly valuable...
Radian responds to Feng Huang's bitter statements by telling her that she can choose to ignore what the Y'Lestja have shown her, but she'd be discarding diamonds in the sand. She is not unchanged by the communion, for she was touched by the Y'Lestja too, and their mark will soon be apparent. Doom asks Radian what this alleged mark actually means for them all, and Radian tells him that they'll find out in due time. Besides, it's high time he departs in any case - with the communion complete, he must find a new purpose, a place to consider his future path!
Feng Huang, still a seething ball of rage and assholery, discovers that she's regained control of her station now that Radian has finished his business, and decides that the 'sanctimonious alien scum' should have no future at all. She deploys her station's internal defenses, firing a lethal blast of disruptors at the diminished Radian which utterly disintegrate him, leaving his armor to clatter to the ground in separate pieces. Doom quickly destroys the field disruptors with a force bolt from his gauntlet and scolds Feng Huang for her rash actions, telling her that she's done quite enough damage already - what purpose did killing the alien serve, exactly?
Feng Huang just shouts that she doesn't like being crossed, and while he and the other foreigners might have kept her from the secrets of the aliens, she lays claim to the final moment of spite! She's already activated the station's self-destruct sequence! Feng Huang then locks all the doors and slips through a trapdoor in the floor, declaring with her last words that 'good people don't live long' in Mandarin. While Lei Fong angrily slams against a locked door, cursing her sister, Doom tells her that anger won't help here - besides, he can easily override those locks.
Doom unlocks the doors within moments, and the group heads out. The monarch is loath to admit it, but he doesn't have time to defuse the auto-destruct sequence of the station, so he tells the others to follow him - he's accessed the platform's blueprints and knows where the escape pods are kept. They should be able to clear the station well before it explodes. Poet mutters that if they end up as space debris, there's a corner in New Orleans where he hopes to crash, but Doom jokes that he'll surely burn up long before he could fall on some unsuspecting pedestrian. Lei Fong wonders if the aliens gave Doom a sense of humor, and Poet comments that he thought the tin man got a heart from the wizard - ah well, guess they're really not in Latveria anymore! Groans all around, folks.
Fortune decides it's high time they return home - Kaz hasn't been in Latveria in years, and she hopes that being among the Zefiro again will help restore the man's mind. Doom notices that one of the escape pods has already been jettisoned, doubtlessly carrying Feng Huang, and that she's locked the controls on the other two pods. Doom then pauses, and announces that Feng Huang is a very clever woman. Lei Fong wonders what he means by that, but Doom waves her off, telling her that it's not her concern and she should get in the pod. He programmed it to carry Fortune, Poet, Kaz and Lei Fong back to Latveria. Poet asks if Doom is going to follow them in the last lifeboat, and he agrees that he'll do that soon… but for now they should get going, as they're running out of time. Moments later, the escape pod launches.
Back on the bridge, Feng Huang reappears from her hidden trap door to reveal that she faked her departure from the station - she's returned to fetch the alien armor of Radian, pleased that the others were so wary of the countdown that they never thought of the prize they left behind. Yes, she notes, she killed Radian - but his equipment is still of alien composition and its functions should prove very valuable. She's shocked when the cloaked form of Doom suddenly phases through the floor - startled enough that Doom steals one of her text balloons! He then announces that her ploy to get them off the ship might even have been successful, if he had not intended to leave with Radian's armor as well. They are of similar blood, Feng Huang decides - feral, strong. The man behind the mask intrigues her, and it's a pity he has to die!
Feng Huang tries to blast Doom to death with a beam of energy, but Doom allows it to pass through himself harmlessly using his intangibility, stating he's disappointed in her. He makes himself clear - Radian's armor is his. Feng Huang retorts that the self-destruct sequence is still active, and only she can stop it in time, but Doom just tells her she can do as she likes. Like him, she plays her games close to the edge, so he knows she no longer has time to both stop the countdown and stop him from taking the armor from her. He hopes that, like her namesake the Phoenix, she can rise from the ashes - for they will be scattered across space if she challenges him again!
Outside, we see the escape pod with the four others make its way clear from the station. Fortune asks how much longer it'll be before the whole thing blows, and somehow the effectively mute Kaz tells her it'll be another thirty seconds at the same time that Poet turns to face her - another bit of ventriloquism, it seems! Kaz-as-Poet tells her that Doom is a hard man to kill, before warning her to look outside. A beam of brilliant light spirals around their ship, and Fortune suddenly recalls that the Y'Lestja called Radian their 'lightchild' earlier. Physics says energy cannot be destroyed, only redistributed - so maybe Feng Huang didn't really kill the big glowing lug after all! Fortune muses that nothing can really surprise her anymore - today she met an alien race so in love with the universe that they dedicated their existence to sharing their wonder… and humanity responded by trying to kill their emissary. Maybe humans only made it this far by accident, and if they don't get their priorities straight, they won't make it through the next century, let alone millennia… A depressing note to go out on...
The Shin Chan space platform finally detonates with an enormous explosion to the tune of BADDAROOMF. At the last moment a single escape pod veers away from the fireball, soaring through the atmosphere at high speed until it finally impacts into a flurry of snow and ice on the far south pole of the world - in Antarctica, near the weird tropical bubble known as the Savage Land, where we'll pick up next time. The final quote of the day: "We must be still and still moving into another intensity for a further union, a deeper communion through the dark cold and the empty desolation." - T. S. Eliot
Rating & Comments
This trilogy of comics is a strange ride, but a pretty fun one - because who really expects a straight up peaceful alien encounter within the context of a Marvel comic? This is like a weird take on Close Encounters of the Third Kind with supervillains, which is just kind of baffling for a bunch of reasons. That said, the implication that these last two issues were all setting up for the alien equivalent of showing off vacation pictures is kind of amusing. All this huge, dramatic buildup for the equivalent of: 'Hey, look at all this cool shit that exists. Well, see you later!' Still, a cross-universal cultural exchange is a more interesting encounter than yet another bug-eyed monster race that comes to conquer or whatever, so I can't fault the comic too much. Though I'm not entirely sure if this conclusion of the story arc explains all that much.
The Y'Lestja kind of dominate this issue, with the ongoing storyline essentially grinding to a halt for all the characters involved so the aliens can have a protracted glow-fest in which they show off alien landscapes and wax poetic about art and mathematics. There are some interesting aspects to that sequence, particularly the part where the aliens mine the minds of those linked together in the space station for imagery, but it's not entirely clear how important it all might be in the future, or if it's just a bit of pretentious faffery. The imagery is fairly predictable, with actual books of sorcery and medicine representing Doom's heritage. The tarot cards for Fortune or a phoenix for the character literally named after the Chinese Phoenix are even more on the nose, so we don't learn much about our characters that wasn't already blatantly obvious. The implication that this communion has some further-reaching effects is certainly intriguing, but we'll have to see if they pick up that dangling plot thread in the future... It doesn't really do much for this three-parter beyond perhaps giving it some relevance. (Since we haven't seen much of several major characters from previous story arcs, I'm not holding my breath.)
Now that we've seen the full range of his appearances in the 2099 comics, Radian turns out to be a bit of a waste of a character. Well, technically there is one unpublished story which featured him, but it was cancelled before publication, so I'm not sure it's canonical. Regardless, Doom isn't in it. That leaves us with one issue in which he's an anonymous background robot, one in which he really only shows up to exposit a bunch, and finally this one, in which he does even less. Here, he really just stands around for the entire duration of the comic, praising his masters, before then getting blasted into bits the moment matters are concluded. He isn't really even an ambassador for his masters, since the aliens explicitly arranged for Kaz to be the human-alien connection, and they even talk through his mouth. I'm not entirely sure why they couldn't have just given Radian's entire deal to Kaz in the first place, giving that character more to work with than just being a conked-out zombie most of the time?
Kaz isn't the only irrelevant side character, of course. Due to the rather one-sided alien-focused plot, the supporting cast is fairly irrelevant, with Poet and Fortune having zero input except keeping an eye on Kaz, a hand-puppet without agency. Why does this three-parter have so much setup involving getting all of these people first into China, and then onto a secret space station, if they're not going to actually contribute to the plot at all or have any relevance? I expected that the Y'Lestja appearing to a dying Morkovkin might come up again, but that never gets resolved either. The weirdest omission by far, however, is giving Lei Fong zero resolution to her entire character arc. There's all this buildup across multiple issues about Lei Fong and Feng Huang's fraught relationship, so it's bizarre that they never have their final confrontation at all. Lei Fong escapes from prison, seemingly setting up her involvement, but she does absolutely nothing afterwards except get entranced with everyone else and then escape the station. She has more dialogue with a random prison guard than with her own sister, and both characters vanish after this three-parter, so it's not even that they're setting up an ongoing rivalry. Why give Doom a final confrontation if Lei Fong is right there? Hell, have Doom set the sisters up against each other while he steals the armor in the confusion. He could even allow them to get blown up if the characters aren't getting used again...
Now, admittedly, Feng Huang is actually a fun character. That's entirely because she's such an implausibly rage-aholic that it's questionable how she ever became a criminal mastermind in the first place, though, which is just kind of refreshing after dealing with a more tempered Doom for a while. Fang Huang is super-rich and has elaborate operations everywhere, but her only thoughts throughout the entire story arc have been variations on murder, torture, abuse, exploit. I'm not sure what her grand plan even was, here - she was apparently trying to hijack first contact with the Y'Lestja, but then gets super-offended when the aliens actually show up and turn out to be willing to talk. Why is she so pissed off that Radian appears when she was explicitly trying to lure his ilk in by putting Kaz on her station? Never mind her decision to start shooting the alien several times with no coherent reason beyond being really pissed for no good reason. Even freaking Doom gets impatient with her attitude, and that's just impressive! She allegedly dies in this issue, but given her name and the fact that there's one more issue with her name listed on wiki, I wouldn't count her out completely. Not that she'll ever share screen-space with Doom again...
