- Location
- France
I'm far more aware of this part of his backstory thanks to it being used to introduce Nadia in more recent years. I'm actually surprised in retrospect that it took so long for him to have gained a secret child via his first wife.
Doom's Day Has Come! (Let's Read Marvel's Doctor Doom)
- Thread starter Roarian
- Start date
- Comics
113: Fantastic Four v1 #318 - Beyond the Pale!
- Location
- Netherlands
113: Fantastic Four v1 #318 (September 1988)
Cover
Alright, now we're talking! We return to our regularly scheduled Fantastic Four comics with a 'featuring Doctor Doom!' tagline, and a cover which seems to include the villain as part of the titular 'Four' , filling the role after their latest acquisition, Crystal of the inhumans, wandered off somewhere - I'm going to take a wild guess and assume relationship drama is involved since this is, once again, a Steve Englehart story. I am hopeful that he'll break from tradition and give us a coherent story this time that avoids terrible treatment of women, but I suppose we'll see how that turns out. Too much to hope for, you think…
Story Overview
Beyond the Pale!
We begin this story with Doctor Doom hanging out in a dark alleyway glancing around the corner at an approaching shopper carrying a bag full of groceries who is thinking about his 'sweetums' and complaining that the city is even uglier than he remembered. Apparently he moved back to New York City because his girlfriend wanted to see the big city he used to live, and he doesn't really care where he is if she's there - although he does worry about the local dangers. As he says this, Doom suddenly jumps around the corner crying 'DIE!', grabs him by the shirt, and blasts him in the face with lasers. 'Die for the triumph of Doctor Doom!'
Doom thinks to himself that he must be unrelenting, never allowing his target a second to think - this is his chance to defeat Kristoff! He thinks to himself that if Quicksilver's information is correct, this man must die! That information, if you missed the coda of last issue's coverage, is related to the Fantastic Four's short-term plans, which Doom received because Quicksilver holds a grudge against Kristoff. Finished with his cold-blooded murder, Doom moves away, declaring 'farewell' … to Owen Reece. The crumpled body in the alleyway is revealed to be none other than the Molecule Man himself!
As Doom walks the street, he enjoys the away people shy away from him, even though they don't even know the heinous act he's just committed. Exiled from his homeland, bereft of his armies, and stripped of his diplomatic immunity - he still remains Doom. Woe to the common policeman who attempts to hold him to American law! Woe to America itself! This moment is his! He approaches a nearby building - a hotel or apartment building, I'm not clear - and hits the bell that is labelled. 'Mrs. A. Storm.' In a bit of an in-joke, the name of editor Jim Shooter is listed nearby with an eviction notice - the man was recently fired from Marvel at the time of publication.
Meanwhile, over at the Fantastic Four headquarters, Mrs. A. Storm's husband - Johnny - is talking in a dull monotone, explaining listlessly that Reed managed to gain control over their portal to the negative zone again, and they've got to set up the equipment to make the connection functional. Ben comments that going in there is going to be tough, especially without Crys, but he shouldn't be moping - she chose her family over the Fantastic Four, and that's it! Johnny isn't happy at all - she went back to her husband Quicksilver, who clearly hasn't reformed, and he's not sure why Black Bolt, leader of the Inhumans, seems blind to this. Sharon figures it's probably because it's a closed society that doesn't deal with outsiders much, so they don't know what Quicksilver's done. Ben figures at least it gave Johnny another shot to say goodbye to his wife. When Johnny takes that as a criticism and snaps back that he was glad to see Alicia, Ben comments that he never said he wasn't - but it's good to hear he does care for her.
At that moment the robotic secretary warns Ben that there's some people waiting in the entrance hall - and while she's capable of dealing with many things, this is a bit beyond her. When the viewscreen activates, it shows the new arrivals - Alicia and Doctor Doom! Johnny doesn't wait, he just rushes off to his wife's location by burning straight through the wall of the building, carving a path to the nearby entrance hall and burrowing up through the floor while threatening Doom. Alicia tries to warn him to stop, but Johnny just slams into Doom, demanding to know what he's done. Doom notes the question should be what he's going to do for this insolence?
Ben notes this is the second time he's waltzed into the Fantastic Four's building with a hostage, but he doesn't have Black Panther with him to bail him out this time. Alicia again interrupts, telling Ben that if he should be stopping anyone, it should be Johnny! Ben incredulously asks if she means they should let Doom get his way, she says yes. Ben decides to hang back for a moment with Sharon and let the matter clear itself up. Johnny is still attacking, declaring he's wanted a one-on-one fight for years! Doom responds that he's spent years making his armor impervious to the powers of the Fantastic Four.
While Johnny's pyrotechnics can only be honed, Doom says, his own greatest power is his matchless mind, which makes his might whatever he chooses it to be! Hidden by the fire and smoke, Doom fires tiny missiles from his knuckles to the side, then blasts Johnny with lasers to distract him while they maneuver into a favorable position.
Johnny then starts accusing Doom of using mind-control on Alicia to get on his side, and he's going to pay! The missiles suddenly zoom in from behind and douse Johnny's flames with a chemical mixture. He declares that to be the first step - the second will be more painful! When he raises his hand, though, Alicia intervenes, declaring she's stood up for Doom so far, but this is enough.
Johnny asks Alicia what on Earth Doom did to her, and she explains that he did nothing - she's here of her own free will, to get him to listen to her. She reminds him that while she might not be able to see, there are things she can do that others can't - and one of those is feeling the truth of a soul. It's not even the first time she's done so with Doom, in fact. Doom came to her home and told her he needed to speak with the Fantastic Four, and made a convincing enough case that she chose to take him along to their base of operations. Ben believes Alicia, naturally, and decides he'll hear Doom out. So, what's he here for, exactly?
Doom reveals that he knows, though sources he cannot divulge - Quicksilver - that the Fantastic Four are getting ready to head back into the Negative Zone to find a race of so-called 'Beyonders' - or possibly the Beyonder from Secret Wars that they all met, who disappeared at the end of Secret Wars II into a universe of his own creation. The team, however, is lacking Reed Richards - they will surely not survive, unless they allow Doom - his one intellectual superior - to take his place! Ben cracks up, but Alicia still maintains Doom is telling the truth. Ben notes that Doom is currently having a spat with a child he put a copy of his own mind into, and also he once stole the Beyonder's power, so pardon him if he second-guesses the supervillain about his motives.
Doom insists that they will not survive without him, and Ben figures that even if that's true, the Fantastic Four are willing to face a risk if it means they can avoid giving Doom a chance to conquer the world. Ben tells Doom to get out of their faces, since they have work to do. Doom declares that he told Alicia the truth, just as he told Reed the truth last Midsummer's Eve when he promised he'd put Franklin's life before his own, if trusted with him! Since they will not survive the Negative Zone without him, and they refuse his help - he'll just have to take matters into his own hands, like he did in Fantastic Four v1 Annual #20! The Fantastic Four must survive!
Doom tosses a device onto the ground under the Four's feet, which detonates but leaves them apparently unharmed. When the team then tries to attack the villain, however, their attacks fail to hit anything at all - they phase right through! Doom reveals that what he threw was a time-shift bomb that shifted the entire group backwards in time by two seconds, and by the time they make the necessary adjustments to deal with the discrepancies between where they really are and where they think they are, he'll be inside the room with the Negative Zone portal, inside Reed Richards' Radical Cube! Johnny figures Doom must be ahead of where they see him. Flipping a switch, Doom confirms that he is, indeed, far ahead of them! The Negative Zone portal opens, and Doom vanishes into the distance.
The heroes struggle to hold on to something, and Johnny figures Doom must be crazy when he spots Alicia flying through the room towards the portal. Sharon asks Ben what they're supposed to do while Johnny catches his wife, who declares that she can feel what's on the other side of the portal - nothingness with stars in it! So… space?
Sharon manages to force the portal closed again by flipping the same lever Doom did, just as the time-shift bomb's effects finally wear off. Ben rages at himself for getting tricked by Doom - he said Ben was stupid and then he proved it! Alicia notes that while Doom clearly had a fallback plan, the original claim that they'd need him to survive the Negative Zone was true - she could sense it! She can still sense the potential danger of going in after him, actually…
Ben dismisses the threat, declaring that this isn't the first time the Fantastic Four have faced dangerous situations, and it won't be the last. They've been to the Negative Zone before, and even if big-brained Reed isn't along this time, he built ships to handle the other dimension that hey can use. Johnny tries to comfort his wife, declaring that Reed nailed real space travel, and he figured negative-zone travel, too! In his mind, meanwhile, he admits he loves his wife - and then promptly wonders if it's possible to love two women at the same time. Well, it's an Englehart comic alright, that's for sure! Alicia elects to stay behind, but promises to watch them on the monitoring equipment every step of the way. He says that with any luck they'll be back in no time, but Ben isn't so optimistic…
Soon their spaceship blasts into the psychedelic weirdness of neg-space, while Alicia keeps watch via a special 'fractal monitor' that is designed to allow her to see through her fingers what others could on a regular screen. She muses that her mental outreach stretches all the way to this strange other dimension, and she's still convinced that Doom was telling the truth. She prays she's wrong.
Elsewhere, we find the unconscious Owen Reese laid out in a hospital bed while his girlfriend Marsha Rosenberg - Volcana from Secret Wars, if you recall - fusses over her 'cuddle-kins.' Seems Doom is bad at murder. A doctor notes that Owen was the victim of a savage mugging, and regretfully informs him that he does not seem to be responding to treatment.
Marsha points out the marks on Owen's face, and the Doctor notes he's seen tattoos before, but Marsha replies that he doesn't need treatment because he's the Molecule Man. He's fixed the universe before, you know! The Doctor doesn't buy it and tells Marsha she should only stay a few more minutes, but she's convinced he'll be just fine in due time. Still, what might happen to the universe, now that the person who makes sure it's stable is out of action…?
Back in the Negative Zone, the ship carrying the Fantastic Three are drawn towards a nearby planet, which appears to be a replica of the Earth. Ben observes that it's worse than that - it's not just a replica, it's an antimatter Earth and it and the ship would annihilate each other if they came into contact! Thankfully Reed installed devices on board to push themselves away from objects like this. Johnny wonders where Doom is, and Ben says he could be anywhere by now - and still alive, since there's breathable air in neg-space. Still, Ben is bothered by Doom's earlier warnings, while Johnny waves it off: Doom would say anything to get what he wanted, and fooling a blind woman certainly isn't beyond him. Ben then muses that some of them chose to laugh at the danger, still beating himself up over earlier decisions. Johnny quickly steps away to give Ben and Sharon a moment to hug - it seems they've become a couple somewhere in the last few issues. Given how that whole thing started, forgive me if I don't feel terribly enthusiastic about such a development.
The amorous interlude is interrupted by an attacking ship, which starts blasting away at them. Johnny recognizes it as belonging to Blastaar, their oldest enemy in the Negative Zone, who Johnny saw (without Ben there) in Fantastic Four v1 #290. Ben decides to use the pushing-ray from before to get rid of the annoying bogey, but instead of getting ejected the two crafts suddenly collide - Blastaar inverted the ray so he'd be pulled in instead! A nearby bulkhead explodes to reveal the hairy alien, who is disappointed not all the Fantastic Four is there - just the Torch and two monsters!
Ben reintroduces himself as the Thing with a shiny new paint-job, and Blastaar announces that Ben might have powered up for this rematch, but so has he! He ejects the whole crew out into neg-space with another blast from his hands, and Johnny observes that while Blastaar needs his hands to maneuver in zero gravity, Johnny can fly and fire! While getting hit with said fire, Blastaar declares that while his flames might just be a weapon for Johnny, his own can do far more - because he is Blastaar!
Johnny absorbs the energy he's hit with by the alien, but it's powering him up far too quickly - he needs to get rid of some of the charge! He breaks away from the confrontation and lets the energy unleash a safe distance away, but almost immediately after he's being surrounded by asteroids and other debris that Blastaar controlled into colliding with him, soon burying him in a coffin and hindering his breathing in this universe filled with air.
Blastaar figures Johnny will eventually escape the rocky cell, but not until he has ripped the two helpless Things apart! After all, neither of them can even fly! Swooping in from the black like a freaking hero, Doctor Doom smashes into the cackling Blastaar and encloses a collar around the brute's neck - one designed to shrink every time he uses his blasting power. Stop, or die!
Blastaar declares he'll simply blast Doom off him, but the villain replies that his armor can outlast the attacks. Blastaar declares he cannot be defeated and keeps blasting, but soon enough he starts choking, and is then rendered unconscious by the collar. In the aftermath, Doom calmly states he is the one who cannot be defeated, thanks. Sharon and Ben prepare for a fight, but Doom quickly snags them up along with Johnny and carries them back towards Blastaar's ship, declaring that he did say they'd need him to survive out here… Did Doom just 'I told you so!' the Fantastic Four? Heh.
Doom explains that he took them to Blastaar's ship because, while Reed Richards was doubtlessly competent in building his own vessel, this one was built by beings who actually live in this realm. Sharon points out that they don't know how it works, but Doom thinks he and Ben can doubtlessly figure it out. Ben ask who appointed Doom boss, and the villain says he is the only one who knows where to find the Beyonder. Johnny wonders why they should trust him now, when he betrayed them earlier this very issue. Sharon opines that they can't really throw him back into space (because…? It's not like he's suffocate.) Ben figures they're stuck with him, and Doom declares they're all in this together. To himself he wonders how long that alliance will last…
The final coda promises that next time, we'll cover a double-sized story - and it's named Secret Wars 3!
Rating & Comments
I never really covered Secret Wars II in detail in this read-through, since Doom barely mattered to it outside one issue. That one issue, however, is relevant here - it was the one where the time-paradox surrounding the original Secret Wars was resolved, and when Doom regained his own body. After that event happened, Secret Wars II continued for a while longer before concluding with the Beyonder exploding into a new universe and thus effectively erasing himself from continuity - the character was finished. Since he was generally unpopular, especially due to his antics in Secret Wars II, that was no great loss. Which is why it's kind of annoying that Steve Englehart brought him back in this storyline with the explicit purpose of writing him out again. We'll get to the actual meat of 'Secret Wars III' next time, but I just had to comment that Englehart is not ingratiating himself to me at all with all the questionable decisions he keeps making. I'll grant you that pointlessly reviving dead characters is less egregious than all the shit he keeps doing to women, but still.
This comic is okay, although opening with Doom performing a vicious back-alley mugging is a bit strange - it really doesn't seem like the type of crime he would get involved in, and skipping out on banter and taunting his enemies in lieu of just straight-up cold-blooded murder feels out of character. Being over the top is his thing! Now, granted, the target here was the Molecule Man, who has previously demonstrated he can rip continents in half with a sneeze, so a violent and unexpected attack is probably the likeliest way to take him out - but the comic never really establishes what the point of it is. Doom wants to find the Beyonder, possibly to repeat his power-stealing trick from Secret Wars - but why would the Molecule Man be an obstacle to that goal? He wasn't one the first time around. It's not like the guy knows what's going on either, and the whole affair literally takes place outside the universe, so it's doubtful he'd find out. Maybe Doom plans to reorder reality and he worries that Owen Reece would stop him? Admittedly, if you know the 2015 version of Secret Wars, it might make a bit more sense. Clearly someone was reading these old issues while writing that story…
Some fun scenes in this comic include Doom telling the honest truth to Alicia and the Fantastic Four while leaving out all the details which actually explain why he's really there. I accept that Doom has no interest in killing the Fantastic Four here, and that he perceives himself to be necessary for their survival in the Negative Zone - even if it's not factually true that he's the only choice, he'd certainly believe himself that important. Doom, just like in Secret Wars, is in this for some bigger prize - he's playing a larger game we're not yet seeing. That definitely feels like him, especially in context of a Secret Wars follow-up. I'm a little less impressed by the characterization of the heroes, particularly Johnny, who flies off the handle before he even knows what's going on and starts wrecking both his own home and Doom without even asking questions or checking whether the villain is doing anything actually bad. I would buy it's just him being extremely in love, if not for him idly thinking about loving other women while kissing her. Ben comes across as the leader for once, though his struggles with the role are clearly getting to him. It seems inevitable, be it in two issues or two dozen, that he'll shift back to a background role as the muscle, probably when the original lineup of the Four reforms.
The side-characters in this issue don't impress. I am… not a fan of Blastaar. The opposite, really. He's a dumb brute of a random alien who shouts a lot, and his name is ridiculous, especially since he keeps saying 'blast' this and 'blast' that as if to remind us that his name is basically Swordy the swordsman. I'm not sure how his powers are supposed to work in detail, beyond that it involves blasting, but I thought trapping Johnny inside an asteroid was pretty clever - though Blastaar went down like a chump right after, so it's hard to judge if it's good tactics on his part or if Johnny just sucked in that engagement. The other minor side character in this issue, Alicia, gets to flex her Counselor Troi powers and picks up that Doom is on the level about offering his brain power in lieu of Reed's. She also repeatedly conveys that Doom thinks they'll need him to survive in neg-space, and this turns out to be true.Otherwise she just hangs back and plays cheerleader. Ah well, at least she's good for something!
Doctor Doom himself is in great form in this issue, showing off his competence by dealing with everything he comes across quickly and without hesitation. Not only does he take down Johnny Storm in single combat without much trouble, but he then uses a pretty awesome time-grenade he invented to essentially disable the entire Fantastic Four at once, and hijacks their equipment right under their collective noses. Not bad! And all that is before we get to his heroic intervention against Blastaar, whom he disables with a handy shrinking collar that he apparently has on him at all times. For someone who viciously attempted to murder someone in a dark alley in the first pages of this issue, he comes off as remarkably diplomatic in his interaction with the heroes - and even though his offered promise to keep them safe was rebuffed, he still came through on the unsworn vow anyway. He didn't go that far in the business with Franklin and Mephisto - which he even mentions, go figure - so gotta give him credit for being the better person here!
This issue didn't stand out for me terribly much, what with the rather lackluster one-note villain and a lot of pointless page-filling, but it also wasn't bad - I liked some of the psychedelic art, Doom got to strut his stuff a bit, and the promise of a Secret Wars followup that maybe won't suck is interesting. And hey, I made it through an Englehart comic without content warnings! Although, you know, Secret Wars II didn't exactly wow me, and Englehart is writing the next issue too. I have a feeling I'll be crossing my fingers that we move out of his particular era of comics quickly - even if it means we'll be entering the 90's. Oh boy, that's gonna be a thing, isn't it? Three stars for this one.
Best Panel(s) of the Issue
I'll have to go with Doom's grand escape from the Fantastic Four into the negative zone - it's not the only crazy psychedelic panel in the issue, but it has Doom delivering a punchline while vanishing into the distance, so it gets style points for that.
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"Die for the triumph of Doctor Doom!"
"Look at the street rabble flinch, though they know nothing of what I've just done! Exiled from my homeland and my armies, stripped of the diplomatic immunity which once shielded me - am I not still Doom? Woe to the common policeman who attempts to subject me to American law! Woe to America! This moment is mine!"
"My greatest power is my matchless mind, which makes my might whatever I choose it to be!"
"I am the one who cannot be defeated!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
I'm a little puzzled that comics can apparently go all-in on sensitive topics (in insensitive ways) but depicting body fluids correctly is evidently a problem. At least, I assume that's why the Molecule Man mysteriously bleeds brown, and Volcana's tears are milky white. I mean, I can kind of understand the former, I guess, but the latter is just weird. (Also her eyes are identical to Alicia's, who is blind...)
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Time-Shift Bomb is the neatest new invention. Although I'm not sure how it actually works, it appears to cause its victims to experience everything as if it was two seconds earlier than it really is, thereby continuously failing to catch up with their target who's already left the spot they're aiming for. It's a neat little gadget! There's also the Knuckle Rockets Doom deploys against Johnny, and the Contracting Collar which he whips out against Blastaar. Doom was well-prepped in this issue, especially since he doesn't actually have a home base at the moment!
Cover
Alright, now we're talking! We return to our regularly scheduled Fantastic Four comics with a 'featuring Doctor Doom!' tagline, and a cover which seems to include the villain as part of the titular 'Four' , filling the role after their latest acquisition, Crystal of the inhumans, wandered off somewhere - I'm going to take a wild guess and assume relationship drama is involved since this is, once again, a Steve Englehart story. I am hopeful that he'll break from tradition and give us a coherent story this time that avoids terrible treatment of women, but I suppose we'll see how that turns out. Too much to hope for, you think…
Story Overview
Beyond the Pale!
We begin this story with Doctor Doom hanging out in a dark alleyway glancing around the corner at an approaching shopper carrying a bag full of groceries who is thinking about his 'sweetums' and complaining that the city is even uglier than he remembered. Apparently he moved back to New York City because his girlfriend wanted to see the big city he used to live, and he doesn't really care where he is if she's there - although he does worry about the local dangers. As he says this, Doom suddenly jumps around the corner crying 'DIE!', grabs him by the shirt, and blasts him in the face with lasers. 'Die for the triumph of Doctor Doom!'
Doom thinks to himself that he must be unrelenting, never allowing his target a second to think - this is his chance to defeat Kristoff! He thinks to himself that if Quicksilver's information is correct, this man must die! That information, if you missed the coda of last issue's coverage, is related to the Fantastic Four's short-term plans, which Doom received because Quicksilver holds a grudge against Kristoff. Finished with his cold-blooded murder, Doom moves away, declaring 'farewell' … to Owen Reece. The crumpled body in the alleyway is revealed to be none other than the Molecule Man himself!
As Doom walks the street, he enjoys the away people shy away from him, even though they don't even know the heinous act he's just committed. Exiled from his homeland, bereft of his armies, and stripped of his diplomatic immunity - he still remains Doom. Woe to the common policeman who attempts to hold him to American law! Woe to America itself! This moment is his! He approaches a nearby building - a hotel or apartment building, I'm not clear - and hits the bell that is labelled. 'Mrs. A. Storm.' In a bit of an in-joke, the name of editor Jim Shooter is listed nearby with an eviction notice - the man was recently fired from Marvel at the time of publication.
Meanwhile, over at the Fantastic Four headquarters, Mrs. A. Storm's husband - Johnny - is talking in a dull monotone, explaining listlessly that Reed managed to gain control over their portal to the negative zone again, and they've got to set up the equipment to make the connection functional. Ben comments that going in there is going to be tough, especially without Crys, but he shouldn't be moping - she chose her family over the Fantastic Four, and that's it! Johnny isn't happy at all - she went back to her husband Quicksilver, who clearly hasn't reformed, and he's not sure why Black Bolt, leader of the Inhumans, seems blind to this. Sharon figures it's probably because it's a closed society that doesn't deal with outsiders much, so they don't know what Quicksilver's done. Ben figures at least it gave Johnny another shot to say goodbye to his wife. When Johnny takes that as a criticism and snaps back that he was glad to see Alicia, Ben comments that he never said he wasn't - but it's good to hear he does care for her.
At that moment the robotic secretary warns Ben that there's some people waiting in the entrance hall - and while she's capable of dealing with many things, this is a bit beyond her. When the viewscreen activates, it shows the new arrivals - Alicia and Doctor Doom! Johnny doesn't wait, he just rushes off to his wife's location by burning straight through the wall of the building, carving a path to the nearby entrance hall and burrowing up through the floor while threatening Doom. Alicia tries to warn him to stop, but Johnny just slams into Doom, demanding to know what he's done. Doom notes the question should be what he's going to do for this insolence?
Ben notes this is the second time he's waltzed into the Fantastic Four's building with a hostage, but he doesn't have Black Panther with him to bail him out this time. Alicia again interrupts, telling Ben that if he should be stopping anyone, it should be Johnny! Ben incredulously asks if she means they should let Doom get his way, she says yes. Ben decides to hang back for a moment with Sharon and let the matter clear itself up. Johnny is still attacking, declaring he's wanted a one-on-one fight for years! Doom responds that he's spent years making his armor impervious to the powers of the Fantastic Four.
While Johnny's pyrotechnics can only be honed, Doom says, his own greatest power is his matchless mind, which makes his might whatever he chooses it to be! Hidden by the fire and smoke, Doom fires tiny missiles from his knuckles to the side, then blasts Johnny with lasers to distract him while they maneuver into a favorable position.
Johnny then starts accusing Doom of using mind-control on Alicia to get on his side, and he's going to pay! The missiles suddenly zoom in from behind and douse Johnny's flames with a chemical mixture. He declares that to be the first step - the second will be more painful! When he raises his hand, though, Alicia intervenes, declaring she's stood up for Doom so far, but this is enough.
Johnny asks Alicia what on Earth Doom did to her, and she explains that he did nothing - she's here of her own free will, to get him to listen to her. She reminds him that while she might not be able to see, there are things she can do that others can't - and one of those is feeling the truth of a soul. It's not even the first time she's done so with Doom, in fact. Doom came to her home and told her he needed to speak with the Fantastic Four, and made a convincing enough case that she chose to take him along to their base of operations. Ben believes Alicia, naturally, and decides he'll hear Doom out. So, what's he here for, exactly?
Doom reveals that he knows, though sources he cannot divulge - Quicksilver - that the Fantastic Four are getting ready to head back into the Negative Zone to find a race of so-called 'Beyonders' - or possibly the Beyonder from Secret Wars that they all met, who disappeared at the end of Secret Wars II into a universe of his own creation. The team, however, is lacking Reed Richards - they will surely not survive, unless they allow Doom - his one intellectual superior - to take his place! Ben cracks up, but Alicia still maintains Doom is telling the truth. Ben notes that Doom is currently having a spat with a child he put a copy of his own mind into, and also he once stole the Beyonder's power, so pardon him if he second-guesses the supervillain about his motives.
Doom insists that they will not survive without him, and Ben figures that even if that's true, the Fantastic Four are willing to face a risk if it means they can avoid giving Doom a chance to conquer the world. Ben tells Doom to get out of their faces, since they have work to do. Doom declares that he told Alicia the truth, just as he told Reed the truth last Midsummer's Eve when he promised he'd put Franklin's life before his own, if trusted with him! Since they will not survive the Negative Zone without him, and they refuse his help - he'll just have to take matters into his own hands, like he did in Fantastic Four v1 Annual #20! The Fantastic Four must survive!
Doom tosses a device onto the ground under the Four's feet, which detonates but leaves them apparently unharmed. When the team then tries to attack the villain, however, their attacks fail to hit anything at all - they phase right through! Doom reveals that what he threw was a time-shift bomb that shifted the entire group backwards in time by two seconds, and by the time they make the necessary adjustments to deal with the discrepancies between where they really are and where they think they are, he'll be inside the room with the Negative Zone portal, inside Reed Richards' Radical Cube! Johnny figures Doom must be ahead of where they see him. Flipping a switch, Doom confirms that he is, indeed, far ahead of them! The Negative Zone portal opens, and Doom vanishes into the distance.
The heroes struggle to hold on to something, and Johnny figures Doom must be crazy when he spots Alicia flying through the room towards the portal. Sharon asks Ben what they're supposed to do while Johnny catches his wife, who declares that she can feel what's on the other side of the portal - nothingness with stars in it! So… space?
Sharon manages to force the portal closed again by flipping the same lever Doom did, just as the time-shift bomb's effects finally wear off. Ben rages at himself for getting tricked by Doom - he said Ben was stupid and then he proved it! Alicia notes that while Doom clearly had a fallback plan, the original claim that they'd need him to survive the Negative Zone was true - she could sense it! She can still sense the potential danger of going in after him, actually…
Ben dismisses the threat, declaring that this isn't the first time the Fantastic Four have faced dangerous situations, and it won't be the last. They've been to the Negative Zone before, and even if big-brained Reed isn't along this time, he built ships to handle the other dimension that hey can use. Johnny tries to comfort his wife, declaring that Reed nailed real space travel, and he figured negative-zone travel, too! In his mind, meanwhile, he admits he loves his wife - and then promptly wonders if it's possible to love two women at the same time. Well, it's an Englehart comic alright, that's for sure! Alicia elects to stay behind, but promises to watch them on the monitoring equipment every step of the way. He says that with any luck they'll be back in no time, but Ben isn't so optimistic…
Soon their spaceship blasts into the psychedelic weirdness of neg-space, while Alicia keeps watch via a special 'fractal monitor' that is designed to allow her to see through her fingers what others could on a regular screen. She muses that her mental outreach stretches all the way to this strange other dimension, and she's still convinced that Doom was telling the truth. She prays she's wrong.
Elsewhere, we find the unconscious Owen Reese laid out in a hospital bed while his girlfriend Marsha Rosenberg - Volcana from Secret Wars, if you recall - fusses over her 'cuddle-kins.' Seems Doom is bad at murder. A doctor notes that Owen was the victim of a savage mugging, and regretfully informs him that he does not seem to be responding to treatment.
Marsha points out the marks on Owen's face, and the Doctor notes he's seen tattoos before, but Marsha replies that he doesn't need treatment because he's the Molecule Man. He's fixed the universe before, you know! The Doctor doesn't buy it and tells Marsha she should only stay a few more minutes, but she's convinced he'll be just fine in due time. Still, what might happen to the universe, now that the person who makes sure it's stable is out of action…?
Back in the Negative Zone, the ship carrying the Fantastic Three are drawn towards a nearby planet, which appears to be a replica of the Earth. Ben observes that it's worse than that - it's not just a replica, it's an antimatter Earth and it and the ship would annihilate each other if they came into contact! Thankfully Reed installed devices on board to push themselves away from objects like this. Johnny wonders where Doom is, and Ben says he could be anywhere by now - and still alive, since there's breathable air in neg-space. Still, Ben is bothered by Doom's earlier warnings, while Johnny waves it off: Doom would say anything to get what he wanted, and fooling a blind woman certainly isn't beyond him. Ben then muses that some of them chose to laugh at the danger, still beating himself up over earlier decisions. Johnny quickly steps away to give Ben and Sharon a moment to hug - it seems they've become a couple somewhere in the last few issues. Given how that whole thing started, forgive me if I don't feel terribly enthusiastic about such a development.
The amorous interlude is interrupted by an attacking ship, which starts blasting away at them. Johnny recognizes it as belonging to Blastaar, their oldest enemy in the Negative Zone, who Johnny saw (without Ben there) in Fantastic Four v1 #290. Ben decides to use the pushing-ray from before to get rid of the annoying bogey, but instead of getting ejected the two crafts suddenly collide - Blastaar inverted the ray so he'd be pulled in instead! A nearby bulkhead explodes to reveal the hairy alien, who is disappointed not all the Fantastic Four is there - just the Torch and two monsters!
Ben reintroduces himself as the Thing with a shiny new paint-job, and Blastaar announces that Ben might have powered up for this rematch, but so has he! He ejects the whole crew out into neg-space with another blast from his hands, and Johnny observes that while Blastaar needs his hands to maneuver in zero gravity, Johnny can fly and fire! While getting hit with said fire, Blastaar declares that while his flames might just be a weapon for Johnny, his own can do far more - because he is Blastaar!
Johnny absorbs the energy he's hit with by the alien, but it's powering him up far too quickly - he needs to get rid of some of the charge! He breaks away from the confrontation and lets the energy unleash a safe distance away, but almost immediately after he's being surrounded by asteroids and other debris that Blastaar controlled into colliding with him, soon burying him in a coffin and hindering his breathing in this universe filled with air.
Blastaar figures Johnny will eventually escape the rocky cell, but not until he has ripped the two helpless Things apart! After all, neither of them can even fly! Swooping in from the black like a freaking hero, Doctor Doom smashes into the cackling Blastaar and encloses a collar around the brute's neck - one designed to shrink every time he uses his blasting power. Stop, or die!
Blastaar declares he'll simply blast Doom off him, but the villain replies that his armor can outlast the attacks. Blastaar declares he cannot be defeated and keeps blasting, but soon enough he starts choking, and is then rendered unconscious by the collar. In the aftermath, Doom calmly states he is the one who cannot be defeated, thanks. Sharon and Ben prepare for a fight, but Doom quickly snags them up along with Johnny and carries them back towards Blastaar's ship, declaring that he did say they'd need him to survive out here… Did Doom just 'I told you so!' the Fantastic Four? Heh.
Doom explains that he took them to Blastaar's ship because, while Reed Richards was doubtlessly competent in building his own vessel, this one was built by beings who actually live in this realm. Sharon points out that they don't know how it works, but Doom thinks he and Ben can doubtlessly figure it out. Ben ask who appointed Doom boss, and the villain says he is the only one who knows where to find the Beyonder. Johnny wonders why they should trust him now, when he betrayed them earlier this very issue. Sharon opines that they can't really throw him back into space (because…? It's not like he's suffocate.) Ben figures they're stuck with him, and Doom declares they're all in this together. To himself he wonders how long that alliance will last…
The final coda promises that next time, we'll cover a double-sized story - and it's named Secret Wars 3!
Rating & Comments
I never really covered Secret Wars II in detail in this read-through, since Doom barely mattered to it outside one issue. That one issue, however, is relevant here - it was the one where the time-paradox surrounding the original Secret Wars was resolved, and when Doom regained his own body. After that event happened, Secret Wars II continued for a while longer before concluding with the Beyonder exploding into a new universe and thus effectively erasing himself from continuity - the character was finished. Since he was generally unpopular, especially due to his antics in Secret Wars II, that was no great loss. Which is why it's kind of annoying that Steve Englehart brought him back in this storyline with the explicit purpose of writing him out again. We'll get to the actual meat of 'Secret Wars III' next time, but I just had to comment that Englehart is not ingratiating himself to me at all with all the questionable decisions he keeps making. I'll grant you that pointlessly reviving dead characters is less egregious than all the shit he keeps doing to women, but still.
This comic is okay, although opening with Doom performing a vicious back-alley mugging is a bit strange - it really doesn't seem like the type of crime he would get involved in, and skipping out on banter and taunting his enemies in lieu of just straight-up cold-blooded murder feels out of character. Being over the top is his thing! Now, granted, the target here was the Molecule Man, who has previously demonstrated he can rip continents in half with a sneeze, so a violent and unexpected attack is probably the likeliest way to take him out - but the comic never really establishes what the point of it is. Doom wants to find the Beyonder, possibly to repeat his power-stealing trick from Secret Wars - but why would the Molecule Man be an obstacle to that goal? He wasn't one the first time around. It's not like the guy knows what's going on either, and the whole affair literally takes place outside the universe, so it's doubtful he'd find out. Maybe Doom plans to reorder reality and he worries that Owen Reece would stop him? Admittedly, if you know the 2015 version of Secret Wars, it might make a bit more sense. Clearly someone was reading these old issues while writing that story…
Some fun scenes in this comic include Doom telling the honest truth to Alicia and the Fantastic Four while leaving out all the details which actually explain why he's really there. I accept that Doom has no interest in killing the Fantastic Four here, and that he perceives himself to be necessary for their survival in the Negative Zone - even if it's not factually true that he's the only choice, he'd certainly believe himself that important. Doom, just like in Secret Wars, is in this for some bigger prize - he's playing a larger game we're not yet seeing. That definitely feels like him, especially in context of a Secret Wars follow-up. I'm a little less impressed by the characterization of the heroes, particularly Johnny, who flies off the handle before he even knows what's going on and starts wrecking both his own home and Doom without even asking questions or checking whether the villain is doing anything actually bad. I would buy it's just him being extremely in love, if not for him idly thinking about loving other women while kissing her. Ben comes across as the leader for once, though his struggles with the role are clearly getting to him. It seems inevitable, be it in two issues or two dozen, that he'll shift back to a background role as the muscle, probably when the original lineup of the Four reforms.
The side-characters in this issue don't impress. I am… not a fan of Blastaar. The opposite, really. He's a dumb brute of a random alien who shouts a lot, and his name is ridiculous, especially since he keeps saying 'blast' this and 'blast' that as if to remind us that his name is basically Swordy the swordsman. I'm not sure how his powers are supposed to work in detail, beyond that it involves blasting, but I thought trapping Johnny inside an asteroid was pretty clever - though Blastaar went down like a chump right after, so it's hard to judge if it's good tactics on his part or if Johnny just sucked in that engagement. The other minor side character in this issue, Alicia, gets to flex her Counselor Troi powers and picks up that Doom is on the level about offering his brain power in lieu of Reed's. She also repeatedly conveys that Doom thinks they'll need him to survive in neg-space, and this turns out to be true.Otherwise she just hangs back and plays cheerleader. Ah well, at least she's good for something!
Doctor Doom himself is in great form in this issue, showing off his competence by dealing with everything he comes across quickly and without hesitation. Not only does he take down Johnny Storm in single combat without much trouble, but he then uses a pretty awesome time-grenade he invented to essentially disable the entire Fantastic Four at once, and hijacks their equipment right under their collective noses. Not bad! And all that is before we get to his heroic intervention against Blastaar, whom he disables with a handy shrinking collar that he apparently has on him at all times. For someone who viciously attempted to murder someone in a dark alley in the first pages of this issue, he comes off as remarkably diplomatic in his interaction with the heroes - and even though his offered promise to keep them safe was rebuffed, he still came through on the unsworn vow anyway. He didn't go that far in the business with Franklin and Mephisto - which he even mentions, go figure - so gotta give him credit for being the better person here!
This issue didn't stand out for me terribly much, what with the rather lackluster one-note villain and a lot of pointless page-filling, but it also wasn't bad - I liked some of the psychedelic art, Doom got to strut his stuff a bit, and the promise of a Secret Wars followup that maybe won't suck is interesting. And hey, I made it through an Englehart comic without content warnings! Although, you know, Secret Wars II didn't exactly wow me, and Englehart is writing the next issue too. I have a feeling I'll be crossing my fingers that we move out of his particular era of comics quickly - even if it means we'll be entering the 90's. Oh boy, that's gonna be a thing, isn't it? Three stars for this one.
Best Panel(s) of the Issue
I'll have to go with Doom's grand escape from the Fantastic Four into the negative zone - it's not the only crazy psychedelic panel in the issue, but it has Doom delivering a punchline while vanishing into the distance, so it gets style points for that.
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"Die for the triumph of Doctor Doom!"
"Look at the street rabble flinch, though they know nothing of what I've just done! Exiled from my homeland and my armies, stripped of the diplomatic immunity which once shielded me - am I not still Doom? Woe to the common policeman who attempts to subject me to American law! Woe to America! This moment is mine!"
"My greatest power is my matchless mind, which makes my might whatever I choose it to be!"
"I am the one who cannot be defeated!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
I'm a little puzzled that comics can apparently go all-in on sensitive topics (in insensitive ways) but depicting body fluids correctly is evidently a problem. At least, I assume that's why the Molecule Man mysteriously bleeds brown, and Volcana's tears are milky white. I mean, I can kind of understand the former, I guess, but the latter is just weird. (Also her eyes are identical to Alicia's, who is blind...)
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Time-Shift Bomb is the neatest new invention. Although I'm not sure how it actually works, it appears to cause its victims to experience everything as if it was two seconds earlier than it really is, thereby continuously failing to catch up with their target who's already left the spot they're aiming for. It's a neat little gadget! There's also the Knuckle Rockets Doom deploys against Johnny, and the Contracting Collar which he whips out against Blastaar. Doom was well-prepped in this issue, especially since he doesn't actually have a home base at the moment!
Last edited:
SolipsistSerpent
Endlessly Devouring
Well, yeah, if you think you have to kill Molecule Man for some reason, that's pretty much the only way to do it, because he's basically a god whose only weakness is a squishy human body, so you have to hit him before he realizes he's in a fight or else he'll just freeze the air around you or drop a mountain on you or something crazy.
114: Fantastic Four v1 #319 - Secret Wars 3
- Location
- Netherlands
114: Fantastic Four v1 #319 (October 1988)
Cover
Well, we've arrived at the follow-up to Secret Wars… or more specifically the follow-up to the follow-up of Secret Wars. Although it's nice to see that this particular sequel will actually involve Doom in a meaningful way, I'm not sure if a literal wrestling match makes terribly much sense when one party is an actual multiversal entity that can basically fulfill wishes and has powers dripping out of his ears. Even if his opponent is Doctor Doom, that's a bit of unfair advantage, ain't it?
What's funniest about this cover, I think, is that not only is Molecule Man thrown in as an afterthought in the corner, but so are the Fantastic Four - all three of them, just kind of huddled off to the side. It's their book, and they are literally a footnote! Let's see if that also goes for the actual story, or if there's a bit of falsehood in advertisement going on here...
Story Overview
Secret Wars 3
For some baffling reason, the opening page of this story announces it as the end of the Fantastic Four's greatest quest - which seems a bit weird given that it's a two-shot that started last issue! And I'd be hard-pressed to believe it's referring to Secret Wars as a whole, since that clearly wasn't a Fantastic Four-specific adventure. In any case, it also announces that the story is presented by Stan Lee himself… who shows up nowhere in the actual credits. Like, he didn't write this issue, or even edit it… Maybe he makes a cameo appearance? Or he just gets credit because the FF exists within this story, even though half of the original members are missing? In any case we open at the Crossroads of Infinity, deep within the heart of the Negative Zone. The FF and Doom arrive in Blastaar's ship to find a weird spiral-shaped distortion in space…
While the Fantastic Four stand around considering the weird space hole and what to do about it, Doom comments that he's greatly heartened by Ben's incomprehension. Ben defensively tries to explain that he's picked up some things by hanging out with Reed all the time, and since he's now in charge he's not going to be entering any weird wormholes without an explanation, not on Doom's word alone! Doom then explains to Ms. Marvel, who wasn't present for the event, that he briefly took the Beyonder's power and knowledge during the original Secret Wars, and has had time to contemplate all the knowledge he obtained in that period. He's willing to stake his life - and all of theirs - that he knows what happened to the Beyonder after his apparent demise. The place he ended up is a new universe that can be reached through this crossroads!
Doom instructs Ben on where to pilot the ship, who reminds Doom that the Fantastic Four are actually interested in the Beyonders, and there's no telling if the 'Beyonder' has anything to do with them besides a similarity in name. This is an interesting detail, mostly in relation to the much more recent Secret Wars from 2015, where that particular group becomes highly relevant. Here, the Beyonder is where it's at. Sharon pipes up that if worst comes to worst, it's still three against one if it comes to a fight! Doom suggests, not for the first time, that Sharon might want to reconsider that allegiance, but she once again tells him to shove off. Internally she worries about what they're going to find - the Beyonder is treated with awe by everyone around her, and the Beyonders are an even greater myster. Johnny, meanwhile, has his mind on rather different things - he's obsessing over loving both Alicia and Crystal of the Inhumans, his wife and ex-girlfriend respectively. Doom, amusingly, reflects that to get here he had to commit murder without the aid of his kingdom and his armies - and he was glad to discover he still had the touch.
Elsewhere, we catch up with Owen Reece and Marsha Rosenberg in a taxi - they've left the hospital since last we saw them. Molecule Man says he doesn't remember what happened exactly, but the doctors told him he was lucky to be alive. Marsha says that it might not be luck - the marks that signify his Molecule Man powers are still present on his face, which implies that his power saved him automatically without his conscious input.
Owen decides to use said power to turn back time and space to see what really happened, and is shown an image of Doctor Doom trying to kill him - and nearly succeeding! On anyone else, it would have been more than enough. Marsha remembers Doom from Secret Wars, and wonders what he might have wanted, but before they can get to any conclusions the taxi driver dumps them out for messing with superpowers inside his vehicle. Rude!
Meanwhile, back at the Fantastic Four headquarters, Alicia is suddenly warned by alarms and flashing heat lamps that something is off, that the Negative Zone ship she was tracking is disappearing off the screen. The FF is leaving the universe! 'Hold onto your sanity as well as your chairs!' Ben declares as they dive into psychedelic craziness and abstract paintings. In a bit of an anticlimax they end up in total darkness - a lightless universe. Moments later they shift to another reality, inhabited by the enormous Celestials, but they are visible for only a moment before they're replaced by a universe of translucent cubes. Their ship is right on the edge of all realities, shifting in and out of the boundaries of different ones.
In a neat little meta moment, the ship suddenly spots another vessel travelling through this nexus of all realities, and within it they see the forms of the Silver Surfer, Reed Richards, and Sue Storm for a single moment, before the image disappears. That moment is replicated, except in exact reverse, in Silver Surfer v3 #16 - there those three people spot a ship filled with Ben, Sharon, Johnny and Doom. Due to this being a space-time travel situation they don't really have to be from the same moment in continuity, but it's a pretty neat cross-reference nonetheless!
That, and the momentary distraction is actually relevant to the plot in Silver Surfer! In this issue, though, it just leads to a bit of bickering when the Fantastic Four wants to help their missing members, but Doom just tells them that they're on their own quest - it doesn't matter what those others were up to! They've arrived at their target universe!
Said universe, much to everyone's surprise, is damn near identical to Earth - indeed, Johnny immediately accuses Doom of just driving them around in circles until they got back home.
Doom ignores him, standing up and declaring loudly that he is Doctor Doom, and he would like to talk to the manager - the Beyonder. In that instant the sun bloats up to a thousand times its size, and upon its face appears the visage of the Beyonder, who gazes down in anger and declares them all dead! Johnny is shocked that the Beyonder is the Sun here, but Doom quickly corrects him, explaining that the Beyonder is everything here - the Sun, the Earth, the people on it - the very universe is actually the Beyonder itself, just in myriad different forms!
The Beyonder is annoyed that people are still hounding him - especially Doom! Reed Richards may have talked him out of destroying Doom the first time around, in Fantastic Four v1 #288, but the reasons for sparing him back then no longer apply. He decides to hold back the solar forces which would destroy his solar system if he unleashed them, and says there are other ways to deal with Doom - many other ways. He teleports the crew down to the planet below, and then reforms a humanoid body for himself, complete with elaborate Lady Gaga costume and Jheri curl.
He intends to take pleasure from their deaths - in the flesh! Ben says they just came to ask questions, not to fight, and the Beyonder says there will be no fight, since he has more power in the smallest electron of his little finger than they have in their entire galaxy! It will simply be a slaughter! Okay there, Terl of Psychlos, calm down now…
The Beyonder soon blows up a neighbourhood in a show of power, bowling over the Fantastic Four while Doom remains standing. Ben gets up easily enough, but Sharon and Johnny are hurt - they can't take as much punishment as him. The two complain that Doom promised to help them, but clearly he only serves himself! The Beyonder declares that Doom should start talking - he wants to hear the villain's voice while he's separating his head from his neck! Doom declares that it is honor that brought him here - the Beyonder's honor. He desires to be made whole!
The Beyonder isn't sure what that means, and Doom quickly recounts the events of Secret Wars, as well as what happened between his original defeat at the hands of an exploding Tyros, when he switches bodies with Norm McArthur, and his eventual restoration by the Beyonder himself.
The Beyonder remembers that during Secret Wars he was so unfamiliar with normal reality that he just put Doom back where he got him from, in space and time, unaware that it was closing a time loop - it wasn't until much later that he understood what he'd done. In any case, he's not sure what this recap is about. What is Doom's point? Doom explains that he only knows of the McArthur stuff indirectly, since the Beyonder took his memories away before sending him backwards to take part in Secret Wars, so he would have no information ahead of time as to what would happen. Now, with all that behind them, he wants to regain those missing months of his life. He is currently fighting a child who carries a copy of his mind - they are in a war over their shared heritage, and he is incomplete! He has no interest in the Beyonder's power, he declares, and came here for his memories, so he could fight Kristoff at his full strength!
After the Beyonder wonders why he should do anything but kill Doom, the villain points out that during his time on Earth the Beyonder learned what it means to have desires, and to see them unfulfilled. The Beyonder observes that he also learned how treacherous Doom could be. Still, the truth of the matter can be determined with a little mind-reading. He looks into Doom's soul, and determines… that he was being honest! Memory really is all he desired! The Beyonder contemplates granting that simple request…
'You must not do this thing!' a freaky galaxy-brained pink alien declares, flanked by an ugly blue goblin - these two appear out of nowhere, several stories taller than everyone else, engulfed in a halo of brilliant light. Helpfully they introduce themselves immediately: they are Kubik and the Shaper of Worlds respectively, all-powerful cosmic beings!
Doom immediately disavows any relationship, and the Beyonder is pissed that people keep breaking into his universe. 'We are not people!' the Shaper replies, and when the Beyonder declares it's his decision alone that matters here and not some weird aliens, he's told 'Wrong!' and vaporized by Kubik. Naturally that doesn't really do much - the Beyonder is this entire universe, after all, not just the Jheri curled humanoid. 'Nothing can kill the Beyonder,' Kubik says. 'He can only die.' Uh, okay? I have a feeling there's an anime gif that is relevant here…
Kubik grows to the size of a solar system to combat the Beyonder, who now hangs out in space as a gigantic pale green person. When Kubik declares they've been watching him from afar, the Beyonder decides that nonsense, since he would have known! They've been watching him, Kubik insists again, and saw the error take root in his mind. The Beyonder starts blasting Kubik with energy, but is thrown back when Kubik tells him that he's a fool - doesn't he realize Doom only wants him for his power? The very universe blinks as its physical manifestation is decked by another cosmic being's energy beams.
While all this is going on, Ben grabs Doom by the shoulder to keep him from interfering, and easily withstands the electrical charge that is sent through the villain's armor due to his enhanced powers. He says that he doesn't care for people who try to trick him, and Doom whines that he only swore that they'd need him to get here, nothing more! He demands to be unhanded, then immediately tries a different tack and declares that the Beyonder is now outnumbered. Johnny figures Doom has a giant ego, but what can any of them realistically do against these crazy overpowered cosmic entities?
In space, the Beyonder demands to know if Kubik felt the universe shift - because he did, since he is the universe here! He was just a spark after he left the Earth, but he evolved it all! He starts throwing thousands of entire planets at his opponent, declaring he has no limits - that's what it means to be the Beyonder! Kubik replies by declaring that if that's true, he and his universe can only die! Yeah, that still doesn't make much sense. She then engulfs him in cosmic fire, sending him tumbling away.
In the midst of this, the Molecule Man and Volcana suddenly arrive from a portal. Doom is shocked, and the Molecule Man explains that while Doom did more than enough to kill an ordinary man, he never really understood how infinite he is. The Shaper, who's been hanging around doing nothing, comments that the Molecule Man saw where the 'cycles would intersect' just as Doom thought he could, whatever that means. Doom is sure the Molecule Man will oppose him, but Owen just says that Doom's desire for the Beyonder's victory doesn't mean anything. Just his own! He then launches a beam towards the ongoing fight, much to the Shaper's dismay. In retaliation, the blue Skrull-guy then melts Volcana alive, but Owen quickly uses his power to reform her, before recreating the same stadium-like structure that was originally used during the first Secret Wars to transport everyone to Battleworld. It's meant to keep the mortals safe from all the cosmic insanity around them.
Inside the structure, the heroes can just look on helplessly and wonder what's happening, with Marsha musing that she trusts Molecule Man knows what he's doing - and he can do anything! Doom irritably points out that they can all do anything! Kubik then decides to pitch in by declaring that while the Beyonder and the Molecule Man can do anything, Kubik and the Shaper can do more! They transact on unimaginable power levels! Yeah, alright, that makes total sense I'm sure. Kubik begins folding up the entire universe that is the Beyonder, compacting him into a sphere before moving to crush it. The mortals say their goodbyes, sure they'll be killed at any moment, but the Shaper suddenly grabs Kubik and stops him, declaring that the war is pointless - and the Molecule Man knows why!
The Beyonder theorizes that it's because the cosmic beings were unable to kill him before his friend the Molecule Man could arrive and allow his unconquerable will to prevail! Owen Reece says that while he didn't want the other cosmic beings to kill him, he also can't let the Beyonder go through with his original intentions to give power to Doctor Doom. Doom complains that he only wanted memories, of a time that could not possibly harm the Beonder, and that he learned on Battleworld that no finite entity could sustain his power anyway. Molecule Man observes that Doom could not possibly manage that power because his mind is incomplete - as it was on Battleworld during Secret Wars. Were Doom to regain his memories, his mind would be whole, and then he would be able to do it right!
Doom breaks at this explanation, admitting that this is why he took down Molecule Man - he knew the man would see through his deeper motives. He also knew that the Beyonder would fail to do the same until it was too late. He looks down, dejected, and declares that it was worth the try. Kubik and the Shaper saw this scheme coming as well, which is why they showed up to stop it.
Ben approaches and wonders if the rest of them will be allowed to see anything, and Kubik just wonders why the heroes are even there. They've been less than relevant to this entire story. Ben points out that he met the Shaper back in the day, and then says that all he really wants to know is where the Beyonders are - that's it. Shaper decides to humor him, and recounts all he knows of the Beyonders: they exist in a lightless universe somewhere out in the Negative Zone - that sounds familiar - and nobody has ever seen them - or ever shall! They see everything else, though, and wish them well - and to become as they are! They are not really 'beings' that 'do things' in a 'chronological order' - they transcend such labels.
The Shaper then gets into a bit of history. In some distant time in the past, he explains, the Beyonders became aware of the universe that contains the Earth, and though they could not physically enter that universe, they could observe it through their agents. They discovered that the Earth has some special combination of traits that causes the appearance of superior beings with powers, and they were determined to find out why. The Beyonders contacted an alien race to create a game preserve on Earth to serve as a laboratory of evolution - the Savage Land. Later, they also created the Fortisquains (aliens who shows up in a few issues of Comet Man and a handful of Fantastic Four issues) and through these things they discovered that what drives all beings is a desire for that which they lack.
The Beyonder explains that's the same thing he learned back on Earth - that desire precedes satisfaction. He first understood incompleteness when he discovered Earth's universe. So, these Beyonders must be just like him, then! Kubik declares that the Beyonder is still blind, while the Shaper notes that the Beyonders moved on to a third step in their interaction with the universe - the Cosmic Cubes. The Shaper instructs Doom to explain how a Cube is created, since he's one of the few around who knows. Doom dejectedly obeys, recounting that when a genius realizes the possibility of making such a device, they - as AIM and the Skrulls have done in the past - can create a specific forcefield, and within a window of 32 years and 4 months, by Doom's own calculations, a rift will open in reality and energy slips through to fill that field with transcendent power. Power which grants its wielder whatever they wish, whatever they desire. And that energy also instantly shapes the forcefield into a cubical shape, hence the uniformity despite different origins.