One small observation, by the way: Feng Huang's robots and minions from the previous issues just kind of disappear partway through this one without explanation. They're still present in a few early panels, but none of them seem to be involved in the alien encounter despite sharing the room, nor do they show up again to back up their boss when she takes on Doom in either of their later encounters, nor do they try to escape from the exploding station. I guess they all just mysteriously died offscreen, including the guard that Lei Fong knocked unconscious. RIP a whole bunch of random people, I guess? I suspect the writers didn't really have a solution in mind so just quietly ignored them and hoped readers wouldn't notice...?
Our protagonist Doom is victim to the ongoing plot much like all the other characters, but he's the only character besides Feng Huang who really acts on it - by blowing up Feng Huang's weapons (again), as well as arranging for everyone's escape after she sets up the self-destruct. We even get a final face-off over Radian's armor, even if we never see the resolution of that. Doom does a decent job in this issue despite being at the mercy of other forces, but he probably could have just grabbed Radian's armor the first time they escaped the room rather than doubling back for it later. It's not like his allies would begrudge him snatching some technology off the floor; they'd probably have helped carry it. It's a bit of narrative convenience to keep it a cliffhanger, I suppose…
I changed my mind a bit on this issue - the first time through I quite enjoyed the unexpected positive alien encounter, and I liked the Doom vs. Feng Huang dynamic from the previous issue and didn't mind a bit more sniping. Revisiting it while editing, though, the negatives stood out more starkly. Much like in previous instances where this happened in my readthrough, I am annoyed by stories which ditch huge parts of their buildup entirely and never resolve them, and that's certainly the case here. The previous few issues barely contribute at all to this issue beyond explaining where it all takes place, but there was no reason to have an elaborate plot involving sisters from China if their presence, and honestly that of Kaz or the space station, barely made a difference at all. Radian and Kaz are both exposition mouthpieces who talk at people rather than to them, really, and none of the characters involved in the groundside plot are not actually important in the space station. Seriously, think about it - Fortune, Poet, Lei Fong and Morkovkin spent several issues trying to get up here, and the extent of their actions is to stand around while Radian, Kaz, Doom, and Feng Huang do all the dirty work...
Still, this issue is pretty decent, and I like the art and some of the general ideas regarding the Y'Lestja, even if it's never really explained why they among all aliens deign to show up at Earth, a question raised in the first issue of this three-parter. Perhaps we'll find answers down the line, since we do still have the Alchemax CEO's 'star-friends' to worry about.
Next issue... Dinosaurs!
Quotations from Chairman Doom
"Feng Huang, for a woman who has built a business empire through cold calculation, you are behaving like a petulant child."
"No. Won't let myself be subsumed by these aliens… Armor not responding… Must concentrate, ignore the voices… The voices…"
"How common. I am disappointed."
"I hope that like your namesake you can rise from your ashes -- for they will be scattered across space if you challenge me again."
Art Spotlight
There's several errors this time in the form of text-box misattributions, with Doom getting one of Feng Huang's boxes and then answering it himself here:
And later Kaz randomly regains the ability to speak in Poet's place here:
Didn't she bring Kaz to this space station specifically to lure in aliens? Maybe she just didn't expect the aliens to take control of the station? She's definitely got temper issues, to the point where it only makes sense if she's slipped since she was in a position of control, if the opportunity to indulge some of her sadistic whims and megalomania without consequence has led to her giving them free reign, growing too sure in her power to protect herself.... Which does happen with people sometimes, but probably it's just bad writing, she acts more like a thug than a leader. I almost gave her points back for that trick with the escape pods, but then I realized there was nothing stopping Doom from just carrying the armor off when he left instead of going back for it, which defeats the purpose.
They will meet again in the hour of ascension - until that time, farewell!
See with aliens you can't even tell if this is a metaphor, a spiritual belief, or a statement of literal fact. I do like the fact the aliens are solely motivated by cultural exchange instead of anything more worldly, though. And I liked the brief glimpses of other worlds here. Each different without seeming like they were trying too hard, which is often a problem with writing these kinds of 'spiritual' encounters.
That said it does feel weirdly anti-climactic, despite the exploding space station at the end. I think you're right and it could have been fixed by letting the sisters actually face eachother and interact for the finale, while Doom is busy stealing the armor (and also that Radian's role should have been given to Kaz, yes including space armor).
It's been a while since I've covered any 'What If' stories, huh? This time around I'm covering two, though technically it's a couple more issues than that would suggest - the second story is a multi-part tale spread out across five issues, even if it has a relatively limited amount of Doctor Doom in it. Two of the covers here bear Doom's likeness - #31 features his dead and smoking remains beneath Spider-Man, Spider-Man with Captain Universe powers, and Venom of all people. The second cover is more generic than that, showing the Fantastic Four joined by Spider-Man as their fifth man, with Doom looking on from afar while Annihilus joins the party in an apparent villain team-up. The more important part there, however, is the 'Timequake' bit in the corner - this issue is just one of several interconnected What If stories, each of which has their own unique premise...
Story Overview
What If #31 - What if Spider-Man Had Kept His Cosmic Powers?
Well, I'll be damned, we get an actual Acts of Vengeance divergence of all things? Yup. We open on a pair of young people in a hot air balloon. The boy, Glenn, has brought his girlfriend up there to ask her to marry him. Before she can answer, however, the sky is engulfed in fire. A force descends from the sky and hits a nearby dog, which promptly turns into a cosmically empowered Uni-Mutt, becoming self-aware and identifying itself as Captain Universe! Using his newly awakened powers the dog saves his falling master and his girlfriend from the burning hot air balloon, though they lose the ring in the struggle. After landing the power leaves the dog, who returns to lovable Casey the dog, who gets a pat for his excellent behavior.
The Watcher notes that the scene may seem positive, but it's really not for the Uni-Power - this is what the power chose to do after its visit to Peter Parker, seeking out creatures of lesser physical and emotional development like children and animals, but still craving what it gained from its connection with the empowered teenager. In other worlds, however, we can see what a being with such power and intelligence could have used the Uni-Power for. We pick up shortly after Spider-Man stopped the disaster at the nuclear power plant in Acts of Vengeance, after defeating the Tri-Sentinel, to find that the Uni-Power remains with Peter. He flies home to Mary Jane and tells her it's him - he thinks! He removes his mask to reveal that his eyes have gone all-white, without even a hint of pupils.
Peter explains the situation, including the powers of Captain Universe, and concludes that the power stayed with him because it's never encountered anyone with a greater sense of responsibility - and while at first he resented it, he's now feeling rather flattered. He's never felt more important, more powerful… more kinky. Using his powers to turn MJ's clothes into a feminine Spider-Man costume, he goes in for a kiss and calls her Mrs. Spider-Man. Uh, that's a thing? Also is that the best you could come up with? Not Spider-Woman? Or would that be trademark infringement with the other one?
Days later Spidey intervenes in an Avengers battle, defeating the cosmically-empowered Nebula by his lonesome. The Avengers watch him worriedly, wondering if absolute power is going to his head. He then defeats the Hobgoblin, and observing the guy's biggest issue is that his face was turned into a monstrous one, he decides to use his powers to turn the villain back to normal. Having never seen the goblin's true face he decides to just wing it and accidentally turns him into an exact clone of himself, though due to a spell by Doctor Strange, the Hobgoblin still cannot perceive anything but a monstrous face in reflections, and curses Spidey as he flies off. Later Peter offers MJ a flight, but she turns him down, reminding him that she was terrified when he used webs to do it, never mind the way he's flying now! She compliments him for trying to help the Hobgoblin instead of just punching him, and Peter figures the Uni-Power saw his sense of obligation as compatible with its own ideals. MJ worriedly observes that Peter had better not lose himself in all this…
Days later the Cosmic Spidey is flying around Central Park looking for Venom, having accepted a challenge from his old nemesis. The symbiote blindsides him and Spidey quickly diverts the fight from the park full of civilians, blasting Venom away with his Uni-Vision.
They have a fight in an alleyway, like in the old days, and while Venom tries to choke Spidey, he's teleported up into the atmosphere where the symbiote begins to suffocate. Eddie Brock eventually cries uncle, literally, and Spidey teleports them back to the ground. Venom declares that Spidey won the moment the alien symbiote touched him and found barely a trace of the man it once knew as host. Spidey is confused at that statement, then suggests that if Eddie still wants to replace Spider-Man as the city's protector as he once did, the spot is open - he has bigger fish to fry!
Old rivalries are shattered, but new ones are forged - the Hobgoblin encounters Venom, whose powers remind him of Spider-Man, and the latter's brand of justice is not as forgiving as Spider-Man's was. Spidey turns to global affairs, cleaning up environmental damage in the oceans, purging toxic landfills by throwing them into the Sun, and sharing his services with all who need him - all while forgetting to pay any attention to his wife, Mary Jane. Days later, Peter is at Aunt May's home with MJ, who tells him that she's seen so little of him lately. She also tells him to take off those sunglasses that make him look like a ruffian, but Peter quickly makes up a story about damaging his eyes in an experiment and needing to keep the glasses on until the doctors say it's okay. May decides to have a look for herself, and Peter cries out that she shouldn't as light pours from beneath his eyelids... Suddenly Peter's Spider-sense activates, and he flies out of the window as Captain Universe in full regalia as a shocked Aunt May faints to the floor behind him, with MJ only barely capable of catching her in time.