Kubik notes that with their first experiments, the Beyonders learned of evolution and how it led to greater intelligence, before then creating their own intelligence in the Fortisquains. The third step was to give an intelligence the ability to control its own evolution! Kubik and the Shaper ought to know that - because they are the Cosmic Cubes they spoke of, evolved into their present forms - Kubik was once AIM's cube, while the Shaper was created by the Skrulls. The Beyonder then pipes up that he doesn't like this conversation, and Molecule Man interrupts to expound some more. He says that back during Secret Wars he recounted how he screwed up an experiment involving Plutonium and that led to his powers - but that wasn't really the whole truth, was it? They found out later that something very different was actually going on.
The Beyonder gets defensive, declaring nobody should question him. When the Molecule Man asks why a mere question threatens him, the Beyonder just gets annoyed at this presumption of equality between them when he's beaten the Molecule Man before and can do it again. He finally relents, though, and says that they learned that the accident with the Plutonium actually opened a pinhole into the Beyonder's reality, which is what drew his attention to Earth's universe in the first place! That's where he learned of incompleteness, and thus to a desire its bounty - in the form of two Secret Wars and counting. He declares that he is everything that exists outside their reality, everything that they are not! Humans are many, so he is one! And one can do what many can't even dream about!
The Shaper points out that the 'One' is alone, and the Beyonder declares that he is not alone, but infinite! And he's learned the same thing that the Beyonders did: that desire itself is infinite too! Thus he created this new universe to satisfy his every desire - to evolve new beings that worship him, that treat him as their God. On the planet below there walk human analogues, copies, but for all their familiar iconography, their books chronicle the divine Beyonder rather than Jesus or Buddha. Kubik and Shaper then echo their earlier statement that the Beyonders created intelligence which can control its own evolution - that evolution is key.
Doom apparently understood all that barely coherent stuff, and explains that the Beyonders created the force which powers Cosmic Cubes, which comes through a rift in reality when those who wish to collect it are ready. But when Owen Reece had his accident, he inadvertently tore a hole in that very reality without a forcefield waiting to trap the unleashed energy. The Molecule Man takes over there, stating that the force which came through the rift tried to do what it normally did and force the recipient into a cube - but there was nothing there to contain it. Just Owen. So his body absorbed part of the cosmic force, if not the six-sidedness, and became someone of great power - but not up there with the greatest of cosmic entities like the Living Tribunal or Eternity. And the same thing goes for the Beyonder, even if he thinks he's omnipotent.
The Beyonder, it's revealed, is that other part of the cosmic force that went untapped, that should have formed a Cosmic Cube but didn't. It flowed forth from the rift with no form to guide it, intent on satisfying the desires of its controllers, incomplete and thus full of desires of its own - even though a Cosmic Cube is meant to only grant the wishes of others, since it's already complete in itself. Got all that? The cosmic being and Owen Reece note that if they merge together, what remains will be what Doom desires to be - whole! The Beyonder resists the notion, saying he's found a form all his own - he can't give all this up! The cosmic beings again note that evolution is key, calling him brother, and that he might have thought he was everything - but nothing ever can be.
Molecule Man says that it's tougher for him to go than it is for the Beyonder, but it's the only way to end things. He always knew it might come to something like this. The Beyonder still doesn't understand what it means to have desires for another - but Owen does. If the Beyonder had known all along, there would have never been any Secret Wars at all. It must end! He hugs Marsha, his girlfriend, and tries to explain that he always saw so much more than everyone else, and this is part of that - there's no other choice. She admits that she always knew it could end, but she loves him. Loves him… and trusts him to make his own decisions.
The Beyonder declares that they can save their tears - he's not going anywhere! He might be a mistake, but he's a mistake who became the Beyonder, and he has no desire to be otherwise. Suddenly Ben pipes up, deciding to explain his sordid romantic history for… reasons? He explains that he used to love Alicia, and then the Beyonder screwed that up with the Secret Wars, which ended with Johnny getting together with Alicia while he was still on Battleworld falling in love with Tari, who didn't actually exist. Ouch. Still, after all that, he ended up meeting Sharon and falling for her. It hurt along the way, but in the end he was satisfied - change can be good!
The Beyonder seems to get something from that rant, and shrinks down to human size again, saying that he did everything he desired - but he never desired to meet another being as his equal. Marsha says her goodbyes as the Beyonder and the Molecule Man meet, and in a flash they converge and turn into a cubical shape, a brand new Cosmic Cube.
Around them all the universe vanishes into nothing - it only existed because the Beyonder willed it so, and the Beyonder is no more! The Shaper decides that the great powers of the Multiverse must have foreseen this ultimate end, and thus let his life proceed. Okay, that doesn't make a ton of sense, but we'll go with it.
Taking advantage of the general awestruck people (and the confusion) Doom rushes towards the Cube, still intent on gaining power, and when he touches it he demands his memories back. In an instant it answers his wish, and Doom declares jubilantly that he is once again whole - and then he turns back for more, for power. Sharon drags him away by his cloak, declaring that they were stunned - not stupid. Shaper decides the situation has finally become perilous, so it's time to end it. In an instant, mid-sentence, all the mortals suddenly find themselves back on Earth, inside the Fantastic Four headquarters. Ben shouts 'Wait! I wish for universal peace!' A good thought, but too late…
'You'll have your universal peace - the day Doctor Doom rules the Earth! There will be no agitation from the serfs or the stars when I gain my destiny!' Doom declares, before turning away. For today, he decides, his promise was fulfilled - he promised to keep them safe, and he did so. Their business is concluded. Johnny wonders if all that cosmic grandeur didn't put Doom's ambition in perspective, and Doom declares that he's learned about the Beyonders, who have power beyond any known to man - power a man of destiny can seek. But… for the moment, his goals are closer to home. Latveria! As he leaves, Ben tells Johnny to allow him to go. In his own warped way, Ben notes, Doom kept his end of the bargain - and in a weird way, Ben is even glad that Doom got his lost memories back.
Johnny heads off to explain what happened to Alicia, while Sharon asks Marsha if she wants any company - she says she was always the stronger of their couple, so she can handle this blow well enough on her own. Sharon points out to Ben that he could have wished to be turned back to normal rather than peace, and Ben responds that he was telling the truth out there - he's satisfied with who he is. Sharon decides that makes two of them, and we exit on a rocky kiss...
Rating & Comments
If you want to get me annoyed, giving me a comic like this one is a great way to do it. Yes, I get mad at fics that include a lot of hamfisted treatment of sensitive topics, as we've recently covered - but being boring is also a huge sin. This issue spends an inordinate amount of time caught up in the minutiae of a bunch of overpowered cosmic beings that nobody cares about, and which have absolutely no relevance to anything that happens in normal continuity. Like, there's people flinging planets around in this issue and it is utterly pointless. And when this issue is not about cosmic beings fighting, it's pointless cosmic beings expositing instead.
The Beyonder, Kubik and the Shaper of Worlds are all useless wastes of paper here. All the interesting aspects of the Beyonder have been stripped away since the original Secret Wars, and his origins are retconned to be weird and contradictory. It doesn't help that this particular retcon doesn't last - both the Beyonder and the Molecule Man show up again later, and we get several more different origins of the Beyonder, including one where he's a Mutant Inhuman of all things! The Beyonders, too, are largely abandoned, until someone dusts them off for a much later storyline - twenty-five real years in the future. For all that this issue attempts to be grand and important, not much of it actually lasted very long in continuity, did it?
After all the setup of the Fantastic Four going on an adventure in the Negative Zone last issue, they are essentially useless here - they stand around a whole bunch while big weird cosmic entities battle and squabble around them, and then eventually are teleported back home without affecting much. Ben apparently influences the Beyonder by recounting his relationship history, but I'm not sure how that even made sense, so I'm hesitant to give him much credit. I'm not sure Johnny even got a meaningful line, never mind being actually relevant. The freaking Molecule Man has more agency than the heroes, and even he basically just shows up to explain stuff and die!
Actually, there's something I noticed - various characters go on exposition sprees in this comic, but it's all basically one long information dump that continues from text box to text box regardless of who is speaking. There's no real reason why Owen Reece and Doom would happily pitch in delivering obscure background information if they had their normal personalities. Owen has apparently randomly turned from a dweeb into this wise sage who knows how the universe works, and Doom… well, we'll get to him. It feels like this whole infodump was written ahead of time, and Englehart desperately attempted to avoid having the same character talk for three or four pages in a row by any means necessary, even if makes little sense. Maybe if the information was actually interesting, and not vague backstory of characters we never meet and retconning the origins of characters which nobody cared much about, I would have a different opinion. It's boring and stale.
As for Doom… he's pretty bad in this. Sure, the fact that he wants his memories back is a clever twist - up until it's revealed that he secretly wanted power after all, and somehow hid that from the Beyonder's mind-reading. Annoyingly, it's never actually made clear why the Beyonder would be incapable of figuring out Doom's motives, but two cosmic beings and Owen Reece apparently saw it all coming ahead of time. Doom comes off as whiny to the Fantastic Four, who themselves come off as much the same - they are all pretty irrelevant compared to the actual main characters of the story, I suppose, and resentful about it. Doom's low point, though, is when he dejectedly declares that it was 'worth a try' before spending most of the rest of the issue sadly staring at the floor like a child who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The fact that he later contributes exposition about Cosmic Cubes is just odd - why would he bend to the whims of these random omnipotent beings, even if they saw through his plans? It doesn't remotely match my view of his personality (or indeed, how he tends to treat godlike entities.) The moment where he slips out from beneath the notice of two god-level entities to get his memory back is pretty neat, but it doesn't really make up for the rest of this lackluster depiction.
Between the lengthy exposition segments, the elaborate recaps, and full pages spent on combat between irrelevant side characters who never really had a reason to fight, this issue doesn't get a high score from me. Adding a less than stellar version of Doom doesn't help. This issue comes off as a lot of pointless filler material that can't measure up to the original Secret Wars in any way - it barely measures up to the second Secret Wars. With most of it retconned into irrelevance or pointless from the start, I can only say that at least it had some interesting imagery here and there. That, and Doom got his memories back, so at least it meant something to this thread's ongoing continuity. Two stars!
Best Panel(s) of the Issue
Pissed off Beyonder-Sun is pretty menacing, so I'll go with this one. Honestly, the cosmic battle ones were decent here and there, but the character designs are too silly for my taste.
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"Reaching this portal required murder - and I had no robots or troops to act for me since I was driven from Latveria. It was good to see that I still had the touch!"
"Yes! I am whole! And now - power! Power!"
"You'll have your universal peace - the day Doctor Doom rules the Earth! There will be no agitation from the serfs or the stars when I gain my destiny!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
There's an odd thing where Doom's eyes are consistently colored the same as his mask - white when the mask is randomly white for a panel, usually some shade of gray, and occasionally with blue sclera like in this image. Poor coloring work, I'd say.
Cover
Well, we've arrived at the follow-up to Secret Wars… or more specifically the follow-up to the follow-up of Secret Wars. Although it's nice to see that this particular sequel will actually involve Doom in a meaningful way, I'm not sure if a literal wrestling match makes terribly much sense when one party is an actual multiversal entity that can basically fulfill wishes and has powers dripping out of his ears. Even if his opponent is Doctor Doom, that's a bit of unfair advantage, ain't it?
What's funniest about this cover, I think, is that not only is Molecule Man thrown in as an afterthought in the corner, but so are the Fantastic Four - all three of them, just kind of huddled off to the side. It's their book, and they are literally a footnote! Let's see if that also goes for the actual story, or if there's a bit of falsehood in advertisement going on here...
Story Overview
Secret Wars 3
For some baffling reason, the opening page of this story announces it as the end of the Fantastic Four's greatest quest - which seems a bit weird given that it's a two-shot that started last issue! And I'd be hard-pressed to believe it's referring to Secret Wars as a whole, since that clearly wasn't a Fantastic Four-specific adventure. In any case, it also announces that the story is presented by Stan Lee himself… who shows up nowhere in the actual credits. Like, he didn't write this issue, or even edit it… Maybe he makes a cameo appearance? Or he just gets credit because the FF exists within this story, even though half of the original members are missing? In any case we open at the Crossroads of Infinity, deep within the heart of the Negative Zone. The FF and Doom arrive in Blastaar's ship to find a weird spiral-shaped distortion in space…
While the Fantastic Four stand around considering the weird space hole and what to do about it, Doom comments that he's greatly heartened by Ben's incomprehension. Ben defensively tries to explain that he's picked up some things by hanging out with Reed all the time, and since he's now in charge he's not going to be entering any weird wormholes without an explanation, not on Doom's word alone! Doom then explains to Ms. Marvel, who wasn't present for the event, that he briefly took the Beyonder's power and knowledge during the original Secret Wars, and has had time to contemplate all the knowledge he obtained in that period. He's willing to stake his life - and all of theirs - that he knows what happened to the Beyonder after his apparent demise. The place he ended up is a new universe that can be reached through this crossroads!
Doom instructs Ben on where to pilot the ship, who reminds Doom that the Fantastic Four are actually interested in the Beyonders, and there's no telling if the 'Beyonder' has anything to do with them besides a similarity in name. This is an interesting detail, mostly in relation to the much more recent Secret Wars from 2015, where that particular group becomes highly relevant. Here, the Beyonder is where it's at. Sharon pipes up that if worst comes to worst, it's still three against one if it comes to a fight! Doom suggests, not for the first time, that Sharon might want to reconsider that allegiance, but she once again tells him to shove off. Internally she worries about what they're going to find - the Beyonder is treated with awe by everyone around her, and the Beyonders are an even greater myster. Johnny, meanwhile, has his mind on rather different things - he's obsessing over loving both Alicia and Crystal of the Inhumans, his wife and ex-girlfriend respectively. Doom, amusingly, reflects that to get here he had to commit murder without the aid of his kingdom and his armies - and he was glad to discover he still had the touch.
Elsewhere, we catch up with Owen Reece and Marsha Rosenberg in a taxi - they've left the hospital since last we saw them. Molecule Man says he doesn't remember what happened exactly, but the doctors told him he was lucky to be alive. Marsha says that it might not be luck - the marks that signify his Molecule Man powers are still present on his face, which implies that his power saved him automatically without his conscious input.
Owen decides to use said power to turn back time and space to see what really happened, and is shown an image of Doctor Doom trying to kill him - and nearly succeeding! On anyone else, it would have been more than enough. Marsha remembers Doom from Secret Wars, and wonders what he might have wanted, but before they can get to any conclusions the taxi driver dumps them out for messing with superpowers inside his vehicle. Rude!
Meanwhile, back at the Fantastic Four headquarters, Alicia is suddenly warned by alarms and flashing heat lamps that something is off, that the Negative Zone ship she was tracking is disappearing off the screen. The FF is leaving the universe! 'Hold onto your sanity as well as your chairs!' Ben declares as they dive into psychedelic craziness and abstract paintings. In a bit of an anticlimax they end up in total darkness - a lightless universe. Moments later they shift to another reality, inhabited by the enormous Celestials, but they are visible for only a moment before they're replaced by a universe of translucent cubes. Their ship is right on the edge of all realities, shifting in and out of the boundaries of different ones.
In a neat little meta moment, the ship suddenly spots another vessel travelling through this nexus of all realities, and within it they see the forms of the Silver Surfer, Reed Richards, and Sue Storm for a single moment, before the image disappears. That moment is replicated, except in exact reverse, in Silver Surfer v3 #16 - there those three people spot a ship filled with Ben, Sharon, Johnny and Doom. Due to this being a space-time travel situation they don't really have to be from the same moment in continuity, but it's a pretty neat cross-reference nonetheless!
That, and the momentary distraction is actually relevant to the plot in Silver Surfer! In this issue, though, it just leads to a bit of bickering when the Fantastic Four wants to help their missing members, but Doom just tells them that they're on their own quest - it doesn't matter what those others were up to! They've arrived at their target universe!
Said universe, much to everyone's surprise, is damn near identical to Earth - indeed, Johnny immediately accuses Doom of just driving them around in circles until they got back home.
Doom ignores him, standing up and declaring loudly that he is Doctor Doom, and he would like to talk to the manager - the Beyonder. In that instant the sun bloats up to a thousand times its size, and upon its face appears the visage of the Beyonder, who gazes down in anger and declares them all dead! Johnny is shocked that the Beyonder is the Sun here, but Doom quickly corrects him, explaining that the Beyonder is everything here - the Sun, the Earth, the people on it - the very universe is actually the Beyonder itself, just in myriad different forms!
The Beyonder is annoyed that people are still hounding him - especially Doom! Reed Richards may have talked him out of destroying Doom the first time around, in Fantastic Four v1 #288, but the reasons for sparing him back then no longer apply. He decides to hold back the solar forces which would destroy his solar system if he unleashed them, and says there are other ways to deal with Doom - many other ways. He teleports the crew down to the planet below, and then reforms a humanoid body for himself, complete with elaborate Lady Gaga costume and Jheri curl.
He intends to take pleasure from their deaths - in the flesh! Ben says they just came to ask questions, not to fight, and the Beyonder says there will be no fight, since he has more power in the smallest electron of his little finger than they have in their entire galaxy! It will simply be a slaughter! Okay there, Terl of Psychlos, calm down now…
The Beyonder soon blows up a neighbourhood in a show of power, bowling over the Fantastic Four while Doom remains standing. Ben gets up easily enough, but Sharon and Johnny are hurt - they can't take as much punishment as him. The two complain that Doom promised to help them, but clearly he only serves himself! The Beyonder declares that Doom should start talking - he wants to hear the villain's voice while he's separating his head from his neck! Doom declares that it is honor that brought him here - the Beyonder's honor. He desires to be made whole!
The Beyonder isn't sure what that means, and Doom quickly recounts the events of Secret Wars, as well as what happened between his original defeat at the hands of an exploding Tyros, when he switches bodies with Norm McArthur, and his eventual restoration by the Beyonder himself.
The Beyonder remembers that during Secret Wars he was so unfamiliar with normal reality that he just put Doom back where he got him from, in space and time, unaware that it was closing a time loop - it wasn't until much later that he understood what he'd done. In any case, he's not sure what this recap is about. What is Doom's point? Doom explains that he only knows of the McArthur stuff indirectly, since the Beyonder took his memories away before sending him backwards to take part in Secret Wars, so he would have no information ahead of time as to what would happen. Now, with all that behind them, he wants to regain those missing months of his life. He is currently fighting a child who carries a copy of his mind - they are in a war over their shared heritage, and he is incomplete! He has no interest in the Beyonder's power, he declares, and came here for his memories, so he could fight Kristoff at his full strength!
After the Beyonder wonders why he should do anything but kill Doom, the villain points out that during his time on Earth the Beyonder learned what it means to have desires, and to see them unfulfilled. The Beyonder observes that he also learned how treacherous Doom could be. Still, the truth of the matter can be determined with a little mind-reading. He looks into Doom's soul, and determines… that he was being honest! Memory really is all he desired! The Beyonder contemplates granting that simple request…
'You must not do this thing!' a freaky galaxy-brained pink alien declares, flanked by an ugly blue goblin - these two appear out of nowhere, several stories taller than everyone else, engulfed in a halo of brilliant light. Helpfully they introduce themselves immediately: they are Kubik and the Shaper of Worlds respectively, all-powerful cosmic beings!
Doom immediately disavows any relationship, and the Beyonder is pissed that people keep breaking into his universe. 'We are not people!' the Shaper replies, and when the Beyonder declares it's his decision alone that matters here and not some weird aliens, he's told 'Wrong!' and vaporized by Kubik. Naturally that doesn't really do much - the Beyonder is this entire universe, after all, not just the Jheri curled humanoid. 'Nothing can kill the Beyonder,' Kubik says. 'He can only die.' Uh, okay? I have a feeling there's an anime gif that is relevant here…
Kubik grows to the size of a solar system to combat the Beyonder, who now hangs out in space as a gigantic pale green person. When Kubik declares they've been watching him from afar, the Beyonder decides that nonsense, since he would have known! They've been watching him, Kubik insists again, and saw the error take root in his mind. The Beyonder starts blasting Kubik with energy, but is thrown back when Kubik tells him that he's a fool - doesn't he realize Doom only wants him for his power? The very universe blinks as its physical manifestation is decked by another cosmic being's energy beams.
While all this is going on, Ben grabs Doom by the shoulder to keep him from interfering, and easily withstands the electrical charge that is sent through the villain's armor due to his enhanced powers. He says that he doesn't care for people who try to trick him, and Doom whines that he only swore that they'd need him to get here, nothing more! He demands to be unhanded, then immediately tries a different tack and declares that the Beyonder is now outnumbered. Johnny figures Doom has a giant ego, but what can any of them realistically do against these crazy overpowered cosmic entities?
In space, the Beyonder demands to know if Kubik felt the universe shift - because he did, since he is the universe here! He was just a spark after he left the Earth, but he evolved it all! He starts throwing thousands of entire planets at his opponent, declaring he has no limits - that's what it means to be the Beyonder! Kubik replies by declaring that if that's true, he and his universe can only die! Yeah, that still doesn't make much sense. She then engulfs him in cosmic fire, sending him tumbling away.
In the midst of this, the Molecule Man and Volcana suddenly arrive from a portal. Doom is shocked, and the Molecule Man explains that while Doom did more than enough to kill an ordinary man, he never really understood how infinite he is. The Shaper, who's been hanging around doing nothing, comments that the Molecule Man saw where the 'cycles would intersect' just as Doom thought he could, whatever that means. Doom is sure the Molecule Man will oppose him, but Owen just says that Doom's desire for the Beyonder's victory doesn't mean anything. Just his own! He then launches a beam towards the ongoing fight, much to the Shaper's dismay. In retaliation, the blue Skrull-guy then melts Volcana alive, but Owen quickly uses his power to reform her, before recreating the same stadium-like structure that was originally used during the first Secret Wars to transport everyone to Battleworld. It's meant to keep the mortals safe from all the cosmic insanity around them.
Inside the structure, the heroes can just look on helplessly and wonder what's happening, with Marsha musing that she trusts Molecule Man knows what he's doing - and he can do anything! Doom irritably points out that they can all do anything! Kubik then decides to pitch in by declaring that while the Beyonder and the Molecule Man can do anything, Kubik and the Shaper can do more! They transact on unimaginable power levels! Yeah, alright, that makes total sense I'm sure. Kubik begins folding up the entire universe that is the Beyonder, compacting him into a sphere before moving to crush it. The mortals say their goodbyes, sure they'll be killed at any moment, but the Shaper suddenly grabs Kubik and stops him, declaring that the war is pointless - and the Molecule Man knows why!
The Beyonder theorizes that it's because the cosmic beings were unable to kill him before his friend the Molecule Man could arrive and allow his unconquerable will to prevail! Owen Reece says that while he didn't want the other cosmic beings to kill him, he also can't let the Beyonder go through with his original intentions to give power to Doctor Doom. Doom complains that he only wanted memories, of a time that could not possibly harm the Beonder, and that he learned on Battleworld that no finite entity could sustain his power anyway. Molecule Man observes that Doom could not possibly manage that power because his mind is incomplete - as it was on Battleworld during Secret Wars. Were Doom to regain his memories, his mind would be whole, and then he would be able to do it right!
Doom breaks at this explanation, admitting that this is why he took down Molecule Man - he knew the man would see through his deeper motives. He also knew that the Beyonder would fail to do the same until it was too late. He looks down, dejected, and declares that it was worth the try. Kubik and the Shaper saw this scheme coming as well, which is why they showed up to stop it.
Ben approaches and wonders if the rest of them will be allowed to see anything, and Kubik just wonders why the heroes are even there. They've been less than relevant to this entire story. Ben points out that he met the Shaper back in the day, and then says that all he really wants to know is where the Beyonders are - that's it. Shaper decides to humor him, and recounts all he knows of the Beyonders: they exist in a lightless universe somewhere out in the Negative Zone - that sounds familiar - and nobody has ever seen them - or ever shall! They see everything else, though, and wish them well - and to become as they are! They are not really 'beings' that 'do things' in a 'chronological order' - they transcend such labels.
The Shaper then gets into a bit of history. In some distant time in the past, he explains, the Beyonders became aware of the universe that contains the Earth, and though they could not physically enter that universe, they could observe it through their agents. They discovered that the Earth has some special combination of traits that causes the appearance of superior beings with powers, and they were determined to find out why. The Beyonders contacted an alien race to create a game preserve on Earth to serve as a laboratory of evolution - the Savage Land. Later, they also created the Fortisquains (aliens who shows up in a few issues of Comet Man and a handful of Fantastic Four issues) and through these things they discovered that what drives all beings is a desire for that which they lack.
The Beyonder explains that's the same thing he learned back on Earth - that desire precedes satisfaction. He first understood incompleteness when he discovered Earth's universe. So, these Beyonders must be just like him, then! Kubik declares that the Beyonder is still blind, while the Shaper notes that the Beyonders moved on to a third step in their interaction with the universe - the Cosmic Cubes. The Shaper instructs Doom to explain how a Cube is created, since he's one of the few around who knows. Doom dejectedly obeys, recounting that when a genius realizes the possibility of making such a device, they - as AIM and the Skrulls have done in the past - can create a specific forcefield, and within a window of 32 years and 4 months, by Doom's own calculations, a rift will open in reality and energy slips through to fill that field with transcendent power. Power which grants its wielder whatever they wish, whatever they desire. And that energy also instantly shapes the forcefield into a cubical shape, hence the uniformity despite different origins.
Kubik notes that with their first experiments, the Beyonders learned of evolution and how it led to greater intelligence, before then creating their own intelligence in the Fortisquains. The third step was to give an intelligence the ability to control its own evolution! Kubik and the Shaper ought to know that - because they are the Cosmic Cubes they spoke of, evolved into their present forms - Kubik was once AIM's cube, while the Shaper was created by the Skrulls. The Beyonder then pipes up that he doesn't like this conversation, and Molecule Man interrupts to expound some more. He says that back during Secret Wars he recounted how he screwed up an experiment involving Plutonium and that led to his powers - but that wasn't really the whole truth, was it? They found out later that something very different was actually going on.
The Beyonder gets defensive, declaring nobody should question him. When the Molecule Man asks why a mere question threatens him, the Beyonder just gets annoyed at this presumption of equality between them when he's beaten the Molecule Man before and can do it again. He finally relents, though, and says that they learned that the accident with the Plutonium actually opened a pinhole into the Beyonder's reality, which is what drew his attention to Earth's universe in the first place! That's where he learned of incompleteness, and thus to a desire its bounty - in the form of two Secret Wars and counting. He declares that he is everything that exists outside their reality, everything that they are not! Humans are many, so he is one! And one can do what many can't even dream about!
The Shaper points out that the 'One' is alone, and the Beyonder declares that he is not alone, but infinite! And he's learned the same thing that the Beyonders did: that desire itself is infinite too! Thus he created this new universe to satisfy his every desire - to evolve new beings that worship him, that treat him as their God. On the planet below there walk human analogues, copies, but for all their familiar iconography, their books chronicle the divine Beyonder rather than Jesus or Buddha. Kubik and Shaper then echo their earlier statement that the Beyonders created intelligence which can control its own evolution - that evolution is key.
Doom apparently understood all that barely coherent stuff, and explains that the Beyonders created the force which powers Cosmic Cubes, which comes through a rift in reality when those who wish to collect it are ready. But when Owen Reece had his accident, he inadvertently tore a hole in that very reality without a forcefield waiting to trap the unleashed energy. The Molecule Man takes over there, stating that the force which came through the rift tried to do what it normally did and force the recipient into a cube - but there was nothing there to contain it. Just Owen. So his body absorbed part of the cosmic force, if not the six-sidedness, and became someone of great power - but not up there with the greatest of cosmic entities like the Living Tribunal or Eternity. And the same thing goes for the Beyonder, even if he thinks he's omnipotent.
The Beyonder, it's revealed, is that other part of the cosmic force that went untapped, that should have formed a Cosmic Cube but didn't. It flowed forth from the rift with no form to guide it, intent on satisfying the desires of its controllers, incomplete and thus full of desires of its own - even though a Cosmic Cube is meant to only grant the wishes of others, since it's already complete in itself. Got all that? The cosmic being and Owen Reece note that if they merge together, what remains will be what Doom desires to be - whole! The Beyonder resists the notion, saying he's found a form all his own - he can't give all this up! The cosmic beings again note that evolution is key, calling him brother, and that he might have thought he was everything - but nothing ever can be.
Molecule Man says that it's tougher for him to go than it is for the Beyonder, but it's the only way to end things. He always knew it might come to something like this. The Beyonder still doesn't understand what it means to have desires for another - but Owen does. If the Beyonder had known all along, there would have never been any Secret Wars at all. It must end! He hugs Marsha, his girlfriend, and tries to explain that he always saw so much more than everyone else, and this is part of that - there's no other choice. She admits that she always knew it could end, but she loves him. Loves him… and trusts him to make his own decisions.
The Beyonder declares that they can save their tears - he's not going anywhere! He might be a mistake, but he's a mistake who became the Beyonder, and he has no desire to be otherwise. Suddenly Ben pipes up, deciding to explain his sordid romantic history for… reasons? He explains that he used to love Alicia, and then the Beyonder screwed that up with the Secret Wars, which ended with Johnny getting together with Alicia while he was still on Battleworld falling in love with Tari, who didn't actually exist. Ouch. Still, after all that, he ended up meeting Sharon and falling for her. It hurt along the way, but in the end he was satisfied - change can be good!
The Beyonder seems to get something from that rant, and shrinks down to human size again, saying that he did everything he desired - but he never desired to meet another being as his equal. Marsha says her goodbyes as the Beyonder and the Molecule Man meet, and in a flash they converge and turn into a cubical shape, a brand new Cosmic Cube.
Around them all the universe vanishes into nothing - it only existed because the Beyonder willed it so, and the Beyonder is no more! The Shaper decides that the great powers of the Multiverse must have foreseen this ultimate end, and thus let his life proceed. Okay, that doesn't make a ton of sense, but we'll go with it.
Taking advantage of the general awestruck people (and the confusion) Doom rushes towards the Cube, still intent on gaining power, and when he touches it he demands his memories back. In an instant it answers his wish, and Doom declares jubilantly that he is once again whole - and then he turns back for more, for power. Sharon drags him away by his cloak, declaring that they were stunned - not stupid. Shaper decides the situation has finally become perilous, so it's time to end it. In an instant, mid-sentence, all the mortals suddenly find themselves back on Earth, inside the Fantastic Four headquarters. Ben shouts 'Wait! I wish for universal peace!' A good thought, but too late…
'You'll have your universal peace - the day Doctor Doom rules the Earth! There will be no agitation from the serfs or the stars when I gain my destiny!' Doom declares, before turning away. For today, he decides, his promise was fulfilled - he promised to keep them safe, and he did so. Their business is concluded. Johnny wonders if all that cosmic grandeur didn't put Doom's ambition in perspective, and Doom declares that he's learned about the Beyonders, who have power beyond any known to man - power a man of destiny can seek. But… for the moment, his goals are closer to home. Latveria! As he leaves, Ben tells Johnny to allow him to go. In his own warped way, Ben notes, Doom kept his end of the bargain - and in a weird way, Ben is even glad that Doom got his lost memories back.
Johnny heads off to explain what happened to Alicia, while Sharon asks Marsha if she wants any company - she says she was always the stronger of their couple, so she can handle this blow well enough on her own. Sharon points out to Ben that he could have wished to be turned back to normal rather than peace, and Ben responds that he was telling the truth out there - he's satisfied with who he is. Sharon decides that makes two of them, and we exit on a rocky kiss...
Rating & Comments
If you want to get me annoyed, giving me a comic like this one is a great way to do it. Yes, I get mad at fics that include a lot of hamfisted treatment of sensitive topics, as we've recently covered - but being boring is also a huge sin. This issue spends an inordinate amount of time caught up in the minutiae of a bunch of overpowered cosmic beings that nobody cares about, and which have absolutely no relevance to anything that happens in normal continuity. Like, there's people flinging planets around in this issue and it is utterly pointless. And when this issue is not about cosmic beings fighting, it's pointless cosmic beings expositing instead.
The Beyonder, Kubik and the Shaper of Worlds are all useless wastes of paper here. All the interesting aspects of the Beyonder have been stripped away since the original Secret Wars, and his origins are retconned to be weird and contradictory. It doesn't help that this particular retcon doesn't last - both the Beyonder and the Molecule Man show up again later, and we get several more different origins of the Beyonder, including one where he's a Mutant Inhuman of all things! The Beyonders, too, are largely abandoned, until someone dusts them off for a much later storyline - twenty-five real years in the future. For all that this issue attempts to be grand and important, not much of it actually lasted very long in continuity, did it?
After all the setup of the Fantastic Four going on an adventure in the Negative Zone last issue, they are essentially useless here - they stand around a whole bunch while big weird cosmic entities battle and squabble around them, and then eventually are teleported back home without affecting much. Ben apparently influences the Beyonder by recounting his relationship history, but I'm not sure how that even made sense, so I'm hesitant to give him much credit. I'm not sure Johnny even got a meaningful line, never mind being actually relevant. The freaking Molecule Man has more agency than the heroes, and even he basically just shows up to explain stuff and die!
Actually, there's something I noticed - various characters go on exposition sprees in this comic, but it's all basically one long information dump that continues from text box to text box regardless of who is speaking. There's no real reason why Owen Reece and Doom would happily pitch in delivering obscure background information if they had their normal personalities. Owen has apparently randomly turned from a dweeb into this wise sage who knows how the universe works, and Doom… well, we'll get to him. It feels like this whole infodump was written ahead of time, and Englehart desperately attempted to avoid having the same character talk for three or four pages in a row by any means necessary, even if makes little sense. Maybe if the information was actually interesting, and not vague backstory of characters we never meet and retconning the origins of characters which nobody cared much about, I would have a different opinion. It's boring and stale.
As for Doom… he's pretty bad in this. Sure, the fact that he wants his memories back is a clever twist - up until it's revealed that he secretly wanted power after all, and somehow hid that from the Beyonder's mind-reading. Annoyingly, it's never actually made clear why the Beyonder would be incapable of figuring out Doom's motives, but two cosmic beings and Owen Reece apparently saw it all coming ahead of time. Doom comes off as whiny to the Fantastic Four, who themselves come off as much the same - they are all pretty irrelevant compared to the actual main characters of the story, I suppose, and resentful about it. Doom's low point, though, is when he dejectedly declares that it was 'worth a try' before spending most of the rest of the issue sadly staring at the floor like a child who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The fact that he later contributes exposition about Cosmic Cubes is just odd - why would he bend to the whims of these random omnipotent beings, even if they saw through his plans? It doesn't remotely match my view of his personality (or indeed, how he tends to treat godlike entities.) The moment where he slips out from beneath the notice of two god-level entities to get his memory back is pretty neat, but it doesn't really make up for the rest of this lackluster depiction.
Between the lengthy exposition segments, the elaborate recaps, and full pages spent on combat between irrelevant side characters who never really had a reason to fight, this issue doesn't get a high score from me. Adding a less than stellar version of Doom doesn't help. This issue comes off as a lot of pointless filler material that can't measure up to the original Secret Wars in any way - it barely measures up to the second Secret Wars. With most of it retconned into irrelevance or pointless from the start, I can only say that at least it had some interesting imagery here and there. That, and Doom got his memories back, so at least it meant something to this thread's ongoing continuity. Two stars!
Best Panel(s) of the Issue
Pissed off Beyonder-Sun is pretty menacing, so I'll go with this one. Honestly, the cosmic battle ones were decent here and there, but the character designs are too silly for my taste.
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"Reaching this portal required murder - and I had no robots or troops to act for me since I was driven from Latveria. It was good to see that I still had the touch!"
"Yes! I am whole! And now - power! Power!"
"You'll have your universal peace - the day Doctor Doom rules the Earth! There will be no agitation from the serfs or the stars when I gain my destiny!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
There's an odd thing where Doom's eyes are consistently colored the same as his mask - white when the mask is randomly white for a panel, usually some shade of gray, and occasionally with blue sclera like in this image. Poor coloring work, I'd say.
Last edited:
- Location
- England
Yeah this has not been a good run for ol' Doom.
What was... any of that?
What was... any of that?
- Location
- Netherlands
I can't honestly give them any more than that - I was tempted to dump 1 star on them, but I figure a comic would have to be completely irredeemable, since i save 5 stars for the special ones too. The suicide one would have gotten it, but the Doom scene is actually the one decent one in the entire book, so... This one really only escape it because it makes the Beyonder disappear and Doom ends up getting his memories back despite the protest of two god-like entities. Suck on that, weird giant ex-cube spooks!
I might add this to a comic trivia section in a bit, actually, but for now:
Kubik and Shaper do, unfortunately, reappear at various points whenever authors feel the need to whip out crazy OP characters for a talky chapter. Kubik is actually right in the middle of his all-time appearances here - he'll show up in four more annual issues to preach nonsense before vanishing in the early 90's. As for the Shaper... if you wondered why he is engulfed in clouds like a genie, it's because canonically his lower half is a tech cube on tank treads and let's be honest, nobody would take that seriously. Not like they would a blue alien goblin god! The Shaper would have a few more appearances in Incredible Hulk of all places before vanishing for a decade, showing up for two whole SHIELD comics, and then vanishing for another decade and change so he can reappear in Silver Surfer and Ultimates comics. Feh.
Incidentally, if you're curious about that Cosmic Cube left behind in this issue - it would later puke out the Molecule Man again, and then decide on a sex change because apparently the violent tendencies of her Jheri curl form were because he was male, you see. She went by Kosmos, and then she and her quasi-parental big brother Kubik fell in love and had a romance because that is not weird at all. They eventually parted ways again, and Kosmos went kind of insane and became the megalomaniacal Maker when her male persona tried to take over. Thanos, that Thanos, ends up saving the day by trapping the Beyonder in Kosmos' catatonic body in space prison. That body, incidentally, was murdered during the Annihilation Wave in some unspecified way, and as far as I can tell neither she nor the Beyonder have actually mattered since.
I mean, I would argue that Doom has not been the worst aspect of any of these comics! But yes, he's having a rough time.
Last edited:
One of the many reasons why marvel standalone series are better is that good writers can ignore insane characters/storylines instead of being tempted to re-imagine or rehabilitate them. But then a bad writer comes along and uses that 'standalone' series to make a sequel...
The cycle of life.
The cycle of life.
Last edited:
SolipsistSerpent
Endlessly Devouring
And we've seen Cosmic Cubes turning into sentient beings all over again recently with Kobik. Honestly the revelation they're just embryonic versions of Shaper's species makes too much sense if they're going to keep developing free will and turning quasi-humanoid.
Last edited:
115: Fantastic Four v1 #320 & Incredible Hulk #350 - Pride Goeth... Before the Fall
- Location
- Netherlands
115: Fantastic Four #320 & Incredible Hulk #350 (Nov & Dec 1988)
Cover
I'm covering two issues at once, here, since this is an action-heavy two-parter. That really drives down the amount of time that's necessary to recount what happens, and furthermore Doom's presence is somewhat diminished here, which I suppose applies to more issues, but here he definitely plays the Burgess Meredith to the Hulk's Stallone more than anything else.
The moment I saw that first cover, I was certain the Doom on top had been swiped from some other cover we've already seen and pasted into a new one - or maybe just redrawn. So I went looking and I realized that there are multiple covers with not just giant Doom looming over everyone, but specifically this setup, with Doom looming over background features like buildings or hills while something story-relevant is happening in the foreground. Just from a few minutes of checking I the Giant Background Doom show up on Fantastic Four v1 #39, #84, #86, #247, #259, #278-279 (by Kristoff, technically), Super-Villain Team-Up #1, #6, #13, Master of Kung Fu #59, Dazzler #4, Cloak and Dagger #10, Beauty and the Beast #1, and Emperor Doom… and that's just the ones I've covered! Jesus Christ, no wonder it seemed so familiar!
The second cover is definitely the better of the two - it's a cool shot of the Thing and the Hulk facing off for their knock-down drag-out match for the ages, with the looming shade of Doctor Doom watching from beyond with darkened eyes. I'm not sure where he picked up those baby blues considering he's consistently shown to have brown eyes elsewhere, but that's a mistake that's not unique to this particular issue. At first I thought someone had just forgotten to fill in any detail on his cheeks there, but it seems the particular art style of this comic favors a somewhat angular and atypical shape for Doom's mask - a bit peculiar to change it midstory, but it's not a horrible change.
Story Overview
Fantastic Four #320 - Pride Goeth...
Alright, some basic housekeeping on the subject of the Hulk. At this time, the world actually believes that the Hulk was killed in a gamma bomb explosion as depicted in Incredible Hulk #345. However, the Hulk survived this and set up his cover identity of Joe Fixit, while going around in his now-gray form. The events leading to this status quo are later revealed in Incredible Hulk #351-352, shortly after the end of this particular storyline, but for the moment they're essentially irrelevant. The Thing, meanwhile, has had his spikier mutated form ever since he and Sharon Ventura came crashing down from space, and his powers were enhanced in the process.
We open with the Gray Hulk, clad in his finest tuxedo, declaring that while Doom may have dragged him out to the desert from his home in Vegas, he's looking forward to pummeling him into the ground! Doom tells him to stay back, and promises the Hulk that he wouldn't have contacted him if he couldn't answer all of the Hulk's prayers! Hulk decides that Doom must think he's still stupid to fall for such a lame trick. Doom says that he's aware of the Hulk's greater intelligence, but observes that his belligerence is unchanged. He then uses a neuro-space field in his belt, and apparently electrocutes the Hulk until he lets go and sinks to his knees. The Hulk declares that pain is nothing - he'll still fight!
Doom tells him he can stop whenever he wants - he has no reason to quarrel. He, like the Hulk, has long-term goals he wishes to achieve, and there is no need to be enemies - they could be allies! 'Sure!' the Hulk replies, punching the floor so hard that Doom goes flying off his feet. Within moments Doom catches himself in mid-air with his jetpack and declares that all this is just empty spectacle, and he came for substance. He then blasts Hulk in the head with a beam that scrambles his nerve impulses, so he cannot make use of his awesome strength. The Hulk attempts to fight back but trips over his own feet and collapses. Although the Hulk's boundless rage momentarily takes over, the more intelligent side of 'Joe Fixit' eventually emerges and he decides to hear Doom out.
Doom descends back to the ground and reverse the effect of his nerve-scrambler, and explains that things are as changed for Doom as they are for the Hulk. Why, he's just returned from a sojourn that could well justify a length period of reflection and planning! But more importantly, he recaps the events that led to Kristoff's rule over Latveria. Hulk wonders if he should shed a tear over poor Doom's losses, and then asks if Doom expects him to kick the kid's butt for him - and what he thinks something like that would be worth.
Doom declares that if Hulk helps him retake Latveria, not only will he offer the Hulk protection, but also a position as a minister of his government, granting him status and respect. Hulk fires back that he's the Hulk so he doesn't exactly need protection, and he has status in Vegas, so he doesn't need to hang out in some mountains in Eastern Europe. Doom laments that clearly the increased intellect has decreased the Hulk's inherent valor, which pisses the gray beast off. 'Consciousness makes cowards of so many…' Doom adds. He then turns away, deciding that he has an alternative - the Thing, after all, has always had both a measure of intelligence and valor...
The Hulk dismisses the thought that the Thing would be a viable replacement for him, and Doom points out that not only was the Thing's power multiplied recently, but they went on this little 'sojourn' to the Beyonder together, and he leads the Fantastic Four these days, while the Hulk is just an underling in Vegas. Hulk yells that he beat up that pile of rocks every time they ever fought! Doom calmly notes that was before Hulk became… cautious… and barring evidence to the contrary it seems likely the Thing has passed him by. Hulk offers to fight the Thing right that moment to prove himself, and Doom muses to himself that was his goal from the start… The Hulk might be smarter, but he's still a fool!
Later, back at the Fantastic Four headquarters, the heroes are catching up after their visit to the Beyonder. Johnny is halfway through an explanation to Alicia, claiming that Doom never stopped scheming through it all, and even while they were travelling through other dimensions he was trying to convince Sharon to change sides, claiming he could cure her 'condition.' Sharon notes that Doom was always dangerous when he tried for world conquest, but at least he was personally secure - now that he's without his country, he's become positively chilling. Johnny decides they probably won't have to deal with Doom again for a while, so he's going to have a picnic with Alicia. Sharon wants to come along, but notes that someone should keep an eye on the base. Ben decides to stay behind, and Sharon warns him he's going to ask his friends about all his bad habits on that picnic. 'I ain't got any!' Ben declares as the rest leave.
Ben gets into an elevator and muses that he remembers how hard it was to get Reed to leave the Fantastic Four headquarters back when he was in charge, and that he now realizes why that was the case. He used to think it was just because he was a bookworm scientist, but there's more to it - when you're the leader, you have to think about more than yourself. As he steps out of the elevator onto the roof of the building, Ben decides he likes being on top of things - figuratively and literally. He's spent too much time feeling sorry for himself and splitting away from the team whenever he felt bad. Now, though, he has Sharon and his team, and things are bright and sunny! Just as he says that a shadow suddenly looms over him, and the Hulk comes slamming in out of nowhere and knocks him off the building! ('Action Fans... this one's for you!)
The Hulk looks down to the falling Ben and decides that the hero might have changed, but so has he - and nobody can know! Especially not the Thing! Below, Ben lands like a ton of bricks, but he's not even stunned by the impact, shouting that it's clobberin' time at the distant figure on the roof of the building. The Hulk then jumps off, thinking to himself that he won't be recognized as the supposedly dead Hulk - not while he's gray, in a suit, and wearing a jetpack he borrowed from Doctor Doom! So long as he doesn't open his mouth, the Thing will never know he's being thrashed by the Hulk! When he goes in for a punch, Ben observes him as the 'strong, silent type' and decides he'll add sound effects himself before punching the gray beast end-to-end through a parked bus! With his suit ruined, the Hulk rips the remaining shreds off his body, which makes Thing wonder if he's going for a Hulk thing - wrong color, bozo!
The two behemoths meet in another slugging fest, and shatter every window within a block and a half with their cataclysmic blows. The Hulk hurts - he can feel the Thing's punches and they hurt! Nearby, dozens of people are staring, with one commenting that this is the sort of thing he loves New York for - but he'd better get back a little, just in case! Ben punches the Hulk into a nearby car, and someone cries about it - the text box just sort of cuts off. Doesn't seem like it belongs to the disaster tourist, though. In any case, the Hulk cuts off a comment he was about to make, remembering he's supposed to hide his identity. Ben, meanwhile, theorizes he's a failed clone of the Hulk - failed, maybe, because the original was already dead. Hulk picks up the wrecked car and smacks it over Ben's head, declaring to himself that he's better than he's ever been. He then smacks Ben across the road and carves a deep trench into it until he comes to a halt against an abandoned taxi.
Ben punches the Hulk into the air, noting that he lost his jetpack somewhere along the way, so he can just kiss the pavement like a normal person. Hulk steers himself to land on something to break his fall - Ben himself! Nearby, Doom looks on with satisfaction, noting this is revenge for the Fantastic Four's interference last issue, when he had his hands on ultimate cosmic power if not for them! Then Doom muses that no matter who wins in this bout, Hulk or Thing, he'll still have the assistance of the Hulk as his first sworn ally in his war for the motherland! Huh? How does that work, exactly?
Hulk punches right through into the sewers during the fight and grapples him tight, and Ben muses that this Gray Hulk is quicker than he looks, and nearly as strong as the real deal. Still caught tight in his foe's grip, Ben decides that was always the problem in fighting against the true Hulk - he'd get tired after a while, and the Hulk wouldn't. But this, he reasons, is not the real Hulk… and he's not the Thing that the Hulk defeated!
He manages to throw the Hulk off of him, a feat he never could have achieved before, and declares he is stronger, tougher - he doesn't change back to human form, what you see is what you get. He's the Thing! He tells the Hulk that it's no use trying to be something he's not - in the end all you can be is who you are. And right here, right now, he's the strongest guy in town! With one final almighty punch Hulk goes down for the count, flying back out of the sewers and landing in a heap on the street.
Ben climbs up top and approaches the KO'ed Hulk, declaring it's too bad he's not the real deal, since he never did get the chance to clobber the genuine article the way he could now. The Gray Hulk is just a good workout. Said Hulk, meanwhile, admits defeat, and is glad that Ben doesn't realize he finally defeated the Hulk for real in a one-on-one match. Which is, of course, when the real Hulk shows up. Huh?
Yup, the all-green Hulk shows up from out of nowhere to join the brawl, declaring that if 'somebody want fight Hulk, here Hulk is!' He's pretty sure he just heard Ben say something about beating him up too, so… HULK SMASH! Ben is shocked to discover that the original Hulk is still around and ready to fight - and he's worried he might not be able to take on another Hulk after getting worn down against the gray version. Said Hulk, meanwhile, is suffering a bit of an identity crisis. He's the real Hulk! Isn't he…?
Incredible Hulk #350 - Before the Fall
Alright - a few changes from last issue to take into account here. Firstly, since this is an issue of Incredible Hulk instead of Fantastic Four, we're switching writers from Steve Englehart to Peter David, which is probably a good thing just on account of my dislike for the former. Along with that comes a radical shift in art styles, however, which is… not that great. Maybe it's just me, but I think nearly every character in this entire book is butt-ugly, and here it's depicting characters that are already ugly. Considering the Thing's design is uncommonly complicated after his power-up, that's not really helping matters - it just makes it really easy to draw him off-model…
The issue opens with events already in progress, with a suddenly much uglier Ben Grimm standing over the defeated Gray Hulk just as the Green Hulk shows up to challenge 'puny rock man' to a fight. Ben asks how the Hulk survived the Gamma blast that ostensibly killed him, but Greenie doesn't want to talk - he wants to fight.
Ben decides to oblige, since ever since he powered up he's been dying to take another shot at the Hulk - and gray monsters are just an appetizer to the green main course! They exchange blows and Ben is thrown into a nearby wall, but says it barely tickled, while spectators scatter away from the brawl - apparently they still hadn't evacuated after last issue. Brave people!
In a nearby alleyway, the Gray Hulk drags himself upright again. Mysteriously, in between receiving his ass-kicking in last issue and getting up in this one, he's regained a lot of clothing! He is now wearing a tattered white shirt and some striped pants, rather than literally just the torn upper half of his plain blue trousers. Continuity? What continuity? Doctor Doom shows up behind him with his fancy new mask, and Hulk accuses him of not explaining how much stronger the Thing had become. Doom inquires if he'd believed it, and Hulk admits that he probably wouldn't have. In any case, what's going on? How can there be two Hulks? Doom claims he will explain, then offers his literal support as he leads the behemoth away. Hulk muses that he gave everything he had, and he was flattened - no matter how strong the Thing has gotten, part of the reason is that he's gotten weaker. Right now, compared to Ben, he's the puny one…
Nearby, at Central Park, Ben and the Green Hulk are still fighting, with Ben calling the Hulk a has-been and eventually kicking him into through the wall of the nearby Radio City Music Hall and onto the stage of a musical in progress. Green Hulk wonders where he is now, and Ben answers that it only matters where he's going to be - six feet under!
Back in the alleyway, the Gray Hulk is annoyed to learn that the Green Hulk is actually a robot. Doom explains that it's quite sophisticated - almost on par with something Doom himself might have created. He never traced its origin, but it originally appeared several years before, infused with cosmic energy, and wreaked havoc in New York City before being dispatched by superheroes, as chronicled in Eternals #14-15 from 1977. Doom found the shattered wreck in the sewers and reassembled it. He found it a curious mix of crude engineering and genius - if he ever meets its creator, he says, he'd give them the honor of shaking his hand before obliterating them. Heh.
Hulk wonders if Doom activated the robot to give him a breather, but Doom denies this - he did it to correct his error in involving the Hulk at all. Although Hulk still gets stronger the angrier he gets like normal, but ever since becoming the Gray Hulk his base level of rage is much too low to gain enough strength to be of any real threat against the Thing - he'd be beaten into submission long before. He just doesn't get strong enough, quick enough. Doom decides his scheme has backfired - Ben defeated the Hulk, and he will eventually defeat the robot, too. All Hulk can really do is return to Vegas. Hulk protests, declaring he can take the orange freak any time, anywhere! Strength isn't everything, he declares, winning is!
Back at the Music Hall, Ben and the Hulk robot are smacking each other with pieces of decor, using prop skyscrapers as baseball bats to try and wail each other into submission. Two identical skyscrapers they ripped right out of a - New York City set... that's in ruins behind them. Oh dear!
Ben smacks the robot through a nearby wall and across the street. To himself he decides something's not right here - the Hulk is giving him a decent tussle, but he is not getting any stronger as he fights - all his punches feel the same! Ben lets himself get hit a few more times and concludes that he's right - this guy's not the real deal! If only he'd been that lucky! He trips the robot, then applies direct, constant pressure instead of punches, putting all his strength on a single point. In moments the robot's chest cavity implodes as mechanical parts spray in every direction, proving Ben's point. With the ripped internal circuitry of the mechanical Hulk in his fists, he declares he'll do the same to whoever made it - and it was probably Doctor Doom! (I mean, he has a point.)
The Gray Hulk looks on and muses that he can't take the Thing in a pure strength battle, but he's got an advantage - he knows who he's fighting, but Ben still doesn't. That, and under that rocky shell Ben is still human. If he just concentrates on his own strengths and Ben's weaknesses, the Hulk can still win. Hopefully. Ben calls out for Doom, but spots the Gray Hulk first, and immediately concludes that this probably means the Gray Hulk was a robot too. As Ben gives chase, the Hulk vaults a nearby fence (briefly losing his shirt for a panel) and reflects that he has more strength and endurance after sunset - a trait which must be unique to this incarnation. Ben just smashes through the fence into Central Park, and realizes he's lost sight of his foe…
Jumping down from one of the trees, the Hulk manages to get a sneak attack in on Ben, and then a few more when the exhausted Ben is slow to counter. Ben gets forced to the ground, but before he can go in for revenge, the Hulk vanishes into the foliage once more. Ben looks around, and spots the Hulk in the distance - how'd he get all the way out there so quick? Running over to his foe, he theorizes that Doom must have built in some sort of matter transmitter, to teleport like Nightcrawler has. (Or had. I think he's under the impression Nightcrawler died during Fall of the Mutants.) Ben rips a tree out of the ground to smack his enemy, but by the time he's done so the Hulk is miles away already, well out of reach. Well, that was pointless!