Moments later he soars over the Persian Gulf, and descends on a scene that might as well be the ultimate Fourth of July - a war has begun! Deciding he'll end it without bloodshed on either side, Spidey unearths hidden anti-aircraft cannons and SCUD missiles, and destroys them. Within hours he's liberated the occupied territory and is surprised to find both rebels and invaders are relieved to see him. Extending his vision he observes the dictators' crimes, only to discover that all the horrible things they've done can be traced back to one man - one man who believes himself safely hidden! Blasting off into the sky, Captain Universe decides he'll show how much damage one man can do! Spidey zooms in on the target of his ire, looking straight to solid matter to find the dictator hidden within his bunker. He crashes down into the hidden fortifications as people cry out for Allah around him and fire at him with their guns, declaring they sacrifice themselves with their blood and souls for their leader. Using some mentally controlled weblines Spider-Man catches all the guardsmen, then steps up to the dictator, who claims it was all a big mistake. Spidey figures it's probably a big mistake not to punch his lights out, but he takes the man to the UN international court instead to face punishment for his crimes.
Back at home, MJ tells Peter off for his irresponsible behavior, leaving his Aunt in the hospital due to nervous collapse. Peter explains that his Spider-sense detected danger and he followed it instinctively just as the Enigma Force once did. MJ thinks this coldness doesn't sound like him at all, and admits that while she got used to him being Spider-Man, he was still Peter Parker then, too. Now, though, he's obsessed with the globe but doesn't care about himself at all - when does he get to live his own life? MJ finally breaks and declares even making love to him feels wrong - like he's some sort of god! She's going to her sister for a while - he shouldn't follow her. In her wake, Spidey blasts off into the sky after whispering the word 'god' to himself, while a heartbroken MJ cries at the fact that Peter didn't even try to stop her from leaving.
Avengers Mansion is rocked by an alarm, and Thor and Cap are puzzled until Spider-Man suddenly crashes in through the roof, grasping Thor and telling him he needs the god's power to save the world. Cap throws his shield but Spidey quickly webs up his arms in response, and he's hit in the face with the frisbee-like weapon when it returns. Spidey declares that this can't wait, that 150 million lives are at stake, and based on their previous relationship Thor decides to go along after checking that Cap is unhurt. They arrive in Africa and Spidey reveals that he means to turn the Sahara into fertile topsoil, thereby rescuing many people from hunger. He'll use his power to refresh the soil, while Thor makes it rain! Thor objects, noting that the gods had a civil war on the subject of interfering in human affairs, and allowing them to seek their own destiny! Spidey figures that's a cop-out and punches him into space.
In space, Thor concludes that things are as Cap feared - the web-slinger no longer listens to reason. Angered by getting punted into orbit, he grimaces in a most offputting way, then flies down to hit Spidey back, flinging Mjolnir into him and sending him careening into the landscape. Spidey figures his trick against Cap will work again and somehow smacks Thor with his own hammer - it's not clear if he's somehow manipulating Thor into its path or what's going on, but the god goes down. He figures he'll put Thor down for the count with an energy blast, only for a beam of force to appear from off-panel and do the job for him. Only one man has a beam strong enough to fell the mighty Thor, and that man is… Doctor Doom!
Took you long enough to get here, man. Doom thanks Spider-Man for allowing him to demonstrate the power of his Absorba-Scann, which can draw power from anyone in the vicinity - including Spider-Man himself! Spider-Man blasts Doom off his feet, figuring he accidentally set Thor up for Doom to step in and take advantage. Doom warns him not to do that again, for in his haste Spidey didn't notice that Doom brought a hostage. That would be Captain Ray Coffin, former host to the Uni-Power, the original Captain Universe. He's the reason he's even called a Captain! Doom explains that during the Acts of Vengeance campaign he sought for the secret to Spider-Man's new powers in vain, but then traced the residual traces he gathered to Ray Coffin. Through him, Doom confirmed that the Uni-Power is universal, belonging to no one individual. This is the deal, then - Doom desires to obtain the power of Captain Universe in exchange for Coffin's life.
Spidey tells him to stuff it, but Doom notes that Spider-Man has concern for others with which he's formed meaningless emotional attachments. Spider-Man responds that he's not just Spidey anymore, but Captain Universe too. Doom once more threatens to kill Coffin, then follows through - he blasts Spider-Man with one hand, while snapping Coffin's neck with the other.
Horrified, Peter crumples to the floor as he sees an innocent die just as Uncle Ben did, and his warring powers erupt out of him like twin specters of Spider-Man and Captain Universe. While the Captain proclaims a very Spock-like 'needs of the many' adage, Spidey replies with the old standard of great power and great responsibility - you can't lose sight of morality! The two bicker back and forth, with Cap suggesting trees must be sacrificed to save the forest, while Spidey replies that he's starting to sound an awful lot like Doom. The individuals Cap expects him to sacrifice are the very ones that made him a hero! He can go find some other patsy.
The powers of Captain Universe leave Spider-Man and find a nearby suitable host - who just happens to be Doctor Doom. Doctor Doom, Captain Doom, he doesn't really care which - he has power! The power to conquer galaxies! The power to… eh? Flames pour out of his mask's eyes as the Uni-Power suddenly erupts out of him - he cannot keep hold of the might!
As the powers rush back to Peter and re-empower him, Doom explodes into shrapnel, revealing that he was nothing more than a Doombot from the start. He couldn't contain the power because he was never really a person to begin with. The Doombot explodes, which leaves Spidey to deal with the aftermath, and he decides Doom and Thor were right about one thing - the Uni-Power doesn't belong to any one individual. He picks up Doom's Absorba-Scann and aims it at himself, and fires.
The Absorba-Scann bathes Spidey's body in energy, converting it from solid matter into blue flame - a living form of energy. That flame arcs around the world and engulfs each individual in a blue shimmer, joining their souls, and for a brief moment all living things are equal. Each being ceases to exist as an individual as they merge into one consciousness reaching a greater understanding. The physical universe merges with the limits of the imagination and the human spirit. For a brief instant all is one - in Captain Universe!
Not much later, Thor helps a nearly naked Peter up from the ground, who reveals that his spider-powers are gone just as his cosmic ones, consumed in the self-sacrifice of Captain Universe. He's an ordinary man now. Thor says he's a man, yes - but hardly ordinary. Nine months later, MJ and Peter welcome their first child to the world. She has Peter's face, and MJ's smile… and Captain Universe's all-white eyes…
What If #35-39 - Timequake
A blurb in the back of the first part of this story says that it is 'perhaps the most momentous event to ever take place in the pages of 'What If'... because it could have dramatic consequences for the real Marvel universe!' That's a bit of an exaggeration. The events in the plot do seemingly threaten to destroy the real Marvel universe, but they are neatly avoided by the end of the story, and therefore the long term effects are minimal. The most immediate impact is calling into question the validity of some appearances of the Time Keepers, suggesting that they might really have been the Time Twisters all along. Even if you know what the hell that's referring to, it's not super important because these characters are irrelevant to our greater plot. Though, it's certainly notable that there is a five issue 'event' happening in the 'What If' series which could have had an effect on the real Marvel universe, suggesting the multiverse is more varied than one might imagine and includes all the weird one-off stuff too, somewhere…
Anyway, the story starts with the Watcher giving some background info, but instead of introducing a world where events from a Marvel story happened slightly differently, he's instead explaining that there are certain beings in the multiverse that are Nexus beings, or Nexi. Sise-Neg, Merlin, and Kang were all Nexi. They're like boulders of dams in the flow of time, altering the way it streams by their presence and influence, keystones to the coherence of reality. Scarlet Witch was also a Nexus, but she rejected the power and it went to Immortus instead, who the Time Keepers kept immobile while still performing his role protecting the timestream. Prior to that, Immortus was seen destroying various alternate realities, and the reason why is that each contained a Nexus that the Time Keepers thought would threaten the multiverse down the line. The problem is that he didn't complete his mission by the time he tried to take control of the Scarlet Witch, and there are now four Nexi that still need to be destroyed. The Watcher has learned about this, and the Time Keepers have noticed his snooping and invite him to watch.
So all that fluff and set-up leads to revisiting a bunch of older 'What If' stories during the first four parts of this five-parter. In each the Time Keepers have discovered a Nexus which needs to be destroyed, but someone is working against them by empowering people in those universes to protect the Nexus on their behalf. Lather, rinse, repeat. The first Nexus is in a world where Spider-Man has joined the Fantastic Four, a callback to What If v1 #1. The Invisible Girl is about to give birth to Franklin Richards here, and the baby turns out to be the Nexus that needs to be destroyed. Events are playing out just as they did in mainstream Marvel, with Mister Fantastic needing what will turn out to be Annihilus' Cosmic Control Rod to prevent the baby's miscarriage.
Since the Time Keepers can't interfere directly, they work through agents to ensure the death of the Nexi. In this case that means working through someone to take the Control Rod after the Fantastic Five get it from Annihilus - honestly it's mostly the Spidey appreciation hour, as he basically does that single-handedly. Who have the Timekeepers enlisted, however? None other than Doctor Doom himself, whom they grab while he's contemplating doubtlessly profound matters from his throne in Latveria.
Doom soon shows up in the Negative Zone and throws a force field in the way of the Fantastic Five, which disables all of them in one go, and then just walks up and takes the control rod from the ground. Doom explains to Reed that he suddenly became aware, in a way that even he cannot fully explain, of the existence of the Cosmic Control Rod and the way to transport himself into the Negative Zone. As it happens, this very Rod is the only source of energy potent enough to achieve an end that Doom has in mind! When the Five move to attack Doom he just blasts them again, and mentions that the presence which contacted him also relayed the location of an antimatter planet in the Negative Zone towards which all the random asteroids around them are drawn, and that they'll explode if they get close enough to it - so he'll just leave the heroes here, on a doomed piece of rock, as he makes off with the Rod.
Doom soon runs into Annihilus, who demands the return of his Cosmic Control Rod, but Doom just lashes out at him with its power. He tells Annihilus that he's already figured out the Cosmic Rod's secrets - an object which Annihilus devised using the technology of his own creators, and grants him not only great power but virtual immortality. These, Doom muses, are attributes which resonate with him personally. Annihilus figures that Doom's armor protects him from the Negative Zone's deleterious effects, but the Rod was not the only weapon he designed, and he pulls out his Annihilator, an energy staff. The two battle, with Doom at a slight disadvantage due to his unfamiliarity with his new weapon, while Annihilus is already used to his.
Then, suddenly, Doom is interrupted when his astral self is dragged out of his physical body by a mysterious cloaked figure steeped in shadows - the Whisperer. Doom asks if he's the one who fed him all the information which led him here, and the Whisperer denies that to be the case. No, he's actually a foe of those who did so, the so-called Time Keepers, and he has come to warn Doom that they've lied to him. While they told Doom that the Rod could free his dead mother's soul from Mephisto, (Who saw that one coming?) in truth the Rod wouldn't even work in Mephisto's realm at all. The Whisperer explains that the true matters at stake here are Sue Richards and her unborn son Franklin. Doom claims he makes no war on women, and declares her of no concern. The Whisperer acknowledges that much - but surely the Earth is his concern?
The Whisperer explains to Doom what the Time Keepers told the Watcher - the unborn Franklin is a Nexus in time, a concept which he should be able to grasp better than most mortals. The stillborn death of Reed's son, alongside his mother, would drive Reed into maddened grief, and a man of his intelligence coupled with insanity is a potent and dangerous thing indeed. This they would discover, in due time, when the mad Reed would instigate nuclear war and drive the world to destruction. That is why Doom should surrender the Cosmic Control Rod to Reed, such that he can save his family and spare the world. Doom is aghast at having to give the thing to his enemy, his arch-rival, but even as he curses the shadowy being, Doom acknowledges that he believes it speaks the truth.
The next instant Doom is returned to his physical body as if he'd never left. He's still grappling with Annihilus, who declares that Doom is doomed in more than just name, and the Rod is worthless to him anyway - so why not give it back? Doom declares the Rod is worth more to him than the alien can know. To Annihilus' complete surprise, Doom then grabs the Rod and pitches it towards Reed Richards, who is gobsmacked when Doom tells him to use it to save his son.
Though the Five are startled by this sudden change of heart, Doom yells at them not to question their good fortune and to go already while he keeps Annihilus from stabbing them in the back. The heroes are shocked but follow the command, hearing something in Doom's voice which convinces them to get on that in a hurry. In their wake of this Annihilus and Doom renew their fight, and Annihilus manages to impale Doom's hand, but the whole fight lasts long enough that the asteroid they fight on wanders too close to the antimatter planet, and in a blinding flash of light they are both utterly destroyed.
The Watcher points out that the Time Keepers lost their attempt at a Nexus in this case - Reed uses the Cosmic Control Rod to cure Franklin's issues, leading the kid to eventually grow up as a Nexus. The Watchers figure there are three more chances to go with the other Nexi, but they are confused about Doom's sudden change of mind. Why would he ever help Reed? Still, since his presence was erased from the universe alongside that of Annihilius, he is of no further concern. The Watcher, monitoring all this, concludes that the Keepers are unaware of Doom's meeting with the Whisperer, or that said being, moments before his death, reached out and pulled Doom out of his timestream…
This pattern is basically how it plays out for the next few issues, though Doom doesn't show up there. In the second part the Korvac saga is circumvented when the Time Keepers prevent Korvac from absorbing the powers of Galactus. He instead time travels to a future where the Vision has taken over the world (as covered in What If v2 #19, though I believe this is the Utopian variant.) The story involves the Guardians of the Galaxy and John Fury Jr., leader of the Space Commandos, who goes so far in emulating his ancestor Nick Fury that he even wears a fake eyepatch. The Vision is the Nexus here, and Fury is the one who's contacted by the Whisperer. Korvac is eventually able to kill the Vision, and while the Cosmic Avengers are subsequently able to stop Korvac, the Utopian world that the Vision was shepherding will inevitably decline, at least according to the Time Keepers. More to the point, they've managed to destroy one of the four Nexus beings now, so the score is even. Perhaps because Fury failed, the Whisperer takes the Iron Man analogue Irondroid with him instead at the end of the issue.
The next world is one in which Wolverine is Lord of the Vampires, and turned all other mutants into vampires as well. This is a variant of What If v2 #24, though with a different ending, since Wolverine ended up dead at the conclusion of that one. This world's version of Inferno involved Mister Sinister trying to access the Darkhold so that he could get the Montesi Formula and wipe out all vampires since they were interfering with his own plans - you may recall that Doctor Strange used that in canon, as mentioned during my coverage of Triumph & Torment. Anyway, Dormammu decides to get involved, unleashing the Mindless Ones. Sinister then convinces the vampiric X-Men to agree to be exiled to Dormammu's Dark Dimension instead of being wiped out.
The Nexus in this world is Jean Grey, and the Whisperer convinces her to become the Phoenix to avoid getting destroyed by the Goblin Queen, who is allied with Dormammu. After Phoenix defeats the Goblin Queen and Dormammu, the Whisperer then takes Wolverine like he took both Doom and Irondroid.
Even though Jean Grey is exiled to the Dark Dimension, Sinister intends to create a new clone of her on Earth, so this still counts as a loss for the Time Keepers - and one of them disappears, which draws the attention of the Time Variance Authority, the weird bureaucrat timecop brigade you may remember from Fantastic Four v1 #352 and the recent Loki series on Netflix. A second Time Keeper then disappears while setting up for the fourth story.
It turns out the final Nexus is Odin, in a world where Seth's forces have conquered Asgard. This wasn't a previous 'What If' story, but is instead an alternate take on Thor v1 #396-400. Loki is working together with the bad guys, naturally, and after a slew of Norse deities are slaughtered including the Warriors Three and Sif, it's revealed that Odin is essentially mindless, and Thor has been locked up deep in a dungeon awaiting a grim fate. Elsewhere, knowing they're next on the chopping block, the remaining Earth pantheons and Mephisto get together and plan a counterattack that the Watcher realizes will destroy the world (which would serve the Time Keepers just fine). The cast here includes names like Zeus, Izanagi, Osiris, Quetzalcoatl and Vishnu - no small names! And it feels kind of weird to include gods from active religions alongside ye olde mythology from ancient cultures. The Watcher has seen enough, and vanishes.
In Asgard, Grog the God-Crusher has had a little too much mead to celebrate victory, and is about to go and bother Karnilla for some questionable reasons when he's kicked in the face by the vampire lord Wolverine who kicks his ass, slits his throat, and steals his keys. Not far away, Igron - a lackey of Loki - mocks Thor with once being turned into a frog. Thor proceeds to tear his way free from his shackles, much to his captor's shock. Igron soon discovers that the feat has exhausted Thor's diminished strength, but he can't capitalize on that before the door blows open behind him. Igron blasts the door with a bolt of bewitchment but discovers it useless as the blow is harmlessly deflected by Doctor Doom. Irondroid then fires back with a laser and knocks the guy out.
Thor thanks the heroes who freed him, and immediately identifies Iron Man, who corrects his codename but suggests he might recognize his comrades better - Doctor Doom and Wolverine! Irondroid explains that they watched his capture from another dimension, and now that he's free he should soon regain his strength, which they'll need for what comes next. Thor asks why the heroes would be in the company of a known villain like Doom, and he gets informed of their origins in different universes - the concept is not new to Thor. Doom notes that the Thor of his own world has red hair - a cute mythology gag. Anyway, they explain the Whisperer that gathered them all together, and that being promptly shows up. The Whisperer lays out the problem before them - the four of them are not the important Nexi that the Time Keepers wish to destroy, but they are still important to the battle that is forthcoming, and the score so far is that two realities have been saved, while only one was lost. Still, the final outcome of the grand game is still uncertain - and it depends on the survival of Asgard in this current dimension. The final Time Keeper gets a good look at the Whisperer, the secret enemy he's been fighting, but is convinced there's still unexplored layers to explore here - soon, very soon, he'll have no choice but to personally intervene!
While Seth is siphoning off the Odinforce, Thor and the three dimension-hopping champions blast in to rescue the All-father. The last remaining Time Keeper then sends a Protectdroid to try to stop them, an obscure reference to Thor v1 #245. Irondroid takes on this new arrival who shares a naming scheme with him, while Thor takes on Seth and Doom faces off with Loki. Interestingly, the comic explicitly calls out that last matchup as the most unequal - because while Doom may be powerful, and noble in his way, he's still a human being facing off against something from beyond.
This is why Wolverine joins in that fight, jumping on Loki's back and showing off his pure ferocity. Loki realizes the vampire mutant is actually a threat to his divine quasi-immortality and bugs the hell out, teleporting away before he can be bitten. Irondroid manages to defeat the technologically superior Protectroid by taking advantage of a dislodged loose wire, while Thor uses his hammer to destroy Seth's artificial hand, and finishes him off with the next blow of Mjolnir.
Elsewhere, with the final Nexus saved, the remaining Time Keeper cries in horror as he finally fades from existence. The Whisperer appears before the champions which won this war for him, and he reveals who he really is… he is Immortus! Irondroid observes that according to his records Immortus was but on permanent storage by the Time Keepers, and Immortus agrees with that, but he explains that they were stupid enough to lock him up in Limbo - a dimension of Immortus' own creation, and subject to his will. He used the freedom thus allowed to astrally project and gather pawns to do his bidding… and those pawns are the four of them. And now that he's disposed of his captors, Immortus can finally become the true Master of Time! With that the villain vanishes.