Twenty more minutes of aimless running later, Ben decides to wait it out near a copse of trees he saw the Hulk at, and is suckerpunched from behind. Since he never took his eyes off the trees he ducked behind, Ben is confused about how the Hulk got behind him. The question is answered when he trips into a big hole in the ground - the Hulk dug a tunnel to get behind him! Ben is pissed, and declares he'll level the entire park if that's what it takes to defeat this gray creep! Forty-five minutes later, and with most of Central Park destroyed and ripped apart, Ben is still no closer to catching his prey, spotting him clear across the length of the park again.
Doesn't he ever get tired? He figures a robot wouldn't, but he does. He's been on his feet for days now - he went to another dimension, then fought the gray hulk, then a robot, and now he's been flat-out running and ripping up trees for an hour! Still, it's a matter of pride now - and no bucket of bolts is going to beat the Thing! The Hulk stands waiting, one hand raised in challenge, as Ben rushes in for a final confrontation. At the last moment, however, the Hulk dodges out of the way and trips Ben, sending him careening into a nearby lake. And last he checked, Hulk declares, rocks don't float!
At the bottom of the lake, Ben complains that he's getting stuck in the sludge - this is clearly not his day. Still, he took a breath before he went under, so that should give him at least an hour to make his way back out. Suddenly the Hulk is on him - his orange butt isn't exactly invisible underwater. In a surprise twist, the Hulk goes for a rather unusual martial arts maneuver - the Heimlich maneuver. Forcing Ben to expel his breath and take in water, he's suddenly drowning! Smashing the Hulk around the ears to get free, the Gray giant finally relents, allowing Ben to drag himself to shore. He wants the rocky brute to realize what happened.
As Ben gets to shore, sputtering, he's met by the Gray Hulk, arms crossed and waiting. He just wants to know, he says, how the Hulk kept covering those huge distances. Finally speaking, Gray Hulk simply states that he jumped. Ben startles as he recognizes the Hulk's voice - it's impossible! The Hulk punches him unconscious, declaring anything is possible, and grimly notes that Grimm never could take him down… Arriving from off-panel, Doom compliments Hulk on his victory, and notes that surely he no longer feels puny, now. He asks Hulk if he can rely on his presence when the ultimate fight with Kristoff happens, and the Hulk says to call him - they'll discuss the matter then. Who knows, maybe Doom will end up working for him! They leave each other's side with both thinking the other a fool…
The Hulk muses that ever since he got enhanced powers, the Thing really only thinks with his muscles - which is fine nine times out of ten, but he just happened to be that tenth. He's surprised to find that Doom has already left the scene entirely, and decides he'll have to leap home to Las Vegas instead of taking a ride on Air Doom. He figures he can make it before sunup. (...From NYC to Vegas in a single night on foot? Wel, damn.) Before he goes, though, he takes a visit to the location of the old Avengers Mansion, now bulldozed, where he runs into a surprising face - Beast of the X-Men! It seems he's regained his blue fur since we last saw him.
It seems Beast can smell that the Hulk is the real deal despite the skin color change, and asks what he's doing here. He explains that there's a major emergency going on and all the Avengers are being summoned - they could use the Hulk! Hulk tells him to handle their own emergencies, and Beast warns that he'll just tell the Avengers that he's alive and they'll come for him. Hulk threatens to kill him before can tell anyone, and Beast threatens to escape - and even if he can't, the Avengers will still come looking for whoever killed him! Beast caves, and offers Hulk immunity from interference by the Avengers if he helps with this crisis - no questions asked. Hulk decides this sounds good - if it's as big a threat as it sounds, he might even turn a profit from this! Besides, he's in a good mood. The camera pans to the unconscious Thing, still laying in the dirt...
Rating & Comments
With a relative paucity of Doom content in these issues - but a little too much to classify these as minor appearances - the focus is very much on the Thing and the Hulk here, with each taking center stage in their respective issues. I think it's fair to say that the first issue is the less interesting of the two - it takes a while to get started, and the Thing really doesn't pull any particularly fancy tricks on the Gray Hulk beyond physical strength, relying on out-muscling his old enemy. The Hulk is pretty severely depowered during this encounter, which makes it hard to treat this as a good yardstick for the abilities of the two characters. Actually, despite marketing this whole thing as a Thing vs. Hulk fight, both characters are fighting at below optimum levels, with the Thing starting at exhausted and getting worse along the way, while the Hulk has both less raw power to work with and tags out for a while in favor of a robot double.
Still, it's fun to see these two slug it out in properly brutal fashion, even if I'm really questioning the mental abilities of both these meatheads. The Hulk is effortlessly convinced to pick a fight with the Thing through rudimentary reverse psychology - Doctor Doom doesn't even have to resort to really creative means of convincing him, just dangle the possibility of being second-rate in front of him. Meanwhile the Thing spends most of these two issues pulling a Man of Steel by continuously punching the Hulk at the nearest inhabited structure, vehicle, or group of civilians. Seriously, what was with throwing the robot into a bus, a car, or into a busy music hall? I figured dragging the fight towards Central Park was to get away from the people, not just for a change in scenery, but it's the Thing who involves the civilians again!
Doctor Doom comes off as rather petty in these issues - the whole point, it seems, was to punish Ben a bit for not letting him have the cake and eat it too in the Beyonder issue - when it was actually Sharon who did that. Maybe he confused the orange rock-people for each other, or maybe it's just what you get as leader of the Fantastic Four. Doom's just vicarously attacking Reed, I guess? Doom's plan succeeded, I guess, and he might have scored some assistance from the Hulk too in his fight against Kristoff - but something tells me he might be mean and green again before that plot fully resolves, and who knows what might become of the arrangement then?
By the way, I was momentarily convinced Doom was trying to piss the Hulk off to ramp up his fighting prowess before the rematch, in a sort of Rocky moment, but as far as I can tell he was just genuinely disappointed his plan didn't work, and didn't foresee the Hulk's comeback at all. It's kind of interesting that after admitting his shortcomings lost him his kingdom, Doom is still quite willing to admit failure where witnesses are present in recent issues. It's not something that I could see Kristoff's Doom impression doing, and it's become a bit of a diagnostic trait of the 'real' Doom, apparently. An interesting development to his character, if it sticks after he gets Latveria back…
Well, I'm only a few paragraphs into this section, and I realize I'm running out of things to mention across two full issues - these really didn't have much thought-provoking content, did they? While they are not exactly deep or meaningful, they're a nice slug-out with some… interesting… art - I wouldn't call it all bad, just really, really stylized - and it contains an entertaining little turnaround where both Ben and Gray Hulk get to show off their stuff a little. It's sort of like having a Superman and Flash race, I guess - an expected diversion that happens every so often like clockwork. You kind of need these to keep the wheels churning, I suppose. Three stars for middle-of-the-road fodder, no more, no less. Beats another two star entry...
Best Panel(s) of the Issues
I quite like this shot of the Hulk getting launched out of the sewers by one of the Thing's punches - it's got some real momentum behind it!
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"I don't expect you to sympathize - but you do know me! You know I will recover what is rightfully mine, no matter how formidable the obstacles!"
"Yes… Consciousness makes cowards of so many…!"
"I took apart and then reassembled the construct, marveling at the combination of crudity and sheer genius. Should I ever meet its designer, I shall do him the honor of shaking his hand before obliterating him."
Doom's Bad Hair Day
Let's just say that the Incredible Hulk's art style isn't... ideal... for the Thing's new design. Or old design. Everyone looks like a freaky bug-eyed alien!
Co(s)mic Trivia
That cosmically empowered robot Hulk has a bit of an interesting history. In a grander meta sense, its origin is related to the fact that the 'Eternals' series originally took place outside the Marvel Universe, but Jack Kirby was forced to integrate it into the existing continuity. Since he wasn't too enthusiastic about that, he did it half-heartedly by having the Eternals fight a Hulk robot to unite the series. In-story, some fans of the Hulk built a robot to be a mascot for their college sports games, and it somehow got a burst of cosmic energy which made it a viable threat for the Eternals. Which is silly as hell, but hey! Comic books!
Originally that mysterious cosmic energy was supposed to derive from the Eternals-related 'Uni-Mind', but it's revealed many years later that it actually came from Galactus, and it was related to the process he used to find targets before he started using heralds. It's also revealed that the robot itself was originally built by the Mad Thinker, abandoned, and later revived and adjusted by those college kids instead of being built from scratch by them. In that context, Doom's diagnosis of a combination of it being a 'combination of crudity and genius' makes a ton of sense, even though it was written years before that retcon ever happened. Clearly this all implies the robot Hulk reappear after this issue, but I'm fairly sure we'll be getting to some of that in this read-through...
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Neuro-Space Field paralyzed the Hulk by inducing great pain, and it might also be the device which scrambled the Hulk's motor neurons and caused him to flop on the ground uselessly. The Cosmic Hulkbot is not technically a Doom creation, but he did repair and repurpose it, so it's close enough!
Cover
I'm covering two issues at once, here, since this is an action-heavy two-parter. That really drives down the amount of time that's necessary to recount what happens, and furthermore Doom's presence is somewhat diminished here, which I suppose applies to more issues, but here he definitely plays the Burgess Meredith to the Hulk's Stallone more than anything else.
The moment I saw that first cover, I was certain the Doom on top had been swiped from some other cover we've already seen and pasted into a new one - or maybe just redrawn. So I went looking and I realized that there are multiple covers with not just giant Doom looming over everyone, but specifically this setup, with Doom looming over background features like buildings or hills while something story-relevant is happening in the foreground. Just from a few minutes of checking I the Giant Background Doom show up on Fantastic Four v1 #39, #84, #86, #247, #259, #278-279 (by Kristoff, technically), Super-Villain Team-Up #1, #6, #13, Master of Kung Fu #59, Dazzler #4, Cloak and Dagger #10, Beauty and the Beast #1, and Emperor Doom… and that's just the ones I've covered! Jesus Christ, no wonder it seemed so familiar!
The second cover is definitely the better of the two - it's a cool shot of the Thing and the Hulk facing off for their knock-down drag-out match for the ages, with the looming shade of Doctor Doom watching from beyond with darkened eyes. I'm not sure where he picked up those baby blues considering he's consistently shown to have brown eyes elsewhere, but that's a mistake that's not unique to this particular issue. At first I thought someone had just forgotten to fill in any detail on his cheeks there, but it seems the particular art style of this comic favors a somewhat angular and atypical shape for Doom's mask - a bit peculiar to change it midstory, but it's not a horrible change.
Story Overview
Fantastic Four #320 - Pride Goeth...
Alright, some basic housekeeping on the subject of the Hulk. At this time, the world actually believes that the Hulk was killed in a gamma bomb explosion as depicted in Incredible Hulk #345. However, the Hulk survived this and set up his cover identity of Joe Fixit, while going around in his now-gray form. The events leading to this status quo are later revealed in Incredible Hulk #351-352, shortly after the end of this particular storyline, but for the moment they're essentially irrelevant. The Thing, meanwhile, has had his spikier mutated form ever since he and Sharon Ventura came crashing down from space, and his powers were enhanced in the process.
We open with the Gray Hulk, clad in his finest tuxedo, declaring that while Doom may have dragged him out to the desert from his home in Vegas, he's looking forward to pummeling him into the ground! Doom tells him to stay back, and promises the Hulk that he wouldn't have contacted him if he couldn't answer all of the Hulk's prayers! Hulk decides that Doom must think he's still stupid to fall for such a lame trick. Doom says that he's aware of the Hulk's greater intelligence, but observes that his belligerence is unchanged. He then uses a neuro-space field in his belt, and apparently electrocutes the Hulk until he lets go and sinks to his knees. The Hulk declares that pain is nothing - he'll still fight!
Doom tells him he can stop whenever he wants - he has no reason to quarrel. He, like the Hulk, has long-term goals he wishes to achieve, and there is no need to be enemies - they could be allies! 'Sure!' the Hulk replies, punching the floor so hard that Doom goes flying off his feet. Within moments Doom catches himself in mid-air with his jetpack and declares that all this is just empty spectacle, and he came for substance. He then blasts Hulk in the head with a beam that scrambles his nerve impulses, so he cannot make use of his awesome strength. The Hulk attempts to fight back but trips over his own feet and collapses. Although the Hulk's boundless rage momentarily takes over, the more intelligent side of 'Joe Fixit' eventually emerges and he decides to hear Doom out.
Doom descends back to the ground and reverse the effect of his nerve-scrambler, and explains that things are as changed for Doom as they are for the Hulk. Why, he's just returned from a sojourn that could well justify a length period of reflection and planning! But more importantly, he recaps the events that led to Kristoff's rule over Latveria. Hulk wonders if he should shed a tear over poor Doom's losses, and then asks if Doom expects him to kick the kid's butt for him - and what he thinks something like that would be worth.
Doom declares that if Hulk helps him retake Latveria, not only will he offer the Hulk protection, but also a position as a minister of his government, granting him status and respect. Hulk fires back that he's the Hulk so he doesn't exactly need protection, and he has status in Vegas, so he doesn't need to hang out in some mountains in Eastern Europe. Doom laments that clearly the increased intellect has decreased the Hulk's inherent valor, which pisses the gray beast off. 'Consciousness makes cowards of so many…' Doom adds. He then turns away, deciding that he has an alternative - the Thing, after all, has always had both a measure of intelligence and valor...
The Hulk dismisses the thought that the Thing would be a viable replacement for him, and Doom points out that not only was the Thing's power multiplied recently, but they went on this little 'sojourn' to the Beyonder together, and he leads the Fantastic Four these days, while the Hulk is just an underling in Vegas. Hulk yells that he beat up that pile of rocks every time they ever fought! Doom calmly notes that was before Hulk became… cautious… and barring evidence to the contrary it seems likely the Thing has passed him by. Hulk offers to fight the Thing right that moment to prove himself, and Doom muses to himself that was his goal from the start… The Hulk might be smarter, but he's still a fool!
Later, back at the Fantastic Four headquarters, the heroes are catching up after their visit to the Beyonder. Johnny is halfway through an explanation to Alicia, claiming that Doom never stopped scheming through it all, and even while they were travelling through other dimensions he was trying to convince Sharon to change sides, claiming he could cure her 'condition.' Sharon notes that Doom was always dangerous when he tried for world conquest, but at least he was personally secure - now that he's without his country, he's become positively chilling. Johnny decides they probably won't have to deal with Doom again for a while, so he's going to have a picnic with Alicia. Sharon wants to come along, but notes that someone should keep an eye on the base. Ben decides to stay behind, and Sharon warns him he's going to ask his friends about all his bad habits on that picnic. 'I ain't got any!' Ben declares as the rest leave.
Ben gets into an elevator and muses that he remembers how hard it was to get Reed to leave the Fantastic Four headquarters back when he was in charge, and that he now realizes why that was the case. He used to think it was just because he was a bookworm scientist, but there's more to it - when you're the leader, you have to think about more than yourself. As he steps out of the elevator onto the roof of the building, Ben decides he likes being on top of things - figuratively and literally. He's spent too much time feeling sorry for himself and splitting away from the team whenever he felt bad. Now, though, he has Sharon and his team, and things are bright and sunny! Just as he says that a shadow suddenly looms over him, and the Hulk comes slamming in out of nowhere and knocks him off the building! ('Action Fans... this one's for you!)
The Hulk looks down to the falling Ben and decides that the hero might have changed, but so has he - and nobody can know! Especially not the Thing! Below, Ben lands like a ton of bricks, but he's not even stunned by the impact, shouting that it's clobberin' time at the distant figure on the roof of the building. The Hulk then jumps off, thinking to himself that he won't be recognized as the supposedly dead Hulk - not while he's gray, in a suit, and wearing a jetpack he borrowed from Doctor Doom! So long as he doesn't open his mouth, the Thing will never know he's being thrashed by the Hulk! When he goes in for a punch, Ben observes him as the 'strong, silent type' and decides he'll add sound effects himself before punching the gray beast end-to-end through a parked bus! With his suit ruined, the Hulk rips the remaining shreds off his body, which makes Thing wonder if he's going for a Hulk thing - wrong color, bozo!
The two behemoths meet in another slugging fest, and shatter every window within a block and a half with their cataclysmic blows. The Hulk hurts - he can feel the Thing's punches and they hurt! Nearby, dozens of people are staring, with one commenting that this is the sort of thing he loves New York for - but he'd better get back a little, just in case! Ben punches the Hulk into a nearby car, and someone cries about it - the text box just sort of cuts off. Doesn't seem like it belongs to the disaster tourist, though. In any case, the Hulk cuts off a comment he was about to make, remembering he's supposed to hide his identity. Ben, meanwhile, theorizes he's a failed clone of the Hulk - failed, maybe, because the original was already dead. Hulk picks up the wrecked car and smacks it over Ben's head, declaring to himself that he's better than he's ever been. He then smacks Ben across the road and carves a deep trench into it until he comes to a halt against an abandoned taxi.
Ben punches the Hulk into the air, noting that he lost his jetpack somewhere along the way, so he can just kiss the pavement like a normal person. Hulk steers himself to land on something to break his fall - Ben himself! Nearby, Doom looks on with satisfaction, noting this is revenge for the Fantastic Four's interference last issue, when he had his hands on ultimate cosmic power if not for them! Then Doom muses that no matter who wins in this bout, Hulk or Thing, he'll still have the assistance of the Hulk as his first sworn ally in his war for the motherland! Huh? How does that work, exactly?
Hulk punches right through into the sewers during the fight and grapples him tight, and Ben muses that this Gray Hulk is quicker than he looks, and nearly as strong as the real deal. Still caught tight in his foe's grip, Ben decides that was always the problem in fighting against the true Hulk - he'd get tired after a while, and the Hulk wouldn't. But this, he reasons, is not the real Hulk… and he's not the Thing that the Hulk defeated!
He manages to throw the Hulk off of him, a feat he never could have achieved before, and declares he is stronger, tougher - he doesn't change back to human form, what you see is what you get. He's the Thing! He tells the Hulk that it's no use trying to be something he's not - in the end all you can be is who you are. And right here, right now, he's the strongest guy in town! With one final almighty punch Hulk goes down for the count, flying back out of the sewers and landing in a heap on the street.
Ben climbs up top and approaches the KO'ed Hulk, declaring it's too bad he's not the real deal, since he never did get the chance to clobber the genuine article the way he could now. The Gray Hulk is just a good workout. Said Hulk, meanwhile, admits defeat, and is glad that Ben doesn't realize he finally defeated the Hulk for real in a one-on-one match. Which is, of course, when the real Hulk shows up. Huh?
Yup, the all-green Hulk shows up from out of nowhere to join the brawl, declaring that if 'somebody want fight Hulk, here Hulk is!' He's pretty sure he just heard Ben say something about beating him up too, so… HULK SMASH! Ben is shocked to discover that the original Hulk is still around and ready to fight - and he's worried he might not be able to take on another Hulk after getting worn down against the gray version. Said Hulk, meanwhile, is suffering a bit of an identity crisis. He's the real Hulk! Isn't he…?
Incredible Hulk #350 - Before the Fall
Alright - a few changes from last issue to take into account here. Firstly, since this is an issue of Incredible Hulk instead of Fantastic Four, we're switching writers from Steve Englehart to Peter David, which is probably a good thing just on account of my dislike for the former. Along with that comes a radical shift in art styles, however, which is… not that great. Maybe it's just me, but I think nearly every character in this entire book is butt-ugly, and here it's depicting characters that are already ugly. Considering the Thing's design is uncommonly complicated after his power-up, that's not really helping matters - it just makes it really easy to draw him off-model…
The issue opens with events already in progress, with a suddenly much uglier Ben Grimm standing over the defeated Gray Hulk just as the Green Hulk shows up to challenge 'puny rock man' to a fight. Ben asks how the Hulk survived the Gamma blast that ostensibly killed him, but Greenie doesn't want to talk - he wants to fight.
Ben decides to oblige, since ever since he powered up he's been dying to take another shot at the Hulk - and gray monsters are just an appetizer to the green main course! They exchange blows and Ben is thrown into a nearby wall, but says it barely tickled, while spectators scatter away from the brawl - apparently they still hadn't evacuated after last issue. Brave people!
In a nearby alleyway, the Gray Hulk drags himself upright again. Mysteriously, in between receiving his ass-kicking in last issue and getting up in this one, he's regained a lot of clothing! He is now wearing a tattered white shirt and some striped pants, rather than literally just the torn upper half of his plain blue trousers. Continuity? What continuity? Doctor Doom shows up behind him with his fancy new mask, and Hulk accuses him of not explaining how much stronger the Thing had become. Doom inquires if he'd believed it, and Hulk admits that he probably wouldn't have. In any case, what's going on? How can there be two Hulks? Doom claims he will explain, then offers his literal support as he leads the behemoth away. Hulk muses that he gave everything he had, and he was flattened - no matter how strong the Thing has gotten, part of the reason is that he's gotten weaker. Right now, compared to Ben, he's the puny one…
Nearby, at Central Park, Ben and the Green Hulk are still fighting, with Ben calling the Hulk a has-been and eventually kicking him into through the wall of the nearby Radio City Music Hall and onto the stage of a musical in progress. Green Hulk wonders where he is now, and Ben answers that it only matters where he's going to be - six feet under!
Back in the alleyway, the Gray Hulk is annoyed to learn that the Green Hulk is actually a robot. Doom explains that it's quite sophisticated - almost on par with something Doom himself might have created. He never traced its origin, but it originally appeared several years before, infused with cosmic energy, and wreaked havoc in New York City before being dispatched by superheroes, as chronicled in Eternals #14-15 from 1977. Doom found the shattered wreck in the sewers and reassembled it. He found it a curious mix of crude engineering and genius - if he ever meets its creator, he says, he'd give them the honor of shaking his hand before obliterating them. Heh.
Hulk wonders if Doom activated the robot to give him a breather, but Doom denies this - he did it to correct his error in involving the Hulk at all. Although Hulk still gets stronger the angrier he gets like normal, but ever since becoming the Gray Hulk his base level of rage is much too low to gain enough strength to be of any real threat against the Thing - he'd be beaten into submission long before. He just doesn't get strong enough, quick enough. Doom decides his scheme has backfired - Ben defeated the Hulk, and he will eventually defeat the robot, too. All Hulk can really do is return to Vegas. Hulk protests, declaring he can take the orange freak any time, anywhere! Strength isn't everything, he declares, winning is!
Back at the Music Hall, Ben and the Hulk robot are smacking each other with pieces of decor, using prop skyscrapers as baseball bats to try and wail each other into submission. Two identical skyscrapers they ripped right out of a - New York City set... that's in ruins behind them. Oh dear!
Ben smacks the robot through a nearby wall and across the street. To himself he decides something's not right here - the Hulk is giving him a decent tussle, but he is not getting any stronger as he fights - all his punches feel the same! Ben lets himself get hit a few more times and concludes that he's right - this guy's not the real deal! If only he'd been that lucky! He trips the robot, then applies direct, constant pressure instead of punches, putting all his strength on a single point. In moments the robot's chest cavity implodes as mechanical parts spray in every direction, proving Ben's point. With the ripped internal circuitry of the mechanical Hulk in his fists, he declares he'll do the same to whoever made it - and it was probably Doctor Doom! (I mean, he has a point.)
The Gray Hulk looks on and muses that he can't take the Thing in a pure strength battle, but he's got an advantage - he knows who he's fighting, but Ben still doesn't. That, and under that rocky shell Ben is still human. If he just concentrates on his own strengths and Ben's weaknesses, the Hulk can still win. Hopefully. Ben calls out for Doom, but spots the Gray Hulk first, and immediately concludes that this probably means the Gray Hulk was a robot too. As Ben gives chase, the Hulk vaults a nearby fence (briefly losing his shirt for a panel) and reflects that he has more strength and endurance after sunset - a trait which must be unique to this incarnation. Ben just smashes through the fence into Central Park, and realizes he's lost sight of his foe…
Jumping down from one of the trees, the Hulk manages to get a sneak attack in on Ben, and then a few more when the exhausted Ben is slow to counter. Ben gets forced to the ground, but before he can go in for revenge, the Hulk vanishes into the foliage once more. Ben looks around, and spots the Hulk in the distance - how'd he get all the way out there so quick? Running over to his foe, he theorizes that Doom must have built in some sort of matter transmitter, to teleport like Nightcrawler has. (Or had. I think he's under the impression Nightcrawler died during Fall of the Mutants.) Ben rips a tree out of the ground to smack his enemy, but by the time he's done so the Hulk is miles away already, well out of reach. Well, that was pointless!
Twenty more minutes of aimless running later, Ben decides to wait it out near a copse of trees he saw the Hulk at, and is suckerpunched from behind. Since he never took his eyes off the trees he ducked behind, Ben is confused about how the Hulk got behind him. The question is answered when he trips into a big hole in the ground - the Hulk dug a tunnel to get behind him! Ben is pissed, and declares he'll level the entire park if that's what it takes to defeat this gray creep! Forty-five minutes later, and with most of Central Park destroyed and ripped apart, Ben is still no closer to catching his prey, spotting him clear across the length of the park again.
Doesn't he ever get tired? He figures a robot wouldn't, but he does. He's been on his feet for days now - he went to another dimension, then fought the gray hulk, then a robot, and now he's been flat-out running and ripping up trees for an hour! Still, it's a matter of pride now - and no bucket of bolts is going to beat the Thing! The Hulk stands waiting, one hand raised in challenge, as Ben rushes in for a final confrontation. At the last moment, however, the Hulk dodges out of the way and trips Ben, sending him careening into a nearby lake. And last he checked, Hulk declares, rocks don't float!
At the bottom of the lake, Ben complains that he's getting stuck in the sludge - this is clearly not his day. Still, he took a breath before he went under, so that should give him at least an hour to make his way back out. Suddenly the Hulk is on him - his orange butt isn't exactly invisible underwater. In a surprise twist, the Hulk goes for a rather unusual martial arts maneuver - the Heimlich maneuver. Forcing Ben to expel his breath and take in water, he's suddenly drowning! Smashing the Hulk around the ears to get free, the Gray giant finally relents, allowing Ben to drag himself to shore. He wants the rocky brute to realize what happened.
As Ben gets to shore, sputtering, he's met by the Gray Hulk, arms crossed and waiting. He just wants to know, he says, how the Hulk kept covering those huge distances. Finally speaking, Gray Hulk simply states that he jumped. Ben startles as he recognizes the Hulk's voice - it's impossible! The Hulk punches him unconscious, declaring anything is possible, and grimly notes that Grimm never could take him down… Arriving from off-panel, Doom compliments Hulk on his victory, and notes that surely he no longer feels puny, now. He asks Hulk if he can rely on his presence when the ultimate fight with Kristoff happens, and the Hulk says to call him - they'll discuss the matter then. Who knows, maybe Doom will end up working for him! They leave each other's side with both thinking the other a fool…
The Hulk muses that ever since he got enhanced powers, the Thing really only thinks with his muscles - which is fine nine times out of ten, but he just happened to be that tenth. He's surprised to find that Doom has already left the scene entirely, and decides he'll have to leap home to Las Vegas instead of taking a ride on Air Doom. He figures he can make it before sunup. (...From NYC to Vegas in a single night on foot? Wel, damn.) Before he goes, though, he takes a visit to the location of the old Avengers Mansion, now bulldozed, where he runs into a surprising face - Beast of the X-Men! It seems he's regained his blue fur since we last saw him.