So, yeah, it turns out that maybe the Time Keepers were really on the right track all along... Go figure! With Immortus free, it's feared that he will wipe out more timelines in an effort to consolidate power for himself, in a so-called 'Immortus Wave.' The way things have worked out results in some finger pointing at the TVA on the guilt or innocence of various members, but the literally faceless bureaucrats are unable to come up with any original ideas about how to set things right, entirely incapable of doing anything without the supervision of their manager who is absent due to being on vacation. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a crack at middle-management, the mindlessness of the rank and file, or just bureaucracy in general. All of the above?
For the final issue, the Watcher is invited over to the TVA. All cosmic oaths, including the Watcher's oath of non-interference, have been lifted due to the immediacy of the crisis. The title of the final issue is 'What if the Watcher saved the universe?', after all, and you can't do that if you're not allowed to act! It turns out that the creator of the Time Keepers (and the Time Twisters) was, or will be, the last TVA supervisor. The joke continues to be that the TVA is incapable of doing anything, since they declare proudly they will act decisively mere moments before they start another board meeting in which nothing gets done. Anyway, their most effective decision is in sending Immortus' former dupes to Limbo to face Immortus. Doom actually gets some stuff done since Immortus has long been implied to be Doom's descendant in some respect, and they possibly use similar technology. In any case, the group promptly gets stuck in a time loop, repeatedly fighting the same enemies over and over again. The comic calls it out as being stuck in the status quo, which is kind of clever…
The Watcher suggests dealing with Immortus before he ever becomes Immortus in the first place, and the story throws a curveball by briefly seeming to imply that Nathaniel Richards, Mister Fantastic's father, became Rama-Tut (who then became Kang and Immortus.) The next page confirms, however, that the Richards from the year 3000 that became Kang is just another Nathaniel, one who just happened to have the same name as his ancestor. The TVA suggests utilizing the "Saturnyne symbiont", which weakens an organism's natural resistance to time energy, and in this case would make it impossible for Nathaniel/Immortus to store Nexus energy and perform his grand plan. To implant this energy, the TVA sends a variant of the Fantastic Four to take care of it. To be exact, they send in the FF from What If? v1 #6 in which the Four all got different superpowers. Due to the events of that comic, Reed shows up wearing Doom's body like his own, just colored in blue rather than green like the original - I've covered this issue before, it's the one where Reed was just a brain.
The Watcher isn't convinced this group is going to win, but they're still sent after Nathaniel Richards to stop him from messing with some time travel technology which is clearly based on Doctor Doom's own, though it belonged to Reed's father. Why did they give these characters the same name again? In any case, this is an important step in the rise of Immortus. They fail to convince the young Nathaniel to agree to being injected with the symbiont, mostly because they are totally stupid about it, and wind up getting defeated by the defense systems for the time machine. Only Doom would somehow have been able to predict the powers of an alternate universe version of his greatest enemies in order to take them down, heh. Nathaniel seems briefly convinced Reed could have done it, which seems to surprise even 'Big Brain' before he's promptly shot to death by the defense grid…
We get a brief aside to look in on the hopeless battle of the quartet of cross-universal champions, in which we see Irondroid get annihilated by a huge cannon, moments before Doom finally goes to his death against a T-Rex shaped dire-wraith when it manages to spear its tongue through his eye slit and suck his entire body out through that tiny hole. Thor and Wolverine are kind of revolted by the whole affair, understandably, and avenge their fellow heroes quite viciously, but it's all pointless when the Immortus Wave arrives and erases that continuity and turns things back to the beginning. It's revealed that it's not quite a status quo, however, as the heroes slain in previous iterations do not return - Doom really did just die, never to be seen again. Godspeed, you were not a dick in this one.
The TVA sends another alternate version of the Fantastic Four to follow up on the last one, this time a bunch chosen by the Watcher, sent back to the same moment that the previous group would have arrived. This FF does not have any powers at all, hailing from What If? v1 #36, and since they're aware of the last group's failings, they disable the security system before Nathaniel can activate it, convince him of their identity with a DNA scan, and urge him to take the symbiont. The moment he does he faints, and the Four leave, knowing that Nathaniel will wake without memory of what they spoke about, and will go about his future as normal, but without the ability to ever become the Immortus Wave. This causes Immortus in the present day, retroactively incapable of containing the Nexus energy he's already gathered, to violently explode inside Limbo. At the same time, the time-stolen champions return alive to their own dimensions, unaware of anything that happened - Doom pops back to Latveria, shortly after Franklin Richards is born.
The defeat of Immortus also causes the Time Keepers to re-appear, but they are met by a second trio. It turns out the three that we've been seeing for most of this story were actually the Time Twisters. They were trying to alter reality so that their timeline, which had been averted by Thor back in Thor v1 #245, would come back and become canon once more. And it seems like they've been posing as the time Keepers since Avengers West Coast #62, so a year or two in real time (though they don't show up often enough for it to matter that much.) Anyway, at the very end, the TVA's Timezone Manager finally returns from vacation…
Rating & Comments
What If #31 - What if Spider-Man Had Kept His Cosmic Powers?
I appreciated this epilogue-style take on the final events of Acts of Vengeance more than the real deal, mostly because the original story wasn't terribly interesting and Loki's weird robot was a bit of a pathetic foe to end things after so much buildup. Instead of just kind of finishing the Superman phase of Spider-Man's powerset with a handwave, this What If posits that Spidey kept his wildly overpowered suite of abilities for a while longer. Peter imagines it's because the powers got attached to someone who's actually really responsible - which would be great in theory, if absolute power doesn't corrupt absolutely. Peter starts to lose track of his own personality as he gets caught up in an ever expanding vision of duty, at the expense of everything else including his personal life, and he turns into kind of a douchenozzle. Oops.
Most of this comic doesn't really concern Doctor Doom at all, focusing instead on Peter interacting with his wife Mary Jane while he quickly drifts away from his human concerns like Doctor Manhattan. We also watch him using his great new powers to end various canon Avengers fights early, prompting Cap to mention the 'absolute power' adage verbatim. Some of his interactions with the Hobgoblin and Nebula are very specifically about storylines that I haven't covered on this readthrough, and rely on some unnecessarily in-depth knowledge of what was going on in various story arcs at the time, so I won't comment on those much. The general gist is that Peter is making stupid mistakes out of overconfidence and thoughtlessness, letting his power go to his head. He's kind of pulling a Spider-Man 3, doing the equivalent of weird bad dance moves in front of a club. In an interesting caveat, the comic offhandedly implies that the events of this issue spur Venom into becoming a hero, taking over Peter's old rivalry with the Hobgoblin because he kind of looks like Spider-Man if you squint.
When he does eventually arrive, Doctor Doom returns to his old tried-and-true trick of absorbing everyone else's superpowers, which makes a lot of sense since trying to absorb Spider-Man's cosmic abilities was exactly what he was working on during Acts of Vengeance. In canon, that whole plan collapsed because of Loki's interference, and ultimately it amounted to absolutely nothing, much to my chagrin. Here, Doom goes to Spider-Man directly to try and steal his power by force, taking out Thor with pathetic ease on the way there. When straight up attacking doesn't work, Doom resorts to a nastier tactic instead: threatening a hostage. His choice to kidnap a former Captain Universe as leverage is pretty smart, since it might work against both Spidey's morality and the sentimentality of the semi-sentient power he's wielding. It's revealed that Doom tracked Ray Coffin down using the research he'd done into Spidey's new powers, as there were still some remnants of Captain Universe's power for him to detect, which is a pretty legitimate explanation on how this all came to be.
After Spider-Man actually calls Doom's bluff and goes in for the attack, Doom viciously snaps the poor hostage's neck with a simple gesture, finally triggering Peter's personality to reemerge because of such a blatant violation of his ethos like sacrificing the little guy. Ouch! Peter rejects the Enigma Force if using it means giving up on his morality, and Doom is all too happy to jump in as a more suitable, ends-justify-the-means host. We get two panels of Doom wielding the awesome power of Captain Universe for himself, complete with a fancy new costume that doesn't really seem to be armored beyond the mask… before it all crashes down to Earth again. The power leaves him again to reveal that this new host was insufficient to possess it - since it was just a Doombot! It is funny that with this reveal, every single Doom in the entire Acts of Vengeance storyline has been a Doombot, right down to the hypothetical variants from spinoffs! This Doombot was clearly unaware it was a fake, otherwise it would have known this plan was a guaranteed failure… RIP Doombot #Whatever.
The issue's denouement involves Peter regaining his senses at last and deciding that if the Enigma Force is too much for any one person to handle and belongs to everyone, he really should take that to an extreme. I have no idea why he believes using Doom's gun on himself would cause the consequence he's aiming for - it doesn't seem like Doom had a kumbaya global connection in mind - but apparently that's not too important. With a blast of the magic gun the whole world soon experiences a moment of zen unity, a group consciousness of some sort, as the final gift of Captain Universe. (It's weird that this happened in two issues I've read in the last few weeks, honestly…) Afterwards Peter is returned to being a normal human being without powers, and he reconnects with his wife to apologize, and they have a child together. Said kid seems to have Captain Universe's powers, and likely Peter's spider-senses too judging by the art. Ray Coffin is still quite fatally dead, though. RIP that guy too!
This story was pretty decent, and the minor twist of Doom turning out to be yet another Doombot is very on-brand for Acts of Vengeance, and I kind of enjoyed the absurdity of how much that concept was used across a single crossover. My interpretation of the plot here is that the Enigma-Force enhanced Peter's feelings of responsibility as well as his powers, which could be read as a criticism of taking even a good thing to an extreme. Peter loses sight of the human factor as he gets empowered, like a Marvel take on Captain Manhattan, becoming so obsessed with the big picture that human lives become a statistic, a mere detail. I'm not entirely sure where the last minute Kumbaya global understanding ending came from, but I guess it sounds vaguely important and that's good enough for the issue?
What If #35-39 - Timequake
This arc is hard to follow, but that's mostly because it relies on knowing the various storylines that are being referenced on top of all the usual retconning and time-travel-related nonsense that comes with being a story about Nathaniel/Kang/Immortus/Whatever. For the first several issues we see the assembly of our main adventuring party, our timequake Avengers, by an anonymous villain who's taken on yet another pseudonym beyond his many, many others. Seriously, I'm pretty sure he's got dozens, and his various selves often coexist! Anyway, Immortus manipulates these alternate universe versions of Marvel characters to try and fight the Time Keepers, who are allegedly trying to mess with the order of the universe by killing a bunch of Very Important People. Then, there's a reveal that actually this was all a big trick to set off the very apocalypse those same Time Keepers were trying to prevent - but actually they were some alternate villainous take on those same Time Keepers instead, the Time Twisters. Who is the good guy in all this, exactly?
Doom prominently features in the first issue, in which he is kidnapped from Latveria to participate in a plot regarding the cosmic control rod, like an action figure pulled from a playbox - the art certainly reflects that, showing him getting dragged around bodily in a giant-sized hand. The issue goes in an unexpected direction from there, however, when Doom realizes he is being manipulated by the Time Keepers due to the intervention of Immortus - I'm sorry, the Whisperer - and thus elects to help Reed and the Fantastic Four instead of participating further in that scheme. Since Doom seemingly dies shortly after while fighting Annihilus, the Reed of that universe must be very thoroughly confused that his old roommate-turned-enemy just kind of showed up in another dimension, tossed him a highly valuable artifact to save his kid, and then died fighting to stall another villain from getting to him for no apparent reason. The whole event is reversed later, granted, but you gotta wonder what the hell was going through Reed's mind for a bit there…
It's not the first time it's brought up, but this issue also once more confirms that Reed going crazy due to the death of his family tends to end very badly for everyone… to the point that he apparently starts nuking the place. Like, his son dying in childbirth leads inevitably to him unleashing atomic holocaust on the Earth, a fact which is repeatedly confirmed to be canon. If not that, he becomes a dangerous supervillain instead, or otherwise ruins everything. That nightmare scenario is apparently compelling enough that Doom himself is willing to set aside his usual enmity, even though Doom explicitly calls Reed his 'arch-rival' in this issue, which is fun. It's also interesting that shortly after, the comic explicitly confirms that Doom knows the current fight with Annihilus will end in both their deaths, even if Annihilus isn't aware. Does that mean he sacrifices his life for the sake of the world here? This Doom is a full-on hero, since he only avoids death due to the machinations of Immortus, not himself!
The subsequent issues do feature Doom a little bit, but honestly he becomes a background character more than a central one. Since most of them are recruiting other characters, he's barely relevant until the issue dealing with Thor. Doom gets to be the magic specialist there, when he faces off against one of Loki's minions and effortlessly brushes off his magical attack, prompting the Asgardian to proclaim that no one in Asgard could have managed that. When the fight between Doom and Loki kicks off, though, things take on a more dire tone. Doom is pretty quickly taken down by the half-giant half-god and blasted aside, only for Loki's gloating to get him into the grip of the undead Wolverine, whose bloodcurse is frightening enough for him to flee. Interestingly Doom is very much heroic throughout this entire arc - he might've been a villain at the point he was grabbed in the timeline, but his actions in that 'What If' are heroic and self-sacrificial, and they're followed up with heroic actions in the rest of the issues.
Doom is once more relevant in the final issue, in which he is sent along with the other interdimensional abductees to try and take down Immortus in Limbo, a hopeless struggle against Immortus's forces which only really serves to stall things without ever coming to a conclusion since time keeps getting reset. There's indications here that Immortus is using Rama-Tut's robots - made by himself in another identity - and that they're based on Doomtech in some way, and thus the real Doom can disable them pretty easily. This is probably a reference to a period early in comics when Doom was also another identity like Immortus and Kang - that didn't stick. Shortly after that victory, though, Doom goes down to a dire wraith draining him out of his armor through an eye-hole, a nasty way to go, and that's the last we see of him…
This entire saga is ridiculous, but also pretty entertaining - though you really do need some context from stories going on in the comics at the time to care about the divergences involved and the various alternate versions of characters. I'm not entirely sure why this Doom is more heroic - the later comics keep claiming this is a Doom that saved the life of Reed's unborn son, but that's an event that happened during this story, it's not like some major divergence before then. Pretty sure he was still a villain in that universe until the moment this crossover kicked off. I guess we can assume that he was always less of a dick in that universe? Anyway, it was a fun if inconsequential romp, even if Doom didn't get to do nearly enough.
Comic Trivia
As a coda, this issue includes a one-page gag about the scenario of Magneto sharing an elevator ride with Iron Man, Colossus, and Doctor Doom. On their way in, Iron Man calls out the prominent external nose on some of the less favored versions of his armor, while Doom decries the very concept that Walter Simonson might change his armor, calling out Fantastic Four v1 #350 & #352 in which Doom wore his short-lived new silver getup. Colossus just asks if anyone has a can opener. The final panel has Magneto exit the elevator dragging the three metal characters behind him, stuck to him and each other haphazardly via magnetism, and he wonders if he should have just taken the stairs instead. Fin.
He's never felt more important, more powerful… more kinky. Using his powers to turn MJ's clothes into a feminine Spider-Man costume, he goes in for a kiss and calls her Mrs. Spider-Man. Uh, that's a thing? Also is that the best you could come up with? Not Spider-Woman? Or would that be trademark infringement with the other one?
I'm pretty sure it's a possessive thing. A lot of people like seeing their partner in their clothes. So it's a "Mrs. Spider-Man" uniform because it's a sexy version of his outfit, not a Spider-Woman uniform.
Having never seen the goblin's true face he decides to just wing it and accidentally turns him into an exact clone of himself, though due to a spell by Doctor Strange, the Hobgoblin still cannot perceive anything but a monstrous face in reflections, and curses Spidey as he flies off.
This is your reminder that Dr. Strange is an asshole sometimes, though he's still better than Reed Richards.
The Absorba-Scann bathes Spidey's body in energy, converting it from solid matter into blue flame - a living form of energy. That flame arcs around the world and engulfs each individual in a blue shimmer, joining their souls, and for a brief moment all living things are equal. Each being ceases to exist as an individual as they merge into one consciousness reaching a greater understanding. The physical universe merges with the limits of the imagination and the human spirit. For a brief instant all is one - in Captain Universe!
That... uh... That is a choice, I guess. What were the actual long term effect, though and did you give any thought to them beforehand, Peter? Also, baby-faced Kingpin in the bottom right is creepy.
Time-keepers are sort of relevant to readers again, thanks to the Loki TV show, though the continuity is different.
The Invisible Girl is about to give birth to Franklin Richards here, and the baby turns out to be the Nexus that needs to be destroyed.
Way to make us root for the Time Keepers, narrator. Clever trick, having them want to murder a baby, but picking a baby the audience is unsure they want to survive.
Oh, what the heck, the Whisperer is just straight up the Time Trapper from DC.
The Watcher points out that the Time Keepers lost their attempt at a Nexus in this case - Reed uses the Cosmic Control Rod to cure Franklin's issues, leading the kid to eventually grow up as a Nexus. The Watchers figure there are three more chances to go with the other Nexi,
Or you could, you know, try to kill the kid again. There's still years before he grows up. Are you guys operating under some kind of fair play rules or what?
Even though Jean Grey is exiled to the Dark Dimension, Sinister intends to create a new clone of her on Earth, so this still counts as a loss for the Time Keepers
Also, the original is still alive (or undead at least). Is just getting Jean Grey off of Earth enough to prevent the formation of a Nexus? I suppose it could be if it involves her interacting with something on Earth. But her clone shouldn't interact the same way, they're different people. If it's the Phoenix powers, surely her clone wouldn't also be bonded to an alien energy being, Madelyn Pryor wasn't. You know, I wonder if Phoenix-Vampire-Jean Grey is going to be the new ruler of the Dark Dimension now that Dormammu is gone?
Those bureaucrat jokes were oldies but goodies. Also, was the "Saturnyne Symbiont" a Captain Britain reference, of all things? He did a lot with alternate realities in his early stories. And Saturnyne occupied a similar role to the TVA, protecting the multiverse, though with less of a focus on time travel and more on cross-universal.
I know we're supposed to think Spider-Man is kind of a "douchenozzle" in the first story but he's also kind of... right? I mean, stopping a war is important and Thor is a jerk for not helping end world hunger (though making more farmland is not the greatest thing you could do to help there, since a lot of the problem is distribution of food, not amounts, but it's something). Punching him was still probably uncalled for, though. And he could have talked to his loved ones more. But, in a weird way, he probably did more good than canon Spider-Man, at least over the same time period.
As for Doom being more heroic... Well, let's be fair here: Doom never wanted to destroy the Earth, only to conquer it. No Earth means no Latveria. I could see him fighting to defend his homeland when the stakes are this high.
What could ramp up the cool factor of our comic, someone asked. Obviously it's effin' dinosaurs, man! Or that's what the writers were thinking here I'm guessing, as we get a giant slavering T-Rex chomping down on our main character's costume while the comic proudly announces a visit to the Savage Land, now in 2099! The Savage Land was stuck in prehistory already, so does it really matter that much whether the outside world has gotten fancier with their technology along the way? We'll see. I guess this storyline is similar to Wakanda 2099 in some ways, visiting a place thus far unexplored in the future to see what's going on. Well, evidently there's still dinosaurs around, so that's something!