It seems Beast can smell that the Hulk is the real deal despite the skin color change, and asks what he's doing here. He explains that there's a major emergency going on and all the Avengers are being summoned - they could use the Hulk! Hulk tells him to handle their own emergencies, and Beast warns that he'll just tell the Avengers that he's alive and they'll come for him. Hulk threatens to kill him before can tell anyone, and Beast threatens to escape - and even if he can't, the Avengers will still come looking for whoever killed him! Beast caves, and offers Hulk immunity from interference by the Avengers if he helps with this crisis - no questions asked. Hulk decides this sounds good - if it's as big a threat as it sounds, he might even turn a profit from this! Besides, he's in a good mood. The camera pans to the unconscious Thing, still laying in the dirt...
Rating & Comments
With a relative paucity of Doom content in these issues - but a little too much to classify these as minor appearances - the focus is very much on the Thing and the Hulk here, with each taking center stage in their respective issues. I think it's fair to say that the first issue is the less interesting of the two - it takes a while to get started, and the Thing really doesn't pull any particularly fancy tricks on the Gray Hulk beyond physical strength, relying on out-muscling his old enemy. The Hulk is pretty severely depowered during this encounter, which makes it hard to treat this as a good yardstick for the abilities of the two characters. Actually, despite marketing this whole thing as a Thing vs. Hulk fight, both characters are fighting at below optimum levels, with the Thing starting at exhausted and getting worse along the way, while the Hulk has both less raw power to work with and tags out for a while in favor of a robot double.
Still, it's fun to see these two slug it out in properly brutal fashion, even if I'm really questioning the mental abilities of both these meatheads. The Hulk is effortlessly convinced to pick a fight with the Thing through rudimentary reverse psychology - Doctor Doom doesn't even have to resort to really creative means of convincing him, just dangle the possibility of being second-rate in front of him. Meanwhile the Thing spends most of these two issues pulling a Man of Steel by continuously punching the Hulk at the nearest inhabited structure, vehicle, or group of civilians. Seriously, what was with throwing the robot into a bus, a car, or into a busy music hall? I figured dragging the fight towards Central Park was to get away from the people, not just for a change in scenery, but it's the Thing who involves the civilians again!
Doctor Doom comes off as rather petty in these issues - the whole point, it seems, was to punish Ben a bit for not letting him have the cake and eat it too in the Beyonder issue - when it was actually Sharon who did that. Maybe he confused the orange rock-people for each other, or maybe it's just what you get as leader of the Fantastic Four. Doom's just vicarously attacking Reed, I guess? Doom's plan succeeded, I guess, and he might have scored some assistance from the Hulk too in his fight against Kristoff - but something tells me he might be mean and green again before that plot fully resolves, and who knows what might become of the arrangement then?
By the way, I was momentarily convinced Doom was trying to piss the Hulk off to ramp up his fighting prowess before the rematch, in a sort of Rocky moment, but as far as I can tell he was just genuinely disappointed his plan didn't work, and didn't foresee the Hulk's comeback at all. It's kind of interesting that after admitting his shortcomings lost him his kingdom, Doom is still quite willing to admit failure where witnesses are present in recent issues. It's not something that I could see Kristoff's Doom impression doing, and it's become a bit of a diagnostic trait of the 'real' Doom, apparently. An interesting development to his character, if it sticks after he gets Latveria back…
Well, I'm only a few paragraphs into this section, and I realize I'm running out of things to mention across two full issues - these really didn't have much thought-provoking content, did they? While they are not exactly deep or meaningful, they're a nice slug-out with some… interesting… art - I wouldn't call it all bad, just really, really stylized - and it contains an entertaining little turnaround where both Ben and Gray Hulk get to show off their stuff a little. It's sort of like having a Superman and Flash race, I guess - an expected diversion that happens every so often like clockwork. You kind of need these to keep the wheels churning, I suppose. Three stars for middle-of-the-road fodder, no more, no less. Beats another two star entry...
Best Panel(s) of the Issues
I quite like this shot of the Hulk getting launched out of the sewers by one of the Thing's punches - it's got some real momentum behind it!
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"I don't expect you to sympathize - but you do know me! You know I will recover what is rightfully mine, no matter how formidable the obstacles!"
"Yes… Consciousness makes cowards of so many…!"
"I took apart and then reassembled the construct, marveling at the combination of crudity and sheer genius. Should I ever meet its designer, I shall do him the honor of shaking his hand before obliterating him."
Doom's Bad Hair Day
Let's just say that the Incredible Hulk's art style isn't... ideal... for the Thing's new design. Or old design. Everyone looks like a freaky bug-eyed alien!
Co(s)mic Trivia
That cosmically empowered robot Hulk has a bit of an interesting history. In a grander meta sense, its origin is related to the fact that the 'Eternals' series originally took place outside the Marvel Universe, but Jack Kirby was forced to integrate it into the existing continuity. Since he wasn't too enthusiastic about that, he did it half-heartedly by having the Eternals fight a Hulk robot to unite the series. In-story, some fans of the Hulk built a robot to be a mascot for their college sports games, and it somehow got a burst of cosmic energy which made it a viable threat for the Eternals. Which is silly as hell, but hey! Comic books!
Originally that mysterious cosmic energy was supposed to derive from the Eternals-related 'Uni-Mind', but it's revealed many years later that it actually came from Galactus, and it was related to the process he used to find targets before he started using heralds. It's also revealed that the robot itself was originally built by the Mad Thinker, abandoned, and later revived and adjusted by those college kids instead of being built from scratch by them. In that context, Doom's diagnosis of a combination of it being a 'combination of crudity and genius' makes a ton of sense, even though it was written years before that retcon ever happened. Clearly this all implies the robot Hulk reappear after this issue, but I'm fairly sure we'll be getting to some of that in this read-through...
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Neuro-Space Field paralyzed the Hulk by inducing great pain, and it might also be the device which scrambled the Hulk's motor neurons and caused him to flop on the ground uselessly. The Cosmic Hulkbot is not technically a Doom creation, but he did repair and repurpose it, so it's close enough!
Last edited:
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Any idea what emergency Beast was recruiting the Hulk for?
even the other X-teams don't know
It's a reference to the fact that the Hulk transformation didn't originally get triggered by anger, but instead by night. Al Ewing brought this trait back in a big way doing his thoroughly excellent Immortal Hulk Run
Most people are, the X-Men team at the time appeared to day in that event.
even the other X-teams don't know
- Location
- Netherlands
It was the 'Evolutionary War', actually, which spanned a whole bunch of different annuals at this time and involved a big-time fight against the High Evolutionary and his Purifiers. The Hulk doesn't enter into it until the final issue, Avengers Annual #17, where he is part of a group of reservists that take the fight to the High Evolutionary himself. They eventually hyper-evolve Hercules until he can match the villain in combat, and both are apparently destroyed in the aftermath. The Avengers remain behind to mop up the remaining forces, including defusing a genetic bomb that would have wiped out most of humanity.
Neat! I must've read that comic before, but it didn't come to mind. I suppose it would make sense this Hulk would have that trait too, since he's back to his gray coloring like in this debut too.
I thought that was more about the core X-Men from the original lineup, not the later ones like Nightcrawler?
- Pronouns
- He/Him
1. Ah, I've heard of Evolutionary War from the Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men podcast
2. For the record, Immortal Hulk is very good and an absolute must read.
3. Fall of the Mutants was part of a trend in the older style of crossover events in the X-Line, where instead of have a single storyline featuring all the included comics, each team would have their own plotline that was connected in some way, such as via thematics or a loose connection between the plotlines. The first such crossover was the Mutant Massacre, which dealt with the slaughter of a group of mutants called the Morlocks who lived underneath New York in the sewers. All of the X-books (And also Thor) had a plotline dealing with that in their own books, but other than cameos a la Reed, Sue, and the Silver Surfer in Secret Wars 3, they didn't intersect.
In the case of Fall of the Mutants, the connection was major status quo shifts in the three books.
The X-Factor storyline (Which you covered a tie-in to) featured the destruction of the team's old base, and the debut of Angel's new Archangel identity. In the New Mutants storyline, their member Cypher was killed and the New Mutants left the Xavier school because Magneto blamed Humanity for his death (Magneto was the headmaster at the time)
The core X-Men book dealt with a a demon known as the Adversary that the mutant Forge had summoned during Vietnam. To defeat it, Forge needed to cast a spell that required 9 souls as payment. The X-Men (Storm, Wolverine, Colossus, Longshot, Rogue, Dazzler, Psylocke, Havok, and Scott Summers ex-wife Madelyne Pryor) give up their lives to Baniash the Adversary, but an interdimensional being named Roma who had been involved in the event ressurected them in secret, whilst also making them undetectable by all forms of surveillance save sight as a bonus. Then the X-Men moved to Australia. Storm also regained her powers during the event, but that was before the Roma stuff.
Interestingly, as I refresh myself on the details, It seems like Nightcrawler wasn't involved in any of the Fall of the Mutants stuff anyway.
116: Solarman #2 - This Silent Death, This Hostage Earth
- Location
- Netherlands
116: Solarman #2 (May 1989)
Cover
We're looking at a fun little artifact today - the second and final entry in a would-be superstar's career! In 1989, Solarman was a brand new character (or rather the reminaged version of a character who failed to take off in the 70's) and was slated to be a major feature - not only did he get his own solo comic series right away, but he was also meant to have a lengthy saturday morning superhero cartoon, with 69 episodes ordered for something like fifteen million bucks. The world was Solarman's oyster! And then the tv series failed to launch, its doomed pilot only ever broadcasting as a single 20 minute special, while the comic it was based on faltered and only ever managed to print two whole issues!
In an effort to legitimize a brand new superhero, Marvel decided to put him against one of their staples, an established threat - and they landed on a rather familiar face! Thus, here we are, with our dear Doctor taking the unenviable role of being the first mainstream villain that our brand new powerhouse takes on! Let's hope he doesn't strike a bad figure! On the cover, at least, he seems enthusiastic for the opportunity, while Solarman seems constipated and also in a battle with Doctor Octopus. Huh.
Story Overview
This Silent Death, This Hostage Earth
We start this issue with… bizarre meta-content. While a television in the background announces that the world is currently dealing with a major crisis after the ozone layer spontaneously started disappearing (it's the CFCs, you assholes) a pair of teenagers are hanging out near a comic artist's desk. It seems the girl, Jennie, is concerned about the ozone thing, saying everyone could die - though she's smiling while saying it. Her friend Ben Tucker can't be bothered since he's too busy drawing Doctor Doom art. He's trying to finish it up so he can send it over to the Marvel Bullpen, which apparently publishes Marvel comics about regular Marvel characters inside the Marvel Universe. I thought that was just a sixties thing, honestly. Anyway, Ben figures lots of scientists know about the ozone layer - but how many of them can draw Doctor Doom, huh?
When Jennie stresses the 'end of the world' part again, Ben points out that it had better not happen before he turns in his work to DeFalco - this very comic's Editor-in-Chief. If he doesn't buy it, he'll eat the pages - or worse, spell editor Budiansky's name wrong! Jennie says he sure knows how to threaten people, and Ben says that's why he draws villains. He points at an image he drew of Doom, and says he swiped it from Buscema - a real artist responsible for some earlier Doom art, like the Thor crossover issues where the Asgardian visited Latveria.
Jennie worries that Doom might sue, but Ben says the man has bigger things to worry about, since he's still in exile… That was a lot of heavy-handed fourth wall breaking to open your comic with, sheesh. Haven't seen it that blatant since a similar scene with Stan Lee and Jack Kirby way back in Fantastic Four v1 #10 at the start of this grand adventure!
Switching over now to a luxurious mansion in the loftiest areas of Beverly Hills, we catch up with Doom complaining that he's forced to live ignobly in a commoner's hovel in these loathsome United States. One of his underlings - bald and in a lab coat, this time - notes that Doom managed to escape Latveria with a vast fortune, as well as his most valuable robots and sophisticated weaponry - a far cry from what previous comics established, since there he was entirely reliant on his armor and couldn't even access bugs he himself had placed inside the Fantastic Four headquarters anymore, much less all his tech. Doom declares that it doesn't matter what he took with him - the world must pay for the humiliation it has heaped upon his royal personage, and pay it shall!
The first step of that revenge plot, it seems, is already complete - his conversation partner is a Dr. Schwanig, who created anti-detection devices that allowed Doom to launch a satellite in secret and to keep it orbiting without being noticed until Doom unleashes its destructive fury. Doom decides this must not go unrewarded - and promptly blasts poor Schwanig with a 'Neuron Blast' - related to what he did to the Hulk, perhaps - which wipes the man of his memories. He then commands a few Servo-Guards to drag the man away, deciding none may now share the secret of Doom's Satellite of Death! Perhaps it can wave to the Satellite of Love as it passes by?
Returning to the 'halcyon abode' of Ben, we see Jennie leave and tell him to let her know how his Marvel Bullpen thing works out - she's pretty chill about the sun is a deadly laser aspect of world events now, despite repeatedly bringing it up before! Ben goes back inside and reveals that he's a little weirder than expected - he has a weird mascot robot hanging out in his kitchen that he named 'Beepie' and which Jennie thinks is just some old toy. Ben explains that he's secretly Solarman, and he once tried telling Jennie about it and about finding Beepie on board the villain Gormagga Kraal's spaceship, but she didn't believe him! But that's just how it is in the comic books, right? (...Not really?) Apparently Beepie saved Solarman's life in the previous issue, which doesn't really convince me he's a very competent hero. Stan Lee, meanwhile, piped up by telling the reader to pick up Solarman #1 or watch the TV series. And yes, this comic was written by Stan Lee himself. Huh.
Ben heads over to a nearby gym, which apparently belongs to his father - a guy who doesn't understand his son because he'd rather draw comic books rather than work out. He cracks a bad joke that if God intended him to work out, he'd have given him Schwarzenegger's accent! As he heads inside he realizes he's lugged his art portfolio with him - apparently that's just something you forget. Showing it to his father would be like waving a red flag in front of a bull… He contemplates revealing his status as Solarman, but concludes his dad would want him to spend twenty-four hours per day being a superhero, so he holds off on that. I mean, he's a solar-powered hero and lives in LA, so… between eight to fourteen-ish hours depending on time of year? In any case, God forbid someone expects a hero with great power to show great responsibility. That's some kind of crazy talk!
It seems Ben's father is being hassled by a trio of burly assholes who want protection money, and threaten to beat him up if he doesn't. Ben wanders in and says he came for a workout, but clearly he's busy so - right, he had to deliver a strip to the school paper! He promptly leaves his dad alone, thinking that his dad seemed disappointed in him, but he had to get out of there somehow! He figures he'll put his artwork in a safe place and then head back to make it up to him. He can't wait to see the reaction of those two-bit hoods when he returns!
He slips into an abandoned alleyway, musing that he wouldn't know what secret identity superheroes would do without them, and taps his magic 'circlet of power' which is actually a bracelet to turn - with a flash of light - into the rather buffoonish-looking big ham Solarman, who pulls a Shazam by aging up and gaining a different hairdo in the transformation sequence, along with an over-the-top attitude. The circlet only works in sunlight, naturally. Not that any transformation is actually shown, by the way - the comic claims it's too much to show in a single drawing, so you'll just have to wait for the major Motion Picture! My, but they did have hopes for this one… Incidentally, if you want to know just how ridiculously hammy Solarman is… his first lines in this issue include 'I'm a mass o' muscle who likes to tussle', 'I don't feel crabby 'cos this ain't half-shabby' and describing himself as a cornball before declaring he feels 'Grrrreat!' Jesus Christ.
He flies up to the top floor of the gym and decides to enter from there, since that's the last thing the goons would expect! Solarman sneaks up on the trio of goons and takes them on, declaring that trying to get protection money from people while he's around is like charging Michael Jordan for jumping lessons! Uh, okay? Solarman just can't stop cracking terrible jokes while he whacks the third goon with a barbell he pulls off a wall. The goons wander off, but even then the hero can't stop making corny references. He's worse at this than Spidey's ever been - worse than early Daredevil, if you can believe it!
Ben's father asks who this weirdo superhero is, and he introduces himself, before immediately claiming that a kid named Ben sent him. His father says he figured Ben would run off to tell someone else about what was going on, and Ben replies that he thinks the kid's okay. After the hero flies off, the dad muses to himself that he can't help but love his wimpy kid - but imagine having a son like Solarman! This entire sequence is just freaking sad, man.
Minutes later Ben has switched back to normal, admitting to himself that he prefers drawing superheroes over being one, but being a powerhouse is pretty cool - and he figures his dad was probably impressed. In fact, this might be his chance - if he comes clean about being Solarman now! He enters, and when his dad asks what Ben would have done if not for finding that weird superhero. He then… comes out and says it! He is Solarman!
His father doesn't believe Ben, like Jennie before him. He concludes Ben must have read too many comic books and lost touch with reality! Ben decides he'll just have to prove it, right then and there! Dad hangs on the fourth wall with the rest of the comic by noting that if he says 'Shazam' he's grounded for a month. But - oh no - the transformation doesn't work without sunlight, and there's a cloud in the way! Shade, his greatest weakness! When he tries to tell his dad he just needs a little more time for the weather to clear up, his dad gives up on him and leaves, telling his son not to turn into Spider-Man or the Hulk while he's gone. In his wake, Ben decides he should have learned this from his comics - never reveal your secret identity! Things just always seem to work out that way…
Wandering through town, background televisions are once enough on the Plot Relevance channel and declare that Doctor Doom has promised a major announcement later that day. Ben's reaction is to think that his father would probably prefer Doom for a son rather than him.
He just can't be the son his father wants him to be - not without that fancy circlet of power, anyway. He figures that not everyone can be pumping iron all day, though - who would be left to write the stories or draw the pictures? As he arrives home, he overhears his dad on the phone with a doctor. It seems he's worried his son might be having hallucinations. Ben decides that clinches it - from now on, he tells nobody his secret! It just leads to bad outcomes. When things calm down he'll tell his dad he was kidding - and then everything will be normal again. With him as a disappointment to his father. But maybe, if he makes it big in comics, things will be different. Shit, man, this is getting depressing.
Ben goes to his room and is startled to find Jennie there. It seems she's come to watch Doom's announcement with him - because she knew he'd be watching it later, I guess? In any case, Doom announces that he alone can stop the depletion of the Ozone layer! But the nations of the Earth must first pay the price, and his first demand is an unlimited supply of the world's Uranium! Ben announces that this is exactly like the story he's been writing for Marvel, while Jennie announced Doom is mad, but very sure of himself.
Ben suddenly concludes that if Doom is the only one who can fix the ozone layer, it must mean he knows what's causing it - and that might mean he's responsible for the problem himself! Someone has to stop him! Jennie protests that Doom's home is an impregnable fortress guarded by robots and lasers - apparently they're aware he lives in the neighborhood? In any case, she's suddenly off and leaves Ben alone with his comics. Well, that was… rather abrupt!
Ben figures Jennie believes he doesn't care about anything in the real world, and figures that's a good way to keep his secret identity intact. He heads out of the house, waving to his dad on the way out - he's reading the sports section, naturally - and declaring that he's got time to kill, so he's going out to save the world. Shouldn't take long. As the brave superhero drives off on his moped, he reflects that the more he tries to tell his father the truth, the more it seems he's being sized up for a padded cell. He wonders if they'll ever… the thought is interrupted as Ben arrives at the gates to Doom's seaside mansion, guarded by a pair of Servo-Guards. He pretends like his school paper sent him over for an interview with Doctor Doom, since his class voted for him as 'most interesting living legend.' Doom overhears, and flattered by the description he decides to humor the kid and lets him enter.
Inside the mansion, Doom observes that he has become a legend to the new generation - most fitting and proper! Ben is allowed to approach and have his interview. He too was once young and guileless, Doom says, and didn't yet dream he would one day make mankind tremble. Ben muses that Doom would be great on 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.' Though born of poor and humble parents, Doom explains, fate ever beckoned him towards power and greatness. Ben, meanwhile, looks around and spots fancy technology, concluding that if this was a story of his making, he'd have Doom build a satellite that would bombard the ozone layer with energy rays! Doom asks Ben why he seems so preoccupied - or is he merely awed by Doom's presence? To himself he decides the boy must have seen the launch controls for his satellite - which is most unfortunate for him!
Ben decides to himself that he must have guessed right, since Doom suddenly seems on edge. The villain declares the interview over for now, and it will continue at at later date. Ben agrees, saying he'll come back, but he's picked up by a Servo-Guard before he can leave and dumped into a 'guest room' - or a well-furnished prison. Ben decides he must have been too obvious - but while the locked room could contain Ben Tucker, it can't contain… Solarman! Blasting out of the side of the building, he flies up to try and track down the hidden satellite he's somehow concluded must exist, but is intercepted by a bunch of Servo-Guards in flying vehicles. Solarman punches one into pieces, but is then chased down by two others to prevent him from reaching space.
Elsewhere, government monitors pick up the fight and contact the White House about it, noting that while they recognize Doom's robots, they're not sure about this costumed guy in orange. Every monitoring station on Earth is apparently locked in on this one fight between a rando and a bunch of robots - for some reason. Solarman blows up the last of the robots before trying to locate the satellite. He flies above the atmosphere like Superman and soon locates the thing, noting there's a beam blasting down towards the ozone layer to dissolve it - but not anymore! The satellite is too strong to dent, but Solarman figures there's more than one way to skin a cat, and he redirects the beam to point at the ground instead of in the direction of the ground where it was already pointed. Okay? He aims the beam at Doom's mansion, which soon begins glowing ominously…
An adviser rushes in to warn Doom of what's happened, but the villain is already on the case - this must be the work of that high-flying buffoon that took out his robots! Unfortunately the beam on his satellite is too fast-attacking to counteract, and there is no time to reprogram it. The only choice is to hit the self-destruct! Someone shall pay dearly for this!
Before Doom can plan a counterattack, Solarman blasts in through the nearest wall - Doom is not surprised by this, but it's close. He commands some Servo-Guards to seize him, and they promptly do so - before Solarman uses his strength to smash their heads together. But not before calling them 'party poops' and complaining that they're corny...
Nearby, Doom says that Solarman is most arrogant when battling mindless robots - but now he faces the weapons of Doctor Doom! He activates an 'immobilizer ray' which could stop anything on Earth in its tracks, but Solarman withstands it, declaring that it's good his power is not from Earth! Doom then deploys another weapon - a host of cybernetic tentacles! Solarman shouts that it will take more than a mess of tin-plated tentacles to keep him from Doom, and the villain says that was never the intent - actually, he's been counting on Solarman joining him for their final showdown! Smashing through a nearby wall in pursuit of Doom, Solarman declares there is no place to hide.
Doom denies resorting to such low forms of subterfuge as 'hiding', and accuses Solarman of breaking the law - while it's not illegal to launch satellites or experiment in space, it is illegal to break and enter, or to destroy private property! 'Sue me!' Solarman replies. Doom declares he will do more than that - he will battle to the finish! No mere weapons this time, just the awesome power of Doctor Doom! Solarman is repelled, bouncing off Doom's immovable form and crashing through a nearby wall until he lands outdoors. Doom is astounded the man is still conscious, and Solarman muses that his luck can't hold out - and there's something more to Doom than meets the eye. He needs time to think, and plan.
Solarman then realizes that evening is setting in - the sun is going down, and with that his powers will vanish as well. Doom cries that Solarman does not rise to begin a new attack - he must finally admit that Doom is the Master! This, he announces, is why he is a law unto himself, answerable to none! Still, Solarman fought well and with valor, so he shall be allowed to live… for now. Never knowing when Doom shall strike again! Solarman says he'll be ready, before flying off. As he leaves, the hero muses that dangerous though he might be, he sort of admires Doom - he certainly has a nutty code of honor all his own!
At that very moment, inside the heavily-guarded infirmary within Doom's mansion, we see the truth of the matter. Victor von Doom is bedridden, bereft of all armor but his mask, looking at the encounter on a television screen. He muses to himself that though he doesn't know the name of this new hero, he was a worthy foe - pity that he never realized he was merely fighting a holographic image of Doom rather than the genuine article. Were he not confined to the bed with the accursed flu, the outcome would have been different! But once he's regained his health, he'll show this upstart what Doctor Doom can really do! Okay - that was kind of funny, though I'm not sure when he's supposed to have gotten sick, considering he was running around interacting with stuff earlier in the story. Was that a Doombot, then? It's never made clear.
Ben arrives home to find his dad watching the news - involuntarily, since it interrupted a show he was watching. The Plot Relevance channel declares that the ozone threat has been alleviated for now by a golden-haired flying man, but the government refuses to comment. In other news, no further threats have been heard from Doctor Doom, and the entire affair is thought to have been a media hoax. Ben offers his dad a present, and the man briefly thinks he's been given a piece of paper - some present! Then he realizes there's something on it - a drawing of him in a superhero costume labeled 'Superdad'. He says it's pretty good, and Ben is over the moon at that simple compliment. They share nicknames in a moment of camaraderie, and then dad drags him off for a workout. 'Terrrrific…' Ben says as we leave him forever...
Rating & Comments
This was bad. Really, really bad. To start with, the hero is a total dweeb who really doesn't have a character beyond being obnoxiously annoying and throwing around terrible quips every two seconds while having the most pathetic possible weakness - the shade! His secret identity is also dumb - a comic book artist who is apparently working on this very issue while the story is going on, to the point that he figures out the plot by referencing his own work. It's a bizarre bit of metatextual wizardry that I could almost admire if it was an intentional satire or part of a larger narrative (something like Miracleman perhaps) instead of a playing it completely straight like this came out during the most self-indulgent part of the 1960's and not very nearly the 1990's. What is this bullshit?
Next, the two supporting cast members for Ben Tucker, our hero, are a girl who literally just seems to be there to spout plot exposition and then promptly leave the scene, and his father Mike Tucker, whose central character trait is being really into fitness. To the point that he owns a gym that apparently gets raided by gangs who want protection money regularly. The relationship between him and his son is… strained - mostly because he seems incapable of imagining having a child who isn't into spending all day working out too. He basically says he's forced to love his son because that wimp is all he has, but then waxes poetic over having another. Ben himself, meanwhile, repeatedly muses that this or that character would be preferable to his father than him. It's depressing as hell, and the fact that it's never properly resolved just makes it worse! This is how it ends…? With a single dad treating his kid like a disappointment while said child reluctantly plays superhero while dreaming of making it big with comic books so his dad will respect him?
The main plot of this issue, by the way, is asinine. Leaving aside the entire episode with the random goons who were just there so Solarman could spout a metric ton of bad Stan Lee dialogue - it doesn't seem he's evolved an inch from the 60's - the Doom plot isn't any better. In the first two pages Jennie seems worried about the ozone layer plot point, but it seems she promptly forgot that was even a thing until near the end - despite the apparent destruction of the ozone layer she wanders out into broad daylight without a care, doesn't seem to behave any differently than normal, and nobody else seems to have even noticed at all. They don't even bring it up in conversation! The problem is ostensibly imminent enough to require instant action to the extent that Doctor Doom is making ridiculous demands, but nobody gives a shit outside convenient TV broadcasts?
And that leads, of course, to the decision to fake a school interview with Doctor Doom as a way to get into his house. Which, yes, amusing. And Doom expounding on his own youthful idiocy was fun for about two seconds, when the protagonist guessed the entire plot of the issue and then broke out of their cell with their powers with no thought to what conclusion would later be drawn from that. Doom surely had cameras in that cell to watch his prisoner - and if he didn't, he must make the connection between the cell that's ripped open from the inside out, and the random superhero that came wandering into his perimeter. Either way… that secret identity is toast. Even Ben must have realized that much, right? It's not even brought up? And Solarman never appears again so there's not even the promised rematch with Doom? Bah.