Story Overview
Uncreated Night
We start with an image of a fearsome-looking, unnamed island in the South Pacific upon which a dark citadel rises from the core of a long-extinct volcano. Holy shit, is this actually a full-on supervillain lair straight out of the most stereotypical of stereotypes? Awesome! Anyway, the inhabitants of said secret villainous volcano fortress welcome no visitors, and enforce their privacy with steely resolve. That, and stealth technology cloaks the structure from the prying eyes of satellites, while an array of air and ocean defense systems ensure that no plane can steer anywhere near the island. Inside the dark citadel live two of the powerful Shadows who move through the world unnoticed, manipulating international politics and economics with their invisible hands. There was actually a vague mention of these boogeymen a while ago, in one of Doom's flashbacks to his pre-2099 days - it seems the Marvel Illuminati exist! Well, not those Marvel Illuminati, these are other ones...
Inside the dastardly lair of evilness a woman watches the world she considers her playground via holographic images, musing on how many of the past decade's crises and catastrophes were actually the result of her malevolent machinations. That woman, incidentally, bears a striking resemblance to the one briefly seen during the recent Necrotek one-shot - it's Margaretta! She revels in her boundless power which she uses to instigate conflicts for her own amusement, but then asks her computer to locate 'my' Doom. Soon enough her holograms reveal an image of our main character along with his digital callsign on her computer - which happens to be 'Lazarus.' Curious.
Doom's last known location is reported to be Antarctica, which matches the end of the last issue, and the woman observes that once again her target has escaped death. Clearly the man is very resourceful, just like the original. Hm... Soon after this her computer registers an earthquake where the escape pod landed, but she figures it doesn't matter if Doom is swallowed up by the earth - he thrives under such adversity. An off-screen voice comments that the woman watches Doom far too much. She asks her companion if he is jealous. 'Of that Doom?' the voice responds derisively. 'I would not give you the pleasure.' Hmmmmmm.
Leaving that enticing bit of brainfood for later, we next visit the actual Savage Land, a tropical valley in the heart of Antarctica where a bunch of Alchemax's Public Eye goons are hunting the last living dinosaurs on behalf of the company, so their archaeo-geneticists have something to work with. Basically they're shooting the real thing so their own Dr. Wu can clone them later. As a huge Stegosaur rushes by, one of the hunters declares they should be paid by the pound, before calling the animal a 'Brontosaurus.' He's quickly told off by a colleague for his poor taxonomy, but since they were promised good cash for any dinosaur they could bring back to the company, the hunter is less than interested in the exact specifics of his prey. It takes only a moment for the all-wheel drive Alchemax truck to charge into view, chasing down their Jurassic lottery ticket. It should be noted, by the way, that the driver of the car is named Hammond - subtle reference there, guys, real subtle...
While the hunt goes on, the Public Eye hunters talk to each other - Raoul tells Pressman that once they have the dino in the bag, they can ship the carcass back to New York and live comfortably off the proceeds, so there's perks to coming out here. Pressman isn't so sure, explaining that things have been getting weirder and weirder at the 'mining site' lately. It's bad enough that they have to work in the middle of some creepy jungle temple, but their boss is spending way too much time with the swamp people, and he might be losing his marbles… Raoul tells him to be quiet about all this work stuff, since this is actually their one day off this week, and they're here to have fun and make a quick buck! Look, the Brontosaur is just waiting to be picked off! (Stegosaurus, Pressman insists.) The hunt seems to be going great, right up until a figure wearing an MCU Vulture-like winged jetpack with embedded rotors swoops in and slimes the entire vehicle in tree sap in an attempt to gum up the machinery.
The perpetrator laughs as he flies off, and Raoul orders Hammond to follow the kid that shot at them, even if it means losing their prey. They've gotten nothing but grief from the local Cro-Magnon people since they first stepped off the helicopter, so they're going to nail that flying rat once and for all! After Raoul orders Hammond to chase the flier down, the driver realizes belatedly that the flying kid is leading them somewhere specific, goading them on like he wants them to… oh shit, drive straight off a cliff! The vehicle tumbles down a hidden ravine and lands at the bottom in a very fatal-looking explosion, but the comic is swift to reassure the readers that all three men made it out - though it doesn't bother showing them physically, just some floating text boxes. Sure, that's survivable...
The blond, goggle-wearing flier who attacked them sweeps over the heads of the hunters once more, deciding to himself that if these three don't make it back to camp by nightfall they'll wish they'd died when that truck fell. Let's see how they like being hunted! He reluctantly decides he'll have to call the other Rangers when he gets back to the village, though, so they can pick those guys up before they become lizard bait. The man is then distracted by a curious patch of ice - an unusual sight in the sweltering tropical climate of the Savage Land. It seems a recent earthquake opened a tunnel from outside the valley, just like the one Ka-Zar the Savage once used to get to the valley from inhospitable and cold Antarctica long ago. These days, such gates allow every country and corporation looking for a new frontier access to rich pickings…
The flying Ranger makes his way into the tunnel, complaining about getting cold feet due to only wearing sandals in the snow, and recalls that a friend once found a locker full of British uniforms from the 1900's in a snow pack like this. He wonders if this flow has unearthed anything similarly interesting, and sure enough he finds an object he's only seen in an aviation database - it's an escape pod from a space shuttle, or something quite similar - it must have landed in Antarctica by accident. The Ranger goes to see if he can open the pod and he manages that easily enough, but there's nothing left inside. If somebody survived Earthfall in one of those pods, where exactly could they have gone afterwards? Where would they be now?
As an answer to that question, we finally catch up with our titular pal Doom, who has seen better days - he's delirious and ranting about heading for Latveria as he wanders through the jungles of the Savage Land. Last he recalls he was on a space station's bridge with Feng Huang, claiming Radian's armor for himself - and then they got blown up. No, it was actually the station that exploded, Doom recalls, and he made it to an escape pod in time. Yes, he made it in time! Not quite fast enough to escape the effects of the detonation, though - Doom's armor is now malfunctioning around him, severely damaged, and he's awash with violent electronic feedback. Indeed, much of him is literally on fire, and his tattered cloak falls away in chunks as the heat spreads. Doom insists that all this shouldn't have happened, that various backup systems should be engaging, but they're not working properly. He's rendered less and less coherent by the minute as a result, and Doom haltingly realizes he's experiencing total neuro-interface breakdown. His helmet bursts into flames as well, and Doom soon collapses to the forest floor while a distressing beeping noise erupts from his failing armor.
Mere moments later we see a tiny frilled lizard appear from the underbrush and climb across the unconscious Doom's armor, which has seemingly doused itself now that the occupant has been knocked out. It hisses at the monarch's nose as the armor audibly warns anyone around of system repair failures and total nanotech interface overload. A system crash is imminent. As a direct result of the armor being tied into Doom's brain, however, we get a reprise from the time he first put it on - memories and dreams melting into hallucinations for his feverish mind.
The first image is of Fortune's brother Kaz, who announces that 'Revelation is at hand', while his forehead is dominated by the image of the Y'Lestja collective consciousness, its tentacles spilling across the man's nose. He announces that Doom, his gypsy brother, is not the man he used to be. Doom quickly guesses the aliens must have done something to his mind while he was enthralled, and Kaz mysteriously answers that it's nothing that hasn't been done before. Doom concludes he must be hallucinating, but Reed Richards then appears to tell him that he's really not. Doom is pretty sure he killed Richards though, and the dead man agrees - but Reed then tells him he was actually killed by the genuine article. The real McCoy. He then holds up a mirror to the monarch's face, and the reflection reveals the new face Doom sports in 2099, complete with Tiger Wylde's handprint scar, but this time he's wearing some strange military uniform. Doom wonders, not for the first time, exactly who he is…
Doctor Doom himself appears next, the original article from the mainline comics in his green cloak, to tell the 2099 version that it is sheer hubris to think that he is anything but a pretender to the throne. He is but a hollow mockery of the true Victor von Doom! He denies the evidence in front of him, like the extent of his memory loss and his curiously youthful body which bears a different face - he's but a callow youth claiming the wisdom of age! Doom guesses that his repeated time-traveling caused a paradox, but Doctor Doom waves that explanation off as a scoundrel's excuse. Doom asks for the truth, then - by all that is sacred, he must know who he is! The image of Doctor Doom responds that Doom will burn in the fires of his self-deceit. He will burn, burn...
We briefly visit scenic Fajrolago, Latveria, the 'fire lake' which is named after the effects the red-streaked sunset has on its glassy waters. In that moment we see the landing of a second space station escape pod, this one carrying the other four people who got off the space station before Doom. Poet is quite relieved, since they had no time to check navigation systems before they got out, that they managed to hit water instead of a mountainside. Fortune is more relieved that nobody got airsick on the way down - the oxygen supply was running thin as it was. She opens the pod's door and is happy to be home to smell the fresh air. Poet looks in on the other passengers and concludes Lei Fong slept through the whole ride back, while Kaz has been mumbling along, saying nothing very coherent. The only thing he understood sounded vaguely like: 'Revelation is at hand…'
Back in the Savage Land, we see a man on a motorcycle cutting through the tall grass - this is Carson Leibowitz, who previously appeared in an issue of X-Men 2099. He's carrying his cat Kimba on his shoulder and wears an eyepatch on his right eye, so he's basically a prehistoric pirate-meets-jungle fighter. It's a beautiful day for a ride, he says - but they still have to be careful, because there's bugs big enough to eat cats for breakfast! Hell, humans don't top the food chain either around this place. Carson's got a passenger too, a guy named Hawk, who wears a fez. Hawk comments that he feels right at home in this environment - it's primal and elemental, much like him. Leibowitz explains that he asked for the man's presence because Alchemax has begun mining and drilling in the swamp, and they've been muscling the fragile unified tribal alliance to go along with them. Hawk notes that Carson hardly needs his help to throw a monkey wrench into Alchemax's operations, but the man has his mind set on a bigger goal - not sabotage, but war!
Elsewhere, Doom's armor is still malfunctioning, his power grid fusing together as his internal temperature exceeds acceptable limits and emergency failsafes refuse to respond. He's literally burning up. In his mind, he keeps seeing the image of the strange man with the hand-shaped scar on his face. He is Doom, but that's not his face. But… he is Doom!
In his delirium he begins shouting that last conclusion, attracting the attention of a thirty feet long, six ton carnivore. It's a Tyrannosaurus Rex, king of the jungle, and if his lizard brain were capable of understanding the unique nature of its own existence, it's doubtful it would care that it was a late-surviving dinosaur - its concerns are more immediate. The dinosaur's territory has been invaded by something loud, and shiny which smells of sulfur!
As Doom stumbles along and his armor starts popping and cracking from heat stress, Doom mutters to himself that maybe he's not Doom after all, but someone else. He sees images of the strange man from the mirror strung up on a gurney that looks more like an upside-down cross, followed by the ominous image of Doctor Doom looming over him, eyes ablaze.
What is this? Those are not Doom's memories - they are not things that happened to him! They happened to someone else. But who is that other person, and who is that other Doom? He is… doomed. With a system overload imminent, Doom tries once more to concentrate, to think straight…
The T-Rex charges in to face the rude intruder, looming up from the jungle in all its might, and it promptly receives a face full of sparks and flames from Doom's malfunctioning armor, which it doesn't appreciate at all. Roaring in challenge, the giant lizard smacks Doom aside with its tail, whacking him into a nearby tree where the man crumples as his external sensors fail and rob him of his sight.
The Rex charges in once more to take a fatal bite, roaring in fury, when Doom's systems finally overload completely and light him up in a blast of brilliant yellow and white energy which detonates in every direction, skewering the Tyrannosaur with a dozen shafts of brilliant laser light which tear straight through its body. The animal collapses moments later, falling partly on top of its prey in its death throes.
Doom slowly, forcefully, manages to crawl away from the creature as his armor burns white-hot, and he starts tossing parts of it aside, unlatching them to try and get relief. As he slowly wanders towards nearby water he ditches his belt, gauntlets, chest piece, even his mask - then he dives into the water practically in the nude to try and stop himself from overheating.
Within seconds, however, a voice is telling him to get up. For while Doom might have been able to kill one of the last Tyrannosaurs on Earth, he won't fare against… Bloodhawk! Yeah, it's the winged guy from the X-Men. He's randomly here now. Guess that explains who that 'Hawk' guy was earlier, huh?
The final quote of the issue is from Paradise Lost, by Milton: 'For who would lose, though full of pain, this intellectual being, Those thoughts that wander through eternity, to perish rather, swallow'd up and lost in the wide womb of uncreated night, devoid of sense and motion.' This is part of Belial's argument that open warfare against God is futile, for God would simply prevent the rebel angels from existing on any plane of being. Such annihilation would be worse even than pain and suffering, for should the rebel spirits cease to exist at all, they would become part of the formlessness outside the created universe in Chaos - the uncreated night. I'm not sure how relevant it is, but it's cool.
Rating & Comments
This issue honestly has very little Doom as such, since he is basically entirely delirious for the duration, but through the medium of sort-of-madness and cutaways, we actually get some more breadcrumbs for the metaplot of the entire series, so I don't really mind the interruption here. It is a bit vague exactly how Doom got so jacked up when his escape pod seems fine, considering we left him last issue without any damage to his armor. Perhaps something happened on that space station related to Feng Huang? Though as far as I know we don't really get a continuation of that storyline later - but it might get revealed in dialogue, who knows. However it happened, Doom got damaged and crash-lands off target at the South Pole. Sure.
The background plot of this entire arc, outside Doom, concerns Alchemax exploiting the archaic wilds of the Savage Land for resources, with I believe specific mention of Vibranium and other rare metals deep underground. They also play big game hunter on the side, and face off against a bunch of 'Cro-Magnons' though as far as I can tell most of the people are just other immigrants from the outside world who have come to play eco-warrior. Leibowitz leads these Rangers, with a flying Ka-Zar knockoff on his side as well as Bloodhawk from the X-Men and presumably more besides those. There's also some indication that the leader of Alchemax in the Savage Land is going native and doing weird stuff at a jungle temple, so I presume that will become relevant in the second and third part of this three-parter. So far this entire plot is unconnected to Doom in any way, but perhaps Doom's past transgressions against Alchemax will come back to bite him here.
First to comment on here is that opening scene - it depicts Margaretta in full for the first time, and reveals that the mysterious woman that Doom remembers loving and who betrayed him somehow as per Doom 2099 #13 is actually one of the Shadows mentioned in Doom 2099 #3, a mysterious shadowy group which manipulates world events. Doom was pretty sure at the start of the series that they were related to his reappearance in the future, and that seems to be on the money. Doom's label is 'Lazarus' in her computer which might mean he really is like a resurrected Doom, but on the other hand the dialogue implies that this isn't the 'real' Doom, and the hallucinations Doom is having seem to concur. There's a second man involved here.
Leaving for the moment the implication that the mysterious shadowy man that lives with Margaretta is the 'true' Doom, the hallucinations that our main character is experiencing seem to indicate that the new young body Doom has belongs to a soldier of some sort who was at one point strapped to an experiment table while Doom loomed over him, before being subjected to some horrible fate. This brings to mind the entire saga concerning Doom's heir, Kristoff Vernard, who got a Doom brain upload and thought he was the real thing. Are we dealing with the same situation here, another person who got convinced by artificial memory implantation that he's the real deal? That's certainly what all the clues seem to indicate right now, and the presence of a 'real' Doom who's been watching this new guy bungle around makes that more plausible. Still, we don't know how all the pieces fit together, so we shouldn't jump to conclusions…
It is interesting that there's a pretty explicit callback to Doom's hallucinations questioning of his own identity in Doom 2099 #1, back when he first put on his armor. This time he's actually taking it off, which seems nicely symbolic for what he's going through. I'm guessing we'll be dealing with barefaced Doom for a couple issues while he grapples with his identity crisis, so that should be interesting. Though this isn't really Doom's face, I'm guessing they'll stick with tradition and largely avoid showing his face anyway. It has been a while since this series has bothered having any real continuity beyond the short term, so it's nice to see that the writers haven't forgotten about their premise entirely. Even though this is yet another arc wandering around somewhere instead of leading Latveria, heh.
The dinosaur content in this issue is relatively light, but having Doom distractedly take out a T-Rex in one shot by accident is kind of hilarious. The cover image is more or less true, then, but highly misleading - poor Rexy did nothing to deserve what it got, but we can't exactly say Doom was being a dick either. It's just a terrible accident, though I doubt eco-terrorist Bloodhawk is going to care for Doom's entirely legitimate excuse here. Still, we can note this down: in a fight between Doom and a T-Rex, the former doesn't actually need to be conscious or aware of his foe to win, heh.
This issue was okay, but the downside is that actually not much happened - Doom basically just stumbles around a bit while his supporting cast returns home (which was already confirmed in the last issue) and there's some barely relevant stuff about Alchemax hunting dinosaurs while facing off against the local Rangers. That's it. I didn't mind the nice dinosaur art or the new locale, but we need to get some actual interaction going here to have a proper story. I'd give it two stars, but there's enough nice bits in here, including Rexy, to bump it up to three.
We got a bunch more breadcrumbs for our metaplot trail which seems to be coming to a head fairly soon, as I believe the arc after this one deals with the identity issues and sets up a major tonal shift in this entire series as a new creative team arrives to take over. That new bunch includes most notably Warren Ellis, known for writing stuff like Transmetropolitan, arcs of Hellblazer, the Extremis arc in Iron Man, and games like Dead Space. He favors transhumanist and folkloric themes - both of which work pretty well with Doom. Should be interesting where that goes…
Quotations from Chairman Doom
Hallucination: "What hubris to think you are anything but a pretender to the throne. You are a hollow mockery of the true Victor von Doom." Doom: "I am no other." Hallucination: "You deny the evidence before you. Your memory loss. Your curious youth. You are a callow youth claiming the wisdom of age." Doom: "My repeated travels in time must have created a paradox…" Hallucination: "A scoundrel's answer." Doom: "Then tell me the truth. By all that is sacred, I must know! This masquerade condemns you." Hallucination: "You will burn in the fires of your self deceit. Burn. Burn."
I wouldn't be entirely shocked, given the title 'Lazarus,' if the shadowy figure isn't really Doom either and the original is dead. They're keeping their cards close to their chest.
As a huge Stegosaur rushes by, one of the hunters declares they should be paid by the pound, before calling the animal a 'Brontosaurus.' He's quickly told off by a colleague for his poor taxonomy,
Funnily enough, Brontosaurus is back on the dinosaur lists again. The original 'Brontosaurus' was made out of the bones of several large long necked plant-eaters, most of which had already been named, but they recently determined that one of the pieces was from a new dinosaur and decided the 'Brontosaurus' label still applied to that piece. So, you can talk about 'Brontosaurus' without sounding like an idiot, again.
and the reflection reveals the new face Doom sports in 2099, complete with Tiger Wylde's handprint scar,
Although, thanks to an art-style change, I didn't actually recognize him until you pointed that out. He's looking broader featured here and his hair is black when it was clearly brown in issue 1.
Overall, I like this issue. Sure, it's mostly set-up, but it's the good, necessary kind, rather than filler this series has sometimes struggled with. The trick is going to be the pay-off, since you have to make that set-up worth something, which is the main place the Radian arc faltered.
Warren Ellis doesn't always knock it out of the park but he's written some very good stuff, so I'm looking forward to that.
I've never read this series, and I am avoiding reading it because I like the suspense. I think that the Doom we are focusing on is an imposter, a kind of biological Doombot which has escaped the control of the real Doom. That would explain why his personality is different compared to the original