So, what's this issue's saving grace? Well - it's that last reveal, that the entire thing - the whole plot of this issue - was just something Doom did on the side to keep himself busy while recovering from a bad bout of the flu. That's fucking fantastic. Instantly the weird over-the-top declarations on television are explained - Doom was having a bit of fun with it, he didn't expect anyone to actually fall for that. The satellite plan might have been for real, but he was probably planning to dial his demands down until they were somewhere near reasonable before shutting it off - Doom has no particular reason to kill the people of Earth en masse, since he can't rule them very well if they're six feet under. Just for that funny little twist, despite all the crappy elements of this comic that drag it down, I'll grant it two stars instead of one.
Best Panel(s) of the Issues
One of the better action shots, mostly because that Servo-Guard really gets ripped to shreds here - although as far as I can tell Solarman doesn't really fight so much as just Superman fly his way through his foes until they explode of their own accord.
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"The world must pay for the humiliation it heaped upon my royal personage! And pay it shall!"
"Hide? The Lord of Latveria resorts to no such lowly subterfuge!"
"You do not rise to a new attack! You realize I am the Master! That is why I am law unto myself, answerable to none! You have fought well and with valor! I shall let you live for - now! Never knowing when I shall strike again!"
"Were I not confined to a sick bed with this accursed flu, the outcome would have been far different! But once I have regained my health, you will learn how dangerous the real Doctor Doom can be!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
Doom briefly loses the golden color on his... what are those, exactly? Giant, over-sized buttons? The decorative attachment points for his cloak, at any rate. I suppose this can be attributed to a glitch in the hologram, though, since this is not supposed to be the real Doctor Doom.
Comic Trivia
Solarman was created in the late 1970s by David Oliphant and Deborah Kalman for Pendulum Press, a children's educational publishing company. The character was a response to the 1970s energy crisis, as part of an energy awareness program to teach kids about alternative fuels. Three issues were produced at the time. Years later, Stan Lee and then-Marvel president Jim Galton contacted Oliphant with the suggestion of publishing a Solarman book through Marvel. That would be the one you just read - it lasted two whole issues before cancellation. It wasn't received well, probably because it sucked.
Decades later, Oliphant and Kalman decided to revamp and reintroduce the character as a black superhero for Scout Comics. This version of Tucker was more arrogant and angry, and engaged in hacking because he had a chip on his shoulder, and became a fugitive from both a government division and aliens with vested interest in the source of his powers. N. Steven Harris, who designed the character's look, had never heard of the original Solarman until around the time of his hiring, nor seen his previous appearances, and based his design on images of real people that he felt fit the look of a frustrated computer hacker. This series lasted for a grand total of three issues too - a cover for a fourth is around, but there's no telling if it'll ever see release. Figures.
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Satellite of Death is the obvious choice today, as the Doomsday weapon keeping the world hostage by frying the ozone layer. The Neuron Blast is used to wipe a poor man's memory, while the Disorienter Ray is used to briefly stun Solarman, though it presumably would have done more to more mundane foes. The Tin-Plated Tentacles are a bit of a derivative project, doubtless based on Otto Octavius' work, but the did their duty. Finally there is the Lifelike Hologram of himself which managed to fool a superhero despite being utterly insubstantial.
Cover
We're looking at a fun little artifact today - the second and final entry in a would-be superstar's career! In 1989, Solarman was a brand new character (or rather the reminaged version of a character who failed to take off in the 70's) and was slated to be a major feature - not only did he get his own solo comic series right away, but he was also meant to have a lengthy saturday morning superhero cartoon, with 69 episodes ordered for something like fifteen million bucks. The world was Solarman's oyster! And then the tv series failed to launch, its doomed pilot only ever broadcasting as a single 20 minute special, while the comic it was based on faltered and only ever managed to print two whole issues!
In an effort to legitimize a brand new superhero, Marvel decided to put him against one of their staples, an established threat - and they landed on a rather familiar face! Thus, here we are, with our dear Doctor taking the unenviable role of being the first mainstream villain that our brand new powerhouse takes on! Let's hope he doesn't strike a bad figure! On the cover, at least, he seems enthusiastic for the opportunity, while Solarman seems constipated and also in a battle with Doctor Octopus. Huh.
Story Overview
This Silent Death, This Hostage Earth
We start this issue with… bizarre meta-content. While a television in the background announces that the world is currently dealing with a major crisis after the ozone layer spontaneously started disappearing (it's the CFCs, you assholes) a pair of teenagers are hanging out near a comic artist's desk. It seems the girl, Jennie, is concerned about the ozone thing, saying everyone could die - though she's smiling while saying it. Her friend Ben Tucker can't be bothered since he's too busy drawing Doctor Doom art. He's trying to finish it up so he can send it over to the Marvel Bullpen, which apparently publishes Marvel comics about regular Marvel characters inside the Marvel Universe. I thought that was just a sixties thing, honestly. Anyway, Ben figures lots of scientists know about the ozone layer - but how many of them can draw Doctor Doom, huh?
When Jennie stresses the 'end of the world' part again, Ben points out that it had better not happen before he turns in his work to DeFalco - this very comic's Editor-in-Chief. If he doesn't buy it, he'll eat the pages - or worse, spell editor Budiansky's name wrong! Jennie says he sure knows how to threaten people, and Ben says that's why he draws villains. He points at an image he drew of Doom, and says he swiped it from Buscema - a real artist responsible for some earlier Doom art, like the Thor crossover issues where the Asgardian visited Latveria.
Jennie worries that Doom might sue, but Ben says the man has bigger things to worry about, since he's still in exile… That was a lot of heavy-handed fourth wall breaking to open your comic with, sheesh. Haven't seen it that blatant since a similar scene with Stan Lee and Jack Kirby way back in Fantastic Four v1 #10 at the start of this grand adventure!
Switching over now to a luxurious mansion in the loftiest areas of Beverly Hills, we catch up with Doom complaining that he's forced to live ignobly in a commoner's hovel in these loathsome United States. One of his underlings - bald and in a lab coat, this time - notes that Doom managed to escape Latveria with a vast fortune, as well as his most valuable robots and sophisticated weaponry - a far cry from what previous comics established, since there he was entirely reliant on his armor and couldn't even access bugs he himself had placed inside the Fantastic Four headquarters anymore, much less all his tech. Doom declares that it doesn't matter what he took with him - the world must pay for the humiliation it has heaped upon his royal personage, and pay it shall!
The first step of that revenge plot, it seems, is already complete - his conversation partner is a Dr. Schwanig, who created anti-detection devices that allowed Doom to launch a satellite in secret and to keep it orbiting without being noticed until Doom unleashes its destructive fury. Doom decides this must not go unrewarded - and promptly blasts poor Schwanig with a 'Neuron Blast' - related to what he did to the Hulk, perhaps - which wipes the man of his memories. He then commands a few Servo-Guards to drag the man away, deciding none may now share the secret of Doom's Satellite of Death! Perhaps it can wave to the Satellite of Love as it passes by?
Returning to the 'halcyon abode' of Ben, we see Jennie leave and tell him to let her know how his Marvel Bullpen thing works out - she's pretty chill about the sun is a deadly laser aspect of world events now, despite repeatedly bringing it up before! Ben goes back inside and reveals that he's a little weirder than expected - he has a weird mascot robot hanging out in his kitchen that he named 'Beepie' and which Jennie thinks is just some old toy. Ben explains that he's secretly Solarman, and he once tried telling Jennie about it and about finding Beepie on board the villain Gormagga Kraal's spaceship, but she didn't believe him! But that's just how it is in the comic books, right? (...Not really?) Apparently Beepie saved Solarman's life in the previous issue, which doesn't really convince me he's a very competent hero. Stan Lee, meanwhile, piped up by telling the reader to pick up Solarman #1 or watch the TV series. And yes, this comic was written by Stan Lee himself. Huh.
Ben heads over to a nearby gym, which apparently belongs to his father - a guy who doesn't understand his son because he'd rather draw comic books rather than work out. He cracks a bad joke that if God intended him to work out, he'd have given him Schwarzenegger's accent! As he heads inside he realizes he's lugged his art portfolio with him - apparently that's just something you forget. Showing it to his father would be like waving a red flag in front of a bull… He contemplates revealing his status as Solarman, but concludes his dad would want him to spend twenty-four hours per day being a superhero, so he holds off on that. I mean, he's a solar-powered hero and lives in LA, so… between eight to fourteen-ish hours depending on time of year? In any case, God forbid someone expects a hero with great power to show great responsibility. That's some kind of crazy talk!
It seems Ben's father is being hassled by a trio of burly assholes who want protection money, and threaten to beat him up if he doesn't. Ben wanders in and says he came for a workout, but clearly he's busy so - right, he had to deliver a strip to the school paper! He promptly leaves his dad alone, thinking that his dad seemed disappointed in him, but he had to get out of there somehow! He figures he'll put his artwork in a safe place and then head back to make it up to him. He can't wait to see the reaction of those two-bit hoods when he returns!
He slips into an abandoned alleyway, musing that he wouldn't know what secret identity superheroes would do without them, and taps his magic 'circlet of power' which is actually a bracelet to turn - with a flash of light - into the rather buffoonish-looking big ham Solarman, who pulls a Shazam by aging up and gaining a different hairdo in the transformation sequence, along with an over-the-top attitude. The circlet only works in sunlight, naturally. Not that any transformation is actually shown, by the way - the comic claims it's too much to show in a single drawing, so you'll just have to wait for the major Motion Picture! My, but they did have hopes for this one… Incidentally, if you want to know just how ridiculously hammy Solarman is… his first lines in this issue include 'I'm a mass o' muscle who likes to tussle', 'I don't feel crabby 'cos this ain't half-shabby' and describing himself as a cornball before declaring he feels 'Grrrreat!' Jesus Christ.
He flies up to the top floor of the gym and decides to enter from there, since that's the last thing the goons would expect! Solarman sneaks up on the trio of goons and takes them on, declaring that trying to get protection money from people while he's around is like charging Michael Jordan for jumping lessons! Uh, okay? Solarman just can't stop cracking terrible jokes while he whacks the third goon with a barbell he pulls off a wall. The goons wander off, but even then the hero can't stop making corny references. He's worse at this than Spidey's ever been - worse than early Daredevil, if you can believe it!
Ben's father asks who this weirdo superhero is, and he introduces himself, before immediately claiming that a kid named Ben sent him. His father says he figured Ben would run off to tell someone else about what was going on, and Ben replies that he thinks the kid's okay. After the hero flies off, the dad muses to himself that he can't help but love his wimpy kid - but imagine having a son like Solarman! This entire sequence is just freaking sad, man.
Minutes later Ben has switched back to normal, admitting to himself that he prefers drawing superheroes over being one, but being a powerhouse is pretty cool - and he figures his dad was probably impressed. In fact, this might be his chance - if he comes clean about being Solarman now! He enters, and when his dad asks what Ben would have done if not for finding that weird superhero. He then… comes out and says it! He is Solarman!
His father doesn't believe Ben, like Jennie before him. He concludes Ben must have read too many comic books and lost touch with reality! Ben decides he'll just have to prove it, right then and there! Dad hangs on the fourth wall with the rest of the comic by noting that if he says 'Shazam' he's grounded for a month. But - oh no - the transformation doesn't work without sunlight, and there's a cloud in the way! Shade, his greatest weakness! When he tries to tell his dad he just needs a little more time for the weather to clear up, his dad gives up on him and leaves, telling his son not to turn into Spider-Man or the Hulk while he's gone. In his wake, Ben decides he should have learned this from his comics - never reveal your secret identity! Things just always seem to work out that way…
Wandering through town, background televisions are once enough on the Plot Relevance channel and declare that Doctor Doom has promised a major announcement later that day. Ben's reaction is to think that his father would probably prefer Doom for a son rather than him.
He just can't be the son his father wants him to be - not without that fancy circlet of power, anyway. He figures that not everyone can be pumping iron all day, though - who would be left to write the stories or draw the pictures? As he arrives home, he overhears his dad on the phone with a doctor. It seems he's worried his son might be having hallucinations. Ben decides that clinches it - from now on, he tells nobody his secret! It just leads to bad outcomes. When things calm down he'll tell his dad he was kidding - and then everything will be normal again. With him as a disappointment to his father. But maybe, if he makes it big in comics, things will be different. Shit, man, this is getting depressing.
Ben goes to his room and is startled to find Jennie there. It seems she's come to watch Doom's announcement with him - because she knew he'd be watching it later, I guess? In any case, Doom announces that he alone can stop the depletion of the Ozone layer! But the nations of the Earth must first pay the price, and his first demand is an unlimited supply of the world's Uranium! Ben announces that this is exactly like the story he's been writing for Marvel, while Jennie announced Doom is mad, but very sure of himself.
Ben suddenly concludes that if Doom is the only one who can fix the ozone layer, it must mean he knows what's causing it - and that might mean he's responsible for the problem himself! Someone has to stop him! Jennie protests that Doom's home is an impregnable fortress guarded by robots and lasers - apparently they're aware he lives in the neighborhood? In any case, she's suddenly off and leaves Ben alone with his comics. Well, that was… rather abrupt!
Ben figures Jennie believes he doesn't care about anything in the real world, and figures that's a good way to keep his secret identity intact. He heads out of the house, waving to his dad on the way out - he's reading the sports section, naturally - and declaring that he's got time to kill, so he's going out to save the world. Shouldn't take long. As the brave superhero drives off on his moped, he reflects that the more he tries to tell his father the truth, the more it seems he's being sized up for a padded cell. He wonders if they'll ever… the thought is interrupted as Ben arrives at the gates to Doom's seaside mansion, guarded by a pair of Servo-Guards. He pretends like his school paper sent him over for an interview with Doctor Doom, since his class voted for him as 'most interesting living legend.' Doom overhears, and flattered by the description he decides to humor the kid and lets him enter.
Inside the mansion, Doom observes that he has become a legend to the new generation - most fitting and proper! Ben is allowed to approach and have his interview. He too was once young and guileless, Doom says, and didn't yet dream he would one day make mankind tremble. Ben muses that Doom would be great on 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.' Though born of poor and humble parents, Doom explains, fate ever beckoned him towards power and greatness. Ben, meanwhile, looks around and spots fancy technology, concluding that if this was a story of his making, he'd have Doom build a satellite that would bombard the ozone layer with energy rays! Doom asks Ben why he seems so preoccupied - or is he merely awed by Doom's presence? To himself he decides the boy must have seen the launch controls for his satellite - which is most unfortunate for him!
Ben decides to himself that he must have guessed right, since Doom suddenly seems on edge. The villain declares the interview over for now, and it will continue at at later date. Ben agrees, saying he'll come back, but he's picked up by a Servo-Guard before he can leave and dumped into a 'guest room' - or a well-furnished prison. Ben decides he must have been too obvious - but while the locked room could contain Ben Tucker, it can't contain… Solarman! Blasting out of the side of the building, he flies up to try and track down the hidden satellite he's somehow concluded must exist, but is intercepted by a bunch of Servo-Guards in flying vehicles. Solarman punches one into pieces, but is then chased down by two others to prevent him from reaching space.
Elsewhere, government monitors pick up the fight and contact the White House about it, noting that while they recognize Doom's robots, they're not sure about this costumed guy in orange. Every monitoring station on Earth is apparently locked in on this one fight between a rando and a bunch of robots - for some reason. Solarman blows up the last of the robots before trying to locate the satellite. He flies above the atmosphere like Superman and soon locates the thing, noting there's a beam blasting down towards the ozone layer to dissolve it - but not anymore! The satellite is too strong to dent, but Solarman figures there's more than one way to skin a cat, and he redirects the beam to point at the ground instead of in the direction of the ground where it was already pointed. Okay? He aims the beam at Doom's mansion, which soon begins glowing ominously…
An adviser rushes in to warn Doom of what's happened, but the villain is already on the case - this must be the work of that high-flying buffoon that took out his robots! Unfortunately the beam on his satellite is too fast-attacking to counteract, and there is no time to reprogram it. The only choice is to hit the self-destruct! Someone shall pay dearly for this!
Before Doom can plan a counterattack, Solarman blasts in through the nearest wall - Doom is not surprised by this, but it's close. He commands some Servo-Guards to seize him, and they promptly do so - before Solarman uses his strength to smash their heads together. But not before calling them 'party poops' and complaining that they're corny...
Nearby, Doom says that Solarman is most arrogant when battling mindless robots - but now he faces the weapons of Doctor Doom! He activates an 'immobilizer ray' which could stop anything on Earth in its tracks, but Solarman withstands it, declaring that it's good his power is not from Earth! Doom then deploys another weapon - a host of cybernetic tentacles! Solarman shouts that it will take more than a mess of tin-plated tentacles to keep him from Doom, and the villain says that was never the intent - actually, he's been counting on Solarman joining him for their final showdown! Smashing through a nearby wall in pursuit of Doom, Solarman declares there is no place to hide.
Doom denies resorting to such low forms of subterfuge as 'hiding', and accuses Solarman of breaking the law - while it's not illegal to launch satellites or experiment in space, it is illegal to break and enter, or to destroy private property! 'Sue me!' Solarman replies. Doom declares he will do more than that - he will battle to the finish! No mere weapons this time, just the awesome power of Doctor Doom! Solarman is repelled, bouncing off Doom's immovable form and crashing through a nearby wall until he lands outdoors. Doom is astounded the man is still conscious, and Solarman muses that his luck can't hold out - and there's something more to Doom than meets the eye. He needs time to think, and plan.
Solarman then realizes that evening is setting in - the sun is going down, and with that his powers will vanish as well. Doom cries that Solarman does not rise to begin a new attack - he must finally admit that Doom is the Master! This, he announces, is why he is a law unto himself, answerable to none! Still, Solarman fought well and with valor, so he shall be allowed to live… for now. Never knowing when Doom shall strike again! Solarman says he'll be ready, before flying off. As he leaves, the hero muses that dangerous though he might be, he sort of admires Doom - he certainly has a nutty code of honor all his own!
At that very moment, inside the heavily-guarded infirmary within Doom's mansion, we see the truth of the matter. Victor von Doom is bedridden, bereft of all armor but his mask, looking at the encounter on a television screen. He muses to himself that though he doesn't know the name of this new hero, he was a worthy foe - pity that he never realized he was merely fighting a holographic image of Doom rather than the genuine article. Were he not confined to the bed with the accursed flu, the outcome would have been different! But once he's regained his health, he'll show this upstart what Doctor Doom can really do! Okay - that was kind of funny, though I'm not sure when he's supposed to have gotten sick, considering he was running around interacting with stuff earlier in the story. Was that a Doombot, then? It's never made clear.
Ben arrives home to find his dad watching the news - involuntarily, since it interrupted a show he was watching. The Plot Relevance channel declares that the ozone threat has been alleviated for now by a golden-haired flying man, but the government refuses to comment. In other news, no further threats have been heard from Doctor Doom, and the entire affair is thought to have been a media hoax. Ben offers his dad a present, and the man briefly thinks he's been given a piece of paper - some present! Then he realizes there's something on it - a drawing of him in a superhero costume labeled 'Superdad'. He says it's pretty good, and Ben is over the moon at that simple compliment. They share nicknames in a moment of camaraderie, and then dad drags him off for a workout. 'Terrrrific…' Ben says as we leave him forever...
Rating & Comments
This was bad. Really, really bad. To start with, the hero is a total dweeb who really doesn't have a character beyond being obnoxiously annoying and throwing around terrible quips every two seconds while having the most pathetic possible weakness - the shade! His secret identity is also dumb - a comic book artist who is apparently working on this very issue while the story is going on, to the point that he figures out the plot by referencing his own work. It's a bizarre bit of metatextual wizardry that I could almost admire if it was an intentional satire or part of a larger narrative (something like Miracleman perhaps) instead of a playing it completely straight like this came out during the most self-indulgent part of the 1960's and not very nearly the 1990's. What is this bullshit?
Next, the two supporting cast members for Ben Tucker, our hero, are a girl who literally just seems to be there to spout plot exposition and then promptly leave the scene, and his father Mike Tucker, whose central character trait is being really into fitness. To the point that he owns a gym that apparently gets raided by gangs who want protection money regularly. The relationship between him and his son is… strained - mostly because he seems incapable of imagining having a child who isn't into spending all day working out too. He basically says he's forced to love his son because that wimp is all he has, but then waxes poetic over having another. Ben himself, meanwhile, repeatedly muses that this or that character would be preferable to his father than him. It's depressing as hell, and the fact that it's never properly resolved just makes it worse! This is how it ends…? With a single dad treating his kid like a disappointment while said child reluctantly plays superhero while dreaming of making it big with comic books so his dad will respect him?
The main plot of this issue, by the way, is asinine. Leaving aside the entire episode with the random goons who were just there so Solarman could spout a metric ton of bad Stan Lee dialogue - it doesn't seem he's evolved an inch from the 60's - the Doom plot isn't any better. In the first two pages Jennie seems worried about the ozone layer plot point, but it seems she promptly forgot that was even a thing until near the end - despite the apparent destruction of the ozone layer she wanders out into broad daylight without a care, doesn't seem to behave any differently than normal, and nobody else seems to have even noticed at all. They don't even bring it up in conversation! The problem is ostensibly imminent enough to require instant action to the extent that Doctor Doom is making ridiculous demands, but nobody gives a shit outside convenient TV broadcasts?
And that leads, of course, to the decision to fake a school interview with Doctor Doom as a way to get into his house. Which, yes, amusing. And Doom expounding on his own youthful idiocy was fun for about two seconds, when the protagonist guessed the entire plot of the issue and then broke out of their cell with their powers with no thought to what conclusion would later be drawn from that. Doom surely had cameras in that cell to watch his prisoner - and if he didn't, he must make the connection between the cell that's ripped open from the inside out, and the random superhero that came wandering into his perimeter. Either way… that secret identity is toast. Even Ben must have realized that much, right? It's not even brought up? And Solarman never appears again so there's not even the promised rematch with Doom? Bah.
So, what's this issue's saving grace? Well - it's that last reveal, that the entire thing - the whole plot of this issue - was just something Doom did on the side to keep himself busy while recovering from a bad bout of the flu. That's fucking fantastic. Instantly the weird over-the-top declarations on television are explained - Doom was having a bit of fun with it, he didn't expect anyone to actually fall for that. The satellite plan might have been for real, but he was probably planning to dial his demands down until they were somewhere near reasonable before shutting it off - Doom has no particular reason to kill the people of Earth en masse, since he can't rule them very well if they're six feet under. Just for that funny little twist, despite all the crappy elements of this comic that drag it down, I'll grant it two stars instead of one.
Best Panel(s) of the Issues
One of the better action shots, mostly because that Servo-Guard really gets ripped to shreds here - although as far as I can tell Solarman doesn't really fight so much as just Superman fly his way through his foes until they explode of their own accord.
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"The world must pay for the humiliation it heaped upon my royal personage! And pay it shall!"
"Hide? The Lord of Latveria resorts to no such lowly subterfuge!"
"You do not rise to a new attack! You realize I am the Master! That is why I am law unto myself, answerable to none! You have fought well and with valor! I shall let you live for - now! Never knowing when I shall strike again!"
"Were I not confined to a sick bed with this accursed flu, the outcome would have been far different! But once I have regained my health, you will learn how dangerous the real Doctor Doom can be!"
Doom's Bad Hair Day
Doom briefly loses the golden color on his... what are those, exactly? Giant, over-sized buttons? The decorative attachment points for his cloak, at any rate. I suppose this can be attributed to a glitch in the hologram, though, since this is not supposed to be the real Doctor Doom.
Comic Trivia
Solarman was created in the late 1970s by David Oliphant and Deborah Kalman for Pendulum Press, a children's educational publishing company. The character was a response to the 1970s energy crisis, as part of an energy awareness program to teach kids about alternative fuels. Three issues were produced at the time. Years later, Stan Lee and then-Marvel president Jim Galton contacted Oliphant with the suggestion of publishing a Solarman book through Marvel. That would be the one you just read - it lasted two whole issues before cancellation. It wasn't received well, probably because it sucked.
Decades later, Oliphant and Kalman decided to revamp and reintroduce the character as a black superhero for Scout Comics. This version of Tucker was more arrogant and angry, and engaged in hacking because he had a chip on his shoulder, and became a fugitive from both a government division and aliens with vested interest in the source of his powers. N. Steven Harris, who designed the character's look, had never heard of the original Solarman until around the time of his hiring, nor seen his previous appearances, and based his design on images of real people that he felt fit the look of a frustrated computer hacker. This series lasted for a grand total of three issues too - a cover for a fourth is around, but there's no telling if it'll ever see release. Figures.
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Satellite of Death is the obvious choice today, as the Doomsday weapon keeping the world hostage by frying the ozone layer. The Neuron Blast is used to wipe a poor man's memory, while the Disorienter Ray is used to briefly stun Solarman, though it presumably would have done more to more mundane foes. The Tin-Plated Tentacles are a bit of a derivative project, doubtless based on Otto Octavius' work, but the did their duty. Finally there is the Lifelike Hologram of himself which managed to fool a superhero despite being utterly insubstantial.
Last edited:
117: Damage Control v1 #2 - In It Up To Arrears
- Location
- Netherlands
117: Damage Control v1 #2 (June 1989)
Cover
Today we're looking at another oddball comic - this one is all about Damage Control, a construction company which specializes in repairing the property damage caused by conflicts between superheroes and supervillains. A variant of this appeared in Spider-Man: Homecoming as the government partnership with Stark Industries that drove the Vulture's salvaging company out of business after it took over cleanup in the wake of the Chitauri attack on New York. This take, as you can tell from the comic, is a bit more funny than tragic, with an angry employee declaring Doom will pay for this while holding an overdue bill, while the man's enormous masked face looms in the background...
Story Overview
In It Up To Arrears
We start in a regular brownstone building in New York's upper west side, which is secretly a front for a weapons testing facility that belongs to Doctor Doom. Inside, several (German, naturally) scientists are working on an energy cannon, one of the Doctor's latest inventions. Unfortunately the test has gone horribly wrong and the weapon is sparking and overloading. The scientists can't shut it off and run outside in a hurry, only for the device to explode after they leave - which promptly turns their entire building and everything inside it into glass! As the worried researchers stare at the destruction, they wonder if they can repair the place before Doom finds out, and one of them tries to remember which construction company he uses…
Over on the intersection of 5th Avenue and Broadway, inside the iconic Flatiron Building, we find Damage Control, a very special construction and engineering firm. Intern Bart Rozum, a teenager with a baseball cap and a shirt that says 'Ruthless' on it informs his superior, Robin Chapel, that a call came through about a building repair on the upper west side from Miss Hoag, the Director of Damage Control. It deserves special consideration - because it's billed to Doctor Doom's account!
Robin says she's already got a team picked out, and she's calling them now. Over in Soho, Marie Leahy - account executive - gets a call inquiring if she knows German. She grouches to herself that everyone keeps calling her to solve their problems. Hell, she is overseeing the removal of a dead Tyrannosaur from the Hudson right that moment, and this kind of bullshit was why she left Tokyo in the first place!
Elsewhere, we see Lenny Ballinger - senior foreman - oversee an event which sheared off the top of the Pan Am building; in his opinion it looks better this way. In Greenwich Village, Gene Sailors - director of R&D - cuts a few crooks from a lamppost that an enterprising superhero wrapped around them. The plasma torch will do the trick!
Back at the Damage Control offices, the company's newest account executive John Porter is bored, building a house of cards just to have something to fill his time. He asks Robin if there's anything to do, and she tells him there's nothing - maybe he can go hang out at the staff meeting or something? Moments later, at that staff meeting, Gene from R&D explains that an energy weapon of Doom's malfunctioned and turned all the plastic, stone, and organic material in a building into a brittle ceramic compound. Lenny the foreman notes they can't get any equipment near since the vibrations would shake the place to pieces, while accountant Albert Cleary says they shouldn't be doing anything - Doom's account is into serious arrears. He hasn't paid a bill in six months! Unfortunately the company doesn't have a collection department yet. Director Hoag asks Albert if he can handle it, and while John Porter tries to warn him about the danger, Albert signs up instantly.
A few moments later, Albert wonders who this 'Doctor Doom' fellow is, anyway - apparently he hasn't really paid much attention to the news. John Porter offers him an explanatory tape by news host David Brinkely, which covers the basics. The tape describes Doom as a paradox of a man, and despite a news blackout from Latveria, quite a lot is known about him - possibly because he keeps narrating in front of superheroes. Since his rule began the standard of living in Latveria has become among the highest in Europe - notwithstanding the terrible cost in humanity to achieve that. It further summarizes Doom's great personal power, citing his fights with the entire Fantastic Four and even the Silver Surfer!
The other people in the staff meeting are discussing the Doom situation, with Robin noting they can't let Albert go to Doom by himself, obviously. Bart comments he can already see Albert call his client 'Doctor Deadbeat', hah! Marie decides there's only one way to decide who goes along - drawing straws! Everyone grabs one, and much to his dismay it's John Porter who is picked to be the tag-along. Bart begs to go along too, even getting on his knees before Robin, but she denies him. Which is when Albert walks by, declares he's borrowing her intern for a while, and lets John off the hook. Robin is not pleased. Soon enough Albert and Bart are on their way to the Latverian Embassy together…
Bart notes that Albert must be quite brave to go to Doctor Doom like this, and Albert says he's only going to collect on a bill. What's Doom going to do, kill him? He's not worth that sort of trouble. Bart points out that it wouldn't give Doom trouble - he's a head of state, if he kills someone inside the embassy, he's got diplomatic immunity! Albert nervously imagines himself on a slab in the morgue, and Bart quickly assures him it was just a joke. 'I knew that,' Albert says as he cleans his glasses nervously.
Back at Damage Control, Robin informs Lenny about ongoing events, explaining that when Albert gets a check or a firm commitment on payment, he'll be allowed to continue the clean-up. The conversation is interrupted when there's a loud din outside her office, and Marie enters looking scared, explaining that a 'Mr. Grimm' is here, and he insists on seeing someone immediately! 'Who's in charge here?!' Ben Grimm cries as he crashes into the office, ripping holes into the floor and door frames with his huge rocky body while a guard hangs on to his leg for dear life. He's here about some bills - and they seem a trifle inflated to his untrained eye. He's quickly pointed to the office of John Porter, and the guard lets go and leaves, complaining that he's getting too old for this.
John Porter is going over the plans of the glassed building, musing that they could just rebuild it if they can't somehow turn it back, when he's contacted and warned that 'the Thing is coming!' Ben promptly enters by ruining yet another door. John offers him a seat, then reconsiders when he realizes what would happen to the chair. He goes over Ben's papers and explains that the bill is so high because his insurance company denies his claim - they're claiming that their policy covers the original Fantastic Four, but not the new team members that have been added later. Still, the language is ambiguous, so he'll give it a shot. Soon enough he's negotiating, explaining he'd prefer the vague language to be interpreted in the team's favor. He then turns to Ben and asks him if he can do a nice, mean growl into the phone. John quickly explains to the insurers that the Thing isn't happy with the situation, and he wants to come over and discuss it in person. The insurance company caves rather quickly after that!
At the Latverian Embassy, Albert tells Bart that he's only to observe - not speak! Bart readily agrees. They are greeted by Count Gunter Flounder who claims that he intended to contact their company on behalf of his majesty Lord Doom, to discontinue the use of their services. Albert agrees, saying if they'll just pay the remaining dues, they'll be on their way. Flounder says they won't be paying any bill - their only recourse will be to try and sue a foreign government… Albert wonders if his superior would agree with that assessment, and Bart observes that they can find out right then - look who's here! Way Cool! It's Doctor Doom himself in a dramatic close-up shot in which he declares his own name in big font!
While Flounder is shocked to see Doom there, Albert unflappably introduces himself as a representative from Damage Control. Flounder quickly tries to work him out of the door, telling Doom not to concern himself, but Doom tells him to be silent and let Albert speak. Albert notes that they were just discussing the money the Count was embezzling from Doom, and the man pales. He then adds the situation with the glass building, which will eventually collapse under its own weight. While Bart looks on nervously, and the Count tries to declare it all a pack of lies, Doom says he's heard enough. He wonders if the Count thought him unaware of this treachery, and when the man tries to literally kiss his feet in an attempt to win some sympathy, Doom declares there is only one punishment for his crimes. He is… FIRED! Doom is nothing if not merciful. Doom then turns his eyes to Albert, and declares it is now time to settle accounts…
Back at Damage Control, Ben is explaining the situation with the insurance company to some employees and writes a check for the company's deductible. Robin wonders how the situation with Doctor Doom is going, and Ben is startled to hear the name. When he learns that Damage Control sent someone over to collect, he rushes off to save this poor soul, smashing out the side of the building so he can fire his flare gun and summon the rest of the Fantastic Four.
In a bit of a continuity flub (...which is promptly explained by placing this way back in the timeline) we see Crystal as an active member of the team who's putting out literal fires when she sees the signal. At his home, Johnny explains the signal to his wife - he'd almost forgotten she was blind! Sharon, meanwhile, is pushing weights but throws them aside to rush to her boyfriend's side as well. Within minutes they arrive at Ben's side in the Fantasticar. One of Damage Control's employees dryly wonders why he didn't just use the phone. The moment the team leaves, Damage Control is already hard at working on repairing the damaged walls while John Porter decides to head out to the glass building site.
At the embassy Doom apologizes for the distasteful display with the Count, and Albert answers that sometimes he wishes Doom's management policies were applicable in his job! Doom inquires if a personal check will be acceptable, and Bart pipes up, asking to see some ID. When Albert tells him to be quiet, Bart points out it's policy. Doom chides Albert, declaring that procedures should always be followed to the letter - there must be order! He then shows his ID card to Bart, who wonders if he's got any photo ID instead. Albert prays he'll get out of this one intact, and soon enough the negotiations end, and they're on their way with all matters settled. Doom asks Albert if he'll reconsider an unspecified offer, but he politely declines.
On the roof, the Fantastic Four arrive in their flying car, only to find Doom shaking hands with Albert and Bart as they head out to leave. Doom assumes this is their ride, and Albert distractedly says he guesses it is. Bart immediately goes in for autographs - but only from the real members, not these newbies! Ben asks what Doom is up to, and Doom replies 'the usual', then turns the question around - what is Ben doing? Besides trespassing, naturally. Ben decides there's really nothing to do but leave, but jots it down as saving people anyway. Idly he wonders if he's even really talking to Doom, or if this is just a Doombot. As they fly off, Ben asks Albert if Doom hurt him - nope. Actually, he got offered a new job…
Later, at the glassed work site, John tells the workers that he just got the okay - they can get back to it. Lenny muses that they're still not sure what they should do, though - the place is too brittle to safely work in. John asks if they've got brooms, and when that's answered in the affirmative, he picks up a rock and chucks it at the building, which soon begins to crack and falter until all the material except the steel frame lies in shards on the ground. He tells them to sweep up the junk and rebuild the place - he's brought the original plans with him. Lenny tells John he should ask for a raise, and he says he's considering it - he's feeling overworked, now!
Rating & Comments
This comic was cute and amusing, just interested in being mildly comedic rather than telling any sort of involved story - it stays in its lane. It's easy to appreciate the amusing but still more or less canon-adjacent portrayals of various characters, particularly the Thing and Doom, and there's some great moments featuring both, though the issue did end up feeling a bit on the short side. I adore the moment when Doom fires someone and they are clearly exceptionally thankful not to get executed on the spot, while a somewhat clueless insurance agent stands nearby and watches with remarkable poker face. That's probably why he got offered a job, actually!
I'm slightly confused by the shift in characterization between Albert and Bart in some scenes of this issue. The kid is repeatedly shown to be really carefree and blurts out stuff to Doom's face which suggests he's the fearless or clueless one, with Albert watching on nervously as he fears for his life and tries to keep the peace. In other scenes, however, Albert is unflappable while Bart suddenly worries for their lives. So which is it? Why did this dynamic shift between different scenes like that? I'm almost inclined to believe that the writers screwed up and reversed some word balloons, but that doesn't seem like a good explanation either…
This comic honestly doesn't have a ton more to discuss in detail - Doom's characterization is rather mild on his usual excesses, with the exception of his rather vehement defense of law and order, but I wouldn't expect anything too crazy in a comedy comic. Ben wonders if he's dealing with a Doombot, and I'm sympathetic to that view - this does seem like the exact type of situation a Doombot would be used for, and Doom's minions were not aware he was in New York, which might be a hint that it's just a copy. What is interesting is noting that Doom pays his bills, having evidently learned the error of his ways from his encounter with Luke Cage back in Hero for Hire #9!
There is one hypothesis, by the way, that would explain a lot of the oddness about Doom in this issue - it's not him, nor a Doombot, but actually Kristoff that is calling the shots, just in Doom's traditional getup. At this time Doom is supposedly still banished from the Latverian Embassy (since he tried to have the heroes raze it for him a few issues back) which means he really doesn't have a good excuse for being there. Kristoff has repeatedly shown to be a rather less extreme version of Doom, like when he allowed the West Coast Avengers to leave without too much fuss from within his castle after they crash-landed there. Maybe this would be a nice way to patch up continuity? Anyway, this gets a decent three stars, and it was a welcome break form a rather disastrous run of comics lately. Which... next issue will not be fixing, unfortunately. Oh boy.
Best Panel(s) of the Issues
I'm not sure exactly why, but I really enjoy this stylized interpretation of Sharon Ventura / Ms. Marvel / She-Thing. Maybe it's just that it's so unapologetically chunky and monstrous instead of attempting some sort of slimmed down version of the old Thing design. Plus throwing barbells around is just classic.
And how could I not mention Doom pulling a freaking JoJo?
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"Did you think me unaware of your treachery? There is but one penalty for your crimes... You are... FIRED! I am nothing if not merciful."
"Do not reprimand the boy. He is correct. Procedures should always be followed to-the-letter. We must have order."
Doom's Bad Hair Day
I'm not sure what's going on with Thing's anatomy here, but he looks odd and ugly - I'm not sure how the lighting is supposed to lead to shadows like this, and there's something weird going on with his jaw and general facial shape. I'll be glad to see the classic design again if only to see fewer off-model panels!
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Glassifier Gun may have exploded, but as a proof of concept it's hard to dismiss its efficacy...
Cover
Today we're looking at another oddball comic - this one is all about Damage Control, a construction company which specializes in repairing the property damage caused by conflicts between superheroes and supervillains. A variant of this appeared in Spider-Man: Homecoming as the government partnership with Stark Industries that drove the Vulture's salvaging company out of business after it took over cleanup in the wake of the Chitauri attack on New York. This take, as you can tell from the comic, is a bit more funny than tragic, with an angry employee declaring Doom will pay for this while holding an overdue bill, while the man's enormous masked face looms in the background...
Story Overview
In It Up To Arrears
We start in a regular brownstone building in New York's upper west side, which is secretly a front for a weapons testing facility that belongs to Doctor Doom. Inside, several (German, naturally) scientists are working on an energy cannon, one of the Doctor's latest inventions. Unfortunately the test has gone horribly wrong and the weapon is sparking and overloading. The scientists can't shut it off and run outside in a hurry, only for the device to explode after they leave - which promptly turns their entire building and everything inside it into glass! As the worried researchers stare at the destruction, they wonder if they can repair the place before Doom finds out, and one of them tries to remember which construction company he uses…
Over on the intersection of 5th Avenue and Broadway, inside the iconic Flatiron Building, we find Damage Control, a very special construction and engineering firm. Intern Bart Rozum, a teenager with a baseball cap and a shirt that says 'Ruthless' on it informs his superior, Robin Chapel, that a call came through about a building repair on the upper west side from Miss Hoag, the Director of Damage Control. It deserves special consideration - because it's billed to Doctor Doom's account!
Robin says she's already got a team picked out, and she's calling them now. Over in Soho, Marie Leahy - account executive - gets a call inquiring if she knows German. She grouches to herself that everyone keeps calling her to solve their problems. Hell, she is overseeing the removal of a dead Tyrannosaur from the Hudson right that moment, and this kind of bullshit was why she left Tokyo in the first place!
Elsewhere, we see Lenny Ballinger - senior foreman - oversee an event which sheared off the top of the Pan Am building; in his opinion it looks better this way. In Greenwich Village, Gene Sailors - director of R&D - cuts a few crooks from a lamppost that an enterprising superhero wrapped around them. The plasma torch will do the trick!
Back at the Damage Control offices, the company's newest account executive John Porter is bored, building a house of cards just to have something to fill his time. He asks Robin if there's anything to do, and she tells him there's nothing - maybe he can go hang out at the staff meeting or something? Moments later, at that staff meeting, Gene from R&D explains that an energy weapon of Doom's malfunctioned and turned all the plastic, stone, and organic material in a building into a brittle ceramic compound. Lenny the foreman notes they can't get any equipment near since the vibrations would shake the place to pieces, while accountant Albert Cleary says they shouldn't be doing anything - Doom's account is into serious arrears. He hasn't paid a bill in six months! Unfortunately the company doesn't have a collection department yet. Director Hoag asks Albert if he can handle it, and while John Porter tries to warn him about the danger, Albert signs up instantly.
A few moments later, Albert wonders who this 'Doctor Doom' fellow is, anyway - apparently he hasn't really paid much attention to the news. John Porter offers him an explanatory tape by news host David Brinkely, which covers the basics. The tape describes Doom as a paradox of a man, and despite a news blackout from Latveria, quite a lot is known about him - possibly because he keeps narrating in front of superheroes. Since his rule began the standard of living in Latveria has become among the highest in Europe - notwithstanding the terrible cost in humanity to achieve that. It further summarizes Doom's great personal power, citing his fights with the entire Fantastic Four and even the Silver Surfer!
The other people in the staff meeting are discussing the Doom situation, with Robin noting they can't let Albert go to Doom by himself, obviously. Bart comments he can already see Albert call his client 'Doctor Deadbeat', hah! Marie decides there's only one way to decide who goes along - drawing straws! Everyone grabs one, and much to his dismay it's John Porter who is picked to be the tag-along. Bart begs to go along too, even getting on his knees before Robin, but she denies him. Which is when Albert walks by, declares he's borrowing her intern for a while, and lets John off the hook. Robin is not pleased. Soon enough Albert and Bart are on their way to the Latverian Embassy together…
Bart notes that Albert must be quite brave to go to Doctor Doom like this, and Albert says he's only going to collect on a bill. What's Doom going to do, kill him? He's not worth that sort of trouble. Bart points out that it wouldn't give Doom trouble - he's a head of state, if he kills someone inside the embassy, he's got diplomatic immunity! Albert nervously imagines himself on a slab in the morgue, and Bart quickly assures him it was just a joke. 'I knew that,' Albert says as he cleans his glasses nervously.
Back at Damage Control, Robin informs Lenny about ongoing events, explaining that when Albert gets a check or a firm commitment on payment, he'll be allowed to continue the clean-up. The conversation is interrupted when there's a loud din outside her office, and Marie enters looking scared, explaining that a 'Mr. Grimm' is here, and he insists on seeing someone immediately! 'Who's in charge here?!' Ben Grimm cries as he crashes into the office, ripping holes into the floor and door frames with his huge rocky body while a guard hangs on to his leg for dear life. He's here about some bills - and they seem a trifle inflated to his untrained eye. He's quickly pointed to the office of John Porter, and the guard lets go and leaves, complaining that he's getting too old for this.
John Porter is going over the plans of the glassed building, musing that they could just rebuild it if they can't somehow turn it back, when he's contacted and warned that 'the Thing is coming!' Ben promptly enters by ruining yet another door. John offers him a seat, then reconsiders when he realizes what would happen to the chair. He goes over Ben's papers and explains that the bill is so high because his insurance company denies his claim - they're claiming that their policy covers the original Fantastic Four, but not the new team members that have been added later. Still, the language is ambiguous, so he'll give it a shot. Soon enough he's negotiating, explaining he'd prefer the vague language to be interpreted in the team's favor. He then turns to Ben and asks him if he can do a nice, mean growl into the phone. John quickly explains to the insurers that the Thing isn't happy with the situation, and he wants to come over and discuss it in person. The insurance company caves rather quickly after that!
At the Latverian Embassy, Albert tells Bart that he's only to observe - not speak! Bart readily agrees. They are greeted by Count Gunter Flounder who claims that he intended to contact their company on behalf of his majesty Lord Doom, to discontinue the use of their services. Albert agrees, saying if they'll just pay the remaining dues, they'll be on their way. Flounder says they won't be paying any bill - their only recourse will be to try and sue a foreign government… Albert wonders if his superior would agree with that assessment, and Bart observes that they can find out right then - look who's here! Way Cool! It's Doctor Doom himself in a dramatic close-up shot in which he declares his own name in big font!
While Flounder is shocked to see Doom there, Albert unflappably introduces himself as a representative from Damage Control. Flounder quickly tries to work him out of the door, telling Doom not to concern himself, but Doom tells him to be silent and let Albert speak. Albert notes that they were just discussing the money the Count was embezzling from Doom, and the man pales. He then adds the situation with the glass building, which will eventually collapse under its own weight. While Bart looks on nervously, and the Count tries to declare it all a pack of lies, Doom says he's heard enough. He wonders if the Count thought him unaware of this treachery, and when the man tries to literally kiss his feet in an attempt to win some sympathy, Doom declares there is only one punishment for his crimes. He is… FIRED! Doom is nothing if not merciful. Doom then turns his eyes to Albert, and declares it is now time to settle accounts…
Back at Damage Control, Ben is explaining the situation with the insurance company to some employees and writes a check for the company's deductible. Robin wonders how the situation with Doctor Doom is going, and Ben is startled to hear the name. When he learns that Damage Control sent someone over to collect, he rushes off to save this poor soul, smashing out the side of the building so he can fire his flare gun and summon the rest of the Fantastic Four.
In a bit of a continuity flub (...which is promptly explained by placing this way back in the timeline) we see Crystal as an active member of the team who's putting out literal fires when she sees the signal. At his home, Johnny explains the signal to his wife - he'd almost forgotten she was blind! Sharon, meanwhile, is pushing weights but throws them aside to rush to her boyfriend's side as well. Within minutes they arrive at Ben's side in the Fantasticar. One of Damage Control's employees dryly wonders why he didn't just use the phone. The moment the team leaves, Damage Control is already hard at working on repairing the damaged walls while John Porter decides to head out to the glass building site.
At the embassy Doom apologizes for the distasteful display with the Count, and Albert answers that sometimes he wishes Doom's management policies were applicable in his job! Doom inquires if a personal check will be acceptable, and Bart pipes up, asking to see some ID. When Albert tells him to be quiet, Bart points out it's policy. Doom chides Albert, declaring that procedures should always be followed to the letter - there must be order! He then shows his ID card to Bart, who wonders if he's got any photo ID instead. Albert prays he'll get out of this one intact, and soon enough the negotiations end, and they're on their way with all matters settled. Doom asks Albert if he'll reconsider an unspecified offer, but he politely declines.
On the roof, the Fantastic Four arrive in their flying car, only to find Doom shaking hands with Albert and Bart as they head out to leave. Doom assumes this is their ride, and Albert distractedly says he guesses it is. Bart immediately goes in for autographs - but only from the real members, not these newbies! Ben asks what Doom is up to, and Doom replies 'the usual', then turns the question around - what is Ben doing? Besides trespassing, naturally. Ben decides there's really nothing to do but leave, but jots it down as saving people anyway. Idly he wonders if he's even really talking to Doom, or if this is just a Doombot. As they fly off, Ben asks Albert if Doom hurt him - nope. Actually, he got offered a new job…
Later, at the glassed work site, John tells the workers that he just got the okay - they can get back to it. Lenny muses that they're still not sure what they should do, though - the place is too brittle to safely work in. John asks if they've got brooms, and when that's answered in the affirmative, he picks up a rock and chucks it at the building, which soon begins to crack and falter until all the material except the steel frame lies in shards on the ground. He tells them to sweep up the junk and rebuild the place - he's brought the original plans with him. Lenny tells John he should ask for a raise, and he says he's considering it - he's feeling overworked, now!
Rating & Comments
This comic was cute and amusing, just interested in being mildly comedic rather than telling any sort of involved story - it stays in its lane. It's easy to appreciate the amusing but still more or less canon-adjacent portrayals of various characters, particularly the Thing and Doom, and there's some great moments featuring both, though the issue did end up feeling a bit on the short side. I adore the moment when Doom fires someone and they are clearly exceptionally thankful not to get executed on the spot, while a somewhat clueless insurance agent stands nearby and watches with remarkable poker face. That's probably why he got offered a job, actually!
I'm slightly confused by the shift in characterization between Albert and Bart in some scenes of this issue. The kid is repeatedly shown to be really carefree and blurts out stuff to Doom's face which suggests he's the fearless or clueless one, with Albert watching on nervously as he fears for his life and tries to keep the peace. In other scenes, however, Albert is unflappable while Bart suddenly worries for their lives. So which is it? Why did this dynamic shift between different scenes like that? I'm almost inclined to believe that the writers screwed up and reversed some word balloons, but that doesn't seem like a good explanation either…
This comic honestly doesn't have a ton more to discuss in detail - Doom's characterization is rather mild on his usual excesses, with the exception of his rather vehement defense of law and order, but I wouldn't expect anything too crazy in a comedy comic. Ben wonders if he's dealing with a Doombot, and I'm sympathetic to that view - this does seem like the exact type of situation a Doombot would be used for, and Doom's minions were not aware he was in New York, which might be a hint that it's just a copy. What is interesting is noting that Doom pays his bills, having evidently learned the error of his ways from his encounter with Luke Cage back in Hero for Hire #9!
There is one hypothesis, by the way, that would explain a lot of the oddness about Doom in this issue - it's not him, nor a Doombot, but actually Kristoff that is calling the shots, just in Doom's traditional getup. At this time Doom is supposedly still banished from the Latverian Embassy (since he tried to have the heroes raze it for him a few issues back) which means he really doesn't have a good excuse for being there. Kristoff has repeatedly shown to be a rather less extreme version of Doom, like when he allowed the West Coast Avengers to leave without too much fuss from within his castle after they crash-landed there. Maybe this would be a nice way to patch up continuity? Anyway, this gets a decent three stars, and it was a welcome break form a rather disastrous run of comics lately. Which... next issue will not be fixing, unfortunately. Oh boy.
Best Panel(s) of the Issues
I'm not sure exactly why, but I really enjoy this stylized interpretation of Sharon Ventura / Ms. Marvel / She-Thing. Maybe it's just that it's so unapologetically chunky and monstrous instead of attempting some sort of slimmed down version of the old Thing design. Plus throwing barbells around is just classic.
And how could I not mention Doom pulling a freaking JoJo?
Most Gloriously Villainous Doom Quotes
"Did you think me unaware of your treachery? There is but one penalty for your crimes... You are... FIRED! I am nothing if not merciful."
"Do not reprimand the boy. He is correct. Procedures should always be followed to-the-letter. We must have order."
Doom's Bad Hair Day
I'm not sure what's going on with Thing's anatomy here, but he looks odd and ugly - I'm not sure how the lighting is supposed to lead to shadows like this, and there's something weird going on with his jaw and general facial shape. I'll be glad to see the classic design again if only to see fewer off-model panels!
Doom-Tech of the Week
The Glassifier Gun may have exploded, but as a proof of concept it's hard to dismiss its efficacy...
- Location
- Netherlands
As a minor sidenote, in case recent entries would suggest I hate Englehart in general, my dislike basically covers only Fantastic Four based on all I've read of his stuff. He has some good DC material, and we've actually read some of his material in this read-through before and gave it a good score - I'm pretty sure he authored those Luke Cage crossovers! I'm not sure it makes up for the suicide issue, but hey.
EDIT: Well, I looked into it further, and it turns out he also wrote a bunch of Super-Villain Team-Up, including that one issue where Doom tried to use archaic medieval law to force himself on a peasant girl, and was later tossed off a cliff by the Shroud. I'm sorry Steve, but whatever kudos you earned with 'where's my money, honey' you've lost again... What is it with this guy and rape, anyway.
EDIT: Well, I looked into it further, and it turns out he also wrote a bunch of Super-Villain Team-Up, including that one issue where Doom tried to use archaic medieval law to force himself on a peasant girl, and was later tossed off a cliff by the Shroud. I'm sorry Steve, but whatever kudos you earned with 'where's my money, honey' you've lost again... What is it with this guy and rape, anyway.
Last edited:
- Location
- Netherlands
The design was always rather overcomplicated, to be honest. Well, with Englehart's departure in a few issues, we're also saying goodbye to the Thingier Thing with all the spikes - actually, Ben ends up depowered for some time and reverts to human form entirely...
I disagree. Comic artists aren't common fans, and I could easily see a manga fan in the 80s following a fanzine or something that clued him on to jojo, even with language barriers. There was life before the internet. Heck even Corto Maltese fans would be interested if they simply saw the stylization of some characters.
And not really encouraging a stereotype but imagine if you happened to be a gay repressed punk-adjacent american on a industry that didn't want anything to do with that kind of masculinity or fashion and saw a jojo cover for the first time while researching 'this is what's hot in japan right now'. It would be memorable to say the least (if misleading).
And not really encouraging a stereotype but imagine if you happened to be a gay repressed punk-adjacent american on a industry that didn't want anything to do with that kind of masculinity or fashion and saw a jojo cover for the first time while researching 'this is what's hot in japan right now'. It would be memorable to say the least (if misleading).
Last edited:
SolipsistSerpent
Endlessly Devouring
Alternately, and more likely, they have some of the same influences. I know the Jojo manga-ka is a fan of Western media, whereas I've never heard that this guy was interested in manga.
It's a bit hard to argue that, because from my knowledge because i don't remember a ancestor that had 'poses for the fun of it'. I'm there may be something in punk-derived comics or some other comics subculture, but it's not coming to mind.
It's likely it's a either a omage (to jojo, or a completely different 80's artifact) or a mistake papered over imo.
It's likely it's a either a omage (to jojo, or a completely different 80's artifact) or a mistake papered over imo.
Last edited:
SolipsistSerpent
Endlessly Devouring
Araki has cited influence by music videos (particularly heavy metal ones) and the fashion industry, so if there's a common ancestor it's probably some combination of 80's music videos and fashion shows.